Today we don’t seem to have enough with ordinary life. It is not enough for us to have it OK, we seem to want it to be perfect. But how perfect can life be?

When one is young, one wants to be free. One does not want to restrict the possibilities too soon or too tight. Never there seems to be enough time to be young, free and find who one truly is, before it is too late.

The problem with getting older is that behind of me are lurking all my past failures – men that I did not succeed with and had to assure myself I did not really want. And that they were really not right for me.

Does it make me more perfectionist towards less opportunities among men, because all the men I meet need to conquer thes past failures of mine? The more I want the less I can have. It is bad equation.

The media is not making it any easier. Everyday men and women we meet are no competition to the stars we sees in television and magazines all the time. Some time ago I red an internet discussion among some men, where they discussed that they would not shag this startlet. I could not understand they were serious. How many of them would even get a change to sleep with someone that pretty? And women, we are not much better…

It is not long time ago I watched document in television, which not only descriped beauty surgery business.  People are now cutting their most intimate parts to stay forever youn and their feet to fit their favourite shoes. And nobody is asking is this healthy. What ever happend to unconditional love? Are we not enought anymore as our selves? This made me really saad.

I just hope somebody would love me, as I am – and that I could love him, as he is.

1) She likes cats – in fact I spend my Christmas with a kitten she was nursing.

2) Already at the young age of 15 she was sure, she would not get any children. She likes them on others, she just don’t want them her self.

3) She has had only one serious boyfriend, who used to complain, that she does not let him close. Sounds familiar?

Yet I am older, and if possible even less succesful in my private life, so what does that make me?

Well during my visit to Italy I was a bit lonely. I would love to be one of those happy lonely cowboys, who don’t need others to keep their company, but eating alone in the restaurants is a bit boring and there are moments, when you’re longing for company. I met several nice Italian people on my way around and had a lot of good time.

Yet I have to admit I was a bit lonely. Maybe not because of the trip – maybe because some of the things that were happening in my life around that time. First night I bought some arancini lovely fried rice balls and went to my hotel room to feel sorry for my self.

I’ve learned my lessons with Italian men repeatedly – and when I was asked out, I said no thank you, I am tired tonight. Next evening I repeated the sentence, but finally gave in – Ok, we may go to eat – if you meet me there and there. I had planned my escape, in case he got over powering. This was my first mistake: I should have said no. I am generally against holiday romances and I was going home the next day after our dinner, so it was only thing it was going to be. But my naive side hoped that we could meet as friends.

An hour before I saw a movie going in a local movie theater and felt sorry that I could not go to see, because I had promised to go out to eat with him. If I’d been wise, I’d just gone there and but my phone off. But I did not and that was my second mistake.

The third one was, when I entered his car. I had wisely decided in advance not to let him drive me anywhere, because that would give him power of our destination. I had decided we would dine there, where I knew how to get back to my hotel. Foolishly I did not follow my own good advice: Don’t enter in his car. On top of that I let him drew me to a place, where I’ve never been before.

Unfortunately the evening ended with me saying No – and him not understanding me. Yet I am happy the evening did not end even worst, as I was for a while afraid of. Still some things he said made me feel sorry for myself for some time.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?Visited Naples at least.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I don’t have any idea what I promised last new year – and I have made some again and probably going to forget those too.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes and I became besotted god mother of my adorable god daughter soon to be six months old.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Happily no.

5. What countries did you visit? Just Italy

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Romantic relationship of some seriousness.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The birthday of the sweet pea.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Learning more about life and its meaning.

9. What was your biggest failure?  Not being able to find a man of my dreams – again.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not anything serious.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Two pair of wonderful old fashioned shoes.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Nicole Richie as new mother

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The New Boss we got …

14. Where did most of your money go? to my bank account

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The baby

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Nothing comes to my mind.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? Sadder. Thinner. A bit poorer, I suppose.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Wear more dresses.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Be less worried (and shy).

20. How did you spend Christmas? With my mom and singling in the country side surrounded by snow and eating far too much again.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Sadly, no.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Runaway. 23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No at the moment I am not really hating anybody, but lets say that some people have disappointed me.

24. What was the best book you read? Nothing comes  to my mind right now.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Recorder.

26. What did you want and get?  Goddaughter.

27. What did you want and not get? Man of my life.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Happy Go Lucky.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Went to the movies alone, I think. Tried to forget of getting older.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I am again going to repeat myself – my goddaughter.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Experimental.

32. What kept you sane? I am not so sure I was always so very sane.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? No big fancies last year, I am afraid – it was quit boring.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Economics

35. Who did you miss? My dad (who is not around here anymore).

36. Who was the best new person you met?   This was more of a getting to know some old acquaintances better year.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. Don’t take it so seriously.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 

Smile when your heart is aching
even though it is breaking
when there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
if you smile through your fear and sorrow
smile and maybe tomorrow
you’ll see the sun is shining through
for you

If you read this, considered yourself tagged!

I had a polish friend in India, who used to say, that I was a good judge of human nature. Yet I admired her openness towards new people. She was never worried of them nor about their true intentions. She had huge amount of friends and she was always smiling. I still wish I could be more like her.

I myself don’t trust strange people. Part of it is probably because I don’t trust my self to be a good judge of human nature. When I was younger I was in general sceptical on cross-cultural romantic relationships and especially on marriages. Is this truly a question of being afraid of the trouble or does this belief hide something more hideous behind it?

This man was from Iran. I have heard a lot of stories about Iran as well as maybe of Saudi Arabia. Both countries have similar flavour – really old fashioned and misogynist. There is not so long time I watched the movie called Persepolis about Iranian life. I did not recognise it during chatting him, but afterwards some prejudices crept up that I was not proud of.

Maybe it was because of those prejudices people generally have that I felt his reluctance to tell were he was from. It took him a while to answer. Although as usually across the net, it is really difficult to interpret peoples feelings. But I felt the conversation stop for a while after I asked. Yet during the discussion I did not let the fact affect me, but it was after it, while the consciousness of the fact came in to my mind.

Yet the prejudices affect me and I am not proud about this. I have seen enough people around the world to know that prejudices are not always true. Some people just don’t fit in them. I don’t fit in typical prejudice about Nordic women myself. Prejudices are not people, they are simplifications we make to be able to make the world easier for us to comprehend. Yet I seem to not be able to hinder the stories I’ve heard running around my head.

On top of all that the apartment building my friend is living in had a quite serious fire and she was evaquated and stayed away some days. I help her to drag back her mattress (in a tram) and that was quite funny. Some good moments after a moment of terror. The fire made me think also, how fragile the life really is and how we cannot know, when it is going to end.

There has not been much time to think about men or about being single. In fact I am a bit tired of this topic right now. My head is empty, which you may have noticed in this blog. I am sorry, but I really did not have much to say about anything related to men or relationships. I hope I would have, but I really did not.

Well there was an office christmas party and I was told I was dressed prettiy – by some of my female colleques. And I met an old (male) friend of mine, who I like a lot, and who is married and has a baby. Long time not seen and such. So no romance in the air, at all.

I don’t think it is a question of need. I can do without a mate. I might feel more satisfied with a family, but I am rather happy with my life as it is. In fact relationships (with men) usually make me feel frustrated and uncomfortable.

 It is more like I want one. I want a man to share my life with and I preferably also family. I’d love to have some one waiting me to come home after work and share my lonely nights with. I’ve always been a bit maternal type and I’ve wanted kids the last 15 years.

Yes, I feel like time is running out, but it is more because of my ability to count, than because my friends are already married. Most of them are not. In fact only one of my good friends is and another one is going to go next summer. My sister is not and propably will never be, because she does not want same things from her life. My mother has never been hinting on this.

Take the Quiz here!

I have to admit that I found this comment slightly shocking. Is this something that has always been part of the male thinking or is something in our society making young people to think so cynically. How much changes does a relationship have, if you enter in it thinking you don’t want it to last? Is it only way to protect one self?

Before people used to just live together so they did not get stacked in boring marriages. I wonder if the trend has changed and young people are getting married more, but not intend it to be forever. Is it because divorce has become so common or because people are looking for variety. Maybe marriages are entered more light hearted than before.

Destined to Divorce?

Often when one compares the divorces with new marriages, one can get gloomy. About half of the marriages end up in divorce. What statistics don’t often tell us, is that most people never split. There are certain people that repeatedly marry and divorce, and they distort the statistics for the others. At the same time there are a lot of those, who stay with the same partner after they have once gotten married. How do they make it happen?

The changes in the marriage are better, if you’re mature enough. The risk of divorce decreases with 1/4,  if the both partners are at least 25 years, when entering the marriage. Resent studies of brains have shown that human brains continue to mature until the age of 25. It might not be coincidence, I think. So maybe the comment is more due the maturity of the person and less due to any real change in the deeper values and attitudes of the society.

Risk factors of the marriage are baby less than seven months after marriage (1/4) and that the parents were divorced (1/6). On the other hand good income, college education and going to the church together as the family reduce the risk of divorce slightly. Yet I would not recommend anybody to start going to the church because of their marriage. Instead one could think how the shared family values help to fight for the relationship. Still you should not think that religion itself could save your marriage. That thought itself could ruin it as some statistics show.

Even a high school level of education reduces the risk. It is also better to try to work for your first marriage than start looking for a new one, because second marriage are even more likely to end. You could protect your marriage by entering a premarital education class (reduces risk 1/3), create fair share of chores and invest in your communication skills.

Divorce rates also wary a lot from country to another. The highest divorce rates in the Europe are in UK and Russia, both well below the US rates (about 2/3), free minded Scandinavians reach in about 1/2 of the North American rate and South Europeans are between 1/6-1/10 of that rate. So one should not arrange funerals for the marriage yet.  What is more important is that divorce rates have been slowly dropping in most western countries for years. For example in US the peak of the divorces was already in 1981.

Why Marriage?

Why am I defending marriage? There are a lot of scientific studies to show the benefits of the marriages. Happy marriage is good for ones health and especially for the health of children. Marriage has the ability of making us happier than singleness. Especially it protects the future of our children.

 All these sensible reasons aside, what can a hopeless romantic to do?