Spiritually Unequal Marriage

What Do You Say to the Kids and more....

2012-01-27T01:00:00-08:00

Today we are answering your questions that were posted the week of January 18, 2012.

What do you tell the kids when they ask, "Why doesn't Dad go to church."

Why isn't there marriage in heaven?

How do you parent your kids when you and your husband see parenting so different.

The boundary between submitting and serving vs. enabling.

How do I keep hope alive when I my husband never responds.

Listen in. Then join the conversation in the comments.

The Bigger Picture

2012-01-24T00:01:00-08:00

One of the greatest challenge is a spiritually mismatched marriage is seeing hope when we see none. I think this is true of any difficult and ongoing situation for us as believers AND as human beings. How do we keep going when everything within us says walking away would be the easier choice?

Truth is, it may be the easier choice, but is it the right one? Probably not. Those trials and challenges in our life are there for a reason. God has a plan for all of it—for us and everyone involved. And I’ve never known God to be interested in the easy solution. On the contrary, He’s more interested in helping us become more like Christ and building our character than making our lives easy.

And marriage is one of those training grounds. It’s not about us. It’s not even completely about our spouse. This is about eternity—ours, our spouse’s and our children’s. Even on our roughest days, it’s vital that we step back and view our challenges in the light of two truths:

1. This is just one small view of a giant picture God is building every second of our lives. Our feelings change moment to moment, day to day, even year to year, as do our circumstances. The picture you’re looking at may be completely different next year, next week, or even in the next hour. Sometimes our biggest issue in these times is fear. We’re so afraid of what might be that we forget who’s in control. There’s a reason Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow. When you worry about what could happen (or not happen), you’ve not only stopped trusting God, you’ve completely tinged your viewpoint, your mood and your hope for what could be a turn around you never imagined possible.

2. The bigger picture—what are we working toward? I know some days just seem more about survival and there are times when God asks for no more than that. But He loves us too much to allow us to stay there. We can choose to walk the trials of life and marriage with the goal to learn and become more closely a reflection of who God created us to be—a design that will come to completion when we are reunited with Him in heaven. Or we can choose to stay in a place of stubbornness because we’re more interested in getting what we want now. That impatience is so destructive to our lives from the smallest of places to the largest. You have to ask yourself if you’re willing to do whatever God asks because you love him more than you love yourself.

If you look at every challenge as an opportunity to serve God and make Him proud, then you have eternity in your sights and you’ve centered your hope squarely on God. That’s when we discover victory in our hearts and lives even when nothing around us seems to have changed. We have changed though. Dramatically. This is also where we find that peace that surpasses understanding that Paul talks about and we are operating in God’s strength, not our own. And it’s the hope God has for us every millisecond of our lives.

Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed. — Isaiah 49:23 (NIV)

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Grace CaféMarriage Divorce and Remarriage 01/23 by CWA Radio | Blog Talk Radio

2012-01-23T01:00:00-08:00

Join me today as we take a sensitive look at divorce and remarriage. Hugs, Lynn

Grace CaféMarriage Divorce and Remarriage 01/23 by CWA Radio | Blog Talk Radio.

Join Marsha Harwood & Julie Hunsucker at Grace Café ~ Sharing Life, Hope and a Cup of Coffee; a place for women to grow in grace together, every Monday @ 11:00 Eastern Time 8:00 am Pacific on CWA Radio.

Marsha and Julie are joined by Lynn Donovan for a frank discussion about marriage, divorce and remarriage.

Isn't marriage supposed to make us happy? Is divorce the only option? Struggling with feelings of guilt and shame?

Whether you are happy or unhappy in your marriage, divorced or considering divorce, this program is for you. Maybe you know someone who is going through a divorce or is divorced. Marsha, Julie and Lynn want to help you help your friend with compassionate and biblical ways to bring hope, healing and comfort in a difficult situation.

Lynn's websites:

http://www.spirituallyunequalmarriage.com

http://www.winninghimwithoutwords.com

And on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/SpirituallyUnequalMarriage

Grace Café on FB -http://www.facebook.com/GraceCafe

Weekend Devo — The Promise

2012-01-21T00:01:00-08:00

“Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.”

When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.”

—Acts 2:36-39

I emphasized that last line because of the truth it holds. The Truth. It holds the promise of Jesus Christ. And right here, Peter tells us that this promise is for us and our spouses and our children and grandchildren and so on.

All who are far off...

Amazing! No matter how far off our unbelieving loved ones might be today, this promise is for them. Jesus is for them and He's calling them. We can trust in that promise.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Your Kid's Faith - From the Chronicles of the Donovan Clan

2012-01-20T01:00:00-08:00

It was the best of times……

It was the worst of times…..

Last Saturday evening I sat in front of the television and watched the painful demise of my beloved Broncos as they were pounded by the Patriots in what can only be described as a massacre.

It was sad.

I sat around the family room with several of my friends and several of my daughter’s teenaged friends who showed up wearing Patriots Jerseys and waving blue and red Pat’s flags. Sheesh. No respect around here. *grin.*

In spite of my dashed hopes for a Superbowl birth, something fantastic was taking place that no one else knew about but me, my 16 year old daughter and God.

A decision point occurred.

Earlier that day, most of my daughter’s friends made plans to leave our house at half time. They were meeting up with other friends at a local theater to watch a play. My daughter was included in the plans. I didn’t think too much about this particular adventure because as you may know my daughter is very active in Theater Arts and she and I and her friends attend live plays frequently.

But, what I didn’t know is this particular play wasn’t a G rated production. In fact, the play included characters of moral question and some nudity. Yep, you heard me correctly.

Before the game started and friends began to arrive, my daughter stopped what she was doing in the kitchen. She was helping me prepare some snacks and was whipping up a light version of Con queso for later.

“Mom.”

“Hunh?”

“I don’t think I’m going to go to the play with everyone tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Mom, I just don’t feel comfortable about it. There is nudity and other things in that play that will bother me.”

“Oh Honey, I am so proud of you that you made this choice for yourself and not because it’s what I would have wanted."

I looked at this kid from across the kitchen in amazement. Would I have made the same choice under such peer-pressure at her age? I’m ashamed to say, likely no.

Will she always make choices like this? Likely no.

Later I overheard my daughter on the phone to one of the kids. She was responding to the obvious question, “Why aren’t’ you going with us to the play?”

“It just doesn’t sit right with my morals. So I’m not going.”

She was brave enough to be different and stand apart from her friends and face possible ridicule, mocking and be left out in the future. Wow, many adults don't have this kind of courage.

In this small moment, God allowed me to understand that all the years, tears and prayers I have poured into this child were now bringing forth fruit. My daughter is choosing for herself based upon her morals, values, and faith. She is grasping my faith and making it her own.

Even in the midst of an unequally yoked home.

To every mom and dad out there who worries over your kids, I share this story to encourage you. Don’t stop praying. Don’t stop grasping those teachable moments when they are younger. Live out your faith in front of your kids so when they are older they will know how to live their faith as well. Teach them how to pray. Help them to make choices and coach them how to talk to their friends. You be the out. Let them blame, “My bad-ole mother. She won’t let me go with you.” Give them every opportunity to choose right over wrong.

To choose Jesus.

Mostly you, mom or dad, love Jesus with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. That is the best parenting advice anyone could ever receive.

Have a blessed day. Hug your kids today from Aunty Lynn

Matthew 12: 30-31 (NIV) (Jesus said) Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ‘The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Ask Us A Question

2012-01-19T09:41:13-08:00

Hi Everyone:

Dineen will be flying in to Temecula tomorrow. We will be visiting Sandals Church on Saturday to join the Warrior Wives as they kickoff their new Spiritually Mismatched group.

We are so excited to be included.

However on Friday, Dineen and I will be recording a video and we want to answer some of your questions. Are you dealing with an issue in your marriage and are unsure what to do? Are you struggling in your spiritual life, marriage relationship, with the kids.

We have walked through so much of all of these. So, ask away. We are a safe place to ask ANY question and we will treat your question with prayer, asking for God's Holy Spirit to speak over the answer.

So ask away. Leave a question in the comments. Or join us on Facebook. Hugs, Lynn

More Than Able

2012-01-17T00:01:00-08:00

Each year in January, the Internet is glutted with articles and posts about resolutions and goals. I find it humorous that this year I’ve seen more about why resolutions don’t work and end in failure for most people.

I gave up on resolutions a long time ago. I know my limitations and I also know that I can’t change on my own. There is this little human being inside of me that just insists on being in control and doing it all on her own. We seem to be our own worst enemy at times, don’t we?

Thankfully, God is slowly turning her around—me around to understand that I can’t do anything on my own but can do everything through Him.

Now that truth can rattle around in our brains a lot. We can even say Philippians 4:13 from memory. But speaking from experience, understanding how to live on a daily basis in the parameters of God’s strength and not our own is a challenge!

And just when we figure it out in one area of our lives, we have to learn how to do it in other areas. Can anyone out there relate?

Living in a spiritually mismatched marriage is one of those areas that we just can’t do it on our own. We might go along pretty well for a while but inevitably our strength will run out. We need God to provide what we need to be in this place He’s called us to be on a daily basis.

So much of this journey is about letting go and allowing God to be in control. To trust Him with every aspect of our lives with the understanding that He’s always working for our good and for the good of our family.

Not easy, I know. We ALL walk this path and in many different areas of our lives. It’s part of the refining and perfecting of our faith. Part of learning to live with the will of our God who is more than able.

More than able. More. Able.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. — Ephesians 3:20-21

I think I’ll rest in that truth for a little while.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

A Letter from One Unequally Yoked to Another

2012-01-16T01:00:00-08:00

I want to welcome Adriana today. She recently shared a powerful letter on our 1Peter3Living loop. I hope you are inspired and encouraged as I was ~Lynn

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As we step closer to God, the spiritual battle steps up too because the enemy absolutely hates to see us mature as Christians. When you feel deflated and that God is not listening, that's just junk from the enemy. God is listening and welcoming you closer. Rejoice that your moving closer to God has the enemy bothered!

I've been in my spiritually unequally yoked marriage for 22 years and at times my husband was very difficult and I had close friends asking why I was sticking with it (even got this from his own family members). But I knew that the Lord was doing a work in me and through me was doing a work in my husband as well.

I love how God always works both sides of an equation. In our unequally yoked marriages, He is maturing us, doing deep steadfast things in us as we walk through the difficulties. In my marriage I have learned and am still learning to depend on God, to look to Him to fulfill (for now) the things I long to be receive from my husband. I have learned to pray more deeply, to trust and believe more deeply. My quiet faithfulness to God benefits my husband even if he is unaware of it. My husband has God's presence in his life just because God is in me and I am with him. He may not yet be surrendering to God but God is at work as I am a light and reflection of God's steadfastness, love, mercy, forgiveness, and even at times correction in his life. I am God's instrument to be used in His way to woo my husband to Himself. And I have seen Him do some amazing things and move in behalf of prayer.

I know the loneliness you speak of, always doing things solo. I live that too. The thing is to be faithful to God in what he would have YOU do for Him and to trust Him with the working in your husband. Seek to do everything as unto the Lord. When He shows you to love your husband, love your husband for Him. When he shows you to forgive your husband, forgive your husband for Him. When we do things for others for Him and we don't get appreciated for what we have done, we can endure it because our praise and reward is from the Lord, not the person. We can rejoice in that we have pleased our first love. What freedom there is in that! It's difficult at times to live with this attitude (especially with a difficult person) but oh the rewards when we do.

Love and prayers,

Adriana

Weekend Devo — The Marriage Puzzle

2012-01-14T00:01:00-08:00

We walk into our marriages as two young people enamored with love and barely comfortable with who we are as individuals. We are called not to walk as two but as one. Like two random pieces of a puzzle we try to fit together, turning different edges to one another trying to find or make a fit.

Sometimes we manage to find a partial fit that seems to work for a while. Then the table shakes or the mysterious hands of chaos rip the pieces apart. The one has become two again and time is either their friend or enemy.

The two pieces try again, though perhaps one is more determined than the other. Again the dance to find a fit becomes either the struggle of egos or the adventure of discovery. Days grow into months, which grow into years. The two pieces find that as they become more yielding in their shape, the two stay as one better and longer. As one yields the other follows suit.

Comfort is found in the simple knowledge that they are a part of the other. Until one day the two pieces suddenly find they are the perfect fit. They've grown so close that their individual shapes are still discernible but no longer paramount.

And because they no longer see only themselves but the other first, they notice the third piece of the puzzle—a stronger, bigger piece—has been there all along, helping the two pieces to fit as much as they would allow him and holding them together when they desired it least.

In his presence the two pieces find their best fit because they are connected through him, the one designed to hold all of us together in a perfect picture of his greater love.

Praying, believing and puzzling,
Dineen

No More Marriage?

2012-01-13T00:01:00-08:00

Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. — Matthew 22: 29-30

I don’t know about you but this verse has always made me stop and wonder. What does it mean? Why will marriage cease to exist?

Bear with me here, because I had a sudden light bulb moment recently. I won’t claim it to be biblical or swear it came from God, but to me, it makes sense.

Marriage is probably the closest representation we have here as to our relationship with God. It’s a covenant He created and provides a safe “place” for us to connect with another person in intimacy—physically for reproduction and to know each other, mentally to fulfill certain emotional needs and to create unity, and spiritually to grow together in our connection to God and understanding His place in our lives.

Along with life, marriage is a training ground to make us more Christ-like and to prepare us for eternity.

So, let’s talk about eternity. Once there we will be complete in Christ.

In the physical sense: We will know and be known even as we are known (1 Cor. 13:12). Thus the separation created by sin is eliminated and we will know intimacy with God as He intended it to be (think of Garden of Eden before the Fall but even better!). And we certainly won’t need to reproduce!

In the mental/emotional sense: I can imagine all our needs will be perfectly met, if we even have any. Unity will be our natural state because we will truly experience our presence in the body of Christ and what that connection means. The barriers that so often hinder relationship will also be gone, like envy, jealousy, insecurity, etc.

In the spiritual sense: In heaven we step into the fulfillment of our spirituality because we are with God. Sin is gone, thus nothing separates us or hinders our closeness to God.

In this light, it makes perfect sense to me that there would be no more marriage, nor will there be issues as far as those who have married more than once. In heaven we are all united as one in God’s family. We are all His and He is ours—equally.

I don’t know about you but the beauty and perfection of it blows me away and is almost incomprehensible.

Now step back and think of your marriage in these terms. How’s it look now?

Praying and believing,
Dineen