Stoner lines

2014-04-18T09:38:00.002-07:00

Torben: "God bless spring"

Billybob: "ya god bless, but Jesus died yesterday"

Torben: "Sorry for your loss"

a piece of me

2012-08-06T02:10:00.003-07:00

Torben: Let's go see if some lovely ladies want a piece of me ... or maybe they even want two pieces.

How Torben gets laid

2011-12-11T06:45:00.000-08:00

Torben: I don't really know how I get laid these days, I am usually too stoned to remember the details.

Billybob: I'll tell you how you do it. You wait until 5am, at which point you get up the courage to say: "Excuse me, can I ask you a question? ... I hope you don't mind"

... and then you get laid.

Marianne days

2011-12-11T06:42:00.000-08:00

Billybob: Those were the good old days, remember the Marianne days?

Torben: Dude you weren't even with her.

Billybob: I wasn't really WITH her, but I was AFTER her, which is almost the same thing.

Soft?

2010-06-12T12:30:00.001-07:00

Billybob: Hey Torben, (in a gay voice) check out my new bed, it's so soft.

Torben: I'll show you something soft (long pause) ... ready?

making love

2010-04-03T00:45:00.002-07:00

Billybob: Baby, eating this lunch is like making love to you

Girlfriend: Is it really that bad?

She's not my type

2010-04-03T00:45:00.001-07:00

Torben: I don't know if she's my type.

Billybob: Sleep with her now, find out if she's your type later

On getting your shit together

2009-12-21T01:30:00.000-08:00

Torben: That guy really got his shit together

Billybob: Depends on your definition of shit, shit comes in different flavors.

Valentine's Day

2009-12-13T09:58:00.000-08:00

Foreign girl: When is Valentine's Day?

Billybob: February 15, I think.

Boombox: It's the 14th dude!

Billybob: Yeah I always forget that and give my girlfriend a Valentine's Day present a day too late

Boombox: And what does she say?

Billybob: She tells me she already got a present from their real boyfriend the day before

comfort zone

2009-11-01T11:09:00.000-08:00

Billybob: Fuck this shit

Torben: Watch your language

Billybob: Sorry, I overstepped my boundaries, and your comfort zone too

Torben: Don't beat yourself too much up, at least I have a comfort zone

low-lying fruit

2009-11-01T10:54:00.000-08:00

Torben: Did you have a good night?

Billybob: It was a good party, but next time i'll refrain from going for the low-laying fruit

Torben: Why is that?

Billybob: Cuz if it's too low, somebody probably already stepped on it.

one basket

2009-10-28T05:12:00.001-07:00

Billybob: When you put all your eggs in one basket, you better really make sure that basket doesn't have any holes.

Facebook modes

2009-10-25T14:01:00.000-07:00

Guy: What's up with facebook these days?

Billybob: Well one of the modes is "normal mode" and the other is "everything mode". Don't you know the difference between "live feed" and "news feed"?

Guy: Sure, "live" is when they fuck right in front of you, "news" is when they tell you that they've just been fucking

Mac or PC?

2009-10-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

Billybob: My PC is slow and crashes all the time

Guy: You should get a Mac

Billybob: Yeah, but I'm so used to PCs, and I've invested so much into this one

Guy: Computers are like relationships. No matter how much crap they bring with them, you try and stick with the same one for as long as you can

Free will

2009-10-18T11:56:00.001-07:00

Billybob: I'm reading a book about free will

Highnote: Who made you do it?

Billybob: My boss did.

show me nothing

2009-07-13T01:11:00.001-07:00

Torben: Let's go into this place, it looks like something.

Billybob: If this is something ... then show me nothing.

behind every great man

2009-07-01T12:14:00.001-07:00

Billybob: Behind every great man, there's a woman ... with a strap-on

Shit expert

2009-07-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

Guy: this music is shit

Torben: Who said it's shit? Are you some kind of shit expert?

calculated way

2009-05-31T07:41:00.001-07:00

Torben: I've had several girls slap me... Not necessarily in a very calculated way

last shower

2009-05-31T07:39:00.001-07:00

Billybob: When did u last take a shower?

Torben: I took a shower about 3 girls ago...

How cool can you get

2009-05-31T07:36:00.001-07:00

Torben: People don't get me sometimes. I'm several steps beyond their comprehension of cool.

I'm so high

2009-03-28T02:57:00.000-07:00

Danny: I'm so high, I can touch the ... floor.

gay shit

2009-03-15T14:34:00.000-07:00

Billybob: The weather is gonna be 5 degrees tomorrow
Torben: Am I supposed to get a hardon from this news?
Billybob: I got a hardon from it, why shouldn't you?

5 minutes later:

Billybob: I think I'm gonna put that quote up
Torben: You can put it up your ass!

wasted opportunity

2009-03-14T12:48:00.001-07:00

Guy: wow, there's a lot of hot girls in here. Now I'm gonna go home and ponder about all the lost opportunities.

Torben: You're a wasted opportunity in and of itself.

are you gay?

2009-02-28T05:24:00.001-08:00

Girl: Are you gay?

Billybob: Honey, for you... I'll be gay