STL Homeboy

Autumn Afternoon

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:15:00 +0000

Thanks to newlyweds Tom and Wendy Watson for inviting us to Mt. Pleasant Winery this past weekend (and for fulfilling Clara's lifelong dream of riding in a Mini Cooper.) We had a great time. Clara and Kate enjoyed throwing the leaves, rolling down the big hill, and dancing with lots grown-ups who were beaming at them the whole time.

Is it just me, or do those seats look like roller coaster seats?

Tom and Kate relaxing on the blanket

Happy girl

Throwing leaves

Two sisters enjoying the view

Two sisters enjoying each other

Long Weekend with Daddy

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:17:00 +0000

Megan was out of town for several days last week, so the girls and I got to have a long weekend together. I stocked up with new art supplies for them and Netflix'd some nerdy movies for me. It could have been a tough weekend, but they decided to be little angels. On Saturday morning, Clara and Kate got up, dressed themselves in their princess costumes, and perched themselves with some books and good light. I snuck up on them and took this picture with my cell phone:

It has become one of my favorite pictures of the two. There's so much to love about it. Hard to believe it's from a cell phone.

Later in the afternoon, after I put Cecilia, who is teaching herself to walk, down for a nap, I gave Clara and Kate a new art project so I could go in the office and see if last year's Star Wars: Clone Wars animated movie was any good. Not far into it, Kate came around the corner to see what I was doing. I didn't expect her to like it. It had too much talking, too much military for Kate's taste - or so I thought. Her eyes widened the more she watched, and she looked up at me and said, "I love this movie!" Soon Clara joined us and echoed her sentiment. Since the movie was made for kids and featured a strong female character I decided to let them watch it. They especially liked Yoda and Stinky, the baby of Jabba the Hut. Of course I was more than a little proud that my daughters like Star Wars.

Some Kate quotes:

Kate: I like everyone in this movie, but not the mean guys

Kate: Look, there are two moons. But one of them is a lower case moon.

Kate: What's a Skywalker?
Me: It's that boy's name.
Kate: I like Skywalker.

Kate: That girl is the only girl in this movie.
Clara: No, there's a queen.
Kate: But that girl is the only girl saving the day.

In Praise of Fat Babies

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 01:52:00 +0000

Clara calls Cecilia, "The fattest baby in Missouri." While she'd give other chubby babies a run for their money, I'm not sure Clara and Kate weren't just as fat. A retrospective:

Clara:

Kate:

Cecilia:

You're Mine, Marshmallow

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 16:55:00 +0000

While "Uncle" Marty was over for dinner the other night, I went into the kitchen to get the girls some dessert. Kate followed me in and peeked her eyes over the counter to watch me scoop rocky road ice cream into their bowls.

Kate: What kind of ice cream is it?

I tipped the carton up so she could see inside.

Kate: Mmmmmm, chocolate. What's the white stuff?

Me: That's marshmallow.

Kate. Mmmmmm, marshmallow.

With the bowls full, I placed a spoon in each one and handed Kate's to her. She licked her lips (she actually does this - you'll see in a picture below) and started to walk out of the kitchen. She spoke to her bowl as she was leaving.

Kate: You're mine, Marshmallow.

It's my new favorite phrase.

On another note, Clara celebrated her fifth birthday this weekend with a special date for tea with Jen on Saturday and a pool party with her friends on Sunday. Picture party:

Clara and Jen dressed for their tea

Lucy looks on as Clara savors the moment

Miles' lips are blue because it was a cool day and our pool is not heated

"I'll take that"

Clara claims she's going to marry Miles. She chose well.

Clara's been talking about this day since her 4th birthday

Cecilia would like some cake, please

"You're mine, birthday cake"

Why I'm doing the dishes

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 16:39:00 +0000

Words

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 17:54:00 +0000

Once a baby starts to show any inclination towards speech, we parents hover over them and repeat "dada" or "mama" in a completely non-embarrassing attempt to influence the baby's first word. I honestly can't remember...

Kate (spinning): Daddy, look at me!
Me: Wow, Kate, that's great. Now, can you play quietly by yourself? Daddy's trying to write something.

Anyway, I honestly can't remember what Clara or Kate's first words were, but I'm willing to bet they were either "dada" or "mama."

Kate: Daddy...

A few weeks ago, Cecilia started to play with sounds. After several days of having "dada" and "mama" repeated at her, Megan won out when Cecilia clearly said, "Mamamamama."

Kate: Daddy!

Since then, Cecilia has been playing with her voice, alternating between "mamama," "dadadada," "lalalala," "babababa," and other similar combinations.

Kate: Daddy!!!
Me: What?!? I'm trying to do something.
Kate: I have my shoe on my ear!
Me: Lovely.

So anyway, Cecilia had yet to assign regular words to anything, and certainly wouldn't repeat words on command. This morning Cecilia was quiet in the back of the car as I drove to an ATM. I didn't want her to fall asleep and mess up her nap, so I started calling her name. Quietly from the back seat came a sweet, "dada."

Kate: Daddy, you know what I want to be for Halloween?
Me: A Butterfly?
Kate: No, a spider!
Me: Kate, can you go play with your toys on the third floor?
Kate: I don't want to.

Needless to say, I was very proud that Cecilia heard my voice, recognized me as her daddy, and verbalized it in such a sweet way. It made me look forward to all the things she's going to say one day.

Kate (evidently thinking about The Incredibles): The mean guy is really, really angry. But not the little guy. He's fast. His name is Dash. I don't like the mean guy. Can we watch The Incredibles? Please? My baby wants to watch it, too.
Me: Kate, can you just stop talking? Just for a few minutes.
Clara: No.

I guess I should be careful what I wish for.

Suburban Journal Article

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 19:28:00 +0000

A big thank you to the St. Louis Suburban Journal, which highlighted stay-at-home dads this week. Not only did Suburban Journal writer Shawn Clubb come over for an interview, he included sections of this blog in the piece. The girls were on their best behavior during the interview - I acted like it is always that way.

You can read the article here: Daddy's home -- all the time

"I'll save these for my wedding"

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 00:25:00 +0000

Newsflash: Little girls obsess. It's part of the spice of my day that I don't know what they're going to obsess over. Sometimes they obsess over a movie they've seen, as when after watching one of the Shrek movies Kate walked around yelling, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden extensions!" Lately both girls are obsessing over who they are going to marry. It seems a bit early for this obsession, but what can a father do?

A recent conversation in the car:

Clara: Daddy, I'm going to marry Nathan.

Me: You think so?

Clara: Can I marry him?

Me: Nathan is a nice boy but you have many many years until you get married. Best to keep your options open.

Clara: Maybe I'll marry Miles.

Me: Maybe.

Kate: Daddy, can I marry a girl?

Uh oh. How to handle this? I want her to be open and accepting, but I don't want her to obsess over it, telling all her friends and teachers that she's going to marry a girl.

Me: Usually a girl marries a boy, but every once in a while a girl decides to marry a girl, and that's OK.

Kate: Then I'm going to marry Lucy.

Me: She'd be lucky to have you.

On a related note, the other evening Kate was picking out what big girl underwear she was going to wear to sleep in and held up her ruffled fancy pants.

Kate: Can I wear these?

Megan: Those are too fancy to wear for night time.

Kate (putting them back in her dresser): OK, I'll save these for my wedding.

Lucky Lucy.

The SAHD Truth: The Man Date

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 18:54:00 +0000

If you're going to be a stay-at-home dad, one thing I have to prepare you for is the man date. Not long into your tenure as a SAHD, your wife, sister, mother, and female friends will start to set you up with other stay-at-home dads. Needless to say, you will not be comfortable with this. But the women in your life will imagine you sitting at home in your pajamas all day without anyone to talk to, and will seek to set you up with other stay-at-home dads for play-dates. The men in your life will do no such thing because one, they will agree with you that it sounds a little weird, and two, they think that sitting at home all day in your pajamas sounds great.

There are a few ways to delay the man date set-ups, but make no mistake, they are an inevitability. If the girls think you are starting to lose your mind, be prepared for the set-up. And no, they won't set you up with stay-at-home moms - they will think that's as weird as what your guy friends think about setting you up with men. Here are some ways to delay them:

Change out of your pajamas and wear big boy clothes. Every day. You never know when someone is going to stop by.
Don't sing, hum, or whistle the theme song to Olivia around other people.
If you get suspended from XBox Live for smack talking and berating a nine-year-old, don't tell anyone.
Don't take pictures of your child and add silly captions before uploading them onto the internet, like this:
Don't dress your child as a punk rocker, a pirate, a super hero, a ninja, bat-mite, or any character from cartoons you loved growing up. No one will think it's as cool as you do. Except for the ninja. That's pretty cool.
Don't start paying attention to the decor in your house. If you start having a real opinion on color schemes and whatnot, your wife will freak out.
Actually fix things that are broken in your house. This might make your wife more comfortable with your staying at home, though I've yet to try this technique.
Don't bring your angry dad voice into the real world, like when you ask for paper bags and the guy pulls out plastic: "I SAID PAPER! Look at me! Paper bags. 1... 2... Good job."

As you can imagine, there are plenty of ways to convince others that you're not losing your mind from staying at home with your children. Unfortunately, the time will come when the requests for man-dates start pouring in. You can probably stall your way out of most of them with promises to call or email them, but eventually you will be at a picnic or school function where someone who has "just been dying to introduce you to Steve" thanks her lucky stars that you and Steve are finally in the same place at the same time. Your wife will, for the first time you can remember, volunteer to watch all the kids so that you and Steve can get to know one another. Steve, you notice, is going through the same kind of discomfort you are.

Start by making sure you both have a beer, and then get to the important stuff, like how the local sports team is doing and whether that trade was a good idea. Let that conversation move into where you two grew up and went to school, how you know your mutual friend, and how things have been staying at home. Pretty smooth so far, but don't be too quick to start talking about video games, even though all you'd really need a friend for these days is for someone to play hockey against on your vintage Sega Genesis. It'll come, my friend. It'll come.

In developing our small group of close friends, we men have had a lifetime of meeting guys that we just don't like very much, or not enough to count them as close friends. And we assume that all the guys we haven't met yet fall into the don't like category, simply because we have pretty high standards of what a close friend is. It's a long way from "I think you'll like Steve, he's a really nice guy" to knowing you'd put your life on the line for Steve if it came to that, and that he'd do the same for you. The women in your life won't understand this. They think they're just finding you someone you can chat with at the playground.

The SAHD Truth: Parenting Guides

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:35:00 +0000

(Welcome to the first installment of the stay-at-home-dad book I'm writing, titled The SAHD Truth.)

Parenting guides are quite useful. If displayed conspicuously they put off the vibe to visitors that you're interested in the well being of your child. I've found people tend to have a higher opinion of you if they believe this to be true. Plus, you can use the books every year to balance your wobbly Christmas tree stand. Other than that, I've not found parenting books particularly useful, but that's not to say they don't serve a purpose. Allow me to illustrate:

Invariably, new SAHDs will encounter a situation with their now 2 or 3 year old child when the dad will so thoroughly lose it, will reach the end of his rope, will behave in a way he never thought possible, will surprise even himself with his temper, the volume of his yelling, and the ease at which his head spins a full 360 degrees, will open his eyes wider than humanly possible, will spout fire out of his mouth and smoke out of his ears, will behave in such a way that even as this adult temper tantrum is going on he will have an out of body experience where he thinks to himself, "Holy crap, I have completely gone off the rails," and when it's over he'll look around to see if anyone else witnessed his fine display and his now blubbering puddles of what were once his children - but not out of embarrassment, but rather looking for some other parent who no doubt has done the exact same thing at some point to be co-witness to his personal car crash: "Did you see that? I completely lost it."

This is probably how such a scene began: SAHD is packing his kids up for a visit to the grandparents. He has put the girls in pretty dresses and fancy shoes with lacy socks. While the older two walk, he carries the baby and sees that last night's rain has left muddy puddles in the driveway. He sees the girls head for the puddles and thinks about how perfectly white the grandparents keep their carpet.

SAHD: Girls, who can get in their car-seats first?

See what he did there? He tried to get the girls away from the puddles without drawing attention to the puddles. Classic misdirection.

Of course it didn't work.

SAHD (louder): Girls! Don't touch the water. Nana will not like it if you get her house muddy. (True.) She won't give you any treats. (So false SAHD almost laughs saying it.)

Poor SAHD. The kids don't even hear him. They're almost to the puddle.

SAHD (yelling): GIRLS!! STOP!! If you touch that puddle I will take away (insert favorite stuffed animal) and throw it in the garbage!

They stop. They look at SAHD. They consider his words. Then one of them - let's call her Kate - jumps in the puddle.

SAHD (breathing fire and rotating his head 360 degrees): (Embarrasing display of adult temper tantrum)

What does this have to do with parenting guides? If you noticed, SAHD tried three techniques before his personal meltdown. Those techniques came from parenting books. OK, not the one about throwing away a kid's favorite toy, though I'd probably buy such a book if it existed. Such parenting guide techniques give SAHD a little bit of an excuse for his behavior: "I tried what the books said! I tried to be a good parent! And then I clearly gave up trying and just resorted to screaming my head off."

Have you ever watched competitive drag racing? SAHDs are loud, souped up, volatile drag racers at the starting line. The trick is to keep them at the starting line, safe and idling. Drag racing has a giant Christmas tree of lights whose order makes sense only to them (yellow, green, then red?) Think of the first light as the calm warning to the children, like the first technique SAHD used. The next light, 2nd technique. Then a whole bunch of lights come on - 3rd technique. Then a bunch of lights at the bottom come on, the engine roars, flames come out of the tailpipes, tires squeal, the car moves at impossible speeds, gets about halfway down the line, its front raises up into the air, then the whole car does a backflip through the air and falls into an explosion of epic proportions.

That's what parenting is like.

Did I mention I've only seen drag racing on the end of the year specials of the George Michael Sports Machine? I'm sure some drag racers have made it to the finish line without blowing up, but I've never seen evidence of it. Anyway, I guess the moral of the metaphor is if you're getting to the bottom of that long bank of lights, if parenting techniques 1 through 3 haven't worked, go find a nice quiet place to cool down before you explode.

(Where have you gone, George Michael's Sports Machine?)

Working Wife: Why is the baby sucking on your baseball glove?

SAHD: That's what that parenting book told me to do.

Working Wife: It did not. That thing is filthy.

SAHD: Swear to god.

Working Wife: Show me where it says that.

SAHD: Can't. It's holding up the Christmas tree.

Working Wife: Uh-huh. Speaking of the Christmas tree, don't you think it's time to take that down? It's June.

SAHD: I'm taking care of 3 children! I barely have time to go the bathroom!

Working Wife: OK. And how'd you do in your online poker today?

SAHD: Really good!

(Forget the SAHD guide. I need to write the SAHH guide for stay-at-home-husbands. If you haven't already today, go cast a vote for me in the Nickelodeon awards.)

Vote early, vote often

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 21:35:00 +0000

Thank you to whoever nominated STL Homeboy for Nickelodeon's Parents Connect Best Local Blog for St. Louis. I'm quite honored. I just found out I was nominated, but it seems the voting began last month. If you're a fan of the blog, click on either the logo below or to the left and cast a vote for me. You can vote once a day, so come back often. Thanks for the support.

For Local Blog
in St. Louis

Thank you

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:31:00 +0000

I want to thank everyone with whom I have been able to share my experiences as a stay-at-home dad on this blog, but I've found that in the past few months I've focused my free time on other creative projects. It's sad to say, but I won't be writing about my experiences here any more. Thank you to everyone who supported and encouraged me. I will still use this blog to post pictures, so check back often.

Speaking of pictures...

Megan's birthday was last weekend

Don't ask why Kate is naked

Some pictures from this past Easter taken by my talented cousin Shauna:

Kate's jelly bean shots

Kate sharing some of her spoils with Uncle Chris

Clara was most excited about the bunny ears

Clara with some of her new toys

Clara organizing stuffed animals

Cecilia tuckered out after going to church

Kate stopping and smelling the tulips

Faces of joy

Clara in good light

Kate in good light

A cool kid and her juice

Cecilia with her daddy

Two weeks on the beach

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:11:00 +0000

They said it couldn't be done. They said I was crazy. When I told people I was going to drive three little ones, one of them a six-month-old, from St. Louis to St. Pete Beach, Florida, some looked at me like I had grown a second head. Some just pitied me. My favorite reaction: "It can't be done. It cannot be done."

They were wrong.

Not only did we do it, but we had a pretty good time along the way. Many many thanks to Jen, the girls' babysitter, for helping me these two weeks. I definitely couldn't have done it without her. The girls were great travelers. They looked for things to complete their car bingo. They watched movies in the back. Clara fed Cecilia when she got hungry and played with her when she got cranky. We stopped at rest stops and ice cream parlors. When they got tired, they slept. Late the first night, after I pulled into a gas station, Clara woke up bright eyed, looked around and grinned: "We're back where we started!" I guess the gas stations all look alike to her. We would have driven all the way through on the first night, but Cecilia woke up crying with some painful constipation, so we got motel rooms and completed the journey the next morning. Megan flew in and spent the second week with us, just as the rain was ending and the perfect weather was beginning.

Our time in Florida was a daily combination of eating, sleeping, playing on the beach, and playing at the pool. That was about it. Kate got a nasty black eye after falling from a chair on one of the first days. Cecilia liked to stick her toes in the sand or slap the water in the pool. And Clara seemed to grow up before our eyes, as some of these pictures will show (especially the one above, which will soon be framed in our house.) Nobody wanted to head home after our time was up.

Lots of pics to follow:

Cecilia is ready for the pool!

Kate is either ready for the beach or for her Vogue photo shoot

Clara is in her happy place

Even while playing with sand, Kate looks stylish

Some think, "Oh, sweet baby!" Uncle Jim thinks, "Ham hocks."

Sisters

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree

Jen and Kate at The Hurricane

Cecilia telling a joke

The girls

The Bittles

Silly Cilly

They were this happy the entire time

One of many sunset pictures we took

Another. I hope you enjoyed the pictures.

Don't feed her after midnight

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:07:00 +0000

The results of the Cecilia look-alike poll are in. The highest vote getter, though it was quite close, was mogwai. Thanks to everyone who voted.

A late write-in entry deserves mention here. Cecilia's Aunt Shauna saw a resemblance between Cecilia and one of Shrek's babies. I have to admit, and I mean this in the best possible way, that Cecilia looks like an ogre baby:

See the resemblance?

I'm not sure it's such a good thing that she's either a gremlin or an ogre.

"Put the poop-in-the-pool show back on!"

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 01:43:00 +0000

Megan has a strange sense of humor and decided that it would be fun to watch a little Caddyshack with a 4-year-old and a 3-year-old while I was making dinner. From the kitchen, I could hear Megan laughing but didn't know what they were watching. She must have turned off the TV, because she came into the kitchen laughing as Kate, the 3-year-old, shouted, "Hey, put the poop-in-the-pool show back on!"

Me: What the heck were you watching?

Megan: Caddyshack!

Me: Tell me you didn't...

Not far behind Megan came 4-year-old Clara, visibly disturbed.

Megan: Honey, what's wrong?

Clara, bursting into tears: I don't like that show.

Me: There's a reason I take care of the kids.

Megan: Why didn't you like it?

Clara: Someone pooped in the pool! And that man put it in his mouth!

Megan: Oh, but it wasn't really poop, remember? It was a candy bar.

Clara, after thinking about it for a few seconds: But then it would be garbage, and you shouldn't put garbage in your mouth, either.

Me: That's true.

Clara got herself together and left the kitchen, leaving me with the opportunity to scold my wife for letting our kids watch Caddyshack. Soon, Clara came back in, still upset and looking like she was going to be sick.

Clara, whining: I can't stop thinking about it.

So there you go. We have now scarred our 4-year-old, who will no doubt think of that scene every time she gets in the pool. And our 3-year-old? She would like to see the "poop-in-the-pool" show again. Pretty much sums them up.

The Many Toots of Tooty McGee

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 01:13:00 +0000

AKA Gassy Gasserson
AKA Cecilia James

the stretch toot

the cough toot

the sneeze toot

the burp n toot

the tummy time toot

the bottle suck n toot

the giggle toot, not to be confused with...

the toot n giggle

the machine gun giggle toots

the startle awake toot

the deep thinker toot

the toot of some substance

the where did that come from toot

and...

the make the sisters laugh toot

Baptism Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 19:52:00 +0000

If you haven't already voted on which character Cecilia resembles, use the poll on the left side of the blog. It's a close race, with mogwai just edging out Campbell's Soup Kid and Ewok.

Here are some more pictures from Cecilia's and Ryan Etter's baptism. These are just a few of the best. To see many more, click here.

Getting Cecilia dressed

Kate and Justin being affectionate

The ladies on their way into the church

Suit or no suit, I'm a stay-at-home dad

Cecilia doesn't appreciate Ryan eating her dress

Father Tom is either still baptizing Cecilia a half hour after the service, or he's fixing her hair

What a wonderful family

Compare this picture to...

Cuties

Poll: Which does Cecilia most closely resemble?

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 17:48:00 +0000

People tell me Cecilia looks like various things. Help us settle the debate by looking at the following picture of Cecilia and then using the poll on the left side of the screen to vote on which character or animal she most closely resembles.

1. A Mogwai from Gremlins

2. An Ewok

3. An Otter

4. The Campbell's Soup Kid

5. The Gerber Baby

6. The Michelin Man

(see picture in the previous post for a hint of her rolls)

Two Beautiful Bittles

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:14:00 +0000

Megan getting Cecilia ready for her baptism

I'm just not that into you, daylight savings time

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 16:46:00 +0000

I think it's about time we call it quits, daylight savings time. You've been around my whole life, and I've never had much of a problem with you. Sure, I missed that hour in the Spring, but the extra hour I got in the Fall more than made up for it, especially in college, where I filled that hour with, uh, studying. And then there were those random clocks in everyone's house that were always an hour off because no one knew how to change them. People didn't leave their VCR clocks on the blink because they didn't want to learn how to set them, but because they didn't want to relearn how to set them every six months. And don't get me started about traveling through Arizona.But now I have kids, and I can't tell you how frustrating it is to have finally achieved the impossible by training all three girls to sleep in long enough in the morning so that they're not waking up at the crack of dawn or sleeping too long and missing school, only to have to change the clocks every six months and start over (Oops! Thanks to the anonymous commenter who corrected me. Daylight savings lasts 8 months.) In the Fall I've got toddlers waking up before 6am, and in the Spring they're still asleep in the back seat on the way to school. Yes, I know it's no different than flying to a different time zone, but that's a temporary shift that is easy to bounce back from.

I know some parents (she knows who she is) who use the weeks leading up to a time change to gradually change the bedtime so little adjustment is necessary, but I'm thinking it's time to get rid of you altogether. Actually, I don't mind if you stick around permanently. But we don't need you and standard time. I'm fine with having more sunshine later in the evening, so if you win out, great. Can we just pick a way to tell time that works the whole year?

I'm sorry to say it but changing the time every six months is archaic, unnecessary, and annoying. Now, I've got to go break some bad news to the Electoral College.

We're getting old

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 22:43:00 +0000

Recently Megan and I have been using Netflix to make our way through old television shows that either we missed or couldn't watch because they were on channels we didn't subscribe to. We've loved Rome, The Wire, and Arrested Development that way, and I had heard good things about Freaks and Geeks. We watched it last week. It's a great blast from the past with stylin' clothes, bitchin' cars, and a treasure trove of nerdiness. A "geek" was showing off his Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual and I had to admit that I not only had that as a kid, but I could probably dig it up now if I wanted to. One would think that while watching a show about a high school set in 1980 we would identify with the kids. But Megan and I came to the disturbing conclusion early on that we identified more with the parents in the show than with the kids. Part of the reason is the parents were well developed in the show and not just caricatures of clueless or repressive adults. They were a little bit clueless and were a touch repressive, but they were also extremely concerned about their children. Their love showed through wanting to keep their children young and safe.

It seems that once you have a child, once you take on the enormous responsibility of his or her safety and development, your entire perspective changes. I don't even remember paying attention to the parents in movies and shows when I was younger. Suddenly, their concerns and fears are mine. On Friday nights, when the kids want to go out and do something - anything to get out of the house, whether it's driving aimlessly or watching Dukes of Hazzard with friends - the parents suggest a nice board game. It got me thinking that in the not too distant future, Megan and I will be most uncool people in our daughters' lives and as much as we want them to stay home and play board games with us, they will beg us to let them go.

The Rules of Make-Believe

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 21:48:00 +0000

...are too hard for me to understand or follow. The minds of three and four year olds are at the same time beginning to understand the world around them and project their own ideas and fantasies onto that world. It's funny to watch them try to force their will onto reality when we're playing games. When playing Candy Land, Clara will pick through the cards until she finds one that moves her the furthest. When playing war with Nana, Clara waits until Nana puts her card down before flipping through her own deck to find a superior card. We're working on that.

It's amazing kids can separate make-believe from reality when we are constantly injecting make-believe into their realities. Santa Claus brings their presents. The Tooth Fairy rewards them for losing their teeth. And pirates are friendly, like this guy:

That's Redbeard, a pirate that the girls met while visiting their friends Nathan and Simon in Florida last week. Kate looks like she's growling at him or saying, "Aaaaarrrrr!" While on the beach with them, or in St. Pete with Nana and Papa, the girls were constantly slipping into make-believe, pretending to be, at various times, dinosaurs, princesses, dolphins, and eels, among other things. It's quite funny to watch this from a distance, especially when the girls decided to be the ugly stepsisters for some reason. But when they involve me in their make-believe, I am hopelessly inept at keeping up with their reasoning. They have no problem keeping up with each other, but I keep getting things wrong.

Kate's birthday was February 3rd, and one of her favorite presents was a toy coffee maker from Grandma. She loved pretending to make coffee and brought me her creations. I pretended that the empty cup she gave me was coffee and proceeded to drink it. Her response? "Daddy, that cup is empty." OK. "But I thought you brought me coffee?" "I drank it." "You drank it?" "Yeah," she said, as if it was totally obvious. Sometimes they announce that I am the king, but when I try to command them to do something, I see it's really just a ceremonial position. As I watch them make their way through their days, I'm starting to think "Dad" might be slipping slowing into a ceremonial position as well.

(When I collect the pictures from our Florida trip, I'll post them here. Thanks to Nikki Lemkemeier for the pirate picture above.)

Stay-at-Home-Dad Training Guide

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 16:36:00 +0000

So you got it into your head that staying home and raising your children might be a good idea. You have visions of working on your golf game while your little one sleeps peacefully in your combination baby stroller/golf bag. You'll be able to stay in your pajamas and play on your XBox all day. You'll teach your little one(s) to appreciate the fine points of the cover 2 defense and the importance of middle relief. But in order to inject a bit of reality into your expectations and to prepare you for what is to come, I've created this short training guide. While nothing can fully prepare you for what lies ahead, this will give you some idea.

1. Look around at your stuff and find the one thing you'd least like broken. Break it.

2. Trap a squirrel in your back yard. Try to put a onesie on it.

3. Get two noisemakers - one that screeches at an impossibly loud pitch and one that says the same word over and over and over. Place them in your back seat while you drive. Now, try to listen to the song on the radio.

4. Paint a pasty white spot on the shoulders of all your shirts, sweaters, and coats.

5. Cook a delicious meal. Eat it really fast without tasting anything.

6. Get a dog that ignores all of your commands and does its own thing. Teach it to read.

7. Tie your arm behind your back. Make two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, one with creamy peanut butter and one with chunky. One has strawberry jelly and one has grape. Cut the crusts off one. Cut one into triangles and one into squares. Get the right combination and do it within 30 seconds. Now drop one on the floor and quickly make it again.

8. Rig a contraption with a gas can balanced precariously over an open flame. Go to the bathroom and hope nothing bad happens.

9. Scatter toys all over the ground. Carry groceries in one hand and a baby carrier in the other and navigate through the toy mine field. When you do trip, don't drop the baby carrier and try not to swear.

10. Don't shower until you wake up one morning and can't stand your own filth. Get used to that feeling.

Good luck!

This training guide may seem quite cynical, but let me assure you there's nothing I can do to prepare you for the good parts - and there will be plenty of them.

Most Likely to Run Away and Join the Circus

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 21:50:00 +0000

Last weekend the five of us visited the St. Louis City Museum, which is a must for any kids visiting St. Louis. Clara and Kate tried to get themselves lost within a complex system of tunnels and caverns. When our niece Alex was 7, Megan got stuck in one of these tunnels, prompting a line of bottlenecked tots to shout, "She's stuck! She's stuck!" They pushed on the bottoms of Megan's shoes until she squirmed her way out.

Clara and Kate loved the three story slide, the mini train, and the no-skateboard skateboard park. What they didn't agree on was the circus. Clara was bored and unimpressed: "When is this overrrrrrr?" But Kate was enthralled, spending the first half of the performance absolutely still. Soon she started to move around like the acrobats and contortionists, climbing up to stand on my kneed and then my shoulders. What the performers did, she tried. When the performers bowed, she bowed. You can kind of see by the top picture that she is in the same position as the performers - legs out, arms at her side, ready for what was next. We were up on the top row, so few people saw Kate's performance, other than the performers themselves. At one point, Kate was up the air bent over backwards on my hand, arms held out and one leg up in the air.

It got a bit complicated when the acrobats started flipping (I picked up Kate and flipped her) and two ballerinas held themselves aloft with drapes, but eventually everyone bowed, and Kate joined them. After they were done, performers came out with donation buckets. I gave Kate money and pointed her in their direction. I waited up top to see if she could make her way through the crowd on her own. Never one to let anyone get in her way, she got down there without looking back, stood quietly in front of a performer until she noticed her, and then held up her money. The performer crouched down and talked to Kate - I saw Kate nod once but I don't know what was said. When she turned back to me Kate was beaming.

When it comes to the circus, I identify more with Clara's reaction, but when a child finds something that brings her joy, the parent feels the joy as well.

In case you didn't already know...

noreply@blogger.com (Joel Bittle) — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 02:52:00 +0000

My mom was in town for the week after Christmas and I was surprised that we had never told her why we chose the name "Kate." Since the most common comment I get from people about this blog is how great it will be one day for the girls to read about the first few years of their lives, I'm going to take this opportunity to explain to them where we came up with their names and the names of things around them.

Clara

Your mom and I met, fell in love, and got married on the campus of Santa Clara University. Your Papa (Piazza) is also a graduate of Santa Clara. We couldn't think of a prettier or more appropriate name for our first daughter. As I write this, you are four years old, and think Santa Clara is someone related to Santa Claus. I hope we haven't pressured you too much to attend Santa Clara, but it is a great school in a great part of California, the California Bittles will be just a short drive away, and it is filled with Jesuit scholars like Father Tom Powers, who baptized you. No pressure.

Kate

I'm kind of a fan of William Shakespeare, and when we were deciding your name, we wanted a longer name that had a short nickname. I pushed for Katherine, because the long name made me think of Catherine from Henry V while "Kate" was the shrew in Taming of the Shrew. I was not trying to influence your disposition by naming you after the shrew. I merely hoped you would be fiery and strong. And I was right.

Cecilia

Contrary to popular belief, you are not named after a Simon and Garfunkel song. While we did have that song in our heads constantly for your first months, it's not really a song you name your child after. We named you after your great-grandmother. And the only other Cecilia we knew, Cecilia Vollert, is a great kid. Your middle name, James, is from your Uncle Jim, who was named after your great-grandfather. We asked Clara to name you and she picked "Cosmo."

Some other things...

We named the Clarices, those lambs you can't put down, after a character from this movie (we'll pay for the therapy bills):

Big Papi, that big bear in Cecilia's room, was named after this guy:

Your dog Scout was named after the girl in "To Kill a Mockingbird." Scout's name on her pedigree is actually Jean Louise Finch.