If you want a truly authentic alpine experience at a legendary destination in the Alps, you must visit Chamonix. ‘Cham’, as the locals call it, rests happily beneath the benevolent shadow of Mont Blanc. This breathtakingly beautiful area—a jewel in the French crown—shimmers with the vitality of rugged mountain landscapes and sunny cerulean skies. The town effortlessly blends French sophistication with old-world charm and everybody sports sexy parkas and bronzed cheeks. I’m pretty sure I saw Jean-Claude Killy dancing at an apres-ski bar wearing a Moraity hat.

The rich history of this political and cultural borderland has left its mark on the landscape and in the hearts of the fiercely independent people of Savoie. The House of Savoy ruled this intrepid region from 1032 to 1860, until it was annexed by France. Emperor Napoleon III signed a secret agreement in 1858 promising military support for the Piedmont area of Italy against the Austrian Empire. In return, Italy ceded Nice and the Duchy of Savoie to France. My favorite historical note about Chamonix is that it was the first host of the Winter Olympics in 1924.

Savoyarde architecture is a style that combines traditional and modern elements including alpine chalets, renovated barns and stables, and Baroque churches. Chamonix is a charming mix of traditional and funky scapes, with plenty of cozy cafes, spas, and retail to explore.

To put the area in perspective, Chamonix sits in a valley next door to the Les 3 Valles area. Les 3 Valles consists of three valleys with several popular mountain towns: Courchevel, Meribel, CVal Thorens, Saint Martin De Belleville, Reberty, and Les Menuires. This ski area is bigger than the largest five resorts in North America combined. With 180 lifts and 372 miles of skiing trails, it is seamlessly linked by high-speed chairlifts and hosts some of the most idyllic and luxurious towns in Europe.

Chamonix is comprised of several independent ski areas and a town unto itself. Unlike Les 3 Vallées, it's not a single, interconnected resort. Rather, it's a valley with several distinct ski areas, each with its own lift system and character, for a total of 51 lifts. While Chamonix doesn't have the same level of interconnectedness as Les 3 Vallées, it offers a diverse range of skiing experiences, from gentle slopes to challenging off-piste terrain, that is manageable for a week’s vacation. Chamonix also has bragging rights to the famous off-piste Vallée Blanche, the longest ski run in the world. Our Icon pass was good for all of Chamonix, and there was plenty of skiing to enjoy: Vallorcine, Brévent, Flégère & Grand Montets, Domaine De Balme/Le Tour, Aiguille du Midi, and Les Houches.

Day 1: We departed BTV@ 9:35 am to IAD on United (5-hour layover IAD-Dulles)  and our gate, C-7 United, was next door to a beautiful United lounge. This is a great layover if you find yourself at Dulles. We had a productive and relaxing respite with our free passes issued courtesy of our United credit card.

Day 2: Arrived Geneva, Switzerland (GVA )@7:35 am. We rented a Toyota LandCruiser which is a huge rig, but barely contained the four of us with ski gear and luggage. Our car was spanking new, and only slightly more expensive than a round-trip car service from Geneva. Since we planned to visit a few of the ski villages in neighboring valleys, the car rental option made sense. After 1.5 hours of travel, we arrived at our fairy-tale lodgings, the Hotel Mont-Blanc. Established in 1849 and beautifully maintained, this legendary property is a timeless testament to luxury, history, and natural splendor.

The red-eye travel challenge is to stay awake all day until regular bedtime, so we wandered around the main plaza area, Rue du Doctuer Paccard, exploring the quirky side streets. Chamonix is postcard charming with many shops, bakeries, and bars tucked within the envelope of the majestic Alps range. Mont Blanc, the highest mountain in the Alps (and Western Europe), sits quietly nearby. At 15, 774 feet, it is not showy like the Matterhorn, so you need a local to orient you to its peak at first sight. There are lots of sunny cafés to enjoy a mid-day meal, and the spunky French enjoy dining al fresco— even in deep winter—which I loved.

Around 2 pm we checked into Hotel Mont Blanc and were delighted with our rooms. We asked for a humidifier because the air is very dry, and that proved to be a godsend. The combination of swimming in the outdoor pool and steaming in the sauna helped us to stay awake for a 7 pm dinner reservation at the hotel’s Michelin star ‘Le Matafan’. We enjoyed a superb meal with a relaxing Savoyarde vibe—lots of handsome plaid shirts checkered the room—and the wonderfully attentive service made us feel welcomed and pampered.

Day 3: Brévent, Flégère, and Grand Montets. After an exquisite buffet breakfast at Le Matafan ($35- make a reservation & go!), we met up with @Bine Zalohar, our guide extraordinaire from our recent Slovenia climbing trek, who also happens to be a winter ski guide in Chamonix. Bine introduced us to three areas that made for a busy ‘survey ski day’. It was bluebird gorgeous, 35 degrees, with lovely packed powder spring-like conditions. We took every lift, gondola, cable car, and poma on offer to explore the Brévent, Flégère, and Grand Montets areas, and we loved it all. We skied groomers blue, red, and black, but did not go off-piste, which is a big attraction here if you know what you are doing. By late afternoon, we were ready for lunch, and Bine took us on a circuitous route to discover La Cabane des Planches. This mountain hut is located at 2,600 meters and serves traditional French cuisine. Famished from a full day in the fresh air, we ordered the fondue, which was sensational.

Day 4:  Domaine De Balme. We took the hotel shuttle to the town of Le Tour which is twenty minutes from Chamonix and spent a lovely day skiing on the open glacier. It was great fun—blue to black difficulty—very skiable, with wide open trails and lots of sunshine. We skied Le Buet, Montroc, and Le Tour. We had a delicious lunch at L’Alpage de Balme  @2pm. (Alternatively, Le Comptoir des Alpes or Le Panoramic are good casual cafés.) After a swim and a rest, we walked around town and enjoyed drinks and delicious tapas at Le Pele bar. Cap Horn is their main restaurant, and I highly recommend booking a reservation here— the dining room is magical.

Day 5: Megeve. Suffering from breakfast buffet fatigue, we walked three minutes to town to pick up smoothies at Artic Juice & Café 210 Rue Jospef Vallot, and a variety of baked goodies (across the street) at Chalet 4810. We loaded the car and drove an F-1-worthy road to the glitzy town of Megeve, about 45 minutes away. Parking was easy at Mont d’Abrios. All we had to do was take an elevator to the lift area and purchase ski tickets ($50/4 hours or $55/day for seniors) since this area was not included with our Icon pass.

To put things in perspective, this is just one of many ‘modest’ local ski areas—with 80 lifts to boot!  We enjoyed the slower vibe of this place—it’s not a favorite of the ‘Bomber Boyz’ (young boarders and skiers)—so we could relax a little more on the beautiful corduroy groomers. Mont d’Abrios is the gondola access for lunch at the Four Seasons ‘Ideal 1850’ slope-side restaurant, and we were excited about our deck-side 2:30 lunch reservation.  You do not have to ski to reach the Idéal 1850 restaurant, guests can take the Mont d’Arbois gondola lift to reach the restaurant at 6,069’. This Giorgio Armani-designed restaurant makes for amusing people-watching and serves the best GD $50 waygu beef burger (with a panoramic view) you’ll ever taste.

Day 6: Brevant & Aiguille du Midi. A morning ski at Brevant for some; others opted for a workout/swim/walking program today—everybody’s happy! We met at noon for a ride on the Cable Car Aiguille du Midi, excited to view the Vallée Blanche trail up close and enjoy the observation tower and museum at the top. Tickets for the round-trip tour (not skiing) were purchased online before we queued up in the town square for our assigned reservation time. There is a cafe at the top—even better, plan to bring a picnic if the day is warm. Visit Le Refuge Payot on the main drag of town to provision—they sell every delicacy you could desire for a Savoyarde-style lunch. This iconic 2 stage cable car took us to a breathtaking 12,602 ‘ altitude, offering stunning panoramic views of Mont Blanc and the surrounding peaks. Plan on two to three hours, depending upon how long you linger at the top. An added value is the thrill of seeing the courageous ‘ski-fliers’ launch off the cliffs airlifted by colorful parachutes. They look like spiders with toothpicks attached to their feet—it is wild to watch!

SPA Time: The Clarins Spa at our hotel was pretty nice, but I had read about a Relais & Chateau property called Hameau Albert 1er, so we booked late afternoon treatments and enjoyed the ten-minute walk from our hotel to 38 Rte de Bouchet. The property is rustic/quirky—not your typical R&C—but charming enough, with a Michelin-starred restaurant and chic Quartz Bar. This was not a swanky spa facility-wise, and we felt a bit leery at first—but a stellar hot stone massage and herbal scrub wrap restored our confidence and resuscitated us for the ski days ahead. We met our guys in the Quartz bar for a drink, then walked to dinner at Jovi, which offers outstanding pizza and salads in a casual setting. Their cookie collection borders on the obscene.

Day 7: Brévent and Flégère: We opted for one last big breakfast buffet before gearing up for another bluebird blast. I must admit I am getting pretty spoiled by Max, my boot ‘manny’. Every delicious morning, Max brings me heated ski boots and assists in the process of buckling me up for the day. He makes sure I have my skis, my pass, my lipstick—and he even drops me off at the lift. I love skiing. I love Max.

We have just learned that Chamonix will be swarming with families, nannies, and strollers come Saturday (the day we depart) as Europe goes on school break for the next three weeks. (Max will be extra busy!) We cannot believe our dumb luck in scheduling our trip this first week of February, I will have to be more alert to this variable in my future planning. With no crowded lines, we hop the tram to the top and enjoy another spectacular view and the most challenging skiing we’ve had all week. We also ski by the launch area for the paragliders and revel in the thrill of watching them up close as they soar into the void—imagine flying like that! We consider it for a hot minute and then ski on.

SHOPportunity. One can survey shop Chamonix in a couple of hours, it doesn’t feature a wide variety of retail, like Zermatt. That said, they do have excellent optical shops with cool Euro-style frames at exceptional prices. They also have many beautiful ski shops for upgrading your ski kit with brands I have not seen in the US. I suggest packing light and purchasing something new to sport on vacation. I loved the Hiver shop and its array of little luxuries for the home and unusual gifts. One of my travel Pals is a vintage nut, so we tried on some OG ski wear at the ‘Oh My Dressing’ vintage shop, and the quality of the materials and craftsmanship made me swoon with nostalgia. Tired of wandering on our ski legs, we met our guys for a quick drink at Le Pele on Rue des Moulins. This is the main drag for the most interesting restaurants and bars, and it sparkles at night with apres-ski revelers packed into cozy outdoor lounges. A word to the wise: Chamonix etiquette dictates that you make a reservation wherever you plan to eat. We were lucky to book at Munchie, so we crossed the street from Le Pele and were treated to a magical meal. Munchie is an Asian-fusion tapas-style restaurant that I would give my left pinkie to have in my town.

Day 8: Grands Montets.  Engaging with nature at this exhilirating level is always thrilling, gratifying—and terrifying. The environment and conditions were exceptional, but we also skied on high alert, navigating our way around a vast range of skier ability as they scissored down the mountain. In Vermont, we know where to ski and how to avoid the weekend warriors. On vacation, we are at the mercy of all the Jerrys and jerks who have decided to ‘try’ skiing—like it’s a new latte flavor and not a high-risk skill. I had a six-foot, 200-pound kid fly over my right shoulder as he collided with unwitting skiers, causing an epic string of wipeouts. It was a very lucky miss for me. When I finally caught up to him with a fiery ‘WTF?!’ his jolly reply was ‘Oui Madam—out of control!’ One thing about ski bums growing older is that we are a little more anxious about our safety, and we comprehend the consequences of a collision with our aging bones at a much more intense level. As a result, the final ski day is always a mixture of wistfulness (bidding au revoir to a beautiful place) and profound relief that we will do so in one piece.

We took one last swim in the lovely outdoor pool and then had early burgers at Poco Loco, a hoot of a joint not to be missed. We packed our gear and prepared for the next day’s drive to Geneva, departing at 7 am for an 11:20 flight. When traveling GVA again, I would add an hour to the schedule as the airport was mobbed with lines everywhere (except United, thankfully); it felt like we cut it a bit tight. The trip was flawless all around—we loved Chamonix and cannot wait to explore this gorgeous area more. Ironically, upon our return to Vermont, we discovered two feet of fresh champagne snow on our deck amidst Vermont’s best winter in eight years. Poweeeeee!

It took me a while to figure out this area when I began to plan our trip. Here's a summary of the key ski areas and their lift systems:

1. Aiguille du Midi

• Aiguille du Midi Cable Car: This iconic 2 stage cable car takes you to a breathtaking altitude, offering stunning panoramic views of Mont Blanc and the surrounding peaks. From here, you can access challenging off-piste terrain like the Vallée Blanche. (More advanced skiing.)

2. Grands Montets

• Grands Montets Lift System: This system provides access to a wide variety of slopes, from gentle cruisers to steep, challenging runs. It's a popular choice for both beginners and advanced skiers.

3. Brévent-Flégère

• Brévent-Flégère Lift System: This system offers a mix of slopes for all abilities as well as stunning panoramic views of the valley. It's a great option for families and those looking for a more relaxed skiing experience. 2 mountains are linked by cable car. Note: The run down to Chamonix is a taxing black diamond, so if you are tired, take the cable car down.

4. Les Houches

• Les Houches Lift System: This system provides access to a variety of slopes, including some challenging off-piste terrain. It's a good choice for intermediate and advanced skiers. It is the only ski in-ski out option from the town of Chamonix; bus or car is still advisable. Parking does not appear to be an issue as there are large lots and cheap rates.

5. Le Tour

• Le Tour Lift System: This system offers a more tranquil skiing experience with gentle slopes and stunning mountain views. It's a good option for beginners and families.

6. Vallorcine off piste

• Vallorcine Lift System: This system provides access to a variety of slopes, including some challenging off-piste terrain. It's a good choice for intermediate and advanced skiers.

Fat biking

Yes—there is fat biking, and no, we did not have time to indulge. You can head to Les Contamines, forty minutes southwest of Chamonix, and try fat biking. Cycling enthusiasts will love a ride featuring breathtaking views of Mont Blanc and the Alps. Spinning through snowy trails on a fat e-bike with wide tires adapted to winter conditions is simply a blast. If you can ride a bike, you can ride a fat bike. A professional guide provides tips on how to maneuver and enjoy the ride.

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

‘Self-knowledge is the first step towards maturity.’ —Jane Austen

I matured quickly as the eldest daughter of six children, and I remember always striving to grow my personhood even from a very young age. I was fascinated by psychology, motives, and language and loved creating beautiful wisdom journals for my family and friends. I blissed out reading the Ann Landers advice column, learning so much about life’s predicaments and resolutions from my daily fix. I was deeply influenced by her famous column Maturity* and after my first high school psychology class I knew I had found my passion—seeking to understand the human condition.   

During my nineteenth year, my father survived a catastrophic accident that created deep family trauma and compromise, and it froze a part of my developing brain. Looking back, I realize that I didn’t learn emotional self-regulation on a normal schedule of maturation. I experienced compassion burnout over many decades of caregiving, and this skewed my perception of myself as a loving being. I became adept at hiding my deepest feelings and desires by over-performing or numbing out. My coping mechanisms kept me safe and on track—until they didn’t. Shortly after my sixtieth birthday, severe vertigo attacks forced me to reckon with these discrepancies, and I began the process of defrosting the part of my brain that was waiting to mature properly.

 As a result, I have become a student of the hallmarks of living a mature life. While I have lived responsibly and happily along this path, I can see from the list below exactly where my frozen brain needed attention. The ‘fear-scarcity’ and the ‘have to’ motivation are areas that I’ve taken a hard look at over this past decade. Through the healing practices of therapy, meditation, reading, boundary-setting, and many challenging conversations, I’ve helped myself to open more towards abundance and love and to be more connected to what I choose for myself, rather than defaulting to the expectations of others. I’ve learned that no matter how old I grow, it’s never too late to cultivate the art of maturity. And that’s the beautiful part of being a human—we are constantly evolving. Like beloved perennial flowers, we all have bloom seasons and dormant seasons, but we are always, always cycling toward beauty and maturity.

I share my journey with you because I suspect many of us feel a bit ‘off’ in an area or two of our emotional lives—and that can feel worrisome, weird, or worse. I’m here to confirm that we are all on this journey of expansion and that there is no timetable for growth. The coping mechanisms that we unconsciously create to bridge us towards a sustainable lifestyle are worthy and usually get the job done—for a while at least. I’m living proof that it’s never too late to take notice of what is not working and then try to resolve it. Everyone grows old but not everyone grows up. By embracing this process, we allow the beautiful patina of our lives and our relationships to shine brighter.

Emotional Immaturity Emotional Maturity

• Reactive (Life happens to me) Proactive (I make choices)

• Act OUT emotions Act ON emotions

• Governed by habit Governed by vision/purpose

• Come from fear/scarcity Come from love/abundance

• “Have to” motivation “Choose to” motivation

• Getting (self-centered) Giving (other-centered)

• Seek security and self-protection Step outside comfort zone

• Avoid failure, rejection, discomfort Seek growth

• Separation/alienation from others Unity/goodwill with others

• Live in the past/future Live in the present

Maturity is not measured in years but by how we handle the difficulties life presents. All of us are mature in our own ways, and we are all in the process of achieving more of it. It’s a way of experiencing and understanding the world, and it has many variables. People who have been through tough stuff tend to react to events with a calmer, more stable reaction and have a more mature perspective. A mature person demonstrates stability, wisdom, and self-awareness in various aspects of their lives.

By virtue of being alive we have all experienced some form of stress, trauma, crisis, PTSD, neglect, anxiety, or depression and our nervous system dysregulation simply didn’t allow us to act in the most mature way, or make space for as much emotional growth and retention as we would like. When maturity is seen as belonging to part of a spectrum, it becomes a relative concept, and everyone has a place on its path. Historically, we have not learned effective emotional communication as a culture-wide skill because emotions are regarded as better off contained—they are too messy and not welcomed into the conversation. Nor is this skill well modeled by the leaders, celebrities, and influencers we are saturated with via social media. Lately, we seem to be trending towards more erratic and immature responses in our general discourse, so I think there has never been a better time to take stock of our maturity portfolio and do some polishing.

We can think of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) as the toolbox for life skills and Maturity as the patina these tools have achieved over time with use and care. The hallmarks of emotional intelligence are the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and influence emotions—both in ourselves and others. We need the tools of self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills to express our emotions effectively, handle stress, and lovingly communicate our feelings.

Maturity encompasses broader psychological, emotional, and behavioral development, and is seasoned by experience, wisdom, and personal growth. It includes traits like responsibility, patience, resilience, and the ability to make better long-term choices rather than acting impulsively. Maturity is not just about the number of candles on the cake, but about our mindset, behavior, and degree of our emotional intelligence. A mature person thinks before reacting, takes responsibility, and strives for personal and relational growth.

Emotional maturity is but one aspect of overall maturity—it also includes cognitive and moral maturity, intellectual, and social maturity. Someone can have high EQ but still lack maturity if they struggle with responsibility or strategic thinking. Likewise, a mature person might not always have high EQ if they struggle with emotional regulation or understanding others’ feelings. Ideally, both develop together for well-rounded personal growth.

 ‘Maturity is when your world opens, and you realize that you are not the center of it.’ —MJ Croan

Emotional Maturity:

Self-awareness: Recognizing your own emotions, strengths, and weaknesses. Emotional regulation: Managing emotions effectively, staying calm under stress, and avoiding impulsive reactions. Resilience: Bouncing back from setbacks and handling adversity with composure.  Accountability: Taking responsibility for actions without making excuses or blaming others. Empathy: Understanding and respecting other people’s perspectives and emotions.

Intellectual Maturity:

Open-mindedness: Willingness to consider new ideas and accept differing opinions without being defensive. Critical thinking: Evaluating situations logically and making well-informed decisions. Curiosity and lifelong learning: Seeking knowledge and self-improvement without arrogance.

Behavioral Maturity:                                                                                                                      

Responsibility: Keeping commitments, fulfilling obligations, and being dependable. Self-discipline: Exercising control over impulses, managing time well, and delaying gratification. Adaptability: Being flexible and adjusting to change rather than resisting it stubbornly.

Social and Relationship Maturity:                                                                  

Healthy communication: Expressing thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully. Conflict resolution skills: Handling disagreements constructively rather than through aggression or avoidance. Boundaries: Understanding and enforcing personal limits while respecting others’ boundaries. Independence and interdependence: Balancing self-sufficiency with seeking support when needed.

Moral and Ethical Maturity:                                                                                                                  Integrity: Acting with honesty and strong moral principles even when no one is watching. Humility: Recognizing that no one is infallible and being willing to learn from mistakes. Compassion and fairness: Treating people with kindness and fairness, even when it’s difficult.

Perspective and Life Wisdom:                                                                                                                      Long-term thinking: Making decisions based on future consequences rather than short-term gratification. Patience: Understanding that progress, success, and relationships take time and effort. Acceptance of uncertainty: Recognizing that not everything is within your control and making peace with life’s unpredictability.

‘Maturity is the age when one is no longer fooled by oneself’.  —Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hacks For Cultivating A Mature Life

1.  Stop The Blame Game: Stop blaming yourself because you will never, ever hate yourself into loving yourself. Self-acceptance is the basis for self-love, and it begins with you. You will not thrive in a victim mindset, so stop blaming your boss, your partner, your parents if things are not going your way. Accept your humanity, flaws, and shadows—you are you—and that’s beautiful! Know your worth: release the need for validation from others. Learn how to apologize. Learn how to forgive. Embracing high self-worth behavior while living your values is the best way to move on and live your best life. 

2. High-Frequency Vibes: Spend time with people who help you to thrive; kind people who are smart and like-minded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be, who cheer you on, who respect your boundaries, and who align with your aspirations.

3.  Focus On Goals: Ask yourself three questions: 1. What do I want? 2. Why do I want it? 3. How am I going to get it? Developing confidence is a skill and a choice; self-sabotage is immature avoidance behavior. FEAR is one of two options: Forget Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Rise—you get to choose what your ‘mature life’ looks like.

4.  Practice Stoicism: Learn to live peacefully with what you cannot change. Feel your feels, but don’t indulge in denial—accept facts with intelligence and then take the most appropriate action in a drama-free and timely manner. Learn to forecast—mature people easily suspend immediate pleasure in favor of long-term gain. This practice creates a grounded, focused demeanor and a productive environment in which joy and love can flourish.  

5.  Embrace Change & Challenges: Understand that you are not the center of the universe and that you must co-exist with a wide range of opinions. New things and thinking might feel scary, but that’s only because it’s new to you, not because you aren’t capable of change. Be a good listener, a lifelong learner, and surround yourself with a variety of people from all ages and walks of life. Find a mature mentor you respect and pick their brain over coffee dates. Make plans to leave your comfort zone regularly.  

6.  Live authentically: Despite one’s environment, culture, or society, a mature person is honest, humble, and grateful. You don’t need to be the center of attention to succeed. Do your work, focus on your goals, build momentum and joy into your life, and you will be living authentically.  Develop your moral compass by understanding your ethics, intentions, and motivations. Become a student of life.  

‘Mature love is calm, not chaotic. Stimulating but safe. Playful but peaceful. It’s not a constant high but a steady and thoughtful presence, demonstrated through consistent actions.’ —Vex King

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

*Maturity by Ann Landers Circa 1970’s

“Maturity is many things. It is the ability to base a judgment on the big picture, the long haul. It means being able to resist the urge for immediate gratification and opt for the course of action that will pay off later. One of the characteristics of the young is ‘I want it now.’ Grown-up people can wait.

Maturity is perseverance—the ability to sweat out a project or a situation despite heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks and stick with it until it is finished. The adult who is constantly changing jobs, changing friends, and changing mates is immature. S/He cannot stick it out because s/he has not grown up.

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction. The mature person can face unpleasantness, frustration, discomfort, and defeat without collapsing or complaining. S/He knows that they can’t have everything their own way every time. The mature adult can defer to circumstances, to other people, and to time. They know when to compromise and they are not too proud to do it. Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say, ‘I was wrong.’ And, when right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Maturity is the ability to live up to your responsibilities, and this means being dependable. It means keeping your word. Dependability is the hallmark of integrity. Do you mean what you say—and do you say what you mean? Unfortunately, the world is filled with people who can’t be counted on. When you need them most, they are among the missing. They never seem to come through in the clutches. They break promises and substitute alibis for performance. They show up late or not at all. They are confused and disorganized. Their lives are a chaotic maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business, and good intentions that somehow never materialize. They are always a day late and a dollar short.

Maturity is the ability to make a solid decision and stand by it. Immature people spend their lives exploring endless possibilities and then do nothing. Action requires courage. Without courage, little is accomplished. Maturity is the ability to harness your abilities and your energies and do more than is expected. The mature person refuses to settle for mediocrity. S/He would rather aim high and miss the mark than aim low—and make it. Maturity is the art of living in peace with that which we cannot change, the courage to change that which should be changed no matter what it takes, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

In mid-October 2024 we flew IAD- LJU and booked in at the Grand Hotel Union, Ljublijana, Slovenia mid-morning. We remained upright and alert as we wandered the streets of this stunning UNESCO town and soaked up the wonderfully festive energy that permeated the rows of riverside cafes. It felt just like a movie set it was so perfectly charming and convivial. A good night’s sleep prepared us for our first day of adventuring.

Pre-BikeTour Day Via Feratta/ Ljublijana. We booked an exciting Via Ferrata mountain climbing day to warm up for the bike tour. (Contact @Binezalohar directly, our fantastic guide, for more details.) We spent the day climbing exposed rocky cliffs and mainlined adrenaline-filled heights as we hiked through a section of the Gradiska Tura near Vipava. The Via Ferrata is a combination of hiking and mountaineering guided by a steel cable that snakes up the mountain. The route comes equipped with metal cables, iron rungs, pegs, and steps all embedded into the terrain. At times, you might be using ladders and bridges to cross challenging sections, but you are secured with a sturdy, fall-free harness 99% of the time. The trek is somewhat rigorous but relatively hassle free and safe. Via Ferrata is the e-bike of mountaineering—no previous skills or knowledge required—it simply requires an expert guide, good fitness, and a sense of adventure—it’s great fun! There are Via Ferrata routes all over the world and we try to book one wherever we go. We enjoyed Bine’s company so much that day, that we’ll be meeting up with him again in February ‘25 when we ski Chamonix as he is also a ski guide.

After a rigorous and thrilling morning of cliff hanging, Bine introduced us to tiny Faladur Restaurant & Wine Bar (Ulica Ivana Ščeka 6, Vipava 5271 Sloveniaone) easily one of the most unexpected and charming restaurants I’ve ever encountered while covered in dirt. We had a three-course luncheon that felt like a Michelin star experience, and in fact, as we found out later, they are on the recommended Michelin list. The food scene in Slovenia is disarmingly sophisticated and after this delightful repast we had a new appreciation for the gastronomic treats that lay ahead.

For the Slovenia- Croatia biking portion of our trip, we chose the outfitter Backroads   the well-regarded bike touring guides who provide bougie travel experiences world-wide. We usually like our trips a bit scrappier—more unknowns and less dialed in for perfection let’s say—but down the road we will need the kind of support and smooth execution Backroads so flawlessly provides, so it was fun to preview what our travels might look like into our seventies and eighties by bicycle. The premier hotels were really beautiful and fit in with our motto of ‘Dirt by day, Lux by night’ very nicely!

Day 1: On the first morning of the trip, we met our twenty-three travel pals for the week and our Backroads Trip Leaders Lara and Johnny K in the lobby of uHotel. We dressed in biking clothes and came prepared with a daypack. Cringingly, we boarded a large tourist bus and shuttled thirty minutes to Kranj, Slovenia. (We dislike shuttles as it cuts down on our daily mileage!) We were greeted by additional guides for the week, two dynamic locals named Kati and Karmen. After a bike fitting and safety talk, plus a few more espressos, we reviewed our ride choices for the day: 1. Kranj to Radovljica Route: 16 Miles (1,400' elevation gain) 2. Kranj to Bled Route: 29 Miles (2,200') 3. Bled Extra Credit Loop: 35 Miles (2,600') Dobrodošli v Sloveniji. Our group was a hearty one, and everyone opted for the long route.

As I enjoyed the chilly ride, I noted that Backroads is true to their brand: we followed the Sava river and rode our way north on exquisitely quiet backroads. We headed to medieval Radovljica, home to one of Slovenia's best-preserved medieval town centers dating back to 1500—it was like something out of a fairytale. We stopped for lunch at a local restaurant that greeted us with bowls of warm pumpkin soup, and then we all pedaled on to Bled, a hauntingly gorgeous town misted in fog. Located in the foothills of the Julian Alps and built adjacent to glacial Lake Bled, this iconic landmark originally gained popularity as a health resort for Austrian aristocracy. In Bled, we visited a family-owned beekeeping farm. Along with a honey tasting, we were enchanted by our guide’s knowledge about beehives, the life cycle of the badass Queen Bee, and the art of extracting honey.

We arrived at Hotel Vila Bled, an historic and beloved national treasure located on a tranquil slope beside the lake in mid-afternoon drizzle. The place is a time capsule of Yugoslavian history as it served as Tito’s summer retreat. The scale of the hotel is massive, and the accommodations are like apartments. Since the weather was inclement and it was difficult to see the famous views of the lake and the island castle through the fog, we unpacked and rested up for our aperitivo gathering. It was nice to get acquainted with our travel pals a bit better, all American, save for two lively couples from Guatemala, before sitting down to a lovely dinner party in the Great Hall.

Day 2: It was a downpour on day two and our original biking options were scratched: 1. Bohinj Lake with Shuttle Route: 24 Miles* (1,700' elevation gain) 2. Bohinj Lake Route: 30 Miles (3,700') 3. Valley Route: 44 Miles (4,700') 4. Iron Man Pokljuka Route: 55 Miles (7,000'). We rode an abbreviated route and stopped for lunch (completely soaked, but still cheerful) at an adorable cheese farm and regrouped. We all ended up shuttling back to Hotel Bled, soggy and sad. In the evening, things perked up a bit with a reception featuring local wines and a fascinating talk about Yugoslavia’s history given by a resident guide. While influential and controversial, Tito was, and continues to be, historically well liked in the Balkans for his willingness to stand up to Stalin and Hitler. For dinner, we walked up steep cobblestones to visit the Bled Castle Restaurant which is over a thousand years old. This medieval castle sits above the town, and I recommend dining on the early side to fully enjoy the spectacular views of Lake Bled.

Day 3: Today’s biking options were 1. Kranjska Gora Route: 24 Miles (2,500' elevation gain) 2. Planica Ski Jump Route: 32 Miles (3,200'). After breakfast, we rode directly from the hotel and finally got a clear look at Bled and the beautiful lake. The weather was fine and we were geared up for some fun and miles. We rode into the stunning Radovna Valley, a postcard-perfect alpine valley amid the Julian Alps. We visited the charming village of Mojstrana, which was once a famous mining town, and enjoyed some Turkish coffee and ‘Grandma’s Cake’ at a local inn. The terrain in this area was very dramatic—steep slopes and jagged rocky ledges. As a result, the area has become a popular training destination for Olympic level Slovenian skiers and climbers boasting world-class training facilities. We biked the extra miles to see Planica, the famous ski jumping training area in the Upper Sava Valley. After a spectacular spread for lunch, we rode a converted railway that was—hands down—one of the most beautiful bike paths I’ve ever had the pleasure of riding.

This spectacular day ended with a shuttle to Portorož for 2.5 hours—didn’t love this part, would much rather be cycling. At least our destination was the pristine coast of Slovenia which owns a modest twenty-nine miles of coastline (Golfo de Venezia), compared with Croatia’s 3,566 miles. I took some long moments to savor this special slice of heaven. Our five-star hotel for the night was on the beach: the grand Kempinski Palace Portorož  built in 1908, and we enjoyed strolling the boardwalk. Even though it was chilly outside, we braved an invigorating Wim Hof-style dip in the cool Adriatic sea, which was nothing short of delightfully shocking.

Tonight was date night, and we dressed up ‘a click’ from our usual sporty clothes for a special dinner at the hotel’s Michelin recommended restaurant, Sophia. We don’t care about calories on a bike trip, so we really lived it up with several fabulous courses and a variety of desserts. Slovenain food showcases its creativity by incorporating lots fresh vegetables and lean proteins with expert execution—it’s refreshingly wonderful. While Backroads is a bit pricey, they DO show up in the glam department, I’ll give them that!

Day 4: Biking options: 1. Kempinski to Montizel Route: 22 Miles* (1,900' elevation gain) 2. Kempinski to Montizel with Village Loop Route: 28 Miles (2,700') 3. Kempinski to Livade Route: 32 Miles (2,700') After a short morning shuttle heading south and inland to cross the border, we ceremoniously bid ‘Zbogom’ to sweet Slovenia and ‘Zdravo!’ to chic Croatia. On board our bikes we found the peaceful rolling roads mesmerizing as we wound through dense forests and fig tree groves terraced with virtually no traffic after the busy initial climb. We stopped for a coffee in the adorable hilltop town of Groznjan, where there was a raging Mountain Bike downhill competition underway, and the town was abuzz with excitement. After snooping around the cute shops, we pedaled on a few more kilometers, climbing out of town towards our destination: an agriturizmo (a working farm open to visitors) for a delicious lunch of traditional fare and spectacular views of the Croatian landscape. After lunch, we made our way towards the town of Livade, which is famous for the fragrant and elusive truffle and arrived mid-afternoon at the stunning, Wine Hotel Meneghetti via shuttle. We spent the afternoon relaxing at the hotel—exploring the beautiful grounds and gardens—and enjoyed a swim in the spa. In the evening we shuttled to the nearby seaside town of Rovinj for a quiet dinner and walking tour of the harbor’s lights and sights.

Day 5: Biking options: Meneghetti to Konoba Lunch Route: 27 Miles (2,100' elevation gain) Meneghetti to Polidor Beach Route: 41 Miles (2,500') BOAT RIDE TO PEROJ PORT 1½ Hour). We fueled up at breakfast for our final day on the bikes. We rode from the hotel toward the Venetian town of Bale where we stopped for an olive oil tasting at the charming family-owned GRUBIC BUZA Olive Oil Mill. After some samples and snacks, we set out riding through the striking landscape of central Istria, passing ancient forests, tiny villages, castle ruins and the remains of Medieval towns. We enjoyed a short history lesson about Dvigrad, an abandoned village initially settled by the Illyrians in a prehistoric era. We stopped at a konoba for lunch before venturing to the speedboat that awaited us seaside. We dropped anchor near a remote island and lobbed some chilly cannonballs into the crystalline waters—it was exhilarating! Later on, the speed boat and shuttle returned us to the Meneghetti and our beautiful suites. We were all eager to spend more time in the tranquility of the hotel setting, and it felt like a well-earned rest after five days of biking and socializing. In the evening, we joined our lively group for a farewell aperitivo and then dined together, savoring a superb week of adventuring and toasting new friendships.

 Backroads Day 6: We enjoyed a leisurely morning pace and a grand breakfast on the final day of our magical Backroads trip. It was time to switch gears, pack, and head to Venice for a few unstructured days of exploring the culture, art, and food of this unique city. After many hugs and farewells we bid our traveling pals and guides good-bye and were dropped off at the Trieste train station. It took us a few minutes to orient, but thanks to a kind man from Malta, our two-hour journey into Venice was very smooth. The sharp staff of the JS Marriot spotted us right away and boarded us onto one of their classic motorboats to ferry us to the Isola Delle Rose (Rose Island) that is the JW Marriot Venice Resort and Spa campus—our home for the next three nights.

Venice: Days 7, 8, 9. Our brief stay in Venice was unplanned and we began each morning aboard the hotel’s water taxi ferrying to the San Marco Pier. We walked miles in this vibrant, quirky city—The Queen of the Adriatic—taking in the shops, Rialto Bridge & Market, San Marco’s Square (Piazza San Marco) and all its majestic sites—Saint Mark’s Basilica (Basilica di San Marco), Doge’s Palace (Palazzo Ducale) and the Saint Mark’s Bell Tower (Campanile di San Marco) to name just a few. As we toured, the songs of the many Gondoliers—lovely barcarolles—echoed off the water adding a charm and joy to the atmosphere that captured the special feeling of being in Venice.

Venice’s dramatic history rests quietly within the elaborate architecture and vast network of waterways and it makes for a mind-boggling tourist experience. There is so much to absorb that we needed to take many Cappuccino breaks (‘Macchiatos’ after 11!) as we immersed ourselves into the vibrant scene, happily getting lost in the back alleyways and jazzed by the people watching. Fortunately, we visited in late October when the crowds were milder and we had easier access to the charming restaurants (Nevodi for pasta!) and museums.

One surprise event we absolutely thrilled to was visiting the Venice Biennale 2024, a prestigious cultural exhibition that showcases cutting-edge contemporary art, architecture, cinema, dance, music, and theater—depending on the year’s theme. The exhibits were spread over two large campuses and each country had its own building and featured artist. This year’s theme was ‘Foreigner’s Everywhere’ which explored the ideas of identity, belonging, and the complexities of being a ‘foreigner’ in a world increasingly interconnected yet divided. It was ideal to expereince such a variety of art while on a walking tour—perfect for ‘restless us’, since biking is not a thing in Venice!

We took a tour of the two most famous islands, Murano and Burano, to experience the ancient glass-making process and to visit a colorful fisherman’s village. Of the 117 Venetian islands, these two are the most touristy—and we embraced them for an enjoyable afternoon of Venetian culture. And then just like that, it was time to go home. We were sad to leave colorful, funky Europe—but we are always glad to return home to our beloved Vermont.

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

I am welcoming the New Year with reflection, not rules. 2025 is here, and despite the iniquitous state of our country’s leadership, I want to make this year as magical and restorative as I possibly can. Instead of stressing about the world’s problems, I am going to focus my intentions on moving my own needle in the direction of feeling less irritated and more humane on a daily basis.

I’ve started this process with something called the Friction Audit. In the business world this process is used to detect areas of inefficiency or mismanagement in an effort to improve controls and costs. In my world, it is taking stock of the little things in life: an audit of personal habits and ways of being in the world that cause me friction or frustration. I study these details to understand ‘the whys?’ of the situation, and then I make an action plan to reduce the friction.

Why is this individual strategy for reducing collective stressors beneficial? Due to current events, many of us are recieving daily doses of dismay—and there is very little that we can do to impact this wild energy. We all have a thing called ‘allostatic load’. This is the cumulative burden of chronic stress and life events that build up in our nervous system dysregulating our mood and emotional stamina. When various environmental challenges cause allostatic overload—we snap. So, if I have a tool to streamline and smooth the way for less stress and more satisfaction, I’m sure as heck gonna use it on a daily basis.

Read: ‘Can I eliminate some of the things that bug the bejesus out of me, and make them go away?’

At its base, friction triggers the symptom of irritation, which couches a deeper issue or wound. Why is it that something is very irritating to me, but it’s not at all to you? As the Psychoanalyst Carl Jung observed, it’s all in the shadow part of our unconscious mind that we repress. Sorry, but this is a BIG topic, so you’ll need to do some digging to learn more—but it is truly a worthwhile journey to learn such important information about oneself. Suffice to say that we all have our shadow sides, and that we all get triggered and irritated for a variety of unknown reasons. There’s no right or wrong about it, no shame or judgement—we all have picadillos simply because we’re human.

Here are some simple examples of points of irritation in action that I observed during my Friction Audit. I added two additional steps to my audit for deeper resolution: #2. Remedy: a strategy to smooth the situation. #3. New Perspective: how can I think about this situation with fresh eyes?’

1.    The Needy Pee-Pee. Friction Point: Taking my darling pup Trixie out for multiple daily leashed ‘business’ breaks which can take upwards of twenty minutes a shot in the freezing cold. (Mind you, I take her hiking every day in the woods.) She sniffs and twirls and then gets distracted by the UPS truck, another walker, or even a branch out of place—and I am deep in my version of liminality hell—so much so that I’ve largely given the task over to Stealth. Remedy: When it IS my turn, I sometimes listen to an audible book to relax my angst. I am gently coaching myself to enjoy the process more by being present to the swell of gratitude I feel when I say to myself: ‘I am lucky to own this darling dog!’ New perspective: I heed the words of my middle daughter: ‘Mom, when you try to rush Trixie, you rob her of the opportunity to sniff and explore her little world. It is exactly like having someone rip your cell phone out of your hand. Would you appreciate that?’ I can’t unhear this—and it’s really helpful!

2.    The Cranky Cook. Friction Point: When my partner does the clean-up after I have cooked the meal, that’s a win-win for both of us. But, seeing that the kitchen clean-up is not completed—that a gross wad of food is still parked in the sink plug, or leftovers are sitting out sparks an impulse to shriek ‘finish the ‘effing hill—complete the job for heaven’s sake!’ Remedy: I calmly talk with my husband and share what I feel: that my cooking efforts are disrespected when I see the clean-up job is incomplete, as if the kitchen is ultimately my responsibility. I remind him that it is his kitchen too, and that he is not ‘helping’ me. It’s his responsibility to honor the standards we have set together. New Perspective: By sharing how this source of friction made me feel, and eliminating it together, we found the space to talk about other areas of friction in our daily life that could easily be eliminated with a friendly conversation. We used the friction audit tool as gateway to develop more useful exchanges. The result? We have reduced some of the micro-resentments that plague all couples, and we have developed more awareness about mutual consideration. I highly recommend this as a healthy refresher for any relationship dynamic. Remedially, I now stand the toothpaste upright with the cap on, to my partner’s liking—and every time I do it, I feel more aware of, and more lovingly connected to him. The ‘friction audit’ conversation is bearing fruit!

3.    Project Procrastination. Friction Point: Recently, some of us endured annoying holiday decorating friction by not having our light string supply organized. This is entirely avoidable. Christmas comes at the same time next year, so why not plan for it ahead of time? Remedy: I set a calendar alert to remind us to get our light act together next November so that we can enjoy holiday decorating friction-free. Know what else comes the same time every year? Tax preparation and deadlines, wedding anniversaries, exams, ski season, holidays, and birthdays. Giving ourselves a simple ‘heads up’, and maybe even pre-gaming a little eliminates a lot of friction in life moving forward. New Perspective: The result is the ability to coast in the anticipation of activities rather than dreading the fall out. Do you really want to visit Home Depot three times in December to get it right? Research says that 50% of our happiness lives in the anticipation stages of our lives—looking forward to things like vacations, holidays, social events, and yes—holiday decorating projects.

I think the idea of examining our lives through the lens of a friction audit is a tool anyone could adopt. Hosting guests too often? Not staying on the budget? Cheating yourself out of trips to the gym? I would extend this friendly audit process to more areas such as tech hygiene, social media, news exposure, and all of the ‘I shoulds’ that clog the flow of positive energy and irritate our brains. Sit quietly for a moment to identify your friction points; think about ways that you might remedy these situations; and then pivot to thinking about it in a new, more empowering way that supports YOU more effectively.

2025 is going to be a wild ride. Some tips for regularly resetting our allostatic loads are:

1. experiment with how we can interpret situations in a new way. 2. engage in regular physical activity—simply walk it off. 3. practice relaxation techniques such as journaling, mediation, or breath work. 4. Invest quality time and energy into supportive relationships. 5. Talk things out with a trusted friend (or talk aloud to yourself).

 Also, I suggest picking up Mel Robbins’s new book ‘The Let Them Theory’ to turbo this audit process—‘Let Them’ is the fastest, most effective way to reduce friction that I have ever encountered.

In closing, let’s enjoy a few ‘reflection questions’ to journal our intentions for 2025:

 ·      What did I learn this past year and how can I use this knowledge to enrich my life and spiritual practice?

·      What is felt in my heart, but stuck at my lips?

·      How can I be more accountable to myself and treat myself as lovingly and as well as I do others?

·      Am I showing up for myself in the way that I said I wanted?

·      Am I accountable for my actions?

·      Am I delivering to myself what I said I would?

·      Am I living my authentic code which honors my values and desires?

 ‘Every time I say I want something and then deny myself it, every time I commit to something and then don’t follow through and every time I promise myself ‘never again’ and I find myself right back at ‘again’, I literally am teaching myself that I cannot depend on myself, and that I don’t trust my own word.’ —Vienna Pharaon @mindfulmoment

 Happy Friction-less New Year! I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

In the dizziness of current political dismay, many people feel as if they are on allostatic overload. I calm myself by reviewing the facts: either she will be elected, or she won’t; either he will be re-elected, or he won’t. There’s no right or wrong in the logic of the Universe, there just IS. Things will happen, or they won’t. This is not a paradox to be solved, it is a paradox that we manage. Bullying, immorality, lying—so much needs to shift. Political forces expose the darkness so that the light will eventually shine: this is how we evolve, however painfully slow that may be. It’s not going to all burn down, and we will be as accountable as we can be. Our beautiful world will keep turning and 8.2 billion people will go on with their lives. I find this pragmatism grounding, and I place my faith in the hope that the ultimate grand plan for humanity is a loving one.

A great tragedy of our time, this epoch of self-righteousness, is the zeal with which people would rather feel right than understand — the situation, the context, the motives and vulnerabilities behind the actions, the basic fact of the other. —Alan Watts @1960

If I’ve learned one thing this year, it is this: I cannot control the behavior of anyone but myself, and I am not responsible for anyone’s emotions but my own. It took me sixty-seven years to learn that; I hope you are a faster learner than me. Part of my delay is due to the fact that I am an over-thinker—I revisit a lot of unnecessary ground on a regular basis.

Did you know that humans have 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day? Of those thousands of thoughts, 80% are negative, and 95% are exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before. This is a big reason why we struggle to make changes in our patterns and habits—because we keep thinking the same thoughts! We need to feed our brains with fresh material and think new thoughts to manifest new outcomes and levels of consciousness. What are some ways we can do this?

 1.   Reading from quality sources every day.

2.   Varying sources of media from a wide range, on rotation, and limiting exposure.

3.   Journaling thoughts for 5 minutes each morning and evening to give them a place to incubate.

4.   Walking daily (in the woods or a green space, if possible).

5.   Making an extra effort to talk to someone new to learn a new point of view.

6.   Remaining in curiosity mode: asking ‘why?’ often.

I’ve been intentionally implementing these six steps for the past few weeks, and I think it’s really helping my body to regulate and my brain to refresh faster. I am less anxious and more in tune with the responses I want to convey, especially if I find myself receiving difficult news or participating in a challenging conversation.

 The Practice of Unconditional Positive Regard

How often have you received the benefit of the doubt and been grateful? It feels really good to be validated in this way. How often do you extend the benefit of the doubt to others? If your answer is ‘not often enough’ then strap in, because the tool I want to share today is what I call ‘the benefit of the doubt’ on steroids.

Carl Rogers, the Humanistic Psychologist, posed the theory of Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR) as a way for therapists to express acceptance, empathy, and warm neutrality as the best posture for healing patients—he created a super-safe space, as it were. I want to take this tool and hand one out to every citizen. No matter which way this election goes, we need to become diplomatic savants if we want to salvage our democracy and protect our freedoms. This doesn’t mean that we blindly tolerate or accept everything people say and do; it means that we learn the skills to navigate—the triggers, the hurts, the hard conversations—with more grace and more courage.

 We can say anything as long as it is said with unwavering acceptance and support of where the other currently stands. In leadership, in love, and in our own minds, mastering this is perhaps one of the greatest game changers of all time. —unknown 

The cool part is that we already know how to do UPR: empathy, understanding, and non-judgmental acceptance—these are the hallmarks of the love and care we show to a child. When I was learning about Unconditional Positive Regard, I realized right away that it wouldn’t track unless I began by extending empathy, understanding, and non-judgmental acceptance to myself. It seemed like a simple ask, but it was not easy.

The Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield tells a famous self-compassion story from when he met the Dalai Lama in 1989 that helps to explain why: “it was at one of the first international Buddhist teacher meetings, we Western teachers brought up the enormous problem of unworthiness and self-criticism, shame and self-hatred, and how frequently they arose in Western students’ practice. The Dalai Lama and other Asian teachers were shocked. They could not comprehend the word self-hatred. It took the Dalai Lama ten minutes of conferring with his translator, even to understand it. Then he turned and asked how many of us experienced this problem in ourselves and our students. He saw us all nod affirmatively. He seemed genuinely surprised. ‘But that’s a mistake,’ he said. ‘Every being is precious!’ Nevertheless, self-judgment and shame are there in most of us who come from a Western culture.”

Showing myself loving acceptance for my humanity and my flaws during a few weeks of bold journaling was very revealing and essential. I took a suggestion from the writer Elizabeth Gilbert who begins her entries this way: “Dear Love, what would you have me know today?” I care about myself, I have value, I don’t have to be or do anything to deserve love: when I feel nurtured and sated by these statements, then I can go into growth mode.

 Three things happened quickly:

1. I realized that Unconditional Positive Regard holds me accountable for my part in how things go, I am half of every dynamic I participate in.

2. It resets my brain into thinking more regulated thoughts about myself and others.

 3. I become less reactive to negative energy, like the news, and more open to the good stuff all around me.

 The bonus of this practice has led me to experience higher quality interactions with people I don’t know and a deeper connection with my own people. I enjoyed a wonderfully random exchange with my cashier at the grocery store yesterday because I was telegraphing UPR; he picked up on it, and because my intention was sourced from this solid, safe place, it became a self-generated dopamine hit that lasted me the afternoon. UPR is just waiting to deliver these love bombs of happiness on a regular basis.

 I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment: when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. —Dr. Brené Brown

And here is the oyster to this story: this concept is imperative right now because Carl Rogers found within the UPR practice a curious paradox: that by creating a safe space of acceptance for what simply IS, the energy that creates growth and change then has a place to ignite. This is a tool of hope, and hope is a generative force—what else is possible in the forces of love? It is a tool that might allow us to save our collective sanity. In a nutshell, it’s an invitation to take the high road in the coming months and slather grace whenever possible. Indeed, we will still maintain healthy boundaries, and we won’t be taking on anyone’s monkeys or circuses. But I don’t want to be a scared soul on a wild ride, either. I think we can all accept the personal responsibility of becoming Ninja change agents, one exchange at a time. Here is a mantra for moving forward: May I be kind, May I be gracious, May I be bold.

 Words are powerful. Have I missed opportunities to extend Unconditional Positive Regard before I understood this concept? Hell yes—every day, and all day long. Often it was because I was operating in a mode of ignorance, fear, or shame, and I did not have the tools to galvanize my inherent goodness, the goodness we all share by simply being human. I was not able to be fully accountable to myself. I did not hold my own feet to the fire, but took the easy way out: yelling, withholding, ghosting, estrangement. Can I do better now that this beautiful idea has germinated in my heart and brain with a name like UPR? Yes—it’s going to help me to keep my side of the street cleaner. I am going to try because it’s a state of mind I desire; it’s a way of being in the world; it’s a loving practice. Our world has never needed kindness, graciousness, and boldness more than it does now. Collectively, our dispositions matter and have the power to change the conversation. Try consciously conveying UPR for one afternoon in a situation as simple as the grocery checkout line. I think you might amaze yourself.

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

Tirana, Republic of Albania 2024

Albania is a stunning country with an emerging economy—a price-positive tourist destination to consider now, before everyone else gets there. After the deadly 2019 earthquake, the E.U. invested more than forty million euros in restoring Albania’s cultural heritage, including the Soviet-style architecture of the capital, Tirana. A quirky, fun city, it boasts an ambitious food scene and was crowned the European Youth Capital of 2022. In April we flew Montreal-Vienna then jumped on a Ryanair quickie flight to deliver us to Tirana, the capital city of Albania. (We wanted to spend a few days in Vienna post bike trip, and this was a great flight plan to accommodate our timing.) Albania is located in Southeast Europe on the Balkan Peninsula; she is bordered by Montenegro to the northwest, Kosovo to the north, North Macedonia to the east, and Greece to the south. To the west, her coastline runs along the Adriatic Sea, and to the southwest along the Ionian Sea. With a population of nearly three million people, this dramatic country features an exquisite and diverse landscape of mountains, beaches, and forests.

We explored colorful Tirana on a rainy April weekend and found the heart of Albania pulsing with a powerful blend of old soul and cutting-edge vibes. Tirana has transformed dramatically since her communist state era (1946-1991). The city center is ever evolving with a mix of Ottoman, Soviet, and Contemporary architecture all learning to live amicably alongside each other. The newly constructed buildings are painted in vibrant primary colors that made me smile; the public squares, gardens, and streets are classical and a pleasure to wander without a plan. Albania has an ambitious, scrappy attitude—it is an emerging economy and the citizens, especially their youth, want more for their futures. Albania is slated to join the EU soon, and we wanted to visit while it was still a little sleepy on the tourist radar. We are very glad we did. Not only is this friendly and beautiful country very budget friendly, but the food is ridiculously fresh and plentiful, and the hard working citizens are kind and effusive in their hospitality—a cultural mandate.

Go now! Book in at the Radisson/Morina for the lovely lake setting and extraordinary food, it's an easy walk to the trendy Blloku district where everyone is shopping or just relaxing in the charming cafes people watching. Make sure to dine at the local favorite ‘Eras’ restaurant for a true Albanian cultural experience. We had a superb meal including multiple local dishes such as qofte (pistacchio dusted meatballs), fërgesë (a dish made with peppers, tomatoes, and cheese), tave kosi (baked lamb with yogurt), and a fresh sorrel green fettuccini (that I am still dreaming about)—four adults with beverages, for $53USD. If you are planning a trip to Albania I suggest you read In Albania's Tourism Revival, Food Plays a Central Role from Condé Nast Traveler.

Tirana offers a blend of rich history, vibrant culture, and stunning natural landscapes. Here are some things to do when visiting Tirana:

1.   Skanderbeg Square: Start your exploration of Tirana at its central square, named after Albania's national hero, Skanderbeg. Admire the monumental Skanderbeg statue and the historic Et'hem Bey Mosque, which dates back to the 18th century.

2.   BunkArt 2: Dive into Albania's communist past by visiting BunkArt 2, a museum housed in a massive underground bunker. The museum showcases exhibits and multimedia installations that provide insight into the country's history during the communist era.

3.   Mount Dajti National Park: Take a cable car ride to the top of Mount Dajti for breathtaking panoramic views of Tirana and the surrounding area. Enjoy hiking, picnicking, or dining at one of the restaurants with stunning vistas.

4.   Blloku District: Once a restricted area reserved for communist elites, the Blloku district is now a trendy neighborhood filled with cafes, restaurants, boutiques, and vibrant nightlife. Take a stroll through its streets to soak up the lively atmosphere.

5.   National History Museum: Learn about Albania's rich history and culture at the National History Museum, located in the heart of Tirana. The museum's exhibits cover various periods, from ancient Illyrian times to the present day.

6.   Pyramid of Tirana: A controversial architectural landmark, the Pyramid of Tirana was built as a museum to honor the legacy of Enver Hoxha, Albania's former communist leader. Today, it serves as a venue for events and exhibitions.

7.   Grand Park (Parku i Madh): Escape the city bustle and relax in the green oasis of Grand Park. This expansive park offers walking paths, recreational facilities, and a peaceful environment perfect for picnics and outdoor activities.

8.   National Art Gallery: Immerse yourself in Albanian art at the National Art Gallery, which houses an extensive collection of paintings, sculptures, and other artworks by Albanian artists from the 13th century to the present.

9. Rinia Park: Enjoy a leisurely stroll or relax on a bench in Rinia Park, a popular green space in central Tirana. The park features fountains, flower gardens, and cafes, making it a pleasant spot to unwind and people-watch.

‘Not all of us can do great things, but we call do small things with great love.’ —Mother Theresa, Patron Saint of Albania

Cycle Albania UNESCO Tour

Day 1 Tirana: we meet our group in the evening for a Cycle Albania orientation from our wonderful local guide Aryn. A fun-loving group of seventeen riders from Ireland, Israel, Canada, Germany, and the USA, ages 35-75, gathered to begin our ten-day bike tour of the Republic of Albania’s numerous UNESCO sites. All seasoned riders, about half of the group choose e-bikes for this mountainous adventure, while the die-hard riders make friends with their less-than-light recreational hybrid bikes. We feel lucky to have such a travel-savvy and enthusiastic group. (I’m happy to report that there were no whiners or personal dramas all week—we let the mountain passes and the Spring weather provide the challenges for us! )

Day 2 Tiranë-Pogradec: Our morning began with a hearty breakfast buffet, then we boarded the van for a two-hour transfer to the northern side of UNESCO World Heritage Site Lake Ohrid. Lake Ohrid is one of the oldest, most diverse lakes in the world, formed as a result of ancient tectonic shifts. It has a unique flora and fauna and is one of the largest biological reserves in Europe and with over two hundred known endemic species and a surface area of 358 km. It serves as the stunning foreground to the massive snow frosted Galičica Range, with a high peak of 2,254 meters. After a brief bike and gear shake down, we cycled along the breathtakingly beautiful shores of Lake Ohrid towards Pogradec. After reaching the town of Tushemisht, just 4 km east of Pogreadec, a generous al fresco lunch was served at the waterfront restaurant near Drilon National Park. After lunch, we cycled over the border into beautiful North Macedonia to visit the magical monastery of St. Naum complete with live peacocks. Distance: 29km |climb: 70m.

Day 3 Pogradec-Korcë: We began our morning ride in the pouring rain with winds over 40 mph. We climbed to a high plateau bounded by the massive Galičica mountain range. The roads are dramatic, and we followed a gorge until the hills opened up to a colourful patchwork of individual farms. It was all we could to to stay upright on the bike that day—truly a suffer fest of epic porportions requiring all of our bike handling skills. I have to say, that after my recovery from surgery, I have never felt so alive and so happy that I could experience this kind of a challenge again. I thought those adreneline rush days were behind me—not so! After a wild ride of 51km |climb: 512m, we arrived in charming Korcë, ‘the Paris of Albania’. Korcë was a major trading and handicraft centre in the 18th century as well as the religious center for Orthodox Christians and Muslims. It has a wonderful Ottoman-style market area to walk with remarkable buildings and old-world gathering areas for celebrating the Albanian culture. We had the most amazing dinner that evening with many Albanian speciality courses, and I think that I speak for everyone in our group: food never tasted so good after our gravity defying day!

Day 4 Korçë-Sotirë: Departing the agricultural plateau of Korcë, we ascended steadily into the border mountains through a landscape of barren rock and wild flowers. Numerous cols and valleys challenged our climbing skills in the heart of the Grammoz Mountains, and over the Barmash Pass at 1,159m which we endured during another downpour. After an exhilarating but soggy descent in deep fog, we were sodden and frozen and stopped for lunch in the town of Ersekë, the highest city in Albania (1000m above sea level.) We dried out the best we could with numerous coffees and snickers bars and general good humor and then, miracously, the sun decided to join us bringing beautiful weather the remainder of the trip. We spent the night at the Sotirë farm, right out of a fairy tale, in their wooded bungalows. As we relaxed by the fish ponds and marveled at the animals, we were treated to a family-style meal, with some brave souls opting to enjoy the ‘house-made’ wine.  Distance: 72km | Climb: 1170m

Day 5 Sotirë-Bënjë: In bright sunshine we began our day with a lovely climb from Sotirë to a high Pine forest plateau surrounded by soaring peaks and the River Vjosa. It was all smile miles as we descended to the spectacular gorge at Leskovik on a 17km long stretch of beautiful pavement into Çarshovë. This was one of the most scenic decents any of us had ever enjoyed—it was truly remarkable in every way. We then followed the corniche route high above the river to Përmet, famed for its cuisine and strong raki. After an amazing lunch, at yet another charming guesthouse in the village of Bënjë, we cycled to the thermal pools of Langarica and its magnificent canyon marked by a 16th cantury ancient ottoman bridge. Distance: 66km | Climb: 660m

Day 6 Bënjë-Gjirokastër: We rose to another sunny, beautiful day and after enjoying a family-style breakfast rode the valley towards Këlcyrë. We marveled at the ‘shark’s tooth peaks’ of the Drinos, banked by multiple gorges, which then opened into a wide plain and the UNESCO town of Gjirokastër (city of 1,000 steps). Gjirokastër is considered to be the most charming town in Albania with a an old Ottman-style bazzar—a web of cobbled alleyways, ancient white-walled buildings, and traditional artisan craftsman working in the street. It was really fun to walk around and shop, have a beer or ice cream, and visit the many museums. It also has a fourth century castle, AD to explore! Gjirokastër is home to the National Folklore Festival, regarded as the most important event in Albanian culture. Distance: 70km | Climb: 427m

 Day 7 Gjirokastër-Sarandë: We started the day with a brief transfer, skipping a serious (but busy) climb that left the hard-core riders salvating. We began our cycling adventure at the top of Muzina pass towards Sarandë. This stretch is the spectacular gateway to southern Albania on the Ionian coast, sandwiched between the high mountains and the sea. A short ride on a rustic ferry delivered us to a delicious al fresco lunch featuring fantastic local mussels and the UNESCO World Heritage Site of Butrint, one of the country's most important archaeological treasures. Inhabited since prehistoric times, Butrint has been the site of a Greek colony, a Roman city, and a bishopric. It was abandoned during the late Middle Ages, but the influences of various ancient cultures are clearly visible today, such as the aquaducts, worship sites, and the theatre. The walking guided tour was really informative and it was a nice break off the bike for all of us. Next, we rode along the coast heading north, with the island of Corfu always in our sights, to a glam beachfront hotel for the night. Distance: 70km | Climb: 525m

Day 8 Sarandë-Himarë: A fast start this on this morning as we climb steeply out of Sarandë to a rocky plateau. Then it's a roller coaster ride over cols into bays and around headlands, always with stunning mountain scenery to the right and coastal views to the left. After a castle tour we enjoy a thrilling descent to the beach in the bay of Himarë, where we swim in the cold, clear blue waters of the Albanian Riviera. Distance: 52km | Climb: 1064m

Day 9 Himarë-Vlorë: Today’s stunning ride was the most challenging and spectacular of an epic trip. We navigated a beautiful switchback climb up the Llogara Pass from sea level to 1,000m through forests, gorges, and hairpin turns. The Llogara Pass serves as a natural divder between this region and the rest of Albania, forcing a more direct connection with Corfu and Greece for the locals. You can feel a slight cultrual shift in the food, and the demenor of the people—who seemed to be a bit more jaded by tourism than the rest of eager Albania. After a hearty lunch in the beautiful national park of Llogara, we descended towards Vlorë, the main town of the Albanian Riveria, to enjoy a restorative swim in the Ionian sea, a farewell dinner with our new travel pals, and a lovely resort stay. Distance: 64km | Climb: 1590m

Day 10 Farewell day. Early morning transfer for 2.5 hrs to Rinas airport (‘Sister Theresa Airport”) in Tirana. “Faleminderit!” Thank you! A universal phrase of gratitude. Whether someone helps you out or serves you a meal, this is a polite way to show appreciation. Faleminderit Albania, we loved our visit with you—especially before the whole world discovers your kind hospitality, fantastic riding, and stunning beauty!

Vienna

We landed in Vienna in stunning Spring weather and booked in at the SO/Vienna a hip hotel in the LeopoldStadt neighborhood. It’s a wonderful location for walking the city, plus, a bike rental shop was nearby for our “Bike the Danube” day. Here is a quick summary of our three days exploring in photos and activities to try.

One of my favorite stops was the bustling Brunnenmarkt is Vienna’s largest food market—even bigger than the famous Naschmarkt. Don’t even try to resist the temptation to pick up some of the most inexpensive and tasty treats Vienna has to offer: falafel wraps, kebab sandwiches and cheese, or meat-filled börek are all popular choices with locals.

 1.   Schönbrunn Palace: This UNESCO World Heritage Site is a magnificent Baroque palace with extensive gardens. Visitors can explore the lavish rooms, stroll through the gardens, and enjoy spectacular views of the city.

2.   Hofburg Palace: The former imperial palace of the Habsburg dynasty, Hofburg Palace is a sprawling complex that houses museums, including the Imperial Apartments, the Sisi Museum, and the Imperial Treasury.

3.   St. Stephen's Cathedral (Stephansdom): This iconic Gothic cathedral is one of Vienna's most recognizable landmarks. Visitors can admire its intricate architecture, climb the South Tower for panoramic views, and explore the catacombs.

4.   Belvedere Palace: Another stunning Baroque palace complex, the Belvedere is home to an impressive collection of Austrian art, including works by Gustav Klimt, Egon Schiele, and Oskar Kokoschka.

5.   Vienna State Opera: One of the leading opera houses in the world, the Vienna State Opera offers performances of opera, ballet, and classical music throughout the year. Even if you don't attend a performance, the building itself is worth seeing.

6.   Cycling: Prater Park and Giant Ferris Wheel (Wiener Riesenrad): This historic amusement park offers a nostalgic atmosphere with rides, games, and traditional fairground food. The Giant Ferris Wheel, dating back to 1897, provides stunning views of the city. We also biked the Danube on the bike path, really beautiful!

7.   Kunsthistorisches Museum (Museum of Art History): Housed in a magnificent palace, this museum features an extensive collection of European art, including works by Rembrandt, Vermeer, Raphael, and Caravaggio.

8.   Naschmarkt: Vienna's most popular market, Naschmarkt is a bustling place to explore stalls selling fresh produce, spices, meats, cheeses, and more. It's also a great spot for sampling international cuisine at the many food stalls and restaurants.

9.   Vienna City Hall (Rathaus): A striking Gothic Revival building, Vienna City Hall is an architectural marvel. Visitors can take guided tours to learn about its history and admire its grand interiors.

10.  Albertina Museum and Art Gallery: This museum houses a vast collection of prints, drawings, and photographs, including works by artists such as Albrecht Dürer, Michelangelo, and Picasso. The museum also hosts temporary exhibitions showcasing various art forms. It’s gorgeous!

Best restaurants:  Cafe Society is an art in Vienna and must visits are Cafe Diglas, Paremi, and Demel. The Plachutta is classic Vienna, but I’ll say that the whole food scene is dynamic, and you really can’t go wrong. You have to love a city where everyone stops at 4 pm and enjoys an ice cream cone, these folks know how to live! A quirky, fun thing to try: The Fenster Café for the $11 coffee in a waffle cone.         

Explore: 1st district, The Innere Stadt (from Conde Nast): “There’s a reason why this area is known as the Goldeness Quartier: LV to the left of me, Jimmy Choo to the right… plenty of places to shop if you’ve mislaid your Rolex and need a new one for the holiday. Not since the days of Emperor Franz Joseph—something of a patron saint for the city, you’ll see his walrus-moustached visage everywhere—has Vienna’s first district seen such finery and frippery. So plenty of shopping and old-town favourites such as the Loos American Bar, the high-stepping horses of the Spanish Riding School, and the Albertina museum. St Peter’s Church is right outside; the gothic barnacles of St Stephen’s are just a short walk away, reflecting in the post-modern Hass Haus opposite…”

 We had dinner at the historic Sacher Hotel in the BlaueBar @6:30 pm and yes, some Sacher Torte for dessert, which was a divine chocolate blackout. Then we headed to St Peter’s Cathedral for a Vivaldi Concert at 8:30. It was lovely (and lasted only an hour, so Jeff survived nicely!) On the beautiful evening walk back to SO/Vienna, we visited the Rosewood Hotel for a nightcap.

Foods To Enjoy In Vienna

1.   Wiener Schnitzel: Perhaps the most famous Austrian dish, Wiener Schnitzel consists of a breaded and fried veal or pork cutlet. It's typically served with a slice of lemon and potato salad or parsley potatoes.

2.   Sachertorte: This indulgent chocolate cake is a Viennese classic. It consists of layers of dense chocolate sponge cake separated by apricot jam and covered in a smooth chocolate glaze. It's often served with a dollop of unsweetened whipped cream.

3.   Apfelstrudel: A beloved Austrian dessert, Apfelstrudel is a pastry filled with thinly sliced apples, sugar, cinnamon, and sometimes raisins. It's typically served warm and dusted with powdered sugar, accompanied by a scoop of vanilla ice cream or custard.

4.   Tafelspitz: This traditional Austrian beef dish features boiled beef simmered with root vegetables and spices until tender. It's served with traditional accompaniments such as apple horseradish sauce, chive sauce, roasted potatoes, and creamed spinach.

5.   Goulash: A hearty stew originally from Hungary but popular throughout Central Europe, goulash is a comforting dish made with tender chunks of beef simmered in a rich, paprika-spiced sauce. It's often served with bread dumplings or buttered noodles.

6.   Kaiserschmarrn: A sweet pancake dessert, Kaiserschmarrn is made from a fluffy pancake batter cooked until golden brown, then torn into small pieces and caramelized in butter. It's typically dusted with powdered sugar and served with fruit compote or applesauce.

7.   Erdäpfelsalat: Vienna's version of potato salad, Erdäpfelsalat is made with boiled potatoes, onions, and a tangy vinaigrette dressing made with vinegar, mustard, and oil. It's often served as a side dish to accompany meats such as Wiener Schnitzel.

8.   Käsekrainer: A popular street food, Käsekrainer is a sausage made from pork and beef mixed with chunks of cheese. It's grilled until crispy and served with mustard and bread or as part of a sausage platter with sauerkraut and mustard.

9.   Leberkäse: A type of meatloaf, Leberkäse is made from finely ground pork and beef mixed with onions, spices, and sometimes liver. It's baked until golden brown and served sliced with mustard and fresh bread.

10. Palatschinken: Similar to French crepes, Palatschinken are thin pancakes filled with sweet or savory fillings such as jam, Nutella, fruit, cheese, or ham and cheese. They're often served as a dessert or light meal.

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

I am a firm believer that coffee cake is the glue of the weekend. No matter what else happens, if you have a perfect bite of cake paired with a hot cup of coffee, or my Maple Magic Iced Coffee, then everything else is going to be okay. In fully ripe summer there is nothing like waking up the to the aroma of ginger-studded Blackberry Walnut Cake baking as the coffee steeps. It’s got crumble but also substance, and the crackle of the cornmeal topping with fresh blackberries is irresistible. Blackberries are often overlooked in favor of bountiful blueberries, but I love them for their firm plumpness and slightly tart flavor. My cake is more substantial than classic cakes—cleaner fuel—and it will carry you through your morning activities nicely. It’s the perfect ‘car carry’ as you make your way to the mountains or lake for the day. This coffee cake can be made traditionally, or vegan-style, and is very adaptable to using different nuts and berries. It’s simply magic.

Blackberry Walnut Cake    By Kim Dannies

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray 8” round cake pan with baking spray, and line the bottom with parchment paper. (I like to use a springform pan with the center insert for a more ‘coffee cake’ hollow interior.)

-In a large mixing bowl combine the following: 3-T orange or lemon zest (optional); 1 -cup sugar; 1-c yellow cornmeal; 1-c white/whole wheat flour combination; 1½ t- baking powder; 1/2 t- baking soda; 1/2 t- salt; 1-scant teaspoon of pumpkin, cinnamon, and cardamom spice, each; 1-cup chopped walnuts; 1/3-c finely diced crystal ginger bits.

 -Whisk together in a small bowl, then add to dry mix, stirring batter gently: 1/4-c olive oil (add to batter or drizzle on finished batter for a chunkier crumb);1/2-c Greek yogurt (or applesauce for ‘V’ recipe)1-egg (or flax mix for ‘V’ recipe); 2/3 -c dairy or non-dairy milk (I like ‘Ripple’ pea plant milk); 3-T orange or lemon juice; 1-t vanilla; 1-cup blackberries.

-Topping: combine an additional 1/3-c chopped walnuts, 1-T cornmeal and 1-T natural sugar. Pour batter into prepped baking pan, sprinkle on the topping and add 1-c fresh blackberries. Bake for @40-45 minutes or until pick comes out clean. Cool for 20 minutes.

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

I devour cookbooks like others consume mystery novels, but the irony is that I am incapable of following a recipe properly. My brain is labeled a ‘quick start’ and as a result I don’t follow written directions at all well. I’d rather fumble through figuring out how an object works than endure the sheer torture of reading the instruction manual first. It’s my style, and we all have different approaches to challenges. What I’ve learned about myself is that I do absorb the knowledge contained in the cookbooks, but just not in a sequential way. The ideas and techniques get lodged in my brain somehow, because when I start cooking in my kitchen, I know exactly how and what I want to create with my ingredients.

Two kitchen hacks that I’ve created also feed my irreverence and creativity when it comes to seasoning. A cook’s seasoning confidence is what transforms good food into great food. Mystery Mix: once a year I audit my spice drawer and combine all of my savory seasonings together in a big bowl, tasting as I go. When I’m excited about the flavor of the mix, I transfer it to a mason jar and use it as a general seasoning, especially for potatoes and other hearty vegetables. Every time I do this, I am thrilled with my completely unique combination. As a bonus, I get to order fresh spices from my favorite source, Penzey’s Spices.

Desert Dust is ‘speed dial’ for my daily cooking chores. I mix 14-ounce sized containers of chopped dried onion, dried granulated garlic, and ground black pepper in a gallon bag. I scoop some into a mason jar for daily use and freeze the rest. I learned this trick from a chef in Arizona, so I dubbed it ‘Desert Dust’ and I think it instantly makes everything taste better. (I reserve the use of salt for the cooking process, which is required for layering and building flavors.)

So, yes, cookbooks are just good company for me, and I write very basic recipes so that I can share ideas with readers. If you have any inhibitions about your approach to cooking or lack confidence in the kitchen, I urge you to simply jump in and trust yourself. An intuitive cook’s food is just as delicious any prescribed by a book—in fact, it’s often better, and it is definitely a lot more exciting.

I’m going to share a late summer recipe that was a huge hit with my visiting family. My recipe is vegan and variable, so have some fun with the options, and put your own twist on it, just as I did. Smashed Potato Salad is all over social media for a reason: it’s ridiculously good. What I prefer to do differently is to present it on a large platter with the herb salad heaped on top, and then drizzle the dressing—this ensures that the potatoes stay nice and crispy.

 Summer Smashed Potato Salad    (V)                  By Kim Dannies                     

 Herb Salad: combine 1-cup diced celery; 1-cup seeded and diced cucumber; 3-T fresh dill, rough chopped; 1-cup destemmed parsley leaves; ¾ -cup finely diced red onion; 2-T drained capers. You can prep the herbed salad one day ahead.

 Dressing: combine one-half-cup of unsweetned non-dairy yogurt (or sub Greek dairy yogurt); one-third cup of tahini; 1-T Dijon mustard; the zest of two lemons and the juice of two lemons; 1-T maple syrup; salt to taste. Whisk ingredients together—the dressing should have a little ‘zing’ to it to carry the potatoes. Add some chili heat if you like. Store in a mason jar until ready for use. Recipe makes more than you need for the salad, and it’s a great leftover. You can prep the dressing up to two days ahead.

Potatoes: line a large baking sheet with parchment paper and smear 2-T of olive oil over the paper.

-Boil 3-pounds of new baby potatoes in salted, boiling water until tender, about 15-20 minutes. Drain the pot and place the potatoes on the baking sheet. With a firm bottomed jar, smash the potatoes flat.

-Combine one-half cup of olive oil with 6-minced cloves of garlic; 2-T Desert Dust; and any other savory spices you enjoy. (Maybe try a Garam masala and Sumac combination, 1-T each.) Drizzle this mixture over the potatoes and then generously sprinkle the batch all over with Maldon sea salt.

-The prepped potatoes can be completed up to six hours before serving. They are best served hot out of the oven, so preheat your oven to 400 degrees and around 50 minutes before serving time, roast them, turning once, until they are nice and crispy.

Serve: On a serving platter plate the hot potatoes. Top with handfuls of the herbed salad. Drizzle on the desired amount of dressing and top with some freshly ground black pepper; serve immediately. 6-8 servings.

 I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

Stunning Santa Fe, New Mexico is one of my favorite places in the world to visit. Located at the foothills of the dramatic Sangre de Cristo Mountains, its wild desert beauty and colorful, refined culture clash in a way that sparks something creative and curious deep in my soul. I’ve had the pleasure of visiting this walkable, bikeable kaleidoscope of a city many times and every reunion yields new opportunities for enrichment: adventure, culinary, and artistic all wrapped up into one very satisfying vacation.

Adventure: For us, the main attraction of Santa Fe is the fact that the city is surrounded by a 25-mile network of natural surface trails for hiking and mountain biking called the Dale Ball Trails. These moderately rugged trails encircle the city in a way that you can quite literally ride or hike from your bed. The terrain is desert/rocky but fairly kind in the elevation department. It’s easy to navigate the trail system as it is beautifully maintained and posted with maps that actually make sense.  In addition, the greater Santa Fe area is mountain bike/hike rich so be sure to take a look at Trailforks and scope out all of the possibilities while planning your visit.  Melo Velo is our bike store of choice, but I’ll warn you, the rental rates are steep in Santa Fe. If at all possible, ship your bike if you are planning to ride more than a few days.

Adventure Earthship: If you are feeling frisky take a drive along the famous winding High Road to Taos (56 miles) to explore the charming ski town and adventure among the shadows of 13,000 peaks. We rented an Earthship home in Taos to bike and hike the area. We lived completely ‘off the grid’ in this outrageous confection of a home—mind you, with all the comforts—for three days. You have to see these places to believe them, they are whimsical, funky, genius pieces of recycled sustainable architecture that will be the future for supporting life in our rapidly deteriorating environment.

Culinary: The food is uniformly outstanding in Santa Fe, I cannot recall ever being disappointed with a meal or a presentation. This proud cuisine is a deep braiding of Mexican, Native American, Spanish, vegetarian, and contemporary traditions that produces a distinctive Southwest style: fresh, vibrant, and beautifully seasoned. Local comfort foods like roasted corn and poblano; smooth, silky tortilla soup with green chile; chicken and chico stew; blue corn muffins; posole; Frito pie (yup, corn chips!), carne adovada…the menus are endlessly creative and beyond delicious.

For education and inspiration, I’ve attended a few classes at the Santa Fe School of Cooking to learn about Southwestern cooking in general, and the art of chiles in particular (something this New Englander is clueless about.) This delightful foodie sanctuary is a destination stop for anyone who likes to eat. It’s where I first learned about the magical La Chamba cookware, the ebony clay pottery that I can fire up on any source and then serve it at the table. The school features a world-class cooking program with one-day offerings; it’s a one-stop shop for all things Southwest; and it is located just around the corner from the Georgia O’Keefe Museum—so you can make a day of it. I highly recommend reading Roxana Robinson’s biography of Georgia O’Keefe, it will greatly enhance your visit.

A Few Favorite Food Haunts: Our first morning stop is always the Sage Bakehouse, which boasts, I think, the best almond croissant I’ve ever had (and I make of point of trying them wherever I visit in the world!) This is our quintessential bakery: artisanal, irreverent, delicious, and welcoming. Fuel up on a quiche, soup, and tartines, then grab the makings of a lovely picnic for the trail with their vast array of breads and goodies. Tomisita’s is the fifty-year-old local favorite for Northern New Mexico comfort food, likewise, Tia Sophia’s diner vibe serves fabulous food. Coyote Café & Rooftop Bar is a super fun place to eat, fine dining downstairs and a raucous rooftop scene, take your pick. The Shed and Café Pasqual’s offer more delicious local, casual food. Vinaigrette is off the beaten path but seek it out on the day you visit the Santa Fe Railyards Arts District. It is a causal setting, but the food is very elevated, farm fresh, and sublime—the perfect meal in my opinion. For a romantic fine dining experience visit Santacafé and ask to sit outside. You will relax in a nimbus of Piñon-scented air among twinkling lights and feel supremely cared for.

The Arts: Santa Fe is rich in history, architecture, culture, and the various art mediums. Start by walking (or biking) Canyon Road and you will find yourself in the nexus of a rich and rewarding gallery tour. You can literally spend the day here going from place to place—everywhere you turn something unusual is popping up to delight you. The sculptures are usually my favorites, but I fell in love with Monica Lundy’s soulful portraits of women on my last visit, and I’ve been following her on Instagram with great pleasure. I have found each gallery to be unique and the hosts very welcoming—despite my biking attire and awe-gawking demeanor. I also recommend a walking and shopping tour of the Santa Fe Railyards Arts District—if you plan it for a Tuesday or Saturday, Farmer’s Market Day, you will be extra-delighted.

A Few Other Facts: If you want to experience a beautiful Native American hotel, Hotel Santa Fe, Hacienda & Spa is your place. We’ve stayed there twice and enjoyed the wonderful art and live music. Because Santa Fe is so walkable, we also love to rent a casita, a darling bungalow-style home that has desert character and true comfort in a neighborhood. We used TwoCasitas.com on our last trip and liked the local contact and service.

If you’ve ever lusted after a custom pair of cowboy boots, visit Lucchese Bootmakers, located on the town square, it’s like a boot museum-store and it sets the gold standard. Best dive bar ever is The Cowgirl BBQ with live music and pool. We fly in and out of ABQ, an easy one-hour drive to Santa Fe. To wrap up our Santa Fe adventure we love to hike the Kasha-Katuwe Tent Rocks National Monument, thirty minutes off the highway. Plan about three extra travel hours for this spectacular hike.

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

For the past six years I begged, scratched, and plotted for relief from the debilitating symptoms of Meniere’s disease. For the past eight weeks, I’ve been recovering from major surgery to treat the vertigo attacks and hearing loss symptoms. Now, I’m trying to metabolize what it all means. This is an essay to bring my Meniere’s story full circle—and then I’m putting it to bed! If you don’t know about my Meniere’s journey and the devastating consequences of this disease, maybe start with The Thin Edge of the Wedge and then jump back in.

In early November ’23 I had a Labyrinthectomy: a surgeon removed the vertigo source (vestibular mechanism) in my right ear—essentially my ability to balance—and then inserted a magnetic cochlear implant into my skull to replace my hearing on the right side, which was at 0% capacity. (I have 100% on the left.) Post-op I had severe vertigo for ten days and I needed a walker to move very slowly. On week two, under my own steam, I walked ten yards, and then challenged myself to go further each day. Several nauseously weaving walks later, I finally made the one-mile loop around my ‘hood—with my Pals flanking me—on week three. Week four my recovery momentum started to build quickly, and I was riding my fat bike in the driveway (I thought it would take me four months to be able to do this); and I could do regular gym workouts. It was ugly, but I even went to Bikram hot yoga on week five. I got on a plane and traveled at week six. To me, this was all nothing short of a miracle given the forecast I had received about the recovery arc for this type of surgery.

While these procedures are not a cure for Meniere’s—there is none, and it could happen all over again on my left side—these treatments are allowing me to reclaim my life and reset my nervous system so that I can live more freely, without fear. I’m sharing my story because the themes are universal, and it’s my miracle. I’m spreading the magic of true healing with my loyal readers because your loving support and compassion throughout this ordeal continues to be essential to my recovery, and I thank and love you all for every text, email, note, and kind gesture that reminds me daily that I am not alone.

‘We do not learn from experience we learn from reflecting on experience.’ —John Dewey 

 Here are a couple of reflections from my recent experience:

1.   Vital Relationships are EVERYTHING. Over the past six years my shelterbelt of supporters—family and friends—has been incredible. Somehow, they have managed to maintain a kind awareness of my limitations and sporadic sufferfests, but they refused to allow the challenges to define me. That’s a fine, compassionate line to walk, and it’s probably the reason I was able to remain relatively stable and sane on the roller coaster-from-hell that is Meniere’s. We all struggle silently with something, and life is not a competition about who is suffering the most. If you have a friend who is managing a challenge, whatever that may be—never, ever underestimate the power of a kind gesture, compassionate comment, or acknowledgement of the struggle. I spontaneously begin to cry when I think about this.

2.   At its core, food IS love. I was reminded again of the power of connected community when I underestimated my need for a meal-train or visitors post-op. My doctors couldn’t predict what it would be like for me, so I vacillated about the type and amount of support I would need or even want. When I decided to opt-in, our middle daughter flew in from Tahoe for ten days to support me and Stealth, and her presence was a huge, loving bonus both physically and psychologically for us. Pal JV organized an 8-week schedule of meals from friends (every other day with optional visits depending upon my mood). I can’t tell you how much fun it all was—like an early Christmas! Delicious food deliveries where I could taste the love and care from my cooks, simple cards, funny gifts, delightful chats one-on-one with my favorite people, and little luxuries every day. It made a world of difference, and I will never again question or underestimate the power of food, community, and love when they join forces.

3.   The body is a Wonderland. At sixty-six I have always trusted my body to take care of me just like I take of it. Even during six years of scary vertigo attacks I always knew that, ultimately, I’d be okay when ‘the hurricane’ would finally pass. What astonished me post-op was how I could actually feel my body, in real time, craving to heal itself. It was calling for protein and rest. I was liberal with both, and it worked magically. I have not always been generous with self-compassion or comfortable with being in a vulnerable state, but I lived there deeply for several weeks. It was both a humbling and beautiful place to be, and I will carry that feeling in my heart forever. Attitude is the difference between an adventure or an ordeal, and while this experience was both, I think my deep desire to recapture a state of wellness was the magic sauce. The body is genius at recovery and resilience, and it is always, always striving to return to a healthy homeostasis. I think by recommitting to basics like nutrition, exercise, connections, laughter, aspirations, and lots of rest we can go a long way towards honoring our divine, ultimate gift.

4.   Soul Searching. I had a lot of time to be with myself in an uncomfortable way. The first ten days I could do nothing except lie on the couch. I was in full vertigo, exhausted, and couldn’t tolerate light, conversation, eye movement, aroma, audible tapes—nothing. This was the worst point, where I literally thought I might die of boredom (or a panic attack.) I have never been bored in my life; it felt so strange to do nothing but think, and even that was unreliably groggy. Still, as a world-class Overthinker, I managed to make mountains from my molehills, as we are all wont to do.

The ‘Spotlight Effect’ is relevant here. Science says that we overestimate the degree to which other people are noticing or thinking about us. Basically, we think people care way more about us than they actually do. Combine that notion with an exhausted body and mind and a few days of prescription opiates (which tend to make one paranoid) and that’s quite a lot of molehill to play with. When we are hyper-focused on something mammoth going on for us, we tend to infect that rational onto others. Add to that, our brains are wired for the negative to ensure protection from pain. My delusional wondering sounded like this: ‘Why are my people, who I thought were my people, not showing up for me?’ (They were.) ‘Why hasn’t my surgeon called me, aren’t we best friends?’ (No, Kim, you are not.)  ‘I expected So&So to text me by now, doesn’t she care about me?!’ (‘Don’t be an idiot.’) I learned that by tuning out my monkey mind, remaining calm and distracted by many silly movies, and leaning into the art of chilling the ‘efff out, it went a long way to retiring my ego and speeding my physical and emotional recovery.

When I am in judging mode it does not define who other people are, it defines who I am. Most people you love will show up for you in spades, but we cannot control how others express their concern, love, or commitment to us. It’s not on a schedule, and it’s not a mandate. Most people will meet our modest expectations and some people will even surprise us. It’s an irony of being human, but one of our biggest blind spots is to the plethora of blessings in our lives. Learning to let go of the scorekeeping and embrace the gratitude for what actually is happening in real time, is probably one of life’s hardest skills. It’s worth noting that once I got physically moving again the silly mind games didn’t haunt me anymore and I made sure to exercise outside every day.

"Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now." —Eckhart Tolle

Right now, my cochlear implant sounds like I have a nest of bees in my head all tuning to their own individual radio stations. The static and buzzing is mind-numbing—like someone tapping me on the shoulder all day long. While it’s not going to bruise me, at the end of each day I have one shredded, dangling nerve of patience left. (A combination of stoicism and gratitude are keeping me out of jail.) My medical team reports that I have achieved 40% hearing in my right ear, and that will likely reach a max of 60%; I am very encouraged, and every day is improving over the next twelve weeks. I actually heard the sound of my neighbor’s voice from a direction I could detect afar the other day, and it literally stopped me in my tracks with wonder.

My hierophany—my personal manifestation of the sacred—has flawlessly come through in the form of relief and rehabilitation surgery; it’s my own miracle, for which I will be forever grateful. The entire experience these past several months has been All. Green. Lights. With vertigo in my rear-view mirror, I am moving forward with my renaissance, and I am asking myself three questions:

1.   What do I want more of?

2.   What do I want less of?

3.   What is my potential now that I am whole and vibrant and feeling less fear?

My answers:

1.   I am choosing to spend more time creating and being delighted (adventuring, writing, art, cooking, laughing, connecting, playing, learning—and most of all, loving.)

2.   I am choosing to stop thinking for others (fixing), judging, and people pleasing.

3.   I know that my purpose in life is to be a human hearted connector, fully honest and wholly human as I manage my strengths and success, my faults and failures. But I am still wrestling with what my potential is for the Third Age of my life. What do I want to experience, accomplish, create? I don’t know the specifics just yet. I guess that will be part of a new adventure of discovery as I seek the super and the natural. Stay tuned!

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

‘Bubble’ Photo Credits: Barb Kennedy

Improvement                  

The optometrist says my eyes

are getting better each year.

Soon he’ll have to lower my prescription.

What’s next? The light step I had at six?

All the gray hairs back to brown?

Skin taut as a drum?

My improved eyes and I

walked around town and celebrated.

We took in the letters

of the marquee, the individual leaves

filling out the branches of the sycamore,

an early moon.

So much goes downhill: our joints

wearing out with every mile,

the delicate folds of the eardrum

exhausted from years of listening.

I’m grateful for small victories.

The way the heart still beats time

in the cathedral of the ribs.

And the mind, watching its parade of thoughts

enter and leave, begins to see them

for what they are: jugglers, fire swallowers, acrobats

tossing their batons in the air.

by Danusha Laméris

2024

Soup is an essential food in deep winter in Vermont. It keeps us grounded, warm, and hopeful— just like the cache of stories we carry inside of us. I make a big batch of soup every week, but lately I’ve noticed that my soups are all starting to taste and look alike: familiar and boring. I don’t follow recipes well, so mostly I just pressure cook a bunch of root vegetables and puree them, adding bits of meat, beans, spices, and fridge leftovers. It’s always tasty, but I have a sense that my soup routine is no longer serving me.

I have also noticed that the same thing can happen with the stories we tell ourselves—we repeat our well-worn lines over and over again to excess. We have our reliable rendition of what happened, and then we tell it that way, ad nauseam over the ages, creating drama-driven ruts that provide comfort, veracity, and a stale sense of safety. Even if our story is Trauma with a capital T, it’s still just soup without a recipe, without a direction, and because we know it by heart, it’s in danger of becoming an expired default that no longer nourishes.

I was in a Zoom writing group last week and we had twenty minutes to free write before we would share our piece with the small group. The emotionally rutted neural pathway in my brain immediately started writing about a catastrophic accident my father suffered in 1977—yup, it happened forty-seven years ago—and yet I was still defaulting to it for the familiar painful comfort, and the guaranteed ‘Wow’ factor. My lazy, rutted brain!

(Cliff Notes: my forty-two-year-old father dove into our family pool and broke his neck, he narrowly survived as a C-3 quadriplegic (his physcial capacity: he could blink his eyes). He was cared for at home for seventeen years by my mother and her six children aged 13-20.)

I’ve been processing this sad story and the resulting Trauma for many years. I’ve journaled about it endlessly, and yet it always seems to intrude into these free write sessions. The timer started, I began the free-write, but then I just stopped: I bonked. When it was my turn to share, I told this group of complete strangers that I was sick and tired of revisiting this story, that it was a sloppy default blocking my writing, and that it was not serving me any longer. I basically had a mini meltdown on Zoom with a roomful of virtual writers. And you know what? Every single writer began to speak about the burden and excess of such stories—we all have them.

This was an AHA! moment for me. I had already been studying about the neuroplasticity of our brain with regard to managing my Meniere’s condition, and how we can retrain our thinking to create fresh pathways of positive, healing thoughts. I know this actually works, and in this moment, I knew that I could do the same by writing fresh narratives about my life experiences—spicing them with the new knowledge and perspective that I’ve provisioned as I have matured over many decades.

The Writer, Meggan Watterson, reminds us: ‘There will never be a voice outside of you that is wiser than your Soul Voice, or one that holds more authority over what is best for you. You need guidance and support. You don’t need to follow someone else’s truth— always remain loyal to your own narrative. The voice that will guide you to your highest potential is ready and waiting inside of you.’

‘There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.’ —Maya Angelou

My eighty-eight-year-old mother is a beautiful human being and a world-class soup maker. Mom lives independently in a lovely neighborhood; she makes a delicious batch of soup every week for the Respite House and for her grateful neighbors. Her soups are diverse and unique and while she never uses a recipe, she never falls into complacency or boredom. Soup has a very specific purpose for her, and very real consequences—because no one likes bad soup! She is laser focused on keeping her brain sharp and refreshed, she refuses to get stuck in a story-rut. Our family trauma is ultimately her story: she is the one who bore the brunt of it and the consequences. Mom is a survivor, and she has trained herself to look for the narrative that nourishes her heart and keeps her moving forward in a healthy and peaceful way.

‘Therefore, dark past, I'm about to do it. I'm about to forgive you. For everything.’ —Mary Oliver

A tenent of Alderian Psychology maintains that much of our happiness is predicated not on what actually happended to us, (Trauma, trauma) but how, in the aftermath, we interpret the events: creating the perspective that feels most supportive to our situation. Old versions of stories and family history do not have to define us. We get to write our own stories, no one else should be doing that for us. There are a million versions of every untold story, and we get to decide our own truths. My refreshed stories are building positive, new neural pathways for me (and my nineteen-year-old brain) allowing me to move forward with grace. If I add a pinch of maturity, a dollop of perspective, and a dash of compassion, I’m able to create something that makes me hungry for more of what stories do so beautifully: inspire us, sustain us, and offer meaning where it sometimes feels like there is none. Stories help us to process our grief, our disappointments, our hopes and dreams. Paired with a streaming bowl of delicious soup, there is no finer combination. My hope is that my refreshed neural pathways will be more curious than catastrophic for me, and that I can invite in more wonder and possibility as the loving, conscious, and evolved person I have worked hard to become.

To that end, I discovered a new soup recipe that I actually followed to the letter. And guess what? It is absolutely fantastic. It’s a completely different technique (new neural pathway) to making soup that I have ever followed, and my brain is so happy—it feels like fresh pavement. I am delighted with its flavor, beauty, ease of creating, and most of all with its versatility and freshness.

Cheesy Chicken and Broccoli Soup by America’s Test Kitchen

3 -Tablespoons unsalted butter

1-onion, rough chop

1¼ -teaspoons table salt

1-teaspoon pepper

2-Tablespoons all-purpose flour

3-cups chicken broth

2 (6- to 8-ounce) boneless, skinless chicken breasts, trimmed and halved lengthwise

1-pound broccoli florets, cut into ½-inch pieces

1-cup heavy cream

8-ounces sharp cheddar cheese, shredded (2 cups)

4-ounces American cheese, chopped (1 cup)

Method: Melt butter in large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add onion, salt, and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 4 minutes. Add flour and cook, stirring to coat onion, about 1 minute. Gradually whisk in broth. Add chicken and broccoli and bring to simmer. Cover; reduce heat to medium-low; and simmer until chicken registers 160 degrees, about 10 minutes.

Transfer chicken to plate and shred into bite-size pieces using 2 forks. Stir cream into soup and return to simmer over medium heat. Whisk in cheddar and American cheese until melted, about 2 minutes. Stir in chicken. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve.

The first evening that our Tahoe Vegan Kids arrived for Christmas I served this soup, modified for vegan tastes, and I think it was even better than the original. We added a little tumeric, substituted the butter for olive oil, the chicken stock and cream for vegetable stock and coconut milk, added big handfuls of fresh spinach to the broccoli, and sprinkled some vegan cheese on top.

Do you see? We can change the recipe, and the story, to suit how we want to consume the things that happen in our lives. This was a fresh soup story for our family of diners and one we will repeat with gusto. I say, ‘Bon Appetit, Creators’ let’s share some new stories over a big bowl soon.

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

September is the gorgeous month of liminality: the leaves are changing during the hot, sunny days and cool, cozy evenings. We are no longer enjoying full summer, but we are not yet enduring the cold months. Liminality is the state of being in-between, or transition. It is the hush between sleep and being awake. It is the moments between pushing the brew button and that delectable first sip of coffee. It is the time it takes cold water gushing out of a shower head to turn hot and soothing. The word ‘limen’ means threshold in Latin. When we’re in a liminal space, we’re in a state of ambiguity, neither this nor that. This space is a place I often waste with impatience, but now that I understand it as a metaphorical concept, I am trying to respect it as an opportunity for mindfulness practice.

Liminality permeates the cultural, physical, psychological, political and conceptual transitions that occur in our lives. We celebrate birth, weddings, death, seasons and elections to mark the transition of major liminal passages. Home construction can feel liminally stressful because our physical space is in a prolonged transition. A baby takes nine months of liminal energy to create. A divorce or job loss feels liminal because our status is on hold until a period of time re-establishes a new physical and emotional homeostasis. Waiting for the next meal on an empty stomach is a soul-destroying state of liminality that seven hundred million people live with daily. Globally, we are experiencing liminal moments as AI technology and Eco-anxiety become more prominent in our lives. Liminal transitions occur over a wide spectrum and often feel stressful for the people experiencing them because it is a moment of bridging. It’s true that a bridge can take us from one place to the next, and that’s exciting—but the act of crossing it can feel unnerving.

I’m not suggesting that our every waking moment needs to be a moment of mindfulness, our habits and patterns carry us along just fine. But it is satisfying to name this interim time and space and I do love the word liminality. It kind of shimmers and sparks, and being in a mindful place during it I can see myself in a kind of slow motion. I can see and feel more gratitude for the hot coffee and the running water, and I can make more consciously aligned decisions as I bridge to the next thing.

In Viktor E. Frankl’s seminal book Man’s Search For Meaning, about his tortuous experiences during the Holocaust, he talks about the space between stimulus and response. This is liminal space, and it is where all our power lives. It’s the threshold of where the opportunity to make a choice—and to possibly pivot—lives. It’s a vital space to recognize and respect, and now we can name it as liminal space, a place for mindfulness.  

‘Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.’ —Viktor E. Frankl

Liminality can be both liberating and daunting because it’s a period of transition—like standing at the threshold of a new adventure—but with the weight of experience on our shoulders. It can be banal, like going from one chapter to the next in a book, or we might feel a sense of restlessness, as if we're caught between who we once were and who we want to become. I often feel this way just before a big trip, and I think: ‘Resfeber (n.): The restless race of a traveler’s heart before a journey begins; a ‘travel fever’ of anxiety and anticipation.’

Naming things helps to embody an array of ideas and feelings into a tangible unit that we can grasp and point to. Living liminally is something that just is, it is something that we have always experienced, but pausing to name this concept, giving it structure and stature gives us a place to be more fully conscious, to rush less, to relax into things more, and to reflect more mindfully.

I experience many liminal moments a day as my pup, Trixie, sniffs and circles in preparation for the perfect pee spot. It nearly triggers a vertigo attack in me as I watch her choose, then spin and spin. Instead of becoming impatient with her I am now trying to be more zen about her process; knowing I’m in a liminal state helps.

I am in a major liminal moment now, where I am scheduled for a surgery that will eliminate my vertigo attacks and implant a cochlear device that will improve my right ear hearing from 5% to 50% (maybe more). Sounds amazing, huh? I think so too! This decision has been in the making for a year and it has been green lights all the way. Yet, the closer I get to my surgery date, the more aware I am of the liminality of it all, the bridge between saying “Yes, you may take a scalpel to my brain, or No, wait— ‘Will I be okay?’ ‘Will I feel better?’ ‘What will I lose than I cannot anticipate?’ ‘What will I gain?” It’s twilight zone time.

Liminal space is not always a pleasant place to be in—our minds do not switch easily between identities, states, concepts, and beliefs. Humans prefer structure and certainty: in a word, control. I’m trying to remain focused on the optimistic outcome I have created for myself, but this liminal period is creating a bit of a ping-pong match in my head. I am trying to use it to learn to be comfortable with the unknown and to trust my instincts. I remain hopeful—even a bit Pollyanna—as I work with my brain to create neural pathways of optimism and positive outcomes.

Liminal Space and Mental Health

Liminality isn't a crisis, it's a crossroads—yet varying degrees of anxiety and depression are associated with liminal space. There are ways to self-regulate these moments, but professional guidance might be indicated if the stress can’t be metabolized through self-care practices such as these:

Lean In

A state of liminality can feel like a strange kind of overwhelming homesickness. Try to name the fear within the context of liminality: ‘I’m worried about ‘X’ but I know this is temporary.’ Leaning into feelings of  anxiety means addressing the fear rather than avoiding it. For example, when I’m in an airport—a very liminal space—and my flight has been delayed, I find a comfortable spot to park myself and then I ‘Go Buddha’ breathing into a meditative state of calm. I remind myself that I have privileged resources: my earbuds, a credit card, an iphone, and stuff to keep me occupied. I am going to be okay; I will get home safely. By redirecting my feelings of unease into something productive my time is not lost in unpleasant liminality—it is reconstituted, but still moving forward.

Delete Drama 

Liminal stages can cause anxiety and even panic attacks in some people who have a strong emotional reaction to feelings of uncertainty or stress in their transitional periods. Catastrophic thinking creates this anxiety by conjuring worst-case scenarios. Yes, bad things can happen—and they do sometimes—but not nearly as frequently as our monkey minds, or the news cycle, would have us think. Our brilliant brains create more neural pathways based on what we think about, so by focusing on the possibilities and positive outcomes of a situation we can find workable resolutions faster. 

Meditation-Yoga-Breathing

Our human default is to plan, prepare, and execute, and living in liminal space is just the opposite. Coping mechanisms such as meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises can be useful tools to help reduce the stress related to liminal stages. You have heard it a million times: meditate! The reason for this is because it really does work. It quiets the mind and helps to regulate the body’s support systems; mediation is the fastest route to a clearer perspective. Knowing a few simple breathing techniques for regulating stressful times is helpful, too. I like the simple box breathing method of 4-4-4-4.

Be The Light

Life is not designed to be a set of rigid sequences. Our awareness of liminal moments can help our minds to soften from black and white thinking to embracing a rainbow of possibility. I’d like to invite my readers to make a practice of living in liminality so we can create a kinder more expansive world for the folks who don’t fall into prescribed categories, or who follow paths that are alternative to the cultural norm. It’s time to destigmatize the heterodox who live in transition or in a value system that does not match our own, because the world does not live in elegant categories. We all tread a path with a series of challenging bridges. It’s only our social anxiety that requires the reinforcement of the rules, the box checking, the safety of knowing the sequence or the status. Innovation and creativity will not occur within rigid structures and thinking; we must learn to live fully embracing the liminal moments for new possibilities to be born. This is how we evolve our consciousness, and now we have liminality—a beautiful concept—to help us cross those big bridges.

 I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

There are three parts to the framework of a spiritual life: insightful relationship with oneself, a strong personal value system, and a fulfillment of meaningful purpose. We each create and explore our unique spiritual paths using our intuition, influences, and appetites as our guide. The energy source for this growth is Meraki, the soul creativity or core put into something, the essence of our self that is devoted to our pursuits.

We are born with both divine feminine and masculine energies in this mix, and each has their strengths. For women adulting in the 70’s through the aughts, the rules for success were masculine driven: Productivity, Ambition, Leadership, Competition, and Control. We were programmed to have it all. Like the slim-cut men’s Levi jeans we squeezed our asses into, it was a one-size-fits-all career path. As a small business founder with three daughters born in four years, I drank the Kool-Aid of this cultural conditioning. I identified strongly with my charismatic and entrepreneurial father—it was what I knew. I had a lot of balls to keep in the air and this masculine-driven energy kept all my wheels turning nicely.

Reflecting on this diet of drive, I’m sad to see how unacknowledged and undervalued the feminine energies of Beauty, Softness, Surrender, Creativity, and Feeling were at that time, and how that impacted my mothering style. Brené Brown had yet to introduce the body of language that includes a deep understanding and valuing of vulnerability and empathy as a pathway to higher consciousness. Fortunately, every generation evolves to a higher human consciousness and my daughters have a much better understanding and integration of the divine energies. They are more courageous and creative in their choices and how they live their lives. They are not afraid to experiment, pivot, and re-brand; their paths are curvy and refreshingly unconventional.

The spiritual is already sowed into our humanity, and so we can choose to tap into it at any time. As I have matured and enjoy more discretionary time, I can see how flower gardening as a spiritual practice is helping me to access more of the feminine energies and expand my consciousness: Beauty, Softness, Surrender, Creativity, and Feeling are all a birthright I have begun to explore and enjoy later in life. Culturally, the divine feminine is on the rise as we become more aware of the needs of our precious planet; this benefits us all because we need a balance of both energies.

Salve to my soul, gardening connects me to a higher rhythm of nature: the weather, the soil, the birds, the wildlife. My purpose is to create and share beauty while honoring Nature’s plan at every turn. Gardening and gratitude are natural partners, there is a limitless potential to learn and endless intrigue about the miracles of every single plant. I love every step of my flower gardening process, April through October, as I spend time with myself in a mediation of wonder.

Beauty  Some people go to church to commune with the divine, I go to my gardens, they are my cathedral of color. It is in this peaceful enclave, this sacred chapel of green love and riotous bloom that I can most fully experience the miracles of the universe, the absolute genius of a Divine being. Insects and birds have a parallel diversity if you prefer that genre, but for me the garden is the truest essence of interaction. I know that I am with Spirit when I am in my gardens. I suspend all consciousness and submit to the sublime. I marvel like a child at a particular shade of sherbet pink, and I feel like I am seeing it for the very first time.

Softness When I look at my gardens, I notice the different growth patterns and composition of each individual plant. Some flowers are just budding while others patiently await their moment of glory. The blooming schedule is in divine time for each particular plant. Mother Nature does not force or anger at flowers that take longer to bloom or admonish when their cycle is complete, a wonderful metaphor for our own growth process. I can practice joy not judgment here. As the Philosopher Lao Tzu said, ‘Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.’

Surrender Gardening is an invitation to partner with Spirit, like in every other task of life—washing a dish, slicing a tomato, issuing an apology—these are all ways to embrace spirit. By definition, it is impossible to have permanent satisfaction with a garden. It is an ever changing, amorphous creature. Rather, I live for that  divine dissatisfaction that keeps me coming back for more conversation and creativity. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I go outside, I walk the gardens, and my small thinking and worries are instantly diluted by the vast, glorious atmosphere of the sky. Everything comes into perspective, and I can think again.

Creativity Spirituality is an awareness of the transcendent, surprise flashes of genius design. Flower gardening makes this manifest in a moving meditation of connecting with nature. I don’t have an agenda or a goal, I reiki the flowers and they guide the action. It is a prayer; it is belonging; it is failure and forgiveness; it is faith; it is yoga; it is magic in the making. This is what keeps me returning again and again to the multitudes of my flower garden. A catalog from the White Flower Farm, sharing plants with other gardeners, dahlias on Instagram, a field trip to the plant nursery (my version of a candy store)—all are places I go to inspire my creativity. I cherish these opportunities and my feminine energy is freed in this fugue of flowers and mud.

 ‘There is a vitality a lifeforce, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action. And because it is only one of you, in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, ignore it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. It is your business to keep the creative channel open!’ —Martha Graham

Feeling   To stay sane, get to the ground, get in a garden—it will do wonders for your nervous system. You don’t even need a plot—a pot and some dirt will do. Listen to the trees, the birds, they all want to contribute. Time goes away and all the senses engage. Fertile soil, the lake air so fresh and narcotic it knocks out babies on arrival, the whispering pines. That pull to fully immerse myself into the soil gives my feminine nurturer a healthy place to express now that the children are grown. The opportunity to play uninterrupted for hours, to indulge myself after so many years of commitments and interruptions, it’s like a salve to my soul. It repairs all the micro tears in my heart, and I can physically feel my ribs meshing back into their natural formation.

This is a place where the Divine permeates the air, the spiritual and the ordinary integrate effortlessly here, like the garden and the grass. I turn on my Merlin app to find out what winged friends will be joining me in the garden this morning. Blue jays, cardinals, the tufted titmouse, a nuthatch, the yellow warbler, always company, always a concert. The mourning doves stir something deep in my heart and connect me to those who have passed. I often see my dad, the hummingbird, popping into to survey his favorite striped petunias, columbine, and cardinal flowers. He doesn’t stay long, but his visits make me smile.

Sometimes I am quiet, other times I listen to an audible book. Last week, as I curated and clucked, I swooned while Meryl Streep read me Ann Patchett’s  ‘Tom Lake’. It was as close to summer nirvana as I’ve come in 2023. Sometimes my heart is so full that I need to listen to opera, which I know nothing about, but it opens my cells and rushes my blood, and suddenly I can feel so much more, so quickly; sometimes I even cry.

All of life’s lessons are contained in the biosphere of the garden. As I dig below the superficial to the supernatural, I can more easily disconnect the habit of emotional bypassing—I become more aware of the obvious. When did it finally occur to me that gardening is not just a hobby, but a spiritual practice for me? Recently, and I named it ‘Attitude is the difference between ordeal and adventure.’

I was talking to Stealth about our weekly schedule of back and forth to the lake, where my gardens live, and I said ‘Oh, I can’t leave my window box flowers too long without water.’ And he said, ‘Well you don’t want to be held hostage by a bunch of petunias, do you?’ I stopped in my tracks and said, ‘Yes, actually, I do. I see my plants as a choice not a chore, and this is what makes all the difference.’ It’s how we think about things that makes for happiness.

Caring for my plants are meraki moments that fill me up; they are not a box to check or a task to inconvenience me. I dream about my flower boxes and gardens all winter, they feed me year-round. Just hearing this in a digestible way, how he got me to think about it on much deeper level was an amazing communication moment for us. Instead of me feeling like he didn’t care or was criticizing me, by framing it as a spiritual practice for myself, we both looked at it with much more respect and gravitas. We named it, and it took on an identity that we could behold. I felt seen and appreciated, not disparaged, it was a metanoia moment, and it filled us both up. Just because flowers don’t hold the same depths of pleasure for him, at least now he has a better idea of what it means to me—these benefits of beauty that feed my joy. As he gets a better shot at what my bliss point looks like, his aim improves, and so does everything else.

The vicissitudes of the garden, as in life, are what make it endlessly intriguing. I am loving the way that integrating the divine feminine energies is permeating other aspects of my life. I am seeing it in the way that I cook, the way that I move my body, and in my general demeanor. I am more relaxed and less Virgo-perfectionistic. I calmly make room for the spent blooms and weeds among the beauty, and there is a fine feeling of balance within the garden of my life.

‘Pleasure for one hour a bottle of wine. Pleasure for one year a marriage, but pleasure for a lifetime, a garden.’ —Chinese Proverb

 I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

I was chatting with a friend the other day and showed her the thoughtful gift our daughters had given us for our fortieth wedding anniversary. After admiring the piece, she looked at me quizzically and said, ‘How DO you stay married for forty years?’ (She is younger than me, married nine years.) I shared a few ideas and thought that would be it, but she hungered for more specifics. ‘Is this helpful?’ I said, and she confirmed that yes, it was.

I’d been scribbling notes about this landmark anniversary but was reluctant to write about it. One, because marriage is so personal, and two, because I don’t think that staying married a long time is an automatic sign of virtue. I believe that all relationships have dignity, a purpose, and a shelf life. A marathon of partnership is not everyone’s goal. We all come together to do the soul work of the spiritual contracts we have with the universe, and when that work is done, we move on to new lessons. There is a good reason why marriages experience different timelines—going the distance is not the gold standard or the only metric of success. Each relationship we grow through is a stepping stone in the process of discovering our highest good. So, unless you are still growing, enjoying, and loving the relationship—what’s the point of being married?

We fall in love by chance, but we stay in love by choice. I’m married because I’ve worked hard to curate my personal happiness, and my husband continues to add to that happiness. My happiness is as important to him as his happiness is to me. By Instagram standards we didn’t have the smoothest of starts: our engagement story is still a joke too embarrassing to share outside the family; we don’t have one wedding photo that we cherish; and our honeymoon was spent in a tent because my betrothed didn’t know he needed to make hotel reservations for Bar Harbor in August. We started out as naïve, raw-dough 25-year-olds, but over four decades we have managed to mature as humans while learning to grow our love. We are deeply bonded by gratitude, humor, and delight in each other’s company.

Probably the most valuable tool in our marriage kit is knowing our core values. It takes a while to develop and hone them, but when used consistently, they are our superpower. They help us to make solid decisions, establish boundaries, and respect the red lines. Our core values are macro ideas that hold space for everything we care about. Each year, on our anniversary, we sit down to discuss our marriage contract which is built on Integrity, Freedom, Wellness, Prosperity, Enrichment and Vital Relationships. Through this filter we ask ‘What’s working, what’s not? What do we want more of, what do we want less of?’ We magnify the issues and then we try to manifest the solutions. So far we’ve chosen to re-up each year, and the reset button to our marriage gets refreshed.  

My husband’s nickname is Stealth. He has a low key, rock-solid energy that I adore; he is quietly remarkable. As a high energy person, I love the way he grounds me. He’s less emotionally emotive, I am more. We both love sports and snacks. The first time my mother watched him put away a meal she said, ‘He’s a keeper.’ Together we are curious about matters of the heart and have learned to polish each other’s stones: I don’t try to change him (anymore), all I ask is that he share more of the himself that I already love. Even though we met in a bar, we didn’t ignite in a haze of rhapsodic lust; our union was sparked with friendship and a clear-eyed trust. Turns out Integrity is the fertile soil that long lasting love needs to flourish—and that’s a level of sexy that time does not tarnish.

Through trial and error, we find that interdependence and transparency are non-negotiable for us. While we share a lot of fun activities —‘better together’—we also spend time apart traveling, with friends, and in the summer months I like to live at the lake while he commutes to me part-time each week. The bottom line? Freedom is the fresh air of marriage, and time for solitude and re-setting is essential for each partner. At the end of the day, no matter where we are in the world, we know we’re solid and that we have each other’s backs.

How exactly did we get to this point? I will be the first to admit that some of it was pure, dumb luck. Somehow our math added up to momentum and forty years has morphed our humble start into a happy blur. We’ve stayed healthy and prospered—Wellness and Prosperity are huge factors—and having fun together has been our touchstone along the way. While I’ve been managing a chronic illness for the past six years, we’ve learned to accommodate for that—no union is an open highway. Every day we try to plan for some kind of mini-adventure or challenge so that we feel like we are living our best life­­. The Enrichment isn’t always something major or time consuming, but it generally involves bikes or moving in nature, cooking and eating well, and engaging in meaningful work or pleasure. For us, the antidote to boredom is to arrest the feeling that that we are waiting for life to happen—or that it is passing us by­. ‘Life. Be in it.’ is our watchword, and by making playtime a priority, it helps us to create momentum as a couple.

We call this level of rapture ‘The Third Thing’—an energy created from our bond, and the vehicle which elevates the mundane to the magical. Somehow, we instinctively started to create it before we even knew that it was a thing. The poet Donald Hall immortalized it for us: ‘Third things are essential to marriages, objects or practices or habits or arts or institutions or games or human beings that provide a site of joint rapture or contentment. Each member of a couple is separate; the two come together in double attention.’

While it might appear to be an easy choice, I don’t recommend recruiting your children to be your Third Thing. They are not things, they are people. (And they move out way sooner than you can possibly imagine.) Our three daughters are the greatest gifts of our marriage, and parenting these Vital Relationships is an entire solar system unto itself within our martial universe. Rather, think about Third Things as anything you both feel a little bit of passion or curiosity about and are willing to feed that interest. Some people call them hobbies, but it’s more complex than that, it is something that permeates your thinking and becomes a characteristic of your coupling. Our ‘Third Thing’ is adventuring in nature, often via bicycle, and we add value to that experience by scoping out adorable bakeries, bookstores, and bike shops in different locations all over the world.

You don’t need to travel or spend a lot of money to build this energy, but you must be intentional and aligned about it. Even the comfort of our simple daily routines can be considered an adventure when we challenge and disrupt simple patterns—like when we try out a new recipe or playlist, invite guests over on a weeknight, or force ourselves to watch a documentary instead of Ted Lasso. Lately we’ve been walking a mile after dinner followed by twenty minutes of a Ted Talk. It’s satisfying to mix things up; I’ve noticed a little bit of novelty goes a long way to grease the wheels of happiness.

Everyone knows that marriage is not all puppies and bubbles. Sometimes we need to pull more than our share, and we gratefully draft on the down days; sometimes we crash if we are not paying proper attention to each other. On love’s wide pendulum the oscillation between pissed-and-blissed has a million emotions, and we are acquainted with them all. While fighting can be healthy and productive, I guarantee that living core values greatly reduces the nuisance of everyday conflict, mainly because we’ve already agreed on so much. As a result, when we do fight, it’s extremely ungratifying for me. I married a lover not a fighter. Stealth will say ‘We’re on the same team, let’s fight the problem not each other.’ For me, this bone killing comment crushes all possibility of conflict. I simply can’t fight right when he says it. Inevitably, his good sense gets us back to the table talking-to-resolving. We don’t always agree, but we do both feel like a compromise is possible, which gets us back to the fun bits faster (which is why we are married in the first place.)

People wonder, after forty years, ‘doesn’t it get boring?’ Not so far. I think fully committing to creating our best life, and then re-committing each year, gives us the courage to explore the deeper realms of our heart connection where we continually discover new things about each other. My affection for my husband compounds as I age, and I find that very pleasurable. Marriage is something we’ve learned to grok. It is not a subject that gives way to calculation or analysis, it’s intuitive and unrelenting. It’s a wonderfully mysterious gamble with no guarantees. Every marriage is a mixture of love highs and lows, curiosities, and ingenuity.

To create a delectable dish one needs salt, acid, bitter, and sweet. This same balance makes for a satisfying marriage. We need the dissonance of the unsavory, inconvenient, and sometimes boring so that we can experience the sublime. We may not get the recipe exactly right every day, but when we care enough to keep tweaking the mix, it is easier to appreciate what is being created year by year. For us, marriage has been the container and the witness for the entire span of our adult life experiences, and we choose—over and over again—to treat it as the precious cargo it is.

 I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. Please share this post with a friend :) and thank you for reading!

The Wild Rose         by Wendell Barry

 Sometimes hidden from me

in daily custom and in trust,

so that I live by you unaware

as by the beating of my heart,

Suddenly you flare in my sight,

a wild rose looming at the edge

of thicket, grace and light

where yesterday was only shade, 

and once again I am blessed, choosing

again what I chose before.

Happy Summer! I love this photo. It reminds me of my family’s summer vacations to South Hampton. Our family of eight, plus Nana Flo, would all pile into the giant Country Squire wagon and off we’d go on the eight-hour drive from Vermont to visit our cousins. Our car looked a lot like this one with kids sprawled in the back playing monopoly, snacking, no seat belts, and Dad stopping for a pee break only when we all begged in unison. Good times, and kinda crazy as I look back remembering how much fun we had, how dear the summer memories are.

My parents were master hackers long before the phrase was coined. They always had clever ways to corral their six-pack of kids and make life fun. The Japanese have a word ‘otaku’ which means when one becomes obsessed with an idea, product, or hobby they simply must tell their friends all about it. Well, SpiritScouts, this is what I’m excited about right now, so I’m sharing this éclat of hacks with you to inspire some summer fun!

Yuka App

If you are wondering about the quality of the products you consume, simply hit the barcode on the package with this app and you’ll find out everything you need to know about nutrition and chemical safety. As savvy shoppers scan the aisles, they can maximize their purchase power and health benefits while sailing through their shopping list. I’m doing an audit of everything I use with Yuka, and I’m learning a shocking amount in the process. (Thanks, JV!)

Maple Magic Coffee

There are few drinks more refreshing and simpler than my Maple Magic Iced Coffee. It’s sooooo satisfying­­—like a maple creemee and tiramisu had a baby—and my daily dose slays those pesky dessert cravings. It makes me swoon every afternoon when I play Wordle and sip this summer treat. Start with room temperature coffee (left over from your morning pot is fine). I like to use decaf for this afternoon hit. I’m currently savoring the coffee from Maine’s 44 North Coffee. It’s the same brand that Chef Erin French* of the delectable Lost Kitchen, serves her guests. The freshly ground beans taste robust, smooth, and deeply complex. I love that they sell a ‘half-caf’ bag of beans, too.

Here’s my recipe for Maple Magic Iced Coffee : pour cool coffee over lots of ice packed into a tall glass. Add cream or half & half to taste. Stir. Add 2-t of pure VT maple syrup (or to taste). Stir, sip, and swoon.  

Fast Food

My mom swears by the fresh veggie hash in the produce section of Trader Joe’s. She showed up the other evening to the lake cottage armed with it. She added some pre-cooked orzo, plucked fresh basil from the garden, added a few glugs of Nudo olive oil, a big pinch of Maldon salt, and before I knew it, a delicious, cool salad was ready for dinner. Mom served it alongside some of the Phillips brand frozen crab cakes that were thawed, then seared on oiled cast iron on a hot grill. What a meal—at 90% humidity it was the perfect summer feast. (Thanks, Pat!)

 Olive Oil Wisdom

Summer is the perfect time for a lifestyle flex. Nudo Adopt is hands down the best olive oil I’ve ever tasted and I encourage you to indulge it as a finishing oil. Salther on fresh tomatoes with salt, or simply dress lettuce fresh from the garden with a few glugs of Nudo, a few glugs of balsamic vinegar, toss with tongs, fresh pepper and maldon salt, and et voilà—easy peasy dressing. It also comes in a lemon-flavored blend that is my go-to flavor bomb. What I love most about this company is that you can adopt one of their ancient olive trees in Sicily to support the small grove farmers there. I chose my farmer, Nicola, from Il Fico (village of Fico). She sends me crop and production updates on my direct-to-consumer oil subscription twice a year. It’s such a cool company. I have purchased adoptions for friends as hostess gifts when I travel, and they invariably love this useful, delicious addition to their lives.

 Quick Pickled Onions

I think pretty, pink pickled onions are the pièce de résistance on any summer salad. So easy, too! Simply slice a red onion in half. Remove skins and place flat of onion on a cutting board. With a sharp knife, slice as thinly as possible. Place onion in a glass jar. Add  ½-c red wine vinegar, ½-c water, a glug of maple syrup and, if possible, 1-T beet juice or a piece of beet. Cover and shake well. Let set for two hours. Onions will be prime for three days—if they last that long!

Sex on the Grill

A fast and functional addition to every summer meal is a grilled lemon. Simply slice lemons in half and place face down on the grill for ten minutes. For your efforts you will receive beautifully charred lemon bombs just waiting to be squeezed on veg, salads and dessert. Something magical happens to the lemons with the heat, they plump up , and with a simple squeeze ooze juicy flavored pulp.

Party Pop Up

We did a hot dog pop up party on that weird, rainy Saturday of the 4th of July weekend, and it was a hit. We had a package of the large Hebrew National Beef Dogs and some rolls in the fridge, along with beer, fresh cucumbers, and freshly picked strawberries. Literally, that was it. So I texted a few pals that afternoon and posed this invitation:

‘Come for a hot dog pop up. You may only bring along something that is already in your fridge.’ We ended up with a potato salad, a cuke salad, green salad, chips, condiments, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies (frozen dough) and the berries. It was a total blast and took about ten minutes of my time to prepare and host—living proof that boundaries will set you free. I made ‘Smashed Cukes’, which I hammered with a glass bottom, then slathered with Nudo Lemon Oil, sesame seeds, Maldon salt and Aleppo pepper. The giant grilled hot dogs were a decadent treat for everyone—this is definitely a hosting hack I’ll repeat.

 Bugs & Ticks Be Gone!

To combat my dismay over the rampant tick infestation, I made a visit to my local apothecary, Lunaroma, for solace. They handcraft clean, organic tick and bug sprays ‘Bugs Be Gone’ and ‘Ticks Be Gone’. The reason I find these products so effective is because I apply them religiously. They smell so good and are so clean, I want to use them every day. These handcrafted summer wonders are made with organic coconut oil, organic pure grain alcohol, and a medicinal combination of essential oils. I spray myself, and my pup’s legs, with the tick spray and then the bug spray around my neck. So far, so good this summer­­­­—no ticks or pesky insects!  Call the wonderful Lunaroma Witches at 802-951-9714; you must place your order over the phone, and shipping is free.

 
*PS @ Erin French: I am such a girl fan of Erin French. I love her cookbooks—a new one is about to drop, wheeee! Her memoir, ‘Finding Freedom’, is one of my all time favorites, and her TV show on Magnolia is a delight to veg out to after a long day. Every year I send my postcard to Freedom, ME hoping it will be chosen in the lottery to receive a dinner reservation. I struck out again this summer, but my hope is eternal. I think Erin’s story and grit and creativity are incredibly inspiring. Check out the show or read one of her books to see what the fuss is all about.  

 I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me. I do not receive any compensation from the products mentioned in my blog, I just love them!

Permalink

]]>Savvy Summer HacksKitchen SpiritKim DanniesFri, 07 Jul 2023 17:29:24 +0000https://www.spiritscout.me/blog/summers-bounty5bb67017a56827d78bd71106:5bb673c271c10b572cbb6409:64a7f846b8d52900f77f8707

2023

 My friend, Summers Long, introduced me to this recipe as his go-to simple spaghetti dish for summer, and he is so right! This relish is simple yet versatile, and has become my summer staple; it is delicious mixed with pasta—especially tortellini. Also, spread it on thick slices of grilled sourdough as bruschetta; fold into eggs; slather over Italian and vegan hoagies; or use as a condiment for grilled meats, fish and vegetables. Adding Feta, Asiago, or Parmesan cheese sends it to the next level. This relish instantly elevates simple basics into a meal worth celebrating, exactly what we need in the heat. I love the way it gathers the gorgeous bounty of July into one beautiful bowl that simply screams ‘SUMMER!’

 Summer’s Bounty Tomato Relish

Combine the following ingredients and fold together gently. Let it set at room temperature for one hour before serving. Alternatively, you can pour fully chilled relish over hot pasta creating a whole different flavor profile. Adjust seasoning to taste.

1-pound local ripe tomatoes any variety, chopped w/seeds and juices; 1-medium onion, chopped, rinsed with cold water, drained; 6-green or kalamata olives, pitted, rough chop; 3-cloves of garlic, minced; 8-10 fresh basil leaves rolled like a cigar, sliced into ribbons; 2-t capers, drained; ½-t Aleppo pepper* (or paprika as a substitute); 2-t fresh oregano (or ½-t dried as a substitute); 1-T red wine vinegar; 1/3-c highest quality olive oil; 1-large pinch of Maldon salt; 1-bunch fresh parsley, rough chop (optional).

‘Off Season’ Tomato Compote

If you currently have a surplus of grape tomatoes, here is the recipe for you!

I try to eat vegetables only in season, but I make an exception for this tomato compote which uses commercial grape tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, basil and salt. This is a staple in my kitchen—each week I combine 2-3 pounds of grape tomatoes in a roasting pan, drizzle it with olive oil, add 10-15 whole garlic cloves, and sprinkle with kosher salt, roasting it at 400 degrees for 40 minutes. (Feel free to add the summer ingredients list to this compote for a nutritional boost, after roasting the tomatoes).

After removing the roasting pan from the oven, I store the roasted pulp, along with the liquid, in a glass container and seal. The compote lasts one week stored in the fridge. When I’m ready to use some, I smash the number of garlic cloves I need and add the fresh basil.

I use this compote in everything: as a pizza and pasta sauce; slathered on roasted proteins; spread on grilled or toasted bread; as a base for tomato soup (or, to supplement any soup); as a topping for focaccia; folded into scrambled eggs; layered in a warm winter-style Greek salad. The possibilities are endless!

Super Foods That Spark Your Body

*Aleppo Pepper, also known as halaby pepper, is made of deep red, mild chile flakes with a complex flavor – fruity, tangy, and a tiny bit spicy all at once. It’s my go-to pepper not only for its fabulous flavor, but it is easy to control heat-wise, and it finishes a dish with a beautiful chili sprinkle that looks like a pro prepared the dish. Aleppo pepper is packed with fiber, potassium, calcium, iron, magnesium, Folic acid, Vitamin A, and Vitamin C.

Tomatoes contain lycopene and are very nutritious; they are full of antioxidant properties which protect against cancer. Lycopene has been proven to reduce the risk of heart disease. Tomatoes are a rich source of vitamin C, potassium, folate, and vitamin K.

Garlic is one of our most medicinal foods. It prevents and reduces the severity of colds and flu, lowers LDL cholesterol, and is anti-inflammatory, high in antioxidants, and a powerful detoxifier. Garlic clears our intestines and aids in digestion. Good gut health keeps us clear-minded and grounded.

 Onions may make you cry, but if you slice them with a wet cloth nearby, it will mitigate the tear flow. Onions are anti-inflammatory and contain chromium, which regulates blood sugar, thereby de-stressing the body. They also are loaded with phytochemicals, which boosts immunity and speeds in healing and recovery.

 I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me.

I hate April in Vermont. The weather’s wild pendulum swing drives me bonkers, and the energy I waste being elated (‘it’s 80 degrees and sunny today!’) to depressed ‘(it ‘effing snowed again last night’) is too much for my bubble meter. I end up feeling exhausted and gypped of an entire season. Because the energy of a true Spring is so precious, I typically choose April as my getaway adventure month to recharge my batteries after a long Vermont winter, but this year I was unable to fly due to health complications. To pivot, I planned a ‘Seeking Spring’ car trip that included my husband, Jeff, our pug, Trixie, and our mountain bikes.

For the first few days in April, I scanned the weather forecasts of a few choice locations in New England that also had decent singletrack biking available. No surprise—the weather wasn’t looking at all promising—and I despaired, until the idea of the Hamptons came across my radar. I had visited summers there as a kid, and quickly realized that this could be the ideal location to seek Spring. Sunny forecasts, 50 to 65-degrees, and the ocean: we could mountain bike, walk Trixie on the beach, eat at great restaurants, and reasonably book a glamorous home to ride out April’s fickleness. Given the crowds, traffic jams, and attitude, I would not be a candidate for enjoying the Hamptons during high season, but pre-gaming via Spring seemed like the ideal way to experience the Hamptons magic of my youth.

There were lots of places available on Airbnb and we scored a sweet spot in the Mecox area of Watermill, only a seven hour drive, that was smack dab in the middle of all the action of the neighboring towns and beaches of Bridgehampton, West Hampton, Southampton, East Hampton, Sag Harbor, Amagansett, and Montauk.

Our main priority was to enjoy the natural beauty of the area as much as possible and Mother Nature was very kind, sprinkling very few raindrops the entire visit. We started the morning with a summer childhood memory: crunchy sugar crullers from Krieg’s Bakery in West Hampton, enroute to our ride. Long Island is not a mountain bike mecca, but our goal was to joy ride, and to teach Trixie how to join us safely on the trail. Using our trusty Trailforks app, on day one we discovered The Masonville ride, twelve miles of rolling bliss. Trixie cut her teeth on three miles of it, loving every step. We had the trail all to ourselves, and were thrilled with our first foray—who knew a Bugg/Pug could mountain bike? She’s a natural!

To celebrate we visited Shinecock Lobster Co. on the way home for some mega lobster rolls. WOW. I consider myself a lobster roll aficionado—albeit a purist—but even I was impressed with how many ways these Island pros can turn a roll. Jeff chose a well-executed BLT version, while I went for one with both butter and mayo. It was an irresistible idea, but ultimately an impeachable error of excess. While it was delicious, I reaffirm my commitment to Team Mayo. Speaking of lobster salad, how about this batch we saw at The Seafood Shop: Lobster Salad $90/ lb!? I’ll crack my own shells, thank you very much.

On the way home we toured some of Southampton’s serious rubbernecking spots: Gin Lane and Meadow Lane—yes, the homes are mind blowing—then a walk down Job’s Lane retail area. Cooper’s Beach is absolutely stunning, the playground of my youth. A final dessert pitstop at the original Tate’s Bake Shop topped off a wonderful nostalgic tour. Everywhere we looked were signs of Spring: beautiful pots of spring blooms, pussy willows, and bursts of forsythia yellow on a sunny 55-degree day. Heaven.

The next day we headed to Sag Harbor, starting our day at Carissa’s Bakery, a instagramably chic spot filled with people wearing very white Chloé Nama sneakers and Alo nude leggings. Eating artisanal pastries and sipping coffee concoctions in this precious setting felt like hooking up to an IV bag filled with Hampton Vibe drip. A quick seven mile drive north had us tramping Two Holes Pond, a six mile walk of stunning proportions: verdant forest and ocean front, with the Cedar Point Lighthouse at the midpoint. Post hike, we munched on fresh guacamole and fish tacos at KPasos Tacos, and then toured Sag Harbor’s very charming main street lined with boutiques, markets, benches to chill on, and lots of specialty shops. I especially loved the iced coffee at Sagtown Coffee which I imbibed while chatting with other dog owners on their sweet deck.

On Easter Sunday we started our day at Citarella, the delectable gourmet store you will find in each village of the Hamptons. We grabbed some provisions, and then ate a wholesome breakfast at Organic Krush—in earthy Amagansett—en route to our bike ride in Montauk. We parked at Petticoat Hill Trailhead and discovered an excellent ten-mile loop, the Hither Hills trail network, that afforded us spectacular ocean views throughout. Trixie devoured the track and we continued to marvel that the universe had delivered the ideal rescue dog to us.

Post ride we toured the hamlet of Montauk, the relaxed part of the Hamptons. The have an old school style Bake Shop, and an outlet of the Island’s modern chain, Hampton Coffee, right next door to each other so everyone is happy there. On the drive back to our rental home we simply had to stop at Levain Bakery, in East Hampton, for their outrageous chocolate chip cookies—which are too over the top for me, but definitely Jeff’s nirvana. To celebrate Easter, we dined at Topping Rose, a Michelin star restaurant set in a beautifully restored mansion run by Chef Jean-Georges Vongerichten. While a bit chilly on the drinks patio, the food was stellar, and a it proved to be the perfect spot for a holiday away from home.

The Hamptons is a scene of unparalleled beauty, wealth, and extremes within a very small radius. To grasp the contrasts, I recommend taking the car ferry over to Shelter Island to explore this low key, not-yet-gentrified-haven. Before you board, stop at the Harbor Market & Kitchen in Sag Harbor and provision a picnic to enjoy on their beautiful beaches. This outing is a nice respite from the hustle and bustle of the Hamptons. To experience the other extreme, go to East Hampton—it’s the hub of the .01% of the one percent, and a walking-gawking tour down Newton Lane is not to be missed. Every high-end shop and restaurant you desire is available in this tiny village, and the people watching is next level. As a counterbalance, the main beach is super beautiful, and you can walk for miles.

While the Hamptons are a luxury vacation destination for many people, they are also the hometowns of families. It’s possible to visit on any budget and thoroughly enjoy the unique vibe of the place—especially in the Spring or late Autumn.

Every day of our Spring Fling we enjoyed some version of a mountain bike or hike along with sampling the local eateries and shops, and we never ran out of things to do. The roads are relatively quiet and you can easily bike for miles from town to town; Dune Road was my favorite stretch. Our rental was so nice that we spent and lot of time in hurkle durkle mode writing, working, reading, and recharging. I felt increasingly renewed as Spring burst with the wicking of the mile-high hedges, the ruby magnolia tree’s elegant flowers on parade, and thousands of daffodils in bloom. I have never seen so many landscapers in one place, the teams working non-stop to bring the rows of spectacular homes back to life. I will admit that I used my Zillow app quite a bit, and was perpetually gobsmacked by the value of real estate as we toured around the villages.

Our favorite restaurants were 1770’s House, Sant Amboreus, Almond, Cove Tavern, Topping House, Cowfish, Classia’s for oysters, and La Capannina for the Hampton’s best pizza. Take out from Loaves & Fishes and Citarella helped balance my need or desire to cook.

I’d say that the greatest thing about the Hamptons is their vast selection of public beaches. In the off-season dogs are allowed on the beaches and we hiked one every day for miles. It was so serene and enchanting to be on these vast stretches of solitude—this routine quickly recharged our winter weary spirits. Mecox Beach was our home base beach, but it’s easy to google any village to find the perfect spot.

The four seasons are vital to calibrating our biorhythms here in the North, especially as the birthdays start to rack up; celebrating the season of rebirth is essential to overall well-being. I’m grateful that this opportunity to experience a true Spring was only a car ride away, it’s made a difference in my health and overall attitude. April—I think I DO love you, I think we could be happy—as long as we don’t try to meet in Vermont.

Traveling to Zermatt, Switzerland is like landing in a chapter of ‘Heidi’ only with gourmet meals, great friends, and deep winter as the cast of characters. This will be a post of pictures because they truly are worth more than any descriptions I could write. If you like to travel, ski, eat, enjoy life to the fullest—or even just one of these things at a time—then Zermatt is for you.

In late February my pals and I flew to Geneva, loaded with ski gear and Icon ski passes, ready to rock the Matterhorn. We flew United and the flight was flawless. Right inside the airport, we purchased tickets and boarded the Visp train, and then a subsequent one, that delivered us punctually to the charming car-free town of Zermatt. Swiss timing is no joke—this is a precise, pristine, and competent culture and everything from transportation to lunch reservations run like clockwork. Every hotel has a cute, cleverly designed minivan for transportation to lodgings, and they are waiting for you at the train station.

The winter snowfall had been bleak for Switzerland, and we were greeted with exposed rock and dead grass in large swaths on the mountain face. But due to the crack efforts of the ski resort’s crew we were able to enjoy great skiing on about 50% of the mountain. Our first day we skied in an icy white out—but being Vermonters, we felt right at home, lol. The rest of the week was beautiful and sunny (with only a little fresh pow.) Ironically, the week after we departed, Zermatt was blessed with 4 fresh feet!

My husband, Jeff, skied here in 2019 so our group was lucky to have a built-in guide for the week. This was a godsend as the learning curve for navigating the three mountain areas and lift service can feel a bit complicated initially. If this is your first visit I recommend booking a ski guide for the first day or two to expedite the fun factor and get the inside scoop. There is also the option to ski over to Italy and have lunch, so go prepared with passports and a reservation.

Each morning we indulged at the lovely hotel buffet breakfast, carbo loading for the demands of the day ahead. A decadent coffee and dessert break around 11 am held us until the most exciting part of the day in Zermatt: lunch! We managed to secure reservations to the top slope side restaurants for @2 or 3 pm each day. I recommend doing this well ahead of your trip, the websites are instructive and it’s easy to manage via email, as the hosts are very responsive. Alder Hitta, Zum Zee, Restaurant Furri, and Restaurant Chez Vrony (twice!) are the hot spots, and each place blew our minds and palates with the deliciousness of their meals and the gorgeous alpine setting. The Swiss truly know how to eat and live well—the photos above are just a few of the ‘lunch’ dishes we enjoyed.

The national dish of Switzerland, Rösti, a potato pancake with limitless variations (like pizza) was my favorite food by far. The Irish in me will always choose potatoes —first and last—so I was in food heaven all week.

Also fun to check out in town are Elsies, Brown Cow, Fuchs, Cervo, Culinary, After Seven, Unique Hotel, Ristorante Capri, and Grampies. The food and hospitality in Zermatt is next level, with a deep matriarchal vibe, and you will be very well cared for and happy wherever you end up.

We stayed at Hotel Eden which was a great location for walking everywhere, but I would opt for their sister hotel, Rex, next door on a future trip. We ended up there every evening for drinks in the cozy bar. They have an outstanding spa, beautiful rooms, and an artisanal bakery, Backzeit, that sells wonderful sandwiches and cookies—exactly what we desired for ‘supper’ after our huge midday mountain feasts.

Après ski we went for drinks in various hotel bars and shopped. We were too pooped to check out the nightlife much, content to put on our comfy clothes and recount our day’s adventures fireside or indulge in a massage.

If you are not a skier, don’t stay home—there are beautiful winter hikes, spa options, world class shopping, and people watching galore to enjoy. Non-skiers can take the tram up for lunch. Our Zermatt adventure was truly a fairytale experience, sweetly complemented by the fact that my co-traveler, Sandy, and I had visited here in 1980 as we backpacked all over Europe. We skied the glacier in t-shirts and jeans on a brillant bluebird day in late September, and it was a thrill that has richly informed our lives. I cannot wait to return to the land of Heidi in the epic Swiss Alps with my pals—and this time I won’t wait forty-three years to return!

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me.

This holiday season already feels a lot more relaxed than 2021. Last year Omicron hit hard at Thanksgiving—confusion and conflict reigned as we tried to follow an ever-changing script about how to engage at Christmas. News drama, Covid testing requirements, and family mandates complicated our social agenda and the rules of engagement felt very transactional. This year we have the luxury of inviting a bit more tenderness into our exchanges and rituals. We can relax a little more, gather a little freer, and generally enjoy the potential of this holiday more joyfully.

Tenderness is simply the act of gentle kindness; this kind of spirit energy invites us to pause, to listen longer, and to be present and curious.

As a rule I’m a sucker for efficiency, so my personal exchanges tend to be friendly but succinct—probably bordering on the transactional at times. Nobody was happier than me when texting replaced actual phone calls and Amazon replaced actual errand running. What gets lost in the name of efficiency is the richness and nuance of human interaction. I suspect more than a few of us have indulged in this pattern over the past few masked years out of necessity.

To combat my Grinchy inclinations, I have taken on a challenge during this season of miracles. Among the hustle and bustle, I am gifting myself the opportunity for more tender loving exchanges with strangers and with loved ones. I am pausing an extra beat, listening an extra beat, and connecting for that extra beat. I’m trying to be more tender and mild.

So far, not every exchange has been a success. Like yesterday, when a woman parked so close to my car door even a two year could not have accessed the seat. I spouted a few ripe words and— unbeknownst to me—she was standing beside her car. Whoops! Anyhow, I have been making better eye contact and small talk with the hard working folks who make my purchases possible. When I talk to loved ones I try to give them a whole-hearted compliment or gesture that contributes to their well being. (We are all hungry for some loving feedback!) I am trying to talk IRL rather than text. For example, when my daughter phones (tender) rather than texts (transactional) me to talk about our holiday menus, we can take that moment to express some affection—maybe even share a past Christmas memory, and have a laugh. These tender exchanges—gifts of civility—feel so much more enriching than a mere transactional exchange (which feels depleting to me and to others.)

Authentic connection allows us to feel more by slowing down, making time and space for satisfaction, and seeing our people anew. My loved ones are a year older and wiser, and there is so much more for me to discover and to love this visit. I think that’s why playing games is so important to my family, they provide the space and substance to be our true selves—it’s the superglue of spending time together.

With these thoughts in mind, I made myself a set of reminders to guide me tenderly through this season—they keep me connected to myself, so that I can connect with others. I want to feel filled up by the holidays, not depleted—we only feel exhausted when we’ve done too little of what truly sparks us. Will you join me?

‘ What brings me joy at the holidays?’

1.   Hiking in the snow globe of a snowstorm.

2.   Skiing, sledding, skating, and walking in the woods.

3.   Laughing with my grandson and my puppy.

4.   Gametime with family—Monopoly Deal is the current favorite.

5.   Hanging out with my kids—cuddling, movies & snacks.

6.   Cooking delicious, healthy food together.

7.   Naps and cozy time by the fire; a Solstice Celebration.

8.   Baking and decorating cookies—the sweet smell of Christmas.

‘What do I want less of?’

1.   Large parties or obligations I’ve outgrown

2.   Over-decorating.

3.   Saccharine Christmas carols blaring in the stores.

4.   To Do Lists and endless errands.

5.   Excess.

6.   Expectations.

7. Grocery shopping.

‘What will I do to reduce emotional exhaustion?

1.   Pause and observe instead of reacting.

2.   Maintain healthy boundaries.

3.   Say ‘NO’ without guilt.

4.   Refrain from absorbing other’s emotions and issues.

5.   No people pleasing—it’s not my job to make everyone happy.

6.   Focus on health and self-care practices, especially sleep & nutrition: TLC!

7.   Be my authentic self: my needs matter more than other people’s approval.

8.   Release the need to control people/situations—no assumptions!

9.   Avoid engaging in topics that deplete my energy.

Wishing my dear Readers much joy and TLC during this divine time!

 I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me.

Kim Dannies

Tenderness, civility, christmas love, kindness christmas, holiday love