Still-life with Dog

I'm still here

2011-05-05T13:04:00.002-04:00

Just haven't been writing in my diary for a while. Facebook has taken over for a while. But I'm sure I will be back.

Worries

2010-06-03T12:48:00.000-04:00

So I am back at home for a few more days. I have been having trouble sleeping and feeling very anxious, so I decided to give myself some more time to recover.

I'm pretty sure that I am having withdrawal symptoms from the pain medication I was on.

All the same, I have been feeling upset about the whole situation. It is very scary to know that my life can be so easily destroyed. What if it was cancer and I couldn't go back to work for months? I would lose my home and everything else I own. It makes me question my decision to leave my marriage. Maybe it would be better to be in a situation where I would have a family to help take care of me. Maybe it is wrong for me to try to be so independent.

One thing is certain. I really need to get back to work and do my best to try to save money so I can handle emergencies. And I should try a little harder to get a federal position.

Anyway, I am feeling better today. I'm going to try not to worry about things I can't really control.

Healing

2010-05-29T20:19:00.000-04:00

Well, my stomach pain turned out to be an ovarian cyst and landed me in the hospital. So they took out the parts and now I am officially in menopause. I'm still healing from the surgery and I can't wait until I am able to run and jump around again. For now, there is pain and I still get really worn out quickly. Worst of all, I can't ride. I have at least three more weeks before I can even think about starting.

Oh the bright side, no more PMS!

2010 Update

2010-03-27T20:52:00.003-04:00

Introducing Quaker.

Well, the diet was bad for me. Definitely caused some health complications. I've decided I'm just going to keep on living. Who am I trying to impress? Life is too short to be worried all the time.

On a good note, I have been at the new job for four weeks now and things are going great. The drive is OK and I get home in time to walk Bailey. I'm getting used to having to wake up and dress every morning and I have had to buy a lot of new clothes for the office. But I am very happy with the folks I am working with and I look forward to learning a lot.

I have been working barn crew every other week and while it is grueling work, I am enjoying it. Hopefully finances will even out and all will be well with the world.

Success of a Sort

2010-01-18T08:26:00.002-05:00

So it has been a tough go on this diet. Between the holiday travel and my occasional weakness, I have only lost 10 pounds. I have another 2 weeks on the plan and I really hope I can go down at least another 10. I think I am going to have to plan on doing this again in a couple of months. It really does work. The weight comes off and I don't really feel hungry. But the diet plan is very boring and that's what gets me. I just can't eat chicken, cucumber, tomatoes and an orange for every meal.

That being said, it is the first time I have been on a diet that has actually worked for me. So it is totally worth it.

It's a good day... so far.

2009-12-23T09:01:00.003-05:00

I got an A in my class and I have lost 4.5 pounds in two days on my new diet. My evil mum sent me Christmas cookies and I cheated and had some yesterday, but today I am going to try to ignore them. My bronchitis is getting a little better. I hope it is gone by the end of the week.

UPDATE: My mum is not evil. I actually have been asking her to make me cookies for years. I asked again before the diet and she made them and sent them and they were dee-lish!

The diet is weird. I don't really feel hungry, but I do find myself wanting to eat out of habit. Or because there is something I really want to eat, like the cookies.

Here's a picture of the girls on our hike yesterday.

Just looking at this makes me drool.

2009-12-20T21:16:00.003-05:00

Dinner at Tomasitas...

More pictures from New Mexico... I forgot to add them.

2009-12-20T21:10:00.008-05:00

Will try to add some comments later.

Let it snow, let it snow.... ummm... Ok, you can stop now.

2009-12-20T20:33:00.006-05:00

We just had our largest snow storm ever in December. I had to go out and shovel the drive three times. Snow total was over 18 inches. It's so deep, bailey can't walk in it. Here are some pictures. I would be enjoying it a lot more if a.) I wasn't sick with bronchitis and b.) I wasn't too fat to fit into my snow clothes.

But I have started a new aggressive diet and I hope to be down quite a bit over the next month. We shall see.

It's Official... I'm Certifiable.

2009-11-30T21:48:00.005-05:00

I am unable to walk away from anything in distress. While walking in the forest with Bailey I noticed something very white in the path. I almost stepped on it. It turned out to be a beautiful white furry moth. It looked dead, but I didn't want to just leave it there to be smushed, so I picked it up and I was going to look at it and then place it off the path. Only when I picked it up, a couple of it's little legs twitched! We had some really bad wind and rain that day so I thought maybe it was cold or stunned from hitting something. So I put it in my hand and carried it and warmed it up. After 10 minutes or so, it woke up and started crawling around. So I found a nice bush and put it up out of harms way. I stopped by to check on him the next day and he was still alive and the next day he was gone. I hope he flew off to live a nice life. At least that is what I prefer to think.

Goodbye Forever Ambien!

2009-11-17T21:49:00.002-05:00

I was so scared to do it. I love sleep and not getting it is a horrible experience for me. Ambien has always given me a guarantee that when I go to bed, that I will actually sleep.

Well, a week and a half ago I had a horrible experience with it. I did something unsafe on it and didn't realize it until morning. I knew it was time to get off it. I was just as addicted to it as I have ever been to any drug in my life.

So I stopped. A week and a half ago I stopped taking it cold turkey. AND I'M DOING GREAT! Sure the first few days were hard. I only got two hours of sleep the first night and only six the second night, but I have been sleeping full nights ever since. Of course it helps that I am working from home and can tweak my morning a bit now and then, but it still feels so good. It was so much easier then I thought it would be! I can't believe I was so scared of living without it.

I will never take it again. Not ever. I threw away all the rest of the pills and the prescriptions.

Next on my list... cigarettes. I have been smoking way too much lately and my lungs hurt in the morning. I can feel how hard it is for me to catch my breath when I walk with bailey. And it stinks! I may have to give up alcohol for a while since that is what triggers me the most. If the only time I ever smoke is when I am hanging with Kelly, that would be fine since I only see her once or twice a month now.

I am seriously considering taking dance lessons. I do love to dance and it is great exercise.

I'm loving all the babies in my life right now. Riley and Killian are so amazing to watch grow up. I can't wait to see my niece in December.

And Bailey is still making me happy as can be... as usual.

Colorado Trip - Drive to Chama

2009-10-22T09:21:00.020-04:00

In Progress

Colorado Trip - Riley

2009-10-21T17:50:00.019-04:00

My trip to Colorado and New Mexico was wonderful. The beginning of my trip was spent at my Sister's house in Fort Collins. My new niece is absolutely adorable. My first day there we took her and their dog, Ike, out to the local park. Ike is a total goof and adorable. The baby is an angel.

My Sister, Dawna.

Ike the dog/Muppet.

Riley, the angel. :-)

Baptism day!

Dad practicing his lines.

Church (and no, I am not in flames as I take these pictures).

Dawna and Riley with Godmom dressing for the ceremony.

Riley and Godmom.

Look! I can sit up all by myself!

On October 3rd, Riley was baptized. Here are a few videos of the event.

Fall Already?

2009-09-28T19:41:00.005-04:00

Wow. This year has gone by fast! I am completely addicted to facebook now, so I haven't been posting here. But I need to. Facebook is a time sink and I would rather post my thoughts here where I can really record my thoughts.

First a few updates. I leave for New Mexico and Colorado in three days. I'm going to start at my sister's house and meet my new niece Riley. Then I am going to drive down to Chama and spend a couple of days in my home town. I just want to get some pictures and ride the train before the cold sets in. Then I am going to head down to Santa Fe before ending the trip with my 'rents in Albuquerque. It's going to be a long 12 days without Bailey, but hopefully it will go by fast.

Looking for my next job. I keep getting an offer from a company over the phone, but they have yet to actually send me the actual job offer. So who knows what's going to happen. I was getting ready to close the business, but a friend of my ex-partner wants to see if he can use my company to get some work since I am 8(a) certified. I just don't feel very excited about it.

Mila is doing well with her repaired leg and Kelly and Killian are doing well. Killian broke his leg, but I think he is getting the cast off this week. Initially, I was worried about him, but when I saw him it went away. It did not slow him down AT ALL.

Nothing is happening in the dating front, as usual.

Sunyi married Egil and is now in Stockholm with him. The strong group of friends I had centered around her seems to be unraveling a little. I need to make sure I am not isolating myself so much.

Riding is going well. I am still going twice a week and while it is challenging at times, I love it. Other then walking Bailey, it is pretty much the only exercise I am doing now. I'm just feeling very blah about a lot of things lately. Hopefully, I will find my next job soon so I can keep paying for it!

I ran across my old boyfriend, Keith, on the internet this week. One of the great loves of my life, he is married now and living in LA. It was so nice to chat with him. I'm glad he is doing well. I had been wondering about him a lot lately.

I still love my house, but every once in a while, I wish I was still a renter so I could move more easily. I really don't want to deal with DC traffic anymore, but finding a job down in this area has proven to be very difficult. I may have to actually suck it up and deal with it.

That's about it. I am including some pictures I took of Bailey this morning in old town. It was so nice we went into town to run errands and stopped at the park. Love that pup!

Oh! I also include some pictures from the park near my house. The light was especially nice and there were these two really cute tree frogs hanging out together. So cute!

Facebook

2009-05-04T19:53:00.002-04:00

I have been busy with Facebook and haven't been posting much here. Mostly because there isn't much happening in my life. I have a new contract with the DOJ, and so far it is going well. I started Bikram Yoga a couple of weeks ago and I am really enjoying it. Going to start taking horseback riding lessons twice a week instead of just once. And of course Bailey and I still do our daily walk/hike depending on the weather.

Every time I consider the idea of dating, I just feel exhausted by it all. I'm happy and doing well, so I'm just not going to worry about it.

Kelly and Killian are doing well. Killian is adorable. Mila has injured her knee and has to go in for surgery tomorrow. Bailey and I will send her healing thoughts.

My sister adopted my new niece. Riley is growing like a weed!

I'm going to plan a trip out to Colorado and New Mexico in October and will hopefully get to see everyone.

Wow... My dog ladies and gentlemen!

2009-02-28T19:25:00.001-05:00

So I'm sitting on the sofa watching TV and I hear my dog bark. Now, normally she would bark at the window if she sees someone outside, or she will go into the back yard to bark at unknown monsters. But this was a special bark. It's the bark she uses to get my attention, like when I put her in the garage to open the door for the UPS guy and forget to let her back out.

So I hear and bark and I know she is in trouble and I start to call her. I go upstairs, she isn't there. I call and here her bark again, but it sounds like it is coming from the front yard. But there isn't any way she can be out front. So I go to the back yard... and the BACK GATE IS OPEN!!

I don't know how it happened since I keep it latched all the time. But she must have gone outside and found it open.

So I am freaking out and run to the front door and there she is standing on the door step!

I am very lucky to have a dog not only smart enough to know she shouldn't just run for the hills when she gets the chance, but knows she shouldn't be outside by herself... finds the front door and barks for me to come and get her.

Now if I could just train her to come and tell me the back gate was open in the first place.

Birthday Clearance

2009-02-20T19:19:00.002-05:00

So I am now 39. My last year in my 30's. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.

I started a new job back in November and they got me a clearance. The company is a bit of a mess, but I see it as an opportunity to really pitch in and help out. It's stressful and I was considering looking for something else for a while, but I think I will stick it out for a while.

My FAA contract is over and done. My company is now just me. Frankly, I'm a little relieved. No more fighting, no more worrying about anyone else's happiness, and the ability to make my own choices.

Over all, things are good. I love my friends, family and my puppy. Killian is amazing. NASA guy is cute and I am hoping he calls. But even if he doesn't, I'm happy.

True Love

2008-11-30T10:06:00.001-05:00

The best thing in life..Everlasting friendship Amigos para sempres @ Yahoo! Video

Memory Fading

2008-11-29T08:26:00.002-05:00

I was reading back through my posts over the last four years and I must be getting old. There are a lot of people that I talk about and I can't remember who they even were. I seem to be very excited to have met them at the time. I am trying to resist the tempation to go back and delete the posts that deal with things I don't remember or things that embarrass me. But the reason I have this blog is to record moments in my life, good and bad.

I wandered back onto the Motley Fool yesterday. I thought maybe I could use the website for business advice. Of course the usual cast of characters are still around. I don't think I will stick around long enough for them to notice me. I'm sure they are all still cold and cruel people and I really don't want to go through that again. I did send waffle a note mainly because I never really believed he wanted to be cruel. He may ignore it. He may bring it up to everyone else and throw me under the bus. Doesn't much matter to me. I'm the same person and I'm sure I would still be called crazy. I am who I am and over all, I'm happy with who that is.

Thanksgiving was lovely and quiet. I am spending the holidays at home this year to save money. There are a ton of great parties I'm invited to and I think I will get a small tree.

Today I have my riding lesson, which I really love. I can see myself getting better at it. Later I will go for a hike with Bailey.

It's a beautiful day.

Confession

2008-11-28T09:51:00.002-05:00

I'm in love with Justin Timberlake. I think he is talented, funny, handsome and he can dance. I'm 38 years old and I am in love with a former Mousketeer.

So, it's official. I'm a total freak.

Halloween Pictures

2008-11-22T20:10:00.003-05:00

I love puppies...

2008-11-14T21:16:00.001-05:00

Lookin' Up!!!

2008-11-12T18:19:00.003-05:00

So I haven't been posting much lately. Things have been stressful over the last couple of months. I have been mostly out of work for the last several months and I was beginning to think I was going to have to give up my company and get a regular full time position.

But today I was notified that I have a new contract in place as of Monday and I will be getting a clearance out of the deal! I am very excited to be looking at new challenges, meeting new people and making some money!

I think things are going to be fairly rosy around here come January.

In the meantime, please enjoy the cutest boy on the planet.

Oh! I forgot to mention that I went to Kooza last Friday and had a blast! And I have a date tomorrow with a very handsome man and I am really hoping we are going to hit it off.

Kristin and Hootie

2008-07-24T10:35:00.019-04:00

New pictures from our Hootie concert and our good bye dinner with Kristin. I will miss her very much.

To Zoloft or Not to Zoloft... That is the Question.

2008-07-23T08:53:00.002-04:00

I ran out of Zoloft on Saturday. Due to a mix up at the pharmacy, I have yet to pick up the refill. So I am on the 4th day without it and so far I am feeling fine. I know it takes a while to get out of your system, but I'm wondering if I should try to get off it. I have been under a lot of stress lately, so now may not be the best time, but I think I want to give it a shot. It may make me a little more emotional and if I have an anxiety attack, I will need to get back on it. But it has been seven years since I was diagnosed and I only seem to have panic attacks when I am already feeling sick over something.

Of course my adopted dad is opposed to the idea. He says if my happiness can be almost guaranteed by taking a pill once a day, then why stop? He is very right and if this doesn't work I will have no problems going back on it.

Guess I have to wait and see what happens.