StarDroppings.com

The L'ilest Millionaire

2009-07-13T09:29:00.004-04:00

Ryan Seacrest has just struck a three-year, $45 million deal with American Idol, making him the wealthiest man alive, per inch.

Self-Induced Vomiting to the Oldies

2009-07-09T13:42:00.005-04:00

How happy are we that E! has decided to listen to it's fans and stop reporting on Heidi and Spencer Pratt? That's courteous, that's responsible journalism, that's not me.

The Heidi Workout is coming to video stores soon and exposes the secrets to Heidi's physique. Who knew you could get a killer workout just by riding Lauren Conrad's coat tails? Another great way to burn calories? Trying to get your gay husband's attention in the jungle while he ogles a semi-nude Sanjaya Malakar. Those crazy kids. You won't hear another word about them here. Unless they call the paparazzi on their way to Starbucks.

Take My Breath Away, Ladies

2009-04-30T18:34:00.003-04:00

The gay community has a new confirmed resident, Kelly McGillis of Top Gun. Yes, that Top Gun. In an interview, twice-divorced McGillis, 51, said she is "done with the man thing".

As a self-proclaimed spokesperson for same-sex marriages and opposite marriages, I think I speak for all lesbians when I say, "Seriously? You want to give us this Kelly McGillis? Um, no thanks."

A Shot at Love Has a Brand New Disease-Infested Whorestar

2009-04-30T12:42:00.005-04:00

Aubrey O'Day is in talks with MTV to star in a new season of A Shot at Love. Given the circumstances, MTV is considering tweaking the title and has narrowed it down to several suitable options:

A Shot at Tetanus

A Shot at D-List Reality Star Fame with a D-List Reality Star

A Shot at Aubrey O'Day: Your Friends Dare You

A Shot of Penicillin: You're Gonna Need It

Dissecting US Weekly's Current Cover

2009-04-29T20:18:00.004-04:00

StarDroppings is going to save you $3.95 and just tell you what's in this week's US Magazine:

Lindsay Lohan's Secret Drug to Get Thin: It's cocaine. Mystery solved.

Heidi and Spencer's Wedding Album: It's just like the first two.

Jon and Kate Exclusive Caught With Other Woman: Jon minus Kate plus barskank minus pants plus divorce papers minus any future earnings. Way to go, Jon!

Linda Hogan Asking for More Money in the Hulkavorce

2009-04-29T09:19:00.005-04:00

Linda Bollea claims she is in danger and seeks an additional $8k per month in alimony from Hulk Hogan so she can afford a home far away in California. Take a good look at Linda; the only thing chasing her is the Grim Reaper.

I am guessing she has also seen this picture and is really seeking an additional $8k to retain Miley Cyrus' hair stylist. The talented digital artists at StarDroppings.com have rendered the scenario if the cougar-money runs out:

Thankfully she buys her wardrobe at stores that accept food stamps. Does anyone want to tell her Forever 21 doesn't mean 1921?

Swine Flu: A Theory

2009-04-28T20:17:00.002-04:00

Heidi and Spencer got married last weekend.

Heidi and Spencer are honeymooning in Mexico.

Swine Flu: an elaborate international plan to eliminate the Pratts.

If so (does Mexican hat dance): da da DA da da DA da da DA daaaaaaaa OLE!

If a Transsexual Can Hide an Entire Penis, Surely Britney Can Conceal a Tampon String

2009-04-28T08:11:00.003-04:00

The last couple of weeks have not been post-worthy, besides the passing of our favorite Golden Girl, Dorothy Zbornak. Thankfully, someone caught on video a clip that will surely dazzle at the Sundance Film Festival:

I Owe You an Explanation

2009-04-13T13:57:00.003-04:00

I know, I know... last week was slow. You see, this is Stardropping.com's 250th post and I wanted to put something really speacial and newsworthy in this place because darn it, you deserve it.

So (drum roll), here it is: a picture of Rosie O'Donnell's cameltoe on it's way to the beach over the weekend. Nothing says 250th post like two hundred and fifty pounds wedged into bike shorts. Now excuse me while I go grab something to eat. Nothing works up my appetite like Rosie O'Donnell dressed like a moving man. Now with 50% more macho!

Eminem is Broke

2009-04-08T10:07:00.002-04:00

Eminem - New Music - More Music Videos

So, Eminem released "We Made You" from his fourth album, Relapse, yesterday. Spoofing everything from Rainman to current celebrity couples, Jessica Simpson has vowed not to watch it and Kim Kardashian said she's flattered.

If you're looking for some late 90's Eminem nostalgia, it's a good way to spend four minutes. Unfortunately, it's not a rousing social commentary, even with the addition of Alaska Goverer Sarah Palin. Sadder still, it's a desperate plea to his fans to buy some records pity-style. There's even a subtle plug in the middle of the song, "Think I've got a dirty moth? You should hear the rest of my album!". If only something rhymed with, "Now available on iTunes".

Levi Johnston Breaks His Silence

2009-04-03T14:54:00.002-04:00

Mark your calendar for Monday, April 6, when Levi Johnston (the guy who Juno'd Governer Palin's teenage daughter Bristol) will be appearing on The Tyra Banks Show. You can always count on Tyra to get the tough questions answered:

- What does Levi think of Tyra Banks?
- Has Levi ever seen America's Next Top Model, starring Tyra Banks?
- Does Levi think these pants make Tyra Banks' butt look big?
- Does Levi like Tyra Banks' hair?
- Was Levi nervous when he found out he was going to meet Tyra Banks on The Tyra Banks Show?
- What's Levi's most favorite thing about Tyra Banks?

You know where this is going. All the hard-hitting news, Monday on Tyra!

Urine-Soaked Sheets: The New Oysters and Candlelight

2009-04-02T16:02:00.004-04:00

What does sex with Samantha Jones smell like? Depends!

The producers of Sex and the City have officially announced the sequel will be coming out in the Summer of 2010. Fire up your Hoverounds and pack extra Werther's Originals, that's gonna be a long line.

She's Asking for the OJ Special

2009-04-01T13:14:00.003-04:00

Don't bother looking at the picture above, because that's OJ Simpson's girlfriend who has just revealed to the National Enquirer that she is pregnant with another man's baby. OJ has served three months of his 33 year sentence so far, and Christine Prody, 31, held out as long as she could.

You know what OJ loves? Blondes. You know what else he loves? Killing people. Know what he hates? Ladies who can't wait 33 years to life. Simpson will be eligible for parole in 9 years, and word on the street is he's already got a nice 40th birthday present in mind for Prody. As long as Knives R Us accepts Nevada State Penitentiary IOU's.

Little People Need Love Too

2009-03-27T20:47:00.004-04:00

Confirming rumors that her marriage is on the rocks, Ashlee Simpson openly made out with a midget at the MTV Awards in Australia. Pete Wentz is gonna be pissed.

Jamie Lynn Hearts Living in Sin

2009-03-26T06:58:00.006-04:00

First, we find out The Bachelor isn't the best way to find your partner for life. Now, thanks to Bristol Palin and Jamie Lynn Spears, teen-pregnancy-and-a-shotgun-wedding is getting a bad wrap.

“The wedding’s off,” a source reveals to OK!. “They are still in love, living together and very happy, but they have no plans to get married. Jamie Lynn has everything she wants and feels no need for a ring and piece of paper.”
Adds another insider, “She and Casey have weathered a lot in their young relationship already and don’t need the pressure of making wedding plans.”

Thankfully, the situation can be alleviated with this advice from big sis: nothing takes stress out of nuptual-planning like bedazzling tracksuits for your wedding party. It's only a matter of time before Jamie Lynn realizes she can register at Wal-Mart, so book the bingo hall and see if Cracker Barrel caters, y'all, we gots a weddin' to plan!

David Cook Makes David Archuleta Look Tough

2009-03-25T15:14:00.004-04:00

Looks like David Cook's fan has gotten out of hand again. Instead of hiring security with his bowling alley gig money, he got tough on his myspace blog. It's verbal pepper spray:

Hey everyone,First off, I want to say thank you to everyone who has been coming out to the shows since my last post. The vibe at these shows has been amazing.Secondly, I have to address some behavior that has become disturbing. We pride ourselves on being accessible to you as fans, but in contrast, we do enjoy what little privacy we can muster. To that end, the efforts by some fans to find our hotel rooms, call our hotel rooms, attach things to our bus, etc., is something I have to condemn. This relationship only works when it remains healthy for both parties, and should this behavior continue, the only thing we can do is take more preventative measures to maintain our privacy, which in turn makes us less accessible to you.I hope this doesn't come off as harsh. I merely want to nip this in the bud so we can continue to have a great experience with all of you at the shows we have coming up. Take care and see you at the next show.~D

Attaching things to your bus, David? Really? Something tells me it isn't the dirty panties you want me to think it is. That "free car wash" brochure stuffed under the wiper wasn't from a fan. The lady at your hotel room door? She was there with fresh towels. So unless your last name is Cassidy (sighs and doodles "Mrs. Cassidy" on all my notebooks), let's ease up on the Motel 6 concierge, who's just calling to make sure the room is roach-free.

Michael Jackson Deserves More Kids

2009-03-24T15:21:00.005-04:00

Michael Jackson is on a roll! His London tour dates are sold out and OK! Magazine is reporting that he is looking to adopt a child. I guess Match.com didn't have exactly what he was looking for.

In case anyone forgot what kind of dad he is, I posted the picture of the day he tried to turn Blanket into a Throw.

Winnie Cooper, You Slut!

2009-03-23T13:10:00.005-04:00

Winnie has flown the Cooper. For all of us who hoped, nay, prayed her romance with Kevin Arnold would be realized, it is a dark day.

Mathematician and author Danica McKeller spent the weekend marrying her composer boyfriend of eight years, Mike Verta, who wore white gloves and a formal tuxedo jacket with tails.

I'm not saying this was a nerdy wedding, but the cake was dairy free, and the favor was a wedgie.

Because It Was Slow Day for News

2009-03-20T20:43:00.000-04:00

Finally, Security Cameras Serve a Purpose

2009-03-19T12:14:00.004-04:00

If you read yesterday's post, you know LeAnn Rimes was rumored to be cheating on her husband. After telling Regis and Kelly it was just gossip yesterday, she released a statement saying this was a dificult time for her family and thanked everyone for their support, which cleared up nothing. Eddie Cibrian, married model Brandi
Glanville, however, denied the allegations and said the story was a complete fabrication. If you have absolutely nothing better to do, watch the video above. This is security footage from the restaurant showing Rimes and Cibrian making out and sucking each other's fingers. A model of discretion, the restaurant also produced a credit card receipt signed by Cibrian. Dear God! Who runs this restaurant, Pearl from 227?

The following is a paid advertisement from Mosun and Club M in Laguna Beach, CA:

Cheating on your spouse? Are you a celebrity or once were? Come on in to Mosun and Club M in Laguna Beach today for a free lunch and some hard-core canoodling! We won't point our security cameras on you and sell the footage to US Magazine; it's just there for your safety, honest. We're not trying to get publicity, we just love our celebrity clientele. Free alcohol to the cast of Sober House. Free dessert if you slip a nipple. Call for your reservations today. Ask about our special rate if you sit at the table with the upskirt cam. Mosun and Club M in Laguna Beach, we won't tell!

Caught in a Lie: The LeAnn Rimes Story

2009-03-18T09:56:00.005-04:00

You've watched little LeAnn Rimes grow up in the spotlight, going from an awkward 13 year old all the way through the country-bumpkin-rite-of-passage that is marrying a backup dancer at 19, having two children, and now having a steamy affair with her sexy Lifetime Original Movie co-star, Eddie Cibrian. I just saw her with my own eyes on Regis and Kelly, talking about how she lets the "rumors just roll off her back". But US Weekly has the photographic evidence. Do you swear everything you say is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Regis? My money says Lifetime:Telvision for Women takes this opportunity to make a movie about a young country star, thrust into the spotlight who marries young, has two kids, then has a steamy affair with her Lifetime: Television for Women movie co-star. I want royalties, Lifetime: Television for Women.

Did I just write something that awesome? What I meant to say was, uhhhh, what the hell is a LeAnn Rimes? Lifetime: Television for Women? Never heard of it. I have to go wax my jet pack.

Jenna Jameson Has Twins (Not the Ones You're Thinking Of)

2009-03-16T18:28:00.004-04:00

International porn star Jenna Jameson has given birth to Tito Ortiz's twin boys, though I use the term given birth loosely because it implies effort. I also use the term loosely loosely.

She said on her myspace blog:
"I can’t even express the extreme serenity that came over me once I saw my children inside me. It has been my dream to have children for an extremely long time, and I truly feel like finally, the time is right and God has blessed me. I have never felt more like a woman, or more alive.

Babies? That's just about the only thing that hasn't been inside her. Two men at once? Different story.

Lindsay Lohan is Prison-Toast

2009-03-16T06:50:00.004-04:00

Lindsay Lohan's arrest warrant appears to have been issued of a misunderstanding. She had been in an alcohol education class following her 2007 DUI and was either late to a session or missed one altogether. Her lawyer, Shawn Capman Holley, assures the public it's a minor issue that can be cleared up today.

Unfortunately for Lohan, California judges have taken pleasure in the opportunity to make examples out of poorly-behaving stars. Prison up, Lindsay! If only there was a way to prepare for prison. If only she knew what it was like to be watched all day. If only she could find an unattractive woman who thinks she's tough to practice having sex with. If only.

Chris Brown Takes Away a Child's Right to Choose

2009-03-12T09:05:00.007-04:00

The Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards are coming up on March 28th. As of last week, Nick stood by the kids' nomination of Chris Brown in the Favorite Male singer category, which drew harsh critisism from the media, saying the nominations took place long before Brown was accused of assaulting his girlfriend, Rihanna.

Yesterday, Chris Brown withdrew his own name from contention, which was unusual. Usually when he withdraws last-minute, someone gets pushed down the stairs.

QUICK! PRESS PLAY!

Sexiest Wedding Ever

2009-03-11T13:08:00.006-04:00

Because you're sick of hearing about Rihanna taking Punchy McFistface back and there's not a lot of news beyond that, I'll tell you that Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams were married in a quiet ceremony in Savannah, Georgia yesterday. It was quiet because nobody was there. Nobody was there because nobody cared. Nobody cared because this is the fugliest couple since Kiersten Dunst teamed up with Justin Long.

Warning, picture below (unless you have an awkward fetish. In that case, jackpot!).

Pictured Above: Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams, the moment they realized they weren't going to do any better