Stop Bullying and Social Aggression!

When parents should butt into kid's battles

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:14:00 +0000

Another kid is bullying your child on the playground.

Should you butt in? Not immediately, unless your child's safety is at stake. "If you're there, watch closely and give your child a chance to solve the problem on her own," says DeBroff.
The same goes for school: It's better first to equip your child with skills to stay safe and empower her to resolve the situation on her own. Realism: Good old-fashioned playtime
How to handle it: Rehearse ways for your child to respond. For example, if your child has a sense of humor, she can use a retort like "No, I'm not a baby, but thanks for asking," spoken in an assertive tone of voice. Otherwise, she can employ a strong "Cut it out" before walking away.
"Have her practice standing up straight, chest out, like she's wearing a bulletproof vest that taunts bounce right off of," says Borba.
When to reconsider: If the bullying persists and your child feels threatened, get involved. If you are the one intervening on the playground, nonchalantly pull your child out of the situation (snack time!) before discussing it. Talking to her in front of the bully could be more embarrassing.
If the bullying is at school, ask a teacher to keep an eye out. Most schools take bullying seriously -- 39 states have laws addressing it -- so teachers should have practices in place. To learn more, check out StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov, which has suggestions for both parents and kids.

“Operation Columbine”

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 12:22:00 +0000

Jurors in Hillsborough, North Carolina will resume deliberations Friday morning in the murder and assault trial of Alvaro Castillo. Castillo, now 21, is charged with shooting his father, Rafael, 65, several times in the head then driving to his former high school and opening fire on students, injuring two.
On Thursday, the jury of six men and six women heard more than four hours of closing arguments from the attorneys. At the end of the day, jurors deliberated for half an hour before being sent home. The jury foreperson is a man who used to work in a state crime lab.
Closing arguments focused on Castillo’s state of mind on August 30, 2006, the day of the shootings. Castillo, then 18, was mentally ill and had been treated for depression since a suicide attempt four months earlier. He admits that he committed the acts he’s charged with but says he should not be held criminally responsible. At trial, critical evidence introduced by the prosecution included eight hours of videos he recorded between April and August 2006 and his diary from 2006, all of which gave mental health professionals unique insight into Castillo’s thought processes and mental disorders.

Missouri woman charged in cyber-bully case

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:23:00 +0000

A Missouri woman is accused of cyber-bullying for allegedly posting photos and personal information of a teenage girl on the "casual encounters" section of Craigslist after an Internet argument.Prosecutors said Elizabeth A. Thrasher put the 17-year-old's picture, e-mail address and cellphone number on the website in a posting that suggested the girl was seeking a sexual encounter.St. Charles County police said the victim was the daughter of Thrasher's ex-husband's girlfriend. The girl received lewd messages and photographs from men she didn't know and contacted police.

Standing Up to a Bully

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 11:17:00 +0000

If your child is verbally bullied, teach him or her how to respond effectively. Discuss the following strategies with your child. Practicing the strategies with you or another trusted adult will help develop the confidence to end the bullying. If the bullying is happening at school, speak to your child's classroom teacher or advisor so they can help.

Ignore the Bully
Teach your child to ignore the bully. Your child should not make faces, cry, sigh, or make any gesture signaling distress. Often, when bullies don't get a reaction, they stop.

Walk Away
Your child can choose to walk away in a confident manner - head up, back straight and with a normal walking pace. Your child needs to be aware of being followed and walk to a safer place, usually near adults. If the bully says mean things, continue to ignore and walk away.

Tell the Bully to "Stop"

Keeping a distance of 1½ to 2 arm lengths, have your child say, "Stop!" or, "Cut it out!" Teach your child to:
Make eye contact.
Express confident body language; head up, back straight, arms down in front or on the side of the body and feet at shoulder width. No fidgeting!
Speak clearly - a steady tone, not too loud, too soft, whiny or sarcastic.
Make short statements such as, "Stop!" or "Cut it out!"
Then turn and walk away.

Go to a Trusted Adult

When other strategies fail, or there is immediate danger, tell your child to go to a trusted adult. This is not tattling; this is requesting assistance with a serious problem.

How to respond if you're in a cyber-fight

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 11:20:00 +0000

Email or IM the following:

"I really don't want to talk about this online."
"I think it's easier to talk about this over the phone or in person."
"Can I call you right now? (or, "Can we talk tomorrow at school at [suggested time]?").
If the other person continues the fight, log off.
What to do if you are being cyber-bullied
People who cyber bully do so because it makes them feel powerful. Anything you can do to give the impression that you are not bothered will make it less satisfying for the cyber-bully. For example:
Turn off your computer or cell phone -- Being ignored gets boring for the bully.

Block mean messages -- 71% of teens think that blocking abusive messages is the most effeective way to prevent cyber-bullying. ISPs, email programs and social network programs have information about blocking messages.

Don't respond or cyber-bully back -- You don't have to be a doormat, but don't be provoked into retaliating because that is exactly what the bully wants. Don't play their game!

Talk to an adult you trust -- Let them know what you need them to do (and not do) to put a stop to the bullying. It's also a good idea to try and tell the people that you live with. Being bullied can cause changes in your behavior that will worry them. If they know what's going on, they'll be more understanding.

Print it out or save it -- If you're receiving bullying messages of any kind, print them out or save them. You, and the adults in your life, may want the evidence if you ever decide to take action against a cyber-bully.

Address your feelings -- Being bullied can feel really bad. Talk to a friend or trusted adult, write out your feelings in a journal, express your feelings through art, music or creative writing.

Participate in activities that you are good at and make you feel good -- Being bullied is upsetting. Being involved in activities you enjoy can help cancel out the way the cyber-bully makes you feel.

Post how you respond to a cyber-fight.

Remember to go to www.BalanceEducationalSevices.com for more bullying prevention ideas.

Teaching Empathy

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:25:00 +0000

Empathy is the ability to feel what others are feeling. Empathy is the identification with, and the understanding of, another's situation, emotions and motives. In other words, it is the ability to see the world through that person's eyes. Empathy influences us to treat others with respect and kindness; in turn it reduces violence and cruelty to others.

Most people are born with the ability to be empathetic. However, certain life experience can diminish that ability. Children who have experienced domestic violence or some other form of abuse are especially at-risk for diminished empathy.

Research supports the provision of empathy training to increase empathetic feelings and pro-social behavior. Research also shows an impressive correlation between students' training and skills in empathetic understanding and their academic performance.

Click Here for Empathy Lesson Plans!

Working with the Bullied Child

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 04:08:00 +0000

Research has revealed common characteristics and profiles among students who are repeatedly bullied. One group is referred to as passive (a.k.a. submissive) victims, another as provocative victims. Clarifying the behaviors of a student who is repeatedly bullied can lead to strategies that reduce victimization.

Passive victims signal, through attitude and behaviors, that they are insecure and will not respond strongly if bullied. They are often:

-Physically weaker than others their age
-Afraid of being hurt, have poor physical coordination and don't do well in sports
-Have poor social skills and have difficulty making friends
-Are cautious, sensitive, quiet, withdrawn and shy
-Are anxious, insecure, and cry or become upset easily
-Have poor self-esteem
-Have difficulty standing up for or defending themselves, physically and verbally

Provocative victims express behaviors that often irritate others and incite negative reactions. They often:

-Have poor social skills -- appear to instigate the bullying
-Are hyperactive, restless, and have difficulty concentrating
-Are clumsy, immature, and exhibit irritating habits
-Do not develop strong friendships
-Are hot-tempered and attempt to fight back, ineffectively and sometimes entertainingly, when victimized
-Pick on smaller kids

If the bullied child has traits familiar to either list, altering their behavior may help reduce further bullying and develop self-esteem, resiliency and empowerment - qualities that will limit further victimization.For instance, teach passive victims to respond assertively to bullies with details that include specific language and how to express confident body language, eye contact, and tone of voice. These students will also need to practice social skills and learn activities appreciated by peers.

Provocative victims also need to learn age appropriate skills. They will need help from a caring adult to become aware of behaviors that generate negative reactions from others. They may also need help with emotional management techniques.

Social skills training should be incorporated into behavior plans, classroom lessons, and IEPs (Individualized Education Plans).

Although some behaviors do perpetuate bullying, no one ever deserves to be bullied!

For more information and other bully prevention strategies, contact Balance Educational Services 1-802-362-5448 © 2008 www.BalanceEducationalServices.com

What will I learn?

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:57:00 +0000

Learn fun and interactive lesson plans that teach pro-social behaviors and fulfill State education requirements.

Attendees will learn how to:

* Create a 'same page' understanding of bullying, social aggression and harassment throughout the school

* Teach all staff an easy 4-Step response to stop bullying quickly

* Implement consequences that replace bullying with pro-social behavior

* Teach targets of bullying how to stand up to a bully safely and effectively

* Teach student bystanders to stop others from bullying

* Recognize the dynamics of social aggression

* Apply practical strategies to confront social aggression and cyber bullying

What Students Need to Know About Cyber Bullying

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 05:53:00 +0000

Cyber bullying is intentional wrongdoing and the cyber bully can be held responsible by a court of law under the following circumstances:
-Publishing a false statement about another which is damaging to their reputation
-Publicly disclosing a private fact about another
-Breaking into someone's account
-Purposely causing someone emotional distress

The following actions may be considered criminal, regardless if it happens online or directly:
-Making threats of violence to people or their property
-Trying to force someone to do something he or she doesn't want to do
-Sending obscene or harassing text messages, emails, pictures, telephone calls, etc.
-Harassment or stalking
-Creating or sending sexually explicit images of teens (considered child pornography even if sent by another child)
-Taking a photo of someone in place where privacy is expected (locker room, bathroom, etc.)

(c) 2009 http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=4enbmwcab.0.0.jt48c7bab.0&ts=S0385&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.balanceeducationalservices.com%2F&id=preview
Permission is granted to use this article with full credit.

For more information and other bully prevention strategies, contact Balance Educational Services at 1-802-362-5448 info@BalanceEducationalServices.com

Is Your Staff Really Prepared To Stop Bullying???

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:47:00 +0000

"It is clear that, without intervention, bullying can lead to serious social, emotional, physical, academic, and legal problems for those involved. It is also clear that comprehensive efforts involving school staff, parents, students, and the broader community are likely to reduce and preavent bullying more effectively than a single, isolated approach. While studies of successful anti-bullying programs are somewhat scarce in the United States, evaluation data from other countries suggest that a comprehensive approach can change student attitudes and behaviors and increase adults' willingness to intervene. Although teachers, counselors, and parents may be able to deal with individual cases of bullying as they come up, such interventions are unlikely to have a significant impact on the incidence of bullying at school. Bullying often goes undetected by teachers, school staff, and parents. In fact, adults typically identify less than 10 percent of bullying incidents -- partly because bullying tends to occur in unsupervised areas and partly because many adults simply do not understand the dynamics of bullying. Adults throughout the school community -- including administrators, teachers, health personnel, bus drivers, and cafeteria workers -- require training on this important issue if they are to understand, recognize, and know how to deal with bullying.
The entire school, as well as the broader community, must further be involved in bullying prevention efforts in order to create a positive climate in which caring and considerate interactions thrive and aggressive actions are deemed unacceptable. Isolated prevention and intervention strategies do not alone allow for the promotion of norms against bullying. Young people require positive modeling, proactive instruction, and ongoing support if they are to make decisions and take actions in favor of potential victims and in opposition to potential aggressors." Exploring the Nature and Prevention of Bullying

When was the last time your staff received effective, high quality bullying prevention training? Call or email 1-802-362-5448 or info@BalanceEducationalServices.com to schedule a Fall '09 professional development presentation.

Teen Commits Suicide Due to Bullying: Parents Sue School for Son's Death

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 21:28:00 +0000

Eric Mohat, 17, was harassed so mercilessly in high school that when one bully said publicly in class, "Why don't you go home and shoot yourself, no one will miss you," he did.
In a federal lawsuit, the parents of Eric Mohat allege that their son committed suicide after being tormented by bullies at his Mentor, Ohio, High School. They say the school knew about the bullying and failed to protect their son.

Now his parents, William and Janis Mohat of Mentor, Ohio, have filed a lawsuit in federal court, saying that their son endured name-calling, teasing, constant pushing and shoving and hitting in front of school officials who should have protected him.
The lawsuit -- filed March 27, alleges that the quiet but likable boy, who was involved in theater and music, was called "gay," "fag," "queer" and "homo" and often in front of his teachers. Most of the harassment took place in math class and the teacher -- an athletic coach -- was accused of failing to protect the boy.
"When you lose a child like this it destroys you in ways you can't even describe," Eric Mohat's father told ABCNews.com.
The parents aren't seeking any compensation; rather, they are asking that Mentor High School recognize their son's death as a "bullicide" and put in place what they believe is a badly needed anti-bullying program.

By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES ABC News

Is Your Camp Staff Really Prepared to Stop Bullying???

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:11:00 +0000

It's that time of year... when parents are preparing to send 10 million of their children to summer camp. 1 in 5 American kids will be away from home this summer, facing everything from bug bites to bullying in the cabin.
That's right. Bullying - from gossiping, name-calling, and shunning to punching, hitting, and physical intimidation - isn't reserved for the schoolyard. It's a growing problem for summer camp directors, camp counselors, and the parents of their campers.

There is something camps can do about bullying. Mike Dreiblatt uses interactive techniques - such as role-playing and lots of audience participation - to help camp counselors and staff find the most effective ways to recognize, prevent, and stop bullying from "day one".
Why is bullying important right now? With an increase in bullying awareness, parents are anxious about sending their kids far away from home. They know that bullying not only undermines a child's self-worth but also makes the target feel intimidated, threatened, unsupported, and unsafe (physically and emotionally).
With a downturn in the economy, parents are also weighing how they spend money. The result? Parents wonder whether it's worth footing a summer camp's hefty bill.
Here's the good news! Camps that offer bullying prevention training reassure worried parents and campers that they are able to nip the problem in the bud. When campers have safe and happy times away from home, they thrive. When the summer camping experience is positive, camp reputations are strengthened, enrollments increase, and existing campers return year after year.
Balance Educational Services, a Manchester Center, Vermont-based consulting and training company, has provided custom-designed student presentations, staff workshops, and parent workshops to school systems and summer camps across the country. Its goal is to teach people how to recognize and minimize bullying and other forms of anti-social behavior in children and supervising adults.

School Shooters Were Bullied

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Fri, 01 May 2009 17:21:00 +0000

As we look back on the tenth anniversary of the Columbine High School tragedy, we need to remember that bullying was a major factor in over 40 school shootings that took place during the past decade. Bullying can also lead to suicide, severe depression and anxiety, truancy, and dropping-out of school. We need to find a way to stop bullying in schools and to refute assumptions that this behavior is normal.
We need to create communities in schools and raise awareness of all parties involved including victims, bullies, and bystanders so that school social hierarchies are dismantled and students treat each other with sincere appreciation and respect.
Evidence suggests strong school communities -- where kids feel like they can come forward with problems -- can prevent violent crime.
"The first and best line of defense is always a well-trained, highly alert staff and student body," said Kenneth Trump, president of National School Safety and Security Services, an Ohio-based firm specializing in school security.
"The No. 1 way we find out about weapons in schools is not from a piece of equipment [such as a metal detector] but from a kid who comes forward and reports it to an adult that he or she trusts."
A 2008 Secret Service report found that in more than 80 percent of instances of school violence, at least one person, usually a fellow student or peer, had knowledge of the attackers' plans. If people who suspect a problem feel comfortable enough in school to tell a teacher or a principal, then attacks could be prevented.
Make sure your staff receives effective, high quality bullying prevention training. Call or email 1-866-768-4803 or info@BalanceEducationalServices.com to schedule a Fall '09 professional development presentation. www.Balance EducationalServices.com

Contributors John D. Sutter,CNN Jessie Klein, www.huffingtonpost.com

Teenage Girls Stand by Their Man

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 16:50:00 +0000

Just read an interesting article about the pop singer Chris Brown, 19, who faces two felony charges for allegedly beating his girlfriend, the pop singer Rihanna, 21 (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/19/fashion/19brown.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2&th&emc=th ). In this article many of the girls defended Chris Brown and were angry at Rihanna.

“I thought she was lying, or that the tabloids were making it up,” one girl said.
Even after they saw a photo of Rihanna’s bloodied, bruised face, which had raced across the Internet, they still defended Mr. Brown. “She probably made him mad for him to react like that,” the other ninth grader said. “You know, like, bring it on?”

I don’t know what the true circumstances wee of this particular case, but I do know people often blame victims and protect aggressors. I have seen this in bullying situations, dating violence, and spousal abuse situations. For lessons on teaching empathy, friendship and respect go to http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/resources.html

Celebrity Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana was bullied, too!

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 11:05:00 +0000

Celebrity Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana was bullied, too!

Our most popular blog hits are about celebrities who were bullied as children. Here’s another. Miley Cyrus is coming out with a memoir "Miley Cyrus: Miles to Go," and in the book the teen star describes in depth the bullying she received from the "the Anti-Miley Club" in her pre-teen years growing up in Tennessee.

"The girls took it beyond normal bullying. These were big, tough girls," Cyrus says in the book, which hit stores on Tuesday. "I was scrawny and short. They were fully capable of doing me bodily harm."
During one of those instances, the mean girls locked Miley in the bathroom during class. "They shoved me in. I was trapped. I banged on the door until my fists hurt. Nobody came," she writes. "I spent what felt like an hour in there, waiting for someone to rescue me, wondering how my life had gotten so messed up."
Miley also describes how the girls escalated their bullying on the future star by confronting her and challenging her to a fight. "It seemed like Operation Make Miley Miserable was escalating to a new level. More like Operation Take Miley Down," she recalls. "Three girls strutted up and stood towering over me. My stomach churned. I clutched my grilled-cheese sandwich like it was the hand of my best friend. It pretty much was my best friend those days. I was done for.
"They started cussing me and telling me to get up. I sat there, frozen. I didn't know what to do," she continues about the incident, which ended when the principal stepped in. "Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't chicken. What could they do to me? I was surrounded by people. I stood up, still a foot shorter then they were, and said, 'What's your problem? What did I ever do to you?' "
Her classmates also teased her about her family, telling her, "Your dad's a one-hit wonder. You'll never amount to anything — just like him."

Some celebrities were bullied as children and became celebrities as adults. Miley’s stories are examples of a talented person from a celebrity family getting picked on. Sharing these stories about a teen idol being bullied with a youngster who is experiencing bullying can help show that targets are not losers. Targets are just that…targets of people have a need to abuse another. Sometimes misery loves company and if the company is Miley Cyrus, it may be comforting to a target.

Also note that Miley finally stood up for herself in an assertive, yet non-violent manner. It will be interesting to find out more details when the book comes out – especially to find out how well her response to bullying worked. Remember, in our book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression--Elementary Grade Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship, and Respect, we provide many strategies on how a person can effectively stop bullying.

Let us know if you read the book and if any stories ring true to you.
Steve

DVD teaches autistic kids what a smile means

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 15:40:00 +0000

DVD teaches autistic kids what a smile means is an article about using technology to further social learning. The DVD mentioned in the article teaches autistic children how to recognize emotions like happiness, anger and sadness through the exploits of vehicles including a train, a ferry, and a cable car. Has anyone else found technology or software to further social learning?

A Sisterhood of Workplace Infighting

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 15:27:00 +0000

An interesting article concerning women and workplace bullying can be found at http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/11/jobs/11pre.html?_r=1&em. It is called A Sisterhood of Workplace Infighting.

I thought this was an interesting section:

But while women have come a long way in removing workplace barriers, one of the last remaining obstacles is how they treat one another.
Instead of helping to build one another’s careers, they sometimes derail them for example, by limiting access to important meetings and committees; withholding information, assignments and promotions; or blocking the way to mentors and higher-ups.

And if you are a woman and happen to have a female co-worker who is a bully, watch out. A recent study by the Workplace Bullying Institute examining office behaviors like verbal abuse, job sabotage, misuse of authority and destroying of relationships found that female bullies aim at other women more than 70 percent of the time. Bullies who are men, by contrast, tend to be equal-opportunity tormentors when it comes to the gender of their target.

I am interested in hearing if others agree that females tend to bully other females while males bully both male and female. What has been your experience?

You can get more information about workplace bullying at Bnet.com. Go to http://resources.bnet.com/index.php?q=How+to+Handle+a+Workplace+Bully

Movie: An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong -- My thoughts

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:35:00 +0000

I recently viewed the movie An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong. It’s about a fourth grader and her friends who deal with bullying from a more popular girl in their class. I recommend it for kids between 2nd and 5th grade. Older kids might enjoy it, too, and I’m sure can relate to some of the bullying issues and how easily some adults just ‘miss’ the aggressive behaviors that is right in front of their face. Children, parents and educators can all learn good bully prevention strategies which is the strong point of this movie.

The bullying was realistic and showed examples of physical, verbal, social and cyber bullying. Some of the bullying was more sophisticated than average 4th graders might express, but then again, some bullies are way above average. Chrissa, the main victim, and other victims were typical 4th grade girls who, realistically, didn’t know how to deal with the situation. The bullying continued until situations had risen to a level whereby parents and teachers had to be involved. Often, the kids themselves made some very good choices, too, to stop the bullying.

The adults didn’t handle the situations very well at first. For instance, trying to find out who the main culprit was in a given situation, the principal and classroom teacher asked the students for information while all the students - victims, aggressors, and bystanders - were all together. Of course, no one was willing to risk speaking up. Separate discussions would be much more effective. Also, some of the consequences imparted on the aggressors had nothing to do with the bullying. I would have liked to see consequences that would teach pro-social behaviors and empathy instead of suspension and ‘towel clean-up’ that had nothing to do with the offense. Changing behavior and/or teaching replacement skills is a lot more effective in stopping a bully from bullying again. Of course, if the adults had taught all the students how to react to bullying before bullying began, and/or had ‘nipped’ the bullying in the bud before it got severe, this would have been a very short movie.

The movie accurately expressed how confusing a bullying situation can be for any young child. Without information and strategies to deal with bullying, the children in this movie used trial and error solutions such as hiding in toilet stalls, staying home from school, and avoiding after school activities. They were also hesitant to talk to adults. Fortunately, it addressed these realistic responses with ultimately having the children learn that talking to an adult is not tattling, but asking for help. Ultimately, the adults were very helpful. To move the story along, the writer had them be somewhat clueless and naïve at first, but they were always supportive and came through in the end to help the victims.

The movie is enjoyable to watch and many youngsters will be able to relate to the storyline. I recommend the movie as an opportunity to discuss bullying with children and strategies they can implement if they are bullied or witness bullying. In real life, we want kids and adults to know how to stop bullying before it becomes an abusive situation that last for weeks. At the risk of being self-serving, using the lessons and activities in our book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression would help children learn the skills the characters in the movie would have appreciated, such as how to stand up to a bully, how to stop a peer from bullying another, and how to determine when talking to an adult is telling and not tattling.

Check out the table of contents of our book to get idea of what skills kids need to develop to stop bullying. Or, for sample lessons go to http://balanceeducationalservices.com/resources.html

If you saw the movie, share your thoughts.

Steve

Radio Interview Posted

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 20:53:00 +0000

Happy New Year everyone!

We have a new 20 minute radio interview posted to our website. It’s a clear, concise and interesting (even if I say so myself) interview by veteran radio man Rich Ryder of WBTN in Vermont, USA. On our "media page" click on the link under "Hear Mike and Steve" that reads "Radio Interview - WBTN."

Feel free to share the interview with any friends, or friends who have children or students, who are having issues with bullying.

We wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous 2009

Steve

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 03:10:00 +0000

Just read a interesting story about offensive lineman for the University of Nebraska, Matt Slauson. Slauson talks honestly about problems faced by children who are different. In Matt’s case, the differences were his stuttering and his size. Life can have extra challenges for those who are different, but Matt faced his speech challenges head on. He also used his size to his advantage. See our November 25th blog about ending bullying by building up socially acceptable skills. Read the story about Matt at http://www.ketv.com/cnn-news/18336632/detail.html. Get bully prevention resources at http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/resources.html.
Mike

Boy Breaks Gender Barrier to Compete at Apollo Theater

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 18:02:00 +0000

Today's online version of the NY Times features of video of ZeAndre Orr, a Brownsville 5th grader at P.S 323, who weathered physical bullying and verbal harassment to follow his heart and join his school's double dutch jump rope team. Double dutch jump rope has long been a largely female sport and ZeAndre is one of only two male jumpers on his school's team.

Name calling, pushing, shoving, and tripping followed ZeAndre's decision to join the team. At one point, he was kicked down a flight of stairs. Although ZeAndre did consider quiting to avoid the bullying and harassment, he persisted in his dedication to the sport. ZeAndre was rewarded for his efforts with admittance into the annual Holiday Classic Double Dutch Competition at the famed Apollo Theater, one of the largest double dutch competitions in the country. Only the best jumpers from P.S. 323 were chosen to represent their school at the competition.

I really admire ZeAndre for not allowing others to keep him from participating in his chosen activity. As educators, we try to encourage children to find an activity they truly enjoy and pursue it with passion. It isn't easy to do this when there is community prejudice or a lack of support. Back when I was growing up, girls who wanted to participate in "boy" sports, such as soccer or baseball, were regularly taunted. Whether you are a girl breaking into a "boy " sport, or a boy breaking into a "girl" sport, the road to admittance is a tough one.

Of course, sports are not the only activities children can pursue. Art, music, writing, hiking, and woodcraft are just some of the additional possibilities. For ways to encourage your child to find their own niche, check the parent and student links on our Resources Page, have your school book a Parenting a Well Rounded Child workshop, or see our book, How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression: Elementary Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship and Respect.

To see the video about ZeAndre Orr, click here:
http://video.nytimes.com/video/2008/12/18/nyregion/1194835807850/brooklyns-jazzy-jumpers.html?th&emc=th.

Do you, your child or someone you know have experience in breaking gender boundaries? I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Karen

Another Celebrity Steps Up to Stop Bullying

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 01:03:00 +0000

We get a lot of hits when we write about celebrities and bullying. Here's another story:

Lord of the Rings star Sir Ian McKellen went back to his home town in Wigan, UK to help a school launch a project to combat homophobic bullying (article). He’s working with a charity to promote safe and inclusive learning environments for youngsters and establish practical methods of addressing homophobia in schools.

Let’s hope that Gandalf the Wizard and/or Magneto (in the X-Men movies) can influence the kids to be more respectful and tolerant. Hollywood can influence kids to be naughty or nice. Here’s another example of using star-power for good.

If any of our UK readers have more details about Sir Ian's involvement with his hometown schools, please send it along.

Send any stories about celebrities helping to stop bullying. We'll post them.

Steve

CB case law is limited...but it’ Growing

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:43:00 +0000

An article published in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch titled New Cyber-Bullying Law Is Being Used In St. Louis Area discusses one of the first lawsuits regarding cyber bullying under the new Missouri law that was passed in response to the suicide of teenage Megan Meier. I recommend reading it.

The available technology and creativity of our species has created a very powerful way to abuse another through various electronic devices. Because of this, 18 states now have laws targeting internet harassment and cyber-stalking. Attorneys have also discovered ways to bring legal action against an accused cyber-bully based on pre-existing torts and criminal laws.

In this story, a teen girl is accused of sending harassing text messages to the girl and letting friends use her cell phone to leave threatening voice messages. This is an example of ‘Cyberbullying-by-Proxy’ which is the act of a cyber bully getting others to cyber bully the target, even if they don’t know the target.

To limit cyber bullying, keep the school community informed of the issue so you can “nip it in the bud." The best and safest schools and communities are pro-active. Teach kids about the issue, it’s consequences, how to respond if they are victimized or know of someone being victimized.

For more information about cyber bullying, how to respond and prevent it, contact me at Balance Educational Services. We also have free lesson plans to teach empathy, friendship and respect. Let us know your experience and any strategies that have worked for you. We'll pass them along if you wish.

Steve

Teasing vs. Taunting

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:09:00 +0000

DACHER KELTNER wrote a long article entitled In Defense of Teasing (NY Times Magazine 12-5-08). A bit long-winded, in my opinion, but some passages rang true for me. I will share those passages and then my thoughts:

1. Today teasing has been all but banished from the lives of many children. In recent years, high-profile school shootings and teenage suicides have inspired a wave of “zero tolerance” movements in our schools. Accused teasers are now made to utter their teases in front of the class, under the stern eye of teachers. Children are given detention for sarcastic comments on the playground. Schools are decreed “teasing free.”

2. The reason teasing is viewed as inherently damaging is that it is too often confused with bullying. But bullying is something different; it’s aggression, pure and simple. Bullies steal, punch, kick, harass and humiliate. Sexual harassers grope, leer and make crude, often threatening passes. They’re pretty ineffectual flirts. By contrast, teasing is a mode of play, no doubt with a sharp edge, in which we provoke to negotiate life’s ambiguities and conflicts. And it is essential to making us fully human.

3. Teasing is just such an act of off-record communication: provocative commentary is shrouded in linguistic acts called “off-record markers” that suggest the commentary should not be taken literally. At the same time, teasing isn’t just goofing around. We tease to test bonds, and also to create them. To make it clear when we’re teasing, we use fleeting linguistic acts like alliteration, repetition, rhyming and, above all, exaggeration to signal that we don’t mean precisely what we’re saying. (“Playing the dozens,” a kind of ritualized teasing common in the inner city that is considered a precursor to rap, involves just this sort of rhyming: “Don’t talk about my mother ’cause you’ll make me mad/Don’t forget how many your mother had.”) We also often indicate we are teasing by going off-record with nonverbal gestures: elongated vowels and exaggerated pitch, mock expressions and the iconic wink, well-timed laughs and expressive caricatures. A whiny friend might be teased with a high-pitched imitation or a daughter might mock her obtuse father by mimicking his low-pitched voice. Preteens, sharp-tongued jesters that they are, tease their parents with exaggerated facial expressions of anger, disgust or fear, to satirize their guardians’ outdated moral indignation. Similarly, deadpan deliveries and asymmetrically raised eyebrows (Stephen Colbert), satirical smiles and edgy laughs (Jon Stewart) all signal that we don’t entirely mean what we say.

I think teasing is acceptable behavior as long as we define the difference between teasing and taunting (purposeful, hurtful comments). We need to make sure kids understand the difference between playful teasing and hurtful taunting so they can continue to use a very common type of humor, yet avoid bullying and the expression of disrespectful and insensitive behavior. Sharing this knowledge and practicing the skill will help them navigate the very powerful, difficult and fun concept of respectful humor.

The following excerpt from my book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression:
Elementary Grade Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship, and Respect (co-authored by Michael Dreiblatt and Karen Dreiblatt, Corwin Press) expresses how we at Balance Educational Services differentiate good humor and hurtful words.

Teasing is a playful use of humor that brings people together, lightens a mood, enhances a relationship, and makes people laugh. A funny person who can playfully tease is usually popular and able to maintain healthy friendships.

Playful teasing can be a good use of humor when it has the following qualities:
• It isn’t intended to hurt the other person.
• It’s funny in a lighthearted, clever, and gentle way; the comment lightens a mood.
• It’s stated in a tone of voice that is affectionate.
• It is mutual; meant to get both parties to laugh.
• It’s used to bring people closer together and make the relationship stronger.
• It maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved (nobody gets embarrassed or humiliated).
• The teasing can go back and forth—not limited to only one person being allowed to make the comments.
• It is only a small part of the activities between the people involved—teasing doesn’t define the whole relationship.
• It stops if someone becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• No one gets upset or wants revenge.

A person can also make others laugh by using humor inappropriately; this is when humor becomes hurtful taunting. When teasing is misused, purposefully or accidentally, problems tend to follow.
It is hurtful taunting when it has the following qualities:
• It is intended to upset another.
• It is one-sided—one person has a certain power and can make comments, but the other person cannot.
• It is mean, humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted.
• It is meant to diminish the self-worth of the target.
• It induces fear of further taunting or physical bullying.
• It continues even when the targeted person becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• It uses an angry, snide, or sarcastic tone of voice.
• Bystanders laugh, but not the target(s) of the comment.
• Aggressive body language is used—smirking, rolling eyes, raised hip, shaking head back and forth.

After articulating the difference between teasing and taunting (or whatever words is common to your culture) to kids, help them understand the concept by offering short scenarios in which they have to determine if the interchange between the characters is playful or hurtful. For example:

‘As a new student, Bart was still trying to fit in and make friends. At lunch, someone slid a whoopee cushion on Bart’s seat. It made a farting sound when he sat down.

The other kids started calling Bart ‘Bart the Fart.’

Bart asked people to stop calling him ‘Bart the Fart.’ Now they call him ‘Fathead Farty.’

Bart is miserable.’

No one should tease another if they don’t know them well, don’t get along with them, or know they do not like being teased. To do so under those conditions would be taunting. Discuss with your kids or students what topics should never be teased about, such as a person’s religion, body type, etc. to limit hurtful behavior.

Good humor is very difficult to master and instead of prohibiting teasing, which I do not think is practical, I prefer teaching kids to understand what teasing is, to use it appropriately and when to refrain. These lessons will prepare them for the real world, inside and outside of school. Mistakes will still be made and some kids will test the boundaries so adults should be prepared to express respectful reminders and logical consequences that reduce these ‘mistakes.’

I know not every educator agrees with me, so please, share your thoughts.

Steve

YouTube’s Abuse and Safety Center

info@balanceeducationalservices.com (Balance Educational Services) — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 14:58:00 +0000

Cyber bullying began with abusive text messaging, emails and websites. Then it carried over to social networks sites and videos transmitted over cell phones. Videos uploaded to YouTube have become another way to bully.

ISPs (internet service providers), cell phone carriers, social networks sites, and now YouTube have rules against such behavior, but these rules are rarely enforced. Still, the companies which provide the means for cyber bullying are, apparently, trying to take enforcement to the next level. Or so they publicize.

I read an article stating that YouTube, in its desire to be a safe and more appealing destination, has created a section on its site called the Abuse and Safety Center. The section offers information, reporting mechanisms, and resources for privacy and safety issues, including cyber bullying, hateful content and spam.

These providers create the means for reporting and stopping bullying. But users have to take advantage of it. Has anyone found that reporting cyber bullying to an ISP, social network or YouTube has helped stop cyber bullying? Did the service providers respond effectively? Did it empower the victims (targets) of the bullying? I’d like to share your stories on this blog and in our bully prevention presentations to students, educators and parents.

Send us your stories.
Steve