Humor Unplugged

Next up – reservation for celeb lookalikes

2012-01-24T10:39:00.001+05:30

In a major policy turnaround, the Indian government today indicated that it could seriously consider a proposal to offer 3 percent reservation to celeb lookalikes provided enough consensus emerges on the issue.

Speaking exclusively to Humor Unplugged union law minister Salman Khurshid stated that the Indian government will not object to the proposal provided it gets enough support from the civil society. “Yes, we can consider the proposal favourably; but, we need to garner support from different constituents of the civil society and arrive at a consensus on the issue without involving Twitter,” Khurshid said.

V V S Laxman lookalike posing for a pic in
an Aussie publication

The demand for reservation for celeb lookalikes had arisen after Humor Unplugged published a story about a lookalike of star Indian Batsman V V S Laxman getting a job as a model for articles appearing in a publication called Australian IT down under. The story caused a minor outrage (covered by two regional news channels in Tripura) in the country with three former rioters starting an online petition campaign to ask the government to do more to help the celeb lookalikes.

Times are bad not just for celebs, but for their lookalikes too

2012-01-24T10:31:00.000+05:30

Unlike the Times of India journalists who beat around the bush in the first para of their stories, Humor Unplugged gets straight to the point.

Now we all knew that the senior members of the Indian cricket team were going through a rough patch. But we didn’t realize that things had just taken a turn for the worse till we came across a story in the publication Australian IT featuring a V V S Laxman lookalike. When Humor Unplugged got in touch with the dude in question, he told us a story that was sad and worthy of a 3 hour documentary.

Thats Lachman in the pic

“There were simply no opportunities. No good ads, no movie offers no nothing. I was sitting on my laptop doing nothing for ages before I decided to move on. That was when I got this offer from an Australian daily to pose for their images. I immediately accepted the offer knowing fully well that this would be my last chance to do anything gainful considering the fact that my celeb is also in danger of losing his place in the Indian playing XI. The government is not doing anything for us and it seems like it is a curse to have a face that resembles a celeb. Unless the government does more and starts providing us jobs and free pension, things won’t change,” said Venkataratnam Narasimha Lachman, the V V S Laxman lookalike.

Other celeb lookalikes contacted by Humor Unplugged resonated Deviah’s thoughts and urged the government to come to their support by giving them reservations in public and private sector jobs. “If the government doesn’t intervene, we will soon be forced to change our faces and our professions as we are no longer in demand,” said Doofy Lahiri, an economy sized lookalike of Bhappida.

Rajasthan cops will script Mahesh Bhatt movie

2012-01-23T09:40:00.002+05:30

After spinning a yarn over Salman Rushdie’s visit to Jaipur, Rajasthan cops got an offer from the not so noted director\producer Mahesh Bhatt to pen his next movie.

Humor Unplugged has learnt that Mahesh Bhatt has approached a bunch of Rajasthan cops with an offer to script his next movie. The offer was formally made on Saturday evening while the controversy over the alleged role of Rajasthan police in cooking up a false story over a threat to Rushdie snowballed into prime time news worthy controversy.

While home ministry sources in Delhi were tight lipped on the whole affair, we did manage to get a sound bite from a cop who was involved in creating the Rushdie threat story. “Yes, we have received a note from Mr Bhatt and it clearly states that we are being offered a movie. We are seriously considering the offer and the fact that the role of a script in a typical Bhatt movie is negligible also makes the proposal quite attractive. We can write a decent story in a couple of hours,” a senior cop said.

Mahesh Bhatt claimed that script was not an important part of his movies. “In most of my movies, I figured out the script after the shoot was over,” Bhatt said trying to scratch his back.

An angry Rushdie meanwhile said that he was not going to write mushy mails to any lady for the next three hours to register his protest over the incident. He was also upset with the fact that he was not trending on Twitter in India when the controversy broke out. “Some barking journo was trending along with all kinds of inanimate things but the entire twitter community in India ignored me the way Padma Lakshmi used to do while pub hopping,” a visibly miffed Rushdie said.

Oprah Winfrey’s Bollywood rendezvous

2012-01-17T20:32:00.003+05:30

Oprah Winfrey landed on Indian shores a day ago. While every other blog or news site will tell you how much she enjoyed the trip, we beg to differ. Not only was Oprah tired and fatigued by the visit but she also had to put up with a bunch of clowns who tested her patience and tolerance till the very end of her day today. Humor Unplugged gives you the exclusive story.

The first person she met today morning was Bollywood’s own Acting Deficit Syndrome (ADS) patient Kareena Kapoor. As per Oprah’s wish, she met a group of 'special' actors suffering from Acting Deficit Syndrome. Oprah treated the Kareena with warmth and asked her about her movies. Kareena meanwhile had just one question for Oprah. “How many item numbers have you done to attain such a high level of popularity in Hollywood,” Kareena asked. Oprah didn’t understand the question; but when an aide explained the concept of item number to her, Oprah didn’t bother to stop and answer. She just walked away.

Oprah with the Bachchan family.
Amar Singh is in the trunk

As she stepped back into her hotel, she was introduced to another unique talent from Bollywood. World’s only actor to run on Android OS walked in and greeted a surprised Oprah. Rampal told a puzzled Oprah that developers were still working on his facial expressions and that his next release (Rampal 2.3) will have advanced features such as eye brow and cheek movement. Oprah found the concept quite advanced and told Rampal that they should make an Indian version of Terminator with him in the lead.

Meanwhile out of nowhere John Abraham walked into the room unannounced in his jocks, hoping to impress Oprah. Oprah promptly donated a few clothes to the actor and asked him to get in touch with Harpo foundation in case he needed more help and support for rest of the winter. As Oprah was about to close the door, someone grabbed her arm and stopped her. “Ab bach key kahan jaoogiii (How will you save yourself?)” was the question the guy asked. It was none other than famous villain of yesteryears Prem Chopra who was trying out one of his famous moves on the startled lady.

A freaked out Oprah didn’t wait to exchange pleasantries and started running towards the lift. As she rushed, two senior citizens stopped her and blocked the entrance. Noted filmmakers Yash Chopra and Mahesh Bhatt were standing outside the elevator with a Clint Eastwood style minimized vision look. While Chopra was waving something resembling a script, Bhatt was waving a tweezer and said he will finalize the script after the shoot is over. Chopra wanted to cast Oprah in Dhoom 3 while Bhatt wanted her to be a part of Murder 3 with the human vacuum cleaner Emran Hasmi.

Chopra was the first one to approach Oprah, mumbling in true Chopra style. On the other side Bhatt, scratching his chest said "hey the babes, would you the likes to do the movies with the me?" This time Oprah was saved by her bodyguards who pushed the two senile delinquents aside. The hotel gave Oprah a new room with more privacy and staff were instructed not to allow anyone inside or in the vicinity.

However, by evening, another crowd consisting of winners of Indian 'reality' shows such as Roadies and Indian Idol gathered outside her room and urged her to adopt one of them (They were under the impression that Oprah was in India to adopt).

As she retired to bed thinking it was all over, she heard a mongrel howl outside her hotel. When she peeped from her window, she realized it was not a hound but a man. The man in question was none other than Himesh Reshamiya who was practicing for an upcoming event. Oprah fainted.

BCCI mulling VRS for senior players

2012-01-17T10:12:00.000+05:30

Tired of coaxing senior players to hang up their boots, the BCCI, according to sources has decided to give the golden handshake to them. A decision to this effect was taken at an emergency meeting of the steering committee of BCCI on Monday and the same will be conveyed to the honourable players by the end of this week.

Sources in the BCCI told Humor Unplugged that the quasi political body has worked out a deal that would allow seniors to exit without hurting their ego. The deal could include a statue of each one of them along with a golden plaque in stadiums across the country and probably a seat in the Rajya Sabha for those interested in testing the political waters. Those who want to chase records will be allowed to do so in the Ranji trophy matches.

“Yes we have finalized a package for each one of them. We want to make sure that their exit is as smooth and cool as possible. All of them will be given posts within the BCCI and some of them will be hired as anchors by various sports channels. Others who want more could be given a seat in the house of elders in our parliament. They will also be given the latest team India gear at all times so that they can wear it wherever they go,” the source said.

Others sources say that the lucrative Voluntary Retirement Scheme (VRS) or Early Separation Scheme (ESS) could include plots for various players in BCCI layouts coming up in various cities across the country. Some players might even be given remake rights or overseas rights for various movies. It seems like the BCCI does not want to leave any stone unturned to ensure a smooth exit. And what if they don't accept the VRS proposal? "Then we might consider all available options, including putting them up for adoption by Angelina Jolie," the angry source said.

BCCI has already approached various Indian PSUs experienced in doling out VRS for the project. It seems that BCCI is in a hurry to move on after the latest loss of face suffered by the team in Australia. All senior BCCI steering committee members contacted by Humor Unplugged refused to comment on the development.

Scientists identify and isolate Eminem gene in rats

2012-01-16T09:15:00.000+05:30

In what they claim is a breakthrough, scientists at the Maryland, US-based National Human Genome Research Institute have isolated a gene that’s gives rise to Eminem type behavior among rodents. The so-called breakthrough came after 3 years of intense research and involved gene experts from 9 countries, according to a press release issued on Friday by the institute.

The identified gene is part of a cluster of MMP genes which localize to chromosome 11q22.3. While in normal humans, its expression is restricted by a epigenome which acts as a repressor. In rare cases, as in humans, the repression activity fails and the gene manages to express itself leading to the birth of what researchers call Ratty Eminem or the rodent version of Eminem.

Ratty Eminem

Scientists associated with the whole project are excited by their discovery. “You know what this means? This implies that Eminem is not the creation of his social environment but is the result of a genetic anomaly. We will extend this study to other deviants such as Justin Beiber in order to better understand the complex events affecting the expression of this gene” a geeky scientist told Humor Unplugged over a skype chat.

“In rats where we got the gene to express itself, the behaviour observed was completely unique. One guy wore an oversized white tracksuit, a hoodie, big joggers and trainers with open lace and started running around muttering weird stuff to amused fellow rats. He was seen swaying around and shaking his arms every 3 seconds while minimizing his field of vision. A cat who saw this behavior ran away and didn’t come back,” the scientist said.

Other scientists were however not too excited by the discovery. “This is right up there with a study that found out why news anchors turn aggressive. I would rather have spent the money on something more useful from the environment or anthropology point of view. Let’s face it there is only one Eminem and thank god for that. I don’t think we will have more of his types,” a US scientist said.

Project lead Dr. Hammerschmidst got a congratulatory call from Obama today morning. Iran meanwhile claimed that it is investing money in developing an army of Eminem rats to take on the US.

Calvin and Hobbes on objectionable content...

2012-01-14T23:20:00.000+05:30

Humor Unplugged's objectionable content

2012-01-13T10:30:00.005+05:30

At Humor Unplugged we simply believe that our government and our courts have better things to do than policing the net...correct us if we are wrong.

Auxiliary power unit problems ground Lumia branded Jet

2012-01-11T10:55:00.000+05:30

A Jet Airways’ 737 which had an advertisement of Nokia's Lumia 800 smartphone, as part of the marketing tie-up with Nokia, has been called back to the hanger by the airline. The recall happened as the jet suddenly developed problems with its battery pack leading to power issues on board.

The airline has been ordered to investigate the incident by the civil aviation ministry and Nokia has promised all assistance in the probe.

Jet and Nokia had joined hands to launch a joint campaign to promote the Lumia series of phones. As part of this campaign, the Jet in question was supposed to sport the tile interface of the new Nokia smartphone on its windows as well as inside the aircraft. The Nokia Lumia Jet Airways aircraft was expected to fly across destinations in India till January 31.

Sources in Nokia and Jet were unavailable for comment. Insiders say that once the 737’s battery problems are fixed the campaign may be launched again.

It may be remembered that Nokia had recently admitted that Lumia 800 had a battery problem.

Video exposes China’s systematic assertive moves to curb panda freedom

2012-01-11T09:46:00.001+05:30

A video obtained from China’s Xinjiang province by Humor Unplugged has revealed how China is curbing panda freedom. The video, obtained with great difficulty by our own Beijing correspondent panda Ping Ying, bears testimony to the gruesome tactics adopted by the local administration to keep panda cubs caged.

The video clearly shows how a Chinese PLA official confines a panda cub keen on escape to her crib. China as always has denied the existence of the video and claimed that its contents have been doctored to show the local government and PLA in bad light. Animal rights activists have condemned China and asked the international community to take cognizance of the matter at the earliest.

Speaking to Humor Unplugged, a US state department official said that the matter was of grave concern to the US government and that appropriate action will be initiated against China soon. He also said that US was trying to determine the present condition of the panda cub to ensure that no harm is done to the baby.

Humor Unplugged stands by the content and has added a commentary to the video to allow viewers to understand what is going on.

Put Barkha in Burkha: EC to NDTV

2012-01-09T09:21:00.000+05:30

The Election Commission has asked NDTV to either put senior journo and national news nanny Barkha Dutt off air or cover her with a Size: 98" x 80" 80 percent opaque bedsheet/burkha during broadcasts. This missive came to the news channel in the form of a letter written by the EC received by NDTV early Saturday morning. The directive comes after EC issued a similar order directing the UP government to cover all statues of Maywati and elephants in UP.

According to NDTV sources, the letter states “the journo in question has been found to be very close to a national party that is contesting the upcoming elections in various states. The affinity has been found to be quite disturbing by the commission and therefore we direct your channel to initiate appropriate action to ensure that the journalist is not represented visually in any media till such time that the ballot boxes are sealed and delivered for counting”.

MAP members protesting against EC

EC has given the channel 5 working days to comply with the order. The channel has been asked to report on the measures taken to ensure compliance by the 11th of January. NDTV grandpa Pranoy Roy was quite upset over the decision and has threatened not to dye his beard for 10 days in protest. “We are an independent channel and we do not take funds or do paid news. I am not sure as to why the EC passed such an order against us. I am not happy and that’s for sure and when I get angry I just get angry,” Roy said.

Barkha meanwhile told Humor Unplugged that she will sue the appropriate people soon.

Move condemned by Mullahs in Pakistan
A group of moth-eaten Precambrian mullahs operating under the aegis of Mullahs Association of Pakistan (MAP) has attacked the Indian Election Commission for issuing what it called an unwarranted Fatwa against their favorite journalist. MAP has asked EC to withdraw the order immediately, failing which MAP would start an indefinite strike across 3 stone age cities, sources said.

The MAP is Barkha's biggest fan club with over 8900 fossil Mullahs swearing allegiance to her.

Osama reappears, US-Pak ties back on track

2012-01-04T10:23:00.002+05:30

In what has been described as indescribable by CIA sleuths engaged in anti-terror ops, Osama’s ghost seems to have come back to haunt the US.

A pattern on a cloud resembling dead and decomposed terrorist Osama Bin Laden made its appearance in a remote Pakistani city on Friday, according to agency reports coming from Islamabad. The pattern appeared for almost an hour and was witnessed by a huge crowd that had gathered at a religious rock concert organized by the Tehr-eeks-e-Taliban. As soon as the pattern appeared, many Stone Age fossil mullahs feel on their feet and started head banging in celebration.

Cloudy Osama

CIA HQ in Langley was immediately informed of the development by the Pakistan government. By late evening (PST), US government resumed stalled talks with Pakistan, and the latter's foreign ministry promptly presented a bill of US$ 2 billion to take on the condensed vapor version of the dreaded terrorist.

“The US government understands the gravity of the situation and appreciates the help offered by Pakistani government in this regard. We are analyzing the next course of action and will update you as and when we come to a conclusion,” a tersely worded statement issued by US state department stated.

Meanwhile Pak president Zardari had to be rushed to Dubai for treatment after he complained of severe pain in his thumb. He was reportedly playing a Chinese video game when the incident happened. Sources say that Zardari, had played the Doraemon game for almost 9 hours non-stop before panicking.

Your favorite blog has got the only pic available of cloudy Osama. We have been advised by CIA not to share this with our readers. Which is one of the reasons why we have published this story.

Simi Garewal to stress test Indian nuke sites

2011-12-26T10:36:00.001+05:30

Its official, the Indian government has approached fossil nanny Simi Garewal to stress test Indian nuclear installations.

Simi in her radiation containment
outfit

Sources in the Department of Atomic Energy (DAE) have confirmed a rumour we heard the other day regarding deployment of a radiation emitting fossil to test the safety standards of our nuclear installations.

“The decision was made at an emergency meeting convened in November. DAE officials unanimously passed a resolution asking the Indian government to use Simi Garewal to do a through test of various safety parameters at Indian nuclear plants, in wake of what happened at Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant. The Indian government gave its nod to the proposal last week,” our source said.

So why Simi? “First of all she is the oldest living fossil with Radio carbon studies showing her to be atleast 3000 years old. Simi emits radiation due to some embedded nuclear reactions that are taking place inside her. She emits various ionising radiations and charged particles such as electrons, positrons, muons, protons and alpha particles. She can be used to test the containment mechanism and the stability of moderator rods along with the Essential service water system (ESWS), Emergency core cooling system (ECCS), Corespray system, Low pressure coolant injection system (LPCI) and other systems without causing any damage to herself. Besides, the radiation emitted by her will help us determine if external environment around a reactor can induce radioactivity within the core. This is a hypothetical case we are analysing,” our informed source said.

The tests may start by mid-feb, sources said.

Aishwarya Rai’s first hubby to launch matrimonial site for trees

2011-12-26T09:50:00.000+05:30

The mostly forgotten first husband of new mommy Aishwarya Rai Ficus Bachchan is planning to launch a website that will help people find their botanical better halves.

Not many people know that the serial entrepreneur Ficus is the first legally wedded husband of former Miss World Aishwarya Rai. The two had gotten married after a breezy fairy tale romance few years back. But alas, within a few days of getting married, Aish called off the marriage and declined to even meet her then hubby. Ficus was not given any explanation and was asked to ‘forget the lady for his own good’.

Ficus with Anna Hazare

A disappointed Ficus who felt left in the lurch did feel sad and dejected for a few days till he met a new partner who helped him survive the setback. Today, Ficus who is a changed tree wants to help others who are facing a similar predicament. Ficus has tied up VC funding to start a new website for people who want to marry botanical specimens or trees who want to marry human beings. The site tentatively christened “ma-treemony.com” will be launched in the first week of Jan next year, Humor Unplugged has learnt.

After banana and cucumber, walnut gets cleric’s goat

2011-12-26T09:40:00.000+05:30

A fatwa has been issued by a leading moth bitten mullah against eating walnuts as it resembles human brain.
An unnamed European Islamic cleric has issued a fatwa against eating walnuts. His contention is that the nut resembles human brain and that induces an inferiority complex in the Jurassic mullah community, since many of them do not posses one.

“Walnuts should not be eaten. Their consumption is against humanity. This fatwah should remind one and all that brain is not an organ to be used. It is just an appendage and one must just ignore it. We therefore urge all to ignore walnuts and this ladies and gentlemen is the fatwah of the year. Anyone who ignores or disobeys this fatwah will be excommunicated from our community and will not be allowed to come within 100 mts of a desert rat certified mullah. In case of any clarification, we urge you to get in touch with our 24X7 mullah helpline or meet us in Peshawar over the next two weeks or sit on a raw cactus for 2 hours,” the mullah said.

Good bye 2011...

2011-12-24T00:06:00.002+05:30

Looking back at 2011...for the last time...

Did someone say black money?

These guys looted our money...

Kab tak bachegha?

Getting cosy in Pakistan

Sibal Chacha wants to stem the creation of
offensive content..now

Even the birds hate Kapil Sibal...this is his car..

What happened here?

Signing off with sunshine

Kim Jong’s Pokémon Long Johns go missing

2011-12-20T10:18:00.002+05:30

North Koreans who were upset with the passing away of their ‘Dear Leader’ have one more reason to be upset.

According to reports trickling in from Pyongyang, North Korean dictator Kim Jong’s Pokémon long johns have gone missing. According to sources, the kacchas, symbolic of the dictator and his fashion-deficient rule, went missing at about 8 am North Korea time on Monday morning. A close aide of the late leader reported that he was unable to trace the garment after it was hung for drying by the late dictator (when he was alive) in the wee hours of Sunday morning after a flash flood hit the nation’s capital.

Images : On top right the announcement
on missing long johns on NKTV

“It is with great sorrow that the nation of North Korea announces the disappearance of our dear leader’s symbolic Pokémon long johns. On one hand we are dealing with the departure of our beloved leader and on the other we now have to come to terms with a missing piece of history that connects us with the noble one. The imperialistic zealots who are jealous of the progress made by North Korea have indulged in this despicable act to lower the morale of your great country and we will not tolerate such acts that insult our sovereignty, self respect and dignity,” an emergency broadcast from the North Korean state television said.

It may be remembered that the missing Pokémon long john was part of a discount set purchased together by then Pakistani dictator Musharraf, Libyan dictator Gadaffi and Kim Jong from a Hong Kong flea market. The seller had claimed that the long johns were magical and had the power to transform the destiny of the wearer. The trio had also purchased a Pokémon crayon set and bedsheets all of which were funded by the Chinese government.

Globally, stock markets reacted with concern over reports of missing long johns. "There is widespread concern over the implications of these on global security as North Korea could just fire a couple of scud variants on Japan or South Korea just to express their anger," an analyst said. North Koreans cops have meanwhile launched a nation-wide John hunt to prevent the garment from being smuggled out of the country.

Chidambaram in trouble...

2011-12-18T15:37:00.000+05:30

Its Chidu season...

Sibal Vs Netizens...

2011-12-16T23:51:00.002+05:30

We continue to remind SIbal uncle that the web shouldnt be monitored\censored...

RBI intervenes to stem Rupee free fall; ropes in actor Vidya Balan

2011-12-15T20:43:00.000+05:30

Its official, Vidya Balan will help the Reserve Bank of India prop up the Rupee. A decision to this effect was taken at a high level meeting of RBI, Planning Commission and Finance ministry officials chaired by union finance minister Pranab Mukherjee in the national capital today.

Will Rupee gain some confidence?

Humor Unplugged has learnt that at the meeting, RBI moved a proposal to have actor Vidya Balan’s image in various poses on currency notes of higher denomination. The actor, who has apparently agreed to the proposal, will pose provocatively as she did for her last Bollywood flick, The Dirty Picture. These pics will then appear on 100, 500 and 1000 Rupee notes and the government will run a lucky draw through which people buying over a lakh worth of INR from currency markets will be asked to submit proof of purchase online and get an 8 digit code for participating in the draw.

“RBI has acted in national interest and we have intervened to stem further erosion of investor confidence in our economy. Vidyaji’s presence on currency notes will definitely boost their circulation and demand as we have determined from an internal survey. It will also make the Rupee stronger and the currency will climb back to its August 2011 rates in the short term and embrace INR 40 to the Dollar level over the next 90 days and we are absolutely confident about it,” an RBI spokesperson in Mumbai said.

Strangely, the move received complete support from the opposition. Sources say that Advani initially threatened to go on another Rath Yatra or even go to Pakistan and praise Jinnah to register his protest against the move. But when he learnt that Vidya Balan would be involved, Advani backtracked and said “as the principal opposition party, BJP will extend whole hearted support to this move in national interest. Our currency needs all the support that it can get. Vidya Balan is a leading star and I will make sure that every support needed is given. I will in fact make myself free for the photo shoot. If needed I would request Sushma Swaraj to do a small jig to make the whole thing appear even cooler,” Advani.

Kapil Sibal meanwhile assured the government that he will personally monitor all social media sites to filter out any offensive remarks against the project.

We were unable to reach Vidya Balan for comment.

Time magazine commits fraud...

2011-12-14T19:36:00.002+05:30

To all dodos at Time magazine.
Time has shamelessly ignored the Tibetan freedom movement in its Person of the Year list… As part of its China appeasement policy, the magazine has ignored scores of monks who sacrificed their lives to protest Chinese slavery and to uphold their right to freedom. We salute them.

Musical potholes in Bangalore soon

2011-12-14T08:56:00.001+05:30

After naming potholes after politicians, Bangalore is now undertaking a major exercise to refurbish city’s potholes and turn them into works of entertainment. As part of this strategy, over 13000 potholes in the heart of the city will soon turn musical complete with laser light show and synchronized fountains.

BDA's pride: a musical pothole fountain

The project is the brainchild of Bangalore Development Authority (BDA). As of now, over 200 potholes have already been fitted with fountains and musical lights and the figure is expected to go up to 350 by this year end. In a typical fountain in a pothole the water rises up to 3 meters in the air in synchronization with the music that is controlled by an application. It is programmed to produce 126 variations in the fountain.

“The mechanism is simple. The fountain is triggered by a passing vehicle. Every time a vehicle goes into a pothole, the trigger gets activated and the fountain gets into countdown mode and a stream of water comes out after 6 seconds in full swing (after the vehicle moves on) with music and an image of the local councillor. The best part is that the water for these fountains will come from leaking BWSSB pipelines in the vicinity and there is no additional investment on that,” said a proud BDA official.

When asked if such extravagance was necessary, the BDA official almost pounced on us. “Look when we don’t attend to these potholes you criticise us. When we don’t beautify the city you curse us. And now when we have done both in one go you are still unhappy. You guys should shed some of this negativity and invest the energy in creative endeavors. It’s not good for the nation you see. The other day my wife fell into a pothole near my house. When she came back, she thrashed me in front of my neighbors and dragged me out of the house. All because I cracked an ill-timed joke saying that I had kept that pothole aside for my mother-in-law. She refused to let me into the house, till I get the pothole fixed. When I went to a nearby park to get some sleep that evening, some stray mongrels mauled me. Even they were angry with the way the city was managing its infrastructure and that’s when I decided to do something and launched the pothole fountain plan and you are still cribbing. Are you aware of how tough it is for a bureaucrat to think,” the official said.

BDA is planning to approach some external donors to fund the phase two of the project, Humor Unplugged has learnt.

RIP Mario Miranda...

2011-12-11T12:19:00.001+05:30

RIP Mario Miranda :'(

The great Indian eclipse

2011-12-10T23:33:00.001+05:30

Sibal wants to completely eclipse free speech
in the country...so this is our tribute
to him...

Sibal agonized by ‘morphed’ free speech pic, vows action

2011-12-09T09:12:00.001+05:30

In a major setback to union anti-free speech minister Kapil Sibal, pics of him sporting a pro free speech tee appeared on major blogs across the nation on Thursday evening. The pic was allegedly taken when the minister was in college over 400 years ago and is now floating around on the internet.

“I am agonized. This is what I was speaking against the other day. I mean can’t you see that it is a morphed pic? I have never worn such t shirts in my life and besides who is that chick behind me? What’s her story? I have had enough of these bloggers fooling around with important personalities for increasing their alexa ranking. I am cracking the whip. By tomorrow evening, if these two penny bloggers don’t pull down the pic, I will make sure that Diggi visits each one and gives them a piece of his mind,” an angry Sibal said.

Kapil Sibal's free speech pic

Sibal said that if that too doesn’t work, the government will consider shutting down broadband access in the country to non-corporate users. “They didn’t have to take this to a personal level. I mean after seeing the pic my wife has refused to speak to me which is fine. But my kids have shifted to my neighbor’s house and that is not good. When I was in college, Aurangazeb was heading the government and we did not have any free speech whatsoever and in such a situation do you think I would have supported free speech? I would have been guillotined like a carrot within seconds,” Sibal said.

“What hurts me more is that I was never in favour of free speech throughout my life and do you think I will change now,” he added. Meanwhile the Bloggers Association of India (BAI) has decided to stick with the story. “We continue to abide by the story and remain invested in attesting to the authenticity of the image being referred to by the minister,” a release issued by BAI said.

Two sites which had uploaded the pic received an auto tax notice from the IT department yesterday evening.