Sports Rubbish

Shades of Tyson vs. Secretariat as Newcastle United fan tries to fight police horse (video)

Jonathan Sacks — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 20:46:59 +0000

They were so drunk.

Following today’s match between Newcastle United and Sunderland, 29 people were arrested and four police officers were hurt as fans attempted to fight in Newcastle city center. Bottles were thrown at police, and garbage cans were set on fire. It was a typical English football riot, except for one detail.

One gentleman was not content with fighting opposing fans or two-legged police officers and decided to take on a police horse instead. The man was quickly taken down by the horse’s human colleagues.

In his mind, the fight was probably going to go much more like this:

Newcastle United Supporters Clash With Police; 29 Arrested, 4 Police Officers Injured [VIDEO] [EPL Talk]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Today in dogs and baseball (videos)

Jonathan Sacks — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 17:46:15 +0000

If I know one thing about dogs, it’s that they love ~~licking their own asses~~ chasing things. The advent of HD has made this somewhat dangerous for dogs.

Nice catch, Mr. Sweatpants. WHO’S A GOOD BOY? WHO’S A GOOD BOY?

Speaking of nice catches, this guy made the catch of the year by snagging a baseball in his beer cup, then heroically downing the rest of said beer before the broken cup could spill its contents. The video has been making the rounds this morning, but what you probably haven’t seen is Danger Guerrerro of Uproxx’s heartwarming tribute.

‘MERICA.

Back to dogs and baseball, legendary Dodgers broadcaster Vin Scully used an adorable old man rant about hashtags to segue into a discussion about DirecTV’s new channel for dogs, called DogTV. Someone got paid more than you make to think of that name.

Your browser does not support iframes.

So dogs chase things on TV, and we’re about to give them an entire channel that’s dedicated to grabbing their attention. I see no way that this can go wrong. BRB, need to go buy some stock in Samsung.

A Tribute To The Greatest Moment In American History [Uproxx]
Here’s Vin Scully Going Off On Hashtags And DogTV [Deadspin]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Billy Corgan stars in furniture commercial to promote his pro wrestling company or something (video)

Jonathan Sacks — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 04:07:50 +0000

Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins lost his mind years ago, but further proof comes in the form of this commercial for a furniture store. Or is it for his pro wrestling company? In either case, our primary reaction is smiling politely.

On the list of bad decisions by Billy Corgan, this ad ranks somewhere between “dating Courtney Love” and “Zwan”.

As a palate cleanser, here’s some much better work in the form of “Tonight, Tonight”, one of the best music videos of all-time.

Watch: Billy Corgan Does Weird Furniture Store Commercial to Promote His Pro Wrestling Company [Pitchfork]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Novak Djokovic hurt by falling autograph-seeking fans (video)

Jonathan Sacks — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 20:53:27 +0000

Novak Djokovic is currently in Australia, playing in the Hopman Cup as he prepares for the upcoming Australian Open. Following his 6-3, 6-4 victory over Italy’s Andreas Seppi, Djokovic took his life into his own hands by venturing over to sign autographs for a wily gang of dangerous kids.

As he started to sign, the wall gave way, sending children tumbling toward the world’s #1 tennis player in a brazen attack in full view of the cameras. Djokovic walked off the court with a slight limp and sought treatment in the locker room, but was able to return for a doubles match later on. Perhaps next time he should just be an asshole and not sign autographs, that way he avoids such traps.

Novak Djokovic: Star Hurt Signing Autographs [Sky Sports]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

A perfect technical match: MLB shills for new Blackberry

Jonathan Sacks — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 18:02:18 +0000

Confession: My first Internet-enabled phone was actually a Blackberry. This was, of course, in the pre-iPhone world. At the time, nobody else I knew had the Internet on their phone, so I was the coolest person in the world.* No reasonable person would actually choose to buy a Blackberry over any other smartphone these days. In just a few years, the Blackberry has become a symbol of technical weakness, like having an AOL e-mail address or paying for porn.

That’s why it’s perfect that Major League Baseball would send out a promotional e-mail for the “latest” Blackberry. Who better to sell your archaic phone than an organization that is known for ridiculous YouTube takedown policies, arcane blackout rules, resistance to instant replay, and a commissioner who likely assumes the Internet is a series of tubes?

Here’s the e-mail that MLB sent to subscribers this morning to promote the new Blackberry 10.

Oh what’s that? You can’t see any text? That’s because MLB and Blackberry showed just how “with it” they are by ignoring e-mail best practices and sending out an e-mail that is just one big image. Screw you, blind people!

This is what it’s supposed to look like.

Great work, MLB and Blackberry. I can’t wait to see your next innovation. I’m not even going to get started on how it’s impossible to unsubscribe from your e-mail lists in the first place.

*not even remotely true

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Hey ESPN, that’s not Georgia’s flag (photo)

Jonathan Sacks — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 01:24:57 +0000

Most people know that there is Georgia: The Country and Georgia: The State. But unless the United States has very quietly annexed Georgia: The Country, someone at ESPN screwed up this graphic. Really, I think one Georgia is sufficient; we don’t need to go around acquiring any others.

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

A Quite Interesting welcome to the 2012 Olympics from the British [video]

Jonathan Sacks — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 13:12:08 +0000

The 2012 Summer Olympics will officially open on Friday night, as millions of people around the world tune in for the Opening Ceremonies, mostly to mock whatever the British have decided to use to showcase their country. Dancing fish and chips! An ode to drizzle! Athletes being drowned in tea! A salute to haphazard post-colonial border determination! The anticipation is overwhelming.

Of course, given his visit this week, it’s possible the Olympic Opening Ceremonies will only feature Mitt Romney being slowly drawn and quartered as Yakety Sax plays for 3 hours while athletes from every nation awkwardly wander past, some sporting berets. It takes diplomatic prowess to make David Cameron and Boris Johnson look like sympathetic figures, but the United States has won yet another gold medal in that competition.

In celebration of the Games, we here at Sports Rubbish present to you some clips about the Olympics from the British comedy panel quiz show, QI, hosted by the esteemed Stephen Fry. It’s the least we can do. Seriously, I could not have possibly done less. But it’s been a while since I’ve posted, and I felt like such a momentous occasion could not pass by ignored. Enjoy!

If you haven’t decided by this point to just watch episodes of QI on YouTube instead of the Opening Ceremonies, I look down upon you.

Bonus Jimmy Carr, just because:

And the final word, from David Mitchell:

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

2012 Summer Olympics to look more like 1984

Jonathan Sacks — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 22:23:49 +0000

Picture this: Michael Phelps goes to watch Usain Bolt run in the 100m Final at the 2012 Olympics in London. Bolt shatters the World Record. Phelps tweets, “What a run by Bolt!”.

Under the draconian rules set by the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and the Games organizers Locog, Phelps could be punished for merely tweeting about another athlete.

Via The Guardian, here are the rules imposed on athletes, fans, and companies:

Banned during the Games: What the rules say

Athletes don’t …

• Blog about your breakfast cereal or energy bar if it’s not an official sponsor – in Games Period all endorsement is banned.

• Post video clips from inside the athletes’ village to your blog or Youtube. No audio or video content from inside any Olympic venue can be uploaded to any site.

• Tweet “in the role of a journalist”. Athletes “must not report on competition or comment on the activities of other participants”.

Non-sponsor companies and businesses don’t …

• Say: “Supporting our athletes at the 2012 Games!” or “Help us make it a Gold 2012!”

• Use images that suggest an assocation with the London Olympics.

•Offer tickets as part of a promotion.

Crowd members don’t …

• Upload a clip of William and Kate tripping up the steps of the Olympic stadium to Youtube: “A Ticket Holder may not license, broadcast or publish video and/or sound recordings, including on social networking websites and the internet.”

• Post your pictures to Facebook – this may fall under the same restriction.

• Take part in an ambush marketing stunt, “including, for the avoidance of doubt individual or group ambush marketing”.

To some extent, a few of the rules make sense. Companies that aren’t associated with the Olympics shouldn’t be able to piggyback off of those trademarks. Visitors shouldn’t be able to broadcast on their own from inside venues. Still, a pub should be able to say that they are showing the Games on TV, and fans should be able to take photos to record their memories.

In this era where everyone has the ability to take photos, video, or write from anywhere in the world, the restrictions on fan photography are severe, not to mention unenforceable. The police in London will have far bigger considerations to worry about during the Olympics, such as morons floating around in the Thames.

The athlete restrictions are even worse. The majority of competitors struggle to get funding, relying on corporate sponsors while working other jobs while they train. To ban them from talking about companies who supported them along the way (and are not official Games sponsors) makes their lives even more difficult.

The Olympics are supposedly about the athletes. Yet with rules like these, it’s clear that it’s only about the money for those in charge.

Olympics 2012: branding ‘police’ to protect sponsors’ exclusive rights [The Guardian]
London’s dystopian Olympics: criminal sanctions for violating the exclusivity of sponsors’ brands [Boing Boing]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Jose Canseco kills Al Gore on Twitter

Jonathan Sacks — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 00:04:48 +0000

The Twitter feed of Jose Canseco is fantastic, but he took his unique brand of crazy, troll-worthy commentary to a new level by killing Al Gore this afternoon.

al gore was a head of his time .i miss him rest in peace buddy hug for u

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 28, 2012

“Jose Canseco ‏ @JoseCanseco
al gore was a head of his time .i miss him rest in peace buddy hug for u”

I have no idea either… my only logical conclusion is that Jose Canseco just watched Futurama and was missing Al Gore’s head-in-a-jar.

At any rate, thank you, Al Gore, for creating the Internet so Jose Canseco could someday tweet prematurely about your death on it.

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Borat’s Kazakhstan national anthem accidentally played for gold medal winner in Kuwait (video)

Jonathan Sacks — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 15:59:02 +0000

Ah, the pride of winning a gold medal for one’s country and getting to hear your national anthem played. It’s an experience any athlete looks forward to, except for those from Kazakhstan. They will spend the rest of their lives fearing what will actually be played, thanks to Sacha Baron Cohen’s “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.”

Kazakhstan’s Maria Dmitrienko was on the medal stand at the Arab Shooting Championship (AKA Congressman Peter King’s favorite sporting event of the year) when the Kuwaiti hosts played Borat’s fake national anthem instead.

Here are Borat’s Kazakhstan national anthem lyrics:

Kazakhstan greatest country in the world.
All other countries are run by little girls.
Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium.
Other countries have inferior potassium.

Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool.
It’s length thirty meter and width six meter.
Filtration system a marvel to behold.
It remove 80 percent of human solid waste.

Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place.
From Plains of Tarashek to Norther fence of Jewtown.
Kazakhstan friend of all except Uzbekistan.
They very nosy people with bone in their brain.

Kazakhstan industry best in the world.
We invented toffee and trouser belt.
Kazakhstan’s prostitutes cleanest in the region.
Except of course Turkmenistan’s

Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place.
From Plains of Tarashek to Norther fence of Jewtown.
Come grasp the might phenis of our leader.
From junction with the testes to tip of its face!

And here’s what should have been playing for the real Kazakhstan national anthem:

Sky of golden sun,
Steppe of golden seed,
Legend of courage -
Take a look at my country!

From the antiquity
Our heroic glory emerged,
They did not give up their pride
My Kazakh people are strong!

Chorus:
My country, my country,
As your flower I will be planted,
As your song I will stream, my country!
My native land My Kazakhstan!

The way was opened to the posterity
I have a vast land.
Its unity is proper,
I have an independent country.

It welcomed the time
Like an eternal friend,
Our country is happy,
Such is our country.

So yeah, slight difference.

To be fair to Kuwait, it’s not like people in Kazakhstan are able to get their own national anthem correct. Earlier this month, a ski event in Kostanay, Kazakhstan was kicked off with Ricky Martin’s “Livin’ La Vida Loca” instead.

Mock national anthem from Borat mistakenly played at Kazakhstan medal ceremony (video) [Off The Bench]
Kazakh athlete serenaded by Borat anthem by mistake [FilmDrunk]
Borat anthem stuns Kazakh gold medallist in Kuwait [BBC]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy: