Last year, my husband's deployment date kept slowly creeping forward.  Every day, they shaved a day or two off our time together.  Unfortunately, I had made long-standing plans to meet up with my fellow SpouseBUZZers at the beginning of May.  The gals and Toad were flying in from all over the country to get together, and as our deployment day kept creeping forward, I started fearing I would have to skip the gathering.

My husband finally said that I needed to be with my friends for one night before he left, that they would boost my spirits and help me cope.  He said, "You don't have anyone here in town to take care of you while I'm gone, and when else are you going to get the chance to be with your good friends?"  He would pack and get ready to leave while I was gone, and we'd have a couple days together before he left.

So I drove to AirForceWife's house.

I got there late in the evening, and a few hours later, the phone rang.  It was my husband.  Deployment had again gotten bumped forward, and they were leaving tomorrow.

I left AirForceWife's house the next morning, drove like a maniac to get back home, and had about six hours together before he deployed.

He assured me that would not happen again this year.

It has appeared that we are still tracking to leave mid-July.  But last night, my husband came home and said that some flight schedules had gotten messed up and they might not all be leaving at the scheduled time.  He might leave on the original day or it might be a day or two later.  He doesn't know yet.

I did the I-told-you-so dance.

But at least this time the date is getting pushed later instead of earlier!

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On the downside, I haven't been exercising much.  I think I'm just inherently lazy, plus we are so busy, and I've been sick.  (Ugh!)  But I have been walking a good bit and swimming a few times a week, so I haven't been sitting inside and watching TV every day.

How is the summer affecting your fitness plans? 

My next thought?  I knew a place I could go where I would not be the only one doing this today.

Not that I'm saying that every SpouseBuzz reader with a deployed spouse isn't out enjoying the holiday weekend with family and friends, but I can't be the ONLY person trying to hit a new high score of Facebook's Bejeweled Blitz and making some kind of lunch that doesn't look anything like the fantastic cookout spread he/she made last year.

Our local area is in line for some thunderstorms this afternoon, so the cookout I'd planned to attend has been canceled.  Fireworks are questionable if rain comes, but we have a few hours to figure all that out.  My oldest is visiting her grandparents.  My youngest is watching a movie at the neighbor girl's house.  The dogs are napping.

I'm doing laundry and watching the Food Network.

Seems like a normal Saturday, but I know it isn't.

I'm painfully aware today of the long line of families in our nation's history who have spent not only the nation's birthday, but also their own birthdays, without their service person at home to help them celebrate. 

On the one hand, that doesn't seem like it's all it's cracked up to be.  On the other hand, it's an earned distinction that my family can remember and be proud of long after memories of firecrackers or cookouts fade.

If you're 'home alone' today (even if your house is full), thank you for your service.  It's a pleasure working with you.

To which I huffily and half-jokingly replied...

I rolled three kinds of raw meat mixture and made homemade tomato sauce for hours yesterday.  Not to mention the salad and the from-scratch cookies.  How about this: how about you spend the next nine months eating DFAC food and MREs, and then we'll see how you feel about my "just spaghetti and meatballs."

I hope he gets all Beef Franks MREs all deployment long...

But they do. And it's getting to be problematic.

A couple of weeks ago, I was looking for my cooking shears. You know, the scissors that are only to be used for food-related work. A few days ago, I found them hiding in my husband's tool box. The good old fashioned scissors that were placed in the kitchen for, well, purposes other than food preparation, were left untouched. Apparently they don't mind my husband being around because there they were, in plain sight, while the poor, terrified culinary scissors had slinked away under the cover of darkness and closed themselves up in my husband's toolbox, no doubt hoping to remain there until the next deployment.

We have eight really nice steak knives. I love those knives. My husband gave them to me last Christmas because our knives were as dull as butter knives, and I loved that gift. But here too, my knives seem to be hostile towards my husband because I noticed two of them were missing the other day. I was baffled. I couldn't imagine how one could lose a steak knife, let alone two.... Would you believe that I found one outside on a ledge laying next to a severed twist-tie previously used to hold a plant a place? The knife was so disoriented over my husband's presence in the home, it made a break for it and headed outside. It apparently took its rage out on the poor twist-tie, slicing it in two. It was a violent death. Still no sighting of the other knife, and his captured pal isn't talking. Sheesh, they must really hate my husband.

It's time for a talk with the residents of this household, and all objects that reside within it. All of us have roles and responsibilities here. I cannot be expected to skin a chicken with my office scissors. We're going to have to learn to live in harmony with one another, and I'm here to tell you now that these late-night escape attempts will no longer be tolerated.

What a timely question (and I nearly died laughing reading the newly proposed title!).  Just the last few weeks I've been wondering something close to that myself - Does this pre-deployment make my butt look big?  I'm pretty sure the answer is yes.

For the record, I'm not blaming anyone, any entity, or anything outside of my own self for the state of my rear (and arms, and legs, etc ad infinitum).  I know darn well that I made the choice to eat that, not do that exercise, and so on.  However, I also figured out last go-round that pre-deployment certainly makes it a lot easier to throw caution to the winds!

In a nutshell, knowing that the love of your life is going to be gone for a year (or more) and with the beginnings of anticipatory grief making themselves heard, who can say no to just one more trip to Baskin Robbins when the husband says he'd like to go just one more time?  Of course, it won't be the last time, but I pretend not to realize that...

And then there's the exercise issue.  When Air Force Guy is home, I'm not moving from his side.  If he's on the couch surfing the internet, so am I.  Or I'm reading.  Or knitting/crocheting.  The point is that I'm not exercising.  And if I don't exercise before a certain time of the day I won't at all because I don't want my husband's last memories of me to include frizzy ponytails, voluminous stank, and sweat marks under my arms and in my butt-crack.

Once again, I realize that is utterly ridiculous, since the man has been present and seen me giving birth multiple times(and since we had home-births he had to participate a bit more than he was anticipating).  Honestly, I can't think of a time I looked more unappetizing than while I was giving birth.  Lucky for me it went quick each time. 

Anyway, I realize this is all mental, and quite of a bit of it is silly but it also is what it is.  It is how I cope with those last few days before my husband leaves.  And since I analyze everything in life to death I've also analyzed my propensity to gain "The Pre-Deployment Fifteen."

What it boils down to for me, in the end, is this:  I know that I'll get immediately back into a workout and healthy diet routine when AFG leaves, and I'll keep that routine when he gets home and deployment is not looming on the horizon any longer.  I always do, and by this point I've had a lot of experience in what to expect from this whole roller coaster!  But for now, for these last few weeks I'd much rather have a bit of a yo-yo trip on the scale than regret forever that I didn't take that last trip to Baskin Robbins with my husband when I had the chance.

It's my normal - and it doesn't work for everyone.  Some couples work out together and they spend more time doing that as deployment looms.  It's their comfort zone.  Other couples aren't as interested in various types of food and the whole eating experience (it is an experience with us, not just a meal) and would rather take a walk, read a book together, work on a car, go fishing, go camping, or whatever works for them.

And that's all good.  We do some of that, too.  One of the recurring themes on SpouseBUZZ is that everything in our lives is related, but it's all snowflakes.   We all approach our issues differently and need to do what works best for us.  Our coping skills are not everyone's coping skills (although there's quite a bit of overlap most of the time!). 

So, if you happen to see me before the end of August (when I should be back into my "regular" jeans and not my "oops I had too much mint chip" jeans), you are now fully apprised of what is going on.   On the bright side, by the time AFG leaves I should be so sick of mint chip ice cream that I'll never want to look at it again.

Until his next deployment looms, that is.

It was strange to see my husband packing a duffel of cold-weather gear to be shipped ahead of time.  Cold-weather gear for deployment?  This is new!  But this is a place where, apparently, summer temperatures can reach 115°, while winter temperatures in high altitudes can fall to -15°.  And we still don't know exactly where he's going, so he better be prepared for anything.

Sadly, packing cold-weather gear essentially more than doubles the amount of stuff you have to hump...

Of course, I've forgotten some of my discoveries, but it has been enlightening.  Lawn mower, Christmas lights, yard fertilizer, air in car tires:  not my department.  It has probably been good for me to realize how many things my husband does and I'm clearly not giving him enough credit for his contributions.  So, to my husband:  Thank you.  (And since you are so good at these things, you are welcome to take over anything else you would like.)

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The piece of paper said (paraphrased):  Your qualification on the Uzi has been revoked because you have failed to requalify within the required amount of time.

After several hours of having seen that paper and not noticed anything unusual about it, I realized that the fact that we had that paper in our house and didn't see anything unusual about it was probably *not normal.*

On the other hand, it is OUR normal.  Just like moving every few years, decorating our house like  Middle Eastern Applebee's, and eating copious amounts of delicious Afghan food.  It's very odd to my family and quite a few of my friends from "before", but it is our normal.

In fact, I realized that a lot of the things that are "our normal" are so, well, normal for us that I never even notice they might be off until a socially awkward situation develops (see also:  ruck - humping; misuse of).  Since I'm all about preventative measures to avoid embarrassing situations (like it ever works for me), I'd like to hear things you've discovered about the military that don't always translate to the outside world.

What's your normal?

Back in the states it was 5:26 am on Monday May 11th and I awoke to "the knock". This is what every single military wife lives in fear of. I never thought I would get the knock.

Thursday May 14th I left Shreveport with my escort Brian (fellow EOD guy who literally had just come back from Afghanistan 3 days earlier) We had to go to DC to get an emergency passport for me to get to Germany. Then Friday night we left DC and arrived in Landstuhl, Germany Saturday morning. I got to the hospital just as David was coming out of surgery.

We left Landstuhl Sunday afternoon on a C17 military aircraft and arrived back in DC Sunday night. We were taken by ambulance to Walter Reed and have been here for the past week and a half. 

The greater part of our happiness depends on our disposition and not our circumstances.

My husband is the type of man who goes in to work over block leave.

On one level, I understand this.  His job is life-and-death, and he wants to be as prepared as possible before he leaves.  And some documents can only be accessed over secure networks, so that's where he has to be in order to do his studying and reading.  And sometimes it's hard to do all the reading he wants to do during work hours when there are other tasks that need to be done.

I get this.  On one level.

But on another level, I just want him to stay home.  He's at work often enough when he's required to be there, for pete's sake, without going in on his days off.  Not to mention that he will be permanently at work for the next nine months!  I selfishly want him to be able to turn off his Work Brain and turn on his Vacation Brain, to be so caught up in being with me and having a good time that he doesn't want to go in to work and leave me back at the house.

Or at least I want him to act more torn when he stands up after lunch and announces that he's heading to work for a few hours.

I am so proud of him for taking his job so seriously, I really am.  I should probably be relieved that the only work he did while we were on vacation was read Buzkashi and study some Pashto.  I want him to feel prepared and mentally focused when he leaves.  I want him to be successful.

I just also want to savor every last minute I have with him before he leaves.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.  After all, I married the man who told me on Valentine's Day that he'd rather be deployed!

Today was one of those days. 

Actually this all started last night.  I was up late doing laundry, when whammo, my wash machine went wonky.  It would not complete a cycle.  The darn thing kept cycling through over and over but would not spin out.  I am unsure of how much water I wasted, but it seemed to be taking forever.  And then, the famous beeping noise when it is wonky. 

After looking at it for a while, I retired to bed, knowing 1am, was not an ideal time to fix a wash machine.  Especially since I am not particularly skilled.  So I went to bed, and did not sleep well, kept tossing and turning about the cost of repair, piles of laundry, and all of the beach towels and swimwear we go through in the summer. 

(A side note here)  When we moved into this home, the new house came with  a perfectly new wash machine, which I gifted to my Father for all his help painting.  I love my wash machine, and wanted to keep it.  (Note to self, an extra wash machine is not a bad thing, especially when you live in a home in which laundry accumulates like rabbits.) 

I woke this morning, drove my children to VBS, and came home, threw a ballcap on, and started researching online, reading the service manual, after I was unable to locate the big manual (I am pretty sure a repairman snagged it, but again I digress. )

After researching this particular model, I decide to run a diagnostic on it, the problem the diagnosis comes out in binary, uh yeah it made my head spin.  So after reading others complaints that were similar I decided to dive in, all of my milspouse friends do it.  However, with  this particular brand, the parts are hard to come by. No one in Nebraska is familiar with the machines (another mistake I think... buying an imported machine).  I came to the conclusion that it could at least try it.   I made about 5 phone calls, and was laughed out of town when asking if the parts I needed were stocked.  This made my feathers fluffy.  I finally located the part I needed, and drove across town to pick it up, a steal at $32.50.  I came home, and started disassembling my machine.  I had to refer to the internet often, but I managed it.  I also must tell you I was gaining confidence in my abilities.  After removing the old diverter valve I found nothing wrong with it, so I decided to keep it just in case.  I installed the new valve.  I managed to plug everything in, hook up hoses, turn on the water, and what do you know, the power button came on!  Victory.  I was so proud of myself, my poor friends had to deal with Facebook postings that chimed of my success.  (I counted my chickens before they were hatched.  another mistake, see a pattern?) 

My success was short lived, as the machine started doing the same thing.  Ughhhh...so I unhooked it yet again, and checked the valve, and decided I could have transposed 2 wires, so I changed them again.  I hook up the machine yet again, and BOOM It appears to be working.  Victory!  It even made it through a wash cycle!  I rule, I am queen of the laundry room. 

I then decide to take the kids to the grocery store, as we have no milk, cereal, bread or eggs.  We will die if i don't maintain a food supply.  I certainly need to maintain some level of civility in this home.  I do not need people running naked, and starving.   We return from the store to hear beeping, and see water standing in the tub of the machine.  I failed....

"Really?  Seriously?  After all I have done for you wash machine? This is how you are going to repay me?  You are going to stand and beep in your binary code and mock me? "

I will not lie, I am PMS'ing, and I wasn't sure if I should cry or shoot the darn thing.  (another lesson do not fix things, when you are PMS'ing, it is torture, for EVERYONE around you)

Tonight, I am trying it yet again, I just completed one load a small one, as I did not want soaking clothes strewn about.  It worked.  I am not as excited or thrilled as I was.  Humility or something I suppose. 

I am soggy, I feel like I have been in a public pool changing room all day.  Between the wet clothes, wet floor, wet seat from sitting on a damp surface...I am done, I just want to be dry at this point. 

It was an adventurous day for me, like I said, I normally do not tackle projects like this, but have been inspired by a lot of you.  The biggest thing I have repaired is toilet flappers.  That I can do like a champ!  But a wash machine, that is all computerized, yeah I will let you know how it come out.  It is running, no beeping....YET.

I would suggest buying the most standard wash machine you can find, as an exotic wash machine is something you can live without. 

My Husband said this "the only thing worse than doing laundry, is to be unable to do it"....I think he may be right.

*Update:  This is the site I used when repairing the machine, they nailed the diagnosis, the Parts number, and pretty much walked me through the entire process.  Cost.  $0!  I love the internets!  My machine washed 5 loads today, no problems.

Until the last day.

And all of a sudden, I realized we were on Block Leave.  I realized that the end of this trip signaled the end of block leave, which means July was coming soon, which means my husband is deploying.

My husband is deploying in like two weeks or so.

And I wanted the last day to slow down, to last forever, to never end.

But it did.

I think we all have felt this way for one moment or another.  Sometimes we like to be thanked too.

And sometimes we go through things during deployment, enormous things, life-altering things.  And while I don't need a tickertape parade or a medal ceremony, it is nice to have someone, especially your spouse, acknowledge that you had it rough.  That you don't have to be in combat to be scared.

Well said, Sis B.

The Way We Get By - Trailer from The Way We Get By on Vimeo.

In July, CNN would like to focus more on what is happening with the families who are at home while their loved ones are still in, or deployed to, Afghanistan. The focus is on this region as more troops start deploying there. They want to hear from a diverse range of people about how they are coping with a family member’s deployment, what challenges they’re facing, and how they may be overcoming these challenges. This could range from multiple deployments, job loss, PCS moves, etc. Ideally the families would be located in Atlanta, Florida, New York City or Washington, D.C. Atlanta is preferred given logistics. 

If you're interested in being interviewed, click here to send an email to Mike. Let us know if you're selected. We'll be sure to tune-in.