Spudguy's Blog

My Long Distance Relationship (LDR) thus far

2012-09-15T18:39:00.001-07:00

So, here we go. This is kind of a little overdue, or is it?

For those of you who don't know, I'm currently in an LDR with a very, very amazing woman called Kate, and I have been in it for over 5 months. She's absolutely incredible. I actually don't think that there are many people on the planet who are amazing enough to get me to fall in love with them without even having met them in person before. But Kate? Kate pulled it off alright. If we're not texting, we're skyping or talking on Viber.

It's been a weird journey. When we started, I'm not going to lie: I thought it was stupid. I thought it would end in upset, that it was naive, overly optimistic and kind of immature. I mean, I had an online girlfriend for about 2 weeks when I was 14. Back then I thought it was really cool, but until I found Kate (or rather, she found me), I wouldn't consider it an actual relationship so much as something stupid I did in my early teenage years. In fact I would consider it stupid and pointless. But after a rocky start of me breaking up with her, realising that I really cared for here already and then receiving a letter that bought a tear to my eye (shut up), I decided to give it another go. A real shot. It turns out giving it another shot has been on of the greatest decisions of my life.

Since being with Kate, I feel like I've grown (and not just from the lack of exercise due to being on Skype all the time). I've grown emotionally, I've grown in maturity and I've grown more as person in the last 5 months than I did in the 5 years before meeting Kate. I'm still a really bad elitist in the sense of not giving interests outside of my comfort zone a shot, but now I'm realising that this is an issue I need to address, and I'm really trying my hardest to address it. That's what life, relationships and growing is about.

I've also been happier. The people I live with and speak to regularly have all commented on it. All of them. And by extension, I'm a better person to be around, I feel. Yeah, I may talk about Kate more than I should which might make me more boring, but so what? At least I'm not still off pulling "Jacobs" or complaining that I'm miserable. I now have someone to really keep me grounded in my life. Someone that makes me happy, and someone that I can care for, who cares for me. Someone who is shaping me into a better human being. One that doesn't dismiss art because I find it boring, someone who doesn't refuse to watch something because it's in black and white, someone who doesn't dismiss things just because I've not heard of them.

The thing is, being with Kate has SIGNIFICANTLY altered my perception of life, my outlook on things and the way I look at myself. I have confidence now and I have someone who genuinely cares about me to reassure me when I'm doing badly at something I care about. Working at Morrisons over Summer was miserable for me, but Kate made it bearable for me, as well as working full time herself, living 3,209 miles away and being under a lot of stress herself.

And my friends have all been really supportive. Well, not ALL, but we'll get to that.

When I first got into my LDR, I went home a few days later for Easter. I remember telling all my friends back home about it and it had a kind of mixed reaction. Some friends were straight out accepting and happy for me, which to be honest, really genuinely surprised me. One of them laughed at me. The rest were happy for me, but also warning me to be careful that I don't get hurt. The people who were worried saw me over Summer and are actually now all aboard the Kate-train. My family also: before I told them I was worried what they would think. I was worried what a lot of people would think before I realised I don't really care what other people think. This is my life, I call the shots. And I'm extremely confident that this was the right shot to call. But my friends and my family have all been incredibly supportive. And for that, I thank you.

But of course, the haters:

A month or two after getting into the LDR, a girl who I speak to ever now and then texted me, saying something along the lines of it being hilarious that I've not even met my girlfriend in person and it's just a joke. I told her it was my own choice and I was happy, then blocked her from Facebook/Twitter and deleted her number from my phone. A little strong maybe, but this is a girl who lives for going out at the weekends to get drunk and have sex with practical strangers. I try not to be judgemental, but it's hard sometimes. I actually feel sorry for her. But there's more to this story: This girl I know through an ex-coursemate, who lives in a houseful of people on the same course. This ex-coursemate has made a few little snide remarks here and there about the entire situation on my facebook.

It culminated a week or so ago, when Kate jokingly engaged me over Facebook and I accepted for 6 hours. This ex-coursemate posted "HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA" onto the relationship status on Facebook. I ignored it, because frankly, I'm not going to bother arguing with someone who likes to record his female friends in the shower about being in a happy relationship. But I digress. The real kicker was that EVERYONE who lives with him and is a mutual friend "liked" his post on the relationship status.

What I don't understand, is why a) they feel the need to try and take something away from my happiness, or b) why they don't just say something to me about it. It just confuses me, the mentality of some people.

Anyway, let's get back to a high. In less than one week (5 days, 4 hours, 35 minutes at time of writing), I am going to meet the person that I've fallen in love with in person for the first time. I've gone though all the phases; worry, excitement, nervousness, happiness, fear, etc etc etc. But now only two remain: Excitement and impatience. I'm going to meet her in Heathrow with a coffee exactly how she likes it waiting for her in my hand, we're going to kiss and then we're going to have an awesome trip with my amazing friends Reiss & Eddy back to Coventry. Over the course of her visit, we're going to spend 3 days in Paris, visit the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower. We're going to go on the Fresher's bar crawl, have a party and go to Alton Towers. Not to mention the little things like going out on dates, cooking for each other and all sorts of things. It's going to be worth the wait, I know it. The pictures will be phenomenal and the memories will never be matched. I've been sending her an email ever morning the weeks now; a countdown of 50 things I can't wait for when she's here and it's amazing when I think that those emails will become a reality very, very soon.

I'm actually glad I'm in an LDR. People take a lot of things for granted in relationships. Kate and I don't do that. We appreciate every moment we get to Skype (to the point of even sleeping together on Skype), everything counts in an LDR. Seriously; try it out.

Oh, and one more thing, some people have been donating to us on our GoFundMe page (http://www.gofundme.com/xn2yg). It seriously means so much that people donate on there. I'm a Student and Kate can't afford more than a trip (two at an absolute push) a year. So the people that donate on that have really made a massive difference, and I can now ALMOST afford a trip to see her for New Years and her birthday. So thank you all so much, you're absolutely incredible. I will not forget who's donated and when I can afford to give you something in return.. <3 p="p">
Anyway, I've not made a blog in a while and I feel like a lot of this needed to be said.

Thanks for reading. <3 p="p">
- Spudguy

Grumpy gone happy.

2012-04-01T17:17:00.002-07:00

Brace yourselves, people who bother to read my whiney, pretentious, self-loathing, negative, hateful, cantankerous, judgmental views on life. You’re in for one hell of a ride. In fact, there are a lot of bases to cover here. So much so that I’m now opening up notepad and constructing a list… … … Ah, there; done. Oh God… That’s a BIG list. Ugh, I’m going to have to prepare myself for this. Wait there a minute, I’m going to listen to a little bit of The Flashbulb, muse about my life and smoke a cigarette.

There we go, I’m back. So where shall we begin? I mean, we could start with the most recent event that triggered me to write this blog and then get to work on the older stuff? What’s that I hear, cheers? Yeah. I’m up for that. LET’S DO THIS THING!!

So, what just happened? It’s now 00:50 on the 2^nd April 2012. The last year of the Mayan calendar, actually… but that’s (unfortunately) bullshit so that’s neither here nor there, is it? No. It’s not. Ladies and gentlemen of my blogging audience, I have just attempted to attend a pub viewing of “Wrestlemania”. I have never in all my life witnessed something that has made me so miserable to be who I am. All these people... my age – some might say ‘young – standing around and watching scantily clad men pretend to fight in front of a stupidly large live audience, along with cheering and applaud. These people watching this are incredibly happy. They’re having a GREAT time, and they LOVE what they’re watching. It reminds me of sporting events. I guess it is, in a sense. So I arrived at 00:10, paid my £3 entry (which included a beer) and went to the bar. What I saw, was many screens, some large, some small, showing this “Wrestlemania”. My God… they were all so happy. All of them, so fucking happy.

I mean, I guess I’m just a grumpy old cunt. Fucking, they all just LOVED IT. So, I arrived at 00:10, took my little paper voucher to the bar and got my pint of Carling at 00:30 (after 20 minutes of waiting), drank it as fast as I could without actually downing it and left. I would have left after 5 minutes was it not for my paying £3 admittance. God, I don’t regret a thing except going. I hate people. I hate sports and I hate being surrounded by idiots, which is what my consciousness is judging these people as. I went with Jack and Steph, Jack felt like I did, I think but he actually gives things a chance. He’s a better person than me. Steph was just grinning like a fucking retard and putting her hand over her face and squealing every time something happened or she saw someone. That just REALLY got under my skin. It makes me so angry, I don’t understand why. Being surrounded by happiness genuinely infuriates and confuses me. Although, at Download it doesn’t so much (though it did last year… hmmm…)

I’m a grumpy old cunt and I should probably just kill myself. Nothing I ever do will change the world. Nothing I ever do will ever be remembered and no one I ever know will tell stories about me to their children. And I will never find a woman within close proximity to want children with me. For all intents and purposes: My existence is moot.

But moving on from that happy note, there’s other things that have been touching my mind lately, such as the bizarre and cliché event that has happened with my love-life. Oh, yes. Something HAS been going on. And yes, it is something I’ve not really publicised, (That also bothers me, constant posts on facebook/twitter about how much person X loves person Y. Fuck off, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT). I mean, I would think no one gives a shit about my love life, but you’re nosey enough to read my blog, so you must a little bit?

So, where to begin with my “love-life”? Fucking… I don’t know. I mean, I really do like someone, a lot. A hell of a lot. More than I’m willing to admit on here. To anyone other than the person in question, actually. And there’s a reason for that, a reason I’ve NEVER been bothered by in my life until now. And this is the stark realisation that must be written and confessed, to both her who’s more than likely going to read this and to myself. I am scared of judgement. Never before in my life have I given a shit what people think about me, but this is… I don’t know. Basically, the woman in question lives 3,202 miles away. In America. And I don’t know if you guys have gotten the idea of me before that I’m not really fussed by a sexual relationship, but I’m not. I want the companionship; that person to share everything with, to laugh with, cry with, look forward to talking to, want to talk to for hours on end and then actually talk to them for hours on end without getting bored… someone who makes you laugh, smile and cry with just a few words, someone who you want to talk about all the time, to show off, to share, to boast about and to never want to lose. The person I’ve been talking to, is exactly that person. To say she’s incredible would be an understatement and to describe her as perfect for me would be a weak description.

But I don’t want to forever be judged as “Jacob, that guy with the online girlfriend who never leaves the house. I don’t want people to make fun of me, or rip me down or laugh at me. I don’t want people to talk about me behind my back and tell people about what a loser I am. I’m not a loser, I’m… well, I am a loser. But I like being a loser! I love to hate going to Wrestlemania, I love to watch Professional Starcraft games on the internet instead of football. I love who I am.

A STARK REALISATION SETS IN.

I don’t care, world. I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t care what you say to me and I certainly don’t care if you want to judge me, because you know what? I’m judging you right fucking back. Because I’ve found someone who I GENUINELY care for, and who genuinely cares for me back. When I’m done writing this blog, I’m going to post it and when she starts reading it, I’m going to ask her to be my girlfriend. Because you know what, I love her and I’m not ashamed of that. I’m happy, I am. Obviously circumstances could be MUCH nicer, she could live nearby, she could not live in America and I could maybe not be now in that “weirdo” category for having an online relationship, but it’ll work. Because we want to make it work. We care enough for each other that the distance is just a molehill and not a mountain. You watch us. I’ll be happier than I can even remember being, and those times when we meet up, oh wow… how glorious they will be. Just try and stop me.

Now, moving swiftly on…

Actually. Fuck it. I was going to make this a massive post. I’ve got so much more to talk about, so much more to whine about and so much more to say about myself. But instead, I’m going to cut it short and leave you cunts hanging.

Peace out,

I’ll be back soon. There’s much to discuss.

Romance isn't all it's cracked up to be,,,

2012-02-08T18:11:00.000-08:00

So, most of the people that read this blog are generally in my age range. 90's kids. The best of the best. The elite. The current student generation, the vast majority of 'clubbers', pub-goers, video game players and tree-smokers. We grew up with Pokemon, Hey! Arnold, Catdog, Sonic the Hedgehog, Spongebob Squarepants (okay, maybe we were a little too old for that one), Disney Movies, 90's Pop. We saw the rise and fall of the Sega Megadrive, PS1, PS2, Xbox, Gamecube, Dreamcast, VHS, MSN... We've witnessed the birth of the commercialised Internet, Youtube, E-mail, MP3s, Torrents, Internet Piracy. I could go on and on.

The reason I point all this out, is that I wonder if the constant stream of media into our lives is affecting our outlook on life. Specifically that all important part of it: Romance.

If Disney taught us one thing, it's that there's such a thing as "true love". Which, I'm not even going to attempt to disagree with. I mean fuck it, it's real. There's no disagreeing with that at all. But one thing Disney didn't teach us is that love fucking hurts. I mean, it really fucking hurts. There are a LOT of my friends currently coming to realise this. Not even so much realise, as experience. Disney movies, Rom-coms and too many fucking pop songs like to go on about how amazing love is, and 9/10 times will leave us with a happy ending. Never to go back to "What happens if they fall out of love?". It's fucking bullshit. Even at the opposite end of the spectrum: Movies about break-ups, they're never *really* about breakups, are they? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind, (500) Days of Summer, Forgetting Sarah Marshall are movies off the top of my head that all are supposedly about breakups. And my God, all three of them are PAINFULLY accurate, I mean Eternal Sunshine's beginning, where he's completely alone and lonely I relate to far too much, Forgetting Sarah Marshall makes me laugh at how unbelievably similar I was to the main character after his break up, and (500) Days is incredibly similar to my one and only relationship on several levels. If you've not seen them, stop reading here as there's going to be some spoilers (skip the next paragraph) and go watch them.

*SPOILERS FOR ABOVE MOVIES*
Here's the thing though, the endings to those movies, never happened to me. And I'm still waiting for them to happen:
Eternal Sunshine: After the memories were wiped, so they didn't remember each other, they got back together, it was "meant to be" and then the credits roll as they're going on a date (This might be wrong, haven't seen it in ages).
Forgetting Sarah Marshall: He wins the woman behind the desk when he's on Holiday.
(500) Days of Summer: One word: Autumn.

None of these things have ever happened for me, and they all end on a note implying that everything's going to be fine and work out. Okay, (500) Day's doesn't, that's about the Cycle repeating. But still.
*END OF SPOILERS*

Basically, my point is that romance does exist, it IS out there and it is real. But we've all been forced into believing from a young age, that everything's all love and happiness. It's fucking not. It's dark, lonely and bleak. The only thing that keeps us going is the idea of getting the next person to love.

But what happens if they don't love you back? If they're already taken? If they're not attracted to you? What movie do you watch then? What cheesy 90's song do you listen to then?

I've got to say, it's weird writing this now. Where I am in terms of my life as far as romance goes is that I'm quite content. Sure, I'd love to have someone to call "mine", to share my life with and to generally be in love with. I miss the meaningful kisses, the long cuddles and the talking for hours without getting bored. But you know what? I also like being able to do whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want, going wherever I want and talking to whoever I want without fear of jealousy. I also don't miss being jealous, or constantly worrying about a possible immanent break-up that probably won't happen for a long while. In the situation I'm in right now, I'm not sure what the fuck is going on. But even that slight glimmer of (most likely) misplaced optimism is enough to keep me going. Before I met this person, I didn't even have that and it was crushing. And you know what? There are only two outcomes: The optimism isn't misplaced and I end up being in a relationship with a beautiful, funny and wonderful woman. The other option is that I go back to how I was before we started talking, which although obviously not as nice, isn't as bad as it could be. I'll get by, and keep getting by until I find another woman to lock my target fixation upon. Rinse and repeat. This is my life now. It's a grind until I find my Autumn.

But here's the thing: We, as a generation believe that love is a MAJOR player to our lives. That it's the be all and end all of existence. But it's not. Plain and simple. It's not. We need to start living for ourselves, not for the hope of finding others. That's the secret to true happiness.

Anyway, to the people going through rough patches reading this, whether you're in love with someone and it's not reciprocated, you're going through a break-up or you've not had so much as a smile from a member of the opposite (or same if that's how you roll) sex in as long as you remember: Keep on rockin' on. It's not profound advice, it won't change your life, but you need to realise: Life is a fucking grind. It's like digging for treasure: You've got to go get through a hell of a lot of shit before you find the gold. And sometimes, you can be tricked into thinking something's gold when it's just fool's gold.

Friends are the best things in this life. They're all you really need. Friends and porn. Never forget your friends, and they'll never forget you. Happiness is only real when it's shared: Share it with them. You don't need romance to share happiness.

Smile.

New Year’s resolution 2012!

2011-12-29T11:07:00.001-08:00

So here it is, I’m finally going to re-write what has so far been my favourite blog, something I was happy about to the point of saying “This is beautiful.” I posted it to blogger, and guess what? It got deleted. Eaten. Devoured. Erased. So here I am, attempt #2 (well, actually number 4, but I lost the other two within minutes of starting them).

The thing is, I know that this is going to be nowhere near as good as the first attempt. For starters, I’ve forgotten about 6 of my 10 resolutions, and I’m going to have to re-think them. I also wrote some pretty heavy shit about each one, and made it really nice. But alas, here we are. Back to square one and writing this in Microsoft fucking Word. Why, blogger, why did you have to delete all of my hard work; my awesome ramblings and perfectly structured mix of humour, inspiration and self-improvement techniques, only to leave me with this shitty organic brain that can’t retain information perfectly? Fuck you man. We could have changed the world.

Anyway, moving on… let’s get started on blog attempt number 4. Hopefully this one will be here for good.

So firstly, what is a “New Year’s Resolution”? Google defines “resolution” as “A firm decision to do or not to do something.” – This isn’t EXACTLY what I’m going for. See, I’m not going to just start doing things, or stop doing things. I’m going to take things I do too much of, and cut them back, or I’m going to take things I’m not doing enough of, and start doing them more. Too many people have vague conceptions of New Year’s Resolutions that set their goals too high, and end up being too much hassle to achieve. (Ref: “Stop smoking”, “Go on a diet”; how many of these do people stick to past January?) I am not perfect, and I will never become perfect. Hell, on a scale of 0 – 10, I’m a 2 or a 3. But if I can even get myself to a 4 or a 5, I’m making good progress, right? Right.

I don’t know what else to say to lead you into this other than I hope that you get some ideas from them. Remember; I’m going for realistic goals based around the idea of self-improvement. I’m not going to change the world, or even get acknowledgement for this, but that’s not what it’s about. It’s about making me happier with me. So here we go. Enjoy.

10. Look after money more effectively.

So it’s not exactly a secret that I can’t look after money well, or even at all for that matter. I’m fucking awful with money. If there’s something I want, and I have the money, I’ll get it. And my mentality at the time is “Oh, I’ll deal with not having any money left when I don’t have any money left. Future me can deal with that.” And then when I run out of money, all I can think is “Fuck you, past me.” This is why past and future me can never be friends. Shit… what does that mean about present me? D:

Anyway, the solution I propose for my constant lack of money is actually something I’ve tried before, but various factors ended up ruining the planning. This is not simply “keep a budget”. That won’t work with someone of my stupid mentality. No, I propose something more fascist upon myself, and more frustrating for the future me that wants to spend that student loan coming in when I go back to Uni… I’m going to get all that money, pay off the rent and whatever bills I owe at the time, then all that other money? I’m going to work out all the bill money I’ll need (internet, seedbox, phone etc), subtract that from what I have left and then divide THAT number by the amount of weeks I have to live on. Then I put all of the money into a separate bank account, set up a weekly transfer and off I go.

EXAMPLE TIME:

Get paid £2000. -£1000 rent & bills. -£500 bills from Jan - Apr, £500 left. 10 weeks to live on, £500/10 = £50. Every Friday: £50 into my bank account. So if I save some, I have that the next week too. If I stick to this (which I really hope I do), I will be a very happy man and any extra income is boss.

9. Sort out my sleeping pattern

So this is kind of a big thing for me, because in order for a lot of my other resolutions to work, this one should really be sorted out first. And at the time of writing this, my sleeping pattern is actually pretty fucking perfect. Going to bed at 2, getting up somewhere between 8 and 10. < All of these are AM, not PM. If you reverse that, so I go to bed at 2 in the afternoon and get up 8/10 at night, you have my uni sleeping pattern, which is fucked. The thing is, I’m missing so much because I just sleep through it. Yeah, it’s a “student” thing to do, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing to do. Students are notoriously lazy. I don’t want to be known as being lazy; I want to be known as being awesome.

There’s not really many ways for me to fix this that I can think of, as there are always going to be all-nighters, or VERY late nights at uni, which of course won’t help with it. But here we go: If it’s a weekday in the morning, then my alarm goes off at 8, to get me out of bed for 9am. If I have a 9am lecture? My alarm’s going off at 07:30. If I can get my waking up time to some kind of social norm, I can get my sleeping pattern to hopefully match it, and if I’m awake at 9 with no one else to hang out with? I can get to work on a few of my other resolutions. It’s a win/win situation.

8. Smoke less

So I’m sick of something. I’m sick of all these people saying “OMG I’M GONNA STOP SMOKING IN THE NEAR YEAR LOLOLOLOLOL”. Shut up. None of you people ever quit by just stopping. You end up wanting one more than anything. And the thing is, the only reason I want to quit is because of the money. I like smoking (To paraphrase Bill Hicks: “Shit, if I get to look cooler for my entire life I’ll die 10 years younger”), and I don’t want to stop smoking. So I’m just going to cut down to something manageable: 5 Smokes a day. 10 if I’m going out. It still sounds like quite a lot, but any smokers out there will know what I mean when I say that Alcohol makes people smoke much more.

How am I going to enforce this? Well it’s NOT going to be a midnight to midnight day, it’s going to be from waking up to going to sleep. So that’ll help me out a bit. I have an old cigarette case, in which I will take 5 smokes from a pack and put them in there when I have my first smoke of the day. If I decide to go out? +5 to the pack. I will be unstoppable in my slowing of smoking. Also, if I don’t smoke 5 in the day, I’ll stack them for the next day. I’m not quitting, I’m just trying to save money. This will regulate it well enough for me.

Oh, and I’m going to start buying packs from Spain (via proxy) to get pretty much 50% off. So there’s that too. Come at me, haters.

7. Stop getting walked all over

This is a pretty big one, and anyone close to me will know exactly what I mean and why I’m putting this in here. The thing is, 2 years or so ago, I was a pretty big voice, a force to be reckoned with and someone who can’t be pushed around. I wouldn’t take shit like I do now without putting up a fight. I mean, I’m intelligent; I’m witty when I want to be and I’m not a pushover in arguments. Well, recently I am, but that’s what this is about. Getting back to the level I was at. I never used to lose arguments, I used to keep a cool head and make a fully-reasoned, logical argument. I was reasonable and never got angry. Now, I’m getting angry at the time and clutching at straws instead of reason.

There’s not really a direct fix to this one other than to say that I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore. My life has value, and people need to learn to treat me accordingly. I’m not going to hide behind a screen anymore. I’m going to be something worth respecting.

NOTE: This does NOT mean I’m going to get violent, rather the opposite. If people resort to violence, I’ve the moral high-ground. Hell, hit me all you fucking want. I’m not going to hit you back. Who’s more of the man now? The guy who’s hitting someone who’s already said he’d never hit them back, or the man getting hit in the face and waiting for a chance to speak?

6. Go out more!

So, there’s this thing that I like to moan about, hell, there are a lot of things that I like to moan about. And the thing is, the more I moan, the more depressed I get and the less I want to go out. This goes in DIRECT contradiction of the solution for the subject I’m moaning about. That’s right: Being “forever alone”, or single. Who gives a fuck. I’m actually starting to care less and less about this now. The more women I think “oooh la la, you’re pretty nice” about, the more I realise that I’m just going for any woman who talks to me. Fuck that, women can come to me now. My life is great as I write this, and the optimism I have from writing this blog is just making me happier and I realise, a girlfriend would probably hinder me more than help me. So, instead of saying “GET A GORRAM WOMAN”, I say “go out more!” When I eventually get a womanfriend (and mark my words: it’ll happen), I won’t be out as much, so now’s my chance.

Also, I’ll meet more people! More friends = more awesome. More awesome = more happy. See how this goes?

So, once a week, on a Friday or a Saturday night, I will be going to the pub, and if there are any parties I get the opportunity to attend, I’m going to that shit too! Also, I’ll be having a hell of a lot more people visit me at Uni. So that’s that one sorted.

5. ~~Exercise more~~ FUCKING EXERCISE!!!

Oh dear, this is another generic one, isn’t it? :/

HAVE NO FEAR THOUGH! For I’m not going to do over 9000 whatever’s a day, I’m going to do something different, build it up and make myself a boss. Firstly, something really simple: Every day, hell, maybe not every day, but at least 4 times a week, I’m going to get into the habit of going for walks. Not jogs, not sprints, not marathons; walks. And I don’t mean I’m going to walk the Coventry ring road 4 times a night, I mean just walk about for at least half an hour. Listen to some music, bring someone along for company. Just get some fresh air and stretch my legs for a bit. I’m a computer geek, and I NEVER leave the house unless I have to. I was at Morrisons last week and I needed to spend two of those days walking constantly for 2 days. My legs killed afterwards; I want to get to a state where I won’t even notice that. I’m so unfit it’s terrifying.

Secondly, I’m going to do some push-ups. But I’m going to ease myself into it. Either when I wake up, or just before I go to bed (hell, maybe both); 5 a day, progressing onto 10 a day for week 2, 15 for week 3 and so on, so forth; all until I get to week 10, when I’ll hit 50 a day. When I get to that level, I’ll stick at that. 50 push-ups a day is a LOT, but not so much that it’ll take all day and not so little that there’s not much point to it. Something like this can make a huge difference to me with very little effort and if I build up to it, it’ll become like second nature to me.

4. Become more self-confident. Possibly even a little arrogant?

I know arrogance isn’t an attractive on anyone, but I think it’s something I need. Too much am I telling myself that I’m a “hideous wreck of a man” or “not worth anything to anyone.” How’s that going to change anything? This resolution is more of a backing to everything else on this blog, but it’s still something important. If I smoke less, go out more and exercise more, of course I’m going to feel better about myself, so as I say, this is kind of moot. But I need to remind myself that I AM awesome, I AM loved and I AM intelligent. Things will pick up: that much is certain. The only person who can change my life is me.

3. Stop being such a moody cunt – no, seriously.

So, when I get down about all the shit in my life (that isn’t even that bad, I just love to moan), what do I do? I get in a little strop. Hell, more of a stop, I have a full on spazz attack, being a massive cunt to everyone around me, bringing down their moods and pushing the people who actually care away from me. So to all those people (you know who you are) I apologise. Seriously. I’m sorry.

But how the dick am I gonna fix this? I can’t just STOP getting depressed, can I? No. Of course I can’t. But what I CAN do it take my mind off whatever’s getting me down, and channel that energy into something not only much more useful, but make me feel a lot better about myself, and make me feel better. I’m talking about the next two resolutions, reading some books; hell: even getting a better gamer score will keep me occupied and something to feel proud about.

I also need to stop putting so much effort into making other people feel better and focus on my own damn problems. I know I unload a lot, and I’ve not problem with unloading onto me. But there have been a lot of times recently where I’ve not even had time to do something for myself because I’ve been so invested in helping other people. There’s a lot of emotional baggage that I’m carrying, and a lot of it isn’t mine. So if people want to talk to me, they can go ahead. But unless I genuinely care about the person I’m listening to from now on, I’m not going to pretend to. If I know they won’t be there for me, I won’t care. I reckon this will make me feel more of a dick, and look like a cunt, maybe even get rid of a lot of my current friend pool. But hell, I need to be selfish about this at the moment.

2. Work more outside of Uni

Haha! Now we’re getting to the important stuff, the fun stuff, the HARD stuff. So, as I’m sure 90% of you know, I’m on a course called “Ethical Hacking”. Now the problem is, a LOT of the stuff on this course is very, very interesting. But there’s so much to cover on this course, even if I do all of it to a first level grade, I still don’t think I’ll be good enough. Now that might be academically true, or it might just be me wanting to be the best I can and make my friends, family and lecturers proud. But either way, where’s the harm in learning? Seriously. You can never learn too much.

How am I going to do this? Simple. I’m going to give myself some objectives; right now I want to know how to do a lot more with Java, Jscript and JQuery. After I’ve gotten the hang of at least a little is these, I’ll move on to leaning more HTTP, some PHP and then look at SSL, SFTP and others. There are so many things I just want to learn, but don’t. 2 hours a day (during the week) at least will be dedicated to all of this.

I’m also going to make a MUCH better effort with the CompSec Society and DC4420. There’s so many out of class things I can be doing to learn stuff, but I’m just too lazy. No more skipping meetings or trips to London. I’m fucking Spudguy and I’m giving 100%.

1. Get more involved in my course.

So, last year I was at the same Uni, doing a different course. But the thing is, I HATED it. Completely detested it. So fucking much. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done, and I hated everything about it (except of course the people). I had no idea what I was doing and I didn’t want to go. But here’s the thing: Some of the modules were really good. And the computing ones that I did last year, I have on this course this year and don’t need to do as I passed them.

So now I have all these free periods, less coursework and less exams this year. This is perfect for getting ahead in class, right? I mean, I should be ruling the roost right now. I mean, I’m damned high up on the course at the moment, and top in one of my modules. But not doing as well as I should. So in my spare time, along with doing 2 hours out-of-uni work, I’ll be doing 2 hours+ a day of work FOR uni. If I don’t have any, I’ll look ahead to other things I might need to do. Such as my Propositional Calculus, or C++ programming.

Hell, I NEED to learn Subnetting still as that shit confuses the hell out of me. There’s a lot I can and should be doing to get on top. I’m just… not. :/

The mixture of my free time from lectures completed and a decent sleeping pattern should help me get further ahead than anyone else. I’m going for it, and I’m going to work my arse off for it.

So there it is, my 2012 resolutions. It’s not as good as the first one I wrote, I know this because I don’t feel as proud as I did. But it’s in the open now and I’m really hoping I can stick to it. I hope you got at least ONE idea from this.

So fuck it, email me, tweet me, facebook me, phone me, text me… contact me however you can to check on me. Just ask me if I’m doing X like I said in Y. I’m going to need you to help push me. If I’m not doing it, shout at me, swear at me and ask my why.

We’re in this together now.

Happy 2012.

- Spuddykins. <3

New Years Resolution for 2012!!

2011-12-29T11:00:00.001-08:00

New Years Resolution for 2012!!

2011-12-27T06:05:00.000-08:00

Religion, Faith and The Bible...

2011-10-08T19:46:00.000-07:00

Well, this is going to be possibly the longest and most difficult blog I've ever written. So let me start off by saying that the reason I'm writing this isn't to try and destroy faith, or enforce it, but to share my personal views on the subject, along with sourcing of my quotes, attempted reasoning behind my opinions and some of my personal favourite quotes regarding religion (from songs, authors, entertainers, philosophers, priests etc...)

I have religious friends, and I have atheist friends. All of them are good people in my books, and none of them I will name (unless I have their permission, of course).

Firstly, I'd like to establish the level of my religiousness, and quote Richard Dawkin's "Spectrum of theistic probability" as a guide:

Strong theist. 100 per cent probability of God. In the words of C.G. Jung: "I do not believe, I know."
De facto theist. Very high probability but short of 100 per cent. "I don't know for certain, but I strongly believe in God and live my life on the assumption that he is there."
Leaning towards theism. Higher than 50 per cent but not very high. "I am very uncertain, but I am inclined to believe in God."
Completely impartial. Exactly 50 per cent. "God's existence and non-existence are exactly equiprobable."
Leaning towards atheism. Lower than 50 per cent but not very low. "I do not know whether God exists but I'm inclined to be skeptical."
De facto atheist. Very low probability, but short of zero. "I don't know for certain but I think God is very improbable, and I live my life on the assumption that he is not there."
Strong atheist. "I know there is no God, with the same conviction as Jung knows there is one."

Looking at that, I'd like to point out that I'm of the opinion that number one, and number seven are of sheer ignorance. There is no way of knowing with complete certainty that God is, or is not real. And for that reason, I would hold myself as a level 6.

Oh, and one more thing. I've been Christened. I went to Sunday school. I used to believe in God. HOWEVER, I'm to this day not 100% certain on my mother's religion, and I know I was only christened because my grandmother forced it. I also used to have to pray in school and sing hymns. I guess religion was enforced on me more than I realised before writing this, but never at home. I had the option to decide for myself, and because of that, I think I chose atheism over theism because it seemed more probable. At least to me.

For anyone who's not read "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins, whether you're religious or otherwise, I would strongly recommend reading it. I will admit though, Richard Dawkins is VERY passionate about his beliefs, to the point of being somewhat intrusive, offensive and insensitive to other people's beliefs. This in no way differs to a lot of famous religious activists, but it stands out a lot more due to Dawkins being one of two (that I know of) anti-religious activists.

The problem, of course, with anti-religious activists is that there is a negative repercussion of trying to enforce atheism onto theist believers, and that is the fact that not all religious people are as bad as they can be made out to be. My Grandmother, for example, is a christian. She's been one her entire life, most likely due to her parents being religious. Now the thing with her is that she causes no harm, and she tries to live her life with no judgement on people, with no pre-meditated anger and no quoting of the bible. She sees it as a way of believing that she was bought into the world to do good, and so she does. But without her faith, she would still be that same good person, but she wouldn't be as happy. Faith gives happiness to those who need it; it's a way to overcome the fear of death. At least in my opinion. That's why you see so many people seeking miracle cures for cancer, or turning to god when they've been diagnosed with a terminal illness.

Religion is a wonderful thing to people who need it. Personally, I find it quite satisfying to think that after my death, there is nothing. Literally nothing at all. How do I find it satisfying? Because after I die, I won't be able to feel upset by it; bored by it; scared of it, will I? I will simply cease to be. My consciousness will dissolve into nothingness and my body will disintegrate and eventually be as non-existent as my consciousness.

One of the arguments that religion, and the bible came into play is that it's an AMAZING way to control the masses. I mean, come on; it's too much. To quote George Carlin:

"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!"

Now, something George Carlin DIDN'T touch on, which I think he could have done, was that if you DO follow this list of ten things, and you stick by it, you'll go to Heaven. The happiest place imaginable, where you can re-unite yourself with all the people you love and stick by them for all of eternity (I've just thought... are there relationships in heaven? Surely there must be? You can still fall in love, right? 'cos relationships end, you know. They come and go all the time. Heaven just sounds like a more permanent life. I don't think I'd like that, now I think about it. Seriously.). So given the choice, 2000 years ago when there was no education system, no libraries, no internet and no method of effectively gathering information and the word of the government was all you had. If they told you something like that, then threatened that you didn't believe it you would be killed, what would you do? Seriously. What would you do? I know what I'd do. I'd fucking believe it. Or at least pretend to, and teach my kids to actually believe it from fear of them going to hell.

But again, the heaven concept is nice. It's lovely. But think about it. I mean *really* think about it. Would you want that? I mean sure, it's DEFINITELY better than that hell place, but I don't know. I think I'd get pretty bored. Go insane. Want something else to do... I don't know, can I choose "neither", if both are real? :/

One thing that does really bother me about religion, is that it seems to enforce prejudice on good people. One particular example of this is people of homosexuality. The Catholic church preaches that homosexuality is a sin, and will lead people to (deservedly, apparently) go to Hell. Does this not upset you? I mean, really, really upset you? It gets to me more than anything else about religion. It's unfair, unfounded and in my personal opinion, moreso an evil than homosexuality itself. Stephen Fry comes to mind. This is a man who is incomprehensibly good, and has bought only joy to my life. He's a (as I understand it) "non practicing homosexual". He says that it's hard for him to hear that "over a billion" people are taught that he is "guilty of a moral evil" simply by "fulfilling [his] sexual destiny as [he] see[s] it", as he feels he is "filled with love". This part of the speech really got to me.

Here's Stephen's speech on religion, which has left a lasting impression on me:

Anyway, moving on from being anti-religious for a moment.

Religion is also a force for good in this world. There are many people, working on their religious beliefs as a very inspiring way of helping other people. Look at Mother Teresa, look at the religious people helping the homeless, look at the religious people who raise money for starving children, for people dying of terminal illnesses... I could go on. These are GOOD people, and they do so in belief that God wants us all to be good people. And it's a horrible shame that these people are being persecuted by anti-religious rallies, such as those who support Richard Dawkins, or Sam Harris. It's horrible. Everyone one this planet has every right to believe what they wish to believe, I respect that and by no means would I want to take that away from them. I only ask that they try to restrain their premeditated disposition towards other religions, or homosexuality.

The real shame lies not in Christianity, but more the Muslim faith. 9/11. You know what I'm getting at. A VERY select few Muslim EXTREMISTS committed a heinous crime. A truly (for lack of a better word) EVIL act. And what happened? A war. A full blown war happened. countless more people died as a result. But that wasn't the real tragedy; racism has now become a real problem in Christian countries, and I have to say England particularly (as I obviously have the most experience with it here). People are scared of Muslims now, not extremists. Muslims. And it's down to the media. The Sun, the Star, The Mail... They fear monger. I need only mention the EDL and "Muslamic Ray Guns". It's disgusting. It makes me feel truly ashamed to live in this country.

Another thing that bothers me, is that there are so many different faiths and all of them detest each other. Why? It makes no sense to me. They all follow similar guidelines (do good things, get rewarded, do bad things, get punished). So why all the hate? Why not believe in your own belief system and then just follow it? I mean come on... It's hypocritical. It's stupid and it's just plain not nice.

"Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal, these are principles which every man of every faith can embrace. " - The Boondock Saints

Again, religious readers: I am not trying to take your faith away from it, I only aim to make you understand that religions all have more in common than you might think. Try to be more understanding of other religions and perhaps in the process, you'll be setting an even better example for your own. You're a good person; act like one.

One quote which has *really* put things into perspective for me, was a quote from someone I've recently been talking to quite a lot (I won't say her name, I'm sure she'd be okay with it, but I'd want to check and she's asleep. Hopefully she'll know who she is if/when she reads this). She's a Catholic. And I remember a few months ago I was texting her about something to do with her religion. I believe it was in regards to premarital sex and the use of contraception. She pointed out that just because her church is for/against something, doesn't mean she is too. She pointed out that people have their own beliefs and don't just blindly follow the word of the church to which they attend. - This really made me think long and hard about my own predispositions. Not ALL Catholics are against gay rights, not ALL Christians would commit genocide (Ref: Hitler was a Christian), not ALL Muslims would kill thousands of people, and hate western society, not ALL Atheists (And yes, Atheism is somewhat ironically classed as a religion) would see the undoing of every other religion. There is personal choice in all religions. That is why I will not purposefully work to destroy someone's faith.

I have so much to say on the matter, so much to comment on, so many quotes to post and so many opinions to voice, but if I'm being completely honest, I don't know how to structure it, where to start and where to end. So what I want to do is post this as a kind of introduction. I want to get people asking for my opinion and ask me questions. I want to write another blog regarding this and try and express myself openly and honestly.

So please, post any questions you have for me here, and when I get enough, I'll post a new blog.

This is something I'm really interested in talking about, as I want to learn a lot as well as express myself too. So please, post something?

Thanks for reading.

The Dating Game

2011-08-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was at a Lostprophets gig. For those of you who know me, you'll know that the only women I would want a relationship with, are people who like similar music to me (It sounds stupid, but think about it; most people get on with each other based on the music they like. It sounds stupid, but I know that all of my closest friends have similar tastes in music to me, bar perhaps 2, or 3. But I don't want to date them). This may seem shallow, or whatever, but it's true. Women at gigs I go to tend to dress in the styles I like, have similar senses of humour to me and also I have something to talk to them about. Anyway, being the Foul Bachelor Frog that I am, I tend to go to these gigs with my mind open to every woman I see, engaging each one in creepy eye contact and desperate attempts at conversation. As a general rule, my nights going to gigs and/or metal bars ends in a low emotional state for me. I never find the person I'm constantly looking for, and as a result, I get depressed and bring down every elses mood, or do something angsty and selfish. And I always reflect on a few things from that night, with a horrible feeling in my stomach, of shame or regret (There was this one time I was at the Phoenix in Coventry, and there was this fucking 8 standing there alone, as her friend (also female) had just gone to the toilet. So this stunner was standing there, looking bored as fuck, sipping her drink slowly and shit. I stood alone of the other side of the room, thinking of going to talk to her, (I wasn't staring and she didn't notice me btw, just so it doesn't sound too creepy.) After 10 minutes, I got the courage to go talk to her, and on my way over, she walks off. Fuck that.

Anyway, last night at the gig, I had nothing like that. At all. And the thing is, something happened which was worse. But I can look at it and laugh now. You know why? Because I've stopped caring. That's the key to happiness; stop caring. Honestly. That shit should be posted on everything everywhere. It should be our national, nay, our global saying "Stop Caring". You know why? Because the more you care, the less happy you are. And what is life without happiness?

So I bet you wanna know what happened? It's not really that interesting... Fine. I'll tell you: It was about midnight, I was coming down the stairs, and I got halfway down. Luke comes out at the top and shouts something to me (I forget what).
Enter really hot girl: "Excuse me"
Me: "Oh, sorry" *Gets out of way*
*Girl walks past*
Luke: "She wanted you"
Me: *Sarcastically* "Yeah, every girl who ever looks at me wants me."
Girl: *From bottom of stairs* "Wow..."
Me: *To Luke* "She just said "Wow" and looked *REALLY* pissed off"
Girl: "Yeah, because you're a dick!"
*End*

Retrospectively, I should have informed her that she was a pussy and that we should fuck. Oh well... But the thing is, a few months back, that would have *REALLY* gotten to me, like, eaten away at me until I got depressed and had a 12 hour listening session to "The Black Parade" on repeat. But now? It's funny. And I genuinely don't care.

Anyway, prelude over. Let's move onto what this blog is actually about!

So, what is the "Dating Game"? That's easy. It's the ability to pick up women with ease, and a high success rate. People who "play the game" often win, because they know the rules, stick to them and they work.

You know what I say? Fuck the game. I mean, seriously. Fuck the game. (I just lost, also) The game is for those popular, charming, charismatic guys at high school who finished high school with more sexual partners than correct exam questions. The guys with six packs, an extensive internal database of football trivia and BTECS in Mechanics, Plumbing or Building/Construction.

Here's the deal: I'm bitter. I've been single for over two years, I'm alone and I'm fucking bitter about it. I mean, I LOVE my friends, they're amazing. I wouldn't change them. But my friends aren't... well, I can't confide 100% in my friends, I don't have that ONE person to share my life with. To tell everything to, to get excited about seeing, to miss, to love. To hold. All that shit. And you know why I'm bitter? I'll tell you for why:

I am a nice guy, I'm funny, social, romantic... fuck this. I'm not going to become an arrogant prick. I'm not. I just HATE, that I can't "play the game". Not that I'd want to of course, I mean there's very few women who go from man to man to man that I'd actually want a relationship with. But I can't "pick up" women. The problem is the who texting thing, I think. If I like a girl, I'll fucking text her. I'm not ashamed. I'm not going to leave it an hour to not seem desperate. I'm NOT fucking desperate. I just want to find someone who is willing to talk back.

People seem to believe in a set of rules laid out by society, and if the person they're talking to doesn't play be these rules, fuck them. "I can't keep texting him, he's needy". I'm not needy, I just LIKE talking to you, so I'd like to talk to you more. Don't just stop replying because I'm "coming on too strong". I'm NOT coming on too strong, I just LIKE TALKING TO YOU! YOU'RE INTERESTING! For fuck sake women of Earth, take it as a compliment, talk back. Because you know what? That guy who leaves it a few hours before replying, making you want more? Chances are he won't be around in a months time. I will (unless of course when I get to know you, you're not who I thought you were, if that makes sense?) .

I don't know. I'm contradicting myself all over the place and making statements with such gaping logical flaws that even a downs syndrome would spot. I just... God damn it, I wish I could let women realise that I am WORTH getting to know!

What is it about playing this fucking game that works? What am I missing? Why can't I just make women realise who I am without coming across as needy, stalkerish and creepy? I want to be myself. Let me be my self and not have to abide by this painful rules. But instead I need to wait to send a fucking text, not say things like "You're beautiful when you smile like that" or ask for hugs every now and then?

Women of planet earth: I invite you to talk to me, get to fucking know me. Realise that I'm not creepy, I'm not going to rape you, I'm not going to stalk you and I'm not going to cling to you like one of those face-huggers from Alien. I simply think you're interesting and I want to get to know you, and I invite you to get to know me too. For the love of God, don't try to "read between the lines" and stop over-analysing my every word to make things seem more than they are.

And this doesn't just go for me, this goes for every shy guy who starts talking to you, every nerd that doesn't mention sex all the time. If we treat you like a human being and not an object, that doesn't mean we don't want to have sex with you, it just means that it's not out number one priority when it comes to you. I'd happily have a relationship without sex so long as I could have someone to share my life with who cared about me as much as I cared about them. Sex is just a bonus. A magnificent, amazing and fantastic bonus. (Note: I've actually asked a girl on a date before, she said she didn't think of me that way. We're still friends now, and she has a boyfriend who she's happy with and I'm happy she's happy, she deserves it. But a few months ago I asked why she didn't think of me that way, after ages of me thinking it was my physical appearance, she told me it was because I didn't ever mention anything sexual, I was too nice. Talking about movies, gigs, games... shit like that. How weird is that? I fucked up because I was trying NOT to fuck up).

So, there you have it. From here on in, I don't give a fuck about my appearance, I don't believe my weight, my acne or my boring hairstyle has anything to do with anything anymore. It's down to me not knowing how to flirt. And you know what? Fuck that. Audioslave sang "And to be yourself, is all that you can do" - These are words of truth, and I live by them. What you see is what you get, sure. But get to know me, and you'll get to know one of the most genuine, caring, loyal and kind people you'll ever know. I don't keep secrets and I don't hold grudges.

Come at me.

My Minecraft Server!

2011-08-05T07:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've just moved my epic Minecraft map to a new Server, and I'm changing the way that people pay for the server now.

It's actually really simple:

Click this button:

Yeah... see? Easy.

What does it cost? £3 a month.

What you get:

Unlimited access to the Minecraft server.
Access to the Facebook group where you can share pictures, talk about the server and work on projects
Tom Stanley for one night.

Anyway, when you pay, you'll be directed to the Facebook group for the server. Simply ask to join, I'll let you in and get your Minecraft name off you. When you give me that, you go on the whitelist.

Simple. <3

The General Public.

2011-07-31T09:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not even going to beat around the bush. I'm just going to throw it out there: I absolutely detest the general public with every single fibre of my being. And as far as I can tell, most people do. I've got to say though, I don't want people to think I'm missing the HUGE amount of irony in this statement. As overall, I'm a member of the "general public"; we all are. But I'm talking about people who aren't me. Yeah, I'm going there.

I mean, no, I don't hate everyone that isn't exactly like me, or that doesn't like the same things as me. If we were all the same, life would be boring as fuck, and interesting as fuck things like this blog would never be written. But look at the general public, just look at them... Doesn't it make you physically sick?

For starters, who the fuck is "Jack Wills" and why is his name on 80% of the general public's t-shirts at the moment? It's the same with Hollister. These fucking T-shirts seem to be all people wear! To me, it just looks like people dressing up as sheep and following the crowd of what is accepted by the general public. I detest fashion. Oscar Wilde once said "Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months", and is that not the truth? I don't think there's any way of altering that quote to make it more accurate than it already is. I mean, I don't dress unfashionably (if that's a word; if it's not, it is now). I wear Jeans and black band t-shirts / dark joke t-shirts. But let's face it; I'm not exactly Gok-Wan. People who obsess over this Jack Wills douche and Hollister shite, are just wasting their money on stupidly-priced clothes for no reason, other than to look more like that other idiot that wasted their money. Fuck fashion.

Another thing abut the general public, is this. Go out on a Friday night. I fucking DARE you. go on... go to the pub. Count the smutty women, and the douche-bag men lava'd up in Lynx Africa, all out on the pull. I was talking to my friend about them last night, and we're convinced that some of these men are genuinely mentally handicapped, whilst the majority of them are just borderline retarded. Looking around on a night out makes me ashamed to call myself human. I was even approached last night by one of these sub-human oafs (the male variety), who was engaging in communication with me in a feeble attempt to procure some "powder". Were he less muscular, more intelligent and less intoxicated, I might have made some kind of witty remark or joke. My senses of course kicked in, and motioned me to politely tell the man I didn't know, take a sip of my beer and light another cigarrette. Moronic member of the general public: 1, Spudguy: 0.

Now, we've affirmed that I am in no way a fashionable being, nor am I unfashionable. But let's talk about someone we all hate: Hipsters. These people are just another way to conform to a fashion. I only mention hipsters because my rambling of how much I hate "the mainstream" can imply that I share some kind of similarities in the mindset of a hipster. This is not the case: I just really hate everyone. There's a couple of styles I *DO* like, but that's my personal taste, and these genres are not better than anyone else by raw fact (but in my personal opinion, I find them to be nicer people in general, and I would rather talk to them than the Jack Wills guy sitting across the room). But Metalheads, Goths & Punks all have the best dress sense (in my opinion, again). I mean, they don't ALL wear the same T-shirts, have the same hair-styles or dress to impress. They wear things that they like, and that's all that matters. The mainstream public has a lot to learn from this particular demographic.

And that, I will stress: DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT PEOPLE THINK. Wear what YOU like the look of, not what your Mum, your boyfriend, your girlfriend or your dog likes. (Okay, maybe listen to the dog) You are your own person. Treat yourself as such.

Also, I've blogged (unsucessfully) about this before: But my God, I hate mainstream chart music bullshit. "OOOH, RADIO 1 ARE PLAYING THIS SONG LET'S ALL BUY IT AND BE THE SAME! EVEN THOUGH IT SOUNDS LIKE THAT SONG I BOUGHT THE OTHER DAY BUT WITH DIFFERENT WORDS!!!". Fuck off. Chart music is NOT music, but factory line drugs to numb the minds of the masses and keep them happy. Why do you think chart music is all about relationships or minor shit, never about politics or religion? Hell, Slipknot may sound like mindless rage to someone who doesn't know them, but listen to the words in some of the songs, powerful shit. Same with System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine, Rise Against. You know what? I'm going to stop there. But before I do, I want you to know: it's fine to listen to mainstream music, as long as you KNOW it's just there to numb your mind out a little.

I'm going to the cinema now to see Captain America. I'm going to post this as an incomplete blog and finish it later tonight. If you have any questions, tweet me or FB me whilst I'm out and I'll answer them in this blog. Ask me for my opinions on shit or something. Hell, tell me stories about the general public and why you hate them! I'll post it. :3

Back soon.

My posts regarding international tragedies.

2011-07-24T10:57:00.000-07:00

"I personally found it interesting how you seemed apathetic about Oslo but emotional about the death of a substance-abusing musician" - Alexander Bond, via Twitter.

Alex, I have to say. Very well worded, and a good point. Although, I do need to say; I don't know where you got the idea of me being emotional over the death of Amy Winehouse. I mentioned the 27 Club, which I personally find very interesting, and merely mused on it. In no way (and I'm sorry to say this, to anyone who was upset by her death) was I moved by it emotionally.

Now, Oslo. I tweeted two things: Firstly, I remarked on something regarding the shooter in America a few years back who killed 33 people, and mentioned the the Norway killer "beat his high score". I agree, that was very, very insensitive and inappropriate. I deleted it shortly after tweeting it and then tweeted: "*Generic politically correct post expressing feelings towards lives lost in Norway*".

Alex also said: "I'm not friends with you on Facebook, and don't know you personally. All I see is your Twitter, and it paints a different picture." after I told him my feelings were posted on Facebook. That's what prompted me to write this blog. Firstly, I'm going to copy/paste what I said on Facebook:

"How many people in Africa die per day from sheer starvation? Do you see hundreds of outcries on Facebook and Twitter for that? No.
Just because they're not poverty-stricken black kids, doesn't mean that their lives are any more important. Perhaps I should post about them all the time too.

The point I'm trying to make, is that there is nothing I can do or say for any of these people. And people on Twitter and Facebook keep posting about it, with nothing to actually contribute.

So yes, It DOES bother me. More than it bothers most people, I imagine. But pull your head out of your arse. The way I deal with it is through humour and attempts to "lighten the mood" in some way or another. When I have the money, I will donate a portion of it to charities to help with it. Until that point, infuriatingly, I can't do fuck all except throw coppers in the charity boxes in Morrisons. Which I do."

To expand upon my Facebook post: I *DO* get upset by the Norway killings, I *DO* give a fuck and I *DO* wish I could do something. But at the end of the day, there's nothing I actually CAN do. So instead, I make sick jokes, and try to say things which will make me feel less upset about how fucked up, depraved and horrific the world we live in is.

Now, by my coping technique, do I upset people? Do I make them think less of me? I'm sure I do. But I also feel that a lot of people also try to make themselves feel better about it, and like to read my jokes/comments about it. How does the saying go? "If you don't laugh, you cry.". Now, I'm submitting this online in writing now: When I die, please, please, PLEASE don't all fucking mourn me, don't cry for hours, I beg you. Please, make a joke. Take the piss out of me... I want my funeral to be a full-blown sex orgy with strippers, an all you can eat buffet and more alcohol than a brewery. I want people to fucking SMILE when they think of how I died.

Now, the incident in Norway was worse then horrific. I'm not denying that. I don't want people to have parties celebrating it. And yeah, being disgusted about it, and getting upset is fine, if that's YOUR way of coping. But mine, and a lot of other's is to brush it over with a distasteful quip, moving onto something a little more mind-numbing. Personally, I don't think I would be able to handle getting out of bed in the morning if I thought about how sick our planet is.

And as for knowing me personally, if you don't: I'm a good person. I may not seem it, but I am. If you ask my close friends, talk to my family or other people I talk to, they will tell you that. But... I'm odd. Different. Fucked up. Strange. And I'm not going to apologise for that.

So please, consider this my formal apology to anyone I've offended. Consider it my condolences to all the lives lost in Norway, and everywhere around the world every single day. And also consider it my promise, that should I ever find myself in a position to help people around the world, that I will. But until that day, I need to say these things, think this way and act the way I do, just to cope.

Oh, and about Amy Winehouse: She was incredibly talented, but she had the illness of drug addiction. I'm not saying we should all mourn her death, but we should at least use it to think; no matter how much talent someone has, no matter how much potential they have, it can be destroyed in a heartbeat. As long as you're alive, don't waste any day. Make every day push you to your potential. This is something I've only recently realised (when doing my resits, mainly). I've wasted so many fucking days. Fuck that shit. I'm moving on, pushing my boundaries and evolving. You can do it too. It just takes a little push in the right direction. Don't waste your life. You owe yourself that much.

Wow... I'm starting to sound like I'm trying to sell a 12-step-self-help program. :P What has become of me?

Peace out. Smile. And be fucking awesome.

-Spudders.

Ranting about everyone and everything in the world.

2011-07-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

There are 61,838,154 people living in the United Kingdom. Let's assume that 50% are male, and 50% are female. That would mean that 30,919,077 of each sex in the country I type this from. I would like one of them, just one of them, to take an interest in me. Say some nice things to me and treat me in such a way that I no longer feel like a hideous wreck of a man. Is this too much to ask? Yes. Am I bothered? Yes. Am I going to let it get to me? No.

You see, it's taken me a LONG fucking time to reach this level of enlightenment, but here I am. Women, friends, money, love... it all comes and goes. At the moment, it all seems to only be doing the latter in my life. But here's the motherfucking thing: Life is a god-damn rollercoaster ride filled with ups and downs. My time will come, and if you're reading this, and you feel the same: Your time will come too.

I often think back to about 3 years ago, to this one moment in my life. I was on the bus back from college, and I thought to myself: "My life is absolutely perfect at the moment. I am genuinely completely happy." - And believe me, at that point, I wouldn't have changed a fucking thing in the world. I had a girlfriend, I was in love, I was doing well in college, I had two jobs and more money than I needed. I had friends coming out of my ears and my days at college were filled with constant laughing and work I genuinely enjoyed.

Fast-forward to now: I'm a uni student who fucked up his first year by not understanding electronics, with an assignment due along with 3 resits. If I fail: I'm fucked. I'm in a stupid amount of debt for my age, and my old friends either don't like me anymore or I don't really want to associate myself with & since my ex-girlfriend who broke up with me over 2 years ago, not a single fucking girl has wanted anything to do with me that doesn't extend beyond a fucking hug.

I mean, that's a fucking horrendously pessimistic view to take on my life at the moment, I failed to mention that I'm clearing up the debt slowly but surely, I've got some fucking AMAZING flatmates, course mates and friends. I don't have a girlfriend draining any of my money & frankly; I'm actually still pretty happy.

But right now, I'm on the fucking roller-coaster as it's climbing to the second peak. When I get up there, it's going to drop, everyone's going to be screaming and it's going to be a fucking amazing ride to the next trough. But then what? I'm back to the bottom again, and I need to get back on the fucking ride. Why should I be the whiny cunt that complains all the time because I need to wait to get back to the top? Fuck that shit. That part of my life is over.

You may have started reading this thinking "Oh for fuck sake, it's another 'woe is me' post.". But you're one of the better ones; you're reading onto this point. This is the fucking peak right here. Let's skip some time climbing the fucking ride by remembering that we're on it on the first place. No matter how much shit comes at you in life, remember that it's going to get better. I promise you. Life promises you.

Now, let's move this onto talking about some of the cunts you get in life. The so called 'friends' that just up and leave when the going get's tough. You know the ones I mean... the ones who are always around when you're doing great, or they're not. But as soon as your life gets turned upside down, they're nowhere in sight. Actually, what about the complete pricks that only look out for themselves, or getting the next piece of arse that walks by. These people are not your 'friends'. They're not even your fucking enemies. These people are not even fucking people. They're sub-human, parasitic fucking life-forms, devoid of any emotion.

The worst thing about these people, is that you may not even notice they are these kind of people until they bend you over and rape you from behind. But you know what? Don't worry about it. Even for one fucking second. At all. Please, don't. Wanna know why? I'll tell you why.

You know those old people? The *really* cantankerous ones? You sure? Think really hard: You may have bumped into them as a kid, they might have shouted at you. Or perhaps tutted at you in line for something. Or been rude to you in a shop? How about the ones you try really nicely to be polite to, but it seems to piss them off even more? Yeah. Them. You know who I mean. Well, want to know a secret? The reason they're like that is that they treated everyone like they were less than them for their entire lives. Now they're alone and unhappy. So what do we do? Treat them like shit because that's how the treat us? They're rude, treat them the same, right? Wrong. When you encounter these people, I want you to be extra fucking nice to them, I mean more polite to these people than you are to anyone else you encounter. Why? Because we should PITY them. They learned too late, or maybe even not at all that you get nowhere for only looking out for yourself.

Without blowing my own trumpet, or being intentionally arrogant/big-headed: I am a good guy. Nay, fuck that. A GREAT fucking guy. If you're my friend, I look out for you 100%. If I can feasibly do something for you to make your life better, or make you smile, I'll do it. And in return, people are really fucking great to me too. People lend me money for the pub (I pay them back) and Download Festival (Thanks for the £270, Mary! I told you you'd get it back as soon as I got paid!). People get me 40% discounts on my phone contract (Thank you so fucking much, Emily. <3). People offer me rare as shit tickets to see Corey Taylor in a very small and personal audience at cost price (KC-Dru, I owe you so much for that <3<3). People will talk to me for hours and hours (Davanzo <3). Hell, I have friends in Fakenham (my hometown, you idiot) who I've barely had time to speak to when I was at uni. I get back, the first night I get back, they give me the best welcome ever, and now it's like I never left. These people are friends for fucking life. If I could do something for you guys ( and more of you, just don't want to make this too long. :P), I would do it. Here goes: *deep breath* You're not just my friends, collectively, you make me who I am. I love you all and I am incredibly happy to have you all in my life. Thank you so much.

I think that's actually a fairly nice place to leave it to be honest, but I'll throw in a few mini-points:

Try and think of your friends: When backed into a corner, will they still be the nice person you see them as, or will they be a cunt and fight dirty so they come out on top?

If you woke up in the morning, and all your friends were gone, who would you miss the most? I.e. if you could save one, who would it be? And if you can think of someone (not everyone will be able to, I can't), maybe you should let them know how much they mean to you? Even if it's a little bro-mosexual. :P

Also, going back to the roller-coaster metaphor: I'm getting up to the top now. I don't know what it'll take to get me there, and I don't care. I'm here to embrace whatever may come. Yeah, sometimes I get down because I feel lonely in terms of still being single, but you know what? I may not be an attractive person physically, but (back to the self-gratification) I'm a fucking beautiful person mentally. Even though I'm (as described by a colleague at work today) "a little odd".

Remember: Roller-coaster.

3 word story FILLER BLOG - INCOMPLETE!!!

2011-06-30T12:19:00.000-07:00

Well, last night, Lavin, Adam, Mary and I decided to write a story 3 words each, taking it in turns, this is how far we've gotten, and it's incomplete:

Twice upon the moon, the shoes sprung queerly unto feet to feast with buffalo. Mighty Beard, the main character in our story, shaved, the shavings falling from the city of New Moonia carved tiny sexy figurines of squatting Garden Gnomes. The City, far far in front of a towering mountain of shit, concealed a mild secret surrounded by cheesy goodness. Some would say that the secret about cheese, could lead alomost promisingly to conclusions that brie, in fact, leads to temporal fluxes in time and space. Captain Mighty (now beardless) wonders the atmosphere with his companion Captain Goatee who has excitable testicles (an unfortunate ailment that he suffers from), laments his testicles being so excitable and unpredictably volatile. The shoes, feasting on broken routers wonder collectively and smile, reflecting upon their tongues, or lack thereof.

Life on the Moon can often become dull leading to high suicide rates amongst pigeons and moon pigs which are in no way related to any online based card manufacturing company.

Bands I've seen live in chronological order...

2011-05-21T17:52:00.000-07:00

Rise Against Gig (Norwich UEA 2007):
The Bronx
Cancer Bats
Rise Against

Zutons Gig (High Lodge, Thetford Forest 2008):
Noah and the Whale
Mystery Jets
The Zutons

Download Festival 2009:
Friday
Hollywood Undead
The Blackout
Staind
Billy Talent
Korn
Faith No More

Saturday
Five Finger Death Punch
Devildriver
Static X
Dragonforce
Pendulum
Marilyn Manson
Slipknot

Sunday
Journey
Dream Theater
Shinedown
ZZ Top

Story of the Year Gig (Norwich Waterfront, 2010)
Story of the Year
(Lol, I actually forgot who the support were for this...)

Download Festival 2010
Friday
Killswitch Engage
Taylor Hawkins & The Cottail Riders
Them Crooked Vultures
AC/DC

Saturday
Hell Yeah
Rolo Tomassi
Halestorm
Flyleaf
Five Finger Death Punch
Lamb of God
Megadeth
Deftones
Rage Against the Machine

Sunday
Saxon
Cinderella
Slash
Billy Idol
Porcupine Tree
Steel Panther
Stone Sour
Aerosmith

Avenged Sevenfold / Stone Sour (Birmingham NIA, 2010)
Hell Yeah
Avenged Sevenfold
Stone Sour

Pendulum (Birmingham NIA, 2010)
Hadouken!
Pendulum

Electric Six (Birmingham O2 Academy, 2010)
(I forgot the name of the support... ¬¬)
Electric Six

UPCOMING GIGS:

3OH!3 (Birmingham HMV Institute, 2011)
Hyro Da Hero
Innerpartysystem
3OH!3

Download Festival 2011 (Who I HOPE to see)
Friday
Hyro Da Hero
Children of Bodom
Korn
Pendulum*
Puddle of Mudd*
Thin Lizzy
Alter Bridge
The Darkness*

Saturday
Bowling for Soup [Acoustic Set]*
VersaEmerge
Cheap Trick
Skindred
Hollywood Undead*
Avenged Sevenfold
System of a Down*

Sunday
Hyro Da Hero [Acoustic Set]
Plain White Ts
Frank Turner
GWAR
BuckCherry
Black Veil Brides
The Cult
Rob Zombie*
Madina Lake
Bowling for Soup*
The Pretty Reckless*
Disturbed*
Bullet For my Valentine
Linkin Park

NOTE: I'm aware I can't see ALL of those bands at DL2011, so the ones with a * are imo, un-missable.

Bands I've seen multiple times:
Five Finger Death Punch [Twice]
Hell Yeah [Twice]
Stone Sour [Twice]
Pendulum [Twice - Three after DL2011]
Hyro Da Hero will be Three after DL2011
Hollywood Undead will be Twice after DL2011

Bands I NEED to see in the future (Made in November 2010)
Tool
Porcupine Tree (Not in a Festival Atmosphere)
Infected Mushroom
Daft Punk
System of a Down - OMG SEEING AT DOWNLOAD THIS YEAR!
Flashbulb
Rob Zombie - ANOTHER ONE AT DOWNLOAD THIS YEAR!
Electric Six - SEEN THEM! AMAZING!!!
Flobots
AFI
Placebo
Disturbed - OMG AT DOWNLOAD THIS YEAR!!!
Nine Inch Nails
Tenacious D
Wolfmother

Software any PC user shouldn't be without.

2011-05-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

Well, time for a blog about computers. Anyone who knows me will know that I've got a BTEC in computing, and I'm currently studying a Computing Course at Coventry University. So why not give some advice to all the people out there who don't know much about computers, and perhaps some awesome new stuff for people who do know about computers - No one knows every application. :P

Firstly, I get 90% of my downloads from www.filehippo.com

One thing that really bothers me about people, is that they download from all kinds of random websites, and wonder why they get viruses. I always get my downloads from File Hippo because I trust it, and know it doesn't have viruses.

Now, onto programs. I'll treat it like I'm setting up a brand new computer, with nothing on it, running Windows 7.

DITCH INTERNET EXPLORER!
I can't stress this point enough. Internet Explorer is slow, bloated, constantly out-dated and a pain in the arse. The first thing you should do when you get a new computer, is open up Internet Explorer, type in www.filehippo.com and download either Google Chrome, or Firefox. The reason I'm not saying one or the other, is because they're both fantastic browsers.

Chrome / Firefox
Now, the choice is yours. Are you going to go for Firefox or Chrome? The choice isn't really THAT much of a major one, just as long as you're not using Internet Explorer. I personally prefer Chrome, because I like the minimalist approach it uses, but I know people that hate minimalism and prefer Firefox for this reason. I used to use Firefox, but switched to Chrome because I got a Netbook, and I love the ability to sync extensions and bookmarks with your google account, meaning that when you sign in with Chrome, your Bookmarks are always the same.

Right, so now that you've got your browser sorted, it's just the little things that make your PC Experience a lot nicer. Below is a list of Programs in no particular order. All of them are programs I use frequently and would be lost without.

VLC

Simply the best video playback software available. I've never had a single problem with this program, it plays every video file extension I can think of, along with being fairly lightweight. You can even install it onto a memory stick and take it about with you, meaning that you can pop a few video files on your Memory Stick too and watch videos anywhere that allows you to use a memory stick. This helped me get through a lot of lectures in College. :P

Skype

If you don't know what Skype is, you need to seriously start talking to people. Skype is a free video-chat program. It works using VOIP (Voice Over IP), meaning that it allows you to talk to people over the internet vocally. What makes Skype so good, is the fact that it's completely free if you're talking to other people using Skype. You can also get monthly payplans, or top-ups for it which allow you to call any country in the world on either a mobile or landline number for a very cheap price. It's worth getting this just to be able to call people for free tbh. The video chat is brilliant too. When you get it, feel free to add me: Spudguy0

Winamp
Goddamn I love Winamp. You know iTunes? It's like that. Not many people use it, and if you have an iPod/iPhone, you might want to keep it. I'm not going to lie. But as someone who uses their Android Phone for music, I'm sticking with Winamp. It's fast as lightning, has a brilliant GUI (Graphical User Interface) and has never done me wrong. A major selling point will be for people with Android: Get the Winamp App from the Android Market, and then connect to your home Wifi on your phone. Go onto your laptop, fire up Winamp and enjoy fast, wireless synchronisation of music with your phone. It's easy to set up and very easy to use once it is set up. Brilliant, brilliant software. It's also very customisable in terms of keeping your library.It has 3 separate boxes: Artists, Albums & Tracks. If you highlight an artist, only albums by that artist appear in the album box, and all their songs are in the tracks box. Highlight an album, and only tracks from that album are in the tracks box. :)

Last.fm

Let me start this one off by linking my Last.fm profile: http://www.last.fm/user/Spudguy - Click and have a look. My most recently listened to artists, top listened to artists and tracks. How is all that on there? Well first you need to register for a new account. Now you want to download the scrobbler and install it onto your computer. http://www.last.fm/download < There you go. Now do the same for your Android Phone / iPhone. If you have an iPod, don't worry, it'll auto-sync with iTunes. Now every song you listen to will be cataloged onto your profile page. Why would you want to do all that? Well for one thing it's pretty cool to have a record of everything you listen to. If people ask you what sort of music you listen to, just link them to that. Also: I recommends new artists to you based on what you listen to, it'll also tell you your compatibility with other users and music festivals, along with tour dates for all the bands you listen to and more. Get it and add me! :)

Picasa

I was depressingly late getting onto this one. I.e. I only got it a few days ago. It's amazing. It's basically a pimped out picture viewer for your PC. Before you install it, you might want to organise your picture libraries (I know I needed to). Once you've got it installed though, get ready to never go back to Windows Photo Viewer. There are so many brilliant features with this program I don't know where to start... Firstly, it's got the best red-eye fix I've ever seen, along with a photo editing mode which means when you edit photos, they only get edited within Picasa - Your original files will stay the same, so if you cock up, you lose nothing. Just restore it (obviously you can make the changes permanent too, but that's not the default action). One thing that blew my mind is the facial recognition software. I backed up thousands of family pictures over the weekend, and it has this amazing feature of discovering faces. You can then tell Picasa who this person is, and they get their own album. Then you can make a "face movie" like this:

That video was made by just pressing one button, then adding some music and uploading to Youtube. <60 seconds work. Pretty cool, huh?

Oh, and Picasa also allows you to share any folder online in one click too. Check out some of my pictures here: https://picasaweb.google.com/111242394593563833249 - I can also import into my blog seamlessly from synced albums. Bish bash bosh.

Defraggler

This is where it gets boring... I think it's safe to be that 90% of you never defragment your hard-drive. Download this, run it over night and your computer will be a bit faster in the morning. There's not really much more to say about this one. xD

CCleaner

This is a good way of speeding up your computer and freeing up space all at once! When you open it, untick all your browser stuff, along with windows Explorer stuff. Then hit analyse, then run the cleaner. Mmmm, free space. Then, go to registry, scan for issues, fix selected issues, back it up (just in case) and then run it. Mmmm, speed.

Recuva

Have you ever deleted stuff off a memory stick, or your phone, then instantly regretted it, as it doesn't go to a recycle bin? Scared it's gone forever? Have no fear, Recuva's here! This has saved me quite a few times in terms of .mp3s and .jpgs - Why not keep it on your computer just in case? :3

Gmail Notifier

This is awesome for anyone who has Gmail. If you don't have gmail - Ignore this one. :P Basically all it does is pop up with a nice little notification in the bottom right of your computer when you get an email, along with the subject header and the first few words of the email. It's also a darker colour when you have email, than when you don't, so you can tell if you have email without having to do anything. Pretty swish.

Rocketdock
Since Windows 7 has given the ability to pin programs to the task-bar, this has kind of lost it's charm. But I still use it and love it. Basically, have shortcuts to programs or folders at the top of your screen, that only appear when you put your cursor up there. You can have it on the right, left, bottom or top of your computer. You choose! I've been using it for years, and it doesn't feel like my computer without it now. Below is a picture of it in use from a few years back (I CBA to clean my desktop to take a new picture...)

And there we go! I may follow this up later on.

Peace out compadres.

- Spudguy

The Alternative Music Scene Vs. The Popular Music Scene

2011-05-04T14:31:00.000-07:00

Right, let me start this off by saying that I am NOT biased towards the Alternative Music scene. Well, I am, but I'm going to attempt to keep this out of my blog today. Otherwise it's not fair on the chart scene. Although I should point out that I'm not going to spend hours and hours scouring the internet looking for sales figures, profits made and gig tickets sold. This is purely my opinion and speculation. This is a personal blog, not an official resource for information. You have been warned.

Firstly, let's address the sales of records for one band from each category:

Slipknot: Over 14 Million records as of May 2010.

Kanye West: Over 16 Million sales.

Now those are NOT completely accurate sales, nor are they up-to-date, but it rings true in the sense that it's fairly obvious that the Chart Music scene DOES sell more music. Much more music. That's why they're in the CHARTS. But does this mean that the music is BETTER? Or does it mean that they just manage to sell more because they're more laid back listening?

One thing that I have noticed about chart music, is that it always seems to be the same people in there. At least somewhere. I mean, I'm going to make a prediction now that there's going to be 5 people in the UK Top 40 (I haven't really been out much, and I don't watch TV, nor have I checked the Top 40 in about a year, so I have literally no idea what's popular at the moment). And I'm fairly confident that these 5 people will be SOMEWHERE in the top 40 list.

My prediction: Katy Perry, Eminem, Kanye West, Adele & Lady Gaga.

Who I got right: Katy Perry, Eminem (Kind of, he sings in "I need a Doctor, by Dr, Dre" - Half a point.), Kanye West, Adele & Lady Gaga

Who I got wrong: None. But I lose half a point for Eminem not having his own single.

Wow. I've genuinely impressed myself there, I thought I'd get 2, maybe 3 right. Not 4, almost 5. But this just proves my point! It's always the same people. Whereas if you look at the rock charts, it wouldn't be anywhere near that easy to guess. Should I try? Okay. I'll try. Note: I never look at rock charts, ever. But I do have the advantage of knowing when new albums have come out, so I'll try to go by that.

My prediction: Hollywood Undead, Foo Fighters, All Time Low, Enter Shikari & You me at six

Who I got right: Foo Fighters,

Who I got wrong: Hollywood Undead (I thought that the new album would help...), All Time Low, Enter Shikari, You me at six

Okay, I did even worse than I thought there. Most of the songs in the rock chart are old songs, like Enter Sandman by Metallica. Even the Foo Fighters prediction was actually off, as I thought it'd be a song off their new album. It wasn't. Although this DOES kind of damage my point in saying that chart music is the same people. Most of the artists in the rock chart have been in there for AGES.

But here's a NEW point: Chart Music is... temporary. There's a new trend every few weeks, be it the new song by Katy Perry, a one-hit-wonder by a fat black guy singing "Fuck you" over and over again, or another generic rap song.

Rock Music just seems to be so much more diverse. More heartfelt, more permanent. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are loads of chart music songs that were intended to make a statement, but too often does that statement get overlooked because it's being played in every night-club in the country to a room full of sweating, grinding students. Perhaps this is the reason it's so temporary? It's over-done. Rammed into your ears by just walking over the road to get some milk. I used to LOVE that "I wanna be a Rock Star" song by Nickelback before it hit mainstream. And no, I didn't go off it because it was popular, and it wasn't cool to like it anymore. I went off it because I heard it about 5 times a day, every day for about 6 fucking months. I'm sure I could be put off even my favourite bands if they were to be played to that extent.

There are few places that play rock music in a club atmosphere around here (in fact, I only know of one), and the refreshing thing is, they have such a HUGE catalogue of music to play, going back decades. People recognise these songs still, and all sing along to them, even though you don't know what to expect when you go there. If you're into the nightclubbing scene, you will hear the same songs every night. It's tiring, and the songs get over-done.

Another thing that I *really* like about the Alternative music scene is the personalities that go with it. I mean, look at Reading Festival: Riots on the last day, burning of tents and a fuckton of police needed. Download Festival: Nicest atmosphere in the world, and not a hint of rioting on the last day. And reading is only pseudo-chart music. Not even the whole hog.

I'm getting bored writing this now, and I'm sure a lot of you can't be bothered to read much more, but I'll finish on another high-point for the Alternative scene with a scenario:

Imagine you're single (if you're not, if you are, you'll do fine with this) and you're at a... house party, let's say. Now. You're a clever person, you have a diverse taste in music. You love a lot of rock bands, and you love a lot of chart musicians. Now imagine you want to approach someone and talk to them that night, someone of the opposite sex (unless you're gay, in which case the same sex). On one side of the room, there's someone attractive wearing a T-Shirt of your favourite chart music artist, or an album logo. Something that is obviously in relation to him, and shows the person is obviously a fan. On the other side of the room, you see someone wearing a t-shirt of your favourite Rock-band. Imagining that both of the people are indentical in terms of attractiveness, who are you more likely to approach? Who would you have more to talk about with? The rock band Tee, or the music artist Tee?

Peace out, music fans.

- Spudguy

Spudguy's Minecraft Server

2011-04-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

I HAVE A MINECRAFT SERVER!? OH SHI-

Well, here we go. My blog about my Minecraft server.

In just a couple of months, my server has gone from strength to strength with people building and building and building. It started off with Russell building a house on a rock over-hang, Stanley building a house on top of a hill and me digging a 20*20 hole all the way to bedrock in one 13 hour sitting - Not bad for a first day, right?

And then things just got better and better. A few more people joined, and then we upgraded the server so it'd be a lot faster (Now lag free), now we have 6 people willing to pay money to stay on our glorious server, filled with magical, mystical and mythical buildings. You want pictures? Oh, you've got pictures below. Hopefully you'll enjoy looking just as much as we enjoyed building them.

Also, click the picture to see bigger!

I have no idea what this even is, I saw it on my travels and thought it was awesome.

This is my skyscraper. #awesomebadass

My hole! :O

The beach hut at the spawn point. <3

Epic upside-down pyramid.

Another view from the spawn point. Russell's house + Golf-ball, and my name in the sky.

Dwarf Fortess

Dwarf Fortress outpost for travel to the fortress.

The Golf-ball close up

Inside of the golf-ball

More of the inside of the golf-ball.

My skyscraper viewed from underwater... xD

Floatin Island & incomplete Gherkin building.

UFO Crash Site

Buildings inside of my hole [snigger].

This is pretty cool.

And the rest are just random pictures, including an under-ground chapel. There's more on the server, such as a holiday resort within the Dwarf Fortess, but there's just too much to put on the blog. Enjoy!

Below is a link to the Official Spudguy's Minecraft Server page on Facebook. Click like! <3

Why you should all get a Twitter account...

2011-04-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

What is Twitter?

Right, so everyone knows what it is, all the celebrities seem to be using it, but why? Why is Twitter so popular?

For those of you who (somehow) don't know what Twitter is, it's a website which allows you to "follow" other people's "tweets" which appear in a time-line, similar to Facebook's "Recent Updates" feature. The difference is that a "tweet" is limited to just 140 characters, meaning that they take just a few seconds to read each.

I have to admit, when I made my Twitter account for the first time about two and a half years ago, I looked at it and thought "What the fuck is this shit?". Later on though, I heard about Stephen Fry using it, and I thought "HOLY SHIT I LOVE STEPHEN FRY!", went on there for a few minutes, hit that "Follow" button on his profile, read his tweets and then promptly forgot about the existence of Twitter. It wasn't until last year, just before I started Uni that I decided to go and follow a fuck-ton of people. Most of them being fictional characters, and a couple of bands. That lasted about a week.

The thing that *really* started off my Twitter life was when I realised you could have Tweets posted directly to your Facebook profile, as it's kind of sharing whatever pointless update I'm posting to two groups of people, not just one. I don't know why this revalation inspired me to re-examine the possibilities of Twitter, but I'm glad it did.

What can Twitter be used for?

See, the problem people have with twitter (or at least the problem I had) was that it just seems tailor-made for vicariously living the lives of Celebrities, and nothing more. Admittedly, the first thing I did when I got on it WAS to follow as many of them that came to mind, along with a few people I know in person.

It wasn't until I started following news feeds, bloggers, game developers & festivals that I started to see the potential that this site has.

There's a feature that I feel is somewhat over-looked with Twitter, and that is the ability to get someone's tweets sent directly to your mobile phone as a text message. So, say for example that you want all the latest news updates as soon as they're out, you can follow a news feed & enable text alerts - By just clicking on two buttons: Follow, and Enable Text Alerts. Of course, you can disable these just as easily too.

But think outside of the box: A bakery in London use Twitter to let customers know when a fresh batch is out of the oven, resulting in them selling out within 5 minutes in some cases [link]. How awesome is that? It's a lot better than finding out what colour Hayley William's hair is this week.

Something that I was really ashamed of myself for was the recent tsunami in Japan - I didn't find out about it until about 24 hours after it happened. For a day being sat on the internet looking on Facebook and watching TV shows, I'm amazed I didn't randomly check the BBC News page, or see a Facebook update. If I had of checked Twitter, I'd have seen a tweet from one of my news feeds, but no. Nothing.

Of course, just a few years ago the idea of not knowing about something like that almost as soon as it happened was normal. You'd see it on the evening news, or on the front pages the next day. But this is what Twitter's done, it's made us hungry for information as soon as it's available. Anything else is just... old news. No one cares anymore and they're onto the next thing.

The awesomeness of Twitter.

So, you've got a Twitter account, and you've got the people want to follow: News, a couple of celebs, maybe a comedian. Now what? You can set up text alerts for the news, but anyone else just tweets complete shit that you don't want filling up your phone's inbox. Get the App! I do two things now when I wake up: 1: check my emails, 2: check my twitter feed - Both on my phone.

It may seem stupid to a lot of you, but now when I wake up, I can see what's g'wan with my Facebook and shit via email, and then what's going on in the world via Twitter. I'm up-to-date. I'm connected. I'm a nerd. I'm a 21st Century Digital Boy.

Welcome to the digital age.

Good ideas for who to Follow:

I'm obviously not going to tell you WHO to follow, but I will give you example of categories, and who in that category you can follow, just to give you an idea.

Comedians: Twitter doesn't need to be all about constant updates about the news, freshly baked scones or even current events. Follow a comedian or two, it's refreshing to have a random joke thrown in there every now and then. I follow Jimmy Carr who tweets a few, but not too many. There's nothing worse than someone who tweets 10, 20 times an hour. It needs to be a nice mixture of stuff.

The News: This one's a given. I follow: BBC Breaking (With text alerts, as it's only big stories tweeted here), The Guardian & Engadget. This is just to keep me up-to-date with what's going on in the world, the latest gadgets that are being released and stuff like that.

Celebrities: Okay, yeah. It's not really something to boast about in most cases, but the chances are that you have a mini-obsession with at least one celebrity, and you're at least a little bit interested in what they have to say. You might as well whack them on your list. I have a lot, but the most notable are Felicia Day, Nathan Fillion, Neil Patrick Harris, Corey Taylor & Charlie Brooker.

Bands: Why not? See where they are atm, get the news on their latest tour dates, see if they're planning a new album. Bands are awesome to follow.

People you know: This is a good one. People tweet more than they update they statuses, and if they annoy you, just unfollow. :P

Peace out,

Spudguy

So, you guys like decent music and hot women right?

2011-04-26T14:23:00.000-07:00

The above is a video of the new up-and-coming band "Evarose". I thought I'd do a quick little post on them, as they're fucking awesome (or at least would be if they had more songs!).

They're fairly active on Twitter too, so follow them @evaroseband - They also have individual twitter pages. They're happy to talk to their fans, which gives them a lot of respect from me.

I'm hoping Camp Narfuck from Download will be on it to go see them at the Marquee on the 28th June!

Peace out compadres!! <3

- Spudguy

Awesome things of the now!

2011-04-26T12:53:00.000-07:00

OH SHI- How the fuck are you guys doing?

So, this is going to be the first of my new blogging style, I hope you like it and decide it might be worth spreading the word about.

So, first blog. I've been racking my brains, and racking my brains, and then I decided that I should should just fucking do it. So here it is, my top 10 things in life at the moment. Hopefully you'll like them just as much as I do;

10. Epic Meal Time

I've been watching these guys for a few months now, and they are one of the best youtube series going. If you've not heard of them, watch the above video and look them up! You'll more than likely get as hooked as me and my flatmates did.

9. Minecraft

Minecraft, if you don't know what it is, I have no idea why you're reading my blog, as you probably don't know me. The above image is a picture taken from my server, which has a few friends on it where we go kinda mental with what we make. From left to right in the picture is: Fritzl's House, The (currently incomplete) Gherkin Building & A random Skyscraper. The server's constantly being built upon. Hit me up with a message if you want to join. :)

8. The Yogscast

One of the only things better than playing Minecraft, is watching these guys play Minecraft. They update their videos fairly frequently, and have become a pretty big name in some circles now. They don't just play Minecraft, however. They've just started a series on Portal 2's co-op, and it's not too bad. One thing I will warn you though, is that if you watch them, you'll soon be calling everyone 'friend' going "Awwwhhhh!!" a lot. Clicky-click for the link to the first season of their Minecraft series.

7. Loud Music

Well, I've been away from my flat & decent speakers for a month. Now that I'm back, these speakers are on high for most of the time, listening to all kinds of stuff. I'm trying to get pumped for Download Festival, but there's a lot of the Sucker Punch Soundtrack going on too. <3 Having the ability to listen to good quality music at a high volume is something I'll never take for granted again. It's fantastic. :D

6. Reading

Eh, this seems a little fucking boring, amidst internet memes and general boring-ness. But I've recently started doing something I've been wanting to do a lot of for years: Reading more. I only started a couple of weeks ago, and it's only before I go to bed, but it's a start. I've so far read 1984 (Absolutely amazing book), Let the Right One In (Movie reviews coming soon for the Swedish & American Movies + How they compare to the book) & I've just stated an old one called "Cold Shoulder". After that, I've got Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" lined up.

5. Modern Family

It takes a couple of episodes to get *really* into it, but once you do, it's absolutely brilliant. The best sitcom since Arrested Development. I'd definitely recommended it to anyone. :)

4. Friendship

Right, this is where shit gets really kind of fucking homosex. But I really do have to throw some love out to all of my friends (you know who you are). You guys are just great, in every single way possible. Without you guys, I really wouldn't be who I am today, so thank you for that, and for putting up with me regardless if whether I'm being a whining little cunt, or an annoying one. Who needs women when you have friends as good as the lot I have? I am certainly not forever alone.

3. Being myself

Being myself. Enough said. No more will I attempt to change myself, pretend to be something I'm not, or do something I don't want to do to make someone like me more. If people can't take me for me, I don't want to know them. And as arrogant as that might sound, it's true. And it should be true for everyone. Except maybe Justin Beiber. Or Jedward... or Nick Clegg... or Fred Durst... fuck it. Maybe not everyone, but most people! Keep on rockin' on and being yourselves. You're awesome.

2. Freedom

Freedom. Well, that's an interesting word. Are any of us really *free*? No. Well, comparatively to some people we are, but as a society, are we? I don't know. Who knows? That's a bit to deep for what I can be arsed to talk about here atm, but think about it.

What I mean by freedom in terms of this blog though, is that being at Uni, in Flat 33, I am completely free from restraints imposed by living at home. This is just... well, it's like a permanent holiday, aside from the occasional work thrown at me that is. I can go out when I want, come back when I want, make as much noise, have people over. drink all day. Who cares? I'm free from judgement. Perfect. Fucking. Life.

1. Download Festival

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 6 WEEKS, ONE DAY!!!

The best 5 days of the year, by far. Regardless of whether or not the music is good, the atmosphere remains amazing. This year we have Hollywood Undead, Disturbed, Rob Zombie, System of a Down... Oh God too many to list. But it's going to be amazing.

It seems silly to just keep talking here, because I get too hyped up to really say what I love about it, aside from a kind of shell-shocked state of "Awesome" or something to that effect.

But what I will say, is that Camp Narfuck is going to be the best camp of Download this year. Some many people, many who haven't met, but all there for one thing: The Love of Rock Music. Everyone who's been before: You know how good it is. For everyone who's never been: You have no fucking idea how excited you should be.

Also: Rob Zombie. What?

Oh yes. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

P.s. : Fuck Linkin Park.

- So there we go, short, sweet and refreshingly different. Expect more coming soon. Spread the word & share the love.

Peace,

Spudguy

Oh, and please click below to give feedback. :) It'll take literally a second. <3

Blogging about nothing to blog about

2011-04-13T05:48:00.000-07:00

So, here I am again, my audience of an assumed number of 0.

I sit here on my netbook, talking to no one in particular about nothing in particular. I am not famous, I am not rich - quite the opposite in fact. I am, for all intents and purposes, completely average.

I go to an Average Uni studying an average course. I don't play any instruments, I don't drive, I don't read as many books as I should, I don't listen to as much music as I should and I spend most of my time on the Internet and/or watching Tv Shows and Movies. My skills lie in Mobile Phones & Computers, which just so happens to be the area I enjoy the most. I'm not especially good in my chosen skill-sets, just above average. I'm not even a good gamer. I am completely average.

This realisation is something that has come about more and more over the past year or so. When I was younger I lived under the illusion that I would become something... special (this illusion still makes itself give me a twinge of optimism in the pit of my stomach from time to time). But the fact is, I'm not. Not many people are. Think how many people have lived throughout History, and how many names still live on. Only truly remarkable people achieve immortality.

That's not to say it isn't worth trying, however. One should NEVER lose hope. Ever. When hope is lost, life will surely follow.

I have spent the past couple of weeks in my Parent's house in my hometown. Doing what? Nothing. I've seen friends from time to time, which helps speed up the process of doing nothing, but regardless, I'm still doing nothing. In fact, the only something I've done is read 1984. A fantastic book indeed, and reading it counted as doing something. Watching the film, did that count as doing something? Or was that doing nothing?

I'm rambling, allow me to explain. I have now acquired a new definition of "doing something" and "doing nothing". Writing this blog, for example, will be my attempt of doing something, but I'm sure it'll end up as me doing nothing. This is because I am attempting to make a blog which people will read, but I'm sure no one will read it. Therefore I've effectively wasted my time in writing it, and done nothing. HOWEVER, should people read this blog, become entertained by it and walk away with something to think about, I would have done something.

My reading 1984, I would consider doing something. I believe reading that book has educated me in some way, or at least given me something to think about which is of relevance to something important. Though if I were to read a Mr. Men book, would that be doing something? Would watching an Episode of a generic fictional TV show being doing something? Surely not. The television show is fiction, watching it, though being entertain, you are NOT being educated, you are NOT thinking. You are merely doing nothing in a way that will make doing nothing seem to go by faster.

If I was able to access my University Account and do some Maths revision, this would be doing something, as I would be working towards my future career, and therefore bettering myself. But if my job ends up being mundane, like working on a checkout for example, I would then have done something, to end up doing nothing and getting paid for doing nothing. But if I were to use my degree that I worked for to create a computer business, that benefited people across the world, that would be doing something.

I'm sure that this blog makes no sense, and I have effectively just spent the last however long it's been doing nothing. But that particular method of doing nothing has just made my session of doing nothing seem to go by a lot faster than it otherwise would have.

Just, next time you go to do something, ask yourself if you'll be doing something, or if you'll be doing nothing. Was reading this doing something? Or was it doing nothing? Try to do at least one thing a day. You'll be a better person for it than if you sit around doing nothing all day. You might even become more than average, or achieve immortality. Like Caeser, Genghis Khan, Mother Theresa, or Ghandi.

Back in Norfolk...

2011-03-31T07:57:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in.

Norfolk is one of those places that you can never REALLY escape from. I mean sure, I'm at Uni 130 miles away now, but I can guarantee that when I finish Uni, I'll be back. Maybe not for the rest of my life (at least I hope not...) but at least for a few months; maybe years.

The thing with Norfolk is that it's a nice place. I mean, if you're into the countryside and fresh air and old people. I'm happy I grew up here. I'd rather have grown up in Norfolk than in London, or Norwich, for example. It's just a nicer environment to raise a child in. Although the children won't think so until they have a chance to reflect on it, and the mid-teens are going to be pretty fucking rough on the parents for it - there's just nothing to do. In Fakenham the pubs close at 11pm, 12am/1am on a Friday & Saturday, which is damned early (In fact, the Garden House won't let anyone in after 11 - Most city clubs don't let anyone in BEFORE 11). To go looking around shops for CDs, or Vidya games, we're talking a 20 mile journey to either King's Lynn or Norwich. There isn't even a decent cinema here. What it does have though, is Schools, 6th Forms & parks. Places for KIDS.

Hell, as far as teenage life goes, the internet here is pretty piss poor too. Although I might be saying that from a comparison with my Fibre-Optic Uni connection.

Anyway, enough bitching. Norfolk is actually a very nice place if you're here for a few days, and you're not sick of it. It's great for a nice little get-away retreat. :3

I'm currently bored shitless, laying in bed with my netbook typing this blog, listening to the pure ambient bliss that is The Flashbulb's new album. The room in which I currently reside is soon to be my baby sister, Bo's. She's 9 months old now, so she can deal with living in my parent's room for a while. At least until my Mum's NEXT baby escapes from her Vagina in a couple of months.

From where I'm sitting, directly in front of my is a fairly desolate looking shelf, if a couple of baby toys just sitting there, alongside my Old Spice aftershave and 3 unopened packets of Lucky Strike cigarettes. To the right of the bookshelf is the box in which my new PC monitor came in - with a few Xbox games sitting on top of it. To the right of that, is my Xbox. Then in the middle of the room, to the right of my bed is the Box with Xbox came in, with my new monitor sat on it, plugged into my Xbox.

The Monitor is actually pretty impressive for the price of £130 - It's a nice full 1080P Resolution with a HDMI input, which is nice for playing my Xbox on. Only problem is it's lack of speakers, so I need to plug my headphones into it to hear anything. But I'm not going to complain with that price tag.

My bedside table is comprised of the usual half empty pack of smokes, a lighter, empty cans, mugs, a copy of 1984 by George Orwell and empty jaffa cake wrappers.

To fill my time since being here I've pretty much just played Xbox games. I've completed Dead Space 1 & 2 in the past few nights, and made a start on Crysis 2 last night. I've got to say though... I'm not a fan. I don't think I'll be playing much more of it.

One thing that has been quite a new thing to me is Twitter. I've known about it for ages obviously, but never really bothered to use it. But I quite like it now. :3 - Follow me: @spudguy

Anyway, I've got some boredom to attend. Catch you all later.

Spudguy

Day to day musings...

2011-02-25T16:33:00.002-08:00

Why, hello again readers. If you exist.

I've spent a bit of time over the past few days musing over certain things in life. A prominent issue that I've been using my braincells on is this: Why is it, that there are some people in life who are NEVER single, unless by choice, yet there are others who are forever alone, with no say in the matter?

Now, this could easily be dismissed as a simple matter of physical appearance. After all, would you choose John C. Reilly over Leonardo DiCaprio? Or Jocelyn Wildenstein over Katy Perry? Of course you wouldn't.

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that it all comes down to physical appearance. I know some people who wouldn't be considered attractive by most people that are ALWAYS either getting off with people in bars, having sex with people, turning people down all the time or in a relationship - of course I know MORE attractive people in this situation, but it doesn't nullify my point any. It just proves that physical appearance isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

Now, some of you may agree, some of you may disagree. But I think of myself an average looking person. Sure, I'm not going to be on the cover of Men's Health anytime soon, but I don't think I'd be listed as the ugliest person in the world either. Therefore I feel as if I should have as much of a chance as any, to have the option to be turning down potential partners left right and centre as well.

This isn't one of those blogs where I turn into a sex-depraved, ego-centric, self-righteous, maniacal, depressed, attention-seeking arsehole, by the way. I'm aware that there are MANY, MANY factors and variables that come into play as far as this kind of thing goes, and I'm aware that I shouldn't expect to have someone served up on a plate to me. But have you ever looked at someone you know, who treats their partners like absolute shit, yet next thing you know, after being single again for 5 minutes, they have another partner? Does that seem right to you? Because it sure as shit doesn't seem right to me.

All I can say, is that the people who go years, and years, and years without having anyone will DEFINITELY not plan on letting go of their partners as easily as the person who has a new partner every week.

So when you're next on the prowl for a partner, ask yourself: Do you want to be a £5 disposable camera, or do you want to be that £5k Nikon D3x?

Think about it.

- Spudguy.

I hate pornography.

2011-02-23T10:58:00.000-08:00

Okay, so let me get this straight, as far as pornography goes, I'm incredibly educated. I've seen my fair share, and there was a point in time when I had over 300GB of the stuff stored on my computer. I had the lot (Short of man on man, scat and child porn of course).

I had HD, SD, quality that was almost unwatchable because of the pixels.

But enough about my (albeit impressive) collection of pornography. The reason I write this blog is to say that I today, decided to delete this mountain of sexually explicit materials.

Why? All will soon become clear, my avid readers. Firstly, let me explain my current "situation";

I am 19 years old. In my 19 years on this planet, I've met many, many people. Within this category of "People I've met", there has been women. The majority of these women are of nothing noteworthy to the purpose of this post. But the 10% that are noteworthy, I believed to be worth a lot more than anyone else I knew. The reason being for this; I wanted to see them naked.

Okay, okay, that's not ENTIRELY the reason. But at some point in my infatuation/crush/whatever the fuck you want to call it on/with/whatever with these women, I've wanted to see them naked, and I've wanted to fuck them. So what? Shoot me. I can guarantee I'm not the only person to think like this. It's not my fault, it's my primal instinct's.

Now, I've watched pornography from the beautifully young age of 11, thanks to the power of the internet. I believe this has made my "fantasies", or "sexual desires" to become dramatically over thought, and made much more graphic than the majority of my similarly aged counterparts.

What's more is the frequency of which these mental home-movies are created. There are days in my life, where I've done nothing more than create these obscenely graphic mental images, and 'enjoy' them. This is something that I'm not proud of.

I am an intelligent person, and I've spent many, many days and hours and minutes (never seconds) of my life masturbating to images and videos of women I've not met, or images and videos that don't exist of women that I know in real life.

Next to me sits a 96 page workbook to my CCNA Cisco Qualification, on which I have an upcoming exam. Now, as 19 year old single male, sitting at a computer connected to a 25mb/s internet connection, what do you think is more likely for me to be tempted into doing? Yeah, you're right.

I feel as if I'm getting somewhat off topic here.

I am not a virgin. I am aware of the feeling of sexual intercourse. Alright, I'm not as familiar with it as I am with porn, or as I am with a computer. But I'm familiar with it, and that's the point. I've had two sexual partners, one of which was part of a long(ish) relationship, and another was a one off encounter.

It's now been 7 months since I've had sex. Now, does that make me less of a person than if I was going out every week or so, meeting a random woman and having sex with her? Then swiftly moving onto the next target? No. In fact, I feel as if I'm a better person for NOT doing so. Jesus... I wish I WAS still a virgin. Perhaps I'd feel even better for it.

Pornography has made me *too* intimate with the IDEA of sex, but never has it educated me in the actual experience of sex, nor has it made me feel as if I'm cared for. In fact, it's quite the opposite.

For the past few months now, I've been going to bed feeling depressed. Not like, "OH MY GOD LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING" kind of depressed, but more of a "...something's missing" kind of depressed. Naturally, I just watched some porn and the feeling subsided. But then it stopped working even more. Instead of feeling alright, I felt worse. Empty. Guilty even.

Then it hit me. Porn is sex. It's infatuation. It's primal instinct. It IS enjoyable, but it won't make you a better person.

What's *really* missing isn't sex. It's someone to lay by my side when I sleep. It's someone to wake up to. It's someone to spend time with. Porn is a *very* temporary replacement, but there comes a time when it's nothing. It's irritating and it's pathetic.

I now see that I have two choices:

1. Continue to watch porn, and become more and more obsessed with the idea of sex, and end up believing that's all women are about, or that's all there is to life.

2. Delete my porn collection and work at making myself a BETTER person. Someone that doesn't care about sex, someone who is lonely, sure. But that's always going to be completely temporary. And until I get someone to pick me up, I'm happy knowing that there WILL be someone coming to pick me up. And I'll rest easier knowing that the way I feel about that person, won't rest on how good they might be good in bed, how big their tits are, or the amount of pubes they have.

- Spudguy.

University, gigs & friends.

2010-10-28T16:44:00.000-07:00

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, ARE YOU KIDDING ME BIRMINGHAM?"

Corey Taylor. A God. The voice of this man can elate me to new highs, and bring me down to new lows. The first time I saw him was over a year ago. Download Festival, Donington Park. June 2009. Back then I didn't really think much to Slipknot, and barely knew who Stone Sour are. A year later, same place, Slipknot is one of my favorite bands and I have high expectations to see Corey perform with his brothers in Stone Sour. Although, a couple of weeks before, the beloved Paul Gray had sadly passed away.

Corey came on stage, with his positive attitude and blew the crowd away. The crowd was chanting "Corey! Corey! Corey!", and he became the centre of attention for the entire weekend. Then of course, he had to deal with the terrible business of dealing with his best friend's death, just a couple of weeks before the show. He disappeared of stage for a couple of minutes and stumbled back, tears in his eyes and sang "Bother". See below:

But tonight wasn't about Paul Gray. It wasn't even about Corey. It was about Stone Sour. And my God, were they amazing. Before they came on stage, the speakers blared out the theme from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Lights go BOOM and then what happens? Mission Statement. After an amazing set, including the Acoustic "Bother" (I think I saw Corey Wipe away a few tears, but there was nothing said about the loss of his brother), Corey Ripping off his shirt and his usual "OH MY FUCKING GOD!" speech, they finished the set with a brilliantly played "30/30 150".

Before Stone Sour however, were Avenged Sevenfold. Who as I'm sure you all know, lost Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan last December. They DID have a few things to say about the loss of a friend: Along with a large backdrop of the Rev, they sang a couple of slow songs, and then promptly changed the backdrop to something more uplifting and finished the show with Bat Country. [I would write in more detail about Avenged, but I'm afraid of getting shit wrong, as I'm not overly-familiar with the band, as I've only recently gotten into them]

Also, Hellyeah were there. Did I like them? Hell No.

After the gig, I met up with the AMAZING Charli Jackson. The goddess from the place with tractors, fields and rain. After a long, loving and kind embrace, we exchanged Cds and stood chatting in the cold for half an hour before I needed to leave for the train home. I miss my Download friends a stupid amount...

MOVING ON!!

University.

Well, before I came here I was told that dorms will be the best year, of the best three years of my life. So far, I'm inclined to agree. The freedom from home that I detailed in my last blog hasn't changed much, and I can sense an even more mature side of me fast approaching - the management of money. I've got none soon, and I'm learning from it. :P I can't afford pointless shit all the time. I need to save save save. Atm, I have only a few £ to my name. And I'm reluctant to ask for money from home, even though I see others getting some from home, I just don't want to be the guy that always asks, y'know? I wanna give something back. In a few years I'll have a degree and a hopefully a good job. That will be amazing.

My course so far has been a bit of a roller-coaster ride. Some lessons I just DON'T understand, others I do. The ones I don't understand are now becoming much more clear which is good, and I suppose that makes sense. There's a lot to be learned. And I'm open to it.

My favourite lesson so far, however, HAS to be CISCO. It's something I enjoy, desperately want to learn more about and of course - my lecturer is a God. No. More than a God. His necklace is a CPU (1.8 Intel for all you nerds), he's stupidly tall, has a beard with a pony tail and his hair is down to below his shoulder-blades. Oh! And he carries a lightsaber around with him at all times.

On my course, I've befriended two very pleasant young gentlemen, who I think I'll be very good friends with by the end of the year. Daniel is the guy that knows his shit about electronics, and he helps me and Ben with it quite well. :P

As for my flatmates, they've requested I write a paragraph about each of them, so here goes:

Josh: Well, where to start? He's a really good guy. He knows how to have a good time, but he can be mellow and happy, as well as loud and happy. Both of them, strangely suit him. Which is weird in a way. Normally people are loud or quiet. He's a nice middle ground.

Arron: I'd like to think he's the most mature guy in our flat. He's a good cook, a great friend and someone who you just know will always be around when you need him.

Eddy: More like me than I originally thought. Even though he has a Mac, he's a nerd, gamer, geek and into (mostly) good music. Also, spends almost as much time as me in his room watching TV shows as me. :P

Aaron: Well, I've really got to take my hat off to this geezer. Yes, he's a "Lad". But he's actually more intelligent than I first thought. A prime example of never judge a book by it's cover. And when he has a problem with someone, he doesn't take the violent shouting approach that you might think he would when you first meet him. He's actually calm, collected and rational. He's growing/has grown on me substantially.

Dave: Another "Lad", but when he's not drinking, actually he's really quiet and down to Earth. Although he's got a problem with getting into trouble on a night out. :P

Right, that's the flatmates out of the way!

I had a very interesting debate on Facebook the other day regarding the new government scheme regarding them being allowed to read through our private messages, I reckon that's worth a read to anyone interested in politics of any kind. Link:

http://www.facebook.com/Spudguy/posts/165502450144439

I'm going to be coming back to Morrisons for 2 weeks over Christmas btw guys! I hope that's good news to someone. :P I look forward to seeing everyone from work (I'd list names but I don't want to miss anyone out and upset them <3)

Really mixed opinions on going back to Fakers though. S'pose seeing family would be acceptable, and I can't wait to see all my homeboys again. But something about that place, I just hate. :/

What would this post be without a Tribute to the almighty Steph? I spend almost all my time with her now, and she's just described me as "Smiley". I'm always smiling, apparently. I pointed out that she only sees me when I'm around her so that's prolly why, and she seemed to find that funny. Whore. :P - But seriously Steph, thanks for being Steph and not some boring lesbian woman. You're alright you are.

And then of course, the THREE MUSKETEERS! Me, Alex and Sam.

Alex is basically Karl Pilkington. With the most amazing comments just, constantly streaming out of him. He's an adorable, adorable idiot. I love him. <3

I also love Sam. It's rare to meet GENUINELY good people. And Sam is one of them (Along with a load of other people I know, admittedly). But there's something about Sam's manner, that just gives the aura of being good incarnate.

I can't wait to get a house with Sam, Alex and Steph next year. Shit will be SO CASH.

Spudguy out.

Spudguy's Blog

My Long Distance Relationship (LDR) thus far

Grumpy gone happy.

Romance isn't all it's cracked up to be,,,

New Year’s resolution 2012!

New Years Resolution for 2012!!

New Years Resolution for 2012!!

Religion, Faith and The Bible...

The Dating Game

My Minecraft Server!

The General Public.

My posts regarding international tragedies.

Ranting about everyone and everything in the world.

3 word story *FILLER BLOG - INCOMPLETE!!!*

Bands I've seen live in chronological order...

Software any PC user shouldn't be without.

The Alternative Music Scene Vs. The Popular Music Scene

Spudguy's Minecraft Server

Why you should all get a Twitter account...

So, you guys like decent music and hot women right?

Awesome things of the now!

Blogging about nothing to blog about

Back in Norfolk...

Day to day musings...

I hate pornography.

University, gigs & friends.

3 word story FILLER BLOG - INCOMPLETE!!!