At the moment I left my body because I had committed suicide, I realised that I had made a terrible mistake. I could now see that there was a relatively easy solution to the problem which caused me to kill my body. A few more steps or a different approach would have sorted the problem out. I just needed to be a bit more creative in looking for a solution.
I also realised that I had now cut my relationships with the people who loved me. I was now in a different world to them. I had removed myself from them and would not be in their circle. I would no longer be their friend as their focus was on their being in the outer life. I had to deal with my issues in this new inner world which I had so suddenly moved into.
There was also the knowledge that I had thrown away the gift of life. From this perspective I could see that I was given my life so I could deal with a number of issues I had with myself and other people who were in my life. Life had organised my destiny so I would meet these people during that life but now that opportunity was lost. It might take many lifetimes to meet them all again.
I don't remember the circumstances of how I died but I do remember the terrible feeling of loss and the realisation of the major mistake I'd just made.
How
could I have avoided this mistake?
One part of me says I
needed to have the experience, even if it was just to be able to tell
you about it in this article so that you could have some insight into
what happens when one commits suicide. However I still feel deeply
that it was a serious mistake.
I could have avoided it by being more patient, not getting frustrated with the situation so easily.
I could have been more creative in
looking for a solution. I suspect there were some choices I didn't
like but would have worked out fine had I given them a chance.
The
problem that drove me to suicide seemed like a huge issue to me but
with this view from my inner worlds I could see that it was a small
or insignificant issue to everyone else. I had focused too much on
the issue which made it appear to be the main thing in my life. If I
had moved my attention away from the thing that was causing me so
much pain, I would probably have been able to live with it and
eventually find a solution to it.
Get
this viewpoint
Is there a way to get this viewpoint without
committing suicide? Yes there is.
The main reason I got these insights is because I contemplate regularly. I visit my inner worlds every day so that I can get insights into what is happening in my life. It was during a contemplation that I recalled these suicide memories.
For me, my contemplation exercises are an essential part of my day. If I'm under time pressure and have to make a choice of having breakfast or doing my contemplation, I'll skip breakfast and spend the time I have in contemplation. I know I can grab some food at some stage during the day and I also know that if I don't take the opportunity to do my spiritual exercise early in the day, it will be difficult to find time later.
Contemplation
I start my contemplation by sitting in a comfortable position, with my back straight. I take a few deep breaths and relax. Then I'll sing the word HU, pronounced like “hue”. This is an ancient name for the Divine or the Higher Power. I'll sing it about six times in a row on a long outgoing breath. I'll be quiet for a while and then start singing HU again.
In the quiet times I’ll listen for sounds within myself and also look for lights on my inner screen. Sometimes the sounds and lights combine to form a scene and I drift into it. I have a note book and small sketch pad beside me while I'd doing the contemplation because I've found that I get some great insights, good ideas and inspiration while contemplating. I spend about twenty minutes or so doing this each morning.
Our own happiness
If I had had this connection with my inner self in that life where I committed suicide, I'm pretty sure I would have found a way to sort out my problems. A regular connection with our inner worlds helps us stay sane and move our focus away from our outer life. We are able to see there is more to life than all the outer, physical and materialistic stuff. We get some insights into life and why it is the way it is and how we can make it easier and happier for ourselves. Our own happiness reflects out to those around us and raises them up a little too.
Wishing you love and insights in every day of your life.
*Ed Parkinson
“God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.”
Voltaire
“While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die - whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness.”
Gilda Radner
"The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it."
Hubert
H. Humphrey
After the gift of life it is perhaps the greatest of God's gifts. It is the mother of civilizations, of arts and of sciences."
Freeman
Dyson
"I'm
constantly learning, and that is the greatest gift of life in
my opinion - to always be learning and growing."
Kristin
Chenoweth
“Health
is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness
the best relationship.”
Buddha
“Bad
things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the
quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness,
immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from
the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself.”
Walter Anderson
“A
friend is a gift you give yourself.”
Robert Louis Stevenson
“The
greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of
unconditional love and acceptance.”
Brian Tracy
“My
father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he
believed in me.”
Jim Valvano
“You
don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to
them.”
Desmond Tutu
“The
greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.”
Hubert H. Humphrey
“Your
talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to
God.”
Leo Buscaglia
“Yesterday
is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we
call it the present.”
Joan Rivers
“God
gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say
'thank you?' “
William Arthur Ward
“If
instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a
loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as
the angels give.”
George MacDonald
“What
if you gave someone a gift, and they neglected to thank you for it -
would you be likely to give them another? Life is the same way. In
order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you
must truly appreciate what you already have.”
Ralph Marston
“We
need to teach the next generation of children from day one that they
are responsible for their lives. Mankind's greatest gift, also its
greatest curse, is that we have free choice. We can make our choices
built from love or from fear.”
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
You find more gift of life ideas on the Spiritual Inspirations page by clicking here.
“I fell down on the ground. It was like a darkness came over me. It was like a warmth. It was weird. I floated up. I could see myself on the ground. I wanted to touch my body but I couldn't. As I went up I could feel a lightness and I fell into a sleepiness. At the same time I was going into a tunnel.
“You're going into a tunnel but it is narrowing and you hear voices that you recognise. You don't see them. You see images but you don't actually see them. The voices I heard were of people who were gone before me. Afterwards you drift back into your body. It was an in and out experience. You can only understand it if you experience it.
Outlook on life
“When I came back, my whole outlook on life was completely different. All this crap, the materialism, cars, people working, it all means nothing. It all looks hollow, empty and fake. It's hard to explain that. All this materialism, even now, well over thirty five years later, everything is different. Even today.
“It's all right , I'm not working for a family to put bread on the table, I don't have to do that. At the same time you see the fakeness of life. After that I wanted to live in the mountains away from it all. I'm still living that way but I'm happy in myself. Very happy in myself.
“I couldn't adjust back to doing things, going nine to five, I couldn't. I've done it but I couldn't do it. I go back to drifting, doing nothing. I've lived eighteen years with no money, no income whatsoever, no home, no electricity, no heat, no work. Living in tents, living in old sheds, on park benches, anywhere. It doesn't make a difference. I feel right, I feel right doing it.
“The “normal” purpose of life for me is bull. For other people it is to rear families, build empires. Fair enough, that's good. Every person has their own goal in life but they still don't think they have achieved it. That's my opinion. I don't think any person thinks that they have reached their potential. Maybe there is something else in life they are reaching for. Maybe a spiritual thing. Even men who have built great empires, when they get to a certain age, they still don't feel they have achieved anything. So maybe it is a spiritual thing they have to achieve. I don't know, to be honest. You'd have to ask a person who is in their eighties, who is dying, who has achieved something.”
My happiness
“I don't feel that I have achieved something. I feel that I've achieved happiness and peace for myself.”
Then I pointed out to Philip that it is more than the guy who has built an empire and still feels he needs more?
“Depends on who wants it. What good is my happiness when someone wants houses to live in and food on the table? If I was rearing a family and couldn't look after my kids but I achieved happiness, what good is that to them, if they are left poor and hungry?”
I've never been stuck
“I believe in God, one hundred percent. I don't believe in a God, I know there's a God. He looks after me. I've never been stuck for a bed, for a blanked, for food, for shelter. Never, not for one day. For eighteen years. I haven't made the effort. If I want money it comes to me. If I’m stuck for money, I walk around, I know I'm going to find a fiver or a tenner. I'll find food, shelter. If I want to go from A to B, I’ll get there, no problems to me.
Near death experience
We talked a bit more and Philip went back to eating the bread, tomatoes and chocolate cakes which a guy in a nearby supermarket had given him. I suspect most of the food was past it's sell by date but it was still good to eat.
It's interesting to note that since Philip’s near death experience he doesn't take welfare payments, doesn't beg, won't take up social housing but he is happy with himself and his life.
What's the moral here? Everyone to their own. We may look at a homeless person and presume it is a miserable life. We may look at a rich person a presume it is a wonderful life. We are making assumptions about people and things all the time but we really don't know. We need to connect with and get to know these people to know their story.
Philip's near death experience has given him a clarity about life most people can't get. It may be a view most don't want but his brush with death and the realisation that there is so much more beyond death has given him a trust in God or the Holy Spirit which I suspect we'd all like a part of.
However we all have our own path in life. We all have our lessons, gifts, challenges and blessings. Most of us won't have a near death experience but this insight into Philip's life may help us understand our own life a little better.
Wishing you love in your lessons and blessings in life.
*Ed Parkinson
Harold Klemp
“It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.”
Woody Allen
“Death is not an event in life: we do not live to experience death. If we take eternity to mean not infinite temporal duration but timelessness, then eternal life belongs to those who live in the present.”
Ludwig Wittgenstein
“Dying before dying has two important consequences: It liberates the individual from the fear of death and influences the actual experience of dying at the time of biological demise.”
Stanislav Grof
“I was never afraid of failure after that because, I think, coming that close to death you get kissed. With the years, the actual experience of course fades, but the flavor of it doesn't. I just had a real sense of what choice do I have but to live fully?”
Debra Winger
“Individuals
approaching death often experience encounters with their dead
relatives, who seem to welcome them to the next world. These deathbed
visions are authentic and convincing; they are often followed by a
state of euphoria and seem to ease the transition.”
Stanislav Grof
“The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.”
Lucius Annaeus Seneca
“For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.”
William Penn
“From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity.”
Edvard Munch
“I existed from all eternity and, behold, I am here; and I shall exist till the end of time, for my being has no end.”
Khalil Gibran
“Death is a commingling of eternity with time; in the death of a good man, eternity is seen looking through time.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“A lot of people fear death because they think that so overwhelming an experience has to be painful, but I've seen quite a few deaths, and, with one exception, I've never known anyone to undergo anything like agony. That's amazing when you think about it. I mean, how complicated the mechanism is that's being taken apart.”
Lewis Thomas
“The best way to deal with that is to live in a fully conscious, compassionate, loving way. Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to recognize that this is the only way to live.”
Morrie Schwartz