Stop Your Divorce Save Your Marriage

7 Steps on How to Save a Relationship

2011-04-27T08:47:00.001-06:00

Jim works long hours and Lisbet doesn’t feel he is there for her. Lisbet spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs? Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved? Here’s how to save a relationship.

First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving. While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work. Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children. But that is not enough. How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.

Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship. One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups. In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem. For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse. While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship. If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship.

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns. Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday. If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another. And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.

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Ending a Relationship Breaking Up is Hard To Do

2011-04-27T08:39:00.000-06:00

Does your to-do list look something like this:
· Walk dog
· Water plants
· Break up with significant other

Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybody’s calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the “expire by” date just because breaking up is hard to do.

Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window.

Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says “it’s caput.”

How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?

You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest. That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.

Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.

Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion.

Don’t put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the break up. Your partner may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to their needs.

Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say things they don’t really mean. Let these words roll off of your back.

Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.

But don’t let them make you feel guilty. You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.

Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”

That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.

However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.

Consider your options for both. I highly recomend this book CLICK HERE

How can I Get my Ex Back with a Confident Attitude

2011-04-19T12:23:00.000-06:00

Although a breakup with a boyfriend or with a girlfriend can be really depressing, it does not need to mean that the relationship is over. Even if the breakup should suddenly leave you feeling confusion and loneliness, you may still feel really eager to heal the wounds and jump right back in to that relationship with your ex. If you are asking yourself "How can I get my ex back?", then there are some things you need to know. If you learn how to react following a break up, and you become aware of how not to strain the relationship even further, then getting ex back will be easier than ever.

It can seem hard to keep up a cheerful attitude throughout your day following a breakup, but it is believed by relationship experts believe that an optimistic and confident attitude can go a long way. Here are some of the ways that a confident attitude can answer the question "how can I get my ex back?"

Keep your confidence - If you are asking "how can I get my ex back?", then you should remain confident. Rather than going around feeling gloomy, try to find ways that you can keep yourself occupied and happy. Keep the depression out of your demeanor. Allow your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to know that you are strong and that you are more than capable of handling such an emotional situation, and also that you are capable of surviving on your own as well.

Remain socially active - If getting your ex back is your primary focus, surround yourself with well wishers, positive attitudes and good friends. Show your ex that people appreciate you, and that they love having you around. As more people begin to feel good about your presence in their lives, your ex will begin to see you in a completely new light. He or she will realize that yes, you are a good person that they simply cannot afford to let go of. This is one of the best ways to let your ex notice you in a new light.

Maintain a good appearance - Another solution to "How can I get my ex back?" is not to let your appearance reflect your situation. You need to pay attention to every detail of your looks, including your clothes, your make up, your hair, your stride, your shoes and even your voice. It can be hard to act happy or to take care of yourself following a bad breakup, but this is one of the best ways that you can let your ex know that you are doing just fine, and do not need to beg for his or her sympathy. You are going to get back together like adults who are mature and responsible if you are going to get back together at all.

Watch this video to learn more CLICK HERE

5 Ways to Get Back at Your Ex

2011-04-19T09:30:00.000-06:00

Relationships are fragile bonds that need to be built up and maintained in order to keep them healthy and allow them to flourish. Unfortunately, break ups do happen, and they are nerve wracking, stressful and frustrating. If you are involved in a relationship that breaks up, you may be thinking that you want to get back at your ex but is this really the best step to take? One of the most influential ways that you can actually get back at your ex will not only put your ex in an interesting predicament, but it may also repair the relationship by showing your ex how important you are and were to them. So not only are these 5 tips to get back at your ex but they are also excellent methods for getting your ex back as well.

For more tips and strategy, CLICK HERE

1 - Be strong. No one needs the needy, and this saying applies very well when it comes to broken up relationships. You need to stop begging, clinging or exhibiting the behavior of someone who is feeling desperate. Let your ex think that you have moved on just fine without them by acting strong and moving on. When you've moved on, your ex will realize that they have not.

2 - Minimize communication. Closing the doors of communication may appear counterintuitive when your primary focus is to rekindle things, but it is one of the most important steps when getting back at your ex or getting your ex back. Take a break from your ex, close off communication, and let him or her stew for a little while without any contact. This will allow your ex to clear his or her mind and realize how valuable your relationship was.

3 - Be flexible. Do not be forceful with your ex, demanding that they move out, or pick their things up by a certain date. Be flexible, be a listener and a sympathizer. Your ex will be surprised when they see this side of you, and it may inspire them to build the lines of communication that were lacking when the breakup came into play.

4 - Get the heck out! This is no time for you to be alone. Call your friends and get out of the house. Develop a social network and enjoy some entertainment in your life. This may not mean you need to date, or even pay attention to the opposite sex, but you do need to be getting out and enjoying your time with your friends. Not only will this be therapeutic for you, but it will also help convince your ex that they lost a gem.

5 - Simply be yourself. There was a really good reason for why you and your ex had a relationship to begin with, so go back to being yourself and let your ex remember why they loved you in the first place. This renewed self perception of your own self will surely rub off on your ex as well.

Men and Women approach things differently

2011-04-10T23:05:00.002-06:00

Women are NOT cars that break down and need to be fixed. Women are more like flowers that need to be showered with understanding and love.

For a more in depth explination click HERE

What it means:

Men and women do not approach emotional upsets the same way.

Men go to a space by themselves and then figure out a 'solution'.

While...

Women prefer to have someone listen, validate their feeling with words AND emotions.

Example:

Tom forgets to grab the milk that Michelle asks him to pick up on his way home.

Michelle has had a bad day, and barks at Tom when he shows up without the milk.

Tom, thinking like a man, says he'll go get the milk after dinner and thinks that'll be the end of Michelle's anger. (the FIX)

But...

During dinner he can still feel Michelle's anger.

Tom returns the anger with anger and the whole 'milk situation' explodes into WWIII.

Now imagine...

If when Tom returned home...(he would've looked deeper and realized this was about more than just

the milk)

Michelle: Where's the milk?

Tom: Oh CRAP! I totally spaced it out!

Michelle: It figures. (angrily)

Tom: (Taking Michelle in his arms) I can't believe I forgot the milk. I've been so forgetful lately.

Michelle: (cooling down) It's okay. It's not a big deal.

Tom: No, it is a big deal. (cupping Michelle's face in his hands) I love you, you're just as busy as I am and I shouldn't forget such a small request.

Michelle: (big smile) Ooooh...I've just had a bad day and felt totally unappreciated. I shouldn't be such a grump. You're so sweet.

Tom: It's okay...I was a bad boy...You can punish me later after I get the milk. What happened today?

Michelle: Mmmmm...(and she tells him about her day.)

Now, I used 'milk' as a small example.

What's important to understand is that you don't HAVE to solve every problem.

If your break up was over 'money'...more than likely...it wasn't REALLY over 'money', anymore than the argument between Tom and Michelle was about the milk.

Take baby steps to get you from Break Up to

2011-04-07T23:17:00.000-06:00

Take baby steps to get you from Break Up to Make Up

What it means:

Often guys and gals try to take too big a step when trying to patch things up with their ex. They want their ex to 'take them back' or 'forgive them' all at ONCE.

These are HUGE leaps.

What is effective in the re-bonding process is itty bitty steps.

Grabbing coffee together is a much smaller step than 'getting back together'...and even smaller than 'going on a date'.

Still...

Grabbing coffee may still be too big a step, might try starting with a smaller step?

In fact...

Many times...taking a step 'back' is the best course of action.

Here's a video that explains how. VIDEO

Be Original It's Much More Effetive

2011-04-06T20:20:00.000-06:00

What's different stands out. In a world of text messages, IMs and email...sending a HANDWRITTEN letter to your ex is MUCH more emotional and effective than sending 4 screens full of text message.

What it means:

One of the most powerful things you can do to create a vacuum and have your ex possibly pursue

you...is to AGREE with a break up in a hand written note.

BE CAREFUL! What you say in the note and how you say it can have positive or negative effects. For an outline of what to put in your note watch this VIDEO

What men really want

2011-04-05T13:10:00.000-06:00

What men want more than a pretty face or teeny waist is to be ADMIRED by their partner.

What it means:

Many women believe men have an affair with the 'secretary' because she's hot, young or has some 'physical' attribute she lacks.

The truth is most men that have affairs are CRAVING admiration.

At home, many men feel nagged. At the office, they are the 'hero'. If a man doesn't feel admired at home, he becomes easier prey for any woman that makes him feel respected and admired.

When a woman makes her man feel admired she cloaks him in 'anti-slut' armor because most men

would do just about anyting to NOT lose her admiration.

Premature Reconciliation

2011-04-05T11:07:00.006-06:00

What it means:

When a guy or gal is trying to win back the affections of their ex...many times they start to make headway...but then go too far when the ex shows signs of reattachment.

For example...

Tom calls Sally and they set up a little coffee talk...and it goes well...BUT rather than leaving after 20 minutes or so...Tom continues and tries to move forward too fast. And even if Sally brings up getting back together first...Tom's response should NOT be YIPEE! He'd be much better off staying calm and saying something like...

"Let's take it slow and see how it goes."

Women I email and talk with...often make the mistake of 'sleeping with their ex' too soon. (classic Premature Reconciliation)

For more on Premature Reconciliation CLICK HERE

Fix A Relationship Or Win An Ex Back

2011-04-04T13:48:00.004-06:00

You'll fix a relationship or win an ex back faster if you focus on increasing the PASSION and connection in your relationship before focusing on the PROBLEMS of your relationship.

What it means:

Big problems in a relationship will almost fix themselves if there is enough passion in a relationship...BUT... Even the smallest problems will seem like mountains if there's NO passion.

A small emotionally charged date will go much farther healing a relationship...than having a two hour conversation about why the affair happened.

To read more CLICK HERE