Stephanie Zepeda

What are you doing next?

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Sat, 05 Jul 2014 19:43:00 +0000

Hola!

So the time came when the bible school had come to an end. I still can't believe that I spent 9 months studying the Bible. I am so thankful to God that I got the opportunity to get to know Him better through the Bible. These months have been hard, we've cried, we've laughed, we have been blown away with how great God is and we have more questions than we did when we first started. However nothing compares to going through the Bible and seeing that we serve the one true God.

As the end came there was one question that all of us got asked multiple times and that is, what are you doing next? From past blog posts I had asked prayers to choose:

So, what am I doing next?

I'm going to...

Wait what?

Yeah, I'm going to Norway! It was quite the journey to decide what I would do next. Part of the struggle I described in my past few blogs was about deciding if Norway was the place I should go to. I had a lot of doubt about going there because I have never been there before and I have only met a few people from Norway. But God kept on pointing me to Norway. I've had peace about it. I told a friend and she said she felt the Holy Spirit confirming it. I have a friend who gave me a plane ticket to Norway that she won't use anymore, of which by the way I need $650 dollars by July 8 in order to keep it. This would basically be half price! Finally I have been accepted as staff in the base of Grimerud! YWAM Grimerud is located about an hour north of Oslo, in a village called Ottestad.

What will I be doing there?

I will be working mostly with youth. As I have been in YWAM for the past few years I have realized that I love working with youth. It makes me come alive to see people become more like God designed them to be. This is what I'm hoping to see as I work with youth from the local church, a cafe and in the Discipleship Training School.
To be honest with you I originally was gonna go to Sweden, however God closed that door for me. But I knew that I still wanted to be in Scandinavia. So I wanted to choose a base that would have a similar ministry as the one I worked with in Sweden called the Mobilization Team. In this ministry we would visit youth groups and give some of the basic YWAM teachings about hearing the voice of God, relationships, and many other topics. As I was looking at the ministries in YWAM Grimerud I found the "Make Waves" ministry. I read the description of the ministry and it really clicked with me. This is their vision:

"We want to see a movement of young men and women living out God’s calling on their lives.

We want to raise up a generation that is reaching out to their school, community and to the nations. We do that through serving local churches and arranging events and trips both inside of Norway and abroad. Through this we will see a transformation in our nation, and Norway will return to be a sender of missionaries to the whole world."

The vision for this ministry is like my life vision for the world and anyone I meet. I feel so privileged to be able to partner with a ministry that has the same vision as I do. So, this is what I will be doing for the next two years of my life. I am really excited about this new season and I hope to have you join me in prayer for the ministry I will work with and for the country of Norway.

Prayer points:

1. I need $650 by July 8 for the plane ticket

2. The visa process, and for the visa to come before August 16

3. I need $650 a month for food, stay and personal things

The End of Bible School

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Sat, 21 Jun 2014 08:07:00 +0000

It's been a long time since I've had a moment of inspiration to write. These past few weeks I have been through something that I never thought I would go through intensely in my life. It's the big S word, no, not the swear word, although it should be just as bad. The word is stress. I have found myself feeling stressed about everything. The weird thing is that I don't really feel like I'm stressed. I feel relaxed, just going through the motions of Bible School. It didn't really hit me that I'm actually stressed until my tongue hurt. I have been so stressed that I was biting my tongue at night!

I didn't really start writing with the intention about talking about how stressed I've been. I actually want to talk about how wonderful the Bible School has been for me. I know, this first paragraph isn't necessarily encouraging anyone to do the Bible School. But to all of you out there thinking about doing the Bible School I am doing, this is part of the reality of it. Unfortunately stress is not meant to be part of the reality of the school. Just like stress is not meant to be the reality of our lives.

At the beginning of the school I think I really understood how things were supposed to work like. I had come to Mexico to study the Bible. In order to get the most out of the Bible you need to do it with God. This is a truth I forgot recently and that is why I fell under stress. At the beginning of the school I knew that my priority was to spend time with God. I would not start homework unless I had a few hours praying, playing guitar or just spending time with God. I didn't do it religiously but I did it because I knew that if I didn't do this then my homework would be crap. I mean why would you ever study the Bible on your own when you can have God's perspective on it?

Because I did this I learned so many amazing things! I can certainly say now that I know how God loves. Going through the Old Testament I have been able to truly see God's expression of love. He loves so much! In Genesis he shows the Israelites their identity. He tells them this is where you come from. I have created you to be a blessing and in the future you will bless the whole world. So he gives them this big revelation of who they are and then gives them guidelines as to how to be a holy people, completely different than the other nations. This was a covenant based on love. Unfortunately the people of Israel rejected God so many times. They were obedient to him sometimes this is where our Bible heroes come in, Moses, Joshua, the judges, David and many others. However they rejected God so much, and even though they basically spit in God's face, God still loved them with such a fierce love. In Jesus all this love is presented. He is the ultimate expression of that love, he gave his life for us. This is what has impacted me the most out of Bible School. Going through God's story has opened my eyes and now I can see why people say that God loves. Seriously, I know I have been just like the Israelites most of my life! And still he loves me! He loves you!

Honestly I don't think I would have had all these amazing revelations if it wasn't for how I put my relationship with God before my homework. This was my mistake this last quarter. Homework became a priority and not God, therefore I became stressed. I can understand now that the Bible school will come to an end that not taking care of my relationship with him has been the worst mistake I have made. If you think about it this is the same with our lives. We find other things that become priority, work, family, ministry. Don't get me wrong these are huge priorities, but if we put them before God then our world will crumble. Not because God is controlling and will make things go bad if you are not with him, but because we don't really know how to handle life apart from God. He is the only one who will give us peace, joy, wisdom, strength. We can try and get these things on our own but we'll burn out. If we drink of the water he offers us then we will never go thirsty.

So to all those who are thinking of doing the Bible school I'm doing. There is one word of advice I have for you. Don't you ever let yourself become proud and think that you can study the Bible on your own. Make sure you make your relationship with God a priority over homework. If you do this I will guarantee to you that you'll enjoy this school to the fullest, no stress, only joy. To all of us I say the same thing, don't learn this the hard way like I am. We need to remember that He is our source of life, strength, peace and joy. Let us not be proud but let's humble ourselves daily.

P.S: Thank you so much to everyone who has helped me be here! To all of you who have prayed for me or have given me money so I can continue in my studies! Thank you is not enough, but it's all I have to give! :)

I Will Suffer

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Thu, 29 May 2014 22:17:00 +0000

Öckerö, Sweden

Waking up is no big event in the day, really, although some days waking up is the most amazing thing that has happened. I'm talking about those days when you know you will do something amazing. You'll go to a concert, hike the highest mountains, you will travel to a new place, you will graduate and the list goes on and on about all the amazing possibilities that can happen on these special days. Because in reality most of the days we wake up with no expectations. Then you have those days when God has expectations for you in that day.

Today was one of those days where God had expectations for me. I woke up just like any other day, but I felt something in my chest. It was a heaviness that I couldn't take away from me. In spite of this I went on with my day. After dinner we had a community meeting and today it was a worship night, no message, only worship. I hesitated about going, I have tons of homework to do and I'm behind. But one thing I've learnt recently is that I can't do homework unless I seek God, it's just not the same. I know worship is something that changes you and I still had this weight that became heavier and heavier. I knew I needed to seek him.

I sat down as we started praying in groups, the girls with me started singing their prayers. I sat there, nothing. I had nothing to express I just had worries. How will I finish paying for the school? How will I get a visa for the next place I'm going to? How do I deal with life? All these questions flooded my mind. I wanted to give this to God but I didn't know how to. The worship band started playing, as I looked at the floor, tears started falling down. I knew I had pushed God to the side. Once again I tried to be god of my own life and tried to fix my problems on my own. All these days I've been looking at a huge challenge, I need nearly 5,000 dollars. I just remember how hard it was for me to go to Sweden, I suffered a lot. Getting to Sweden has been one of the biggest challenges I've had in life, I cried, I was frustrated, I couldn't understand God's timing but I knew God wanted me to go to Sweden so I pressed on. At the end of that challenge I looked back and I was happy I persevered through it.

This new challenge I am facing looks the same as the challenge to get to Sweden. I told God I don't want to go through that horrible process again. 5,000 dollars! How will this happen? On top of that I need a constant support of 650 dollars a month! This is way too much! God, how do you expect me to work this out? But today in worship time I learned one of the most valuable lessons in life. Surrender. God broke me, I was broken. He broke my pride, my unbelief, and my unwillingness to let Him be God.

As worship was going on I kept on crying. Then I realized that I needed to surrender my thoughts to Him. This time it was different, I told God, "If my suffering will bring you glory then I will suffer, if it takes my suffering in order to have people know you then I will suffer. If my suffering will be an example of your glory then I will suffer." I wish I could explain how meaningful this moment was, but I have no words. This was the first time I told God that I will suffer because I love Him and I want everyone to know Him. I surrendered my right to live a life without suffering. I realized that there's nothing I can do to get 5,000 dollars or people to believe in my vision. That is not my weight to carry that is something that is only in God's hands. All I can do is be willing to do what he asks me to do, I can seek Him, I can worship Him, and I can love Him. This is all I can do; the rest is in his hands not mine.

This has been something we've been learning in the books of the New Testament. The gospel of Mark shows Jesus as the suffering servant. The first half of the book shows Jesus' power and authority. He healed the sick, he had authority over demons and he is the Son of God. But halfway through, the mood of the book changed. Jesus suffered. He suffered physically; he was misunderstood, rejected, and mocked. Jesus came as a servant. He didn't come as the king the Jews expected. He didn't come for riches or to gain respect from men but he came to serve, he came to suffer. Through this I learned that if we suffer, it doesn't mean God left us. If we suffer we know that we share our suffering with Christ. If the world is against our belief in Christ then we can rejoice because Jesus also suffered. He knows how it is to be rejected; he told us we would be rejected for his name. Suffering is part of our life with Christ, and I have learned today that we should embrace it. So whatever we are going through, we praise the Lord because it will bring glory to Him when He releases us from our suffering. If our suffering never ceases then we rejoice because we will be rewarded in heaven for persevering in Christ.

Let's be Real

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Tue, 20 May 2014 02:52:00 +0000

Time goes by so quickly and things change without us even realizing they have at times. Life is a process of uncertain things that come. It's frightening yet exciting. One day you have no worries, the next day it seems like the world is falling over you.

With God the most impossible things happen, you have to take risks, you persevere, your character is built up and you have hope. Wow, your character is built up! It's probably one of the hardest things to go through but in the end it's so worth it.

I'm talking about those moments where there is nothing left for you to do but TRUST, have faith in Him. That moment when you have a problem, a situation, a circumstance, whatever you want to call it. You look at your life and you have this list of things that you need to do. On top of that you have a time limit; you need to manage your time well so that things can run smoothly. So you look back at all the things that need to get done and think how in the world will I manage to do this!? But you try to do it anyway. You start making schedules, organizing details, you find the words you think will work right to get you that job you want, you become the master of your own life. You got everything under control, everything is planned you just have to follow through. But then things don't work the way you wanted to. All these obstacles start coming and you start going through them. At first you make it through, but all this hard work starts taking a toll on you. You're tired, then you get angry at yourself, you take it on your family and those you love the most. So how is being the master of your own world working for you? You have made yourself tired and hurt those around you.

Then you remember Him. He was always there. He promised to be with you through your trials but you pushed Him aside and became the master. He promised to take your problems, to lead you, to provide for you but that was not enough; you are the master, so you can take on those things. What now? You look back at Him. There He is looking at you deeply in the eyes. You look away you feel ashamed but his eyes show love, care, tenderness. Tears start falling down your face as he takes a step and embraces you. He holds you and his embrace tells you that everything will be alright. All your worries about life, money, plans, family fade away. You know everything will be alright. He takes the weight He promised to take and gives you rest that you can only find in His arms. He becomes God of your life again.

This has been me in the past month. I tried. I thought I could manage to arrange what my life will look like after I'm done with the Bible School. He led me; I had the intentions of letting him do so completely. But then I took the lead. I started thinking that I could make things happen. I started taking a weight that was never mine, those things in my life I cannot control, money, visas, strength, peace, rest. I need all these things but I cannot obtain them on my own. My life is a life of faith, I don't get paid for my job, and I don't determine my future, God does. My life is not my own, I am not my own, I was bought at a price. I am now a slave to righteousness. Because of this I ought to live not in my own strength, not in my flesh, but I ought to live in the Spirit, under his leadership. This is freedom. This is the freedom I have found. Surrender, dying to myself that is what brings life. This is the truth I need to learn to walk in.

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:10

"And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." -Galatians 5:24

The Letter of James

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Thu, 24 Apr 2014 09:26:00 +0000

"But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."

- James 1:25

One of the best things about the New Testament is that it convicts you; it challenges you to put away all the ideas you had about God and live in the truth that you can only find in His word. The book of James is definitively one of those books that challenges you. Through this book I have learnt that it's not about the talk but it's about actually walking the talk. James tells the Jews that they need to stop just talking about the word but start acting according to it. He goes as far as saying that if someone thinks they are religious but they don't control their tongue then their religion is worthless. (James 1:26) Worthless! Later on he says that true religion is to take care of the orphan and the widow. In other words he is saying that the way to express faith is not about how good we are about saying we are Christians, or posting on Facebook nice Bible verses but about showing that we believe. We show that we believe by following the main commandment to love God and to love others before yourself.

There are a few things that James talks about specifically in the book. I won't talk about them all because I think it would be good for you to read it yourself! It's only 5 chapters :) The first thing that stood out to me was about James' view on faith. He is challenging the Jews to ask for what they lack for in Faith. (James 1:2-18) He tells them that if they doubt then they shouldn't expect to receive what they ask for. This hit me so hard, knowing that I have asked for things without faith. This tells us that we shouldn't have a double standard. We shouldn't believe God does things sometimes. No. We should believe that if we ask with faith we will receive what we ask for be it wisdom, insight, strength, finances, hope, healing, freedom.
One other thing that James highlights in the book is the Jew's mentality on money and things of the world. (James 2:1-13; 3:13-17; 4:1-17; 5:1-6) First of all he touches the issue of partiality. Many times people treat others according to the amount of money they have. "Oh, you are rich come sit in the best place we don't want you to get dirty, and you poor person you are used to sitting on the floor or close to the dirt maybe you can sit there right?" No. partiality is as much of a sin as murder and adultery are! We need to go back to the royal law "Love your neighbor as yourself". We need to look back at Jesus, he was there for the poor, the outcasts, the sinner. Let's not separate ourselves from the "sinners". Let's remember that we are also sinners.

"For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment"

- James 2:14

James was also calling the Jews to submit themselves to the Lord. The Jews had let their own selfish ambitions take over their actions. They asked for things but they did not receive because they wanted it for their own passions. They desired what they did not have, so they coveted and did not receive. Therefore they fought and had quarrels. We do the same things! We seek to have more money, we seek fame and acknowledgment according to the world. We get security from our financial situation. We have therefore we become proud. We seek to please people when we should be seeking to please God. We make plans about how we will go places and make more money here and there. Yet we don't even know if we will live tomorrow! We seek to have riches yet we forget that riches will rot, they are not everlasting. We need to stop having false happiness and repent. We need to acknowledge that we need to change our heart. We need to become selfless and give to those who need. We need to get out of our comfort zone and meet the poor, the orphan, the widow, the broken. We need to look at Jesus.

Ouch! That message hurt so much! As I read the book I was so convicted about my motivations and my actions. I asked myself, "Am I really seeking to help my neighbor? or is life all about me? I need to feel good, I need money, I need pleasure, I need comfort. Me, me me. Life has become all about me! But I have learned that there is more to life. In the moments when I do live seeing my neighbor higher than myself, I end up receiving. A selfless life is a life of freedom.

There is repentance available for us. We can pray in Faith that God will heal us from this sickness in our hearts. We can look for people with greater perspective and wisdom. He will open up our eyes so we may see our sin. So we may change our minds and know how to live selflessly, fully submitted to the Lord.

"And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

- James 5:15-16

My prayer is that we can all live out this life that God has called us to. So we may become more like Him.

So, as an application to the book of James we got to build a house for a family! Here are a few pictures:

Putting up the walls!

I love working on the roof!

The team and the house after the first day! :)

The house the family used to live in. Now they will have more space for everyone!

Luke and Acts

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Wed, 16 Apr 2014 08:40:00 +0000

I've been so excited to finally start studying the New Testament. I always saw it as an opportunity to breathe again, a ray of hope. What I was more excited about was to finally "meet" Jesus. I always imagined that moment when I would sit down to read the gospels and I would start crying just because He is so amazing. To my surprise, this is not what happened.

I'm in a hard spot in my life. It feels like all my insecurities have decided to knock on my door again and I have opened it for them. I've been sad, I've felt lonely, I've felt rejected, I can go on and on with all the insecurities I have let in. "Meeting" Jesus did nothing to me. I loved his teachings and I wanted to believe everything that he said, except that I've let this problem take over me. I don't know how to express what has happened, it's a situation I never thought would happen to me. I've been living a soap opera. When I listen to myself share what happened I stop and re-think about what I just said. Did I really say that? Did that really happen? Wait, it did, it's real life. All this negativity has made me tired. I'm not a negative person, I am joyful, I see good where others just see that it's worthless. I've missed joyful me.

The unexpected turn, the big twist in my story is one of the most basic things. It's funny how most of the times a simple thing is the answer. As I was studying the book of Acts, I rediscovered the most amazing being out there, the Holy Spirit. Hey, this is very exciting! For our homework we had to write an essay about who the Holy Spirit is and how the He truly works. (I can share this essay if you'd like). I rediscovered that He lives in me! He is God! I found out that He is my joy and my comfort. I don't have to hold on to challenges. I need to stop freaking out about the storm and just rest like Jesus did! I can now see how He has turned this soap opera I've been living into a huge step of freedom! I am walking in the light with my eyes closed. I know there is now way I can do this on my own and that is why the Holy Spirit is in me. He will do the things that I can't do, the things that I can't control. He will open up my eyes so I can see the light I am walking in, and know that it's good. This is the big and simple realization I had this past week. Simple but great.

By no means I am saying that I got it all together now. But I am trying everyday to keep my hopes up and to cry out to the Holy Spirit for His comfort, peace and joy. It's not easy, I need to be reaffirmed in what I've learnt, but things are better now. I'm slowly starting to be myself again. My love and passion for the word of God is coming back! I wish I had more things to share about these two books for you, but God has had me on a different agenda. I can't wait until I share how studying the book of James has been like. I have loved it SO much.

I also want to ask you to pray for me. There are so many things in my life that are challenging at the moment. One of them being accepting my call to sing and play worship. I've been struggling but God answered a prayer for me today. I've asked for someone who believes in me and in God's call for my life, who would teach me to play music. Today someone offered to teach me guitar and someone to teach me Piano! I've prayed for this for so long and I finally got someone to help me. Yay! :D Also, keep on praying for me in this situation I have been through, it can be hard at times and I really need support!

Thanks for your prayers!

Update

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Mon, 31 Mar 2014 19:35:00 +0000

Hey guys!

It's been a long time since I last wrote an update but here it goes:

CSBS (Chronological School of Biblical Studies)

CSBS has been one of the best decisions I have made in life! I can't believe I have been in this for 6 months! Time goes by so fast. In the past few months we studied the whole Old Testament. Before I studied the Old Testament, I had no idea what it was all about. All I knew were the few stories they tell you when you are a kid, oh and that God was an angry mean God in the Old Testament. But I cannot explain how different my perspective is now. It's amazing. Through the Old Testament I have learnt that God is such a loving God. I can say that now I understand why he loves and how he loves. One of the things that showed me this about him was how the people of Israel constantly failed him and he still was faithful, and he still loved them, he still gave them SO many chances to change. I look back at it and I know that God has done the same with me. This fills my heart with joy and rest. The LORD loves me, he loves YOU regardless of all the things you have done. I wish I could write all the things I have learnt in these past few months but I don't want to get you bored haha. If you want to know more please talk to me!
We are now going to start our last 3 months of the school and we will be studying the New Testament! We get to meet Jesus! I am really excited about it. I will try a new thing this quarter and I will write a little bit of the things that God shows me in each book of the New Testament! :)

Worship

There is one thing that God has highlighted in this last year a lot and that has been worship. I have known that he wants me to sing for him and to play guitar as well. This is why I did the school of worship last year; I wanted to know more about it. There was one thing that was wrong though, I never fully accepted that God really wanted me to become a musician so that I could lead worship. This happened because I could not accept that I have a nice voice. I had been more focused on how my voice sounds rather than if my heart was worshiping or not. I had even told a guy I met that I don't think my voice is meant for worship. (I meant the typical western worship) It wasn't until one night in a community meeting, in worship time something changed in me. God and I connected in a very strong way. He showed me the beauty of worship and how powerful and life changing it can be. I was singing with all my heart, and I figured that when I sang with all my heart I hit the right notes and it sounded beautiful. I believe that this is the Holy Spirit in me doing this. During the worship I told God that I want to accept this gift of singing he has given me. I declared that my voice is meant for worship, I do have a voice for worship. After I said this, everything changed. I was tired but he gave me strength. I am now ready to write songs and use my voice to sing worship to Him. WIN!

What's Next?

When you are in YWAM, everyone is eager to know what you will do next. Since we just came to the last quarter I am have officially started to pray and consider my next step. I would really love if you join me in prayer please! I have decided that my next step does involve being staff at a YWAM base for at least 2 years. There are four things that I am looking for in the next place I will be at. These are: 1. Opportunity to grow in worship. 2. Opportunity to teach the Bible. 3. I want to be able to do discipleship 4. Traveling, I want opportunities to do more traveling. These options with YWAM could fit into staffing the school of the Bible I am in or staffing the Discipleship Training school. So these are my options:

Mexico: The base offers an amazing program for those who want to be staff in the school of Biblical studies. If I stay as staff of this school I would learn to be more like a Bible scholar. This program would also allow me to do discipleship. I would also have some opportunities to participate in worship times on the base. However if I stay I wouldn't travel.

Sweden: Ever since I left Sweden I have missed it so much. If I go back to the base in Sweden I would have many options to work with. I could be staff of the School of Biblical Studies. I could work with the mobilization team, and possibly staff the mobile DTS. I could also be part of the school of worship and involved in worship times generally as well. This option would give me all the four things I look for. I am honestly leaning more towards this one, but I do want God's confirmation.

England: After I left Sweden last year, I had a spontaneous visit to the YWAM base close to London in Harpenden. When I was there I found out that like Sweden they also had a mobilization team! The mobilization team consists of traveling to local churches or even around the country to give teachings/preaching in youth groups. Plus they have an outreach ministry called "Just Go". In this base I could probably work with the DTS as well. I would also be able to grow in worship somehow. The only negative side here is that there wouldn't be any direct opportunities to work with the Bible school.

So those are my options and I shared a little bit of my thoughts on each. Please help me pray about my next step, I have so much to think about. But more than anything I want to be in a place where I will grow and be challenged to be closer to God. I want to be obedient. Thank you SO much for praying with me! I will let you know when I have my final answer.

Everything but homework...

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Wed, 29 Jan 2014 05:08:00 +0000

Many times it's hard to realize that distractions are our biggest enemies. I don't know what was going on but it didn't matter how much I tried to sit down and work I could not manage to stop and study. Nothing about studying the book of Samuel sounded exciting to me, especially not the huge amount of homework we have. Seven PM, time to go back to homework came, I "started". My friend Jeremiah came into the room and said I bet you that she is doing everything but homework. I sat down "determined" to do homework, but what was the first thing I did? ...Facebook. Then Jeremiah told me the obvious solution, pray. He said "Pray so that God can take away your distractions." Why didn't I think about it before! So he and I prayed, I honestly thought God would gradually respond to my prayer, but he didn't! I focused on my homework immediately!

I honestly shouldn't be surprised about this, I have been learning about how God listens to our prayers, and he listens to those who seek him and love him. I started interpreting the first few chapters of Samuel. I am halfway through one of the interpretations because God has shown me something that has touched my heart so much and I just had to stop and think about it. I have been doing homework with God; we are discussing the chapters and what he is saying through the stories. He is telling me how he felt about certain situations that happened. These are real stories, they happened in real life!

So, this was the situation. The Israelites in the time of Samuel were slowly starting to understand who God was. They have been so influenced by the gods of the nations around them; their theology is completely off the lines. Their mayor enemies, the Philistines have come and attacked them. They killed many Israelites. The Israelites think that they have a solution. They think that if the priests bring the Ark of the Covenant (where God's presence was) then they will win the battle against the Philistines. The problem was that the priests at that time did not know God, and they were very corrupt. What happened to them? They got defeated by the Philistines, and not only that but they even stole the Ark of the Covenant! This is what I wrote:

(1 Samuel 4:1-11)

"Interpretation Question: Why didn't it work for the Israelites to bring the Ark to battle?

Interpretation: The reason why it didn't work was because it was not about having God’s presence in front of them, but it was about the situation of their hearts, and of the hearts of the priests who had the ark. The original readers could learn that it is the same for them, it is not about just the presence of the LORD being present but about the situation of their heart before the LORD, if they follow him then God will honor them in battles. What good was it for them to have God's presence if God was not pleased by their hearts?

Timeless Truth: It is not just about having the presence of God but about your heart to God. "

This just hit me; we can think that if we face our problems with just the word of God then we will conquer those problems. We can recite verses and make people think that the presence of God is with us through that. But more important than just recited words or the longing of having his presence around us is that we are obedient. We cannot objectify God, he is not just an object that we carry around, and if we carry him our problems will be solved; He is God. He looks into our heart, and our intentions. Our focus should always be to know Him better, and if we know him better then we will obey and walk according to his will; He will be with us. If the Israelites had known how important it was for them to leave behind the idea that God is like other gods, and decided to really follow God then God would have helped them win the battle. It is the same with us, we cannot compare God to how people are, He is different. We cannot please God in the same way we please people. We cannot follow a certain formula so that God will help us go through our problems. The only thing we have to do is get to know him, talk to him, spend time with him, read the Bible to get to know him, but never do it on your own but do it with God.

This is the big revelation, it is a very basic and simple concept, but there is so much power in it. I love how everything in the Bible comes down to getting to know God so that we may love him and obey him. This is a little bit of the Bible school for you, I love it. I am getting to know God through His word. I am being transformed in the process, and my love for Him is growing more and more every day. I challenge you to sit down, read, discover who God is through the Bible. If you don't understand it, then it means that you need to study it! You won't regret it!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Test my Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Wed, 29 Jan 2014 05:05:00 +0000

Praise Report: I got the final 300 dollars I needed for this quarters tuition! I am allowed back in class! Now to continue raising support for the next quarter! My goal is $1050.

Going through the stages of my life as a missionary, there has always been something consistent in my journey. There always seemed to be a barrier that I think keeps me from doing what I want, and that is money. It is the paper that seems to run our life. Our life usually revolves around how much money we are able to make. Unfortunately it is how we measure how worthy we are.

However is our worth really on how much of this paper we own?

When I am taking a class with YWAM I find myself being part of the group of people that don't have money to pay for the class. Tears fall down my face whenever I am called up to the front to receive prayer because I don't have money. A sense of shame comes over me. I feel as if I am less than my other classmates who seem to have no problem to get money. Every single time I am there, God shows His power, He shows me that there is no piece of paper that will limit him. I have seen Him provide for all the money I need and He always gives me more than I ask for.

Two days ago I was in the same spot again. As the class was praying for me tears came down my face. God was telling me, I am testing your heart. I want to see how faithful you are to me, how much do you really trust me. I was challenged to remember every time that God provided for everything I needed and trust that He was faithful before and how He is still faithful today.

The point I want to get to is that there is nothing that limits God, not situations, not people’s lack of disposition and definitively not money. Many times we feel limited because of our background, because people around us don't support or agree with what we are doing. Then we feel limited by our circumstances and therefore we limit God's power. It becomes hard to believe that God would break the barrier of a hardened heart, or of money. Since people don't support us we make the mistake to think that maybe God is not in our side. We forget that God is not human; he is not limited by anything. Not even by our bad heart attitude.

If there is something I have learned every time I am in need of something, is that God is faithful, that He cares to see me grow in trusting Him more and more every day. It is the same with you, no matter what you are going through, there is no depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, hopelessness, loneliness, there is nothing that will limit God from getting you out of what is troubling your heart and making you feel empty inside. Set your trust on Him, love Him and He will take care of all those things in your life that seem to be overtaking you. He is faithful and He will always be!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Eternal

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Wed, 29 Jan 2014 04:46:00 +0000

I have been a missionary for almost three years now. Going on through life as a missionary I get a lot of people asking me what I will do with my life. I tell them " I want to be a missionary all my life". All I get is puzzled looks. I attempt to explain what I mean by being a missionary and I seem to fail. In the end they are still confused with why I do what I do. I can only think about the thoughts that run through their mind. "oh this girl doesn't know what she wants" or "It seems like she won't accomplish much because she is not even thinking about going to university, all she cares about is traveling and being a missionary, whatever that means." I might be making assumptions, but that is the vibe I get after those repeated conversations about what I do with my life.

I have to admit that my reaction to this has been to try and find my purpose. What will I do to make this world better. As I was doing a discipleship program with YWAM. (Check the "who I work with" tab if you don't know what YWAM is). Well, as I was in that program I was eagerly praying and asking God, what is my purpose. What will my ministry focus be? As a missionary you have so many options, you can work with children, start an orphanage, help the people in the street, build houses for poor people, go to India and work with the people there. There is a whole world of options to choose from.
I was trying so hard that in the first moment of passion for an issue I had, I took it as mine. I took sex traffic and pornography as what I was passionate to fight against in life. I thought, yes, I finally found something that I can tell people I do. Maybe if I say this I will find people who believe in my vision of being a missionary. I let my identity as a missionary become Stephanie, the missionary who wants to fight against sex trafficking and sexual abuse. After I went to Sweden and wrote a paper on pornography as an addiction, I felt overwhelmed with how deep this issue is. I thought it was the root of sex trafficking and sexual abuse, but I found out that the real root of the issue is dysfunctional families and wrong ideas about other humans and their bodies. I was overwhelmed with how big this issue is and by the thousands of organizations fighting against this. I lost my passion for the issue.
I started having other interests. I explored working with youth, and just talking to them. Showing them God in me and not just telling them. I figured that the reason I had that split moment of passion for that issue was not in vain. It is only a puzzle piece to the big picture that God has for me. I cannot tell you now what is my specific purpose in life or in what direction I am taking this whole missionary thing to. I don't know. All I know is that I think this is worth it. Think about it. We are Christians, we go around saying we believe in God and what He is doing in many lives. But what is it that we are treasuring in our hearts? What are we valuing the most? Is it having the newest car, a big house and a great job so that we can store stuff? These are not bad things, I want these things to a certain degree. I can tell you that when I decided that my career is God and my whole life is God I did it thinking about this:
God is eternal. He gave me a commandment to spread His kingdom. There is nothing more valuable for me in this world than dedicating my whole life to seeing His kingdom spread out through the nations. Everything else will fade away but in the end all I will have is God. In the end all that we will have is God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. It fills my heart with joy and passion. I want to dedicate my life to seeing people believe that all that matters is having God be the Saviour of their souls. That is what I am doing with my life. That is my purpose, the reason I live. We have a choice, we either store things up on earth or focus on the eternal, and that is the kingdom of heaven.
I am looking for people who believe in this purpose. I not only want this but I need people to be part of this with me. I am tired of doing it alone and asking people to join but no one decides to take the challenge with me. I need people to pray with me, I need back up. I need people to help me pay for this lifestyle I live. I don't get a salary for my work. If you are willing to take this challenge then write me an email, or a message on Fb saying I want to be part of this. This is me asking you to be part of it. I want a prayer team. Can you imagine if I had a prayer team how much more Jesus would do through me and through you who are praying with me? Just think about it. Take the challenge.

I want to thank those who have taken the challenge with me in these past three years. You have been such and incredible blessing. With every donation, be it small or big, I have always smiled to the fact that there are people out there who believe in my greater purpose and our greater purpose as the body of Christ. So, Thank you! Gracias! tack så mycket!

¹⁹“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
-Matthew 6:19-21

⁷Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

-2 Corinthians 9:7

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

God always shows us His way…

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Wed, 29 Jan 2014 04:24:00 +0000

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

About two years ago God told me to not make any plans, that I should just follow what He has for me. I battled with this idea so much. I freaked out; I thought I wouldn't be able to have any sense of direction ever, that everything in my life would be last minute. Later on I found out that what God meant for me is that I should just let every day come, and worry only about that day. To be aware of what He has to say to me and start acting upon it.

As you know I came to Sweden thinking that I would be here for three months, later on that turned into 10 months in total. Being in Sweden I was surrounded by people who had studied the Bible, they know it so well and they were passionate about the Word of God. Hearing them speak about certain things in the Bible made me realize that I don’t know the book that I claim to believe in. Since then I have gotten a hunger to get to study the Bible, to be able to grasp who God is in a whole different level.

Fortunately YWAM has a 9 month school in which you study every single book in the Bible, verse by verse. More people know the school as “School of Biblical Studies” or SBS. However I will be studying the Bible Chronologically, in what is called “Chronological School of Biblical Studies” or CSBS, in YWAM Tijuana, Mexico. This school is not an easy school. It requires dedication, motivation, devotion and a huge love and desire to get to know our Maker. In this school I will spend 6 day s of the week studying the Bible. It is a highly academically demanding school.

I am willing to dedicate 9 months of my life to get to know the Bible. I think this is a very important step towards my calling. I know God has called me to the nations, to encourage people to live life in a whole new level. That they may know who God really is and that they can experience Him fully. I am willing to take the step and make an impact in this world with God. I believe that knowing the Bible and being able to study it myself is a big step into bringing God’s Kingdom to this world.

I encourage you to partner with me in this process. I am seeking to find people who believe in me and are willing to support me however they can. Give out of what you have to help me reach this goal. Whatever it is you can give, it can be prayer, money, encouragement, or even your taxes (US and Canada), whatever God puts in your heart. Take this step with me; let’s do this together as the body of Christ. Let’s support each other. If you have prayer requests let me know and I will pray for you.

Thanks to all who prayed for me when I had no idea where to take this course at! God cleared the path very fast and showed me that going back to Tijuana, Mexico was what He had in mind for me.

Send me your prayer requests to my email: stephzepeda92@gmail.com it doesn't matter where you are from, or if I know you or not. I am more than happy to pray with you. J

If you want to know more about this course I will be taking in September click on this link.

You can give through PayPal by clicking on the Donate button.

I you want to give a tax deductible payment, or for other options click on this link.

10 Ways to Live a Swedish Summer

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 08:53:00 +0000

Monday, July 29, 2013

This is the way I have lived a Swedish summer, and I have loved it!

1. Swimming.

I have had the opportunity to swim at quite a few places in Sweden. Some have been colder than others, but it is always worth it to jump into the water after many months of having a frozen ocean.

2. Ice Cream. Lot's of it!

The brain Ice cream that Lovisa gave us, it was very good!

3. Beach Volleyball!

4. Watching movies outdoors...in this case the Emperors New Groove!

5. Midsummer!

The swedes have a celebration called "Midsommar". This is the day of the year with most sunlight. The sun goes down at around 12 at night and comes up at 3 in the morning.

To celebrate this the swedes get together and dance. We were supposed to see some typical Swedish dances but it was a rainy day. Fortunately the rain did not stop us from dancing together to the midsummer tunes. After this event everyone has a barbecue and eats delicious strawberries. As a celebration my friends and I decided to go swimming at midnight, since midsummer is celebrated on the longest day of the year. So much fun!

6. Strawberries, wild cherries...overall BERRIES!

If you know me well, you know that I am more of a berry person than a chocolate person. The summer in Sweden is all about eating strawberries, and of course the typical "Jordgubbstårta", or strawberry cake; it is so delicious.

I have also had the opportunity to eat wild cherries for the first time. This has been one of my favourite things to do. They are so delicious!

My friend, Lovisa made this delicious berry dessert after a great day at the beautiful Island of Öckerö.

7. Picnic and Fika

One of the most enjoyable thing to do with friends is to go to the beach and have a picnic, or like the swedes say, have some Fika...and of course followed by a good, cold swim!

8. Swedish Barbecue

The Swedish barbecue consists of delicious grilled meat, potatoes and salad. Followed by some dessert! I have enjoyed two Swedish barbecues, both very fun. Especially because we got to eat steak.

9. Beach Bonfires

This has been one of my favourite things to do. Go for a swim and then enjoy roasted marshmallows or sausage wrapped with bread dough to cook in the fire.

10. Fun with friends...go on a boat!

I have even been able to go on a boat and wake board for the first time! If you travel around the west coast of Sweden you will see how boats are part of the Swedish summer experience. Therefore this is a must.

My friends and I went wakeboarding and tubing! It was fun, scary and a little painful haha.

I have had such a great summer, and I thank God so much for letting me live a Swedish summer.

Hej!

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 06:12:00 +0000

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Hey there everyone! :D
-If you didn't notice before, in this page I have a list of the things I want. There used to be three things listed. Now there is only two because I GOT A CAMERA!Yes! A friend from the base gave me a Nikon D50! I have been asking God for this for a long time, and He finally thought it was time that I got the camera. :) The pictures in this post are all taken with the camera :)
(Me, Austin, Nicole, Jeremy)

QUICK NEWS:

-God has provided 608 dollars of my school fees! YES! Now I need 912 american dollars to finish paying for my school. Please pray so that God may provide. God is faithful. If you want to join with me in this one, please invest in what God is doing in my life through these teachings. If you can give money, donate. I promise you it is not a waste. (Contact me stephzepeda92@gmail.com or click the donate button in this page to donate through pay pal)

So, it's been a long time since I have updated you guys with what has been going on in Sweden. It would be hard, well kind of boring for you guys if I told you everything that has been happening over here. If I summarize it for you guys I could conclude that life is hard. Over the last weeks God has been working on me so much. He is always doing that, but especially these last few weeks have been a bit more intense. A lot of ups and downs. I have been learning a lot about who I am, what I am actually good at, learning to speak up, confront people. God wants me to become stronger.

The beauty of going through hardships in life is knowing that it will work out for my good. (Romans 8:28) Yeah we hear this all the time, but think about it. God has a plan for you, it's not just a saying, God actually has things He wants to work out in your life. The future He has for you does not come in 10 years. The future He is preparing for you starts now. I have learned that everything I am going through is something that God is using to mold me into the person He wants me to be. In that way, I will be able to be even more fruitful in the future. More lives surrendering through God because of the way I worship Him through the way I live my life. Ok, back to the update. During these weeks in the school of worship God has shown me a lot about what to expect for my future. It is actually starting to take shape. I would tell you guys what He has said, but I think it is better if you go along with me as it happens.

I feel like I have accomplished a lot in these last weeks. As some of you know I am very shy about singing in worship, or just singing in front of people. I am now happy to say that I am a whole lot more confident in my singing. I can see how I have improved from the beginning of the school till now. I am starting to take risks and I have been singing high notes! I even included high notes on the song I wrote last week! yay! Thank you Jesus!

On another note, I ,have been very worried (I know I shouldn't) about my next step. There is one thing I have decided, and through the school of worship it has been confirmed a whole lot more to me. I need to study the whole Bible. To do that I will take a 9 month course in YWAM, in which you study the Bible deeply. (I will probably give you more information about this in my next update) But I need you to pray with me please. I need to decide where to do this. I have three options in mind

1. Stay here in Sweden

2. Go back to Mexico

3. Go to Australia

All these places have pros and cons. I still don't have peace about any of the places, I am searching for an answer from God on what place would be the best for me. So join me in prayer to be able to choose the right place, a quick prayer will work. Prayer moves mountains!

Thank you so much for your prayers! I can really feel it when I have been prayed for. :)

Heart of Worship

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 06:06:00 +0000

Friday, May 10, 2013

I will have to admit that many times I have taken worship lightly. I drag myself to the community meetings. I move my lips to the worship songs, while my heart is somewhere else. Let's admit it, we have all been there at least once. I started to notice that this scenario had become more common as I got more "mature" in my faith. Sad, but true. What happened to me that I became so bland? It's as if as the years went by since I became a christian, I slowly started building a wall between God and I in worship times. I had become detached, wondering why this is not all about me, then worship would be interesting.

For the past 5 weeks I have been part of a Worship School. There were many days that I sat in class wondering what am I doing here. My insecurities bubbled up and left me believing that worship is not for me. Honestly that is one of the biggest lies out there. It's not only a lie I have believed before, but a lie that many people believe. The truth is every believer is called to worship.

I know many people who get frustrated with what we call worship in the church. Me being one of them. Not all of us express our admiration to God through songs that we have been singing for years. Our limited knowledge of what worship is has made us complacent to traditional worship. When there are so many ways to worship. We work, talk, walk, sing, dance or play an instrument, bottom line in everything we do we praise the Lord.

Think about it, we are children of the creator of heaven! He has given us His grace and His mercy. He has loved us, forgiven us, accepted us. He has transformed us! We praise him because He is Holy, He is mighty, powerful, glorious, worthy. It is not until we understand how much we need him that we will walk into our community worship times without caring about how we feel. We will go back to the heart of worship, that is to honor the king of Kings, the great I am, Jesus prince of peace. To live a life of daily sacrifice of yourself, and complete surrender to the Lord.

"Let everything that has breath Praise the Lord,

Praise the Lord"

Psalm 150:6

Week 1: Culture. As we get to know cultures, we are getting to know different aspects of God. Worship God through your culture!

Week 2: Lifestyle of a Worshiper. Live a Godly life that glorifies the Lord.

Week 3: Identity. Be confident in who God has created you to be

Week 4: Songwriting. Come together in one accord to worship. Be excellent in your work. Practice your instrument!

Prayer Points:

· I have been struggling a lot with things in my past and being hurt. Pray that I may come closer to God's heart.

· Confidence with my voice.

· For provision. I need to pay for the school! I owe around 9,000 SEK. and I also need to pay for my own food.

Contact info:

stephzepeda92@gmail.com

Update! Update!

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 05:54:00 +0000

Monday, March 25, 2013

Hej guys!

I wish I was better at keeping you updated with what has been going on these past few months. Very often I lack inspiration to write down the many things I have done. To update you quickly this is what is going on. I have two weeks left of working with the UMU team. This is because in April 4 I will start my new school/ class "School of Worship" (SOW). If you have no idea why I am doing this you can check out this blogpost. I am very nervous and excited to do this school, and learn more about worship.
Not so many people know but I have actually started to learn how to play the guitar! Yes it is so exciting! Haha. Funny story to share, I have been trying to push away the idea of me being involved in worship. At the beginning of the year I had very beautiful long nails, if you play the guitar you know that it is fairly impossible to play the guitar with long nails. My problem was that I knew I had to practice guitar, but my nails were so cute I did not want to clip them, (I know I am such a girl! Haha) It was a bright morning in Sweden, I lay in my bed, took a look at my left hand, and it happened. One of my fingernails was broken! The funny thing is that I immediately knew that it was no coincidence, I knew God had done this. Yeah it may sound ridiculous but I know Him so well, that I knew it was Him. I look up and say, "Ok God I get it, I will start practicing playing guitar.” I have been practicing ever since; I use the guitar we have in the prayer room since I don't have my own. I am not the greatest but I can actually play a few songs now!

So, here are small updates on what I have been doing in Sweden for the past few months.

Mission Possible
Towards the end of January, youth pastors from the Gothenburg area had a gathering, called “Mission Possible”. Being part of the UMU team we got to receive the teachings that were given, and we also got to promote DTS! It was very nice to see so many young leaders get together and to get the youth in Sweden motivated to rise up. This time was special to me because my loved grandmother had just died and I was in deep pain. The main speaker of the conference prayed for me and after that I felt way better. It was nice to get off of base and get closer to actual Swedish culture.
Youth Group in Torslanda
With the UMU team, we visit youth groups regularly. To me as a foreigner in Sweden, there are two kinds of youth groups, those who want to speak in English and those that don’t. The youth group in Torslanda is definitively a group that does speak in English, which is great to me since I can actually communicate and feel useful. This group is a led by Dan Olofsson a former DTS student from Restenäs, who is doing a great job at leading this group into a real encounter with Jesus. Being in this group was amazing, I had a lot of fun being able to talk and be funny. I also got to share about being real with God. Talking to Him as a friend and not being afraid to tell him how you feel, if you are angry, frustrated, happy or sad. Overall how important and how great it is to know God, and how as you get to know Him, you start to know His voice and how even the little things in life come from Him. I really enjoyed sharing about that, but I think my favorite time was in the end where we got in group of 3 to pray. I was talking to Emilia and Viktor, they had no about how to pray. I told them it was a conversation, just like you would talk to a friend. I was so excited to tell them how I talk to God. In the end I encouraged them to pray for each other. They gave a small prayer, nothing too fancy, but simple. I thought it was beautiful. After we left the group I found out that Viktor is actually a new believer! It was so good that we got to be there to teach the basics about a relationship with God. God knew that we had to give that message, wow!
Weekend in Tidaholm
I think one of the greatest things about the UMU team is that we are a mobile team. Every once in a while we get to travel to different parts of Sweden and be speak at churches and Youth groups about missions, and whatever God tells us to talk about. This weekend we got to go to one of our team member’s home church. It was very nice to visit the church. It was a bit of a challenge for me. Before every event, we pray to see who will do what. We decided that I was going to speak on Surrender on Saturday night. It was a bit of a challenge since it has been so long since I have prepared a sermon, and my relationship with God was not at its greatest point. I was going to speak on surrender though, haha. I had to surrender my nerves, my emotions my actions to God. I spend a good time with Him before giving the sermon and it was nice. Just like the good ol’ times when you surrender and let God do what you cannot do. It is always best to let Him to what He does best…be God.
School in Gothenburg
Many times it is great to be able to work with the local churches, it is few times you get an opportunity to actually speak about God to a group of students from many religious backgrounds, including Muslims. Two times a month, every Wednesday, we get the opportunity to visit a school in the city of Gothenburg. We have a whole school day with students that are around 15-16 years old. We give the students talks on topics that they have expressed interest in. The times I have been there we have talked about the Holy Spirit and about Relationships. Anna, the elder of our team gave an amazing teaching, explaining God’s view on relationships and sex. For the very first time I got to share a testimony of my hurtful experience with my ex-boyfriend. God had once said before I came to Sweden that He knew that I had been in pain because of that relationship, and that it will not be in vain. I can see why He said that, now others can learn from my mistakes. My friends said it was exactly the kind of testimony teenagers need to listen to. I am not sure how my testimony affected the group of girls especially, but I know that they will remember what I said.
So, what now Steph?
I only have one more week left in the UMU team. I have enjoyed being part of this amazing group of people. Please pray for us, on Wednesday we will be going to the school in Gothenburg again. This time we will have the students do personality tests, learning styles tests etc… This is so that they can find out how they are wired, and figure out that we are all wired differently and that is ok. Pray that God will give us words of encouragement for them and that we may be able to guide them well.

In April 4, I start my next season in the School of Worship. I have a large mix of emotions for this next school. People ask me how I feel about it and I am not sure what to say. I am excited yet a little nervous for the challenges that are about to come for me. I love singing, I love worship, and I love Jesus so much. I am very glad that God has been asking me to be involved in worship. I want to sing with all of my heart to Him. I can’t wait to tell you stories of what God will do in my school. Please pray for me in this time, it will definitively be a challenge for me and I also still need finances to pay for the school.
All the best to you guys! Thank you for reading my long update! Thank you so, so much for praying for me, I greatly appreciate it. Please keep on praying for me. J

Amidst trouble...

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 05:29:00 +0000

Saturday, January 19, 2013

and the heart crunching feeling of pain. He holds me; there is hope in His eyes. He promises me to carry the pain for me. Yet, I still wrestle with Him to keep the pain close to me. Instead of letting Him hold me through the painful night, just so I can sleep.
It has been a long 6 months. Probably the longest I have ever lived. Just to think about all the things that have been going on in my head, my body hurts. It was only my pain and myself, I felt so lonely…yet I was not alone. Nobody understood how my heart was feeling, how I would cry myself to sleep for so many nights. I shut down completely, my body was there but my mind was somewhere else. I didn’t want to go out, or be involved in any kind of activity. There was someone who understood, but I thought He did not care. Every single time I cried, He would cry with me, He felt my pain and He wanted to make it better for me. He wouldn’t do something for me unless I gave Him my heart completely and let Him change me. I knew all of this and I still wanted to keep my pain because it reminded me that the past was real. I was in love with the past.
There were many seeds of lies planted in my heart. I felt, unwanted, ugly, not worth the wait, invaluable, used, that I had been lied to and many other things. I knew I was in a deep, dark hole; getting out of it was way too far away, almost impossible. I had lost my passion, my joy. I turned into this angry and bitter person, I knew that was not me and I hated it that this is who I had turned into. I didn’t have a tangible person to talk to, the people who I trust were far away and, if I talked to them about what I felt, I thought I was being a pain in the ass…I had believed no one cared.
Once again, He did that thing He is really good at doing. It came to a point where He had to scream at me, that all of this time He was there. He wanted to heal my heart and make me new again. He wanted me to delight myself in Him and stop believing the lies that I had believed about myself. I finally gave in, I gave Him all. I decided to believe Him when He said He wanted me, that He thought I was very beautiful, and that I am worth waiting for, worth fighting for, worth loving…
I started trusting Him wholeheartedly. I am sure He is the only one that will NEVER fail me. He will always love me and look out for me, even when I reject Him. He is the only one worth living for. He would never leave you.
I still remember my past with pain, but, it is different now. Now I have peace, my heart is not set on the things of this world that only come and go. My trust is no longer in men; it is because of this that I am free. My heart’s biggest desire is to be with Him and to get to know Him. As an old hymn says: “It is well with my soul”
“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us… (V.3-5)
Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (V.7-8)

What! You are living in Sweden?

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 05:28:00 +0000

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Hello friends!

Happy New Year! I pray that this year is full of blessings but more than anything I pray that you get to know God more.
God blessed me so much during this Christmas break, I ended up spending Christmas in Austria with one of my best friends Nicole. and her family. It was a great time, I was very blessed by them. They even took me to Italy and Slovenia! Later on we went to Switzerland and spent new years there with one of Nicole's friends. I got to see the beautiful Konstanz, the town where my friend Klaus lives in. Then, after a LONG trip we made it back to Sweden.
So, it's a new year and wow it's full of many new things for me. To start it out, I have to cook my own meals now, pay rent and work hands on in ministry. As I mentioned before in one of my updates, I decided to stay as staff for 3 months in YWAM Restenäs, Sweden. What I didn't mention is what I will be doing. I will be working with hospitality and with what they call the mobilization team or UMU team. This is what the mobilization team is all about:

"We are YWAM Restenäs “on wheels” with a desire to see young Swedes rise up and become more passionate for Jesus and their world. We are working in churches, youth groups, conferences, camps and schools. We do teachings, worship, seminars and have opportunities for joining Missions programs.

Our desire is to work together with others so we can see a greater discipleship of youth in Sweden and beyond."

I will be working with youth! Organizing youth meetings, making sure that everyone knows what we have been doing and promoting our ministry. I'm very excited for these next three months. I am very glad I chose this base for this season. I admire very much the way the leaders lead. It is definitively a good place to learn about how to run ministry. I actually have the honor to be discipled by one of the members of the leadership team.

I'm having a great time with God. He has been re-teaching me to receive His love, and to walk as His beautiful princess and daughter. This is why I don't doubt that He will take care of every single one of my needs. Thanks to all who have been praying for me. I got two families supporting me! I have enough to pay for the rent of my room. Please keep on praying for more supporters, I still need money to buy food and pay for insurance. I will not starve for this month though, I have enough to buy food for now.

Once again feel free to talk to me on FB or email me, I would love to talk, tell you about my day and answer any questions. Even better, pray for me!

If you want to check out more information about the mobile team click here.

Blessings,

Steph

Christmas Break!

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 05:27:00 +0000

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Hey guys!

Christmas break is here! I know you are just as excited as I am. Unfortunately I won't be able to spend Christmas in Honduras. It's sad since my grandma is very sick; please keep her in your prayers. She is the reason why my family is Christian, she is a strong woman of God and she is also my role model.

Being far away from home is not going to be as bad as I thought it would be. If you are wondering what city is the one in the picture it is LONDON! I had bought a roundtrip ticket from London to Sweden, and I didn't want to waste it. I will be here until the 18th. I am here with my dear friend Laura Conley, with whom I had the honor to spend most of my high school years with. She is awesome. The first time we were here she showed me London in a day. This time we have more time to enjoy and visit the places I didn't get to see before. We visited a mall and went to a church service at St.Paul's Cathedral.

Where am I spending Christmas and new years then? I will be going to Austria! I met these amazing two girls in Sweden, they invited me to celebrate Christmas with them. I will be living a true Austrian Christmas! God blessed me with amazing two friends and with trips that I would have never imagined to happen! I will post pictures of our adventures together. :)

Please keep praying so that I may get supporters to help me continue doing missionary work. I need 400 USD a month, to be able to stay in Sweden. I know the miracle can happen! Pray, pray, pray. ^^

A Complete Change of Plans? Yes, I think so.

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 02:26:00 +0000

Monday, December 10, 2012

Dear Friend,

Greetings from the land of Sweden. The purpose of this letter is to inform you about my recent endeavors. First of all I would like to apologize for not writing in the past months. I was caught in the life of a busy college student writing research papers. As I had promised before, if you wish to read my paper about Pornography as an Addiction, send me an email or write me on Facebook.

My classmates and my staff for the past 3 months

My life has turned around completely. My future sounded splendid. I wanted to be Stephanie, the cool person that is a photographer and makes awesome videos. However, being in Sweden has helped me understand myself. More than learning about myself, I have come to see a clearer picture of who I actually am rather than who I would like to be. I guess God does that to you, He shows you, you. He knew all along that I wasn't really gifted in video or photography. Of course I can develop these abilities, but that would separate me of the gifts God actually gave me.
What I want to tell you is that I have decided to no longer pursue a degree in Communications with YWAM. I knew it all along that I had chosen this path to tell myself that I do have a specific direction in life. I tried to take control of my life again after I had promised God to let him lead me. During this time in Sweden He has revealed two gifts that he has given me, leadership and singing worship. He wants me to deal with the one I am more insecure about, worship.
I have always loved to sing, I enjoy it so much. When I first started to follow Jesus, worship was my favorite part of it all. I have always compared myself to others who always get chosen to sing worship, and who I think have more to offer than I do. Deep inside, I have always wanted to lead a worship time. I became very good at pushing that dream aside, even after some people said they liked my voice. In the past year God has been asking me to take courage and sing. I have ignored this about three times, until last week where God mentioned it again through a friend I had recently met. I finally got the point, God wants me to learn about worship.
I have decided to take the School of Worship here in Sweden in April. Which means I have three months where I have nothing to do. I have prayed about it and for the moment I feel God wants me to stay as short term staff during that time. He wants me to learn from the leaders here. I have had friends pray over me and through them God has confirmed that He wants me to stay. To do this I need monthly supporters. People who are willing to help me follow the new path God has set for me. In order to stay I need 400 american dollars a month. This could be two people who support me with 200 dollars a month, four people who support me with 100 dollars a month or even small monthly donations would work. To stay I need to prove to the leaders that I have friends who are committed to sending this money to me, monthly. I ask you to please pray about this, ask God if He wants you to bless me. I can assure you it will be a blessing for you as well.

There is a long beautiful story to how I have come to all of these conclusions about my life. I invite you to ask me about how God revealed this to me. There are SO many things, and it all happened in less than a week. I am truly amazed on how much he really knows me. Please pray for me since I am still insecure about worship, but I am taking this step because God has spoken and I want to obey.

with love,

Stephanie

P.S: My email is stephzepeda92@gmail.com. Feel free to write, and ask. Enjoy the pictures!

Aaah!

Aren't we funny!?

Runaway!!

Waiting time...

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 01:22:00 +0000

Friday, September 21, 2012

I remember the last week before we had to go out on outreach in Mexico. I was missing $2,500 in order to go and I had about $150. To be honest, at that moment it was very hard to see how everyone was walking around happily because it seemed so easy for them to pay for the trip. I just stood there kind of happy. I knew in my heart that God was going to give me the money I needed to leave, but I felt a huge pressure over me. Doubt had taken control over me. I was selling bracelets and hot chocolate to raise money, which got me some $100; this was still nothing compared to what I needed to get. It wasn't until I got to the point were I had to accept that I had done what I could; the results were in God’s hands, it is better if I don’t worry about it. Two days before the trip, I got the surprise; my friend gave me $1,400! I started crying and giving thanks to God. When I saw the bill that was the exact amount of money I needed and, I ended up going to outreach with my friends with extra money in my pocket. God was faithful…

“God what is going on? Why haven’t you given me the money I need, if you know that what I want to do, I do it for you? It is time for me to go to Sweden, what is going on?” Yes, this has been going through my mind all this week. It has been 4 days since I had to leave and I still need about 5,000 dollars. In my other trips I have arrived at my destiny just in time; money came in all at once and didn't have to worry as much. That was not the plan God had for me on this trip. He has me waiting because he wants to teach me something and I need to find out what it is.

Today in the morning I found out what I had to learn. I remembered that my plans are no longer MY plans. As much as I try to do the things the way I want them to work out, it is not going to happen that way unless it is the way God has it planned. His plan in my life is stronger. He wants me to surrender my plans to Him, and that I may know that I don’t need to call them MY plans but OUR plans. He wants complete surrender and trust to know that no matter what, everything will be for my good. He will provide! J That is why I love having Him in my life! :D He is still faithful...

Hello Everyone!

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 01:20:00 +0000

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I am so thankful for all the moments I have been able to share with you all, even if it has been only for a little bit. God has seriously blown my mind with the places He has taken me and by all the people I have had the honor to share my life with.

As many of you know, God has planted a seed in my heart to be a missionary who travels the world. During my last mission’s trip in Ensenada, Mexico, I asked God to show me something that breaks His heart and that I would have a passion to work with as a ministry. During our “Justice week” the topic of “Sex Trafficking” came up. Our teachers showed us a video of a little girl being sold and forced to sleep with older men. She also told us that Pornography is a huge reason why there is sexual abuse and also why the sex trafficking business is so successful. Just hearing this hurt my heart so much, especially because I have close friends who have been victims of sexual abuse. As I thought about this it made me angry and frustrated. How come something, that to most of the people in our society seems harmless, is a factor that causes pain to many women and children all over the world? It has become a personal matter now that my friends have been victims.

What is my next step? What am I supposed to do about this? I don't feel comfortable just sitting around when there is something I can do about it. As I explained in my previous letters, I want to study Communications with the missionary "University of the Nations". I am praying that in September, God provides money for me to go to Restenäs, Sweden, to take a school/class called "School of Communication Foundations" (Which is part of my career plan.) During this time I will learn how to communicate those ideas and passions to all the different audiences in the World. I will also have to do a research project, where I want to investigate about how Pornography affects Sexual Abuse and Sex Trafficking, but most importantly I will also express God's heart in the matter. By the end of my time in Sweden, I will share with you my entire research project. The main idea with all this is that everyone knows about this topic. I am eventually planning on starting a movement; I will inform you about what God has told me to do when the time is right.

This is my plan for the next 3 months; please pray that God provides me with finances and direction with this project I want to start. Thank you in advance for your prayers, please pray for me as much as you can! I always feel comfort when I know people are praying for me.

God bless ya'll

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 01:19:00 +0000

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

It's always great when God gives you this amazing desire. A desire that you didn't expect you would ever have. As a matter of fact one of the things you said before was " I don't ever want to be a missionary" or " I don't want to go to Mexico". This is how I realize that my life is not my own it belongs to someone else who has a higher purpose for me.
I cannot complain about the events that have happened in my life, things have gone better than I thought they would. Even the things that were not handled the right way, He has made them work out for my good. He knows I need to learn to trust, to love and to depend only on His affections for me. He knows my deepest desires in a way that I might not even understand. He feels my daily pain and gives me His hand and tells me "dance with me, I love and I won't ever let you down." As I dance with Him tears keep falling down my face, my heart is still in pain but His hands are holding me. I trust His hands, in them I feel secure, I feel peace, love and most importantly I feel fulfilled. Why wouldn't I give Him all I am? Why wouldn't I give Him my life to take care of? Why not let Him make my decisions, take my anxiety, my pain? In His hands my life is secure; no matter what my circumstances are, He takes my burdens and tells me that He will carry them. He is my lover, that is His name for me when I seek Him in the secret place where we enjoy each other. I am His Chiquita, and He is my lover.

"I belong to my beloved,
and his desire is for me."

Song of Songs 7:10

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 01:19:00 +0000

Friday, May 4, 2012

Hey!

I just wanted to share something that I wrote on my journal during my Discipleship Training School. For those who were there, during the Tim Pratt week = intense week. This is me talking to God.

"Today I discovered how desperate I am for you. My heart started crying and tears wanted to come out. Telling me about the desperation I have for you. My mind tried to understand the reason for this. Deep inside of me I thought I knew. You showed me...you.

My heart cried for the times my mind dared to think that you are not good. How could such thoughts com out of my mind? My heart aches and cries when I remember all the mornings I spent being angry at you for things my mind cannot understand. Your goodness and your love for me, Lover, how could I deny? You have rescued me from the paths of destruction. My mind is too small to understand how jealous you are for me. The way you want me just breaks me.

My deceitful mind didn't understand why tears were falling down my face. As I tried to stop the tears from falling, one of them forced its way out. That is when I finally believed my own words when I tell you I love you. I love you more than I imagined. I want it to be like this and even better for the rest of my life.

Today my heart gave birth to a tear that told my mind that I am desperate for you."

Jesus you are the love I need, the air I breathe, you are my love and my life, Always Forever

Stolen Life

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 01:17:00 +0000

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Have you ever felt something has been robbed from you? Something that you may take back, but it is going to take more than you thought. Well, I have, someone did or if I say it better many people that I am not sure who they were stole something away from me: they stole my opportunity to live every day; and many others are still stealing that away from me.

I feel haunted by what society has been expecting us to have knowledge of. Almost every day people ask, so what are you going to do in these next months? How are you going to make a living? I answer their questions in my own lack of knowledge because I have an idea of what I want to do for the rest of my life. The truth is none of us knows what the future holds for us. Many times we focus on what we will do in the future and we forget to live what is happening around us. I was, and still am a victim of this phenomenon that sucks the life out of you. When you thought you had something and when it goes away you realize how much you didn't enjoy it because you were to worried about what you will be doing in the future, that you forgot to live.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life..." later on he says: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" Luke 12: 22; 25

Live day by day, get to know God, let God take charge, and you will Live...something I have to remind myself every day.

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie Zepeda) — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 01:16:00 +0000

Sunday, October 16, 2011

First of all I want to apologize for not updating in such a long time. It's crazy at the base, there are no public computers so, only on rare ocassions I get to use the computer.

Lets get to the good part. So, my DTS group is amazing! I am seriously very blessed with the group of people I am with. They are very encouraging, and they make me laugh a lot. I can just feel the love they all have. The first weeks were just introductory weeks, just getting us used to being in Ensenda. We sure love it here, there is always something to do. I already knew this but my friends just realized how great Ensenada is after we went for a week to the Tijuana base. Since I have been there before I love the place, but everyone was just waiting to come back to our new home in Ensenada.

God has been so awesome these weeks, well he always is but these weeks have just been amazing. There is a red tide in the ocean, so in the night the waves look neon blue, also called the blue tide. It looks beautiful! haha I was telling my friends that it feels like I was in a Disneyland show called "World of Color" except for the fact that there is only one color on the ocean, but that is fine. I am sure that no Disneyland show can make your clothes and skin have glitter looking neon spots on you.

So, something great happened in Tijuana. We united with the Los Angeles DTS and Tijuana staff to go to the "Acts One Conference". In Acts one it basically talks about how Jesus told the disciples that they would be baptized with the fire of the Holy Spirit, but they would have to go and wait for it to come. What we basically did is wait for God's instruction on what to do. There was no plan on what was going on during the sessions, well there was a plan but God always twisted it the plans. God wanted us to humble ourselves, awknowledge his supremacy, have joyfull repentance, unite in prayer for our country and for the nations and to know that He is preparing our generation for a revival. I am going to be part of this, and I ask you to join me and hundreds of others who are willing to give up their lives and plans entirely to Jesus. I think its great how God told me that He doesn't want me to make plans anymore, I'm excited about this.

Hope you have been having an amazing time wherever you are, God bless you and just think about what God has for you and please take it because I am sure it is better than what you have!