State of the Chen

#48- Random Points 5

2011-11-05T00:01:00.001-04:00

Didn't think I was going to stay political for long, did you?

What made you think that? That my name was based off a very seriously political statement?

Why would I? What would I have to gain from a political blog with my honest views? An actual fanbase, and fuck that. Who needs it? Blogs that no one reads are the best. Am I right? Ahhhh I'll just go off and cry in the corner now.

Except that's not content! And that's what I am here to bring into your lives! Content! That I jacked off of Reddit or The Frisky or Imgur or what have you. I'm good at that.

First of all, the YouTube Channel that will change my life.

Welcome to HowToDoAnythingTV.

Amazing tutorials you must check out on how to master the finer points of life, such as:

And many other excellent video tutorials.

Also, Halloween just passed. I was giving out candy when a group of maybe 4-5 loud and rambunctious 8-year-olds in superhero costumes walked up. They didn't even say trick or treat as they were deep in an argument. About which pokemon was cooler, Garchomp or Pachurisu. I mentioned to them that my 19-year-old friends still play Pokemon. The expression on their faces was one I'll take away with me for a long time.

In addition, I'm admittedly curious about everybody's preferences. So here. Laying the question down. Go.

Who is your favorite non-Connery Bond? And who is your favorite Bond Girl? The questions are harder than they look. Answer incorrectly and I'll call you a poopyface. Not to be taken lightly.

Join State of the Chen next time as we tackle Steven Spielberg and Baz Luhrmann cinematography in low-brow hardcore gay porn.

#47- The State of Something Else

2011-11-03T10:23:00.000-04:00

I apologize for not posting recently. There have been other things on my mind.

Like hipster music no one cares about.

And Judge William Adams, who some people probably care about.

And Occupy Oakland that everyone should care about.

When the police. Those who enforce our laws. Cover up their badges with tape. What the fuck is going on? What cute little stunt is this? Who the fuck authorized that one? Cops covering up ID badges with tape? The people who.... wait... legally have to have their ID badges out and not covered up with tape?

This is really getting pretty cute. Keep the Occupy movement up. This bullshit is going somewhere.

I've had more inspiration to post lately about fucked up people and how fucked up they are. Stay tuned.

#46- The Best Name I've Ever Played TF2 Against

2011-09-02T04:20:00.002-04:00

I hop into my usual Team Fortress 2 server. To get some lulz. Chill with my brony friends.

You know. The biz.

And this one kid hops into the server. And his name is.

I shit you not.

"Forcefully Poops Unicycles."

That's probably the greatest name I've ever heard in gaming. Nothing even APPROACHES that in clarity, skill, or depth of vision. Forcefully Poops Unicycles is an artist. A master of his craft. Naming conventions were created and shattered in his wake.

So if you're out there. Somewhere. And I know you are.

Lots of love to you, Forcefully Poops Unicycles.

For making my day.

And really, really fucking up my aim as I tried to shoot you, and a variety of other people.

#45- How To Shop For Headphones

2011-07-28T20:41:00.000-04:00

Need a new pair of headphones? Here's a reasonable methodology on how to shop for them.

Just abide by a simple set of rules.

Rule One.

Brick and Mortar is Dead. (For the most part)

lol

Are you prepared to pay a nasty premium for headphones?

Then visit your local Best Buy, Radioshack, Urban Outfitters, or what have you. One surefire way to tell you're getting ripped off for headphones is seeing them on a store rack. If they're not specifically on sale 99% of the time you're getting ripped off.

As noted here. Round Zumreed Dreams? $60 at Urban Outfitters. $40 at B&H Audio and Video.

Skullcandy Ink'd Buds (Up to $20). $9 on Overstock (not that you should ever buy those).

This is especially true for high quality headphones. AKG K518LE's? $140 at the Apple Store. $50 at eBitsi and $80 at HTFR.

Unless a pair of headphones is on the rack on sale for 50%, I wouldn't touch them. Even if they're on sale for that much, I'd price check online just in case.

A notable exception to this is TJ Maxx or Ross or whatever. That sort of store. Picked up a pair of WeSC Conga's for $10. They're $40 MSRP and $25 online.

Rule Two.

Brand Awareness.

Quiz. Is this good?

You hear great things about brands. That'll deceive you in the long run. Here's a list of brands that aren't worth their reputation sound quality wise.

Sennheiser: Formerly the giant atop the world of headphones, lately you see some of their products falling behind. The former gold standards, CX300's, are essentially no longer worth it. Some products like the HD555s or 595's are still totally golden.
Bose: If you want into the cute noise-cancelling game, enjoy Bose. If you're looking to get serious bang for your buck, fuck Bose. If you want your headphones to sound good without paying a premium, fuck Bose. And if you want a pair of headphones that aren't designed for corporate sound-ignorants, fuck Bose.
Skullcandy: Do I even need to start? What was once a unique company that had decent products that appealed to the masses has sold out. Quality is down to shit. Plasticky headphones are plasticky. Drivers are weak. Filters nonexistent. Fuck Skullcandy. There is a notable exception to this as well. Skullcrushers. No headphone does the bass-in-your-face subwoofer as well as the Skullcrushers. But beware. You are buying Skullcandy. Another exception to these are the Roc Nation Aviators. I know nothing about their durability but I've heard that they're fucking insane sound quality wise.
WeSC: Their headphones are gorgeous. But let's remind ourselves. They're a fashion company. That's what they do. Their headphones look great. The sound itself is flat and mediocre. But they're certainly lookers so if that's what you're into by all means go for it.
Pineapple: Rumbling headphones? They sound cool, but the sound is all bass and no kick.
Monster: Be prepared to pay a serious, serious premium for headphones that are plated with what, chrome? Vanadium? Unless these are on 50% sale, I wouldn't touch these.
Beats by Dr. Dre: Again. Made by Monster. Be prepared to pay a massive premium. Unless the Solos are like $50 and the Studios are $75, don't touch them. And don't worry, in your lifetime likely they won't go down to that price. Ever. That's better for you because these are not worthwhile headphones.
Zumreed: Another company that manufactures lookers before sounders.
v-moda: These are good for the most part, if you like the serious bass. If you don't like that, or if the music you listen to isn't that bass-conducive, I'd look elsewhere in the market.

Rule Three.

Function Over Form. (except when it isn't)

The perfect mix.

This is difficult to remember when you see the sexiest pair of headphones you've ever seen, but let's be frank. Most of the time, the best-looking headphones are not the best sounding headphones. Case in point: the Sennheiser HD555's, anything in AKG's audiophile range, the Grado SR's. On the other end of the look-to-quality spectrum you have Skullcandy Lowriders, WeSC Maracas, anything Dr. Dre, anything gold plated, anything shiny, anything Aerial7, etc. There are (as usual) notable exceptions. Phiaton Modernas are gorgeous and sound fantastic. AKG's K518LE is adorable and bassheavy sound-great at the same time. v-moda's Crossfade LP offering is pure visual and aural sex.

Rule Four.

Read Reviews.

Read up. You won't regret it.

www.head-fi.org

www.testfreaks.co.uk

Amazon people tend not to know shit.

Good luck.

Shameless Promotion of Jacopo della Quercia's Book

2011-07-17T01:56:00.000-04:00

This is Jacopo della Quercia's book.

This is important because his book contains a code.

The first person to solve this code is an iPad 2 winner.

You should probably attempt this.

Because you could use an iPad 2.

More details here.

#44- Lights

2011-07-05T14:03:00.001-04:00

In the recent weeks of my life it has come to my attention that there is this girl producing music. Lights Valerie Poxleitner (that's her real name) (hereby known as "Lights", the name she performs under) is quite personally the bane of my existence.

Pictured: Lights

So. Let me be clear here. Lights is a 24-year-old Canadian Juno Award winner (the equivalent of the Grammy's in Canada). She's released an album with another one on the way and she has a massively popular YouTube Channel. She's dropped several music videos and has a ton of adoring fans who like her or want to be like her or both.

And to that I commend her. She's worked hard, been through a lot, probably had a ton of creative blocks. Came up with some great ideas. Is pretty interesting. Why am I sucking up to her? Because I'm about to bash her! As I typically do.

I respect Lights from a professional point of view. That's right. My problem with her is strictly personal.

Because her music is this fucking catchy wannabe-indie emo pop dream monster. And I repeat catchy. Because of how much I hate this shit.

What the fuck is this shit.

It's been stuck in my head for FOUR DAYS. On and off.

Holy buttshit, people. You know what's worse than music I deem "bad"? Having to listen to music I deem "bad". And that's even worse when you have to listen to it droning in your head, when you want to listen to something good, like LCD Soundsystem or the sound of a spray can.

So pros.

She's successful at 24. She deserves it. She's talented (as much as I would or wouldn't like to admit). She's kinda cute? But in the way that. Every. Scene girl (or wannabe scene girl) is cute (or tries to be cute).

Pictured: Every fucking scene girl.

Cons: She makes me want to kill myself musically.

That's all, folks.

#43- RIP Seth Putnam

2011-06-13T17:54:00.000-04:00

Today, Seth Putnam died at age 43 of a heart attack.

He was notable for being the frontman of the "grindcore" band "Anal Cunt".

Rest in peace, Seth.

As we lampoon you in typical SotC fashion.

Derp.

#42- Shit Commercials

2011-06-08T16:23:00.000-04:00

As if I wasn't tired of enough shit in the world.

Insane Clown Posse aside, recently there have been a number of commercials that have caught my attention.

Here's this Bing Ad. You've probably heard it.

Yeah? The least likeable ad in the history of overplayed ads?

Holy assfuck, every time I turn on a video player and this thing comes on I want to pull my ears off. I would rather get pawed in the face by a bear with chainsaws for arms than listen to this again. But I don't have to convince you. Like I said you've probably heard it.

Also, this ad caught my fancy.

Look at this hipster bitch. "And I still get to eat?" Holy shit I must feel bad for people who shop for designer clothes at places other than TJ Maxx. God forbid they're donning Versace and fucking STARVING.

God that's a fucking stupid commercial.

Chen out.

#41- The State of Dance Music 2011

2011-05-19T03:18:00.000-04:00

This is an essay on the current state of dance music. Also, the term fag in this is not used in any sexual connotation whatsoever. So fuck you.

Ignoring the relatively classifiable opinions of the oldfags (where I stand), the newfags, the trancefags, the housefags, the dubstepfags, the progfags, the techfags, the discofags (among which are actually a ton of self-respecting awesome gays and lesbians), the Ed Bangerfags, the Justicefags, the mau5fags (among which are a ton of assholes and bros), the Skrillexfags, the Tiestofags, the Arminfags (who are actually really nice), and fags of any nature I've neglected to mention.

Here are a list of facts I'm drilling into your head. Memorize them. They're important.

1. There are DJ's other than Tiesto, Armin van Buuren, Afrojack, Steve Aoki, Rusko, Deadmau5, and Skrillex. They are not the only seven in an entire genre of music.

2. Here are a list of musicians that aren't good, and here's why they aren't good.

a. Tiesto- Universally understood to have not made a good mix album since 2007's In Search of Sunrise Ibiza and to have not made a good song or remix since Flight 643 (2001) (arguable is Imogen Heap's Hide & Seek that Tiesto fucked up circa 2005). Latest albums have placed him deeper and deeper in the shitter. Managed to fuck up a collaboration with BT. How the fuck do you do that? By being shit.

b. Rusko- Massively responsible for beating the wobble bass into dubstep. Looks like a douche with that fucking mohawk. Produced the middling (4.0/10 average review) /\/\ /\ Y /\ M.I.A. (who has lost all sensibility of how to make half-decent music since she broke up with Diplo) (but who still has talent in recruiting, see Sleigh Bells)

Pictured: Douchehawk.

c. Skrillex- Skrillex is an ex-postmetal bro who discovered one stutter pattern for the wobble bass and has proceeded to use it here and there in his latest productions. Wait did I s- Just kidding. He's proceeded to beat it into every single one of his fucking songs except for his (albeit excellent) production with Penny (All I Ask Of You). Where is creativity? WOB WOB WOB WOB WOB WOB.

d. Deadmau5- Oh god. Here we go. As a former friend of Deadmau5 and former fanboy as well, you'd think I hesitated. I watched this kid commission his first mouse head. I watched his first three albums release without a single word said by ANYONE (his label barely even gave it notice, holy shit). After fanboying it out hardcore for four years and going to four of his shows, I think it's time to give in to the facts. He required a gimmick to get famous at all. He works with fantastic artists (Kaskade) is far far outnumbered by the absolute shit he cranks out with bad artists (Melleefresh the girl who gets around being a slut by being a slut, SOFI (who the fuck is SOFI), DJ Aero, JELO, Bodyrox, Clearcut, MC Flipside). Your most creative moments were your glitchy albums and those three songs that all sounded the fucking same. Also, your tattoo progression has gone from funny to lame.

e. Excision- Every song sounds the fucking same.

f. Datsik- Every song sounds the fucking same.

g. Excision & Datsik- Every song sounds the fucking same.

h. Pauly D- sucks.

Good alternatives to shit musicians.

Anyone on Ed Banger. DJ Jus-Ed. Moguai. Pryda. Feed Me. Spor. Do I even fucking care?

#40- Bad Band Names

2011-04-24T20:22:00.000-04:00

Let's gather for another edition of shitty band names!

#1. Torsofuck.

The esteemed creator of such songs as "Raped by Elephants", "Cannibal", and "Four Legged Whore". Lyrics even more shitty to match.

#2. MXPX

Champions of mediocre mainstream rock, MXPX is short for "Magnified Plaid". Now if Magnified Plaid was a good band name this would be excusable. Actually who the fuck am I kidding?" No it wouldn't be. MXPX is a pointless, shitty name that sounds like it's designed to be listened to by annoying 8th graders.

#3. Oh No, Oh My!

Don't get me wrong. I'll admit this first hand. I love ONOM. But honestly. That's a shitty name. That's a shitty fucking name.

#4. TV On the Radio

You say "ARE YOU INSANE?" "CHEN, why rag on one of your favorite bands?"

Because it's too similar to LCD Soundsystem. :( And it's trying to be clever. TVOTR, I love you guys. I really do. But why couldn't you be... Steamroller Shadows? Or.... Wolf Like Me? ;)

#5. 3 Piston Ass Hammer

This is probably my favorite band name. Ever.

Honorable Mentions:

* iwrestledabearonce
* Total Faggots
* Lasers and Fast and Shit
* Baby Birds Don't Drink Milk
* Jerry Seinfeld's Atrophied Sac
* Destroyer (sorry Dan Bejar <3)

#39- Derp

2011-04-11T19:36:00.000-04:00

I'm going to admit I've been a huge dick on Facebook lately.

For my own entertainment.

To people who don't deserve it.

Just know I don't do it out of malice.

I just like to make light of your situation.

Love.

And good day.

#38- A Logical Interpretation of Rebecca Black's Friday Part 2

2011-03-30T03:39:00.002-04:00

It's back.

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
So we've skipped school. And 45 minutes later we're driving on the highway. Now which one of us is of driving age?
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
I understand. No one likes being in the car. It's boring.
Fun, fun, think about fun
Wow. You're desperate. "I'M BORED, MOM. ARE WE THERE YET?"
"NO, NICKY, JUST THINK ABOUT FUN."
You know what it is
Okay. Source material out. What the fuck is this? What the fuck? Honestly? This is the dumbest lyric. I can't justify this shit. Fuck you.
I got this, you got this
Again. Rage.
My friend is by my right
Everyone points out that the friend on the left isn't mentioned. But it's totally reasonable. These are teenagers. They don't all know each other. Maybe she doesn't trust the person on her left. It's awkward but it's honest. I mean come on, how many awkward yet honest lyrics are there in music? Look at Gaga. "Caught in a Bad Romance." That's awkward, yo. Ingrid Michaelson "I'll buy you Rogaine... when you're losing all your hair." Come on. Couples approach that topic gingerly.
I got this, you got this
This is her trying to warm up to her friend.
Now you know it
This is bullshit.

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
True.
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
Also true. Terrible lyric, yes. But again, music isn't known to always be good. "Let's get fucking freaky now." "KILLING IN THE NAME OF!" Of what? But honest.
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
If you were driving down the street with an underage driver, no parental supervision, at 7:45, with a total stranger to your left, your lyrics would not be any better.
We gonna have a ball today
8-Ball. Of Cocaine. Just making sure.

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after...wards
I don’t want this weekend to end
This I won't even try to justify.

I'm done here. I'm ending it here.

I can't defend this shitty piece of music.

I tried. I really did.

I'm going to go cry in the corner now.

I don't want this weekend to end.

Chen out.

#37- A Logical Interpretation of Rebecca Black's Friday Part 1

2011-03-21T05:18:00.002-04:00

Here I will attempt to rescue a song that has been under some serious fire lately. And for what? A girl? Trying to make a song work? Sure its subject matter is shallow and totally wrong for its audience but hey who cares? Everyone just wants to succeed and have fun. Here goes.

Just one of many derps attributed to derping her shit up.

7am, waking up in the morning. Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs.
Fair enough. Come on. The girl's in middle or high school. You can't look like the City Sewage Department going into school. Boys will notice. Being fresh is important. And you're not going to jump out your window to the bus stop. Hey you haven't even had breakfast yet.
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal. Seein’ everything, the time is goin’.
This sounds like a dumb lyric. To be honest it's totally necessary. I mean, come on. Healthy breakfast. So many kids these days are missing one. Good of Rebecca Black to nail this one on the head. And "seein, everything, the time is goin'?" God damn it guys, she just woke up! Give her some credit! She's groggy. You know that feeling you get when you look around and you're barely paying attention to your orange juice because everything tastes a little like toothpaste and you're still thinking about bed? That's "seein' everything, the time is goin'."
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’. Gotta get down to the bus stop.
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)
Here, Ms. Black hashes an important part of a middle/high schooler's life. SCHOOL.

Kickin’ in the front seat Sittin’ in the back seat
Note school is a lost cause at this point. Not the best theme, but let's not give up hope yet.
Gotta make my mind up. Which seat can I take?

A crucial argument. I know this seems stress free but if you end up next to the smelly dude who sprayed too much Chocolate Axe body spray you might regret it. Look around. Be careful. This is a question that really needs to be asked. Also necessary is "Does she want to kick (pick the front!) or sit (go for the back!).

I'll write the rest of this some other time. Thanks to Jules and Lynxie for being slick chill white girls. <3

36- Clips and Shit

2011-03-17T04:59:00.000-04:00

Swamped with work this week. Here's some YouTube to relieve the stress if you're going through the same thing.

Here's one enthusiastic YouTuber's reaction to Rebecca Black's Friday.

Here's MSK's Sever spraying up a storm.

Here's some lulz.

Derp.

That's all for now.

#35- Michael Cera

2011-03-12T14:38:00.002-05:00

I feel bad for the guy. Honestly.

He doesn't even look like he got sleep.

Because the thing is, there's a core group of 12-16 year old girls that see Michael Cera like this:

While practically everyone else in the world still sees him like this:

And you know Michael Cera. You know the roles he plays. The worst part of it is, there's someone who's already outdone him. At being Michael Cera.

If Michael Cera was the Harvard Connection, Jesse Eisenberg would be Facebook.

Let's go ahead and look at three movies that Jesse Eisenberg has been in.

* Adventureland- He was typecast as an awkward kid. KILLED THE SHIT OUT OF IT.
* Zombieland- Typecast as almost the awkward kid. KILLED THE SHIT OUT OF IT.
* The Social Network- Typecast as the awkward ki- Just kidding he was Mark Fucking Zuckerberg. Needless to say, Killed the shit out of it.

Michael Cera, you have been out-Michael Cera'd. Time to go back to playing bass for The Long Goodbye. At least Clark Duke is your friend.

Fuck yeah Clark Duke woo!

#34- That's Right.

2011-03-10T03:18:00.001-05:00

Guess what?

Urban Outfitters stock is down.

Sukkit, wannabe hipsters!

It's been down for two straight quarters.

That's half a year.

Why's that?

Apparently skinny jeans aren't selling anymore. Why's that? Well no one really has a clear answer. But here's my answer. Everyone who wears skinny jeans has enough pairs of skinny jeans.

And if they want more they're not going to fucking Urban Outfitters to get more.

Haha.

Honestly?

Urban Outfitters?

That's just the place where people go to look at cool shit they can buy for cheaper elsewhere (if you're a sane human being) or more expensive elsewhere (if you're a vintage hipster asshole).

I'm trashing Urban Outfitters. And here's the deal. I LOVE Urban Outfitters?

Chen outside, mothafucka.

P.S.: I'm back. <3

#33- To Prove a Point

2011-01-27T03:05:00.001-05:00

This is short. This isn't content.

Now that we got that out of the way, allow me to proceed.

The following are allowed derivatives and variants of the term "douche."

* Douche.
* Doucher
* Douchebag.
* Douchecunt.
* Douchenozzle.
* Douchefag
* Douchebaguette
* Doucherocket.
* sin(Douche)
* cos(Douche)
* e^(Douche)

The following are disallowed derivatives and variants of the term "douche."

* Jersey Shore.
* Gay Douche.

Now you may have a problem with the Gay Douche bit. How does that differ from douchefag? Nice and simple.

1. I have no problem with gays.
2. Fag doesn't describe gays. Fags describe people who will argue with you about dumb shit. Case closed. Don't get me started on this.
3. I like bunnies.

#32- It Looks Like

2011-01-17T12:40:00.001-05:00

We're going to go ahead and cover some pretty cool bases today. You notice in life that certain things look alike. Sometimes it's a corporate scam. Sometimes it's just two people with very similar facial features. Regardless of what it is, I'm going to write a shit excuse of a hipster blog post and then go listen to Booka Shade. Actually let me go do that right now.

Be right back.

Okay! Here we go. Now that I'm pumping music so delicious it's pretentious, let's go.

StarCraft looks like Warhammer 40K.

There's no denying it. Three races that look like three of the (main?) races of Warhammer 40K. Hey, Blizzard made two great games and one great expansion pack (and two god-awful ones) out of the IP but honestly? It's a little painful being a Blizzard fanboy here. An aloof race (be it elves or aliens) with incredible technology from some unheard of power source. An alien buglike race. And fucking Space Marines.

Disney looks like older Disney.

This is actually pretty well known. Disney reuses their old clips by drawing over them. That's okay though because Disney magic can be recycled a billion times and it's still magical and delicious. Because they're kids. Look at the Princess and the Frog. Well done? Yes. Good movie? Definitely. Same old Disney Magic Formula? You betcha.

Gwyneth Paltrow looks (dresses like)... Ke$ha?

(I admit I got this idea looking at Cracked today. Sue me)

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gwyneth Paltrow. You're supposed to be a style icon or some shit! You run a website for new moms! You're Iron Man's less slutty sometimes girlfriend! You're confused about your career! You're Congresswoman Giffords's cousin!

So when'd you become Ke$ha? Honestly if she can't pull it off without looking trashy.... it's not worth trying. Kthx.

Myq Kaplan looks like Antonio Esfandiari.

Simple lookalike shit, yo. Not that complex. Jewish Comedian. Irani Poker Player. Pretty cool though.

Justin Bieber looks like a cocky douche.

Heh.

#31- The YouTube Blitz

2011-01-13T22:56:00.002-05:00

Because I'm busy emotionally and socially, I'm going to post some YouTube stuff. Not because I don't feel like conjuring up content but because it's difficult. But I'll do more. No worries.

#30- Random Points 4

2011-01-06T15:18:00.001-05:00

Hey guys. Came up with some pretty wild ideas today.

* Can a place like... France... be considered a... "cuntry"? Kidding, kidding.

* I should write a blog called State of the State of the Chen and just post on it about what I feel like writing in State of the Chen.

* In the futuristic sciencey movies all the soundtracks are either smooth flowy electronica or regal classical music. Except Wall-E. The soundtrack to that is old show tunes. What if that was the future? What if that was popular? I mean Wall-E's future is desolate and bleak but if that was the only music left I'd be a very sadface camper.

* I cannot measure my pleasure at this. It's a banana holder! And it has 4.5/5 stars! That means it's a really, really good banana holder. And the reviews for it are serious too! It's not like a joke. If I was commenting on it. I'd give it five stars and I'd be like "Dude, my bananas used to just lie on my floor and I used to step on them and it was fucking TERRIBLE. But now that I have this sleek awesome new banana holder they have somewhere to be! Banana holders are the shit. You should buy like twelve." Amazon would hate me.

* I want to write the script for Despicable Me 2. *SPOILER ALERT FOR DESPICABLE ME 1* I want to make a story about Gru trying to steal the sun instead. It'll be called Despicable Me 2: To Kill A Sunrise.

* I should really make better use of Amazon.com, as it provides for some serious humor opportunity. I should actually make a thing for it. Like.... A regular feature on my blog where I just look for funny shit on Amazon.

#29- Terminology

2011-01-02T14:40:00.000-05:00

Well, here goes nothing.

Welcome back, people. I'm as pretentious as ever, but hope you've had a good new year too. Resolutions? Eh. To be more of a dick on this blog. Oh, and to comment on a lot more of my personal interests. Because why not?

Today my topic is terminology, or more specifically because I didn't want it in the title, the word butt fuck.

The word, the words, I know. It's not a big deal, trust me.

We've hit an era in society where "fuck" really doesn't surprise us anymore. It's not really bad language. At its inception it was a shock word. It went something like this.

Well to do gentleman: Hello.

Knaveish dude: Hey, fuck!

*speechless*

This is probably annoying but you can scroll down, no worries.

Anyway. That word no longer has any shock attached to it. I mean, come on. Every rapper since Will Smith has generously sprinkled f-bombs into their albums. Gamers scream it into each others' headsets every single day. Hell, Chase Utley even said it on live national TV. Fuck has lost its touch. We need a new word. One of surprise. One that makes people go "Ugh, that's filthy."

Enter "butt fuck".

We're in a different generation. Time to succeed the throne. Fuck is a word of the olden days. To fuck someone is still okay. But if you want to shock someone? If you want to curse someone out? Fuck is nothing.

In this sense fuck is as shocking as cupcakes.

C*PCAKES!

Butt fuck, on the other hand, is an obvious allusion to anal sex, which despite current trends is still sort of a taboo topic. Plus it definitely shocks your mother when you yell it because you missed a pea with your fork.

So hey, what could go wrong? Whenever you exclaim fuck, stop yourself. Say butt fuck instead. It's the punch you're looking for.

Grossly misleading logo.

#28- Pre-Finals-Week

2010-12-03T12:48:00.000-05:00

It's the week before Finals Week. I'm studying and homeworking my mind off. So obviously my blog is the last thing on my mind. But at the same time there's plenty of thought going into humor, because on a day-to-day basis you really need to know how to make yourself laugh, especially at CMU.

So I can't really say much except thanks for reading. And that I'll be on hiatus for another week. But also that... I'm going to come out with a lot of better content after this.

Thanks for reading, and following, and sharing. I know everyone wants you to like their thing and read their whatnot, and I'm glad you tuned into my thoughts.

Back on Monday, December 13th, full force.

#27- Introducing the Game of the Year 2010

2010-12-01T19:11:00.000-05:00

Earlier this year StarCraft 2 was released to massive acclaim. While of course you have your StarCraft 1 fanatics, StarCraft 2 has all but taken over the StarCraft 1 fans.

But this next game will take it by storm.

Ready?

Get ready, America, for Baseball 2.

That's right, fuckers.

More bats.

More balls.

Except now there's no more local play. So you have to connect to the internet to play baseball.

Sucks, doesn't it?

Eh, too bad.

It's almost Finals Week which means I have to study. Sorry these posts are so short.

#26- Back from the Grave

2010-11-29T12:45:00.000-05:00

State of the Chen prides itself in announcing when it is going to be on hiatus.

Heh.

Heheh.

Okay, sorry.

Thanksgiving break was awesome. Hope it was for you guys too. However now I run into the real problem. Finals Week.

I'm gonna get murdered. Help?

So this is kind of going to be a random points format.

The guys from the Pirate Bay got prison. Three guys ranging from 4 to 10 months. Sucks, but what are the getting out of it? I'm glad the Pirate Bay is going down (it isn't and I wouldn't be glad). I'm glad the RIAA is getting what they deserve (heeeeeheeeeee they aren't).

Leslie Nielsen of the Naked Gun movies passed away yesterday. His one wish was to have people send checks to charity under his name. Proves time and time again that you don't need to be alive to cause the lulz.

Also I'd like to ask a question. If your girlfriend spends 5 hours of her Thanksgiving Break with you watching Dragon Ball Z, is it time to propose?

#25- The American Music Awards

2010-11-22T13:53:00.001-05:00

Here's a list of qualms I have with the American Music Awards.

* "Favorite Contemporary Inspirational Artist"
What is this? You tell me that but no. It's your favorite Christian artist. MercyMe? TobyMac? These are Christian artists. I mean I'm sure they inspire people but they're Christian artists. Come on. Eminem is not my favorite Contemporary Drug Recovery Artist of the year.

* "Favorite Alternative Rock Music Artist"
Muse? Phoenix? Vampire Weekend? Maybe Muse is alternative, but Phoenix and Vampire Weekend are hipster closet bands. To consider them alternative would be to consider Eminem permanently off painkillers, which as we all know is very true for the next ten minutes. I'm sorry, he's an easy target.

* "Favorite Country Female Artists"
Taylor Swift won that. She's country? She's not country anymore. Her new album isn't country at all. You Belong with me is poppier than the opium den in my backyard. Love Story sounds like Enya plus Semisonic. Note. Not country. Taylor Swift, you're in the big girl game now. Welcome to pop music.

* Usher didn't sing

Now I have no problem with Usher. The guy is wealthy, talented, and deserves everything he has. But making him do a dance routine that looked like that while asking him to sing? That's a bit much. You heard his voice struggle as he did fantastic dance moves. Next time put a little less stress on the man. It's okay. You're not expected to do everything live.

* Ke$ha, you're not Lady Gaga

Congratulations on realizing that the garbage slut look was not something for everyone. Now stop trying to be Gaga. The lights on the eyes? The skintight rubber? It's been done, and not by you. You're not an icon. You look stoned on stage. It's not good for your image. Try something else, something that doesn't involve stealing off other people (read. Gaga, Uffie)

* Train exists.

This is a problem. The one achievement they had this year (Hey, Soul Sister, which isn't a great song in the first place) was about to be tossed until two Scandinavians picked up a ukulele and fixed Train's broken career. The lead singer looks like the biggest tool I've ever seen.

Should I make fun of Amazon?
	Yes
	No

pollcode.com free polls