Freddie Matthews writes from London

Gabrielle Aplin’s version of The Power Of Love was the sync music for the festive 2012 John Lewis TV campaign and it certainly worked for Miss Aplin. She’s been writing and performing since the age of 14, recorded her first EP by 17 and also started up her own record label Never Fade Records. Now at the age of 20 Aplin has just released her first solo album, English Rain.

Gabrielle Aplin’s music is accomplished and every single song on this album is co-written by her, lyrics included and that alone is some feat as she possesses such a variety of styles within this music genre.

Aplin is dreamy, soft, angelic and childlike. She plays both the guitar and piano and is self-taught on both. She’s the perfect role model for any kid wondering what to do with their life.

The songs you must listen to are: Salvation has a very interesting build and the crescendo is an almost 1980’s sounding electronica. It could be Bonnie Tyler. The album opener Panic Cord couldn’t be more inviting, like a door mat with the word, ‘Welcome’ written in big bold letters. It’s cool and obviously rated by her major record label Parlophone Records as it’s the current single; Please Don’t Say You Love Me is a former single and a beautiful folky sounding song. Aplin’s vocal is sensitive in all of the right places and the song owes a lot to Mumford & Sons for its arrangement. The same could be said of the song Home; and then there’s the last song on English Rain called Start Of Time. The drumming takes me ever so slightly back to a Phil Collins style about 20 years ago but we’ll let her off because I’m sure she didn’t write the drum part as well.

English Rain is a confident album and it’s easy to tell that, despite her tender age, Gabrielle Aplin is an experienced songwriter. It’s also a very good starting point and like the weather anything could happen next.

However I can’t help but feel that it’s all a little down-tempo, samey, girl-power (in its own special way) and boring at times. Cheer the hell up would you!

6/10

–End–

Mustafa Ali writes from Baghdad

At present China imports about half a million barrels of oil a day. Even under US military occupation, the China National Petroleum Corporation (CNPC) was able to sign a $3.5 billion deal in 2008. It is to run for 22 years. Recently, a Chinese official admitted that the key reason for the contract was to permit the Middle Kingdom to ‘get its foot in the door’. It will lay the groundwork for much more lucrative deals in the future.

Iraq’s re-emergence as an oil exporter has caused concern in Saudi Arabia and the Gulf States. Saudi Arabia is the world’s leading producer and exporter of oil. China is already the chief importer of Saudi oil, thereby overtaking the United States. This is changing the geopolitics of the region. As Iraq acquires more and more oil revenues, its foreign policy will become more assertive. Its Shia led government has close ties with Iran and this is viewed with some trepidation in Sunni run Saudi Arabia and the Gulf States. The closer Iraqi-Chinese ties are also a challenge to Iran which may see Beijing cut back its imports from Tehran. This would expose Iran to harsher international sanctions because of its perceived desire to become a military nuclear power.

Iraq, as everyone knows, is split between Shias, Sunnis and Kurds. The Kurdish Regional government enjoys autonomy under a federal structure. However a series of rows over the oil rich city of Kirkuk is threatening to undo the fragile unity of the country. The Kurds have struck oil deals with foreign companies independently of Baghdad. As a consequence, Baghdad has excluded those companies from tendering for lucrative oil contracts in the south. Chinese companies have signed deals with the Kurdish government. So Beijing has to engage in delicate diplomacy to ensure that it has access to all of Iraq’s oil. Exxon Mobil is considering selling its assets in the south and concentrating on Kurdistan. China is in prime position to acquire these valuable fields or even developing them together with Exxon Mobil.

China so far has shown great skill in navigating the difficult waters of Iraqi diplomacy. It concentrates on lucrative commercial deals and tries to avoid becoming embroiled in the torrid internal disputes which divide Iraq. There are projections that about 80 per cent of Middle East energy exports will go to Asia in the near future. That puts China in pole position to influence not only economic but also political developments in this restive region. The era of US dominance may be coming to an end.

–End–

Thomas Mathew writes from Zurich

You may remember the recent scandal in Cyprus, and in particular Limassol, which was the high-end Russian enclave in Cyprus – or it was before Europe’s governing bodies robbed its inhabitants of 10 per cent of their money.

The gruesome details of the economic malaise enveloping the small island of Cyprus are yet to be made public but one thing is certain: there is about to be a massive transfer of wealth from the West to the East.

The spin doctors in the European Union tried to justify the theft of funds on the basis that nearly all the money, especially the Russian money, had been stolen in the first place. If this is true, since when did two wrongs make a right?

Pensioners with their life’s savings have been robbed and a private school was robbed of its tuition fees. That’s right, tuition money that parents paid to give their children a proper education was seized by the government and used to subsidise Cypriot banks. Everyone thinks Europeans will now look to Singapore and Hong Kong – not the United States, as one might surmise. That’s because these jurisdictions, historically, have been investor friendly. And more importantly, they’re not facing the same economic and social crises afflicting the West.

The world economy is now in such a perilous state that an agreement on bilateral tax matters between Switzerland and the UK has come into force and Singapore has also signed up to it. It means that on 31 May 2013 a one-off payment will be deducted and transferred in GB pounds anonymously to the Swiss Federal Tax Administration (SFTA) which will then forward it to the UK tax authorities (HMRC). The one-off tax payment will be calculated using a formula taking various factors into account, including the amount of the individual’s assets and the length of the individual’s relationship with a Swiss paying agent. The minimum rate payable will be 21 per cent of the relevant assets. The tax rate applies to at least 1 million GB pounds in relevant assets, then the tax rate increases in steps of one percentage point for each additional 1 million GB pounds up to a maximum of 41 per cent. However, clients of Swiss banks who choose to voluntarily disclose their assets will not be subject to the one-off tax payment.

The assets that are affected by this bilateral tax agreement are all forms of bankable assets booked or deposited with a Swiss paying agent including but not limited to transaction accounts (cash accounts), savings accounts, all forms of stocks, shares and securities, options, debts and forward contracts, other structured products traded by banks such as certificates and convertibles, precious metals accounts and fiduciary deposits.

The irony is that this latest robbery will not prevent the inevitable collapse of the world economy, which could come about sooner rather than later.

–End–

Elizabeth Regina writes from Windsor

Apparently, she said, Mr Cameron’s people think that one is a swivel-eyed loon – or that this one is. The Chamberlain, such a trustworthy courtier, says that someone in Downing Street told the press that members of the party are forcing MPs to vote against gay marriage and the membership of the European Union.

One hopes that our very agreeable, although not very bright, Lord Feldman did not call voters swivel-eyed loons. Especially as the commoners in their little homes may have a sensible instinct about Europe and odd weddings.

At Windsor we are not very taken with the EU and would rather we were not members. Then we could simply be with nice people in one’s Commonwealth.

As for gay marriage! What a silly thing to get excited about. One knows lots of rather smart people who are homosexuals and very happily married. Dear Lord Punstable is quite the other way (very, very soft hands, don’t you know?) and has been since he was a chorister. But everyone knows that he has men friends (so many of them in Whites) and he is perfectly happy with his wife, dearest Veronica (Walkington-Scott-Sharpe that was). She, of course, has many friends who are not homosexuals. But for my government to spend so much time on same sex marriages is rather feeble – or so one thinks.

One is sad to say that Mr Cameron has been a disappointment. He was so full of promise: a good family and went to a very good local school. Oxford seems to have made him rather fleshy, although he married well. What a pity he had to form my government with that rather wishy-washy Clegg. Philip says he would not buy a time share from him. We are not certain what a time share is, but it sounds rather dubious.

And now they are all worried about Mr Farage and his YouKippers as Philip calls them. (He is so very, very funny at breakfast – Philip, not Mr Farage.)

Mr Farage appears to drink quite a lot of beer. The Chamberlain thinks it is English beer and not the filthy black Belgian beer. One supposes that is all right then. But I do wish he did not smoke so. Really no need and quite unnecessary.

The Chamberlain had to sit next to him and Mr Farage smelled of tobacco. The Chamberlain is very sensitive. Philip says the Chamberlain’s nanny was quite strict about the prospects of bad habits such as smoking and so made his mother (Cordellia Caste-Roman that was) breastfeed the poor mite through a straw. Prince Harry thought that exceptionally funny and threw himself about in such laughter and was rather obscure when he said that his set use straws for quite different purposes. Such fun being in one’s army.

The Chamberlain has it that we are going to make an official visit to Rome. The new Archbishop, Welby, who used to be on the pumps at the local service station in his youth (Philip’s story again), is not over-keen on this, we are told. Philip thinks the Archbishop is concerned that at our age we might be swayed by the new Pope.

Nonsense, of course. After all, one is Supreme Governor of one’s own Church of England. We assured the Archbishop at an audience only last week that we have never been over-fond of Brazilians since their footballer Maradona cheated us out of the World Cup. The Archbishop said he played for Argentina, not Brazil. Philip says he had no idea that Mr Welby ever played soccer for anyone, never mind Argentina.

One suspects one will have to watch the Archbishop. Not quite reliable. One noticed that he had to read from a book to give the Blessing at Baroness Thatcher’s funeral. One would have imagined that, by the time he became Archbishop, he would have known the words off by heart.

There is something else quite worrying about him. One reads in one’s paper that he is already writing a new Coronation Service. One is not quite ready to meet one’s maker. A little presuming. But one’s paper has it that he intends to bring other religious leaders into the service. How very odd. One suspects that the Prince of Wales is behind this. Now there is a swivel-eyed loon if ever one saw one.

–End–

Anton Goryunov reports from Cannes

OK, I can take this s..t from my mother who has an initial form of dementia but is reminded about my birthday by my younger brother who hates me passionately but still calls to register his ‘love’. So coming from them I take it lightly, to be honest. You know, close relatives and all that. But as for my distant relations and friends and people who call themselves my friends, it’s a drag really. I shudder when the phone rings on my birthdays and I don’t answer some of the calls at all – to spare both sides all that embarrassment.

I guess I’m not alone in hating my birthdays. I liked them as a kid, well, sort of liked them. Because I never got the presents that I wanted. Always some crap that was supposed to be good for my ‘development’. But later I lost all interest in birthdays and even started to dislike them. I actually know some people who get so depressed on their big day that they actually go into hiding or get pissed or stoned.

Yes, I’ve heard some stories about the birthday blues. The reluctant waking up, the horror of realising that it’s your big day, the agony of waiting for that phone to ring and the torture of listening to all that meaningless drivel. People calling who have not called for the whole year, saying things they don’t mean. And receiving all those stupid presents that you don’t need and will throw away or leave at some charity shop.

And how about those birthday cards, especially the ones with the text already typed in or with silly tunes playing when you open them. What happened to proper cards? You can’t buy them anywhere any more. It’s all about farting and throwing up and having a hard-on. And all that rubbish is considered to be funny.

But the worst thing of all is when people come over to wish you many happy returns in person. That is the pits. That is when you want to die. Why, oh why, you think, do I have to suffer on my own birthday? Who came up with this stupid idea of having birthdays in the first place?

And then there are the desperados, people who are prepared to go to any lengths to congratulate you on your big day, the sick and twisted bastards! They are nowhere in sight throughout the year and then, all of a sudden, they want to wish you many happy returns of the day. So they call you a dozen times and even come over, uninvited, and press that buzzer for ages, trying to get in.

Anyway, what can you do about your birthdays, if you don’t like to celebrate them? Well, it probably makes sense to keep the date secret from as many people as possible. At least it cuts down the number of creeps who will be giving you a tough time. Or you can simply go someplace without telling anyone and answer selected calls only on your mobile. Like I did this year, going to Cannes to cover the film festival for a rag in Russia.

– Ends –

Anton Goryunov reports from Pyongyang

Still, the thing that really puzzles me in all of this is the way young Kim is portrayed as the dynamic leader of the nation, visiting the troops and overseeing military exercises. Is this guy for real or what? You can tell by looking at him that he knows nothing about the military or the hardware that is on show. He is a mummy’s boy who wears a silly haircut and smokes off camera. Although the ashtrays and the matches are always on show beside him. Is that weird or what?

OK, I can accept that the North Korean people, brainwashed by all that propaganda, are buying the idea that young Kim is smart and knows what he is doing. Although one look at that oddball should tell them that he’s not really on the bright side, if you know what I mean. That hairstyle of his says volumes. Word is that he thinks it makes him look taller. Yes, sure, and striking intense poses in front of the cameras, while looking purposefully at the horizon during military exercises, makes him a great military strategist.

Anyway, we might assume that some ordinary folks in North Korea might be falling for all this bull, but what about the generals and the politicians surrounding young Kim – are they blind or what? Don’t they see that this is a guy who has no idea what he’s doing? Doesn’t it make them feel uneasy that he might push the nuclear button at some point, just for the fun of it?

Mind you, young Kim’s aunt, Kim Kyong-hui, the sister of the late Dear Leader, Kim Jong-il, is supposed to be calling all the shots at the moment, telling the Supreme Leader – that’s young Kim’s official title, in case you’re wondering – what to do. According to people who know things, it was Auntie Kim and her hubby, Jang Sung-taek, former close aide to the late Kim Jong-il, who initiated that recent nuclear stand-off with America and South Korea while quietly getting rid of some generals whom they considered to be ‘unsupportive’ of young Kim. Sure, the Supreme Leader banged his fist on a couple of occasions, but it was the auntie and the uncle who did all the dirty work for him.

Still, the question stands: how does a podgy young man who has never had any particular interest in anything, apart from spending hours playing computer games, get sold to the nation as a mighty leader? The Chinese obviously know what’s going on in Pyongyang but are keeping a low profile, apparently putting their trust into Auntie Kim, who, incidentally, is a four star general. But will this strange arrangement last if something happens to Auntie? Because despite what the official North Korean propaganda is saying the people are getting pretty fed up with the Kims and their cronies. And in communist dictatorships it sometimes takes just one small incident for the situation to get out of control. For let’s not forget that the once mighty Soviet Union crumbled in a matter of weeks while the Soviet Communist Party wound up even quicker, in several days.

In the meantime, tensions on the Korean Peninsula have calmed down after that nuclear stand-off between North Korea and the rest of the world. Which sort of means that the purges in Pyongyang went well for the Kims. So they’re back to starving their people out of existence.

–End–

Freddie Matthews writes from London

The news last week that festivals are too expensive for the young fans expected to be there came as no surprise. The youth of today are being priced out of the festival market. This summer 60 per cent of music fans aged 18 to 24 won’t be attending a festival because ticket prices are beyond their means. In fact the average age of a reveller in the UK is now 36! And the average festival total outlay is a massive £423, which includes a ticket, camping gear, transport to and from the site, food, drink and festival essentials… Did someone forget another £300 for drugs? And what about enough alcohol to drown in? It’s not rocket science, that’s why they can’t afford it!!

The Ivor Novello Awards winners 2013 were revealed last week. Big name winners included Emeli Sandé with her huge writing team for the song ‘Next To Me’, which won Best Song Musically & Lyrically; The Maccabees for Best Contemporary Song for ‘Pelican’; Alt-J, who once again picked up another Album Award for An Awesome Wave; Soft Cell singer Marc Almond, who won the Inspiration Award (why?); Noel Gallagher, who got the Outstanding Collection gong (was that for his guitar collection?); as well as Calvin Harris to whom went Songwriter Of The Year. There was no mention, however, of Best and Worst Dressed on the night. After all there’s always someone who looks like a total idiot, isn’t there?

Stooshe are starting to get a tad boring with their lacklustre PR, promising so much but delivering so little, which once more was demonstrated last week at their album launch. The launch took place on a London bus… Is that it? What a sh1t idea. Will someone please sack the PR company. While driving down Oxford Street Stooshe performed songs from their new album, London With The Lights On. You have to feel sorry for commuters trying to get the No. 32 bus home after a stressful day at the office, only to be greeted by this whining!

What the hell is the big deal about Alexandra Burke anyway? Owing to an overwhelming demand for tickets, Burke has just postponed a string of dates at the Royal Albert Hall next month. Instead, the plan is to book larger venues later in the year and also increase the number of shows: a spot of genius. Six shows at the Albert Hall sold out within hours leaving many upset fans who had missed out. Burke’s management were wise to this and rather than go ahead with the shows a reschedule was called for. It’s all about maximising the profit after all, especially as Burke is also working on her next album due for release later this year. Ohh, I can’t wait!

Just when you thought it was safe to get away from the embarrassing London music scene and escape to Scotland, Susan Boyle announces a Scotland tour. Ha ha, there’s no escape! The former Britain’s Got Talent runner-up says she’ll be in her homeland for seven dates from the beginning of July. Meanwhile, the other news is that Boyle is in talks for her own residency at a top casino hotel somewhere in Las Vegas. With almost 20 million album sales, Boyle can command a huge payout for her shows. Please don’t make her wear a feather boa. Just the thought of that and I get a little bit sick in my mouth.

And finally, Rod Stewart’s Time album is heading for the UK No. 1 album spot. Stewart has just got Gabrielle Aplin’s debut album English Rain to fend off and he’s as good as got his eighth UK No. 1 album, of the 27 he’s released to date. Regardless of its success, I still think Time is a crap album.

And that was another week on the British music scene. Did someone say I’m in a bad mood this week?

–End–

Ted Obvious reports from Rome

Lots of noises are being made by all sorts of people about the need to stop the killings in Syria and find a political solution. As if no one is aware that arms are being shipped to the rebels from all over the place to keep the civil war going. A bit rich on the part of some countries to talk about a political solution while providing weapons to jihadists posing as freedom fighters.

Big hitters, like United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, are at it again, stating the bleeding obvious with conviction. Ban has been to Moscow, to see some important people there, and is now feeling the diplomatic itch, expressing hope that this time around a solution will be found. As if anything has changed that would allow the hopeless UN to make an impact this time.

Meanwhile, US President Barack Obama, who is trying to cope with several political scandals that have hit his administration, is warning President Bashar al-Assad that he will use all means at his disposal to prove that the Syrian regime used chemical weapons against the rebels. Even though it’s becoming pretty obvious that the government forces had nothing to do with it. PM David Cameron, as current chairman of the G8 group, is playing the role of a peace broker and has been on the phone a lot to Moscow and Washington and other capitals, telling everyone how he wants to help reach a solution in Syria.

The reason why there’s so much diplomatic activity these days surrounding Syria is that the prospect of an international conference to discuss the civil war there is in the making, compliments of a deal reached by US Secretary of State John Kerry in Moscow with Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov. No date has been given but the possibility of a gathering, in some nice place that would offer lots of photo opportunities, seems to have politicians and diplomats getting all excited. They love these gatherings. They help them to remind the world that they matter. Pretty much everyone knows that nothing will come out of this gathering and the civil war in Syria will continue. Because politicians and diplomats don’t solve conflicts, you see. They just do a lot of talking while those pesky confrontations drag on or fizzle out all by themselves, only to flare up again at some point.

If you cast your glance back you will notice that since the last big war there have been countless smaller wars and stand-offs taking place in the world. In the first 10 years of this century we’ve had countless wars, including Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and now Syria, not to mention the stand-off with North Korea that might spark a regional war. And if you think about it, the people responsible for all this mess are the politicians and diplomats, the ones who are supposed to prevent wars and negotiate peaceful solutions.

Every conflict, big or small, is always the result of politicians and diplomats failing miserably to find a solution. Diplomats are especially at fault here, failing to inform their respective governments properly and making no effort to calm things down. Instead they spend their time attending useless diplomatic parties, supposedly to collect information, but in reality stuffing themselves with food and getting drunk. Diplomats are big boozers, so that you know, especially as every embassy in the world has a duty-free shop on its premises where you can buy a bottle of wine for a couple of dollars or euros or pounds or other units of currency and a bottle of stronger stuff for three or four units. So drinking comes naturally, and cheaply, to diplomats, who always like to pretend that they are very busy while doing pretty much nothing.

And here’s another secret you should know about politicians and diplomats: they like to create problems to cover up their incompetence. You know, when they don’t perform their direct responsibilities properly they make up stories about how the ‘other side’ is proving to be ‘difficult’ and refuses to cooperate. Trust me, many serious conflicts and wars have broken out because the diplomats simply made things up.

And the worst offender of them all is the UN and the fat cat diplomats who work there, earning huge tax-free salaries and doing pretty much nothing. Everywhere the UN gets involved, expect corruption, incompetence and lack of any action to emerge. Look at Kosovo, at Somalia, at Haiti and many other hotspots and you will see that the UN did nothing to help there. In fact, in Kosovo the UN officials were even caught dealing in drugs and running prostitution rings, but it was hushed up to save the image of that useless gathering of nations.

So don’t expect much to happen in Syria in terms of finding a solution. Not while the UN is involved in this.

–End–

Ted Obvious reports from London

These people have nothing to say of any interest, they know s..t about anything and the only way they get themselves noticed is by behaving like total idiots, boasting about their supposed hell-raising ways that amount to getting pissed or stoned or having sex with anything that moves. It’s like a vicious circle of idiocy and yet, there are loads of people out there, many millions actually, who treat this rubbish as if it makes sense and even constitutes news.

Look, the sole purpose of celebs is to sell stuff, be it cosmetics, chocolates, fizzy drinks or credit cards and insurance companies. There’s nothing else to them, nothing at all. And as for newspapers and magazines and the box, it’s all about substituting news with stories about celebs that their agents provide to hacks, who are so lazy these days that they don’t even bother to look for proper stories. Celeb news has got absolutely nothing to do with proper reporting and any supposedly serious organ of print that devotes millions of column inches to unremarkable people should be treated as trash.

The whole concept of celebrities is one big marketing ploy. Sad nonentities are plucked from obscurity and moulded into ‘idols’ for potential consumers to worship, following their every word, copying what they wear and what they eat and what they drive and what they do. That last one is the most dangerous bit of all because in order to keep their public profile high and not having any brains to do anything outstanding, celebs go for notoriety, boasting about all that dope and booze and sex, usually inventing 90 per cent of it. For that they should be shunned and even prosecuted in some cases.

Actors and pop stars and sportsmen are the worst because they appeal to massive numbers of people, simply owing to the nature of what they do. They are usually rubbish at acting and singing and breaking records, but that doesn’t matter as there will always be fans out there who’ll love them to death simply because they are in the public eye. It’s the worshipping bit that is important to them, the sense of belonging to a group of like-minded people, who share their fascination with some unremarkable actor or actress or pop star or model or whoever else it is that they choose to adore. And the moment these idols start plugging products, their army of fans considers it a must to buy them – even if they don’t need or even like them.

Is it sad or what? You bet it is. It just proves that the vast majority of people out there have no life and are prepared to waste their time on worshipping boring, unremarkable individuals who find themselves in the spotlight simply because their mugs appear on the big or small screen or because they manage to hold a tune for a few seconds in a row or run a bit faster than the rest. Most of these people have absolutely nothing to show for their celebrity status, apart from being celebs. It’s a life, innit?

Celebrity worship is an addiction, a form of idol worship. It’s basically a pretext for having no aspiration in life. You might as well start idolising complete strangers whom you bump into, imagining the exciting lives that they must lead. It’s a bit like dying before you actually die.

– End –

But to listen to some of the hacks now you would think that we are dealing with some living legend who is cutting short his brilliant career. In fact, I don’t remember any of the true greats of the past walking away from the beautiful game and getting that sort of star treatment.

Among the praise showered on him, Beckham is credited with ‘helping Britain to win the Olympic bid’. Now that really is rich, considering that his presence did absolutely nothing to tilt the International Olympic Committee in the UK’s favour. There were deals struck behind the scenes, dodgy ones included, and the decision to award London to host the 2012 Olympics would have been taken even if Beckham had been nowhere in sight. And if you consider the fiasco that happened with the English bid for the 2018 World Cup, when Beckham joined Prince William and PM David Cameron for a last ditch attempt to get to host the 2018 tournament, you may get a sense of this man’s value as sport’s ambassador.

But the funny thing is that currently Beckham is acting as ambassador for Chinese football in a deal worth something like 50 million smackers. He himself obviously doesn’t see anything wrong in helping a communist dictatorship to promote its own brand of football, with all the propaganda and corruption thrown in. It’s really funny that the liberal scum who can’t get enough of David as a role model for the young did not have a single harsh word for him for getting into bed with the Chinese commies. In a commercial sort of way, that is. Although who knows?, of course.

To be perfectly blunt, Beckham symbolises everything that’s gone wrong with the beautiful game. It’s all about money now, nothing else. And he was and still is about money. Astronomical amounts are now being mentioned that Beckham will earn in the next several years on the strength of his supposed ‘brand’. How on earth this inarticulate tattooed man will be acting as worldwide ambassador for football and sport generally is beyond any comprehension. Not to mention that his supposed ‘selling power’ has always been greatly exaggerated.

But here’s something I would like to know: how did it happen that television news channels and all sorts of rags paid so much attention to a has-been retiring from football? What is it exactly that drives hacks to bang on endlessly about an unremarkable man whose whole life has been devoted to advertising underwear and other rubbish that was made in China? Are we to believe that Beckham is such hot news that people can’t bear to be deprived of information about him? Yes, sure, he is big in Japan where his fans scream with delight at the mere sight of him. But the band Right Said Fred is also big in Japan. So what’s the big deal?

I smell something fishy here. There’s no way I would buy the version that the latest Beckham frenzy was spontaneous and caused by huge public interest in this unremarkable guy. Something’s just not right here.

–End–