Steppin Out of the Boat

We're Still Alive

2012-10-24T02:46:00.001-04:00

Life got hard.   Really hard. And it's still hard on many days, but we are learning, we are growing and inspite of all our failures...God is working redemption and healing in our lives. Now you might think I am simply referring to God's work in redeeming the lives of my 2 children from hard places...but it pretty much includes all of us, especially me. The new and unimagined challenges that we have faced over the last year+ have put a spot light on my own selfishnes, sin nature and limited capabilities to do or solve any of this in my own stength. In Christ alone I place my trust. But I am SO impatient in wanting to see the results of that trust. I am constantly having to remind myself that this journey we are on in life, is a marathon and many of the results may not even be "seen" or "felt" this side of Heaven.

What have we been doing? Well after our 2 new additions arrived home in July 2011. We sent our oldest off to public school for 4th grade (homeschool was totally disrupted by our bonding/struggling to maintain sanity season). I schooled our kindergarten at home via GA Cyber Academy. And the youngest 3 bonded, free-wheeled and learned how to be in a family. Youngest daughter went to 3yr preschool 3 mornings a week.
...
...
...

So much happened in that ..., things that maybe I will get my courage up to share.   Things that I wish more adoptive families had shared about and then maybe we would've been a little less naive about the storms on this path we so walked in whole-hearted obedience. We are making it. It is often not pretty, but we are making it and slowly slowly God's healing is revealed. More wounds surface...but He never leaves us and the story He is writing is so much bigger than any one of our individual lives. So I trust, I cling sometimes by a thread to His promises, His love. Truth is...I wish I were better at trusting and speaking aloud His promises, His Word...instead of being blinded by circumstances that shift like sand and letting my mind be ruled by the lies of the enemy.

So where are we today? Our firstborn chose to come back home this year, to be homeschooled again for 5th grade.   It is refreshing to have my son back, and it gives us freedom now that he has experienced both settings for an education and has made his own choice. My 1st grade son, is continueing with GA Cyber Academy and we enjoy it. I am finally (since this school year began in August) doing a more structured curriculum with my K, 4K and 3K darlings. And slowly my type A self is finding peace with lowering the bar that stayed so HIGH in my head, (setting me up for failure EVERY.single.day) and realizing that it's going to be okay. As my lil' Ugandans continue to adjust to American life, and culture, and English, I'm realizing the intense change in what our kids" must know" by Kindergarten (since I was a kid) isn't going to rule our lives. Just one of the many things that just has to be different now that we have 5 kids. More details about what we do, regarding schooling 5 kids to follow later.

We are heading into this year's Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons with very different hearts and mindsets after experiencing our first Christmas all together last year with all 7 of us together.   There was just such a difficult collision of fun traditions in Santa Claus and the truth of what a Christ focused celebration should be about in our home. There is no way to introduce fun imaginary traditions, "good little girls and boys" when you know Santa has never visited Africa, so therefore they've never been good....see, a mess. So we knew before Christmas Day last year, that this entire season would be different. And here we are just 2 short months away and God has place something HUGE on our family's horizon that really does set a different focus for us.

I'm sure many people (including our families) thought, okay now that they have adopted their kids from Africa...surely this whole Africa business will be out of their systems. Well, I hate to dissappoint, but it was never just about adoption. Our hearts were broken for the entire people group of Uganda. And then our hearts were uplifted and challenged by the tremendous faith and joyfilled lives of the Uganda people. Even after spending almost 4 weeks in Uganda during our adoption process, and being seperated from half our kids and my husband, and wanting in that moment to be home so badly... I knew that it would not be my last trip to Uganda. In spite of all the hard places and dark emotional struggles of the last year... I would find myself questioning my own sanity, as my heart and thoughts still drifted to Uganda. There is something more that God has for us there...it may be just a short term trip. Additional adoption is the farthest thing from my mind....just keeping it real (I'm stretched so thin, I think I can see through myself ;) I don't know what it is! But in my weakness, my brokenness, in my still messed up (but forgiven) sinful life...I can not understand for the life of me why He would allow me to be apart of sharing His Gospel, the most precious task of extending His very LOVE to those who have not heard the Good News of Jesus Christ. In His mysterious ways, He is doing it again, calling us to something that on the outside, with normal world "eyes" looks INSANE! He has given us an invitation to take a trip, a journey back to Uganda in February, and He has impressed it on us to take our 2 oldest boys ages 10 and 7. Many in the UG adoptive community are thinking, big whoop, we took all our kids to Uganda when we adopted. I know, I know, and that gives me great peace that we are not pioneering here. But for our family, and particularly the "extended" family, I'm sure this decision is akin to placing their heads in an alligator's mouth at a local redneck tourist stop. On the flip side, I am beyond EXCITED to share this God adventure with my oldest boys. All they've heard about is Uganda for 3 years, and now they too will get to experience another culture and see God work in miraculous ways. It is my prayer that because God is sending them too, their lives will be different, that more of their days will be lived with Eyes Wide Open.

So much more to come on how you can support us in prayer and our fundraising efforts. We are running to keep up with all that God has put in motion, since we committed to a (Yes) for this trip to Angoltok, Uganda.

I hope you will come along for the journey. God will be glorified!!

Partially due to technical difficulties and wanting an updated blog, a new look AND a much easier to remember address...I will be continueing this journey HERE. To my 37 precious FOLLOWERS, I hope you will click, HERE and FOLLOW me & continue to share this conversation with me, this journey. I say Thank You with all my heart, because I, more than any other woman, was made for relationship and this connection to you has kept me going.

I could have missed her...

2012-02-22T18:54:00.000-05:00

and I would have missed

a divine appointment with Mary.

Today started out like most, with me really not wanting to get out of the bed. It makes no sense how I stay up late to think for myself without interruption, like some force outside myself is defying going to bed (the one place I need to be more than anything) and then when I finally get in there, I don't want to get out. What a stupid cycle that I want to crush in my life. Aaanyway, I had to get up early to get showered and ready before my oldest gets up for school at 630am. That is EARLY for this homeschooling "anti-morning" momma. The shower worked, in spite of the up 4 times til almost 2am with 2 different kids with phantom requests and one bed wetter, I was rejuvenated and ready to tackle the day and actually run some much needed errands.

2 kids fed, 1 on the bus, and 1 driven to preschool, we (me and the oldest of the 3 at home) looked all over the house for the stupid Redbox case that was needed to take a movie back. My husband says I'm the biggest sucker and I am. I got the extra movie cause they lured me in with "get another movie for only 50cents". I go for the deal EVERY.TIME. (gift with purchase anyone?? don't get me started:) This was seriously killing my errand time before having to pick up daughter from preschool. I was finally like, forget it. Got 3 blocks away from the house and hubbie finally answered his cell to say, "yea, someone left it bedside by his alarm clock." Ayiyi, I later get a complete confession out of one of my peeps to include the complete fabrication they gave me as to where they HAD put the case. All made up, knowing where the case really was. Mmm.mmmm. We were reminded about the consequences of lying.

Redbox retrieved from house, neighbors hear the whir of my diesel again and again as I make loops around the 'hood. Sounds like a school bus taking off...a really cool one, ha!

So, the 3 of us make it in and out of library, got a stack of books on Egypt for big brother's school report. check. Movies dropped at Redbox. check. Now to Lowe's to return a wallpaper book my mom picked up for me, and to order an install. Yea, don't just go ripping down the loose "Funhouse" striped wallpaper in your master bathroom, thinking that making a mess of it will be just the forced motivation to "get the project done." Especially if you don't know that God is about to blow the gates wide open on your adoption journey and you ain't gonna be doing any remodel stuff. tee hee. (Note to self about 1 year ago)

I get the book returned and learned that no they don't have wallpaper contractors nor can they suggest someone locally. My attitude shifts deep inside, yuckiness. "Kind of hard to sell wallpaper that way," I find myself saying out loud. Not nice, not her fault, mandi. I know better...and as I push the cart heavy with 3 younguns going "Mom what are we doing now??" I let go of the frustration. Unlike other times when it lingers and I let it cause more casualties of joy stealing. I breathe, I smile...kind of hard not to when you have a Jeff Gordon cart full of giggling kids. The cart is too full and one of the wheels is making a "poot" sound as Freddie says. It sounds like a circular saw and they giggle..."ewww."

Lowe's is empty on a week morning, so the woman who asked if I was finding everything on the way in, now asks if we are ready to check out. I share that they didn't have the installer I needed, as I umph the 3 younguns back out of their race car. A greeter is at the door as we approach the electric doors, I'm reaching for hands before the parking lot, Nuluu is enamored with the auto door..and I hear a voice say, "Bye, have a nice day."

And there is it, a recognition in my mind, in my soul in fact... I hear Africa. Like a thunderclap that makes you stop and take notice. In a split second, I'm thinking about the clock, the next stop at Walmart, gotta go...and then there it is. The compulsion of something much bigger than me, prodding me to open my mouth and ask, "Where is your accent from?"

The corner of her mouth turns up ever so slowly. I see the usual hesitation (can almost see her thinking, "like she's gonna know") and then she says, "Cameroon." Yes, I heard Africa. My heart skips a beat... I CAN NOT EXPLAIN THIS....I can only say it is like when you first fall in love. I am in love with Africa. Her people, they have my heart. How does this happen? I do not know. It is God.

Then we share our details, my children are from Uganda, just on the other side of Democratic Republic of Congo from Cameroon. Both central African countries. She sounds like Damali!!! I tell her this, (find myself blurting it out, my heart oozing with love for those that I don't even realize how much I miss them until moments like this) and then I explain who Damali is. That she is the director of the baby home where my children were cared for and that she is my friend. I just want to sit and listen to her talk all day. I learn that she has lived here for 4 years with her husband and 15 yo daughter. And she wants to have more kids, adopt even. There is a kindred joy and spirit between us. We share our Jesus. Then before I know it she is hugging the kids, I've invited her to dinner Friday night and I say as I write down my digits, "man I could've missed this divine appointment to meet you." She said, I just came on at 1030. I look at the clock it's 10:40...and I tell her that we are an hour later than scheduled because of something we misplaced. She smiles that knowing smile. Meeting Mary made.my.day.

As I walk out to the van with my littles, something stirs deep inside of me...the same question looms...Lord what is this love I have for Uganda? There He goes again placing people in my path. Brief encounters that stir an unexplainable longing. What is this relationship you are calling us to?

Flashback to June 2011 (Remembering the Miracles-Part I)

2012-02-09T02:43:00.000-05:00

In faith......we believed.

05/27/11 - Our Ugandan attorney filed our case in court, to await the assignment of a court date by the court registrar. (ie placing us on a particular judge's calendar) This day is our precious adoptive daughter Nuluu's birthday. God was encouraging my belief against all odd's, for a court date before the UG Judicial System break in July....

05/31/11- Sometime over Memorial Weekend, our USCIS approval arrived in the mail. We received a verbal approval over the phone the week before and told our UG attorney immediately so she could file our case.

06/13/11- Felt an unbearable prompting to fast regarding our court date assignment. Feeling downright unworthy and guilty to even lay a request for a timeline kind of prayer before the Lord...I began a fast and intense time of prayer...with a holy passion to believe Him for what truly seemed impossible and down right too much to ask for.

06/15/11- Didn't want to be legalistic... I didn't know how long I was to fast...but some part of me felt like I was to continue until we heard an answer (that was kind of scary, faith rattling... I mean it was commonly a month+ or months before parents got word)

06/16/11 - I really believed I would hear something this Thursday morning. With each passing day, the chances of it happening before July 15th were slipping away. Other families had aleady been assigned days in August/September. Who was I to think we would get one?
UG is 8 hours ahead of us..and so if you didn't have an email in the morning...it usually wasn't happening. I was crushed when on day 3 of my fast there was no word (but declaring all along during this week, I didn't want it on MY time, didn't want it NOW if it wasn't what God has for us. I can only describe it as a force outside myself, (something greater than me) in a way like no other in my life, that would not let me let it go. This force would not let me give up and just reside myself to later.

On this evening, I cried out to God...questioning this hope - this faith, that the Holy Spirit was clearly growing in me, clearly prompting and stoking in me... I was questioning myself and I kept coming back to Abraham. I felt in such turmoil...even digressing in my raw moment with God to ask if He loved me? Was all this in His will? I just loved Him so and wanted this all to be in His timing.

On this evening, I felt I'd said it all. Proclaimed all my faith in God to do the impossible and laid all my hearts thoughts, dreams and requests at Jesus' feet. It was finished and I ate a late dinner.

06/17/11- On this Friday morning, I wasn't up all night praying as the night before. I wasn't checking email, like an insane person. I was asleep, sound asleep, resting in peace. And my husband's voice rang out in the quiet, "Mandi get UP! get UP!" "We have a date!" (those of you who know me, you know I'm not a morning person)

I sat up like a crazed person... I remember shouting "WHAT?! WHAT?! as I realized he was checking email on his phone. My eyes struggled to adjust to the phone screen in the dark as I read through tears, our faces smushed together, the following words:

"I was at the Court yesterday and your matter has been fixed for hearing on the 1st day of July, at 2:30pm; Thank you for your prayers!! Kindly make your travel arrangements in time, and we hope you can be in Uganda at least three days prior to your court date so that we can meet before court."

This is really happening. God made a way. God heard my prayers. He wanted me to believe in FAITH...and for once I did. I wept over the cry of my heart the night before, and felt like a spoiled child...crushed under the weight of the truth, YES he loves me....oh, how He alone loves me. I selfishly asked for a sign, and this time, unlike so many other times before, I got confirmation as a mountain moved right before my eyes. We were going to Uganda to begin the real journey of bringing home our two children. Little did I know, that in FIVE days...yes you read that right, FIVE DAYS, I would be on a plane with my husband, bound for Entebbe.

Now picture a CRAZY woman, like a child pinging off the walls on Christmas morning, crying, laughing, permanent smile glued on my face, more crying, spaced out crazy excited Momma...and you see what I looked like for the next 4 days.

To be continued.....

Memorial Weekend, just 2 weeks before...I made a blind hair appointment with someone out-of-town. On a whim I got all my hair chopped off. I said, "I just feel like I'm going to Africa soon, and I'm about to have 5 kids. "

This is what our tribe looked like just 7 days before we got assigned a court date.

My little homeschool tribe asked me to bandage them....the goofy, the wounded.

I love these little munchins.

It's my Birthday....It's my Birthday!!

2012-02-03T00:12:00.000-05:00

So come on, celebrate with me in a whole NEW way.

Let's give the best gift EVER...the gift of an education.

I know, you're thinking (Debbie Downer) that's no fun....OH, but it is!!! It's a gift that'll change lives FOREVER and we can only do it together.

All our lil' bits put together can do something HUGE!!!!

Can you tell I'm pumped about this?? I only learned of it last night, and thought it would make the ultimate virtual party to celebrate life.

This event...

2nd Annual ONE DAY/ ONE LUNCH

is on my Birthday!

It is the faith dream of a precious daughter of a fellow adoptive Mom and now full-time missionary.

(I've been reading this family's blog for over 2 years)

Here's an excerpt from the event's founder:

Last year on February 3rd, a group of us decided to do something about the poverty I had witnessed in Ethiopia while picking up my baby sister Havyn- so we launched the One Day/One Lunch project. You can read about it here:

Over $6,000 was raised for the Adami Tulu Preschool in Ethiopia, because people like YOU and people like ME decided to do something. We came together and chose to give up our lunch for just one day and donate what we would have spent on lunch that day to those in need instead. That small sacrifice made a huge difference in those many children's lives. I cannot thank you enough for that.

This year, I like to once again ask you to join me in making a difference in the life of a child. This year on the one year anniversary , February 3rd, I’d like to ask you to join me once again in going without lunch and give what you would have spent on lunch that one day to Eagles Nest International to be used for school scholarships. But I’d also like to ask you to take it a step further and challenge your friends, your family, your coworkers, your class mates and your entire school or entire church to join in.

Can you imagine what an impact we could make if God’s people came together and decided to sacrifice by giving up their lunch- for just one day? It’s something so simple we can all do.

You can read more about the inspiration for this event,

(created by Addisyn Block) and about the Block family's work in Guatemala, here.

All it takes...

ONE DAY

ONE LUNCH

Are you in?

Give your Lunch money HERE.

My BIRTHDAY GOAL is $1000!!!

Please share this on fb and email...

100 of us, $10..piece of cake :)

Oh, and if you join me please leave a comment below...I plan to do a birthday party "thank you gift" DRAWING.

To know if my peeps actually reach 1000, leave your amount (none too small) or email it to me mandij75@yahoo.com.

I'll post a video of me and my crazies doing a celebratory Birthday dance Johnson style...be afraid.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

THIS will be the best Birthday EVER!!!

Water for my Thirst

2012-02-02T09:33:00.001-05:00

Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young--a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God. Psalm 84:3

I had the priviledge of attending a retreat last weekend. Not just any retreat, but one that only existed for the first time last spring. Now in it's 2nd year, Created for Care, was designed for adoptive mothers....those called and curious and needing information, those in the midst of the weary and long process, and those home and in need of equipping, strengthening, refreshing, and the listening ear of someone who understands. It was a complete mix of domestic and international adoptive families represented..but I was so blessed to eat dinner at a table of women who have all adopted from Uganda, like me, and I had only seen their names on facebook. Now I have faces, voices and hearts that I can reach out to in our crazy high-tech world and feel a little less alone.

I fell into the later category of adoptive mommas. I was dry parched earth in need of help. The skinny letters on this page can not begin to contain the gratitude I have for Andrea who said YES when the Lord placed this retreat on her heart. I was able to worship with a room full of over 400 like-hearted women for 3 days. I was able to hear other Moms and adoption educators offer wisdom as only those who have "been there, done that" can. I was refreshed and refueled once again to keep going, keep believing, keep loving. Sometimes the weight of how this thang is going to turn out....weighs me down. But this weekend I was reminded so lovingly by my Heavenly Father that, I am not RESPONSIBLE....for how they all turn out. I am responsible to walk in obedience to God's calling on my life and follow Him one step at a time in sweet surrender...that's it. That alone was worth the whole trip.

I encourage anyone "thinking" about adopting, to those home and in need of help like me to read more about Created for Care. The response and need has been so great, they are doing a repeat in March and there are about 70 25 spots remaining.

Camping - Chaos - Christ Alone

2012-01-24T22:51:00.000-05:00

I love camping. Now that such a huge portion of my life is teaching little ones, managing the inside of a house, trying to teach them right from wrong, just washing the darn clothes.... I need to be outside and breathe deep EVERY chance I get. So with my oldest in school for the first time in 4 years, I can see a holiday coming a mile away and I propose things to my husband to see what sticks. Since adopting 2 children into our family just 6 months ago, this past weekend was our 2nd camping trip together as a family of seven. I get a chuckle each time we fill out the online reservation form...cause the MAX OCCUPANCY allowed on any campsite is 6.  Why? Because it's designed for a single family to stay on a site and what family in their right mind would have more than 4 kids?!?? Well, an insane one like ours. So I check 6, and take my chances that no one is going to come up and count kids, ha!

Packing is a daunting task, but the hope of peaceful time by the fire, peaceful kids so thrilled by the free space in the woods that they play without fighting, makes me keep going. I was up until 3am in the morning the night before we were to leave, pressure cooking my first chicken (Jeremy received an electric pressure cooker for Xmas...wonder who it was really for) and then attempting to make something akin to the delicious chicken salad my Momma is known and loved for.   Why so late? Cause even though I worked all day long to get caught up on 12 loads of laundry I had just done over the last 2 days while hubbie was out-of-town... it just never gets completed while the kids are awake. They demand your attention.....someone needs something, someone is thirsty, someone needs their hiney wiped (the joy of my day to hear this sound bellow through the house.... "Mooooommma! DONE!!!!!!!!") Niiiiice you say. Yes it is, and I remember this too shall pass. I'm human, it grates on my nerves...and yes I prefer the demand versus the cleanup if I left them to take care of matters for themselves.

So there I am, just 2 hours after I returned home from Walmart at 12:30am...cause I didn't leave my house for those 2 days to venture out with all 4 littles to the grocery store. I waited until the hubs returned and then went....so I can think while I'm in there, instead of ending up with a bunch of random junk that we don't need. And you know what? It was the first time I'd "fixed my face" (gotta love that Southern phrase) in those 3 days and put on decent looking clothes. As I left to go at 11:30 that night I looked at my man and said, "I'm having a date with myself. How do I look?" I was happy as a lark, going through Walmart all by myself at midnight, able to take my time, without interruption and think. This is my new normal. How did I end up on this planet? It has been such a strange and unpredictable winding road, I don't have the foggiest... I just know one decision to yield...led to another....led to another and here I am. One highly educated, overachieving, student government nerd, ladder climbing girl.....now completely morphed into an unplanned preschool teacher who lives in pjs and sweats most days. That's pretty funny, since a few years back (okay more like 6), after my first stint teaching the 4 year olds at VBS one summer, I declared I was NOT cut out for this age group. I came home in a dither each day, frightened by my own inability to keep a Christlike attitude with a room full of 30+ 4 year olds who couldn't sit still, much less actually listen to the bible story I was trying to teach them. I felt like I was accomplishing nothing in teaching or sharing Jesus with them. Now fast forward to my life today, where my home has TWO 3 year olds, a four year old and a 6 year old home each day....it has to be God's plan cause it certainly wasn't mine. Sometimes I shrug my shoulders and say, "Lord? What was all the engineering for?" I really feel in my heart though, that one day, ONE day, it will all come full circle and that part of my life too, will make sense. All in His timing.

Back to packing and trying to get ready to leave for a 3 day weekend. That sounds so simple, just throw in some clothes and food and get out of there already. I know!!!! But, everything takes longer...not just 2 more kids longer....exponentially longer. Not complaining, it's just a part of the equation that I'm still not calculating and adjusting enough for. So, to keep the peace, we've let go of stressing over our inability to meet our own departure deadlines. We just keep going, keep doing, until we can leave without any marital spats (so worth it, after years of leaving and not talking to each other for the first hour in the car, :)). We finally pulled out of the driveway at 12:30 lunchtime and not half way to the state park (only 1 hour away) I heard the echos of children over the rumble of the diesel engine letting me know they were huuuuungry. Well, duh! It took your Momma and Daddy so long, it is past lunch time. But don't tell me again, or I just might explode and it won't be pretty. Grrrr. 4 hours sleep anyone?? Not a good combination.

Finally we made it to Skidaway Island State Park and as Jeremy signed us in, I was whipping out chicken salad sandwiches. Isaiah had already eaten half of his bread (that I asked him to hold) before I could get the chicken on it. Now that's why I stayed up to get it made....the beauty of having yummy lunch so quickly & it's something besides PB & J, or ham and cheese.

We find a site and they are gorgeous. Large sites, very uncommon these days...surrounded by large live oaks dripping in Spanish Moss. It doesn't get much better than that. We start to get the camper situated and turn the kids loose on their trikes and bikes. Within minutes... DISCOURSE. I've done all this work to get here, and that's as long as the serenity lasted??? Oh yea, who am I kidding? A vacation is just the same work as at home with different scenery. :) Seriously, they are fighting over a 15 x 20 foot tent pad with a picnic table in the middle....trying to race tricycles and pikes in a circle around it. Don't even ask me why? All the ground around us, was flat and wide open. In these moments, when you just want a reprieve from the constant need for parental input into their lives....we realize that parenting is the hardest job in the world!!!! The task of teaching little ones right from wrong and getting them to care about it....it is overwhelming. So we sat there, inside the camper for a moment, ignoring the petty sibling stuff going on outside and staring at each other.   Silence (well, kindof..RV walls are thin). My mind spinning with all the things to contemplate in these moments...it's a wonder my head doesn't spin right off most days. Then I say it, "Don't we need to be stronger for this task?" "Are others better able to handle this?" I'm talking about spiritually, inner attitude, grounded in Christ....with a transformed mind that can respond to all these moments as Christ would have us. That is when I realize, we can't be strong enough, I wasn't strong enough. It really wasn't "us" that said yes. We are as big of a work in progress MESS as the day before God wreaked us, flipped our worldview upside down and gave us a heart for orphans and adoption. Hubbie and I have had this conversation several times in the last 6 months. If this is really what God wanted us to do, shouldn't we be better at it? That's just it, we weren't picked because we were ready for it...we were picked because we had quieted our selfish selves long enough during that season, we'd earnestly prayed to die to ourselves (clearly having no real idea what that would look like) so that we might truly see how He wanted us to live for Him, and then He did it. Christ in us, moved us. It was Him that said YES!!

That's just it! There was nothing better, or more mature about us in that season. It was Christ, in our hearts, that created an obsession out of thin air....a compassionate obsession that kept me up nights reading and praying all hours. Staring at picture after picture of the ebony faces and ivory smiles that called us to a land half a world away. How could I be feeling such love for a people I'd never met and a place I'd never seen? It made no sense. Was this just a diversion, a misplaced area of internet connection, another bad habit instead of thumbing mindlessly though junk TV while my husband was working the night shift??? (Fall 2009) It was Christ who said, yes. Now I understand why other people have testified, that following God wasn't really a choice...there is no choice to say no. Obedience was the only answer. The thought processes, the unexplainable aching of the heart was relentless...and the only thing that brought relief, was uttering YES....and feeling the uncertainty of the water stretched out before us...and yet greater still was the faith that was growing, with every breath that we used to speak outloud our answer of yes. It grew and grew.

And now, on the other side of Christ's yes....when I am knee-deep in the work that is defied by my selfish nature, can be sabatoged any minute by anger, and I wonder why it's so hard sometimes...I remember once again. I must get myself, my ways, my thoughts, my plans OUT. OF. THE. WAY..and surrender to Christ. He must be given full reign, of my heart, my attitude, my mind, in order for His plan for our family, and each individual in it to come to fruition.

Now that I know what I need to do.. how do I do it? Well that's another post. How do you do it? How do you keep Christ in control of your life as a Mom? Knowing what needs to be done, and having the daily action steps to live it, can seem light years apart. And so we press on.

Acts 20:24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
1 Corinthians 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
1 Corinthians 9:25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

Press on dear sisters & brothers.

In the midst of all the Lord is teaching us.....there is GREAT JOY!!
We press on and we pray....and so we did. We prayed over our kids and our weekend. And the rest of it, looked a little like the video below.

[see all that hard work to go camping...all the chores I left undone at home

....they were all worth it....see below:)] At the end of the video you'll see us finding something in the marine forest....welcome to the world of geocaching, aka grown-up treasure hunting with a GPS.

Pause the Music at the bottom before starting the video.

This song is a special choice for all our Sonrise Family

and those who have visited Sonrise in Jinja, Uganda.

This song can always be heard when visitors are being farewelled,

and at any celebration.

My little Freddie's eyes lit up as he heard the song playing on my laptop
and he began singing along.

Labor of Locks and Love

2012-01-12T00:10:00.241-05:00

Warning: This long post isn't for all...we are delving into the world of women and hair.

30 minutes - 1 back section complete

These photos journal my process of removing my daughter's first set of braids. Below is the full story of getting her hair braided for the first time ( in America anyway). This post isn't meant to persuade anyone one way or another about braiding. It's just one account, and if you are anything like me...hearing first hand accounts is usually pretty helpful.

Here you see evidence of some breakage and some normal shedding.

My ability to care for my daughter's hair had been growing with her hair for the first 4 months we were home. However as time went by, and her hair grew thicker and longer.... I reached the limits of what had been a balance of some basic internet research (back when I had time to read, pre-adoption ) and intuition. So far I had successfully done finger twists, comb twists, and little braided puffs all over her head...before the detangling process became something she resisted all together. It seemed I couldn't do anything that wasn't causing pain so we headed for the experts and went to a local black salon. We were so loved on and received so well. The salon's owner and master stylist greeted me by saying she was going to be my partner in this journey. God blesses me so much by everyday encounters with beautiful people like this sweet woman. The entire salon has been so good to us.. I mean we are quite the sight....here come's the crazy woman in the church van with five kids...some white, some black who take over the salon. My Ugandan sweeties ask a gazillion questions about everything (who can blame them...EVERYthing is a whole new world, literally and the salon was no exception) and their lighter skinned brothers and sister want to see what is happening to them as well. So Nuluu can't get her hair washed without Freddie or somebody wanting to go back to the washing station to "see". Suffice it to say, a trip to the salon is good, but the ultimate test of my patience. So onto the braiding experience.

I knew going into it, that braids (particularly those with extensions and not done by me) were NOT something I wanted to get into, and certainly not something we could afford to maintain. All my early research into keeping her hair natural were anti too much braiding while you are trying to protect the hair for growth. But....being a Momma who so wanted my princess to feel special meeting tons relatives over the Christmas break... I made the appointment for the day before we were to travel.

Thank goodness this time there was no pain and she fell asleep.

She was so excited....long story short....it was a VERY traumatic experience...there were tears and wailing from the first braid to the last. Now please understand, no one "did" anything wrong...the salon was just going about business as usual (minus the child seemingly being tortured at the braiding station - who's white momma appeared to have her in a head lock). Did I tell you that I felt like the worst mother EVER??....like I had signed my child up for a torture chamber. Now before I go any further you must know that about 3 braids in....my eyes have been continually darting around the room, scanning the faces of every black woman and stylist in the room to see if "this" is normal. There were other moms in the chairs and they reassured me that those were real tears, but that this was normal and it would get better each time. Iiiiiii, like I'm going to do this AGAIN anytime soon. So, like I was saying, it was just the nature of braiding....compounded by the fact that my precious daughter is EXTREMELY tender headed and has her head shaved for most of her life, giving her no chance to get used to it . Lord have mercy. I mean, I initially started going to our stylist, because combing and styling her hair at home was turning into an impossible battle to get her to sit still and not overreact in tears to the least tug on her noggin. So, when those first salon experiences getting "comb twist" styles were completely pain free, I thought well I better figure out a way to work this into the budget, cause you can't put a price on the stress reduction in our relationship. Hair was supposed to be for Momma/daughter bonding, not relationship killing.

1 Hour - Half way finished and lots of growth

So, braiding day was INSANE from beginning to end..our appt was moved up last minute, which meant hubbie was not home yet to watch the other 4....I had to search the house over for our old portable DVD player, a last ditch effort to entertain them...this was 5 days before Christmas...too many clients to take my whole crew in...not to mention I KNEW she was going to need my undivided attention. So, 4 kids strapped into car seats, DVD on , and everyone threatened that if big brother had to come in and report anything.....it was going to be ugly. Now what was supposed to take 2 hrs ended up taking 4.5 hours. [Praise God, 2 hours in, Dad came and rescued the innocent hijacked siblings] Did I mention that I had her in a head lock and that we had a history of not sitting still well? Well there you go. Also you must know that at that 3 braid point, the owner and master stylist came over and talked to Nuluu and made sure she didn't want to stop. Oh, she didn't want to. I was in shock. Alrighty then. Well halfway in I was really feeling stupid over my parental decision to "try" this....cause it didn't get any better....but with a head HALF BRAIDED, what are you gonna do? You gotta finish. And 4.5 hours later and Momma needing a "nerve pill" as Grandma used to say, (ha!) we had a beautiful head of braids. Another interesting point in the middle of this confusing maternal experience for me... I went to get a Coke Icee from BK (they never get soda, total treat) and some fries. When I returned (it was next door) the stylist said she had only gotten one braid done the whole time so i was going to have to hold her head. Now midstream her moans and cries of "Moooomma!" girlfriend would cease momentarily while she got a slurp or I shoved a fry in her mouth..."Hmmmm," I thought. So, when she was done I expected her to run from the building, but no, she admired herself in the mirror. - Welcome to the Insanity of Women...and to the tumultuous and confusing relationship known as Mother/Daughter... Lord help me now.

Happy Girl - Braid Free

She looked lovely for Christmas...but she is too young to appreciate and behave in a way to protect this investment in her tresses. We will not be getting professional braids again anytime soon....years I'm thinking. And by then I hope and believe I'll be braiding her ever growing beautiful curls. I was not prepared for the difference in how much time it took to remove braids from black hair compared to white. Once I got it going with the proper detangling spray and the tines of my comb we were in business. It was a 2 hour removal process and then washing followed by dad's help with a hot-oil treatment. Some of the breakage that was clearly at the end of each row (where the extention was intially attached) broke my heart. Lots of the other loss you see is typical shedding (I later learned on YouTube), which increases the longer the braids are in, and the more tightly they were done. Can you tell I'm detail oriented?..this post isn't for everyone. Hopefully it will be helpful info for someone. By the way, thank you Lord for YouTube and to all the black women who have posted all the how-to's that have taught me so much. God bless you. I must acknowledge, Happy Girl Hair, a blog created by a white adoptive mommy...which provided the video and tutorial that changed our Mom/Daughter hair experience single-handedly. I can't say thanks enough!

Different Views of beautiful braids enjoyed throughout Christmas

Good news is, Nuluu isn't scarred by her experience and we both learned a huge lesson. I'm happy to report that after the removal, the proper detangling technique needed for her hair finally cliqued for me and we've had great success and reached a "hair" milestone this week. Momma hasn't hurt her anything like the braiding and she is sitting still and being very good for me. As I racked my brains with what on earth was the reason for that horrible experience, maybe that was it....now Momma is the hero... I'm certainly the agent of love. And at the end of the day.. I'm so thankful that I have been given the opportunity to mother Nuluu, beautiful Ugandan princess that she is...and given the chance to be stretched, educated, and then use all this hair knowledge to love and care for my precious daughter. One day, probably when she is a Mom, we will be able to laugh about "that day" at the salon...but not anytime soon. ;)

Our Story of Love

2012-01-09T03:25:00.001-05:00

Here's a glimpse at the "highlights" of our first 3 months home from Uganda with Nuluu and Freddie.

We must testify to the joys that made the trials all worth it. They are not all behind us, but Praise God, His mercies are new each morning. Creating this video which took WAY longer than it should have [note the time of this post, UGH (mom don't say a word ;)]....stinking compatibility problems, was therapy for my soul. We all need to remember the milestones, remember just how far God has brought us thus far. It is my heart's desire to daily have a grateful attitude this year. I hope to fight the enemy's attacks on my mind (via my circumstances) with Praises to My KING, amidst the storms that come my way. Don't Forget to PAUSE the Player at the bottom of the page before you play the video :)

Don't ask what the issue is with the slides of text... I guess you'll have to pause if anyone really cares about the words anyway ;) I give up and now I've found my first complaint with a Picasa product...bummer.

His kind of New

2012-01-08T23:37:00.000-05:00

Today in our Sunday School class, in light of it being a new year our teacher guided us through a study of how God uses the word "new" in scripture and what exactly God means by that. We reviewed Jeremiah 31:31...and the more familiar 2 Cor 5:17 which says that, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." [NASB]

We were asked to name all the different things that are called "new" in the Bible. We rattled off, new heart, new spirit, new wineskins, new covenant, new heaven, new earth....you get the idea. The point was that God is all about new...especially making us new.

We talked about how we get it, when others or even some of us, purposefully boycott the whole New Year's Resolution thing. I mean, how many do we keep, EVER? Why even bother with the exercise that only ends in a greater feeling of failure and depression. But we talked about living victoriously as God has desired for us too, with perseverance. He has given us the power, the desire, to try again....not to quit in defeat. Where does that notion of "Why EVEN BOTHER?" come from? That defeated mentality is right out of Satan's favorite bag of tricks. He relishes seeing one Christ follower after another just hang it up when it comes to praying more, reading their Bible more, working on a new attitude of the heart, spending more time serving others. He's saying, "Oh yea baby, another year, no noteworthy progress, stifled growth once again! Motivation to grow, share with others dashed...Wahoo!!"

We also discussed why saying yes, to "new" in God's eyes can be scary...cause it's not comfortable. The new year's list that God might write for us....will inevitably involve change and none of us like or are comfortable with that. All too often [let's get real He NEVER does, cause we'd assume we knew exactly how to get there and jack it all up], God won't paint a clear picture of what direction his New is even going in or certainly not what it's going to look like. Following God on a "new" assignment is absolutely going to be an act of faith. Someone testified in our class, that the Lord has just revealed to her that this year is going to be different....she can't draw a plan for the year's goals...she must follow Him simply one verse at at time ...verses that He will give her. Praises, He has given her the first verse, and that brings encouragement as one embarks into the unknown. That resonated with me. That is where I want to reside this year....at Jesus' feet, listening & learning & being transformed one verse at a time. That is my prayer.

On the way home from church, my hubbie and I were discussing the lesson. As we pondered what kind of newness God wants in our lives we asked what does His kind of NEW look like?

I believe that the "new" God wants for us is not like a new coat that we can put on over our old self. We can't wear it. We can't add His kinda love, grace, kindness, forgiveness, selflessness to our current selves [even our Jesus loving saved selves]. I believe what He wants the new Mandi to be like, can only come about slowly as the old Mandi dies. I mean the dying of self where I become weaker (surrender my rights-my plans) so that Christ in me can be stronger. Here's the picture. When we think of new, we think of fresh, unspoiled, flawless, [new car smell anyone?] stronger, the best. It hit me on the way home, little do we realize in order to achieve His picture, we must be broken. I'm talking a gazillion shattered plates, cups, mugs... mere shards, the painful kind...collected over time and trials. He wants our big old broken mess, (we hand it over as we yield to His will for our lives), so that He can put it all together to form the most beautiful mosaic. One of His design...more beautiful than anything we can imagine or think.

Oh My WORD!! It's been 4 months...

2012-01-08T01:55:00.000-05:00

since my last post.

Just this week after some emotional ups and downs along this new life path as a family of 7, I proclaimed to my husband, "I've got to start blogging again. For me. For my sanity. It's got to be regular, make myself be short and not so long-winded so I can just get it all out."

From September when I last posted, until November it was rough going at our house. The full reality of the challenges of adopting two "older" (age 3 and up) kids at the same time, from another culture, from an orphan home, was a rocky road of reality that we were stumbling, bumbling, praying and crying our way through. During this time, the words of the social worker who conducted our lengthy home studies visits and interviews last January came rushing back into my noggin....You two, DO realize that you are embarking on the most difficult adoption challenge....TWO kids....around the age of 4, at the same time.....Are you sure you are up for this? And then I would think, yep, she was the most honest in her warning. And, YEP, she was spot on. And then I would reflect on our answer.....we knew it was going to be hard (as much as you can imagine something from research and the personal testimonies of others) and we had thought and prayed about all the WORST CASE scenarios and at the end of the day, the Lord had brought us (via our life journey so far) to this place of knowing that all we can do is trust Him with all the unknown. We told our social worker that we knew we couldn't handle any of it without Christ, that it was only through him that we'd make it, be able to love unconditionally. We'd navigate all the unknown trials and challenges the same way we had learned years back (the hard way & with desperation) to do so when our first born was diagnosed with high-functioning autism. That's a blog post in itself...how Autism led to Adoption. And I'm serious, I can now say on the other side of that difficult time that without our son's autism and how our faith grew and God redefined our priorities....we never would've had the faith or the perspective to even give a second thought to what our family looks like now. You never know what kind of Promised Land lies years beyond the messy wilderness you find yourself in now. Keep Believing. Keep Trusting Him.

Now where was I, oh yes, remembering her words about how hard it might be. I wish I could say I remembered our powerful answer of faith and went through that season victoriously with a great thankful attitude and trusting God through all the dark times.....BUT this is reality and that was not the case. There were moments (granted justifiable by any fleshy human standard) where I thought, we've obeyed Lord...WHY does it have to be this hard, this gut wrenching, THIS difficult. And then I'd remember, He doesn't promise us it will be easy. Stepping out in faith, is never going to be the easy route. I can say that now (after 4 months), but there I was falling into a deep pit of self-pity. Not regret mind you. I was just in the throes of THE WORK as one of my friends did so well to correct me one day. I was saying I felt like I was under attack or in a valley or something...and she said no you are just in the WORK that comes after saying yes. It was so true..the hardship didn't mean I'd done anything wrong....didn't mean I'd or we'd stepped out of God's will....it just meant these hard times were the work, both in us and though us, and in our family.

So now, we are still in THE WORK....but in November the daily challenges turned a corner....don't know when it happened exactly...but somewhere amidst the 2 steps forward, 3 steps back routine....there it was. We noticed out of the blue, we could breathe a little easier, the tantrums were fewer, we weren't being challenged on everything, the bed wetting was more manageable....and our spirits were lifted as we turned our eyes towards the celebration of Jesus' birth and keeping things simple at home. I hope to share in the next few posts a glimpse of the joy and cherished moments God lavished on our family through the very first Christmas season with Nuluu and Fred home.

I'm such an over analyzer..and even knowing that about myself.. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to be less self conscious, not worry about what other's might think. I want to be real. And I know the only way for me to do that is to write often so I can cover while it's fresh; the good ,the bad and the ugly. Some might ask, why share? Why put it out there? Well there is a small sense that it is for my own sanity..for my own heart to not be able to forget all these lessons. I don't want to be another Israelite who has forgotten all the miracles God has done for me and wander again. There is a small part that hopes to be of some use, to be of some benefit to someone else.....yes for personal validation (ooh there's the ugly part I hate to say...I'm a first born for goodness sake...and I'm at home with 4 littles every day between the ages of 3 and 6)....iyiyi I digress. And then there's the greatest reason on my heart....I know without a doubt, the raw truth-telling, faith stretching blogs of other moms are what gave us the courage to keep going. Once God placed the calling on our hearts and the waiting began...and the research began...and you wondered was this really the Lord or me or us...it was the testimony of others (via blogs) that said, "YES YOU CAN!" It's tough, but it is possible, and it's SO worth it. And for that reason, I will share, I will be myself, warts and all, and I pray that one day another child will be sponsored, another child will be fostered or adopted because our journey was an encouragement.

Nothing in Return

2011-09-19T15:12:00.000-04:00

got your attention? Well, something grabbed my attention, more like seized my heart this morning when my husband and I had a moment. We were in the throws of communication challenges with our oldest daughter. And by that, I mean, she shuts down. So we are trying to as simply and lovingly as possible let her know we want her to talk to us, to tell us why she's upset, and reassure her that no matter what she says (i.e. I'm mad at Mommy/Daddy) she will not be in trouble. Insert 1 month, of her clearly communicating and effectively tattlling and telling all sorts of things in such a way that lead us to believe she understood alot more than she actually does. Believing she understood so much more, (when sorting through sibling dissagreements and who hurt whom, and who started what and who is being purposefully mean) and based on her clear answers there was a lot more frustration and discipline handed out over the last month than there should have been. We are not perfect, we never were. We are going to make just as many mistakes with our adoptive children and then some than we did and still do with our bio children. I used to always think in other situations, this is too hard, shouldn't God's will for our lives feel good? be easier than this?...kind of like the image we have in our heads of how great the careers are of those who are actually doing what they love to do. But the Lord shows us otherwise.....we are called to walk in the sufferings of Christ, as he refines us, as we grow in our relationship with him..... He shows me here (these verses are from the Message):

Luke 9:23 Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?

Peter 4:1 [ Learn to Think Like Him ] Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.

Fortunately, I have learned just a bit of the truth of these scriptures, and we didn't enter into this calling without understanding that it was going to be hard. However that doesn't mean that there aren't going to be hard lessons, greater truths exposed in our lives as we walk this beautiful winding and yes, sometimes painful path that the Lord is using for His glory (now, I don't imagine much is glorifying these days, but that is the goal...our heart's desire, that something of our mess will glorify God even if He is the only one who sees).

So our peaceful chat began and ended calmly and quickly with a refusal to talk. Mom (that's me) quietly exited stage left in tears (upon Dad's que) and waited. He then placed her in his arms like a baby (he later shared), and tried once again to break through and he had success. No real answers to the questions we were asking, but answering something and talking. YES!! We praised profusely. Inside I'm thinking, but we got no where, I know no more than I did an hour ago about WHY she was mad. But this is the hole I dug, by being too reactionary for the last month, and the undoing/redoing only started 2 days ago, so it's going to take time. It's going to be a very slow process.   And yes, in a perfect world I would've had more training, read more books, and been pychologically educated on all these matters...but that is just not reality for a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom of 3...and that is what and who I was when God chose to place this calling on our hearts with a blaze. So I move forward, I regroup, I pray for wisdom from my heavenly Father...finding peace that this is His plan, He loves each of my children more than me, all FIVE of them, and He's not going to let me screw this up. He is sovereign. I must continue to Yield, Yield anew each day to His promptings, to respond in selfless love, a kind of love that we don't naturally overflow with, the kind that only comes from Jesus Christ. I don't have that kind of love to give, unless I receive it first from Christ.

When my husband brought my daughter in to share a few words that she had spoken to him, we praised and then he and I had a moment to reflect on what just happened. I said, we had such a beautiful day of total love yesterday (Sat.), no one had to go in timeout, lots of cuddling and pampering, pedicures by Mom for the girls (whew), and I can't expect it to be mended overnight.   He said, "We've got to earn her trust again, not that we lost it all, but we've got to earn it in a deeper way."
...
...
And then I shared that I struggle with keeping that emotional energy there throughout my day. It breaks you down to keep pouring into these challenging exchanges when your child can communicate, but just refuses to. And then I said it.

"It is so hard when someone is making demands all day long, every day and you get nothing in return." And my husband looked into my eyes and the realization came across his and my face at the same time....
He said, "we are getting a small taste..." And I said "Stop, stop, don't say anymore!" Tears flowed.

In my heart I realized that this, this pain, is but a taste of what I, we, put God through EVERY day. Isn't that a picture of our prayer lives, our relationship with God? We pray, and ask and beg and plead, and DEMAND help of him ALL THE TIME...and we give him Nothing in Return.

Oh the lessons we learn, how God regroups us, redirects us, even at home on a Sunday. I want to be at my church, enjoying corporate worship, but the time is not yet. So as I prepare for home church, while we are bonding with our new additions, I will ponder anew the priviledge I have been given to love, to be loved, to be pruned, to learn more of my Father's unfailing love on this path He has set before us. So grateful that we said yes, when it would've been much easier to say no. Even in these hard phases it is worth it, right now. I can only be filled with hope for all that the Lord is going to restore, and all the beauty that will come from these ashes.

^(F)And not only this, but also ourselves, having ^(G)the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves ^(H)groan within ourselves, ^(I)waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, ^(J)the redemption of our body. ²⁴ For ^(K)in hope we have been saved, but ^(L)hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? ²⁵ But ^(M)if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

Romans 8:23

Here's some of our more beautiful moments....there in there....it's like a roller coaster up and down...and all worth it.

Taken by our #2 Son, Isaiah :)

Nuluu, Isaiah, Lucy & Freddie...

getting their Toby Mac groove on!!

We Are Home!!!

2011-07-27T01:29:00.000-04:00

We arrived miraculously home on the night of July 18th. So we have now been settling in for a bit over a week. And yes, it has taken me that long to come up for air and find a moment to blog.

I feel like I need a shirt that says, "I live for ~~laundry,~~ I mean love."

Yes, If it kills me I WILL be going back in time and sharing many of the details of my 3 and a half week journey of adoption in Uganda. For now dear friends...enjoy these photos taken by our dear friend and travel companion (who helped me with the kids and coming home without hubbie). Thank you Katie Rae!!

I can't say enough about the power of prayer during our time in Uganda...for that matter starting with the miraculous answer to prayer that happened only FIVE DAYS before we departed when we got news of our court date. The intensity and excitement of that week, really never subsided as our faith journey crossed the ocean and moved to the continent of Africa. That 5 days notice, was just foreshadowing of the events and miraculous timelines that would unfold in Uganda.

The good news is we were granted Legal Guardianship of our daughter and son and we are now home safely building our new relationships and knitting our now larger family tightly together....one moment at a time.

Okay, off to bed... first night up past 10pm for this former nightowl, now completely cured. Who knew? All it took was becoming the mother of five :)

Meet My Son, Freddie

Meet My Nuluu

No matter the age, they all just long for arms to hold them.

Me and Katie Rae

Me and Damali (Director of Sonrise Baby Home)

overdue Update

2011-07-09T18:33:00.000-04:00

First of all I'm so sorry for not updating more. So much has been happening that it's been impossible to condense and if you know me, you are laughing right now....cause I can't condense anyway to save my own life. ha! So, let's see we met two of the surviving relatives of both of our children on day 2, our first morning waking up with the kiddos. I was like Wow! Lord! This is intense from our first morning waking up in Uganda. It is all on video for our children to have one day. This precious time documenting family history was such a blessing and a gift.

Later that day I had my first true market experience in Jinja. I never made it to the market last year. Nulu wanted to go with Momma, so she walked right with me all the way as we went along from stand to stand, weaving our way through the maze of alleys and pathways to some of the most fresh and delicious produce. If only I had a cold jar of Kraft mayo I would be buying cucumbers and tomatoes for a sandwich.

Okay this is my next attempt at blogging, after beginning this one ohhh two weeks ago. To say that life here in Uganda has been overwhelming (but in a good way) is an understatement. Now I understand once again (like last year) why many people can't keep it up, when they are in Uganda. And just like at home, parenting my two here is just as busy as my 3 back in the states. Except for their ages (3 & 5) they are discovering and experimenting and getting into all kinds of new things more like 2 year olds.

So after our first weekend in Jinja, Uganda, we were able to visit the village homes of our children. It was a really good day but an intense day. I had really wanted the Lord to give me confirmation that this is the best plan for the two children that He has chosen for our family. Just like all people all around us in our lives in the US or our friends in third world countries...there is pain and suffering all around us, and no one's story is simple. So the stories of our children's extended families isn't simple either. I have no doubt, that we are exactly where the Lord wants us this day. I have no doubt that we have been chosen to be the forever family for F and N and that they will fit in our family like missing puzzle pieces. And yet, as I have blogged about before, there is great loss in adoption. My feelings and emotions (which is why I can't trust them) have gotten so complicated when I see the special gifts and personalities of my children and how they have effected the children's home where they have been raised the last two years. It hurts when I see the unique role they have played in the orphan home dynamic and think about the void that will be left in their absence. Don't get me wrong, I keep finding peace in knowing that God has a special plan for my daughter and son, and that is why out of all the children he could have called us to be Mommy and Daddy to, he chose N and F. I am just sharing my mix of thoughts, because this is reality, and I want to be real about what it looks like to adopt an older child that is not an infant or young toddler, one who has relationships and true friendships. So there are tears at times....times that reveal just a glimpse, just a hint of unknown future pains. Even after I voice my concerns...the Lord whispers to my heart, this is the path I have for you, just walk in it one day at a time, it is a plan for good. Not a pain free path mind you, but one that He will use for the ultimate good and to glorify his name.

These thoughts I am sharing are not in chronological order of my last two weeks. These are experiences that have emerged slowly over all our time here.

So, after our village visits and lots of documenting for our children. We have had the pleasure of meeting the Sonrise Children's Choir...another outreach ministry of the Sonrise Community Church, pastored by Ivan Mukulu. He is also the director and patriarch of the Sonrise Children's Home. All I can say is the Lord has placed a passion in my heart for the children of the choir...not only are they working so hard to sing and dance and perfect their worshipful song to share with the world...but they have hearts for the Lord that come out of the most humble and devastating testimonies of suffering. I will be sharing their stories one by one in the weeks to come. And yes, that means I will be sharing with the hope that the Holy Spirit will call others to join with us in supporting these precious children. Pastor Ivan has a beautiful long term vision for the Children's Choir that I can't wait to share with you. These children, most with no resources for an education, or even daily food, will demand your attention as they offer up through their gifts the most pure and precious worship of our Lord and King Jesus. Once again my time in Uganda is humbling...and it is the reminder I want to be ever present that there is so much more to be done...there are brothers and sisters in Christ suffering and even more so the lost of the world who have not yet experienced the love of Christ. We can not get complacent. I beg you, get out of your comfort zone and go on a mission trip. Yes, it is true, it will change your life...but the bigger question is, will it effect eternity for you?

Court Update:

We went to court on our assigned Friday. We waiting for about 3 hours and then got to sit in on about 1.5 hours of someone else's ruling. The case in front of us was going to be heard for the remainder of the evening until 7pm, so we were asked to return Monday July 4th, at no particular time. Hmmm, interesting. We returned to Jinja, about 2-3 hours away late that Friday night. Spent Saturday recouping. Worshipped at Sonrise on Sunday, and then packed up a Matatu (van) again with all our court clothes and the surviving relatives of our children, and our friends and their boys and headed back to Kampala. It was a late night. After finding a hotel in the capital city...our dear friend Josh departed for the Entebbe airport. We had all made it to the IOM for our children's visa medical exams on Friday (hallelujah!) and then HAD to return on Monday for the 3 day TB skin test. Since our Judge didn't specify a time, our attorney said to go on to the medical check up. We did and were out of there, by 10:20am. We then went straight the the court house, arriving at 11am. We hung out in the waiting room all day long. They had rows of attached chairs, just like a doctor's office or the airport. After our 1st experience on the previous Friday, we decided not to put on our court clothes until we got to court. Well, we had hoped to find a restroom on a different floor of the same building just not the one right past the judge's chambers...well no such luck, so we sprinted past his door as not to be spotted in our Uganda dirt covered threads. We rushed (which is really funny considering how long we wait) to get dressed, we forgot F's socks...um go with his sandals...we are already in outfit #2, cause we wore #1 on our first appearance. By the way, did I mention that there is no A/C. Not complaining...it just helps to understand what all this rushing looks like with hubby in a full suit and tie, same with our son in a sport coat...looked so handsome BTW, but probably on the verge of heat exhaustion (j/k). So we are set, my stomach is doing backflips, and I am frantically looking over my Luganda (most common Uganda dialect in the region where we are) word cards (God bless you Marci Miller- you will never know how much I used what you created...my 5yo daughter gets them out everyday and names everyone :). Lunch time comes and goes, but we are too afraid to get up...the Judge could call us in at any moment. The children color (thank you Emily), draw, run around the room, eat packed cheez-its and drink lots of water and ultimately get lots of orange dirt stains all over their fancy clothes. By the time we got called into our actual hearing at 6:30pm...yes you are reading that right...I could care less about our clothes anymore. I really should fill in all the ups and downs and emotional moments during those 7 hours of waiting....needless to say there were many moments of intense praying as the day progressed. And yes, that entire day was spent in that one waiting room (and going up and down the hall to susu (potty)), with all 13 people that were apart of our witnesses (including us and the kids). I said many times, you can't explain this to folks unless we were all wearing helmet cameras. During our hearing the Lord's presence was sooooo evident as the questioning took twists and turns that revealed a glimpse again of God's greater plan and what He is at work doing that was much bigger than even our family's legal guardianshp case. So much to share one day, when this phase of our journey is complete.

I must go to sleep, it's 12:42 am the latest I've been up here....can you tell I'm missing my husband?. Pl ease pray for me to stop any feeble attempts to be in control, when I so clearly am completely out of any control of my current life circumstances. Pray for me to rest in Christ, as I repent of any fleshly attempts of the day to maintain control. Please pray for my children here with me, and wisdom for me as I navigate treacherous unchartered waters of love and discipline and the blurry line between them.

The spiritual warfare increases yet again, as the day of decision for our family draws near. I am weak. Psalm 61:1-5

Love,

Mandi

Day 1 - Travel & Arriving in Uganda

2011-06-25T17:30:00.000-04:00

Today was a day like no other. It started with a blessed experience in the London airport and a flight where unlike last year, I was actually able to sleep. During our 11 hr layover I remembered these 5 leather couches in the middle of the terminal...and sure enough they were all occupied by sleeping passengers when we first scoped them out. I was chatting away (surpise) when Katie Rae who was facing the crowd, saw someone making a move and bolted for the couch. That one simple couch gave all 3 of us some much needed rest, as we took turns over the next 9 hours. On our final flight from London to Entebbe, I woke up with 1 hr 30 min remaining until we landed. I turned on some music and just became completely overwhelmed with the feelings and knowledge of walking through an answered prayer that has been on our hearts for almost 2 years. I worshipped the Lord right there on the plane with a grateful heart for all He has done and is doing through our adoption of Fred and Nulu.

Our faith has been stetched and grown so much during this time. After we arrived at the Entebbe Airport we found a shuttle driver waiting for us (we were 30 min late). He was holding a sign that made us laugh. It said, Mandi Johnson (x2 pass) and underneath it read:

(Wiz a lot of luggage)

tee hee

We had 10 total. We made it to the guest house where Kim and Josh spent Thursday night and freshened up while we waited to be picked up by all the beautiful people who run Sonrise Baby Home. We had no idea if ours or Josh and Kim's children would be coming with them to pick us up. In a little while they arrived.. I looked out the window and saw Rebecca the volunteer mission team director, then I heard Damali's voice. As my gaze fell lower, seeking little people...there they were, Fred and Nulu.

You could tell they had made a long journey, the 3+hrs to reach our location. They also looked blank and scared. I knelt down to hug them, and they were very still and unresponsive. They were very unsure of what was happening. They never travel to meet the numerous teams of mzungus (white people) that visit each summer. They are used to white people coming bringing donations and treats, giving lots of hugs, playing games and then before you know it they are off again.

I knelt down to put my arms around Fred and wasn't there long before I realized he was soaking wet. Not being used to the long ride, he'd had an accident in his jeans AND spilt water all down his sweatshirt. So what would have been really uncomfortable turned into an immediate moment to parent and care for our son and meet his needs. We had new underwear and clothes in our bag and got him all cleaned up and ready to go. So uncertain, not sure of what each moment would hold....then slowly as we began our 3 hourbouncy ride in the matatu, something began to happen. Giggles (Fred still has one of the most beautiful laughs in the world) and smiles in the car, having to tell Fred to put his arm back inside the van (he was not happy about this "who were we to tell him what to do :), so the passing cars didn't take it off...that is a reality on the roads of Uganda..no yellow line :). Next we stopped for lunch, and it was just like a meal with our kids back home, Jeremy and I between them serving their food and cutting their meat.

I don't even know what was next, but as evening fell it became time for bed time. They did not resist or seem fearful to be with us. A volunteer mission team that had been here for 2 weeks was staying in the guest house with us. They commented that they could see a change in Nulu. They said she was so happy. And she stayed right by my side. Just precious and my daughter has a smile that will light up the world. She is shy at times, she covers her smile with her hands..but her upturned mouth peeks out and the joy escapes to warm my heart. We gave them baths and placed them and our friends' boys in the room that was prepared for the 4 of them. By the end of the day, they were occasionally called us Mama Mandi and Daddy. They were not sleeping with us, which seemed logical because that is what they are used to. However the Moody brothers actually gave up minimal crying quickly and drifted off...in a little bit crying was heard and when I saw the grown-ups they said, it was Nulu and it was a pitiful cry. I went in and got her down and took her to my bed. Not 10 min later Fred was crying.. I mean come on we couldn't let the big ones wake up the toddlers. So Fred got in daddy's bed. With our 5 days notice before flying over here...they prepared our room with twin beds. Which worked out great because they can each sleep with one of us. I'm sorry even with older kids, this is the most important and precious bonding time. They have never had someone regularly cuddle with them. Day One ended with another accident (we fed them late, drank too much) but again, precious time to be gentle and meet their needs. I've never been so grateful for the things we get frustrated with at home. I must go to bed... all I can say is that Day One doesn't hold a candle to Day 2. I will write and post as soon as possible.

This is the Before...

2011-06-21T20:10:00.000-04:00

just in case you were wondering what it looks like when you try to pack for 2 adults and 2 children and a possible trip time of a month in owww
FIVE DAYS!!!
I count it a blessing! God answered our prayers in a profound way...
and then He said, "NOW RUN!!!!"

No, we do not need that much stuff. The containers are filled with supplies for the Sonrise Baby Home.

Spent 3 hours, checking and double checking and labeling our paperwork.

It's magnificent but messy, this journey.

This is a look at my night stand, and our children.

This one, is special to my heart. This is for all who wait with a longing in your heart...wondering is God really saying this to you...is He really planting a completely unexpectedly longing in your heart for adoption.

This dress for my daughter, has been ironed, matching headband hanging with it,

on my curtain rod,

just like this for 2 months.

It was painful to look at sometimes, not knowing when, if ever the next steps in this journey would come...

but other days, it was my symbol of HOPE.

Hope that my daughter would one day wear this to court, to be given a new name, to be grafted into our family..forever.

That day is here.

Love,

Mandi

P.S. I'll do my best to update from London.

Thank you in advance for praying over our whole family...all SEVEN of us :)

God is in control...

2011-06-20T11:54:00.000-04:00

of the Madness at my house, Hallelujah!

Just a quick update: We drive away from our home on Wednesday morning at 10 am.

We fly out of Atlanta on Wednesday night at 9:15pm.

I have 2 days to get it all together...God is strong when I am weak.

Even though my mind dances across the line of anxiety and and subtle nervous pit in my stomach remains....I reel myself back in..

I shall have no fear.

God just moved a Mountain for my Family!!!!

A MOUNTAIN!!

He has a plan for this timeline in July and He's not going to let little ole Mandi mess it up.

One moment, one thought, one step at a time.

Romans 5:1-5

1 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

I do not take this lightly...I FEEL your prayers.

Your prayers matter. They will pray us to Uganda and home again.

Thank you for lifting our growing family up to our Heavenly Father.

It is for the love of Christ that we go. Pray we are able to share the Gospel.

This is His plan, His story for our family, it is about regeneration.

We are so blessed to be surrounded by your love, support, and prayers.

I am so thankful for the gift in this life, of the Body of Christ.

"Ohhh, How He loves Us!"

MIRACLE answer to Prayer!!!!!

2011-06-18T01:27:00.000-04:00

Okay, I should not be on here... Typos beware...no time to do anything.
Here's the lowdown:

6am Jeremy (my hubbie) opens email that says yesterday in court we learned that your case will be heard on July 1st at 230pm. Jeremy says, "Mandi WAKE UP!" Dude, I was up and crying after that. The post sharing with you what I'm feeling and what's happening in my relationship with the Lord leading up to that moment will have to wait for the plane ride...plenty o' time to blog. not to mention my 11 hr layover in London.

Okay, so If you've been following the J*dges take a break in July, supposedly the 15th, but it's not in stone, they can take off on vacation whenever they like, just like Americans. Now to size up this miracle...this is happening at the 23rd hour, so there is no other explanation than this was God's timing for our family. Our dear friends started their adoption process 5 really 6 months before us, and God has caught us up to within a DAY!!! 1 DAY my people! We go to court 1 day after our friends and fellow parents of Sonrise babies. These precious children (all 4 of them - and hopefully more one day) will grow up KNOWing each other and sharing a family tree. Okay I better hurry this up...so the gift on top of all the goodness of this timing for my family is that I get to share this journey, adventure, a month in Ug*nda with my best friend. It doesn't get any better than that!! God was just showing OUT when He got to that part.

We had two choices, arrive with 2 days to spend with our kids before court, or.....
DRUMROLL............................
.........................................
My
ONLY
other
Option
Was to arrive the exact same day as our friends & fellow Sonrise adoptive parents. Tought decision. :) Yep, when we get there they'll be waking up at the hotel from arriving the night before.
God is Good. (And yes, I do proclaim that even when He chooses not to bless me this way)

So, that's why I only have 4.5 days now to pack and prepare... our flight leaves June 22nd late evening from Atlanta. Jeremy will be with me for 2 weeks and then return home to work and be with kids. I will come, Lord willing 2 weeks later with our son and daughter, bringing all FIVE of our kids together. But that is all a moving target and only the Lord knows the final timeline. Hallelujah!!

Prayer requests:
for July 1st to be a firm court date

for the j*dge to have a heart for adoption and to rule favorably and swiftly for our family
(please pray all these things for us and the Moody family)

for our children (N and F) to have an unexplainable connection and longing for us, that God has planted in their hearts.

for our children at home (Joel, Isaiah & Lucy) to be at peace, in good health, comforted while Dad is away 2 wks and Mom a month.

for our parents, the best grandparents in the world, who without their love and support NONE of this would be possible. We are a picture of, it takes a village. they will be taking turns with the kids 2 weeks each. specifically pray for my mom, she is doing better but, she is recovering from sickness that wiped her out (the enemy has gone after all the family). she needs a mighty and swift full recovery to be 100% by the time the children come to her home in 2 weeks, God again will be her healer and He will be right on time.

for the medical tests, appointments, investigations, all the logistics to go smoothly....but more importantly that we will take each bump in the road in stride, leaving all the details in God's hands...the only place they will be successful.

for us to have time to visit with the extended families of our children. to invest in learning about their heritage, their family history and stories, their culture, to share our hearts and the love of Christ with them, which is what it is all about.

Thank you now, for praying over all these things for the next month. There is nothing more important during this journey than prayer. As we have seen, crying out in faith and waiting on the Lord, is the only thing that works...no effort of man could have brought us to this point, at THIS time....it just ain't happening. And it breaks my heart to say it isn't and hasn't happened for many who have been waiting longer than us... Please pray for all the familes who wait to place precious U*gandan orphans in their forever families.

I must go to bed. We've packed our oldest for church camp next week. And now my littles will join the grandparents on Sunday night, so we can pack Mon and Tuesday. So this increases my potential seperation time from my 3 here at home (hard, scary, yes)....I'm trusting God will be carrying us all through. I know He is and will be. He's done too much to get us here... I will trust....And everytime the enemy rears his head (And he already is tonight), I will go back to 6am this morning, when God moved a MOUNTAIN!!!!! And I will take the next step with a greater faith than yesterday's faith, which was greater from the previous miracle He gave our family....and so on and so on as we look back at our journey with Jesus.

BIG Love from the most grateful daughter of the King,

Mandi

PS: If God lays it on your heart to contribute and support Sonrise Baby Home.. we will be taking 4-5 large suit cases each with 50 lbs. of supplies for the home where our children have been loved and cared for over the last two years. If you will be in LaGrange, GA this weekend, or anywhere between LaGrange and Savannah along an interstate....or anywhere along our route Wednesday from Savannah to Atlanta...we will be taking donations to Ug*nda to restock the necessary supplies at the home. Or if you want to send $$ so I can grab some stuff at Walmart, that'll work too, just use paypal and comment that it is for the donation bags.. Jeremy and I will only be using 1 suitcase for us and the kids.:) So, COPY and PASTE this portion of my blog post and SHARE with ANYONE you like.
This is so last minute, so we'll just take whatever comes in...you hate to waste the opportunity...it is so hard and expensive for them to get certain supplies.

Twin Bed Sheets
Towels
Baby Formula new or expired
Children's Ibuprofen and Tylenol
Children's liquid vitamins (vi-ta-sol, i think)

Sonrise Children' Home has just opened a clinic (to even help the community) and hired a nurse...at this time the shelves need to be stocked with much needed antibiotics and malaria meds. A life giving gift would be money, that you specify for this purpose. The medicines can be purchased at local pharmacies there in Ug*nda without prescription for reasonable prices.

If you have any questions email me at: mandij75@yahoo.com

Thanks for EVERYTHING!!!!!

Ohhh, promise last sidenote (the squirrel effect)...Please respect the PRIVATE nature of this blog. Emailing this to others, could jeopardize our case. Now, I'd love to share and have more prayer warriors lifting us up. If you get pumped, just send me their email address, tell me who it is and I will gladly add anyone to the private blog list. Thanks for helping me with this.

Keep Praying!!! So Close.....so close...

2011-06-15T15:29:00.000-04:00

Let me just tell you, this week is intense.

It is riddled with spritual attack, but OH the blessings and encouragement that comes with it.

Emails from strangers that read,

"I don't know what's going on with your family, but Hang In There!!"

Random phone call from Worldvision rep. (they've never called before in 3 yrs) and then she says she wants to pray with me for our family and our adoptions. (tears)

Oh sweet love of Jesus, you take whatever form you wish, and you lavish it on us.

All the kind words of prayer warriors, praying and believing with our family that this IS God's time for our family to travel and go to court, keep us encouraged.

And then there is God's promise of provision for what He has asked us to do.

Just this week, another phone call, a check is in the mail.

It will be right on time, God's perfect time.

Today is 2 weeks, since our case was filed in court.

Now, my dear friend who leaves next week, got the call for her court date EXACTLY two weeks after her filing in court. Not that we expect anything to be the same from one family to another...cause it never is :). Just sayin, lots of excitement in my heart from Monday to today.

Monday as I prayed, I asked the Lord again

if my desire and prayers were in accordance with His Will.

I asked him to give me encouragement to keep praying this way, somehow.

That afternoon we learned that 2 families with a different attorney

got their court dates for June 24th and June 27th!!

Very much before the break, in fact, that one family has 10 days to get their butts on a plane and get over there :). Needless to say, I rejoiced for them and continued to pray for us.

Now...how do I know we are Sooooo Close?????

I was on the phone with my Dad just an hour ago, and he asked again,

"Now Mandi, with the time difference,

remind me...it's too late to hear from them now, right?"

As I began to respond, I also opened my email to check.

I had just finished saying,

"Yea, they usually come early in the morning and I wake up to find them.

But there has been a rare occasion or two where I've gotten one late in the afternoon,

like 8pm their time."

"Dad!! I've got one now!!"

(catching my breath, I read)

Hello Mandi,

We were at court today but didn't get a hearing date.

We go back tomorrow at 10:00a.m. We'll soon know.

Victoria

So precious prayer warriors, lift up our case before the Lord anytime tonight,

but that will be 2am AL time and 3am GA time :)

Please pray for a court date late June/early July.

PLEASE pray for a favorable Judge... (most critical part of this entire journey)

the one that God has selected to fulfill His plans for our family.

I'll leave you with a treat for now....I found this just recently...

A video of our son, tucked away from our mission trip last July.

We had NO idea he would one day be a Johnson.

(yes, I hate my voice on video (so I really love ya to share this ;)

and even goofier I think I was talking with a different accent)

We'll soon know. We'll soon know.

Oh Father

2011-06-11T01:33:00.000-04:00

Oh Father...

Flies, wasps, ants, they all chase after me

Fears, worries, anxieties, I give them all to Thee

The power of the wind, reminds me you are near

In you alone I trust, whom shall I fear?

My children of the pearl, I know nothing of their hearts

Our lack of communication, is tearing me apart

Praise God it's only temporary

for it's His plan you see

One day my precious children

will finally be with me

With Great Attack...

2011-06-09T01:36:00.000-04:00

comes great victory.

Insane spiritual attack the last few days, and today was the kicker. I love as another blogger put it..."Satan is so unoriginal." And yes, I recognized the madness of it all because I've read so many first hand accounts of unimaginable events/chaos at the last steps in their adoption process.

And all of this comes exactly as Jeremy and I have really begun to pray specifically for a miracle court date assignment, against all odds, BEFORE the July 15th break. Afterwhich the courts are not hearing cases for a month+ (like summer vacation) until down in August. When I say, it will be a miracle...like there are already families being given dates of August 16th and beyond, and there are many families that have been waiting for months :(. Please pray for all these families and the children who wait for them.

I was about to take my kids to the beach with my Mom and had a complete uneasiness about going. My husband confirmed that I needed to stay home and prepare for what we are believing. So we picked up our anti-malaria meds and anti-travelers' diarhea meds...nice huh? Actually, really amazing stuff that keeps you from getting it :)

So, hubby took kids this evening to a jumpy place, I scored a half price deal with a Groupon (love those). I was to have 2.5 hours to sew. Seriously, 1 bizarre phone call with a cherished family member, (tears), hit my knees...hung up with a friend and the doorbell rings...prospective (slick-willy)roofer is repeatedly insulting me, talking in argumentative circles...says, "let me just EXPLAIN it to your HUSBAND!!!" (yea, those of you that know me real well are going, "oooooo, no he didn't?!?!)....I actually had to ~~slam~~ shut the door abruptly to make the insanity end. Lord, what is going on? Oh yea, I know we are about to walk the path you have for us, two orphans will be orphans no more...and Satan will do anything to crack us at this point.

Now after all that drama, and my dear husband returning home to "hear" about it....can I just say I LOVE MY Husband!!!! He said, "Girl, God is about to turn this mutha out!!" MC Hammer 80s song...clean reference I promise :)
We are praying and hanging on.

And just hours later, 30 minutes ago in fact, I learn that someone has given us $4000 for our adoption fund!!!! Aiyiyiyyiyiyiy! God is getting us ready to go...and whenever it is...we will be ready. Well, sort of, you can never be fully ready for this..that's why we must have FAITH.

We go to meet with a US attorney in the morning, to make sure we have all our ducks in a row...no surprises once we are home. I will sleep well tonight. God is good.

Thank you for sharing this journey with us,
Mandi

Ups and Downs....

2011-06-02T23:46:00.000-04:00

of both emotions and fundraising.

Well, I'm excited to say that we received our first 5 orders for adoption dolls in the last 4 days!! Whoo whoo, those are the first orders of anything since the launch of www.FaithSteppin.com. That is a huge praise. It also really helps to keep me going by having my hands and mind wrapped up in the tiny details and precision of sewing dresses for dolls. :) Now, for those of you keeping an eye on our fundraising thermometer....watching God fund what He favors...you will notice two things this evening:
    1) It reflects the recent sale of 5 dolls, because we had already paid (months back) for the shipment of $10 dolls in full and since that money is long gone, we are counting all of it as profit. :)
    2) Next you will see that our overall goal has gone up. :( I know, it is a bummer, but it is the reality check we got when friends of ours began to purchase their tickets. We discovered that there are NOT half-price tickets for children. And we certainly won't be getting much discount when we purchase the one-ways only 3-4 days before flying. Welcome to the completely unpredictable timeline of Uganda adoption. We had also budgeted for the grown-up tickets, based on the suggestions of adoption agency outlines for Uganda of ($1500)....well, they budget on an average and July is actually the peak season for Uganda and therefore has the highest ticket rates of the year...yes, score one for the enemy on the ole pocketbook. We over budgeted, using $2000, but not the actual of $2500. I know very boring details, but for inquiring minds wanting to understand the finer details of this journey...there you go.
    3) We are actually getting pumped, because even though our goal post moved...God blessed our efforts this past month to eat WHATEVER was in the cupboard (not winning any nutrition awards) and try our best NOT to go back to the grocery store, no eating out, and going nowhere...and we've scraped a whopping $1000 from our budget to add to the goal. We southerners would say to my kids, "Bless their hearts". In reality we've actually grown to like Zatarains Beans and Rice mix and it is preparing us to enjoy the staple meal that our kids eat in Uganda. Now one of my priorities is to learn how Auntie Loyce makes it at the baby home, cause Zatarains can't even touch the real thing she makes.

Now for the emotions part of this...and I use that loosely. Emotions do get involved sometimes, but really I mean the details that effect the heart. There is a daily yo-yo effect of negative news on the ground in Ug*nda from families there in the midst of the process (which is unusual). There are many extenuating circumstances, many "unprecedented challenges" facing the active cases in country at this moment. There are fb groups comprised entirely of families that have and are adopting from Ug*nda. It is like most things of information, a completely double edged sword. On one hand, it is one of the resources that gives any crazy fools, like us, the confidence to embark on an "independent" adoption with no agency, no guide to the ever winding, complicated process. And on the other, when the reports are not good, and you have a large group of speculating parents with a huge heart calling...it is a recipe that the ENEMY loves to wreak havoc with (as you can easily imagine). I'm doing okay, with not giving the enemy an inch...at the moment.

In fact, I feel insane. Who do I think I am, to deserve a miracle over the other families that have been "waiting" for a court date for months? Why do I deserve to get from homestudy to waiting for a court date in 4.5 months?? I don't...and I don't. I must tell you, if God had not been opening the doors that He so miraculously has thus far...I would never have the boldness to ask. And yet, here we are. How can I not ask...do I not have the faith that He is a mountain mover?? No, WE DO! We have personally seen him move mountains in our lives, we have seen his miraculous hand in the very lives of our children, MORE THAN ONCE! And most importantly, we have his WORD, where He tells us, over and over about the prayer of faith, that by faith He answers. We are down to what I "feel" like is a two week window, if we base our thoughts loosely on what has actually happened for another teeny group of folks recently.....in order to get that call that we have been assigned a court date somewhere between June 30th and July 15th. So what I am trying to express is the struggle between having the faith to ask, because he tells us "you have not, because you ask not"...and feeling like a spoiled brat wanting things to hurry. I really don't, want things to hurry. I give myself a heart/gut check regularly. I've walked with the Lord long enough to know that I don't want anything He has for me, for us, for our family, before the hour, the moment the He has chosen to place it in our lives. I've also lived it, time after time, when He delays, when it seems disappointing at first...in the end when His promise is fulfilled I can see His hand and I see the blessing of the delay. So because of those hard places, I trust.

Then there are the realities of day to day life, while you are praying BELIEVING, and yet remaining peaceful that it may not happen. IF I believe He is about to part the red sea of Ug*ndan adoption for us, then should I be preparing??...like making sure my kids have clothes, that I have my malaria medicine, that we've done all we can to not have debt when it comes time to purchase airline tickets, that we have childcare for our kids, that Jeremy's work schedule will still work with our moving target, knowing that when we get THAT CALL, we will have about two weeks notice to prepare. Or does it seem I am getting the cart before the horse? Am I getting myself all worked up for disappointment? Or am I remaining full of HOPE(not doubting in my heart) to the bitter end, knowing how my Heavenly Father loves to bless us when our requests are in the center of His will? Aahhhh, this is the nature of the struggle.

I have not heard anything from my attorney since last Thursday....and from what we are hearing, I don't want to bother her. So we pray, to the only one who has any control over these things, our Abba Father. And we ask you to pray with us. That whatever plays out in the next 2-3 weeks that He give us the strength and peace to endure. And until the door is closed for this opportunity we hold GREAT HOPE...

Romans 5:3-5, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

I will stop for tonight...someone on FB is having a Summer Reading Bible Challenge and there's nothing like a little competitive accountability to keep me in the word as I wait. There's nothing else that I need actually. Most overdue blog post is next...to really cover all the thoughts, feelings, fears, of why I feel like a mad woman to be praying for something to happen quicker, that is the HARDEST thing we have ever faced. My husband and I wrestle with these thoughts, feelings, and beliefs through tears...and at the end of the day the only answer is obedience and love. The greatest love of all, the love of Christ that he has given us and filled us with, that poured out from Calvary's tree.

One day and prayer at a time,
Mandi

Cliffhanger Weekend

2011-05-28T21:52:00.000-04:00

Now that our blog is private I didn't want to leave you all hanging over the weekend. Against all odds, against a backdrop of some really disappointing news for many families...God continues to move on our behalf. After a death in the extended family of one of our children, the Ugandan mourning process that normally lasts up to a month placed someone who needed to sign a paper for our file far away and unreachable by phone. Our case could not be filed without that paper, without that signature. We prayed. Without our asking, God laid it on the hearts of friends we made on our mission trip to go and find this person for their signature. God made a way, and after several days and who knows what kind of logistical effort (this is Africa) on the ground. Our final sheet of paper, was indeed signed and our file was complete. We received word from our attorney that she was to file our case with the High Court on Friday. We have not received confimation if it did or did not. We are believing. Straight from our attorney who is a dear Sister in Christ...she said we must pray for a quick allocation (assigning of a Judge) and to get a favorable Judge. Pray for us to get the Judge that the Lord has planned to fulfill His plan for our family. We do not know whether it is His plan for us to make it before the summer break ("suppposedly" July 15th) or not. He keeps filling us with Hope that this may be His plan, as He has gotten us to this point against all odds and in miraculous timing. We place all our trust in the Lord, as we pray and wait and prepare.

Thank you, thank you for lifting our family up during this time. And we thought we learned to wait during Jeremy's 7 years in the military....Ha! just a little preparation. :)
God's humor once again.

Grateful for friends and prayer warriors,
Mandi

Silence invites Fear

2011-05-25T16:34:00.000-04:00

Weeell, I was waiting for good news to post. But it has not come. Actually I've gone from communicating with my attorney every 2 days or so, to not hearing from them in over a week now. It has my heart a bit unsettled, because it has appeared that God was swinging doors wide open (miraculous, blessed beyond measure timeline thus far) for us to get filed in court and possible get a court date before the Judges take their summer break (July 15th, usually sooner). I knew we were down to the wire, when 1 week ago, our law firm reported that one piece of paper was needed and they were ready to file our case.

Now I know that God knows what is going on, and when He wants things done, It. Will. Happen. But the silence in the wait is breeding grounds for the enemy to fill you with fear. My heart knows I have nothing to fear, the Word tells me that over and over... but the message gets muttled on the way to this Momma's overthinking brain.

It also doesn't help that my dearest friend in the world/fellow adoptive mommy, just got her court date and is purchasing tickets to go get her sons. Don't get me wrong, I screamed and cried like a fool, FULL of JOY for them. But with all the wildly swinging doors opening for us thus far, my spoiled rotten heart has not let go of the desire of my heart for our two families to be able to share part of the journey together. I am just sharing this to say, that I haven't given up HOPE that my and Kim's time in Uganda might overlap. My God is a mountain mover and at this point a MOUNTAIN will have to move for that to happen. (Perspective check: Kim and Josh began their adoption journey in Sept. so to say that the Lord has put us on warp speed to come within 3 wks of them is a HUGE understatement). So grateful for all He has done.

The reality is that each day that I don't get an email, it seems as if my dream may be slipping away. Now, I shared all that, so you can pray with me. Ultimately all I want are for Kim's boys to be home safely with her, and my son and daughter home with me each in the unique perfect timing that God has planned for our families. But I'm an optimist to the very end, even if I set myself up for a little more heartache. That is me, my name is Mandi.

I am over the moon that Kim & Josh's timeline is before the break, and that two of the precious children of Sonrise Baby Home, that many of us have prayed for (for almost 2 years) are going to be given a Mom and a Dad and sisters to love and cherish them FOREVER. They will be orphans NO. MORE!!! Hallelujah. And that keeps me going, keeps us going, until our turn comes. And it. will. come.

Who am I kidding? If I work around the clock, I won't ever be fully prepared for the day I get the call to fly to Uganda. Lord Jesus, go before us, make a way Lord and we will walk in it.

Thank you so much for praying for the Moody Family and our family.
1) Pray for us, that we here good news before the end of this week :)
2) Pray for God's provision of both families' adoption funds. We just learned that the plane tickets for our children on the way home will be $1000 more per ticket than budgeted. That's just part of it when we are traveling peak summer season and will have to purchase the kid's tickets with only 3 days notice.
3) Pray for peace and productivity as the Moody families makes a million lists and prepares to travel in about 3 weeks. Aiiiiiiiii!

Love,
Mandi

Taking Names not Chances...

2011-05-23T01:45:00.000-04:00

The names I need are yours.

That is, if you wanna come along on this crazy, FULL of LOVE journey to Uganda with us.

Actually, I need your email addresses so I can send you an invite to the private blog. So please leave a comment below or send your email to:

mandij75@yahoo.com

It is a huge praise that we are even at this point in the journey. We don't want any part of our testimony to be misinterpreted and have any negative effect on our cases, so we aren't taking any chances.

While the blog is private, a dear friend has/is creating an online store for us to be able to continue to fundraise the remaining fees for our adoptions. We have about $4000 to go, whoo whoo, and then we'll be able to board a plane when it is time. So if we aren't friends on fb, check back each day for cool things at:

http://www.faithsteppin.com/

Now, don't forget to leave me your address:)

I don't know if there are 2 people or 20 people reading, but I can't thank you enough for praying for our family. We have been so blessed throughout this process and have already seen the answers to so many prayers. Thank you for praying us through.

With a grateful heart,

Mandi

Must See Sculpture!!! Unique Adoption Fundraiser

2011-05-22T19:26:00.001-04:00

Speaking of our Loving Abba Father....check out the sculptures hand crafted by one of my dearest friends. She has so generously donated many of her one of a kind pieces for us to sell to raise money for our adoption fund. Her work is beautiful and it all comes straight from her heart. If you appreciate Willow Tree (which I love) then look and discover the hand crafted and path marking Ebenezers by Elizabeth Dempsey !!!

HE COVERS ME

Elizabeth writes: When I was a little girl I struggled with the thought that I was all alone and had nothing to cling to but my bunny. Now my eyes have been opened to the fact that God was watching over me all along. He never abandoned me. Deuteronomy 31:8 says: "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged."

Matthew 28:20 says: "And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age."

This makes a beautiful gift, and is also a great way to mark this moment on your path. Mark this moment when you understood fully who your Heavenly Father is, and that you weren't going to let the enemy have this territory ever again. He has never left you. The beauty of a sculpture is you can interpret it as you see it.

Suggested Donation: $36

This is the ONLY ONE of this sculpture available. The first paypal payment or comment left and it will be yours. Shipping will be $8 and I will be paying the rest. :)

[This piece stands about 7 inches tall x 5 inches wide]

For more work by Elizabeth Dempsey (author and artist)

please visit her at:

http://www.specialchicken.com/