1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. one hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
14. I wondered why the golf ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

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via Upload Liberty

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This was this guy’s first boat and he was taking it to the lake, but he wasn’t quite sure of the correct procedure for launching a boat off a ramp. However, he figured it couldn’t be that difficult to do, so he stopped by his Union office for advice, and they just told him… “Don’t let the trailer get too deep in the water when you’re launching your boat”.

Well later on, he couldn’t understand what they meant by that, as he just could barely get his trailer in the water! Here’s a picture worth a “thousand’ words!

You’re gonna love this guy!!! Some people shouldn’t be allowed to get married, have children or vote!

Sticker on back glass explains everything!!!

I think he is doing it wrong.

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After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.  He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

“What’s up with the big brass gong?” one of his guests asked. “It’s not a gong.  It’s a talking clock,” the drunk replied. “A talking clock?  Seriously?” asked his astonished friend. “Yup,” replied the drunk. “How’s it work?” the friend asked, squinting at it. “Watch,” the drunk replied.  He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly someone on the other side of the wall screamed…….“You asshole!  It’s three-fifteen in the morning!”

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Here you go

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Have you seen the new underarm thermometer????

(NSFW)

Click here to view the embedded video.

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I posted before a power point of why I love scuba diving.  Well, here is another round in a Youtube Video.  I just wish I culd dive more often.

Click here to view the embedded video.

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Just got this email.  Or is this real???????

Hello,

I wish to inform you that the long awaited “MOU” between The British High commission and the African Union has been endorsed for a scheduled compensation of scam victims. Your email was listed as a beneficiary in the 2010 compensation scheme.

You are hereby requested to file for compensation if you have been a  victim of internet fraud/scam.

NOTE: All applications “MUST” be submitted on or before 10-02-2010 for on-ward review, prior to acceptance and payment.

Tony Gaunther

Allied Trust INC.

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Click here to view the embedded video.

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When Old Charlie first noticed  that his penis was growing larger
and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his  wife.

But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches.
Charlie became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing,and even
walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that,
though rare, Charlie”s condition could be fixed through corrective
surgery.

“How long will he be on  crutches?” the wife asked anxiously..

“Crutches? Why would he need  crutches?” responded the surprised doctor.

“Well,” said the wife, “you’re gonna  lengthen his legs, aren’t  you?

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