Squashing The Bug!

Visitation and Services for Gail

2013-02-03T12:46:00.001-05:00

Published Sunday, February 3, 2013 in the Virginian Pilot

Gail Marie Arnold
Virginia Beach - Gail Doxtater Arnold, 55, resident of Virginia Beach, ended her courageous battle with lung cancer on Jan. 29, 2013. She passed away at her home peacefully with her loving and devoted husband by her side.

Gail was born October 15, 1957 in Rochester NY. She later moved to Hudson, Ohio, then to San Diego California where she met her husband and then settled in Virginia Beach to start a family where she resided for 29 years.

Beloved daughter of Ardelle and the late Harold Doxtater, she is survived by her husband, Michael Arnold; son, Christopher; loving sister to three brothers, Larry Doxtater and wife, Carole; Gary Doxtater and wife, Carol; Greg Doxtater and wife, Jean; and cherished aunt of Scott, Keith and Oliver Doxtater.

Gail Designer/Owner of Topiaries at the corner of 25th Street & Pacific Ave is a graduate of the prestigious Hixson School of Floral Design and a nationally recognized award winning floral designer. Gail turned her passion and talent in to successful businesses combining a floral background of 36 years from New York to California with an impressive Client list, including J.P. Morgan (Manhattan), John Hancock (Boston), and over 2000 weddings for her Event Floral Business Floral Originals.

Her infectious smile and love for life will be greatly missed by her family and friends. She was a bright light so full of energy, her light will continue to burn bright through her family and friends that loved her dearly.

Visitation and sharing of Gail's life will be held at the Hollomon-Brown Funeral Home (Great Neck Chapel), Friday February 8th, from 2:00 pm to 4:00 pm and 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm. A funeral mass will be held at St. John the Apostle Catholic Church on Saturday, February 9th at 10am with a reception afterward. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the ASPCA at www.aspca.org. Condolences may be offered to the family at www.hollomon-brown.com

At Peace

2013-01-30T17:47:00.000-05:00

Hi All,

This is the blog post that I've dreaded for the past year. Our Gail passed away last night with her husband, Mike, by her side. When Gail and I started this blog a year ago, we never talked about how this particular post would be stated. We wanted to believe it was not going to happen and took strength in the power of that thought. Yes, there were many dark times when she felt like she could not take one more day of the constant pain, but she always pulled herself up and decided to attack again.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love, good memories, food and hope you provided for her and her family this past year. On the coffee table in her den sits a basket overflowing with cards and letters that she has received while fighting this battle. She constantly reread them whenever she needed a boost of confidence. I hope you all can take comfort in knowing that those messages of hope and thanks and love to Gail will become treasures for her family as they discover how much she meant to each and everyone of you.

At the beginning of this battle, Gail didn’t want to call her cancer The Big C as she preferred to think of her Christ as The Big C. Her cancer became The Bug. I’d like to think that in the end, she did squash that bug and that she didn’t lose her battle. The cancer did not win. While Gail’s body is no longer with us, neither is her cancer. We will always be surrounded by Gail’s beauty, wit and talent. Whenever a favorite song comes on the radio, we’ll sing it with her. Whenever we go to a blues or jazz concert, we know she’ll be dancing in the park with us. Whenever we pass by a beautiful flower arrangement, we’ll celebrate her talent in our memories. Whenever I go to Barnes and Noble, I’ll always continue to call our cappuccino a “cappa cappa”. And finally, many of us will always ask for a dill pickle in our Bloody Mary and share a chuckle as we raise a toast to the crazy friend that introduced that delicacy to us. She will always be around us and now finally, cancer free.

Rest peacefully Gail, the pain is finally gone.

We will always love you.

-Megan

2 Corinthian 4:8-9

We are pressed on every side by trouble, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

Ok ready to continue the story!!

2012-10-11T10:37:00.003-04:00

HELD HOSTAGE AT PRINCESS ANNE HOSPITAL

Sorry I have not kept you up to date. It has been a very very rough week.

It started Friday 8:00 am. I went in for an out patient procedure, where I was not allowed to drink or eat. The procedure was to drain the fluid from my lung that came back from the first suction after about 2 weeks which helps me breath. As I waited and waited for my slot at 10:00 as it came and went...anyway when I final was wheeled in, my white blood count was so high , (I told the Dr, was do to the new chemo for my bone that are meant to raise the count) Then came the kicker, my heart rate was 150 WHAT? They call me a conundrum. the dr. said I can not release you Its Friday and not much goes on over the weekend If they can't figure it out, its help from above. The dr. said I had to back on the gurney. to a waiting area and see if vitals settle down, by the way still no water or food, the time was ticking, yet I still can't eat or drink or get a room assigned until about 4:00. I will continue tomorrow, because its a long story.

OK next Chapter......

Turns out the computer system are not linked for all the info...believe it or not I could Have walked the info across the parking lot...Mr doctor was in Italy and would have thought it was still an outpatient and already checked out. Anyway a whole lot of miss communication! They did give me a choice to check out for the weekend or just stay in a clean environment etc and go first thing Monday. I was on oxygen and a tube was draining fluid out of lungs 24-7 and everything was being monitored and I was getting three square meals a day and I am loosing weight rapidly. I was off my Chemo for a time, not even sure it is working anyway that time. I did want to keep getting my chemo for the bone regiment, HELLO, which makes my white blood count go up. we got all that straight by then and I got the shots at the hospital. Which is a good sign. What it is for? They say its like a fertilizer for my bones.I get a shot everyday which I can take in my stomach or upper arm which burns, and then regular Chemo once a week. Once I got the procedure finished Monday, I had to rest a couple days. Now I get home care to drain my lung and oxygen, but I am doing much better with breathing and I really don't cough much any more, which means removing the fluid regularly is really helping. One of the more prominent problems left was severe bone pain from my bug and the shots, I usually have a med to high pain tolerance, but these pains buckle me over. ( very hard on my Husband, Mom, Brothers, and Friends.) I could go on forever....I next went on a pain management, which is helping so much. The lack of breathing from all the fluid that needed to be drained caused me to be exhausted and the pain kept me down too. So needless to say I am feeling better.

Love and Prayer and Thanks to all.
Gail

PA Hosp.

2012-09-29T18:15:00.002-04:00

Ok ready to continue the story!!

HELD HOSTAGE AT PRINCESS ANNE HOSPITAL

Sorry I have not kept you up to date. It has been a very very rough week.

Love, and prayers.

Gail

Duke visit

2012-09-14T20:08:00.003-04:00

Visit to Duke

No good news their. they basically said no trials would suit me.

Why we had to drive 4 hrs to hear that..made for a sad ride back.

I guess it is what it is! Not much for me to say, except I pray the current Chemo I am on is stomping the bug!!!! Not in the mood for bloggin right now, I will update when I have some medium to good news.

love to you all,

Gail

Outpatient August 30

2012-08-31T18:28:00.000-04:00

Outpatient surgery August 30th

I went in to removed fluid building up in my left lung, which is already 1/3 filled with a tumor that has collapsed my top lobe. I was having a very difficult time breathing to say the least. The procedure involved me sitting and leaning over another higher table. Not much pain they said, at this point I equate things with past procedures, like the bone biopsy etc..They just numb the skin with a wipe on my back, and insert a needle and tube to suck out the fluid, but in the middle I got A shooting pain in my shoulder neck area and then my hip, like a nerve or ?? so I said I could take it for about a couple more minutes, and then that was it, they had gotten enough fluid. I looked over and there was a liter of fluid.....Wow all that was in my tiny lung. The other pain lasted for about 1/2 hr. after the pain med. took hold I was able to go home. I am on pain meds. most of the time to help with the pain in my bones. Resting a lot yesterday and today. Apparently I am one of the rare ones that resist the chemos.

Help me Pray that this Chemo starts stomping out the bug.

Love and thanks from ME

August 2012 as time goes by........

2012-08-23T11:23:00.003-04:00

STARTING NEW 8 WEEKS TREATMENT

(once a week)

Started new chemo yesterday, with no complications . I have had bone pain in my ribs, back and side. I have been taking pain meds every four hours, but they make me very tired. Update on meds, I take pills for bone health, and pain pills for pain, bone shots every 6 weeks. Vitamin once a day 2 pills for tremors (which seem to be helping) a predisone to pick me up help and with breathing. As the side effects keep adding up, lucky some are replaced. The Dr. said the new chemo should help with the pain. I meet with my radiologist today for my check up from my radiation, since it work on an accumulative effect we had to wait three months. I would love to get back to work.

I never was a very patient person, but it seems the name of the game is waiting to find the key. Remembering....

"Faith is not knowing what the future holds but knowing who holds the future".

I am praying for more patience.

Love and Thanks for all the cards, well wishes, prayers, and love.

xoxoxo Gail

Update from yesterday

2012-08-16T21:24:00.001-04:00

News from Wednesday

No bad news...not great news either. the current chemo is not working. So I will be startimg my new 8 weeks of chemo next week Vinorelbine Tartrate. I will give more detail later, tremors are making it very hard to type.

Hope love and prayers, Gail

8 Months ago my life was turned upside down.

2012-07-31T20:51:00.001-04:00

I go for my 5th Chemo tomorrow, with three left if working in this series. I really have no new news until middle of August.

Just some of my thoughts...

I am becoming very tired again, which I need to recover from all of the poison they pump into to me. It could also be the pill for the tremors which slows down your blood pressure or the other mix of pills....etc.

I often think of the past 8 months filled with, needles weekly for drawing blood, and administering IVs needles, many many Dr,s appointments, Hospital visits, MRI,s, CT scans, Bone scans, Pet scans. All of these come with different side effects I have to deal with. I often say I never had any idea how, one day you hear that diagnosis and your life will never be the same. Its is hard unless you are in those shoes. I always looked forward great summers with friends and family and music, simple things like grocery shopping, cooking, not to mention every time I walk by a mirror I am shocked on what I see is not what I have been used to for the last 50 or so years. There is also the constant thought of the unknown. Its very hard to watch and think about the people going about their life's week after week while I am here, sitting still, its like everyone is in fast motion going around me as the days pass me by. I want to get back in the race!!!

THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE, SUPPORT, AND PRAYERS.

4th Treatment

2012-07-20T17:46:00.004-04:00

4th Treatment of latest Chemo Docetaxel

Praying this is the insecticide I need to kill the bug!!! I had another allergic reaction, small one, fixed with benadril and a shot of my inhaler. I seem to have a lot more energy with this one.

The reason I have not blogged more is the hand tremors make it very hard to use the keyboard. I am hoping this will not last long. My Father (most wonderful man and Father ever, wish I could have some big Dad hugs ) had tremors, and I never realized how hard it was to the everyday things, it is nerve related, hopefully all this has not triggerd something that was in my future. I started on two pills a day (more pills) if it will help I will know is about two weeks, if not I will see a Neurologist next, (another dr. yeah!). I was able to go to work for a few hours on Monday! What a joy, I really miss it! Topiaries was a dream 19 years ago and it has brought so much pleasure and creativity, and the best people into my life

I think the radiation is starting to work, because the tiny nubs of hair left on my head are falling out and my eyebrows and eyelashes too. Radiation is accumulative. Praying that is working on my brain, since chemo does not work on the brain.

Love, hope and prayers

Experiencing genuine joy and contentment when life is difficult is only possible when you lean on God's strengh instead of our own.

July 4th weekend

2012-07-06T16:06:00.002-04:00

Fourth of July 2012

Unlike other 4th weekends where we spent with family and friends in NY... boating, cookouts. and having a blast. I was not able to go, since I can't be in the sun or heat during treatment. Silver lining My family came to me, amazing family, my two brothers and wives, my nephew Keith and his wife brought their new born twin girls for me to meet, about 6 weeks old, adorable!!! No one has had a girl in our family since me 54 years ago, everyone had boys, needed some girls!!

On to the treatment yesterday, about half way through the chemo drip, I started coughing and having a hard time breathing. the nurses came over and I had broken out in hives, face chest everywhere. I thought oh great another chemo I can't use. They unhooked me and put another benedril (sp) drip on, and later re hooked the chemo on a slower speed, which added another 2hrs to my time. I was there for 4 hrs. long day. I do feel good today, much more energy. pedizone. I have one new problem coning from where, we are not from what yet, but my hands have tremors. very hard to write type, brush teeth, holding drinks getting food to mouth, putting on lipstick impossible effects about everything I do. I have been on pred. many times and I usually only shake a bit, not tremors. My next treatment is Wednesday!

Love to all, I am sure your prayers are working, nothing is easy.

New Chemo

2012-06-28T13:51:00.001-04:00

Started the new chemo yesterday. To bring you up to date for me to get to this point, we found out the chemo Tarceva did not work for the past 10 weeks I was on it. Along with that my side effects were very hard for me. If you know me personally I am contantly at the shop working and designing, and a very active person. The last month or so I lost my taste buds completly, I was unable to eat much except, jello, yogurt, boost energy drink. I love to eat!!! I tried all my favorite foods etc, for weeks. I began to lose weight and got very weak. I did not get out of bed except a couple times a day, unless I had to go to the doctors or someone came to visit. Weeks went by as I got thinner and weaker. If there was a side effect I could skip this would be the one. I stopped taking Tarceva 3days ago. My taste came back yesterday, and I have not stopped eating everything I was craving, I also back on steriods, which will help me breath and eat and have energy. There is a chance my new side effects will be of lossing taste again but hopefully not!!!

I will be getting a drip IV chemo one a week for 10 weeks. Then we will see if this one works..lots of waiting, while poison is being pumped in month after month. I have to build my strength for the next hit. It has been going on for 7 months. I pray this is the one that fights this monster.

Lord, You know the rough time I am going through now.

Please send your wave of faith today to heal my doubt.

Help me be steadfast in my faith.

Love prayers and hope,

Gail

P.S. If you notice everyday in the news someone has lost their battle with Cancer. I don't like that it sounds like the Cancer has won!!! We need to rewrite that statement.

2012-06-25T17:34:00.000-04:00

A quick note on my results.

The bug is still moving, which means the 8 weeks of chemo, and the Tarceva chemo pills for two months has not worked either. Start new chemo drip this Wednesday for 8-10 weeks. I will update with more details Tuesday.

Please pray this one works keeping the faith.xoxo
Love to all
Gail

Results

2012-06-21T17:45:00.005-04:00

I wanted to let you know that, I did not get my test results, do to a mix up.

My doctor will be back from travel on Monday, and I will see him then.

love, prayer and hope

Gail

June 2012

2012-06-14T17:31:00.001-04:00

June 11 2012

My thoughts this week: I am still so tired of being tired, as I read more about, its debilitating. I must sleep alot because, the drugs kill the good cells with the bad. I had my bone scan Friday. MRI and CT sans Wednesday. Still not eating much, but I am mostly on jello, boost some soup, its not that I don't want to eat, my taste buds are fried and it all taste like cardboard. My test at the hospital were not fun yesterday. They were all in the morning, and I sleep late. I was weak not in the mood for one more test. I have been throwing up about one a day, and the night before and the morning of I had to drink these huge bottles of banana nasty, hoping to keep it down. Then the rooms where the machines are, was freezing. Then they inject the dye which not fun either, next on the next scan, and another injection. I have had all these tests many times, It just hit me the wrong way. I went home and slept for the rest of the day. I will get all the info on the 20th. Praying that the radiation and chemo are working. Its been 7 months of the unknown, with no good news yet.

Thanks again for all the prayers and love.
Gail

Memorial Day Weekend

2012-05-29T15:49:00.003-04:00

After my last post, the dark place I went to was caused by the effects from the radiation. I slept for about a week straight and got up just to eat. I am starting to feel a little bit more like myself each day.
Effects for radiation start when the treatments are complete and last for weeks. On top of that I began to wean off the very strong steroid, Dexamethasone, that causes all kinds of withdrawal and messes with your brain. It took two weeks to ween off since I was taking 2 a day along with the effects of Tarceva, a chemo in pill form that I take everyday... Then around the 20th I loss my taste for food, it all tastes like cardboard. Yes, everyone brought me my favorites, etc. I am still finding it extremely hard to eat anything beside fruit.

It has definitely been a very hard road, one I would not wish on anyone. It's hard to believe I have been struggling with this for 6 months with a long road ahead. It is true that when I heard the word Cancer it was like everything I had known of daily life had changed with no return. It's hard for me to see others out and about doing normal things, or complaining about their hair not looking good cause it had rained... I wish I had hair. I just see people so much more clearer.
Memorial day weekend we always have a cookout, not this year. I have already missed my annual 5 day fun at New Orleans Jazz Fest and had to cancel our annual family get together with everyone in Buffalo, etc. I haven't worked in weeks, I use to work 30 to 40 hours a week. I really miss my work and clients that have been so amazing with gifts and cards and food, etc.

Thank you all for the love and support and prayers!

Gail

May 24 2012

2012-05-24T23:09:00.004-04:00

I just wanted to take a minute to update. I have had a very rough week and a half. I haven't felt like doing anything, not even talking or blogging. I am starting to come out of the dark time, and hope to fill in the details tomorrow.

Love, Prayer and Hope.

Gail

Mothers Day Weekend

2012-05-14T17:07:00.000-04:00

I had a wonderful Mother's Day weekend, as I hope all the Moms did! We had a fun road trip up to Virginia Tech for my son's Graduation. It was such a proud moment in our lives. I thank God everyday for the Best Family I was blessed with from my parents to my unbelievable three brothers that are there constantly with love, support, and prayer even my nephews check in. My husband Mike of 29 years will always be my rock (which we spent our anniversary in the radiation lab, I said here is the "in sickness and in health") Still My son the greatest blessing of all! The best thing is he is going to spend the summer at home...no more empty nest, we have always been the hang out place for his friends.

I have to say the best thing about all of this is, it is truly like the movie "Its a wonderful life". I look at the cards and letters of incredible people that have touched my life from grammar school, Hudson, Virginia Beach friends and neighbors, and so many clients and friends from Floral Original to Topiaries, other shop owners New Leaf, Wayne Jones etc., ex-employees, wonderful reps from Market that have become great friends, other patients battling different bugs and their friends, nurses too. If I got hit by a truck tomorrow or live another 20 years. I actually feel the love and support from all the amazing, thoughtful, caring, kind people that have touched my life. What an incredible blessing!!

Thank you for touching my life!

For my health update.

Not to bad, very very tired, I can sleep most of the day and all night every other day.

The radiology Dr. said it could last for months, I am sure I will less and less tired as I go.

The rash and pimples on my face, the new medicine I just started is working great just still a bit puffy face. I am sure that will get back to normal too. I will not know if any of this radiation and Chemo pill, Tarceva I take everyday is working until the middle of June. Please help me pray (I believe in being specific) for the chemo to stop the growth and kill all the Cancer, and for the radiation to remove all Cancer from my brain and kill the rest of the Cancer in my body forever. Amen

"Be patient under trial. Persevere in prayer"

Romans 12:12

GI JANE: Failure Is Not An Option

2012-05-04T00:29:00.001-04:00

Today was GI Jane Day! The hair was shaved in true warrior fashion and I am writng about our friend Gail because I am so damn proud of her. She wanted to make it through ALL her radiation treatments with her hair still attached to her head. It was one heck of a goal and she made it.

Personally, I wasn't sure what my emotions were going to be today, but no matter what, I was going to a positive machine. What I never expected to experience was watching as this strong woman began to emerge as her head was shaved. It was an amazing experience that neither one of us expected. One of the hair stylists even walked over at the beginning and said, "Oh no, why are you shaving your head?!" Obviously, our girl did not look a person fighting a serious Bug! I ask you, how much more positive could it get at that moment?!

Was I worried? Yes. I was scared I was going to cry, I've known this hair for years! I've seen it through a ton of ups and downs and many a time I've secretly wished mine looked that good. So yes, I was worried I might not be the strong shoulder I needed to be today. Did I let her know that before hand? Heck no, but as her head was getting shaved and her eyes started to become bigger and her teeth started to look whiter and her neck started to look longer, I sure babbled it all out and let her know what I was witnessing. We had turned Gail away from the mirror so only I saw her hair fall away. As it was happening, I realized this was no longer Gail's beautiful hair that was falling to the floor. What was removed was something fried and damaged. It was physically a weight that was being lifted off her shoulders. She actually started to look healthier. In hind sight, I wish she had seen the incredible transformation that I witnessed because all she saw was the end result. It was a shock and there were tears. We hugged hard, cried some more, and then I shook her and made her look back in that mirror to see that strong person I was seeing. She does NOT look like someone that's fighting the Bug. She looks like someone that said, what the hell, I'm tired of my hair and I'm shaving it!

Today was a beautiful day, one of the best days I've had in a long time. It was a gift to be along for the ride. It was a total girlie day, we got rid of some serious bad hair, picked up some fabulous new hair, and had a blast. Ten dollars to rid yourself of a serious bad hair day. And she doesn't need product?! What girl wouldn't be jealous of that one!!

She's probably not going to show anyone that beautiful shaved head, but I loved it. Loved it so much, that I told her I was a bit jealous of the power, strength and freedom that shaved head was just radiating.

Just to let ya know, she has a good head, no strange bumps or dimples...

-Megan

Last radiation

2012-05-02T12:55:00.000-04:00

Last day of my 3weeks of radiation!

I have been really tired, sleeping, a doing a lot of cooking and eating trying to keep my weight up. That is one perk, I love to eat. Effects from the treatments have been fatigue, some headaches, and burns on the skin, not too bad, but they do tell me the effects get worse after the treatment is over, hopefully not. The effects of the Chemo pill I am on every day are not too bad, pimples and rash all over my face, small price to pay for it to be working.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

I look at it as becoming GI Jane preparing for battle!!

There is a USA Today magazine on stands now:

CANCER

PREVENT-CONQUER-HEAL

I suggest everyone to pick it up and start learning how we are all being affected by the bug.

The numbers are staggering.

Lung: new 226,160

deaths 160,340

Breast: new 226,870 women

2,190 men

deaths 39,510

Melanomas: new 76,250

deaths 9,180

Prostate: new 241,740

deaths 28,170

Bladder: new 73,510

deaths 14,880

Kidney: new 64,770

& renal deaths 13,570

Colon rectum: new 143,460

deaths 51,690

Non-Hodgkin: new 70,130

lymphoma deaths 18,940

Pancreas: new 43,920

deaths 37,390

Leukemia: new 47,150

deaths 23,540

Oral cavity: new 40,250

& pharynx deaths 7850

New Orleans Jazz Fest!

Normally I would be packing for my 5th annual 5 day trip to

NOLA

Van the Man

Best food, music, friends, and family!

Next Year!

Thanks for all the prayers, support, and love!

It takes a team to fight.

Love, Gail

Chemo and Radiation

2012-04-22T16:26:00.000-04:00

Sunday April 22

I have had 7 Radiation treatments so far. I am also on the chemo pill tarcevia (5 days so far).

The side effects from the radiation have not hit yet, they say after about 2 weeks. I am trying to use visuals to squash the bugs, when the blue beam hits the brain area I think of a bug zapper can't you just hear it frying! When the red beam is on my lung I think of a blow torch. I way I feel about this whole thing is it like a constant war trying to take over my body, Well I want to keep my body so I am keeping my fighters strong, rested, well feed, with healthy nutrients.

The side effects from the radiation has not really hit yet, after about two weeks. I am trying to get work caught up etc, so I can rest later, because my blood counts will be low and very tired. Some of the small side effects from the pill have started, pimples...where... not stomach, not arms or legs....my face!! This is bug is going to strip me of all outer beauty and then if my worthy battle wins, I will get the outer beauty back, but a will not care about it anymore. This will be a life changing experience in all ways for the better.

I had great energy last week so I used it to get order filled and redisplay the store, which is what I love to do. Great therapy.

www.topiaries.biz

This weekend my nephew and wife came down from to visit from DC. It was a beautiful day 80s sunny. We started with lunch outside a Taste, then hung out at the beach for a while, Keith had to take dip...burr! Then stopped to pick up a dresser for the babies room, that was mine when I was a little girl and my sons Chris's too. Then to Trader Joe's for cookout food, oh yeah we had to stop and get frozen yogurt so we wouldn't shop hungry. Then Mom made her famous potato salad! Beautiful day in more ways then one!!

Love, hope and prayers.

If you would like to honor a loved one or someone fighting now or a survivor.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?team_id=1108491&pg=team&fr_id=40935&fl=en_US&et=jKXAQbiSIocN5JKKMxINkg&s_tafId=868681

Radiation starts

2012-04-12T15:51:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was a very long day 4 hours at the doctors, so much information and 15 new appointments, more meds. and more bad news. I will start with the bad news, better news later. The top lobe of my lung where the tumor is, has collapsed. Well, no wonder I have hard time breathing. My other lung is good and the bottom of my left is good, so that's why I can still function but I am still tired.

On the brain, I have the A-Team when it comes to my three doctors, one is an expert in Boston. First, my doctor for my treatments pulled up my brain scan and showed me all the spots, still just starting in my brain and small, but quite a few. They will have to radiate my whole brain to insure they kill it all. Then we pulled up my lungs on the screen and decided to do radiation on the left lung, too. Over my scars from the last surgery, we will be zapping bug cells and goods cells, which will stop the scars from healing due to the radiation. During the 3 weeks of treatments, I will be going through the bad to get to the better, the side affects too many to list. My breathing and coughing will get worse before it gets better, and it will be hard to swallow. Hopefully, we will shrink the bug in the lung which will open it up again and I will be breathing better again. For the brain radiation, they fit you with a mask to clamp your head down. They make the mask with a hot plastic mesh which is laid over your face for about 10 minutes or so until it molds to you and cools to harden. I am inserting a photo because I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. Hate the side effects on this one. I will loose all my hair. I try not to think I am sick all day because I forget and don't want it on my mind all the time. Now, it will be very evident to me all day and this one is hard for any woman. I was blessed with long, thick hair and is a big part of me. I said a prayer for God to take away all my vanities.

I told my nephew who is having twins in about 4 weeks, that after this, his new babies will relate to me because I will look like a big baby with no hair, a little wrinkled and a rash here or there. Ready to be born into my new and improved life, Amen! On top of all that news, which should shrink the tumor in my lung to help me and get rid of the brain bugs, my doctors got a chemo pill to go along with the radiation. Sometimes the IV chemo does not do well with the radiation and the chemo pills help to keep things stable everywhere else. So all of that is the good news. The bugs in my brain were found by accident while getting tested for the clinical trial. I believe that trial my not have been the answer but my guardian angels got me to have an early MRI which found this very early!!!! Unfortunately, the MRI's are very expensive to get since insurance does not approve having them done very often.

My first treatment is today, one down.. 14 to go.

ALL THE PRAYERS ARE WORKING!

THANKS SO MUCH

New Chapter

2012-04-10T21:22:00.000-04:00

As you all know, I was looking forward to testing a new clinical trial to use with the new chemo drug to start tomorrow. Well, I knew something was up, because they moved my doctor apptointment to today along with some other clues. When I was in the examination room with my Mom, my Doctor came in and I said, "It's not good, is it?" He said, "You did not qualify for the trial due to the cancer has moved into your brain." I said it sure would be nice to have some good news once in a while and he said he would love to give me some. I will start radiation tomorrow, everyday for 2 weeks. Then another MRI to see if that was enough. Adding chemo with the radiation will be decided soon.

I went shopping at Sam's club, made a couple calls while I was shopping to buffer any tears in front of people. Then I went home and cried for a bit. I hate to cry since I get a headache afterwards and mucus build-up, which I have been trying to get rid of all the way through this. Then it was time to get back up on the horse and take control again. Just think, if I had not gotten so upset about the mistake the surgeon's appointment person had made, I would not have had my surgery yet!!!! The radiologist nurse called today to schedule an appointment for tomorrow, but said she would have to call my family doctor for a referral. I told her I would call as I am very close with my doctor and I know his nurses. Again, my family doctor was not in today, so I talked to his nurse and said I need a fax sent STAT. And it was done. My best advice is get close to all of your doctors and nurses, know their names, they will be more involved with you and all that's ever changing in your medical journey.

My thoughts on today....

Even though it is hard for me to wrap my head around it (my life has totally changed in every way and will never be the same) I really do believe I have always had strong guardian angels that move things to happen. Just think, the bug was not found after it took two doctors and three x-rays. Then the pulmonary doctor found it and started testing and that lasted a month of "could be"... "maybe"... etc. Anyway, my point is, I appear so healthy and I have no other signs. My oncologist said today no one would even test for it. I thought, I could have been a walking time bomb. With that said, I feel maybe the clinical trial was not going to work for me anyway, but it did cause me to get an MRI (again guided to by guardian angels) which brings me to... OK they found it early, lets kill it. Besides, I am in Gods hands, he wants me to be healthy to get back to my happy and good life. I must fight this with courage and strength and encourage those who have it a lot worse.

Again I cannot thank everyone enough for the love and prayers.
It is helping me so much. xoxo

Sometimes your only available transportation is a LEAP of faith.

2012-04-10T17:18:00.000-04:00

Clinical Trial

2012-04-05T18:49:00.001-04:00

This is where I am at this point.

I am up to be picked for a clinical trial, which entails being examined all over again.

More blood taken today, an EKG, another CT scan, another MRI all before Monday. I should know if I was chosen by Tuesday. The trial are four pills I take along with the new chemo drug. The pill would be an added bonus to the chemo with not many side effects. My treatments will be 21 days apart again because this one will really hit my blood count low, so I need time to recover and bring my counts back to be treated again. We are trying to just stop the growth and movement of the BUG, and then on to the next step. I will know in about two months if this is working. By this time the testing from my biopsy will give us more insight to help fight (and beat the crap out of) the BUG, because I am starting to get pissed!

I have to say there are so many layers to this that it's hard to see it all coming at you in the beginning. The many, many tests, x-rays, scans, blood draws, surgeries, scopes, the insurance,(that blows through your money faster than you can imagine, everyday a bill in the mail, insurance covering less, and out of pocket more... Really!)

etc. never mind pain, coughing, and being tired from not enough oxygen.

I am not complaining, but must give a full picture, since remember I am at the begining of this battle. Two good things, I can run my store from a far with the help of my awesome manager Maureen! I don't know what people do about work, since I have already been in this for 7 months. The other thing that helps me get through it all, is some people have to watch their small kids and young adults go thru this and much more, and the tons of elderly people that are there week after week. So for that I can fight this as long as I don't have to watch my Mother (88) or my son go thru this week after week.

Again thanks for the prayers cards and love, I am absorbing it all.

With all of you and the Lord by my side we will see miracles happen!!

GOD BLESS and HAPPY EASTER