Steve's Bar & Grille

Led Zeppelin Trial

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Thu, 16 Jun 2016 19:45:00 +0000

I told you I would see you in two years!

So I saw this headline...

Allow me, friends. Here is what you NEED to know about this...

Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Still nothing

You're welcome!

Bob's Burgers

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 06:53:00 +0000

Two years! Man, I need to fire someone around here.

Recently, I was in a Netflix-induced haze, and decided to try something different. After all, there is only so many hours in the day, and actually doing something productive is absolutely out of the question. So after trying 13 minutes of Warehouse 13, I went for Bob's Burgers. This show is actually entertaining!

Bob runs a burger joint with his wife and three kids. Child labor laws aside, Bob has hard time getting customers, and shenanigans ensue. Here is the character rundown...

Bob. See above.
Linda is Bob's wife and is a good-natured weirdo.
Tina is the eldest child, and is obsessed with boys, but is super-awkward.
Gene is the only boy, and between him and Chris Griffin, they might have an IQ of 60.
Louise is the youngest, most devious, and is voiced by Kristen Schaal. Funniest character on the show.

Anyways, watch it if you have already tried watching horrible shows. This one will surprise you.

See you in 2016, suckers!!!

Comic Book Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Thu, 03 May 2012 01:24:00 +0000

HELL YES

Hello internet. Just a couple days away from the domestic premier of The Avengers. I am extremely excited for this one. On my iTouch, I have The Incredible Hulk, Captain America, and Thor on my video playlist. Iron Man is coming.

This movie seems to be getting very positive reviews from critics, as well as fans overseas. I am ready for the midnight showing, and so is my understanding wife.

In general, comic movies are my favorite, because I am a complete nerd. At my age, I am completely fine with that. So let's do a quick rundown of our friends from Marvel's premier super team.

Captain America: If you haven't been reading Brubaker's Cap over in the comics, cast shame upon your house and slice off a pinky or something. That book is consistently amazing. As a character, Cap is kind of the boy scout, with a Superman-esque attitude and idealism. In the Captain America movie, Chris Evans did an excellent job playing ~~Johnny Storm~~ Steve Rogers. Granted, I was a little hesitant knowing that the part of cap went to Johnny Storm. That said, I feel like the movie was phenomenal. Fun stuff!

The Hulk: After two movies, the Ang Lee disaster and the recent one featuring Edward Norton, we have had what most people would call dismal to mediocre exposure to the Hulk on the big screen. Personally, I felt that Ang Lee's Hulk was good in parts, but just didn't cut the mustard. The recent Hulk movie I enjoyed very much. To each their own. I have read that Hulk steals every scene he is in. HULK SMASH.

Thor: Excellence. The movie was excellent. Kat Dennings aside, Thor was just one of the most enjoyable comic films I have ever seen.

Yes, there is a higher power.

Iron Man: I can't picture anyone else as Tony Stark. Robert Downey Jr. is simply amazing in the role. Iron Man 2 may have had a goofy-ass Mickey Rourke in it, but Downey is a genius, with probably the best verbal delivery this side of Ric Flair. Huh?!?!

Hawkeye: Our exposure to him was the cameo in Thor. I hope he blows some shit up with some explosive arrows.

Insanely hot Scarlett Johannson is Black Widow. Personally I could watch 2 hours of Scarlett taking a nap and feel like I got my money's worth. Rawr.

Nick Fury: Samuel Jackson finally gets more than one scene! I hope there are no snakes on any planes.

I hope this movie does ridiculously well at the box office and is critically acclaimed. It just helps the genre. Go see it multiple times. I know I will.

Next blog: what drives me nuts about comic book movies. Where there is good, there is also bad. Very bad.

The Human Centipede

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 00:08:00 +0000

All right, let's get something straight. Some movies should not be made, which is to say that some movies should not be watched. I mean, if you don't make it, you can't watch it, right?

The Human Centipede is brought to us by people who hate. Pretty simple, really, they are pure evil. The kind of evil that is brought to you by old ladies at the grocery store who start fishing for their checkbook AFTER the cashier has scanned 200 dollars worth of Werther's, Depends, and hard candy (to be stored for a minimum of 15 years prior to being put into a dish).

Ashley C. Williams, rawr.

This movie features the creepiest guy on the planet playing an evil doctor who wants to sew three people together...centipede-style. This means that there is a front, middle, and end. The middle and end have the distinct joy of being sewn to the BUTTHOLE of the person they are behind.

Sounding like a great idea? It really isn't.

The good: the evil Doctor was a bit over the top in his acting, but as far as creepy looks go, he wins. He was like a tall, frail Hitler. Also good was Ashley C. Williams as "Lindsey". I might be a touch biased because she was hot.

The bad: all the Japanese screaming. Our friend at the front of the human centipede was a Japanese male who screamed so much, it made me not want to watch Ninja Warrior ever again. Also bad was the character of Jenny. Within her first few minutes of screen time, I was begging her to be put in a sleeping bag and smashed against a tree, Jason Voorhees-style. The rest of the bad was the rest of the movie.

Save yourself. If you don't have a strong stomach, you will dislike this movie. I do not have a strong stomach, and this movie is my new weight loss technique. If you do have a strong stomach, and like creepy thrillers, I would rate this fairly high, to be honest.

I am going to watch Teletubbies to try and see what kind of shock I can provide to my system.

Book 'em

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Awesome.

There is a new Five-0, I know. This is Five-O. See the difference? The new show, whose second season debuts on Monday night, has a zero, while the old show has a capital "O". Normally that should be all I need to say, but I'll go on.

Thanks to some recent medical issues, I've been laid up (day 70 with a broken back). When I saw that the original Hawaii Five-O series was available on Netflix Instant Queue, I wanted to jump up and down! Instead, I opted to move my neck a little bit, and say "Huh, cool!"

My brother Todd and I would watch the original Five-O all the time back in the day. This show, while not near as fast-paced as the new Five-0, holds up very well with great writing, and a non-cheese approach to the show. For example, there would be no Ponch and John type endings where everyone starts laughing at some poor fall guy in the final scene only to freeze frame on the hijinx. With Jack Lord's Five-O, it was no-nonsense, gritty police work.

If you haven't seen this, or it's been a long time, slap this sucker in your instant queue and enjoy.

Is Charlie Sheen crazy?

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 15:33:00 +0000

In a recent poll, the question was asked "Who is more crazy?"

I have the results.

Pol Pot: 7%
Adolph Hitler: 18%
Charles Manson: 19%
Charlie Sheen: 56%

He's WINNING again!!!!

TV

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 15:09:00 +0000

Whoever pioneered DVR technology is my hero. I love to watch TV, but do not have the time to regularly do so. So on a lazy weekend day, I can catch up on 7 episodes of The Office, or whatever. So what's on TV?

Hawaii Five-0. As a fan of the original series, I was extremely apprehensive. Anytime the Hollywood morons remake a show from the old days, it has a campy twist that makes me want to wash my eyes with hydrochloric acid. Five-0 is an excellent show. Some old timers have been harsh in their criticism, citing such huge character differences, etc. My only comment to that is why would you do a remake, and then make everything the same? Old McGarrett was the best cop of his time, and new McGarrett is a tad reckless and tackles people at least once per show. 5 out of 5 Hula girls.

The Mentalist. I came into this show at the beginning of season 2 (it's in its 3rd season now). My wife was constantly yapping about great it was blah blah blah. I watched a couple minutes of it and felt like seeing how many fingers I could cut off before I passed out. After giving it a chance, I can't miss any show. Great lead actor, supporting cast is superb, and the continuity is pretty tight. This show does well in the ratings, but should do better. 5 out of 5 serial killers.

Parks and Recreation. Another show that, when it first came on, I hated it. I really, really hated it. I liked the cast, but as an ensemble, it felt forced, and was like watching the Terminator's torso crawling after Sarah Connor. Not just a scene of robot crawling...it felt like 30 minutes of that. Mind-numbing, truly. Then all of a sudden, it started clicking. I laugh harder at this than I do 30 Rock. Best characters: Ron Swanson and Andy. Andy is so incredibly funny in this show. During season one, I wondered what Andy might look like after a meteor fell on him, but from season two forward, the character has been brilliant. Hats off. The addition of Rob Lowe had me scratching my head, but his character is a riot. Watch this show. Now. 5 out of 5 Rashida Jones' (because she is smokin' hot).

The Office. Always a solid show, but it has its slow moments. It also has its deathly uncomfortable moments. Steve Carell is leaving the show, and I am hoping the show can go on and still have some quality attached to it. 3 out of 5 stars.

How I Met Your Mother. I can't say enough about this show. Brilliance. I think the chemistry is the key. Some shows have it, some don't. Happy Days, Seinfeld, Friends...all had great chemistry. Other shows like, oh, I don't know, To Catch a Predator...not so much. Doogie Howser is excellent in this show, and the female characters more than hold their own. 5 out of 5.

Modern Family. Best sitcom on TV. More great chemistry from all involved. The kids are hilarious, all 3 "families" are great...I'd tell people to watch it, but they already are, probably. 7 out of 5!

The Big Bang Theory. Always solid, always funny. While I haven't, and won't, miss an episode, I sometimes feel like every episode is somewhat the same. Still, there's always 3 or 4 "LOL" moments. 4 out of 5 nerds.

Dexter. I saved the best for last. Not since The Sopranos have I been roped into a show that was so insanely addictive. The Sopranos were never even close to this addictive. I have a friend who kept harping on me to watch it. I kept thinking "no." Once I saw seasons 1 and 2 were on the instant queue for Netflix, my excuses started to run out. I watched the first three episodes in a row. This was last November. I am now caught up (through season 5). GREAT STUFF. 10 out of 5 blood slides.

Wrestling is Real!!!!111!! 1

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 15:00:00 +0000

Not sure what to say. Maybe I will say "WTF"?

Mailbag

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 19:41:00 +0000

Since the outbreak of bubonic plague here at the SBG offices, the mail has been stacking up. Let's get right to it.

Steve,

You are a (insert expletive here).

Please write in with something newsworthy next time. I KNOW.

What do you think of (Valentino) Rossi driving a Ducati?

I think Rossi could drive a moped and have a shot at winning.

Hey man, I haven't seen you on Huskermax, what gives?

It's pretty simple, really. Two of the moderators, Red Reign and Chitownhusker, are the biggest tool-bags you'll ever encounter. Max is a great guy, but his moderator choices are pretty bad. Moderators of a high-traffic board should not act like 12 year old schoolgirls, who get their feelings hurt if you question anything they do. Huskermedic isn't any better. He's a tech nerd with no people skills. I post on 4 other Husker boards, BigHuskerFan, Huskerpedia, Huskerfanclub, and Bigredboard (tee hee) and on the first three boards I mentioned, they all know how shitty the mods on HM are. Once Red Reign and Chitown stop wearing panties and sticking their heads up each others' asses, that place would be a lot better. I know of 7 total people who would join but won't. There are a ton of great posters on HM, though.

Do some more point, counterpoints!!

FINE, I will! :)

Hello? Is This Thing On?

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 15:40:00 +0000

I had 187 blogs last year. Unfortunately, there were some union problems, and I couldn't post them here until there was a resolution. Thanks for your patience.

Suh!

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 16:10:00 +0000

Ndamukong Suh is the AP player of the year! First time that award has gone to the defensive side of the ball.

100th Post!

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 16:59:00 +0000

Congrats to all the people who make the Steve's Bar & Grille blog happen. To celebrate the 100th post of this blog, I want to present to you all a photo that I think encapsulates the spirit of this institution.

Well, I'd be smiling, too.

Okie doke...it's the start of the college football season, thankfully, and the Nebraska Cornhuskers open up strong, slaughtering Florida Atlantic. Oklahoma lost in a big upset, beaten by that mormon mainstay BYU. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

What else...Iowa barely beats national powerhouse...*snicker* Northern Iowa.

I am going to stop typing now.

Iowa State Fair

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 01:02:00 +0000

Some dude took this pic and I swiped it off of the interweb.

All righty, it's August, it's humid, and it's time for food on a stick. Ladies and germs, I present to you the Iowa State Fair.

In the week or 10 days the fair is going on, well over a million people attend. they can see a life size cow made of butter, 4H exhibits, tons of animals/people from Des Moines' east side (same thing, really), and they can eat TONS of crap.

I personally like the pork tenderloins and any other pork product.

I will be at the fair this week, and plan on taking some pictures. If there are some high-larious ones, I will post them. Otherwise, chances are high I will wait another 73 years to update this blog. Probably not that long, but you know.

If you are ever in Iowa, and God help you if you are, go to the Iowa State Fair. It actually can be a good time. However, on the day I decide to go, the heat is like Satan's breath, with humidity so thick it's like diving into a pool full of melting vaseline.

Yay!!

Whew!

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:04:00 +0000

Well, I know it won't get a lot press, but I was the third prisoner released from North Korea. That's why there hasn't been any updates. Thank God for Bill Clinton. As I was boarding the plane, the two asian gals were greeting the former President, and I was excited to shake the hand that cigar'd Lewinski! Unfortunately, after the two journalists were on board, Clinton followed them in, saying something about the mile high threesome club.

Can't win 'em all.

While I was in North Korea, I had a great time serving in a labor camp where I got the crap beat out of me 2 times a day, had a pinky cut off (that's why I am typing slower, I knew you would notice), and was forced to eat nothing but nail polish.

In the meantime, enjoy this...

Flight of the Conchords

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 01:57:00 +0000

Funny.

Guilty: Two Counts of Blog Neglect

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 04:30:00 +0000

My good friend Ryan has reminded me that I suck. He did so in a tactful, sensitive manner as to not force me to go off the deep end, climb the clock tower, pour gasoline over my entire person and dive into a crowd of smokers, or watch Oprah.

That said, I am serving time for blog neglect. In Iowa, it's a 2-strike rule. Fortunately, they allow me to repent for 23 minutes per day as I wait for my lethal injection.

So what the hell? Good question.

The Office: Hilarious, as always. I still have never missed an episode. If I don't catch it when it is on, I watch that sucker later. It's a tough show to jump into unless you've seen 'em all. So if you try this show on my suggestion, and dive into it late, and have no idea what is going on, then screw you. I mean that nicely, in a loving "screw you" sort of way. One that isn't followed up with me shoving you down a flight of stairs.

Heroes: I enjoyed this show very much until this season. I am trying to enjoy it still. This last week's episode was a step in the right direction. SPOILER SPACE: (that's all the spoiler space you get, please refer to the aforementioned "screw you" scenario). Anyway, Hiro has gone from being naive, yet noble to an idiot. Peter Petrelli? Naive and noble and also now an idiot. Suresh? One of the best characters on the show, now also an idiot. The only redeeming quality in the season is Sylar. Pretty bad when your show's indiscriminate psychopath is the most reasonable, and least apt to fly off the handle. Harsh review? Maybe. I just expect great things from this show, and hope they turn it around.

Chuck: Best hour on TV.

My Own Worst Enemy: This Christian Slater vehicle is auto-biographical, apparently. Just kidding. It's actually surprisingly good so far (2 shows in). I have yet had the desire to launch anything or anyone valuable at the TV while watching it.

MotoGP: Thank God for Valentino Rossi. He is the 2008 champ, and deservedly so.

The Nebraska Cornhuskers: Missouri kills us at home. Ouch. What was worse was Virginia Tech, for me, as that was a game we were in, and should have won. Texas Tech beating us in OT is another one I can accept (I mean, come on, it's not like I have a choice, sitting here in cell block 2814). Baylor Saturday could be tricky, as Baylor isn't a great team, but they are not exactly the junior high team they used to be. We need to beat Baylor, K-State, and Colorado. Absolutely need to.

Lindsay Lohan: Not hot, never was hot, never will be hot. Her being with another chick doesn't make her hot. Salma Hayek and Kate Beckinsale? I'm on board.

Dream Theater released a new 3 CD set along with a couple of DVD's...unbelievable as always.

Okay, it's nighty night time. There is a line behind me of other people waiting to use this computer. Besides, if I am not back in the cell by a certain time, my bunkmate starts trading me for a carton of cigs, and that isn't fun the first 13 times, I doubt it gets more fun from here on out.

Bad Pizza

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:30:00 +0000

Hello. It's time for a sad story. A very sad story. A very, very sad...ok, sorry.

If you also live in the Des Moines area, (judging from the readership on this blog, you live in Cuba, Jordan, Chile, and Spain) you may agree with me that there aren't a lot of good pizza places in this town. Don't get me wrong, there are a couple bright spots, but central Iowa bites in this regard.

I understand that this is completely subjective, and one man's Paradise Cafe is another man's Pizza Hut. It is also important to note that I have not tried every single pizza place in the phone book.

So let's get started...using the CitySearch pages.

Before I get started, there is a restaurant in the Des Moines yellow pages called "A Dong Restaurant". Pardon me while I snicker like an 8th grader. Part of me wants to call them to see what's on the menu. The other part of me doesn't want to know. And neither do you.

1.) Adriatic Pizza. Never even heard of it. Not in the paper or TV. No review available on CitySearch, but the CitySearch pages lists 3.5 stars. Anything below 4 stars is not going to cut it, folks. My crack research team found these reviews. Funny how the first guy said it was "too bad they closed", and the guy who writes a review the next month comes off like someone in dire need of refilling the bong water.

2.) American Pizza Pie Company. It's in Grimes, and I've never been there. Grimes is a decent drive for me...maybe 20 minutes. That's crazy talk. The same site featuring Cheech and Chong reviewing the Adriatic did not have reviews listed for this place.

3.) Angelo's Pizza. Another place that has a couple locations, but I have not heard of it. No reviews I could dig up. CitySearch also gives it 3.5 stars. Of course, there's always a contrarion out there trying to ruin everyone's ratings. :)

4.) Baratta's Trattoria & Pizzarea. 4.5 stars with some reviews! Let's see...

One disgruntled individual writes: "Great service, lousy food. Really very disappointing. Italian specialties were mediocre, bland and poorly prepared, particularly the homemade raviloi that was too large, doughy, and tasteless. We drive thru Des Moines regularly and always stop for dinner; not at Bratta's again, though."

Wow! That's cold! A gruntled man writes "My wife and our families first went to Baratta's for our wedding reception and every year we make it our place to go for our anniversary.Our two young children even love the food there. I've been to every Italian restaurant in town and no one compares to Baratta's.The wait staff are quick,personable and attentive.The chef's cook the best steak DeBurgo in town and I have lots of other favorites there such as their delicious seafood Genovese,calamari linguini, and their succulent pizza.If you're looking for great,normally expensive food for inexpensive price and people who honestly care that their customers are both satisfied and that they'll return then Baratta's is just what you're looking for!"

He said "succulent". Sounds like I will be making a visit.

Update: I did the aforementioned piece about 2 months ago, and got bored with it. I may continue it if I become bed-ridden or unemployed.

Searchin'

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 05:08:00 +0000

Hey, no really, great to see you.

This evening's blog is going to run through some of the hits this blog gets from people who type in certain phrases or "keywords", as the kids call them, into the preferred search engines. I find it interesting that may people are searching for "Wal-Mart Racism". I also Googled it, and my entry was in the top ten searches that came back!! SCREW YOU WAL-MART! Yeah, I said it.

Personally, I thought the picture sold that blog entry. Speaking of that picture, another hit I get frequently is for "BigRedBoard". Those guys are completely irrelevant, they know it, and so do any of us nerds who hang out at Husker message boards. I said it from the beginning, their desire for conflict is so great, that eventually that board would see people leave in droves and it will turn into a small little club. At least a good board spawned from them.

Not a common hit on the blog, but I recently saw one for "Elizabeth Klinge". She is a news anchor here in Des Moines. She joins Brooke Bouma and the lady from the local FOX affiliate as being quite pleasing to the eye (in a non-stalker, no restraining order needed sort of way).

Let's see, what else do we have here...ah! Lots of hits the last couple of years for various Moto GP bits of information. Also hits from people searching for Flight of the Conchords. IT'S BUSINESS TIME.

Finally, Eminem and Britney Spears get quite a few. Sadly enough.

I should have ended this blog with the link from the FOX chick.

2008 MotoGP! Round One: Qatar

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 03:06:00 +0000

Casey Stoner is back. After one of the most exciting starts I've seen, Stoner settled in at the top of the heap after the first several laps and remained there the rest of the way. Danny Pedrosa shot up from 8th position to first out of the gate in an unreal start, with Valentino Rossi overtaking him for a short time before Stoner decided it was time to slap everyone around again.

Cool video shot of Qatar. This is only the third night race in GP history...

It's going to be another long season if no one can give Stoner some competition. The Australian is in a league of his own.

Let's get Serious...

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 17:19:00 +0000

I hate to see this blog move away from its normal hard-hitting social commentary, hilarious anectdotes, MotoGP action, or the blog owner's elevated sense of self-worth, but there's something eating at me today.

Have you ever known a couple (man and woman), and thought "Wow! How did he land her?!" We've all either known, or seen people like that...Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie, Barney and Betty Rubble...the list is virtually endless.

I refer to Kip and Anna. You probably don't know them. I do. Their marriage is in the archives, it's outta there, another statistic, so to speak. Old news. That said, I was speaking with a friend of mine (Hi Buddy), and had been running down a list of people and seeing how life was for them. It's a common tactic used to stimulate discussion, employed primarily by people who use the results of the aforementioned tactic as fodder of some sort.

Where the hell was I...oh yeah. I have gone a couple years operating under the assumption that Anna ditched Kip because it was beyond obvious that she was way out of his league. I knew Anna better than Kip, but it was quite clear that she was smokin' hot, classy, funny, and this guy just seemed like the textbook definition of "D-Bag".

Buddy informed me that, in fact, Kip left her. Kip apparently also had a hard time keeping it in his pants. This is funny to me, because not only could he score Anna, but apparently others, as well. If there is anyone on the planet that needs to have his man-parts sliced off, it's Kip.

To be fair, Kip wore glasses, and perhaps never really saw Anna up close, or in focus.

Moral of the story: don't screw up a good thing.

Anna, sorry the marriage did not work, but feel good knowing that you can pretty much pick anyone you like.

Kip, have fun waking up knowing that you pissed away a class act, so you could knock up random strangers and provide a shining example to your illegitimate children.

Pop Culture Idiot

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:06:00 +0000

My good friend and mentor, Jason, has an excellent blog right here. When I say good friend and mentor, that is to say I read his blog regularly and will sometimes leave a comment.

I know a couple of you here also read his blog, and if you are like me, there is a disturbing trend.

Please click on the graph. This graph indicates Jason's blogging history. How do I know? Well, the handy sidebar tells me. It also tells me that at this rate, he'll be out of the blogging business by spring of 2009.

Jason, this is one man's plea for you to keep hittin' the keyboard. I need something to read when I am bored at work.

Eminem Exclusive

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:00:00 +0000

The "rapper" known as Eminem is coming out with his memoirs this fall, to the delight of angst-filled suburban white kids everywhere. In a recent news article, it says that it will "feature journal notes, hand-drawn art, and lyric sketches as well as a narrative and introduction written by the 'Lose Yourself' hitmaker himself."

Here at SBG, I obtained exclusive excerpts. A photo of a couple drawings (seen above), as well as a lyric sketch. No exclusive is complete, however, without some of the actual writing.

About life in the city:

"'Tis the concrete jungle where I stalketh my prey. Living such as this is folly for many a man, but for this man, I see truth. That truth is divine, and thou shalt honor it, and not engage in dissing. What is the truth, you may asketh yourself. The truth is that it is now that I will tap your mother from the back."

On his strained relationship with his mother:

"Wondrous years past, she and I would walk hand in hand through the park. She would smile down at me, yet I always knew that she was a little distant, perhaps slightly sad. Our situation was difficult to say the least. We were middle class, and it can be very tough being middle class when you live in Missouri as a young boy. Most folks from Missouri are lucky to be bottom-of-the-barrell class, so we were looked at with some disdain by those around us who couldn't buy pop-tarts. That, and my dad left us when I was a baby.

Perhaps that, along with the fact that even as a 6 year old, I felt it was my duty to inform her that she is a dirty, stupid bitch."

On fame:

"I am from the streets, my dear readers, and I will always be from the street. In fact, my mansion is approximately 200 yards from a street. I take the street when my driver has to transport me to the manicure shop. Also, a couple years ago, I threw out some trash onto the street from my Lamborghini. The streets are a dirty place, and I keep it real."

Shown here are lyric sketches that exhibit the true genius that is Eminem.

When these memoirs are released, I suggest you pick them up as soon as humanly possible. The riveting life story of one idiot's path to success has got to be better than some other garbage you've been reading.

Lastly, thanks to Eminem for providing us with someone to thank for their amazing contributions towards profanity and ignorance. And for looking like such a wuss.

Flight of the Conchords

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 19:28:00 +0000

Pictured to the left (in an image that I blatantly stole from the internet) are Bret and Jemaine, who are a 2 man band out of New Zealand. This show is on HBO, and is getting ready to get a second season out.

BUY SEASON ONE RIGHT NOW. I'll wait.

So, now that you have it, watch all 12 episodes in a row. It's 6 hours total...half hour episodes. I'll be right here...let me know when you are done.

While I am waiting, I cannot stress enough how amazingly hilarious this show is. It's almost hard to describe, and do it justice. The subtle humor, the songs, and the show's two "heroes" are simply top notch. That's why you just have to go out and get it.

My wife and I watched the entire season over the weekend, and these two have apparently been at it for years. No one informed me, which is in itself ludicrous. I should have been informed much sooner.

YouTube has a lot of good clips of these guys, like the one below...enjoy!

LOI Day! And Stuff...

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 18:43:00 +0000

It's letter of intent day for college football. And when I talk about college football, only one team matters. Nebraska! You can follow along with all the fun here.

I think going overboard with the recruiting hype is a part of the problem, but it is exciting to see what kind of players we will be getting. The only thing that makes me wince is when grown men refer to these athletes coming out of high school as "studs". Let's keep the mancrushes to a minimum.

Bo Pelini and staff look to be headed towards a solid class after a shaky December. In other news, the reserved tickets for the Spring game are already sold out. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!! Looks like it's general admission for me. Regardless, it'll be fun, I'm sure.

The Writer's strike should be over here very soon. Thank God. I cannot tell you how depressing

TV is with it's "reality" programming. I will hand it to American Idol, though. The auditions have been pretty hilarious. Just please bring back Earl, The Office, Heroes, and Chuck.

Giants Win Over the New England Patriots!

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 01:37:00 +0000

Like 732 million other people, I tuned in to watch the New York Giants win the Super Bowl over the New England Patriots. To be more specific, I tuned in for the last 9 minutes of the 4th quarter. I will say that the most boring form of football ever (NFL) actually got me energized when the Giants came back and scored on the Pats. Congrats to the Giants.