Spirit In Gear

What I Learned from Turning 60

2011-09-05T15:11:00-04:00

The day after I turned 60 last month, we head to the Smokies to meet up with our best friends of 35 years. The picture you see is taken from the deck of a stunning mountain property we stayed in for the weekend.

Surrounded by mountain vistas, close friends, music, and an ample supply of wine and dark chocolate, I open up birthday gifts. One of the gifts is not wrapped. In fact, it has no material shape. It comes as a favor of sorts. The gift is bestowed upon me by my friend, John.

John gives me carte blanche to select all the restaurants we eat at that weekend. Now I am prepared to select one restaurant for my birthday dinner, but never expected to be making decisions on the other meals. I admit to being nonplussed with this gesture on John's part. Food is very important to John, and his food preferences are very strong (and often opposed to mine).

As John continued to insist that I select ALL the restaurants, I tell him that I should be recording this for posterity. John lets me know that this offer expires after the weekend, so I better enjoy it while I can.

While all this is going on, I am experiencing some silent inner discombobulation. My personality is geared towards looking out for the needs of the group. It takes me a few minutes to actually get in gear with the program of picking out whatever I WANT! Even if it means that someone else won't like my choice.

And so it goes. I take some time to ask myself what I want. And I get exactly what I want for each of the meals we eat out at . . . Italian one night; seafood another; and pancakes for lunch!

This experience reminds me to be clear about what I want, at least to myself. It's not so much about getting my way. It is about being present enough to ask myself the question instead of responding in a rote mode.

Interestingly this begins to have a ripple effect in my life during the following week. In my interactions with both my husband, and with business colleagues, I find myself stopping to become aware of what I want and how I want to respond. As a result, I saved myself from unnecessary hassle. The difference being that I can choose when I want to go the extra mile, not that I HAVE to do it automatically. That is very freeing, if I do say so myself.

If you are not yet 60, my advice to you is to learn from my insight, and apply it to your life, much sooner than I did!

Gabby Giffords - Modern Day Shaman

2011-08-04T20:34:57-04:00

During the bleak, acrimonious war playing out in Congress all summer, a temporary truce is called early this week. It emerges from the unexpected presence of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords on August 1st to cast her vote to raise the debt ceiling.

Those present, along with the world, feel moved and mesmerized by the vision of Gabby walking and talking after sustaining a severe brain trauma this past January. In the flesh Gabby symbolizes hope and possibility. Her appearance marks the triumph of good over evil. As a casualty of violence, she touches those people in the political hall of Congress at a heart level, reminding them to reconnect to their humanity, to rise above the smallness and meanness, to transcend differences.

It is easy to get carried away with the symbolism. Perhaps all Gabby wanted to do was to serve her constituents by casting a pivotal vote. Yet I see much more. I see this courageous congresswoman as a modern day shaman, one who by her very presence casts healing light around her. We desperately need these symbols of hope in a world where institutionalized corruption has led to the near collapse of the world economy.

In my mind I leap ahead. What if Congress were filled with 50 more people like Gabby? Would people work together in a spirit of cooperation? What important work could be accomplished?

As I zoom the lens of my perspective outward, I see it is not about political parties. It's more about how power continues to be defined in our world: ego-based aggression in all forms; violent force; domination. Winner takes all. We still need warriors, but they must be enlightened warriors.

Civilization wasn't always like this. Five thousand + years ago, societies thrived under a matriarchal system (and no, fellows, women did not dominate men). The arts flourished; violence did not. Both masculine and feminine energies got equal footing. Check out the book The Chalice and the Blade,by Riane Eisler, for a provocative read.

Back to 2011, signs abound that a world dominated by masculine energy, without the balancing feminine energy of nurturance, creativity, connection to higher guidance, and to the sacred, will eventually self-destruct. Fortunately there is a movement underfoot. I may not live to see the ultimate change that rebalances the earth and the world. But I can be a part of the movement that inches it closer. If you are even reading this, you are likely part of this enlightened groundswell, driven by an inner knowing and by your own wisdom.

I have been silent on this blog for 7+ months. It almost feels like I have been in a hunkered down mode, in reaction to the financial instability in the U.S. and abroad. I am breaking my silence, putting out a call to my comrades in spirit. I need your light to keep on keeping on.

I had the most uplifting experience a couple of weekends ago. We travelled from South Carolina, where we currently live, to Ohio to a small wedding reception filled with old friends and colleagues from my former profession (life coaching). As soon as I walked into the room where the reception was held, I felt incredibly positive energy. It was like being at a love fest. What an experience to be in with a group of people holding enlightened energy!

It goes back to each one of us. We start with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves, both the good and bad. Empowering ourselves by balancing the masculine and feminine energies in our own lives, and learning how to use power. In the book edited by Michele Jamal, Shape Shifters, contributor Sandy Ingerman discusses the fear women have of getting in touch with their masculine energy, for fear of misuse. She defines positive male energy as "right action:"

Right action is about taking the information from our intuition, from deep inside ourselves, and then acting on it in the physical world. Right action is about allowing action instead of forcing action.

I write this to remind myself that one person, empowered with "right action," can be a force for good in ways I (we) can't imagine. Game on! Will you join me?

[Photo Credit: Huffington Post]

Happy 6th Patti Digh & 37Days

2011-01-09T12:18:09-05:00

Patti Digh's blog, 37days, is whole food for the soul. Her writing shines with authenticity, transparency, heart. You'll find no additives, bs, or fillers. Reading Patti's words is like taking my daily dose of vitamins for my spiritual and emotional health.

No matter how hectic my day is, I make time to read her posts. Yes, they are that good! Shedding is one of my favorite posts from last month. Here is a small excerpt of the 11 items Patti intends to shed in 2011:

File cabinets: I am feeling smothered by the past. File cabinets contain papers about work I used to do, but will never do again. They need to go away, to make space for an art table.

Patti inspires me with this one. It really hits home for me. My office closet is jammed with filing cabinets overflowing with a previous career - seminars, workshops, and talks I gave 8-10 years ago. I get a heavy feeling when I walk into that closet. Why am I hanging onto it? Over the holidays I have begun to clear out and throw away tons of binders filled with materials. I have purchased banker boxes for things that need to be saved, such as financial info and tax returns that can be packed away out of site. I can use the free space in my filing cabinets to take my current business to a new level of organization. My intuitive hunch is that by opening up space, I am giving my creativity room to breath and expand!

Blocks: I'm letting go of false comparisons with others, false expectations of myself, and false investments in stories that don't serve me.

Am I finally old enough to let these blocks go too? I hereby confer upon myself lifetime permission to "pass go." Perfection not needed, not invited.

Excuses: I told my business partner, David, one day as we drove up Merrimon Avenue on one of his visits to Asheville that I had just realized I had never done my best work because I always wanted an excuse to fall back on if someone didn't like it. "Oh, that? I didn't have a chance to edit that because I was nursing a sick dwarf hamster back to life from a heart attack." No excuses in 2011. None.

I refer myself back to shedding perfection. Just do it, Deb, and by the way, have some fun while you are at it. Embrace imperfection for the humanizing quality it is.

Work: It is too easy to say yes to work that makes money but doesn't move me in the direction I long to go. This will be the year of giving up that work, of saying no to it so I (and we) can create what we most long to say. This will likely involve the art table.

My intent, with the work that currently brings me money, is to continue to systemize it so that I am working less on it. I aim for more free time and flexibility just because I want it!

Happy 6th Blog Anniversary, Patty Digh! May you grace us with your words for many more years. In the meantime, my intention this year is to meet you in person. I am your Southern neighbor in Greenville SC, and am a mere 75 min. drive away. You have fans down here. We'll be in touch soon!

[Photo Credit: Michaela Kobyakov]

First White Christmas in 47 Years

2010-12-27T21:02:44-05:00

Having lived most of my life in the Midwest, I have seen many a White Christmas. Now that we are southern transplants these past 7 years, I've grown accustomed to mild temps and sunny days during the winter. I never expected to see a White Christmas down here in South Carolina, and thought the weather predictions for snow on Christmas Day were just too funny. The laugh is on me. For the first time in 47 years, 3 inches fell in the Upstate area of South Carolina.

This unusual occurrence has me wondering about the whole art of possibility. Mother Nature demonstrates that possibility has an expansive quality that defies limits. I am reminded to notice how my thinking can both stunt, and enhance, what I believe is possible.

When Old Dreams Land in Real Time

2010-12-18T09:42:35-05:00

An old dream of mine materialized several weeks ago. Much to my surprise, I felt disoriented when my dream came true. The dream didn't fit me in real time quite as I imagined.

Allow me to back up. The dream takes birth a dozen years ago. It is a materialistic dream. Some of you may have a penchant for a BMW Z4 Roadster, a cruise around the world, a vacation home at the beach. I confess that I wanted a larger diamond. Not an extravagant diamond - I wanted an upgrade from 1/2 carat to 1 carat.

Back when the dream began, we still faced financing 8 years of college for our two daughters. A larger diamond seemed like a frivolous expense we could not afford. But I knew exactly what I wanted when the time came. I had spent time looking at diamonds and knew the 4 "c's" backwards and forwards.

Fast forward to present time. Money is saved. My husband and I trek out to the jewelers to look, learn, and examine numerous diamonds under magnification. I make several trips, do additional research, and compare prices. I finally find my dream diamond at the price I want to pay. I am thrilled with the selection!

I wait a couple of days while the new diamond is set in my wedding ring. With great anticipation I pick up the ring when it is ready, placing it on my finger. I look down at the diamond and feel an immediate sense of dissonance. I feel confused and unsettled. What comes up for me is that I don't deserve this.

It takes me several days to work through what is really going on with me. I feel unworthy of the larger, brilliant diamond. In my head I had easily justified the cost. Inside me, I feel like an imposter.

I finally realize that I may have upgraded my diamond, but I did not upgrade my sense of worthiness to make room for this dream come true. Likewise, in my real estate investing work, we find we need to often upgrade the electrical in the houses we rehab, in order to place a central heating/air unit.

This story is not about diamonds. It's about energy alignment. We have to remember to make room energetically for the dreams we desire to materialize. I made room financially for the diamond, but not internally.

It takes me several days of processing to "update" my worthiness. A loving spouse helps. It also helps me to read snippets of guided writing I received in late August:

[You] have money to indulge yourself with. Yet you struggle with spending money on the 1-carat diamond you have always dreamed about. The diamond itself isn't important, it's what it represents, which is your openness to give to yourself. It's a wonderful practice to take your generous heart and turn it back upon yourself. If you can be even just a little bit supportive and generous with yourself as you are with everyone else, imagine how much peaceful and happier you can be. And that is the real gift you can offer to others, being happy.

Fortunately for me, the "worthiness" upgrade kicks in. What a difference I feel internally. Now when I look at my new diamond, I feel a sense of awe and gratitude. Without a doubt, I can say that diamonds are (one) of a girl's best friends!

What happened for you when one of your dreams came to fruition? Was it what you expected? We'd love to hear about it!

[Photo Credit: Blue Nile]

Shout Out Against Gay Bashing

2010-10-13T09:53:49-04:00

Kudos to Patti Digh for taking on ignorance and hate in Mindful Monday: Thanks for Coming Out. Please take a moment to read her post!

She reminds me that hatred and bigotry grow when the rest of us remain silent. It takes courage to speak out, to take a stand. It's not easy when our friends, co-workers, and family members may be the ones that spread the hate. But if I don't say anything, I am allowing hate to grow.

Thank you Patti Digh for stepping out and leading by example.

Reaching Beyond Death

2010-10-05T12:46:00-04:00

It's been a little over a year since the death of my second parent. I find that the absence of my parents is a life-changing event that I am still adjusting to. Most days I think of them, still with longing, but without the intense grief.

Yet from time to time, their absence hits me hard and lays me low for a day or two. This past weekend is one of those times. I ache with longing to see Mom and Dad, to talk with them. Sadness envelopes me and I feel lost. Our family structure has shifted. My sibs and I have moved into the "elder" generation position. It doesn't feel right somehow to have no generation ahead of me.

We are still attempting to regain our footing with the holidays - to create new traditions that compensate for the absence of Mom and Dad. We will be challenged later this month when my niece gets married - the first grandchild - and no grandparents will be present. My father was a great dancer, and we will have to pick up the slack for sure!

In my longing for my parents, I decide to write to them. I share what I am feeling. Near the end I throw out a plea to see them, just for a moment, to help me keep on going. I know in my adult mind that that is a "silly" plea, but my heart will not be silenced.

That evening I go to sleep and dream. In my dream, my youngest brother and I are standing outside on some undetermined street corner. As I look up, I see my father approach us. He looks about 10 years younger than when he died. Dad looks vibrant and alive! He approaches us. I eagerly point Dad out to my brother. My brother and Dad are able to touch, fingerpoint to fingerpoint, just like ET. I am within a couple of yards of Dad before he disappears. Even tho we weren't able to touch, I feel ecstatic that I have seen Dad.

I wake up in the morning and feel a sense of happiness and deep well-being. The feeling stays with me all day. I am incredulous that Dad found some way to connect with me, and to reassure me, in similar fashion as my mother did to me in the dream where she met me last December.

Although death feels like an end, I am beginning to grasp that there is a world beyond imagining on the other side. And that connections to loved ones cannot be severed, even by death.

Best Things in Life

2010-09-12T15:22:27-04:00

The best things in life are nearest:
Breath in your nostrils, light in your
eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at
your hand, the path of right just before
you. Then do not grasp at the stars,
but do life's plain, common work as it
comes, certain that daily duties and
daily bread are the sweetest things in
life.

- Robert Louis Stevenson

I hesitate to expound on the quote above. It stands on its own. No explication needed.

I can tell you that this quote touches me more deeply than I would imagine.

I recall moments of ironing my father's shirts during my adolescence, and the quiet sense of accomplishment with each finished shirt hanging startched in a row with the others. Sometimes it's the ordinary things, captured in a moment of awareness, that brings a sense that everything really IS okay.

This morning as I drive home from church I take a moment to look up at the blue sky laced with white wisps of clouds and smile. The white puffs look like they are dancing in the sky, reminding me to chill and relax on this day of Sabbath. Reminding me of the freedom and joy that are always available to me.

Yesterday, on 9/11, I call my brother up on the phone to wish him a "Happy Birthday!" How wonderful to remember that something positive happened on 9/11 besides tragedy.

Hearing my younger daughter's voice on the phone, as she talks about her new job of 1 month, and realizing that she can thrive in spite of challenges. Soon to turn 25, she is in charge of her life and doing just fine without Mom being involved day to day. I bask from afar on the woman she has become.

Happiness has been on my mind of late. I learn that there is a distinction between choosing to be happy and deciding to be happy.

I am deciding to be happy - a decision I intend to renew each day. Here's a meditation that I am using to help me, taken from the book, Wokini, A Lakota Journey to Happiness and Self-Understanding, by Billy Mills, with Nicholas Sparks:

Do this meditation three times a day.

1. Find a comfortable place to relax.

2. Close your eyes, and count from one to ten, exhaling with each number.

3. Relax further as the count progresses.

4. Once you reach ten, feel the relaxation spread through your body.

5. Think of anything that makes you happy. Make it as real as possible.

6. Say aloud ten times, "I am happy."

7. Count from ten back to one and open your eyes.

8. Smile

The best things in life can be found in the moments. If we are paying attention.

What "best things" have you noticed lately?

[Photo Credit: Morten Hoeye]

Out of Balance? Remember to Connect Within

2010-08-29T13:37:00-04:00

Like the doctor who smokes and doesn't follow his own advice, I find myself in a similar waters. I wonder why I feel out of balance, experiencing resistance instead of well-being. I've gotten into the habit of relying solely on my head and logic to run my life. Soldiering on, I forget to connect within, pausing to hear the wisdom from my Higher Self.

This morning I take the time to listen. I can take in the messages, the reminders of what I know and forget. I find myself feeling better, lighter. I print out the message and vow to read it at the start of my days to come.

Connecting within is as easy as slowly inhaling and exhaling. I find the slow breathing loosens my connection to my head. As I continue breathing, feelings rise up as my heart comes forward.

I do my connecting via writing. I select a quiet private place. I play evocative music in the background. I may light a candle and say a brief prayer. I like to write using my laptop because I can type faster than write. I typically will pose a question, and as a response begins to emerge, I type, with my eyes closed. I keep my eyes closed simply to keep the flow going. I usually type fast, and make typos. If I had my eyes open I would want to fix the typos immediately, instead of waiting til I'm done writing.

This response to my sense of restlessness and loss over the death of my parents came through earlier this summer. The wisdom remains as relevant today as several months ago:

We tell you to be still, to breathe deeply. You long to know with your head. But first you must know with your heart. It's a similar struggle that your brother is going through. Be still. Practice listening for your heart voice. Bring yourself back to this moment, over and over again. Be okay with feeling what you feel in this moment. Be okay with what is. You use up a lot of energy resisting what is. And trying to use logic and force to create impact in your life, rather than allowing, and understanding that life unfolds - much easier than using resistance to fight or to force. Again we say to you to practice staying in the moment, for a moment. You do realize that it was your heart that guided you to Hendersonville that day, to that bookstore, to that very book that you need in order to be in the moment. Please do not sweat this. You keep forgetting that you are loved and cherished. You feel that lacking, because your mother and father, the first source of your earthly love, have passed on from this physical plane. If only you knew how your loved ones hover and love you from above, you would bask in that warmth and feel the soothing coming your way.

We say this lovingly to you - do not stop feeling what is coming tthrough - do not stop the feeling, even when it's sad or painful. The more deeply you can feel what is painful, the more deeply you can feel the joy and the love.

As I mentioned above, I type with my eyes closed. I have no idea how that last paragraph got underlined. Apparently I hit something on my laptop. But it's obvious that my Higher Self felt that those particular words needed extra emphasis!

Embracing My Gray

2010-08-29T12:19:32-04:00

I first confessed to an envy of silver hair in The Gifts of Age, back in the spring of 2009.

Since that time you could say I've embraced my "inner gray," the confidence to be myself, to be my age. Now if I could just embrace my outer gray.

My goal is to sport a head of au natural hair by the time I turn 60 in August of 2011. However I had no idea it would be such a pain to grow out my permanent hair color. My hairdresser and I began our color strategy March 1st. At that time she used semi-permanent hair color to touch up my gray roots, instead of permanent hair color. She said the semi-permanent dye would fade in 4-6 weeks.

My healthy hair has a mind of it's own, apparently. The semi-permanent hair color hasn't faded one bit and remains stubbornly perky and colorful. Plan B began two months later, when my hairdresser switched brands of semi-permanent color. Darn! It still hasn't faded.

Earlier this month we went to plan C. She is using a very light semi-permanent color to blend in with the gray roots. It's called "low-lighting." Only problem I can see with this strategy is the demarcation that becomes more noticeable as my hair grows out.

A couple of days ago I googled this topic and found innumerable articles on growing out the gray. It sounds like we are on the right track. But with my chin-length hair, this will take a long time.

Yesterday I took a measuring tape to my hair. Measuring from the bottom, I have 5 inches of permanent hair color. Moving up, there are 3 inches of semi-permanent color, and then the new low-lighting which accounts for about an inch or so.

Unfortunately I have learned from my hairdresser that we can't just dye the 5 inches of permanent color gray while we wait for the roots to grow out, since the part of my hair is already colored. So it will take until early next year, I estimate, to be done with the last vestiges of the permanent color. This should prove interesting.

Of course I could speed up this process by cutting my hair very short. NOT! Maybe wear it an inch shorter, but that's it. I guess I'll just have to tough it out.

If you are still reading this post, more power to you. In the perpetually young culture we live in, I find myself in a tiny minority of women who want to go gray. I can afford the money for hair color. I can make the time for it. Just don't want to anymore. There's something freeing about not having to pretend to be five or ten years younger. Freeing in the sense that I don't have to use my energy to think about it anymore. That's a big deal for me.

Wish I had the ability to see into the future - to see what my gray locks will look like. Will I need to use a temporary rinse when my daughters get married in the future? Or not? Only time will tell. You can bet there will be a future post on life in the "gray" lane when I get to that point!

Any gray-haired readers in the blogosphere who'd like to share their perspective? Or wannabees?

[Photo Credit: Getty images, shown on www.momlogic.com]