So I end up in SF and go to where I was supposed to be, which was a school. Except I can’t afford the school and have no stuff and was supposed to be just staying the weekend, except now I’m afraid of trains so I don’t want to go back.

These two people I don’t know decide to take me to dinner, to make up for it all, after hearing this story, and try to convince me to stay in SF until Tuesday which I can’t do because I have to work. So we leave the restaurant which is when I go to the bathroom and pee into something called the Infinite Toilet. It had a little sign.

Anyway, I get out of the bathroom and am annoyed that I bought my cat, even though in the dream, a minute before I was saying I couldn’t stay too long because I had to get home to feed my cat. Yeah. Uhm, right so the cat was annoying me and being prickly. So I put her down for a second, so she could ride her motorcycle. Which is when she took off on her motorcycle and drove onto the highway and got killed by a bomb truck from Mario Kart.

That’s when I woke up. And was so profoundly sad because my cat drove her motorcycle and got blown up. It isn’t often I remember dreams this clearly hours later and yet, there you go. Fuck I wish I were making at least some of this up.

I am still oddly sad about the cat. She’s behind me on the back of my chair, sleeping – not on a motorcycle – for the record.

The way it worked turned out to be dead simple. A buyer would want to buy some prime, rare, black velvet Elvis and they would, eventually, ask the right people. Those people would contact Granny, who would then contact the buyer and pose as an agent. She wasn’t mind you, she was a ghost agent. Posed as the agent, did all the visible work and whatnot, but only collected a tenth of the fee. The real agent just made connections, not getting their hands dirty.

Now, surely, you think, Granny could’ve just been an agent herself, directly. Well sure, but agents are only as good as their connections and there you have it, I would think.

Well, but the other question you must have by now is why am I telling you this? Well, bear with me. We only found out, got confirmation of all of this, when Dwayne tried to buy a new piece of, well, we can call it art I guess, art for Granny. Ended up meeting Granny herself in a back alley. The jig, as they say, was up.

So as I was saying back when I started, yes, I’m getting to the point, I know you’re on the edge of your seat there, if someone had killed Granny before I knew about her other life? Well it would’ve been sad. It would’ve been a damned tragedy. But once we knew, well, when she was found dead the whole family guessed why.

Which is where you come in. Did you think we wouldn’t work it all out? The schemes and the plans? The fact that you were sick of her taking the credit, even though it was what you paid her for? Come on, you’re good, but you ain’t smart, know what I mean?

So yeah. That’s why you’re tied to the chair. That’s why we broke your legs. That’s why I had to, I mean we had to, rent this whole warehouse. I don’t care that you hid all this time in some stupid plan. I’m, well we’re going to, the family and I, keep up Granny’s work. And you’ll give us your connections, won’t you? Eventually.

Oh, don’t worry, we won’t harm your face. We need your face. Reference is a great thing to have, sir. I do have to ask though, why fake your own death just to make a killing selling black velvet pictures of yourself?

Eh, it doesn’t matter. Just hold still.

Or else.

I need to go through this point by point. Let’s start at the top. The first thing considered is “Mainstream Publishers/Agents”

They don’t really care whether you self-publish or not. I mean think about this for a moment. If you’re self-publishing, you’re one less manuscript in their slush pile. If you fail, they don’t have to deal with you. If you succeed, then you are a proven quantity to them… a sure thing, which is something publishers like.

Well, yes and no. The thing is that when you list self-published books and then try to get an agent or a publisher they do see it and count it against you. Why? Because it shows that you couldn’t find anyone else on Earth to take a chance on your work. Keep that in mind.

Agents DO discourage self-publishing very often on their blogs and such, but the stigma doesn’t really flow from them. More about that in a minute… [I am skipping down to the "more in a minute part as the rest of this quote] I find it insane that while many in traditional publishing will pontificate about how indie authors aren’t “vetted,” GUESS WHAT? Agents aren’t vetted. Anyone can call themselves an agent and a bad agent is worse than no agent at all. Most top agents aren’t taking on new clients because they don’t have to. They’ve got enough good authors making them plenty of money.

I agree! Agents aren’t vetted, except if you count seeing who their clients are and doing leg-work and vetting them yourself. Which the agent will do with you, as well. No there is no One True Source for it, but there are general rules and guidelines and many lists on-line of bad lit. agents. So… yeah if you do no work there is no master list. So do the damn work yourself.

As far as “agents don’t want new clients” that’s bull. The biggest agents don’t, possibly, but even that isn’t true. How many businesses have you ever in your life heard of who don’t want to make more money? Right.

But they move down to consider Bookstores as a possible source of the stigma.

With bookstores the stigma isn’t so much stigma as shelf-space. While it’s a common belief that self-published books can’t get shelved on brick and mortar bookstore shelves, this is BS. There is a vetting process whereby small press and self-published authors can get their books vetted and into the store, even the MAJOR chains. I know of many self-pubbed authors whose books are sitting on major bookstore shelves.

Wait, so on the one hand they want us to consider that there is no big agency vetting agents so boo, but then champion doing all the legwork to get into stores? That makes no sense to me. None.

So far we’ve established that agents, publishers, and bookstores don’t really “care” whether or not you self-publish. If you’ll note bookstores don’t start big blogs ranting and whining about self-publishing. Neither do publishers. In fact, many are open to the idea of finding authors to sign among those who are successfully self-publishing. They understand due to distribution issues that it’s still hard for an indie to sell a lot of books and they adjust their expectations accordingly. While agents may discourage writers from self-publishing… it would kind of be contradictory to their business model to do anything else. It’s called self-interest, folks, not empirical reality.

Well. Of course these businesses don’t rail against folks that might someday become their clients. Is that supposed to be a knock against them? Do you punch the chef at the restaurant you go to? Of course you don’t. Well, you might. I admit that you might. But I would hope you wouldn’t punch the chef and then expect a great steak, eh? I just don’t get this. It’s obvious reality and not really a strike against anything, is it?

The post goes on about reviews and readers as well. Let’s toss off readers for a second, because while readers might have a stigma against self-pub some might not notice and so on. Fine. Reviewers…

You may still not get reviewed, but… it’s not because of the stigma of self-publishing. It’s because of ALL the books out there and how competitive it is. Most traditional published books don’t get reviewed in major sources either. Also, most major sources for reviews are drying up and being replaced by the voice of readers on book reviewer blogs that gain a following. It is a WHOLE different landscape out there, and yet many are still functioning as if it’s 1999.

I call bullshit. And I am very qualified to call it. I used to review books for Publisher’s Weekly, which does not review Self-Pub and SF Reader, which does (did, they’re gone now). Let me tell you something. My editor at PW never sent me a book I would have thrown across a room. There were books I didn’t like with a passion, and ones I adored, but none that crossed a line into “Dear lord who printed this and thought it was a good idea.”

But at SFReader? I reviewed a bunch of Self-Pub works. Mostly to see! I’m the guy who doesn’t like something so he tries a bunch of it to understand why he doesn’t like it. That’s me. I railed against Twilight and Dan Brown and Harry Potter. But I’ve also gone out of my way to read them, just to know what I was smacking about. So when I tell you that out of every single self-published book I’ve ever read (and I didn’t always know they were before hand but I would check afterward) I found exactly one that was worth reading.

One.

And I reviewed a good number of books, overall. Not all the reviews saw print, even, due to life and time and such events, but I read a bunch and they all stank. One good book. Oh! And one other all right book, that the writer might have a shot in a few years if he keeps it up, but who knows. That’s it. No lie. No exaggeration.

We’ll come back to why this is the case in a minute. Because now the post goes on to place the blame for why there is a stigma around self-publishing. Go on, guess!

Okay… so if the source of the stigma isn’t “really” agents, publishers, bookstores, reviewers, or readers, what is it?

OTHER WRITERS.

Traditionally published authors who get bent out of shape about self-publishing, may, in fact, have a partly altruistic motive of protecting authors from making bad business decisions, though I think the better alternative is to teach a writer how to assess business risk, rather than making up asinine rules like “money always flows to the author.”

However, don’t ever be led to believe it is merely altruism that causes a traditionally published author to rail against self-publishing. Self-publishing is a threat. It doesn’t matter that a lot of self-published work is bad… many trad pubbed authors suffered through years of rejection to get “accepted.” They have been validated by a certain system.

If it becomes socially acceptable to work outside that system, then where does their validation go? It becomes less valuable because readers already don’t care. Bookstores already don’t care. The only people who REALLY care are other writers. And so it’s important to set up this “cult of truth” for writers and make everyone goose step and ostracize those who don’t.

Spoken like someone who hasn’t gotten that validation, huh? I mean wow! Does that whole screed read like “They don’t like us! We’re special flowers and they won’t play reindeer games with us! THEY’RE THE MAN KEEPING US DOWN!” Except it isn’t true. Self-publishing isn’t a threat at all. You know why?

One good book out of the easily hundred self-published that I’ve read. One.

I can’t consider that a threat to fucking well anything. Now, as a writer, my books have been done by small presses. So some big press folk might, and do and have, look down at it as second rate just by that. Fine. But here’s the key. I could find someone who was willing to put their money up on a gamble on my work. It’s a sign. It’s a signal to a reader, to a reviewer, to anyone that there is some faith about the work going in. Maybe a small sign, but in a sea of crap I’ll take what signs I can. I have no agent yet, and that part of the equation keeps me off big press radar and that’s my own damn fault! No one else’s. Certainly not another writer’s.

Look, is publishing broken? Yeah, in a lot of ways. But think of the system like this:

When you go to hire a plumber you want someone certified, right? Your neighbor who swears he can fix the pipes – will you let him? Will you, really? Probably not. That way lies disaster. There is no certification for writers, not really. The closest thing we have is “Someone is willing to risk a lot of money that this book doesn’t suck.” It’s far from perfect, far from it, but it’s better than nothing. Because nothing at all gets you a mass of crap that leaves no one happy.

Am I saying there is never a case to self-publish? Of course not. There are reasons and methods and so on. But they’re small, in my experience. There needs to be some system, even if it is broken and needs fixing, in place to give the reader a chance at finding good works.

Should writing be the only part of the job you have to do? Sure, why not. Agents should find you and publisher’s should sell your work and authors shouldn’t have to be their own sales force, no matter where they are in the greater food chain. I agree. It just isn’t reality. And blaming other writers for that is nonsense.

I know a lot of writers. Far too many, I think sometimes, and we don’t compete. We don’t stab each other in the back and fight it out in the streets like West Side Story. I kinda wish we did, that would be awesome. Instead we write, and we talk about writing and bitch about publishing and get on with our lives and our work. Writer’s don’t tend to have time to give a shit. You know why? Too busy writing. Shocking, I know.

So then, where does the stigma come from? It’s born of the attitudes of the self-publishers! They rail and say “We’re just as good!” and the only hint you have to prove it is to… well… let your neighbor do your plumbing. And if you don’t, well then you’re part of the problem. You don’t “trust him enough.” Yeah, all right, fine, then I’ll be here with my supposed trust issues and a toilet that isn’t broken worse, ya know?

Flat out, if you can’t find anyone, no small press, no large press no agent – utterly no one on Earth willing to sink some money on a bet that your book is worth it? It probably isn’t. Sorry. And if the work is good enough and you just don’t bother? Don’t bitch when you’re lumped with the rest of the crapfest.

I still read some self-published stuff. I don’t review books for anyone anymore, mind you. It made me enjoy reading less, it became work. But I still read constantly and a bit of everything. I keep hoping for that second book to come along and shine in the darkness.

Hasn’t happened.

Now, I admit freely, this was an experiment. I could have just linked the book for download from the post, but I wanted people to have to go that one extra step. I know I download stuff and never get to it. But if I have to do something for a file, I tend to read it way faster. But would people go for it? Would people bother to email an author they probably don’t know and ask for some book they haven’t heard of?

Remember, of course, I have three books out. None of them widely out, my publishers tend to be small, so far. But I ain’t new, is my point. And I was curious. I mean I know you can convert PDF to something a Kindle can read, but it is a bit of work. Doing it the way I did it leaves all sorts of issues and work for the reader. Well, yes, it was the only way I could do it just then and whatnot, but still. Interesting.

So how did it go?

Somewhere around 120 copies were requested. Which is about 115 more than I expected. A lot of that is thank to my wonderful friends who spread the word around, even to a Kindle board. Still. Let’s call it 120 (It was something like 117 but in my counting I know I lost a few for the count so I’m rounding) people that now have a copy of Strange Angel.

• Will any of them read it? Some, but probably not all.
• Will any of them review it on Amazon or a blog or talk about it? A tiny tiny slice might.
• Will any of them want to read something else by me? Well, who the fuck knows. But if they do, hey great.

I admit to being curious about all of those above questions. The answers I have right now are all standard amounts. That’s how this works. Will giving it away for free change those numbers? I want to find out.

Here is the greatest part, though, to me. I got 120 emails yesterday, and replied to each, sending them a file and a short note. Over 98% of those emails thanked me for offering the book, said I was awesome for doing it and were generally excited and polite and thankful. How cool is that?!

At least 30% of the people who got the book replied to my mail with the file to thank me a second time for, I guess, following through. Y’all are a bunch of polite motherfuckers! Cheers!

There was one guy though. I don’t know who he was… but he seemed to imply he read my blog. So maybe he’ll read this. But the note read as follows: “Good luck on being able to offer this in a dead tree edition or kindle-ish thingee at some point in the near future. For pay even.”

Now he didn’t mean anything by it. I know that. It wasn’t meant to be an insult. But first all of… wow. Let’s work backwards. “For pay even,” gleefully implies that I don’t get paid for my writing. Which, uhm, isn’t true. I don’t get paid enough for it to be a living, sure, but Shakespeare gots to get paid, son. And it’s an insulting line, ya know? To go up to a stranger and be like “Maybe some day you’ll be able to get paid for your skills, kid. *patpat*” But the rest of it, too. Man, Strange Angel’s been out since last year. In print. As a “dead tree edition.” I’m not saying I expect anyone to be aware of my tiny career, but if you read my blog maybe you would’ve noticed by now? Somehow? That I’m, whatchamacallit, a writer? Maybe not. Whatever. It just stuck out, you know?

But let’s not let that one guy spoil our beautiful moment together, chickadees. Come over here. No, leave your pants by the door. Where we were? Ah, right. The thing is that, overall, people are nifty. They’re thankful and polite and appreciate stuff. It makes sending 120 emails over the course of 6 hours a little easier.

So to wrap up, really, thank you, to each of you that partook of the offer. I hope you enjoy the book. If you like it, I have other books out you can also buy, if you want. Also, this has put ideas in my head. So expect other experiments in the future, and fun stuff.

So it is read an e-book week or something. And so for today only, until Midnight EST, I make the following offer:

Anyone who emails me [adampknave @ gmail(dot)com] between now and midnight and asks for it, will get the PDF of the entire Strange Angel book. For frees, yo.

What is Strange Angel, you ask?

Susie Sparrow’s life has turned upside down. She’s merged with Ferapont, who says he is an angel, and has dedicated her life to ridding the world of demon possessed people. Unfortunately she is also in High School. Trying to schedule fights around school, hanging out with friends and dinner with the parents might be too much for one girl with large flaming wings to handle. But don’t tell her that. This volume collects all three volumes of the hit novella series as well as the original short story that started it all. As an added bonus it also contains a never before seen end story, exclusive to this volume!

“Strange Angel is fun, scary, gory, action packed, and surprisingly touching… This book is highly recommended for any fans of Buffy or just good, fun, dramatic horror and fantasy.” — D.J. Kirkbride, author of SOULLESS

“Knave’s intense vision is packed with occult thrills. His brutal meditations on the struggle between good and evil create a fast-paced narrative bristling with gothic horror appeal. This dark action series is bound to be popular with fans of the recent surge in horror film.” –John Edward Lawson, author of LAST BURN IN HELL

“And even though I have repeated this time and time again, Knave is one of my favorite writers. His style is intimate and provocative, quietly humorous and always intelligent. He has this amazing ability to make you question everything you believe in, while passing you a beer and telling you a dirty joke. And never was it showcased more then in this series. That’s right, people, Knave has fucking arrived!” -Kelly “Bloodymary” Perry, Horror-Web.com

“If you’ve been missing some Buffy, but want to read something with a unique twist, the Strange Angel series of novellas by Adam P. Knave is a great joyride.” – Adrienne Jones, author of BRINE

So once again it is simple. Email me [adampknave @ gmail(dot)com] and ask for the book and get a shiny PDF in the mail. I’d offer it in other formats if I had it in other formats, but, uhm, I don’t. So this is what I can. Still! Free book! Today only!

Hey guys, the offer is closed. Sorry! But you can, of course, still buy the book at Amazon.

Little Lego guys, with traditional green army men bases, and a jeep and a stretcher! How cute are they? It’s 11 bucks for the set (click here to purchase) and there is a limit of 5 sets per person.

Man I love this so much. So much!

Spider-Man!
Spider-Man!
Prays just like a spider can!
Leans against the Wailing Wall!
Glad he sticks, he won’t fall!
LOOK OUT, GOYIM!
Here prays the Spider-Man!

So anyway, yeah. There’s a guy dressed like Spider-Man, praying at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. Who knows. Israellycool points out that there is a good chance this photo was taken on Purim, given the holiday’s customs of masks and costumes.

Then again… who knows!

I will say that Stan Lee’s “Face front, true believer!” line was never so apt.