Stay a little hungry .....

Sridevi

2018-03-16T04:35:00.000-07:00

Hearing of Sridevi's demise was a shock. Just like many - at first I dismissed it as a hoax. When it turned out to be true I thought - she was way way ... too young.

Psychologists would say I loved her image and of course it is true. It is not like I knew her personally. The sadness and 'sadma' nonetheless is not a piece of imagination. In my eyes - she was a queen.

Paeans can be written about her but I am going to write about the minor riot she incited ! Truly. It happened in my childhood and to say I found it astonishing is an understatement. You see these people who would be the last people you would think would get so heated up.

Let me start at the beginning. In my childhood TV was not as common as it is now, so most people gathered at the house of the neighbor who had a TV. Started with black & white and later color TV. These gatherings were only to watch relevant programs - Chitrahaar, Mahabharat, Ramayan or movies etc

The neighborhood I used to watch in at that time was of Jain Merchants. These people do not eat garlic, onions or eat after 7pm. [Alcohol is not even a thought !!]. Not aggressive unless it was to do with business; these were peace loving folk.

It was a Sunday afternoon and we were looking forward to watching Mr. India. Everybody in the neighborhood was watching the movie for Sridevi.

The parody song with the football, the eternal kate nahin kat te, the song about loving an invisible man were all over. We were eagerly waiting for the denouement of the movie along with the other famous song 'Hawa Hawaii'.

Everyday there would be power cuts and Sundays were no exception. It so happened however on that day - the power cut did not happen at the regular time. So the crowd was buoyed into thinking that perhaps there would be no power cut. There was some kind of vague idea that everybody knew 'Mr India' was being broadcast so the EB would not schedule a power cut. What a hope.

And just when everyone was looking forward to watching the movie till the end - the power went off. OMG !! The crowd in that home got enraged ! These people who I have never seen get too hassled about anything were livid.

They decided to go to the EB and demand that the power be restored. The EB was about 4 min away. I tagged along; curious.

So this horde of mostly middle aged men with a scraggly number of children whipped up to the EB. Alas that being a Sunday - there were no EB officials. For a minute they were taken aback and then the anger grew. Suddenly like dervishes they took stones and started pelting the EB office. I was stunned. I think I must have stared with my mouth open - at the spectacle of these uncles who so espoused middle age respectability that they were boring - were behaving like mindless hooligans.

After sometime no idea how long I quickly ran back home. [Mom's admonitions in general].

Nothing came of the mini riot of stone pelting and thank God no person was hurt. I used to see the EB office on my way to school and it took a long time for the broken windows to be replaced.

The main lesson I learnt though - people take their entertainment seriously. And if it is to do with a beloved actor - BEWARE. No logic works here. Even mild mannered people can turn into voracious mobs hell bent on destruction. Phew !!!

In the movie ''Sadma" there's a scene with Kamal Hassan in front of the diety Ganesha under a tree. Of all the so-called-mandir scenes this to me is the epitome of poignancy that captures his anguish, fear and also his humble appeal and prayer to God. Hell, he is in his shoes. Yet you feel the incipient pain. He re-lights the extinguished diya from the other lit diya. No words.

I pray to God she is happy wherever she is.

All time favorite books ...

2018-01-26T06:02:00.001-08:00

Reading is a personal journey and if it is really good an odyssey that brings joy, knowledge, a sense of wonder and imagination and of course entertainment.

There's a stage when reading coalesces into something that is more than the sum of the whole. I have definitely not reached this stage. It is going to take a long time before my reading will help me intuit across different genres of reading material.

Right now my reading is still like a reading within a silo bin. I am yet to see cross connections between my reading finance, science, tech, fiction, biology, physics, math, self help etc books. It is the glimmer of wisdom that drives one on. It is my vice.

Still there are some books that stand out and right now with my reading still in infancy according to me - they reflect the same. Nevertheless wisdom can come from the most simple words (koans anyone?) or even an early reader book. I do not belong to the supercilious group that thinks wisdom comes only from philosophy ! Ultimately, deep thinking is what brings wisdom and that can be done even without books !

These books made an impact in my early reading journey. Perhaps I was very impressionable then because while I have read many more books after that I have not added many to this list.

So here goes. In no particular order --

Non-fiction books

1. The 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey

This book made me come back to reading non-fiction. At that time I had had enough of reading shallow pop psychology books with their cookie cutter answers to everything in sight. They were not true non-fiction and their 'this-solution-fits-all-problems' of life, as if life were a single and simple mathematical construct; annoyed me no end. I had figuratively put my hands in the air and given up finding worthwhile non-fiction! I knew I was definitely not ready to read heavy philosophical tomes either.

Then this book was recommended to me. I was skeptical - I had been burned many times before but I decided to give it a shot. And I did not regret it.

Finally !!! A book that made sense. A book that did not give formulaic answers to the problems in life. Instead it gives you a philosophical framework to work within. All the 7 tenets make sense and they are timeless. The first 3 habits address the individual. The next 3 are interpersonal. And the last one is about self-renewal. The circle of influence vs the circle of concern, the 4 quadrants - to identify goals that are worth pursuing, emotional bank account - topics that are enduring and relevant.

The line that resonated the most was "Love is a verb". What use is love that does not show itself in loving actions to the beloved? What use are empty words that only talk of feelings not held up by actions?

If I were to write the synopsis here I think I would end up regurgitating the entire book. Better to go and read the book instead !

My take: A must read - bar any qualifications.

2. The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck

"Life is difficult" - First line of this the iconic book. I was hooked. In a culture where everything is looked at through rose-colored glasses and denial is paramount, this line was refreshing.

Self-control, self-discipline, delay of gratification are the corner stones of Dr Peck's brand of philosophy. The roles of responsibility, truth, important role of parents, suffering and empathy are well elucidated in the book. What stands out however is - the journey from facing one's problems to a path of grace - spiritual growth.

The most important section in the book is on Love (seems like a recurring thread eh ?). He clearly enlightens that love is not dependency, self-sacrifice, sensation or being-in-love.

According to Dr Peck -

"Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth."

In the section on Love - one description of marital problems stood out.

To quote -

"A common and traditionally masculine marital problem is created by the husband who, once he is married, devotes all his energies to climbing mountains and none to tending to his marriage, or base camp, expecting it to be there in perfect order whenever he chooses to return to it for rest and recreation without his assuming any responsibility for its maintenance."

"An equally common and traditionally feminine marital problem is created by the wife who, once she is married, feels that the goal of her life has been achieved. To her the base camp is the peak. She cannot understand or empathize with her husband’s need for achievements and experiences beyond the marriage and reacts to them with jealousy and never-ending demands that he devote increasingly more energy to the home."

"Male and female both must tend the hearth and both must venture forth."

The entire section on Love is amazing but this description of marriage was superb.

My take: A must read - bar any qualifications (but of course - I am writing about my favorite books after all).

3. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig

I have not yet read much straight forward philosophy. So I am yet to read the books by philosophers - Kant, Schopenhauer, Descartes, Socrates, Foucault, Nietzsche or the Vedas, Upanishads, Gita etc . I do have them in my TBR pile but no idea when I will get to them.

So for me this is a difficult book to condense because each reading of the book makes me think very differently. I had a tough time reading this book. The first 2 times I read a few pages and chucked it aside. The 3rd time (after 1.5 years) - it took me 6 months to finish reading it. And it was the only non-fiction book I was reading then. You see the book is a thinking book. A deep thinking book. (Considering the author went insane thinking about these philosophical investigations it is no wonder.) One goes back and forth in the narrative of a motorcycle trip to reacquaint oneself with one's thoughts.

It is a fictionalized autobiography of the author who is mentally ill. At the end of the book it is revealed that he is subjected to electric shock therapy and his personality changes. However he sees the same behavior in his son Chris and realizes that his son could end up like him. (Chris gets institutionalized too).

Phaedrus is the part of the author that delves into the philosophical questions about quality and life in general. Phaedrus talks about the metaphysics of quality and the entire narrative is about quality and how to approach it. He considers quality as something that cannot be defined completely but must be experienced. The two approaches to life and quality are the "romantic" - which focus on the moment and the "rational" - which look at details, try to understand the workings and try to make rational analysis. In the end he tries to integrate the subjective and objective views of quality into a holistic view.

I re-read this book about 5 years ago and once again its philosophical underpinnings transcend the everyday chaos of life. To me it is a book to philosophy that does not make my head hurt and and yet is not shallow. And in the end it makes me think beyond every day concerns.

What stood out for me -

“Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” should “in no way be associated with that great body of factual information relating to orthodox Zen Buddhist practice. It’s not very factual on motorcycles either.”

“Blind alley, though. If someone’s ungrateful and you tell him he’s ungrateful, okay, you’ve called him a name. You haven’t solved anything.”

My take: A must read - if you want to delve into an approachable way to philosophy - especially western philosophy.

Those are my non-fiction favorites - they have stood the test of time and I always look forward to adding more to the list.

Fiction books

This can devolve into writing many many but I will restrict myself to list only a few that have influenced me into opening up my mental perspectives. The craft of story telling is amazing and a good story is a joy by itself. So those I will list separately on some other day perhaps.

1. Calvin and Hobbes - Yes this is a comic strip ! But some of the most profound thoughts come from this precocious recalcitrant 6-year old with a stupendous (if you have read Calvin you will get this pun!) vocabulary.

Calvin: “Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in
the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”

Mrs. Wormwood: "What state do you live in?"
Calvin: "Denial."

Calvin: I’m yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you’re old and weak. Am I scary, or what?

Calvin: Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

I think though Bill Watterson's (The creator of Calvin and Hobbes) finest quote was this -

“Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential — as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth.

You’ll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear about them.

To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.”

2. Pride and Prejudice / Count of Monte Cristo / Sherlock Holmes / A Tale of Two Cities - Classics which should be read in the original form. Did not read the French original but read the English Translation for Count of Monte Cristo.

3. The Fountainhead / Atlas Shrugged - One will either love Ayn Rand or hate her; there is no in between !

4. Love Story - I started reading this book with a smirk in my mind ! Truly ! The idea that a book spanning hardly 100 pages would be eloquent and expressive of love; was something I found impossible. The reviews also indicated there were no maudlin words in the book. Mentally scoffing - I finished this book and was simply swept away.

The story itself is heartrending and poignant but never again did I underestimate the power of few words to move. I learnt that length of a book did not necessarily equate to its power. A humbling experience for which I was truly grateful.

Books I read in 2017

2017-12-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

2017 has been a good year for books. I have read more books this year than any year in the past. I think the reason could be that I was reading less fiction. It helped that I decided I would not read fiction first without reading a little bit of non-fiction first - every single day (I did slip a few times though). Surprising just how much it worked. Because once you open a book that's interesting then one wants to read more and more. It could also be, that I have become more discriminating in my taste for fiction !

Anyway - I have read 30 books. For a person who rarely goes beyond 10 (fiction not counted) it is a huge jump. I have thought about keeping up the same pace next year but have decided not to keep a target lest I worry more about the numbers and less about understanding the content !! Some books need lots rumination and I find it always helps to go about them slowly and thoughtfully.

In this post I will only be mentioning a few books that made an impact. I have not reviewed all of them but have mentioned all the ones that stood out for me. They are listed here in no particular order.

1. Deep Work by Cal Newport

Increasingly in a world filled with stimuli that asks us to respond immediately this book encourages the opposite. It talks about having non-interrupted periods of time wherein one is involved in deep work. Work that fulfills us, work that allows us to create. It resonated with me.

Key Point -

Deep Work: Professional activities performed in a state of distraction-free concentration that push your cognitive capabilities to their limit. These efforts create new value, improve your skill, and are hard to replicate.

Shallow Work: Non-cognitively demanding, logistical-style tasks, often performed while distracted. These efforts tend to not create much new value in the world and are easy to replicate.

However achieving deep work is not easy. One needs to rewire and train the brain to be able to resist distractions and develop the ability to concentrate intensely. Deep work - is increasingly important in a world where even if you are talented and skilled - you need to produce.

From the book -

Two Core Abilities for Thriving in the New Economy

The ability to quickly master hard things.
The ability to produce at an elite level, in terms of both quality and speed.

The book suggests how to schedule such deep work periods for oneself in an era of increasing distractions to create fulfilling work for oneself. It gives suggestions on how to retrain one's brain to concentrate and how to manage one's schedule for different work types / personalities.

My take : Must read. It is a good idea to differentiate one's day from that of a maker to that of a manager or both. That way one can schedule periods of deep work appropriately. More info at this link - Maker vs Manager from Farnam Street.

2. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

I think the review by Bill Gates is the best for this book ...
https://www.gatesnotes.com/Books/When-Breath-Becomes-Air

My take : Read - if you want to know the life of a neurosurgeon who battles terminal cancer and tries to answer the basic questions of life - What makes a life worth living? What makes life worth living in the face of death?

3. The Smartest Kids in the World - by Amanda Ripley

Even though the focus of the book is comparing the education system in the US versus that of the countries with students who the top PISA exam; this book is relevant if you have children (or work with children) and want them to succeed academically and beyond.

Some key points -

1. Praising all the time is not good for children ( Read Carol Dweck's - Mindset ) because while self-esteem is important it needs to come from hard work and authentic accomplishment. Mere flattery will not boost self-esteem and may do more harm instead.

2. It is better if children are allowed to fail when they are still children. The lessons about hard work, persistence, integrity, and consequences—will serve a child for decades to come.

3. Kids should be uncomfortable sometimes; that’s okay. However they should not be frustrated or despairing.

4. All children must learn rigorous higher-order thinking to thrive in the modern world.

5. Mastering the language of logic helps to embed higher-order habits in kids’ minds: the ability to reason, for example, to detect patterns and to make informed guesses. Those kinds of skills has rising value in a world in which information was cheap and messy.

6. Math is a language of logic. It is a disciplined, organized way of thinking. There is a right answer; there are rules that must be followed. More than any other subject, math is rigor distilled. And rigor is very important for accomplishments.

7. Mastery of math never made anyone get to work on time, finish a thesis. No, those skill sets have more to do with motivation, empathy, self-control, and persistence. These are core habits, workhorse traits sometimes summed up by the old-fashioned word character.

A quiet drive or grit helps children grow even if there are temporary setbacks when understanding math. These are life skills not just math skills.

My take : Read - if you want to understand how to help children succeed in life.

4. The Numbers Game: The Commonsense Guide to Understanding Numbers in the News, in Politics, and in Life by Michael Blastland & Andrew Dilnot

Entertaining and informative. The idea of chance clusters due to randomness and how it could affect a cancer study was illuminating. Like most statistics books it touches on the usage of averages - wherein an average is just an abstraction.

Suggests - Whenever you see an average, think: “white rainbow,” and imagine the vibrancy it conceals.

It also helps to keep these things in mind when reading statistical numbers

Statistics is an exercise in coping with, and trying to make sense of, uncertainty, not in producing certainty. Suspect certainty when reading numbers.

What generally matters is not whether a number is right or wrong—they are often wrong—but whether numbers are so wrong as to be misleading.

My take : Read - if you would like to make sense of the statistical numbers that you see in every day life.

5. The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin

The author - is a chess prodigy who also goes on to become martial artist. Along the journey we learn what guided his personal achievements and how to carve a path to excellence. The description of how Josh starts to absorb blows when being pummelled during the Tai Chi class and then being able to deconstruct the moves to help him master the art is fascinating.

Key points -

1. On Dirty Tricks - Handling dirty tricks is a part of the game. There will always be creeps in the world.

I thought this was very important. The dirty tricks played in chess (as well as in martial arts) took me aback. There's a whole science behind dirty tricks and how to subtly or overtly demotivate an opponent. Learning how to handle these, even ones you might not expect is crucial.

2. On preparation - The only thing we can really count on is getting surprised. No matter how much preparation we do, in the real tests of our lives, we’ll be in unfamiliar terrain. We have to be able to do something slowly before we can have any hope of doing it correctly with speed.

3. On relaxing and handling pressure - Players who are able to relax in brief moments of inactivity are almost always the ones who end up coming through when the game is on the line. The unconscious mind is a powerful tool, and learning how to relax under pressure is a key first step to tapping into its potential.

4. On learning - The real art in learning takes place as we move beyond proficiency, when our work becomes an expression of our essence. We cannot expect to touch excellence if “going through the motions” is the norm of our lives.

My take : Must Read - if you want to learn how to learn, be a life long learner and achieve top results.

6. Siddhartha by Herman Hesse

I find myself unable to distill thoughts about this book into a cohesive summary. Superficially it reads just like a story. However it conveys a lot more. This book narrates the life story of Siddharta and his journey to know the answers to the questions of life.

Simple but profound; just like the book says - "Knowledge can be conveyed, but not wisdom".

This book made me think, pay attention to passing moments and be still (as much as I can). Each time I read, different sentences made me pause.

My take : Read - if you want to think about life. Re-reads give new insights every time.

7. How to Lie with Statistics by Darrell Huff & Irving Geis

A Bill Gates recommendation that I am finally getting around to reading now. I enjoyed this book. Instructive with case studies to highlight how statistics can be used to befuddle the issue and influence a view point in a desired manner.

The authors show examples of distortions using -

1. Misleading averages and ranges
(You might take 61 degrees as a comfortable annual mean, giving you a choice in California between such areas as the inland desert and San Nicolas Island off the south coast. But you can freeze or roast if you ignore the range. For San Nicolas it is 47 to 87 degrees but for the desert it is 15 to 104.)

2. Small sample size

3. Missing data

4. Correlation does not mean causation
(You can show that clear weather is more dangerous than foggy weather. More accidents occur in clear weather, because there is more clear weather than foggy weather. All the same, fog may be much more dangerous to drive in.)

4. Bias (the laboratory with something to prove for the sake of a theory, a reputation, or a fee; the newspaper whose aim is a good story; labor or management with a wage level at stake)

5. Shifting base that accounts for the trickiness of adding discounts
(When a hardware jobber offers “50% and 20% off list,” he doesn’t mean a seventy per cent discount. The cut is sixty per cent since the twenty per cent)

6. Different ways of representing a figure
(You can, for instance, express exactly the same fact by calling it a one per cent return on sales, a fifteen per cent return on investment, a ten-million-dollar profit, an increase in profits of forty per cent (compared with 1935- 39 average), or a decrease of sixty per cent from last year.)

To quote the book - "A well-wrapped statistic is better than Hitler’s “big lie”; it misleads, yet it cannot be pinned on you."

My take : Must Read - To understand the many ways in which you can be fooled !

8. Business Adventures: Twelve Classic Tales from the World of Wall Street by John Brooks

This book has been in my TBR pile forever it seems like. Another Bill Gates's recommendation - It is his favorite business book and was given to him by Warren Buffett. He says it is Warren Buffett's favorite business book too.

This book has 12 tales of business adventures and they are eye openers. It shows how people behave and how their behaviour affects business. Businesses may change, technologies may change but human nature at its core does not. And so even though one may shake one's head when reading some of the stories ultimately, we do not always make rational choices and this shows up in business. Beware though each tale is a long read.

The stories are -

1. Stock market crash in 1962 and how the exchanges got together to prevent the panic from causing too much damage. (Astonished me no end !!). There was no reason for the panic but it ensued in mayhem nevertheless.

2. How Xerox made a dangerous and risky bet on photocopying. It worked but then they got complacent.

3. Over hyped Edsel Car launch failure by Ford. Small cars had gotten popular in the interim.

4. Non compete/Intellectual property rights/Trade Secrets - How a Goodrich engineer was almost prevented from working for a competitor due to the trade secrets he knew.

5. Pricing fixing within GE and failure of its internal communication.

6. Insider Trading - Texas Gulf Sulfur employees making money by trading based on inside information.

7. Piggly Wiggly - story of how a publicly traded company can be undermined by outsiders who manipulate the markets (Chilling !).

8. Federal income tax - A look at American taxation and how it has become very convoluted (and unfair?).

9. Sterling crisis - A strong bank alliance between various countries kept the pound from being devalued for a considerable time. (It was devalued later).

10. Market Fraud - A company was leveraged on falsified receipts. Trading was done using these fraudulent receipts as collateral. The exchange along with banks got together to ensure the customers did not lose everything. The customers got all their money back. Unusual.

11. Stockholders meetings.

12. Role of a person coming from public sector to private sector.

My take : Must Read - If you want to learn about unusual and cautionary business tales intertwined with human complexity.

9. So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport

This book argues against following one's passion in work. If you try to follow your passion in your job, you will expect it to bring heaps of rewards and be interesting all the time. It says that the only way to succeed is to become extremely good at something i.e - focus on becoming "so good they can’t ignore you". This is career capital. Initially one will not have career capital. It takes time to build it. However once built - one has control over one's career trajectory.

Key Points -

1. Mindset - Craftsman Mindset vs Passion Mindset - Whereas the craftsman mindset focuses on what you can offer the world, the passion mindset focuses instead on what the world can offer you.

2. Danger of following one's passion - When you focus only on what your work offers you, it makes you hyper aware of what you don’t like about it, leading to chronic unhappiness. Working right, therefore, still trumps finding the right work. Do what people are willing to pay for.

3. On career control - When no one cares what you do with your working life, you probably don’t have enough career capital to do anything interesting. But once you do have this capital, you’ve become valuable enough that your employer will resist your efforts.

4. On becoming good at your career - If you’re not uncomfortable, then you’re probably stuck at an “acceptable level.” Deliberate practice is above all an effort of focus and concentration.

My take : Read if you want to understand the argument for career capital. You may or may not agree on the passion mindset but whatever path one follows one has to be so good that one cannot be ignored.

10. Astrophysics for People in a Hurry - Neil DeGrasse Tyson

Reading this book was like a treat ! Immensely enjoyable. Not for nothing has this been awarded best book in Science & Technology category in Goodreads Choice Awards of 2017. (Okay okay I voted for it too !). The basic concepts of astrophysics are explained simply and in a straight forward easy manner.

Why the cosmos perspective is important is beautifully explained -

The day our knowledge of the cosmos ceases to expand, we risk regressing to the childish view that the universe figuratively and literally revolves around us. In that bleak world, arms-bearing, resource-hungry people and nations would be prone to act on their “low contracted prejudices.” And that would be the last gasp of human enlightenment.

The thrilling journey in the book talks about space as a hazardous place which forces us to reassess the value of all humans to one another, the common elements active in the universe, orbits of planets and stars, gravity and how Jupiter acts as a gravitational shield and ensures Earth is a place of relative peace (cosmologically speaking), the different wavelengths used by telescopes and what one can infer from them, dark energy, dark matter (Dark matter is a mysterious substance that has gravity but does not interact with light in any known way), dark matter haloes (seriously!?) and how the next generations may see less than we do, as the growing expansion of the universe may take things beyond the visible edge. Fascinating !!

This point captured my attention too -

The twentieth-century American theoretical physicist John Archibald Wheeler said it best, summing up Einstein’s concept as, “Matter tells space how to curve; space tells matter how to move.”

My take : Absolute Must Read for a fun-filled dive into the world of the cosmos without any equations.

Some other good books that I read :

1. Storm in a Teacup: The Physics of Everyday Life by Helen Czerski

My take : Read if you are interested to know about physics in every day life.

2. The CS Detective by Jeremy Kubica

My take : Read if interested in learning about algorithms explained using a story. I read it more from curiosity to see how algorithms were used in a narrative.

3. Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives by Gretchen Rubin

My take : Read if you want self help for starting and keeping habits.

4. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

My take : The title says it all. Read if you want to get hints on where one goes wrong while talking to children. This book has convenient comic-strip-type-panels which shows common ways a parent may behave vs the better way to talk/behave in a situation. Very very helpful.

5. NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman

Explanatory book which combines understanding the psychology of children along with the physiological changes. The true cost of sleep deprivation is mentioned in detail.

My take : Read if as a parent you would like to understand what makes your child behave the way he/she does and how you can be supportive.

6. The Theory That Would Not Die: How Bayes' Rule Cracked the Enigma Code, Hunted Down Russian Submarines, and Emerged Triumphant from Two Centuries of Controversy by Sharon Bertsch McGrayne

My take: Read if you want to know the tumultuous history behind Bayes Rule.

Women Techmakers Community Reception - #GDDIndia - Impressions

2017-12-04T01:03:00.003-08:00

I got an invite to go to the community reception for women techmakers the day before the #GDDIndia 2017 Event at BIEC. The reception was held at Taj Vivanta from 5:30 pm to 9:30 pm on Nov 30th.

My impressions of the community meet at Taj --

This is mainly a networking event.
Men can also be a part of the women techmakers group. Men who believe in diversity.
Google engineers circulate around the room giving some glimpse into their area of expertise and the sessions/trainings they will be doing in the actual GDD. I remember the brief chat with Todd Burner the most. He was going to be part of the Live Coding session with Firebase on Day 2.
During the brief talk by Sebastian it was mentioned there was no woman Google Developer Expert ! Surprising but something to note and aspire to.
Some experiential areas - the photo booth, exercise bike competition.
Free food and drinks. But of course - this is a google event after all !!!
I met so many students I felt like I had walked into an alternate reality. It was flattering to be asked which college I was attending multiple times but I blame it on the mood lighting and the fact that about 70% of attendees seemed to be students (who were also founding startups) !!
ENERGY !!! So many of the attendees are working on different ideas in different domains and have jumped into the foray of startups and are walking their talk. It was exhilarating listening and talking to them.

Google Developer Days - #GDDIndia - 2017 - Impressions

2017-12-04T00:46:00.002-08:00

Attended GDD India 2017 on Dec 1, Dec 2 - and it was a great experience all round. Could have done more networking perhaps but for an introvert like me whatever happened was satisfactory !

This is an invite based event. No idea how many people apply but in each and every mail it is re-iterated that there is a long wait list due to overwhelming interest. If one is not planning to attend they ask that you send a mail to them.

The queues at BIEC were pretty long. Additionally there were people who were on the wait-list and were standing aside. When I went in, there were around 50-60 people in that area.

People came from all over India and some from outside India too. That's some dedication !
A guy I was chatting to at the conference mentioned it was a paid event outside India. Did not check the veracity of that but in India it was free. All one needed was an invite and the confirmation code.

It was mentioned in keynote speeches on both days that this was the biggest event so far. It was pretty crowded. Although I do know that the salesforce conference is very crowded too.

My impressions of the GDD (2 days) --

Negatives

1. Crowded
I did not expect it to be that crowded. One can argue that it offers better networking opportunities but I still thought it was too crowded. On the 2nd day people were being turned away from the design workshop.

2. Wifi issues
Due to the sheer volume - in the trainings there were issues with wifi when working with the codelabs. Yes, the engineers got it working most of the time - still it was a little frustrating.

3. Certification Lounge
I went to the lounge to ask about the Data Engineer certification track. The lady who gave a brief background of the 3 tracks was good. And then she said for more details you can ask so-and-so.

And that guy was completely disinterested. Don't know what his problem was. Brushed me off by saying everything is available online. Well that completely defeats the purpose of having the lounge itself right ?? Even GDD is not really required. After all - codelabs are available online !!!!

Anyway; inspite of asking more questions - I got nowhere. Since he was chatting with the previous person amicably - either it was a gender issue or he decided that I was wasting his time with just one look. Annoying.

Positives

1. The ratio of women attending GDD was 36%. Highest in all GDD events so far !

2. Got to meet a wide variety of people. From students, professors, marketing people, product mangers, developers, founders etc.

3. Trainings were really valuable and so were the sessions. Sessions are available online now.

4. Keynote on Day 2 was exceptional.

The brief talk with NIRAMAI founder Geetha Manjunath was very interesting. NIRAMAI is building a non-invasive method of detecting breast cancer at early stages.

Sowmya Subramanian's talk on inclusive design was excellent. The talk was not pedantic but fun with relevant insights for each point.

Touched all kinds of areas

Airbags in cars
Youtube for kids
Cheetos
Emojis
Inherent Bias

Very engaging while reiterating the importance of inclusive design.

Reminded me of the soap dispenser that would not dispense soap for darker people but if a tissue was kept below it - it dispensed the liquid soap ! Definitely not inclusive design.

How kids saw youtube.

5. The session on improving your networking skills by Jozef Vodička was awesome !!!!
It was a short session but full of valuable nuggets !

A very very simple 2 word ice breaker - Business or Vacation ?

Couple of questions that can help start or keep the conversation going

On which activity are you spending maximum time now ?
What habit are you trying to inculcate now ?

The words I am using are not exactly the same but I think they convey the general idea - this was a session that was really worth attending.

6. The sandbox area with its demos, codelabs, android things, IoT demo, meet a googler, women techmarkers etc was informative. Met more google engineers at these points and it was something to listen to them talk about their products/work and their patience with the numerous queries !

7. During the sessions there were screens on the side which showed the live transcription of the speaker's talk. Fabulous marketing !

8. Goodies - T-shirts, Wallet by Women Techmakers, Bag, IoT kit, Android kit etc.

9. After party ! :) Free food and drinks .. and Raghu Dixit on the live band. Need I say more ?

All in all - It was a wonderful experience and if GDD happens next year would love to attend it !

Are we there yet ?

2017-06-11T03:37:00.003-07:00

There is a book that comes to my mind again and again at odd moments. It is not a philosophical book or a religious book. Nor is it a tome filled with nuggets of wisdom. Not a biography or a memoir. Strangely, it is an early reader book that spans about 10 pages with about as many lines. It is a book I had to read a zillion times to my child.

The book is titled "Are we there yet ?" and it reminds me of the journey of life; chasing the answer to that same eternal question.

In the book Mickey and his group want to go to the Sandy Beach which is just a mile away. They miss the road to the beach and instead go the other way .. and the journey begins ...

Sandy Beach 1 mile, Dry Desert - 10 miles.

Then the question -

Are we there yet ? No ! This is not the beach ! :)

And they go on ...
Sandy Beach 11 miles, Rain Forest - 100 miles...
Sandy Beach 111 miles, Antarctica - 1000 miles...
All the way to back to -
Sandy Beach 1 mile, Dry Desert - 10 miles .......
where they take the correct turn and end up at the beach they wanted to go in the first place.

At every stage there is a route back to the Sandy Beach and they consistently miss this turn.

To me the entire 10 page book is an allegory of life. The Sandy Beach is the ultimate enlightenment and the other stops are whatever we crave in life - status, money, fame, possessions, power. Basically any state that doesn't give a sense of lasting peace or a permanent "Yes" to the question "Are we there yet ?" or "Have I arrived ?" (To word it differently).

It seems a little naive and perhaps subtly condescending to say - status, money, fame, possessions, power are not the ultimate goals. But generally speaking; is there is a threshold when we say we have enough money? Or we have enough material possessions? There is always something more to buy, there is always more money to earn, more places to see, more power to wield, more followers to get, more more more ........ It is a never ending quest. No, at least I do not consider it the ultimate destination.

The ultimate destination or nirvana if you will; does not mean an end to experiences nor is it the end of pursuit. It does mean that what you achieve and the joy of achievement is independent of the need for validation - be it internal or external.

It is like enjoying the beach for its own sake - rather than racing through the experience to put up a selfie/picture to show you are enjoying. The act of sharing the picture itself is trivial. However there is a difference in putting up a picture to share your happiness with your friends vs putting up a picture to show you are enjoying.

And so - when I look at life - I know my answer to that question is: "No - This is not the beach". I am still journeying (or lost ? ) ...... and that question still haunts me.

Book Reviews - Every day Calculus, Hyperbole and a half, Complications

2016-08-28T06:23:00.000-07:00

It has been sometime since I last wrote. This sentence gives me a feeling of déjà vu; I think I must have written this in another blog post. Shows just how regular I am in my writing. Anywayz ...... :)

So what's been happening lately ? Nothing .. really !!! Work, home and a bit reading. Not much travel .. me thinks I have completely settled down in a way I never had before. Of course with 3 schedules to maintain it is not so easy to get time for travel at least.

I had promised myself at the beginning of the year that I would read more non-fiction but I think I have not managed to read much. My rate remains the same. My book collection got corrupted and I lost some of the notes I had made too. Bad luck.

However although I have not finished even 1% of the books I want to read - I was itching to write a blog post on some recent books. So here they are .....

1. Every day Calculus - Oscar Fernandez

What I really loved about the book is that - the author takes us through a regular day and shows how calculus is used in seemingly ordinary things. And the writing is humorous and witty. I wish calculus was taught this way.

There are quite a few cases / stories in the book as the author muses about everyday things and then leads to the math behind it. Great way to handle the topic. Actually reminds me of Stephen Strogatz whose New York Times column fascinated me for they were very well-written essays on applied mathematics.

Some of the case studies in the book -

1. There is the case of the famous voltage "stepping down" case between AC and DC electricity which I remember amazed me when I had read about it in school. At that point I did not understand the calculus behind it.
2. The steam arising from a cup of coffee leads to derivatives with respect to time taken to cool the coffee.
3. Transmission of common cold to rate of fishing sustainability.
4. Why the raindrop which falls from 13000 feet and increases in size and speed does not crash through the umbrella?
5. Radio signal that powers his alarm clock and the math function behind it.
6. How the rate of hot chocolate dispenser that pours chocolate at a fixed rate can lead to analysis of reservoir levels after heavy rainfall and may be the basis for evacuation if flooding is suspected.
7. The angles of arterial branching .... and so many more.

This list is by no means exhaustive - it is a mere indication how the author takes us on a fascinating journey through the lens of a single day !!!
All in all - yeah I think a third reading to appreciate the book may be in order. [ I have not done the math in the book - so far have just been reading about the omnipresence of calculus in every day life ]

A highly recommended read !!!

2. Hyperbole and a Half - Allie Brosh

Ordinarily this is not a book I would pick up but it was recommended by Bill Gates and it made me curious. While I could not identify with most of the chapters in the book one topic stood out. It was on depression. It is eerily true in what it describes. The absolute absence of emotion. Concise and beautifully written - it was just spot on.

3. Complications: A Surgeon's Notes on an Imperfect Science - Atul Gawande

An oft-repeating thought that ran in my mind while reading this book was - how did doctors allow this book to be published? It exposes human errors that surgeons can make in their practice. Note the word practice - and that is what the life of a doctor is. And this with lives hanging in balance !! My husband always says that it is called practice for a reason and although I knew it at the back of my mind - this book brings it to the forefront ! Lest one think that the process is all negative it is more to do with how doctors do their best in limited time and with varying possibilities of things going wrong.

I read the book "Doctors" by Erich Segal and in it there is a a single number mentioned - "26" ... Let me see if I can get exact the words "There are thousands of diseases in this world, but Medical Science only has an empirical cure for twenty-six of them. The rest is … guesswork."

Scary right ? May be things are better now I am not sure; and well that book is a work of fiction. Still the guesswork part is not wrong.

From the other fiction book "The final diagnosis" - to me frankly this book was Arthur Hailey's best book and in it the dilemma the main doctor faces - amputate the girl's leg or not based on the biopsy results which were inconclusive and when sent to the two top doctors came with the opposite conclusions. I still think he was wrong to have chosen to amputate but .. these are the kind of situations that doctors face and mistakes are costly.

And the learning curve - different types of bodies, different emergency levels and to add to the confusion non-standard equipments ! A learning that has to be hidden because nobody wants to be the person being learnt upon. He admits this when his child is taken to the hospital and his reaction.

It made me laugh though that a surgeon's idea of a holiday is stitching knots in a human-like meat at a fair !! Well I guess that is what makes them surgeons !!

I cannot say I liked how doctors handle other doctor's mistakes especially when they are long standing issues. Speaking from a patient's perspective that would be a horrible situation so I felt that there has to be a better way to remove a bad doctor.

The last chapter is on intuition - how a normal case of cellulitis somehow made him question if it were really so and the subsequent change in treatment when they realized it was not a simple case of cellulitis but a flesh eating bacteria that could have resulted in amputation of the leg ( and loss of life if not diagnosed on time). On the top of it - there was no specific indicator to make him question the diagnosis but something made him do so and in that he saved a 23 year old girl from dying.

Through the entire book one thing stood out and I think it resonates better in the author's own words -

"No matter what measures are taken, doctors will sometimes falter, and it isn’t reasonable to ask that we achieve perfection. What is reasonable is to ask that we never cease to aim for it."

And so .. next time one enters a hospital or goes to a doctor, while it is scary and one does know that anything can go wrong perhaps the idea that most doctors want to provide a cure more than anything should keep our faith alive. But, do ask questions and do your own homework before.

Books in 2015

2016-01-20T05:21:00.000-08:00

Last year I felt that I was not reading as many non-fiction books as I thought I should be reading.
At the end of the year - I still feel I did not read enough ! Perhaps this year ! Now there's an original resolution ! :)
I am not writing the full review of all the books I read; just a highlight or two in some books that stood out.

1. Everyday Calculus ( Oscar Fernandez ) - Simple loved this book ! Planning to write a full review soon !

2. The brain that changes itself ( Norma Doidge ) -

Amazing book on the plasticity of the brain and how it uses maps and how the brain itself can be altered through learning, experience and thoughts. The section which talks about Dr. V. S. Ramachandran and the handling of phantom pain experienced by amputees from phantom limbs is eye opening. Amazing work.

The only thing that made me uneasy was the clear fact that there was extensive animal testing. I am not a hypocrite where animal testing is concerned nor am I blind to this phenomenon - it still made me queasy though.

3. Mindset ( Carol Dweck ) - Fixed Mindset vs Growth Mindset. I liked how the author described the two mindsets. While I don't think people tend to have only one mindset at a time - we can judge ourselves on where our predominant thoughts lie.

Fixed Mindset - Intelligence is constant. A desire to look smart can be counter productive because such people may not take up challenges for fear of not being instant-experts ! Do not like criticism.

Growth Mindset - Intelligence can be developed. Enjoy challenges since they look at them as avenues to learn. Do not feel threatened by other people's success stories.

4. Power up your brain ( David Perlmutter, Alberto Villoldo ) - Didn't connect to this book but this point stood out for me. I didn't know this fact at all !

All of the mitochondrial DNA in your body is inherited solely from your mother' s lineage. That means that the source of energy that sustains your life is derived exclusively from the women in your family tree-your matrilineage.

5. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing ( Marie Kondo ) -

Was simply curious about a book on tidying up that could reach best sellers list and be talked about so much !!

While some of her pointers seem extreme, what stood out for me is the gist of the book -

" Connect with things that "spark joy" and firmly remove the rest !!"

Tough advice may be - but it makes sense in a way, the myriad mind-blogging storage solutions don't do.

6. Dataclysm ( Christian Rudder ) - One particular conclusion is sad although not surprising ! Seems men are only attracted to women in their 20s no matter what their own age is !

Calendar - December 2015

2015-12-01T05:37:00.000-08:00

December 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/gr8imkt6o49mpg8/12-Dec-2015.jpg?dl=0

December 2015

Calendar - November 2015

2015-10-31T02:02:00.000-07:00

November 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/b4edusc2b49ja9s/11-Nov-2015.jpg?dl=0

November 2015

Calendar - October 2015

2015-10-03T01:21:00.000-07:00

October 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/o996v36n9gexsib/10-Oct-2015.jpg?dl=0

October 2015

Calendar - September 2015

2015-08-31T20:44:00.000-07:00

September 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/tihu36foygia2nz/9-Sep-2015.jpg?dl=0

September 2015

Calendar - August 2015

2015-08-03T21:14:00.000-07:00

August 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/paiwll6n34doa2d/8-Aug-2015.jpg?dl=0

August 2015

Calendar - July 2015

2015-06-06T07:13:00.000-07:00

July 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/z19tvjh8lhjkaos/7-Jul-2015.jpg?dl=0

July 2015

Calendar - June 2015

2015-06-06T07:07:00.002-07:00

June 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/ojk9xezpltw3zqt/6-Jun-2015.jpg?dl=0

June 2015

Calendar - May 2015

2015-05-08T20:33:00.001-07:00

May 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below

https://www.dropbox.com/s/v2usajkj66ciqnk/5-May-2015.jpg?dl=0

May 2015

Calendar - April 2015

2015-03-29T04:02:00.000-07:00

April 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/4kx0disk0cdzm9g/4-Apr-2015.jpg?dl=0

April 2015

Calendar - March 2015

2015-02-28T20:15:00.000-08:00

March 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/xubv7nzs6w868wr/3-Mar-2015.jpg?dl=0

March 2015

Book Review - Flash Boys by Michael Lewis

2015-01-08T06:47:00.001-08:00

Flash Boys - Michael Lewis

You could mistake this book for a high speed chase thriller .. that is how eminently readable it is.

This is the first non-fiction book that I have read continuously. I normally intersperse my non-fiction reading with lots of fiction. I may read a couple of chapters of a non-fiction book and then complete couple of fiction books and come back to the non-fiction book again ! But this book was so compelling - I read it through !!

After a kind of reading slump where I did not seem to have many fiction books that appealed or non-fiction books that I felt like picking up - I suddenly seem to have come across an explosion of book suggestions. From the slow 3 pines mystery series to the arctic splendor in Edie Kiglatuk's books ( I could not believe the Arctic was so teeming with life !! ) I have happily found books that will keep me occupied for some time !! :)

In the early stages of my career I was part of a stock exchange project where the goal was to change the trading of futures / options from fractions to decimals. This was the time of mainframes. At that time I did not relate much of what I did ( which was not much ) to the outside world. I just remember being fascinated the day the trades started to happen in decimals. A thrill of its own kind ! :)

Coming back - Flash boys starts off with the secret laying of a straight cable across a tough geographical terrain to give a microsecond advantage to traders willing to pay millions for the split second advantage.

What would the split second advantage mean ?? It would mean knowing in advance which trades would happen before everyone else and the opportunity to buy up shares at a lesser price and then turn around and sell it for more. Huge profits from knowing which trades to buy / sell !! This is front-running and it was legal the way it was being handled by the high speed computerized algorithm based trading in the stock exchanges.

The nano-second allowed one set of traders - to see a clear market view and the others an illusion. It created a class system and the US premise of a free and fair market was only a mirage. And this class difference was caused not by people but by the nano-second !

The high frequency traders who paid for this speed were minting money from providing no value to the general public. The speeds of computer technology added efficiency in the areas that strengthened the intermediaries to make billions.

The unlikely protagonist of this book - is a former Royal Bank of Canada trader who founds his own exchange (IEX) to outmaneuver the high frequency traders. This journey is chronicled along with the challenges he faces as well as the people he picks up to build a 'fair' stock exchange.

What is ironic in this book are the marks of the scheme - they are not just regular folks - they are other hedge funds and wall street brokers who are also disadvantaged due to dark pools, kick backs, arbitrage advantages !

All in all - a wonderful read !!

Calendar - January 2015 / February 2015

2015-01-04T06:11:00.001-08:00

I have been making personal calendars for sometime now. I first ordered one online and cringed at how small the pictures looked. Plus the pictures were cropped and I was annoyed. So the next year I decided rough and ready though it might be - I would make my own !

And so I did. I used excel at first. Rudimentary at best. Since then I have moved on to GIMP. I am no designer / artist but making my yearly personal calendar is an activity I truly enjoy.

This year after finishing my personal calendar - I felt like making monthly calendars from some of my personal nature snaps. So far I have done only two - for January and February.

The original jpgs - are at the dropbox links mentioned below.

Enjoy .... and happy new year 2015 !!!

January 2015 - https://www.dropbox.com/s/d2xn68he7j819tt/1-Jan2015.jpg?dl=0
February 2015 - https://www.dropbox.com/s/o0f76gbwyrjhovf/2-Feb2015.jpg?dl=0

January 2015

February 2015

Random Acts of Kindness .....

2014-09-27T00:44:00.000-07:00

In many ways I consider newspaper reading, breaking news, idle gossip ..... corrosive; like slow drips of acid on the human psyche. After sometime no matter how upbeat one is, the constant barrage of negative news is simply too much. Overtly dramatic ? Perhaps .... but being inherently cynical; such reports only cement my belief; that if the human race were to be eradicated then every other species on earth would benefit !!

Almost a non sequitur :) Considering how much my family enjoys road travel - when I casually envisaged being recipient to random kindness I always thought it would be somewhere remote. Like Spiti Valley or Lahaul Valley, near Chandratal or Kunzum Pass; near Tukula in Sikkim or when we bolted through the Chambal valley [ The landscape was so .. so .... beautiful ] And yet when it happened - it was in my own prosaic corner of the world. Near Mangalore.

After spending the weekend in Mangalore we set out on Sunday. My hubby was worried about the air pressure in the tyres but perhaps b'cos it was Sunday - we did not find any place open for an air check for a long time. The roads were in an appalling condition. So many potholes, I felt like we were playing hopscotch. Anywayz ...when we finally spotted a place - we had the air checked.

So of course - based on Murphy's laws - at the next pothole we got a flat tyre !! After jacking up the car - when we went to get the spare tyre - it had no air. Again .. but of course ! :)

Broad daylight and no specific cause of worry but I was looking towards the road wondering who would respond to a gesture for help. I did not flag anyone and I have no idea of the expression on my face but a SUV full of guys who looked like they were in their early twenties came to us - from the opposite direction. And they asked if we needed help.

After a short talk - they offered to take the tyre to the nearest place, get it filled with air and come back. They insisted my hubby stay back probably b'cos our child and I would be left alone. It was this additional step that disarmed me. It is one thing to help but to be sensitive to other factors ? Not expected. Since obviously we had qualms [ although not voiced ] - two of them also stayed with us.

When the tyre was fixed - during the casual talk, it astonished me when I heard, these guyz had passed us in their SUV and had turned back when they felt something was wrong. Another additional step ......

The beautiful spot where we our tyre went flat !

This post makes it sound like I have not been at the receiving end of kindness from strangers. I have and some of them life giving. Still ..... they were quite some time back ..... [ And perhaps that is another post - whenever relevant ! ] :)

With a misanthropic bent of mind - is it any wonder , a random act of kindness by complete strangers has left me bemused ?? ! But ... true to form [ yes yes ... true to form; don't be so disbelieving :) ] - I want to pass it on whenever I get a chance. :)

No one can have it all !!

2014-07-12T23:12:00.000-07:00

No one can have it all. No one !

There !!! That is my line in the sand. I am growing increasingly weary of reading that "Women cannot have it all". True. However it misses an essential point. No one can have it all. That is akin to saying one can eat one's cake and have it too. Nope not happening !

1. "Opportunity cost"

This is a concept in economics that expresses the basic relationship between scarcity and choice.

To pick from from Wikipepedia

The New Oxford American Dictionary defines it as "the loss of potential gain from other alternatives when one alternative is chosen".

Did a guy choose to take on a bigger role in sales ? It may be that he will have less time with his teenager son.

Did you choose to work after having a baby ? Well that has the associated cost of your kid not having a full time parent. Conversely - did you choose to be a SAHM ? Well perhaps the art world lost some excellent paintings since you decided to hang up your brushes for a while. Hmmm ???

The notion of opportunity cost plays a crucial part in ensuring that scarce resources are used efficiently.^[3]

The point is - every step, every choice, every direction taken always always has an opportunity cost. We make what we think is the best decision for that particular set of circumstances with whatever information and limited resources we have at hand.

Trade-offs are a part of life - whether you are a man or woman.

2. Balanced life is a myth.

If one wishes to be good at anything - one needs to invest the required time and energy. The way I see it - choose your important areas and focus on them.

Does this mean - I consider home and work to be on opposite sides of the coin ? No. I prefer to think
that one should aim at achieving a state of dynamic equilibrium.

3. Dynamic equilibrium

To me this indicates constant motion [ preferably forward !! :) ] and a state where many competing influences are balanced ; over a period of time. It is the totality that counts - not a a daily accounting of 'perfection' in all areas. All competing forces do not have to be created equal every single day.

It is fine if today you were a better manager and yesterday you did better in the role of a parent.

Having it all

First - there is no "Having it all". Instead look at being in a state of dynamic equilibrium.

Second - Choose your idea of what works for you. Prioritize ruthlessly. Refuse to torture yourself with guilt. This includes having crazy standards like

Home has to be as clean as that of someone else who has 4 live-in servants.
Cooking skills have to be equivalent to that of a chef who makes her/his living as a top chef.
Corporate climb has to be the same as that of another man who may not be baking those cupcakes for his child's entire class.
Children should always approve of you as a parent. [ Seriously ?? ]

Third - Chill out. Stop wanting to "do-it-all". Delegate. Don't many superiors think they can do a better job than their sub-ordinates ? [ This includes your MIL too ;) ] It doesn't stop them from delegating right ?

Fourth - Women are needed in the work space - as this Catalyst report clearly indicates.

Does this mean I don't understand reality ? Of course not - the glass ceiling exists and so do the booth babes. The feeling of helplessness when you are in another city and your child is battling with fever miles away, exists.

However reality also means - house work never ends ! Bias and prejudice exist every where - be it based on gender, culture, country, race etc. Bias also exists when a guy wants to take time off to be with his child - especially if it is for a long duration. :)

Indra Nooyi's mother

I wrote this blog after reading that appalling tale of Indra Nooyi's mother - who asked her daughter to leave her crown outside and get milk at 10 o clock.

To me - she is classic example of a weak person - who could neither get the milk herself, nor could bring herself to ask her son-in-law to bring the milk. She was incapable of appreciating her daughter but chose instead to cut her down to size probably out of small minded jealousy ... showing that we women are sometimes our own worst enemies.

Expectations Inheritance

I know I am lucky. I have excellent women role models and men who are strong enough that strength in a woman does not scare them. If I come home with a crown - my mom as well as my mother-in-law would be as proud of me - as they would be if their son came home with it.

At the end of day - I would hope that by choosing not to "Have it all" - we can pass realistic aspirations to both our sons and daughters. It could mean happier homes and not houses that are battle grounds with insane expectations.

It could also mean that when a woman came home - in spite of the mound of dishes in the sink - she can still relax b'cos nobody is holding her up [ including herself ] to impossible standards and someone else may choose to load the dishwasher or simply wash up. Pragmatic wouldn't you say ?

It is the best of the times, It is the worst of the times .....

I think we live in an age that is slowly allowing us women to have the best of both worlds. We can take time off in years and come back to the working world. Or we can continue working through out. Sure we pay a price - but then there is that idea of "Opportunity Cost" all over again !

Book Review - Lean In - Sheryl Sandberg

2014-03-22T09:42:00.001-07:00

I don't know why I passively resisted reading this book but I did. I had heard the TED talk first and for some reason felt the book would be a list of To-Dos which would never be achievable in the real world. Sounds uncharitable to have jumped to that conclusion. The TED talk is good and the points she mentions are true and yet I put off reading the book ! I am glad I finally read it.

So - what stands out for me in the book ?

1 -- The fact that she admits to having doubts, fear, worry and is not effortlessly confident all the time. It is the kind of vulnerability that I find myself astonished she would admit !

That a person like her has self-doubts and is unsure makes me feel - it is okay not to have all the answers. This is what drew me in and what made me continue reading. The book was not formulaic and the candid tone was refreshing.

2 -- The “Tiara Syndrome” !!

In her own words - it is where women “expect that if they keep doing their jobs well, someone will notice them and place a tiara on their head.” Performance in school [ where the Tiara Syndrome is perpetuated I feel ] especially for girls is not always indicative of how well they will do in their careers. Especially the road to the executive office.

3 -- An internal report at Hewlett-Packard revealed that women only apply for open jobs if they think they meet 100 percent of the criteria listed. Men apply if they think they meet 60 percent of the requirements.

I have seen this and am not surprised by the report but it bears re-iterating.

4 -- The way women leave before they actually leave.

So many decisions based on "What-if" situations that are years away - be it marriage or children or elder care. The years before having a family are the time to work hard. I think her idea that professional women measure the cost of child care against their future salary rather than their current salary - would ensure the years leading to family responsibility are not frittered away.

All in all a very good book that I would definitely recommend reading.

Other snippets that I found informative and worth mentioning are listed below.

A 2011 McKinsey report noted that men are promoted based on potential, while women are promoted based on past accomplishments.

Fear is at the root of so many of the barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure. And the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter.

Women, feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition, they feel undeserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made. Despite being high achievers, even experts in their fields, women can’t seem to shake the sense that it is only a matter of time until they are found out for who they really are—impostors with limited skills or abilities.

We consistently underestimate ourselves.

When a woman fails, she is more likely to believe it is due to an inherent lack of ability.

Career progression often depends upon taking risks and advocating for oneself—traits that girls are discouraged from exhibiting.

Success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women.

He said that when you want to change things, you can’t please everyone. If you do please everyone, you aren’t making enough progress. Mark was right.

I realized that searching for a mentor has become the professional equivalent of waiting for Prince Charming !!! LOL ..

I don’t know any woman who feels comfortable with all her decisions.

Like me, most of the women I know do a great job worrying that we don’t measure up.

Every job will demand some sacrifice. The key is to avoid unnecessary sacrifice.

A task "Done is better than perfect".

The right question is not “Can I do it all?” but “Can I do what’s most important for me and my family?”

And lastly ...

If society truly valued the work of caring for children, companies and institutions would find ways to reduce these steep penalties and help parents combine career and family responsibilities.

Wild Hope ......

2014-03-03T17:13:00.000-08:00

Wild Hope - when I truly understood the diagnosis,
Wild Hope - when I realized the terminal prognosis.

Wild Hope - because you hear of miracles happening everyday, everywhere ; One just needs to BELIEVE !
So ... I shush my voice of reason .. even though inside I grieve.

Wild Hope - through the slow and steady decline,
Wild Hope - because I want her to be perfect and fine !!!!

Wild Hope - even though I can see the loss of the precious person inside,
Wild Hope - even though I know that time is not on my side.

Wild Hope - through those numerous hospital trips,
Wild Hope - even as another part of her chips.

Times passes, a little battered and bruised - my wild hope is still there,
After all what is the point of wild hope even if my wish for a MIRACLE has no prayer ???

Then ...... I look into the face that had looked at me with love and joy; whose essence has now flown away,
And still that wild hope lingers - thinking everybody could be a wrong ...... but no .... not that day.

And my heart stutters ...... 'cos I knew ......... always knew it would come to this,
But that wild ...... WILD HOPE I did not want to dismiss.

Now the ashes are immersed and the prayers are said ....
I am happy she is out of pain and there are no incidents that portend slow dread.

The days come and go, time passes in haze,
I hate knowing - music does not touch her ; neither do the sun's rays.

Life goes on - but sometimes the stoic mask is difficult to maintain,
'Cos the void left by her absence - will always remain.

RIP Mom

A new beginning .... or is it a full circle ?

2013-12-21T04:51:00.001-08:00

Prelude :

When I was in ........ [ Quick Observation - Don't many boring stories begin this way ??! ;) ] Indianapolis - I met a lady who was resolving some issues on my computer in the office and it took a while. We seemed to reach a friendly rapport and I found myself bemused with the kind of questions I asked her and her replies. [ They were so personal for a first chat - as it later occurred to me ].

For one thing - this was the time I was wondering if I should consider having a child once I was back in India. To me this was not a light decision - it was a matter of a lifestyle change and obviously a mindset too. IMO it would not be fair to the child if I was not prepared for the adjustments and the sense of responsibility.

She simply said "Being a parent is a lifelong commitment, it does not end once they grow up. I have 3 children and they have children and yet I don't stop worrying about them ! ". Well ..... hmm this was something that had not occurred to me.

I then went on to her career and she astounded me when she said she had taken a 23 year break from her work and then reinvented herself and was employed now. She said that she had enjoyed the time with her children and she enjoyed having to learn new things once she was back in the job market and although the journey was not always easy - she was happy with her choices.

We chatted some more and while all my subsequent meetups with her were enjoyable the first talk really made an impression on me. Especially the part about being a parent forever ! :)

However I also realized I admired her for getting into the job market again after that kind of a long break. It definitely would not have been easy. As I discovered myself there is a bias when you come to the job market from a family related break. It does not matter whether it is fair or not - it is something that just is and needs to be acknowledged and handled.

Sabbatical :

Anyway as life moved on - I had a child - decided to take a break - initially was not sure if I wanted a 3 year break or shorter or longer but many readings I did around that time said - that the best formative years to be with the child were 0 - 8 years - so I did that.

I did my distance MBA after year 5 - took finance and marketing. And then when it seemed like my daughter needed less on-hand time [ emotionally she still needs me and her father too of course ] and preferred being with her circle of friends more - it looked like working was something I could now definitely go back to.

Job Hunting :

And then the realities of the job markets - I would get many many pitches from job consultants who would back off once they knew I had come back to the job market from a break. One lady asked - Why was I even thinking of coming back ?? :) I could never understand why they did not bother to read the headline of my CV - I was very very clear that I was coming back from a break and was looking at second innings.

All in all - I finally applied only to two jobs. One I had been called by the company and another was a link sent by my friend who had seen my status in facebook ! :) The first one - I called and checked that they knew I was coming after a break and when I was assured they knew - I went for the interview - only to get a rude shock. The person who was interviewing me clearly had not expected my break and although he spoke nicely, the bottom line was - they did not want me. I was very annoyed - not that they did not interview me - but that in spite of being clear on my CV they wasted my entire day !!

Friends' reactions to my job hunting - ranged from disbelief, encouragement, to a quiet pity that I would never get a job ! ;) LOL ..... Other than a couple of them - most friends for all their personal opinions were supportive.

On the whole I did not mind [ I AM realistic ] - Yes I would prefer to enter the corporate world again but that did not mean other avenues were closed.

Interview :

The link sent by my friend was a linkedin url and I applied. After telephonic screening I was asked to come in person. And then to my astonishment the first person who I was to meet was the CEO of the company ! LOL - I was definitely taken aback. I called HR and they confirmed the same. As I was to later comprehend, the diversity initiative was his drive - and hence he was actively involved. [ He has since then moved on to US within the same company and is now no longer the CEO of the Indian unit ]

After his queries when he asked me if I had any questions; of course I had !!! After all how often would I get to ask questions of a CEO ? :)

Then came the technical round and couple more rounds. On skype I had the final call with my current manager and then got the offer letter.

First day :

First day at my job was almost like a deja vu. The cubicles, the AC , the quiet hum of computers , the adjusting of the seat height and the access cards ! It almost felt like the years had melted away and I was merely joining a new project ! I liked my colleagues and I joined at the right time ! One week later we went on a team outing where we played many team games that definitely broke the ice altogether ! :)

;)

Breaking the news :

Tough times or times when you are not entirely sure of what the future holds do give you a better understanding of who truly are your friends. Reactions ranged from happiness for me to "Ok ok" over whatsapp !! As you can understand the "Ok ok" person has been relegated to "Don't bother" category ! ;) LOL ... Another friend was happy to come at meet me at my office !! :) I was happy too !! :)

What now ?

I don't know the future and I am taking things as they come ! :) There are of course different challenges now - the eternal work-life balance, how to be with my child, logistics of baby care etc :) Will probably be asking tips from "Both working" couples ! :)

I called up an aunt - the one who had supported me with a few words during my break; that I had made the right choice for me and never mind the nay sayers. She was pleased and happy for me.

In the final analysis that is what makes a difference - if you are given the same choices again - would you choose the same thing ? I know I would - so I am happy with the choices I have made and I am happy life has worked out to give me a chance at working in the area I prefer.

I have not said much about the support given to me by my spouse and my child - simply because even the job hunting may have been a non-action item if they had not backed me !!! :)

I am also happy with the friends I have, since that all-too-important link was given by a friend who cared enough to respond to my fb rant !!!! ;)