* Star Snickers * Funny News

Bank Robbery And Old Timers Disease

2010-12-27T17:18:00.000-05:00

J. L. Hunter "Red" Rountree , is believed to have been the world's oldest active bank robber in America. After the death of his wife of 50 years on August 12, 2003, Red walked into the Abilene, Texas First American Bank and handed a large envelope to the teller with the word "robbery on it." Soon after, Red Rountree fled in a 1996 Buick Regal with some $2,000.00 in small bills in a bag. In a short time he was arrested when a restaurant witness took down his license plate number and gave it to police
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This was not Red's first bank robbery, but the third in five years. His first robbery took place at the young age of 86 in 1998. That's when he robbed South Trust Bank in Biloxi, Mississippi. It didn't take long for him to get caught and convicted. Red got a sympathetic judge who gave him three years probation. The 2nd robbery he did was in Pensacola, Florida was at a Nations Bank. Guess what? Again he was caught and convicted. This time he didn't get off so easy. Red was sentenced to 3 years in prison.

His 3rd and final robbery, the one at the First American Bank, landed the 91 year-old 12 years in a federal prison. Red Rountree died at US Medical Center for Federal Prisoners in Springfield, Missouri October 12, 2004. Red claimed the loss of a considerable fortune from a machinery company he owned and the loss of his wife and son led to his. He was mad at a Corpus Christi, Texas bank that he believed drove him into bankruptcy.

"Red" Rountree was born on December 16, 1911 in Brownwood, Texas and died in a prison hospital on October 12, 2004. He was asked if he thought he would go to heaven. He said he was sure of it. Then he was asked if God liked the fact the he stole. He said I never saw anything against it in the Bible. The interviewer then said " Thou shall not steal" and Red said "It's fun to steal"!

Too Hot To Handle?

2009-01-08T09:24:00.007-05:00

Entrepreneur, Donald Crabtree is brewing up a cup of trouble in Vassalboro, Maine. He has proposed a topless coffee shop in the former Mac Daddy's Pub at The Fat Cat Grille. Tuesday night the Vassalboro planning board voted unanimously to approve his business above the objections of many of the town's concerned citizens.

The planners said the town has no ordinance to regulate businesses' uniforms or the lack of them. They say the proposal meets the 10 performance standards, mostly related to safety, parking, traffic and signs.

* Star Snickers * If he gets to open his topless coffee shop, "The best part of waking up in Vassalboro, might be Folgers with a C cup!". Maxwell House may become a code word for "Ho' House", where if you stay long enough, it could be "Good to the last drop!". If he were to take his plan all the way and you were to go there, you might be shocked when you heard someone say "Bottoms Up!". This idea gives a whole new meaning to "Meet me at Hooters". Like This Song

If The Shoe Fits!

2008-12-15T11:29:00.007-05:00

President Bush was in Iraq at a news confernce over the weekend with the president of Iraq. As he was answering questions from reporters, one of them suddenly started shouting at President Bush and threw both of his shoes at him. Secret service agents and others subdued the man and dragged him out as he continued to yell at the president. President Bush showed great reflexes as he bobbed and weaved dodging the flying objects. With calm and confidence he was able to finish the conference and comment on his attacker.

* Star Snickers * I wonder if Pesident Bush thought he was giving him an early Christmas present. He noticed the shoe size. They were size 10. I guess it's the thought that counts. As they were dragging the man out someone thought he said, "You dog, you killed innocent Iraqies." Maybe he was trying to say, "Walk a mile in my shoes." or " If the shoe fits, wear it." Anyway, I'll bet the President thought about the words of that old song, " Shoe fly don't bother me" or was it " Shoes that fly don't bother me".

If he loses his job as a reporter, maybe he could pitch for the Yankees. If he gets a phone call from Madona, we might be seeing him in pinstripes soon. What if President Bush caught one of his shoes and threw it back at him and hit him. Like This Song

Initial Reaction To Barak Obama!

2008-11-24T10:56:00.005-05:00

President elect, Barack Obama will assume the highest office in the United States of America on January 20th 2009. He will also become the "Commander In Chief" of the U.S. military forces around the world. He may even be referred to as "the most powerful man on the planet". But, President Obama does not want anyone to use his middle name, "Hussein" when referring to him. Maybe he thinks it will reminds people of the captured dictator of Iraq, Saddam Hussein.

I thought we might want to look back at some previous presidents and how they were referred to in order to help our newly elected president with this ploblem. In the 1960s President John Fitzgerald Kennedy was and still is known as, "JFK". President Lyndon Baines Johnson was called "LBJ". * Star Sinckers * Maybe we could start calling Barack Obama, "B.O". (Not to be confused with Bob Obedorf, a friend of mine from grade school). This way we'll never have to use the new president's middle name. That's my "Initial" reaction to Barack Hussein Obama. Shop NFL Teams

Makeup Cosmetics For Animals?

2008-09-14T07:03:00.003-04:00

I always thought that political campaigns were "Dog & Pony Shows", but this years presidential campaign is a real "Dog & Pig Show". With the comments of vice-presidential candidate and Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin about the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull being lipstick and presidential candidate Senator Barak Obama saying "You can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig", we may have a new trend in pet grooming. * Star Sincker * I'm sure there won'tbe a picture of a pig or a pitbull on the cover of Vogue magazine anytime soon, but I do recall a nice looking pig in the Michael J. Fox movie, "Doc Hollywood". With the party mascots of these two cadidates being a donkey and an elephant, who knows what kind of bullcrap we can expect. " You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear". Maybe they can use this when they talk about the budget. Looking forward to more makeover politics from these two. Sarah Palin video "hockey mom, pit bull lipstick" Barak Obama video "pig,lipstick"

A Sound Decision

2008-08-21T18:19:00.003-04:00

The California State Legislature has past a bill requiring the new hybrid and electric cars to be noisier. It seems that the sight impaired, "the blind" , are unable to hear the new cars. * Star Snickers * We think they could use this as a solution. You know how when you're stopped at an intercection and a young person comes along side of you and all of a sudden your car starts shaking to the blaring sound of the latest music craze? Well, let's make the automobile manufacturers load the trunk and back seat and even the roof of these new cars with speakers. This woould at least give the blind a fighting chance. What do you say? Crank it up and save lives! Read the rest of the story.

Here's Poop In Your Eye

2008-08-21T18:05:00.005-04:00

Manhattan's Shizuka Day Spa offer's the Geisha Facial or the "Bird Poop Facial". They use Nightingale droppings in the mixture to make the skin shine. * Star Snickers * This gives new meaning to the teasing kids give each other when they call someone a "Poopy Head". See video for the rest of the story.

Playing "Chicken" In School !

2008-02-12T11:13:00.000-05:00

Somebody let 50 Chickens loose in a high scool in Philadelphia , PA over the weekend. Because of the floors being covered with "Chicken crap" and "Chicken feed", about 3,600 students were sent home. A local farmer came to round-up the Chickens. Police were looking at surveillance tapes to find out who pulled off this "fowl prank". * Star Snickers * I hope they get a "bird's eye view" of the whole caper. No, this wasn't a filming of the sequal to "Chicken Run". And no,the Chicken weren't running scared because they just heard about a pop math quiz! The lunchroom manager wouldn't comment if today's menu included "Chicken fingers". Get the rest of the story. Submitted by shopmlbteams.com

Taking "Christ" Out Of Christmas!

2006-11-16T12:05:00.000-05:00

"Jesus is the reason for season." Well, maybe not. The Marines and their annual "Christmas" Toys for Tots program that distributes gifts to needy children at "Christmas" time must not think so. A California Teddy Bear company that makes Bible character dolls, tried to donate 4,000 of the religious figures (retail $20 each) to the charity and their gift was turned down. The Jesus Christ, Moses, David, Mary and other figures spoke Bible verses when a button was activated. * Star Snickers * These dolls spout awful things like, "Love your neighbor as yourself", "Thou shall not steal", "Thou shall not kill" and the 23rd Psalm. All very detrimental to children, no doubt. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, isn't "Christmas" named after Jesus Christ and don't we give gifts at "Christmas" time because of the gifts the wise men gave to Jesus at His birth? DUH! Political correctness gone amuck or salvation for the children? See and hear these dangerous and undesireable toys in action.

"Going Dutch"

2006-10-31T08:54:00.000-05:00

Recently a Dutch mayor suggested that the Dutch troops in Afghanistan could use some added benefits to deal with the stress of combat. "The army must consider ways its soldiers can let off steam," Annemarie Jorritsma, mayor of the town of Almere said. "There was once the suggestion that a few prostitutes should accompany troops on missions. I think that is something we should talk about," she said, adding that the prostitutes would keep soldiers from turning to local women. * Star Snickers* If that happened, "mail call" could be quite an event. This could bring new meaning to the phrase "You've got a box from home!" And "going Dutch" would be on the government's dime. Get the rest of the story.

Pluto, You're Out!

2006-08-26T09:40:00.000-04:00

Pluto is not only a Mickey Mouse cartoon character (created in 1930, the same year the planet Pluto was discovered), but a planet, or at least it was. That's right, one of the planets messed up and got kicked out of the Solar System. This will probably have some serious consequences on our educational system. Besides changes in the text books, planetariums, Solar System hanging mobiles and models, space charts, and horoscopes, games shows may be effected. * Star Snickers * Who wants To Be a Millionaire and Jepardy may have to change some questions and answers. For example, "What former planet which is no longer a planet, used to be the 9th and fartherest planet in our Solar system?" Duh, Aflac! Homer Simpson, "Do you know the answer?" "Dolt!" Now that Pluto's in the doghouse, what's next? Will they someday put the Big and Little Dippers on the shelf and not allow them to be called constellations? This is a slippery slope and personally I think they've gone too far. All the way to Pluto, in fact! We saved the whales, now let's save Pluto! Let the world vote on it. "Do you want to keep Pluto as the 9th planet or not?" Where's the love? It's almost like Mickey telling his dog, Pluto, "You're no longer a dog." I thought once a dog always a dog and once a planet always a planet? Get the rest of the story. Submitted by www.frontiergalaxies.com Get the New "Save Pluto" T-Shirt!

Quarterback Thrown For A Loss !

2006-06-13T11:40:00.000-04:00

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger was thrown from his motorcycle Monday June 12th 2006 as he crashed into a car in Pittsburgh. Ben wasn't wearing a helmet even after a warning from frohis coach last year. He suffered a broken jaw, broken nose, a 9 inch cut on the back of his head and injuries to his knees. Ben spent seven hours in surgery to repair multiple facial fractures. Roethlisberger was the youngest quarter back in NFL history to win a Super Bowl. * Star Snickers * A radio talk show host in Harrisburg, PA said one of his co-worker borught a blake motorcycle helmet with a Steelers logo on it to illustrate his opipion of what he thought about Roethlisberger not wearing a helmet. written accross the front of the helmet was "One For The Dumb".Get the rest of the story.

Jessica and Nick Finally Take A Dump!

2005-11-25T11:48:00.000-05:00

“Newlywed Professionals” Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey announced Wednesday they will be separating. They are dumping each other! * Star Snickers * Three years of marriage must have taken the bloom off the rose and I guess having a reality show about your married life can be a real hazzard to a relationship too . Get the rest of the story.

In The Depps Of Despair!

2005-11-19T13:50:00.000-05:00

"Willie Wonka " star, Johnny Depp said he couldn't stay in the US because it's too violent. So, he moves his family to France and guess what? France is a violent place too. He said he was looking for the simple life. * Star Snicker * Maybe he can hook up with those two famous simpletons, Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie and find out how it's done. If you always go where the grass is greener, sooner or later you're gonna step in it! Get the rest of the story.

Heidi Fleiss' Stud Farm!

2005-11-18T11:29:00.000-05:00

Heidi Fleiss, the 'Hollywood Madam' who went to prison in 1995 for running a call-girl ring, has apparently turned over a new leaf in an old profession. She's looking for male whores to to stock a stud farm she plans to open in nevada. * Star Snicker * She is joining with a Nevada brothel owner and will start laying pipe as soon as she can recruit enough men. Get the rest of the story.

Nicole Kidman And Keith Urban?

2005-11-17T09:14:00.000-05:00

Oscar winning Austrailian born Nicole Kidman and 2005 Country Male Vocalist and Entertainer of theYear fellow "Aussie", Keith Urban have been seen together a lot lately. In fact it's rumored that Nicole, the former Mrs. Tom Cruise is sporting a brand new engagement ring on her left hand. Friends of the couple say they are very, very happy and almost inseparable. * Star Snicker * I'm sure when they get married they'll find a lot to do "down under". Get the rest of the story along with photos.

Jennifer Aniston - Man Of the Year?

2005-11-16T14:17:00.000-05:00

TV and film actress Jennifer Aniston has had a rough year since her break up with husband and actor Brad Pitt. So, who would have thought that all the crying she did qualified her for GQ Magazine's "Man or Woman in a men's magazine of the year" award. The half naked Aniston appears in only a denim mini skirt on the cover of GQ Magazine's 10th annual "Men Of The Year" issue. They really proclaim her GQ's "Woman of the Year". * Star Snicker * Even though Jennifer is all man to GQ, that topless pose makes me think there's a woman in there somewhere. Get the rest of the story and see photo.

Michael Jackson Needed More Than A Touch-up!

2005-11-15T13:44:00.000-05:00

Pop music star Michael Jackson was in a mall bathroom in Bahrain touching up his make-up when he soon realized he was in the "Ladies Room". A woman washing her hands was startled by his presense, but when she recognized who it was she began to take pictures of him with her cell phone. Jackson, wearing a traditional female arab headdress, panicked and chased the woman until he had to hide from unlookers. * Star Snicker * It's not sure that the woman was startled by seeing a "man " in the "Ladies Room" or because she saw Michael Jackson without make-up! Get the rest of the story.

Cameron Diaz Speaks About The Best Award She Ever Won.

2005-11-14T14:44:00.000-05:00

Most Hollywood Stars would be proud to receive an Oscar or an Emmy, but movie actress Cameron Diaz is proud of another distinguished honor she aquired. Recently she was reflecting on receiving the best award she ever won. While paticipating in a TV show contest , she received the pestigious Nickelodeon Burp Award! * Star Snicker * When I first heard miss Diaz had received an award, I was sure that it couldn't be for acting. I've seen some of her work. And boy was I right! Get the rest of the story.

Not A "Simple Life" For Paris Hilton!

2005-11-11T11:02:00.000-05:00

Hotel heiress and so-called actress, Paris Hilton and Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, found it hard to escape the press outside a Hollywood night club early Wednesday. * Star Snicker * Stravos and Paris while painting the town left some paint from the Bentley he was driving on a parked truck while sheilding his face from the paparazzi. The Blind-folded Stavros almost ran over a by-stander when he floored the vehicle to exit the scene. The police later became involved, but I guess stardom has it's privileges. Get the rest of the story. See video of the accident at TMZ.com

Billy Joel On The Road Again!

2005-11-10T11:11:00.000-05:00

Billy Joel, the songwriter, composer and entertainer who has had trouble keeping his car on the road, is going to start touring after eight years. His tour will start in January of 2006 and end sometime in April. * Star Snicker * Reports are he is barred from driving the tour bus. Get the rest of the story.

"Jesus Juice" Wine Label Resembles A Crucified Michael Jackson!

2005-11-08T08:28:00.000-05:00

"Jesus Juice" is the wine referred to in the Michael Jackson trial used to seduce young boys. Now a CBS News executive, Bruce Rheins is attempting to profit from the ficticious concoction by registering the trade mark for the "Jesus Juice" label and courting wine makers to partner in manufacturing the wine. The label depicts a Jackson-like figure in a Christ-like crusifiction pose. He is naked except for a sheet gathered around his mid-section, a fedora hat, one glove on his right hand, white socks and penny loafers. * Star Snicker* Apparently he's "moon-walking" over the grapes before he's transported by angelic boys to "Never Never Land". See the picture and get the rest of the story.

What Ever Happened To Joey Buttafuoco?

2005-11-03T08:56:00.000-05:00

Joey Buttafuoco became a celebrity in 1992, when his 17-year-old lover, Amy Fisher, shot and wounded his wife, Mary Jo. Hollywood scandalized the event by making a couple of TV movies about the sordid affair. Lately Mr. Buttafuoco has found work as "Mr. Freeze", selling ice cream and other frozen treats to stars on the set of Desperate Hosewives. He works a cocession that sells protien snacks. * Star Snicker * I guess since the actresses of Desperate Housewives are older than he's used to, the only buns he'll be handling will be hamburger and hot dog buns. Get the rest of the story.

Which Witch Is Which?

2005-11-02T10:31:00.000-05:00

A woman dressed in a purple witch hat and a dark robe robbed a bank near Olympia Washington on Halloween. She handed a note to the teller and claimed to have a gun. As she was running away with the loot, a dye bomb exploded and she dropped the money and her hat. * Star Snicker * Some people near the scene thought they heard her sreaming "I'm melting, I'm melting." Get the rest of the story.

Breathing New Life Into Rocky And Rambo

2005-11-01T11:09:00.000-05:00

59 year old Sylvester Stallone is making "Rocky VI" and then "Rambo IV". The movie action hero from the "80s" is resurrecting his two most popular roles. * Star Snicker * Let's hope Sly has the batteries charged on his "Medical Alert" belt and his canteen filled with Geritol. Maybe George Foreman will come out of retirement to help him train for this Rocky sequal. Get the rest of the story.