Steve Young on Politics

Glamor, Guts and Gams: Why Mika Should Never Take a Vacation

Steve Young — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 19:20:10 +0000

This past week Morning Joe co-host Mika Emilie Leonia Brzezinski went on holiday leaving a bunch of young and old farts who spend most of the Starbucks-brewed MSNBC show chest-puffing their ardent notions. Her absence left me having to be content with commercial-break stills of a sinuous and stunning Mika balancing sensually on those unrelenting stems. Didn’t work.

I miss Mika’s passionate and astute input. I miss her engaging eye roll over a Scarborough observation he obviously feels to be so inadequate that he must repeat it incessantly until Donny “I Never Had An Opinion That Isn’t A Fact” Deutsch intrudes with his latest gem. I miss Mika’s vexed reaction to camera one whenever the boys go baseball machismo all over her; a glance so cutting that Jim from “The Office” could only dream to be able to execute said stare in response to Dwight’s latest stroke of foolishness.

I miss my own indignation when Joe rudely interrupts Mika’s comments that don’t support his own bias. But most of all I miss the only lascivious delight my wife allows me with another woman. When my wife and I made that “if we were allowed to, you know, with a person other than each other” deal, I misunderstood the deal’s parameters and went immediately with watching Mika every morning on “Morning Joe.” My wife, understanding the scenario perfectly, went with a Willie Geist weekend in the Hamptons. Even with not altogether appreciating the guidelines, I feel that I came out on top on that one.

Sure, Mika will be back but the week has been insufferable. Even the tranquil and intolerably young Sam Stein of the Huffington Post failed to satiate my intellectual or carnal desires. (I’m straight, but c’mon, Sam is adorable). I almost considered reaching for the remote to see if ESPN was finally finished with their drooling coverage of non-story New York Jets (AKA Shirtless Tim Tebow) training camp. I said almost.

You see, Mika is far more to me than a pulse-quickening revelation meant to quench an innate liberal appetite. She has become my indignation gauge on a so-called left-wing network program dictatorially piloted by a former Republican congressman. Sure there are as many Democrats as there are Republicans who populate a mostly male-laden table of bombastic egos. But Mika is an absolute who remains the center of common decency in the middle of the politically nuclear destruction of communication and debate. And without her this week I felt as if I too would be sucked into that hopeless abyss that the last twenty years of political chat idiocy has wrought.

So, hurry back Mika. We miss you.

And bring your legs.

Steve

Steve In Ink: The Sorry State of Apologies (Phila Inquirer 5/26/11)

Steve Young — Thu, 26 May 2011 12:50:59 +0000

May 26, 2011 (Disclaimer: For nearly one month I ran against Arnold
Schwarzenegger in his first gubernatorial race. Admittedly I had very
little chance of winning. Number one, my entire campaign was based on
taking the California’s budget deficit and transferring it into Beverly
Hills. Number two, I was never able to get my housekeeper pregnant…and I
was married to her.)

From the moment he announced his decision to run on The Tonight Show,
Arnold was able to fend off the claims of womanizing, groping,
Kindergarten Cop and other embarrassing behavior for eight years and two
successful elections. Now, the revelation of an out of wedlock child has
set up what will surely become another in a long line of high-profile
apology tours - Edwards, Ensign, Clinton, Woods, Vitter, Sanford, Gibson,
Spitzer, Gingrich, et al.

These infamous mea culpas are usually embedded with excuses for mistakes,
weaknesses of mind, body and soul or youthful indiscretions; some replete
with tearful requests for forgiveness. Of course, the apologies rarely
come more than a second before the source-reported TMZ headline. In the
case of the ever-randy, now former International Monetary Fund head,
Dominique Strauss-Kahn, his apology is still being readied for when his
handlers remind him that admitting guilt might just improve his
opportunity to win a presidential election. Afterall, he is French.

Apologies typically are meant to lay the groundwork for the next run for
the gold. Newt Gingrich wants to be our next president. Arnold has his
Terminator movies and the Governator, a Saturday morning kiddy cartoon
which now may be better placed in the hands of the South Park writers.
Tiger Woods would like to shoot par. Mel Gibson wants to have at least
one Jew attend The Beaver.

There are those who continue to try and sell themselves as wronged or at
best, flawed, but really, really sorry. The “sorry” is simply a result of
getting caught but there is no real understanding nor redemption that
results from a request for forgiveness or an excuse for adultery fueled
by patriotic fervor (thank you, Newt).

Confession may be good for the soul but for real personal transformation
there needs to be actual change. Unfortunately for these scoundrelistas,
their mortified families and society as a whole, sorry + time alone
doesn’t equal change and leaving it up to a public relations department’s
re-imaging provides only paper thin camouflage wrapped around the same
mindset that is ready to pounce on another self-gratification opportunity
the moment it thinks no one is looking.

They might dry out at Bette Ford or offer free kick-to-the-groin lessons
for housekeepers, but learning from failure does not come out of a
singular act of kindness or passively sitting through a two week stint in
rehab. It has to be combined with resolve - taking real and affirmative
action - not to erase the wrong, but to replace it with a much larger
good.
It doesn’t mean that Mel Gibson needs to convert complete with an
unanesthetized circumcision or that Milton Street needs to discover a
process for turning tax evasion into a cancer cure, though both would be
a step in the right direction.

What it takes is true acceptance of the wrong and discontinuation of the
behavior; not a momentary, “how do I get out of this hole I’ve dug
without actually having to get rid of the hole?” Without going Alcoholics
Anonymous all over you, we’re talking about conceding you hit bottom and
for some that bottom can be pretty darn low (see: C. Sheen). The problem
for most narcissists is that the very first step in AA recovery is to
admit that you are powerless. Sadly for these megalomaniacs, it was the
sense of power that made the world their personal amusement park.
Powerlessness is what they fear the most. Imagine being over sixty,
without power (or money) and expecting a twenty-two year old temptress to
want to play naked beach blanket bingo with you. The realization can be
devastating, especially when you’ve spent most of your life being told
how you’re the best thing since sliced bread; the hot, diamond-encrusted
variety.

But whether or not you are ready to come to grips with what kind of lout
you are, you can still have society grit their teeth and accept you back
into their fold. It takes being of service; like working with those with
similar problems, helping the victims or becoming a bona fide role model
for those who are still impressed with you and your position. Throwing
money at the problem is not enough. You have to actually put some sweat
into it. Sometimes the results of your labors may even open your own eyes
to the rewards of having fundamental decency, i.e. being a mench.

For example, former PA State Senator and now federal prisoner, Vince
Fumo, might want to consider writing a book on ALL the ways legislators
(no names required; we’re looking for salvation, not rats) are able to
funnel taxpayer money to political operatives. It might include a chapter
or two on suggestions as to how those in influential positions, as he
once was, can put a clamp on it ever happening again. Fumo spent a
lifetime acquiring expertise. How he now chooses to use the knowledge
might not precisely balance the books but it can alter how he is viewed
for the rest of his life.

It’s like Einstein said. Within every problem is an opportunity. Just
make sure it’s not the kind of opportunity that’s only possible when your
wife’s out of town.

Trump Takes Credit For Bin Laden Death

Steve Young — Mon, 02 May 2011 15:31:46 +0000

“I’ve never been more proud of myself.”

On what he declared was the “greatest triumph” of his Presidential exploration campaign, Donald Trump declared that his efforts were vital to the killing of Osama Bin Laden.

“Today I am even more proud of myself than I was last week,” said a beaming Trump in front of his red and black helicopter emblazoned with the word, TRUMP, he had landed in Times Square during last night’s celebrations injuring at least ten revelers. “It is unambiguously clear that my push to have President Obama reveal what he claims to be his official birth certificate freed our country to return to the important business of catching up with Bin Laden. In no way am I disavowing the significant role our courageous military played in the successful operation. I just think the record needs to show that without my commitment to finding the truth, we may have never given our brave men the opportunity to do their job.”

Trump gave additional credit to what he called “a considerable team of investigators” that he had enlisted to scour the Pakistan landscape to find out what President Obama was not doing to capture the terrorist leader behind the 9-11 attacks.

“You will be shocked at what my investigators have uncovered,” said Trump with the name TRUMP, emblazoned across the side of his hair. “It’s no secret that everyone, including the President, knew what Bin Laden looked like,” said Trump holding up a picture of Bin Laden. “Yet we still don’t know what Obama’s college transcripts look like. What else is this guy hiding?”

Trump maintained there are still plenty of questions that need to be answered.

“Why did we get rid of the body before I got to see it? Why didn’t we bring back Osama’s body back to the United State for a trial? How do we know it was really Bin Laden? And even if it was Bin Laden, why did we give him a proper Muslim burial, which begs the question: How did our president even know what a proper Muslim burial was if he, in fact, is not Muslim?”

Trump, took no questions, but announced that “Celebrity Apprentice” will be renewed for next season even if he runs for President.

“I do it for the troops.”

Contradiction 2012

Steve Young — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 10:51:52 +0000

“The place is so crowded, no one goes there any more.” Yogi Berra

And so the 2012 Republican paradox some call a presidential primary race begins in earnest… facetiously.

From Newt blaming his infidelity on overzealous patriotism — piggy-backed by Santorum’s marijuana-use admission to defend Gingrich — to Huckabee’s stumbling, bumbling defense of his Obama-birther remarks, to Palin’s tweeting battles with Kathy Griffin, the GOP Bad Boys and Girls of Comedy Tour is heading to a caucus near you.

With the 2012 presidential race still far in the distance, hypocrisy, ambiguity and double standards are rolling toward Iowa and New Hampshire, the epicenters of some of the wildest fluctuations on the political coherence meter. Yes, gentle lady and gentleman voters, it’s once again time to run against who you used to be.

Mitt Romney

“I sustain and support (Rove vs Wade), and the right of a woman to make that choice, and my personal beliefs, like the personal beliefs of other people, should not be brought into a political campaign. I respect and will fully protect a woman’s right to choose.” Mitt Romney, 1994, running for senate in liberal Massachusetts

“I respect and will fully protect a woman’s right to choose.” Mitt Romney, 2002 Massachusetts gubernatorial acceptance speech

“On abortion, I was wrong.” Mitt Romney, 2007 GOP Presidential debate

This year’s John Kerry, capable of being on every side of every issue, presidential-model template, Mitt Romney, has the look, demeanor and hair of the perfect candidate. He could win this thing…if only he weren’t a Democrat. Besides previous admonitions to protect women and gay rights, his health-care legislation while governor of Massachusetts has Obamacare written all over it and you won’t find a right wing talk show host within ear shot of the Heritage Foundation who would endorse that socialist ideology or candidate.

Newt Gingrich

“The Democratic Party has been the active instrument of breaking down traditional marriage.” Newt Gingrich, Christianity Today 4/2009

Needing only two more marriages to field a wife-only basketball team, ethics-challenged former House Speaker Newt Gingrich will have to deal with his biggest opponent, the former Newt Gingrich. His legendary shut down of America, his compassionate bedside manner (”The bad news is, you have cancer, Mrs Gingrich. The good news is, you won’t have to be married to me anymore.”) and his crusade to impeach rapscallion Bill Clinton while carrying on his own peccadillo makes for more Late Night comic stand up material than Christian conservative credentials.

Rick Santorum

“I smoked pot when I was in college.” Rich Santorum, 3/11, National Review, defending Gingrich’s chronic infidelity (including while he was chastising Clinton’s infidelity during the impeachment years) as no impediment to wax morality from his soapbox.

Poor Rick. Just when he has worked so diligently to establish himself as the Christian conservative darling he felt it necessary to flaunt his past drug experiences. That would be bad enough, but then he felt it necessary to expose his don’t Bogart that joint history to justify Gingrich’s promiscuous glass house value judgments of others. Better that he just stuck with his equation of gays to animals.

Sarah Palin

“…what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up the economy ” Sarah Plain, CBS News (2008)

“(The bailout is) becoming a slush fund for the Treasury Department’s favorite big players, just as we had been warned about.” Sarah Palin at Tea Party convention (Feb, 2010)

Needing to campaign next to congresswoman and potential presidential candidate Michele Bachmann to appear by comparison the sane candidate, it seems that Palin was for the bailout before she was against it. But perhaps her greatest obstacle will be her inability to finish what she starts. Never will there be more scrutiny of a vice-presidential candidate than there would be of a Palin running mate as voters take odds on how long a term Palin would choose to serve. Question is, will voters accept Sean Hannity taking over mid-term? Aware she would need to take a deep pay cut to hold the presidency, the former Alaska ½ governor may only choose to run to increase book sales, TV ratings for her next Fox News show and attendance at her steel cage Twitter match with comedienne Kathy Griffin.

Mike Huckabee

“[Obama's] perspective…growing up in Kenya with a Kenyan father and grandfather, their view of the Mau Mau Revolution in Kenya is very different than ours because he probably grew up hearing that the British were a bunch of imperialists who persecuted his grandfather.” Mike Huckabee, Radio Interview, February, 2011.

Huckabee now claims he meant Indonesia. Perhaps he meant amnesia as not only was Obama not raised in Kenya but he was neither raised by his father or grandfather. Huckabee’s Obama born/raised in Kenya giving Obama an un-American point of view stylings may endear him to the birthers who still feel the illegal alien infiltration by our 44th president makes rich grounds for impeachment. Unfortunately they also give Huckabee all the credence of a viral right-wing email. If he keeps playing to the wingnut extremists, the only place Huckabee will be listed as a serious candidate will be on Glenn Beck’s conspiracy corner blackboard.

Michele Bachmann

Yup. That Michele Bachmann.

There’s more, but with all the tough decisions President Obama has had to make the most difficult may end up being deciding which Republican candidate he’d most be dying to run against most.

GLENN BECK ANNOUNCES JANUARY 15TH “DAY OF SERVICE”

Steve Young — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:33:07 +0000

Yesterday, Glenn Beck announced his plans for a Day of Service rally to be held in Atlanta, Georgia on Saturday, January 15th.

I think it is time that every American recommit to the ideals of the founding fathers with white people from all walks of life getting together to solve the nation’s most pressing problems, said a tearful Beck on his Fox News show. This is not a political event, nor is it day meant to pay homage to my humble, though clearly noble, achievements.

Told that his day falls on Martin Luther Kings birthday and days before the federal holiday set aside to honor King, Beck said he was unaware of the “mere coincidence.

In no way was this meant to coincide with the supposed King holiday, said a lip-quivering Beck. God gives us just so many days through the year and if those honorable people choose to hold their day the same day of myDay of Service, that is their right. But if the mainstream media was honest, they would tell you that if the Founding Fathers were in charge today, King’s day would have been only considered 3/5th of a holiday. My day is meant to be a full 24 hours. Of course the socialist left will twist my words and try to make what I said racist.

Beck’s Atlanta location for his day is also the birthplace of King.

“I guess now I’m to blame for where a person gets born,” said Beck. “Next thing I’ll be the reason Obama was born in Kenya.”

Among the planned activities, Beck’s DOS volunteers will be visiting elderly billionaires, delivering food to homeless Wall Street brokers and giving away free snake oil to Beck followers who make under $40,000 a year and still believe anything he says is in their best interest.

All expenses for the day will be provided by Goldline, said Beck haltingly.Remember, you can’t spell gold without God.

Oh (My) God (2010). Starring Glenn Beck

Steve Young — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 13:21:10 +0000

“You give these answers to Reverend Big Mouth and you tell him that God says he’s a phony…Personally tell him to shut up.” God (George Burns) telling Jerry (John Denver) what to say to a particular evangelical preacher (Oh, God, 1977)

“I have a big fat mouth sometimes and I say things.” Glenn Beck (Fox News Sunday)

Screenwriter legend, Larry Gelbart, taught me that in the hands of a good comedy writer what is acceptable as gospel to so many can be hysterical satire to many more. Today I can only believe that he’s in heaven running lines with George Burns on how God would admonish Glenn Beck.

Oh (My) God (2010)

Backstage at his Restoring Honor rally, Glenn Beck wipes his brow, accepting congratulations from admirers, some of whom were related to those who had actually read about Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech 47 years before.

Humming “The Battle Hymn of the Republic,” Beck retreats to the nearby bathroom to relieve himself. As he washes his hands a black bathroom attendant hands him a towel.

Attendant: Mr. Beck, that was quite uplifting.

Beck: Pshaw. Only God Himself can be uplifting. I am not God. I am only the humble human being God has chosen to speak for him.

Beck pulls out a $25 Goldline coin.

Beck: Do you have change for a hundred?

Attendant: It’s a $25 coin.

Beck: Yes, but I bought it for $75 and there’s a possibility with the volatile world economic situation, gold could be your best investment.

Attendant: That’s alright. I’m here to serve and I ask nothing in return other than your eternal gratitude.

Beck: Deal. Hey, you’re black, right?

Attendant: I am as you see me.

Beck: Whatever. Would you mind coming out to the dais and standing behind me? As pale as I am I tend to blend into the white steps of the memorial. It makes it harder for my followers to see me. I could use as much color as possible behind me

Attendant: Would you mind if I ask you a question first?

Beck: Go ahead.

Attendant: How do you know that it was God who has spoken to you?

Beck: Who do you think got those geese to come to my rally and do a fly over?

Attendant: My son. Those geese didn’t come to your rally. They were leaving it.

Beck: And exactly how do you know that?

Attendant: Do you know why you never see geese grazing on dairy farm land?

Beck: Why?

Attendant: They’re allergic to bull shit.

Beck: And why is that?

Attendant: I made them that way.

Beck: What do you mean, “you made them that way”?

Attendant: Did you ever see “Bruce Almighty”?

Beck: You’re saying you’re Jim Carey?

Attendant: Guess again.

Beck: Wait a minute. You’re not telling me you’re God?

Attendant: That is for you to decide.

Beck: Yeah, right. And I guess you can prove it?

Attendant: You mean you want to see some kind of parlor trick?

Beck: You just want me to take your word?

Attendant: You seem to be okay with others taking your word. Are you more trustworthy than God?

Beck: I don’t have to be. I’m on Fox.

Attendant: Okay. How’s this?

The attendant reaches into Beck’s ear and pulls out a nickel.

Beck: Big deal. My uncle can do that with a quarter.

Attendant: Can your uncle do this?

The attendant reaches into the back of Beck’s pants.

Beck: Hey!!!

With a mighty yank, the attendant pulls out a large chalkboard, much to the discomfort of Beck,

Beck: Are you crazy!?

Attendant: You pull conspiracies out of your butt. I figure I’d check what else is up there.

Rubbing his rear, it begins to hit Beck that this guy isn’t your typical bathroom attendant.

Attendant: You want me to see what else you’ve got up there?

Beck: No, no, no. I believe you. I guess you could be God. I just expected you to look a little more like Charleston Heston or maybe, Roger Ailes; something white and Republican.

God: I am what I am and that is what I am.

Beck: Wow. You actually came to my rally. Just like I said. Hey. I hope I’m not over–reaching here, but do you think the next time I make myself cry you can make my tears look like blood? Let Olbermann try to make a joke out of that.

God: The bleeding eyes thing is really more of a Robert Rodriguez stunt. If you want, I kill the first born of every speaker here today who has lied? That’ll get their attention.

Beck: Um. I don’t think that’s really what I’m looking for. By the way, did I mention that I didn’t actually hold George Washington’s speech?

God: I know.

Beck: Hey. What about you just coming out and saying something. Maybe give us your blessing.

God: Should I tell them that when you found yourself $600,000 short for the rally you prayed to Me for the money and “Within two days, without telling anyone about it, $600,000 came in””

Beck: Actually, that would be perfect.

God: I don’t send money because people pray for it. I’m God, not Powerball. Why don’t you just tell them what I tell you. You seem to be very good at that.

Beck: Great. Let me get a pen.

God. Don’t bother. I’ll just use the blackboard.

A picture of President Obama appears on the blackboard. A line from Obama materializes slowly connecting to a picture of Jeremiah Wright which connects to a picture of slaves hanging a white slave owner.

God: First of all, that thing about Obama being a racist who has a deep seated hatred for white people…

Beck: I might have been stretching a bit there.

God: You also said that the President’s religious belief is a perversion of the gospel of Jesus Christ as most Christians know it. You saying that, in itself, is a perversion of my Son’s gospel.

Beck: I got this big mouth…

God: You don’t promote religion by demeaning another’s beliefs. That would be the very opposite of what you said to those 87,000 people.

Beck: Michelle Bachman said there were over a million.

God: I created Michelle for comic relief, not calculating attendance.

Another line on the blackboard appears from Obama and connects with a picture of Hitler.

God: Then you compared Obama to Hitler.

Beck: Gotcha there. I never said he was Hitler. I just said that he was just doing the same things Hitler did.

A Fox News logo appears on the board. A line from the logo connects to a picture of a Jew in a concentration camp.

God: Then you compared Obama’s treatment of Fox News to Jews being sent to concentration camps.

Beck: Well, that one is on the money. You more than anyone should know that Obama has got to dream about exterminating Fox News.

God: What is in one’s dreams is their business. Using religion to attack another, is no more holy than killing 3,000 innocent people in the name of Me.

Intermission.

Steve Young is the author of “Great Failures of the Extremely Successful” (greatfailure.com) and blogs at the appropriately properly name SteveYoungonpolitics.com

The Evidence is in. Glenn Beck and Michael Scott are the Same Person

Steve Young — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 13:54:53 +0000

I was listening to Glenn Beck pontificate on his radio show about how what happened in the Third Reich is what is happening in America today and that he was surprised the Jews would not be sensitive to this. Being a Jew I wondered too, but not about the myriad of SS in the Obama administration but how this born-again Mormon knew so much about what I should be sensitive to.

Beck spoke about his ignorance of academia, being that he is self taught, but asked his listeners, “What if I am right?’ Of course he whispered it which makes what he says so cool because then you know he sincerely means it. It was also at that moment that it all made sense. Glenn Beck is Michael Scott.

Michael Scott is a character in The Office, my favorite sitcom…other than the ones I was paid to write. Glenn Beck is a character on radio and Fox News. I now come to believe that they are, in fact, the same character.

It’s really not so much of a leap. Both are stars on their own hit shows. Both are wont to tear up to make an impression. Both have been known to use a blackboard to rationalize a tortured point. Both have an incredibly conflicted view of who they are, beginning particular lines of reasoning with an aw shucks, I don’t know nothin’, before giving themselves a standing ovation for grasping the incomprehensible. Like their intimate understanding of how God works.

“Is there a God…? Then what are all these churches for?
Michael Scott

“God is giving a plan, I think, to me…that is not a plan.”
Glenn Beck explaining God’s submission of a plan that is not a plan

While neither is black they both have found Martin Luther King affects their lives in significant ways.

“…it was divine providence.”
Glenn Beck on why he selected the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech as the day of his 8/28 rally at the Lincoln Memorial.

“I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.”
Michael Scott on MLK Day

They both know ultimate pain

Michael Scott: Can I ask you all a question? Do you know what it’s like to be disabled?
Phyllis: I had scoliosis as a girl
Michael Scott: Never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman’s trouble.
Creed: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron-lung.
Michael Scott: Wha? How…how old are you? The point is: I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability. Although I am sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.
Stanley: I’m not disabled and neither are you.
Michael discussing his mind set after stepping on his George Foremen grill

“By Saturday night if they had come into my room with a handgun and said, ‘OK, we can give you some more medication or take this gun and blow your head off’ … I would have honestly taken the handgun at that point and ended it.”
Glenn Beck reporting to viewers his mind-set after his hemorrhoid operation

They both know how to relate to others’ pain.

“When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I’m just like, ‘Oh shut up’ I’m so sick of them because they’re always complaining.” -”The Glenn Beck Program,” Sept. 9, 2005

“I’m not a bad guy, I am a good guy, who just, hits women with his car.”
Michael Scott after hitting his employee with his car.

Both Scott and Beck have a clear understanding of what it takes to breed racial harmony.

“You cannot take the hilarious black guy from the office; Stanley is part of what makes this branch so extraordinary. The boozy wisdom, the sassy remarks, the crossword puzzles, the smile, those big watery red eyes. I don’t know how George Bush did it when Colin Powell left.” Michael Scott fearing he would lose the one black in his office.

“Obama has exposed himself as a person with a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture…(Obama) has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist.” Beck explaining President Obama’s racism.

Then again the Scott-Beck parallel can sustain itself purely on the double-over hilarity that emanates from sense of self.

“Darryl thinks he’s such a man because he works in a warehouse. Well big deal! I worked in a warehouse, Men’s Wearhouse. I was a greeter. I’d like to see Darryl greet people, probably make them feel like wimps. Not me. I - “Hello. I’m Michael. Welcome to Men’s Wearhouse. We have a special on khaki pants today.” It’s just one example.” Michael Scott “The Office: Gay Witch Hunt (2006)

“You know, we all have our inner demons. I, for one - I can’t speak for you, but I’m on the verge of moral collapse at any time. It can happen by the end of the show.”
Glenn Beck Nov. 6, 2006

And the coup d’etat…Scott has Dwight and Andy sucking up. Beck has Pat and Stu.

So my question is not how Glenn Beck would know what I as a Jew would wonder, but why I would ever wonder why Glenn Beck doesn’t know everything, including how to bring the dead back to life

And that, my friends, is what she said.

Steele Summoned to Limbaugh Extremely-White House

Steve Young — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 01:51:47 +0000

Republican Party Chairman, Michael Steele was being “ordered to appear” at Rush Limbaugh’s EIB (Excellence In Broadcasting) Florida compound to explain his comments made at a Connecticut fundraiser Thursday where he told a Republican gathering who were expecting someone of consequence. “You don’t do is engage in a land war in Afghanistan,” said Steele, “because everyone who’s tried over a thousand years of history has failed.”

“I certainly didn’t mind him calling Afghanistan, ‘a war of Obama’s choosing,’” said Titular Head of the Remains of the Republican Party, Limbaugh. “That shows that he has what it takes to be a damn good talk show host. But to say that any war America is engaged in can’t be won by us, is just against every piece of bullshit I’ve tried to sell my listeners for over 20 years.”

Steele was also quoted as saying, “This is not something the United States has actively prosecuted or wanted to engage in.”

Friday, Steele spent the day apologizing for his comments.

“What I meant to say was exactly whatever would have pleased Rush,” explained Steele. “I hope Emperor Limbaugh understands that I would never say anything that would have disappointed him. The video being passed around by the progressive, anti-American press, is much more Goebbels than Fox News. Anyone who knows me or someone like me knows that the liberal media edited out my thoughts and only left in my actual words. Is there any question that MediaMatters and Acorn had their anti-troops hands in this?”

This isn’t the first time Steele has had a run in with the harmless loveable little fuzzball and all around good/nice guy, Limbaugh. In an earlier interview, a Steele aide called his first meeting with Limbaugh “a 10-minute photo op.” “Limbaugh clearly didn’t know anything about Steele, who he was. He actually thought he was former Eagles quarterback, Donovan McNabb. Here’s the guy who’s going to run Limbaugh’s [expletive] party, but he didn’t seem very engaged. El Rushbo was pretty disappointed.”

Word is that Steele will be replaced by either actor and former wrestler, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson or, as those close to Limbaugh say, “someone else who appears to be black-like.”

Glenn Beck Takes Dim-witted Reasoning to Historic Level: Compares BP oil spill to a house fire

Steve Young — Sat, 29 May 2010 12:02:56 +0000

Offering his audience unambiguous evidence that his logic disconnects from even the most convoluted reasoning, Friday morning on his radio show, Glenn Beck likened the BP oil spill to a house fire.

“If a house burnt down, would we stop building houses?”

Sure we would, Glenn…

If the blaze raged on for over a month.

if the burning house caused the worst environmental disaster in history and there were no firemen who had any idea how to put it out.

if 70 miles of coastline had been contaminated by the house fire.

if millions of gallons of oil spilled out of the house.

if the inferno was ten times worse than Katrina.

if the flames from the house destroyed tens of thousands of fish, birds and nutria, annihilating a region’s marine food chain and perhaps affecting wildlife for as long as a century.

if the fire put thousands of people whose livelihood was based on shoreline revenues on to the unemployment roles.

if the people who were in charge of putting out the fire caused the fire.

Don’t you see how well Glenn’s analogy works?

No? Well perhaps his climb all over President Obama’s calling to suspend deep sea drilling will change your mind.

After playing a tape of President Obama saying that drilling in waters would be suspended, Beck seamlessly expanded that into intimating the President was speaking about ALL oil drilling, reminding his listeners that Rockefeller had drilled for oil. Yes, I know John D never drilled a mile down into an ocean, but that didn’t matter as the essence of Glenn’s argument was not the relationship of drilling to wealthy oilmen as it was of his overwhelming success of pitching nonsensical crap to a massive audience that eats it up in shovel fulls. To not suspend under water oil drilling until you find the cause as well as a manner of plugging up the spill should it happen again would be criminally negligent. Only a madman or an egregiously callous snake-oil pitchman would even consider it an legitimate argument.

Even if Glenn were to defend his embarrassingly inept rant as his unique brand of hilarity, sarcasm to make a point is not humor if the basis of your joke is hysterically flawed. An “airplane food” joke would never work if all airlines fed every passenger from the first class kitchen. But this was no joke. This was purely a heartless disregard for those affected by the spill. A house fire is not anywhere near the level of an economic and environmental disaster. Will he next equate an ingrown toenail to the Holocaust? Stay tuned.

Equating the oil spill to the dropping of a glass of wine on a rug, one of his radio playmates chided. “Accidents happen,”

Unfortunately, Glenn Beck is an accident that has already burned out of control.

Rand Paul Suggests Law of Gravity Be Left to States

Steve Young — Wed, 26 May 2010 17:39:56 +0000

In a recent interview with Rachel Maddow of MSNBC, Senatorial candidate Rand Paul (R, Ky) expressed controversial views concerning a number of issues thought to be a matter of settled law. While his statements concerning civil rights received the most attention, his position on a heretofore unchallenged law seems to have escaped media analysis…the law of gravity

“I’m not in favor of discrimination in any form. I would never belong to any private club that denied gravity for any race of people,” Paul said. “But we still have plenty of American space rockets where gravity does not exist. Are we to tell our country’s hard working astronauts that they are no longer allowed to spend time in areas that might discriminate against gravity.”

Paul told Maddow that he agrees with most parts of the law of gravity but takes exception with a particular clause that makes it unacceptable for those who chose to do so, to float away. Paul explained that, had he been in office when the first apple fell from a tree, he would have tried to stop every massive particle in the universe from attracting every other massive particle with a force which is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them.

“If non-Americans like Galileo and Newton choose to subscribe to so-called gravity, that is their choice,” said Paul. “Just as it is any other person’s choice to not have electro-magnetic forces and matter coalesce.”

Paul’s postulation is not without backers. His supporters - scientists, conservative think tanks such as the Let Air Alone Institute, and companies such as ExxonMobil - have challenged gravity adherents and disagree with scientific consensus. They believe that the science of things falling down when dropped is uncertain, and while there are some objects that may be affected by “so-called gravity,” there is enough scientific as well as historical evidence to question the law.

Conservative talk show host and chalk board advocate, Glenn Beck, says that gravity as a law stifles the rights our founding fathers fought and died for.

“While not inscribed in the Constitution,” Beck points out, “Anyone who has studied Thomas Jefferson’s papers knows that he wrote to Ben Franklin that ‘Man has been created in the image of God, and God himself stays above the clouds without the aid of mechanism or trickery. Similarly, flying or hovering above the ground should not be forbidden to any person…excepting women and non-protestants .’”

While Paul believes in the right of gravity, he doesn’t think the federal government should be imposing it on local jurisdictions.

“At the least, gravity should be a matter of state’s rights,” said Paul. “But I think what’s important in this debate is not getting into any specific ‘Gotcha’ on this, but asking the question ‘What about the freedom to float?’ Tell me you haven’t ever dreamt that you were able to fly, even it’s only three feet above the ground. This is a slippery slope. What’s next? Outlawing our dreams? We don’t limit racists from dreaming. And while I don’t want to be associated with those people, I also don’t want to limit their dreams in any way. We tolerate boorish and uncivilized behavior because that’s one of the things that freedom requires: allowing people to be boorish, ignorant, bigoted, and uncivilized, and to talk for hours about things they know nothing about. But that doesn’t mean we approve of it.”

While not all Republican leaders are ready to support Paul’s gravitational statements, saying they have not yet had an opportunity to fully study Paul’s position on gravity and weigh its merits, others like Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), a Paul-booster, are fully on board..

“Today it’s gravity,” said DeMint. “Tomorrow they’ll be stuffing abolitionism down our throats.”