(1 min read / 45 sec video)

You can count your real, long-term friends on one hand.

What defines a healthy relationship? Are there times when should you ditch a friend? Guardian writer and philosopher Mark Vernon caught up with standstrong.tv after speaking at the London Philosophy Club to explain the workings of friendship:

Aristotle said that you can have all sorts of things in life, you can have a family, a career, money, but if you don’t have friendship then your life is lacking. In a previous post we discussed Epicurus’ view that friendship is the greatest possesion in the world. Also when we interviewed Prof Robin Dunbar he explained that we can only have a dozen or so real friends and that the human brain can only handle 150 acquaintances, questioning the integrity of huge social media friend counts.

Mark explains that the deep fulfilling level of friendship is all about “knowing someone and being known by them.” I imagine that is what I hunt for in real friends, someone to share a piece of my soul with.

Here is my take: I’ve always viewed my life and time as a big pie. I can only give out so many slices before it is all gone, so who do I chose to give my slices to? If I try to be everyone’s friend then how small and worthless are those slices I give out? I’d prefer to give a few healthy sized pieces to the people that really matter.

What does that mean practically? It means I can get on with many people but I chose to say NO to many things to keep focused on my real friendships and know I’m doing something right when not everyone likes me. If everyone likes me I feel uneasy and believe I am not truly being myself. This does not mean I try to alienate some people, it just means that I spend time with people who like the real me and help me grow into a better person. This makes me happy and comforts me that since I am giving my best to my friends it means that I cannot give my best to everyone else. It’s simply impossible to be everything to everyone – that turns you into a spineless shell.

Often, I look up to people by not only what they do, but what they will not do. It’s in saying no to many things and saying yes to a few that I am able to see character in a friend.

One unique pie filled with life and love that not everyone will like. That’s fine, what philosophy do you have about sharing the slices?

( 45 sec read / 4 min video)

Joe lost his wife to cancer; a year and a half later Joe is biking for palliative care in Debora’s memory. Below is a snap of Joe training with Jake for the the trip from London to Venice.

Friedrich Nietzsche said that “any worthwhile achievements in life come from the experience of overcoming hardship.” In this case, the pain that comes from losing a loved one has been turned into energy to help a much needed cause. Watching Debora suffer with pain made Joe appreciate palliative care and the relief it brought when she was diagnosed terminally ill. In overcoming the questioning as to why his wife was taken from him, Joe has set out on a worthwhile journey to help progress palliative care.

A raw truth of life is that eventually we all face hardships and lose loved ones. But we can rise above the situations and live a valuable life if we chose to improve the world in ways that we can.  Below is a picture of Debora with Jake.

Follow Joe and the crew on their adventure at http://ridingfordebora.org – Much thanks goes to Ophir Energy, Field Development Services, Nexen Inc, Waitrose, Dove’s butchers on Northcote Road in Battersea – for supporting and raising funds to improve palliative care.

(1 min read / 5 min video)

Artist and great grand-daughter of Sigmund Freud, Jane McAdam Freud mixes Epicureanism and her own philosophy, waking up each morning asking herself “what shall I do today?” To have that choice is absolutely imperative for a creative life. Her mantra is not to die of a thousand paper cuts. “To die of paperwork, to become lost in the details. Look after the bigger picture, don’t micromanage the small stuff. Ask yourself what the main thing is that you want to achieve and see that bigger picture, the vision.. keep the vision clearly in mind”

Epicureanism: 3 ingredients for a happy life:

1. Friends – Greatest possession in the world

2. Freedom – Being one’s own boss / working for yourself

3. Self understanding – Leading an analyzed life

As for what Jane wants to be remebered for: “I haven’t got any grand philosophy about changing the world, no.. I suppose it’s for my art, I want it to be valued and looked after like it was a child. I want it to go to a good home. So I want museums to aquire it, (quickly adding) which they do and always have done, luckily.. and not for it to be bought and sold like some commercial product.

When asked if Jane resented her name and family history, “I didn’t resent it, I was in denial of it. It was a tonne of embarrisment because when you are a child you want to be normal like everyone else.”

This week you can catch Jane McAdam Freud’s exhibition at London’s Freud Museum until the 17th. Sundaram Tagore Gallery in Beverly Hills, LA will be exhibiting Jane’s art from 16 -30 September 2010.

(APPROX. 1 MIN READ / 7 MIN VIDEO)

Nigel Warburton is a consquentialist (ends justify the means) who has dedicated much of his life to exploring philosophy, lecturing at The Open University, sharing his findings through books and his popular website, Philosophy Bites.

Regarding ethics, I asked Nigel if he believed in universal good. In this post-postmodern western world, one popular paradigm is that different opinions and lifestyles should be accepted. However, should we be all-accepting and avoid judging others, even if their definition of good is our definition of bad? What about judging those that judge others?

To investigate the philosophy of ethics, listen to Nigel explain how to form one’s own values and ethics:

At the 4:45min mark I asked Nigel what he wants to be remembered for, what good he wants to leave behind:

“You are assuming I want to be remembered… That is a strange way of living (concerned about how we will be viewed in the future). John Stuart Mill said that ‘one of the best ways of being happy is being immersed in something else.’ As soon as you start reflecting on the types of things that make you happy, you lose the possibility of happiness. I dont think we should be living constantly with a view on how we will be judged in the future. I think we should be immersed in the causes that matter to us in the present.”

(Approx. 2 min read / 9 min video)

Today more slaves are in bondage than were bartered in four centuries of the trans-Atlantic slave trade. Of course our worlds highest ever population is correlative to this sum, still, the estimated 27 million humans that can be bought and sold at a median of 300 USD horrifies me. Here are the facts you need to know to rise against:

I met the director of Call+Response, Justin Dillon, before the London screening of the rockumentary. I was curious to find out what prompted the California native to travel the world for the last few years to spread awareness about the world fastest growing and second largest illicit trade, human trafficking.

Earlier this year I had no idea that human trafficking had surpassed the arms trade with an est. 32 to 36 billion USD annual income, right behind the drug trade. Justin voiced his frustrations that mainstream media was not giving this worldwide crisis enough of a spotlight.

“The thing that we need to understand is that slavery isn’t sweatshops, this isn’t not being paid well, this isn’t prostitution for a low wage; this IS people being forced to work, under the threat of violence.” – Justin

After the 5 minute mark Justin gave an example of how slavery could happen in western civilization: Here’s the way one former pimp was able to describe whether or not he was going to be able to trick a girl into prostitution while trolling a mall. He would go up to them and say, ‘Gosh, you look really pretty,’ and if she would look him straight in the eye and say thank you, he would keep going. It’s any kind of weakness you can find.

At the 7:45 min mark I asked him what he wanted to be remembered for; he gave one of the best responses I’ve heard yet. Including: “…to help people address their own poverty of purpose and actually turn that into fighting poverty of a different type…”

I believe that becoming aware of the evil that’s happening out in the world is important for gratitude. When I’m having a rougher day or complain about some petty issue it makes me shake my head and shut up. Out there are families who are trapped on brick farms under debt slavery, generations working on cocoa fields that can never leave, young girls stuck in underground brothels who never see the light of day “servicing” dozens of clients a day and all other horrors that happen in the name of slavery.

It makes me realize I do not have the time or luxury to ever be bored or stay complacent. There is so much in the world to stand for, sometimes it is overwhelming how much needs fixing but I think it is important to pick something that works best with your talents and dig in. And in the case of Justin, a call for justice seems to be his response.

If this is something you would like to investigate, check out Justin’s website Call+Response to learn of actual ways you can make a difference.

“What you learn from a life in science is the vastness of our ignorance; you learn all the stuff that we don’t know” – David Eagleman

Two weeks ago David stopped by the School of Life to discuss the value of allowing uncertainty into life. During our interview he supported his opinion by quoting Voltaire, “Doubt is an uncomfortable position but certainty is an absurd position.”

It reminds me of a quote from Tony Robbins in a course he gave about the 6 human needs where he said the second human need was uncertainty. “The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty that you can comfortably live with.”

David coined the term Possiblian, urging us to not be so quick to jump to conclusions and allow our minds to evaluate various possibilities. The danger in accepting an opinion without examining alternatives and exceptions, causes cultures and people to clash. Too often there are religions on one side and atheists on the other. Not only that but religions with minor differences trying to show they are better than a very similar religion/way of life of another, limiting options causing false dichotomies. 

I believe that when we think we have a monopoly on truth with our lens to the world, we alienate others who don’t use the same paradigm.

Yet I struggle with the feeling that having faith (not talking about religion here, rather certainty)  in our belief patterns to life and a some (even false) security is almost necessary to get on with the regular day to day. Ask yourself this: If a false belief makes someone happier and more productive with their life – is it bad? Is the absolute truth always a good thing? What if uncertainty makes you unhappy and not as good to others as a little simplification and certainty (even if false) does?

Personally, I am happier knowing I don’t know and searching for truth, inch by inch. But what will my opinion be when I lose my parents or something else that is emotionally intense? Will I need more comfort of certainty? Of this, again, I am uncertain.

David finished up the interview answering the question of what he wanted to be remembered for: “I would hope to be remembered as an advocate of uncertainty.”

About: David Eagleman is a neuroscientist at Baylor College of Medicine. He currently runs a neuroscience research laboratory where he studies time perception, synesthesia, and how neuroscience will influence the legal system. He is also an internationally bestselling fiction writer published in 21 languages. His latest book is Sum: Tales from the Afterlives.

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“It’s very simple: This is what I believe and I’m willing to die for it.” – Will’s advice on how to achieve greatness.

Will Smith always struck me as the modern day Paul Newman. A man who made sure his family, morals and purpose never became derailed by fame. Remarkable feat with all the other crass happenings going on in Hollywood. This video is collection of clips explaining what Will stands strong for.

Below are the quotes that stuck out to me:

Talent you have naturally, skill is only developed by hours and hours of beating on your craft.

I’ve never viewed myself as particularly talented, where I excel is ridiculous, sickening work ethic. While the other guy’s sleeping, I’m working, while the other guy’s eating, I’m working.

I want to do good. I want the world to be better because I was here.

I want my life, my family and my work to mean something. If you are not making someone else’s life better than you are wasting your time. Your life will become better by making others lives better.

I want to represent an idea, I want to represent possibilities.

There’s no reason to have a plan B – because it distracts from plan A.

There’s a certain delusional quality that all successful people have to have, you have to believe that something different than what has happened for the last 50 million years of history, you have to believe that something different can happen.

Being realistic is the most commonly travelled road to mediocrity, why would you be realistic? I’m gonna do it, it’s done. It’s unrealistic to walk in a room and flip a switch and lights to come on. That’s unrealistic, fortunately Edison didn’t think so.

I’m motivated by fear, fear of fear, I hate being scared to do something. I started attacking things that I was scared of.

You can’t be scared to die for the truth. The truth is the only thing that is ever going to be constant.

When I say HANDBAG what do you think of? In Nigeria, a handbag is any woman in politics. The only women that make it that far use their body to get there, a pretty thing to give sexual favors, take notes and make the men look good. Alice Ukokowon’t stand for the way women are treated in Nigeria and has been fighting, full-time since 1994, to change the tide.

Nigeria, a place about 200 years behind the west in terms of women’s rights. It’s a place were government is an old boys club, a superstitious club regarded by most as one of the most corrupt countries, full stop. It’s a place were the educated elite practice voodoo behind the doors in the government, a place where women are regarded as objects.

Rape is used to control communities, with police and other officials bringing the evil. Young girls are targeted with gang rapes by officials – virgins are favored because they are aids free. The elite have learned that if they scare the community, it will learn to be subservient. If the police are part of the problem, who do you run to? Connected to this is the problem of communication, since LIGHT (what Nigerians call electricity) is sparse and women cannot communicate with each other (email etc) to become educated, banding together to stand up against the muffled horror.

Amidst death threats and opposition, Alice has been living between Nigeria and London, mixing with politicians, media (such as the BBC) and key influencers to give voice to the women of Nigeria.

I asked her on this video what she wanted to be remembered for and she responded:

“I would like to be remembered as a woman who came to this world, not for myself but for the sake of others. A woman who has made the contribution and accounted for the time and the space occupied to empower other people. A woman who made a contribution to the development to the world.”

George Dickson also asked Baroness Joyce Gould (associated with the Women’s International League for Peace & Freedom) before her departure to the UN what gave her passion in this cause and why she supports Alice.

For more info please visit  womenofafrica.org or wilpfinternational.org

So I’m still working on editing the next video but I thought I’d like to share with you my all time favorite speech found in a movie. Taste the passion in this nugget of a clip (heads up, a curse or two.)

I’ve watched this clip many times in the last two years. I’ve watched it when I needed to desperately let go of frustration, and before important steps in my small life. This clip is that good, and puts into words how I often feel.

Around four years ago I chose to tear myself to pieces to become as real and pragmatic as possible. The line “we claw with our fingernails for that inch” and “I know if I’m willing to live it’s because I am willing to die for those inches” makes so much sense when you are about to make a choice that you know will make the outcome of your life much different.

Mine involved removing myself from a passive, easy state and moving continents to start fresh where I had no connections and a boatload of possibilities. The hardship that had me to points where all I could afford were potatoes and eggs and the constant hunger to conquer – and then pulling up my boots and conquering. The pain is SO worth it. It’s like showing up in a gym and expecting to get great results by trading some pain and sweat, only to return again and again for more struggle and pain. The pain makes way for joy and clarity and a mind that is in far better shape than before. For a sharp mind, hardship is needed with difficult ideas to digest and grasp. Strong personal philosophy can act as a gym for the mind.

Well I want great results for myself and my loved ones. So I don’t wish for everything to be peachy, I hope that in my small way I can help craft personal philosophy that looks at the struggle in a paradigm that appreciates the potential for a positive outcome. What are the INCHES you claw for? Is it a better family, maybe a better career, better health, a sharper mind, solving those questions that haunt you, helping others, really making a dent into developing a personal legacy…?

In my limited experience I’ve come to understand why Socrates drove home that the only life worth living is the examined life.

For me life is continuously being hungry. The meaning of life is not simply to exist, to survive, but to move ahead, to go up, to achieve, to conquer.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger (come on, how could I not include this gem?!)

Kinship vs. friendship, the cognitive demands of monogamy, or why 400 Facebook friends may be a health hazard.

In 1992, anthropologist and evolutionary biologist Robin Dunbar proposed Dunbar’s Number — a theoretical cognitive limit on the number of people with whom we can maintain viable social relationships. He pinned that number at 148, or roughly 150. But how does this translate to today’s social media environment of 400-friend Facebook profiles — does it help us beat Dunbar’s number?

I had the pleasure of guest blogging on Brain Pickings this week. To read the full article please click here.