We didn’t “do” Mother’s Day when I was growing up. I don’t know if this was because my mom just didn’t believe in it or because my dad is British and didn’t celebrate it in his family (I wikipedia-ed Mother’s Day in the UK, and it wasn’t popular until the 1950s….which means it was kinda after my dad’s time).

Anyway, now that I’m a mom we sort of “do” Mother’s Day, but not in the traditional “flowers, brunch, spa day” kind of way. Nope, today I snuggled my boy as we ate potato chips and watched a movie, we went thrift shopping for summer work clothes for me (and I scored a skirt and 4 tops at 50% off!), we ate buttloads of delicious barbeque on our living room floor while listening to classic rock, and then I had a piece of incredible dark chocolate. And now I’m blogging. Kick. Ass.

Whether you’re a mom or you’re celebrating one (or, you know, both), do whatever the heck you want (or let your mom do whatever the heck she wants). And hey, if that’s flowers, brunch, spa day, then cool! I’m just saying, it doesn’t HAVE to be

Happy Mother’s Day to those who celebrate. And if you, like past-me, don’t “do” Mother’s Day, happy second Sunday in May.

I took a long nap (and didn’t feel like crap afterward)
I lay on the sofa and vegged out
I asked for help when I needed it
I only did housework when I felt up to it
I read an actual book, you guys!

And when Sunday night came around, something magical happened: I didn’t feel that overwhelming sense of “wait…wait…I’M NOT READY” that the approach of the work week often brings. I was calm, I was rested, I was feeling pretty darn good.

There’s a lesson here for me (still…again…it’s a lesson I learn over and over and then forget, it seems). I’ve defined myself for years as Meg the Cardinal Sign, Meg Who Can’t Sit Still. Matthew the Taurus keeps telling me to be still (“be earthy”) on a regular basis, but I have a hard time listening.

This illness was a great reminder that stillness is fun and has benefits I’d almost forgotten. My goal now is to take that quality and bring it into everyday life, be it taking my full 1-hour lunch break and reading a book for fun, taking some time to unwind before bed, or simply not-stressing about not completing every single task on my to-do list. I’ve been working on that this week, and it feels pretty darn good!

Thank you, strep throat, for teaching me this lesson! Now, if I could stop waking up with a sore throat every morning, that would be swell!

Here’s the harsh truth: while standing (in bare feet or flats) is miles better than sitting, if you just stand there for 7 hours a day, you’re going to have aches and pains and varicose veins and all those other things that people suffer from when they sit too much. It’s just a fact – we’re not meant to be still in one position All. Day. Long. So I’ve been working on systems to help myself keep moving and healthy (you can do this if you have a sitting desk too, for the record).

The first thing I did was set up a system of reminders that cue me to stretch, move, and hydrate.

Sometimes, if I’m busy or in a meeting, I’ll ignore the cue, but a lot of the time I’ll at least walk around the office, do some chair squats, or do a couple of stretches, even if I wait until I’m done whatever I was working on when the reminder popped up. It takes 1-5 minutes and makes a huge difference.

The next thing I did was make a to-do list of the stretches and exercises I want to do in a day. I don’t always manage all of them, but it still helps me cover my bases. This list is evolving, but here’s a shot of what it looked like a couple of weeks ago:

I swear, I really do work during my day…a lot of those stretches can be done at the standing desk anyway (which is part of the reason why I love it so much).

Here are some other links to stretches/exercises I love:

http://www.alignedandwell.com/katysays/a-users-guide-to-hamstrings/

http://www.alignedandwell.com/katysays/what-a-waist/

Don’t just stand there…stretch something! I dare you!

I mention this now because one of the #1 signs of an alignment nerd (along with calf stretching equipment and barefoot shoes) is the standing desk (to find out why, click HERE, HERE, or HERE). Once I was comfortable enough in my job to let my (alignment) freak flag fly, I started out using a stack of boxes and standing up to work.

…not the prettiest desk in the world…

For the record, people thought I was insane. Also for the record, while my feet got sore by the end of the week, the rest of my body felt pretty freaking awesome.

The cardboard boxes worked OK, but I really missed having work space to, you know, do something other than type – like take notes, put papers where I could see them, etc. And then I found the perfect solution (short of a $4000 standing desk, anyway).

Behold, my standing desk!

That, my friends, is a corner TV stand from IKEA. It happened to be the precise width and depth of my existing desk and within a half inch of the height of the boxes I was using. Plus, you know, AWESOME and about $100 including shipping.

The day this arrived I was ecstatic. #1, it FIT PERFECTLY. #2, HELLO, workspace! #3, PRETTY!

I’ve even developed a system to help the aching feet! I take my shoes off to work and stand on those cushy interlocking mat tiles wrapped in a yoga mat.

Just the yoga mat pictured because a kindly professor donated the mat tile thingies after I took this photo, bless her.

Also pictured: my Vivobarefoot work shoes (because high heels are the cigarettes of the future and wearing them undoes all the benefits of the standing desk), my half-dome for calf stretches, and my yoga block for hip lists (both of which I do daily…but I’m going to tell you about that a little later on).

Stay tuned for Part 2: Don’t Just Stand There…Stretch Something!

P.S. If you want more information about the suckiness of positive-heeled shoes and simple ways to eliminate foot and back pain, I highly recommend this book right here. You’ll never look at your sneakers (or your stilettos) the same way again! (For the record, this isn’t an affiliate-thingy. It’s just a damn good book that more people should read!)

I wanted to write something for Rehtaeh Parsons, who lived and died in my city, and who was let down so tragically by the people she should have been able to turn to for help.

I wanted to write something for the people of Boston, who woke up this morning to celebrate their marathon, and who faced terror and pain before the day was through.

I wanted to write something about how important it is for us to connect with each other, help each other, love with all our hearts.

But there aren’t words for what I’m feeling right now. Not for me, anyway. There is only movement.

Dance with me?

I’ve been having trouble blogging for months. I wrote about it here, but it had already been a problem for a while. I think it was due to a combination of factors: moving into a new home, moving into a new job, being kept in limbo while they interviewed other people for my position, not really being able to make any long term plans at all, and, honestly, not feeling at home on my site anymore.

The last time I revamped my site, I tried to make it as “business-y” as possible. I was going to make a go of my “biz,” and I needed a website that looked professional(er) and expert-ish. That’s what I thought, anyway, but it backfired because I made those changes and then proceeded to feel like I had absolutely nothing to say that was relevant to my business, and like I was a failure for not moving forward.

The website and blog became this big, ugly “SHOULD” hanging over me, and even when I had a blog idea, I ended up usually not publishing it because it didn’t feel right. And in the end I realized that what I needed was a total reinvention, a blank slate, a new beginning to reflect the major changes that I’ve been experiencing in other areas of my life.

And so I’m writing here in my beautiful new white-and-black-and-rainbow space. It’s simple, clutter-free, and perfect for me to write my way home in. I don’t know what other changes this year holds, but I’m determined to write through them and to share my evolving experience with you. I’m not going to worry so much about what I “should” share, I’m not going to read about branding or marketing or “rules of blogging” (they’re the WORST!). I’m just going to write. And dance. Hopefully lots more of both. And I’ll see what happens from there.

xox

Meg

We’d hit a low point, a noisy, angry low point. And I knew something had to change. So I took a deep breath, went over to Xander, got down on his level, looked him in the eyes, and I said something like this:

“Sweetie, you know how sometimes one of us gets cranky and that makes the other one cranky and then the first one gets crankier and that makes the other one crankier and we keep going until someone yells and we feel like this?”

He nodded. I remember his arms crossed across his chest and a frown on his face.

“Well, that’s called an angry spiral. And it’s NO FUN, is it?”

He shook his head. I could feel the tension easing.

“Yeah, I don’t like how I feel either. OK. How about you and I make a deal: whenever we feel like we’re doing that, do you think we could agree to stop and say ‘angry spiral’ and then have a hug instead?”

He nodded, and we had a hug and everything was better.

Maybe a week later, we had another clash and lost our tempers. 10 seconds later he came over to me and said “Mummy, was that an angry spiral?”

Me: *blink…blink* Mind….BLOWN.

“You know what? It totally was. Can I have a hug?”

Instant reconnection. Heart-expanding, soul-healing, make-everything-better reconnection. And after the reconnection, we were able to talk about what was bothering us and what we needed in order to feel better. WIN.

Ever since then, it’s been our pattern. We many not identify what’s happening until afterward, but we always say the words and then reconnect. And then we figure out how to resolve our differences.

Even on days when I’m sleep deprived and snappish and we have to reconnect over and over and over again (like today), the words “angry spiral” take the bad mood’s power away. They remind me what’s important: connection with the people I love. They recentre me in my relationships.

The angry spiral practice doesn’t stop us from feeling our feelings, but it reminds us that anger is just a passing emotion. When you don’t have a lot of experience with anger (and that’s me as well as Xander), it can help to name it so you don’t confuse it for hatred. Xander and I are learning together that you can be angry at someone and still love them like crazy.

Today Xander drew this picture, and I wrote down what he said about it because even though I’ve been using this language of ours 10 times longer than he has, he has a way of putting things so clearly it makes my head spin. Click the photo to see the full-sized version.

Love takes away the angry spiral

Here’s to love, to connection, to hugs and kisses, to forgiveness…and to the power of communication.

One of the poems was called “Stasis,” and it described Isadora’s desolation after the tragic drowning of her two children, Deirdre and Patrick. She was so overcome with grief that she couldn’t dance. Her one passion, her consolation, her solace–it was gone. She couldn’t move a muscle.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that poem lately. Not because I’ve experienced similar tragedy (thank goodness) or even because I’m particularly unhappy, but because I know what she’s talking about. I’ve been in stasis for a while now, and even minus the personal tragedy, it’s the opposite of fun.

I’m a dancer and a writer. I express myself through movement and through the written word. And yet for months I’ve been struggling against inertia. Resistance, perfectionism, stasis…call it whatever you want. It’s been growing and growing until I can barely remember the last time I danced–danced until my brain shut off, anyway–and until my blog no longer feels like a home, but like a giant “should” hanging over me.

I’m exaggerating…a bit. But the essence of the feeling is there: Stasis.

I’m taking steps to change it. I’ve set up a standing desk at work, made a point of stretching and moving my body regularly. I’m listening to music and swaying in place, dancing with Xander, and taking walks when it’s nice out. I’m tweaking my diet to try to find the sweet spot where my legs don’t ache. I’m playing with the look and contents of my blog to make it feel better. I’m writing this blog post after weeks of not-quite-doing-it, and realizing that, actually, I just inadvertently wrote a list of things to write about.

These baby steps are what will take me from stasis to movement again. These baby steps are all part of the journey.

I know that stasis has lessons to share if I look for them. Deep down I know that this experience is important and that I’ll be grateful for it in the future. Something about this process is shaping me, honing my focus, helping me grow. I know that the first step to breaking out of stasis and including more dancing and writing in my life is simply making space for those things.

And I know that even thought it’s simple, it won’t always be easy. Space must be opened up. Choices must be made. “Publish” buttons must be pressed.

I’m breaking out of stasis one baby step at a time.

But this time around I noticed something: as I worked on my application–and in the months before that, really–I kept seeing how my previous experience fed into this seemingly completely unrelated job. In the end, my resume became more than a job history, it became part of a story about what I’ve learned from all these different experiences. And that got me thinking.

Have you ever thought about the term “curriculum vitae”? We all know that a CV is sorta-kinda-a-resume-but-with-a bit-of-other-stuff, but if you look at the actual words, a new and fun definition emerges (yes, I know, I’m a language nerd…but bear with me).

The word curriculum is derived from a word that refers to the course of deeds and experiences by which children grow to adults–deeds in and out of school, experiences planned and unplanned. The word vitae means “of life,” so really, an alternate definition of curriculum vitae could be “the actions, decisions, and life experiences that have made you who you are today.”

And that opens up a whole new field of exploration. 

What are the experiences and choices that have made you the person you are today? What are your stories?

What is my curriculum vitae? What are the stories that shaped me?

Suddenly, in my mind’s eye, my life is transformed into a patchwork of experiences, each of which shaped me. And I shift from being a person who feels utterly ordinary to feeling like a completely unique constellation of stories.

For example:

• -I worked as a pita-roller and met 2 famous musicians (well, famous in Canada, anyway) and my first fiance.
• -I hosted a fashion show, and it was terrifying
• -I was a martyred girlfriend for one agonizing year in university
• -I hosted my own campus radio show for 4 years on 2 different campuses
• -I once participated in an amateur strip-tease. I was awesome.
• -I danced in the same performance as the legendary Evelyn Hart and Rex Harrington (and they complimented me on my choreography)
• -I taught dance to one little girl in her parents’ basement…and I’ve watched that little girl grow up. I got that job by letting loose and boogieing with said little girl at a wedding.
• -I dropped out of the first university I attended because living in New York City shrivelled my soul and nearly killed me.
• -I entered a ballroom dance competition with a team of near-beginners. My partner and I won 2nd in tango and 7th in rhumba, but I maintain that it was the participating that counts the most.
• -I travelled across Canada by myself on the train, journalling the whole way. I still treasure those journals
• -I was proposed to and was the propose-r
• -I signed up to go to France for my junior year of university…and then transferred to a university in my home city at the last minute instead of going. Now I see that it was because I was completely and utterly terrified.
• -I married my ex’s friend…who was also my friend’s ex.
• I worked as an advertising assistant and created a radio PSA that everyone HATED (it featured music by Celine Dion and it was played on a university radio station…oops)

You get the idea. And that’s just a sampling. We haven’t even mentioned that whole “parenthood” thing yet. Some of these things were amazing and some were terrible. Some of them I leaped into on purpose, and some just…happened. But they’re all part of me now.

It’s so easy to think that we’re nothing special, or to look at someone else’s collection of stories and think “Oh, sure, THEY did cool stuff, but they’re Brave and Special and Not Me. I haven’t done ANYTHING.”

And that’s crap. We all absolutely have stories–I do, and you do. I know because you’re alive, because you have been alive for years, and because people can’t live without having experiences and making decisions. We do it every day. You just have to recognize them for what they really are.

What is your curriculum vitae? What are the experiences that have made you the adult you are today?

And, a bonus question that’s shaping my thoughts these days:

In ten years time, what stories do you want to be able to tell?

I hope that 2013 brings you magic and marvels, joys great and small, love, laughter, friendship, growth, and perfectly imperfect human miracles.

I rang in the New Year with some dear friends, dancing and sipping champagne and laughing my arse off. It was perfect and brilliant and even though I’m SO TIRED today, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I’m so excited to see what 2013 will bring!

Image by Sean MacEntee on Flickr.com

I don’t make New Years resolutions. They generally make me feel like crap. But over the past few years I’ve developed the tradition of choosing a word for the year–a word to guide my intentions and help me through challenges, a word to express the essence of what I want to create in my life. In 2011 it was Home. In 2012 I had 2: Shine and Trust. This year?

This year I have nine words. One main word and 8 secondary words. Yup…nine.

I struggled so much with my word for 2013. I thought I had it for a while, but when I sat with it, it didn’t feel quite expansive enough. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, mulling over word after word and trying to find The Perfect One.

I couldn’t. And I’m convinced that that’s because I needed more than one.

I struggled and struggled and thought and struggled, choosing one word and then another, but nothing felt right. I did my tarot reading for 2013, and everything I’d been thinking about shifted…and I had to start over again. I asked my brand new (amazing) Goddess Oracle card iphone app for my word, and it gave me a beautiful card with butterflies and the word Transformation…that felt *almost* right. But yet…not quite.

And then I read Neil Gaiman’s message for 2011, which Amanda at Kind Over Matter posted in an image on her Facebook page. And everything fell into place. Here’s what he wrote:

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.

So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

It’s essentially the perfect response to the confusion, fear, and inner turmoil that my 2013 tarot reading hinted at. And suddenly all my words fell into place:

YES.

Transformation
Trust
Intention
Possibility
Grounding
Centering
Nourishment
Breath

I don’t know why this particular combination of words feels so right. I don’t know why it lights me up inside. I do notice that it’s a delicate balance of words for courage and change (yes, transformation, trust, intention, possibility) and words for self-care and sustenance in the face of fear (grounding, centering, nourishment, breath).

It’s the balance I was looking for when I was searching for a single word…it just took 9 words to capture it. And I love it.

Did you choose a word for the year? Or a colour? Did you set any resolutions? Tell me, darlings, I’d love to hear.

xoxox

Meg