Spirit of Exploration

Where do I belong, really?

2012-01-23T02:11:00.002+05:30

Am back in this space after a long time, and it is no coincidence that the reason had to be music. And that too, music at its purest, primeval, uncluttered best. I was in Shantiniketan for three days and one evening, on the outskirts of a Santal village, I met this Baul singer singing all by himself in the middle of nowhere, totally unmindful of what was happening around him. I haven't managed to follow all the lyrics but basically the poet is telling someone (presumably a girl) to go back 'to where she really belongs.' Amazingly, the Baul manages three instruments - the 'Ektara' , a drum to hold the rhythm, and ghunghroo tieid to his legs to fill up the spaces between two 'matras' in the rhythm 1

I believe the Baul is singing to all of us, not just to some girl. Often I find myself having arrived (with great effort, mind you) in a certain place and then realize suddenly that I am in the wrong place. What's the option then, but to go back to where one belongs?

Once upon a time....

2011-02-13T03:45:00.001+05:30

This is the home of my grandparents. It would be more appropriate to say that this WAS their house. Neither of them are alive today, nor does the house now belong to any of their descendants. The house was sold off almost 20 years ago. Usually old buildings in Pune (or for that matter anywhere) have a standard fate, that of being razed to the ground and a new apartment complex coming up at that place. But this one has had to face a different twist of fate. For reasons outside the purpose of this note, the house (& adjoining Bhanuvilas movie theatre) have remained in a state of limbo for nearly twenty years.

This is the home where my grandparents lived, brought up their 11 children, witnessed the ups and downs of life together, saw people come and go for over 50 years. I have spent all my summer vacations here. Every wall, corner, window, broken door-frame - everything - is a living memory for me. Countless moments of joy, growing up with cousins, being doted over by aunts and uncles, and the omnipresent feeling of 'being at home' that my grandparents exuded.

I do not intend to go on a nostalgia trip here. That would be a never-ending venture. All I want to say is - I have paid attention to living beings - people, pets, plants. I have a habit of maintaining inanimate possessions very carefully - books, old pens, old pictures, my grandfather's pocket watch, and so on. But I don't think I have paid enough attention to structures which have sheltered me from the forces of the world. I may have taken them for granted, in fact. Seeing pictures of my family home has brought about this stark realisation, do I love my home enough when I am in it?

This wada at 343, Narayan Peth, Pune and the adjoining Bhanuvilas Talkies will also become a part of history sooner or later. They can't remain like this indefinitely. But I shall forever be grateful to this place for showing me what a home is all about. Most of all, this space provides me with the answer to the existential question - where do I belong? Yes, I belong to this soil, this is where I came from, this is who I am.

My grandpa must have sat in this very place when he dreamt of the countless business ventures that he started. And then seen many of them go bust, one after the other. Through all this, my grandma would have kept the home fires burning, often by selling one by one her family heirloom jewels, must have sat here and written those letters to him. The letter would reach him when he was in jail, where he spent half his working career, just because he decided to follow a path that Gandhi showed. Yes, this is where I have come from.

Every time a space beckons to us, tugs at our heart and asks us to stay back, we resort to saying the good old इदं न मम. (This is not mine.) But a day comes when you take a pause in the race, and say to yourself, "Yes, this IS mine."

Kabir must have realized that "this is not mine" when he said उड जाएगा हंस अकेला . Yes, a day will come when I too, will fly off. Like my grandpa, my grandma, my father, and now my mother has. This bird will fly away too, not knowing where its destination is, but surely knowing where its roots lie. And therein lies a surety that we often seek.

(Note - All photographs by Aniruddha Bhate. I am sure he doesn't mind me posting them here. His roots lie here too, after all.)

Tribute to Pandit Bhimsen Joshi

2011-01-25T12:47:00.005+05:30

As a child, I still recall the first time I heard the Shuddha Kalyan by Panditji - बतिया तोरा, on a 78 RPM record. 40 years have passed but its magic has not worn off even a wee bit. Later in college days, his three evergreen compositions - सोहे लरा री in Kedar, धन धन मंगल गावो in Kalashree and तू रस का in Durga triggered off an everlasting addiction of classical music.

Then one late night on top of Fort Rajmachi, one of us was fiddling with the transistor, which caught on unknown station and started playing 'सखी मंद झाल्या तारका'. For a moment we relaxed back into our sleeping bags and then suddenly sat up dazed. The voice was Bhimsenji's, not Sudhir Phadke! We could not quite believe our ears that the same powerful voice which had sung रम्य ही स्वर्गाहुनी लंका could bring out such soulful rendering of 'ते प्रेमगाणे छेडणारा सूर तू होशील का'. (If you still haven't heard this, you can do so now on esnips).

And the several early mornings of the concluding recital in Sawai - Ramkali, Jogiya or an Ahir Bhairav, and his ending it with a Bhairavi. How can anyone ever forget his बाबुल मोरा नैहर छूटो जाय?

Then, at the end as everyone stood up to pay homage to Sawai Gandharva and his Bhairavi record was being played, one could see Panditji standing with his head bowed down, humility and respect personified.

I will forever remain indebted to him for showing this huge treasure to me. I am sure there are millions of others with whom I share these sentiments today.

What can one say about the greatness of a person who has enthralled millions of fans for over seven decades with his singing?

All I can do is post a clip from an recording, from way back in 1954. (God bless the soul who thought of recording it then.) Its an captivating rendering of Yaman lasting for nearly an hour (कैसन की - विलंबित एकताल, शाम बजाये आज मुरलिया - द्रुत तीनताल and then a तराणा in द्रुत एकताल.)

I am no expert on Pt. Bhimsen Joshi (I still cannot bring myself to writing 'Late' before his name) but I think he rarely sang a tarana. Am posting only the last bit of the recording here. The photographs are from Google, thanks to all the photographers. I think they won't mind me using these pictures here.

It is only appropriate that I should pay homage to him by posting a tarana in Yaman, a raag that is often sung in the beginning of a concert. Kumarji once said that when words fall short of expressing emotions, a Tarana takes over.

With this, I can start a new phase of devoted listening to his voice.

Whither non-violence? Or Wither non-violence?

2010-12-24T15:30:00.001+05:30

While in Bhubaneshwar, I was curious to go and see the 'Shanti Stupa', a memorial to commemorate Emperor Ashok's 'change of heart' after witnessing the carnage of the Kalinga Battle. The visit was eminently disappointing, to say the least.
The Kalinga battle has been taught to every Indian child in history classes and portrayed as an event that shaped Indian culture and its ethos of non-violence. Ashok himself has been immortalized by his 'Chakra' on our flag and his Lion capital being our national emblem. Given the importance of this event and Ashok's contribution to India, I expected a lot from this monument. The reality turned out to be quite different.
A stark white stupa stands atop a small hillock at Dhauli, about 20 km. from Bhubaneshwar. It has four statues of Buddha, each in a different pose on the sides. Eight lions stand watching outward, towards the vast plains that witnessed the grim battle of Kalinga.

That's it. There is not a single plaque, not a word written anywhere in the premises stating the importance of this place. I later found out that the stupa was actually built by the Japanese Kalinga Nipppon Buddha Sangh as recently as 1971.
Steps leading up to the stupa are flanked by the usual shops selling odd assortment of objects, the kind of shops that one sees outside any Indian temple. The place appears to be a popular picnic spot for people. While returning I couldn't hold on to my disappointment and feigning enough ignorance, I asked the taxi driver whether this place had any significance or whether the stupa was built here 'just like that'. He said he didn't know. Then as an afterthought, he said "you know Ashok, the King? It has some connection with him". Some saving grace, at least.

I would like to find out at what stage did Kalinga war gain importance in our history books. Were our grandfathers told about it? I recall what Pavan Verma says about this in 'The Great Indian Middle class'.

Quote -
....contributing to the weave of the middle-class Indian's thinking was a romaticization of India's past. The basis for this was not any serious study or analysis but an emotional pride in a mythical past where India, prior to her humiliating subjugations, was a land of prosperity and plenty, culturally efflorescent, morally awakened, and politically powerful.... Gandhi's invocation of the Ram Rajya undoubtedly contributed to the conjuring up of such a historical vision. But the consciously intellectual Nehru was also not immune to such sentimentalizations.....
The attempt to make ahimsa or non-violence a bequeath of the past was particularly laboured. In the case of Gandhi, faith easily triumphed over historical accuracy. Certain leaders, like Ashoka, were selectively highlighted for his principled pacifism, and others forgotten. The amazing thing is that even Nehru, for all his emphasis on dispassionate analysis of historical forces, concluded: 'Right through history the old Indian ideal did not glorify political and military triumph, and looked down upon money and the professional money-making class'.
Unquote -

If all this was not enough, what followed that evening gave me another insight into how the definition of non-violence is used with convenience by Indians. I also decided to visit Lingaraj temple, and as soon as I stepped out of the taxi, the pandas mobbed me, one and all. "100 rupees, will take you around the whole temple. Darshan also." As I doggedly ignored them and walked towards the temple, some pandas fell away to chase someone more gullible than me while others kept following. By the time I was the temple entrance, the rate was down to 20 rupees, with a promise of telling me all the stories about the temple. I kept looking straight ahead and as soon as I entered, only one resolute panda remained, with the rate down to 5 rupees. Eventually I told him that I would manage on my own and was quite OK without the stories. Surprisingly, he became rather violent and started shouting at me. "What do you mean you have only come to see? This is a temple, this is not a zoo. If you want to just see, go to the zoo."

I had half a mind of giving him one tight slap but there were too many of his kind around. Non-violence is the better part of valour, I thought. And the next morning, I realized that I may have made a rather wise choice. The newspaper told a story of two priests in Jagannath temple attacking another one with an iron rod (over 'territorial' rights of the temple) and causing him grievous head injury. The news item reminded the readers of a bizarre incident six months ago when three priests actually murdered another one very close to the Lingaraj temple premises. The murdered priest's brother had to be temporarily released from jail to perform the last rites. He was in jail for a brawl that had broken out between priests just two days ago...
Ashok may have been right, after all. But the priests don't know about it yet.

Be a sport....

2010-10-15T02:33:00.001+05:30

The curtain has just come down on CWG 2010 and the media has been overflowing with medal-news, and for very good reason. India has put up a great performance, and the efforts of all athletes, who have or not have won a medal, must be applauded. It was a great show. The grit of Saina, the tenacity of Jwala and Ashwini, or the sheer dogged persistence of Harminder (bronze medal in 20 km walk, in case you missed him.) The medal sweep in women's discus, or the gold in women's 4x400 relay. Many more. Not to forget the unheralded heroes of swimming and gymnastics.

Picture Courtesy - Google

I was watching an NDTV debate focusing on the future of Indian sports, and whether the medal bonanza will give a much-needed boost to Indian sports. While watching the debate, this question popped in my head.
What place does spectator involvement hold in a sport getting promoted?

Look at how the sports rules have changed in past years to make them more spectator-friendly. Table-tennis changed, badminton changed, hockey changed. Come on, even CRICKET's changed. Let's not forget the fact that the most popular sport in the world is football. The stadium can hold thousands of people, fast game, has only one break (usually) and the result is out in less than two hours. A far cry from Test Cricket that runs for five days. (Its another matter that I am a great cricket fan.)
In the face of all these changes, what is the future of sports like shooting and archery?
Whenver I was watching the CWG telecast, I admit that I switched channels if they were showing shooting, archery or lawn balls. As for shooting, at least skeet or clay pigeon is a bit exciting to watch. But all the other variants (10 mt, 25 mt, rifle, pistol, standing, prone, single, pair, whatever) have little to offer to the viewer.

Picture Courtesy - Google

I also don't believe that spectator involvement is the only thing that makes the sport popular. If that were the case,then wrestling and gymnastics should have been hugely popular in India by now. Nor is the presence of world champions (or equivalent, whatever that is) enough to guarantee popularity. Once again, if that were true, billiards and snooker should have become hot pursuits by now. (I recently spent weeks looking for a snooker table in Pune - finally found one) But they have not.

I would hasten to repeat what I have said in the beginning - that I do not wish to take away the credit of any athlete who strived hard to be in the CWG. But as for the future of some sports in our country, I wonder if.....

Ayodhya - the one without war...

2010-10-01T03:14:00.001+05:30

Long long ago, when I was a little boy, I asked my Dad,
What exactly was this thing called partition, was it really bad?
He answered with a heavy voice, just imagine son
If the line was between Pune and Mumbai, wouldn't that be sad?
I was horrified. Coz Pune was where my grandma stayed
and Mumbai was where we changed trains every summer
I had wondered, could someone be so stupid?
To draw a line between two cities? So bad?
But then.... somebody had.

Many years later, when I still believed, naively,
that famous people just kind of passed away
I mean, just peacefully, you know, just like that

Till that one day when I saw
a Prime Minister become a crumpled heap of blood and guts
I couldn't believe that someone could be so mad
But then..... somebody had.

More years passed, and I thought
I was grown up to understand it enough
I believed that only capability mattered, not caste
And that stupid rules were a thing of the past
But then, I saw a student
must have been just about my age then
Who set himself ablaze, and
the frenzied mob did little to save him
I still thought, how could others be so bad?
But then... sombody had.

Some more years passed, and I thought all was OK.
For there was this young man who said to the world
"India is an old country and a young nation
and I am young, and I have a dream."
He seemed to set all things right,
when one day,
I saw him too being blown to small bits
So much that all they could find of him were his shoes
I had ALWAYS wondered, could anyone be so mad?
But then.... somebody had.

Even more years passed, at least by now I should have learnt
For my entire childhood was spent quite close to a mosque
That it didn't matter which God you bowed to
As long as you were humane to one and all
But I then saw a mindless mob tear down a mosque
Did they gain anything from it at all?
I wished nobody had
But then.... somebody had.

By then, i was sure I was old enough to understand
That night in a chowk in Pune
I was in that frenzied mob, all wide-eyed
Watching on a screen a horde climb those domes
Armed with crude weapons, deadly nevertheless
Shouting hoarse a name which I thought stood for integrity
But they showed none, were just proud to exhibit brutality
I still looked askance, how could anyone be so mad?
But then.... someone had.

Not too far back, some men simply sailed across the sea
And happily went around shooting anyone they could see
They went to those very places, where I had made friends
Some of my friends lay dead as I watched horrified
All I did was howled and cried
Yes, I too lit a candle, but
That wouldn't have brought my friends back
Really, how could someone be so mad?
But then ... someone had.

Many years have passed, and I have greyed now
Have long since stopped asking the question
How can anybody be so mad?
I was afraid I would have to ask it again today.
But then.....

Mockery of justice once again.

2010-09-24T00:30:00.000+05:30

A public interest litigation filed by one Mr. Ramesh Chand Tripathi in the Supreme Court has been decided in his favour. Apparently, Mr. Tripathi wants the Lucknow court to defer its verdict on Ayodhya because he feels that this might lead to communal riots. Where's the logic in this, Mr. Tripathi? All you have achieved is a delay in the final verdict on this festering matter.
It is a contempt of court according to me. I am no legal expert, even by the remotest stretch of imagination. But I still feel this way. Appealing to one court to stall another court is just a cheap trick, I am afraid to say. Why do I say it is contempt of court? Because stalling one judgement out of the fear of communal riots means not believing in the fact that law and justice are above everything else. EVERYTHING ELSE, mind you. I wish the Supreme Court had asked Tripathi to mind his own business than give him a patient hearing.
This has all gone into another endless loop, I am afraid. A loop that has extended over five decades already. Why can't we end this meaningless loop and get on with more important issues that face the country?

Just yesterday lakhs of Ganesh idols were immersed into rivers all across the country. As I understand, this is done to signal to the devotee that s/he should not get irrevocably attached to God in the form of an idol and rather look inwards for the existence of God. Exactly for this purpose, the idols are supposed to be made of clay. Earth, that is. That which is indestructible. And then we allow the whole country of over a billion people to be held ransom over one STRUCTURE?

Too much information - is it dangerous?

2010-09-04T02:32:00.002+05:30

There is so much information on the net. Too much, I sometimes feel.
Its not just the sheer amount of information that bothers me. Its the accessibility and more, its usability that is causing me stress.
We have heard this before now - children can complete their school projects by clicking a few sites here and there and downloading the information that they want. Its a different matter that all projects from a class must be looking alike.
What you want to know? Whatever it is - just Google it. That's the way to go about gathering information now.
My stress has gone up a few notches since I came back from Shivpuri (near Rishikesh) having conducted a staff training program for the outdoor safety instructors from Snow Leopard Adventures, Delhi. Two instances stand out in my mind.
We were talking about safety aspects when dealing with adventure activities that involve ropes and mainly- HEIGHT. The topic veered around to the use of ascenders (commonly called Jumar) and then went on to using a prusik knot. I spent better part of one full day explaining the intricacies of a prusik knot and its do's and dont's to the group.
On another day, we had a session about snakes. I mean - safety aspects regarding snakes and snakebite on an outdoor site. I wished I could have shown them live examples and given them an opportunity to actually handle a snake but that was not possible. So I had to make do with a whiteboard (and the participants had to make do with my horrendous sketching skills!) Obviously, the key topic was identifying whether a snake is poisonous or not.
After I was back in Pune, I did some searching around on the net on these two topics and was swamped by some thousands of websites, blogs, e-forums etc. that provided every bit of useful and useless information on these critical topics.
What would happen if someone who has half-cooked knowledge reads all the information and makes a decision whether a snake is poisonous or not? I shudder to imagine the consequences. for example - here is the description of a Russel's Viper from the internet - (sourced from Wikipedia)

Quote -

The nostrils are large, in the middle of a large, single nasal scale. The lower edge of the nasal touches the nasorostral. The supranasal has a strong crescent shape and separates the nasal from the nasorostral anteriorly. The rostral is as broad as it is high. The crown of the head is covered with irregular, strongly fragmented scales. The supraocular scales are narrow, single, and separated by 6–9 scales across the head. The eyes are large, flecked with yellow or gold, and each is surrounded by 10–15 circumorbital scales. There are 10–12 supralabials, the 4th and 5th of which are significantly larger. The eye is separated from the supralabials by 3–4 rows of suboculars. There are two pairs of chin shields, the front pair of which are notably enlarged. The two maxillary bones support at least two and at the most five or six pairs of fangs at a time: the first are active and the rest replacements.

Unquote -

Of course, all the information is accurate. (Sometimes it is not accurate either, but that's a different matter altogether.) But does it make sense to someone who has partial knowledge about vipers? One may argue that this information is meant for those who already know the subject well and are looking for reference material. My argument is - if someone knows the subject well then s/he might not bother to look up Wikipedia anyway. My worry is about those who don't know enough and are looking for information.

Many people regard fire and wheel as the greatest life-changing inventions/discoveries for mankind. Sure, they are important. But I consider two other inventions that have markedly shaped the lives of human beings.

1. The printing press

2. Internet

Both served the same purpose in a way. The democratization of knowledge. What was once known to a handful of people could be now disseminated to a large polulation. The printing press achieved this with some thousand individuals, the internet exploded this to several billion.

Don't get me wrong. I am NOT against making information accessible. I am only worried about people who read and conclude that now know it all. Let me use another example from the same case to illustrate this -
Quote -
When threatened they form a series of S-loops, raise the first third of the body and produce a hiss that is supposedly louder than that of any other snake.
Unquote -
No matter how many times one reads this and claims to have 'understood', it is impossible to compare it with the hiss of a LIVE Russell's Viper. Once you have actually heard it, you will never forget it. Now some techie can put forth the argument that the hiss can also be heard online. But I disagree. Hearing a viper hissing when you are sitting comfortably in your home tapping away at the keyboard cannot be compared to hearing it live.
There is too much information already. A lot of it is useless (few zillion pictures of Bikini Babes and Celebrity Chicks, just to quote a few examples). An equally large lot of it is dangerous, according to me. And I am not even talking about information on how to make bombs and such other stuff. I am talking about information about many risky situations that is easily accessible to anyone who knows where to look for it.
Do I have a solution to this? I admit that I don't.

Corruption-wealth Games

2010-08-06T01:14:00.000+05:30

Once again, the powers-that-be of my beloved country leave me surprised. The good part is, I am left pleasantly surprised.
Two top aides of the Corruption-in-Chief, Suresh Kalmadi, were sacked today post the findings of an investigation committee. This leads the already much-beleaguered Commonwealth Games further into a morass. Maybe not. After all the mess that these fellows have created, what worse could they have done? But no, thanks. They have been sacked.
Firstly, why am I surprised? Simply because while I have followed the media hollering about the malpractices going on in the preparations leading upto the CWG, I had always feared that all this will be pushed under the carpet. It is easy to play emotional blackmail with us Indians. All that one has to say is - "You see, the Games are just two months away. Why don't we all join hands (Ahem!) and make the Games successful. Our country's prestige and image depends on that. Once the Games are over, we will surely investigate all matters and all those guilty will be punished." In fact, they already had said something to the similar effect. It is another matter that some cynical Indians (me included, of course) never believe such lip service.
After all, the Commonwealth Youth Games held in Pune last year were a disaster. Did anyone get punished? No. The main road that is close to where I stay is STILL BEING BUILT AFTER THREE YEARS!!!!!!! The stadiums are still in a pathetic conditions. They WERE pathetic even when the Youth Games were on. So how do you expect anything different to happen in the BIG Commonwealth Games? All the more, when the man behind these two events is the same? Kalmadi, of course.
Now now now. There are some little glitches in the whole thing, isn't it? The so-called "investigation committee" was ordered by none other than Suresh Kalmadi himself. Which is like the robber cleaning up the safe, then borrowing the whistle from a cop and blowing it hard, yelling, "THIEVES, THIEVES, THIEVES. Help, Help, HEEEEEEELLLPPP!"
Anyways, now that someone has been sacked, what are the possible scenarios?

1. Someone who can crack the whip will be in command. He/She will confess to all the participating countries by saying, "OK, we admit we goofed up. But we will try our level best to make the Games a success. I hope you will all cooperate." The Games will have glitches, but will certainly happen.
2. The Games will actually end up being a fiasco and Indian inefficiency will be out in the open for everyone to see.
3. The Games will happen with much fanfare. The glitches will be effectively covered up. Kalmadi will smile on the front pages of all the newspapers and give brave interviews to all channels. And then all will be forgotten.
In all likelihood, I fear that scenario no. 3 will happen. Still, I just wish that my country surprises me again.
In all this mayhem, I heard the news that Kalmadi actually asked the Cabinet to sanction 55 crores (or some such equally preposterous sum of money) to kick-start the country's bid to host the 2019 Asian Games! That, according to me, is a new definition of brazen-ness and sheer shameless
audacity. Thankfully, the Cabinet had the sense to say "first manage the mess of CWG that you have already created, then we can think of other things".
It seems to be a season of surprises.

Octopus Paul becomes TV host

2010-07-10T21:59:00.004+05:30

The mass hysteria that Octopus Paul has created amongst football fans worldwide has to be given due consideration. (Not to speak of the jealousy caused to millions of octopuses in the ocean). Keeping this, and viewers' interests in mind, it would be only appropriate if Paul also hosts the pre-match show tomorrow. Mayanti Langer can have a day off. Here's a sneak preview...

Bad TV commercial

2010-06-30T00:56:00.003+05:30

Some TV commercials bring a smile to your face. Others bring a question mark. Then there are yet others that bring a frown.
This one of a UPS is currently running on national channels. Anyone who knows what a UPS is already understands what it is supposed to deliver. It is not some big secret feature. Now there could have been a thousand ideas to show something that charges fast and provides non-stop power. Of all these possible ideas, these fellows could only think of - THIS ? Watch it for yourself.

I think it is crude and in rank bad taste. Awful. I am not even getting into the area of PG-rated stuff and all that. In any case, I am glad that I don't have little children who might ask me, "Dad, what did that advertisement mean?" (My friend's daughter once told her to buy 'that nice kind of blotting paper which they show on TV')
PG issues apart, I am quite aghast that this stupid advt could get clearance for screening. Do tell me if you agree with my views. Is there some way that such stuff can be forced to be taken off air?
It is also possible that I might just be getting too old for the current times and you are free to tell me that too.
I have distorted parts of the advt on purpose. Why should this brand get further mileage? If I post it as it is, I will simply be giving more publicity to what I find objectionable.

FIFA 2010 - a tournament of Humpty-Dumptys?

2010-06-26T03:17:00.010+05:30

Football statisticians have a far easier job than their colleagues who keep track of cricket statistics. There is no end to cricket statistics. There are so many variable that you can just go on and on. In football matches, there are fewer variables - just the percentage possession, shots on target, corner kicks, fouls, and just about a few more. Hmmmm... is that all? No, there's more interesting stuff! Falling!!!

Source - Google/www.fifa.com

So I thought I must invent some new statistical variables for football. The inspiration for this brainless activity came from the just-concluded Spain-Chile match. The first half left an impression that players spent more time in falling down and getting up than trying to score goals. So during the second half, this is what I did.
I kept a count of how many times a player in possession of the ball had physical contact with another who was attempting to tackle. I decided to ignore the jostling that goes on in the 6-yard area during a corner kick or free kick. That is impossible to count. So out of the ones that I kept track of, I kept a count of how many times one or both players fell to the ground. And here are the astounding results.

Source - Google/www.zimbio.com

In 45 minutes, I counted 44 tackles, and as many as 21 of these results in 'ouch'. Roughly one out of every two times that a tackle happens, one or both players can be seen writhing on the pitch, clutching their knees (43%), ankles (29%) or just their foreheads (28%). OK, am kidding about the anatomy break-up. I didn't track that. But 21 out of 44 is real. No faking there!
So is football increasingly becoming a game of theatrical dives and play-acting than playing? There is much talk during FIFA 2010 of inconsistent refereeing. But what about inconsistencies in the game arising out of these fake dives? It is not surprising that www.despair.com even thought of making a poster on this theme. See this....

Source - www.despair.com

The often quoted inspirational bit about "its not important how many times you fall, but how quickly you get up" is proving to be rather irrelevant for football. Here, it does count how you fall!
A little search showed up these hilarious videos. Have fun!

Source: Youtube

If you thought that was funny, wait till you see this one...

Source: Youtube

Simplify life - watch TV after midnight

2010-06-18T02:09:00.001+05:30

If you happen to have the genes of a bat or an owl (like me) and tend to watch TV in the wee hours of the night, then don't read this. Because you would already know what I am going to say. For others, read on and get enlightened.
Post midnight, there are the following categories of programs available for you.
1. Channels from a certain part of Indian geography (OK OK, I am just being politically correct. Like the news reporters who think they get away by saying "people of a certain community...") that show songs of only one type. And that type is called 'conjug... sorry, communal gymnastics in the rain'.
2. Then there are the omnipresent news channels who show nothing new. What's new in that, you may ask. DON'T ask!

That's all? Is that ALLLL ?? No my dear early-to-bed-early-to-rise friends, that's not all. Don't be disheartened. The third category is actually a VAST category. A category that cynics might write off in one phrase as 'online TV shopping'. But actually it is a mind-boggling cornucopia of products that promise to make your life simple. Here's a sample of what you can get. JUST a sample. This is by no means the complete list.

i. Magical gadgets to do all your kitchen work in a jiffy. No more chopping away at onions while wiping tears, use THIS instead!

ii. Amazing gadgets to repair dents on your car in matter of seconds.
iii. A.G.T.R. scratches on your car I.M.O.S.
iv. Sofa-cum-bed-cum-God knows what else. And guess what, you can also drag this contraption behind your SUV. Just for fun!
v. Lockets, bracelets, gems and their cousins to ward off evil spirits, ghosts, not to mention बुरी नज़र...
vi. Handycams. Yes.
vii. Spycams. Yessssssss.....
viii. Fitness gizmos. You will never see any of these in your gym. Why? Of course! Your gym owner doesn't watch TV! He doesn't know the magical qualities of these gadgets, you see? Available in all possible shapes and sizes . I am NOT referring to the models that sell these, I am talking about the products, you dirty minds...!
ix. Pheromones. I am NOT joking, serious!

So all you there who go to sleep at 10, you are missing this life-simplifying phenomenon.
OK, jokes apart. I may be naive here, but please tell me, have ANY of you EVER bought ANYTHING that is shown on these shows? I am yet to come across even one person. I can't boast of being highly gregarious, but yes, I do have a large circle of friends and it can't be written off as an insignificant sample size.
I know how TV channels get their money. From ad spots, of course. In that case, I am completely at a loss to understand the business model of these online shopping shows. Or is there actually some serious demographic behavioral survey behind this, that tells channels about the kind of people that watch TV after midnight?

Please tell me. WHO buys these things....?????

Vuvuzela - an overdose of culture

2010-06-13T21:22:00.003+05:30

Life was simple during school days. There was only Olympics that happened once in four years. For all the hype around Indian medals in Asian Games, these games hardly attracted much attention till Delhi hosted them in 1982. As for Winter Olympics, I didn't even know that such a thing existed when I was in school. Commonwealth Games too passed without making much of a dent on my childhood memory.
Now there's Summer Olympics, Winter Olympics, Commonwealth, Asian, and as if these are not enough, there is Cricket World Cup, T20 World Cup, IPL, Champions League, Formula 1, Hockey World Cup and yes, FIFA world cup. So much to remember.... :-(
Each game promises to be bigger and better than the previous one. And the organizers pull out all stops in the opening and closing ceremony. Either they are getting repetitive and/or monotonous, or I am losing memory, but after all these years and all the ceremonies that have come and gone, only TWO instances remain etched on my memory.

The lighting of torch in Barcelona 1992 and closing ceremony of Moscow Olympics 1980. In Barcelona, the simplicity of that unforgettable act just took one's breath away. No gizmos, nobody ostensibly flying across the stadium, no laser beams. Just a bow and a flaming arrow and a hush of tense anticipation in the stadium. Take a look, in case you have forgotten (or if you were not born then!)

Source - Youtube

As for Moscow, the mosaic showing tears flowing down Misha said it all. The mosaic trick has been tried so often later on, but none have had the effect that Misha had. Again, take a peep into history.

Source - Youtube

Cut to South Africa 2010. The only thing that is staying in my head after two days is the incessant drone of these blasted (pun intended) Vuvuzelas. I think it is an overdose of this 'cultural' thing. Unnecessary hype around a piece of plastic.
1. They sound monotonous after about 45 seconds. Tolerating them for 90 minutes is a torture. And they are also a weapon of mass distraction.
2. I read that they are also a health hazard, given the decibel levels that they can belt out.
3. Most of all, I think there is hardly anything 'South African' about them. Plastic trumpets producing the most hideous bleating sounds have been produced in every small town in India and sold in fairs for less than 5 rupees. Not just in India, but I am sure every country has its own version of Vuvuzela. In Marathi they have an onomatopoeic name - Pipaani. My daughter, nephews and nieces would easily account for about 50 of them so far.
I hope that by the end of FIFA 2010, I will remember the tournament for something better than Vuvuzelas. Something that is really South African.

About 'Anonymous' comments

2010-06-09T01:50:00.002+05:30

Thanks to Pune rains and the ensuing power failure and resultant net failure, I was away from blogging for some time.
OK, that's an excuse that is valid only for the last nine days. Before that, I had stopped writing just because I couldn't think of what to write. The usual rampant infection - writers' block.
After returning to the internet, one of the first things that I did was look at comments 'pending approval' on my blog. Not surprisingly, there were only useless Anonymous comments just waiting for me to press 'delete'.
But that very thing has prompted this post.
I admit that I am a little naive in this area and am asking you all for some enlightenment. WHO writes all these anon comments? Who has so much time, I mean?
Earlier I had kept the setting for comments as unmoderated, so had to constantly watch and delete all the nonsensical stuff. (It has a collateral benefit. If, say, you have 10 comments, and 5 of them are fraud anon ones. You delete those five. Blogger still shows the footer as '10 comments' ! Haha!
Coming back to the point. Some months ago, I decided to change the setting to 'moderated' and set upon the noble task of preventing the senseless stuff appearing on my blog.

Be that as it may, one anon comment did catch my attention. Now you have to see this in perspective. Most of my blogging hours are post-midnight. Which means that my retina and its connected grey cells have a fair bit of coating of whisky when I write. Even in that state, it was never difficult to see the utter trash status of these Anon comments.

1. NONE them have anything to do with the post's topic.
2. They usually start and end abruptly.
3. They often have a link to some obscure web page. Which I have never dared to visit?
4. VERY often, they have a porn angle in the text.

Now now now. What am I saying. I am sure all you readers already know this and must be facing this all the time.
But some days back, I read one Anon post before deleting it from the system, and it was a very learned treatise on the art of gambling. It was not just about stakes and the different systems governing the same, but it also had some sideways remarks about today's governance! In fact, it was rather philosophical in parts. With or without whisky, there were parts of it that were quite interesting!!
So in case you have some idea about this - please provide some answers to the following -

A. WHO are the kind of people who write all these Anon comments?
B. How does it all this junk find its way to my blog? (Or any blog, for that matter.)
C. WHAT do these mystery writers stand to gain?
D. If some of them can write good stuff like what I saw, why cant they write it in a proper forum?
E. Finally, is there some foolproof way (maybe not immediately, but at least in the foreseeable future) that these people can be thrown out of the web?

Dirty politics in India - is their a bottom to the pit?

2010-05-31T01:45:00.000+05:30

This must be one of the most reluctant posts that I have written. It is almost a compulsive one.
Nearly 150 lives were lost in the train accident in Bengal. On one hand, I was glad that there actually were helicopters carrying the injured to hospitals. Otherwise, one always wonders how in USA helicopters are always present to rescue people. So it can happen in India too, I said to myself.
Barely 48 hours later, I see the ministers divided in their opinion about how the accident happened. I am OK with people having different opinions, but can they hold their tongues for some time?
Mamta Banerjee has hit her all-time low by claiming that this was a result of 'political conspiracy'. How insensitive can one get? It is no surprise that this statement comes with WB civic body elections around the corner. The last time she did this was when she raked up the Singur controversy. Clearly, she was keeping the oncoming general elections in mind at that time. Now it is the civic body elections.
Mamta seems to have got her act together in terms of her moves in the arena of electoral politics. I just hope that the voters get their act right some day and hand out to her what she deserves. A resounding defeat.

When will the British learn ?

2010-05-08T17:06:00.000+05:30

The British parliament election results are out and everybody there appears to be perplexed. A hung parliament has emerged from the ballot boxes, and the last time something like this happened there was 36 years ago.

So what? All they need to do is look at how Indian politicians have tackled this with consummate ease. A hung parliament has never been a deterrent for our leaders. They have been able to change their colours of loyalty faster than a chameleon. All that it takes is to follow the rule of four Ds. Here's a simple guide.

1. Defect - The simplest of all techniques.

2. Defy (the voters, that is) - What we said before the polls is a matter of history. We can always change to some other agenda. Even give it a politically correct name of 'Common minimum program'.

3. Deny - That you said something before the polls. Statements like 'there is no question for forming an alliance with XYZ' have to be forgotten and any alliance can then be defended by saying 'politics has strange bedfellows'.

4. Dogged pursuit - of power, what else.

The British could have learned something from a country that they ruled for so long. Maybe we can send a delegation of our politicians there , headed by people like Mayawati, Laloo, Ramadoss, Mamta and of course, Amar Singh. They can solve the problem of 10, Downing Street in a matter of minutes.

Another chance to show that Indians are going to rule the world!

The day after...

2010-05-07T04:09:00.001+05:30

The crystal ball didn't lie, after all. With some variations here and there, many of the predictions in my earlier post turned out to be true. Unfortunately, I don't know whether to feel happy or sad about this. When one's prediction of a ridiculous and totally avoidable event turns out true, what does one do?
In all the mayhem on TV channels following Kasab's verdict, I would like to focus on that part which came as a surprise to me.
The big moment, as touted by all channels, the announcement of the verdict, was anchored on NDTV by Nidhi Razdan. Whether this was by design or some divine intervention, I was glad that the most sensible anchor on NDTV handled this part. All other channels without exception went berserk.
NDTV's late night show on 'Your verdict' anchored by Sonia Singh featured interviews of Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan's father, Shantanu Saikia (husband of Sabina Saikia, who was one of the victims of attack on Taj) amongst others. I was left dumbstruck to hear Shantanu's views. I am still to get over it completely. After the day-long tamasha on all channels, his fortitude and grace were touching and inspiring. I can only quote him ad verbatim.
Quote
"This is really a personal matter. Me and my sons have forgiven Kasab long back. That was the only way we could survive. I do not wish that my sons grow up to think like terrorists do. An eye for an eye will not bring Sabina back. Our country is in the throes of social and economic upheaval, and this is the time for us to sit back and think in quiet dignity. I am neither happy nor sad at the death sentence."
Unquote
No words can encompass the gravity, the enormity of this sentiment. I can only bow to Shantanu and his family for the stance that they have taken.

Compare this interview with that which Rajdeep Sardesai took (of Hemant Karkare's brother). Two channels, two differnt anchors, same topic being discussed. See the difference for yourself.

On NDTV -

Sonia Singh had asked - Shantanu, your feelings about this matter? (His answer is given above.)

On CNN-IBN

Rajdeep - So is this the closure or that will only happen after the main perpetrators of this terrorist attack are punished?

Ans - Yes. Only then it will be closure.

Rajdeep - So you have not forgiven Kasab?

Ans - No, we have not.

Will someone please tell Rajdeep how to avoid leading questions in interviews? There is a difference between asking a genuine question and in making the person say what YOU want to hear.

As for me, I have decided to lock away the crystal ball where Indian News channels are concerned.

Gazing into the crystal ball...

2010-05-06T00:43:00.001+05:30

I don't claim to be a fortune teller, but this time around, I have decided to look into the crystal ball.

Picture courtesy - Google

So, what will happen to news channels in India tomorrow.....? Here's my prediction.
By 10 am, all channels would have aired (32 times, at least) a shot of the army of cops outside Arthur Road jail.
By 11 am, the channels would work up a frenzy asking the same question again and again. Hindi channels - 'क्या कसाब को मिलेगा फांसी का फन्दा? English - 'Death penalty for Kasab?' CNN-IBN will try to be stylish by saying "eyes of the entire country are now centered on one man. Judge Tahiliyani." Gargi Rawat on NDTV will try (unsuccesfully) very hard to make a serious face, because she can't stop smiling at everything. (Barkha Dutt would be sleeping at this time. She would be preparing for a long night later.)

By this time, India TV and News 24 hours (both entertainment channels actually, but masquerading as news channels) would have whipped up some crazy Hindi catchline. I can't quite clearly see in the crystal ball. Even the ball has difficulty predicting these two channels.....
By 11.30, the news will erupt. Judge Tahiliyani will pronounce death sentence to Kasab for 3 out of 86 charges, life imprisonment for 36 out of the remaining 83, and rigorous imprisonment of 10 years for the remaining 47. And all hell will break loose. कसाब को फांसी . Kasab gets death sentence. News for Kasab. Sorry, noose for Kasab. छब्बीस ग्यारह के आतंकी को मौत का फरमान. Etc. etc. etc.
By 4 pm, all channels would have sent their junior reporters to go and interview every person that they can find on the face of earth. India TV will show Judge Tahiliyani's dog frantically wagging his tail. 'टौमी ने भी अपनी ख़ुशी जाहिर की'.
By 6 pm, the channels will have caught hold of most politicians. They will be able to do this only now, since most of the politicians will be busy shouting in the parliament till then.
By 9 pm, Arnab Goswami will be foaming at his mouth, Barkha Dutt will be in fits, and Rajdeep Sardesai will be speechless. Because he would have shouted so much since evening. I hope he keeps a lot of cough lozenges with him. After all, we are all entitled to some entertainment, aren't we?
By 11 pm, all channels will be asking - what next? Will Kasab become another Afzal Guru?
And how can I forget. On IBN-Lokmat, Nikhil Wagle will have dislocated his elbow and shoulder joints by now due to his incessant and frantic gesturing.
And thus will end another day in the history of Indian news channels.
Note - As I type this, I completely feel the pain of each person who has lost a dear one in the carnage of 26/11. Kasab must be punished, no two ways about that. My intention is not to ridicule the Kasab trial. I am only commenting on how the news channels will respond.

Watch out...

2010-05-04T17:57:00.000+05:30

Funny notices and road signs have made frequent appearances on my blog. I was amazed to notice a spelling error that I had missed for several months, in spite of being right in front of my eyes all along.
This is a bottle of Teeth Cleaning Oil (yes, I know I run the risk of being disowned by my dentist friends) which makes several claims. The first one is 'Relieves tooth ache'. At least, that's what its supposed to say. Remarkably, it actually says 'Relives Tooth Ache'. Should I be relieved?

It also goes on to say in a reassuring manner that it (relives) 'Bad Odur', 'Removes stins from teeth' and also 'Arrest bad blood form gums.

Ouch...

IPL and World T20 telecast. Jeno kaam teno thaay...

2010-05-04T02:14:00.000+05:30

There is a Gujarati proverb that says 'Jeno kaam teno thaay'. Simply put, it says one should do take up only those tasks that one can. This might sound like rather pessimistic and is likely to be looked down upon by motivational speakers. After all - they always tell people that human potential is unlimited and if you plan right, then anything is possible.
I am sorry to inform them - anything is NOT possible.
OK, I am referring to the program that is aired on ESPN/Star as part of their telecast of World T20. It is anchored by Cyrus Broacha and Shonali Nagrani. (Shonali who? Never mind.... read on if you wish.) After the recently concluded IPL T20 tamasha, this show is a let-down. It comes nowhere close.

To be fair to them, one expects the telecast to be at least as good as the recent IPL telecast, if not better. And that is a big expectation. IPL and Set Max together pulled out all stops to make sure that the telecast of T20 matches was what it should be. Entertainment for three hours. Even the cricket purists and pundits all agree that T20 is more about viewer entertainment and less about cricket. No opportunity for branding was lost. Sixes became DLF maximum, catches became Karbonn Kamaal, wickets became Citi moment of success. I think that by the time we see IPL4, the outswinger, inswinger, doosra and the googly will also get branded separately.
Samir Kocchar, Gaurav Kapur, Ayushman Khurana and Angad Bedi may not be highly knowledgeable about cricket. They may not be classy TV hosts too. But they carried it off surely. Maybe they were also aided by the glitz and glamour of IPL. So what if Preity Zinta often looked like a jack-in-the-box in the dug-out. So what if Shilpa Shetty often shrieked like a banshee. It all added up to be good entertainment.
The World T20 may be a bigger tournament in terms of prestige of representing one's country. But the telecast is a damp squib, to say the least. To start with, Cyrus doesn't let anyone else talk. Someone needs to remind him that this is not CNN-IBN's satirical news show that he hosts. As a result, I don't yet know how good Shonali is at talking!

Needless to say, Shonali is left with hardly anything to do. As for the experts (Wasim Akram, Jason Gillespie and others) they can do little else than look on bemusedly as Cyrus goes on and on.
Maybe its a good thing that the matches are at 6 and 11 pm. So people are either still in office or going off to bed. Only hardcore cricket addicts must be sitting up late at night. I am sure that most of them must be surfing other channels while this show is on and coming back only when the first ball is being bowled.
A cricket show is not Cyrus Broacha's arena. I don't know if Cyrus has learnt Gujarati. But it do the show a lot of good if he does. Jeno kaam teno thaay....

42 years ago....

2010-04-14T02:04:00.004+05:30

I have very little answers to the question - why am I posting this picture now? Actually, I have none.

That doesn't stop me anyway, does it? So here it is - a 42 year old picture. From a bygone era that will never return?

Do I want it to return? Keeping all notions of nostalgic diarrhoea aside, I actually don't want that time to return. I think I have a good life just now....

But look at the innocence on the faces, (including mine!) How much has changed in 42 years :-)

And THAT is something that I would love to relive in today's times. The child-like innocence and curiosity.

Otherwise, life is getting rather predictable now....

P.S. - JUST in case there is a reader who is wondering whether s/he might be there in the picture, this was the Jodhpur Mess Modern School. At the end of Pandara Road in New Delhi.

And here is the announcement of a worthless contest. Based on my current profile picture, try to identify me in this.

Actually, don't even try. You wont be able to spot it.

The laws of cooking

2010-04-10T19:30:00.001+05:30

First law - The first one always sticks to the pan. Don't get depressed.
Second law - Hunger levels of the cook and consistency of dosa diameter are inversely proportional.
Third law - If you are really hungry, dosas of any shape taste equally nice.

Stumped - completely.

2010-04-06T03:07:00.004+05:30

Last night, I sat working till late. Very late. At about 4:00 as I went off to make coffee, all of a sudden, thoughts about Bahadurshah Zafar just dropped into my head. That's the only way I can describe it. Usually we say that a thought popped out of the head. But the feeling that this thing dropped "into" my head was just too distinct. No confusion there. I walked back reinforced with the coffee and decided to read the Wikipedia page on Bahadurshah. I also heard his immortal ghazal "लगता नही है दिल मेरा उजड़े दयार में". Out of the long and detailed Wiki page, only two sentences stayed in my head. In fact, only two words out of those. The sentence was -
Bahadur Shah died in exile on 7 November 1862. He was buried near the Shwedagon Pagoda in Yangon, at the site that later became known as Bahadur Shah Zafar Dargah.
And the two words that I refer to were SHWEDAGON PAGODA. There was just something in the way the words sounded. At least I imagined it that way.
All this took five minutes and then I was back to work. Before I realized, it was past 6 and the newpaper boy's footsteps made me get up. As I opened the Pune DNA, my eyes fell on THIS piece. Right at the top of the first page.

Source - DNA Pune edition - 5th Apr 2010.

I am yet to get over this fully. If it is a coincidence, it is a most remarkable one. And if it isn't, someone help me fathom what it is.
I have never heard of Shvedagon ever in my life. So the name did not mean any particular space for me. It was just a word, a sound in my head as I read.
Later in the day, I was listening to the eBook Destructive Emotions by Daniel Goleman. And this is what the Dalai Lama says in the foreword.

Quote
I have often said that if science proves facts that conflict with Buddhist understanding, Buddhism must change accordingly. We should always adopt a view that accords with the facts. If upon investigation we find that there is reason and proof for a point, then we should accept it. However, a clear distinction must be made between what is not found by science and what is found to be non-existent by science. What science finds to be non-existent we should all accept as non-existent, but what science does not find is a completely different matter. An example is consciousness itself. Although sentient Beings, including humans, have experienced consciousness for centuries, we still do not know what consciousness actually is: its complete nature and how it functions.
Unquote

After Cadbury's - Havells follows suit?

2010-04-04T02:52:00.004+05:30

Some days ago, I wrote about Cadbury's TV ads going from bad to worse. over the years. Now another company which had caught people's attention with their catchy ads seems to be going the same way. I am referring to Havells of course.

The ad I am talking about is doing its rounds on TV currently. I am sure you have all seen it, but just in case, here's the summary.

A hangman 'delivers' the criminal to the noose and walks back distraught to his home. As he enters his dark home, he switches on the light and the voice over says "जिंदगी में हम सबको पाप करना पड़ता है, तो क्योँ ना पुण्य कमा ले ... बिजली बचा के. Havells CFL ज्यादा बिजली बचाए." We all have to commit sins in our lives. So why not also do a good deed. By saving electricity. Havells saves power etc etc etc.

I am quite stumped by this ad. I do understand the need to save power and am all for it. Really. ALL the lamps in my home are CFL. Its another matter that they are not Havells!

Is it really necessary to twist this issue to such extent to make people understand it only in the light of (sorry, pun not intended) sin and virtue and morality and all that? The chasm between sin and virtue in the ad is far too stretched, I think. On a silly note, are they saying that the hangman won't feel guilty pulling the lever once he has fitted his home with CFL lamps? It's somewhat like bathing in the Ganga once a year. Commit all the sins that you want to for 364 days, then visit Hardwar once.

On a parallel note, there is a strange link between this issue and my earlier posts about punishment. Particularly death sentence. Does the hangman really commit a sin, or is he doing his duty? I can understand what a hangman must feel like. No matter how duty-bound one is, it surely must not be easy to pull the plug on someone else's life.

Be that as it may, please convert from using conventional bulbs to CFL if you haven't already done so. It makes sense. Sins or no sins.

For the inquisitive ones, the ad has been made by Lowe Lintas.