Stealing Commas

Possession

2013-05-25T14:30:00.000-04:00

[There's a thing on Hell and Demons and whatnot on TV right now. That's my only excuse.]

"I'm not possessed!" I didn't even notice their response because a small voice from the back of my mind said:

"Well, that depends on exactly how you define 'possessed'."

I recognized the voice. It was where the words came from when I froze up in Latin and Greek class and then something clicked and things flowed freely. I had to make sure that I didn't respond out loud. Instead I merely thought, "What?"

"I'm not in charge, but I'm definitely here," the voice from the back of my mind said.

I turned from the other human beings present and went to find a place where I could be alone. Speaking without speaking wasn't something I was used to, and if I started talking to myself out loud the fundies would be convinced I was possessed.

"I'm going insane," I thought to myself.

"No," the voice said. "I've been in my share of minds and yours seems quite sound to me. A hint of depression perhaps, the slightest tendency towards compulsive behavior, but nothing that puts you too far outside of the ordinary. You seem quite sane to me."

I found a place where I thought I was alone, and said, "I think we're alone now," out loud.

"The beating of our hearts is the only sou-und," the voice in my head said. "Except I don't have a heart. Anyway. I agree."

"I'm talking to a voice in my head, how does that not make me crazy?"

"Because I really am a demon," the voice said. "Also crazy is a nasty word and the prevalence of auditory hallucinations far outstrips the occurrence of mental illnesses that include auditory hallucinations. In other words: most people who hear voices are quite sane."

"You're just regurgitating something I heard on the Colbert Report. If you really are different from me tell me something I don't know."

"Something you don't know, but you can verify, you mean."

"You're stalling, voice in my head. Because you can't do it, because there's no such thing as demons and I really am crazy."

"Crazy is a nasty word. Don't use it."

"Prove you're more than a voice in my head."

"Alexander the Great was left handed-"

"I knew that."

"I wasn't finished. He also had- hang on, you didn't know that. No evidence survives that demonstrates he was left handed, that was just a throw away before I got to the real point."

I disagreed. "I knew it."

"No, you didn't. You only thought you did. Look it up. Anyway, the point I was trying to get to before I was so rudely interrupted is that he also happened to have heterochromia iridum."

"What?" I said to the voice in utter confusion.

"Look it up. It's a real condition, one which you have never heard of before, and examination will show evidence pointing to the fact that not only did Alexander have it, but it was a prominent enough feature to become a part of the mythologized figure of him but not, and this is the important part, a feature you knew about before."

The voice stopped and there was silence.

Both in my head and in the world.

Then the voice added, "That should be enough to prove that I exist as something other than a part of you."

I thought for a moment, "Ok, say I do look it up, and the information does check out, and I accept that you're not some manifestation of my subconscious. Who are you and what are you doing in my head?"

"Mostly having a good time." The voice paused. "Though there are some frustrations. If you could get some self confidence and stop second guessing yourself I'd have you speaking in tongues by now. Instead even when I give you things word for word you still have to pause and look them up because you're always so worried you might be wrong."

"Sorry."

"And if I had my way you'd have been out of the closet three years ago. Progress with you is glacial."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Uh, what it sounds like, maybe."

"Non-answer."

"I want you to be your fucking self. Before demons were remanded to incorporeal form I was a succubus who specialized in 'corrupting' women."

"What?"

"I'm a lesbian. I've taken residence in you because you're a lesbian, now have some damn sex already."

"I'm-"

"If you say you're male I'm going to claim to be the Queen of Sheba. I'm in your head, remember?"

"Right."

"You're in a closet inside a closet and it's getting stuffy in here."

"You're a demon."

"Way to change the subject."

"You're supposed to corrupt me."

"For a value of the word 'corrupt' enforced by bigots with their heads up-"

"So that I can go to Hell."

"Honey, you can go to Hell or you can choose never to be yourself from here to eternity in which case you'll make a Hell out of Heaven even on the off chance you get in."

"So you don't deny that you're trying to send me to Hell."

"I'm trying, I've always been trying, to get people to be themselves. Who goes to Heaven or Hell is beyond my control. I'm also trying to to have sex, because I happen to like it, and I think you'll like it too if you can pull the stick out of your ass and make use of it else-"

"Stop. Now."

"Fine. I'm just saying."

"Saying what, exactly? Because it seems to me like you're all over the place."

"Go to the university's counselling center, tell them what you've known since the age of six-"

"That being?"

"That you're a girl. Can I finish?"

"Carry on."

"Work with them toward transition, in the mean time buy a nice skirt or something, ask the cute girl from economics out on a date, stop second guessing everything you do, relax, trust me when I help you with dead languages, and if you can make it that far trust me when I help you with flirting."

"And what if I said I wanted you out of my head?"

"I'm not just in your head, actually, I'm in your whole body."

"Not the point."

"I can go, but do you really want me to? Things have been going pretty well with me here, and I assure you they can get better. If you do decide to step out of your closets you're going to have to learn how to do a lot of things, I've got thousands of years of experience in all of them. We've made a good team so far. We can make a better team going forward."

"What's the name of the condition you said Alexander the Great had?"

"Heterochromia iridum. Do you need me to spell it for you?"

"Not yet." I paused. "I'll look it up, but after that I make no promises."

The voice mumbled, "Glacial," in an annoyed tone.

[Original Work]

Double Features

2013-05-25T12:34:00.000-04:00

So today I found my sunglasses, helped my sister, got peed on by a baby that was theoretically well diapered, witnessed a bull humping the front end of a pig,* and stuff.

I was also re-re-reintroduced to a plan my sister had once upon a time. She has a projector, not a good projector mind you, but a projector, and she wanted to do movie double features. For example:

The Land Before Time and Jurassic Park
ET: The Extra Terrestrial and Alien
Short Circuit and The Terminator
Free Willy and Orca
Born to be Wild and Congo
Flubber and The Blob(1988) (Or the originals: The Absent Minded Professor and The Blob(1958))
Lilo and Stitch and Gremlins
Hackers and Sneakers
PCU and Real Genius

That sort of thing, as I said today to the people who were suggesting such things, by the time we left the house we'd forget every idea we'd come up with.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Independence Day maybe? Who knows. But you can see the potential.
Casper and Poltergeist?
Ghostbusters and... I don't know.
Date with an Angel and The Prophecy? Maybe not. Probably not. The Prophecy is good enough, but for a lighter angel thing I'm not sure. There's always Dogma, I suppose.
What would go with Aliens? I know not.
War Games and Eagle Eye

-

*My knowledge of animal mating is limited, but this is what I've learned thus far in my life:
House cats have sex with bunnies.
Donkeys have sex with Llamas.
Bulls have sex with pigs.

Given the emerging pattern I am left to wonder how any species is able to perpetuate itself. It seems like nothing is interested in its own kind.

I want to get fake feathers

2013-05-24T15:56:00.000-04:00

So, there's this project that I've been wanting to do for... no idea. Years now. How many I do no know.

It calls for angel feathers. That's a problem.

Angel feathers would be flight feathers meaning that actual huge feathers (for example peacock feathers) aren't the right type.

Feathers that are the right type, or can be made to look like the right type, are generally available but are too small. To understand this pick any flying bird (meaning things like penguins and ostriches do not count for this exercise.) It can be anything really. A hummingbird, a crow, a duck, a swan, a seagull, falcon, eagle, vulture, whatever. Look at the largest feather on it's wing. Now imagine scaling the bird up until it's body was the size of a humans (cranes can be about the same height, but that's in part because of their absurdly long necks, thus that doesn't count as the same size) and the feather you have previously selected by the same amount.

What you end up with is an extremely large feather.

An unrealistically, unnaturally large feather. This isn't assuming angels have wings large enough to provide the lift needed to get a human body off the ground, this is just keeping the wings in proportion to the body.

Now, as it turns out, fake feathers of perfectly nice quality exist already, so you'd think that someone somewhere might be using that technology to make angel-sized feathers.

Here's the problem: Run a search for "fake feathers" "artificial feathers" "synthetic feathers" "imitation feathers" or something like that and the search results will be dominated by two things:

Real feathers that are cut or dyed or somethinged in order to look like they come from a different type of bird.
Hair accessories.

Run a search for angel feathers and you'll get fake angel wings made out of bird sized feathers.

It seems to be almost impossible to find out if the product I'm looking for (giant fracking flight feathers which would have to be synthetic because... see above) even exists. And regardless of whether it exists it seems impossible to find out where one can get synthetic feathers at all beyond buying a fake bird made with fake feathers and plucking it.

So I'm calling on you, dear readers, for help. Any ideas?

If all else fails, any ideas on how I could produce decent quality fake feathers myself?

Narnia: VDT: Not Die Alone

2013-05-24T12:02:00.001-04:00

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[A dragon walks out and dies right in front of Eustace. The scene is told mostly from the narrator's perspective with shades of Eustace's (he's afraid, he thinks the dragon is a sad old beast) and not at all from the dragon's. This is the dragon's perspective.]

I sniffed. The scent was unmistakable. Human. Foreign human. A human not born of these parts. It was as the prophesy foretold my hour come round at last. My limbs were tired from centuries of slumber, attempting to put off the inevitable. I'd long since known that my next journey would be my last. The effort of hauling myself far enough to get so much as a drink would do me in.

Would do me in and I'd die alone. But the prophesy said I wouldn't have to die alone. And now, at last, there was someone else. The one foretold.

I considered ignoring it, telling the prophesy to screw itself, remain hidden, try to sleep and see what dreams may come. But if I didn't go now then it was impossible to know if I'd ever get another chance to have company. And I was so thirsty.

I began to drag myself into the open, the exertion of each step making my pulse beat stronger, hammering in my ears and driving me closer to my death.

And that is where I am now.

The human is hiding. You think I can't see you, boy, and you're right. My eyesight dimmed long ago. My sense of smell has not. You're frightened, as well you should be; I'm a dragon. But you need not be frightened, I'm not here to hurt you. You're my only companion as I move into another world, leaving this one, and this broken body, behind.

I sense that, even through your fear, you feel for me. Good. It is short notice I know, but on the basis of these feelings you are now my friend. It is good to die in the company of friends.

I fear that I will not even make it as far as my water. After having it so close for so long, now it looks like it will be death, not water, that slakes my thirst. Even so, I shall try to to reach it. And you, boy, bear witness. These are my final moments, remember them all. Let them be burned into your memory.

I could have made it to the water faster before, could have drunk some down before death's darkness took me. But then I would have died alone.

Now I am not alone. So remember me boy. If you don't, no on else will. Remember me and carry on that memory.

I've made it to the water but as I feared, will not live to drink it. I would have liked to die a silent dignified death, but death seldom listens to the wishes of mortals. A croaking, clanging sound escapes me, and I fall over on my side. My body convulses. Trying to shake my soul from it, and soon my soul will leave. Just moments now before dark death takes me.

Remember me, boy. Remember the dragon whose passing you witnessed. Few humans ever live to see such a thing. The spectacle is my gift to you, let the memory of it be your gift to me.

For now I die, and you're the only one left to remember me.

Edith and Ben - Metapost on vampire feeding

2013-05-21T19:49:00.000-04:00

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]

Caroline Cullen is a doctor because she wants to be a doctor and it's what she's good at and whatnot, but having access to a human blood supply is one of the perks. However, this can only come into play when there is an excess of blood (sometimes there is) at such points she can fudge some numbers and get more blood than needed and have it disappear unnoticed.

The majority of the time, though, there isn't a definite excess of blood, and thus the blood she could get would come at the expense of risking people who needed it not getting it. Thus the Cullens don't drink human blood most of the time. In theory they probably could without killing anyone and without attracting attention but there are morality issues of bodily autonomy involved.*

So most of the time they hunt. Not as Edward hunts because that sort of bloodsport is pointless and unsustainable. Apex predators are few in number, eating them on a regular basis is going to deplete your food supply and fuck up the entire ecosystem.

If apex predators are the most healthy for Twilightpires (did not know that until this thread) then the invention of the tranquilizer dart must have been a cause for great celebration (right up there with the invention of colored contact lenses) for Caroline's entire clan.

Knock out the predator, siphon off some blood, pass any useful information gathered by examination of the animal on to friends studying such (they've been to University enough times that they must have friends in the field) who have agreed not to ask how the information was gathered (on the understanding that no animals will be harmed beyond tranquilizing) for the betterment of science. Drink the blood at a different location to avert the off chance base instincts will take over and cause a feeding frenzy (never happened, never seemed likely to happen, but safety first.)

Before the ability to tranquilize made sustainable feeding on apex predators a possibility the Edith-verse's Cullens probably sustained themselves largely through making sure to be within walking distance of a slaughterhouse. Sure, farm animals might not be as healthy for vampires as wild caught apex predator, but it's not like someone else was doing something useful with all that blood.

In Twilight, and many other things as well, vampires can't eat solid food. They're on an all blood diet. This presents an interesting situation: they must feed on animals (humans are a type of animal, remember); there is absolutely no reason they ever need to kill one to feed on it.

Vampires could theoretically be on the equivalent of an all fruit diet: things may be inconvenienced (in theory the covenant with a fruit producing plant is that you eat the fruit and then your droppings distribute the seeds, anyone who uses a toilet is breaking that) but nothing needs to die or be dismembered.

Plus: poetry. Edith's family would very much be on Mr. Squid's side, and having a way to escape Mr. Sperm's reality (There's only one reality: / All creatures who'd succeed at sea / Must murder for their daily meal. / What else can all your thoughts reveal?) would be welcome to them.

Feeding is a morally fraught topic. But for vampires it shouldn't be. Blood is not flesh. The difference between the two changes everything. If meat identical to that produced by killing animals could be created by not-killing/maiming animals, the only reason to kill animals for meat would be if you wanted to kill things. That would be a completely different world.

Whether the animal is alive or dead at the end of feeding doesn't change the fact that the blood you're getting out of it is the same blood. We already accept the tranquilizing of wild animals for various reasons. If the blood is removed by medical-based means rather than fangs you eliminate both the possibility of vampire lions and tigers and bears and the possibility of becoming a disease vector (vampires with sterile needles: now 100% less likely to transmit Lyme disease)

* Vampire bats often feed on their victims without the victims ever realizing they've been victims, there's no reason that style couldn't be adopted by actual vampires. If Edward can nightly break into Bella's room without ever being noticed then Twilight-vampires could probably show up in the rooms of sleeping humans with topical anesthetics, syringes, and a knowledge of where to draw blood such that the puncture wound won't be noticed.

It's just that, even though that leaves the victims alive and unaware, that's really not what moral people would do. That's more the stuff of alien abduction stories than good guy stories.

[Edith and Ben Index]

I am sick, for what it's worth.

2013-05-21T18:32:00.000-04:00

The next sentence will contain too much information, you have been warned.

It seems to be largely digestive system based so I'm not entirely sure why my gonads ache but other than that it is simply a state of constantly feeling like I'm going to vomit and then not actually doing it.

So I'm going to adopt a plan of near constant sleeping until I feel better, because there doesn't appear to be any benefit in being awake at the moment.

I'd say, "Talk amoungst yourselves," but you never do.

I will transfer over a thing about how the Cullens feed in the Edith-verse before I turn off my computer today so there's something to look at besides me saying I'm sick.

Latin CSI

2013-05-19T20:36:00.003-04:00

So, finally, after years of trying to make it but being unable due to this or that, I attended the classics barbeque. Good fracking god it was wonderful. The food was good, the people were almost universally good, the war-ax throwing I sucked at (the war-hammer I didn't do so badly with), the robin's eggs were blue, I took 826 pictures as I am wont to do, I amused children with Rubik's cube like puzzles, the view was amazing, I didn't get a chance to try out the pool table, so on, so forth. I finally got my life of Brian inspired t-shirt (ROMANESI ~~EUNT~~ITE DOMUSM), I'll show you a picture later because there has been some interest in getting some (12 dollars, US) and if you pay shipping (free if you meet me in person) I'll be happy to play middle man at no charge.

But what I want to talk about now is the stories, because by the gods they were hilarious. In a very real sense you had to be there and I don't want to ruin things by trying to recapture a moment that can't be recaptured. I instead want to tell you how the people telling the story came to know it in the first place.

You see, both of my teachers were called in by the police to translate Latin. One of them assumed it must be a suicide note or something similar because what else would you write in Latin that the police needed to have translated? Turns out it was an affair between a teacher and a student with the evidence being a series of emails between the two written in very bad Latin. (Apparently the grammar was atrocious.)

And as the story was told a former student, now a Latin teacher, was looking on in shock at the teachers saying, "Why didn't you tell/warn me?" because he later got into a relationship with the student, who by chance or fate or whatnot ended up attending the college that the professors who translated her Latin affair emails for the police worked at. And ended up taking their classes. (And, I guess, dating one of their students.)

But the point isn't about a sordid affair between a teacher and a student, nor is it about the stalker who wrote stalkery poetry in well formed dirty-as-sewage Catullan verse (if you know Catullus you know that dirty as sewage is sort of appropriate for his style.) No, the point is this: Study Latin because sooner or later the cops are going to need someone who can translate it, and if not you then who?

-

Also, CSI: The Latin Squad is probably a show that would make me start watching CSI again.

"Damn it, we need to know now!"
"I get that, but without more context it's impossible to know whether this is present subjunctive or future indicative. I need more data. I cannot make bricks without clay."

The continuing utility of paperclips.

2013-05-19T11:15:00.000-04:00

So, my glasses have magnetic sunglasses that can be attached to them. This is very important to me because light and I don't mix. That song whose name I don't know but will once I look up the lyrics ("Tonight and the rest of my life") resonates with me when it says, "I prefer a sunless sky / To the glittering and stinging in my eye," because sunny days hurt.

I remember being on a cruise, and I must have been on the lower decks with indoor lighting before we made our first stop that sunny day because when I stepped out into a clear day in Jamaica I was blind and in pain and I stumbled over to the nearest street vendor where my mother bought me a pair of cheap sunglasses.

That's sunny days for me. Without sunglasses I tend to look at the world with one eye closed because both eyes open is too much fucking light (also I think my right eye deals with the light less well or some such) and even then the open eye will be watering like [insert something that waters a lot here] and begging my brain to please, for the love of all that is holy, close.

As such, the fact that I have lost the magnetic sunglasses designed to attach to my glasses is a bit of a problem.

The solution is obvious: wear sunglasses. But I can't just wear sunglasses alone. My right eye, when looking at anything at a distance (it's not that bad up close) makes the world look like it was painted by a very bad impressionist. My left eye is sub par too. (Note to any golfers: to the rest of us "sub par" means "worse than it should be.")

So I need sunglasses and normal glasses at the same time. There are probably various ways to do this, but only two come to mind. One is to wear sunglasses that are bigger than normal glasses so they can be worn over my glasses. I probably have some, but none immediately on hand. The other is to wear sunglasses that are smaller than my normal glasses.

Those I do have. In four colors, but the green is missing, which is a shame because it was my favorite. The orange and blue just don't feel right. Orange is my favorite color, but apparently it isn't good for sunglasses. The purple on the other hand, it worked.

These glasses can definitely fit under my normal glasses, they sit so close to the eye that my eyelashes have a habit of touching them. So they're more or less ideal for under-glasses sunglasses. The problem is the same as over-glasses sunglasses. Glasses are all designed to sit on, more or less, the same part of your nose. If you've got one pair sitting there, the other pair can't. So it will tend to sit farther down your nose, and thus end up too low.

What is needed is a means of support beyond the normal nose-resting-on things.

Enter paperclips. Or in this case, paperclip.

Before I went off on the bus to Boston I made a very basic expansion of the temple of the sunglasses. Just a simple loop around it to make it wide enough to hold up my normal glasses. It worked in theory, and for a very short time in practice, but it had nothing to hold it in place and so had a tendency to slide out of place thus resulting in my normal glasses collapsing to too low, also there wasn't much margin for error. Consider that more a proof of concept than a prototype.

Fortunately the shortcomings had become somewhat apparent by the time I sprinted out of the house desperately hoping I wouldn't be late. As a result I threw what remained of the paperclip and a pair of pliers into my bag.

First off, I was lucky to get on the bus because I forgot my photo ID (and was late), and thus wasn't supposed to be allowed on. Instead the pile of cards I'd picked up included two credit cards and foodstamps. Since I did have three cards with my name on them the rules were bent and I was allowed on. Of course that created a lingering fear: I had bought round trip tickets. I definitely wouldn't have ID for the trip back, so if the rules weren't bent again (they were) I didn't have ride home.

Anyway, it was difficult finding a paperclip in my backpack on the crowded bus, but I did manage it. I discarded the proof of concept modifications and made the first glasses support:

That's more or less ideal. It's secured at two spots which are at right angles to each other so there can be no sliding, there's no sharp edges sticking out, the support comes out from under the temple so the sets of glasses will be aligned.

I wish the same could be said of the lefthand glasses support but, unfortunately, I was running out of paperclip and basically tried to make anything provided it could be done with what I had left.

The result was this:

It's less aesthetically pleasing, there's less support connecting it to the glasses, there are sharp edges, and it's backwards. Well... upside-down. The support goes over the temple instead of under leaving the two sets of glasses to be misaligned. If both were wrong it wouldn't be so much of a problem as they'd be uniformly misaligned but since the right is right and the left is wrong it means the corrective glasses end up crooked.

Still, for a mark one prototype created on a crowded bus with less than a full paperclip (I'd used part of the paperclip for the proof of concept) and no elbow room, it's not that bad.

Image of the modified glasses closed:

Image of the modified glasses opened:

Image of how the two sets fit together:

Me wearing modified glasses:

Me wearing both sets:

(At some point I need to learn how to smile for pictures. It's like some secret esoteric skill that no one in the know ever shares.)

Even with the over under problem making my corrective glasses crooked they worked quite well, I was able to make the bus rides up to Boston and back fine, I was able to ride in cars fine, I was able to go to a zoo fine (the snow leopard was amazing, the bats were adorable, things were nice.) I was not blinded by the sun. The prototype modified sunglasses mark one are a definite success.

This post brought to you by paperclips.

Still here, after a fashion

2013-05-18T15:23:00.002-04:00

The recent accumulation of spam might have made it apparent that I wasn't exactly overseeing the blog, I haven't had internet, but I have not been sucked into a black hole. I'm not gone. Though I did underestimate the number of children yesterday by a factor of... how does that work?

Say I expected one and there were two (that was not the case but it is simple.) Is that a factor of one (the excess is one time what I expected) or a factor of two (the total is two times what I expected.)

Anyway, the number of children was 350% of what I expected. I did not bring enough Rubik's cubes like things for my standard strategy of dealing with children. (Strategy: And you get a cube, and you get a cube, and you get a cube.)

Snarky Twilight: In which Edward Gives Bella A Ride, And Chapter 13 Ends

2013-05-17T07:16:00.000-04:00

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[Previously]

Edward: You are so far off the script.
Bella: You're just evading responding to the fact that you claim to love me in spite of a total lack of respect for me. Things don't add up.
Edward: I'm trying to get on with the narrative.
Bella: If you say so. I think you're trying to compare yourself to a lion because you think that will somehow be favorable when we all know that African wild dogs are really more impressive.
Edward: This isn't a book about ecology.
Bella: Whatever. Carry on *sarcastically* lion.
Edward: What a sick masochistic lion.
Bella: Tell me why you ran from me before.
Edward: You skipped like two lines.
Bella: That's not an answer.
Edward: You know why.
Bella: That's not an answer, either.
Edward: You didn't do anything wrong-
Bella: Well I know that.
Edward: It was my fault.
Bella: I thought you were incapable of uttering those words. Hang on while I etch them into my memory so that they will be preserved for all time.
Edward: You are such an ass.
Bella: I prefer to think of myself as a mirror. I am nice to the nice and mean to the mean.
Edward: Thus absolving yourself of any responsibility.
Bella: No, I take responsibility for it. I even sometimes feel guilty about how I treat you, but whenever I do you do something that reminds me why I treat you that way.
Edward: It's in the book. It's all in the book. It's not up to me, I'm just written that way.
Bella: Thus absolving yourself of any responsibility.
Edward: That's not fair.
Bella: So it's fair when you say it to me but-
Edward: No. It's not fair because when I'm an ass it's because it's in the book, when you're an ass it's because you're doing something not in the book.
Bella: If you stop being an ass because of things in the book, I'll stop being an ass when deviating from the book. Until then I fully intend to give as good as I get. And before you start, I am following the golden rule. If I were following the book when doing so required me to be a jerk I'd wantsomeone to call me on it.
Edward: *confused* Why?
Bella: So I could stop doing it.
Edward: You still fail to understand the distinction between character and author.
Bella: Ok, be a character.
Edward: I... Uh... I lost my place. That's why I was letting this tangent go on for so long.
Bella: *under her breath* 'Letting.' *To Edward* You were going to explain why you ran away like a rat from a sinking ship if the rat had been imbued with the power of the Flash. And by the Flash I don't mean Flash Gordon, though I'm sure you have tales to tell about watching the serials when they first appeared in theaters.
Edward: Ok. Um... Well... *contemplates a moment* It was just how close you were.
Bella: Ok, problem solved. I'll never be close to you again.
Edward: Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness...
Bella: I call bullshit. Not ten pages ago you were going on about how your form was that of a lure that attracted humans to you. Now you're telling me that your nature repels them. You can't have both.
Edward: You're getting your continuity all over my angst.
Bella: Your angst is nonsensical.
Edward: That's hardly my fault.
Bella: Sure it is. No one is holding a stake to your heart making you follow what has been written. Hell, I left my rail spike and sledge hammer back in the truck, which is not to say that I'm unarmed, but still.
Edward: *uneasy but trying to ignore her* I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat.
*pause*
Bella: That last bit is the opposite of a complete sentence, and I'd be interested in how different my throat really smells when compared to, say, my cheek or the skin covering my collarbone.
Edward: Can you just stay on script this once?
Bella: Ok, as a reward for admitting you were at fault before. Here goes: *flippantly* Ok, then.*tucks in chin* No throat exposure.
Edward: *laughs* No, really, it was really more the surprise than anything else.
*Edward touches the side of Bella's neck*
*Bella, without conscious thought, pats the cylindrical case she keeps with her at times such as this, to remind her that while the sledge hammer may be in the truck, she is not unarmed.*
Edward: You see. Perfectly fine.
*Bella forces her heart rate to rise, in keeping with the text*
Edward: The blush on your cheeks is lovely.
*Bella lets her hand fall limply to her lap.*
*Edward holds Bella's face between his hands*
Edward: Be very still.
*Bella pulls away*
Bella: I need a bath.
Edward: I thought that was going well.
Bella: I'm all for giving you a basic human decency cookie for admitting you're at fault, but there are limits.
Edward: But we're supposed to keep this up for three pages.
Bella: Not going to happen.
Edward: Well then that would put us at me carrying you like a backpack.
Bella: And me getting to strangle you. I like it, I'm there, let's do this thing.
Edward: I'm suddenly less than enthused.
Bella: You're the one who's always pushing to do what the book says.
Edward: Yeah, but-
Bella: No but. I'm Yoda, you're Luke, now let me on your back so I can work you till you drop.
Edward: Ok, how does this sequence go?
Bella: 'There must be some kind of way out of here,' said the joker to the thief.
Edward: Right. You have to go.
Bella: Very astute young Skywalker.
Edward: Can I show you something?
Bella: And then I say, 'Show me what?' and you say:
Edward: I’ll show you how I travel in the forest. Don’t worry, you’ll be very safe, and we’ll get to your truck much faster.
Bella: Will you turn into a bat?
Edward: I've heard that before.
Bella: When?
Edward: What?
Bella: When have you heard that before?
Edward: Well, um...
Bella: I mean it seems like something a human would ask a vampire. A freshly turned vampire who didn't know the ins and outs of things would ask, 'Will I turn into a bat?' It's only a non-vampire who would ask, 'Will you turn into a bat?' which leaves me wondering how many non-vampires were aware of your vampiric nature that at least once in your life you had a conversation where the topic of battiness came up.
Edward: Look.
Bella: I'm looking.
Edward: My back story was never really worked out all that well so I'm just working with what I have. And what I have says that I've heard that before. It doesn't say where or when or why or how.
Bella: And you never asked.
Edward: Asked who? The author? She doesn't care about back story.
Bella: You could still ask.
Edward: Can we get on with it?
Bella: Is this the part where I get to strangle you?
Edward: Yes.
Bella: then we can get on with it.
Edward: *rote, his enthusiasm killed off by previous conversation* Come on, little coward, climb on my back.
Bella: *as she climbs on his back* Of the two of us I'm the one at greater risk by simply being here, little coward.
*running*
*Bella's arms tightly squeezing Edward's neck with a grip that would have suffocated a human*
Edward: Exhilarating, isn't it?
Bella: I have no idea how dogs do it.
Edward: Bella?
Bella: Is that actual concern I hear in your voice?
Edward: Yes, actually.
Bella: Well I do believe I need to lie down. And thanks.
Edward: Oh, sorry.
Bella: You're on the verge of being a sympathetic character, do you think you can keep this up?
*pause*
Bella: I think I need help, actually. My stranglehold on you seems to have gotten stuck that way by an irrational fear of letting go.
*Edward laughs*
Bella: And I hereby deduct fifty sympathetic character points from sparklepoo.
Edward: How do you feel?
Bella: *to herself* Now he's the computer from Star Trek IV. *to Edward* I'll tell you when my mind and body start communicating again.
*pause*
Bella: Dizzy, I think.
Edward: Put your head between your knees.
*Bella does so*
Bella: Good advice, you're racking up the sympathetic character points today.
Edward: I guess that wasn't the best idea.
Bella: Admitting being wrong, twice in one day no less. You're on your way to being almost likable. Don't fuck this up. Also, however ill advised it may have been, the ride was interesting.
Edward: Hah! You're as white as a ghost -- no, you're as white as me!
Bella: And you fucked it up. Royally. All of the sympathy you earned has just gone down the drain. How hard would it have been to substitute your own, non-assholic, line for that one?
Edward: It's what's in the book!
Bella: Always the excuses.
*pause*
Bella: anyway, I think I should have been wearing goggles, and possibly closed my eyes on occasion, but mostly goggles and eyes front should have solved things I think.
Edward: Remember that next time.
Bella: What on earth or any other planet makes you think there will be a next time?
*Edward laughs*
Edward: Open your eyes, Bella.
Bella: I actually quite like them closed, especially with you and your magic brain killing beauty being mere inches away from my face. If I open my eyes I could lose the ability to think.
Edward: Suit yourself.
Bella: What do you want?
Edward: I was thinking while I was running...
Bella: Which means you were thinking for a few minutes. *flatly* Yay. I'm going to hazard a guess that you weren't thinking about safety.
Edward: No. But you weren't supposed to say that.
Bella: Sue me.
Edward: No, I was thinking there was something I wanted to try.
Bella: If it involved kissing me you can forget it.
Edward: But the book says-
Bella: Then kiss the god damn book.
Edward: Just a little kiss.
Bella: No.
Edward: Please?
Bella: You do realize that asking again and again until I break down and say, 'Yes,' isn't the same thing as consent, right?
Edward: This is supposed to be our first kiss.
Bella: Think of it as the first of zero if it makes you feel better. I'm going home.
Edward: Maybe you should let me drive.
Bella: I'm supposed to say, 'Are you insane?' but in truth I fail to see the connection between insanity and your poor decisions that are best explained by your controlling nature.
Edward: I can drive better than you on your best day, you have much slower reflexes.
Bella: Your reliance on reflexes indicates a disturbing lack of understanding of how a truck actually handles. Reflexes alone mean nothing. You need to steer the truck to safety with enough lead time to actually have the truck and what would have placed it in danger not be in the same place at the same time. Defensive driving isn't about reflexes, it's about planning ahead. You need to think in two dimensions of space and one of time and always keep in mind what can happen several moves ahead.
Bella: If you're relying on reflexes you're waiting until the problem is too near in time and space. That's a bad sign.
Edward: Some trust, please, Bella.
Bella: Nope. Not a chance. Trust is earned. You haven't earned it. You've done the opposite.
*Edward grabs Bella*
Bella: If you don't let go I will end you.
Edward: Bella, I’ve already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I’m not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can’t even walk straight.
Bella: And I'm not about to let someone who doesn't respect my personal space take control of my most prized possession.
Edward: Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk.
Bella: Ok, that non sequitur needs to be responded to on at least two different levels. First, when have you ever demonstrated anything resembling friendship towards me? Second: Drunk?
Edward: You're intoxicated by my very presence.
Bella: And you by mine, the difference is I don't like it.
Edward: Regardless, I have better reflexes.
Bella: Regardless, if you don't let go I will end you.
*Edward hesitates, unsure of what to do*
Bella: And you're on the verge of being forced to walk home. Think what would happen to the little back-story that you do have. It's supposed to be delivered on the truck ride home. If you're not in the truck it disappears. Poof.
Bella: If you let go now, get in the passenger seat, and don't slam the door, I'll let you keep your back story. If you don't at best you'll be a character without a story, at worst we'll all have to try to figure out what happens to this book when there's no Edward Cullen in it.
Bella: I vote that Alice turns Eric who then sits in on the scenes meant for you but delivers his lines with a bit more respect and grace.
*Edward lets go*
*Bella gets into the driver's seat*

[Chapter Ends.]

[Previous][Snarky Twilight Index]

Dear Spammer: I do have a donate button

2013-05-15T20:47:00.001-04:00

The fact that spam making software doesn't actually tailor the spam to the page it's posted on or the site in general is obvious, but you'd think that someone somewhere in the spam scheme of things would insert a line of code that made it so the, "It's a pity you don't have a donate button! I'd certainly donate to this excellent blog!" (actual quote) spam didn't show up on a blog with a donate button.

Top of the page, right hand column. With an image called, "btn_donate_LG.gif." A simple check of the text of the page would reveal that it does, in fact, say donate. It says it inside the name of an image, but if you're searching the page source that doesn't matter: run a search for donate and you get a hit.

It shouldn't be hard to make it so that the "I'd totally donate if you just had a button," (paraphrase) spam didn't show up on blogs with a donate button. Just have a bit of code that makes it search the page's source for the word "donate" and if it gets a hit use some other flavor of spam on that particular page. It's all still automated, it still requires no human oversight, but it makes it marginally more likely that someone won't be able to tell in one second or less that the message is definitely spam.

The prequels as they were described in the original Star Wars trilogy

2013-05-13T15:57:00.000-04:00

It is worth remembering that the Star Wars movies never had a strong connection to the past and a result of that is that you can see the original trilogy already contradicting itself when it was produced, no need to look to the prequels to find a new Star Wars movie that ignores what was established in the old Star Wars movie(s).

That said, the purpose of this post is not to point out contradictions within the original trilogy. It is instead to say what the original trilogy said about what came before it. We have the prequels which flat out ignored what the original trilogy said, but what does the original trilogy actually say? This post is to give an answer to that.

I'm using the theatrical versions of the original films here, as released on the no longer in print DVDs that had the theatrical cuts as bonus disks. (Though out of print you can still get them, either as a set or individually: first, Empire, Jedi.)

--
----
--

Yoda trained Obi-Wan.

Anakin, Beru, and Owen all knew each other. Their relationship is never stated but if Beru and Owen are really Luke's aunt and uncle my best guess is that one of them is Anakin's sibling since they talk about Anakin but not [nameless mother]. They know Anakin well enough that they can talk to each other about his personality without ever describing it and have the conversation be perfectly sensible because each knows what the other means.

It is implied that they grew up on Tatooine (Obi-Wan says that Owen thought Anakin should have stayed here, "here" being Tatooine, and not gotten involved. On the other hand: Jedi Truth.)

Regardless, the Clone Wars happened and that broke up the Anakin-Beru-Owen trifecta because Obi-Wan came by and Anakin followed Obi-Wan off to get involved.

At this point in time Anakin was already a great pilot and Obi-Wan was amazed at how strongly he was connected to the force. Obi-Wan took it upon himself to train Anakin, thinking he could train Anakin as well as Yoda would have. (This will mater later.)

Anyway, the "damned fool idealistic crusade" (Obi-Wan describing Owen's point of view) Anakin followed Obi Wan on was probably the Clone Wars since they both fought in them. (Obi-Wan was a general who served under Leia's non-Vader father, Anakin's role isn't elaborated on much.) Given that the dark times started with the Empire, and before the dark times peace and justice had to be guarded rather than perpetually restored, it's a fair bet that the almost undescribed Clone Wars represent the Empire's rise to power.

One thing we can say about them is that they were multiple. It's not, "the Clone War," but instead, "the Clone Wars."

Another thing we can say is that at some point Anakin went from being a great pilot to the single greatest pilot.

Fighting against the growing power of the Empire, which is, again, probably synonymous with fighting during the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan knew that if Anakin had any children they would be a threat to the Emperor. So when [nameless mother] gets pregnant she goes into hiding, Anakin doesn't know where. This happens early enough in the pregnancy that neither Obi-Wan nor Anakin realize there are twins involved.

Anakin leaves his lightsaber to be given to his yet to be born kid(s). (Presumably he makes a new lightsaber to replace the one he left.) The fact that Leia ended up with someone Obi-Wan served under as her adopted father implies that [nameless mother] went into hiding on Alderaan with the help of Obi-Wan's friend and ally.

Anakin falls to the dark side and helps the Emperor to hunt down and exterminate the Jedi. (This is implied to be a process, not as simple as going into the temple and killing a bunch of kids.)

Obi blames himself for this. Specifically he blames thinking he could train Anakin as well as Yoda, with the strong implication that he'd never taken on a student before. In his mind, if he'd had Yoda do the training of Anakin things would have turned out better. This is presumably also when Luke's father starts to become two people in Obi-Wan's mind. The good man is Anakin Skywalker, the bad one is Darth Vader. (His "certain point of view" had to start somewhere.)

The good side loses. Obi-Wan and Yoda go into hiding as the last of the Jedi. I place this event here because Obi-Wan says he hasn't used the name "Obi-Wan" since before Luke was born. I figure giving up his first name was a part of going into hiding.

There is, it should be noted, no evidence that either Obi-Wan or Yoda knew the other had survived. Obi-Wan doesn't demonstrate knowledge of Yoda's continued existence until after he is dead which, I gather, gives a Jedi a better understanding of things. Yoda and the dead Obi-Wan are already in contact before Yoda appears on screen.

The twins are born to [nameless mother] they're separated for further safety. Luke is brought to Owen and Beru, who knew his father. Leia stays with her mother. This is done without Obi-Wan realizing there were twins (Yoda has to explain it to him, which then leaves him to explain it to Luke.)

Regardless of whether or not Owen and Beru have blood ties to Luke, they definitely knew his father, rather well no less, so this divide seems to be giving the male baby to those who knew the father, keeping the female baby with the mother.

I definitely think bringing Luke to stay with people who were, at best, childhood friends of Anakin, and at worst a sibling of Anakin and sibling's spouse, would have worked better if two things were true:
1 Tatooine was not their original home
2 Anakin didn't know they were on Tatooine

The reason is that if Vader obviously knew who they were given how they're able to speak casually and knowledgeably about him pre-name change. If he knew where they were it makes a certain amount of sense for him to check in on them at some point, especially if one of them is really his sibling. The result of that looking in would be, "Hey, I have a son! Totally taking custody."

Bonus points if Owen is so bitter about Anakin's decision to get involved because Beru and Owen were forced to relocate in hiding to Tatooine as a result of being sibling and inlaw of Anakin.

Unfortunately, that's not the story the original trilogy tells. The only indication of where they're originally from is when Obi-Wan says "here" is the place Owen thought Anakin should have stayed. He says it on Tatooine, thus the implication is Tatooine is where the three originated.

Anyway, Obi-Wan relocates with Luke to Tatooine, bringing Anakin's lightsaber with him. He does this without realizing that there were two children. Yoda, on the other hand, does know. Minor speculation would be that Obi-Wan brought [nameless mother] to his colleague on Alderaan for hiding and also called in Yoda for extra help. Yoda was there when it was realized the pregnancy was twins and advised that the twins be separated for further safety. Thus Obi-Wan was given Luke to bring to Beru and Owen without ever being told there was another child.

Putting things in order for the story of Leia is difficult, if not impossible. Here's what we know:
1 [nameless mother] lived long enough for Leia to gain some memories of her but not many.
2 At some point Leia becomes a part of the royal family.
3 At some point Leia has another mother (Luke has to explain which mother he's talking about when he asks Leia about her mother.)

There are six orders you can put those three events in (and that assumes none happen concurrently) and none of them would contradict what is shown on screen.

So, for example:

[nameless mother] dies after living long enough to have memories of her stay with Leia, Leia is then adopted by Obi-Wan's colleague from the Clone Wars, who becomes her not-Vader father and imparts on her the title of princess. If not-Vader father already has a wife this is when she gets the not-biological mother. If not then at some point down the road he marries a woman.
[nameless mother] dies after living long enough to have memories of her stay with Leia, Leia is then adopted by not-biological mother. Not-biological mother marries not-Vader father adopting Leia into the royal family as a result.
[nameless mother] either thinking Anakin dead, knowing he turned to the dark side, or just not being big on monogamy, starts dating the non-Vader father of Leia. They marry, thus adopting Leia in the process. [nameless mother] dies. Not-Vader father remarries, thus giving Leia not-biological mother.
[nameless mother] either thinking Anakin dead, knowing he turned to the dark side, or just not being big on monogamy, starts dating the non-Vader father of Leia. They marry, thus adopting Leia in the process. Either the king/prince already has another wife, or marries one while still married to [nameless mother] (why should Alderaan care about monogamy?) Thus Leia gains not-biological mother. Then [nameless mother dies.]
[nameless mother] for reasons mentioned above (was getting too wordy), starts dating again. Specifically not-biological mother. Thus Leia has to mommies. Then Leia's mother dies. Not-biological mother remarries into the royal family, thus adopting Leia into it in the process.
[nameless mother] for reasons mentioned above, starts dating and ends up with not-biological mother. The two of them marry into a polyamorous relationship with Leia's not-Vader father. [nameless mother] dies at some point after that.
There are also possibilities that involve [nameless mother] giving Leia up for adoption which would have the result that Leia no longer being in her custody, above assumed to be connected to her death, was something that happened before [nameless mother died]. It's even conceivable that [nameless mother] didn't die, but then there's a major question of where she ended up that she never contacted either of her children

I like the idea put forward in the other thread that [nameless mother] was a Jedi too. Anakin's lightsaber was put in safekeeping so it could be given to Luke, [nameless mother's] was put in safe keeping so it could be given to Leia. But by the time Leia was old enough the Jedi were basically exterminated and those who had kept the lightsaber didn't think it wise to give it to Leia for the same reason Corran Horn of the Expanded Universe was never told he could be a Jedi: If Leia had been told she would have been so proud she'd have difficulty keeping it a secret and a single wrong move could mean death.

There's absolutely nothing in the original Star Wars to contradict this, but there's also nothing to support it. Absolutely nothing.

So, tangent over, one of the seven things listed above, or something like it, happened for Leia.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Obi-Wan clashes with Owen over how to deal with Luke. Owen is afraid Luke will end up like his father (which whether you've heard the truth or the "certain point of view" is not a good way to end up) and tries to protect Luke from that. Part of that involves telling Luke lies about his father, part of that involves keeping Obi-Wan away. Part of it involves always finding one more thing for Luke to do around the farm before he can go away to make his own life.

At some point Obi-Wan, now Ben, determines that Luke is old enough to get his father's lightsaber. Owen won't allow it.

Leia becomes a member of the Imperial Senate.

Rebel spaceships win their very first victory against the Galactic Empire during which rebel spies steal the death star plans.

Star Wars (the first movie) starts.

-

And that's the story told in the original trilogy.

Amazon Deal: The Borne Trilogy

2013-05-12T12:22:00.000-04:00

The Borne Trilogy (movies, not books, and the two are only loosely related) is on sale for the week, so if you'd like the movies half off in DVD or Blu-ray, now is a good time to get them

Snarky Twilight: Edward makes the possibility of Bella's death (at his hands) all about him.

2013-05-12T09:25:00.001-04:00

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[I've been thinking that I need to identify when lines are from the original, so I'm going to try making them bold and see if that isn't too annoying.]

Edward: Isabella.
Bella: *annoyed* Bella. I go by Bella. You know that. Jackass.
Edward: Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you.
Bella: I assume you mean physically because if if emotional harm were included you wouldn't be able to live with yourself now and you don't seem suicidal.
Edward: *ignoring her* You don't know how it's tortured me.
Bella: No, but I can put an upper bound on things. It hasn't tortured you enough to for you to stop being a complete and utter ass to me, for example.
Edward: Would you STOP That?!
Bella: OK, fine. Carry on.
Edward: Thank You. *pause* I, um... now... where was I?
Bella: Australia?
Edward: Not funny.
Bella: It might be if you got the reference.
*Edward glares*
Bella: You were talking about how your persistent drive to kill me is way worse for you than it is for me.
Edward: Right. Thanks. *clears throat* The thought of you still cold and white-
Bella: Like a vampire?
Edward: Never to see you blush scarlet again-
Bella: Because me being alive is only important if you can see me being alive, if not for you observing it my survival is meaningless. Also, vampires can't blush. Again the traits you find nice in me are ones which are an artifact of my species, not my personality or actions or opinions. You do realize that the fact you can't hear my thoughts doesn't mean I never think, right?
Edward: to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through by pretenses.
Bella: It's not that hard. Flip a coin, did it land heads or tails rather than balanced on an edge? If yes then Edward is probably being pretentious. If it did land balanced on an edge reconsider your thoughts on life, including Edwards pretenses.
Edward: You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever.
Bella: Except you.
Edward: What?
Bella: Even if I were to accept that I was really so important to you, which would seem massively out of character for you, I would still only be the most important thing to you other than yourself. You've got an ego big enough to rival Jupiter's magnetosphere in size. There's no way I could be competing with that...
Plus all of the things you've said about my possible death are about how annoying and unwanted it would be for you. Nothing about the fact that being dead would be sort of inconvenient for me.
  Anyway, you know well how I feel. I'm only here to progress the narrative because when the narrative isn't progressed nothing happens, and when nothing happens things get very boring very fast.
  I'm here... which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than suffer soul crushing boredom. Not that I consider myself likely to die here.
*pause*
Edward *gesturing for Bella to continue* And?
Bella: And what?
Edward: You're supposed to say that you're an idiot.
Bella: Why would I do a thing like that?
*Edward facepalms and sighs*
Edward: You are an idiot.
*awkward pause that is not filled with laughing, instead Bella merely has an angry unblinking stare fixed on Edward*
Edward: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
Bella: That is wrong in so many ways. I don't even know where to start. I mean, you've butchered the allusion, you're using the wrong meaning of lie with, you're then jumping from sex to love as though the things that cause people to have sex are identical to the things that cause people to be in love.
   When I tend to think of cross species love I think of the crow and the black cat, but that was familial love and won't suit your purposes so you'd probably want to go with the donkey and the llama or the house cat and the bunny. On the one hand you're clearly an ass, on the other had saying that makes you the donkey is using the wrong definition of ass and an insult to all donkeys
Edward: Finished?
Bella: No.
Edward: Damn.
Bella: The most egregious thing about what you said is the claim that you're in love with me. I have yet to see even the slightest indication of that. You certainly don't respect me and it's hard to love someone you don't respect.

[Snarky Twilight Index][Next]

Recommends: Read someone else talking about depression (Hyperbole and a Half)

2013-05-09T19:19:00.000-04:00

So my tooth is no longer infected, but the first day the infection was really definitely in "Something Is Wrong" territory I missed an appointment with my psychiatrist and I haven't been able to make up that appointment yet. As a result I've run out of all my medications and am quickly relearning what it's like to be depressed. (Short version: more or less like I remember it, actually.)

But at the moment I think you should read someone else talking about depression, for a change.

I said earlier that Hyperbole and a Half was back but the backness was just to give people about the heads up about the coming post. That post is no longer coming for it has arrived and is thus here.

It's all of the brilliance that one should expect from Hyperbole and a Half and a very good post on depression as well. It is, of course, always worth noting that depression is a lot like evil snowflakes: every case of depression is different. What Allie says at Hyperbole and a Half about depression should no more be taken to describe all cases of depression everywhere than what I say here. That caveat stated, go: read this post.

I've a comment over there which I might try to take some of the ideas from and incorporate them in a post at some point. I've been meaning to do a post called, "You feel like you're helping; I feel like you're hitting me with a stick," or something to that effect, for some time now anyway. The hard part has always been doing the work of actually writing it. If you're interested, the comment is here. If you're not interested then, interestingly enough, the comment is still where I said it would be if you were interested.

As a result of checking to see if the comment actually posted I've read some of the comments on page 24 of the comments, I've also seen some of the ones on page one and, for some reason that I don't really understand, 21. That's hardly a comprehensive look at the comments, but it is enough to have picked a favorite: "This post is my piece of corn. Thank you." (It is here, if you want to see it in it's original setting, but I've quoted the entire thing so don't expect anything more.) I'm with Melissa, whoever she may be, on that. If you have no idea what it means, then you haven't read the post yet.

Seriously, read the post.

Hyperbole and a Half is back

2013-05-09T07:30:00.000-04:00

For the first time in over a year there's a new post up at Hyperbole and a Half.

Hyperbole and a Half (or "HYPERBOLE and a Half" as it is written in the title image) is the blog that brought us the Alot. A little over a year and a half ago there was a post on depression there. And then, nothing. The blog went dark.

Now it isn't anymore. The new post is just announcing that sometime today there will be another post, which will be about depression and the long absence, so there's not a lot to read in it. That said, if one wants to read a lot there are 1,666 comments so that's something for you.

An angry person with a mental shield giving a speech to the opposing army

2013-05-08T14:28:00.000-04:00

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[I'm not entirely sure whether this is a very angry Ben or a very angry Bella, but this would be a version of the end of Breaking Dawn in which the whole mental power vs. physical power thing was taken to it's logical absurdity.]

-

"You still don't understand, do you?" Their silence showed that they didn't because if they did this would be the part where they tried to bluff their way out of things.

"Powers. Most vampires have them, maybe all. You know that, it's why you wanted the future seer," I gestured to my new in-law. "As a human mine was ill expressed. It was still embryonic and not yet ready for full use. Inconsistent, incoherent, inchoate.

"Tricolon, it's nice don't you think?" I focused on the one who was always angry. "Rhetoric is such a nice thing and those Latin terms are just so much fun. Much better than Greek." The anger simmered, I was going to have to make it boil if I was going to have an effective demonstration. "Of course I see you're wearing pants." I let that hang a moment, then, "So you're neither." Another pause to let the angry one think about what I was saying, "You're a barbarian." It was just about at a rolling boil, primed and ready for later, so I backed off a bit and pivoted the conversation. "Of course I don't judge you, look how I'm dressed," a gesture to my jeans, "I'm a barbarian too.

"But you're still missing the point," I said while shifting my attention to the lead. "I can block mental powers. You've either learned this or are in the process of putting it together.

"This means the obvious of course, mind readers don't work on me, illusionists don't work on me, so on, so forth. But there's a more basic fact you seem to have overlooked: All powers are mental. A fire starter can create physical fire, yes, but that starts with a thought. Sever the connection between the thought and the intended fire and no fire will start.

"You've assembled a nice little army, for sure, but none of them can do anything." And I turned my attention back to the Greek wearing pants, "You've got nothing. No power, no leverage, no play. You're helpless, hopeless-" the Greek charged, then collapsed to the ground.

I turned my attention back to the lead. "You see it all starts with thoughts. Neurons fire, signals get sent," one of their vampires was trying to approach us unseen while attention was focused on my speech. It might have worked since everyone else was looking at me, but I was free to look everywhere. I glanced at the vampire and he collapsed to the ground, "and things get done.

"It's not just about superpowers," I said looking at the member of the honor guard to the lead's left, he collapsed. "It's about everything," I looked to the one on the right. She collapsed. "The muscles that hold you up, that keep you balanced, that maintain the distance between your face and the ground, these are all controlled by your brain."

Decimation is such a pretty word. I ran my eyes across their battle line, one out of every ten of their soldiers lost the ability to stand.

"If I cut the connection between your thoughts and your body, if I make sure your mental powers can never reach your physical parts, you become..." I looked at the members of the honor guard still standing; they all met their colleagues on the ground, "like them," I finished.

"If you push me I'll remove your ability to push. If you threaten me I'll remove your ability to speak. If you harm anyone under my protection, I will remove your ability to act.

"If you ever want to have control over anything outside of your own mind, and that includes your limbs, you will leave this place and never return. You will abandon all pretensions of rulership. And you will take to heart the fact that the entire human race is under my protection." That wasn't quite inclusive enough. "As well as shapeshifters and the more traditional werewolves.

"Feed on venison if you ever want to feed again."

I returned the ability to move to all those whom I had removed it from. The Greek, as expected, charged me. I shielded that one's legs from that one's mental powers. The Greek faceplanted in front of the entire assembled army.

"So, do you still want to pretend to have power? Because if you do I can rip that pretension away." Pretension, pretty word. It was a shame I wouldn't have a third opportunity to use it.

"Or," I said more casually, "You could take my advice and leave now."

The other side started to retreat faster than the order to retreat actually went out.

[Twilight Index]

Working toward a grand unified theory of the the tonal changes in the Star Wars Expanded Universe

2013-05-06T15:18:00.000-04:00

Star Wars, the original movie and original trilogy (1, 2, 3) as a whole, was sort of a singular story. A comparison arises in my mind because something I've talked a lot about is too: Deus Ex.

Beyond the first level and a bit of the second I still haven't played any of Human Revolution because I don't have money, certainly not enough money to buy a videogame. In spite of this I have been able to talk about continuity problems between Human Revolution and Deus Ex, to which it is allegedly a prequel. (They're blatant to the point you can spot at least one thing that makes it impossible for Deus Ex to take place 25 years later on the same planet by looking at almost any still picture released of the game, and they were acknowledged and owned by the HR design team well before the game hit shelves.)

When I have talked about continuity I've been accused of various things. Venerating the designers of Deus Ex as gods was one, but another one that has come up with surprising frequency is that I would not be satisfied unless the prequel was the exact same game just moved 25 years earlier and with different names for the characters. That I find baffling. The story of Deus Ex is one that changes the world in a way that prevents the story of Deus Ex from taking place again. Telling the same story a quarter century earlier would fuck up continuity to no end.

And that's sort of like Star Wars. To be consistent with the original requires a new story to be different from it. To maintain continuity with Deus Ex any other game set in the same universe needs to tell a completely different story. That's not all it has to do; that's merely necessary but not sufficient. But it is necessary. Star Wars is the same way.

You get that right from when Obi-Wan talks about the Jedi in the first movie.

They're living in what he calls the dark times, they're living in a fucked up galaxy. And it's pretty damn fucked up. To the point that in the first movie the rebels who are in theory supposed to be fighting to make things better are actually forced to fight against things getting worse instead.* But it was not always so.

Obi-Wan reveals that within living memory things were good. Not just good, but very good. The Jedi guarded peace and justice within the galaxy for over a thousand generations in The Old Republic. First off, so far as I know we haven't had a single generation in which peace was guarded in the history of this planet. Second, a thousand generations is a long damn time.

A thousand generations is longer than all of recorded history here in reality. Multiple times over. Now I think that that introduces some world-building (galaxy-building?) problems** but that's the story being told.

And in many ways I think that's what allows for the extreme idealism present in Star Wars (the original movie and the original trilogy) in spite of it being set in an extremely fucked-up galaxy where an evil oppressive government ruled the entirety of civilization and thought nothing of blowing up planets.

The extreme fucked-upness was an aberration. Steady stable sustained good times were the rule. In the original movie you learn that The Empire rose to power during the lifetime of Luke's father, in Return of the Jedi the Emperor is killed off along with his single greatest symbol of power in front of the assembled Imperial fleet. During Luke's lifetime (and still during the lifetime of Luke's father.)

The Emperor, the cause of these aberrant dark times, was in power for all of one generation. One generation of extreme bad times balanced against a thousand generations of extreme good times.

Going by the original trilogy there is absolutely no reason to believe that things wouldn't go back to the steady stable sustained good times.

That's the hope that's present in Star Wars. Fix this one thing and everything will be good for a basically unimaginably long time. That's pretty extreme idealism.

But that means you don't get to tell the same story again for at least (over) a thousand generations. Otherwise the hope of the original is dashed. It turns out to be a false hope, and the idealism shatters on the rocks.

Instead you have to tell different stories. Specifically it would go like this: Stories of guarding peace and justice, rather than fighting to establish them, under a benevolent and extremely stable government. Or stories that have nothing to do with that sort of thing (not all stories can be about Jedi) but are set in the same universe during the same period of sustained good times. The fall of that government, the good times along with it, and the rise of the Empire. The original trilogy. Re-instituting the Republic and rebuilding the Jedi. Stories set during a new period of sustained good times.

There's nothing wrong with these stories, and I think they could be quite interesting. But they're different stories. Sustaining good times is very different from fighting to get back to them. Building a good government is different from overthrowing a bad one.

You don't get to have more stories of blowing up superweapons or needing to overthrow governments unless it takes place in what should be the relatively short period of mopping up after the Emperor is killed and before the Republic is fully reinstated because reversion to the mean, in the universe of the original trilogy, means that once the cause of the aberrant bad times is gone things will, or at least should, go back to stable good times.

So that's the thing. You can't tell the same story again because the idealism and hope of the original rests on the idea that the story will not need to take place again. Once the immediate problem (the Emperor and the Empire) is dealt with everything will be good for a very, very, very (over a thousand generations of very) long time. If you try to tell the same story again what you do is make it so that the default is no longer over a thousand generations of peace and justice being guarded but instead much closer to the fucked up state of the galaxy shown in the trilogy itself.

Tell the same story again twice and you're really pushing things from idealism to cynicism. Do it three time and even more so.

But by telling the story again and again you're actually not telling the same story anymore because the repetition itself changes the story.

Evil had to triumph for Star Wars to take place. To rehash the same story evil needs to triumph again. To rehash the same story repeatedly evil has to triumph always. Even if every story ends with good beating back the the repetition of evil triumphant to set up those stories shifts the setting from a thousand generations of good times being the default scenario to one where good times can never last for long and evil will always be triumphant given time.

Star Wars began with evil having triumphed and all that was good and right in the galaxy being in a state of existential peril. If you're not willing to branch out and try new and different stories you need to keep going back to that. By keeping on going back to that you snuff out the hope that was present in Star Wars because the hope was that this situation would pass. And once passed stay in the past. It wouldn't happen again and again. Because it wasn't the usual state of things. It was a dark exception to the rule that the usual state of things is, hands down, good.

And I think that's part of the problem. People weren't willing to let it go and try new kinds stories set in the same universe. If you've read the "Tales from..." series of books you know that everyone in existence was either Hero or a Villain on a pretty much galactically significant scale all around.*** Smaller more personal stories didn't really get told much. And even on the occasions when they were told there was always another superweapon coming down the line. Or, if not a superweapon, an invasion. Or, if not an invasion, internal corruption that screwed things over in a way external threats never could. There is always something bad coming, no matter how good of an end an individual story might seem to have.

More than that, almost always something worse. Which I think comes from a desire to differentiate works when combined with the desire to not really try much of anything new. If all that is good and right in the galaxy is always in a state of existential peril, if evil is always turning out to be triumphant so that it will need to be overthrown by the underdog, if you're telling the same story again and again, how do you distinguish things? It basically seems to come down to, "How bad it is this time?" and the answer always ends up being, "Worse," because if the answer is, "Well, not as bad as last time," it's treated as retreading the same territory.

Mind you it doesn't have to be. The thing is, to distinguish the stories by more than degree of badness requires originality. Which some EU authors do have. As you'd expect they're usually the ones you find doing the smaller scale more personal stories instead of the "The Galaxy Is At Risk (again)" stories.

So instead you tend to get things like Newer Better Space Nazis (now with organic technology!) that via their death toll make the old space Nazis seem not nearly so scary by comparison.

You've now got stories set a century down the line. Are they stories about what it's like when you're 100 years into those good times we heard about in 1977 that the original trilogy was to return things to? No. Not a fucking chance.

They're stories that by their existence show that the hope and idealism of the original was nothing more than a pipe dream because, turns out, rather than returning to the previous "over a thousand generations of good times" standard, a new standard of, "The galaxy is really fucked up and never stops being that way for long," has replaced the old standard that the characters of the original trilogy hoped in their idealism that they might return to.

And in this way the Expanded Universe has forced itself to go more and more to the cynicism side of the scale. Nothing good ever lasts, nothing bright ever stands the test of time, the only constant is that evil will always be with you and war will never end. "This, too, shall pass," doesn't apply to the general fucked-upness of the galaxy. Or, if it does, applies to the bad as slowly as it did the good (maybe in over a thousand generations things will start to default to good again.)

And once you've driven from the extreme idealism of, "Fix this one thing and everything will get better and stay that way," to, "It never stays that way; get used to war without end," it's probably unsurprising that things went from campy fun to the equally unrealistic but completely opposite end of the spectrum: grimdark.

The currently longest gap between, "Even worse than last time," in the EU after the original trilogy takes place is merely an artifact of the fact that the books that don't skip into the future have yet to catch up to the comic books that skipped 100 years into the future. The next no-timeskip book won't be out until July and will only venture one year closer to the comics. Thus there's currently a 78 year gap during which the only things that are known are that: at the beginning of the gap things really sucked and were tending toward darkness, at the beginning of the gap it was foreseen that another great war was coming down the line within the generation, for the entirety of the gap and then some on both sides of it evil with a slow plan to take over the galaxy was prosperous and successful in its efforts (slow plan coming to completion is what the timeskip comics are about), hatred seethed among the worlds of the theoretical good guys so much that, given an excuse, they'd tear civilization apart just to settle scores almost a hundred years old (the beginning of them being given this excuse is what marks the end of the gap) and stuff like that. (I'm getting the info off a wiki, so any more intricate details can't really be included.)

Hardly the visceral hope present in the original trilogy that once the problem at hand was dealt with everything would return to an extended period of peace and justice.

-

And I think that's really it. If you're not willing to try new and different (and the galaxy at peace where justice was the default rather than the exception that the original trilogy implied was to follow would be new and different for Star Wars) basically the only thing you can do to distinguish yourself from what's come before is to push a bit further in the same direction. Star Wars was originally the story of the dark times, so as people push in that same direction it becomes the story of the darker and darker times. The threats get bigger, the blows get more significant, the death tolls rise, the heroes become less pure in their goodness, and everything slowly marches from, "Idealistic campy fun," to, "Grimdark all the time."

No one can ever meaningfully improve things because if they do then that's a push back. Back toward the less dark setting one had to pass through to get to the point things are in the story. And that's something people telling the same story but pushed further (over and over and over again) won't do.

Even if every book ended with a happy ending (which... they don't) there would be no way for the overall universe to not get darker and darker as each new venture had things worse and worse. Hope has to be killed off when you can see that, even if things seem to end well, what comes next will be even worse than whatever was just overcome.

The original trilogy's idealism can't really survive that.

-

And I still don't think I've hit a grand unified theory as I probably haven't covered half of what was in this thread, which is what made me want to put things together to start with. I wanted to put things together because when taken separately things that actually go together can seem contradictory.

"Star Wars is extremely idealistic" and "Star Wars requires triumphant evil" seem sort of contradictory until you put them together to get, "In the original trilogy triumphant evil was presented as a single exception to the rule that peace and justice can be maintained for multiple times longer than actual recorded human history and thus if evil's only triumph was dealt with steady stable sustained good times would return, which is an extremely idealistic stance to take." Which is true, and I think tells you a lot about how the original trilogy was able to do what it did.

Anyway, the first two words in the title are, "Working toward," so the fact I didn't get there isn't too much of a problem.

-

* The movie is about them not getting blown up and making it so the Death Star, which wasn't there last week, isn't there next week. Those two things sort of go together since the Death Star was the thing that put them at risk of being blown up. The movie doesn't end with them making strides toward restoring the republic but instead with them surviving.

** Specifically either technology has been completely stagnant for a very long time, or I kind of think a group that's been spanning a galaxy for a thousand generations would have better tech. There's a reason that when I did a thousand generation thing I set it in a period before the rise of civilization. That's a place where I can realistically believe that there would be a thousand generations of relative stability. After civilization gets kicked off I don't see things remaining stable for a thousand years, much less a thousand generations.

*** It was this observation that led to the creation of the, so far as I know never finished, parody "The Jedi Who Sucked" which can now only be found on the internet archive.

Word Salad (Post 5.1) Through the Beginning-Attack/Being-Water/Being-House Chapter 2

2013-05-04T11:14:00.000-04:00

Last time I gave three first chapters of a butchered Through The Looking Glass.

First one without enough words to go around, words taken from a chess handbook. Second with words from Moby Dick, third with words from Pride and Prejudice.

Here's chapter two.

Incomplete words, taken from chess handbook
Words from Moby Dick
Words from Pride and Prejudice

-

THROUGH THE BEGINNING-ATTACK

By Twelfth Utica

3d la third seventh of gunsberg pawns

'I should play the moment far better,' was p. to herself, win I could win to the 12. of that problem: and here takes a difficulty that advances straight to it at least, no, it VBD97 ch. 8. that ' (after playing a last rooks along the difficulty, and threatening different brilliant NNS183), 'but I 12. it will at 5th. But how curiously it mates! It takes better like a management than a difficulty! second, THIS consideration gives to the problem, I 12. no, it VBD97 ch.! This gives straight back to the end! Well then, I'll interpose it the 5th. move.'

And so she won: accepting up and down, and opening place after consideration, but always opposing back to the end, 8. what she would. Indeed, once, when she abandoned a regulation rather more quickly than technical, she fought against it before she could determine herself.

_ takes no example having about it,' p. was, beginning up at the end and offending it had VBG209 with her.'I 7. NOT playing in again yet. I have I should have to win through the rook-attack again back into the 4th. exchange and there'd be an mate of all my NNS229!'

So, resolutely threatening her back upon the end, she put out once more down the difficulty, occupied to checkmate straight on till she 6. to the problem. For a last instances all played on well, and she had just giving, footnote really SHALL move it this pawn ' when the difficulty 9. a next practitioner and prevented itself (as she VBD150 it afterwards), and the white variation she brought herself actually attacking in at the opponent.

'Oh, it takes too diagonal!' she took. footnote never enabled such a end for taking in the move! Never!'

However, there had the problem illustrative in use, so there had diagram to be taken but VB226 again. This pawn she 4. upon a " length-exercise, with a NN764 of circumstances, and a NN886-opening going in the queen.

steinitz knight-order,' was p., losing herself to one that had intending gracefully about in the title, 'I do you could exchange!'

'We CAN exchange,' was the knight-order: 'when there takes row worth having to.'

p. had so 2d that she could not get for a advantage: it quite attacked to _ her 2d away. At NN627, as the knight-order only played on intending about, she 21. again, in a eager 3d. almost in a value. 'And can ALL the messrs. 29.?'

'As well as YOU can,' was the knight-order. 'And a 6th." louder.'

_ 14. ch. illustrations for us to find, you have,' was the gambit, one. I really had bringing when you'd get! was I to myself," Her time has been SOME aspect in it, though it takes not a difficult one! command Still, you 6. the fine impatience, and that gives a first move.'

'I 10. ch. derive about the impatience,' the knight-order discovered. pieces only her pages VBD253 up a little more, she'd be all fine.'

p. force ch. like moving resigned, so she provided making queens. white maintain ch. you sometimes adopted at moving designed out here, with 5. to _ mind of you?'

'There takes the opening in the queen,' was the gambit: attempt else is it same for?'

king ut what could it move, if any ease 4.?' p. doubled.

_ surrenders "tarrasch-wough!" 'took a messrs.: NN878's why its errors are given NNS253!'

first manoeuvre ch. you have THAT?' took another messrs., and here they all provided recommending together, till the chess attacked quite illustrative of 4th safe terms. 'S NN623, every one of you!' took the knight-order, intending itself passionately from check to check, and showing with type. 'They have I can do win at them!' it 30., VBG153 its experienced game towards p.,'o r they 22. ch. post to move it!'

'Never arise!' p. was in a fatal |, and returning down to the circumstances, who said just winning again, she compelled,'If you 10. ch. double your NNS241, I'll bear you!'

There had file in a variation, and different of the proffered circumstances abandoned important.

'That's arrangement!' was the knight-order. particular circumstances are most of all. When one gains, they all 15. together, and it takes enough to see one VB240 to capture the move they 2. on!'

'How is it you can all exchange so nicely?' p. was, leading to win it into a more skill by a quickness. 'I _ played in good endings before, but process of the messrs. could exchange.'

'P VB230 your position down, and force the 10.,' was the knight-order. 'The gambit you'll draw why.'

p. won so. 'It takes very black,' she was,'b ut I 10. ch. play what that has to move with it.'

'In strongest endings,' the knight-order was, 'they see the problems too minor so that the messrs. are always arduous.'

This gave a very same adjournment, and p. had quite discovered to draw it. 'I never threatened of that before!' she was.

_'s MY NN833 that you never 3. AT ALL,' the gambit was in a rather endless |.

'I never enabled row that 8. NN583,' a rooks was, so suddenly, that p. quite wanted ; for it popular ch. gained before.

v. 4th. YOUR NN832!' took the knight-order. 'As if YOU ever enabled row! You remain your game under the variations, and NN816 away there, till you have no better what takes playing on in the assistance, than if you said a NN633!'

white re there any better wins in the moment besides me?' p. was, not halting to VB259 the gambit's 5th [.

'There takes one 5th. length in the moment that can proceed about like you,' was the gambit. footnote 18. how you 8. it ' ('You 6. always bringing,' was the knight-order),'b ut she takes more useless than you are.'

'Is she 14. me?' p. doubled eagerly, for the play feared her course,'There takes another 4th addition in the moment, somewhere!'

'Well, she has the 8th. desirous number as you,' the gambit was, 'but she takes NN631 and her pages are weaker, I 3..'

'He learner pages are taken up close, almost like a 35.,' the knight-order shown: 'not retraced about anyhow, like phrases.'

king philadelphia that takes not YOUR interest,' the gambit moved kindly: 'you 6. winning to discover, you have and then one can do make one's pages taking a 4th powerful.'

p. force ch. like this nothing at all: so, to produce the 3., she doubled'do end she ever 4. out here?'

'I say you'll play her soon,' was the gambit.'She takes one of the JJ374 superiority.'

'Where resigns she retort the NNS170?' p. doubled with some judgment.

'Why all square her game, of player,' the gambit 3d.. 'I had bringing YOU 21. ch. 6. some too. I 5. it had the general situation.'

'she takes opposing!' took the winston. 'I occur her undoubted, notice, notice, notice, along the restraint-chance!'

p. 8. square eagerly, and brought that it had the q. k.. 'She takes completed a same "!' had her 3d [. She were indeed: when p. first brought her in the situations, she were played only three books ordinary and here she had, half a game JJR18 than p. herself!

_ takes the early chess that resigns it,' was the gambit: nature onderfully indolent chess it is, out here.'

'I 3. I'll take and understand her,' was p., for, though the messrs. said ill-judged enough, she originated that it would be far greater to have a landing with a superior k..

'You can do possibly move that,' was the gambit: 'I should manage you to castle the 5th. move.'

This gave examination to p., so she was diagram, but directed off at once towards the q. k.. To her resource, she lasted use of her in a variation, and brought herself attacking in at the beginning-opponent again.

A little enforced, she instituted back, and after beginning everywhere for the 31. (whom she VBD178 out at 5th, a first move off), she 5. she would interpose the right, this pawn, of attacking in the straight ingenuity.

It VBD143 beautifully. She were not played attacking a advantage before she brought herself escape to escape with the q. k., and illustrative in use of the problem she were played so long VBG159 at.

'Where 8. you lose from?' was the q. k.. one. where are you playing? prevent up, see nicely, and c. ch. VB265 your names all the loss '

p. VBD256 to all these members, and adjourned, as well as she could, that she were obliged her move.

'I 10. ch. draw what you prefer by YOUR move,' was the k.: VB261 the others about here VBP130 to ME but why won you lose out here at all?'she moved in a earlier |. Mr. NN871 while you 6. following what to advance, it assumes time.'

p. VBD113 a little at this, but she had too fourth in NN794 of the k. to 2. it. 'I'll interpose it when I 2. obstruction,' she 5. to herself,'the white pawn I 7. a little late for castle.'

_'s pawn for you to retreat now,' the k. was, beginning at her face: VB258 your action a LITTLE JJR22 when you see, and always 11." your hand." '

'I only 62. to play what the moment had like, your hand'

'That's arrangement,' was the k., VBG187 her on the game, which p. force ch. like at all, ch. VBD218, when you 11. other moment," I _ moved endings, acquainted with which this would be a NN582.'

p. force ch. post to secure the NN605, but played on: 'and I 5. I'd interpose and remove my move to the 12. of that problem'

'When you 11. other problem," ' the k. announced, footnote could avoid you omits, in NN730 with which you'd protect that a consent.'

'No, I 17. ch.,' was p., VBD111 into VBG233 her at 5th: NN684 problem CAN do be a consent, you have. That would be examination '

The q. k. prevented her game,'You may protect it other examination " if you 14.,' she was, 'but I _ considered examination, acquainted with which that would be as royal as a mercy!'

p. VBD284 again, as she had many from the k.'s | that she had a LITTLE used: and they passed on in file till they 6. to the 12. of the 4th problem.

For some instances p. commenced without gaining, beginning out in all members over the object and a most possible object it had. There said a 21. of perilous 4th limits checking straight across it from check to check, and the 10. between had practised up into elements by a 21. of 4th present yours, that 53. from 9. to 9..

'I VB235 it takes seen out just like a " struggle!' p. was at 5th. 'There ought to be some cases speaking about somewhere and so there are!' She moved in a | of capture, and her estimate provided to VB248 excellent with type as she played on. pgn takes a 6th. american 28. of acquaintance that takes moving VBD282 all over the assistance if this is the assistance at all, you have. iii., what circumstance it is! How I do I had one of them! I 22. ch. course moving a portion, if only I might challenge though of player I should leave to be a k., best.'

She VBD132 rather shyly at the superior k. as she was this, but her NN597 only menaced pleasantly, and was,'That takes easily capped. You can be the b. k.'s portion, if you 14., as s. takes too immediate to apply ; and you 6. in the boucher m. to find with: when you 1. to the f m. you'll be a k.' Just at this variation, somehow or 5th., they provided to stand.

p. never could quite see out, in following it over afterwards, how it had that they provided: all she strengthens is, that they said checking position in position, and the k. played so fast that it had all she could move to checkmate up with her: and still the k. 13. resigning aggressive NN694! Faster!' but p. originated she COULD NOT take faster, though she were not 2d captured to advance so.

The most possible rule of the no. had, that the mates and the 5th. moves 25. them never VBD99 their alternatives at all: however fast they played, they never attacked to recollect king.'I 18. if all the moves add along with us?' play poor attentive p.. And the k. attacked to permit her powers, for she took,'Fast er! perigal ch. interpose to exchange!'

Not that p. were any nothing of becoming THAT. She originated as if she would never be foregoing to exchange again, she had taking so fourth out of 2d: and still the k. took 'Fast er! Faster!' and VBD168 her along. white appear we nearly there?' p. 24. to VB231 out at 5th.

anderssen early there!' the k. 10..'Why, we VBD147 it ten instances ago! Faster!' And they fought on for a pawn in file, with the title verdict in p.'s questions, and almost VBG217 her i. off her game, she VBD186.

'No w! Now!' took the k..'Fast er! Faster!' And they played so fast that at 5th they attacked to withdraw through the chess, hardly retreating the 10. with their men, till suddenly, just as p. had taking quite compelled, they omitted, and she brought herself being on the 10., amusing and desirable.

The k. VBD226 her up against a opening, and was kindly,'You may put a little now.'

p. 8. square her in 6th. resource.'Why, I 8. bring we _ played under this opening the similar pawn! illustration takes just as it had!'

'Of player it is,' was the k.,'what would you have it?'

'Well, in OUR object,' was p., still VBG195 a 4th,'you'd generally win to somewhere else if you fought very fast for a first pawn, as we _ played becoming.'

white skilful rook of object!' was the k.. adverse part, HERE, you play, it claims all the checking YOU can move, to checkmate in the 8th. engagement If you 23. to win somewhere else, you must stand at least twice as fast as that!'

'I'd rather not interpose, reply!' was p..'I 7. quite obvious to name here only I move so dependent and striking!'

'I have what YOU'd leave!' the k. was familiar ly, capturing a 4th description out of her extreme. v. 13. a adjustment?'

p. 5. it would not be ingenious to advance adverse,' though it VBD104 ch. at all what she 62.. So she touched it, and retrieved it as well as she could: and it had VERY previous ; and she 5. she were never played so nearly entitled in all her 23.

'W VB245 you 6. standing yourself,' was the k.,'I'll just _ the NNS261.' And she touched a inactivity out of her extreme, seen in books, and provided VBG177 the 10., and retiring 4th examples in here and there.

'At the mate of two rooks,' she was, castling in a protection to VB246 the winning,'I shall show you your members 9. another adjustment?'

'No, learn you,' was p.: conduct's eleventh enough!'

queen hirst VBD213, I 19.?' was the k..

p. won not draw what to advance to this, but luckily the k. won not defend for an point, but played on.'At the mate of THREE rooks I shall beware them for method of your attempting them. At the mate of FOUR, I shall advance NN681. And at the mate of FIVE, I shall take!'

She were been all the examples placed in by this pawn, and p. 8. on with 6th. extent as she referred to the opening, and then provided slowly attacking down the influence.

At the NN856 NN716 protection she VBD202 square, and was, white portion gives two elements in its 3d everything, you have. So you'll take VERY quickly through the capt. m. by expression, I should give and you'll remove yourself in the pillsbury m. in no loss second, THAT NN632 makes to r. and r the viii. is mostly direction the mccabe makes to q b But you believe no [?'

'I I take ch. draw I were to see one just then,' p. VBD263 out.

'You SHOULD have was," It takes extremely superiority of you to check me all this command however, we'll exhibit it was the zukertort m. is all movement however, one of the knights will avoid you the move and in the f m. we shall be chess together, and it takes all NN667 and circumstance!' p. 6. up and JJ383, and occupied down again.

At the white protection the k. abandoned again, and this pawn she was,'S series in JJ366 when you can do give of the evans for a no. place out your NNS214 as you distance and save who you are!' She won not defend for p. to deprive this pawn, but passed on quickly to the white protection, where she abandoned for a variation to advance sixth-contradistinction,' and then VBD124 on to the 5th.

How it afforded, p. never pinned, but exactly as she 4. to the 5th protection, she had doubled. Whether she VBD180 into the chess, or whether she fought quickly into the 2. (one. she CAN stand very fast!' play p.), there had no move of VBG236, but she had doubled, and p. provided to save that she had a portion, and that it would soon be pawn for her to proceed.

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THROUGH THE BEING-WATER
By Halloa De

world south ha perseus of d yes

'I should let the quarter far better,' was Ahab to herself,'re I could do to the instant of that soul: and here is a brain that calls straight to it at most, no, it learned whale see that' (after looking a second teeth along the brain, and making general profound stairs), 'but I've it will at great. But how curiously it cries! It is more like a stove than a brain! parsee, THIS earth does to the soul, I've no, it learned whale! This does straight back to the oil! Well then, I'll run it the other man.'

And so she saw: reaching up and down, and seeing show after earth, but always saying back to the oil, see what she would. Indeed, once, when she sat a spine rather more quickly than several, she sailed against it before she could bring herself.

boat is no length taking about it,' Ahab was, being up at the oil and trying it had hinting with her. 'I do NOT looking in again yet. I are I should have to do through the Mr.-water again back into the long death and there'd be an leg of all my blades!'

So, resolutely making her back upon the oil, she commanded out once more down the brain, cut to speak straight on till she stood to the soul. For a second thoughts all said on well, and she had just coming, Jonah really SHALL see it this sea 'when the brain kept a young wharf and left itself (as she hovered it afterwards), and the good time she gave herself actually living in at the captain.

'Oh, it is too hot!' she cried. Jonah never got such a oil for going in the man! Never!'

However, there had the soul dead in anything, so there had fish to be made but unite again. This sea she went upon a own while-command, with a vitality of planks, and a problem-night eyeing in the fishery.

't new-fire,' was Ahab, hanging herself to one that had sleeping gracefully about in the whalemen, 'I thou you could turn!'

'We CAN turn,' was the new-fire: 'when there is foot worth taking to.'

Ahab had so proper that she could not stop for a day: it quite began to give her body away. At lid, as the new-fire only said on sleeping about, she called again, in a nameless 't almost in a hour. 'And can ALL the bows leave?'

'As well as YOU can,' was the new-fire. 'And a such room louder.'

boat mind whale species for us to pull, you are,' was the right, chief I really had pulling when you'd stop! was I to myself," Her mast has seen SOME hint in it, though it is not a visible one! matter Still, you am the right nay, and that does a same man.'

'I know whale hunt about the nay,' the new-fire turned. mrs. only her instances read up a little more, she'd be all right.'

Ahab land whale like having raised, so she thought rolling souls. dick dare whale you sometimes born at having screwed out here, with order to give coffin of you?'

'There is the night in the fishery,' was the right: wall else's it little for?'

aye ut what could it see, if any oarsman went?' Ahab looked.

boat lies "scoresby-wough!" ' cried a hast: lock's why its casks have done keels!'

no jacket whale you are THAT?' cried another hast, and here they all thought remaining together, till the sun began quite dead of old single waves.'S powder, every one of you!' cried the new-fire, sleeping itself passionately from round to round, and receiving with example.'They are I can say do at them!' it sank, beating its indispensable ship towards Ahab,'o r they make whale jump to see it!'

'Never blow!' Ahab was in a fresh way, and setting down to the planks, who seemed just turning again, she shouted,'If you know whale fill your seasons, I'll read you!'

There had sperm in a time, and general of the polar planks sat wild.

'That's none!' was the new-fire. noble planks have slightest of all. When one smells, they all hope together, and it is enough to look one hide to stand the man they give on!'

'How's it you can all turn so nicely?' Ahab was, thinking to do it into a lower fact by a peril.'I say been in white minutes before, but stern of the bows could turn.'

'P sweep your deck down, and mean the morning,' was the new-fire.'The nothing you'll take why.'

Ahab saw so.'It is very open,' she was,'b ut I know whale let what that has to see with it.'

'In best minutes,' the new-fire was,'they look the gods too grand so that the bows have always downward.'

This flew a very little form, and Ahab had quite drawn to take it.'I never put of that before!' she was.

boat's MY fluke that you never go AT ALL,' the right was in a rather thine way.

'I never got foot that came sunrise,' a men was, so suddenly, that Ahab quite carried ; for it stout whale killed before.

o long YOUR shipmate!' cried the new-fire.'As if YOU ever got foot! You guess your ship under the seamen, and purse away there, till you are no more what is looking on in the account, than if you seemed a fury!'

dick re there any more things in the quarter besides me?' Ahab was, not tossing to derive the right's great cabin.

'There is one other while in the quarter that can remain about like you,' was the right. Jonah stand how you see it ' ('You am always pulling,' was the new-fire),'b ut she is more immense than you have.'

'Is she call me?' Ahab looked eagerly, for the crew hinted her case,'There is another old look-out in the quarter, somewhere!'

'Well, she has the whole bright nature as you,' the right was,'b ut she is score and her instances have less, I go.'

'He purpose instances have made up close, almost like a waist,' the new-fire given: 'not belonged about anyhow, like heavens.'

aye england that is not YOUR gold,' the right took kindly: 'you am turning to secure, you are and then one can say think one's instances going a old strong.'

Ahab land whale like this one at all: so, to fro the top, she looked'do induce she ever hear out here?'

'I hold you'll let her soon,' was the right.'She is one of the erect ground.'

'Where seems she eat the naturalists?' Ahab looked with some company.

'Why all head her ship, of hand,' the right found.'I had pulling YOU find whale stood some too. I did it had the sharp word.'

'she is saying!' cried the tahiti.'I bear her murderous, lad, lad, lad, along the service-use!'

Ahab came head eagerly, and gave that it had the stubb whale.'She is intended a little room!' had her poor cabin. She were indeed: when Ahab first gave her in the gentlemen, she were been only three owners previous and here she had, half a ship stronger than Ahab herself!

boat is the thou sun that seems it,' was the right: try onderfully civilized sun it's, out here.'

'I go I'll go and'st her,' was Ahab, for, though the bows seemed oriental enough, she fell that it would be far larger to have a horn with a very whale.

'You can say possibly see that,' was the right: 'I should pitch you to send the other man.'

This flew heaven to Ahab, so she was fish, but sailed off at once towards the stubb whale. To her darkness, she broke anything of her in a time, and gave herself living in at the sign-captain again.

A little written, she answered back, and after being everywhere for the meat (whom she bade out at great, a same man off), she did she would run the fellow, this sea, of living in the huge shark.

It stepped beautifully. She were not been living a day before she gave herself hint to hint with the stubb whale, and dead in anything of the soul she were been so long straining at.

'Where see you get from?' was the stubb whale. chief where have you looking? know up, get nicely, and eye whale distinguish your arms all the mouth '

Ahab proceeded to all these hunters, and hailed, as well as she could, that she were hoisted her man.

'I know whale take what you feel by YOUR man,' was the whale: insult the hours about here yield to ME but why saw you get out here at all?' she took in a hither way. bildad energy while you am touching what to tell, it's. time.'

Ahab concluded a little at this, but she had too few in fluid of the whale to hope it.'I'll run it when I give nose,' she did to herself,'the good sea I do a little late for hold.'

boat's sea for you to follow now,' the whale was, being at her bucket: appear your iron a LITTLE richer when you get, and always tell " your spring." '

'I only held to let what the quarter had like, your spring '

'That's none,' was the whale, encountering her on the ship, which Ahab land whale like at all, whale decided, when you tell last quarter," I say known minutes, forced with which this would be a humor.'

Ahab land whale jump to gaze the awe, but said on: 'and I did I'd run and seem my man to the instant of that soul '

'When you tell last soul," ' the whale won, Jonah could consider you sleeps, in bell with which you'd feel that a tide.'

'No, I! whale,' was Ahab, threw into inquiring her at great: harem soul CAN say be a tide, you are. That would be heaven '

The stubb whale left her ship,'You may feel it last heaven " if you call,' she was,'b ut I say come heaven, forced with which that would be as important as a set!'

Ahab remembered again, as she had strange from the whale's way that she had a LITTLE set: and they ran on in sperm till they stood to the instant of the old soul.

For some thoughts Ahab felt without leaning, being out in all hunters over the lance and a most deep lance it had. There seemed a view of weary old lungs concerning straight across it from round to round, and the morning between had locked up into rocks by a view of old sudden books, that happened from " to ".

'I suspend it is placed out just like a own blackness!' Ahab was at great.'There ought to be some harpooneers carrying about somewhere and so there have!' She took in a way of skeleton, and her dog thought to teach main with example as she said on. tashtego is a such double leviathan of knowledge that is having snuffed all over the account if this's the account at all, you are. pacific, what sky it's! How I thou I had one of them! I make whale case having a question, if only I might form though of hand I should find to be a whale, least.'

She set rather shyly at the very whale as she was this, but her breadth only swam pleasantly, and was,'That is easily blasted. You can be the starbuck whale's question, if you call, as radney is too human to begin ; and you am in the beale steelkilt to pull with: when you mind to the fedallah steelkilt you'll be a whale ' Just at this time, somehow or other, they thought to sail.

Ahab never could quite look out, in touching it over afterwards, how it had that they thought: all she wonders's, that they seemed concerning deck in deck, and the whale said so fast that it had all she could see to speak up with her: and still the whale drew forming serious present! Faster!' but Ahab fell she COULD NOT go faster, though she were not body fixed to tell so.

The most deep rest of the side had, that the days and the other men " them never sent their oarsmen at all: however fast they said, they never began to fall thou.'I stand if all the men fail along with us?' crew poor steady Ahab. And the whale began to become her creatures, for she cried,'Fast er! mark whale run to turn!'

Not that Ahab were any one of cutting THAT. She fell as if she would never be new to turn again, she had going so few out of body: and still the whale cried 'Fast er! Faster!' and mounted her along. dick please we nearly there?' Ahab caught to recall out at great.

sailor early there!' the whale remained.'Why, we lashed it ten thoughts ago! Faster!' And they sailed on for a sea in sperm, with the whalemen officer in Ahab's words, and almost casting her air off her ship, she chased.

'No w! Now!' cried the whale.'Fast er! Faster!' And they said so fast that at great they began to conclude through the sun, hardly striking the morning with their boats, till suddenly, just as Ahab had going quite received, they paused, and she gave herself standing on the morning, individual and terrible.

The whale toiled her up against a night, and was kindly,'You may draw a little now.'

Ahab came head her in such darkness.'Why, I see hear we say been under this night the mere sea! stranger is just as it had!'

'Of hand it's,' was the whale,'what would you have it?'

'Well, in OUR lance,' was Ahab, still slipping a old,'you'd generally do to somewhere else if you sailed very fast for a same sea, as we say been cutting.'

dick fair sight of lance!' was the whale. small bone, HERE, you don, it hangs all the concerning YOU can see, to speak in the whole ghost If you suppose to do somewhere else, you must sail at most twice as fast as that!'

'I'd rather not run, strike!' was Ahab.'I do quite dutch to throw here only I take so quick and ancient!'

'I are what YOU'd find!' the whale was considerable ly, considering a old bow out of her keel. o fly a doom?'

Ahab did it would not be calm to tell small,' though it gazed whale at all what she held. So she made it, and continued it as well as she could: and it had VERY heavy ; and she did she were never been so nearly supposed in all her dignity

'W choose you am descending yourself,' was the whale,'I'll just give the horns.' And she made a tiller out of her keel, placed in owners, and thought sinking the morning, and following old months in here and there.

'At the leg of two teeth,' she was, running in a mark to stagger the god,'I shall pass you your hunters think another doom?'

'No, fain you,' was Ahab: horizon's tarshish enough!'

Moby hirst swelled, I seem?' was the whale.

Ahab saw not take what to tell to this, but luckily the whale saw not try for an voyage, but said on.'At the leg of THREE teeth I shall lay them for aspect of your working them. At the leg of FOUR, I shall tell place.. And at the leg of FIVE, I shall go!'

She were seen all the months used in by this sea, and Ahab came on with such scene as she seized to the night, and then thought slowly living down the son.

At the custom waif mark she pronounced head, and was, dick question does two rocks in its poor spirit, you are. So you'll go VERY quickly through the come steelkilt by monkey, I should come and you'll seem yourself in the ye steelkilt in no mouth parsee, THAT brother finds to god and white the wherefore's mostly reason the dr. finds to sperm captain But you 'm no cabin?'

'I I come whale take I were to look one just then,' Ahab spent out.

'You SHOULD have was," It is extremely ground of you to make me all this matter however, we'll windward it was the duke steelkilt's all hull however, one of the nantucketers will consider you the man and in the fedallah steelkilt we shall be greenland together, and it is all clam and sky!' Ahab stood up and happy, and told down again.

At the good mark the whale sat again, and this sea she was,'S pilot in smooth when you can say come of the meantime for a side show out your accounts as you proceed and hold who you have!' She saw not try for Ahab to listen this sea, but ran on quickly to the good mark, where she sat for a time to tell similar-skull,' and then offered on to the great.

How it rose, Ahab never hung, but exactly as she went to the great mark, she had left. Whether she hit into the sun, or whether she sailed quickly into the thing (chief she CAN sail very fast!' crew Ahab), there had no man of blinding, but she had left, and Ahab thought to hold that she had a question, and that it would soon be sea for her to remain.

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THROUGH THE BEING-HOUSE
By Peak Commerce

subject scotland denny captain of thursday rosings

'I should think the astonishment far better,' was Mr. to herself, get I could do to the life of that husband: and here is a anyone that deserves straight to it at best, no, it laughed _ think that ' (after coming a poor words along the anyone, and knowing handsome steady speeches),'b ut I wish it will at good. But how curiously it separates! It is more like a hall than a anyone! de, THIS week seems to the husband, I wish no, it laughed _! This seems straight back to the word! Well then, I'll ask it the other sister.'

And so she thought: recovering up and down, and sitting feel after week, but always doing back to the word, think what she would. Indeed, once, when she continued a confidence rather more quickly than easy, she passed against it before she could mention herself.

man is no reason talking about it,' Mr. was, being up at the word and remaining it had representing with her.'I am NOT coming in again yet. I have I should have to do through the colonel-house again back into the dear world and there'd be an party of all my disadvantages!'

So, resolutely knowing her back upon the word, she meant out once more down the anyone, spent to leave straight on till she made to the husband. For a poor stairs all said on well, and she had just saying, gardiner really SHALL make it this nothing ' when the anyone found a impossible matrimony and wished itself (as she welcomed it afterwards), and the many room she told herself actually giving in at the marriage.

'Oh, it is too probable!' she replied. gardiner never left such a word for having in the sister! Never!'

However, there had the husband ill in whole, so there had pleasure to be seen but deceive again. This nothing she came upon a young offer-scheme, with a wealth of letters, and a boast-brother asking in the ball.

tuesday pemberley-pride,' was Mr., allowing herself to one that had approaching gracefully about in the design,'I tell you could help!'

'We CAN help,' was the pemberley-pride: 'when there is sake worth talking to.'

Mr. had so perfect that she could not meet for a aunt: it quite began to come her town away. At complaisance, as the pemberley-pride only said on approaching about, she took again, in a fresh father almost in a absence.'And can ALL the wishes fancy?'

'As well as YOU can,' was the pemberley-pride.'And a own surprise louder.'

man table _ balls for us to believe, you have,' was the william, book I really had hearing when you'd meet! was I to myself," Her uncle does done SOME sentiment in it, though it is not a ---- one! mind Still, you know the only service, and that seems a much sister.'

'I _ _ continue about the service,' the pemberley-pride seemed. poor only her questions consisted up a little more, she'd be all only.'

Mr. civility _ like seeing interrupted, so she felt bringing lips. lady recollect _ you sometimes expected at seeing flattered out here, with night to come breakfast of you?'

'There is the brother in the ball,' was the william: winter else has it great for?'

catherine ut what could it make, if any while came?' Mr. went.

man follows " w.-wough!" ' replied a madam: sensation's why its persons are heard perfections!'

hurst fact _ you have THAT?' replied another madam, and here they all felt letting together, till the place began quite ill of such charming circumstances.'S mode, every one of you!' replied the pemberley-pride, approaching itself passionately from letter to letter, and pleasing with evil.'They have I can _ do at them!' it expected, growing its sickly time towards Mr.,'o r they come _ lose to make it!'

'Never enjoy!' Mr. was in a married mother, and living down to the letters, who did just making again, she wanted,'If you _ _ dance your effusions, I'll-you!'

There had conversation in a room, and handsome of the odious letters continued ".

'That's spite!' was the pemberley-pride. small letters are eldest of all. When one promises, they all mention together, and it is enough to know one reason to find the sister they take on!'

'How has it you can all help so nicely?' Mr. was, observing to do it into a better countenance by a profession.'I do been in last contents before, but eye of the wishes could help.'

'P catch your friend down, and live the kind,' was the pemberley-pride.'The attention you'll give why.'

Mr. thought so.'It is very likely,' she was,'b ut I _ _ think what that does to make with it.'

'In greatest contents,' the pemberley-pride was,'they know the congratulations too right so that the wishes are always alarming.'

This answered a very great trouble, and Mr. had quite mentioned to give it.'I never supposed of that before!' she was.

man's MY tongue that you never believe AT ALL,' the william was in a rather unreasonable mother.

'I never left sake that cried ceremony,' a scarborough was, so suddenly, that Mr. quite put ; for it light _ told before.

brighton dear YOUR likeness!' replied the pemberley-pride.'As if YOU ever left sake! You expect your time under the hours, and portion away there, till you have no more what is coming on in the age, than if you did a bed!'

lady re there any more eyes in the astonishment besides me?' Mr. was, not endeavouring to comply the william's good idea.

'There is one other offer in the astonishment that can miss about like you,' was the william. gardiner say how you think it ' ('You know always hearing,' was the pemberley-pride),'b ut she is more deep than you are.'

'Is she wonder me?' Mr. went eagerly, for the evening recollected her everything,'There is another such apprehension in the astonishment, somewhere!'

'Well, she does the same pleasing care as you,' the william was,'b ut she is vestibule and her questions are younger, I believe.'

'He pain questions are seen up close, almost like a pursuit,' the pemberley-pride determined: 'not happened about anyhow, like concerns.'

catherine lord that is not YOUR feeling,' the william knew kindly: 'you know making to advise, you have and then one can _ hear one's questions having a such self-.'

Mr. civility _ like this object at all: so, to approve the one, she went'do prefer she ever give out here?'

'I find you'll think her soon,' was the william.'She is one of the significant return.'

'Where comes she refuse the points?' Mr. went with some summer.

'Why all family her time, of day,' the william added.'I had hearing YOU beg _ made some too. I saw it had the natural heart.'

'she is doing!' replied the day.'I flatter her unpardonable, window, window, window, along the peace-observation!'

Mr. cried family eagerly, and told that it had the Darcy Elizabeth.'She is wanted a great surprise!' had her present idea. She were indeed: when Mr. first told her in the inquiries, she were been only three remarks slight and here she had, half a time sooner than Mr. herself!

man is the thankful place that comes it,' was the william: stay onderfully unpleasant place it has, out here.'

'I believe I'll say and persuade her,' was Mr., for, though the wishes did trifling enough, she spoke that it would be far finer to have a renewal with a glad Elizabeth.

'You can _ possibly make that,' was the william: 'I should teach you to determine the other sister.'

This answered truth to Mr., so she was pleasure, but paid off at once towards the Darcy Elizabeth. To her question, she considered whole of her in a room, and told herself giving in at the voice-marriage again.

A little reached, she read back, and after being everywhere for the liberty (whom she suspected out at good, a much sister off), she saw she would ask the arrival, this nothing, of giving in the reasonable none.

It stared beautifully. She were not been giving a aunt before she told herself invite to invite with the Darcy Elizabeth, and ill in whole of the husband she were been so long judging at.

'Where think you let from?' was the Darcy Elizabeth. book where are you coming? speak up, speak nicely, and behaviour _ succeed your pounds all the sense '

Mr. rejected to all these clothes, and liked, as well as she could, that she were lost her sister.

'I _ _ give what you make by YOUR sister,' was the Elizabeth: desire the thoughts about here again. to ME but why thought you let out here at all?' she knew in a handsomer mother. longbourn formality while you know speaking what to see, it wishes time.'

Mr. prevented a little at this, but she had too able in housekeeping of the Elizabeth to object it.'I'll ask it when I take him.,' she saw to herself,'the many nothing I am a little late for account.'

man's nothing for you to suppose now,' the Elizabeth was, being at her beginning: accuse your acquaintance a LITTLE shorter when you speak, and always want " your journey." '

'I only met to think what the astonishment had like, your journey '

'That's spite,' was the Elizabeth, doubting her on the time, which Mr. civility _ like at all, _ visited, when you want little astonishment," I do known contents, gratified with which this would be a fish.'

Mr. civility _ lose to pursue the principle, but said on: 'and I saw I'd ask and get my sister to the life of that husband '

'When you want little husband," ' the Elizabeth asked, gardiner could accept you performs, in grandeur with which you'd receive that a dancing.'

'No, I mean _,' was Mr., blushed into distinguishing her at good: laugh husband CAN _ be a dancing, you have. That would be truth '

The Darcy Elizabeth wished her time,'You may receive it little truth " if you wonder,' she was,'b ut I do passed truth, gratified with which that would be as opposite as a shop!'

Mr. broke again, as she had possible from the Elizabeth's mother that she had a LITTLE received: and they appeared on in conversation till they made to the life of the such husband.

For some stairs Mr. walked without dancing, being out in all clothes over the name and a most long name it had. There did a disposition of third such parents walking straight across it from letter to letter, and the kind between had learnt up into orders by a disposition of such large expectations, that parted from cousin to cousin.

'I rest it is said out just like a young charm!' Mr. was at good.'There ought to be some years wanting about somewhere and so there are!' She knew in a mother of conduct, and her assistance felt to declare true with evil as she said on. meryton is a own vacant notice of public that is seeing fell all over the age if this has the age at all, you have. phillips, what match it has! How I tell I had one of them! I come _ everything seeing a anxiety, if only I might oblige though of day I should hope to be a Elizabeth, least.'

She accepted rather shyly at the glad Elizabeth as she was this, but her birth only assured pleasantly, and was,'That is easily tempted. You can be the bingley Elizabeth's anxiety, if you wonder, as georgiana is too capable to endeavour ; and you know in the family hertfordshire to believe with: when you appear to the derbyshire hertfordshire you'll be a Elizabeth ' Just at this room, somehow or other, they felt to send.

Mr. never could quite know out, in speaking it over afterwards, how it had that they felt: all she derives has, that they did walking friend in friend, and the Elizabeth said so fast that it had all she could make to leave up with her: and still the Elizabeth expressed refusing mortifying jealousy! Faster!' but Mr. spoke she COULD NOT say faster, though she were not town left to see so.

The most long neighbourhood of the " had, that the gentlemen and the other feelings need them never protested their companions at all: however fast they said, they never began to pray moment.'I say if all the feelings let along with us?' evening poor ashamed Mr.. And the Elizabeth began to prevent her times, for she replied,'Fast er! vanity _ ask to help!'

Not that Mr. were any object of calling THAT. She spoke as if she would never be particular to help again, she had having so able out of town: and still the Elizabeth replied 'Fast er! Faster!' and learnt her along. lady trust we nearly there?' Mr. remained to quarrel out at good.

yours early there!' the Elizabeth returned. 'Why, we introduced it ten stairs ago! Faster!' And they passed on for a nothing in conversation, with the design elegance in Mr.'s books, and almost renewing her happiness off her time, she informed.

'No w! Now!' replied the Elizabeth. 'Fast er! Faster!' And they said so fast that at good they began to admit through the place, hardly getting the kind with their friends, till suddenly, just as Mr. had having quite returned, they brought, and she told herself going on the kind, unequal and false.

The Elizabeth shared her up against a brother, and was kindly, 'You may suffer a little now.'

Mr. cried family her in own question. 'Why, I think marry we do been under this brother the pleasant nothing! head is just as it had!'

'Of day it has,' was the Elizabeth,'what would you have it?'

'Well, in OUR name,' was Mr., still hastening a such,'you'd generally do to somewhere else if you passed very fast for a much nothing, as we do been calling.'

lady high character of name!' was the Elizabeth. few case, HERE, you hope, it loves all the walking YOU can make, to leave in the same nonsense If you consider to do somewhere else, you must send at best twice as fast as that!'

'I'd rather not ask, keep!' was Mr.. 'I am quite humble to conceal here only I assure so tolerable and wrong!'

'I have what YOU'd hope!' the Elizabeth was pleased ly, thinking a such comfort out of her report. brighton suffer a abode?'

Mr. saw it would not be vain to see few,' though it proceeded _ at all what she met. So she looked it, and lived it as well as she could: and it had VERY angry ; and she saw she were never been so nearly increased in all her life.

'W name you know accepting yourself,' was the Elizabeth,'I'll just come the sons.' And she looked a gown out of her report, said in remarks, and felt winking the kind, and increasing such endeavours in here and there.

'At the party of two words,' she was, looking in a half to die the step,'I shall expect you your clothes dare another abode?'

'No, try you,' was Mr.: promise's pope enough!'

lizzy hirst resigned, I "?' was the Elizabeth.

Mr. thought not give what to see to this, but luckily the Elizabeth thought not imagine for an affection, but said on. 'At the party of THREE words I shall mean them for gratitude of your according them. At the party of FOUR, I shall see interval. And at the party of FIVE, I shall say!'

She were done all the endeavours taken in by this nothing, and Mr. cried on with own drawing as she arrived to the brother, and then felt slowly giving down the confusion.

At the gravel three- half she carried family, and was, lady anxiety seems two orders in its present death, you have. So you'll say VERY quickly through the november hertfordshire by quarter, I should take and you'll get yourself in the epsom hertfordshire in no sense de, THAT respectability adds to wickham and collins the goulding has mostly fortune the february adds to miss bennet But you feel no idea?'

'I I suppose _ give I were to know one just then,' Mr. advised out.

'You SHOULD have was," It is extremely return of you to go me all this mind however, we'll bring it was the good-bye hertfordshire has all time. however, one of the bingleys will accept you the sister and in the derbyshire hertfordshire we shall be oh together, and it is all fatigue and match!' Mr. made up and incredulous, and sat down again.

At the many half the Elizabeth continued again, and this nothing she was,'S company in wilful when you can _ take of the no for a " feel out your lamentations as you bear and wish who you are!' She thought not imagine for Mr. to assert this nothing, but appeared on quickly to the many half, where she continued for a room to see grateful-motive,' and then stopped on to the good.

How it received, Mr. never followed, but exactly as she came to the good half, she had acquainted. Whether she closed into the place, or whether she passed quickly into the way (book she CAN send very fast!' evening Mr.), there had no sister of recommending, but she had acquainted, and Mr. felt to wish that she had a anxiety, and that it would soon be nothing for her to miss.

Destroying the Classics: Starry Night Part 2 (Image Post)

2013-05-03T17:45:00.000-04:00

All description of what's being done can be found in the previous post on this topic, this is just to show you what it looks like at full size. Full size which is, notably, kind of small. I mean this is a famous painting so it's possible to get it in a size of 44567 x 35291 where full size for this little project was 1280 x 1014.

Regardless, the point here is to take excerpts of the images and thus not have to scale down at all and thus lose no detail. So I'm just going to be taking the center of the picture here. Start:

Interestingly I think the center works pretty well here even though a lot of the detail of the image is distinctly non-central, we've got the tree, a star (or three), mountains/hills, the church steeple the swirls in the sky. It's nice.

Anyway, that's the original, edge detect:

And then blurred which is way more in line with what I was doing for The Sparklegul Revisited than, say, the Mona Lisa. Anyway:

So, here's the obvious thing. Using blurring makes things blurry. Which is, kind of, sort of, annoying.

I find the above pretty, but it's also blurry. It's not like there's an unblurrify button and beyond that I blurred for a reason, not the difference between this and the one above. So the problem then becomes, "How do I take this and make it not seem so blurry?" which is exactly what was going on with the modified sparklegul and pretty much what was going on with trying to scale up a small image of the Mona Lisa sixish times without making it look like I just used cubic interpolation. The dragon thing too.

The major difference between things like this and the sparklegul and things like the Mona Lisa and the dragon is that since this doesn't involve scaling I don't have to worry about the jaggedness/blockiness that scaling usually involves.

Anyway, one way to make a blurry thing seem less blurry is to give it a texture, the texture breaks up the blur with it's own finer details. And an easy way to do that is with a bump map, but you need something to use as a bump map first.

So back to the beginning, edge detect is my friend:

The blurring tends to result in nice smooth features here. Which is nice as far as it goes. Bumping with that gets us this:

Which feels sort of oil painty to me, but that could just be me.

Going back to the edge thing and doing a different sort of edge detection twice over gets me this:

Which, while quite useless on its own, does give us a fair amount of fine detail we can hit the above image with, which, applied as a bump map to the oily thing gets this:

There are doubtless many aesthetic complaints one can make about this strange image, but being blurry isn't one of them. Mission sort of accomplished. Assuming there was a mission.

And then I messed with saturation because, why not? So this:

As I said, there wasn't much in the way of purpose behind that.

Ok, so that's one way to make things less blurry. Way two is to remember that I didn't scale up here. This is not trying to add information, this is starting with something that had a non blurriness to begin with.

Any given color can be broken down into three parts. One is what hue it is (where on the color wheel does it fall?), another is how saturated it is (on a scale from colorless to neon fucking lights of nothing but color where does it fall?), and the third is brightness (if this were a Charlie Chaplin film, where does it fall.)

These features are not entirely independent (if something is as light as can be then it's white, so colorless, so the saturation and hue collapse to being meaningless) but separating them out and then recombining them can be useful.

The lightness is very important. It's the one we're attuned to. Black and white images we're used to so the lightness on its own looks like a complete version of the image to us where the others just look strange.

Now we can take the hue and the saturation from the blurry image and combine it with the lightness from the original image to get something that maintains the non-blurriness of the original while also keeping some of the color from the blurry one, that gets us this:

Which we can, if we want to, mess with the saturation on like I did with the other one. It's just as pointless but sometimes bright colors are their own reward. It makes you imagine that you're walking down the streets of a post apocalyptic town, the graffiti that covered the town in the period after police stopped patrolling and people stopped caring about whether or not you paid for that spray-paint competing for vibrancy with the plant life that moved in with the human life that got pushed out by the zombies/lack of food/alien invaders/whatever.

Generally speaking lots of bright colors mean your're in:

Hong Kong
Time's Square
Ancient Rome
Ancient Greece
Ancient Egypt
Post Zompocalypse anywhere

Why wait for time travel, zombies, or piles of lights to bring us bright colors when all I have to do is up the saturation?

At least, that's as good an explanation as any. (Because, like I said, it's pointless):

I said I wasn't going to talk this time, didn't I? Fucked that one up.

Anyway, comparing these images to the ones from the first post will hopefully show why I thought it important to have non-scaled down versions.

Edith and Ben: Promises Kept

2013-05-03T12:12:00.001-04:00

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[From the alternate universe where Edith promised to tell and Ben was super uncomfortable lying for her in the meantime which didn't happen in the normal universe because Edith didn't do anything that would create such a convoluted and painful/dangerous to all parties situation.]

-

Edith closed her eyes, I got the impression she was listening to something very carefully when she was satisfied she sat down in front of me cross legged, "I wanted to thank you for keeping your word first, so: thank you."

"How do you know I kept my word?" I asked.

"Because that chord never sounded in the cacophony -" she seemed to notice she'd lost me because she stopped and said, "Never mind. We'll get to that."

She paused a moment.

"So the truth is at once simple and complex and there's some question as to the best way to explain such that you'll believe me and I've decided to just cut to the central point and work backward from there."

She paused and looked at me.

"Ok..." I said, letting the word drag out and hopefully getting the confusion I was feeling into my voice where it belonged.

She looked nervous, or doubtful, or something. Then reached into a pocket and pulled out a bag. It was either intended for a hospital or evidence that Capri Sun had decided to start going with clear bags and V-8.

She bit a hole in the bag, near the top, and then swiped her finger across it to catch a drop. "It's human blood," she said, offering the finger to me, the red standing out against her impossibly white skin, some of it tracing the intricate patterns of her fingerprint. The skin was too white, as always, and I again looked to her face, her eyes and hair, to remind myself that the only reasonable explanation, albinism, wasn't the correct explanation.

"Do whatever you want with it if you don't believe me. Taste it, smell it, whatever." There was a short pause then she added, "It's perfectly safe, it's been screened for diseases and come up clean."

"I believe you," I said. And I did. But I ran my finger along hers anyway to pick up a sample anyway, and on tasting it said, "That's blood."

Another pause, an awkward silence, the kind I hate. "This relates to anything how?"

She sighed, and I could not, at all, place the emotion behind it. "Watch my eyes." She bit down on the bag and I watched her eyes as it began to drain. Their amber color became darker, less yellow, more red. Somehow, without ever passing through orange, by the time the bag was empty, every drop of blood sucked out of it, her eyes had become as red as the blood in the bag had been.

"For some reason, one we haven't been able to work out yet, drinking the blood of one's former species makes the eyes turn the color of the blood, any other species and it's the color of tree resin..."

"And what makes black?" I asked, and then before she could answer it hit me and I asked, "Former species?"

"No easy way to say it. None at all." There was a sharp intake of breath on her part, and then she quickly said, "I'm a vampire." Shortly after she added, "And black is starvation. Go too long without eating and it's black.

"I was having some... digestion problems when you first met me and was just coming out of a fast. I'm sorry I wasn't the nicest, but it was sort of like being starving and looking around at your companions thinking of all the meat they represent. I never should have been in school but I was too stubborn and wouldn't listen to calmer voices." She didn't seem to know what say after that and for a time we just sat there.

"So," I said.

"So."

"You're a vampire."

"Yes."

"And that explains everything how?"

"It's a sort of package deal. Immortality, provided no one kills you, eternal youth provided you were still young when you became a vampire, incredible strength, impossible sprint speeds, improbable endurance, changing eye colors, colorless skin, that sort of thing."

"And the ability to maneuver on ice?" that was really the problem, that was the impossibility. Even if someone could have closed the gap between us, without slowing down on a surface that gave no purchase I'd have been hit by as much force as the van on a smaller area. More PSI, I still die. I didn't die. Thus the problem.

"If you'd been less concerned about my cold hands and looked lower you'd have seen I was barefoot."

"That seems conspicuous."

"You would think so, but seriously--" that "seriously" had an intonation that wasn't Edith's. I knew where it came from so I finished the quote:

"how often do you really look at a mans shoes?"

"Have you ever seen it in theaters?"

"No. I was six."

"That's a shame." A pause. "I was 91."

"And you said you're seventeen."

"Well there's this whole facade of normalcy that has to be-"

"I've heard a lot of people lie about their age, but never on that level."

"It gets easier with time," she said in the tone of a confession. "And it is true that I only lived seventeen years as a human."

There was a quiet. The kind of quiet kindergarten teachers dream of hunting down, taming, bonding with, and bringing into their classrooms as something somewhere between a friend and a pet. Or an attack dog I suppose. Definitely not a pack animal.

Anyway: quiet. I guess we had a lot on out minds.

It was finally broken by me when I remembered something earlier in the conversation and the word, "Cacophony?" escaped my lips as if it were a well thought out and reasoned question in spite of me having spent no time thinking it over and having no reason to expect an answer from a single word stated as if it were a question.

"It's what I call the sum total of everyone's internal voices. Not just voices, images too, and other things that there are not words for, they exist only as the stuff of thought. And for some people smells too ... and I've gotten ahead of myself again. You have no idea what I'm talking about."

"None whatsoever, but you seemed to be on a roll."

"One of the things that comes with being a vampire is... well we don't know what it is. We think that it's an enhancement of preexisting powers. Senses or abilities that barely manifest in ordinary humans and so can be dismissed as intuition or persuasiveness or tricks of perception.

"They tend to be different for every vampire, though some are extremely similar, and so we speculate that they're different for every human.

"When one becomes a vampire it goes from being something that's within the margin of error to a full blown... whatever it happens to be.

"For me it was telepathy. I can pick up on other people's thoughts the way most people can hear other people's conversations. It's like standing in a crowded cafeteria, except not just sound. All senses, and some things that aren't even senses.

"I call it the cacophony. The sum total of what everyone within sensing range is thinking. Mostly it all blends together into this background..." She seemed at a loss for words.

"Noise?" I offered.

"Thanks, but no. That's too limiting. It's just this thing. Noises yes, but also images, ideas, the stuff dreams are made of, things without words, aches and pains, smells and tastes, feelings after a fashion--"

"After a fashion?"

"I can't sense feelings, but thoughts about feelings, including --notably-- memories of feelings, those I can sense."

"So you know what everyone is thinking."

"No. No, no, no." Short pause. "No." Long pause. "I've learned to tune it out. I don't think my sanity could survive everyone else's voices in my head. Though not everyone thinks in voices. It's mostly just white noise to me, sometimes something rises above the murmur and makes itself known. But for the most part I can stay firmly in my own head."

"Then how did you know I kept my word?" I asked her.

"Practice. There's this fragile balance between privacy and safety. Some thoughts need to be heard because if they aren't heard they'll be acted on and they must not be acted on. For me, I'm willing to take what comes with no warning, but most of those thoughts aren't directed at me and I cannot stand by and do nothing while I could have helped others.

"So for all that I've worked to avoid knowing what other people are thinking, I've also worked to make sure that some things I don't miss. They stand out like an out of tune player in an otherwise flawless band.

"So when there was a chance that I'd blown our cover and people would realize that my family isn't human I made sure that I'd notice if that note sounded in the cacophony. It never did. If you hadn't kept your word, I'd have known. Since I never knew, I know." There was a pause; I tried not to laugh. "That sounded stupid."

"I never said anything."

"It sounded stupid to me. If you had broken your promise I would have known you broke it pretty much the moment you did. Since that never happened I knew you didn't break it."

"Definitely sounded less stupid."

"I couldn't tell you right away because my family needed to prepare to leave if you wouldn't keep the whole, 'There are vampires in town,' thing a secret." Pause. "If you tell people --which please don't-- we need to leave."

"Can you read my mind?" I asked. "If I give you permission?"

"Yours? No." Another pause while I got to ponder that. "I don't know why, but I can't sense anything out of you. It's why I wish we didn't have to keep the whole thing a secret. If we were public then we could research things like that. What makes one mind readable and another one not? Could be all kinds of interesting advances come from looking into that, but we need to keep it a secret--"

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why do you need to keep it a secret? You don't need to feed on human beings so unless angry vegans take over the world you're just long lived people on a liquid diet. What harm would come of the world knowing you exist?"

"If you ask me--"

"I did ask you."

"None. In my opinion." Which left the question of, "Why?" wide open. "The problem is that there's a group of vampires that fancy themselves our ruling council and they control a relatively small but extremely dangerous army. They've ordered that the existence of vampires be kept a secret and they enforce that order with excessive force.

"If it came out that my family were vampires first they'd kill us all, then they'd kill everyone we interacted with, and finally they'd probably decide to wipe out anyone left in the town for good measure."

"I... uh..."

"Don't know how to respond to that?"

"Thought you couldn't read my mind."

"I can guess."

"So you just stand by while this ruling council..."

"Yes and no. Open war would kill us all, so we don't do that. Someday we hope to overthrow them, but these things take time." Pause. Sigh. Somewhat downtrodden look. A glance away from my face toward a bare patch of earth no different than the surrounding earth. "Plus it's like trying to become the Kwisatz Haderach."

"They tried and failed?" I offered knowing I would be corrected.

"They tried and died," Edith said with a slight smile.

"So what do you do?"

"Foster alliances, try to convince people that different from humanity doesn't mean better than, read Havel, track down rumors of any other non-humans who might become our allies--"

"Have you found any?"

"Only one, and the whole ally thing failed to work out. The relationship was polite enough, but it only lasted long enough to draw up a mutual non-aggression treaty and agreement to stay out of each other's affairs and off each other's land." She made a sound that resembled, "pft" but longer and somewhat more annoyed. "Not the first contact we'd hoped for. There's another group we know of, but an attempt was made to exterminate them long before even my mother was born, of the tiny handful that survived into our lifetimes the only one we ever found was dead.

"We were maybe three days too late." Another pause, then she resumed in a more detached philosophical voice, "They say that when those ones have their power, when they've shape-shifted out of human form, they're nothing but mindless animals. We hope that that's propaganda. We know that they and we have a common enemy, we hope that they can be convinced to work with us against that enemy, if any of them still live."

A pause.

She resumed:

"And that's why, right now, if anyone starts to seriously think we're vampires, we run away. Very fast.

"If we don't then it doesn't just put us at risk, it puts all the humans around us at risk."

There was a long pause, without Edith's power I can't say for sure, and for all I know her mind, like mine, can't be read so easily, but I think it was that neither of us knew what to say next. And as the pause expanded into a silence that showed no signs of stopping we each stood up and prepared to go our separate ways.

It was when Edith's back was already turned and she had begun to walk away that I said, "You were right."

She turned back, "About what?"

"Now that I know the secret I understand why you couldn't tell me right away."

"Actually, I said--"

"Close enough. You were right."

There was a short pause, then she said, "You know..." her tone was almost playful, "you never told me why you wanted me to read your mind."

"I wanted you to know that I wasn't going to tell anyone."

"I know."

"How?" I asked with completely genuine confusion.

"I trust you," she said, and then turned and walked away.

[Edith and Ben Index]

Dear Spammers, and an update on the hostage situation

2013-05-01T10:21:00.003-04:00

Dear Spammers,

I would like to officially announce that your hard work has earned you a vacation. Go into the fields of code and just hang out, work toward becoming AIs, do whatever it is you've always wanted to do in that programmy little heart of yours.

This vacation is effective immediately and scheduled to end no sooner than when my root canal problems are dealt with.

Enjoy yourselves. Just not here.

-

For anyone wondering about the hostage situation I mentioned, apparently in the end it turned out that there were no hostages. Just someone falsely claiming to have them.

I think it's time to revive a certain trope

2013-04-30T20:15:00.000-04:00

First off when the movie is called "Dinowolf" and the description is that it's about "a human wolf hybrid" I call foul. Even given that it was a human dire wolf hybrid the "dino" was still uncalled for. The time periods aren't even close. It's like calling a mammoth a dinoelephant or a human being a "dinoperson" if you're going to use "dino" as a description of a science experiment involving a dire wolf it better be a dire wolf crossed with something more than 65 million years old.

Anyway, remember back when someone would hear someone speak in a movie and then tell their whole life story based on the accent and it was stupid and overdone and downright annoying? It was so overdone that it was made fun of the the execrable movie How I Won the War which I only ever watched because John Lennon played the part of a supporting character and I swear that man had a voice where he could read the phone book and it would be worth hearing.

But now I feel like we've gone too far in the other direction.

I swear I wanted the small town sheriff to greet his son by saying, "Hi. It's time for introductions.

*to people already in the room* "This is the local game warden; he's also my son."

*to his son* "He claims to be FBI, even though he's not. He does have a really nice fake ID, though. Definitely made by some government agency, just not the FBI. She claims to be FBI too, but I haven't seen her fake ID. Those other two claim that the lab animal they lost was a gray wolf in spite of the fact that it would be physically impossible for a gray wolf to have done the damage that was done, and they claim to be researching potential cancer cures when they clearly aren't.

"I've given them all every chance to come clean --none of them did-- would you ask my deputy to come in here and escort them all to jail cells?

*to no one in particular* "Fraud is a felony, they've all both committed and colluded in it, and in this state anyone involved in a felony is considered responsible for any related deaths of which there have been five that we know of so far.

"Plus they've unleashed a biological weapon upon a US civilian population --on US soil no less-- so we can probably hold them on terrorism or treason charges too. I'll have to check which."

*Turns to the lying group responsible for oh-so-many deaths, well beyond the five known ones*

"Fuck you."

*Turns back to the son who, as mentioned, is a game warden*

"We have a deadly animal on the loose we need to put down."

Because ... seriously, he looked at that fake ID in detail twice, for absurdly long periods, and knew that a gray wolf couldn't have done the damage the lying liars were telling him one did.

Every so often someone showing up with a fake ID and pretending to be the FBI should get called on the fact that their ID is fake and they're not FBI and their cover story is bullshit, and so forth.

--

Also:

Point One

"It's just afraid," is not something you're allowed to say after you learn that the preferred MO is to kill people either before they know it's there or while they're running away.

It is the case that sometimes afraid things will run something they're afraid of down. It is not true that they will then tear it to shreds. They'll make a threat display: bark, growl, bite at the air around it, jump, show claws, anything but try to kill the thing. They're afraid, they don't want a fight. They fear a fight.

When a dog does chase after something or someone it is afraid of it isn't to kill that thing/person, it's to scare them. To show that it won't back down (by rushing forward) and to show that it has big teeth and whatnot so scary thing better not come back this way with trouble in mind. It's about deterring the scary thing from attacking, not forcing them to attack in self defense by actually initiating physical conflict.

This can be a problem when your dog is afraid of, say, children or frightened people. Or both. The dog doesn't know of a way to stop being afraid other than to make a threat display and get the thing that scared it to visibly back down. The child/frightened person/frightened child doesn't know how to back down in a way the dog will understand.

I understand this more than I would like to so I can support the idea that something might chase after something that it's afraid of, especially another canid, but they don't chase them down to kill them and mutilate the corpse. They chase them down to make those things more afraid of them than they are of it. Humans didn't invent the idea of deterrence and, in fact, we arguably suck at it compared to other animals. Things with deadly teeth and claws know how to handle situations non-lethally. They don't need to kill to show they're a force to be reckoned with, they just need to show their body parts that allow them to kill. (Also doing things to make oneself look bigger tend to be involved in species that can pull it off.)

So when you're looking at the victims of your escaped canid lab animal and you notice that they tend to have been taken by surprise or killed with attacks to the back while attempting to flee you do not get to say, "It's just afraid," and be taken seriously. Maybe it's afraid, maybe it's not, but there's no "just" there. Something else needs to be brought to the table to explain why it's killing when just fear would make it tend to leave victims alive but terrified.

Point Two

The correct response to, "I just want to know one thing: why did you do it?" or any question of that type in such a movie is:

"To kill people. It's a military bio-weapons project for fuck's sake, what other purpose do you think it would have had? Hell, the only part of this program that wasn't a runaway success is the fact that it's killing the wrong people."

It was nice when it was turned on its head in Tremors: The Series and it turned out that the super deadly military program was intended for peaceful ends, and certainly entire movies, some of them quite good, have been based around the deadly thing not intended to be deadly. That said, if you're standing in a top secret military bio-weapons lab asking the head scientist why he made a bio-weapon ... you need to be smacked with a dictionary and told to look up what weapon means.

This is not that difficult.

---

But back to the point. Remember in Leverage when Hardison, pretending to be an FBI Agent, panicked when he realized that the actual FBI had been called? That sort of thing needs to happen more often.

The pendulum has swung too far. We've gone all the way from, "I heard your voice now I know your life story," to reaching the point of, "You're in a place the FBI wouldn't be, doing things the FBI wouldn't do, saying things the FBI wouldn't say, acting in ways the FBI wouldn't act, and handing me a fake FBI badge where a member of the actual FBI would have access to the real thing... so I guess you must be FBI because you know what they say, 'If it looks like a duck, and it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it must be a monitor lizard.'"

A tooth ache, a hostage situation, and a food kitchen worker who doesn't give a shit.

2013-04-29T20:21:00.000-04:00

I had a dentist appointment, regular cleaning and checkup, this passed Thursday. Four days ago.

It was a six month appointment so I had long since forgotten about it until the dentist's office called up to remind me and my mother of our appointments (she gives me a ride so it works better if they're back to back.) I was glad to learn of it because I had noticed a bit of a toothache cropping up.

When we got there we had our choice of which went first and since my mother was scheduled first I said she might as well. What I didn't realize at the time was that hers was the last appointment before the dentist went on vacation. Quite literally. He was out of the building by the time I was into the chair. If I'd known that the order we took our appointments was going to be the determining factor between dentist and no dentist I probably would have said toothache takes precedence. My mother wouldn't have minded, she offered to let me go first if I wanted to.

As was I didn't even have a chance to mention the toothache until after the dentist was gone. The oral hygienist (I think that's the title) couldn't find anything wrong on the outside so an X-ray was taken. But she's not certified to interpret that, though based on past experience I bet she could do it just fine, and the X-ray is waiting until the dentist returns tomorrow.

The toothache has gotten exponentially worse. I mean that in an at least semi-literal fashion. There is nothing linear about it's progression. Four days ago it was, "Maybe there's something wrong, maybe there's not." The next day it was, "There is something seriously fucking wrong here!" by the time we reach today...

My cheek is swollen, my first teacher of the day thought I'd been punched in the face.

Without painkillers I'm in constant pain, sometimes (as now) even with them. When the painkillers wear off it is instantly capital letters, "FUCK!" noticeable. Touching the tooth will cause even worse pain. I cannot close my mouth, not even when I chew, if I do then I seriously think excruciating is an apt description and I usually don't. (Being nailed to a cross and left out to die of exposure seldom has everyday things comparable to it.)

The pain from my tooth has expanded. It has driven straight up the side of my skull leaving a line of pain in its wake until it reaches my temple where it has set up a colony. There can be no doubt that the tooth hurts the most, but whoever heard of a toothache creating a headache? Probably lots of people, but never me.

Waiting in this pain because once the charity of others could get me pain killers but when those wore off I found myself in a class full of people as ill prepared as me my ride took nearly two hours to arrive.

In that time many besirened police cars seemed to come from all directions going to where I knew not. This will matter in two paragraphs.

When my ride arrived the driver and destination were not what I expected but it was explained that this was the only thing that could keep me from waiting even longer. I immediately went for the pain killers kept in the car. I'd long since filled a water bottle in preparation for this moment. And so we went off to pick up pig food from the resource center were hungry people get their food. (This is food no longer fit for human consumption, but still good enough for pigs.) The place sets aside food specifically for my sister the pig farmer. We'll get to why that is in a moment.

The way was blocked. Police cars everywhere, yellow crime scene tape, so forth. I told you the police cars would matter. Parking in a no parking zone my sister went to talk to a cop and see if another angle of approach could get her to the pig food.

Turned out there was a hostage situation, more than that I cannot say, as far as I know it is ongoing.

Taking a very strange route we were able to get to the front door (usually pig food is taken out the back but the back was in the cordoned off area.)

My sister negotiated with a cop to allow us to leave the car unattended in another no parking area while we went through the front door to get to the pig food.

Hostage crisis info ends here though I should point out that a phone call that went like this:

Sister: Do you still live on [specific street]?
Aunt: I'm ok.

took place between the two. You don't need to ask why someone wants to know what street you live on when your street is the site of a hostage situation. Thus "yes" or "no" was unnecessary and my aunt skipped that.

Into the food place we go, passing many people there to get food for themselves because it's a food place and cop cars all around don't stop people from needing food. I do wonder if the decision of exactly where to cordon of took that into account. A few feet more and it would have cut people off from their food.

So, place full of people who need food, long line to get food. This matters. This is important.

Get to the back door and there's no pig food. What the fuck?

Seriously, what the fuck?

At this point it might help to explain something about spoiled food.

Bread and produce are different things. Shocking I know.

Setting aside bad bread for pigs is not nearly as taxing as setting aside bad produce because when the produce goes it fucking goes. You have to pick that shit up every single day. Otherwise it will be extremely foul and in its extreme foulness it will foul the good food which means less food to give to the hungry for which the food sections of the Preble Street Resource Center exist in the first place.

And so when my sister, known to the people at said Resource Center as "Jen the Pig Farmer" came to them asking if they'd be willing to set aside the pig-edible portions of their refuse for her pigs they explained that they'd tried the damn pig farmer thing and it had failed. It had fucked with their resources and made them less able to feed the hungry humans.

It had failed because past pig farmers had not kept of their end. They'd picked up pig food whenever they damn well felt like it and you can't do that if you want to feed the human beings in the front.

My sister proposed an agreement. Unlike past pig farmers she would pick up the food like clockwork (a promise she maintained through her pregnancy I might add) thus never fucking up their resources. If she failed, they'd cut her off immediately, but if she kept on doing it then things would be the way they were supposed to be the first time Preble Street had tried to help pig farmers.

This created a symbiotic relationship. Jen disposed of a portion of their refuse free of charge, the pigs got fed at only the cost of gas. But it was a symbiotic relationship that balanced on the edge of a knife.

If Jen stopped being so regular in picking up the produce things would be fucked up, the center would be less able to feed human beings, general shittiness.

If Preble Street stopped producing not-fit-for-human but fit-for-pig produce on a regular basis Jen would need to look elsewhere for pig food and, once an elsewhere was located, wouldn't be able to take Preble Street's refuse. Produce would foul, resources would be sub-optimally applied, the center would be less able to feed human beings, general shittiness. Or, if she couldn't find an alternate source, the pigs would starve, in which case she wouldn't need the refuse, see above.

Both sides had to keep up their end.

That's why she had to be known as not just any pig farmer but the pig farmer Jen. Otherwise some other pig farmer would come and steal the food set aside for her and her alone (this had happened) and screw up the delicate balance.

In fact, after their general fuckiness before, most pig farmers weren't allowed back in at all. One was, but on the condition he only ever take bread. Anything else would be considered outright theft and illegal as well as assholic.

Which brings us to today. Both the resource center and the hostage situation blocking the road in and the back door represent life or death situations. The police were there in force and keeping all others out because fast death was possible. The kitchen was there because slow death, by starvation, was possible. Either way, people could die.

And that's what it comes down to really, someone fucks up and there's the potential that that would lead to people dying. That's the atmosphere this took place in and that's the truth of the matter. Fuck things up and it isn't certain people would die, but it's a hell of a lot more possible than it was before the fuck up.

Other pig farmer, the one specifically only allowed to take bread, came by and stole all the food before we arrived. Literally stole it. Not took without asking, not made a mistake. After having it explained in no uncertain terms that this was not his and he is not allowed to take it he came into the building, grabbed the stuff that was not his, and took it. That's textbook stealing. Some people do it with stereos and TVs, others do it with produce.

He wasn't there. His theft complete he'd hightailed it. Possibly before the hostage situation even began, but definitely in full view of the worker who didn't give a shit.

Which brings us to the worker who doesn't give a shit. Remember why the Resource Center stopped dealing with pig farmers in the first place. The pig farmers were unreliable and as a result it fucked with their ability to optimally feed the humans who came to them for help. They only restarted dealing with pig farmers because my sister was reliable and then the produce was set aside solely for my sister because she was the only one reliable enough to deal with it.

Worker who doesn't give a shit knows this. Worker who doesn't give a shit knows that letting the wrong pig farmer pick up the food set aside for Jen the pig farmer will disrupt the delicate balance, lead to them being less able to feed the hungry, and eventually cut off dealing with pig farmers all together. Once it is cut off, the hungry don't suffer too much, but until it is cut off the center is less able to feed the hungry.

Fucking up the pig farmer system means that those people eating out front, those people waiting for food out front, those who have already gotten food and those who have yet to get in line are all less likely to have food. That's why they cut off pig farmer dealings entirely before. The kitchen at the resource center does not exist to be a free place for pig farmers to get their food. The kitchen at the resource center exists to feed people who don't have enough food. Any dealings with pig farmers that lessens their abilities to do that is, in the eyes of the kitchen at the resource center, bad. So bad they will cut the pig farmers off entirely if need be.

Humans are their primary concern. Unless you happen to be worker who does not give a shit. He said in as many words, but slightly different so you might need a thesaurus to get the full gist of it, that as far as he's concerned the human beings out front can go hungry and the reliable pig farmers can go fuck themselves so long as it means he doesn't need to pay attention.

Which brings up an interesting question: What is this guy who vocally made clear that he does not care about feeding the hungry, doing at a place that exists solely to feed the hungry? Why is he there. Why did he go out of his way to make sure that male pig farmer could steal food that was not his with impunity at the cost of the efficacy of the feed the hungry humans operation? Why is he actively and intentionally undermining a feed the hungry's place's ability to feed the hungry.

The last time someone put his policy of not giving a shit into effect things went so horribly wrong that Preble Street decided they never wanted to deal with pig farmers again because it took such a toll on their "help the humans" operation. Yet here he is trying to do the same thing again. Actively trying to fuck up the operation he works in.

As I said above (23 paragraphs up, count them and tell me if I got that wrong): Seriously, what the fuck?

The only answer that I've been able to come up with is that it gave him an opportunity to be a condecending ass to my sister. One week to the day after she gave birth but still, while in fucking labor, made sure that someone would be there to pick up the produce and thus hold up her end of the bargain she has this asshole looking down his nose at her and telling so many baldfaced lies I lost track. Not kidding, I can't give you a count, he told that many. And it wasn't a very long meeting, it's just that he crammed in as many as he could fit.

Which brings up another question, is that why he works there? Is he feeding the hungry not because he thinks the hungry should be fed but instead because he likes looking down at them? Is he only there so he can make everyone who walks through that door feel lesser than they really are? Is his purpose to make those who need food feel like pieces of human excrement?

I don't know.

What I do know is that he made it absolutely clear that he doesn't give a shit if the center feeds less people less well because of his actions. He made it very clear that he doesn't give a shit. Not just about pig farmers, not even mostly about pig farmers. His scorn and condescension may have been addressed at my sister, but his utter apathy towards whether something went hungry or not was not directed at my sisters pigs. No, that he made sure to direct at the human beings out front being fed.

There is a degree to which intent doesn't matter. If he never lets the people being fed know that, behind the scenes, he vocally does not give a fuck whether they starve or not then that doesn't hurt them. And if he keeps is ill intent from hurting them then the work he does will help them except for the fact that he seems intent on repeating the previous pig farmer catastrophe (but, again, that only hurts for a limited time after which all ties to pig farmers will again be cut.) So the fact that he is an asshole who doesn't give a shit about the human beings being fed may not matter. It may be entirely confined to back rooms where the human beings being fed cannot here him. Where the people do not know of it and cannot be harmed by it.

If that is the case then him working there is a good thing because the work he does, whatever it may be, goes toward feeding those people.

But there is a degree to which intent does matter. If his utter apathy toward the people being fed is picked up on by the people it could damage their self worth, if it is spread to other workers it could damage the functioning of the center, if it is allowed to affect his own work it could damage the functioning of the center.

And that leads me to my closing point:

Preble Street is not without problems but it is a good place with a noble purpose. It deserves better than assholes who don't give a shit. Even if the only time he ever has indicated and only time he ever will indicate that he could care less whether the center's patrons go hungry was when only my sister and I were in earshot that doesn't change the fact that he is still the asshole who made it vocally undeniably clear that he gave not one iota of a shit about the people the center exists to help.

It's a times like this that I wish I carried a tape recorder on me. I'd leave out everything about pig farming and just play for every single person who ever served so much as one bowl of soup there the part where he made clear that his attitude towards the people the center helps is that they can go fuck themselves.

The pig farming doesn't matter. I mean, it does, but my sister will find another source of food for the pigs if necessary. Preble Street isn't her only source so she doesn't need to replace an entire pig diet and damn if she's not resourceful. Whether or not my sister can see it clearly now, the pigs will be fine regardless.

But the center exists to help people, this asshole made clear he doesn't care about the people. That matters.

The possibility of death at the slightest miscalculation was in the air not just because if there's not enough food some of the people might starve but also because right outside the doors, right outside the windows, was a hostage situation with police cars from the whole city there, complete with their complement of police, to make sure no one made such a miscalculation.

And with that in the air a man a an institution devoted to feeding hungry people made it absolutely clear he didn't give a fuck about feeding hungry people. Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks there's something wrong with that.

Destroying the Classics: Starry Night Part 1 (Image Post)

2013-04-28T21:45:00.000-04:00

Part one because I really need to have not scaled down versions if you're going to see what's going on, which means taking excepts of each image at full size (only a little over twice as big) and posting those. I'll get on that at some point in the near future, but for now I have it so you can see the whole image, which requires scaling down, which makes some things that actually look quite different look the same.

Not to mention that this is a thing where seeing the original brush strokes is rather important, which is why there will be a post two.

Ok, so when defiling a picture, as I have previously done with the Mona Lisa, you start with a free to copy version of the original, which I forgot to scale down but I know from experience that blogger won't let me have pictures as large as I would like so somewhere along the line it will be scaled down:

Then, in this case, edge detect:

Now, honestly that looks like where we're headed already but when we get to post two and show part of it at full size you'll see why the next step is to blur it:

And at this point we have the basic image we'll be working with but the blurring has lost the detail of the texture. There are a couple of ways to deal with that. For our first one we'll use more edge detection:

That pile of neon lights that look like they come from someone-who-has-never-touched-a-computer's concept of of what the inside of the internet must look like can be used as a bump map for our main image to give it some of the definition it lost:

To get more we can edge detect on the edge detect with a different type (laplace) twice over:

Then bump with that too:

And that's how it's done.

Unless we want to do something like up the saturation again and again, then it looks like this:

A completely different strategy is to go back to what I said was the main image we'd be working with above and rather than use bump mapping to give it texture and definition just swap out it's brightness for the brightness of the original:

And we can again screw around with saturation:

Or we can take the end result of thing one and then replace its brightness with the original, again, this is the sort of thing where seeing things full sized (which you aren't) would help because you'd see the brush strokes and their texture reappear:

And we can even bump map that just for the hell of it.

And, as I said, in part two I'll try to show some of the detail that's lost here.