Spinach and Honey

Premature Births Are Fueling Higher Rates of Infant Mortality in U.S., Report Says

2009-11-07T20:04:00.000-08:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/04/health/04infant.html?_r=2&hpw

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Another factor in the United States, she said, is the increasing use of Caesarean sections and labor-inducing drugs to deliver babies early. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has guidelines stating that babies should not be delivered before 39 weeks without a medical reason, but doctors may be declaring a medical need more quickly than they did in the past.

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High rates of premature birth are the main reason the United States has higher infant mortality than do many other rich countries, government researchers reported Tuesday in their first detailed analysis of a longstanding problem.

In Sweden, for instance, 6.3 percent of births were premature, compared with 12.4 percent in the United States in 2005, the latest year for which international rankings are available. Infant mortality also differed markedly: for every 1,000 births in the United States, 6.9 infants died before they turned 1, compared with 2.4 in Sweden. Twenty-nine other countries also had lower rates.

If the United States could match Sweden’s prematurity rate, the new report said, “nearly 8,000 infant deaths would be averted each year, and the U.S. infant mortality rate would be one-third lower.”

The first author of the report, Marian F. MacDorman, a statistician at the National Center for Health Statistics, said in an interview that the strong role prematurity played came as a surprise to her.

Dr. Alan R. Fleischman, medical director for the March of Dimes, said the new report was “an indictment of the U.S. health care system” and the poor job it had done in taking care of women and children. The report, Dr. Fleischman added, “puts together two very important issues, both of which we knew about but hadn’t linked tightly.”

Infant mortality is widely used as a way to gauge the health of a nation, and the relatively high rates in the United States have long dismayed health officials. Most European countries — as well as Australia, Canada, Hong Kong, Israel, Japan, New Zealand and Singapore — have lower rates of infant death than the United States.

Premature infants in the United States are more likely to survive than those elsewhere. Yet they are still more likely to die than full-term babies, and the sheer numbers born prematurely in the United States — more than 540,000 per year — drive up infant mortality.

The high levels of prematurity in the United States have various causes.

Dr. Fleischman said the smallest, earliest and most fragile babies were often born to poor and minority women who lacked health care and social support. The highest rates of infant mortality occur in non-Hispanic black, American Indian, Alaska Native and Puerto Rican women. But other minorities have some of the lowest infant mortality rates in the United States: Asian and Pacific Islanders, Central and South Americans, Mexicans and Cubans.

When it comes to prematurity, infertility treatments — drugs that stimulate ovulation and procedures that implant more than one embryo in the uterus — also play a role by raising the odds of twins or higher multiples, which have an increased risk of being born too soon.

Professional groups for fertility doctors recommend limiting the number of embryos transferred to avoid multiple births, but ultimately doctors and patients make their own decisions. Dr. MacDorman said that because most insurance in the United States did not cover infertility treatments, some patients chose to transfer multiple eggs in hopes that doing so would increase the odds of pregnancy and reduce expensive procedures.

“In Europe, they may have been more successful in limiting the number of embryos transferred,” Dr. MacDorman said, “because there is more national health insurance and people don’t have to pay out of pocket.”

Another factor in the United States, she said, is the increasing use of Caesarean sections and labor-inducing drugs to deliver babies early. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has guidelines stating that babies should not be delivered before 39 weeks without a medical reason, but doctors may be declaring a medical need more quickly than they did in the past.

“I don’t think there are doctors doing preterm Caesarean sections or inductions without some indications,” Dr. MacDorman said, “but there sort of has been this shift in the culture. Fifteen or 20 years ago, if a woman had high blood pressure or diabetes, she would be put in the hospital, and they would try to wait it out. It was called expectant management.

“Now I think there’s more of a tendency to take the baby out early if there’s any question at all.”

These births — called “late preterm,” which occur after 34 to 37 weeks of pregnancy, instead of the normal 38 to 42 weeks — are the fastest-growing subgroup of premature births. A late preterm baby’s risk of dying is about three times that of a full-term infant. But late preterm babies are still far more likely to survive than very premature ones, and the very early babies account for much of the death rate, Dr. Fleischman said.

Taking care of women’s illnesses and problems like drinking, drug use and smoking before and during pregnancy can help prevent prematurity, he said, adding that a state program in Kentucky to provide home visits by nurses to poor women during pregnancy had decreased preterm births.

Dr. MacDorman said prematurity was not the only factor behind infant mortality in the United States. She said full-term babies in this country also had higher death rates than those in Europe from sudden infant death syndrome, accidents, assaults and homicides.

Pumpkin Pie

2009-10-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

Make Pumpkin Pie with Your Kids
This recipe was adapted from Sally Fallon’s Nourishing Traditions cookbook.

What you’ll need:
1 sweet “pie” pumpkin
1 frozen pie crust (or make your own crust)
3 eggs
¾ cup sugar (Rapadura or pure cane sugar)
1 tablespoon freshly grated ginger
1 teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon sea salt
¼ teaspoon powdered cloves
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
Grated rind of 1 lemon
1 cup creme fraiche

Buy a small sweet “pie” pumpkin from the grocery store. I know that Rainbow has yummy ones right now. They’re small and taste better than the jack o’ lantern kind.

Cut in half and scoop out the insides. Nate loved helping with this part. Save the pumpkin seeds to plant or toast later. Ours flew all over the place when Nate was digging them out, and so we didn't toast them this time.

Cut the halved pumpkin into chunks. Nate had a blast using a knife. I was closely watching while getting a few more grey hairs.

Bake covered at 350 degrees for about 45 minutes with an inch of water in the baking dish so that the pumpkin doesn't dry out. It’s done when you can stick a fork in it and it’s soft.

Peel the skin from the pumpkin meet.

Puree with a hand blender, food processor, or blender. Let puree drain overnight either in cheese cloth or a mesh strainer with a bowl under it and a plate on top.

Weigh 15 ounces for one pie. My small pumpkin produced exactly 15 ounces of pureed pumpkin.

Cream eggs with sugar. Blend in other ingredients.

Pour into pie shell and bake at 350 degrees for 35 to 45 minutes.

For toasting the seeds: Clean the seeds well. Put the seeds in a bowl and salt and toss them around. Lightly oil a cookie sheet and spread the seeds out. Toast in the oven at 250 degrees until seeds are crispy.

Home Birth after Cesarean Video

2009-10-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

Wow! I sobbed through this whole video. All that I can say is I feel the exact same way. Thanks Lydia for sharing this on your blog.

My Journey to a VBAC from Lindsey Meehleis on Vimeo.

Writing a Book

2009-10-07T19:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I am writing a book. Yes, I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am going to pull this off while being a stay-at-home mom with a 3-month old and a 3-year old. I don't even have a babysitter. Although I am looking if you know anyone. It's me and boys all day every day. I love it! I picked the hardest time of my life to accomplish a goal that I've had since I was 10-years old. I love food and cooking, but it turns out that my book is about neither. It's about birth. It's about my polar opposite experiences giving birth to two children. One was a planned hospital natural birth (aka. no drugs) that went wrong and ended in a lot of drugs and the icing on the cake, a cesarean. And, the other one was a planned home birth that changed my life forever.

All this to say that I am not doing a lot of creative cooking right now because I am sooooo busy with the kids and my book at night. I did make a pumpkin pie last night which turned out great. I'll post that soon.

This is the time to be a mom

2009-09-15T12:57:00.000-07:00

I recently attended a baby shower of a friend of mine. Instead of a game, everyone wrote a little something for the mom-to-be. I thought that some of the moms here might identify with what I wrote:

This is the time to be a mom. To surrender into it. To just "be" with my son. This is what I have to do right now in this moment. I ignore the chatter that worries about the past and the future, the what ifs and could ifs. I want to focus on the miracles and beauty of the present moment. An open door to peace was his gift to me and I walked through it. Look for the door that your child will open for you.

Birth by the Numbers: Video

2009-09-14T14:04:00.000-07:00

In Birth by the Numbers, Eugene R. Declercq, PhD, Professor of Maternal and Child Health, Boston University School of Public Health, presents the sobering statistics of birth in the United States today.

I think that you have to wait for it to download, but it is sure worth the wait. I love the stats on how mothers requesting cesarean sections aren't the reason why cesarean rates have sky rocketed. In reality, that number is so so small. Yeah! Mothers aren't blame.

Beautiful Home Birth Slide Show

2009-09-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks for bring this to my attention Lydia. I cried watching these pictures. They reminded me so much of my recent home birth.
http://www.emilyweaverbrownphotography.com/darkroom/share/?n=peterson_birth#1jpg

American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) up to Dirty Tricks

2009-09-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/louise-marie-roth/acog-up-to-dirty-tricks_b_274372.html

A Diaper-Free Segment on ABC News

2009-09-12T19:26:00.000-07:00

http://www.news10.net/news/featured/story.aspx?storyid=66686&catid=49

I just am

2009-09-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

I love my niece, Emily, so much. She was the first baby in my life. I spoke French to her until she was three, something I didn't do with my own son. She turned seven this month and I wanted to share my thoughts on life with her. So, I wrote her this little story and slipped it into her birthday card. Would anyone like to share a story that they have written for their children about life?

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There lived a little girl named Penelope. She was seven years old. Although she was only in first grade, everyone always asked her, "What do you want to be when you grow-up?" She never knew what to say because she didn't know who she was yet. She wished for the future and to be big so that she would finally be able to answer the question.

Many years later when she was married, had a house, and a dog, she realized that she still didn't know who she was nor what she wanted to be when she grew-up. Yet she was grown-up and had a job. Where were the answers?

Then one day, while observing a flower blow in the wind, all her other thoughts stopped. She felt calmness flood over her. She felt so alive and at peace. Her existence wasn't much different from the flower that she watched. She felt the wind tickle her skin and move her hair. She put her hand on her chest and felt her heart beat. "I just am," she said.

When is it too early to teach reading?

2009-09-05T12:50:00.000-07:00

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

A little after Mikey turned 1 year old when he saw a picture of a cat, he said, "meow." I thought to myself, "If he can see a cat and know its sound, then I could teach him to look at a letter and know its sound."

After reading some books, I came up with two basic ground rules for myself:

1) Don't waste my time teaching Mikey the song, "A, B, C, D, ...now I know my A, B, Cs." It doesn't help him read to know the names of the letters. It is better to teach the sounds of letters. It takes a little retraining on my part but it's working.

2) Stick with starter letters but don't limit myself to them. I started with U, P, and C. These letters make the words UP and CUP. Mikey's face lit up when he learned that if he says U and P together it makes the word UP. He threw his hands above his head and said, "UP."

Teaching the sounds of letters happens naturally throughout the day. It's really just being mindful of taking advantage of learning moments and knowing the sounds of letters myself. Mikey now knows that letters have special sounds. He has an alphabet placemat and loves to review letters over breakfast.

I don't have any big goal in mind, I just figure, why not!

Where's the excitement in the kid's menu?

2009-08-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

My husband sometimes says to Mikey, "You're not going to like this, it's too spicy." I always interrupt a little irritated, "Let him try it and decide for himself." I think Zack has a preconceived notion that kids only eat bland and boring foods. I think restaurants think this way too.

We don't go out to eat often with Mikey but when we do I order off the kids menu. It's always the same old stuff like grilled cheese and pasta with butter sauce. I order it thinking that it's a treat, that I've deprived Mikey of what all other kids like to eat. And every time, Mikey tastes it and says, "no that, no that!" The food is boring and tasteless and he knows it.

Are kids not eating because they're picky eaters or do they
not eat because their options are always the same old boring meals?

Vaccines: My Story

2009-08-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

West received his first vaccination, DTaP (Diphtheria, Tetanus, and Pertussis). My pure and perfect little baby is now contaminated with things like aluminum and formaldehyde. According to the FDA, more than 30 micrograms of aluminum injected into a newborn at one time could be toxic. The aluminum in the Daptacel brand of the DTaP vaccine is 1300 micrograms (Sears). Somehow vaccine manufacturers are exempt from FDAs 25 microgram limit of injected aluminum at one time. And, The Environmental Protection Agency, Occupational Safety and Health Administration, Consumer Product Safety Commission all list formaldehyde as a carcinogen and state that it can cause kidney damage and genetic damage (Sears). Yikes!

I asked the doctor, "Should I nurse him during the shot?" I was halfway thinking of my breast milk like a super power that would save him from all the poisons. He replied, "No, better to reward him with a feeding after the shot." And so, I lay West down on the crinkly, white paper and looked into his eyes. He looked up at me and smiled. I told him, "West, you're going to get a shot. It will hurt, but I have done a lot of research and feel like this is the best decision that I can make for you right now." And then, the Doctor stuck the needle right into his little thigh. West's face flared red and he let out a helpless cry. I swooped him up as the doctor put a band aide over the blood leaking out from the injection spot. I plopped down on the nearest chair to feed him. "Let me know if you need this room. I can move if you like," I asked the doctor. "No, take your time," he said.

West nursed for a little bit, but he seemed fine. I was not fine. I hated seeing him get hurt. One of the reasons for a home birth was to avoid traumatizing events like this one. Babies only minutes old are pricked with a Hepatitis B shot. Hep B is sexually transmitted. I don't think that a newborn is at risk of that. Up until now, West hasn't had anything traumatizing happen to him. I believe that his calm, protected birth at home is why he never cries. Will this shot change all that?

I started researching vaccines before West was born and continued my research up until the morning before his first vaccination. I had already declined the Hep B. I decided to also decline the Rotavirus and Polio vaccines because the Rotavirus is treated by drinking fluids and it is a new vaccine which makes me nervous. Since the Homeland Security Act, some trial periods for new vaccines can be only two weeks (Hicks, Phipps). Polio is practically nonexistent, and so I feel comfortable postponing that shot until he is three-years old. I decided to space out the Haemophilus and Pneumococcal vaccines from the DTaP to give his body a chance to absorb the aluminum and formaldehyde before receiving another dose.

I came to these decisions by reading The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert Sears. I had a private vaccine consultation with Dr. Sanford C. Newmark down at Whole Child Wellness. I spoke with West's first pediatrician to get his input. He didn't seem to be taking my concerns seriously, and so I ended up switching pediatricians. I went to a vaccine talk by chiropractors Dr. Kristine Hicks and Dr. Colin Phipps. Neither one of them have vaccinated their children. I spoke with Dr. Daphne Miller at her Family Practice and got her input. After all my research and discussions with different doctors, I created my own alternate vaccine schedule.

My main concerns with vaccines are the ingredients in them and their impact on West's immune system. So my vaccine schedule looks at the brands of vaccines used at my pediatrician's office and the amount of aluminum and other toxins in each shot. I am also not giving West more than two vaccines or shots per month to avoid stressing his immune system (Hicks, Phipps). Except, the DTaP is actually three vaccines in one shot, but I had no choice in the matter. I wanted him to be vaccinated for Pertussis, but Pertussis only comes with Diphtheria and Tetanus attached. I would prefer a Pertussis shot alone because there is only five cases of Diphtheria each year and sometimes years go by without any cases (Sears). There is only 50 cases of Tetanus a year and only one of those cases was a child under five years old (Sears).

I was also informed by Dr. Newmark not to give Tylenol or Motrin preemptively before a shot or even before a fever. Tylenol is digested by the liver and takes effort by the body's immune system. When getting vaccinated, it's a good idea to have a healthy body with nothing else taxing the immune system.

West was a little needy for the rest of the day, but he didn't get a fever and he hardly fussed. But, I did see him turn red and cry a little in his sleep. His sleeping was also very fragmented. He slept only about twenty minutes at a time. On day two, he slept practically all day and had larger than normal spit-ups. I scanned him over constantly looking for more serious side effects like seizures or lowered consciousness (Center for Disease Control). The third and fourth days, his napping was short again and hasn't gone back to the way it was before the shot. On the fifth day, I am noticing more crying and general fussing. On the seventh day, sleeping appears to be back to normal.

For me, vaccinating is deciding to take the risks of the vaccines over the very small risk that he might get one of the diseases. Although I am making a well informed decision to vaccinate West, I don't feel good about it. I am injecting him with poison and I could be compromising his immune system so much that he will have other health problems later in life (Hicks, Phipps). The only thing that comforts me right now is what my friend Amy said about her son getting the Rotavirus in Vietnam, "When he was sick over there, I would have given anything to have had him vaccinated." I think that I would feel the same way if I didn't vaccinate West and he got one of the diseases. We are not vaccinating West for Rotavirus, but I'd consider it if we travel to a remote area of the world.

Next month, West goes in for the Haemophilus and Pneumococcal vaccines.

Vaccine Talk. 'Questioning Vaccines' is an informal lecture presented by Dr. Colin Phipps and Dr. Hicks.

The talk will be held at More Mojo Studios (1347 Church Street, located at the corner of Church and Clipper) from 10:00 a.m. to noon, on Sunday September 13, 2009.

Tickets are $10.00 at the door. Please call More Mojo (415.821.6656) in advance to give us a heads up with your intended attendance in order to support us in preparing for the number of people who will be present.

For more information or if you have any questions, please feel free to give us a call at 415.821.6656.

When there's no jarred pasta sauce in Mexico

2009-08-25T12:46:00.000-07:00

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

It's a good thing that I know how to make simple tomato sauce because there isn't any jarred kinds here in Puerto Vallerta, Mexico. It makes sense, I am in Mexico not Italy. Although I can find a lot of American foods like peanut butter, they come at a high price. The grocery store charges $9 for a jar of peanut butter. It's best to stay away from the expensive packaged foods and by loose fruits and vegetables.

I normally don't use jarred sauces, but I still rely heavily on my written recipes and cookbooks, which I didn't carry to Mexico. Luckily, I learned how to make a tomato sauce without a recipe a few weeks ago.

For a simple dinner at the vacation condo:

1/4 cup olive oil
5 garlic cloves
1/2 small onion
26 oz. chopped or pureed tomatoes
1/2 tablespoon honey
salt to taste

Heat the olive oil and garlic together for five minutes. The idea is to scent the olive oil. Pull the garlic out after the five minutes. Add the onion to the olive oil. Cook for five minutes or until soft. Add all the tomatoes. Season with salt and honey.

While living in France many, many years ago, I learned that sugar helps cut the acidity of the tomatoes. Then here in Mexico, I used honey instead of refined white sugar and my red sauce tasted even better!

Simmer until all the flavors blend together, another ten minutes, or until the pasta is ready. Either eat the sauce chunky or puree in a blender.

The meal was simple to make and very tasty. Even on vacation, it's nice to eat in.

A Short Film: Reducing Infant Mortlity

2009-08-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

Our infant mortality ranking is 42nd on the world stage which means 41 countries have better statistics. This places us right in the middle of the following countries: Guam, Cuba, Croatia and Belarus, with over double the infant deaths compared to the top 10 countries of the world. (CIA World Factbook).

Here is a short video on reducing infant mortality and improving the health of babies in the United States. One of the producers is Shelley Campbell from San Rafael: http://www.reducinginfantmortality.com/. Learn more about the film here.

Does smiling really matter?

2009-08-20T12:42:00.000-07:00

I don't look happy in our vacation video. I felt happy but the pictures show a stone faced and serious mom. My lips are so tightly closed that I can see lines where they bunch together. Zack took a video of Mikey eating spaghetti because it was hilarious. Mikey was naked (think hot Mexico) and working so hard to stuff one strand of spaghetti into his month. He was covered in red sauce. When the camera shows me, my eyes are so wide that it looks like I don't have eyelids. I am so focused on feeding Mikey that I am missing the comedy of the whole scene. But I swear, I wasn't. I was happy and giddy the whole time. I guess it was on the inside because my face showed a totally different story.

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

I've decided to start forcing a smile. Not like a fake smile but more of a relaxed face smile. I've heard laughing is therapeutic and in Bali they meditate with a smile. So I've decided to practice relaxing my face, parting my lips slightly, and curling up the ends of my mouth as often as I think about it.

Now that I am aware of my tight face syndrome, I can feel it. I felt it driving towards the Laurel Village parking lot, and then I loosened it and found a parking spot right away. I felt my lips tighten and pucker while picking poultry at the grocery store. I relaxed and felt happier instantly. I smile when I do the dishes. I smile when I type on the computer. I smile when I play with Mikey.

Being a mom is sometimes so intense that I have to stay focused and on task, but now I am doing it with a smile.

Woman's choice of birth place at risk in Australia

2009-08-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

The government in Australia is trying to control a woman's body by jailing them and fining them for giving birth at home. Huge woman's rights issue.

Here's a news clip from Austria on the protests:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Bjc3TBLAHM&feature=PlayList&p=CC6EA57B9C8EDDB1&index=3&playnext=3&playnext_from=PL

Why save candles for birthdays?

2009-08-15T12:40:00.000-07:00

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

I can think of one good reason. Fire isn't a game and I shouldn't be teaching Mikey that lighting matches and birthday candles over and over is fun. Nonetheless, this candle game happened organically this morning and Mikey loved it.

He found the box where I keep the leftover candles from birthday cakes (all two of them) and wanted to light one. Mikey wasn't able to blow out his second birthday cake's candle. He almost scorched his eyebrows trying. So I thought maybe he could use a little practice. A pear was handy, so I sliced the pear and stuck the candle in it. I sang, "Happy Birthday too you..." and he blew it out right on cue. His face glowed like he had won Wimbleton. Then he wanted to do the next candle and the next. Soon he didn't wait for me to finish singing and by the end I wasn't singing at all. He was blowing out the candle and the match with one big puff. He was done with the game when we had lit and blew out each candle in the box. I used this opportunity to review colors and numbers and other things listed below:

The Candle Game

1) Discuss the difference between smoke and steam.
2) Practice blowing which isn't an obvious skill.
3) Use fine motor skills by putting the candles in the pear hole.
4) Name each candle color.
5) Teach about matches and that he is not to play with them without me. Fire is dangerous.
6) Sing Happy Birthday which boosts self-esteem and makes a child feel special even on an ordinary day.
7) Count the candles and matches.

Candles can stand in anything. It doesn't have to be a cake or cupcake.

Can my two-year old understand me?

2009-08-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

Mikey is going through a very frustrating developmental period for me. He is unhappy mostly everywhere except home. And at home, I can't even finish unloading the dishwasher before he says, "Mama come." He needs my full attention all the time. I really enjoy hanging out with him but lately it's been difficult. I didn't realize how drained a felt, until Mikey's papa came home tonight, and I scurried off into the office and closed the door.

I was hoping for a little peace. My goal was three minutes. I didn't even make it three minutes alone before Mikey started screaming for me on the other side of the door. I heard Zack saying, "Let's go play in the yard." But, by that point Mikey was so worked up nothing would satisfy him apart from being in his mommy's arms. I opened the door and grabbed my keys. I needed out. I felt trapped and I needed some space. My decision didn't help the volume of screaming and Zack didn't know what to do, so he followed me down to the garage with our wailing child.

At this point, Mikey was so red and horse from crying that I couldn't leave him. Nonetheless, I was still upset and needed a walk. So, I took him and marched off into the street with no idea where I was going. Zack stood on the steps with no shoes and the whole house open, "Where are you going?" he asked. I turned to look but didn't respond. I just didn't know.

I held Mikey tight in my arms and walked in silence. Tears dripped down from under my sunglasses. When we reached the Panhandle park, I let Mikey down to walk. He reached for my hand and held it as we crossed the bike lane. Mikey never wants to hold my hand when we walk. He swats it away every time. But tonight it was his hand that held mine. "He is holding my hand to comfort me," I thought.

His hand transmitted so much love that I came out of my depressed state and into the present moment. It was a warm San Francisco Friday night. A woman sat on the grass with her newborn baby. Dogs ran after balls. Crows cawed loudly in the trees. Bikes zipped back and forth on the path. The warm offshore breeze dried my tears.

We continued to walk hand-in-hand without talking. Mikey would pick up a leaf or an acorn and show it to me. I would nod or smile. Just as soon as he'd let go of my hand he'd say, "hand, hand," and want it back. But this time, it wasn't for him, it was for me.

He maintained a steady walk. Normally, he can barely walk up our small street in under an hour and getting him to walk up the stairs to our apartment is about as frustrating as it gets. But in that moment, he walked. We stopped briefly to watch the basketball game and the skateboarders, and then we headed out of the park and back up the hill to the house.

We passed the newly painted orange Buddhist meditation house and Mikey looked up at me and said, "Orange." When I looked back into his eyes they weren't the eyes of a two-year old. He held my gaze with the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen. For a brief moment, my son knew more than I. He was all knowing, comforting, loving, and still. Mikey held my hand all the way home and he didn't let me go.

Zack caught up to us on the bike just before we turned onto our street. I ran a lavender bath as soon as I walked in the door. Mikey climbed in and Zack leaned over the side of the tub and washed him while I relaxed and enjoyed their company.

Take away the incentives for too many c-sections

2009-08-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

"On average, Medicaid pays $5,000 more for a C-section than for a vaginal birth, and private insurance pays a far greater premium. You don’t have to be a cynic to wonder if that could have something to do with the rise in unnecessary C-sections."

Read this article about Obama's plan to change our nation's huge unnecessary c-section rate:

http://crosscut.com/2009/08/06/health-medicine/19144/

Why do parents who don't need the money go back to work?

2009-08-05T12:33:00.000-07:00

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

I was talking to a mom at a baby shower who explained why she chose to go back to work even though she didn't need the money. As she told me the story, tears swelled up in her eyes. She works at a company that offers a year maternity leave (amazing, I know). She took the full year with her first child but returned to work after three months with the second. She said that she couldn't handle it. Two kids were too much for her. She felt like she would snap at any moment. So she hired someone to do the job for her. She said that she feels really guiltly about her decision.

The reality of her situation saddens me. People have kids but don't want to do the work or feel someone else could do a better job. She loves her children but she can't be with them all day long. My interest in her story stems from my own mom not wanting to be with me or my two siblings. My mom left my dad and the three of us young children when I was only four years old. She gave my dad custody and went to live in Florida to get her Ph.D.

Maybe it's good that my friend at the baby shower went to work. If that's what keeps a family together, then so be it.

Diaper Free Baby. Well, Not Yet!

2009-07-31T08:09:00.000-07:00

I swear, once you start to put your baby on the potty, you'll never turn back. I have bought a ton of different types of diapers: custom cloth from San Francisco's East Bay Jessica here, cheapish cloth diapers from Green Mountain Diapers here, biodegradable diapers here, and Huggies from Lucky's down the street. And, nothing compares to NO diapers at all!

When West has to go poop, he works on it for a good hour and sometimes three hours if he is on his back in bed. I was getting no sleep listening to him grunt and moan for three hours. At first, I thought that he needed to burp. So, I picked him up for a burp and he pooped. It turns out that laying flat on your back isn't the best position for pushing a poop out or a baby for that matter. Plus apparently, we can't pee or poop in our sleep. We have to be awake for the bowels to open. I believe it. If I potty West right when he wakes-up, his diaper is often dry.

It all started when Lydia told me about a friend of hers who pees her baby in her sink when she comes over for a visit. It sounds completely unladylike but putting manners aside for a moment, pee is sterile and is okay for the kitchen sink. So, no big deal?

I asked Lydia if she knew of any books on the subject and she pointed me to Diapers Free, which she remembered seeing at her pediatrician's office. I checked it out from the library and read it. Serendipitously, I received an email about an Elimination Communication (i.e. Diapers Free) workshop in San Francisco by Willow Lune. I signed up. I was curious.

I decided to do a 24-hour trial period before the workshop. My first goal was to "catch" West's nighttime poop so that I could get some sleep. So, when he woke me up in the middle of the night with his groaning and moaning, I took off his diaper and held him in a squat position over a cloth diaper. I can tell if he has to go because his penis is sticking up and looks full. Sure enough, he pooped and peed right away and we happily went back to sleep. I didn't have to clean up a sloppy mess of poop smeared all over his butt either. Now I use a potty and not the cloth diaper and I have less laundry!

Once he is over the toilet, he poops. It's like he waits for it. I don't catch a lot of his pees right now, but I am hoping to as I get use to this new method of diapering or should I say not diapering. I catch the obvious pees like after nursing and first thing in the morning.

Ah yes, I have been pooped and peed on, but it has only been once or twice and isn't much worse than a diaper blowout, which I just had to clean up this morning because I was too tired to poop West in the potty. After changing the bed and doing laundry, I'm motivated again to listen to his cues and put him on the potty. Putting West on the potty isn't much different than reminding a toddler to go to the bathroom at key transitions in the day like before leaving the house, before bed and in the morning.

The concept seems outlandish, but when I started thinking about what most of the world does for diapering babies, it totally makes sense. Most places don't have a Lucky's down the street with Huggies. And the people living in these places don't have the money to spend on diapers. They carry their babies close to them and learn their signs for peeing and pooping.

Yes, I realize that we don't live in India or Tibet but baby instincts are the same. Babies don't want to defecate on themselves. What animal pees and poops on themselves and sits in it for hours.

When I asked Zack this question, he answered, "worms." I responded, "I think worms are insects." Actually, we are both wrong. In any case, I think that we can agree that worms are a far cry from human babies.

I mean really, the more that I think about it, the more that it grosses me out. Would I want to sit in my poop? Diapers are a convenience of modern life for adults. I bet if the babies could talk, they would have something to say about it.

West is five weeks old and wears diapers. I take them off like I would pants when he has to pee or poop. He still sits in his pee sometimes if he is sleeping but it's less now. And, I do hope to have him out of diapers by his first birthday.

Now if only I can get my three-year old out of his nighttime diaper.

Should I Follow My Own Rules?

2009-07-30T12:25:00.000-07:00

[Published previously for SFGate.com/moms]

I think that everyone can agree that one kid grabbing a toy from another kid's hands is a big "no,no." Now I ask, what about me (mommy) snatching an open magic marker from Mikey? I have done it before. But it felt hypocritical. Why should I expect him not to take what he wants when I demonstrate the opposite? If it's not life threatening, it can be a perfect learning opportunity and a way to treat him like a sensitive human being.

If I really believe in talking it out and asking for things rather than taking them, then I need to practice what I preach. And so, now I do.

I put my hands together like I am begging for food and kneel down right in front of him. I look at him in the eyes and I am very serious. I say, "Mikey, please give mommy the marker. We only draw on paper. Mommy wants to put the marker away until art time. Please give mommy the marker." He normally drops it gently into my open hands and I say, "thank you." Or, he says, "thank you, Mikey," which means that I should say it. If he refuses then I tell him that I am going to take it on the count of three if he doesn't give it to me. It isn't quite playground rules but I do recognize that I do need to make executive decisions sometimes.

These moments allow me to practice being present. I stop whatever I am doing and embrace the moment. I remain separated emotionally but completely focused on it. These moments don't last more than a few minutes but they are intense and a great spiritual practice. It takes a lot of will power for Mikey to give up the marker and for me not to take the easy way out and grab it from him. Mikey always runs away from the ordeal quite happy and content with himself. And, I save my walls. It's a win win!

Love these Crackers

2009-07-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

They're a great way to eat crackers without the wheat and gluten. I consume way too much of those, thank you very much. Wheat is everywhere and so hard on my poor belly. And my belly just had a baby.

Helping with the dishes

2009-07-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

If Mikey is begging me to play and the dishes are piling up, I put him to work. Including him in everyday chores is easy and he loves it. In this picture, I am just to his left washing dishes. I made a tub of soapy water and pass him dishes. When he starts getting bored of a dish I say, "Thanks, that one looks done; here's another one. " Sometimes it morphs into water play with two objects. Often, I finish the dishes and he still wants to play with his tub of water.

I always put a towel under him because water never stays in the tub.