Start Your Family

The Week in Pictures, part 2

2010-03-04T07:05:30-08:00

It's a whole new world being able to make friends online, one I'm grateful for. But even better is turning those virtual relationships into real, flesh-and-blood friendships with people you can see. And hug! We became friends with this family over our computers, and how blessed we've been by them.

But when it looked like they would be coming to town for the Focus on Marriage simulcast, we were thrilled to be able to host them in person.

And for that, nothing less than the orangest of flowers (and the saltiest of hummus) would do.

These beauties were front and center, along with these.

That's another thing about the internet, and especially mom blogs -- you get to know quirky details about things early on in friendships. Things like favorite flowers and favorite colors. So for this dinner, the color of gerberas was orange.

The Week in Pictures, part 1

2010-03-01T08:52:31-08:00

It was a bittersweet moment Friday saying thank you and goodbye to the Dobsons after 33 years of serving families through Focus on the Family. Dr. Dobson is both champion and hero to me. What an honor to be able to tell him so! His farewell chapel message is now online. May God bless you and keep you!

Babies, Keep 'Em Coming

2010-02-25T06:39:03-08:00

A few days ago I tweeted about Yitta Schwartz, a Holocaust survivor who had 16 children, and as the New York Times tribute put it, put her "thumb in the eye of the Nazis."

How? By leaving behind 2,000 descendants when she died at 93. 2,000!

By virtue of saying yes to the blessing of children, she "may have generated one of the largest clans of of any survivor of the Holocaust."

I think she's a hero. Not everyone does. Someone commented on my tweet with, "Most people don't believe having 2000 living descendents at the time of your death is a good thing. We're not rats & cats."

I'm not surprised by such sentiments, just saddened. In our anti-natalist culture, it's tempting to look at babies as consequences to be avoided. But that's not how God sees them. Psalm 127:3-5 says,

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

It's not easy having a lot of kids. We just got back from a long visit with family where 10 of the 12 cousins were all together. It was busy, and noisy, and not always easily managed (to say the least). But in the messiness, was beauty.

What about you? What's your reaction to Yitta Schwartz and to other families with a lot of kids?

Advocating Adoption

2009-10-12T07:36:23-07:00

When you meet the Browns the subject of adoption comes up. But it was this way even before Motte and Beth went to Ethiopia to grow their family.

Yesterday I spent some time capturing their precious family on film to help tell their story for the January issue of Citizen magazine (sneak peek above). I love that the Sanctity of Life issue will have at its centerpiece the subject of adoption.

In addition to the photos and retelling the why, how, hardships and joy of Motte and Beth's journey, I'm reviewing Russell Moore's book Adopted for Life. It's different, reminding all believers that we are adopted into God's family as well as called by Him to be involved in the adoption of orphans. But it's not the kind of book you should be scared to read. It's not a guilt trip. Yes, you may finish it with a strong desire to adopt. But it's not a given. What you will finish with is a desire to be involved in adoption somehow, consistent with God's plan for you life.

Have you considered adoption? We'd love to hear your story.

Experiencing the New Normal

2009-09-20T11:49:19-07:00

Saturday mornings are our time for fun. We start the day with pancakes and lately, a loud dose of Phil Joel's deliberateKids. Churchill, who's been known to utter the words, "where's my microphone?" grabs the paper towel roll,

Harrison tunes his broom,

or whatever other instrument he can find

and we're off and running.

Last night we went to see the real deal in concert.

The kids were especially pumped to meet the band and shake Mr. Joel's hand. But for Teddy, it was just another outing in pjs. He seemed most interested in the band's luggage.

And putting whatever technological things he could get his hands on into his mouth. Or at least trying.

It was a great show. Loud music to dance to. New friends to make. Air guitars to strum and riffs to mimic.

It was well worth the long drive to Longmont to see the Joel family living their message of deliberately pursuing relationship with God and the abundant life that follows.

When Is a Good Time to Have Kids?

2009-09-16T19:38:35-07:00

Chelsey emailed us the week before her wedding. She wanted to let us know she'd read Start Your Family, and in her words,

We had been unsure about whether or not we would use birth control. I don't want to take the pill, and honestly, we didn't want to use birth control at all, but we are on a limited, though sufficient, income, and we didn't know if it was 'wise.' Your book, along with the wise counsel of our pastor, was such an encouragement.

Recently she wrote again with an update. I asked her if she'd write a version for the blog. And graciously, she agreed. Here's what she had to say,

My husband and I got married in April, almost three years to the day after we started dating. I had been 23 for a month; he was 22.

During our pre-marital counseling, our pastor reiterated what we already wanted so desperately to believe: that God is the giver of life and that whatever our best laid plans may be, He was the one who would ultimately determine when our family should start.

We had talked about wanting to have kids right away with our friends and families, but the word was almost always the same, based on our plans for the future: your early twenties is not a good time to have kids; right after marriage is a not a good time to have kids; when you’re in seminary is not a good time to have kids; when you’re on the mission field is not a good time to have kids. We were left wondering—when is a good time to have kids?

We couldn’t answer that, and neither could anyone else. So we decided that we would let God decide when was a good time for us to start having babies. It didn’t take long to find out. His good timing appears to be sometime next February, which means our ten-week-old son will be celebrating our one-year wedding anniversary along with us.

Since God softened our hearts in this area, there have been times of fear and doubting. Did we make the right decision? Is everything going to turn out OK? In response to these anxieties, God has proven to be the God of Psalm 94:18-19: “When I thought, ‘My foot slips,’ your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.”

What have God’s consolations been for us? He provided me a job the day after we got back from our honeymoon, which has allowed us to build up our savings account. He has us in a church that values family and children. He recently gave my husband a new, better-paying job that will allow me to stay home with our little one.

I don’t know how many children God will ultimately give us, but whatever His plan, we are truly “tasting and seeing that the Lord is good” in allowing us to start our family when He did.

Congratulations Chelsey and Christian. Thank you for letting us rejoice with you!

Hope for Couples Who Are a Little Behind

2009-09-14T14:10:07-07:00

Not everyone who hears the Start Your Family message is encouraged by it. We hear from people who've said we're overlooking a biblical call to be childless for the kingdom (more on that in another post), that we're insensitive to infertile couples and that we offer little hope to those couples who already have waited. That last concern came most recently in an email from Stacy. She wrote,

I just wanted to write and say that I read your blog and feel very discouraged. My husband and I are 33 and 35 and we just now feel as though we want to start a family. God has softened both of our hearts towards children just over the past few months after praying for a heart change. Everything you write in your blog is very true and I would encourage the same mindset to couples in their early twenties but what if, as a couple, we have missed that boat?

We are trying to catch it now but reading the information on your blog was disheartening, not to mention polarizing. Even though I’m sure it wasn’t your intention, it made me feel as though we missed God’s call as a Christian couple to start a family when we first got married (27 and 30). And by your standards we were too slow in tying the knot as well. I really think you are doing a good thing but can the couples who are a little behind not at least get a little blurb on your blog?

This blurb is for Stacy. And all the other couples who (like us) got married a little later.

I'm actually really glad to be able to address your concerns and agree that some posts on this subject would be very helpful. I think it's easy to misread our message, especially if you haven't read the whole book (or know our story). We, too, married at the average age of 27 (just a month before turning 27, to be exact) and didn't start to think about babies till we were 28. We have a lot of encouragement in the book for couples like you who have waited.

We wrote to young couples as well, hoping to spare them the heartache many couples face when they wait, but that wasn't the entire purpose of the book. It's our heart to inspire couples to open their hearts to the possibility of children, to extol God as the wonder-working, all powerful savior who opens wombs and blesses us with children. You have every reason to hope that babies will come and I pray that is the case! I'm just sorry you read our message to be a discouragement.

That's the gist of what I emailed back to Stacy. She's awesome. She wrote back to say,

Thank you so much for writing back. I really didn't expect to get a response! I really do not mean to come across as super critical and will admit that I didn't read every single thing on your blog. I just feel remorse that our desire for children is just now happening, you know? I wish I could go back and put in my 27 year old heart what's in there now. I feel so behind and like if I'm not able to conceive, its because I missed what God's intentions were for us at the get-go. I know that God is sovereign and that if He wants us to have healthy children (even 3 or 4!) that we will but in searching for encouragement in the Christian community, I mostly get dismayed.

If, like Stacy and her husband, you got married later or you just decided you weren't ready to have kids back when you first got married, there's still hope. Lots of it. That's a big part of why we're doing what we do.