Star Wars Retold in Limerick

geek with curves: The Millennium Falcon Makes a Perfect Apple Pie

2011-11-16T22:37:00.000-08:00

geek with curves: The Millennium Falcon Makes a Perfect Apple Pie

This is awesome... and tasty.

The Droids Follow

2011-11-16T00:11:00.000-08:00

Artoo wasn't staying as told.
Staying put wasn't fun so he rolled
To catch up with his master.
Straight into disaster
Along with his buddy of gold.

And C3PO gasped with shocked awe
To see what went on deep in the maw.
To see droid making droid
Was a crime even Freud
Would have blushed to have seen what he saw.

"No pushing, Artoo" the droid warned.
But the little one wouldn't be scorned.
A small push firmly dealt
Put his friend on the belt
And it carried him off as he mourned.

Artoo, using rockets, gave chase.
The assembly line took 3PO's face,
Pulled it off of his body,
(that connection was shoddy)
Then affixed it to a battle droid base.

He said, "I'm confused!" (but no crying)
But Artoo right on past kept on flying.
To rescue Amidala
Who was trying to crawla
And get outta the bowl before dying.

Stay Tuned: It's Not Dead Yet.

2011-11-15T14:22:00.000-08:00

One of these days, I'll find time to get back to this project. Today is not that day. Enjoy this double dactyl:

Fizzaley Bizzaley
Jason the Talibutt,
Keeping so busy he's
Slacked on this task

Rewriting Star Wars is
Ultralaborious
Thanks for your patience; its
All I can ask.

Padme and Anakin Arrive on Geonosis

2011-09-15T10:37:00.000-07:00

As they land in a column of steam,
The two rescuers plan and they scheme.
“Ani, follow my lead
As to how to proceed,
With diplomacy.” (Padme’s main theme.)

So with that this pair marched through the cave,
Left the droids, saying, “You two behave.”
T’was a hard thing to do
For the little R2.
For a droid, he was gallantly brave.

Up ahead, the two humans went deeper
Inside of the cave which grew steeper.
Sensing creatures were coming,
His lightsaber humming,
Ani cut through a charging cave creeper.

Then he swung and cut down a few more
As Padme escaped through a door.
Then their walkway retracted
Before Padme reacted,
She slipped and fell down to the floor.

A conveyor belt broke Padme’s fall,
But before she rejoiced her close call
The belt took her away
Towards a factory. “Hey!
Where you going?” Ani called from the wall.

So he jumped down to follow her lead.
(Because that was the plan they’d agreed.)
Soon the cave’s rocky scenery
Gave way to machinery
Making legions of droids at great speed!

Count Dooku Attempts to Sway Obi Wan

2011-09-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

Obi Wan hung from glowing restraints
As he waits with the patience of saints.
He was seen by the Count
Who then tried to discount
His involvement; He playacts complaints...

“I will ask that they let you go soon!”
Promised Dooku (who then changed his tune...)
As he tried to sway Obi
To join him, although, be
Assured he was really a goon.

“The Jedi are blind to the fact
That the Sith have a growing impact.
The Senate is under
their sway and I wonder
If it’s already too late to act.”

“I need help,” Dooku went on to say,
“So it’s fortunate you’re here today.
If we work as a team,
We’ll uncover their scheme...”
“Work with you?” Obi answered, “No way!”

He continued, “I’ll never join you!
You’re a fraud, that’s the last thing I’d do.”
Dooku’s brow made a crease,
“To secure your release
May be difficult.” Then he withdrew.

What To Do?

2011-08-17T15:58:00.000-07:00

Bail Organa was sure there’d be war.
They would have to act fast just before
An offensive attacked.
There was one daunting fact:
Only two hundred Jedi in store!

“That’s too little! We need some more troops!”
“We have clones...a whole army of dupes.”
“If we wait on the Senate
...this whole voting tenet...
There’s no time, we must find some new loops... (as in loopholes, sorry nothing else fit here)

“If we granted emergency power
To the Chancellor, the man of the hour,
We could bypass a vote,
Get those clones on a boat,
And the Trade Federation will cower.”

“But who would propose such a thing?
Who has the influence to swing
All the Sens to agree?”
Jar Jar Binks said, “Pick me!”
“This proposal is one I will bring.”

Distress Signal

2011-08-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

Artoo held his silence no more
And played Obi’s message before
It became obsolete.
With a beep and a tweet
Obi’s hologram stood on the floor.

“Resend this message to base!”
Said the Jedi, concern on his face.
Padme forwarded on
To: Base, From: Obi Wan
“Emergency Call From Deep Space!”

“Jango Fett led me to Geonosis
Where I found those Trade guys without noses
And the Guilds and Count Dooku
Are making things cuckoo...
Things are bad, that’s my expert prognosis.”

Then the message cut off in mid-stream
As the Jedi was jumped by a team
Of Droidekas with guns.
These things were the ones
That had shields: Battle Robots Supreme.

“Young Anakin, stay where you are.
We will send out more Jedi to spar
With the Count.” Windu said.
But by then Obi’d be dead
Because Coruscant just was too far.

Padme said, “I don’t think that they’ll make it.
The chance is now ours so let’s take it.”
Ani liked how she thought
Not to do as they ought...
Direct order? They’d be nuts not to break it.

Anakin’s Confession

2011-07-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

Padme tried very hard to console
Her friend who was out of control,
Getting madder, he vented.
“Could mom’s death be prevented?”
“There are some things you just can’t control.”

“But I could have!” he screamed, almost crying.
“And some day I’ll have power,” implying
That before too much longer
He’d become ten times stronger
With the power to stop needless dying.

“Obi Wan has been holding me back
‘Cuz he knows I’m the best in the pack.
What’s he afraid of?
I knows what I’m made of.”
Then he hurled his wrench ‘cross the shack.

His eyes weren’t containing his rage.
He admitted the slaughter he’d wage
Against Tusken Raiders,
There were no evaders
Regardless of gender or age.

A Droid Army Buildup

2011-07-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

Obi Wan came upon some construction
building droids and machines of destruction.
Then he spied on some scheming
By an unholy teaming
Making plans for Republic obstruction.

There was Gunray, our noseless aggressor
And Count Dooku, Padme’s secret oppressor.
They had power to flex
‘Cuz an army of mechs
Was supplied by Sir Poggle the Lesser.

There were others who joined Dooku’s ranks
From the Commerce Guild and from the banks.
With a treaty on the table
They were willing and able
To sign and say, “Show me the tanks!”

Obi tried to send out an alert
So the Jedi could try to avert
This impending civil war
They had not seen before.
He opened his commlink to blurt...

“Anakin do you read me?” he said.
The response from Naboo’s end was dead.
“What on earth can this mean?
His signal comes from Tatooine!”
So he sent his alert there instead.

That message was heard by Artoo
Who was on Tatooine, not Naboo.
Artoo listened and learned
And then Anakin returned
His revenge on the Tuskens was through.

LEGO Star Wars: Tusken Raider Encounter (7113)

Massacre

2011-07-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

Leaving Padme with his newfound kin,
Ani found where the Sand People’d been.
They exerted their presence
And murdered some peasants
Ani’s head now was starting to spin.

He caught up with their camp after dark
And found him a nice place to park.
Hut to hut the boy slid
To where mother was hid
When he found her, she made no remark.

She was tied to a frame in a hut.
Her face had been beaten and cut.
When she opened her eyes
She was near her demise
Ani felt he’d been kicked in the gut.

He said, “Mom, I am here, you are saved.”
She was close to the freedom she craved.
She said, “Son, I am proud...”
And then met death’s dark shroud.
She’d been freed but her son was enslaved...

...By the Dark Side, it came creeping in.
This is where his descent did begin.
He was losing his calm.
They would pay for his mom.
They’d ignited a fire deep within.

He let go and emerged from the tent
He was stressed and he needed to vent.
He lit up his saber
And started the labor
Of releasing the rage that was pent.

Shmi's Family

2011-07-06T07:30:00.000-07:00

The two lovebirds arrived at a bluff
Near a home that was lonely and rough.
From the ship they withdrew,
“You stay here, ‘kay, Artoo?
We need you to stay with our stuff.”

As they neared the conventional dwelling,
A friendly droid greeted them telling
Them, “I am C3PO...
Wait a sec’ don’t I know...
Master Anakin! My joy circuit’s swelling!”

Ani’s patience was tested and tried.
“I’m looking for mom,” he replied.
The droid seemed sincere
With a caring, “Oh dear...
...I think we had better go inside.”

In the courtyard introductions were made.
Owen Lars and Beru, then conveyed
Though they had different mother’s
The two were step-brothers
And that Shmi had been snatched in a raid.

Old man Cliegg nearly paid with his life
As his rescue attempt met with strife
It had been thirty days
And although Cliegg still prays,
There was just not much hope for her life.

Ani said, “She’s alive! I can feel it.”
My dreams and the Force, they reveal it.
I will go bring her back,
And I probably will smack
A few Tusken’s, those Raiders will squeal ...it.

A Word About Limericks - The Anapest

2011-07-04T07:30:00.000-07:00

As I've discussed before in a post back on May 13th, the limerick is composed of five lines: Two long, two short, one long. To state that more accurately, lines 1,2 and 5 consist of three anapestic feet, while lines 3 and 4 have only 2 anapestic feet.

But what is an anapest? Simply put, the anapest is the basic building block of a limerick and is responsible for the familiar bouncy meter we find in limericks. An anapestic foot is a three syllable section, beginning with two unstressed syllables followed by an accented syllable.

(blah-blah-BLAH)

So a beginning line containing three anapestic feet would go something like this:

A small DROID | mak-ing WHIS | -tles and BEEPS...

A limerist should avoid attempting to fit words into a limerick where the accents sound unnatural. Look at this line:

Last week my minivan conceded...

This has the correct number of syllables but observe where the stresses fall. If you try to force anapest meter on this, your line will sound odd:

Last week MY min-i-VAN con-ced-ED...

In natural speech you would say it like this:

Last WEEK, my MIN-i-van con-CED-ed... which doesn't fit the anapestic meter.

This line would sound much more natural like this:

So my VAN took a NOSE-dive last WEEK...

Of course, this raises an important question...What if your other lines need to rhyme with 'conceded'? And even more perplexing...how can you end a line with 'conceded' when the last syllable of the word is unstressed? I will answer both of those questions in the next article of this series. Next time we will talk about Transitional Anapestic Meter.

In the mean time, enjoy the saga retold, and May the Force Be With You.

Anapest Destiny

Geonosis

2011-07-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

Geonosis, a rocky red planet:
Buttes and mesas...stalagtites did span it.
Obi found revelation,
The Trade Federation
Was based here and Count Dooku ran it.

Dogfight

2011-07-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

From the void, two small ships do appear,
First Slave I, the Fett’s thought they were clear.
But a split second later
They found a tailgater,
Obi caught up and brought up the rear.

The Fetts raced t’wards an asteroid field.
But Kenobi, unwilling to yeild,
Bravely followed them in
Let the dogfight begin!
The nerves of both parties were steeled.

Dodging astroids and firing shots,
Barrages of laser onslaughts,
Jango scored a hit
That just hurt a tiny bit
And fired a missle to finish his thoughts.

Using every last bit of his smarts,
Obi let go his cans of spare parts
With an intake of breath,
He faked his own death.
He appeared to be blown off the charts.

The Fett’s in their ‘victory’ wallowed,
But Obi had not yet been swallowed.
Despite Jango’s big pride,
Obi managed to hide,
And a few minutes later he followed.

Watto Revisited

2011-06-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

The familiar dry place, Tattooine
Is where we will find the next scene.
Our young pair has returned
To the place two suns burned;
To the shop of old Watto the Mean.

They found him attempting to fix
A small droid making whistles and clicks.
Watto stammered in fright
At the strange Jedi knight
Til he recognized Anakin’s tricks.

Ani fixed the droid and turned it on
Any doubts Watto had were now gone.
There was only one kid
Who could do what Ani did
“It IS you, you little Sith-spawn!”

“I came here to look for my ma
To save her the pain I foresaw.”
Watto already sold her...
A guy named Lars told her
That she could be free, Oh! Hurrah!

To Anakin, this was good news
That Shmi was now free, no issues!
Now he just had to find
This Lars to ease his mind.
A trip crost the desert ensues.

Obi vs. Jango

2011-06-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

After his transmission was sent,
Back inside Obi Wan went
To Jango Fett’s dwelling.
Suspicions were swelling.
He was missing in any event.

Seeing Jango Fett’s near-empty dorm,
Obi rushed to the landing platform.
There was Fett and his son
Preparing Slave One
To take off in the bitter rainstorm.

He switched on his sword as he ran.
Giving Jango no time to preplan.
Fett took careful aim.
Obi came just the same,
Batting lasers as fast as he can.

His charge hadn’t gone as he planned.
They collided and fought hand to hand.
Somehow tangled in wires,
Jango’s rocket misfires,
They fell and saw the ocean firsthand.

Jango dug in his wrist mounted claws,
T’was enough to give his descent pause.
But Obi slid past,
He’d better think fast
It appeared he met watery jaws.

Fett ascended and ran to his ship.
Obi Wan, with a hop and a skip,
Made a throw that was nice,
A small tracking device
Connected with magnetic grip.

Nightmares

2011-06-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

The nightmares in Skywalker’s head
Had stirred the young man from his bed.
What had broken his calm
Was a dream of his mom,
She was suffering, or even worse, dead.

Though he risked looking weak and pathetic
He revealed that his dreams were prophetic.
So Naboo’s former queen
Said, “Go to Tattooine,
I’ll come too, so your mandate isn’t...forgettic.” (sorry)

Flirting Again (I think this is the last of it)

2011-06-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

In the evening the two love birds had dinner.
Ani showed off a Force trick: Fruit Spinner!
The fruit hovered and floated,
On Padme, he doted.
Had his game on, the big cheesy grinner.

He cut up the fruit into strips
And floated a piece to her lips.
He gave all he was worth
To elicit her mirth
With his smooth Jedi tricks and his quips.

Later on they enjoyed a warm fire.
Ani showed, once again, his desire.
Though it drove them berserk,
This affair couldn’t work
Because Jedi for love can’t aspire.

On Kamino, our deft Jedi sleuth,
Sent a message that spelled out the truth
To Yoda and Mace
Of this odd cloning place
And the army that was armed to the tooth.

T’was alarming that they could not see
In advance this stealth activity.
Should they inform the Senate?
Honesty was a tenet
But Yoda said, “For now, let it be.”

Obi Wan Meets Jango Fett

2011-06-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

Obi Wan and Taun We rang the bell,
Then waited for the boy to go tell
His dad they had guests.
The onus then rests
Upon Obi to question him well.

Obi sized up this man, Jango Fett.
He suspected the same guy he met
As a shooter of darts
From a place off the charts,
This was HIM, he was willing to bet.

Obi spotted on the small closet floor
Was some armor that was from Mandalore.
“Sifo-Dyas, have you met him?”
Obi Wan tried to let him
Get tangled in questions. He asked more.

Jango claimed Darth Tyranus was his boss,
A name for which Obi was at a loss
Obi studied his eyes
And then said his goodbyes.
This man’s lying was making him cross.

Jango’s nerve had begun to unweave.
And he wiped a sweaty brow on his sleeve.
He said, “I’ve had enough,
Boba, pack up your stuff.
On the double, it is time that we leave.”

More Disgusting Flirting (Almost done with this part, I promise!)

2011-06-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

On Naboo, Ani had to change gears.
He asked Padme, “Think back a few years...
Tell me ‘bout your first crush.”
Without blushing a blush
She said, “Curly hair Palo?” Ani sneers.

“He became an artist, “ she doted,
“I went into politics and voted.”
“Maybe going into art
Was a little more smart,”
Noted Ani, who mischievously gloated.

“I get the sense you don’t like politicians”
Said the object of Ani’s ambitions.
“Oh...there’s two or three,
And another...maybe
That I’ve met on a few of my missions.”

He complained that the system was broken,
That solutions were not often spoken,
Padme explained that they tried
But that often each side
Had flexibility that was oaken.

“Then something that occurs to me
Is that they should be made to agree,
By a strong and wise leader
And not a heart bleeder,”
Said Ani, a little idealistically.

“So you think that a despot should rule?”
Amidala asked, losing her cool.
“If it works,” Ani shrugged.
She ‘bout near came unplugged,
‘Til it dawned that he was playing the fool.

They were there for the whole afternoon
In the meadow, these two did commune.
There was more issue skirting
And some really bad flirting,
But I’d rather be gagged with a spoon.

(Next time it’s back to the action!)

Welcome, Visitors from Geekadelphia.com

2011-06-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

This morning I rolled in to find an unusually large number of hits on the hit counter...as in 10 times the normal amount of traffic for this blog. I found out that most of this is thanks to an entry from the Geekadelphia.com blog.

Thanks to Chris Urie for the favorable review and to everyone else who tweeted it, digg'ed it, shared on facebook, or otherwise spread the word.

And while I'm at it, I'd like to thank the loyal longtime readers of my blog as well for all of your words of encouragement and for forgiving the occasional "near rhymes" and metering missteps. I wouldn't have stuck with this project this long if I didn't know that some of you out there are enjoying it.

A Kiss (Eeeewww, cover your eyes, kids!)

2011-06-14T07:30:00.000-07:00

At the lakeside, a breathtaking scene,
The view from the lodge was serene.
She told stories from youth,
Anakin got uncouth...
Put the moves on...ya know what I mean?

As they talked, his stare grew more intense.
She was soft’ning, still riding the fence.
He leaned in and kissed her
She was not a resister,
Not at first...but then girls don’t make sense.

She apologized, “This isn’t right.”
It was more a safeguard than a slight.
A pained look on his face,
Ani slowed up the pace.
Pretending to agree, but not quite.

The tour at Kamino moved on,
His initial surprise almost gone.
As the cloner chief boasted,
Obi asked who had hosted,
He asked who’s DNA they had drawn.

T’was a hunter of bounties, named Fett
Who had not left the premises yet.
Obi Wan asked to meet him
(To catch and defeat him)
This hunter perhaps was Padme’s threat.

Next time: More Disgusting Flirting

Kamino

2011-06-13T11:05:00.000-07:00

They discussed Padme’s safety and asked
With what steps the “Master” Jedi had tasked.
“Oh, he’s not a Master,”
Smiled Padme, much faster
Than Anakin, the padawan unmasked.

That Padme had rejected his lead.
Had Ani just a little bit teed.
It was true, he was young
So he just held his tongue.
Once again, he would have to concede.

Her idea really wasn’t so bad.
They’d hide out at a cool lakeside pad.
And had Anakin known
That he’d have her alone,
He would never have gotten so mad.

Far across the outreaches of space,
Obi Wan had arrived at the place
Where the dart had come from.
In a swirling maelstrom,
He landed. He was back on the case.

He was met by the tall, thin Taun We
Who revealed they’re expecting Obi.
He masked his surprise
Which turned out to be wise,
Without knowing, they spilled the beans, see?

What he found chilled him deep in his bones.
The Kaminoans explained in hushed tones,
“When he last came to see us
Your Master Sifo-Dyas
Had ordered an army of clones.”

Next time: A Kiss

Star Wars Attack of the Clone Taun We Kamino Cloner Action Figure

Amidala Reports To The Queen

2011-06-07T07:30:00.000-07:00

In the giant port city of Theed,
From the freighter our trio was freed.
Amidala and Ani,
With Artoo as the nanny,
Admired Naboo’s beauty indeed.

The humans shared stories of yore,
Remembrances of times before.
Like Padme’s short reign
And the people’s campain
To let Amidala rule more.

Amidala was glad to be through,
That her terms as queen numbered just two.
Though she quickly agreed
To be “Senator from Theed”.
Ani said, “The Republic needs you.”

Before long they were at the Queen’s court
With Coruscant news to report.
The queen named Jamillia
With whom I’m not familia...er...
Questioned Count Dooku’s support.

“There are many,” the Senator said,
“Who are under Count Dooku’s wingspread.
If we dare enlist troops,
That would be a big ‘oops’,
It would mean civil war up ahead.”

“Does the Trade Federation still stand?
I had heard that some changes were planned
To reduce army size,
And if Gunray complies,
Then Hell will freeze over,” Queen panned.

“Ma’am, I doubt that we’ve had so much luck.
That Guild is still running amuck.
We don’t wan’t to have war,
Let us hope that a door
Will open so a deal can be struck.”

Next time: Kamino

Writer's Block

2011-06-06T13:11:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the lack of new verses today. I've been going at this blog now for 61 days straight and have learned a lot about limerick writing. Today I'm starting to feel a little burned out on it. Between that and the fact that my work and personal life are keeping me pretty busy, I'm taking the day off. I'm also considering temporarily going to an every other day format instead of daily posts.

If you are in desperate need of a limerick fix today, perhaps you might find something else that I've been doing to be of interest to you. I signed up to participate in writing the world's first "Limericktionary" -- a dictionary where all of the definitions are given in limericks. So far I have 44 words that I've defined. 3 have been accepted by the Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form (OEDILF) editors and the other 41 are in various stages of editing and "work-shopping". Here are links to the accepted words:

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be back with new Star Wars verses. Until then, thanks for reading.