Spilling Coffee

The First Day of Kindergarten

Tom Coffee — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 09:44:26 +0000

Today is my son’s first day of Kindergarten. Though he doesn’t know or understand it yet, today is the first day of at least thirteen years of formal education and savoring summers. It’s a rough cycle for a four-year-old to understand and it’s even more rough for a 39-year-old to have to explain. Instead of dwelling on the responsibilities and the homework and the things he’ll need to do in school to succeed we’ve mostly talked about the fun of riding the bus, the desk full of school supplies that is awaiting him at school and the coolness behind the concept of letting him order his own lunch in the cafeteria. He seems genuinely excited, but deep down I don’t think he’s buying it. Since about the age of 9 months my son has been going to day care which eventually morphed into “Pre-K” but it was really only a slightly structured babysitting service where they taught the kids basic math and reading skills not out of some urgent need to have them grow as humans but more as a way to keep them busy and give them something to think about other than when they were going to go [...]

My Four-Year-Old Is Ready For College

Tom Coffee — Fri, 13 May 2011 09:34:52 +0000

Pardon me for boasting a little bit here, but my four-year-old son Eddie is clearly ready for college. He has proven to his mother and me that he does not need the basic foundations of kindergarten, the monotony of grade school or the drama of high school. I think my pre-k son is just about ready to fit in with the college crowd and take his place among the slackers, the burn-outs and the party animals who will inevitably become the leaders of tomorrow. Here’s why: All His Friends Are Obsessed With Partying: Whether we’re watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Handy Manny, about every third episode revolves around going to a party, finding something for a party, getting ready for a party or preventing something bad from happening at a party. His school friends are just as obsessed. He has about 20 kids in his class and he has two teachers who are desperate for activities. Lincoln’s Birthday? Have a party! We’ll make top hats! Arbor Day? Have a party! We’ll plant seeds in paper cups! Nicholas Garbachio’s 5th birthday? We’ll have a party! The school parties always seem to involve cupcakes, though my son never brings home any [...]

Why I Returned My iPad 2

Tom Coffee — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 20:02:42 +0000

I don’t know if you’ve heard of this new gadget called the iPad 2. It came out a month or so ago and it’s by this company that’s named after a fruit! Anyway, I picked up one of these iPad 2s. But I didn’t keep it. The iPad 2. Sleek. Sexy. Impossible To Find. Painful to Type On. Get yours from Amazon.com today! Before I give you the specific reasons for returning my iPad 2, I want to be honest and tell you that I didn’t fully understand the need to have one in the first place. I already own two large HD TVs, a $280 netbook and an iPhone 4. I’m also not really a gadget collector (too practical and/or cheap for that) and I don’t have a lot of time to consume vast quantities of media. I’m a busy working father, who barely has time to get to work, have dinner and spend anymore than an hour with the kids each night before I have to go to bed and do it all over again. I have Netflix disc of Inception that’s been sitting on my coffee table, unopened, for the past two weeks. I was hoping the [...]

How To Fix The Sony PlayStation PS3 80710092 Error

Tom Coffee — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 09:51:47 +0000

This is going to be nerdy. Sorry. As a nerd I feel it is my duty to alert other nerds of solutions to technical problems when I happen to stumble across them, no matter how stupid the problem or the solution may actually be. This particular stupid problems has been cropping up on PlayStation 3′s around the world: When you try to do just about anything with your PS3 that requires an internet connection (and, really, most everything does these days) you get an 80710092 error in the upper right corner of the screen which tells you there was a problem connecting to the DNS server. Then, whenever you try to do something you often end up getting an error which reads: An error has occurred. You have been signed out of PlayStation Network. (80710092) Suggested Action. You can choose to see the suggested actions. They’re helpful in the same way most Windows error messages are helpful: not at all. Thanks for the suggested actions, Sony. This PS3 error is particularly annoying when you just promised your 4 1/2 year old that he can watch an episode of Richard Scarry’s Busytown Mysteries on Netflix for being so good during the [...]

Nobody Nose The Emergency Room Like My Son

Tom Coffee — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 17:20:06 +0000

“Mr. Coffee, there’s been an incident at school today…” said my son’s Pre-Kindergarten teacher on the phone while I was driving home from work. I was an English major so I pay attention to how things are said. In my mind the word “incident” should be reserved for boiler explosions, terrorist attacks and most anything that happens in Japan these days. After I was able to calm her down she explained that Eddie had just tripped and smashed his nose into a table. There was some crying. There was a lot of swelling. “He’ll be fine…” I told myself as drove into the parking lot of his school. My son after slamming his nose into a table at school. When I got to school he was holding an ice pack to his face but the crying had stopped and he was happily exploring the school office that doubled as a sick child holding pen. He was acting as though nothing happened. He took the ice pack away from his face and I winced. My son now had a true Hollywood movie star nose. Unfortunately, that movie star he most resembled was Klingon Lieutenant Worf from Star Trek: The Next Generation. [...]

Thoughts About Birthdays On My 39th

Tom Coffee — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 16:36:00 +0000

Today is a Thursday and today I am 39 years old. I’ve never been one to put a lot of importance or significance on birthdays. I’m a husband, a daddy, a working stiff and a regular guy who has a regular job which means that when my birthday falls on a weekday I still have to go to change the cat litter, go to work and pick up the kids from daycare. That’s okay with me, because I generally enjoy doing all that, especially the cat litter. A birthday present to myself. Adult birthdays are not nearly the same affairs as kid birthdays. When you’re a kid you get to eat lots of cake and ice cream, run around like a maniac on a wild sugar high and basically get away with acting like the ego-driven dictator of a small country that has a ton of natural resources. Everything is about you, you, you. When you’re an adult you really don’t need an excuse to drink too much, eat too much, or stage a revolution and then enslave your people, clean out the government’s coffers and set yourself up as a demigod until the next revolution comes along. Being a [...]

A Short Conversation With My 8-Month-Old Daughter

Tom Coffee — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 09:57:32 +0000

My 8-month old daughter is already turning out to be quite the talker. Tonight we had a our first real heart-to-heart conversation. “How was your day, Ellie?” “Ya ya ya ya yaaaaa! Ya ya ya yaaa yaaaa.” “Really? Then what happened?” I ask. “Dah.” “And?” “Doh doh doh doh. Yaaaaaaa. Doooooh,” she told me. “See, that’s interesting because I was thinking the state of Canadian politics in the past decade of economic upheaval has proven that the inherent friction between the political parties and the regional differences of the nation-state can be overcome by forward thinking men and women who are willing to put the good of their country ahead of their own personal convictions.” “Yaya,” she replies. “Exactly!” “Doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh. Doh doh. Doh. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.” “Well, what did you do?” I ask incredulously. “Doh doh. Yah.” “Oh well in that case… dadadadadadadada! Dohdohdoh ya ya ye eeeeeeeeee!” Through giggles she responds, “Doooooh. Doooooh. Yayayayayaya!” “I’m glad we had this talk. I hope we do it again soon.”

Things You Should Never Say To Your Wife When She Tells You She’s Pregnant

Tom Coffee — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 16:19:19 +0000

Yesterday Playground Dad put up an amusing post called 10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Wife When She’s Pregnant and asked if he’d forgotten any… I thought of a few more… You probably shouldn’t do this, either… 1. Again? 2. Well, that explains the moodiness…. 3. I guess shouldn’t have put off that vasectomy. 4. That’s it, I’m swearing off Tequila. 5. Huh. 6. Now we’ll need to draw straws to see who sleeps in the garage. 7. Good, we need another mouth to feed. 8. Now I’ll NEVER get to play Xbox in peace. 9. Woo hoo! Tax deduction! 10. That’s really going to increase my child support payments, isn’t it? 11. Oops. 12. That’s it, I’m swearing off rubbing alcohol. 13. Congratulations! When are you going to tell the father? 14. I knew I shouldn’t have bought condoms from that high school kid. 15. Can we finally name this one “Anakin”? Fortunately, I don’t have to worry about this right now. I hope… Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My Four-Year-Old is a Trend-Setting Fashion Genius

Tom Coffee — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 10:28:55 +0000

I didn’t think I’d have to write about this for at least another 12 years, but my 4-year-old has not only discovered girls but also taken a keen interest in what’s cool to wear and what’s not cool to wear in his Pre-Kindergarten class. Not surprisingly, the two are not mutually exclusive. My four-year-old is setting trends and breaking hearts. It began a few weeks ago when Eddie refused to take off his coat as I dropped him off at school one morning. It wasn’t particular cold in the building and normally getting a coat on the little guy was a chore. He repeated this for the rest of the week. For the first few days I didn’t think much of this, figuring that maybe he wanted to take his coat off by himself or he had developed some sort of system for how he wanted it hung up. Finally, on a particular warm day, I asked him about it. “Cause Samantha wants me to keep my coat on.” “Samantha? You mean your friend with the long dark hair?” He nodded. I prodded. “Why does Samantha want you to keep your coat on?” “Because. She’s my girlfriend.” It’s at this [...]