Spitwads Blog - The Finest Spewings

You Are Crazy!

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Mon, 22 Jul 2013 02:49:00 +0000

Crazy Creatures of Dr. Gloom
Designed by Michael Schacht

Introduction / Backstory
Scientists sometimes have a bad rap. Put on a white lab coat and forget to comb your hair for the day and what are you labeled? A "Mad Scientist" most likely. You have to admit that in our fictional world there are a lot of examples of scientists messing with something that quickly grows into a big issue creating all sorts of problems. Think of Dr. Frankenstein and Flint Lockwood (Mmmm....giant food). In Crazy Creatures of Dr. Gloom, you have your heart on becoming the greatest scientist ever! You want...nay...need to become the apprentice of the great Doctor Gloom (or Doom depending on where you live) to realize your dream. Rumors of crazy creatures in the forest surrounding the mansion of Doctor Gloom and colorful clouds coming from his chimney has really peaked your interest. Lucky you - he is looking for a select few to help him with his current project! Will you be successful? Stand out above your competitors on this project and you can become his apprentice and start your way to fame and glory (or at least win the game).

I am a big fan of Michael Schacht's Coloretto and Zooloretto. The game mechanic of those games is just fantastic. This game takes a different, very simple, game mechanic and makes a nice family card game that everyone can enjoy. I think that this game will appeal to those who like games such as Coloretto, Lost Cities, Pinata, Slide 5, Uno, Love Letter, and Little Devils. I can see a lot of different little elements from these games in Crazy Creatures (i.e. the points listed on some of the cards like in Little Devils/Slide 5, the Increasing and Decreasing sides to the machine cards like in Pinata, trying to get rid of your cards first like in Uno, the strategic thought process of trying to determine what your opponents have in their hand like Love Letter...). The game can be a great "filler" for those hard-core gamer types and it provides a very easy, kid-friendly game that the entire family can have fun with. The illustrations are really well done. The way that the monsters evolve and are depicted reminded me of Pokemon (yes, I grew up playing the first U.S. version on my Game Boy).

Overview / Components
You can play Crazy Creatures with 2 to 4 players. I feel that it does play well with just 2 players. The game takes up to 20 minutes to play but can be shorter with just 2 players. Kids ages 7 and up will be able to play the game nicely. Shuffling is required in between rounds but not during game play. Some of the cards are not used each round creating some good unknown element to the game. The game doesn't take up a lot of room and is very easily packed around. While the game may not offer deep strategy, it still offers more strategy than Uno. Players must decide whether to make another draw a card, or change the machine from Increasing to Decreasing. You will want to try and wait to play some cards if you think other players have a duplicate one. Really fun stuff.

The components are great quality all packaged in a nice tin. Instructions are easy to read and understand with helpful illustrations. Cards shuffle well and again, the illustrations on the cards of the creatures/monsters are really enjoyable. The game includes 4 machine cards, and 48 creature cards (1 through 6 in each color/creature twice).

Set Up and Game Play
Game set up is really simple. Place the 4 machine cards with the plus or increasing sign up (possible alternative house rule: place these cards on the table randomly increasing or decreasing side up). Shuffle all 48 creature cards. Deal 12 cards to each player (10 in a 4 player) and deal 8 into a side pile. The rest of the cards are not used this round (in a 4 player game, all cards will be used).

On a player's turn, they play one card from their hand if they are able to the side of one of the machine cards corresponding to the color of creature card (possible alternative house rule: you can choose to pass even if you are able to play a card). You have to play cards according to what the machine for that color currently shows. If the machine is showing the increase side, you must play a card equal or higher than what is shown (special rules for the DNA symbol type cards 1s and 6s). Play then proceeds clockwise. If you can't play, you pass (you may be able to play next time around). If a player is able to play an identical card onto another already in play, that person gets to choose between two bonuses. They can make any other player of their choice take one card from the pile of 8 OR they can choose to flip one of the machine cards switching the rules for that color/creature pile. The DNA symbol cards can be played on one another. This makes it possible to play a 1 on a 6 and vice versa. Pretty handy!

Round / Game End
The round ends when a player plays their last card. Other players then get one more turn if they can play (recommended house rule: end the round immediately and don't allow any further turns). Players then score what remains in their hand. You score one point for each skull and crossbones (cards either have 0, 1, or 2). This gets added to your total. The player who triggers the end of the round by going out first gets a bonus by subtracting 3 points from their total (possible house rules: you can disregard this bonus if you like, or you could allow negative points - in the actual rules, you subtract 3 not going lower than 0). For each game it says to play a number of rounds equal to the amount of players. I feel that for a 2 player game at least, it feels really short. So, you could create a a house rule where you just decide an amount of rounds, or you can always just play again! The winner is the one with the least amount of points.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts
The first time I played it, I honestly felt pretty indifferent about the game. Didn't think it was bad, didn't think it was mind-blowingly awesome. The more I play the game though, the more I have come to enjoy it - a lot. So, take that into consideration. Don't just play it once and make your conclusion about the game. I think a game by Michael Schacht deserves more than that - this game definitely does. In fact, after a few plays, I have decided to give it a 4 fingers up or 9 out of 10 stars! Now, the enjoyment level for you will differ depending on what you are looking for. Those who like Agricola may not enjoy it nearly as much as one who enjoys games more like Uno, Little Devils, or Coloretto. The game is a simple one, but has plenty of room for strategy and is quickly taught and played. A great portable card game that everyone can enjoy and that is How Lou Sees It!

A big SHOUT OUT to Stronghold Games for making this review possible.

Cinque Terre Anyone?

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Thu, 18 Jul 2013 04:17:00 +0000

Cinque Terre: The Five Villages
Designed by Chris Handy

Introduction
Multiple games are named after famous or significant places throughout the world. One of my favorite games is actually designed and named after a famous fortified French town, Carcassonne. Other really fun games named after famous locals include but are not limited to: Puerto Rico, San Juan, Hawaii, Pantheon, Jamaica, Alhambra, and Jaipur. Cinque Terre for those who don't know is a rugged portion of coast along the Italian Riviera. "The Five Lands" consists of 5 cities which are close in proximity one to another. If you check out the pictures online, it definitely looks like a nice place to visit. I have visited Italy once seeing Rome, Florence, and Venice. I definitely would like to visit Cinque Terre if there is another trip to Italy. Also, I would like to mention that it is kind of crazy that while reading Dan Brown's newest book Inferno that is based on Dante's The Divine Comedy and which takes place in Italy - I have reviewed both Little Devils and Cinque Terre.

Overview
The goal of this game is to harvest produce to sell in the varying markets completing as many orders as possible. The game is for 2 to 5 players and takes approximately an hour to play. The game's concepts are easy to understand and I would think that children 8+ could play it fairly well (manufacturer recommendation is 13+). When thinking about the complexity of the game, I would compare it to Ticket to Ride. The competitiveness of the game however may relate better to Thurn and Taxis. You can't physically block paths like in Ticket to Ride, but you can claim available points before someone else. I and the wife really enjoyed this game. Let's take a look at what's in the box...

Components/Instructions/Packaging
As usual, Rio Grand Games has done a great job with the quality of the components (boards, cards, cubes, etc.). The game includes 128 wooden produce cubes, 80 produce cards, 16 starting produce order cards, 80 regular produce order cards, 16 dice (2 in each color), 1 large game board, 5 personal player game boards with matching scoring marker and produce carts, 5 MPV cardboard tokens, 1 cloth bag, and 1 instruction booklet. I do wish that there was a built in location to store the cards (I store them in the provided cloth bag, or you can use rubber bands to keep them contained within the box). I really like the personal player boards with references to available actions. The wooden cars or carts are a nice player piece, although I have really liked the idea that others have done by using matchbox type trucks as the players pieces so that they can physically carry the produce cubes around in their trucks (in the game, you store these cubes usually on your player board where there is a depiction of your produce cart). Very cool idea! The instructions are very clear with great illustrations and examples.

Set Up
Setting up the game does not take long and consists of shuffling card decks, placing produce cubes, and rolling and placing a few dice. If you have extra sandwich bags or game bags, I would suggest keeping the 8 different colored produce cubes in their own individual bag. This will help speed up the minimal set up time to
begin with. The cloth bag is provided purely for randomizing the produce cube placement and die placement. The bag will not be needed throughout the rest of the game. To help randomize the placement of the 8 different produce cube fields, place one cube of each color in the bag and draw them out placing them in the next field. You then can place the rest of the corresponding cubes in that field (see instructions for amount of cubes - varies with different amount of players). You do something similar with the die. Place one of each colored die in the bag, draw one out and roll it. Place that die in the top city on the left and continue until full (4 die). Then the next 4 go in the bottom city. Then you place the remaining 8 die in the bag and fill in the 3 other villages with die. The numbers represent how much each produce will be worth or sold in that village (if a die is not present for that village, people will be able to sell any produce still for 1 lire/point. Each player is also dealt a starting produce order card and 4 produce cards. The regular produce order cards are shuffled and a number of cards equal to the amount of players are dealt face up next to this deck. Players then place their cart on one of the 3 different harvesting locations.

Gameplay
The game is played by choosing to perform 3 actions each time it's your turn. You have 4 different options and these actions are listed on each players individual boards. You can perform these actions in any order and can perform each of the different options as many times as you like. The 4 different action options are:

Move up to 4 spaces: The player can move his cart up to 4 spaces clockwise around the board. Remember that if you move your cart just 1 space, that will count as one of your actions just the same as if you choose to move 4 spaces. You may, as stated above, perform each of these actions more than once per turn. So, you could move 7 spaces, but that would be 2 of your 3 actions. You could also move 1, perform a different action, and move again.
Draw 1 produce card: You may draw/take 1 produce card from the board and add it to your hand. Each produce card you take counts as an action. When you take a face up card, you immediately fill the empty space from the top of the draw deck. You may choose to draw blindly off the top of the produce deck for your action. There is no limit to the amount of produce cards in your hand. We created a house rule that when all 4 of the face up cards are of the same type, you discard all of them and flip over 4 new cards. This seems to have worked well.
Harvest produce: The player may harvest up to 4 produce cubes if at one of the three locations to harvest. The player may only harvest the produce cubes available at that location and remember that you can't have more than 4 produce cubes in your cart. To harvest a cube, there must be a cube for you to harvest and you need either 1 matching produce card, or 2 cards of the same type can be used for any produce cube.
Sell produce at a village market: The player may sell up to 4 produce at any one village for one action. They must have an available space on their player board for that city for all produce to be sold (this isn't made really clear in the rules, but after assuming and confirming that assumption - each player can only sell 8 produce to each city). You receive lire (or in other words, points) equal to what is shown on that produce's colored die. You can sell any type of produce in any village. If you are selling a particular produce not represented in that city by a die, you get one point.

How to Score

Besides gaining points for selling produce in the villages, the other key way to obtain points is from the
produce order cards (starting and from the table). Produce order cards are available from the table (# of them face up equal to the # of players). Players may score one order card at the end of their turn if they have all the produce sold in each city as described on the card. The player then places that card in front of them and scores those points. Now that player secretly draws the top card of the order deck. Then that player may choose whether or not they would like to keep that card secretly in their secret deck of order cards (with their starting card). Any cards kept this way remain secret until the end of the game scoring positive points if complete, and negative points if not completed. If they choose not to keep the card, it goes down onto the table face up to fill in the empty space. They player then gets one final choice -
draw another order card from the top of the deck or pass. If they choose to draw, they must keep this second card.

The final way to obtain points comes from being popular. The Most Popular Vendor (MPV) tokens are obtained when a player fills in the 8 slots for a city before anyone else. The player scores these points immediately and places the token in front of them with any other MPVs or publicly scored order cards.

Game End
The end of the game is triggered when a player gets a total of 5 point cards/MPV tokens which are laid out in front of them. Any completed order cards in a player's hand are scored at the end of the game, but do not count toward the 5 needed to trigger the end of the game. All players then get one final turn, including the player who triggered the ending.

Closing Remarks
This is a great game! I am giving it 4 fingers up (or 9 out of 10 stars). Cinque Terre is one of those games that provides a nice light (not too competitive) experience. A good "gateway" euro-style game that is easy to learn. I think people who enjoy such games as Ticket to Ride, Thurn and Taxis, and Jambo will enjoy this game. The game has some nice variation built into the set up to make each game a little different. Setting up the game doesn't take long at all and explaining it to new people doesn't either. Some people may not like that the game doesn't have more player interaction with each other (i.e. no trading aspect, markers don't interact or restrict people from spaces, etc.), but everything works well as designed and not having a lot of player interaction keeps the competitive nature more similar to Thurn and Taxis. Some of the hard-core gamer types might find the game a little too simplified, or may find that it doesn't provide enough strategy for them. I would say that this is a great family game where even kids who are 7 or 8 could get a grasp on the game pretty easily. I would recommend this game to everyone and that is How Lou Sees It!

A big SHOUT OUT to Rio Grande Games for making this review possible and for continuing to make great games! Originally posted at www.howlouseesit.blogspot.com.

Season of Change

noreply@blogger.com (Zac) — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 18:37:00 +0000

I am not sure what to make of this post. Pretty much all of my ramblings up to this point have been strictly humor, without the thought of giving information that might be helpful to someone in any measurable way. Don’t get me wrong I love ranting about movies and things I hate, but I felt that this post was needed. To be honest it is probably mainly for me, but if it gives anyone out there some help then I guess that is a bonus.

With New Years, and the resolutions we made, fading fast in the review mirror of life I see that while we often make goals to change we never think about the best way to act on them. So here I give you five steps on how you can effect change in your life.

1. Identify the issue

This step is the foundation for everything you will be working on later, and as we all know a firm foundation key to see any type of structural success. You never want to see a building come down due to shoddy workmanship (unless the building had it coming) and you also don’t want to see any of your goals suffer the same fate (I doubt they have it coming).

Either these were poorly built, or the local frost giants decided they wanted to play with dominoes.

If you don’t know what you want to change, nothing will change. It is like going into a movie 20 minutes late and hoping that at some point they will recap what is happening because you are afraid the bewildered look on your face will stick for good. It is like going to the grocery store without a list of what you need and just throwing anything in the cart. You will end up walking the aisles for hours, eyes wide with terror at the thought of returning home without what you need. Days later you will still be confused and frustrated as to why you have 13 boxes of pop tarts and a barrel of couscous when all you really needed was a loaf of bread. I guess all I am trying to say is, that not knowing what to change is bad news

Another key is to make sure you have done your part to uncover the true issue. If you start working on something that is not the true issue you will find yourself back at this step a ways down the road. I find that for me the easiest way to figure out the problem is to write things down in lists of what I feel like I should be doing and what I want to do about it. It is quite interesting to see what comes up when you are just sketching out ideas. Often the thing I want to change just glares up at me from the paper or screen, but in a good way like a JJ Abrams film (don’t judge, I like his work). That may not be the best way for you. It could be that you need to have interaction with others and bounce ideas off of them to help find what you need. It might be as simple as spending some time in quiet contemplation. I am not here to tell you the best way; rather I am sharing what has worked for me.

Choosing your own adventure often begins here.

I am not the only one I know that is a fan of the technique of jotting things down. Recently my good friend Ricky sent me email with an attachment called “guidelines for life”. He had listed out the things he felt needed to change. He then took those things and made a comprehensive list of them and also paired them with some of the possible solutions. It was quite the list that while it was all encompassing it could seem daunting for certain people. So find what works for you and go for it since the next big step is…

2. Deciding to Act

For change to happen you have to truly decide to make it so. According to the laws of Physics a body at rest stays at rest and a body in motion stays in motion. Depending on what our goal is we need to find a way to jump start ourselves into action or find some way to stop.

This message brought to you by Newton.

A way to stop is to find an anchor, something that will be firm enough to stop you in a tempest of self-doubt. Often that can be a simple thing like the support of a friend. Generally speaking being a friend means you like someone (I think that is the actual definition) and that you are willing to help them in what they need (fine, here is the actual definition. A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard). The only issue is that friends are not mind readers and can’t help anchor you if they don’t know that that is what they are supposed to do. So in order for your friends to support you, they need to know that is what they are supposed to be doing. So you will be required to open your mouth.

An example of this is once again my friend Ricky. At times he can be crass in his choice of words and it is something he wishes to change. When we were hanging out in a small group he told us of his wish to change and his desire for our help in the matter. If he hadn't spoken up I would not have known this and would not have been able to remind him to not use certain words by flicking him rather viciously. He hates being flicked and I love doing it so I was more than willing to help him in his quest.

Another anchor we have is the support of our family. In most cases our family loves us and they want what is best for us, so they are great candidates for helping people change. Also if nothing else we always have the support of God in our attempts to better ourselves. He is always there and is a staunch ally who will never give up on us no matter how lost we think the cause.

For some of us the issue might be the fact that we are omitting to do things in our life. This can be any number of things from not going to the gym or not going to school or studying when we should. It could also be not taking the time to prepare meals or even taking the time to be with loved ones. Getting ourselves up and about when it comes to these omitted acts can be quite an onerous task. We are often comfortable where we are and don’t feel the need to change. This is just our general malaise trying to keep you complacent.

Turns out there is an image for everything.

It seems like the most important step in either case is that if you feel something needs to change you need to decide to act. There can be no hope of change if the main party hasn't truly decided that they want to change. So remember you need to want to change for anything to happen. It can’t even be a wishy-washy type of want either like “yeah I would like a taco, but only if it were already in my mouth”. It has to be a fully vested want. You have to desire this change in your heart. Once you have that desire you are ready to take that first step down the road of change.

I would recommend possibly making a list of one or two things that you want to change and make a plan of everything that this change would entail. Once you have this list in hand it is time to look at those things and...

3. Act as if you were

Okay so at this point you have figured out what you want to change and you have decided to act. Another step to tackle your goal lies in the phrase “Act as if you were”. This principle was taught to me by my mission president. It seems so simple yet it blew my mind with how effective it could be.

I will give you a few examples of what this step could look like. If you want to be better at cleaning the house just act as if you were. In the beginning you will think to yourself “What would a very tidy person do in this situation?” Once you thought about what they would do, you would do it yourself. After a while of acting like you think they would it becomes a part of you and is a habit. Or if you want to be more patient, just take the same steps and think what a patient person would do in that spot. It can be really frustrating to begin with since many people suck, but over time you find that you have a greater capability to be patient with others (I think this is one I need to work on).

Another thing that seems to be a part of this is if you are the one helping someone change you need to act as if they were as well. If you treat them as if they have changed it will give them greater confidence that they will be able to finish what they started. This part also works great in a work environment. If you have people under you and you want them to be better you need to treat them as if they were that person already. It is remarkable in the way it boosts their motivation.

At this point we have identified the issue, decided to act and have taken up the mantra to act as if you were. Now you need to remember that..

4. You don't need to be afraid of setbacks and relapses

I know that was a longer header title than normal and that it doesn't fit with proper header etiquette, but I live life on the edge so deal with it. Back to the topic of discussion. I find that this section is probably the most important for maintaining changes. When you are trying to change something in your life setbacks are impossible to avoid. They will happen and what we do after they happen is what will decide our fate. If we see that we had a setback, it is normal to feel a little despair and to think about giving up on change. DON'T GIVE IN! Just don't.

Let us imagine that your goal is to eat healthier. It is a worthy goal, but one day you are just innocently going along and BAM!! You find that you have no time to make a meal so you swing by McDonald's and grab a Big Mac. Don't let that get you down or before you know it you will be double fisting ice cream and pizza sandwiches while tears slowly roll down your face and onto your stained sweats.

Puppies don't judge

Even though we know that relapses happen that doesn't mean we can't limit them and shape them a bit. With the example above we know that part of the problem is that your body will crave some of the things you are no longer eating. If you just try and use willpower to avoid eating a cookie ever again your face will probably explode. So instead of avoiding it forever you need to plan for it in your meals. Maybe you will have one cheat meal a week or maybe you will have an Oreo with one meal a day. With other goals it might be avoiding the things that tempt you. I don't know what will work best for you. I just know that for each goal there is a way to minimize the effect and scope that setbacks have.

Okay, some puppies do judge.

5. Monitor and Maintain

Good for you if you have made it this far. It means that you have identified a problem, you have decided to act and act as if you were, you also are aware of the setbacks that will come. Now we come to the last step, monitoring your progress. If you see that things are changing that will be a great perk and will add extra motivation to improve even more, or if you aren't seeing any improvement that might be a sign that it is time to try a new approach to solving the issue. Not every attempt is going to be a success, but that shouldn't be a deterrent. Just remember that even if it didn't work the fact you tried is a good step.

I like to think of this step as the repeat step on the shampoo bottle. After you have made it through all the stages it is time to repeat. As you move along the path of change you will find that at times you need to tweak your goals. It could be that you have completed what you were aiming for so now you are going to tackle something else. It could also mean that as you move along the path that you will find that you wish to reach a slightly different destination. to get there just take the aforementioned steps and go through them again.

I know that it seems like changing is hard, and you would be right. It is hard to change, but not impossible and the rewards make it all worthwhile. It is my hope that we will all be able to find our goals and to make them reality, even if it is just to make that Chewbacca puppy stop judging you.

Verbal Vomit: Christmas Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 17:17:00 +0000

With Christmas three days away, we thought we'd make one last plea to Santa.

Merry Christmas, Spitters!

The Little Lady makes her first Spitwad debut! Enjoy!

Cornelius Fly Original #1

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 04:15:00 +0000

Verbal Vomit: Just Hit Record and See What Happens

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 04:04:00 +0000

Our most vomit-y podcast yet! Discussed in very little detail: The Holidays including Black Friday, Brave, Movember, The Hobbit, Les Miserables, A Date Idea for SLC, Our Child says Donkey, A Moment of Silence, and other random stuff. Not only are we unscripted and uncut, we are unprepared. But we missed you, and hope you missed us.

Brought to you by: Drain-o

Verbal Vomit: A Little Bit of Everything

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 05:38:00 +0000

We try and catch up after we missed last week. Brief discussions on the Presidential Election, Halloween, Car Salesmen, T.V. Shows (Bones and Psych), Shoe Shopping for Toddlers, Sandy and other potential storm names. One thing that we forgot to mention during the recording tonight is found in the written word below.

So, while we were waiting for our brand new car, Landon just happened to be standing up with our daughter when a car salesmen comes over and asks Landon, "Are you loveless?" Landon just gave him a blank stare back as he thought to himself, "Did this guy seriously just ask me that question when I am with my wife and holding a kid?" It was weird. Finally, after an awkward silence, he asked the question as he should have the first time. "Are you Mr. Loveless?"

Verbal Vomit: Presidential Randomness

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 14:50:00 +0000

We apologize for the delay this week. But here we are. Discussed this week: The Presidential Debate, A Chevy Lumina, Being a Mailman, and A Verbal Game Review.

Thanks Google Images for this gem!

Facebook Feedback

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 15:00:00 +0000

Season 2 Episode 6 - Honesty is the best policy. It's even better than Facebook's privacy policy. Everybody needs to hear good things about themselves and Poddery Barn is here to help. Spencer and Nathan hash out the details of yet another entrepreneurial venture as they look to make Facebook truly public without purchasing additional, failing stocks.

Your comments for this podcast are truly appreciated, as long as they are true. The fact checkers are out in full force on this one so watch your punctuation as a simple misstep could cause some serious problems.

How are we today?

Verbal Vomit: Space Case Debate

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Sun, 14 Oct 2012 04:05:00 +0000

We keep it short this week. Space and the VP Debate. Hopefully next week has more to offer...

Courtesy of the LA Times

Libraries are Sanctuaries

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 15:00:00 +0000

Season 2 Episode 5 - The battle on modesty continues! Caitlyn Ellis comes on the pod for reals this time, sticking her butt into other people's business. And she threatens to shed some layers. She confirms the antiquated belief that women feel best when put in their place.

The sanctity of the library is under attack. Libraries are where the heart is. As fabric is shed so do test scores, A+'s, and self esteem. Spencer learns that he is also a rampant honor code immodesty violator. Nathan become jealous of the entire situation as he realizes he's missing out on more than just skin.

Inappropriate.

Zac Strips a Movie: Hotel Transylvania

noreply@blogger.com (Zac) — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 23:07:00 +0000

Adam Sandler has not had the best of luck movie-wise lately. He has put out such gems as That's My Boy, Jack and Jill, and Grown Ups and that only takes us back to 2010. I guess he had fallen under the curse that can come from being successful. When you do something well people will give you freer reign. As time moves on you get more and more freedom until you are answering to no one so there isn't anyone to tell you if something is stupid or a bad idea. The same thing happened to M. Night Shamalan. In the beginning his movies were good, but by the end he was the writer, director and producer for his movie The Happening and it was awful, straight up garbage. We need to have someone look at our work and give us another point of view or else we are doomed to have some mistakes. With this in mind I was wary of seeing this movie. Adam Sandler has had too much freedom and I really just hoped that this wasn't the case in this film.

As the film started I as struck by the visuals more than anything. The animators had done quite the job making the film look polished and more believable. I have to hand it to Sony Pictures Animation, they have put out a few quality movies in their short history. I enjoyed Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and also The Pirates! Band of Misfits.

I didn't have a good segue so...segway!

To start the movie out we see Count Dracula taking care of his baby girl. We find out that his wife was taken from them and so he wanted to make a place for his daughter that would be safe. He decides that this place should be a haven for all monsters so he builds a giant hotel that should be far out of the reach of all humans. If you haven't guessed the plot of the rest of the movie yet shame on you. As the daughter gets older she feels confined and wants to explore the world. The dad is overly protective and wants her to stay no matter what. To top it off a human manages to show up right in time to mess with the birthday party!

With the concept of this movie I felt there was so much more that they could have done to make it not just decent, but excellent. While this movie followed very common plot lines I still enjoyed it for the most part. I guess the movie did have some good morals for us to learn like not judging people before you know them. So I guess I learned to avoid prejudice or something. I will have to admit that Shrek did a better job at broaching that subject but oh well.

A better movie than the one I am writing about.

If my post feels a bit disjointed and rambly(new word) that is because I have been super bored writing this review. If I don't love it or hate it I just can't get any good emotion going. Maybe if I think about awesome things...no that just makes me sad because I am doing this and not taming a panda dragon. Maybe if I think about things that make me sad or angry...ZAC SMASH!! ...that was a terrible plan! Now my shirt is all in tatters and this student center cleanup is going to be a doozy. I blame you Hotel Transylvania for not being good or bad enough to write about!

So if you have nothing better to do go ahead and see this movie, although I will warn you that Adam Sandler does have a brief moment where he raps. Not cool Sandler, not cool.

Rating: 2.5 Stars

Verbal Vomit: Coyotes, Cougars, and Men in Suits

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Sun, 07 Oct 2012 04:26:00 +0000

Verbal Vomit Episode 4. Twenty days after our opening podcast, we discuss what happens when: a coyote gets run over by a car, Cougars beat Aggies (Answer: Rebecca gets to play Police Blotter), you have handsome hair, and a big announcement is made.

The Modest Poddest is Hottest

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 15:00:00 +0000

Season 2 Episode 4 - Do you like scantily clad women in short skirts? Neither do we! Poddery Barn strips off the layers of school dress codes in its first ever NSFW (if you work at BYU) podcast. Spencer touts his orthodox views while Nathan tries to reason with society. In a day and age where Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest rapidly spread the enticing views of Internet smut, Spencer works hard to shield his eyes from even the most innocent of the burlesque industry.

This podcast is sure to make you want to dance. But only do so under proper, authoritative supervision. That's the rule. And the skeptical eye of Nathan will be watching. Speaking of dancing, in the next 30 minutes, you'll be extremely close to seeing/hearing Friend of the Pod, Caitlyn Ellis bear all! Or maybe it will be kept under wraps. What a tease.

Rarrr!

Check out the following links if you're interested:

Stansbury High Homecoming Spirit Massacre Facebook page
KSL article on Valentine's Day Tweet
Blog post from the BYU student herself

My Relationship with Tom Brady

noreply@blogger.com (Zac) — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 23:15:00 +0000

I am a Colt’s fan. I have supported them for many years and during that time there has been one team that has been our biggest rival, the New England Patriots. The six losses in a row in the early part of last decade crushed me, and I wanted someone to pay. All of my rage and disappointment kept getting pressed down and as it got smaller it followed the laws of physics and it got denser. Soon I had this tiny compressed ball of anger, and it needed a place to go, a focus point to latch onto. I found my anchor in Tom Brady.

Once I had made this decision I realized that for me to be happy I needed to see Tom Brady fail. He was a really easy target for my disdain. In every interview he complained about having been drafted in the 6th round. He was married to a Brazilian supermodel, he was in GQ magazine spreads and he was a sponsor for UGGS for men.

He was also in constant competition with my hero Peyton Manning. Everything Manning did Brady tried to do better. Manning threw 49 touchdowns in a season; Brady threw 50 the next year. Manning is very down to earth and beloved by millions. Everyone seems to be able to relate to him. Brady on the other hand is an elitist. I have to admit he has chiseled good looks, and it seems like he should be at a gallery opening or at a fashion show rather than on a football field.

Over the years my hate had built up to such an extent that the sweetest moment of 2008 was the play in which Tom Brady tore his ACL and would be out for the rest of the season. My birthday didn't make it as number one that year and neither did Christmas. It is hard for me to admit, but even the birth of my niece wasn't able to top the joy I felt at seeing a man I have never met get injured (okay fine the birth was better).

This hatred had so long been a part of me that I wasn't sure what to make of these new feelings that had been cropping up. Somehow Tom Brady had been chipping away at my defenses without me even knowing about it. I guess I had better explain what had been happening. Forever I thought of Tom Brady as an emotionless mannequin, or a robot with nice hair and a hot wife. I hated what I thought he stood for until I slowly began to realize that he actually does have feelings and a funny bone.

I would like to give you all a few examples of what started to change my mind. The first took place in a pharmacy in Boston in early July. The shoppers were told that a promotion was going on and if you won a staring contest you would get a prize. As any good American knows we love to compete and we love free things so this was a no brainer. The customers however were not expecting that the person with whom they would be competing was none other than Tom Brady.

After seeing clips of this I was forced to admit that Tom Brady was in fact human. He blinked at times and he could laugh, and if they couldn't get Data emotions in the year 2364 there is no way we would have an android with them in our time. This first seed of doubt in my hatred didn't bother me too much and I was able to just toss it aside and pretend it never happened. What came next though sealed the deal.

Many of you have probably heard about the website Funny or Die. It takes a ton of celebrities and makes short films that people vote on and decide if it is funny or if it should die. I was innocently perusing this site when the next video popped up and it was one with Tom Brady. I figured it should be worth watching just to see Tom embarrass himself, but lo and behold the clip was actually quite entertaining.

I then found myself in a bind. I had been nurturing hate for Tom Brady for over a decade, and it felt like I was betraying myself by liking anything that he had done. To this day I still haven't fully figured out my feeling towards the man, but it is safe to say that the hate I once held for him has lost its edge. I am still not a Brady fan, but I don't desire to cause him harm either and that frightens me.

I am not sure if I am becoming mellow in my old age or if Tom Brady really has revamped his image. I always imagined myself as a crotchety old man, but I also never imagined for a moment that my hate for Tom Brady would diminish. So here I am, a man unsure of himself and his future. If my feelings for Tom Brady can change that means nothing in this world in concrete. Will I be a kind old man? Who knows? Will I always hate Argentina? Who knows? I assume so but I can't know for sure. I started this article in hopes to inspire people that things can change even if it seems impossible, but now I see that in truth this article might do the opposite and crush all hope of constants in our lives.

So to all of you out there be wary, you never know when someone might go through one of these changes so be careful when someone loves you.

Verbal Vomit: News, Celebrities, and Ming Ming too!

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 05:23:00 +0000

Verbal Vomit Episode 3... More TV Talk. Snap! Crackle! Pop! News in a minute-ish. A Fact or Fiction victory. And cheers to Bryan and Danny!

Thanks, Wikipedia!

Disclaimer: Any Fact or Fiction item may or may not be true or false. The statements provided were acquired via the internet.

Oh, and Michael's sister is Jane.

Face to Face with Reality

noreply@blogger.com (Name = Spencer Hansen) — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 00:19:00 +0000

As BYU sent the field goal unit out against Utah two weeks ago, some fifty yards of kick away from sending the rivalry game into overtime in the literal last second, I went to my knees and clasped my hands in the air, a prayer to the football gods on my lips.

“Please,” I said, “bless that my team isn’t really going to attempt this kick.”

I don’t know how favorable the odds are of making a do-or-die, 51-yard field goal on the road when playing an opponent you’ve choked against all night. I do know the odds decrease dramatically – probably to about zero percent -- when your kicker hasn’t practiced during fall camp, is 0-3 lifetime from beyond fifty yards, has attempted one kick all season (a miss earlier in the game) and is recovering from back surgery. Nevertheless, there was Justin Sorenson, lining up for a career long attempt.

To the astonishment of everyone involved, the kick was no good.

Fan foolery from the Utes provided BYU an unorthodox second field goal attempt, this time a 36-yard version of the same pressure-packed kick. Cougar coaches decided to swap the broken-back kicker for – get this – Riley Stephenson, who goes under the alias of 'BYU's punter'. I can only imagine how filled with confidence he was after being overlooked for the first kick.

“Hey, this 51-yarder is a little long for you, but don’t worry, if we get closer and need a weaker leg, you’re our guy.”

That being said, the 36-yard try was the longest of Stephenson’s collegiate career. To the astonishment of everyone involved, the kick was no good.

This was a hard game for me to get over, evidenced by the fact that it’s taken me two weeks to muster any words on the subject. In a game where BYU’s most consistent play was the false start; in a game where BYU showed no improvement in the ‘not fumbling’ department after the debacle of one year ago; in a game where Utah’s two offensive touchdowns came on a pair of improbable one-handed and no-look catches, it was the attempting of two hopeless field goal that officially pushed me over the edge.

I can live with the 36-yard attempt from converted punter Riley Stephenson, but only barely considering the guy had never made or even tried a kick of that importance or distance in his time at BYU. But to attempt a 51-yard field goal with a kicker who has not practiced during fall camp, who is recovering from surgery, who proved earlier in the game he wasn’t reliable from 15-yards closer? To expect that kick to ever even get close to approaching good was an absolute denial of reality on the part of the BYU coaching staff.

The art of denying reality has been commonplace in Provo over the last few seasons. From the idea of using a rotating quarterback system to the refusal to blitz skittish, injury-prone quarterbacks (see BYU vs. Utah, 2011), BYU as of late has simply done stuff that I can’t understand. Trusting Justin Sorenson to be ready to make a season-defining kick when all the evidence suggests he will miss it is only one of them. (Trusting a quarterback who is playing injured and describes himself as 65% healthy is another) Of course faking the kick would have been beyond risky, maybe the gutsiest play call in the history of the BYU-Utah rivalry. I get that. But can you imagine how awesome a fake in that moment would have been? With Utah bringing the entire house for the block one BYU player could have stall-blocked on the edge before sprinting downfield looking for a wide-open game winning touchdown pass. Regardless the outcome it certainly would have made for remarkable discussion and memory. And it also would have proven that football gods answer prayers.

Unfortunately (spoiler alert) BYU doesn’t gamble. I’ve wondered before if this is a trickle-down effect of BYU being run by a church that is against all forms of wagering. However, I’ve come to realize that this refusal to gamble on big plays is yet another BYU denial of reality, the ruse being that BYU is too good for trick plays or fake kicks, that they don’t need to blitz six guys to get to the quarterback, that simply out-executing their opponent will be enough. Never mind that a half-back pass from Eddie Stinnett to Steve Young comprises one of the greatest moments in BYU history. Never mind that overloading Sam Bradford with blitzes led to BYU’s last great win, the 2009 triumph over Oklahoma. Nevermind that Utah turns the momentum against BYU every other year by executing a “where in the world did that come from, we never expected that!” fake punt. To admit to needing trick plays, the coaches must think, is to admit weakness.

All of this would explain why I was so unbelievably happy when BYU went for two points last week against Boise State. For those unaware, BYU scored against Boise State with three minutes left in the game to make the score 7-6 for Boise. (A real shoot-out, I know) Conventional wisdom suggested BYU kick the extra point and test their chances in overtime. Yet Bronco Mendenhall – in a move that went against every precedent he’d set since becoming coach -- revolted against the safe play, electing instead to risk it all and go for the win then and there. BYU missed on the conversion and the critics have eaten coach Mendenhall in the seven days following.

Close, but no candy cigar.

I, however, couldn’t have been happier with the decision as it signaled the arrival of what I’ve long been waiting for: evidence that BYU’s brain trust had finally accepted reality. The chances of winning that game in overtime, with a freshman quarterback playing behind a perpetually flustered offensive line, in a stadium that has seen the home team win 76 of their last 79 games while knowing that you would likely be relying once again on a broken-back kicker and a converted punter to make clutch field goals, the likes of which they were 0-3 on one week earlier CANNOT IN ANY WORLD BE BETTER THAN THE ODDS OF GAINING THREE YARDS!!!. They just can’t.

So it was that Bronco confronted the brutal facts and rolled the dice. It didn’t work, but at least BYU tried. And after watching whatever it was BYU attempted to do against Utah one week earlier, simply trying to win was good enough for me.

Zac Strips a Movie: Dredd 3D

noreply@blogger.com (Zac) — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 23:46:00 +0000

"I am the law." Never has there been a one line tag line that has encompassed the feel of an entire movie better that this one does. Dredd takes place in a future in which the world has been devastated by nuclear war and the country is a wasteland. The entire American population of 800 million is living inside a mega city that stretches from Boston to Washington DC (aptly named Mega City 1). The skyline is dominated by super skyscrapers, hundreds of stories high that are surrounding by the crumbling ruins of the old cities.

It is in this city that we find Judge Dredd. He works for the Hall of Justice as, you guessed it, a judge. It this cramped society, crime was running rampant and the old judicial system did not have the ability to keep order. So as a solution they streamlined the entire process. Now, the men and women of the Hall of Justice act as police, judge, jury and, if the judgment demands it, executioner. In this society Dredd is in fact "the law", and if I were in his shoes I would like saying it as well.

Yeah you are!

This movie is another in a long line of comic book adaptations and movie remakes. The character got his start in the late seventies in Great Britain in a serial called 2000 AD. He has been a super popular character for years over there and has had some struggles crossing over here. A major issue was with the 1995 film adaptation, Judge Dredd with Sylvester Stallone. It was a terrible movie, but to be completely honest if it is late at night and I see it on demand I will watch it and I will enjoy it, nothing will ever change that.

Many fans of the comic were upset by the movie because they took away the best parts of the character and decided to add some random character development. In the comics you never see Dredd's face. It was started as an unofficial guideline, but ended up being put down as an official rule for the artists to follow. The creator John Wagner explained it this way. "It sums up the facelessness of justice- justice has no soul. So it isn't necessary to see Dredd's face, and I don't want you to." The first movie failed in that regard a ton. You see Stallone's face all over the place. If you really want an example I can show you a picture. I am warning you it isn't pretty.

Well if you are sure...

He had this look on his face the entire time.

The best part is that he wore blue contacts for the role when in the comics they don't even know the color of his eyes so his normal brown eyes would have been just fine. Silly Hollywood. I guess enough time (17 years seems like enough) had passed and the powers that be felt a remake would be a good thing, and I find myself agreeing with them.

In this version the titular character is played by Karl Urban. You might remember him from his role in RED or his role as Bones in the new Star Trek movie. His chiseled jaw and even stubble made him a great person for a role that would require him to cover everything but his mouth and chin.

As the movie starts Dredd is tasked with taking a new recruit out into the field for a final exam. The recruit is a young mutant psychic. They are out on a normal case when it takes a turn towards mayhem. The building defenses go up and the two judges are forced to fight their way up the building. For those of you that say it is just like The Raid you are wrong and should feel bad for being wrong.

See even Zoidberg agrees with me.

For having a fairly limited budget by today's standards I thought they did a good job with the special effects. The movie uses the popular time slow down technique, but they actually come up with a reason as to why it is being used. Having that logic in there made me happy. Urban does a great job being the stalwart no-nonsense judge. He doesn't convey many emotions because he isn't conflicted by who he is and what he is doing. If you have nothing against violent images and you want to see a good shoot 'em up movie I would recommend this one. Also I would like to leave you with this message.

Rating: 4 stars

Bagging on Chile

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 16:05:00 +0000

Poddery Barn welcomes it's first international guest, Fernando: Chilean Bagger Extraordinaire. Spencer and Nathan solve the oft-complained epidemic of inappropriate bagging at grocery stores nationwide. Their entrepreneurial spirit leads to increased wages for baggers and decreased accident rates on American roadways.

Always here to serve and entertain, Poddery Barn will eliminate those awkward moments at the checkout line and enhance your satisfaction as you commute to work or play.

Bagging is what we do best.

Washington DC

noreply@blogger.com (KC Naegle) — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 17:18:00 +0000

My inaugural post comes to you live from within spitting distance of the Lincoln Memorial. And thus begins the travel series of this blog!

Verbal Vomit: Animal Farm Gets Psyched

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Sun, 23 Sep 2012 20:46:00 +0000

Verbal Vomit Episode 2! Landon and Rebecca are back for their weekly podcast.

Today's show consists of What's In The News, TV Talk, and an Old Fashioned Radio Reading of "Animal Farm."

Faith in the Fallen

noreply@blogger.com (Zac) — Sat, 22 Sep 2012 15:22:00 +0000

This year the NFL is rife with story lines, from the referee lockout to the fallout from bounty gate to how I no longer have the same hate for Tom Brady (post pending), but there is one story that I will be following with the most fervor. The story is about the vindication and the indomitable spirit of two men I hold in the highest regard, Peyton Manning and Alex Smith.

As you can most likely tell I love Football with a passion. I will watch any sport on TV and I get emotionally involved in most of them, but football holds the top spot in my heart. Nothing quite matches the thrill of watching your team make a miraculous 4^th quarter comeback or the joy you feel seeing a trophy being hoisted in the air, and thanks to these men I have seen and felt these things a lot over the years (One a bit more than the other). Sadly these two noble warriors have had their named defamed by “experts” and “douchefaces”.

Or both in one

In college Alex Smith was an exemplary quarterback. During his final year he had some mind blowing stats. He threw 32 touchdowns and ran for 10 more all while only turning the ball over four times. The man was a machine, but one with a heart. This was proven when after the defeat of BYU and subsequent crowd rushing I was hugged by this man and he said two words to me “hey Zac”. It was a magical moment for all involved (mainly me) and I knew that one day he would take his talent to the league and he would find success. Unfortunately it was going to be a rough start.

Just stay down there for the next five years or so.

For years Alex was forced to stand behind subpar offensive lines and to try and learn a different offense each time they hired a new coordinator (hint: it was at least once a year). So after years of mediocre results many had given up on him, or worse decided that he was a joke from the start. Hearing those things crushed me because I knew differently. I had seen him play time and again from my spot in the muss on the second row and I had joined in the crowd chanting “70” because we felt that scoring 63 just wasn’t enough. Those chants were given to the winner that I knew Alex Smith to be. Even through the rough times I never wavered in my support, and my patience was about to be rewarded.

Like this kind of reward, but for my heart and brain.

Finally the long night was ending and the dawn of a new age in San Francisco was about to begin. The first ray of light came when Mike “rock for brains” Singletary was fired. He was a terrible coach and should be ashamed of the poor job he did and how poorly he treated his players. This was just another example that being a great player doesn't mean you will be a great coach. The next sunny beam came when Jim Harbaugh was announced as the head coach. He is probably just as intense as Singletary, but he knows where to place his steely gaze and seething rage and that is squarely on the opponents or on the refs. His addition to the team gave Alex confidence in himself and helped the team forge an identity. That year they went 13-3 and Alex currently has the longest streak of passes without an interception in the league.

Best watch out if he foams in your direction.

If you thought that first story was a little sad you should probably hold onto that box of tissues because this next tale will cause your face to leak like the Exxon Valdez (I felt it was too soon to talk about the BP oil spill, also you can ignore the tragedy better when you can picture Juan Valdez instead). Peyton Manning has been my sports hero for nearly a decade and a half. Growing up I was a 49ers fan because I lived in Utah and Steve Young was in his prime. We weren't really given a choice that was just how it was. As I grew older I was finally making my own choices about what teams I liked and why. Right around the same time as my budding sport individualism was peaking; Peyton Manning was finishing up his career at Tennessee. I guess the planets had aligned because I had found myself a man to look up to in sports. I knew that wherever he went I was going to be a fan of that team, and so I became a fan of the Indianapolis Colts. I am really grateful that he managed to avoid Dallas or Pittsburgh because can you imagine how awful a person that would have made me?

Thank you universe for saving me from that.

It was a glorious time in my life. I had a football team I cared about and a player that was amazing on the field and entertaining off of it. The first few years had some rough patches with some losing seasons, but I didn't mind. I was happy. It wasn't too long before the wins and personal accolades started piling up. A Superbowl win and four MVP awards is nothing to sneeze at. They even managed to become the winning-est team ever of a single decade by being amazingly consistent, like the double dipped chicken tenders at Goodwood BBQ. Like everything great in this world it had to come to an end (See: Chuck, the Batman trilogy, pizza Friday and soon to be added Community. Screw you NBC.).

In May 2011, Peyton Manning underwent a neck surgery to alleviate some neck pain and help with some arm weakness. It wasn't a big surgery by any means, but it opened the door to a world of hurt for me and the Colts (and I guess Peyton himself). In September Peyton underwent another surgery to perform a level one spinal fusion (and two more surgeries to round it out). I was stunned because Peyton had never missed a start in his career, but now we were being faced with the unthinkable, a year without Manning. I will admit it was a rough season to watch. 2-14 is never easy and Curtis Painter was never meant to start an NFL game.

He looks like a kicker at best.

The only thing that kept me going was knowing that at least Peyton was going to be back for the next season, but then is March of 2012 I was hit with another shocker. The Colts had released Manning to pursue a young replacement in the new draft. The worst is what came next. From that point on most the experts started to say that he was a has-been and that he should hang up his cleats. They didn't bother to accurately research his surgeries or listen to what his doctors were saying.

Yes I am still talking about them.

It was quite ridiculous. Here was a man with an incredible career, full of hall of fame numbers and they doubted him. Thankfully the people who run the teams aren't the same people that talk about sports on TV or else this story might have had a different ending, but as it stands Manning was taken by the Broncos and it appears their faith in him is going to pay off. In their season opener against the Steelers, Manning has a respectable outing with 250 yards and 2 TDs. I know he still isn't 100 percent (as evinced by his first quarter against the Falcons), but he is well on his way and for that I am grateful. Since I am old and set in my ways I am still a Colts fan, but I will be watching Manning and rooting for him until he decides it is time and rides off into the sunset (and probably some kind of coaching position).

There have been some difficult moments for both of these men, moments of darkness in which they probably questioned themselves and wavered in their commitment. Although they were cast off and downtrodden by the heartless media, one man had faith in these fallen giants and this man will be watching this year to see them regain their rightful place as legends.

Welcome, fellow man, to my part of this blog

noreply@blogger.com (Dallin Webb) — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 20:55:00 +0000

Hello, fellow man. Today I will be addressing our relationship in depth. I've never been much for keeping a journal and my memory isn't the best. Therefore, the best remedy I have been able to come up with is blogging. I won't have to bother buying any pens or expensively blank books with pointless gold leaf along the edges anymore, not that it was ever my greatest temptation. Perhaps better yet, I have something more to do when online than looking at the weekend's sport scores a second time. Yes, my beloved Arizona Cardinals and Utah State Aggies are both still struggling. Both games' scores have remained the same due to a severe lack of uncovered conspiracies within the sports world. I'll continue having faith in both teams and it will eventually pay off. This I know with more certainty than 99% of everything else I pretendingly claim to know, even though I really know that there are fewer than five things in this world of which I'm truly sure. The eventual payoff of Aggie/Cardinal football fanhood is without doubt one of those five.
Is it time to muse upon my current state of mind? All one of my current readers (including myself) vote "yes"! It's unanimous, then. Several years ago I lost a certain trust in my fellow man. Am I willing to trust this devious "fellow man" with my real thoughts and opinions? The answer, since at least age 15, has been no. Do I trust fellow man to a certain point? Of course I do. I am, contrary to the belief of many, not a hermit. Thus, trusting my fellow man is required to a low degree. I trust that when I go to the store, fellow man will have stocked the shelves with food for me to purchase. I trust fellow man to walk past me on the street and acknowledge my existence if I accost her (I envision "fellow man" to be a female, despite her mannish name and that fact that half of all fellow men are, in fact, men).

Your face goes here.

I expect fellow man to be everywhere when I walk into my living room, into class, or drive down the freeway. I trust fellow man not to physically harm me, even though she has failed even at this simple task several times. I trust fellow man to do whatever she must to get by in the world. For I am nothing but another fellow man in her eyes. Occasionally, I let a fellow man into my life. Perhaps she and I are neighbors, classmates, roommates, grade school friends, or mutual Cardinal hopefuls. Any of these or nearly anyone else. In either case, sometimes a fellow man is welcomed into my life. I tell these few, unlucky fellow men who have stumbled into my life many of what they consider to be my strangest thoughts. I don't know what I want. Nor does my fellow man. Fellow man claims to want to know why I won't let her further into my life. Recently I have allowed fellow man to catch a glimpse of my true thoughts. She was frightened, petrified, and immediatey recoiled. Fellow man has failed me again. What do I do? I treat fellow man like who she is. A stranger. Fellow man is not to be trusted, along with the French. Here's to you, fellow man. Welcome to this blog.

Risky Business

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 19 Sep 2012 15:00:00 +0000

Are you cool? If you don't take risks then you aren't. And Spencer and Nathan will make that painfully obvious to you. This is about having courage to reject the norm. It's about taking life into your own hands and not relying on fate, chance or gravity to ruin your day. Be bold. Be dangerous. Be loud. As you listen to the Masters of self help, you will realize that being cool is cool again. And nobody does cool better than Poddery Barn.

It may be old, but it isn't hidden. And you should hear it ring.

Zac Strips a Movie: Resident Evil: Retribution

noreply@blogger.com (Zac) — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 23:01:00 +0000

Well this was the reunion episode of the series. They were kinda tired from all the "writing" and they decided they would just reintroduce some of the old characters and creatures to make it easy, because writing new things is just too hard. I should have known what I was in for since the director clearly has a type of movie he loves to make. That type just happens to be crappy ones with lots of violence and nonexistent plots. I will give you a few examples here: Death Race, DOA Dead or Alive, The Three Musketeers (the crappy new one), Alien VS Predator, Mortal Combat (not terrible) and five Resident Evil films. I am sure there is a special place in Hell reserved for this man; Ricky claims it is right next to the man responsible for Skyline and I hope that for all eternity they are forced to watch each other's movies. Each moment of agony they suffer as they attempt to kill each other, without results since you can't murder corpses, is well deserved for the pain and suffering they have caused to me and my friends.

This is the intro to my nightmares.

As you already know there wasn't much of a plot so I will give you what I was thinking as the movie progressed.

Movie starts: "Hey that intro was kinda cool."
8 minutes in: "Oh look they are going to rescue Alice so they can get on with the rest of the story."
15 minutes in: "This rescue will be ending shortly."
35 minutes in: "Wow this rescue is taking longer than I thought."
40 minutes in: "Are those zombie Nazis?'
80 minutes in: "Hey look they are on the surface and Alice is fully rescued! Oh wait no she isn't. Stupid submarines."
90 minutes in: "This looks awesome they finally have gathered together as the last remnants of humanity to fight the infected! The evil army outside is huge and awesome looking! This is going to be fantastic!"
93 minutes in: "Wait those had better not be the credits. That cannot be the end of this! I got Skylined* again!"

*Skylined- To be Skylined is to be suckered into a movie with the promise of something decent. As the movie goes along you hate so many things about it, but at the end something happens that makes you think the movie might have found redemption. As you get your hopes up again and begin to believe anew the credits begin. It is the Rick roll of the movie world, but without the catchy song.

You never should give them up Rick, never.

I was so blown away that this had happened to me again that as the credits began to roll I began to laugh. Not a quiet gentle laugh, but one of those guffaws that come from deep in the belly. It was the only reaction that made sense to me at the time. I felt that if I didn't laugh I would be forced to rip up the row of seats we were on and use them to batter the screen until I collapsed in the shredded remains of the fabric, weeping for an end of terrible movies that I know will never come. The movie was a constant barrage of poor acting, poor writing and stupid one liners. The only redeeming quality of the movie was the fact that Milla Jovovich is an attractive lady and things got shot.

Don't see this movie. I don't care if you have nothing better to do. It is not worth dying a little more on the inside just to kill some time.

Rating: 1 Star