Stay Strong!

Pace or Push (Read Time: 4 min.)

2010-04-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

Is my achieving my dream a product of my pacing myself OR pushing myself?

Have you ever asked the above question?

There are two schools of thought when it comes to achieving a life goal:

1) You can't "make" things happen
This is the Pace philosophy behind dream fulfillment. While there's always a necessity for preparation, this school of thought believes that you can't "make" things happen. Life's not on your timeclock. While there are things you can plan for and achieve at will, there are circumstances, people, and events that you absolutely cannot plan for. Because of this, your goal, in achieving any dream, is to be prepared for the opportunity when it presents itself rather than create the opportunity when you'd like it to present itself.

I call this letting things flow. The second school of thought behind dream fulfillment is this:

2) You are the master of your fate and have the power to create anything you want by sheer will, determination and hard work.
This is the Push philosophy behind dream fulfillment. In this school of thought, the idea is that there's nothing you can't have, do or be as long as you are willing to do whatever it takes to get there. If you want a certain job, knock on every door and, eventually, you'll get it. If you want to buy a certain car, work 2/3/4 jobs until you have it.

I call this forcing the process.

Obviously, the way to go is #1- flowing with life, rather than forcing it. The reality is that there are many circumstances and experiences where we're not sure whether we're forcing or flowing with life, whether we're pacing ourselves through preparation or pushing ourselves through hard work.

Let me give you an example:
You decide you want to have a baby. You tell your spouse. You both think it's the right time. You start trying. Six months pass by. A year passes by. Two years pass by. Nothing happens. At this point, both of you stop and say "Are we flowing with this or are we forcing this?" And guess what? The answer on that is not clear cut and dry.

In the midst of this experience, you won't know 100% that this is the right or wrong time to have a baby. In fact, you won't know until years after the event occurs (or doesn't occur). What you do know is that, in every life situation, there's a part that you do control and a big part that you don't. It's important to be willing to take the driver's seat and be at the forefront of all the aspects that are within your grasp. But it's equally important to know when to let go and let God, when to accept what is and love it as it is... until it changes.

That's the hard part for most of us. Most of us want to buy in to the idea that all of life is within our control, that as long as we can work hard and long, we can have everything we want... and that simply isn't true.

You see, life's seemingly bad experiences come as great teachers. The downs teach us to appreciate the ups. The obstacles teach us how to overcome them. The tragedies remind us that we are not our circumstances nor are we limited to our experiences.

At the end of the day, you can make each day about "pushing" yourself to your dreams... or you can live each day by pacing yourself towards your success. One is about force and the other is about flow...

How will you know if you're pacing or pushing?

Pushing feels tense and difficult. When you are trying to make something happen in your life that it simply isn't time for, nothing seems to work. No matter how hard you try, no matter how long you work, no matter how much you do, nothing seems to come out right. When you feel and experience that, know that you are pushing through your life and it's getting you no where. The best thing to do, in this scenario, is to stop, breath, and let whatever goal you're overly committed to go. That doesn't mean you stop preparing. That simply means that you stop demanding that the outcome show up in your life in your timing and in the way you expect it to show up.

When you are pacing yourself, you remain focused on the why and the what of your dream by taking daily actions towards it but you are not obsessed with how or when it's going to show up in your life. You find the enjoyment in the small steps towards the goal, feeling confident that the dream is coming to pass, and not requiring that it do so in a specific interval of time. It's hard to do this day in and day out. There are going to be impatient moments but the second impatience sets in, understand that you have switched from pace to push... and you have the power to switch right back.

I'm going to talk more about living a life by pace in the next post. Stay tuned...

Exit Strategies (Read Time: 3 min.)

2010-02-28T10:17:00.000-08:00

You're never stuck, trapped, or locked in one place in life.

To believe that is to buy into the lie that you are a victim when the sheer truth is that you are the power and authority in your world. But, with power comes responsibility. For so many, the making of mistakes is easier to take when life is happening to you rather than FOR you. It's easy to blame others or circumstances for the choices we made... or for the choices we failed to make.

It's time to open our eyes and see that life is bigger than where we are right now. It's like looking out on the ocean. Through your eyes, the sea looks far and wide but you don't know where it ends. In fact, from where you stand, you feel worlds apart from the ocean and, yet, so close, you can reach out and touch it.

That's how our dreams feel at times. We're living a life, it's regular and okay, and, yet, the deep desires of our hearts go unnoticed. We shove them inside because we tell ourselves that to live that dream would require superhuman efforts that we, at this moment in time, are not able to make.

It's the lie of a lifetime and, when you believe it long enough, you find that life passes by very quickly and with poor results.

Don't die with the music still in you. Don't suppress your dreams simply because you don't know how to make them happen. The hows are not up to you. The whats and the whys always are.

I'm going to spend the month of March teaching about how to develop exit strategies in your life when things, as they are, no longer serve you and those you love. Whether it's a job or a business or a relationship, during the month of March, we're going to dismantle this victim mentality of "I can't do it" and step into the power that comes with knowing that "within you are all the answers to all the questions you shall ever ask."

It's time to ask... and receive...

You Won't Feel The Same (Read Time: 2 min.)

2010-02-02T05:01:00.000-08:00

So many people go into relationships expecting to feel the same over time. How many times have I heard (or said) people say "I don't feel the same anymore." Love is not a static emotion. It's not a noun; it's a verb.

In the same way, love is not supposed to feel the same. It's limitless, ever present, and, unlike most of us, it allows for change. There comes a moment where you have to decide if, in every relationship, you're going to be committed to seeing people's innocence or seeing their guilt.

If you're always looking for what someone does wrong, guess what? You'll always find it.

On the other hand, if you see people with the awe and passion of a first kiss, they'll never disappoint you. You'll see in them things you've never seen before. You'll marvel at the beauty, excitement, and joy of who they really are. You'll go into every moment, even the not-so-great ones, looking for their next evolution.

Let's get out of our love ruts by doing one simple thing- allowing people to change right before our eyes IN EVERY MOMENT...

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2010-01-14T15:46:00.001-08:00

Haiti, I Don't Believe In Defeat (Read Time: 3 min.)

2010-01-14T15:26:00.000-08:00

I was at the gym last night watching CNN. What was the title? HAITI QUAKE

It took so much in me to watch even part of the program. The horror of it was unbelievable. A country in shambles, dead bodies everywhere, no lights, families separated, people screaming and here are American reporters in J Crew T-shirts, lit up in a dark world by generators, talking about how horrific this must be for these people.

These people? THESE people?

Maybe it's the Haitian American in me but, last time I checked, as long as they're human, they're OUR PEOPLE.

But that's semantics.

What's real is that this earthquake, for all its physical brutality, is but a metaphor for the socioeconomic reality that Haitians have lived for decades. As long as the only homes, walls and lives that were crumbling were economic, we, in the greatest country in the world, could turn a blind eye to Haiti's poverty and pain.

Weren't we the ones turning away regfugees in boats not too long ago?

Weren't we the ones refusing to send troops when Haiti's corrupt military were wreaking havoc and killing innocent people?

Yes, Haiti's buildings, homes, palace and lives are crumbling but that is the tip of an iceberg we all knew was a long time in the making. How many people have to lose their lives before we, in the U.S., take off our rose-tinted glasses and really see?

Alas, I know that there is a miracle in EVERYTHING. Haitian people are strong. They will triumph through this and adopt, as they always have, the 'I don't believe in defeat' attitude.

The lesson?

Breakdowns ALWAYS lead to breakthroughs.

God does not fail. He IS in the middle of this. Let each of us use the Divine within to reach out and uplift one another.

If not now, when?

What Are You Waiting For? (Read Time: 2 min.)

2010-01-13T05:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I find myself doing the "I'll do this when..." thing. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

"I'll start going to the gym next year."
"I'll go back to school when I have enough money."
"I'll pursue my passion when I retire."

There are an infinite number of "I'll do this when..." EXCUSES we can give ourselves that, from an unassuming perspective, appear completely rational and logical. The problem with living life on what I call a contingency basis is that life waits for no man. No moment (outside of the very one you're in right now) is promised to you.

Everything you will be is already within you. Everything you can be is already your choice to make in this moment. When you live off of the "shoulds" in life, you eliminate the power that comes with knowing that you could do things differently.

At the same time, it's not about jumping off the deep end and going for broke. When people go from working full time to quitting their jobs with no savings and starting a business, that's not living in the now. Living in the now is operating from a place that says "I can do ALL things and I'm doing this starting now and even one step closer to it makes all the difference." Can you feel how different that thinking is from "Gotta go 100% or 0! If I'm going to pursue my dream, it must be full force! It must be now!" One way is a peaceful journey; the other way is a pressured one.

I've done both and let me tell you when you rush your destiny, you almost always cut it short.

So what is the point of all of this?

In your lifetime, you have enough time to do ENOUGH. What you're here to do you have every ability to do. Living your dream requires patience, persistence, AND planning and that's where time management becomes so critical.

Stay Strong 2010 is dedicated to the teaching of staying power and this year's theme is PEACEFUL TIME MANAGEMENT. I'm not going to give you a daily or weekly planner. I'm not going to tell you things you don't already know. What I am going to do is teach you how to live in the most conscious, productive way possible so you begin (today) to master your time and, in doing so, master your life.

Stay tuned...

Taking Time Out To Figure It Out (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-12-19T21:41:00.001-08:00

For the past three or four weeks, I've been getting used to the idea that Stay Strong premiere membership, at least as I've known it, is gone. It was a hard pill to swallow, not so much because it didn't jive but because I was so in love with the idea and, yet, so out of love with the results.

Having to say "This isn't working" on something that you absolutely adore is a hard thing. Having to admit, even to yourself, that what you're doing isn't reaching who you're trying to reach feels a lot like failure and, even though I know that failure is simply learning and results, so many fears and doubts came up for me.

"Did I not stick this thing through?"
"Should I have continued on and on and on until it took?"
"What will people think?"
"What will people say?"
"How am I going to rebuild from here?"

Every single question connected to fear, self-doubt, and failure crept in and, one by one, I had to come back to the real issue: it wasn't working.

Napolean Hill once said "Before success comes in any man's life, he's sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and the most logical thing to do is to quit. That's exactly what the majority of men do." I thought about that and, at first, I said, "Am I doing what most men do?"

Then I read some more Hill and he also said "Edison failed 10, 000 times before he made the electric light. Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times." The key here, and I'm learning this, is to know the difference between quitting and letting something go. When you quit, you give up. You retreat out of a buy-in to the fear that you can't accomplish what you desire to. When you let go, you acknowledge that something in your plan isn't work quite right. You accept the results and you go back to the drawing board and come up with new plans. It's not a retreat; it's an intreat. You're getting the answers you don't want and you're asking new questions.

And that's exactly what I'm doing. I know Stay Strong has its place in the world... and I'm asking new questions so that, soon, very soon, I'll see different results.

Put Striving Down (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-11-29T21:52:00.000-08:00

There's a time to pick up... and a time to let go. Extraordinarily successful people sense what time is for which action.

Every day, you wake up and set an intention. You utter those first words and the day begins... and you move through it behaving as if everything works out for you... or nothing does. In the midst of it, you're doing one of two things: flowing or controlling.

Flow is embracing life as it is, taking action where and how you can, and being open to the outcomes. Control is a tense, tight desire to have the inputs and outputs of the day be exactly what you say they are... and a deep sense of disappointment if things don't end up that way.

The quickest way to living your best life comes in flowing with what comes. That doesn't mean you get lazy or refrain from taking action. It simply means that you give every moment your all, do your best, and enjoy the results, whatever they are. If the results aren't what you want, you take notes, get a good night's sleep, and wake up tomorrow and try something different.

Remember:

Your striving blocks your success; let go, give in, and watch your life grow up!

What Savings Account is Right For You? (Read Time: 3 min.)

2009-11-27T11:02:00.001-08:00

Cash is a wonderful thing but accumulating wealth is about having your money work hard for you and NOT you work hard for your money.

In Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth , T. Harv Eker talks about the differences between the way rich people think and the way poor people think. In fact, he says the following: "Rich people have their money work hard for them. Poor people work hard for their money."

One of the first things you can do to build wealth, no matter how much you earn, is have a savings account that accrues interest and, thus, makes you money without you having to work hard for it. But, all savings accounts aren't created equal.

I called Bank of America this morning to find out the benefits of moving from a regular savings to a Risk Free 9 month CD or a High Yield 12 month CD. At the present time, my regular savings earns me up to $250.00 a year.

When I sat on the phone with a consultant and she started doing the math with me (keep in mind that interest rates change daily and you'll need to call and ask your bank's representative what the current monthly and yearly interest rates are), I found out that with a minimum deposit of $5,000, if I went with the 9 month Risk Free CD, I'd bring in an extra $216.00 a year and with the 12 month High Yield CD, with a minimum deposit of $5,000, I'd bring in an extra $630.00 a year.

Now here's where you have to get savvy about it.

Why would I move from my regular savings that's earning me $250.00 a year to a 9 month Risk Free CD that will only earn me $216.00 a year and will incur me a fee if I take the money out early? That's a no brainer: not worth my time.

However, the High Yield CD is an option because I'll earn $630.00 a year and that's almost $400.00 more a year than I would have earned with a regular savings account. $630.00 a year might seem small but if you're a long term saver (which everyone needs to be), then over 10 years, that's $6,300.00 you didn't have to "work" for and over 20 years that's $12,600.00 you didn't have to "work" for AND that is only ONE savings strategy you can put in place.

BOTTOM LINE:

Every little bit helps but ask the questions, do the math, and know which account most benefits you BEFORE jumping into anything. Remember: Ask, ask, ask, and ask again until you are as clear as clear can be.

Are You Guessing At Spending? (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-11-27T10:47:00.000-08:00

How much money do you spend each week?

How much of your money goes to things, people, and places that you can't even remember?

When was the last time you kept track of your daily spending?

Here's the truth:

Money is one of the EASIEST things for you to demonstrate.

If you don't believe it, spend one week tracking your daily spending. Write down everything you spend for seven days and then total the amount at the end of the week. You'll find that you spent way more money than you THOUGHT you had to spend.

Stay Strong Point for Today:

If you don't know where your money goes, then you're guessing on whether or not your money will grow.

Become a diligent steward of your finances by doing three things this week:
1) Keep a daily spending journal- (without judging yourself) document what you buy and how much you spend.
2) Ask 'Did I need this or did I want this?'- At the end of the week, look at the total amount spent, look at each item purchased and ask yourself "Did I need this item or did I want it?"
3) Give Yourself 3 Spending Days a Week- For the upcoming week, choose select days that you'll spend money and refrain from spending ANY money on any of the other days. That means you decide the days you'll spend, you make sure you put gas in the car on those days, you buy groceries on those days, and you do whatever needs to be done on those days and discipline yourself not to spend on the other days.
4) Commit to saving 10% a week of what you spent during last week- That means if you spent $150.00 last week (and still have no idea what value you received for that amount of money), next week, save $15.00 and stick it in your savings.

One of the quickest way to grow your money to a level of wealth is to treat the money you have as if it were already that exact amount you desire, i.e. cherish it and take good care of it. The diligent in finances never lack for ANYTHING.

Forgiveness but Not Trust (Read Time: 1 min)

2009-11-23T05:36:00.000-08:00

On a flight home this weekend, I picked up December's issue of Success Magazine. In it, I found an interesting article that did something I'd never read before: distinguish between forgiveness and trust.

I've always said "Forgiveness doesn't mean you go stupid." Brash? Yes. True? Absolutely! But, in this article, the author points out the solid tenet behind this idea. He explains that while you can forgive someone, forgiveness does not require that you trust that person again or ever.

Extraordinary success happens when you trust and honor who you are. Forgiveness is a requirement for extraordinary success. Unforgiveness keeps you stuck in the past. Forgiveness frees you up to create your future. Without forgiveness, you have no momentum upon which to build your success.

However, just because you forgive someone does not mean you have to trust them now... or ever. The ability to forgive comes from knowing that 1- you can forgive, 2- you trust yourself, and 3- when people show you who they are, you believe them. In this way, you can forgive someone, let the past go and still know who they are enough not to put yourself in a similar situation with that person in the future.

At the end of the day, knowing the difference between forgiveness and trust

comes down to one very critical success quality:

Wisdom

Finding the Silver Lining (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-11-21T05:48:00.000-08:00

When trying to execute a plan, achieve a goal, or live a dream, it's important to know what states of being make you most effective.

The highest level to operate from is gratitude. When you come to a place of being grateful for EVERYTHING, the "bad" experiences no longer haunt you, the mistakes no longer consume you and you are able to fast track your goals because you are free from the mental baggage that most people call the "past."

In every situation, there is a silver lining. It's not a matter of being like Pollyanna. It's a matter of answering one question: Do I want to be the victim or the victor in this situation? The victim lives in a constant state of repression, trying to forget what was, afraid of what will be, and unsure of how to live now. The victor accepts what was, embraces what will be and knows that, in this moment is his or her power to choose differently.

You don't have to be perfect to live your dream. You don't have to be lucky to have the life you want. However, you must be grateful. The more gratitude you have, the faster your dreams become real. Test this out.

How many complainers do you know who live extraordinary success on a consistent, continual basis? I don't know one.

No matter what the day brings, keep in mind one rule of thumb:

Never complain, never explain, always BE grateful.

48 HOUR Stay Strong EXCLUSIVE!

2009-11-18T20:57:00.000-08:00

Thank you to everyone who participated in the Booker T. Washington Economic Summit. For those of you interested in premiere Stay Strong membership, if you click on the PayPal link and become a premiere Stay Strong member between now and Saturday, November 21, 2009, you get 2 hours of private social media coaching for FREE!

That's a $300.00 coaching package. It pays to be a premiere Stay Strong member!

Don't miss out! Get your BOGO Stay Strong benefit between now and Saturday!

Sometimes You Want to Scream! (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-11-18T10:07:00.000-08:00

Remind me to NEVER allow someone to book me a flight with multiple connections allowing for less than an hour between flights. I'm not naming any specific airlines but said airline took off late, arrived at my second stop late and, after power sprinting nearly 2 miles to Concourse D, I missed the flight by TWO MINUTES!

I got to an empty check-in counter out of breath, sweating and PISSED. At that moment, all I wanted to do was spew out emotional poison at whichever airline employee showed up next and, in a moment, she was there.

I was mad and she was politely ignoring my frustration. I asked her about another flight. She explained it would be a two hour wait and I slowly stopped seething. After all, yelling at her might ease a little tension but it wouldn't change the fact that I'll be waiting two more hours for my flight. So, calmdown I did... And what have I done for the last two hours?

Breathe, eat, walk and work...

I guess this was my opportunity to apply the Stay Strong message I sent out about emotional poision... Don't send out so you don't have to take in.

An Extraordinary Success Blocker You Can't Afford to Have (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-11-14T09:26:00.000-08:00

Overconfidence is an extraordinary success blocker and most people straddle the fence between believing in themselves too little and believing in themselves too much. Confidence is key to any level of success. Overconfidence is the beginning of a loss of success.

When you get overconfident, you take for granted the principles of consistency, persistency, and passion. You begin to live under the illusion that your success is all YOU and, in this way, as long as you exist, so too does your level of extraordinary success. This couldn't be farther from the truth.

Your success is built and based upon your daily thoughts, plans and actions. In the moment that you change course and stop doing the things that got you to this place, you will find that your footing begins to shift. Before you know it, you're out of the limelight, your success is waning, and you won't know why.

To you, it'll be as if nothing changed. After all, you haven't changed so why should life?

The truth is this: If you change what you give to your dream, you alter the entire dream. Don't get it twisted. This is not about "hard" work.

Hard work says "I have to work hard to get what I want and if I ever stop working hard, then I'll stop getting what I want." Extraordinary success is not a 2+2 = 4 kind of thing. It's really a 3X3 to the third power kind of thing. Your success multiplies in astronomical ways based on minimal amounts of input. You give your all in a little and there's no telling as to how it'll grow so it's not about you doing a certain amount of work to get a certain amount of result.

However, it is about you approaching ANY and ALL work with the same level of initiative, fire, passion, purpose, and planning that you did at the very beginning... and that's where most people lose out.

Fervor in the beginning of a journey is easy. It's new. The goal is new. The dream is new. It's like a shiny, new car. It even smells good but talk to me when you've been in the dream for years, when there've been good and bad times and here's where the champions are born: Champions don't get defeated by the discouraging vicissitudes of the game. In fact, it's in the tough moments that they bring their passion to the forefront because they understand that passion and purpose at all times is exactly what they need to succeed.

What am I saying here?

Confidence is key. Overconfidence is a death sentence. It's so easy to become overconfident without ever noticing until it's too late. Remember that your best cure to the overconfidence bug is to remain grateful at all times, to check your passion and purpose level at all times and to use the rough patches as opportunities to train yourself to keep doing what you know must be done in the SAME SPIRIT that you began it with.

Everybody Has a Second Life (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-11-13T15:09:00.000-08:00

Walk through life with an open mind. That way, no matter what anyone does, says, or who they become, you'll adapt with joy and ease.

Close minds lend themselves to incorrect assumptions and premature judgements. When a person thinks you're a certain way (and you're not), no matter what you do, who you are, or what you have, in their eyes, you will always be something other than WHO YOU ARE...

The key to realizing full potential comes in recognizing it in other people.

When one person achieves, it demonstrates the fact that ALL can achieve. But, it's bigger than that.

There comes a moment in life when you realize that people aren't as "normal" as you once thought they were. You walk down a street with a new sense of awe because you realize that people have talents, gifts, dreams, and desires that they never tell to anyone, dreams that make them some of the most fascinating people you'll ever meet.

The reason so many people lack faith and confidence in their dreams is because they've bought into the false notion that few people have "big" dreams and even fewer actually achieve them.

Remember: EVERYBODY (including mom, dad, sister, brother, cousins, teachers, police officers, co-workers, and the janitor at the grocery store) has a SECOND LIFE, a dream they avidly pursue, the highest version of themselves that they can muster, a goal or plan that they secretly pursue with all their hearts... and you'd never know it to look at them.

Just as you have a dream in your heart, so does each and every person in the world. When you deny, laugh, or criticize their dreams, you're doing it to yours as well. We climb or fall together. When you truly get that, you become a dreamcatcher for other people. You cheer them on and cheerlead their endeavors. You encourage them in their defeats and guess what? Before long, absolute strangers start to do it for you in return...

Remember: Tony Robbins was once a janitor. Suze Orman was once a waitress. There is nothing new under the sun.

Everybody has a second life...

What is Stay Strong? (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-11-01T01:53:00.000-07:00

You dream, you start, and, at some point, you always stop... Why is that?

You have a dream, you've got a plan but you're missing the one thing that guarantees success....
Would you like to have that in spades?

Premiere Stay Strong members do!
Why?

Because they invest in the one success training membership that teaches the ONLY skill that GUARANTEES unlimited success! STAYING POWER

At Stay Strong, we have one mission: to teach the science of STAYING POWER.

You aren't who you were yesterday.

You're not even who you were five minutes ago.

Isn't it time you got into the driver's seat of your life?

It's time to Stay Strong!
Kassandra Vaughn, CKO ROI Coaching

You can create a life you'll love to look at!
Become a premiere Stay Strong member and learn how!

Stay Strong is a premiere membership that takes individuals from ordinary results to extraordinary success. Through daily emails, weekly lessons, quarterly coaching packages and mastermind calls as well as the annual Success Mastery Conference (held in Malibu, CA), members get the motivation, inspiration and education they need to LIVE extraordinary success.

Stay Strong elevates your momentum so you can accelerate your success!

Sign up the for 14 day FREE trial today!

Lashing Out is Easy (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-10-19T16:46:00.000-07:00

Lashing out is so easy. Someone does or says something that hits that big red button on your heart and, before you know it, the rage is seething, the hurt is throbbing, and the desire to strike back, to defend what's left of your ego is front and center...

But does it get the desired results? Yes and no.

When we lash out, we instantly feel a sense of superiority. "I told him!" we say to ourselves. "She deserved that" we justify but who walks away from a tongue lashing truly hurting? The person who used their tongue.

When your hurt transforms into anger that reveals itself as vengeance, the only thing you can achieve is a regretful moment. There's emotional violence in lashing out that you can't ever take back. Your words are more powerful than your fists. A physical bruise will eventually heal but the spiritual and emotional wounds of physical and verbal bruising never go away.

And you don't have to speak it for the venom to spread. A look can injure. A tension filled sigh can violate. The withdrawal of interaction (dead silence, a blank stare) can destroy.

It's too easy to lash out, yes but it's too hard to live with the consequences. When you lash out at anyone else, guess who you're really clobbering? You...

Let's stop the emotional violence. Let's send roses to the people who act in ways we don't necessarily like. The daggers, when we send them, always have a way of returning to sender.

The next time you feel your blood boiling, fists clenching, and heart pounding, step back, walk away, and ask yourself one question "Do I want to spread the emotional violence or heal it?"

That answer will tell you exactly what to do next.

Creating Shapeable Goals (Read Time: 3 min.)

2009-10-12T05:31:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest mistakes any person can make on the extraordinary success journey is to create goals that are rigid and unchangeable. Your life is constantly changing. Who you are and what you can do in your teens is very different from the person you become in your forties. The same applies to every growth period of your life.

Far too many people believe in the “I can be all things no matter what’s going on in my life” mantra. Not so!

Your goals, if you are to achieve them in an extraordinary way, must be shapeable.

What do I mean by shapeable?

Shapeable goals are goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timebound GIVEN the context of your present life circumstances.

Let me give you an example.

Paula and Janet both want to start their very first businesses. Both came from a career in corporate America. Both are passionate, capable, and extremely prepared to start their ventures. Paula is 31 and just had a baby three months ago. Janet is 45 and just sent her last child off to college. Paula has a wonderful husband who is very supportive but works 70 hours a week. Janet has a wonderful husband as well who works 40 hours a week and helps her with the technical side of her business. Paula is a wiz with computers and is currently designing her website, setting up her online payment system, and is drafting email marketing campaigns. Janet sleeps 8 hours a night. With breastfeeding, Paula is lucky if she gets 3 hours a night and, since her husband can’t help in the feeding area, she’s the one who’s up all night with the baby.

Now, can we assume that BOTH Paula and Janet will build, launch and start making money from their businesses in exactly the same time frame? No, we can’t. The context of their lives are drastically different and, therefore, neither can expect to attain the same goals in the same amount of time given the vast difference in those situations.

You are not who you were yesterday. You will not be the same person tomorrow so it makes sense to create goals that work for where your life is right now. Too many people succumb to the pressures of self-imposed, UNREALISTIC expectations and set goals that, in all honesty, given the current context of their lives, they will never reach. This isn’t pessimism; it’s called being a practical dreamer.

Napolean Hill said “Practical dreamers don’t quit.” What he failed to mention was that practical dreamers know how to scrap plans that don’t work for the context of their present life situations and keep scrapping those plans until they find one that works.

How do you find the plan that works? Develop shapeable goals.

Be willing to change your mind about your goals without blaming or faulting yourself for not achieving what you originally thought you could. Don’t look at setbacks as failures; see them as opportunities to re-evaluate and come up with a better plan. Be open to change. Your ability to rock and roll with the changing nature of life itself is a competitive advantage that EVERY extraordinarily success person possesses.

Most importantly, set yourself up for success by fully considering the current circumstances of your life. This doesn’t mean you play the victim or you play small. It does mean that you accept the pace of your life and you create goals that work within that pace.

Remember:

No matter how fast or furious you see other people going, know that every great achievement was arrived going ONE STEP AT A TIME.

5 Ways to Step Out of the Control Freak Mentality (Read time: 3 min.)

2009-10-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like you have to be in control of everything
or else you aren’t in control of anything?

The fear that comes with losing self-control, for many, spurs the creation of a control freak mentality. Control freaks need to know what they’re doing, where they’re going, how they’re getting there and with whom… or they need their enter lives planned out… and everyone else’s life who directly affects theirs’.

The control freak mentality is tension-ridden, anxiety-filled and, at the end of the day, does little more than stress a person out. The truth is that life is not about force; it’s about flow and the only way to flow with life is to be okay with the outcomes, no matter how much you’ve invested in the inputs.

Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. Our reactions to the uncontrollable experiences of life are where character, integrity and success are determined. The most important things in life are not 100% in your control but your reaction to what happens in your life is.

To take on a false sense of omniscience is to believe that you control everything and nothing is beyond your careful planning. This sets you up for HUGE failures.

What happens when you get laid off after years of stellar performance appraisals?
What happens when the 20 year marriage you invested heart and soul in ends because he or she is now in love with someone else?
What happens when the child you did everything to protect from 0-18 gets in a fatal car accident at 25?
What happens when the body you so lovingly nourished and exercised comes down with cancer?

While it’s important to dismiss the idea that every good thing is followed by a bad one, it’s time to come to grips with the reality of life: shit happens. We all go through dark times and they always serve a divine purpose. The control freak, in wanting to decide and choose everything, will lose sight of the blessing of ANYTHING he or she did not plan for… and that will erode extraordinary success.

In addition, it takes a lot of work to be a control freak. It’s time consuming, headache producing, and when you do the control freak thing in relationships, it kills the mood.

So how do you go from control freak to proactively spontaneous?

Here are five ways to step out of the control freak mentality:
1) Trust the process of life.
It sounds foo foo and metaphysical but this is the most important thing you can do to break the control freak tendency. At some point, you’ve got to decide whether you live in a friendly world where things work out for you or whether you live in a hostile world where things are just waiting to go wrong for you. Whatever you decide, that’s EXACTLY what you will get. Trusting the process of life is not about having guarantees; it’s about being secure enough in yourself and the Divine to know that you are guided, protected, and made successful in EVERY life experience, especially the bad ones. Yes, there will be crappy things that happen. Yes, people will do things you’ll absolutely hate but there’s a gift in that and when you trust the process of life, you’re able to let it go because you know that you know that you know that your future is bright and joyous and secure… NO MATTER WHAT.

2) Master your time.
So many control freaks walk around trying to do the work of 10 people over 2 weeks as one person in one day. That’s a set-up for absolute failure. Extraordinary success comes from putting whole mind in present action. To do that well consistently, you have to be a master of your own time. You have to know how much time you truly have and what is feasible for you to do in that timeframe. There’s no need to berate yourself, to deprive yourself of necessary sleep or to deliver on 10 things at 80% when you could deliver on 3 at 100%. Until you have mastered your own daily schedule, control freak tendencies will lead you to behaviors that, in the long run, are self destructive. Whether you call it overworked, underpaid, overburdened or simply burnt out, until you master your time, you will forever feel the burden of trying to control and overcompensate for the lack of mastery.

3) Ask for and receive help.
No man is an island. Ask for help. More importantly, when someone offers you help, say ‘Yes’ to it. Say ‘yes’ to it and let that person do what they said they would do WITHOUT you fearing that they’ll screw things up or won’t do as good a job as you will. Maybe they won’t but their assistance will help you focus whole mind on present action and that is the key.

4) Stop criticizing yourself.
Control freaks tend to COMPLAIN A LOT. They also tend to criticize themselves and others A LOT. Take a moment and look at where you are in your life. Your criticism of yourself and others has got you here. If this place is where you’re happy staying, then keep criticizing. But, if, by some chance, you aren’t as far along as you’d like to be, if you would like to experience extraordinary success in a way you’ve never known, you’ve got to do what you’ve never done. Start with this: no more criticism of yourself or others for anything at any time. Love and approve of yourself and watch the circumstances change magically.

5) Embrace and be OK with who you are.
Certain aspects of control freak can be moderated. Many of them can blossom into a deeper, intuitive, freeing way of life. However, there are certain things about control freak nature that might never go away. It’s time to be okay with that. So what if you like to hog the remote control? Give it away for a day or two but if you hog it five days a week, who’s counting? So what if you like to take your wallet or purse with you everywhere you go, no matter where you are? Is that hurting anyone? No, keep doing it. There’s a part of reducing control freak behavior that comes, in large part, by you not criticizing yourself for being this way and, instead, embracing all of who you are. You might like napkins folded in a certain way and it drives you nuts when anybody else does it another way. Learn how to accept other napkins and, when dinner is over, and the other person leaves, take a de-stress moment and re-fold the napkins. That person will feel loved and you’ll feel better.

What’s the point? Embrace ALL of who you are.

Are You Free to Be? (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-09-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

I've had strep throat for the past couple of days... and this is the second case of strep throat for me in the past three months. Needless to say, I went straight to You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay. I discovered two things:
1) Sore throats relate to being unable to speak up for one's self
2) The blue chakra (the throat) is the area where change happens

According to Louise L. Hay, the affirmation to deal with sore throats is "I release all restrictions. I am free to be me."

One of the greatest lessons in extraordinary success is this: you choose what your success journey looks like. A big part of change comes in being willing to see things differently. You're at the helm of your own success. No one's driving the car but you. When you understand the magnitude of your power in creating your own success, you also understand the responsibility of it.

The only person who can stifle you is you and, for many of us, we do the stifling in small ways. It could be that you refrain from saying how you feel in order to make others feel better about themselves. It could be that you say 'yes' to friends and families when you really want to say no. It could be that you take on projects, events, and chores that you know put you into work overload. Whatever your "stifle" is, it's important to live in a conscious state of choosing.

You choose when you say yes and when you say no. You choose who you'll spend your time with and when. You choose how many hours of sleep you get at night, how much you work, and how many projects you take on. Allow yourself the freedom to be you. Don't overcomit, underestimate, or overcompensate because you "think" this is who you have to be to in order to live extraordinary success.

Remember: Who you are is enough...

Hope Has Its Place (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-09-14T08:17:00.001-07:00

Hope is a good thing… in general. It has its’ place. It’s a beginning point on the journey of extraordinary success but it is not a core concept in the science of staying power. If your staying power is based on “hope”, you won’t be staying for very long. Tony Robbins, author of “Awaken the Giant”, once said, “I don’t hope I’m going to be in a good state; I demand it.”

To stay the course for your goals, to become who you were truly meant to be, you must go beyond “hoping” for things to work out. You have to KNOW that things ARE working out. It’s a critical shift in how you think, what you do, and how you live that is a prerequisite to seeing ANY results.

If you walk through life “hoping” things will work out, you are straddling a fence between success and failure and the in-between is what we call a mediocre life. To be really good at anything, you either have to know that you will do it or believe that you can do it. Hoping that maybe you’ll succeed is lukewarm thinking that results in lukewarm actions that will bring about lukewarm results.

You are not here to “hope” your way through life. You are here to live your way through an exciting, extraordinarily successful life.

Remember: You don’t wake up “hoping” to breathe so don’t live your life “hoping” to be successful. Know that you know that you know…

What is Staying Power? (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-09-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

Momentum... Passion... Purpose... Goals... Desire... Motivation... Inspiration... Success...

Give it a name and there are scores of people who've written, talked and taught about it. There are varying schools of thought about what creates it and there are few people who refute the importance of belief to it.

What is IT? Extraordinary success.

Stay Strong was birthed out of three questions: What? How? Why?

What is extraordinary success? How do people become extraordinarily successful? Why do some people create and keep and other people lose it?

Whether you love Tony Robbins, T. Harv Eker, or Dr. Wayne Dyer, Stay Strong is a premiere membership created to teach one thing daily:

The SCIENCE of Staying Power!

Are you ready to learn how to stay the course?

Become a premiere Stay Strong member today!

Be Vigilant With Your Mind (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-09-04T13:45:00.000-07:00

In The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book, Don Miguel Ruiz says the following: “Seeing the awesome power of the word, we must understand what power comes out of our mouths. One fear or doubt planted in our mind can create an endless drama of events.” The most important (and most difficult) work you’ll ever have to do to be AND stay extraordinarily successful comes in being vigilant with your mind.

The mind will accept whatever is allowed in it as true. That’s why people say things like “You are the company you keep.” Your mind will take in the stimuli it receives. If your goal is to live a positive, upbeat, happy life, spending time with people who complain is a No-No. If your goal is to build a multi-million dollar empire, spending 5 hours a day watching reality TV is not going to get you that.

“We become what we think about all day long.” –Dr. Wayne Dyer

If we monitored our thoughts as vigilantly as we monitor other people’s behavior, we would have more power and prosperity than we’d know what to do with.

The lesson?

You are the master of your own mind.

You control what thoughts you allow in. It’s time to be vigilant about what gains entrance into your mind and, eventually, into your heart.

Releasing the Need to Be Right (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-09-02T16:11:00.000-07:00

I like to be right. No, let me back that up. I LOVE to be right. It’s one of my greatest strengths because I’m thorough in what I do, whether it’s fact checking, blog writing, or customer service. It’s also one of my greatest weaknesses because when you thrive on being right, you don’t like to EVER be wrong… and being wrong is a great opportunity to learn.

What I’m learning is how to be open and willing to be wrong. Instead of jumping to answer questions or relying on myself for all the answers, I now ask questions to no avail. I listen to different viewpoints. Maybe I take the advice, maybe I don’t but I come at them with a different sense of curiosity and openness that, naturally, I’m not too inclined to produce.

It takes work to be open and willing to change but the work is worth it. Some of the greatest ideas you’re ever going to have are going to come from SOMEBODY ELSE and if you’re not open, willing and ready to learn, you’ll miss out on gems of information and wisdom that could truly be your tipping point in the long run.

At the end of the day, you can be right or you can be kind. Kindness may not be what you want to do but it is always what you can CHOOSE to do. Extraordinarily successful people understand the power of staffing their weaknesses, not pretending that they don’t exist.

Release the need to be right. You’ll thank me in the morning:)