State of Jen

Guess who's on my plane?

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 19:05:00 +0000

Yep, Tim Meadows (aka Principal Duvall) from the best movie ever, Mean Girls. He's not to shabby on SNL either.

I love a celebrity sighting and wish I were sitting with him in first class so we could discuss the Burn Book, among other things.

Hope to round off my LA trip with a glimpse at Angelina's new rock!

Five

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 03:49:00 +0000

My baby boy turned five today. Five, as in starting Kindergarten in the fall. Five, as in doesn't really call me Mommy anymore. Five, as in can really go about his day without needing me all that much. Stop. Breath. Okay.

I marvel at this child - my child. How did someone like me create this perfect, adorable, smart, thoughtful, mischievous, remarkable, loving and wise-beyond-his-years person? And, with each passing day, it becomes more and more clear that my son is going to leave his mark on this world in some magical and amazing way.

So, to my darling on your 5th birthday,

You woke up this morning at 4:11. Maybe down to the very moment, five years ago, that I began to feel those first signs of labor, three and a half weeks early. Your sweet, sleepy-eyed face appeared at our door and a smile as big as the room filled your face the moment I wished you that very first "happy birthday." This year you knew, you just knew a birthday was a very special day. You were so sweet as I was putting you to sleep last night, that feeling coming over you I so remember as a child -- just too excited to sleep for what you knew was to come. Oh, I so love reliving those moments through you.

Each year I am surprised at how vividly I remember, like it was yesterday, the moment you were born. I can still close my eyes and be transported to that day and place, all of the minute details still etched in my mind. It dawned on me today as I was thinking back, that I could see your curiosity with the world, trepidation, kindness and need-to-soak-it-all-in before reacting in your eyes almost instantly. Your big, blue eyes tell the exact same story today.

You, my love, have bettered my life and those who adore you, beyond your wildest imagination. Your sweet, kind soul...it never ceases to amaze me when your little heart shows love, compassion and empathy more times than not. And, your vivid imagination and curiosity for the world -- I know I say it all the time, but I can actually see your mind working through your eyes as you stop to process, take it all in and come up with the most thought provoking questions.

You are, hands down, the most unbelievable and amazing big brother. You probably don't even notice it, but your sister's face literally lights up when you walk into the room. She just downright adores and worships you. You are always thinking about her, making sure she is never left out, sad, confused or missing out. What a gift. There isn't a luckier little girl on the planet.

Nothing brings a smile to my face more than seeing your dimpled cheeks when you break into your signature grin or hearing your contagious belly laugh. I marvel at your kindness and understanding towards others and your passion for things you love. You are a homebody, like your Mom, yet would drop anything for those tried and true things that you know, trust and love. You are a natural at board games and win more times than not, but to you that isn't nearly as important as making sure everyone else gets a turn to win too. I love your memory -- sometimes I'm downright floored with the things you remember. I adore your sensitivity and applaud your ability to show and share your feelings when they get hurt but also your uncanny capacity to forgive and move on.

You, my darling, are becoming so fiercely independent. But, thank you for continung to let me shower you with about a million hugs and kisses a day.

I hope you know today and always how much your Dad, sister and I love and adore you. The happiest of birthdays to you. Hugs, kisses and touches this night and all nights, always.

XOXO,
Mommy

Finding the Words

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 13:34:00 +0000

Last night, MDB was playing quietly on his floor, right before bed. He stopped for a moment, looked up at me and said:

MDB: "Mom, who is your Mom?"
Me: "Nana"
MDB: "Well, who is your Dad?"
Me: "Pop-Pop"
MDB: "Who is Nana's Mom?"
Me: "Gre."
MDB: "Mommy, how come we have never met Pop-Pop's mom?"

I'm fairly certain the wind was knocked out of me for just a moment, as I peered into my boy's baby blues, trying to catch my breath and think of what to say, the perfect thing to say, in that moment.

You know the scene in the movies, where a million pictures flash before someone's eyes? That's what happened to me as I contemplated the right interfaith answer, debated lying, dealt with the sudden grief that hit me out of the blue and agonized over some of the pure innocence leaving my sweet, sweet child.

More than life itself I wish my Nan were here to meet my kids. She would have just adored them. I miss her, still, after all these years.

I am that Mom. The one that desperately tries to shelter her kids from anything bad, longing for them to be innocent and naive as long as humanly possible. I knew, as the words came out of my mouth countless times, that it was wrong to tell him that squished bugs were sleeping, but death just seemed too scary and real for a child. Honestly, I would rather talk about sex.

But, questions about death have been on his mind lately. And, I'm struggling with finding answers. I actually googled "explaining death to children in Judaism", "explaining death to children in Christianity" and "explaining death to children without landing them in therapy." I covered all my basis and still don't really know what to say.

So, I told him that when you die you get to be with G-d in heaven and that Pop's mom was in heaven. I have an tendency to over-explain, and I don't want to scare him, so I left it at that and asked him if he wanted to talk about it more or had questions. He didn't and moved on to play with his cars.

When I was young, it helped me to think that my Nan was up in the clouds, playing cards with Frank Sinatra or endless rounds of golf - happy and carefree -- always watching over me.

Man, I wish there were a manual to help with this critical stuff. Through the early years, I read countless books/articles to find the perfect swaddle technique, what to feed and when and more -- but things that help shape their beliefs for years to come -- I feel helpless and speechless (which, if you know me, doesn't happen often).

And, bam, just like that, all those time the hubs and I said, "don't worry, we don't need to face the raising kids with our separate religions issue yet" just reared its head. And, I really, really want to get this right.

Any tips out there from people in a similar situation?

Neomamma

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 19:33:00 +0000

Thanks to one of my favorite bloggers, Emily at Emphasis Added, for sharing this amazing tribute to new moms. While it has been almost 5 years, to the day?!?, since I was bestowed the "new mom" title, I still remember those early, helpless, lonely, bleary eyed and amazing days!

Happy Friday!

Twenty-One

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 02:45:00 +0000

the number I hope to see a lot in Las Vegas next week.
the weight of a toddler.
a forever store that I won't see the inside of until I am dragged there by my own teen.
a film with Kevin Spacey that I have never seen...or heard of.
the second album by Adele.
$33.05, in British Pounds.
the amount of weight that I have lost since September!!!

Sorry, had to shout that one from the rooftops!

Have a great weekend!

My Girl

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 03:53:00 +0000

An open letter to my daughter on her 3rd birthday...

My darling,

Where to begin? The nostalgia started last night when I was putting you to bed. Rocking my 2 year-old baby girl, as we have done hundreds and hundreds of times since you were born. In my mind, a two year-old is still a baby and when I placed you in your bed and kissed you goodnight, I felt almost like I was saying goodbye to mine. I lingered in your room longer than usual, soaking it all in. And, your Daddy told me this morning that he snuck into your room last night just to watch you sleep. I guess he felt the same way.

Tears stream down my face as I think of all the joy and love you have brought to our lives. From head to toe and from inside to out, you ooze happiness and love. As it has been since your first gummy grin, your smile lights up a room. You have a way with people, my love, and you capture the hearts of anyone in your path.

I love your spirit and tenacity. I must admit, its hard to let go, as you crave to do everything on your own. Things that have been my job all along. But, how could I not admire your gusto for life and fierce independence? I can and do, because, secretly I know, that at the end of the day, its me you want to give you your last few bedtime kisses.

I love your wicked sense of humor, that seems to pick up on all the inappropriate things and scream them from the rooftops. Like how you've been going around saying, "keep the change you filthy animal" from "Home Alone" -- a movie definitely not made for your age group. I love that you would forgo any meal, any dessert, any time of day for a piece of gum. Girl, you love your gum and put Violet Beauregarde to shame. I love how you enunciate words, like ash-eh-leigh and that you still say lellow, for yellow. Speaking of which, your language, wow. Sometimes the things that come out of your mouth, have me searching the room for a college kid. I love when you grab someones face to get their undivided attention. I love that you love to dance and can't think of anything cuter than when I catch you dancing in the mirror. I love that you forbid anyone to use "your bathroom." You're lucky you have a brother who is okay with this set up! I love that your face still lights up when people you love walk in a room. I love your genuine concern when you hear someone is sick or hurt. I love that you love books and music and are the first to plop on the couch to watch football with Dad.

Your big brother, oh how he loves you so. The way he looks at you, it takes my breath away. Just the other night, you locked yourself in the bathroom, in the dark and broke a vase. I was scared because I couldn't get to you and when I finally scooped you into my arms, safe, it was him I saw. He was clinging to his Nana, heart beating fast, with concern in his eyes. I wish I could have captured on film to show you one day how his hand reached for yours, stroking your face, asking you over and over again if you were okay. And, no one was more excited that you moved into the older class at school, because it meant that he got to spend more time with his sister. And, just this morning, do you know what he said when I was trying to put a crown on you for school? "Mom, she doesn't need the crown. She is as beautiful as a princess without it." I mean, just melt my heart. All the nights that you woke up in the middle of the night with a bad dream, only wanting your "broder"...I rest easy knowing you a set for life with him by your side!

Oh my Ellie-girl, know on this day and everyday that follows how much I love you.

As our favorite book says, "I wanted you more than you will ever know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go. And, if someday your lonely, or someday your sad, or you strike out in baseball or think you've been bad...just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair. That's me, my sweet baby, my love is right there. So hold your head high and don't be afraid to march to the front of your own parade. If your still my small babe or you're all the way grown, my promise to you is you're never alone. You are my angel, my darling, my star...and my love will find you wherever you are."

Happy 3rd birthday love. Your Daddy, brother and I adore you with all our hearts. Thank you for being you.

The 9/11 Memorial

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:24:00 +0000

I'm writing this from 30,000 feet. I still marvel at technology. I'm using the Internet on the plane, while the man sitting next to me is reading a book on his iPad (the Steve Jobs biography ironically enough -- not that I looked over his shoulder or anything). I really don't like to fly, so being able to ~~shop~~ play online, is now another thing in my arsenal to take my mind off the ever-present fear.

I'm headed back from NYC, where I was since Monday for a business trip. I don't travel for work a lot, so when an opportunity comes up, it feels like a treat.

I was booked back-to-back for some really neat and exciting meetings. I barely had time to take a breather, but I managed to squeeze in a little time with some of my favorite people on the planet and meet my dear friend's adorable and perfect baby boy!

And, lucky for me, this morning I mis-read my calendar and thought a 11 a.m. meeting was actually at 10. This left me with an hour to kill. I jumped in a cab and went to the 9/11 memorial. I can imagine the mere mention of downtown Manhattan is still heartbreaking for some, but for me, to stand on this ground has been calling me ever since my first glimpse of the devastation in 2001.

As I write this, just mere hours later, I'm still reveling in the calm and serenity of the memorial, on the exact site that brought anything but. When I rounded the corner, after weaving through the fences protecting visitors from the overwhelming amount of construction to rebuild the NYC skyline, into the memorial site I instantly knew I was witnessing one of the most unbelievable, breathtaking, historical, sad and poignant things I've ever seen.

This first picture is of the tree that survived at the base of one of the towers. It was miraculously nurtured back to health and re-planted among the hundreds of trees within the memorial site. It stands out from the others and seems at rest in the foreground of the unbelievably beautiful (more so in person that in pictures) Freedom Tower.

The pools are just, for lack of a better word, perfect. And, something I couldn't fully appreciate or capture on TV, was the sound of the water. When I walked up, first to the North pool, the closer and closer I got, I noticed the the noise of the water melted away all other sounds. By the time I was standing overlooking the heartbreaking and all-so-real rows and rows of names, I forgot I was in NYC, in the middle of a HUGE construction site and surrounded by people. All I could hear was the peaceful sound of the water.

There was something about being there, especially alone. No one really talked, but when I met eyes with passersby, the Port Authority police security or volunteer workers, the eyes said it all.

Sadly, I only had 15 minutes to spend there. I know I'll return to take the proper time to pay tribute.

Ode To An Ankle

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 13:42:00 +0000

Its been a while, I know. Excuses, catch up and updates coming soon...but the point of this post is to share this...

Last I checked, an ankle is NOT supposed to look like this.

My poor brother slipped on some ice, dislocated and fractured his ankle and is in a brace and needs surgery. It was so bad, he took an ambulance to the emergency room. Poor guy -- two years ago he tore his Achilles (on the other foot!) and needed surgery on that too.

It's his right foot, so he can't drive. He has a very active and mobile almost-2-year-old at home. And, a family trip to Florida was scheduled, that has to be rescheduled.

So this post is ode to my baby brother in the hopes that he feels better soon, has a plethora of pain meds coming his way and a quick and easy recovery.

This post is also ode to his wife in the hopes the wine doesn't stop flowing!

11.8...To Be Exact!

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 12:00:00 +0000

It's 5:35 a.m. I've been up for an hour. At the ripe time of 4:30 a.m., my little boy woke up and started playing in his room, quite loudly, I may add. It was so cute, he knows he can't come out of his room until his "moon turns yellow and orange"...I guess I didn't specify not to get out of bed until at least, oh I don't know, the farmers get up for the day? Starbucks opens? Anyway, I lost the battle of the go-back-to-sleeps and he is now cuddled on the couch watching Cars 2. And, I'm wide awake.

Figured I would take this time to shout to ~~the world~~ my loyal readers that I have lost 11.8 pounds since starting Weight Watchers on October 3. Pants are starting to get a little looser and I could zip up a pair of boots over my calves that I couldn't last winter. Things are looking up. I even found a form of exercise that I, gulp, actually like. Spin class. I can't believe I'm saying this, but the 50 minutes flies by. Who am I?!?

In other news...

1. We took family pictures yesterday. I don't have high hopes here, my little lady was tired and not really herself. The photographer assured me she got a few great ones, but we'll see. I LOVE sending (and receiving) holiday cards, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed we got some card-worthy shots!

2. My life-long friend, who I met on my very first day of sleep away camp when I was eight, had her first baby this week. A little bundle of perfect love, for my friend who has been a "mother hen" since as far back as I can remember. I know her adventures in motherhood will be nothing short of brilliance, like she has been doing it all along. I can't believe I have to wait until January to meet that darling boy.

3. I was looking through some email drafts, and I came across something I had to capture for posterity sake. Husband said it while we were out to dinner. I emailed it to myself at the table, because it cracked me up. Maybe it was the cocktails, but it brought a smile to my face to read it again...He said, out of the blue, "Your blog has too many adjectives. Oh, and adverbs. That's the difference between girls and guys - it takes you four sentences to say what I could have said in 2 words." Ha, he is so right!

I wish I could say that I will post again this week, but my track record says otherwise. So, let me be among the first to wish you the happiest of Thanksgivings. I absolutely love this holiday and can't wait to share it with those I love most.

May your plates be full, your laughter loud and often and your day spent surrounded by those you are thankful for most in this world!

Halloween 2011

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 01:15:00 +0000

This year, Halloween was an over-the-top, amazing, already-can't-wait-until-next-year success! My Buzz Lightyear and Minnie Mouse stole the show...I mean, just look at 'em, cah-mon! Scrooge McHusband won't let you see their adorable faces, but I tell you, grins from ear to ear!

It was fun to watch my kiddos tackle trick-or-treating so differently. MDB ran full speed ahead, from door-to-door, not really caring what the candy was, as long as it was filling up his pumpkin. Ellie, on the other hand, was much more methodical. She thought very long and hard about what to choose and had to examine each and every piece before placing it gingerly in her stash. And then she pulled things out from time-to-time, wanting to talk about the oh-so-goodness of candy.

When they were done, MDB thrust his bucket in my arms and told me I could take it inside. After dinner, when I let him pick one thing to eat, he just grabbed what was on top and that was that. Ellie on the other hand, nearly had a stroke if someone even glanced in the direction of her loot. She changed her mind 19 times in deciding what to choose for her after dinner treat. And, we caught her sneaking pieces of candy under the couch cushions, to save for later. Hilarious.

Overall, it was a great celebration. To me, it was one of those times when I could actually feel myself taking a step back, trying to savor the moments and take as much of it in as possible. It was as if I was hoping to bottle up the feelings so I could close eyes years from now and recall the pure joy of innocence in my babies eyes. It seemed as if I was watching the events unfold from outside my body, bearing witness to one of those moments that mark a true joy of parenthood!

And, I would be remiss if I didn't mention -- one of those Halloween-sized boxes of Milk Duds -- only three Weight Watchers points. Totally worth it, in my book!

Who Can Argue With This?

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 21:20:00 +0000

Not Me!

Made My Day!

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 16:37:00 +0000

So, I have no idea where this came from. It was sent as an email forward with no information...but it was way too good not to share. So, if I am plagiarizing someone, please, please let me know and I will give credit as credit is FOR SURE due for this one.

Laughed my tush off with the hilarity and truthfulness! Enjoy!

Top 10 Ways That Being A Parent Is Like Being at a Fraternity Party...

10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three of them are in the bathtub.

9. There's always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.

8. It's best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over his/her digestive function.

7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someones going to start banging on the door.

6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.

5. You've got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.

4. There's definitely going to be a fight.

3. You're not sure whether anything you're doing is right, you just hope it won't get you arrested.

2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.

1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there.

Slow and Steady...SUCKS!

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 21:15:00 +0000

Today I hit the 3-week mark on Weight Watchers and have five less pounds to show for it! I have to say, things have been really good. I'm not hungry, feel satisfied and have a lot more energy.

But, five pounds, really?!? I swear, a few years ago, I could take five pounds off just by thinking about eating healthier. I've been following the program to a tee and just barely dipping into my bonus "points" for the week. I even worked out twice last week. (Yes, that says two times...c'mon that's two more times than the week before!)

Awesome. Slow as sin weight loss...another reason that getting older sucks. But, I'm not giving up. I love the advice I got from a co-worker. I can lose weight now or wait and do it later. But, no matter what, the quest will always be there and get harder and harder with time. I love that. Also, I used to associate diets with never ever getting to eat the food I love again. It struck me that as with the weight, the food too, will always be there. I can say no now, knowing that if I can get down to a weight comfortable for me, I can treat myself every so often.

It's been interesting, being so open and vocal about such a personal topic, but in the end, I'm glad I am. The support has been great and I inspired two co-workers to join WW too. Once of them lost five pounds her first week (ahh, to be in your early 20s again!)

So, onward (and hopefully downward!)

Oh, and to the adorable little Halloween candy, all cute and scrumptiously bite-sized...you don't tempt me!

Head Over Heels In Love

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 20:32:00 +0000

My very, very, very best friend had her first baby on Sunday. A wee-little boy that captured my heart the moment I layed eyes on him. He is a sweet bundle of love, with this adorable, squeaky little cry that makes you just fall for him over and over and over again.

Oh J-Man, I adore you and I can't wait to watch you grow up. Kiddo, you hit the jackpot in the parents department, really. Their love for you (and each other by the way) is palpable and inspiring.

I love watching your mama start her amazing parental journey. I love that she trusted me as her sounding board to keep you safe and healthy in pregnancy and now beyond. I love that she fearlessly and calmly put her body through hell and back again to bring you into the world.

I love her and you, with all my heart!

Food for Thought?

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 21:24:00 +0000

I was perusing Facebook this morning (when I should have been in the shower getting ready for work?!) and came across a post, originally shared by Delphine Fieberg. Since I'm in the throws of a mind/body overhaul, it made me pause and reflect. Wanted to share...

Do You Want To Be A Whale Or A Mermaid?

"A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?" The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness. They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia. They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on CD's. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist. But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish? They would have no sex life and could not bear children. Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad. And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale. At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies. We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated. Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I?!"

I love this and hope to think of it when I'm being overly critical of myself!

P.S. My co-worker ~~made~~ encouraged me to power walk/run stairs with her at lunch today. I mean, not many people can get my lazy butt out of a chair, but she did, just with her big 'ol smile. Thanks to her and to EVERYONE who offered words of wisdom, tips, recipes and encouragement!

Stay tuned to weigh-in day on Monday...so far so good!

Day #1 (of the Rest of My Life)

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 21:25:00 +0000

I started Weight Watchers today -- again. Please, the story of my life with on again-off again ~~diets~~ plans for getting healthy.

But, I do feel really good this time. I have a support group at work and feel really committed and ready. Also, food -- food that I used to love and worship (aka, junk!) just doesn't taste as good as it used to. When I eat it now, it leaves me feeling tired, energy-less and, well, fat. That says something, right?

I've been struggling with whether or not to post my actual weight on my blog. The number is higher than it has ever been before. Even with my share everything approach to life -- not sure I'm ready for it to be so public, so real. Maybe I'll change my mind as the scale goes down, but for now, I'm just not there yet.

So my goal? 35 pounds lost by my 35th birthday. I usually set really unrealistic goals. Like when I went to St. Thomas in May, my goal was 20 pounds in 2 weeks. Yeah, OK. So, in my commitment to truly make a life change, I'm going to try and slow things down. My new approach gives me 9 months and 3 days!

In terms of working out (BLECH!), I'm not ready to hit the gym yet. I really just dread it. But, I was enjoying Bikram (hot) yoga. So, I am going to commit to that a few times a week -- for now.

So, there you have it. Keep you posted. And, if you have any tips, recipes and/or moral support to share, I'd love to hear from you!

I Survived (So Far!)

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 02:08:00 +0000

I wanted kids as far back as I can remember. BUT, there was one thing about parenthood that stopped me in my tracks, gave me pause about having children at all and had me considering home schooling so they wouldn't ever have to be in a cesspool of germs -- vomit. Hate it. Hate the mere idea of it. Hate the anticipation of it. Hate the even remote possibility of it.

Well, I just survived the dreaded stomach flu with Ellie. A major milestone of mommy hood (passed, with flying colors, I might add!) I have to say, it wasn't as bad as I thought. My little lady was SUCH a trooper, so very brave. And, to top it all off, she kept looking up at me with those big, sad blue eyes, saying "tank you Mommy. I wuv you Mommy." Love. Love.

As the clock strikes 10:38 tonight -- marking the exact moment we will reach the coveted 24 hour mark -- I will sleep soundly knowing that I graduated past my private parental panic with honors!

P.S. G-D, since I was such an amazing mom...can you please spare me, the hubs and most of all the 4 year-old? He has his first field trip tomorrow and is beyond excited. And, selfishly, while I was great, truly -- I'm still not quite ready to do it again!

Blog Bliss

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 16:28:00 +0000

First...what do you think of the new look? I love it..."me" colors and just the right amount of girly/cutesy. I might re-work the signature a bit...but, I couldn't wait to get the new and MUCH approved look up and running.

Secondly, I was chatting with some of my favorite co-workers this morning, both who asked me when my next post was coming because they really do love reading my blog and my writing. I honestly haven't been that into it lately, but just hearing those kind words gave me just the inspiration I needed to stick with it. I'm such a sucker for a pat on the back or some kudos..works every time!

So, here are a few updates on The State of Jen:

1. Last night, I went to a friend's house to help her with her darling kids while her husband was on a business trip. She has a 6 week-old and a 3 year-old and the thought of doing the "witching hour" alone sent her into a bit of a tailspin. I jumped at the chance to help -- because I remember feeling the exact same way. She told me she was embarrassed to ask for help, thinking I'd judge her for not wanting to handle the few hours alone. I took her hands in mine and explained that I did everything in my power to NEVER have to do dinner/bath/bed time alone until Ellie was oh, about 6 months. And, that I stopped judging other parents the exact day I became one! Her relief was palpable as I held that little bundle of newborn for a few, precious hours.

2. I'm co-throwing a baby shower for my BFF on Sunday for her baby boy due 11/11/11 -- so cool! (You know I'm not that into getting induced for delivery -- but I might have to make an exception for this one, what a cool birthday that would be!) I'm very, very excited and will post pictures next week. I'm also a bit nervous since I volunteered to make ALL the food myself. With the hubby at a golf outing all day Saturday, it should be an interesting scramble!

3. The kids are fantastic. MDB has his first field trip next week. They are headed to another pre-school to play outside and have a picnic in the park. He is beyond excited to ride the school bus and I was beyond excited to sign my very first permission slip!

4. Ellie, oh my Ellie. She is just full of spit and vinegar these days. Darling as heck, but also a whole, lotta 2.5 year-old drama. I think we have a live wire here -- reminds me of someone else I know. Me? No, not me! :) My parents ~~secretly~~ wished a "spirited" child on me during my own bouts! Happy guys?

5. Lastly, my quest continues on my never ending (or starting for that matter) weight loss/get healthy battle. A few girls at work who have managed to change their lives for the healthier are letting me into their Weight Watchers "support group." Today is our first meeting and I'm pretty excited about it. Like I said, I've always needed the support (and praise) of others to help me on hard journeys -- so here goes ~~nothing~~ everything!

That's Not My Name!

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 14:23:00 +0000

This morning we started our day with a full-on, music blasting, still in the wee hours of the morning, pajama-clad dance party to MDBs most requested song, "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings. Seeing the kids dance around shaking their little tushes, holding hands, watching them, watch themselves in the full-legnth mirror and hearing little Ellie's voice sing, "That's Not My Name" at the top of her lungs, seared a smile on my face that I just can't shake!

Thought maybe hearing The Ting-Tings would help jump start your day too...

Happy hump day!

Help Wanted!

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 21:06:00 +0000

Ok, so my brand new blog design fell through. I'm pretty bummed...I was excited for something new and fresh. The pink paisley's and single tulip, which I once loved so much, now make me not even want to spend time on my own site. Yeah, not good.

Do any of you know any good and reasonably priced blog designers out there? I want something clean, simple, girly, bright and fresh...

HELP!

Happy Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 02:58:00 +0000

Today is my birthday. 34. It's not 35. Truthfully, it doesn't feel too bad. In my mind, I'm still too young to be a mother, have a tendency to regress to the likes of an immature 16-year-old in front of my parents and have to pack on 10 pounds of make up to be taken seriously at work or order a drink in a bar - so I feel ok with another year under my belt.

I love birthday's. I'm not afraid to admit that an ENTIRE day about me is extremely appealing. I love calls from friends that I don't get to talk to enough, getting pampered all day by my obliging hubby and, this year, waking up to my son's sweet voice whispering happy birthday and showering me with about 100 kisses. I get teased a lot that I actually celebrate "the week of Jen" and you know what, I'm totally comfortable with that!

And, the best part about my birthday...it's also my Dad's! Honestly, sharing the day with him makes it all about 2 billion times more special. Now that I'm a parent, I can only imagine how amazing it was to be handed his baby girl (a cute one, by the way :)) on his birthday!

My Dad is, without question, one of the greatest men to walk the earth. I love his passion for life, his unwavering commitment to his wife, marriage and family, his sense of humor, his work ethic, his uncanny ability to look at things from all different angles and challenge the status quo and his young-at-heart, playful soul. And, to top it off, he has to share his special day with his birthday obsessed daughter. What a guy! Dad, thank you for always loving and believing in me, even when the boarding school in Britain seemed appealing, never letting me rest on my laurels, loving my kids and husband to your core, always being okay with figuring out the tax, flying to NY only to drive 15 hours home so I wouldn't have to be alone and actually being the Dad to pick me up from a party and really not ask any questions! Happy birthday Pop Pop...I'm proud and honored to be your daughter. Here's to 93!

This day also has a different meaning. It was my due date - kinda, sorta, not really. You see, hubs and I pretty much decided we were done in the kids department. We have already been blessed with two perfect children. To make a very long story short, last November I was late, took a pregnancy test and it was positive. There it was in that tiny digital screen, one simple word, pregnant. Whoa...impossible, I thought...we were ~~extremely~~ careful. After the initial shock wore off and my husband could look me in the eyes again, I think we were both okay and even excited with the idea of another child. It had to be fate...the super reliable Internet calculator said the due date was, none other than, July 6.

I have to say looking back, I knew it felt different. I took a few other tests that night and the next morning that were all negative. Then, I woke up the morning after that with my period. So strange...I mean, who ever heard of a false positive?! I even went to the doctor just for reassurance and sure enough I'd never been pregnant at all. I was relieved, but perhaps just a little disappointed too. When I dug down deep, I realized my sadness stemmed from not being able to be pregnant again (loved it) and not getting to realize my dream of a drug-free birth -- but the rest of it made me feel nervous and completely overwhelmed and unequipped to handle it all. I honestly didn't know if my sometimes overwhelming anxiety and heart already bursting with love and fear for all of the unknowns could possibly handle another child. We're still struggling with the decision and I couldn't tell you definitively what the future will hold.

It's strange now, thinking how different this birthday could have been. What I do know, as I found myself showered with love all day, I'm one lucky girl and there is no better birthday gift than that!

Daughters

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 21:34:00 +0000

I wanted a little girl as far back as I can remember. I pictured shopping for days on end, spa-ing 'til we dropped and me spending endless hours coiffing her hair into the most perfect pigtails ever seen. In my daydreams, I never considered what actually goes into parenting a daughter (and a daughter with barely enough hair for a simple ribbon, I might add!).

It's scary stuff, I say. How do you raise a girl (and boy...but that is another post!) to be confident, smart, poised and armed and ready to combat the plethora of social stigmas and lousy role models out there?

I came across this article by Lisa Bloom, author of "Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed Down World" and loved the message -- thought I would share!

The Birds and the Bees

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 18:20:00 +0000

MDB: "Ashley (our amazing new nanny), can boys have babies in their tummy's?"
Ashley: "No buddy, only girls can have babies."
MDB: After a few minutes of silence..."Ashley, when I get bigger, I'm gonna marry you and put a baby in your belly."

Okay, then.

This, coupled with a weekend filled with nothing but talk about his girl Belle, from Beauty and the Beast...I guess my little boy is quite the heart breaker. So stinkin' cute and so surreal and so frightening...all at the same time. In reality, I'm not really scared to have "the talk." We are nothing but open and honest about bodies and parts in our house...but he is only four for Pete's sake. I have a feeling less is more for this one...and, well, that isn't always my strength.

How old were your kids when you started talking about the birds and the bees?

The Story of Brayden's Heart

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 12:39:00 +0000

(Reposting with a quick edit below in bold and red...oops)

The day my nephew was born is etched into my brain as one of those days that I'll remember forever. The joy of watching my brother become a Dad, seeing the love on my parent's faces as they became grandparents (again) and getting to hold that precious little boy moments after his birth. And then, in a split second, the news that would change us all forever -- his diagnosis of Aortic Valve Stenosis (AVS), a congenital heart disease.

I've been quiet on the subject, as my brother and his amazing wife dealt with and processed all the ups and downs of this past year. And, to be honest, from the first moments we learned of Brayden's condition, I've yet to be able to find the right words to help, comfort, sooth, encourage and, most of all, express my love.

Why share now?

In hind site, it doesn't surprise me. My family has always been amazing and never ones to rest on their laurels. My parents were never the sit-idly-by kind of people and from the first moment of Brayden's diagnosis a plan was set in action to help their beloved grandchild and his parents and the legions of other parents dealing with the same psychological, financial and medical issues that come with a similar diagnosis.

And so out of endless love, devotion and a overwhelming calling to help our Brayden and other families in similar situations, was born my family's registered 501(c)(3) foundation -- A Giving Heart Foundation: Big Hearts Helping Little Hearts Grow. I do hope you'll visit the site and if you feel so obliged, make a donation to this amazing and personal cause -- 100 percent of your donation reaches children in need.

My beautiful, strong, the-kind-of-Mom-we-all-want-to-be, SIL wrote Brayden's touching story for the foundation's Web site and I wanted to share it with you:

"Like many parents, we weren’t prepared for the day Brayden was born. We’d chosen that weekend to move and, generally speaking, I don’t think any first time parent is prepared until they are holding their beautiful baby in their arms. It’s like a switch flips and you want nothing more than to protect and love them. The amount of love that instantly grows is immeasurable; we were on cloud nine. So when the pediatrician stopped by for a routine visit, we didn’t think much of it. All of the tests done while I was pregnant came back perfect, why would anything change now? And then she told us that Brayden had Aortic Valve Stenosis (AVS). In an instant, it felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room.

The next month, we were living under water. Shuttling our innocent little bundle to doctors for echocardiograms, researching AVS and trying to make sense of what was happening. And then, the day before Brayden turned one month old, the decision was made that doctors would need to intervene and do a balloon procedure on Brayden’s tiny, baby heart. We were to report to the hospital the next day at 6 a.m. This is when we met Dr. Hijazi. We weren’t scheduled to see him, but another doctor working at a different hospital. But a family friend recommended Dr. Hijazi, claiming he was the best of the best. After a quick online search, we were sold. He is an expert in his field and his accolades endless. My husband, called Dr. Hijazi’s office to explain our situation and Dr. Hijazi immediately called back. Though he was scheduled to leave town, and had never met Brayden, he agreed to meet with us. He said that if he agreed the procedure needed to be done, he would stay and do it. At the same time, I was speaking with our insurance agency. Not only was Dr. Hijazi out of network but, our insurance agency had dropped Brayden from our plan that day due to a system glitch. At the 11th hour, the glitch was corrected and we were told the costs would be a maximum of $5,000. At this point, costs didn’t matter. We would have sold our souls to make this procedure happen.

The morning at the medical center is a blur. I was a mess; Mike was holding it together (one of us had to). But once we spoke with Dr. Hijazi it somehow seemed a bit better. Mike was shocked at my lack of worry once we left Brayden in his capable hands. In my mind, this guy was the cream of the crop. And not only is he extremely talented, he is personable, understanding and, for some reason, I trusted him. After three hours of pacing the floors, we met Dr. Hijazi in the hall and he smiled immediately. I broke down in tears again, this time out of relief. He said the procedure was extremely successful and Brayden was recovering well. It was like the weight of the world had been lifted from our shoulders.

Since the procedure, Brayden continues to grow strong and is living a normal life like any other kid. He’s met or exceeded every milestone outlined for his age and has a great personality. But, while Brayden’s heart is healthy, we still have fears for the future. Brayden will need another balloon at some point, as well as open-heart surgery to replace his valve. How will we explain this to him as he gets older, how do we push our fears aside and focus on our healthy little boy? We were also left with a mountain of bills from our insurance company that far exceeded the original amount discussed. Thankfully, Mike’s father made it his personal mission to negotiate those costs. And Mike’s mom is a psychologist, which has been a huge help in calming our minds.

But not everyone is as lucky as we are. Not everyone has a “simple” case like Brayden – though I see nothing simple about congenital heart disease. Not everyone’s parents like to navigate the legal/insurance system, and not everyone’s parents are able to provide the emotional support that’s needed.

And that’s why we’ve created this foundation. Will it benefit my son when he needs to have his valve replaced - yes. But, I’m hoping it will also help families like ours - those just starting out and not emotionally or financially prepared for the worst-case scenario.

I still spend a lot of sleepless nights asking myself what if, and that’s when Mike reminds me that we’re doing our best. And that’s all you can do."

You can also check us out on Facebook and please "Like" us, it would mean a lot to me!

From my heart to yours,
Jen

Happy Belated Mother's Day

noreply@blogger.com (State of Jen) — Thu, 12 May 2011 19:13:00 +0000

Last weekend/this week was a hectic one. Aside from finally getting to attend another birth (story to come, I promise it's worth the wait!) we had a family birthday party, final preparations for getting the house on the market (gulp!) and day-to-night pampering of all the Mom's in my life (me included!) for Mother's Day.

What am I trying to say? This post is overdue and I know it. But, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to share with the world how truly blessed I am to have the most amazing mom in the entire world. She is the glue, the peanut butter to my jelly, my best friend and role model all wrapped up into the most amazing mom, grandma and human being who ever graced the earth. I wrote this for her 60th birthday last year and I wanted to share it with the world:

Thanks for...

...never, ever, ever giving up on me.

…loving my husband like one your own.

…always making sure I had something cute to wear and painstakingly helping me find the perfect one!

…never letting an opportunity for us to talk about something pass us by.

…showing such love and devotion to my children – not because you have to – but because you want to!

…helping me find my true self and leading (never forcing) me to find my better self.

…being generous beyond words.

…not sending me to boarding school.

…helping me see things in a different light, a gift you give me always, probably without even knowing it.

…helping my brother and I see the potential, growth and importance of each other.

…never allowing me to just take the easy road.

…always being the keeper of my secrets.

…loving me for who I am, but never failing to see my potential and helping me get there in a kind way.

…allowing me to see what true love looks like and teaching me the kind of wife I want to be.

…Tuesdays. My kids love it and I always look forward to coming home from work and having you there.

…always doing more than is expected or asked, like bringing dinner for my kids and stocking your house with the ever-growing and ever-changing me-approved products.

…letting me share your Miraval experience with you.

…taking my passions and making them your own.

…researching things that are on my mind to educate me or ease my concerns.

…giving me the vital tools for survival…from what to eat to cure all that ails to must-have beauty products to how to shop ‘til we drop.

…being okay with no bathroom breaks during shopping BUT always making time for lunch.

…having the remarkable stamina of a 19 year old.

…being a shining example of pure beauty on the inside and out.

…the best and most coveted hand me downs around!

…helping me overcome my many anxieties in a patient and kind way.

…being my role model.

…touching so many people’s lives, just by being you.

…teaching me that you can follow your dreams and be an amazing Mom too.

…and, mostly for giving me all the tools I need to be a great Mom. It’s easy, be just like you!

May this remind you of how loved you are by your family, friends and legions of patients whose lives you have bettered. You, my Mom, are my hero today and always! I love you!

But, here's the deal. I hit the jackpot in the mom department...twice. My MIL is, hands down, one of the most unbelievable, selfless, kind, sincere, hard working women I have ever met. She has this hard-to-put-into-words calming effect on everyone she meets. There is a sense of serene, just by having her presence in a room. She loves her children and grandchildren to the depths of her soul and would gladly give the shirt off her back if it meant helping someone in need.

I love her commitment to woman's rights, even if I don't religiously read the subscription to Ms magazine she gave me. I love spending time with her in the kitchen talking about nothing and everything. I love that she held my babies in her arms all night long, just so I could get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. I love her stunning red hair and understand her disappointment over not getting a red headed grandchild - yet. I love her ever-so-sweet demeanor yet ability to curse like a truck driver during anything competitive. I love that she raised three boys who can all do their own laundry, cook, not freak out over a tampon and that simply adore each other. I love that she ALWAYS takes my side. I love that she isn't afraid to put me in my place, as I often lose my way. I love that she doesn't roll her eyes when I freak out about sleeping arrangements or food for the kids, even though I know she wants to. I love that she treats me like the daughter she never had.

Happy Mother's Day to the two women who guide me as a Mom and person each and everyday. I love you!

And, happy, happy to all the Mom's out there. I know the "official" day is over -- but I frankly think for all we do, is a week of celebrating too much to ask?