Stepfamily Sanctuary

Adult Bullying

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:13:00 +0000

My daughter's cheer coach humiliated her in front of both high school cheer squads for something she didn't do on Friday night. This woman threw a big tantrum and shredded my kid, upset my daughter and several other cheerleaders who were consoling my daughter and shaking themselves. The coach and I had it out Friday night after that. I can't stand adults in authority who think they have the right to behave that way. They don't. Adults employed by the school system should know better.

Guitar Playing Fool

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:35:00 +0000

I first saw my husband up on stage, playing guitar and singing. 16 years of marriage later, he sits across from me right now at the table playing one of several guitars in the house while I tinker on my laptop. Every once in awhile, he'll look up at me and I'll stick my tongue out at him and go back to my tinkering and he'll go back to his strumming.

I have guitars and guitar cases galore in my living room at all times. He taught me to play last year (the basics...then I lost interest). He is playing on my Yamaha acoustic guitar right now. Sometimes, he grabs my Takamine or one of his Fender's or Johnson's. Thankfully, he passed his great music genes to our kids.

He'll never lose interest in music - it's his addiction.

Love My Coupons

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:29:00 +0000

‎Couponing was a success this week. At one store, this is what I walked out with:

4 boxes Cheerios, 2 boxes Cinnamon Toast Crunch, 4 Arizona Ice Teas, 2 Ester C Gummy vitamin bottles, 2 Cortaid hydrocortisone creams, 1 Flurry Protein Bar, 2 boxes Triaminic Cough and Cold Kids' meds, 1 12pk Cottonelle, 5 packages of kids hair accessories (elastics, 30 barrettes, bobby pins).

After coupons = $20.96 out of pocket.
Plus received $7 Register Rewards to spend next week:)

A lot of people think if you coupon, you end up buying stuff you don't need and sometimes that is true - sometimes the deal is too good to pass up (like when they end up owing YOU money for buying something after all the coupons).

Took SD Off Facebook (No "BOOM" Yet)

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:42:00 +0000

It's been about a week since I blocked my SD from my Facebook. If the lack of explosion is any indication, she either hasn't noticed or didn't care. I tend to think she hasn't noticed (out of sight, out of mind) and unless it affects her directly (as in she goes looking for a picture or something), she won't notice I'm gone. To go from having that little girl's love as a child to this as an adult - wouldn't have "thunk it" possible if I'd been asked ten years ago. Never. I am not a betting person but I would've bet money on that.

Fake It to Get It Over With?

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 15:05:00 +0000

Would you fake it to get some sleep? I just read in the November issue of Redbook (just getting around to reading my stack of magazines) that 71% of women have faked it with their husbands. OMGosh - why? Not even with our having six kids, and my being the one who got up at night with babies or sick children - his or ours, would I fake it to get the act over with to go to sleep. If I felt I had to fake it with my husband, I wouldn't bother. That seems too dishonest to me in an act that is supposed to be special between two committed partners. Am I spoiled by a man who wouldn't dream of finishing before he knows I do? I don't know. That 71% shocked me. I didn't realize it'd be so high.

Not an Extreme Couponer...but I'm pretty good...usually

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 01:11:00 +0000

I coupon. Not to the extreme but I clip coupons, go to different stores in the area for the best deals, make sure I use the store's register rewards and extra bucks (like cash in coupon format for the next visit) and find good deals online with online coupon codes as well (I've got my eye out for gap coupons right now). Until last week.

My oldest had a bad virus - she was sooooo sick. I never made it out until today to shop. I was so disappointed to see I'd lost $20 in register rewards that had expired - that's like throwing away a $20 bill! Ugh. Oh well. Can't do anything about it and it's not like I would've done anything different - I had a sick child to take care of. If I'd thought about it, I should've sent the hubby out to use them in the store on ginger ale and stuff for the sick one but my mind was on my sick teenager and doctor appointments and not couponing. Brush it off.

My Daughter's Birthday and SD The Unexplainable

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 01:06:00 +0000

My daughter turned 15 yesterday. We started celebrating this past weekend with cake, ice cream and presents and then will continue next weekend with her favorite restaurant birthday dinner. Her boyfriend also took her out for dinner and presents.

Not a word from sd or ss to their sister on her birthday. No birthday wishes in any way, shape or form - not text, not phone, not Facebook. I'm not surprised.

SD did call over the weekend (she NEVER calls) and she kept calling three different cell phones (but not leaving messages) and sending texts (which she didn't answer back). My daughter got her hopes up and thought her sister was trying to get hold of her for her birthday. Nope. She was being manic about wanting to know why her psychiatrist appointment hadn't been covered by our insurance - - it had been so not sure where she got the information that it hadn't. Not sure why she suddenly got a bug up her behind over it to keep calling and texting about it either. Like I said, she NEVER calls and to be manic about it - it was a bit unusual.

Oh well, I've given up trying to understand why she does the things she does or says the things she says.

One positive - at least it wasn't the ex contacting us about it. It's about time sd started handling some things on her own!

SD 19 Years Old Today

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 02:57:00 +0000

Today my stepdaughter turned 19. She was two years old when I met her - this little thing that would come running into the apartment and the first thing out of her mouth was asking where I was. Then I would hear her little feet running through the place looking for me until she'd find me and run into my arms. She was a loving, sweet child.

What changed these past few years...

Years of having to be emotionally responsible for her mother?
Years of being put in the middle?
Years of living with white trash?
Parental alienation?
Years of hearing the verbal spewing from one side of the family?
Years of being emotionally punished for being loving to dad and dad's family?
Years of parenting time interference?
Years of being taught that dad isn't important?
Unnecessary Prozac?
Teenage Angst?

One of these? All of the above?

I'm a Cheer Coach

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 21:45:00 +0000

Happy Holidays to me. I bought myself some yoga apparel - two pairs of yoga pants. One of them are similar to these in the picture but the waist band is a little different.

I never realized how HARD yoga is until I tried it. Wow does it hurt. I really thought it was all gentle and relaxing and soothing - - it's hard holding positions. Takes muscles I don't have. That puts me in sad shape:) I have to whip it into gear in the coming months since I'm coaching two of my daughters' cheer squad and I don't want to be a sideline coach. I should at least be able to show them jumps and cheers without hurting myself. Right?

Christmas & the Stepkids

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 15:53:00 +0000

Well, I waited to post about Christmas and the stepkids (as I said in my last post I was going to do). I didn't want to make any predictions...though I knew exactly what was going to happen.

When I wrote that last post, my kids sat wrapping presents from them to their older half-siblings to add to the box of already over $300 worth of gifts going to my stepkids. As they sat and wrapped, my husband opened a small UPS box he'd just received from the ex's place of employment. It was an unwrapped sweatshirt stuffed into the box (literally stuffed and bulging) and a Christmas card signed from my two stepkids to their dad - only. My husband, after opening his present from his children, hoped that it wasn't going to be the only thing from his kids to this house - - hoped they weren't going to ignore everybody else. I mentioned how sad it was that as our kids wrap presents to their older siblings, they get ignored by them. I don't actually expect them to spend money on any of us anymore for anything but they should have addressed their Christmas card to everybody - at least their siblings too. That was a deliberate snub. Nothing else came.

I mentioned during this discussion that we only had about $25 in the budget for a birthday gift for my stepdaughter (who turns 19 in two days) and told my husband when the latest it would have to be mailed out for her to get it in time. I leave the rest to him. Considering how today was that mailing cut-off date and my husband hasn't done anything yet, I am thinking this is going to be the first year her present is late, if he plans to send her one. I don't care. It's not my problem. Unless he plans to spend the money he's been saving to replace his crappy computer, all she will get is $25 out of our budget - if he sends it.

I'm sure my husband probably received a Merry Christmas text from his children and perhaps even a thank you from them via text though last I heard, he hadn't heard that they'd even received it (yeah, good thing we pay for the tracking to know they did). The rest of us heard nothing.

I will be removing my stepdaughter from my Facebook. She already dissed me over her graduation ceremony. She doesn't get to act snotty to me on Facebook, totally dis her siblings during the holidays - who have never done a thing to either of them but love them, and then hold her hand out for expensive gifts (and oh wow...did she use her gift for the worst tattoo ever - wow is it awful). The fallout from my blocking my stepdaughter from my FB will be felt through the whole family on his side - the ex and stepdaughter will make sure of it. That will leave my husband to explain why to his adult "child" when she throws a fit (despite her age, she is emotionally stunted - due to the prozac or her mother or both - who knows), to his parents and rest of his family. It's beyond time for him to speak out anyway.

Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 18:31:00 +0000

My holiday shopping is done...I think. I shipped out most of the packages that go out of state already (including to the stepkids) and my kids' and hubby's presents are hidden in a storage closet waiting for me to wrap them all. My kids received the usual assortment of clothes, make-up, toys,and electronics - depending on their age. I bought my husband a down jacket (got it uber cheap on sale so couldn't NOT get it) and one of those Keurig single brew coffee makers (he is a coffee-aholic). He usually gets music stuff at birthdays (and we sometimes skip Christmas gift exchanges between us and just concentrate on the kids) but I wanted a change! The kids won't let him smoke cigars anymore (so no dutch masters cigars for him this year) but he made out pretty good. With sales and coupons, I was able to get him the highest model Keurig coffeemaker at a low price and then several boxes of the different coffees for the machine.

The stepkids for Christmas - well, I think I'm just going to wait to talk about that. My husband is holding out hope they won't be mean this holiday but I'm not holding my breath. It is feeling a bit like a bi-polar Christmas with them this year so far.

I'm dreaming of a bi-polar Christmas,

Just like the ones I used to know...

Blame It On The Cell Phone?

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 20:19:00 +0000

I guess hubby didn't give his ex his new cell phone number (she has our email and home number) because a text came in for him last night on my daughter's cell phone (his old number). Maybe the ex will think she just has bad cell reception when he doesn't answer and should invest in a wilson booster to boost her service, lol.

I let my husband know his ex sent him a text that their teenage son had an ingrown hair that she took him to the doctor for - so silly. The doctor told her to soak it - duh! Nothing serious - didn't need to be cut or anything. Maybe she scared him into thinking he had testicular cancer and had to get it checked out (like she did with my stepdaughter when she was his age). I'm not sure if I should be annoyed over that doctor service call, monetarily-speaking, unhappy that she's turning the kids into being as neurotic as she is, or laugh because she is just so ridiculous!

Nervous - Daughter Leaving

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 16:35:00 +0000

My 14yo is leaving on a school trip in about an hour to Disney. I think I'm going to be sick. She has been to cheer camp and band camp but those were only an hour away. I've never had her on the other side of the country before, with this much freedom and responsibility, and she's not been away from home before for this long.

I told her this morning, "I hope I don't cry."

She said, "If you don't, I know I will."

I leave in 15 minutes to head the school to see her off - watch her get on that big bus and head off. Yikes!!

I Disengage From Christmas with SD

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 19:56:00 +0000

My stepdaughter has asked for a new tattoo for Christmas. After her rudeness online with me (got hit with it twice recently), I sure hope hubby is taking care of this one on his own. I'm not. I disengage.

I did take care of finding my stepson's big gift for my husband. Somehow, my stepson's "could care less" behavior towards me is easier to handle than my stepdaughter's snotty behavior. I guess because "could care less" is an improvement over the years of anger/violence he shot towards me/kids and my stepdaughter's snotty behavior is a more recent development? Maybe because I used to be real close with my stepdaughter (wasn't with my stepson) so her snotty behavior affects me more? I don't know.

I am at the "not my kid, not my problem" point with my stepdaughter right now. Whoever thought it'd be easier when they became adults was wrong. Oh yeah, that was me. Oops.

**bangs head on desk**

You know, if she was here, she wouldn't have the nerve to be rude to me. Funny how 200 miles and an internet connection makes bad behavior OK.

Frying My Computer

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 20:31:00 +0000

My computer (which I am typing on) is in the process of dying on me. I go through a computer about every two years. I just fry them up. I did when I worked outside the home too. My employer had to replace them often. They said I typed too fast, ha ha. There would literally be a burning smell coming from my computer and they'd know to look into ordering me a new one.

My husband bought me a laptop last week which I have sitting in a closet - not using yet. The thought of transferring what I need (photos, music, budget, passwords, etc.) to the new laptop has been daunting. I love computers. I know my way around the computer (don't know a thing about electronics in general - show me component video cables and I wouldn't know what to do) but with so many photos and videos to go through to see what I want to transfer and what I want to put on disk, I put off my new laptop and hope my desktop PC holds out a little longer for me. Everything I NEED is on my desktop PC. I need to get it to my laptop and save the rest off my PC. A second external hard drive might be what I need...oh, hubby...

Make-Up for Eczema?

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 20:22:00 +0000

My face has become hyper-sensitive to facial cleansers and make-up (eczema type sensitive). Does anybody know of any good products that I can use to cleanse my face and what brand of make-up won't cause the bumpy, itchy mess without spending a ton of money? The drugstore brands I've used so far aren't working.

I can live with barely there lashes (don't need eyelash growth products yet) but the bumpy, itchy cheeks? Not so much. Even my eyebrows itch!!

Collectible Coins

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 16:45:00 +0000

For custom challenge coins, check out Coins for Anything, Inc. for your business or events or other needs.

This would be one my son would like to collect.

My husband had a coin collection as a child that his mother recently gave him back (he is 46 now). It's something neat from his childhood to have and show his own children.

He also collected stamps. I didn't have any collections from my childhood that made it to adulthood. Of course, most of my pictures and stuff became a casualty of my parent's divorce for them to fight over so who knows where anything is anymore. I don't even have any of my senior pictures.

Parents really need to learn to leave their kids of the conflicts in divorce. It's so unnecessary.

Answer Door in Lingerie?

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 16:19:00 +0000

How many women answer the door in lingerie when their ex's are coming to pick up the kids? I was remembering when the ex tried answering the door in hardly nothing (and she didn't realize that I was picking up the kids for my husband, lol). I am thinking it is more common than seeing a man answering the door in mens sexy lingerie for their ex?

Too funny. One of those "ex" moments that always makes me chuckle a bit all these years later.

Snotty Step "Kid"

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 00:50:00 +0000

Sometimes, it's hard to remember the sweet little girl a stepchild was 10-15 years ago when they've grown up to be snotty adults.

Getting real sick of her snottiness towards me on Facebook. I'm thinking blocking might be a good idea. It seems to me that all these years caring for and about her should mean something and that "blocking" would never be an issue between us but...

I don't deserve her snottiness.
I don't have to put up with her snottiness.
My kids shouldn't have to see her snottiness.
My friends and other family shouldn't have to see her snottiness.

You'd think since she expects a Christmas present (she's already told us what she wants), she'd turn off the "snotty" until December 26th.

Educational & Fun - Music and Books for Kids

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:45:00 +0000

I have been combining my children's Christmas lists with things that I think might actually last in the entertainment department. I don't like spending money, only to find that it took my kids longer to unwrap it than it did for them to lose interest in it. I am looking for a few good gifts that give them big smiles.

My six-year-old is a beginning reader. Her vocabulary is just taking off! What better way to keep her interest in reading than giving her a personalized book that makes her part of the story? Music and Books 4 Kids offers personalized books like Scooby-Doo, Garfield, Three Little Pigs, Ballerina Princess, Batman, Sesame Street, Mother Goose & School is Fun. These are actually licensed books! For instance, Scooby-Doo is licensed by Hanna-Barbera. Their prices are very reasonable - $12.95 for a personalized, licensed book! I think this would be great for a child just beginning their love of reading, a child who would benefit by a book that would hold their interest and also great for those bedtime stories with your child. Imagine the look on their face when you read their name as part of the story!

I am also looking for entertainment in the car for my youngest as well. Music and Books 4 Kids offers personalized CD's with children's favorite characters - VeggieTales, Barney, Mickey Mouse, Elmo, The Wiggles, Disney Princesses and Elmo. My six-year-old would love the Disney Princesses and The Wiggles!

Personalize it with their name and you'll get big smiles! Two of my girls do not have the more common names or spelling and I found those on their list! I can't believe it. My daughter NEVER finds anything with the correct spelling of her name and Music and Books 4 Kids has personalized music and books for her too.

These would make great gifts as well for nieces, nephews, grandchildren, siblings or your godchildren for all occasions - birthdays, Christmas, good grades, etc. Who needs an occasion? How about personalized music and books for kids just because they're special?

For the new parent, the personalized baby book for only $16.95 is a great idea for a gift! There is also space for you, or the new parent, to add photos and other personal items to the personalized baby book.

Shipping is by U. S. First Class Mail for $2.00 shipping and handling. Of course, if you prefer other shipping, they will accommodate you.

Now get Christmas shopping!

First Teen Love Christmas Gifts

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 21:24:00 +0000

My teenager is in teen love. Last week, she had her first kiss after the boy told her he was falling in love with her. Remember those really early years where you couldn't wait to go to school to see that boy in the halls? She is living it right now. I understand those teenage feelings (I can remember back that far) but as a mom, I dread the heartbreak that she will eventually go through.

He already knows what he is getting her for Christmas (I think jewelry). My daughter is still looking for a perfect gift for him. Perhaps something personal from Personal Creations? He says he wants a funny t-shirt for Christmas. I would imagine she will do that, since he said it is what he wants, plus something more personal for him but age appropriate.

She asked me a few weeks ago if I thought she would be stupid if she thought she loved this boy. Of course I don't think she is stupid. I can remember writing "I love so and so" over and over when I was her age. Gift buying in 2011 for a teen boy? I have no clue. While I remember the feelings of teen love, I have no idea what teen boys today want. My son isn't a teenager yet. I hope she doesn't need my help finding a personal gift for her boyfriend because I feel useless for this part.

Another Week, Another Birth Control Bill

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 08:46:00 +0000

Apparently, the ex was just getting caught up with the birth control bills she has been sending to dad. The bill we received last week was for my adult stepchild for October. The bill we received the other day was for November. She's all caught up now. Good for her. Hope she's not holding her breath.

I expect by the second week of December, we'll have another $60 bill and I'll just have more paper for the HGUE bonfire in one year, six months, and 11 days (when my stepson graduates). Silly me thought the ex would go away where it concerned contact with us regarding my adult stepdaughter.

Cat Came Back

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 06:30:00 +0000

Yesterday, the missing momma kitty launched herself at the top of our screen, meowing frantically to let us know she was home after a week and wanted to come inside. She doesn't appear hurt, was a little dirty, and definitely skinnier. It appears she isn't a very good hunter, I guess, unless she has been locked up without access to food all this time.

What a surprise! Somebody is coming to look at one of her babies tomorrow night so she is in time to say good-bye anyway.

1 Cat, 4 Cats, 2 Cats

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 10:50:00 +0000

I think I posted before about the stray cat I found riding up above my muffler system in my truck? I knocked on neighbor's doors, put signs up, called vets and animal shelters and nobody claimed this little girl. I always had cats around as a child. I love cats but around the time it became legal for me to drink, I developed a cat allergy and asthma. Sad for my kids who always wanted a cat - hoping we'd keep her. Then this stray ended up giving us three baby kittens. I am allergic.

I live in the middle of rural nowhere. Where corn is plenty and farms dot the landscape - farms that have cats running around constantly. Nobody wanted kittens. Perhaps part of it was I was a stickler that they were going to an indoor home with vet care and love. Their mom was a wanderer but her kittens are so docile that other farm cats, or coyotes, would hurt them. I am sure I could've found a farmer who would toss them into their barn with the rest of their outdoor flea-bitten cats. Nope, not these kittens. Again, I contacted shelters, posted signs at vets and boards in town, craigslist, our local paper, Facebook. You would be surprised at how many people only want long hair kittens of a specific color (people were seriously getting on my nerves).

One person who said they wanted all the kittens didn't ask any questions about them. Red flag. Then they asked if I could drive them to them because they don't have a car. Yeah, right. I'm not a taxi service for somebody who can't afford vet care and may be a hoarder or worse. Another was coming with her boyfriend and their three-year-old to look at them...day after day...only to stop emailing. Whatever. We ended up finding a home for the little female kitten, leaving us with two males and their momma the SUV riding kitty. (You know how to tell the gender of a cat? Look up pictures on the Internet and compare. So dignified! Ha Ha!)

Last week, Karma the wonder SUV riding momma kitty went on her usual outdoor hunt and hasn't come back. It is so unlike her. She always comes back within a few hours and hangs on the back of our screen door until we open it to admit her roaming tabby striped self. This is a good reminder on why I never have cats who go outside - they don't come back eventually. She came to us as a stray already with a roaming heart and trying to keep her in and safe - ripped screens! Anyway, I drove through the neighborhood (looking in yards and to be honest, roadkill) and didn't see her. I drove through the rural countryside on the other side of our house (looking into fields and to be honest, roadkill) and didn't see her. I wake and check the back screen every morning and again in the afternoon...and again at night. I checked under our deck and bushes to make sure she wasn't hurt and hiding. My husband, who claims to hate cats, went to the screen, looked out, and sighed. He's worried about her and missing her as well (he would feed her cheese from my kitchen table when I wasn't looking or hold her when I'd walk out of the room - like if I didn't see him loving on Karma, he could still claim to hate cats the rest of the time). I can only assume - 1) somebody saw a sweet "stray" wandering and took her home (in which case if she is within her usual jaunt she'll be back the first opportunity she gets to go outside, 2) she is dead by car, by animal, or by mean bratty kid, or 3) she is hurt somewhere and in hiding, unable to make it home.

As much as I wanted new homes for the cats, including momma kitty, because of my allergies, this was not how I wanted to be down a cat! I am worried about little Karma kitty and hope she is warm somewhere and not in pain. We are left with her two boys - who are already bigger than her! After losing Karma this past week, I'm not so keen on finding homes for her boys right now. I had my doctor give me a better asthma medicine this week while we wait for a little brown tabby to come home and hang from our screen.

Karma and my daughter sleeping together (obviously cropped since I don't want my daughter's face on here).

Another Birth Control Bill - is the ex clueless or hoping?

noreply@blogger.com (Syn) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 18:51:00 +0000

We received ANOTHER new bill for my adult stepdaughter's birth control from my husband's ex-girlfriend. I am wondering how many more times the ex is going to send us the monthly birth control bill for my adult stepdaughter, who we have no legal obligation to pay support for, let alone pay for her birth control - $60 per month - before she gets a clue!

Even if child support was still ordered paid on my stepdaughter, which it isn't, birth control would never be a legal obligation.