Spiritually Unequal Marriage

Weekend Devo — A Godly Wife of Influence

2012-02-10T21:01:00-08:00

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. — Proverbs 31:10-12

In the NASB version, that first part of verse 11 reads:

The heart of her husband trusts in her.

The Hebrew word for heart used here is leb and means inner man, mind, will, heart. Our actions play the dominant role in winning our husband's trust--to winning anyone's trust. Yes, our words come into play, but our actions will speak the loudest and will confirm what and when we do speak. If our actions don't back up our words, we lose credibility.

In today’s world, we often hear things about winning the trust of others but it’s usually to gain something for the person, company, or organization set upon this quest to bring results.

But Proverbs 31 shows we, as godly wives, have a higher motivation. Verse 10 describes us as a wife of noble character. Our motivation is not for ourselves but to serve God and our husband.

Personally, I know I can't fulfill this calling as a wife without God's strength, wisdom, and a whole lot of grace. The longer I've walked this path as a spiritually mismatched wife, the more I've learned how little I'm capable of on my own and how much more I can accomplish when I follow God's lead.

Speaking of following His lead, I'm still planning to give my hubby a signed copy of The Resolution for Women for Valentine's Day. I'm still nervous but I'm stepping out in courage and faith that when God leads us to a specific action, He'll take care of the rest as I do my part. God has me stepping out a lot right now. I'll fill you in when I get back from an unexpected road trip from Florida to California. I'm on the road right now actually...more stories to come!

Praying, believing and DRIVING!
Dineen

Defeat vs. Courage

2012-02-10T01:00:00-08:00

Living out of God’s courage, what holds us back? And how do we escape the two traps of the devil.

On Valentine’s Day we will give away a DVD of the movie Courageous, several books and also we will give away two framed, The Resolution for men and 2 framed, The Resolution for Women. To win, leave a comment in any post over the next two weeks.

Before I reveal some highly effective strategies in our spiritual warfare I first have a question for you to consider.

Do you think God wants courageous followers?

And why might it matter to God if we have courage?

I often think as believers, our natural tendency is to gravitate to the attributes of God which are most appealing; love, grace, forgiveness, kindness, provision, protection. Those spring to my mind and I will admit that I’m drawn in and want to focus most of my prayers and learning on these qualities of our Lord.

If you are like me and dwell in these qualities, like me you may tent to dismiss the fullness of God and His other facets which include justice, judgment, and warfare. These are far less appealing and quite frankly…… can be scary.

However, let me be forthright. We would do well to study these aspects of His character and how the relate in our lives because whether we like it or not or even know it or not, we are living smack in the middle of a war.

And the players, the VITAL players in this war are…… us, the believers.

Now I don’t pretend to have all of this spiritual warfare business figured out but I have learned a few things over the years. Many of you have read my account of battling over my husband (click here). What I have learned is how believers are easily defeated by the enemy and I have also learned how to use the weapons we have to thwart him and his minions.

How does this relate to courage?

Well, it takes courage to acknowledge the truth about the spiritual realm, its existence all around us, the part we play and the consequences of unrestrained evil. It takes courage to step up to the battle field and deal fight with real evil. But, my friends, an ounce of courage and the hand of Jesus can render an army of evil in shambles.

What might you surmise are the greatest weapons the devil uses to defeat God’s people?

Fear and lies.

Fear is born of lies. It’s a wicked web than ensnares so many believers. How do we begin to replace lies with truth? When we learn to do that our fear disappears and prayer warriors emerge.

Let me share something from the early years of my marriage. My husband travels for business. Out on a plane on Monday home on Friday. I spent many nights alone with my two small kids in a large city. I found myself fearful at night alone in the darkness. I couldn’t sleep. My imagination ran wild. Okay, you get the picture.

I needed to escape this night time fear. So, I turned to God’s Word. I looked up scripture verses about fear. I wrote them down on 3x5 cards and began to memorize them. 2 Timothy 1 :7 comes to my mind even now:

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (NLT)

When I would wake up in the middle of the night, with my heart pounding, I would sit straight up and I would repeat this scripture OUT LOUD, over and over again. Until whatever was disturbing in the spiritual realm would leave. I would tell the darkness, “God did NOT give me a spirit of fear. I will not be afraid because my spirit is not of fear but my spirit is of power, great love and self-control.” Man you say that a few times at night with great passion and conviction and you will we ready to take on the world. I would then settle down and go right to sleep and rise the next morning ready to kick butt and take names.

This process of replacing lies (fear) with God’s truth (scripture) transformed my life. This IS the renewing of the mind and taking every thought captive to Christ.

Now, as for those accusatory thoughts and untruths that pop into our mind which we know are not of God, I challenge you to say this to yourself out loud, “That is a lie from the pit of hell. I reject that lie and I take it captive to Christ.” Then follow that up with a scripture of truth. “God’s Words says this about me…… I am chosen, I am loved, I am a His child.” Quote a scripture verse.

My friends, it may seem silly but speaking the truth, especially speaking scripture out loud is part of our arsenal in our spiritual battles. Remember the Word always was and will always be. It was the WORD of God that created the heavens and the earth. Now that is a powerful word. The Word is the final truth and it can set us free.

SO SPEAK it out loud.

Was it weird to speak it out loud around my unbelieving spouse? Yes, it still is. But I can walk around my house when he’s at work and speak scripture and pray for protection. I can wake at night and speak scripture into the darkness and I can pray with my kids in the car out loud to cover them with protection. Over time my husband has stumbled upon me praying out loud, singing scripture out loud and all manner of scripture verses posted around my office and the house. He’s grown used to it. It takes time and in small doses.

We utterly defeat satan by rejecting his lies, replacing them with truth, speaking truth into the spiritual realm around us and then standing on that truth.

THAT is the recipe for courage.

God expects his people to be courageous just like Joshua.

We, the spiritually mismatched, are on the front lines of the battlefield sometimes we are the only one fighting through our prayers for our kids, our home, our marriage, our spouse. It’s not always easy but as a woman who has fought many times with only Jesus at my side, I have gained the victories, I have slayed the dragon, I have saved my family from calamity because I chose to reject the lies, speak the truth, pray like crazy and live for Jesus.

If I can do this, you can too.

Okay, what scripture verses have helped you to reject the lies and defeat fear? I can’t wait to read how you have been doing on the frontlines in your home. Audacious and brave hugs, Lynn

Our Place of Influence (Part 2): What does that look like?

2012-02-07T00:01:00-08:00

Last week I wrote about our place of influence in our marriage. How do we get there and what does it look like? Let’s start where I ended last week.

1. Pray for wisdom and guidance. It starts right here. Without God’s wisdom and guidance, none of this is possible. It’s like groping in the dark for a light switch. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him (James 1:5). First and foremost, we need to be cultivating a relationship with God. If you do just this one thing, the rest of the steps below will fall into place.

2. Pray for change in you. As I shared last week, we are often the heart of our families. That means we are also a catalyst for change. Ask God to help you be the wife and mother HE (not your husband or family) needs you to be. This means you’re asking God to use you to be this person of influence and change in the lives of your husband and children. This means asking God to help you see your husband as a blessing, not a burden. We are not martyrs in our own homes, but we can be missionaries.

3. Pray for your husband. This is most likely your highest calling. Pray for his protection, for his mind and heart to know and accept Jesus, and pray for him as the leader of your family. He may not be the spiritual leader of your family right now, but he is still the leader of you and your family in general. Allow him to lead! This is where you will find your greatest calling and challenge as a wife—to stand by your husband, to affirm him as a man, as a husband, as a father. In doing this we serve him and we serve God. The amazing thing is, when we take this place, we discover what God truly means by, “and the two will become one.” This is a beautiful place of partnership where we work together as a team, as a “we” and not two “I”s working against each other. Our greatest gift to our husband is to help him reach his God-given potential, even in the midst of his unbelief or lagging faith. Remember, God is working there too.

4. Pray for your children. This is your legacy. This is your influence on future generations. This is your mark on eternity. As I said before, we often set the tone and pattern in our family. Nothing has been more rewarding than to see my oldest daughter choose a relationship with a godly man and desire to have a marriage based upon God’s design. Even in their engagement I see these two taking their God-given and ordained places in their relationship. It is truly a thing of beauty. All the years that I’ve poured into my marriage and into my family are bearing fruit in her. That is so humbling and so rewarding. I’ve already received some of my treasure in the here and now.

5. Pray for and encourage other women in mismatched marriages. Lynn and I are walking and talking testimonies to this. If you look at 2 Cor. 1:3-7, you’ll see that God never intends for us to keep what we know about and learn from Him to ourselves. Those areas of victory will be used to help others. That right there is another blessing we can receive in this lifetime. I can think of no better way to serve God than to share His hope—to share Him—with others so that they too can know love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control in their lives and their marriages. This is the example we have in Titus 2 as well.

6. Be still and know God is God. Quit trying to fix your husband, your kids, your life...youself. If you look at the Lord’s prayer, the end affirms that God’s kingdom, power and glory are forever. Pray these prayers and then trust that God is already in action. He probably was even before you said a word. The hardest part is waiting on God’s timing. I waited 16 years for my husband to accept my faith, to accept this is who I am and I’m not going to change. It’s a small step forward and worth the wait. Ten years ago I was impatient and anxious for my husband to know Jesus NOW! Today I am content and thankful that he now accepts my faith, understands this is who I am, and chooses to love me and walk the road of marriage together.

My friends, I write these things from my heart and from my experience. And with this comes the full understanding that we cannot do this, fill this place of influence without constantly seeking God for strength, wisdom and courage. Do not let your husband’s unbelief and the lies of the enemy tell you that you can’t be this kind of wife to your husband. You can and God will give you everything you need to do so.

Just trust Him. Trust Him to equip you. The most amazing part of this journey, for me, is finding myself and my life in Christ. This is the part that’s hard to put in words other than to say that there is nothing more peaceful and empowering than walking in obedience to God. Had I clung to what I wanted instead of allowing God to be the one in control, I would not have the marriage I have now. I wouldn’t have the life of joy I’m experiencing now! This is what Jesus meant when he said we must lose our life to get it back and that his burden is light. Though our lives will always have conflicts, challenges and trials, His way is the best way to live a life of joy and peace in the midst of it all.

In walking this path as a mismatched wife I have found purpose, joy and amazing faith. This is God’s doing, not mine. And we have so much more waiting for us in heaven. That’s when we will see the full picture of what our place of influence truly accomplished for God.

Amen?

Lynn shared that we’ll be giving away two copies of the Resolution for Women. I feel led to buy one for myself, sign it and put it in a card for my husband as a Valentine’s Day present. To be honest, the idea scares me—what will my husband think of it? How will he react? I’m choosing to step out in courage and follow what I believe to be God asking me to testify openly to my husband what my place in our marriage means to me. I’m praying for God’s courage and for my husband’s heart to receive my gift.

Is God calling you to have courage and take a step of faith in your marriage?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

The Most Courageous

2012-02-06T01:00:00-08:00

Out of the Old Testament comes a facinating story. Read it now and allow the Lord to show you something you haven't perceived before. (Numbers 13 and Joshua 1)

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Joshua and Caleb, believed the Lord could deliver Canaan to the Israelites. The Israelites listened to the negative report of the ten who did not believe. The people turned against God and God was so angry with the people that he wanted to destroy them all. Moses plead with God to save the people and God relented. However God decreed that the Israelites would not enter Canaan until the unbelieving generation had died. The only members of that generation to survive were Joshua and Caleb. They were ready to claim their inheritance but were delayed for 40 years!

In the end Joshua led the people of Israel to the Promised Land and Caleb, at 85, saw the Promised Land and was given Hebron. (Joshua 14: 6-15)

Those two great men prepared a generation to take the Promised Land. They didn’t lose faith, they didn’t leave the people but somehow helped guide a faithful generation.

Joshua and Caleb were faithful to God but because of the unbelief of others they waited 40 years to see the Promised Land. The observation is that sometimes those who love God “suffer” because God’s grace is so bountiful; God persists in offering grace even to those who just don’t seem to get it or want it.

Perhaps God’s grace costs those that love Him. Caleb and Joshua model the best way to behave: they didn’t leave God or reject those who rejected Him. They stayed, created a new generation and saw the Promised Land. Perhaps they understood if God loves sinners they must too.

Something to think about.

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Thoughts?

Thank you Carolyn who emailed this story to me last week.

Looking forward to your comments and conversation in the comments today. Audatious and brave hugs, Lynn

Weekend Devo — Be Strong and Courageous

2012-02-04T00:01:00-08:00

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” — Joshua 1:9

The mother of a friend gave me this verse when my husband told me he’d decided he was an atheist. This verse would come back to me time again over the years.

Almost seventeen years later I can testify that it is true. God has been with me where ever I went. From the US to Europe and back again, from places of discouragement and despair back to courage and hope, from life threatening illness to health, God has kept His Word—His promises—to me.

God is with us, always. Believe this truth and walk in it and you won’t feel alone. And even when you do, remember this truth so that you know in your heart that God is ALWAYS with you.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Courage.... In Church????

2012-02-03T01:00:00-08:00

From Monday’s Post: I should tell you that my own story of stepping up my courage began today (Sunday). I went out for an early morning run before church and as I was listening to my ishuffle I heard God whisper to me, “Lynn, you step out and be brave for me. You do one thing that scares you today.”

Whoa. I hate it when God says stuff like that. Can anyone relate?

Well within a couple of hours I knew the moment when God was calling me to put my courage up for a test. And, wow, it was completely unexpected……

Continued:

Football season is over. Well almost. This Sunday is Superbowl Sunday and even though the Broncos were annihilated by the Patriots, I will still watch the game. However, I will likely be cheering for the other team, any other team but the Patriots (Sorry Pat’s fans. I’m still sporting a grudge). At this point, it’s all about the commercials anyway. *grin*

But since the playoffs ended, my husband went to church with my daughter and me on Sunday. First time in a long time. Can I tell you that I felt stress on Saturday night about even asking him if he wanted to go? I went through what many of you go through. Do I ask? How do I ask? Should I even mention it? How should I pray about it? Sheesh.

Well I mentioned church to my man and received the typical noncommittal response. So Sunday morning arrived and while out on my early jog, I prayed the Holy Spirit would overwhelm my husband and wake him up. Have any of you ever done that? I hope I’m not alone in asking for divine intervention into my husband’s sleep. Sheesh, this sounds bad doesn’t it?

Well miracle of miracles. At exactly 9 a.m. Sunday, both my husband and daughter (night owls) both woke on their own and shuffled into the kitchen. Woo Hoo. I think I need to pray like that every Sunday morning.

Later, the three of us sat down together in church. Ahhh, all was right with the world.

Or not.

Okay, let me set the stage for what happened next. Now I don’t know where you stand in the whole area of hand raising during church worship but for me this is a relatively new thing. For all of you who bust a move and fling arms around, forgive me. I’m still getting used to it all. However, in the last several months, I have been known to fling not just one arm in the air in worship but two. Be patient with us Californians. We are a bit behind the whole worship with hand waving and such.

I now LOVE to worship with my hands raised. Okay, with that said, I’m usually more restrained around my husband if he attends church. But today with the music crescendo I heard God say, “Okay Lynn, are you going to be courageous now?”

Gulp.

Yep, I knew what that meant. I’d freely worshiped God with my hands in the air before today but was I going to do the same with MY HUSBAND SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME?

This is not a big deal to many, but to me the implications are vast and lasting. If I do this, will my husband become so uncomfortable that he won’t return to church? Will he mock me at some point in the future? Will he walk out? Will he think I’m an idiot? Will he turn red. Will I turn red?

Good grief.

But somewhere inside my soul rose up the assurance that God had this moment in His hand. All I needed was a tiny ounce of courage. One hand slipped up. The music filled my soul and then the other rose. In full worship, with my hands lifted toward the Living God of the Universe, I stood next to my pre-believer. He didn’t freak out. He didn’t leave. He didn’t tease me. In fact, I think he kinda knew I just couldn’t help myself.

As I sat down I heard God’s still small voice whisper to me, “Don’t worry about your husband Lynn. I’ve got him. But as for you, well done my brave daughter. Well done.”

Okay, raised hands in church may seem minor but my friends it’s one new brave step at a time that we travel this journey toward heaven and live in victory.

Pray with me:

Oh Father,

There is so much You want to pour into our lives. We live so small at times when You are desperate for us to live large, amazing and thrilling lives. Help us to overcome our fear to experience life to the fullest. Show us where we need to take one step in courage. Show us where to do the right thing. Teach us how to step away from what is easy so that we may reflect your power and grace. Lord, lead us this very hour to decide to do one thing for Your Kingdom today that scares us.

Fill us with your holy power, your Spirit and your wisdom. Let us walk out our faith in front of our spouse, our kids and a world that is desperate to see someone who is brave enough to be different. Brave enough to share the healing name of Jesus. In His life-changing name, Jesus. Amen.

Audacious Hugs, Lynn

Give Thanks a Challenge

2012-02-02T01:00:00-08:00

I have a challenge for you today.

You may be in the midst of a struggle or a tremendous trial with your health, your financial security, your marriage or facing devastating loss.

But for this hour, bring a heart of thanks and praise to God and then watch what He will do in you.

Write out all your blessings. Name them one by one.

A soul filled with the praises of God receives a gift..... Peace.

If you need peace in your life, I challenge you to offer praises and let the peace that passes all understanding surround you, speak into you and bring you rest.

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Also today, I would humbly ask you to join Dineen and I as we are the guests at Moody Radio The Midday Connection. 1pm Eastern Noon Central 10am Pacific.

Please cover us with prayer that Jesus is honored and women find hope for their unequally yoked marriage. Hugs, Lynn

Interrupting Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

2012-02-01T01:00:00-08:00

I'm interrupting our scheduled series on courage, well sorta. Today I want to introduce you to a woman who stepped out in great courage, Heidi.

I've know Heidi for a number of years and she has overcome so much through the transofrming power and love of Jesus. I was priviledged to interview Heidi last fall. And today I bring you her amazing story.

This is a story to encourage all women, join me at Laced With Grace today for:

Triumph After Childhood Sexual Abuse.

Our Place of Influence: Where do we choose to stand?

2012-01-31T00:01:00-08:00

When I try to explain to someone the role of influence we hold in our husband’s lives, it’s almost too difficult to put into words what I sense so deeply in my heart. I will say it is something I feel very passionate about.

As women, we hold a very important place in the lives of our family. In many ways, as wives and mothers, we are the heart of our family. We influence the mood, the routines and the relationships of everyone in our home.

We have a wonderful biblical example in the story of Esther. Did you know she was unequally yoked? She was a Jewess married to a Persian King—a pagan. Talk about finding yourself in a mismatched marriage and a unique situation, right?

Yet if you follow the story, Esther finds herself suddenly in a position to influence her husband for the sake of her people. Yes, hers is a life and death situation but we can glean so much from her story.

At first she is afraid of the risk. If she approaches her husband and stands for her beliefs, she’ll ripple the waters. Yet her Uncle and mentor, Mordecai, reminds her that even in her place as Queen, she will not escape the fate of her people. He gently yet firmly shows her that this is most likely her time to stand strong in her faith—that it’s no accident she is where she is.

What I find so fascinating in this story is that God isn’t even mentioned verbally, yet He is very much present. Nor does Esther try to convert the King to her beliefs. Through fasting and prayer, Esther receives the strength and guidance she needs to help save her people. She influences her husband through her gentle spirit, her confidence in God and actions that garner her husband’s favor and trust. She puts aside her fear and concern for herself to achieve a greater goal than her own comfort.

As wives of faith, we stand on the front lines for our husbands. And like Mordecai asked Esther, “who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:13), and as Paul asks, “How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him” (1 Cor. 7:16-17), where are we choosing to stand?

For me, I’m in this place by marriage and by calling. I feel called to stand by my husband to support him, to pray for him, to encourage him and affirm him. I want to be a reflection of Christ in his life. No, I don't go before an earthly king, but I stand before our heavenly King, petitioning for the soul of my loved ones. For me, this is a place of honor and one I want to do well—finish well. One day I will stand before Jesus, and I so want to hear him say, “well done!”

Walking in a spiritually mismatched marriage means leaving our places of fear and walking in courage and confidence that God has placed us in our marriages for a higher calling than our own happiness. I know that can seem overwhelming at times, almost as if it’s too much responsibility, but the beauty of it is, we are not called to function in this place of influence within the parameters of our own definition and strength. As I’ve said before, God never places us somewhere without equipping us. (And please understand that I’m not saying we must stay in abusive marriages—that is a very different situation.)

Finally, I want to tell you that in this place of service, which I consider to be so very noble, God meets our needs. Every one of them. This is the part I find difficult to put into the words. The lonely places, the disappointments, the heartache, the struggles—God has met me in every one of these places and has met my need, healed my heart and taught me how to walk the path of a mismatched wife.

All this still within the parameters of a mismatched marriage. Not after my husband came to faith. Now. This frees me to love my husband just as he is and allows me to enjoy our marriage. My focus isn’t on our differences, which often causes us to see our spouse as an enemy. My focus is on seeing my husband as my partner and friend. And I know if I’m feeling this freedom, he is too. That’s how I’m influencing him.

Next week I will talk more about this place of influence in our mismatched marriages and talk about what that looks like. In the meantime, start praying and asking God what place He’s calling you to in your marriage.

Dear Lord, I ask that you help me to understand my place of influence in my husband’s life. Let my heart be knitted to his as a conduit of your love and mine so that he may know who You are. In Christ’s name, amen.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

COURAGE

2012-01-30T01:00:00-08:00

It was a week ago Saturday night. Dineen and I sat in our jammies on the family room couch after our morning together at Sandals Church. We avoided the greasy popcorn and pulled the box of Kleenex close then hit the play button on the remote.

COURAGEOUS

The movie rolled for the next two hours. We wept. And at the same time we were filled with hope.

I don't know about you but watching this movie and the movie Fireproof which was also produced by the same people, is difficult and I think especially so for all of us who are spiritually mismatched. Watching Fireproof reduced me to a puddle of blubbers and that doesn't happen too often to this gal.

That yearning for our unbelieving spouse to one day know Jesus and to stand up and lead our home is always hidden right under the surface.

I shut off the television. I hugged Dineen goodnight and shuffled off to my room. As I laid in bed thinking about the movie what impressed me the most was the main character’s decision and motivation which leads to the The Resolution. Now I don't want to give up too much for those of you who haven't watched it yet, however, the main character in the film decides to be courageous and to truly live his life based upon the principles of the Bible.

What truly spoke to me was this man “decided” to be brave regardless of what anyone else thought or said. He was determined to live the truth out in his life in front of his wife, his friends, coworkers, and church.

So, as I mulled this over in the quiet of the night a thought occurred to me. Why must I wait for my spouse to come to Christ for this to happen in my life? Why can’t I take courage and resolve to live these beliefs out loud in front of my unbelieving spouse?

The next morning as I drove Dineen to the airport we chatted about this very thing and agreed, we need some courage. We both felt called to share God’s perspective of living without fear, out of His courage, and to step into a new place in His truth.

Beginning today we are on a two week journey to Courageous Living. We have several posts coming up about living out of God’s courage and what holds us back as well as how to escape the two traps of the devil.

I should tell you that my own story of stepping up my courage began today (Sunday). I went out for an early morning run before church and as I was listening to my Ishuffle I heard God whisper to me, “Lynn, you step out and be brave for me. You do one thing that scares you today.”

Whoa. I hate it when God says stuff like that. Can anyone relate?

Well within a couple of hours I knew the moment when God was calling me to put my courage up for a test. And, wow, it was completely unexpected……

*Okay my friends don't be mad but this post has already gone long. Find me here again Friday as I tell you what happened at church. I’ll give you a peak. My husband went with me. First time since September.

What area in your life do you want God to build your courage? Leave your answer in the comments. My friends, God has started something with this whole Courageous thing. Let’s join Him.

Audacious hugs, Lynn