Road to Victory

22/10/12 Final

2012-10-22T19:59:00.002+11:00

This may be final post in this blog.

So much has happened to me over this course of the year, some good and some not so good. At the end of it all I have broken and it will be a while before I can pick up all the pieces, it will be a while before I will be able to find myself again.

8/10/12 Happy?

2012-10-08T22:17:00.002+11:00

What does it take to be happy? I know what it takes but it all seems so impossible right now. Back to pretending anything and everything is okay with this fake smile on my face. That, I know is something I am good at.

5/9/12 Dream

2012-09-05T12:24:00.000+10:00

I woke up this morning with a vivid dream in my head. Somehow I had the ability to go back in time, however, I only used it to go back and fix all the mistakes that I made with Zoe but to no avail, the outcome ended up the same. There was nothing I could do. In the end she ended up with someone much more deserving than myself. Finally, I kissed her hand and wished her all the happiness in the world. Whilst, I was tremendously sad that I had to let her go, more than anything, her happiness, her smile was all that was important to me.

Personally I find dreams to be the key to our most inner desires. Always I find that I am, just sitting there watching a dream play out, something like a movie. I have no control of my actions, what really only happens would be if I was in the same given situation.

At the end of the day... I am still doing what I can, I would still give up everything that I know and everything that I have.

3/9/12 Fathers Day

2012-09-03T17:10:00.000+10:00

And so... Happy Father's Day.

It was that time again, it was Fathers's Day. Like usual with any festive event, we had the family dinner and catch up with the family with the addition of a few new faces - Louis is here every other weekend, and Pam is our new homestay student (for how long, no idea). It was a nice night, I was glad to see what Peter (nephew) was up to, it sounds like he has got some big aspirations, he just finished high school last year and is working out what he wants to do. I was rather concerned before because I was beginning to think he was hanging out with the wrong crowd but I guess it was just a phase. Ali (niece) reached the Grand Final of her basketball comp, will have to ask how the game goes and finally Rodney (brother) is considering buying a place in the Geelong area, about time he got that sorted... tough to continuously pay rent.

Now back to Dad... I do worry about him, for instance today he felt like was going to fall while we did some yard work together. However, He is starting to ask for help now. Still has been rather frustrated as of late but asking for help. Also... his hands are 'slowly' getting better, still have doubts he will get back the what they were but as long as they get to a point where he manage better than he is now.

Night Lamp
"Sesame Street" Happy Birthday

On a random note it was rather hard... but I got finally rid of my good old Night Lamp, been many years since I have actually used it but it always lit up my room since I was small. Unfortunately, there comes a time where you need to let things go. Bye Bye Night Lamp.

28/8/12 Past

2012-08-28T19:12:00.002+10:00

The past is the past, the present is the present and the future is the future. I made so many mistakes in the past and I have no doubt that I will continue to make them. I have been seriously thinking about my future and a future without you in it, is something I don't want. Like I said before, I know the right one is worth waiting for and... I will wait. A day doesn't go by that I am not thinking of you, whenever I get a phone message I always hope its you.

My present is simply, to make our future a reality, you are still and will always be my world. I just hope you still see a future of us together, that is what I am clinging to. No matter what it takes, no mater how long it takes. Time is irrelevant.

24/8/12 Limitations

2012-08-24T21:02:00.002+10:00

There are no limits. There is nothing you can't do if you put in everything you have got. If are you are willing to put in all the hard work and earn it, who is to say you can't do it? No one. Everything worth doing is hard, if it was easy everyone would be doing it. The only thing that separates those who are successful and there who aren't, is simply those who are willing to what needs to be done.

22/8/12 Difficulty

2012-08-22T09:34:00.000+10:00

Everything is starting to get much harder for my Father. He hit 76 years old this year and now he is plagued by various problems, one of which making things much more difficult - he is having trouble opening and closing both hands. After various trips to the doctors and specialists to try and figure it out, we still are not 100% sure what is it. Currently he is on a number of pills and creams that supposedly help the condition, a few new ones he picked up yesterday. Although I can't see too much of a difference, he says there is - IMO I think he is being a little too optimistic... I do hope I am wrong in this regard.

Dad is a wonderful person who takes pride in doing things by himself although he has always been willing to lend a helping hand if able. That, I feel I picked up from him. However, nowadays, things have only gotten harder and will continue to do so but he still he unwilling to ask for help and as a result he is just getting increasing frustrated with himself, which at times lashes out to my Mother and myself. I hope he is beginning to realise he isn't as young as he used to be, and there will are times where he just needs a hand.

Sometimes things that were will never be.

19/8/12 Engagement

2012-08-19T15:57:00.000+10:00

Special Couple Nick and Chihiro

It was a wonderful Engagement Party, held at Royal Saxon in Church Street. I was surprised to find such a nice hideaway on such a busy road. Must admit, Nick taste is great. I made a point to make sure I would arrive a little late because I wouldn't know anyone which proved to be true but Nick was kind enough to introduce me to a few people who kept me company till Chris and Cindy arrived. Who knew Nick has a brother? Not Me! Had a great chat with him, he actually used to live near me... in the "shield" What is the Shield? Well, I didn't know about it till last night either, the shield is a residential area in Glen Waverley that has every street named from places or people from Camelot. I have to head down there when I get a spare moment. On another note, he directed me to "Setto Bello", a nearby Italian restaurant that will be the next destination for Willie and myself. However, more than anything, I was surprised that he believed that I would make something of myself not to mention the chat made me more hopeful of landing a decent job when I graduate.


THE SHIELD Notice all the surrounding places have similar medieval names

Additionally, he highlighted the fact that the "right girl" was worth waiting for. On this point I have only now recognised that I have been really stupid. I keep saying I will do anything for Zoe but clearly not getting myself sorted, making myself better and waiting wasn't on that list. How did my resolve falter so much? These times of weakness make me feel so ashamed. Last night opened my eyes. It may have been a month since I have last seen her but despite this, everyday I still think of her and every time she still makes my heart beat faster. I do love her, my post the other day in itself was foolish. If I love her as much as I say I do... then I will wait and do whatever I need to. I just hope she hasn't given up on me.

Back to the party... The amount of Western to Asian couples that I saw that last night was rather hard to believe. Perhaps its just Nick and Chihiro's group of friends but even so, I was amazed! I even joking said that "Nick has joined the club", or least he will officially next year when they tie the knot.

Also, I was surprised to find out that Shaun was going to make an appearance and I made a point to stay a little longer so I could catch up with him. That young man used to me my martial arts instructor and my school teacher before I changed courses. It is hard to believe what he has achieved and what he has achieved despite having a full plate.... that is... 5 kids, course coordinator in addition to starting up a blog/ business, he is clearly a testament of what can be done if you set your mind to it both physically and mentally. Sadly I don't get to see this inspirational man as much as I used to but when I do, I try to make it count.

All in All it was a great night and I wish Nick and Chihiro the best.

17/8/12 Packed!

2012-08-17T20:15:00.000+10:00

What a day.

Hit the gym at about 7:30 am this morning with Brian. I have stuck it out this beginners weight program for 4 whole weeks, 3 sessions, Mon-Wed-Fri. I noticed some gains but I HAVE to make sure I get enough sleep, definitely not my best session... 2 weeks to go and I will switch it up to something far more interesting. Brian isn't doing too bad either, he has finally listened to me and cut down from his ridiculous 5 sets down to 3. No doubt he will be thanking me.

Scouted out a new lunch haunt near my uni, SCORE! $10 lunches that comes with fine dining? Thank You, I will be back. Meals looked impressive and tasted quite good. Dinner menu looked a bit pricey but based on the lunch service I wouldn't mind checking it out one day. Nice call Willie, lunch is on me next week, I will try to find somewhere good... UNLESS you still haven't got your resume done. Just how long have I been trying to get you to finish it?

ILU hit share price hit 10.87 today. It is highest it has been in over a month, it is the first stock I bought and its already +6.57%, I suppose it is in anticipation for the half yearly report in the coming days. Will have wait to see how the market reacts to the report, I suspect it will keep going up based on its quarterly report... I did plan to sell at 10% but perhaps I can aim for much higher. Ride the up trend as they say. May have to set a stop loss in place. I doubt I will regret switching my major to Finance.

On another note, I truly appreciate that you sending that message, you didn't have to but you still did. I have no idea what your going through nor am I going to pretend I know how hard everything is. I have over reacted again and again. I have a tendency to make small things seem big. I just want to be part of your life.

Capping the day off with an 8hr work shift, lovely.

12/8/12 Fool

2012-08-12T18:52:00.002+10:00

These last couple days have really messed with me. I thought I was much stronger than this but I guess I was wrong. I don't want to be one of those guys that go... "its over because she deleted me off Facebook" but the thing is, if she did that it means that she no longer wants me to be part of her life. And should I really be chasing, heck pining over someone who did that? I want to be able to say that I don't care but I do. I shared and let this person right into my life and I would have given up everything for her... is that not what girl want? Judging by how things turned out I have to say no. I keep having that movie "Hitch" staring Will Smith pop into my mind, I can draw so many parallels from anguish and heartache he felt for his first love.

I should've figured out when she was practically ignoring me a few weeks ago it would lead to this, I was foolish to think that a break meant anything other than a break-up. I have thought of her every single day but it has been almost a week since I have last heard from her, and one month since I last saw her. The worst thing someone can do to someone else is to ignore them and this is what is happening to me. Right now, if she were to ask to take me back, I can't say I would say yes. Love is a strange emotion.

8/8/12 Ignorance

2012-08-08T07:27:00.002+10:00

Sometimes I say before I think, I have noticed that there are times I just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind without any regard to what others are going through. Again, I made that mistake.I belittled how hard you are working. Its no excuse I didn't know the extent of your situation, you never told me. I wish to apologise but the damage has been done. I do hope everything we did speak of before is still valid. It is something I am clinging to, no matter how small or little chance it may be.

4/8/12 Emotions

2012-08-04T06:55:00.002+10:00

My mental state hasn't been quite stable the last couple weeks and I know exactly why. Imagine you are head of heels for someone, someone you can already picture the rest of your life with and suddenly they begin to distance themselves from you. Perhaps its something you did, perhaps it was something you didn't do, perhaps there is something you need to do. Been such a long time since I have had a proper talk with her, and I don't know where I stand right now. So many thoughts are running through my head since we went on this 'break' or 'break up'. See even this I am not so clear about, sigh, how can I be so unsure? I wouldn't be surprised if I just lose my mind. She lives so close, yet now it feels so far.Will become no more than a stranger despite everything that has happened? By the same token, am I belittling the strength of our relationship? Can I even call what we have now a relationship? Heck, am I over thinking things?

3/8/12 Distractions

2012-08-03T12:15:00.001+10:00

Since that a few weeks ago, I have constantly been trying to distract myself and keep myself occupied. Training, School and Work is what I have been doing with a majority of my time. The first of which is good, with the whole release of endorphins (making me happy.. temporarily). School is well just school and work is what I dread.... 8 hours left alone to wonder in my thoughts. Things have been far from easy as of late and I have not sure when they are going to get any easier. Feelings are truly the bane and the joy of the life. Why must everything be so complicated? Is it too much for everything to be simple as it was before?

25/7/12 Where to start?

2012-07-25T14:06:00.001+10:00

I have no clue where to start.. it has been so long since my last post.

Although not much has changed, much has also. The main highlight I have had over the past couple months is simply Zoe. Granted we have had some problems here and there, we have managed to work through them. The time we have spent together these past months is just, unforgettable. However, this brings me to this. We have broken up.

I feel we have been torn apart by circumstances rather than a lack of feelings for one another. The thing is I can't imagine my life without her. I decided a while ago that she was the one. I can't give my heart to anyone else because I have already given it to you. As you said we are still young and I know that, I know that I can't offer you anything at this time but that will change and I can assure you that no one would love you as much I do. I would give up anything and everything if you were only to ask. Recently I was struggling to find out what I wanted in life, but now I know... I don't care how long it takes but I want you and only you. You are my life.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, I can't imagine my future without you, however bleak that future is of us together is, it will become a reality.

8/5/12 Good Nature & Compounding problems

2012-05-08T08:42:00.002+10:00

Let me begin by saying... Things just get better and better.

At times like this all you can rely on is the 'Good Nature' of people. It had only come to my attention yesterday that sadly... I have lost my wallet. The last I remember having it in my hands is at a Chinese restaurant on Saturday. Considering we left we paid, I highly doubt it will be there. I have looked top to bottom at home, and it is no where to be found, which makes me believe I either dropped it or it was stolen... The sad thing is that, this particular wallet was a 18th birthday gift... I don't mind too much about the cards they can get replaced some more easily than others but me being such a sentimental person as I am, the wallet isn't something that can be replaced.

Which brings me back to my initial thought - Time to believe in the Good Nature of people. This is something I have always done will most likely will continue to do despite being hurt time and time again. I have been brought up to expect people would do the right thing as I would. I would literally drive to someones house if I had of found their wallet, is it wrong to expect others to do the same?

Additionally I am beginning to think I have an issue with my right eye... I beleive it is slightly blurry. I did suspect I had a problem with it earlier on but I put it down to just my whole dermititis problem (which is creeping back up on me again, may I add). Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if I had to get glasses, in anycase I will need to book a trip to the Optometrist for later this week. I was going to put it off till after exams but it is really starting to bug/ worry me. Do I get smarter if I wear glasses?

On a completely random note, due to me issues with the above dilemmas... I forgot to order this bag for my mum. Usually it wouldn't bother me but she mention it a few times. Jeez... Really Victor? The auction ended a little after 10 and I only remembered at 10.30. Way to compound problems. Slightly off topic... Home life isn't exactly the best it has been. In fact it is the worst it has been for a while. I have always kept my home life relativly private therefore I won't expanding much more than that. All this leads me to wonder if things around here will pick up. Only time will tell.

7/5/12 Yet another

2012-05-07T11:35:00.001+10:00

"Wrapped up in the desire to improve themselves, year in, year out, that desire is a great source of power. It will become your strength."

3/5/12 Resonates

2012-05-03T19:35:00.001+10:00

This page simply resonates with me and my personality. It is a page from Sun-Ken-Rock (vol 12, ch12), something you would not expect when you are reading a gang-related manga. Like Ken, when I am focused, with no distractions I always surprise myself of what I am able to accomplish. Simple minded focus is a powerful weapon, just need to ensure I use it far more than I have been in the past.

1/5/12 Pro-active

2012-05-01T10:01:00.001+10:00

Well Well Well... I ran into an old friend at the shopping centre the other day and wow. Its surprising how long it has been since I have last seen him. Basically he was the one who always made the dates to meet up and hang out but when he stopped doing that we simply stopped hanging out, needless to say I never really made a effort. I guess I expected him too since he always had in the past. By long, I am talking about 2 years. Time really flies, doesn't it? In any case this chance meeting has made me reflect a little bit of how I am treating those close to me and what I expect of them. Over the years I have come to realise I have been somewhat isolating myself and this is something that needs to chance. I do treasure my friends relationships, I have always put them on a pedestal especially with those I feel close too BUT for relationships to truly prosper effort must be made on both sides. Honestly, its not something I am quite used too but I don't want years to go by again without my realising.

Time to be proactive.

29/4/12 Ungrateful

2012-04-29T19:51:00.000+10:00

What a rough couple days, doesn't look like it is going to get easier either. Whilst saying this, how can I be so ungrateful for what I have yet others who have less be much happier and far more content? Sure I have had a rough couple of days but this pales in comparison the lives of many, I don’t know how lucky I am. Time to put that smile back on and one day I will mean it.

27/4/12 Wow-ser

2012-04-27T13:01:00.001+10:00

Of all the subjects I have done before and units I have taken, this particular one "Ethics and Global Issues" is easily the best choice I have made. Hard to properly describe but it has gotten to the point where I have become to question my views regarding various topics, in a sense it has open my eyes to the world. The guest lecturer I had today really put us on the spot and made express and defend our points of view. As daunting as that may sound, it would rather refreshing to have our opinion heard and expressed rather than just spurting out definitions all the time. Whilst what we discussed may not be not strictly something I will use in my professional career, I know that the very act letting us to think is something I will take from this unit. Already looking forward to next week and moreso the next fortnight when I believe I will have the same guest lecturer.

26/4/12 Back in the Saddle

2012-04-26T20:11:00.003+10:00

First off. Sorry. I can't apologize enough for what I didn't do the other night, it will be something I will be thinking of for the rest of my life. I let you down. I know that, there is nothing I can do to make for it. It is another one of those moments I would do differently if I had another chance. I don't know how long, or if you ever, will forgive me but if that day ever comes I will be sure to make sure you don't regret it. Just know that for the rest of my life I won't let anything like this happen again.

Now I got that off my chest, I shall move on. It has been a while since I have looked at and taken my studies seriously. I have fallen behind in university workload but I have no doubt I will be able to catch right back up in a week or so if I keep up what I did today. It is surprising much you can do when you are focused. I have someone to thank for that, it was hard to hear but someone had to tell me and I thank you. You have some high standards (in a good way) of what you want. Right now I understand I don’t fit the bill, but please wait for me, you flipped the switch… everything is slowly changing.

For those who remember my 30 day challenge? Sometime last year I decided to write "One Blade" for 30 days although it only lasted 10 or so days, I only stopped when I realised I was plagiarising someone else’s work a little bit. Re-reading some of me actually did impress me somewhat. One day the epic tales of adventure and fantasy of KINSEY will return this I assure you. Back on point, the challenge is coming back. In terms of me personally, I am going to try some positive affirmation every single morning and night. Quite frankly I have been telling myself some rather negative things for a very long time and over time I have begun to believe it, so with this in mind, if I do the opposite then the opposite will too will happen. Starting date: 26/4/2012

In other news... League of Legends is going going gone! In addition, my XBOX 360 is going to be listed eBay on Sunday - doesn't get any use at all since I got it, merely a DVD player. I don’t expect to get much considering some completed listing only managed to get $250-$300 or so but if I managed to get rid of it for a little cash little as it may be. It will go.

This is quite a lengthy post and it could have been longer but I shall sign off at this point. A lot is going on with me mentally and personally and these coming weeks will be a true test.

21/4/12 Ready, Set Go...

2012-04-21T19:02:00.001+10:00

This is a only a little over a month till exams but I got a lot to catch up on yet there is still things I want to do outside of school work... like work and train just to name a few. Quite frankly, the biggest responsibility I have is to myself and my future. I have been letting myself down in so many way in these past months for a variety of reasons and I have come to the point where I am sick of it. Time to focus and get a move on. In this short time we spend on in this world, it takes too long for us to realise that Time is short and most of all Time is precious.

19/4/12 Give up

2012-04-19T00:51:00.001+10:00

I Give up

17/4/12 Slapped in the face

2012-04-17T16:51:00.000+10:00

Watch out don't get slapped!!

I think I had my wake up call today, will not go into it... but yes time to put on my study hat. It was sad it had to come to this before I get into gear. It turns out I am reather weak willed, I keep saying I will do this and I will do this... I "desire" to do many things but what stops me from acting on them? What stops me from making my desires actions? "Will" that is right.

Desire with Will becomes Action, without will desires remain simply that... Desires.

How did I let things get this bad? How did I manage to let myself drop this low? I am not sure, I need to get back onto the horse. Need to pick myself up and dust myself off. At this point there is no need to continously think of what I should have done then, rather, I need to think about what I am doing now and what I am going to do. I know I can do it, I know I can that person I used to be and more. I am capable of so much.

I leave with simply this:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

5/4/12 Half done, Half to go,

2012-04-05T20:36:00.001+10:00

Took long enough but I finally did some yard work. Half done and half to go. Big thanks to my little niece, probably wouldn't have started if she didn't stay the day. Her little smile made it somewhat fun, the time just flew by. The rubbish bin is almost full, have to wait till next week or so to continue. Good work, Good work!

Switching topics...
I have been working a lot lately mainly due to several reasons. The main one is that, in all honestly, I want to move out of home and live with Zoe - if she wouldn't mind. However, the whole idea of rent is something I don't like hence I want my own, well, our own place. Is it wrong to try and work towards this?

With this said, I am also looking into the ASX Stockmarket and thinking about giving it a shot. Its quite vast and there is a lot to learn but I am sure if I am willing I can both learn and make a lot money. Currently doing what I can learning and trying things out. Also, received a interesting proposal from Woolworths limited offering SPP - Share Purchase Plan. So, shares at a lower rate than the market price. How much lower? I am not sure, I am waiting for additional information. Although at this point it is sounding rather interesting after going through their business material and current performance reports.

My Goal: Get enough for at LEAST a deposit for my own, "our" own place next year.