Stop Violence Against Women and Children

Trust your instincts when dealing with strangers.

2016-08-23T13:18:00.003-04:00

If someone would have asked when I was much younger, what I would do if ever faced with an abusive relationship...I am certain my response would have been something like this:
Never, I would not allow someone to treat me in any abusive manner and I would get out of the relationship quickly, never to look back.
However, I found myself in such a relationship at one time and now, shake my head at the actual manner of behavior that I tolerated from that relationship.
Always remember to pay close attention to first impressions. They do mean more than we sometimes give them credit. At least it did for me in that situation. My first thought of Stephen Stanko was "shady", "shifty eyes" and a "player". At the time, I was a manager of a small communications store and recall my assistant manager asking what I thought of this guy. She continued on to say, "I think he is crushing on you"..."I think he is interested!" I told her instantly, that I was NOT interested. I repeated the same character perceptions that I mentioned above as my first impression.
I put it out of my mind and carried on at work.
Well, as it were this guy was a new-hire sales rep that worked in the corporate office of the company which owned this store. So...he made his way back to the store too often. He convinced his manager and the owner to allow him to "train" the sales staff in the retail venue. Wouldn't you know...that meant spending more time at the store.
I must say that I stuck to my guns for quite a while and stayed back from his obvious play to get to know me and avoided his flirtations. He was persistent. That persistence would become a trait that eventually played out in my life with serious consequences.
Don't believe everything you see. Don't believe everything you read. Just believe in your gut instincts...they are meant to protect you.
Now, I replay all the times this man was part of my life and shake my head in confusion. Hindsight is indeed 20/20.
I hope you will subscribe, stay tuned and learn more about these predator types that have a reason for everything they do, all that they say and their persistence can be predatory and not at all admiration or affection. In my case, I believe I was a target.
Find out a little bit here...https://www.amazon.com/Watch-Mommy-Die-Michael-Benson/dp/0786024992
If you have been in an abusive relationship or know someone who has or is involved in such, please comment and add to the exposure to Stop Violence!

2015-03-05T20:39:00.000-05:00

Domestic Violence does not discriminate. It is not gender, race or age specific.
This said, if you or someone you know is in a relationship that is abusive, take action to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. No, I do not believe it is necessary to "talk" to the abuser about leaving or plans to leave. That can only infuriate and ignite harsher abuse and can become the very thing that stops you from taking action to leave the relationship.

I have posted about the denial, self-denial and denial of others regarding abuse. For some, it is easier to ignore if signs of abuse are obvious; even visible. But abuse is not something to be ashamed of if you are the abused. It is something that requires a safety net and self-preservation action. Confiding in trusted loved ones, friends or even public officials and counselors will help to prepare the abused in removing themselves from the situation.

During the series of emotional abuse, there are rarely visible signs. It is unlike physical abuse where bruises, marks and even broken bones are obvious...emotional suffering is most often hidden from friends and family. The abused can learn to conceal their true emotional disturbances, can learn to create a false lifestyle by acting as if all is well when inside they are becoming weak and insecure.

During the series of physical abuse, the abused becomes dependent on the abuser when in fact, they should escape the abuser. The reason for dependency in some cases is due to the fear or the hope that the abuser will stop if the abused behaves differently, becomes more loving towards the abuser or just leans on the abuser for security. All of which are false security and rarely if ever eliminates the abuse. The abuser begins to feel more powerful and usually will act more violently towards the abused.

Don't be a victim. Step out of the situation and see it for the reality it is. Get out of the situation as soon as you can safely do so and stay away from the abuser to ensure continued safety. In most cases when the abused returns to the abuser after having previously gotten out of the situation, the likeliness of increased abuse and death occurs.

I would like to find more support for all abused; children, women and men alike to ensure they have a safe haven to escape from all manners of abuse.

Domestic violence is something that can be stopped when respect for humanity exists.

Stanko loses appeal and more Jodi Arias / Murder Cases

2013-03-02T15:15:00.002-05:00

Stephen Stanko loses appeal for 2nd Murder Conviction
Read the news about Stanko's loss on 2nd appeal

Realizing it is the right of the convicted criminal to go through the appeals process, that right seems to
be a bitter reminder of how the victims had their rights taken from them by this very criminal who is exercising every last right he has.
In an effort to stop domestic violence, stalking and all acts of crime - against all people and animals...
the punishment should be swift and harsh. Somehow we seem to protect the criminals in a way that is unsettling. However it is our judicial system and the process in place allows for due diligence in all means of punishment.

I remain conflicted about our court process, the media hype that surrounds most of the high profile cases and the reason we are all so in tune to the goings on in these cases.

Admittedly, I am one of those folks who listen and follow with careful attention to all the details. Quickly pointing out when some media personality gets it wrong. Ratings and high-energy discussions take over the real facts that are revealed in court. When we realize that all of us are tuning into the same information and somehow walking away with a different perspective is amazing to me. That is how the jury responds also...everyone with their own individual take on the case facts as delivered by state and defense.

So, it seems that we will all go on with our opinions and judgements, followed by our conclusions...only to be angered if the outcome of these trials are not what we decided they should be.

In this case of Stephen Stanko (one that is very personal to me) and that of many high profile cases such as Scott Peterson (Lacy Peterson murder), Drew Peterson (Kathleen Savio murder), Casey Anthony (Caylee Anthony murder) and Jodi Arias (Travis Alexander murder) - as well as the infamous O.J. Simpson (Nicole Brown Simpson/Ron Goldman murders) we continue to agree to disagree with the decisions by the juries and the process of the cases in court and in the early investigative processes.

To err is human for sure.

Fight Abuse against Women, Children...Everyone

2010-06-07T19:41:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since my last post and yet I regret the news continues to reveal the staggering reality of violence in our society. There are women disappearing, being abused both mentally and physically, murdered women and children and sadly... we are far from stopping this terrible crime and enforcing the laws that take these violent criminals off the streets.
Our victims suffer greatly. Most times, the victims lose their lives to the hands of these attackers, predators, lovers and yes, even parents. What can be done to solve this increasing problem? We can take a stand against these criminals by electing our politicians that have plans to fight and stop violence in our individual counties, states and ultimately in our Country. We must stop this on a global level. It starts by being observant and keeping a watchful eye in our communities.
What an accomplishment if we can stop one woman and child from falling victim to these violent crimes...one saved a day will make a huge difference in our society.
Check the laws in your state and ask your legislators to improve the system wherever possible to ensure violence against women and children is stopped and justice against those who prey on women & children are punished to the fullest extent of the law.

BREAKING: Stanko sentenced to death

2009-11-19T19:13:00.003-05:00

BREAKING: Stanko sentenced to death

Stanko apologizes to family, tells jury 'My best case scenario is life in prison' - Breaking News - TheSunNews.com

2009-11-19T14:26:00.000-05:00

Stanko apologizes to family, tells jury 'My best case scenario is life in prison' - Breaking News - TheSunNews.com

Stanko trial updates

2009-11-19T13:12:00.000-05:00

Stanko trial updates Stephen Stanko will address the jury... Greg Hembree warns the performance will be "THE performance of his long, horrible career". One that he wouldn't take on under the scrutiny of state's cross examination... There was a look of sadness and shame that I glimpsed in court yesterday; one has to wonder if it is that he is facing is "final act" or does he really know what he has done to so many people and some part of him does understand the totality of it all... In such cases as this, all we can do is face the fact that we will never know for sure. Calculating, manipulation and narcissistic characteristics that reveal violent behavior when a person is exposed for who or what they really are, can only be examined as more of the same when placed in a position to discuss their behavior. Remembering that narcissistic characteristics personality disorder is defined as: a condition in which there is an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with one's self.

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.

Some narcissistic personalities will act out with rage when they feel rejected or threatened.

Stanko's ex-girlfriend says she lived in fear - Local - TheSunNews.com

2009-11-19T09:58:00.000-05:00

Stanko's ex-girlfriend says she lived in fear - Local - TheSunNews.com It's interesting how the media can somehow twist the words and testimonies not always reporting with accuracy... but this sums it up in a nutshell. I hear that a Christian counselor of Stephen Stanko's who once was a school teacher at his middle school, states he is truly remorseful now and has been saved. She doesn't feel it is "prison religion" but it is indeed salvation. One can pray that for his sake, it is true. Mr. Turner and Laura Ling didn't have the choice of life - it was taken from them. May they rest in peace.

Stanko trial punishment phase underway; Check here for the latest

2009-11-18T13:58:00.000-05:00

Stanko trial punishment phase underway; Check here for the latest It was tough; but it is now over.

Stanko sentencing to begin Wednesday - WMBFNews.com | Myrtle Beach/Florence, SC | News, Weather, Sports

2009-11-17T17:27:00.000-05:00

Stanko sentencing to begin Wednesday - WMBFNews.com | Myrtle Beach/Florence, SC | News, Weather, Sports

Stephen Stanko convicted of Conway man's slaying | SCNow

2009-11-16T18:01:00.000-05:00

Stephen Stanko convicted of Conway man's slaying | SCNow

Stanko trial day one concludes; Case resumes at 9 a.m Saturday

2009-11-13T18:06:00.000-05:00

Stanko trial day one concludes; Case resumes at 9 a.m Saturday

Stanko jury qualified, selection to start Friday | SCNow

2009-11-13T10:10:00.001-05:00

Stanko jury qualified, selection to start Friday | SCNow

4 Years to Life -II

2009-11-11T20:29:00.001-05:00

Time is drawing near to this new trial. Every day it seems news reports of this killer's events of the day or how he lives his life behind bars taunt me and prick my core. I say, he is living and two of his victims are no longer allowed to live their lives... He didn't give them a chance to live. So, do we care if he sees the light of day or has the opportunity to see the moon in the evening sky? Why do we want to know if he is allowed to participate in the rehabilitation of prisoners? He isn't - by the way since he is on death row. Yet, we are given this report as it may somehow be important...?
I recall the day he was released from prison after his attack on me and knowing of his extended rap sheet that told of breach of trust, theft, and the list goes on - kidnapping and aggravated assault with intent. Yet, he walked out of prison and within 9 months he had pursued a new life of lies, deception that was so quickly in the works; he was capable of misleading his new victims resulting in murder, rape and a National Media Man-Hunt!
Now, this is not one with a "brain defect" as his defense attorneys would have us believe. It is however the mind of a narcissistic, psychopath that is capable of manipulation and calculating behavior. So much the need in him for praise and admiration that he allows another trial for murder to take place when he should plead guilty and save the people of whom he has harmed beyond his own imagination the pain of enduring this ordeal again! To face him once more, for me is agony. It has been 13 years and 9 months since he turned his violence on me - yet I still live it daily.

Narcissistic

4 Years to Life

2009-11-10T10:26:00.000-05:00

Well, here we are again... it's time for yet another trial of Stanko. It never ceases to amaze me that this man who entered my life in 1992 has made it necessary to remain involved in some way all these years; long after his last attempt to control me. In the manner of control, there are mind games, lies, excessive anger and yes... kindness. Just the same, the abuse can form in many ways. He still takes a piece of life from me it seems each time I have to face the past and explain it in detail to strangers.
He is on trial for the murder of a 74 year old man who in my best estimation had only known him for about 8 months. I knew him for 4 years before he violently attacked me. Many days I find myself asking; "Why am I still here?"
If you feel that your attacker has made the effort to take your life or that of your child and God interceded to foil his plan and lead you (your child) out of harm's way... please add a post and let's discuss the ways we are here by the Grace of God and in that blessing; we should help others.
That is how I believe my life is to move forward. In helping others; we ultimate heal ourselves.
God Bless.

A lasting effect

2009-10-22T14:20:00.000-04:00

It comes to mind today that once you become the target of someone's violence or domestic abuse of any kind, the effect lives on. Yes, we move forward; taking strides in our "normal" life to take back what sense of ourselves were taken from us without any consideration of the long-term affects.
My own personal incident was in 1996. I have relived it more than once and today, well, I learned that I will relive it again next month. You see, violence doesn't end with us. It may begin with us. If the offender is free, there will be more victims taken and more violent crimes occurring.
To take control; we must ensure punishment to fit the crime is in place for such violence to end.
My attacker only improved his skills while serving time in prison. Two of his other 3 victims are no longer here to tell their story. Therefore, those of us left with a voice must speak out for those whose voice was silenced.
I pray for their peaceful resting and for justice to serve them.