The Message of You

Does CNN stand for Certain Negative News?

2013-05-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

I was listening to an interview with Angie Gregg, (the daughter of kidnapping suspect Ariel Castro) and she hopes that people understand her father's actions are not a reflection on her family."We don't have monster in our blood," she said.

But, that’s a lie: we all have “monster blood” -- including you who are reading this blog, as the American people lust after every salacious detail of evil crimes.

My CNN Breaking News app alerts me to evil doings all the time. Beep, beep – “joker” guns down patrons in movie theater, gunman kills kids in elementary school, bomb goes off at Boston Marathon. Keep your phone alerts on as the next horror might be this morning!

CNN covered these events wall-to-wall, and quickly pivoted from the Boston bombers to extensive coverage of an evil man who for ten years tortured and imprisoned three young girls.

If you don’t like the tabloid style focus on tragedy, it isn’t CNN’s fault; they’re only reporting what the public wants to hear. And as the crimes escalate in horror, so do CNN’s ratings as Anderson Cooper and Piers Morgan roll TV specials promising “new details.”

(I have to admit, I’m one of those people who watches these specials.)

The escape of the girls who were held hostage is sadly, not to freedom, but now to another kind of imprisonment, where they will once again be robbed of being who they are. They’ll be seen and known only in terms of what was done to them rather than who they are.

In the end, ALL of us, including myself, have committed a despicable crime against these girls every time we yearn for the details of this crime.

The victims haven’t gone outside in ten years. And now, they can’t go outside without being mobbed by reporters, and without having cameras and microphones shoved in their faces at every turn.

Our “monster blood” is doing it again to them.

Staking Out Your Inner Energy Vampire

2013-05-08T10:42:00.001-07:00

Have you ever heard a comic or a speaker and in the first five minutes, you already feel like you need a nap, or a drink, or even someone to make your final arrangements -- because you’re literally going to die of boredom?

In college, I had a few professors who left me snoring, but I’ve seen lectures since where speakers raise boring the audience to an absolute art form. (It’s a very strange talent.)

How do they do it? Is it their subject matter? Their way of speaking? (Bueller? Anyone? Anyone?) Or is it something about who they are?

If you want to get paid for speaking, you need to have clear answers as to how these speakers cause their audiences to lose interest at light speed -- so you can do exactly the opposite.

As part of my research for my book (“The Message of You”), I wanted to find those answers for you – so I watched a lot of professional and amateur speakers (both live and on video) to see how they told their signature stories. Some of those speakers were entertaining and inspiring; others opened their mouths and sucked the energy right out of the room as if they were vampires in the Twilight series.

There was one main difference between the two types of speakers: narcissism.

If the reason you open your mouth in front of others is because you need attention, you can instantly turn yourself into an energy vampire. How? You aren’t speaking to share something with the audience that helps them, or is on the topics that they want to hear about. Instead, you’re talking about what interests you, with the goal of using their attention to feed yourstarving ego. That might feel great (for you) for a minute or two, but as people stop paying attention, fall asleep, or even get up and leave – at some point even the most clueless speaker should realize that something isn’t working.

People often assume that what they have to say about themselves and their own thoughts, experiences, and feelings is alwaysinteresting. Maybe that’s because they can recline on a couch in an office and talk to a nodding therapist who will hang on every word for sixty minutes. But -- unless you’re paying each member of your audience $150 an hour (like the therapist is getting) – don’t expect the same reaction.

Imagine that same therapist is working for free, and has three options of what to do with an hour:

Answer a phone call from a travel agent with answers about an Australia trip the therapist has been itching to take
Go down the hall to a lecture on “How to double your medical practice income”
Listen to someone babble on for an hour with dozens of examples of how their younger sister always got more attention, and how that is the reason for every conceivable disaster in the last two decades, from failed marriages to Hurricane Katrina.

It’s not hard to guess that option 3 is never going to be picked... but it’s amazing how many speakers start telling stories with no thought about what is – or isn’t – something of interest to the listener.

Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t tell personal stories, or open up about your thoughts, experiences, and feelings onstage. That sharing and vulnerability makes it possible to connect more deeply with your audience… but only if you include them in the process, and even more importantly – they, not you, become the main focus.

If you’re saying, “I” “me” or “my” too much, you’re on the wrong track, especially if you’re talking about problems:

“The other kids teased me” … “People at work wouldn’t listen to my ideas” … “I never got my Christmas pony!”

If you sound like “Debbie Downer” – complaining without offering solutions -- your audience is going to tune out. You’ll see it in their faces, and in their body language if you pay attention, because audiences are ALWAYS giving you feedback. But, if you don’t see their signals, you can always just ask.

“By a show of hands, how many of you would like to hear why I felt unloved as I child?”

“Okay, and now, how many of you would like to know instead why YOU felt unloved as a child, and how you can overcome those lingering feelings of self doubt in way that will give you the confidence to change your life?

Changing the focus to make the story about your audience – and what they care about -- can make a huge difference.

Audiences – and amateur performers -- are a lot like the people in a therapist’s office; their favorite topic is themselves. What a successful speaker has to remember – is that the focus always needs to be on whoever is paying the bill.

Using Your Message to Land a Job

2013-05-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

I learned a lot about what it takes to get a job by being on the hiring side of the interview desk. Not too long ago, I put in an ad for a project manager. Very quickly, I received over 1,000 resumes – and it made me think about how tough it must be for a job seeker to stand above the sheer volume of competition in this difficult economy.

I assumed it would take a long time to narrow the search down with so many applicants – but it didn’t. So I hope I can help those of you who are looking right now by sharing the things that thinned out the herd – and that made some candidates really shine.

THE GREETING

If I’m hiring someone to be a project manager, they’re going to be writing and sending emails on my behalf. So, how they addressed me in their query letter gave me a sense of how they might approach my clients. But -- you’d be surprised how many people began with, “To Whom It May Concern” or “Dear Madam/Sir.”

Maybe it was really hard to find out the name of someone with a website called judycarter.com – or from the email address that had my first name in it. Or -- maybe they knew my name, but were being really careful not to offend me (just in case Judy is a he.)

Granted, I know you have to be a little careful with a business owner named Pat or Gene -- but how often is someone named “Judy” a sir? If you’re that cautious, working with a comedian is clearly the wrong line of work for you. You blew it. (600 down, 400 left to go.)

MAKING IT PERSONAL

In this age of Google everything, you can certainly find out anything about the person or company on the other side of the interview. So, my next step was seeing if applicants took the time to research the history of my company and my personal life -- andwere smart enough to mention something in the letter to show me that they did.

Guess what? Most people didn’t. (300 more gone; 100 left.) Out of the original 1,000, only 10% even took the time to go to my website. Since they were already online (the application wasn’t in a newspaper) – it would have only taken a few clicks. If you’re that lazy – do you really expect anyone (other than a relative or the French government) to hire you?

A form letter isn’t going to get you a job. Take the time to do a little research and make it specific to the opportunity. You have the time. (Or, spend your days customizing your parent’s basement so it’s truly a home; it’s your call.)

IT’S ABOUT THEIR MESSAGE

If I could attribute one thing that is the key secret to my financial success in an industry where only 5% of SAG/AFTRA (the performer’s unions) members are above the poverty level, it’s about letting go of “me” and focusing on “you.”

People who aren’t making a living at what they love to do have more excuses than dollar bills. “It’s age, sex, race, discrimination, and it’s a tough market.”

No, those aren’t the factors that make the final cuts. What employers care most about is how well you fit in with their values. Your credentialsmight get you in the door, but how well what you stand for matches up with your potential employer is the thing that will get you the job.

One of my coaching clients shared with me how he scored a job on Broadway by using a technique from my new book, “The Message of You.” In the last chapter of the book, I encourage my reader to listen, mirror, and acknowledge other people’s messages. My client, David, went into the interview having done extensive research on not only what the employer had done -- but also on what he stood for: the employer’s message.

Going into the interview, instead of giving the typical “why I’m so great” speech, David started with, “I believe that there are three things that I see as your message.” And, after listing them, he continued, “… and here is how we can fit together.”

He got the job.

We all want to work with, date, and marry people who “get” us. When Felicia (the very last person I interviewed) came in to meet with me, she not only knew what I did, but WHY I did it. (That level of understanding is invaluable.) She showed me her organizational prowess, and how she could help me do what I do better. She got the job.

Do you know your message? Do you express it in a way that is clear – and quick? And -- do you know how it fits with the message of the person or company who is interviewing you?

If you don’t – start doing your homework now. Or -- go shop for some cool posters for that basement.

Judy Goes Back to College

2013-04-24T10:41:00.001-07:00

After a week of American tragedy, people might wonder about the younger generation. Are they really violent and disenfranchised?

No.

I just got back from teaching for a week at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) in Richmond, and working with these young students gave me hope.

I had two responsibilities in the classes that I taught: to help students go from no act to a full standup act in preparation for a comedy showcase, and to assist graduating seniors in the drama department find their message. I had 4 days.

They astonished me with their openness and willingness to reveal the dark messes of their lives, and turn those into a message and find the funny in it. They revealed overcoming eating disorders, coming out to Bible Belt parents, and reaching out to alienated family members.

They got real, got personal, and came out of the class realizing what they stand for. We talked at the end about how to use their message on job interviews, auditions, and speaking. After all, when we get out of college, we all have limited credentials. At that point in our life, the only thing we truly have is our message, and our value is in how we use that message to affect others.

I’ve found that as people get older, sometimes getting in touch with the past “messes” in our life is harder than pulling teeth. Perhaps it’s because the more distant we get from those painful memories in our lives, the less comfortable it is to relive them. Yet, this group of young students revealed all with utter authenticity, and the willingness to share and inspire others with their messages.

I can’t wait for the images of disturbed, violent youth to be replaced with young people like these who are truly willing to make a difference in other people’s lives.

Not a Good Week for Comedy

2013-04-18T14:59:00.001-07:00

But, the terrorists win when we stop meeting together, when we stop celebrating our triumphs, and when we focus on their message – and forget our own.

The Boston marathon bombing overshadowed a remarkable triumph from the parents of Newtown as they came out in public to speak their life lessons. They wanted to help prevent their tragedy from happening to any other parents, and to make a difference by sharing their experience.

And that’s exactly what they did.

One of the parents, David Wheeler, who spent over 20 years in film and television acting while living in New York City, lost his son, Benjamin in the shootings. When he appeared on “60 Minutes” with the other parents, he spoke as eloquently as if he were a great leader with a staff of brilliant writers. He asked American parents to, “…literally find a mirror in your house and look in it and look in your eyes and say, 'This will never happen to me. This will never happen in my school. This will never happen in my community,' and see if you actually believe that. And if there is a shadow, the slightest shadow of doubt about what you said, think about what you can do to change that -- in your house, in your community, in your school, in your country -- because we have an obligation to our children to do this for them. It's going to happen again... And every time it's somebody else's school, it's somebody else's town, it's somebody else's community, until one day you wake up and it's not."

President Obama then asked David's wife, Francine, who’s a music teacher and performer, to take the president’s place for the weekly radio address to the nation. And what were the results?

It made people accountable. At least they stopped the filibuster and made the senate take a vote. But it's not the end. When people are willing to speak their message and take a stand, change is possible.

When events like the Boston bombing happen, it’s because evil people are willing to do something horrific to draw attention to their message. But don’t let them succeed. Don’t lose focus on the positive messages that exist, and what we can do to fight back.

Take the time to find your own message, and speak it from the heart. You canmake a difference – but only if you make the choice to do it.

Please click here to hear for Wheeler’s MSNBC clip and here to watch the first part of the 60 Minutes special.

You can't spell "MESSAGE" without "M-E-S-S"

2013-04-02T11:42:00.000-07:00

We've all had painful things happen to us: rotten childhoods, financial disasters, and a final episode of LOST that was a complete disappointment.

Conventional wisdom has said that we need to get over it, snap out of it, or just move on.

But it isn't always that easy. In my own life I've tried having my head shrunk, chanting some "oms", having my "energy" adjusted with Reiki, and I've explored a variety of pharmaceutical options ranging from ones that "take the edge off" to "where did two days go?"

Still, I wake up in the middle of the night fretting about something painful someone did to me years ago, or something stupid I did to someone else, or about those inexplicable bad things that just happen. It's hard to let go of the past.

But -- there was one thing I didn't try (until recently) to do with the messes of my life: appreciate them.

How do you appreciate something that hurts? When I stopped and examined my life, I found that the messes in my life were usually the turning points that lead me to the successes.

"The Message of You" Workshop coming to San Francisco Sunday, May 5, 2013.

When I taught standup comedy, I'd always get a few students who had what most people would consider wonderful lives, with no rejection, no frustrations, and no failures. They had happy families, lucrative careers, expensive cars - you name it. But for comedy purposes - their lives sucked. They just weren't that interesting - or funny - to most people, because most of us live lives of constant struggle. We don't want to hear someone else moan about how hard it is to find a reliable chauffeur. These students often experienced their very first big failure in life in trying to connect with an audience of regular people to make them laugh.

Last year I went through a depressing, debilitating mid-life crisis. (Well, given my age, I guess I should call it an "end of life" crisis.) I was sweating the big stuff and the small stuff: wondering about the meaning of my life, questioning my marriage, and feeling like I'm a bad person because I own a Prius -- but always drive the SUV instead.

All of that pondering and wondering lead to my book, "The Message of You."

I learned it's only through pain that we ever really learn anything. That's why when I give a speech, the first thing I do is make the audience aware of their pain. If you ask most people if they would be happy if their lives never changed - chances are their answer is no. What causes them pain -- is exactly the clue they need of what needs to be different.

So, last week when I shared this notion of examining our messes for meaning at a benefit for Safe House during my keynote in Palm Springs - two women shared with me that there were going through cancer treatment, and listening to me speak helped them realize the possibility of a message in what was happening to them. That realization empowered them, in that, despite their illness, they have power over finding that message, and sharing insights and experiences in a way that might help others facing the same difficulties.

So - take time to really examine your own messes; you just might find gifts of strength, renewed faith, or a message to help others. Or -- at the very least -- you may find direction in where your life needs to go next.

The Right Way to Write; Getting Published and Getting Paid! FREE Teleseminar

2013-03-27T10:36:00.001-07:00

Ok, here's the truth. When I was writing my first book, "Stand-Up Comedy: The Book," (Random House) I’d sort of hit bottom. I’d quit doing comedy clubs, and I had a typing job for $10/hour. I sent the first three chapters of my book to 59 agents and I was rejected by ALL of them.

Here’s what they had to say:

"Nobody wants to learn standup comedy..."

"You can't teach comedy in a book..."

"Why don't you write a how to book about something useful… like fly fishing?"

Real agents. Real comments. Really depressing.

Cut to:

I just had my fourthbook published this past month, titled, "The Message of You" (St. Martin's Press).

In the past year, I’ve been invited to speak all over the world (Russia, Sweden, etc.) as an expert, meaning I’ve been getting paid to travel and I get treated like a celebrity.

(One Swedish newspaper even called me their “Comedy Prophet.” Wow – I feel almost like Moses -- only funnier.)

Still, I have those moments where my inner critic tells me I’m worthless, and don’t know anything. I try to battle it by asking myself what I do know, and, it occurred to me that I definitely DO know something about how to get a book written -- and published.

Last month, I was talking to my literary agent, Penny Nelson, who said that she went to a "How to Get Your Book Published" workshop and couldn't believe all the misinformation that was given. She was wishing that someone would give aspiring writers the right information, because it would make her job – and theirs – a lot easier.

So... Penny and I, along with self-publishing guru Dan Poynter, are going to give you the realinformation about publishing in a teleseminar on Tuesday, April 9th. And how much is this going to cost you?

Ah... let me think... nothing! That's right. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

So, if you ever thought you ‘d like to write a book, or you’re having a hard time getting a book you've already written noticed -- join us to hear the real truth about the publishing industry and where youfit in.

DATE: Tuesday, April 9, 2013

TIME: 5:30 PM to 6:30 PM (PDT)

PRICE: FREE

REGISTER: http://bookpub.eventbrite.com

Turning a Mess into Success

2013-03-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

I have a speech tomorrow, and last night it kept me up all night. I always have that level of anxiety with new material, because so much of it sounds unfunny and disorganized. All sorts of new ideas are scattered around in my head and on scraps of paper, and it's a true mess. Seeing that mess fills me with frustration and anxiety -- because of the looming gig on my calendar that demands it not be such a mess.

But -- what comforts me is to realize that all of our successes start out as messes. And the people who succeed have the willingness to navigate their way through the mess to find the great material that's hidden within.

There's nothing as unfunny and un-fun as writing a speech or writing a comedy. Remember how on Seinfeld, Jerry and George would brainstorm ideas for their "show about nothing" -- and everything came easily and made us laugh?

In the real world, writers are often frustrated, anxious, doubtful, and frequently find themselves staying up past midnight staring at a laptop and guzzling pitchers of coffee, desperately hoping something will come to them other than the awful first, second, and third drafts they've been staring at for hours.

So many people want to write a book, do standup, or be paid as a speaker, but give up too quickly because they're weighed down by the feeling that every idea has to be perfectly formed in their head BEFORE they start typing it.

In my New York weekend workshop, everyone learned that material doesn't come out of you fully formed like a newborn colt that can just leap to its feet and gallop. New material comes out raw and unformed, and most of the time just lays there like a baby bird, until with rewrite after rewrite, you finally feed it enough that it can fly.

So don't paralyze yourself with the need to be perfect. The only need is to start. And whether you're writing your story, an act, a speech, it doesn't matter how you start; just start -- and commit and nurture and parent that idea, until it gradually takes on a life of its own.

Who Says Comics Can't Be Rich?

2013-03-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

Joining Judy at her NYC workshop is Dan Nainan!

Former student and comic Dan Nainan was on the cover of Parade magazine, “WhatPeople Earn: Parade’s 2013 Salary Report.”

“A former Intel engineer, Nainan took a comedy class to overcome stage fright and now makes $328,000 a year,” says the headline.

Dan lives in NYC and performs comedy all over the world, even performing for President Obama!
Recently, we did a corporate gig together, and I asked Dan what he considers to be at the root of his success.

He said, “Two words… ‘Working Clean.’”

As he honed his material in comedy clubs, Dan didn’t fall prey to doing jokes that would offend Grandma’s ears. He knew then what he practices now: that a comic can get more gigs if he or she works clean.

Dan quickly realized that if a comedian works "blue" (dirty), he or she would be confined to low-paying gigs in comedy clubs. Even established comedians who have been seen multiple times on David Letterman and Jay Leno only make $25 on weeknights and $75 on weekends performing in clubs.

In contrast, Dan has earned as much as $15,000 in an evening performing at colleges, corporate events, charity galas, private functions, or on cruise ships. Developing a fully clean act can be difficult -- but the rewards are definitely worth it.

Dan also picked a topic that EVERYONE can relate to – family. Dan focused his material around his family complications, a relatable topic for any audience. Dan knows that by doing comedy about his unique background, it makes it much less likely anyone will try to steal his material. (His mother is Indian and his father is Japanese, and that international background has helped him connect with audiences overseas.)

Many (starving) comedians frown upon ethnic material, but Dan has found his niche – in addition to 300 million Americans, his audience includes over 1 billion Indians scattered around the world.

He found his big break when he opened for Robert Schimmel, then for Russell Peters, (who earns $10M a year according to Forbes Magazine). Riding Russell Peters's coattails, he was introduced to the international comedy market and has become a headliner of his own, performing in 47 US states, as well as over 20 countries. You can check out Dan’s act at http://www.comediandan.com.

If you’d like to see more of Dan, and his story, he’ll be joining me at my New York City workshop on Sunday, March 17th to answer questions on how to make a living as a comic and a speaker.

Comedy, Meet Tragedy. Tragedy, Meet Comedy.

2013-03-07T10:30:00.000-08:00

It's weird how in comedy you focus on the details of life, then discard a lot of the deeper meaning and go for the joke. After so many years of this - having to have the end result be a laugh made me stay away from more dangerous topics. Topics like my sister with cerebral palsy, being raised by a black woman, having my mom die young before I was ready, and even more dangerous topics I'm too frightened to mention.

I'm learning the great creative adventure of not going for the laugh, but rather letting the writing of a story unfold. As I release my latest book to you, "The Message of You" - I realize that I wrote it because I was learning the same lessons I was putting to paper: that ALL our stories, both funny and dramatic -- have a need to be expressed.

The interesting part is that even in dramatic stories, sometimes the laugh organically finds it's moment, without any help from us. It's an amazing turn when even in the darkest moments of life, a laugh gets caught on a jagged edge of sorrow, and that laugh comes from a divine place. It's the laugh of transformation - when we can see the humor in the darkness, it lights a path to healing.

Maybe, finding those moments when tragedy turns into comedy - instead of the other way around - is the magic we ALL seek.

What a Waste of Oscar's Red Carpet

2013-02-26T11:24:00.000-08:00

As I was watching the Academy Awards Sunday night, I was saddened by the amount of wasted airtime that took place on the red carpet.

Half the interview time was spent with endless chatter about the clothes the women were wearing. Once a year, we have a parade of the most accomplished people in the entertainment industry, with the chance to ask them the one question every aspiring comic or actor most wants to know: "How did you get here?"

Instead -- we take much of that time to answer what we already know: it's a long dress, it was designed by one of five or six famous designers, and yes, there is cleavage.

The other half often winds up being filled by a standard response to some random - but not so unexpected question, like, "What is your new movie about?" or, "Are you excited about being nominated?"

I saw Nicole Kidman (who's been nominated for best actress THREE times) asked one of these meaningless questions, and after taking it in for a moment, she politely answered - but I couldn't help but wonder what a much more interesting conversation it could have been.

Let's look at her bio for a moment: Here's an Australian who was actually born in Hawaii (to Australian parents), and who was a stutterer (like yours truly) as a child. She was (and still is) extremely shy. (Not a good start for an acting career.)

Yet, she's gone on to star in 17 movies grossing over 2 billion dollars. She's also a mom with 4 kids, she's been married to Tom Cruise, and is currently married to country music star Keith Urban. She's won an academy award, but knows what's it like to lose (twice), and she's a mega millionaire with a net worth around 300 million dollars.

Isn't there a much more interesting conversation waiting to happen than just asking, "What's your next movie about?"

Think how much more interesting the night would be if - instead of all the focus on gowns and gossip -- more people had taken the time to discover - and were given the opportunity to speak -- the unique messages of their individual journey: the journey that got them from wherever they started, to the red carpet at the Oscars.

Unfortunately - the show is already four hours long, and most of the red carpet interviewers are looking for sound bites - not inspiration.

Still, occasionally, actors do speak about their "mess-to-success" journeys -- but it only makes me wish that more shared those stories.

(I just read a bit of Golden Globe winning actor Jim Carrey's biography . He had to quit school at 15 to work as a janitor to help support his family; he seems to be doing a bit better now, financially.)

It's those stories and speeches - especially the success stories that started with the most ordinary backgrounds -- that give an audience hope. And it's easy to forget in all the glamour what movies (and maybe the recognition that goes with them) really should be about: not just entertaining - but inspiring us.

If there isn't anything in your life inspiring you right now, maybe you're overlooking elements in your own story that could inspire you, and others.

So - what will you say in YOUR Oscar speech? Let me know in the comments. And to view mess-to-success stories from my LA book signing, please go to TheMessageOfYou.com Video Message page.

Your Story Is Waiting To Be Told

2013-02-19T09:24:00.000-08:00

OMG! 175 people came out to the LA book launch of "The Message of You" (See pixs - and if you are in them, please tag).

Last Sunday was Book's first outing into the world. As any nervous mother would be, I was excited, but also scared. How well would Book be received and liked? But, listening to everyone's stories -- both shared onstage and via twitter (#TMOY - was trending!) I see the "The Message of You" becoming a movement as strong as the comedy movement.

Former WWE John Morrison
Even wrestlers need a message!

The live workshop opened with a video. I took the stage and told people how to find their message from their "Heart Story." Then people got up onstage to speak about their journeys from mess to success with amazing authenticity and vulnerability. There were moments of people letting go of their masks, and leading with their messages: messages of surviving breast cancer, being honest about being gay, working a way out of depression, being a mother with a child with behavior issues -- and more.

Hearing these stories inspired me, and made me realize how we all can create a ripple effect of inspiration and turn our stories into a paying speaking career. We don't have to just go for the laugh, because if we do, we're missing so much more meaning that should be shared onstage. After all, even if you're depressed, nothing feels better than knowing that you've made a difference in someone else's life.

When will you start sharing your message? On sale ALREADY at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Your Mess Can Be Your Success

2013-01-31T10:29:00.000-08:00

Last week, I was at a fancy Hollywood studio recording the audio version of my new book, "The Message of You" -- when I was suddenly overcome with anxiety.

Has this ever happened to you? You're an adult with a wonderful career, a life, and even a dog who loves you - but all of a sudden you feel like a scared eight-year old.

Here's the thing: many of you probably know me as a successful speaker/comic, so you might be surprised to find out that up until I was ten years old, I had a severe speech impediment. It was so severe -- that I couldn't say the word "Im-ped-i-ment."

(Isn't it cruel to name something a word that the kids who have it can't pronounce?)

So, as an adult, with a high tech microphone in front of me, and a room full of professionals watching and listening to me, I freaked out when I couldn't say the word, "tumultuous." The harder I tried to say it, the worse it got. I felt like a fraud.

Thank God I had a wonderful director, Scott Sherratt, who came out of the control booth and told me the story of James Earl Jones. He also had a speech impediment and in spite of it, he now makes millions of dollars as the voice of CNN. (That's him every time you hear that super deep voice say, "This is CNN.")

He stuttered so badly that at age five, he stopped speaking at all for the next eight years. Luckily for all of us (especially if you enjoyed, Field of Dreams, The Hunt for Red October, the Star Wars movies, and more) - he didn't give up.

What a "Eureka Moment!" The very thing that humiliated me throughout my childhood became the very thing I get paid to do: speaking. Would I have become a professional speaker if I didn't have that defect? (And, if that's true -- then did getting D's in high school English pave the way to becoming an author?)

So many of my comedy friends - especially the funniest ones -- have come from a difficult childhood, that it makes me wonder if our difficult past becomes the motivation for our success.

Most of us are so busy living our lives that we don't stop to notice how much we've grown by dealing with our disasters. That's why I wrote, "The Message of You." I wanted to remind each of you that your personal journey from mess to success can not only remind you of how far you've come - but it can also be a message of hope for others.

Share your message.

I love to read your comment!

Find Your Message at Judy's Upcoming Workshops

2013-01-16T12:58:00.000-08:00

(Free workshop, blow out party & book signing with Judy Carter, Sunday, Feb. 17th.)

Many of you have been asking me about what it means to have a message -- so now, I'm going to share that secret with you.

Those of you who read my previous book, "The Comedy Bible" know that I was able to distill standup comedy and sitcom writing to a series of "problems into punch lines" formulas. Using these formulas, many readers and workshop students found themselves developing huge comedy careers (like Seth Rogan), writing for TV and film, touring clubs, or just having snappy answers for their obnoxious cubicle neighbors.

When I first started speaking, I had no idea what I was doing -- so I just did my standup act with a hack message tacked on. (Speakers are expected to have a "message" -- so I got one from a bumper sticker.)

After ten years, my content steadily transformed into something much more meaningful: a speech with a much more real, personal message that got me consistent bookings in corporate America, a wonderful income, and standing ovations.

So -- when St. Martin's Press asked me to write a book about speaking, (The Message of You) I had to really examine my own journey from "mess-to-success" to discover a speaking formula that would accomplish the same results for my readers --- but in much less time.

At first, I was thrilled when I came up with an easy six-step method to write a speech -- fast!

But, when I went over that first draft of my book, I realized it was soulless. There are a lot of speaking books that give readers steps on how to put together a presentation, and mine was looking like all the others. What was missing -- was how to find a message that is more than just something audiences will pay you to deliver. I wanted to show the secrets of crafting an authentic message that connects with audiences on a deeper level; a message based on who you are, from both your personal and professional experiences.

I started over from scratch, and found the "Message of You Formula" that I'm going to be unveiling at a free workshop/book signing in Los Angeles (and in Seattle - more cities TBA) on the day before the book's official launch.

Please come join me, along with press, celebrities, former students, and newbies in Los Angeles on Sunday, Feb. 17th and get your book signed, raise a glass of champagne to your message, and possibly, to your new career.

Warmly, Judy

PS - There are a limited number of seats, so please RSVP here.

Do You Know What Your Message Is?

2013-01-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

2012 was intense.

Got a book deal. Did speaking gigs. Two cats died. Partied at Burning Man. Procrastinated over writing my book. Dog died. Taught comedy workshops. Fought writer's block. Did a cleansing fast and lost five pounds. Rescued two beautiful cats. Gained six pounds. Met my book deadline and turned in my book to my publisher. Filled my home with family and friends over the holidays. Approved the final galleys of my book.

2013 is the year I give YOU my book - "The Message of You" published by the good people at St. Martin's Press. This book will show you that the ups and downs of your life contain a message and when you speak your message, not only can you make money, but you can change lives -- including your own.

I'm offering my readers a sneak peek, and you can download the first chapter here.

If you like what you read, in just 8 days (on Jan 10th), you can get your hardback or Kindle copy on Amazon at a discounted pre-sale price ($16, almost 40% off!).

Also, if you buy my book on Thursday, Jan 10th you'll get a FREE mp3 titled, "How to Add Observational Humor to Your Speech."

I wrote this book for you because I believe that we all want to make a difference in the world but most of us don't know where to begin. You begin with "The Message of You."

Make this the year you find The Message of You and have a prosperous 2013.

Should Comics be Funny After a Tragedy?

2012-12-18T11:56:00.000-08:00

Like everyone who heard the shocking news this week, I was horrified, outraged, and depressed about the school shooting in Connecticut. Dealing with these kinds of feelings can make it difficult for comics and speakers -- and their audiences -- to continue as if everything were normal.

In the face of tragedy, how do we comics and speakers do our job? How can we get onstage and make people laugh -- and is it even appropriate to do so?

The events of last week took me back to another tragedy - September 11, 2001. I know you know what happened on that day, but what you might not know is that was also the day of the release of my book, “The Comedy Bible.”

The next day, I boarded a plane for my tour to promote a book I had spent five years of my life writing. In comedy, timing is everything; starting a tour where the goal is to make people laugh the day after 9/11 is not exactly great timing.

At first, I thought my shows where going to be called off, but to my surprise they weren’t. I was filled with dread. How could I possibly make people laugh in midst of a national tragedy? That’s when I remembered the lessons learned from one of my standup students.

Kathy B. came into my comedy workshop looking very ill. She had cancer and in the middle of her chemo treatments, she decided to take my standup workshop. Looking at her frailness, I gently suggested that perhaps she would want to wait until she felt better. That’s when she stood up and spoke in a voice that came from a deeply powerful place, “This cancer has taken away my health; I’ll be damned if it’s going to take away my sense of humor.”

On showcase night, she stepped onstage with her head high and her voice clear and got laughs -- and a standing ovation. Ten years later she is cancer free. She triumphed.

Stepping onstage on September 12th, I took a moment to reflect on the victims of 9/11 -- and then I went on with my act. What I found was that people really wanted -- and needed -- to laugh.

There's a healing power to laughter that helps us deal with not just small everyday problems, but with the great tragedies and challenges as well.

(Kathy clearly understood this; that's why it was so important to her to continue.)

Keep hold of your sense of humor; sometimes, when it's the most difficult to laugh, is exactly when the healing power of laughter is needed most.

Beat The Holiday Blues - Or At Least Butter Them

2012-11-29T10:00:00.000-08:00

How are the holidays going for you? Do you feel depressed? Did your family remind you more of a Tim Burton film than a warm fuzzy Disney flick? Did eating butter drenched carbohydrates out of a birds ass lower your self esteem -- and expand your waistline?

Maybe you're feeling a bit blue after Thanksgiving because your family's Simon Cowell style criticism cut you like a carving knife. Or, maybe you don't have a family you're currently speaking to - and your Thanksgiving dinner was the Denny's turkey plate at a table for one.

Whatever the reason for your holiday blues - there's hope.

I always feel a bit down this time of year. I would look forward to Chanukah, if I could figure out when it is --- or how to spell it. (Thank you, spell checker.)

Unless I make a holiday plan to raise my spirits - and my serotonin levels - they're both doomed to drop.

So here's my plan, and my commitment; I hope you'll join me:

If you're going to do something bad (alcohol, drugs, or huge quantities of s'mores) -- don't deny yourself. Instead, earn it by doing something that you can be proud of. For me, that's exercising. I hate it, but it does make me feel good after, because I reward myself for doing it.

(Meaning -- I'm jogging for a joint, and doing push ups for pastry.)

At the end of the day, we all need to look back and feel good about something we did. So before you turn to your vices for comfort, do that "good" thing you can be proud of - whatever that is.

Perhaps for you it's making that one uncomfortable phone call you've been putting off, finally cleaning out that closet, or cooking healthy meals for a day.

Or, maybe it's something even more in the holiday spirit -- like volunteering to help someone, buying groceries for a friend who's unemployed, or even just using that spare quarter to feed somebody else's parking meter.

Tell me... what do you do that makes you feel good about yourself? The idea you share might wind up being someone else's good deed for the holidays! Let me know on my blog here.

Breaking Bad... With My Printer

2012-11-15T09:22:00.000-08:00

This week's blog is my rant against the weakest link in everyone's office: THE PRINTER.

You're trying to get an important document in the mail and the computer, mouse, and monitor all do their jobs without complaining -- but the printer goes, "No! Error! I'm jammed! I'm out of ink! I don't like the cheap OEM ink cartridges. It's my time of the month."

At first I thought I got a great deal on my printer. (Cheaper than most high-end inkjets, with a nice fax and scanner thrown in as a bonus.)

But -- then I get my first "low ink" message. I go online looking for a solution -- and I find out how much the set of cartridges cost. OMG! It's twice what the printer cost ... and I'll be paying that every month!

Printer manufacturers have become like drug dealers. They give you a little cheap taste, and then you're hooked and emptying your bank accounts because you're jonesing for cyan. They've got you -- and now there's no way out.

(No wonder the ink cartridges at Staples are kept behind locked cabinets; they're like Oxycontin at a pharmacy.)

I tried to get those special syringes and shoot up my printer full of cheap ink, only to end up with magenta all over my hands, looking like a scene from Dexter. I didn't want to get ink all over the carpet -- so I went outside with the rest to the alley.

That's when it hits me: they started me off with free starter cartridges, and now -- I'm in an alley holding a syringe. Damn you, ink pushers! Damn you! I've hit bottom. "Hello, I'm Judy and I'm powerless over Epson."

And while I'm at it -- why the fancy ink names: Magenta? Cyan?

Why does printer ink have the same names that hippy parents give their kids? Is the pusher who came up with these names the same stoner who names yellow crayons "Burnt Sienna"?

Drug culture has its fingerprints all over this industry!

If the printer was an employee, he would be marched right down to HR and drug tested.

"So, Mr. Epson, when you first applied for the job of printer, your resume stated you could do twenty two pages a minute - but your supervisor Judy says you've never done better than twelve. You claim to be fluent in WiFi ... but I'm just across from the desk from you -- and I can't even connect."

And then, HR would say the magic words: "Mr. Epson - you're FIRED!"

What stresses you out the most at work?

Judy Carter speaks on using humor to decrease stress.
She is the author of The Comedy Bible (Simon & Schuster) and her latest book, The Message of You: Turn Your Life Story into a Money-Making Speaking Career, (St. Martin's Press) comes out February 2013.

The Power of Giving is No Joke

2012-10-31T09:25:00.000-07:00

Pictured from left to right: Judy Carter, Adam Sandler, & Shante Lewis

Last Wednesday night was a lifetime dream come true. I was onstage in a magnificent ballroom. Adam Sandler, Sacha Baron Cohen, Kathy Griffin, Rob Moore, Brad Grey, JJ Abrams, Patton Oswalt and Daryl Hannah were in the audience. And they were all laughing.

It was a benefit for a mentoring organization that has become a big part of my life - The Fulfillment Fund. Shante Lewis, the young woman I mentored, and I were asked to speak before they hit up the really rich people there to donate the really big bucks right there on the spot.

Shante Lewis & Judy Carter being photographed walking down the red carpet prior to events.

They wanted us to tell the story of our relationship and the impact it had on Shante's journey from south-central LA to a Master's degree at Johns Hopkins University and a job as a therapist.

Shante and I spent hours writing and rehearsing a dialogue that condensed 14 years into 10 minutes. The night of the event we ended up sitting next to Kathy Griffin, who gave Shante some last-minute (and much-appreciated) advice.

Judy Carter, Kathy Griffin, & Shante Lewis before dinner.

We took to the stage and it was all I could have hoped for, and more. We got laughs AND tears. The Fulfillment Fund got a lot of scholarship money. And afterwards, Sacha Baron Cohen stopped us to talk and Adam Sandler jumped out of his car to hug us. For real. There were witnesses.


Tom Higgenson, vocalist & guitarist for The Plain White T's with Judy Carter.

Patton Oswalt & Judy Carter in the green room.

There is a big lesson here. During my long career as a standup comic I had always hoped for the chance to perform in front of Hollywood's elite. And now I had finally gotten the opportunity to do just that, not because of what I do for a living, but because of what I did as a person -- my volunteer work. I was appreciated not just for my jokes or performance, but for the difference I made in another person's life. Wow.

As performers we spend most of our lives trying to get -- laughs, applause, the next gig. There is tremendous power in reversing that flow of energy and giving to another person or a cause without expecting or wanting anything in return. Sometimes it even makes dreams come true.

Here is an article about The Fulfillment Fund 2012 Stars Gala.
And here are more pictures of the event courtesy of Getty Images.

Tell me about your charity. I'd love to hear about them!

This Month's "Message of You" Hero

2012-10-18T10:09:00.000-07:00

Recently I've been consumed by the fate of Malala Yousafzai, the 14 year old Pakistani girl who was shot for speaking her message that Muslim girls deserve an education. As a comic and speaker, I often take for granted the freedom we have in this country to publicly discuss our vision of what the world should be, and openly criticize those who stand in our way. This eloquent young girl has moved me deeply for she had the courage to express her convictions, and live them, in the face of near-certain reprisals from her savage oppressors. I pray for her everyday and I hope you will too. She brings to mind another brave girl whose voice was permanently silenced by a repressive regime, but whose words continue to move people around the world - Anne Frank. I look forward to the day that Malala speaks again, and I thank her for reminding me to be grateful for my freedom of speech. Too many people aren't that lucky.

Please let me know whose message inspires you.

The UNFUNNY Debate

2012-10-03T20:23:00.001-07:00

We all like to vote for, date, and sleep with people who make us laugh. As someone who has written “The Comedy Bible,” as well as writing comedy zingers for a candidates and speakers, I was interested to see who got the most laughs. It was a dead tie, and I do mean… dead.

Obama got the first laugh by wishing his wife a happy anniversary and joking, “After all… a year from now we will not celebrating it in front of 40 million people.” A bit awkward as opening jokes usually are. But, Romney got the topper laugh when he riffed off of Obama’s joke, “Let’s hope that next year you won’t be celebrating your anniversary with me.” Good one Mitt.

Romney tried to zing Obama with the negatively used term, “Obamacare” and Obama used a heckler squelching comedy technique by saying, “Obamacare, I’ve come to like that.” Win!

But after that, the debate got lost in boring facts, lists, and memorized bullet points. Come on, everyone knows that when making lists the last one has to be a zinger.

If the candidates are going to be so boring, I say, let’s liven up these debates by having some real penalties for going over the time limit – pie throwing, taking off an article of clothing, something… I’m just saying.

Do You REALLY Want to Be Famous?

2012-09-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

Do you really want to be famous?

A female comic recently came to me for a consultation. She had been working the clubs for a long time; she had great material and a unique persona, but she hadn’t been able to get out of the grind of low paying gigs. She said, “I want to be famous. I want my own TV show. How do I get there?”

I actually knew the answer to that -- and not in vague terms either. I knew EXACTLY what she had to do achieve the kind of fame she wanted, and it would take lot of effort and some cash as well.

I also knew that she would NEVER do what I suggested, even though it would lead to what she wanted, when she remarked, “Wow, that’s a lot of work!”

In my 15 years of working with comics, speakers, and ambitious corporate types, my #1 most frequently asked question has always been “How can I become rich and famous?” This thought comes up for everyone who has ever picked up an open mic, as well as the stand-up purists who are in it for the “art.” We seek it and want it, even though we constantly see proof that being famous causes more problems than it solves. But, in the words of my friend, the late comic Lotus Weinstock, “I just want to be rich and famous so I can say ‘Being rich and famous wasn’t IT!’”

(By the way, I know this seems like a setup to sell you a miraculous product that will give you the fame and fortune you think you want, but there’s nothing for sale in this blog. Sorry. J)

I hear so many people say, “I would LOVE to write a book, get on TV, get paid to speak, and make a living being funny. Tell me Judy, how did YOU get to do these things?”

Answer: With a lot hard, boring work that most normal people would prefer to avoid.

So, you want to write a book? Really? You REALLY want to spend nine hours a day writing? You really want to give up a year of your life, not going to parties and having fun because you have to sit on your ass ALL day trying to figure out how to string a sentence together so it doesn’t sound like a complete moron wrote it.

You want your own TV show? Really? Are you willing to thoroughly research the commercial viability of your idea and then spend every dime of your hard earned money shooting and editing a sizzle reel instead of buying that new 52” HD TV you’ve been eyeing?

When interviewing the comics in my book The Comedy Bible, all the successful performers, comics, and speakers viewed their careers as real businesses, complete with R&D (Research and Development) and calculations of ROI (Return On Investment). Some even use project management software to track their progress and keep them on task. If your business goal is to become successful in showbiz, then writing material, doing open mics, and networking certainly need to be PART of your business plan, but it’s not the whole plan itself.

You can have the fame you want – IF you are willing to do the work and pay the price. Not everyone can.

Do you have what it takes to achieve fame and fortune? Take The Fame Test and find out.

THE FAME TEST

Do you have what it takes to obtain fame and fortune?

Rate your ability to fully commit to the below on a scale of 1 to 5 (1=No, don’t give a sh*t; 5=Yes, I’ll do anything and everything!)

Are you willing to work on your creative project for 8 hours a day for an entire year with no financial results?
Are you willing, at your own expense, to create top quality videos, press releases, and sizzle reels that show off you or your product in a professional and impressive way?
Are you willing to do the massive research required on how to achieve your goals? Who is similar to you? What was their career path? What did they do that worked, and what didn’t work? You might find exciting and enlightening tips on things you can add to your own business plan.
Are you constantly creating new material? If you get famous and just have 1-hour and nothing else, you might get an HBO special, win Last Comic Standing, play a few clubs, and… then never be heard from again. All that work to make $100,000 only to have it end leaves many comics shell shocked from lack of planning.
Are you willing to spend time and money developing and growing your online presence through social networking? At minimum, you must work the mainstream social networks like Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn to the max. Here is a link to wiki’s list of global social networking sites.
Are you willing to drop the fantasy that “Someday my Prince/agent will come with my big meeting”? You have to be the one to manage your career and know what’s going on in your industry and who you should be talking to. Do you know the names of the major behind-the-scenes players in your field?
Are you willing to open up your career to different audiences? For instance, if you study how many female comics became successful you’ll find that most of them got their start by performing for gay male audiences. Who were the early fans of the performer you most identify with?

Add up your points:

33+ : You’re On Your Way.

32-28: Half-Assed -- Sh*T Or Get Off The Pot

Below 28: Only In Your Dreams.

How An 11-Story Phallus Can Change a Life

2012-09-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

A lot of my friends were perplexed when I told them I was going to Burning Man this year. In case you don’t know, Burning Man is a city/arts festival that’s created for one week each year in Black Rock Desert, Nevada. Truly in the middle of nowhere, this ancient alkaline lake bed is so inhospitable that nothing can live there -- no bugs, no reptiles, no plants, no nothing. But it is the place that 50,000+ “Burners” call “home” – and they spend thousands of dollars and hours all year round to make this the most fantastic home-coming party imaginable.

My friends asked, “Why go? It’s just sweltering heat, huge dust storms, and a bunch of dirty, crazy people drinking and doing drugs. Why are you doing this? And at your age?”

The simple answer: To build an 11-story phallus. The theme of Burning Man this year was “Fertility” and my fellow campers were dedicated to building an 11-story structure so we could give other Burners a panorama view of the entire playa.

The more complicated answer: I needed a creative jumpstart. My new book was completed, my jokes felt stale, and the message of my current speech no longer excited me. I firmly believe that creative people need to search out fresh perspectives on life so they can continue to see the world anew. And no place does that better than Burning Man – where fantastic art is created just for the joy of it, and the economy is based on the notion of “unconditional gifting” – I give to you out of the sheer joy of wanting to share, and I expect nothing from you in return except for a thank you.

I got early entry to BM and when I arrived, the playa was as empty as a blank page. I spent four long days lifting heavy scaffolding to build the largest structure at Burning Man. Once opened, my job was to spank the people who wanted to climb to the top. That was my favorite job.

When it was erected (pun intended), I climbed to the top and the once empty playa was filled with dance clubs, bars, art cars, a giant fire shooting octopus, and gigantic sculptures, porn and doughnuts. As I walked the playa, and stopped in camps like Porn & Donuts, Suspended Animation, and Camp Beaverton, I had deep conversations with people of all ages and religions from all over the world. I was offered music, workshops, food, drinks, hugs and kisses. I wrote the name of my high school drama teacher, Mrs. Moody, and my cat Harry who had recently died on the wall of the Temple. As I cried over my losses and the thousands of others so lovingly documented all over the Temple, complete strangers came over to hug me, soothe me, and hear about those I lost.

Despite the harshness of the location, Burning Man was one of the safest environments I’ve ever been in. By my third day, I had let go of my clothes, along with all the judgments I had about myself – my looks, my age, my deficiencies. They all vanished in this city that’s based not only on personal freedom and expression, but also on community, acceptance of all, and a desire to give to others.

From BM I flew to a corporate speaking gig for Iowa bankers.

In my speech, something magical happened.

In the past, when performing for people I deemed “conservative,” I’ve always modified who I was. I have always felt different -- I was “that weird kid” in school – so I gave those audiences a more “normalized” version of me. Burning Man changed that. I learned that there are bridges that we comics and speakers can make to connect to any audience, without compromising our authenticity. Day after day, night after night, this was proven to me over and over. I realized that it wasn’t the audience’s judgments that made me insecure – it was my own judgments. That insight gave me the guts to spontaneously share a deeply personal story with my audience. The results were that people didn’t just say that they enjoyed my speech, but rather they hugged me afterwards with tears in their eyes.

I brought Burning Man energy to Iowa, and got the Burning Man connection back.
In the end, there is no greater gift you can give an audience than the gift of your true, authentic self. When we performers give the gift of ourselves, failure is impossible.

Click here for a video from Burning Man 2012.

Paying Homage

2012-08-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

If you are reading this, I’d like you to consider taking a moment of appreciation for Phyllis Diller, who passed away on Monday, August 20, 2012 at the age of 95 years old.

I first met Phyllis in the ‘80s when we did a Showtime comedy special together. She held court in her dressing room, as she gave us “up and coming” female comics tons of generous advice:

“The worst thing is the amateur comic who opens with, ‘Are you having a good time?’ How do they knowthey are having a good time? They’ve only just arrived. That’s a cheap way to get a reaction, and it’s also the worst possible move, to create an opening for the audience to talk. If they take control with that question, you’ll never get them back.”

Later, when I wrote my first book, Stand-up Comedy: The Book, Phyllis agreed to an interview. She revealed to me her motivation (and method) for becoming a stand-up comic at 40 years old: “My husband had left and my kids were hungry. I had to make a living. I was always funny, but I knew I needed to get a persona.”

Phyllis invented her persona. She knew that she couldn’t be a glamour girl, so she put on a crazy wig and created her imaginaryhusband, “Fang.” Many of you who were familiar with her act might be shocked to learn that Fang was invented – because he became so real to us in her act.

“For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning was a career move… Fang took the entire family out for coffee and doughnuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they’d ever given blood!”

Thank you, Phyllis, for being a trailblazer for the rest of us female comics. You left us smiling -- and left this world in that same way.

Phyllis died in her sleep, and was found by her son who said, “She had a smile on her face.”

As Phyllis said, “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.”

You will never be forgotten.

Please share your thoughts here.

Stories Are Everywhere

2012-08-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

We comics and speakers are always worried that our material has gotten old. (And by old -- I don't just mean stale; it's worse than that.) That hilarious story about the time you smoked a joint with Bob Dylan might leave a younger audience asking, "Who is she talking about? Is he the brother of that old actor guy, Matt Dillon?"

It's weird how new material seems so hard to come by, when it's around us every day. Think about it. Things are constantly happening to you, and you clock the funny or interesting ones by sharing them as stories with your friends when they ask, "So -- what have you been up to?"

In "The Comedy Bible", I spent a lot of paragraphs to convince beginning stand-ups NOT to tell stories. They take too long, and they interfere with the audience's ability to laugh every 10 seconds - because you usually have to wait 'til the end of the story. (And by then - it usually ends with silence and "guess you had to be there.")

But now, with a lot of new venues and trends in media emerging, there's a greater place for story telling. Reality TV has helped this along by generating interest in the real lives of the performers - and not just their scripted material.

In storytelling venues, writers get the chance to read their stories of life's triumphs and defeats. And comics -- used to the safety of the setup-punch joke format -- have been revealing a lot more truth and going beyond their comedy personas to give us a look at their most vulnerable selves, adding deeper meaning to the ordinariness of our average day.

Monica Piper is a great example. She's been very successful as a standup comic. We've shared the stage many times, trying to find a way to walk the line between holding on to our feminine selves - and having the balls to tell-it-like-it is. Now, she's expanded into storytelling, and it let's her do both, brilliantly.

Last night, I showed up at Wendy Hammers' "Tasty Words" show, which starred many wonderful storytellers -- but it was Monica Piper who stole the show.

Monica had us absolutely in stitches just telling us about the stresses of getting through an ordinary day:

"I chose to switch from coffee to Tension Tamer Tea. It was a new box, tightly sealed in plastic. Unable to tear it open, I grabbed a steak knife and wondered if anyone else in the universe was stabbing her Tension Tamer Tea."

But there was a deeper message in her story. Monica discovered she had breast cancer. Luckily she found out in time, and after an operation, she has a clean bill of health. And with that revelation that she shared, we get the to her REAL message (a perfect combination of comedy and inspiration), where Monica realizes that now she relishes those small, ordinary stresses of the day -- because they remind her of her deep appreciation to be alive.

Monica also reminded me that there are stories everywhere. You don't have to wait for something funny or impressive to happen to you in order to tell a great story. If you're paying attention to life, there might be more of a lesson we can relate to in your trips to Seven Eleven - than a less observant storyteller's climb of Mt. Everest.

Eureka moments happen all the time. All you have to do is notice them --and write them down.

One story can make a difference in your life and in the lives of others. What's your story?

Stayed tuned for Judy Carter's new book, "The Message of You".

Pre-sale now for 33% off available at Amazon.com.