storywishes

Kimmy Kool and the Hot Prince

2016-05-26T01:42:00.002-07:00

CAST
Narrator
Regina
Kimmy Kool
Moni
Whini
Wanda
Prince

ACT ONE SCENE ONE

All actors on stage except Prince. Backdrop of a comfortable lounge. Regina, Moni and Whini sitting on a couch.

Narrator: Not long ago, there was a beautiful young girl called Kimmy Kool who was the heiress to a hip-hop fortune. She was living with her stepmother, Regina, a real meanie and her two Stepsisters, Moni and Whini, who were super-divas. They treated Kimmy like an overworked personal assistant because until she married, they were in control of all of her money.

Regina: Kimmy! Fetch my laptop. Kimmy! Where is my cellphone? Kimmy, did you order the sushi?

Moni: Kimmy, where are my Manolo heels?

Whini: Kimmy I need to hydrate - bring me my fizzy water!

Moni: Kimmy what happened to my designer dress? Did you put it in the washing machine? Are you mental?

Whini: Kimmy book me in for a haircut at Georgios salon. And tell him I want lowlights - not highlights!

Narrator: See what I mean? Come on girls, give her a break!

(Stepsisters show their talk to the hand gestures).

Narrator: Now one day the stepsisters and stepmom received a very special email from the royal palace on their blackberries.After checking that it was not spam, they screamed in excitement.

Moni: A party - at the royal palace!

Whini: Totally cool!

Regina: Finally a chance to move in the right circles!

Moni: And the prince is such a hunk

Whini: He's almost as cute as Justin Bieber

Regina: And what's more important, he's just as rich. Just think - he drives an Aston Martin - just like James Bond

Moni: And his hair is done by a professional stylist

Whini: And he works out at Virgin Active Gym

Kimmy: What is he like?

Regina: What does that matter to you? You're not invited!

Moni: You don't have any Gucci, Prada or Chanel

Whini: And your hair is a mess

Regina: The prince wouldn't look at you twice.

Moni: I follow the prince on twitter

Whini: Me too

Moni: But I'm his special BFF

Whini: He friended me on facebook

Regina: Girls, girls, I'm sure you are both the prince's BFFs but he can only choose one wife. We just have to make sure its one of you!

Narrator: See what I mean. What chance did Kimmy have to meet anyone - with no Mixit, Facebook, twitter or even internet dating?

Moni: We will just have to go out shopping - I have worn everything once already!

Whini: Me too!

Moni: And I need new accessories

Whini: Me too!

Regina: Lets go hit the mall girls. Kimmy - while we're gone, update my diary - and don't even think about shopping on e-bay!

Moni: As if! She doesn't even have a credit card.

Narrator: It was sad but true. Kimmy had no credit rating. When the others left in their rented BMW convertible, she ran into her bedroom - which was also where the washing was done - and burst into tears. That day, the housekeeper was doing laundry. Kimmy did not know that their housekeeper, Wanda, was really an undercover fashion police reality show producer. She just couldn't stand Kimmy's crying!

Wanda: Why are you crying kid?

Kimmy: I really wanted to go to the party at the palace.

Wanda: Why don't you?

Kimmy: Ive got nothing to wear - and I wasn't invited.

Wanda: Why dont you borrow something from your sisters?

Kimmy: They would totally freak out!

Wanda: I think I can sort something out for you. Lets go shopping online

Kimmy: I havent got any money

Wanda: Well I do - lets take a look shall we?

Narrator: So Wanda and Kimmy spent a wonderful afternoon shopping online. Wanda bought Kimmy a beautiful dress and accessories from a new designer who needed advertising.

Kimmy: But how will I get to the dance?

Wanda: We're not finished yet. My team will do a special makeover for you and then we will hire a limo. But you have to be back at twelve, because the limo driver has another job.

Kimmy: Wow! That's so cool!

Narrator: That night, when Regina, Moni and Whini had left for the dance, Wanda brought in her makeover team and the limo picked Kimmy up.

Kimmy: Thank you so much Wanda! You are a great friend!

Wanda: Just remember to be back by twelve, or the limo driver will be fired!

Kimmy: Sure! Bye -

Narrator: Kimmy arrived at the party in style and everyone wondered who this hot new girl was. Even her own family did not know her.

Regina: Who is that girl?

Moni: And why is she standing so close to my prince?

Whini: He hasnt even asked anyone to dance yet!

Narrator: Just when the prince thought that his party was super-boring, he saw Kimmy. He thought she looked totally SICK - that's sick as in, incredibly hot!

Prince: Hey - wanna dance?

Kimmy: OK

Narrator: They danced the salsa, the guacamole, the bunny hop and of course, everyone was shuffling! They were having such fun, they did not notice the time, until the prince's rolex alarm beeped twelve times.

Kimmy: Im sorry - Ive got to go!

Narrator: Kimmy ran out of the palace so fast, her shoe fell off.

Prince: Hey, whats your name? You lost your shoe?

Narrator: Lucky for the prince, the shoe was a one-of-a-kind Jimmy Choo and it was very easy to track down the buyer with the help of his geek friends in the computer lab. The prince went to Kimmy's house at once and rang the doorbell.

Wanda: Yes?

Prince: I want to find the girl who lost this shoe?

Wanda: Why?

Prince: I want to marry her and make her my princess and live happily ever after in our dream house at the beach.

Wanda: Cool! Come inside. (calls) Kimmy!

Regina: Kimmy is busy with paperwork - I'll take care of the prince.

Moni: Hey that's my shoe!

Whini: No, its mine!

Moni: Give it back!

Whini: Give it!

(girls fight over shoe)

Wanda: Ive had enough of this. Im with the fashion police and you're all under arrest for having absolutely no sense of style!

Regina: Thats crazy - did you see our pictures from the red carpet?

Wanda: That's all the proof we need! Take them away to the studio guys!

(Regina, Whini and Moni are escorted offstage and the prince gives Kimmy her shoe).

Narrator: So the prince and Kimmy got married in style and they lived happily ever after - It was totally awesome!

By Ingela Richardson

Super-Hero Showdown!

2016-05-25T23:55:00.002-07:00

CAST

MAYOR’S ASSISSTANT

MAYOR TUTTI-FRUTTI

LOCUST MAN

COCKROACH MAN

RAT MAN

DR SWINEFOOT

OINK - henchman of Dr Swinefoot

ACT ONE SCENE 1

Behind actors is the backdrop of a city, daytime. Could be projected onto a screen. The mayor sits at her desk. Assistant rushes in anxiously...

ASSISTANT: Mayor Tutti-Frutti! The city is threatened by the worst disaster since the great tea shortage of 1950! We need super-heroes to help us!

MAYOR TUTTI-FRUTTI: What has happened?

ASSISTANT: There is no more chocolate!

MAYOR: It cannot be! Who will save us?

(Enter Locust-Man)

MAYOR: Who are you?

LOCUST MAN: I am Locust-Man.

MAYOR: And what are your super powers?

LOCUST MAN: I can leap tall plant pots in a single bound and when I rub my legs together, the squeaking sound is really irritating!

He rubs legs together and sound effects produce squeaking noise

MAYOR (doubtfully) Anything else?

LOCUST MAN: I eat everything in sight! Anything that needs to be eaten - I will eat it.

MAYOR: Is there anyone else who can save us?

(Enter Cockroach Man)

MAYOR: Who are you?

COCKROACH MAN: I am Cockroach Man!

MAYOR: What are your super powers?

COCKROACH MAN: I just need to rustle my wings like this (rustles wings) and people fall down in disgust.

MAYOR: (makes a disgusted face) Anything else?

COCKROACH MAN: If I am accidentally roasted in a micro-wave - (triumphant voice) I will survive!

MAYOR: Is there anyone else who will save the day?

(Enter Rat Man)

MAYOR: Who are you and what are your powers?

RAT MAN: I am Rat Man and I am not afraid of garbage, In fact, I love garbage!

MAYOR: Anything else?

RAT MAN: Just look at this tail. What do you think of this tail?

MAYOR: It's pink?

RAT MAN: It is a whip! When I whip my tail around like this (whips tail to cracking sound effect) people fall down flat!

Locust Man and Cockroach Man scream and duck).

RAT MAN: (derisively) Or else they run away screaming like little girls.

MAYOR: (asks assistant) Is this it?

ASSISTANT: There is a super-hero conference and these guys weren't invited.

MAYOR: Just my luck! Well, tell us what is going on?

Super heroes listen carefully and watch large screen as assistant explains.

ASSISTANT:(proceeds with her powerpoint presentation)The evil Dr Swinefoot has taken control of all the chocolate factories, cocoa bean farms, and even all the chocolate recipes! He says that no one in the world will have chocolate until he is crowned king of the world.

MAYOR: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I can't go without chocolate. We'll just have to make him King of the World.

LOCUST MAN: Not while Locust Man is around.

COCKROACH MAN: Or Cockroach Man.

RAT MAN: Or Rat Man and his tail! (whip cracking sound).

ALL SUPER HEROES: It will be a Battle Royale!

MAYOR: Good luck guys! (aside to assistant) Get my private jet ready.

(All exit).

VOICEOVER: “Meanwhile in the lab of the evil Dr Swinefoot...”

DR SWINEFOOT: (mixes ingredients in beakers) Then I put in a little of this and a little of that and I have made (evil laughter) a strawberry slushie!

OINK: (shuffles around the Dr’s feet) Dr - remember the plan! You have to stick to the plan!

DR SWINEFOOT: Of course. (checks computer) Am I on skype?

OINK: Of course, Dr, all over the world. In 3D!

DR SWINEFOOT: (talks into microphone) Testing, testing, (taps microphone)

OINK: Don't tap the microphone Dr.

DR SWINEFOOT: Don't tell me what to do!

They wrestle for the microphone and there are squeaking and buzzing noises. Then Dr Swinefoot bonks Oink on the head and siezes control.

DR SWINEFOOT: Pathetic people of the world! Listen! Listen! Listen! I have control of the chocolate! You will have no more treats unless you make me...

Pauses as Oink has grabbed his leg and is biting it.

DR SWINEFOOT: Get off Oink! Get off I say! (returns to public address). As I was saying, There will be no more chocolate until you make me King of the World! EEaaaaah! (screams in fright as Locust Man jumps into the room).

DR SWINEFOOT: Who are you?

LOCUST MAN: I am Locust Man. Surrender the chocolate or I will rub my legs together and eat all your food.

DR SWINEFOOT: Get him Oink!

Oink grabs a large can of Doom and sprays Locust Man. He falls over with legs in air and rubs his legs together.

DR SWINEFOOT: (covers ears) That noise!

OINK; (Drops spray can and covers ears) It is so irritating!

Cockroach Man jumps into the room.

DR SWINEFOOT: Who are you?

COCKROACH MAN: Cockroach Man. Look, I'm disgusting. (rubs wings together).

DR SWINEFOOT: Oink help! (runs away pursued by Cockroach Man).

OINK: The Doom is finished Dr Swinefoot.

DR SWINEFOOT: Use the ray gun!

COCKROACH MAN: Bring it on!

They fire ray guns at him and nothing happens.

COCKROACH MAN: You see! Nothing kills the Roach!

Enter Rat Man

RAT MAN: Anything I can do guys?

Locust Man jumps back to his feet

LOCUST MAN: Just whip them into shape Rat Man.

Rat Man whips with his tail until Dr Swinefoot and Oink are trapped.

DR SWINEFOOT: Stop! We won't do it again!

OINK: You can have the chocolate.

LOCUST MAN: Let's take these recipes back to the Mayor guys.

All exit, dragging Dr Swinefoot and Oink with them. Assistant leads Superheroes into Mayor's office.

ASSISTANT: Mayor?

Mayor turns around with chocolate smears on her mouth and quickly hides chocolate bar.

MAYOR: Yes?

COCKROACH MAN: The great chocolate disaster is over Mayor.

RAT MAN: Dr Swinefoot is defeated.

LOCUST MAN: We saved the day.

MAYOR: Well done guys! (Looks at Swinefoot and Oink). Well, you learned your lesson, Swinefoot! Don't mess with our Superheroes!

DR SWINEFOOT: (escorted off by heroes) I'll be back! Watch out for the ice-cream!

THE END
By Ingela Richardson

Christmas Nativity

2011-12-12T03:34:00.000-08:00

CHRISTMAS NATIVITY

CAST

Roman Senators: 5 (or more for extras)

Augustus Caesar

Mary

Joseph

Donkey (2 people)

3 innkeepers

Star

3 Angels (plus extras)

3 Shepherds

Sheep

3 Wise Men (Kings)

Group of smaller children dressed as farm animals, angels etc to participate and sing

(Senators enter from backstage wearing togas(sheets). When they are seated, Caesar enters)

Augustus Caesar: My fellow Romans, I have decided that we will count all the people in the Roman Empire.

Senator 1: (raises hand nervously) Why Caesar?

Caesar: Because I want to know how many men, women and children there are in my Empire.

Senator 2: (adds) You mean “our Empire” Caesar?

Caesar: (shouts) That’s what I said – my Empire! I will call it a… Census.

Senator 3: Just the people in Rome, Caesar?

Caesar: No, the whole Empire.

Senator 4: You mean on this continent?

Caesar: I said the whole Empire?

Senator 5: You don’t mean Israel too?

Caesar: Everyone!

Senator 1: You know what this means don’t you?

All senators: Chaos!

Caesar: Do you like your jobs, your houses – your lives?

All senators: (quick salute) Hail, Caesar!

Caesar: (over his shoulder) That’s what I thought!

(Hands scroll to senator 3 and Caesar exits)

Senator 1: Where did he come up with such a crazy idea!

Senator 2: A census! Imagine? Going from house to house to count people – it’s just not civilized!

Senator 3: Caesar says “Count the People”.

(Passes scroll to senator 2 and exits)

Senator 2: “Count the people”. (Passes scroll to senator 1 and exit)

Senator 1: Hey you! Count the people. (Passes scroll to senator 4)

Senator 4: Why me?

Senator 1: (Looks around at near-empty stage) Everyone else has left. You’re It!

Senator 4: (To himself) Why me? Why is it always me! (Exit front stage).

Lights off. Bible readers enter, each with a lit candle. Each recites a verse from Isaiah 9:6: “The people who dwell in darkness have seen a great light. Those who walk in the valley of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined. Etc.

(Bible readers can say the words “Councillor, Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace” together).

When last verse has been recited, Bible readers exit backstage.

Ringing of school bell as Senator 4 enters from front stage.

Senator 4: Hear ye! Hear ye! Emperor Caesar Augustus has said that all names must be put on a very big list. Everyone is to register in their home towns. (Puts up large notice on one of the screen doors).

Enter Mary, Joseph and donkey

Joseph: Oh no!

Mary: What is it Joseph?

Joseph: My home town, Bethlehem, is far away. We will have to go there and you’re pregnant – and I don’t know if the donkey is roadworthy! (Points to donkey)

Mary: Never mind Joseph. My cousin has installed new shock absorbers (pats cushions on donkey’s back.) And God will take care of us.

Joseph: You’re right Mary! Now all we need is to pack our things.

Mary: What about reservations?

Joseph: It’ll be fine – don’t worry!

Mary, Joseph and donkey walk down aisle and exit church front stage.

Smaller children dressed as stable animals or angels enter to sing Little Donkey. After the song, children sit stage left. Innkeepers and angels enter. Innkeepers stand behind screen doors and angels stand up on chairs stage right.

Mary and Joseph and donkey re-enter and approach first screen door.

Mary and Joseph approach 1^st screen door and knock. Joseph nods confidently at Mary

1^st Innkeeper: Yes I’m coming, hold on!

Joseph: We’re in town for the Census.

1^st Innkeeper: Like everyone!

Joseph: And we need a room.

1^st innkeeper: Like everyone! Sorry, no room.

Mary: You see!

Joseph: Let’s try that one. (knocks at the second screen door)

2^nd innkeeper: You’re not looking for a room are you? Are you kidding?

(slams door)

(Mary looks at Joseph.)

Joseph: There’s another one. (knocks at third door)

3^rd innkeeper: Can I help you?

Joseph: We need a room for the night.

3^rd innkeeper: We’re packed like sardines in here – and your wife needs some space.

Mary (crossly): A lot of space!

3^rd innkeeper: I have a stable at the back. It’s warm and dry.

Joseph: (quickly) That’s great! We’ll take it!

Mary, Joseph and Donkey follow innkeeper backstage where Mary removes her “bump” and picks up a baby doll. While star is talking, Joseph and Mary can re-take their seats onstage on one of the benches.

(Enter small child dressed as a star from front stage).

Star: I’m lost. I’m lost. Where should I be?

(Angels beckon)

Angel 1: Over here, little star, over here.

Star: (Walks forward to angels). I have come to shine for the King.

Angel 2: Over here, little star. Over here. You must show the wise men the way.

(Exit little star through front stage.)

Angels sing “Christmas Bells" refrain

Angel 3: Now we must call the shepherds.

All angels: Shepherds come and worship.

Angel 1: Call louder!

All angels: Shepherds come and worship!

Group of shepherds enter with sheep from front stage.

Shepherd 1: Did you hear something, or was that ringing in my ears?

Shepherd 2: I can’t hear anything but “Baa, baa, black sheep”.

Sheep: Baa, baa

Shepherd 3: Wait, listen again

Angels: Shepherds! Listen! Come and worship the King.

(Shepherds see the angels and fall to the ground)

Shepherd 1: Who are you?

Angel 1: We are messengers

Angel 2: Sent from God

Angel 3: To bring you to worship

Shepherd 2: You look like angels!

Shepherd 3: And you sound like angels!

All angels: That’s because we are angels sent by God

Shepherds: What did we do?

Angel 1: Calm down! God is inviting you to the most special birthday of His Son, Jesus

Angel 2: He will be the Saviour of the World?

Angel 3: We will watch over your sheep. Go and worship the King.

(Small children stand to sing "Away in a Manger")







(Enter Little Star from front stage – walk down the church aisle) Star: Angels: Star: Group of angels sing first verse of Hark the Herald Angels Sing	I’m lost, I’m lost where should I be? Over here Little Star, Come here. I am bringing the wise men to worship the king (Star goes and stands behind Mary, Joseph, Donkey, shepherds etc on chair to appear a little raised above them.)

Wise Men enter

1st Wise Man	(Pointing to the star) Look, there is the star. It is so bright!

2nd Wise Man	It is the sign. The King of the Jews is born!

3rd Wise Man (Wise Men go and give their gifts one at a time).	Let us go and worship Him!

1st Wise Man	I bring gold for the King. (puts down gift.)

2nd Wise Man	I bring myrrh, the most precious oil. (puts down gift)

3rd Wise Man	I bring frankincense to burn in prayer. (puts down gift)

Mary holds her baby in her arms.

Joseph: All:	You see Mary, I told you everything would work out. God has even given us our own light. (Points to Little Star) And his Son who is the Light of the World. All sing “Silent Night”.

Robocopters and Pink Pumps

2011-04-06T02:47:00.001-07:00

“HELLO LORD. THIS IS YOUR FRIEND JAMES SPEAKING”

Robocopters and Pink Pumps

Hello Lord

This is your friend James speaking. I wanted to ask you about money. You see there’s this boy in my class called Peter and he has a Robocopter. Now he said that I can’t play with them unless I have a Robocopter too. I asked mom and she said, No.

So it’s up to you Lord. What’s it going to be? Do I get a Robocopter or not? I think it would be a very small thing for you to do seeing as you made stars and planets and the whole universe. Mom says it’s just a craze and the next thing will be yo-yos. Well, I don’t have a yo-yo either. Mine broke. So you might want to think about that one.

Oh and another thing. Please don’t let mom buy me any more clothing and say it’s a present. Clothing just can never be a present. Clothing isn’t a toy. Please help mom to see this clearly.

Thank you and Amen.

Hello Lord

James here again. I wanted to tell you about something that happened at school today. You know that there are those boys that I still can’t play with because I don’t have a Robocopter.

So I decided to fetch my ball at playtime and I bumped into Joanne Kidley. She was crying her eyes out - but sort of in a corner where no one would see. When I asked what was wrong, it took a long time for her to tell me, but you know me. I don’t give up easy.

Anyhow, Joanne said the other girls had told her that she can’t play with them because she wears boys’ clothes and trainers instead of pink pumps. I ask you! Pink pumps! What are you going to do with those in the playground?

So seeing as how Joanne and I seemed to be in the same boat, I asked her to kick the ball around with me and she was quite good. Okay, very good. I know you saw so there’s no point stretching the truth. Anyway, I thought I would ask you to help Joanne too, like you help me.

Thank you and Amen.

Hello Lord,

I’ve got a serious question for you. Oh yes, this is your friend James again. Mom and I were talking about being rich. I said, What’s wrong with money? King David had lots and King Solomon his son had even more. I think he must have been the richest man in the world in those days. Then mom said, What about you – Jesus. And I thought hard. I thought about how you could have had a king’s house if you wanted. But you didn’t really have any house at all. You could have had lots of gold and people to do what you wanted. And you didn’t have that either. Why was that Lord? Why did you have nothing? You made everything here. It doesn’t make sense. Mom says the only things you had were your clothes and people took those and threw dice to see who could have them. That made me feel so weird. Bless mom and me and Joanne Kidley and all the children who want Robocopters and pink pumps.

Thanks and Amen.

Hello Lord

This is your friend James speaking. I had such a great day today so I just wanted to thank you. Joanne invited me over to her house and mom took me over there and we met her mom and her brother, Steve. She has this really cool older brother who teaches her everything about sport and fishing. Can you believe it? My favourite thing! I was so excited, they just laughed at me, but in a nice way, not a nasty way. Then Steve said that he is going fishing this weekend. He has a little boat that they take out on the lake and he said mom and I and Joanne could all come too. It is going to be so great I can hardly sleep for thinking about it. He even said that if we wanted to, we could bring a tent and camp out. I begged mom, Please! And she said, Yes. So thanks for that one Lord. I owe you one!

Your friend, James. Amen.

Hello Lord

This is James again. Today was just yucky. There is no other word for it. I thought things were going so well. Then the kids at school started calling me and Joanne names. They started saying we were boyfriend and girlfriend and singing silly songs. We were both so embarrassed.

All we wanted to be was just friends. So what if she is a girl and I’m a boy? Why do they have to say stuff like that? I asked mom and she said you had a really good friend who was a girl too and her name was Mary just like your mom’s. You helped her out of a bad spot and she stuck by you through thick and thin even when your guy friends got scared.

So I knew, Lord that if it was okay for you then it’s okay for me. I don’t care what the kids say. I hope Joanne and me can still be friends and that we can have a good time at the lake. Please bless mom and all of Joanne’s family and please make us catch lots of fish.

Thanks and Amen.

Hello Lord

This is your friend James speaking. Today everything finally made sense. It was like that picture of a little lightbulb in my head. I know that it was a message that came from you, because I asked you my question.

I knew today that having money doesn’t make you happy. It’s like when you walk into a toyshop and you don’t know what you want because there’s so much stuff to choose from. Mom said sometimes all people think about is the stuff they can get and so they forget about you and what is really important. And that is why you didn’t have any stuff Lord. You didn’t have a big house or fancy car or lots of pocket money, because you were on a mission and you couldn’t be distracted.

And I knew that sometimes kids get so unhappy because they’re thinking, If only I had a Robocopter I would be happy and then when they get that, they just want something else. What is important is to always remember to talk to you, read your book and look after the people and the world you made.

What’s important is to love you and know that you loved us even before that. So thanks for the answer, Lord and bless everyone I know and everyone I don’t know but might meet someday. I was so happy I just told the kids, Knowing Jesus is way better than a Robocopter, or pink pumps. And they just looked at me. Some of them sort of laughed. But some sort of nodded. And the ones that nodded are my friends again.

Thanks and Amen.

Oh, yes. I haven’t forgotten Joanne. Please bless her too. Thanks again.

Hello Lord

This is your friend James speaking. Well, you knew that you made a wonderful world, because in the Bible it says, you knew it was good after each thing. We went camping and you were there. You were with us in the boat on the water. Mom said you also went fishing with your friends. You kept us safe. Then we all spoke to you together and it was wonderful. We caught all those fish. You saw it! Thanks again for that! And we cooked them for supper over our fire next to our tents. You even made mom let me help even though she usually says that little boys and matches are a bad combination.

No one got hurt and the fish tasted better than anything we could buy at the shop. Then the grown-ups were talking and talking as grown-ups always do and Joanne and I were whispering about the great day until we fell asleep. I didn’t even have to take a bath! The next morning, Steve took us for a swim in the lake and I know it was a bit cold, but it was such fun. So I just wanted to say thank you Lord. Thank you for all the good things you made. Thank you for friends like Joanne and Steve and her family and thank you for my mom who told me all about you. You are my best friend, Lord.

Amen, forever and ever. James.

The Problem with Paul

2011-04-06T02:29:00.000-07:00

“HELLO LORD,

THIS IS YOUR FRIEND JAMES SPEAKING”

The Problem With Paul

Hello Lord,

This is your friend James speaking. I have to talk to you about a guy in my class called Paul. He is very irritating. He is always pushing other kids around. So I think you should do something about him - nothing serious like in the Old Testament days. I know you can destroy a whole city with lightning bolts and you made a whale swallow a guy. But maybe you could make Paul go to another school or stop his pocket money.

Thanks and Amen.

Hello Lord,

This is your friend James again. Okay, I spoke to mom and we read in the Bible - which is your rules - that I am supposed to forgive James and love him, but I don’t think this is possible. Did you really think that rule through?

Paul steals other kids lunches? How can you love that? So I’m asking you again. Please do something about Paul.

Oh yes, and thanks for making mom buy corn instead of Brussels sprouts. I know you made them, but they must be for other people, because I can’t stand them.

Thanks and Amen.

Hello Lord

This is James. Mom says you can see me all the time – when I’m bad and when I’m good – so I hope you’ll remember the part about when I helped that old lady who forgot her purse on the counter. No one else saw that.

Mom also says you made me and that you know me very well, so howcome I have to ask you this stuff? You know Paul? Well, today he copied my homework. I hope you wrote that one down Lord because nobody else saw that one either.

Thanks. Oh yes, I forgot. Please bless my teacher, Miss Blunt and help her to see when Paul is naughty.

That’s all. Amen.

Hello Lord

This is your friend James. We have to get serious about this. I know that you answer all my other prayers about blessing mom and me and helping me to finish my sums and catch the ball the other day. But really, Paul is getting out of hand.

Today, he took the money I brought for lunch. I know I didn’t actually see him do it, but he was the one next to my bag. Lord, what are you going to do about Paul? Mom said I should tell him about you, so the other day in class, I stood up and told him that you were going to punish him and make him sorry for all the ugly things he has done.

Do you know what happened? He wasn’t even scared! He just laughed! He laughed at me and he laughed at you! He said, “There is no such thing as God.” Now I know you aren’t going to take that one lying down. I know you heard it, seeing as you hear everything, but I’m just reminding you.

Thanks again and Amen.

Hello Lord

James here. I feel really weird tonight. Mom told me the story about how the people laughed at you and said you weren’t God and they actually wanted you to die. I felt so awful inside. I thought they loved you. They said they did. And then they were so mean to you. I asked mom, “Didn’t God strike them down with fire and destroy the whole place like with bombs and stuff?”

And mom just said, No. You forgave them and you loved them. How could you Lord? You are my friend and I can’t forgive Paul for what he said about you. I’m sorry I am angry. Mom says it is hard to be different from other people sometimes. And boy is she right about that one!

Thanks and Amen.

P.S. I just want you to know that if I had been there, I wouldn’t have said ugly things to you. I don’t think any kid could have.

Hello Lord

Me again - you know who. I just want you to know that I have thought really, really hard about the whole Paul thing.

Mom says some people – kids and big people – never really know what love is and that is why act so weird sometimes. So I thought about that too. And I tried to think, What if I was Paul and never knew about you? So then I told him.

It was really hard to tell someone so irritating – but I told him that I speak to you about him every night. And I told him that you love him. I thought he was going to hit me. But then he had a funny look on his face and he ran away.

From then on, he kind of avoided me. But that’s okay. At least I told him. It’s like a weight off my chest! And, oh yes, thanks for helping Miss Blunt in class. Sometimes she needs all the help she can get with our class.

Your friend, James. Amen.

Hello Lord

This is your friend James speaking. Sometimes I think you must get really tired of hearing everybody moan all the time and ask you for stuff. So tonight I wanted to tell you that you made a really good job of the moon and the stars and flowers and ice-cream was a really good idea too.

Oh, yes, I like fishing, so thanks for the fish and all the other animals. This place would be so boring if it was just people. Thanks for my mom and thanks for our food – even the vegetables.

Thanks for my bed and I want to give a message to those people that sleep on the floor or in cardboard boxes and don’t have homes. I am saving some of my pocket money and when I am big I will have enough to buy them a huge house to share. So just let them know for now.

Thanks and Amen.

Hello Lord

Something really weird happened today. Oh, yes, sorry, this is James. You remember Paul? Well today he came over and I thought he was going to grab something again, but instead he just sat down next to me and asked me about you.

It was so weird because I thought everyone knew about you, but mom was right, because Paul didn’t know anything – not even the really cool stories about the lady that turned into salt and the bread that fell out of the sky.

I didn’t know where to start. And then I remembered what mom said. She said, Always start by talking to you and then you can take it from there.

I’m glad we were in a quiet part of the playground, so we could pray without getting smacked in the face with a ball or something. So anyway, you know about Paul now. And you can take it from there.

Your friend, James.

Hello Lord

This is your friend James. I wanted to say thanks for friends tonight. And do you know what? It seems like Paul is turning into a friend. It’s just like one of your miracles that you did when you were on the earth. I think people don’t think that they happen anymore, but they obviously do.

Thanks for mom again and for our food tonight. Especially the cake. I didn’t expect cake. I said to mom, It’s not anyone’s birthday! And she just said it was because she was proud of me. She says it is hard to be brave.

So I wanted to say, I’m proud of you too, Lord. You were very brave. And thanks for being my best friend.

Forever and ever, Amen.

Secret Treasures

2011-04-06T02:24:00.001-07:00

Secret Treasures

Anthony remembered watching his grandfather painting. There was the smell of oil paints and thinners and the sounds of the brush swishing and grandfather humming. Grandfather used a wooden box to store his paints. Anthony loved the squishy tubes and bright colours.

When his grandfather died, the box and an old painting were given to Anthony with a note that said, “You will know what to do with these.”

“What old junk!” Anthony’s brother said scornfully.

Anthony ran upstairs and banged the door to his room. He gripped the box and painting tightly while hot tears ran down his cheeks.

His mom came in and hugged him.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “Your brother is going through a difficult stage.”

“Mom, I need a hammer,” Anthony said.

“What for?” his mom asked suspiciously.

“To hang the picture,” Anthony said.

Then they both looked at each other and smiled.

He was banging a hook into his wall when part of the plaster fell away. He found that one of the bricks underneath was loose and carefully he edged it out.

“Perfect,” he said and slid the wooden box into the space left by the brick.

He banged another nail into the wall and hung the painting over the hole. This way, mom would not get upset, and he had a secret hiding place.

The next morning, Anthony’s brother yelled, “Wake up lazy!”

There wasn’t time for breakfast and they had to run all the way to school.

Anthony daydreamed till home time. Then on the way home, he heard a voice.

“Did you call me?” he asked his older brother.

“No,” his brother said pulling a face.

Then Anthony saw a feather by his shoe. It was bright blue and gold with an emerald tip. He put it in his pocket and took it home to put in his treasure box.

That night, Anthony lay on his bed staring at the stars his grandfather had painted on his ceiling. He dreamed that the feather belonged to a magical bird that sang in a foreign language and belonged to an Asian prince.

The next morning, his brother woke him up yelling, “Hey, nutcase! Time for school! Hurry up!”

His brother walked ahead with his friends and Anthony lagged behind. Then on the grass, Anthony saw a pebble. Smooth, polished and peachy pink, it felt slippery and cool in his hand. It made him think of a palace, with tall minarets, reaching into the clouds.

“Wake up!” his brother called, “We’re here!”

Anthony spent recess looking for interesting things for his treasure box, but found nothing.

Then on his way home, he saw a piece of thread hanging from the leaf of a tree. It looked like the purple silken embroidery from a prince’s robe. Anthony put it in his pocket.

“What are you doing?” his brother said suspiciously.

“Nothing,” Anthony said and ran the rest of the way home.

He shut the door to his room and wished he had a key! Then he got on his bed, took down the painting and pulled out his treasure box. He looked at the feather, stone and piece of thread.

“All calling me,” he said, “Why?”

Then he hid them away carefully again.

The next day, Anthony’s brother woke him up yelling, “Hurry up lazy!” and they scrambled to school again.

On the way home in the middle of a busy, crowded street, Anthony found a shell. It was pearly white and when he held it to his ear, he heard soft whispers.

“What?” Anthony said and tried to listen harder and that was when his brother pulled him out of the road.

“What are you doing, you mad moron?” his brother yelled, “You were nearly run over by a bus!”

Anthony ran all the way home and shut the door to his room. He listened to the shell.

“Find me,” it whispered.

That night, he had the strangest dream. An Asian prince was bowing and greeting him and his grandfather.

The next day, Anthony woke up early, even though it was a Saturday. He went for a walk and saw pieces of coloured glass. He picked one up and then found more – like a trail. They were all different shapes, sizes and colours.

One piece lay on the step of an old shop. He picked it up and went inside. He couldn’t see anyone, but the shop was full of very old things. He heard noises at the back and followed the sounds.

The first thing he noticed was the familiar smell of paint and thinners. Then he saw an old man bent before a painting, rubbing gently.

“Hello,” Anthony said.

“Hello,” the old man said, adjusting his glasses, “I didn’t hear anyone come in.”

“What are you doing?” Anthony said, coming closer.

“Trying to restore this painting,” the old man said, “Sometimes old paintings get very worn and dark with age.”

“My grandfather was an artist,” Anthony said, “He did lots of pictures…” his voice trailed away, “Oh!”

“What is it?” the old man asked.

“I’ll be back,” Anthony said and ran all the way home.

When he ran back into his room, he saw his brother with a group of friends. They had found his treasure box and pulled all his things out.

“What trash!” his brother said, “No sweets or comics? Fine brother you are!”

Then Anthony screamed, shouted, kicked and bit. His mother had to pull him off his brother, still yelling and shouting. Anthony could hear his mother talking quietly and angrily with his brother in the passage.

He took the old painting off the wall and ran back to the old shop. The man was still working at the back.

“Excuse me,” Anthony said, “What about this painting? Could you restore it?”

The old man looked at him strangely for a while and then put Anthony’s painting on an easel. He dabbed at it to test it with a piece of cloth and then his hand trembled.

“How strange,” he said to Anthony, “I think I know who it is.”

“Who is it?” Anthony said.

“The young Raja. They called him ‘The Little Prince’.”

Anthony asked, “Would he wear a turban and have slanting brown eyes? Would he live in a pink palace with singing birds and wear a purple robe?”

“Have you seen the picture before?” the old man said, looking at Anthony a little strangely.

“Yes,” Anthony said excitedly, “In my dream.”

“Well,” was all the old man could say, “Well.”

After a lot of hard work, the painting was restored to its original brilliance. There was the young Raja, peacocks and in the background, a pink palace.

“How beautiful,” Anthony’s mother sighed. “What will you do with it?”

“The gallery wants to buy it,” Anthony said, “And I think it would be nice for everyone to be able to see it.”

“You’re right,” his mother said and even his brother nodded.

There was something else Anthony had decided. He wanted to go to college to study art. The money from the painting would be put aside for him – and his brother.

His mother gave him a big hug and said, “It’s just what your grandfather would have wanted.”

Sweethearts

2011-04-06T02:23:00.000-07:00

Sweethearts

In the window of a cake shop was the most beautiful display of wedding cakes. The centrepiece was a five-tiered cake with an old-fashioned bride and groom, who looked as though they were about to step into a dance. Every night, the Master Sugar Chef covered them with a special glass case.

But one night he forgot. It was spring and everyone had fallen in love and wanted to get married immediately. The Master Sugar Chef locked up his shop and dashed home to prepare his ingredients.

When the clock chimed twelve o’clock, all the little brides and grooms on the wedding cakes came to life.

“Look at that,” one groom said, “The master forgot his little angels.”

On top of the five-tiered wedding cake the old-fashioned groom said, “My dear, you look beautiful this evening,” as he usually did and she replied, “You look so handsome, my love,” as she usually did and they exchanged a sweet kiss.

Then they realized that their glass prison was gone!

“Look at this my dear,” he said, sweeping off his white top hat and running a white sugar hand through gilt curls.

He wore a white suit with long tails, delicately trimmed in gilt. He had gilt buttons and a gold stripe in his waistcoat. Even his shoes were white with small gold buttons. He had a white cane with a gold tip in one hand. In his buttonhole was a tiny, perfect red rose.

His bride smiled, “Hello neighbours,” she said.

Her strawberry-blonde hair was scooped up with little sugar seed pearls under a delicious white hat. Her sugar complexion was flawless, her eyes shining blue with love and on her cheeks a soft sugar blush. She wore a sugar pearl necklace.

“Just think! A five-tiered cake!” one of the grooms said very loudly, “We could have had five tiers if we wanted, couldn’t we dear?”

And his wife replied: “We thought three tiers were quite enough. Anything more is just showing off,” and she turned her back.

The strawberry blonde blushed and said, “We’re just pleased to meet you.”

Her husband said, “I think I can climb down some of the layers and pick you some roses.”

“I hope he falls and breaks a leg,” one of the sugar grooms muttered, “Let the Master try to fix that!”

The golden groom took off his white dress coat and climbed down some sugar fretwork in his waistcoat and shirtsleeves. He picked a tiny rose for his wife and handed it up to her. She blew him a kiss.

“I’m so curious about the other layers,” he said.

So he climbed down and saw a marzipan kitten. It was smoky-grey and playing with a soft red ball of yarn. But when it saw him, the kitten dropped the yarn and pounced on his shoe, making him laugh. He stroked the kitten’s soft head, she purred and he laughed again.

“She’s purring darling,” he said with delight.

“Oh how sweet!” his bride said, peeping over the edge, “Let me hold her.”

One of the other brides nearly turned green. “Ugh, it’s sickening,” she said, “I don’t have flowers on my cake!”

Then the golden groom found a puppy. It pulled at his trouser legs and chewed on his shoe buttons. It was brown and white with floppy ears and a lolloping tongue.

“I hope it chews his buttons off,” muttered another groom.

The puppy brought a ball to the groom to throw for him.

“Come down my dear,” the golden groom called to his little bride, “Play with us.”

“I’m concerned about my skirts,” she said looking down anxiously.

The bride’s dress was scattered with white rosebuds and her lace petticoats were intricately designed.

“Maybe she’ll fall off,” another bitter bride said.

But the strawberry-blonde bride managed her hat and skirts admirably, despite showing flashes of bloomers as she climbed down. And her husband helped her and averted his eyes – all at the same time.

She stroked the kitten and played with the puppy, throwing the ball into a tangle of marzipan flowers.

On the next layer, they saw lovebirds nesting in tangled branches and on the last, butterflies landed like jewels on marzipan fruits.

“What a beautiful cake the Master made,” the little bride said, standing on the cake board.

“And just look at the others,” her husband said.

The two-tiered cake was a waterfall of crystals. The Master had designed a winter wonderland, glittering with ice and snow and the couple at the top were swathed in soft sugar furs.

The three-tiered cake was an aquamarine and indigo ocean with dolphins frolicking in the waves. There were marzipan shells, pebbles and sand. The couple on this cake wore bright swim and surf gear, and he held a surfboard. They had golden tans and blonde-streaked hair and sunglasses.

The four-tiered cake was multi-flavoured, with fudge-chocolate at the bottom, then very-strawberry, passion fruit and lightest-lemon. The whole cake was decorated with crystallized fruits dipped in chocolate. The couple on top were fruit sellers with baskets of marzipan fruits.

“See darling,” the golden groom said to his strawberry blonde wife, “Every single cake is a masterpiece!”

He bowed to his little wife and they began to dance around their cake, stopping every now and then to untangle a puppy or kitten from her skirts or his shoes.

The other couples had been so busy hating the centrepiece that they had never really looked at their own cakes.

The winter couple found that behind the waterfall of crystals was a secret cave - full of rainbows and echoes. They laughed and played with the sugar crystals.

The surf bride decided to swim with the dolphins and her husband tried out his surfboard. He dived into the aquamarine and indigo icing waves, flicking sun-streaked sugar hair out of his eyes. The dolphins chirped and squeaked excitedly.

The fruit seller groom became mischievous and threw an apricot at the old-fashioned golden couple. But the golden groom caught it and took a bite.

“Delicious!” he said, winking. “Have a bite dear?”

Then the fruit sellers threw apples, mangoes and cherries at all the couples. There was an all-in fruit fight until everyone was panting for breath.

Then they found they could jump across to each other’s cake boards and visit.

“Do you think the Master would make me a puppy?” the suntanned bride asked, as she cuddled the marzipan pets.

“I’m sure he can,” the old fashioned bride said, “But you can pet ours anytime.”

They sat together and looked at the stars shining through the shop window. They whispered stories until they fell asleep. The winter couple dreamed of rainbows, the ocean couple of the sounds of the surf, the fruit sellers of the perfect peach and the old-fashioned couple of new friends.

When the Master Chef came in the next morning and found all the sweethearts asleep at the foot of the five-tiered cake, he did not say a word, nor did he change a thing. He was a very wise Master Chef and knew that everyone who came into his shop would say:

“What a wonderful wedding!”

Santa Online

2010-12-13T01:36:00.000-08:00

Santa Online

In the olden days – when your parents were born – there weren’t so many children for Santa to visit. Nowadays, there are lots and they all wonder – how does Santa get around to everyone? Does he use computers? Now pay attention.

One Christmas, Santa’s CEO (Chief Elf Organizer) said, “Santa, we have to modernize our systems. All of our naughty and nice lists should be on computer. And we should tell children to send emails – not letters.”

Santa said, “What about children who live in Timbuktu?”

“Timbuktu is online,” the CEO said, “Look on my laptop.”

Santa saw all his elves waving from Timbuktu on skype.

“Goodness me,” Santa said, “What about Timbukthree?”

“You know there’s no such place,” his CEO laughed, “The elves are struggling to make enough talking dinosaurs and Whiz bikes for modern kids. In the olden days their parents were happy with lollipops.”

Santa frowned and then he said, “Go ahead – give it a try.”

The CEO elf clapped his hands and shouted, “You won’t be sorry Santa! Go and rest, we’ll do everything faster than magic!”

Santa nodded and went upstairs with a cup of hot cocoa from Mrs Santa and the CEO went to the Elf Invention Centre where all the young elves had long hair and worked in jeans and t-shirts.

“It’s a GO!” the CEO said.

“Cool!” said a young elf called Chuck, “Check this out. We’ve got computerized lists of children, robot reindeer and even a robot Santa. The real Santa won’t even have to go out on his sleigh this year. He can take a break and go to the Maldives.”

“Mrs Santa will be thrilled,” the CEO said, “She’s got a red bikini that she never had a chance to wear!”

“Er, maybe we’ll send her a wetsuit and snorkelling gear,” the young elves said nervously. “Now what do you think of our robot Santa? You wouldn’t know the difference would you?”

The CEO saw the robot Santa walking up and down and rubbing his tummy and saying “Ho, ho, ho”.

“Wow!” he said, “How good is he at going down chimneys?”

“He doesn’t need to,” Chuck said, “He has laser vision and perfect aim. He throws the gifts down the chimney.”

“What about houses that don’t have chimneys?” the CEO said.

“We’re way ahead of you,” an elf called Frank said, “Our robot Santa is an expert at picking locks.”

“You mean he breaks into people’s houses?” the CEO said, “I don’t know about that!”

“Well only in the best way,” Frank said, “And he never triggers any alarms. Watch.”

The CEO watched the robot Santa throw gifts and break into houses in all the simulation tests the Elf Invention Centre had set up.

“Wow, it really works!” the CEO said, “This is great.”

“You should see the sleigh,” Chuck said, “It’s totally cool. It’s red and it has seven gears that go from fast to super-fast.”

“Can I take it on a test drive?” the CEO said grabbing the wheel.

“Not a good idea,” Frank said, “You see Albert over there?”

“The elf with no hair?” the CEO said.

“Yup,” Frank said, “Our robot Santa is fine on the sleigh because he can take the friction that goes with the super-speed. But your hair would be on fire.”

“Okay, no test drive,” the CEO said disappointedly. “Are the gifts ready to go?”

“Done!” Chuck said, “Our robot Santa is a super-fast packer. He can go and be back before Santa even wakes up from his nap.”

“Okay guys,” the CEO said, “Let’s get Christmas wrapped up!”

The elves all sat at their computers. It looked like the Houston space rocket launch centre. They typed away at their keyboards and the robot Santa jumped into his robot sleigh. They tapped instructions and the sleigh revved its super-fast engines. They hit LAUNCH and the robot Santa and reindeer zoomed up into the air.

All the elves clapped and cheered, “Hooray!”

Then there was a KAPOW-WHOOSH! sound and all of the elves’ computer screens went blank.

“What was that?” the CEO said, “Where is robot Santa with all the gifts?”

They looked at their large, plasma screen map of the world with GPS positioning slowly fade into a tiny pinpoint and disappear.

“I don’t know,” said Frank.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” the CEO squeaked, “All those talking dinosaurs and Whiz bikes! Where have they gone?”

“We’re offline,” Frank said, “Our computers have crashed. Sorry. No Christmas this year.”

“But they must be somewhere,” the CEO said pulling at his jingle hat, “We have to find them.”

“Well they could be…” Albert said.

“Could be where?” the CEO said while all the other elves tried to shush Albert.

“Some of our test-sleighs crashed into a volcano,” Albert admitted.

The CEO looked around and all the elves looked at their sandals.

“What am I going to tell Santa?” the CEO said. “Mrs Santa really wanted to wear her red bikini.”

“There’s a bright side to everything!” Albert said while the CEO dashed off to report to Santa.

He was running so fast he skidded on the mat into Santa’s room and somersaulted over Santa’s bed. But being an elf, he landed on his feet.

“Santa! Terrible news!” he said, “Our computers are all offline, we have no GPS and the robot sleigh may have crashed into a volcano with all the gifts! Christmas won’t happen this year!”

“It already has,” Santa said, “That’s why I’m in my pyjamas. I just came back from my quick zip around the world.”

“You mean you didn’t trust me?” the CEO said sadly.

“Of course I trust you!” Santa said, “Here have a marshmallow. I just don’t trust technology. I’m an old-fashioned elf. I like real reindeer and my real sleigh, powered by Mrs Santa’s old-fashioned extra-strength apple cider.”

“What about the chimneys and all the children?” the CEO said.

“I’d like you to meet a friend of mine,” Santa said, “He’s down in the kitchen with Mrs Santa eating chocolate pie.”

They went to the kitchen where there was a log fire – because being the North Pole it was pretty nippy outside – and at the table an old man with a very long beard and a lamp was eating chocolate pie.

“This is Father Time,” Santa said. “We’re old friends and every Christmas Eve, he stops time for a few minutes, so I can get my deliveries done.”

The CEO sat down and took a piece of pie. “Can you rewind time?” he said.

“Why?” asked Father Time.

“That sleigh,” the CEO said, “I still want a test drive.”

Santa chuckled, “Ho, ho, ho.”

And Father Time said, “Just remember – you have to slow down if you want to speed things up.”

He picked up his lantern and said, “Thanks for the chocolate pie Mrs Santa. You deserve your holiday!”

Mrs Santa said, “I can’t wait to put on my red bikini!”

And the CEO sprinted back to the Elf Invention Centre.

So if you see a sleigh speeding past your window driven by an elf with his hair on fire – remember – the elves are still working on it!

Fred the Kind-Hearted Reindeer

2010-12-11T22:17:00.000-08:00

Fred the Kind-Hearted Reindeer

Once upon a Christmas, there was an Awfully Cheap Store where people went hoping that they would not be horribly surprised. But usually they were.

As Christmas approached, the owner of The Awfully Cheap Store said, “We will make a rich fruity cake for rich people and a raisin loaf for in-between people and a really cheap and nasty brown sponge with raisin sprinkles for poor people.”

The workers in his bakery said, “Yes sir” and started baking but they felt very non-Christmassy and mean putting all the fruit in the rich cake and none in the poor cake.

Then the owner of The Awfully Cheap Store said, “We will have a massive turkey with stuffing and all the trimmings for the rich people and we will have a slab of pork with no trimmings for the in-between people and minced jelly beef for the poor people.”

The workers in the butchery said, “Yeeugh,” when they had to prepare the jelly beef but they did as they were told so that they didn’t lose their jobs over Christmas.

Then the owner of The Awfully Cheap Store said, “We will make up huge bags of chocolates wrapped in shiny papers for the rich people, and mixed toffees for the in-between people and paper bags of boiled sweets for the poor people.”

The workers in the sweet department said, “That’s not very sweet,” to each other, and wrapped up the packages with big sighs.

“Now,” the store owner said, “Everyone will see that I have provided Christmas for all people – rich and poor – isn’t that right staff?”

And his staff all said, “Yes sir” and nodded their red caps with the jingle bells on the end.

But there was one member of staff called Fred who did not nod a jingle cap. He had never been very good at following orders and the owner of The Awfully Cheap Store had put him in a reindeer suit and told him to prance up and down in front of the store with a sign that said, “Christmas is for everyone – rich and poor!”

Fred was fed up of prancing and was taking a break drinking a smoothie through a straw in his long reindeer muzzle. He saw a family walk into The Awfully Cheap Store. There was a man, a woman and two little girls. They were very thin and had dark circles under their eyes. They went into the store and put a nasty brown sponge, minced jelly beef and packet of boiled sweets into their shopping basket. Then they waited in line to pay.

Fred tried to stay sitting down like a good reindeer, but he frowned and frowned. (Luckily no one could see it under the mask.) Then he went into the store and walked up to the family, “I’m sorry, folks,” he said, “There has been a mistake.”

And he took all of their goods out of their basket. On the shelves he changed all the labels around and brought back a rich fruit cake, turkey with trimmings and chocolates with shiny wrappers.

“Sorry about that folks,” he said, “But at The Awfully Cheap Store we like to give our shoppers stuff that is awfully good.”

The family mumbled because they were confused – the labels still looked the same. But when they got home and unwrapped their packets they saw the delicious Christmas goodies.

“Mommy,” one of the little girls said as they danced and clapped their hands, “Do you think he was a magic reindeer?”

That was what a lot of people were thinking when they got home from doing their shopping.

The rich people thought it was bad magic because they had bought nasty stuff that they took right back to the store. But the poor people thought it was very good magic and had a very good Christmas.

The Runaway Christmas Pudding

2010-12-07T05:37:00.000-08:00

The Runaway Christmas Pudding

(Or why you should never put too much brandy in the pudding!)

One Christmas, too many aunts were helping to make dinner in the kitchen.

The Christmas pudding was sitting in a cotton bag, full of fruit, dates, nuts, sugar and other such goodness. It was not the pudding’s fault that the aunts interfered. It turned all its goodness to badness and it managed to escape.

It happened like this.

Aunt Slicer, who was tall thin and beaky was enjoying her Christmas sherry. She said, “This sherry is very good Arnold and although I usually stop at two glasses, I think I’ll have another.”

So she did.

Then she said, “The Christmas pudding doesn’t look quite right. I think I’ll give it an extra dose of this very good sherry.”

So she poured the sherry into the cotton bag and the Christmas pudding gobbled it all up like this “shlurp, shlurp, shlurp”.

Then Aunt Plop who was large, round and snubby was enjoying her Christmas port. She said, “This port is very good Arnold. I must say I usually only have one, or two, but tonight I’ll have three.”

Then she poked the Christmas pudding and said, “This doesn’t feel quite right. I think I’ll give it an extra dose of port.”

So she poured the port into the cotton bag and the Christmas pudding gobbled it all up like this – “burp, burp, burp”.

Then Aunt Jehosaphat who was small, nippy and interfering was enjoying her Christmas liqueur.

(At one time this almond liqueur was made by very serious monks who lived at the top of a mountain. They could not believe they had made something so delicious and when they drank it they all fell off the mountain and went rolling down into the valley. The recipe survived and it was fatal to the Christmas pudding.)

Aunt Jehosaphat said, “I don’t usually even have one glass of liqueur but this Almond Liqueur is so divine I will have four or five glasses.”

Then she squished the Christmas pudding and said, “This pudding looks like it needs some Almond Liqueur.”

So she poured the liqueur into the cotton bag and the Christmas pudding gobbled it all up like this – “BAAARP!”

Aunt Jehosaphat got a terrible fright and screamed.

“Don’t worry,” Arnold said, “The pudding will settle down when we cook it in the pot.”

So they put the cotton bag full of goodness and badness into a big pot of boiling water and left it to cook while they played games like “Search for the Spectacles”, “Find the False Teeth” and “Where is my Neighbour?”

(This last game was played by the children who threw water balloons over the wall to see if they could hit anyone. It was really extremely naughty of them and if Father Christmas had not already sent out delivery teams of reindeer, they would have been put on the very bad list.)

Luckily for the children, no neighbours or other foreigners were harmed during the making of the Christmas dinner and when they were so hungry they could have eaten vegetables, they were called in to the feast.

All the aunts, uncles, grannies and assorted furniture were heaped at one end of the table. Arnold, Mrs Arnold and their four children were at the head of the table.

Mrs Arnold carved the turkey to great applause. Then came the moment everyone was waiting for! It was time to light up the pudding! All the children fought for the honour of setting the pudding alight. It was a great tradition that was usually left to the oldest person in the house. But the children were so naughty they kept blowing out grandpa’s matches.

Mrs Arnold brought the massive Christmas pudding out of the kitchen and unwrapped its cotton bag. It looked large, brown and angry.

“Hooray!” said all the aunts, uncles, grannies and furniture.

“Hooray!” said the foreigners who had sneaked in from next door.

“I shall now dose the pudding with brandy,” Mrs Arnold announced grandly.

She did this and the pudding went “ROAAAAR!”

Everyone looked at everyone else and grandpa asked loudly, “Did someone fart?”

The children screamed with laughter.

Then Mrs Arnold said, “Who will light up this pudding?”

“We will! We will!” the children screeched and they all lit matches.

(They had eaten all their Christmas chocolates and broken all their presents. There was nothing left for them to do!)

The Christmas pudding was a blazing inferno.

All the aunts, uncles, grannies, furniture and foreigners clapped nervously.

But just as grandpa had got up the courage to pick up his knife to slice the pudding, it stood up on little clove legs and shook a clove fist and ran away.

“Stop the pudding!” yelled grandpa.

Everyone had knives out and started stabbing. But the fiery Christmas pudding kept rolling down the table. Once it got a head start it was able to leap off the table and roll for the door.

“Stop that pudding!” yelled Mrs Arnold “It’s got a fortune in dates and nuts in it!”

The family pursued the pudding hotly down the road.

Then the dog next door tried to take a bite of the pudding and got his tongue burned.

“Yaroo!” said the dog next door.

“Stop that pudding!” said a policeman, “It’s lethal!”

So all the aunts, uncles, grannies, furniture, foreigners, cats, dogs, policemen and Mrs Arnold chased the flaming Christmas pudding into the city centre.

This Christmas pudding was not like an ordinary gingerbread man that was going to be fooled into sitting on someone’s nose and getting eaten. It had too many expensive ingredients for that! This Christmas pudding had ambition! It wanted to go to the stores and buy stuff. It wanted to have a home of its own and marry another Christmas pudding and have lots of little mince pies.

And just as it was planning all of these ambitious plans, the Christmas pudding was run over by a garbage truck.

Yes, as intelligent as that pudding was, it had no idea about traffic rules. It did not know that a red light meant stop and it carried on rolling.

There was a big SQUISH! in the middle of the city street.

And all the aunts, uncles, grannies, furniture, foreigners, cats, dogs, policemen and Mrs Arnold all said, “Aaaaaah!”

The policeman said, “I could do with a cup of tea right about now.”

Mrs Arnold said things that couldn’t be written down in any book.

And the children said, “We hate that nasty brandy taste anyway. How about some ice-cream?’

They all went home and the children had ice-cream cones – which were just what they wanted and the adults all fell asleep – which was just what they wanted.

But before she did, Mrs Arnold wrote a large note to the aunts that said, “DO NOT DOSE THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING!”

And mailed it to them the next year.

By Ingela Richardson

Sloth Paints the Moon

2010-12-04T08:32:00.000-08:00

SLOTH PAINTS THE MOON

Sloth lived in the Magic Jungle, next to the Unforgivable Lake.

“I love to sleep in the moonlight,” Sloth would croon.

And he would think about stuff.

If any jungle creature asked, “How can we find Sloth?”

The golden moths would say, “Just follow our trail.”

This meant leaving at night and following the shine of their wings to the heart of the Magic Jungle.

“Watch out!” the moths would whisper, “The Unforgivable Lake may flood and chase the animals away!”

But Sloth lived high up in a tree and water levels were not a problem. The problem was loud Macaw.

“Hey,” Sloth said softly (he always spoke very quietly), “What’s wrong with you bird?”

“I’ve got a HACK! Sorry SQUEAK! COUGH!” Macaw squawked.

So Sloth said, “Hey honeybees.”

And they said, “Yezzz?”

Sloth said, “Please give my bird here a little dose of your honey?”

So they did and with that and a little lemon juice, Macaw was much better and Sloth went back to thinking.

Thinking was very important. He spent hours in the same position just thinking. One evening, Sloth was thinking, “How could I visit the Moon?”

It looked very close to the Magic Jungle. Sometimes, it hung like a light bulb, just above them and sometimes it played in the water of the Unforgiveable Lake. Twice a year, it turned a brilliant orange and was as big as a beach ball.

“Macaw,” Sloth said, “I have decided to visit the moon.”

“Ah,” said Macaw in a smoother voice.

“But only when it turns orange,” Sloth said, “That’s my favourite colour.”

“How will you get there?” whispered the moths.

Sloth did some more thinking and came up with a brilliant plan.

He said. “Hey honeybees?”

They said, “Yezzz.”

“Tell the great, hairy jungle spiders I want a word,” Sloth said.

The bees buzzed off and Sloth snoozed.

Then the spiders came crawling up because they were terribly curious.

“What do you want Sloth?” the most hairy spider leader asked.

“I have a great plan,” Sloth said, “But for it to work I need all of you spiders to spin webs around the jungle vines to make a basket.”

“What for?” the spider leader said, “Silk is pricey you know.”

Sloth said, “I will get a lot of banana skins to make a balloon and my relatives will all blow all their hot air inside it.”

“Then what?” said the spider leader.

“Then,” Sloth said, “I will fly to the moon when it turns orange.”

“Oh well that’s different then,” the spider leader said, “You didn’t tell us it was space research. We have to beat the monkeys at all costs!”

Sloth invited the golden moths to join them, bringing their light and their wings!

(Some of the spiders walked out on strike, but they were persuaded that the project was great advertising for their new silk fashion range.)

Finally the great day came when the silk vine jungle balloon was finished.

Sloth said, “Goodbye family! Goodbye friends! I will miss you all. But you know that I always wanted to travel, especially to the moon when it is orange.”

So off he went into the night sky and it wasn’t long before there was nothing above him, but stars and nothing below him, but stars. It was wonderful!

“I could just stay here forever,” he thought. But he always stuck to his plans and so he landed on the Moon.

“Yikes!” Sloth said, “It’s sticky!”

And those were the first memorable words of a sloth landing on the moon.

“It’s sticky and orange,” Sloth said.

All around he could see small creatures rushing around with pots and brushes. They looked like Moon Mice.

“What are you doing?” Sloth asked.

Of course, the Moon Mice couldn’t understand Sloth language, but by using signs, they showed him that they were painting the Moon orange and they were in a hurry.

“Why?” Sloth signed.

The Moon Mice acted out their explanation that if they didn’t finish painting their half of the Moon before it popped up on the world, they would be punished by their leader, the King Rat and they would not be allowed to eat cheese for a week.

“That’s a bit harsh,” said Sloth, who thought food was very important, “Never mind! We’ll all give you a hand – or a wing as the case may be.”

Sloth and the golden moths grabbed paintbrushes and painted as fast as they could, and if it had not been for their help, the Moon would not have been finished.

“What a lovely job!” Sloth said happily, admiring the orange glow.

But the King Rat did not seem happy. He was jumping up and down and shaking his fist. The Moon Mice all looked sad. The King Rat was telling them they were not worthy of cheese.

“How rude!” Sloth said, “You Moon Mice must come back with me in my banana-vine hot-air balloon. There’s lots of room for you in the Magic Jungle and just wait till you try honeydew cakes – you won’t miss the cheese.”

The Moon Mice all leaped with glee and clapped their little hands and stamped their little feet and came running to the balloon. This time, the golden moths had to help with launching due to the extra weight.

“Up, up and away!” Sloth chanted and the Moon Mice all squealed and squeaked excitedly in their own Moon language.

The balloon floated gently back down to Earth, past the oceans to the dark green of the Magic Jungle and the deep blue of the Unforgivable Lake.

“Home at last”, said Sloth, “It was a nice adventure. And I did get to paint the Moon orange. But I like my hammock hanging in the cool vines, where Macaw can tell me a bedtime story.”

Everyone was most surprised when all the Moon Mice hopped out. But it was very lucky for them that a large burrow had just been emptied by a family of moles and so there was a warm and dry home ready for them to move into.

“Although it does bother me that the King Rat got his way,” Sloth told Macaw, “Every time I look up at the moon now, I’m going to think of my new friends and that naughty Rat up there.”

Sloth was thinking so hard about his next problem that he fell asleep in his hammock in the middle of Macaw’s story.

The Moon Mice were already tucking in to honey dew and there were little cries of “Hooray, Hooray!” Their first Magic Jungle words!

Sloth didn’t know that the monkeys had launched their first hot-air jungle balloon to the moon and were so cross to find Sloth’s footprints that they stamped their feet and squished the King Rat by mistake!

By Ingela Richardson

2010-11-25T22:20:00.000-08:00

Crocodile Shoes

Ouch the Crocodile had very sensitive feet. In the water, he was fine, but as soon as he walked out on land, the stones were all poky and the twigs were all prickly and he said, “Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!” all the time.

Ouch was not a wild and grabby croc. He liked to keep his finger and toenails looking neat and civilised. But out in the jungle there wasn’t a person for miles to do a croc pedicure. Ouch was cross.

“It’s all the zoo’s fault,” he said, “If they hadn’t taken me out of my cosy home and thrown me back into the wild, I’d be happy, drinking pineapple shakes and having my nails done by Lila, the zookeeper’s daughter.”

Ouch’s breakfast, lunch and supper was strictly vegetarian. He really disappointed his parents who loved their meat, especially if it was still moving.

Ouch loved fruit salad with paw-paws and oranges, washed down with coconut milk.

“There could be another answer you know,” said Harold, the hippo.

Harold had also been relocated to the wild from a zoo and he was rubbing coconut oil all over his belly so that it wouldn’t burn pink in the sun.

“I need a hat,” Harold had said every day, until Germaine Giraffe, picked some leaves off the tallest trees and made him one.

Harold was only really happy when he was under the coolest water of the deepest pool, with only his nose and eyes peeping out.

“What is your answer?” Ouch asked, picking up his foot and plucking out a large thorn, ‘I’m thinking of running home.”

“Oh no,” Harold snorted, “They’d only make you into a handbag, or belt, or an ugly pair of shoes.”

“Ugly!” Ouch was very indignant, “I would make a fine pair of shoes!”

“Well,” Harold said, floating on his back, “You will have to make your own shoes and gloves. Then you won’t get hurt.”

Ouch thought about this for a while, so that several tickbirds came and sat on his nose.

“I’m very hygienic!” he said as they squawked angrily.

“What kind of shoes? What can I make them from?” Ouch said.

“What about people,” Harold said.

“I’m not going to make shoes out of a person?” Ouch squeaked.

“Why not?” said Harold, “they make them out of you.”

“Guess what?” Germaine Giraffe said, dipping his long neck down to the watering hole. “There’s a human having a nap over there, under that tree and he’s taken off his shoes and gloves.”

Ouch and Harold jumped out of the water in surprise and crept up for a closer look.

Germaine said, “I think it is one of the game rangers - the ones who are supposed to keep an eye on us? He obviously feels very safe here, hat over his eyes and ….”

“…shoes off!” Ouch said triumphantly. “Oh, if only they would fit my large, fat feet and my chubby hands, I would be so happy, you could change my name to, Yay!”

Elbert the dassie went to measure the items. He was very quick. He snuck there and back so fast, that the other animals were still looking into the distance when he sprang up at their feet, nose whiffling.

“The shoe is an amazing size 16,” he said, “And the gloves look quite inhuman to me.”

“I must have them!” Ouch said excitedly, “How can I hold my head high without my exclusive Game Ranger shoes and gloves?”

They all agreed they would have to call on the baboons for help.

Kool, a young baboon, was the hero of the moment. He scampered across to the human, grabbed the items with great speed and nearly got caught when he tried to steal the socks!

The other animals held their breaths in horror! But the man only yawned and turned over. So Kool chuckled and scampered back with the goodies for Ouch.

The animals went back to the waterhole. Then Ouch tried on the shoes. He gave a huge sigh.

“Aaaaaaah! What comfort,” he said. Then he tried on the gloves. “This is better,” he crooned, “My delicate hands and nails will not be ruined by too much sun and water and lack of calcium.”

The animals were all pleased. Their days were no longer disturbed by shouts of, “Ouch! Ouch!”

Instead they were lulled to sleep by the crooning croc as he waddled off to bed.

“You can call me Mr Mmmmmmm now,” he said happily, “Good night!”

2010-11-25T05:11:00.000-08:00

Mom, There’s a Spaceship on the Roof!

“Mom! Mom!” Tom yelled, “There’s a spaceship on the roof!”

Mom was busy washing the dishes.

“Really dear?” Mom said, “Why do you think they chose our house?”

“I don’t know Mom,” Tommy said and rushed away.

Small green men were trying to climb down the chimney and some were getting stuck and some were getting burned because there was a fire down below.

“Yeow! Ouch!” they shouted, which is a kind of universal language.

“What was that Tom?” said Mom.

“It’s the aliens,” Tom said.

“Oh,” Mom said, “Just make sure they don’t eat all the candy and cookies.”

“That’s okay Mom,” Tom said, “They seem to like eating the plants.”

Tom’s Mom shrugged and carried on with her ironing. There were always bumps, thumps and squeals when Tom’s friends visited.

“Mom,” Tom said, “The aliens like Jack. They want to take him for a ride on their spaceship. Is that okay?”

“Sure,” said Mom.

“Poor old Jack,” she thought, “Are they going to dress you up and put you in a box?”

She heard woofs, ruffs and then a great big WHOOOOSH!

Then there was a blinding light that faded into a dot.

“What was that?” Mom said, “The electricity has gone off?”

“The aliens took Jack for a ride, but they will be back soon,” said Tom.

There was another flash of light, the electricity came on and Jack bounded downstairs.

“Where are the aliens?” Mom said, “I thought you were playing with your friends?”

“Silly Mom,” Tom laughed, “My friends don’t come from Saturn!”

They walked hand-in-hand to the roof of the house, where a small spaceship stood with aliens climbing in. They were small and green with red eyes and long fingers.

Tom waved and the spaceship disappeared into the stars.

“Well Tom,” said Mom, “Next time I think I will listen more carefully to what you say. I don’t want you to disappear like that.”

“Okay Mom,” Tom said, “Now about Jack…”

“What about Jack?” Mom said.

“Well,” Jack said, “It’s that dog food you get – I’m sick of it. And the dog next-door - he’s got to go! Then there’s a flea situation in my basket…”

Tom and his mother looked at each other.

“Do you think we could get the aliens to take Jack back?” Mom said.

Tom laughed. “Come on Jack,” he said, “Let’s go for a walk and talk to the neighbours’ dogs.”

“Oooh,” Mom said, “Jack, don’t forget to ask the Smith’s dog about that hammering noise from their shed. I’d love to know what they’re up to.”

“That’s gossip Mom,” Tom shook his head.

But as he walked off, Mom and Jack exchanged a wink. He knew where his dinners came from!

2010-11-22T22:06:00.000-08:00

Mrs Freakle Finally Freaks Out!

Mrs Freakle looked like everyone else’s mom. In fact people were always stopping her and saying, “Aren’t you Mrs Smith” or “Aren’t you Mrs Jones” and she would say politely, “No I’m Mrs Freakle”.

Then they would say, “Who?”

Mrs Freakle was a very good mom. She cooked wonderful, tasty dinners. She washed the very dirty clothes of her four very naughty boys and she even cleaned up the dog poop!

But one day, Mrs Freakle finally freaked out. It wasn’t anything big. It was just one of those little things that made her finally explode like a volcano.

Mrs Freakle had been busy experimenting with her plant extracts in her basement. She had mixed special ingredients for a spray that would make her flowers bloom beautifully.

There was a puff of pink smoke, then a puff of purple smoke and a weird goopy green liquid oozed into her spray bottle.

“Hmm, not quite what I expected,” Mrs Freakle said, “But I will test it out.”

She hurried outside to try out her new garden spray. It was kind of oozy and instead of spray, it puffed out a yellowish vapour.

Then, before Mrs Freakle’s surprised eyes, the flower she sprayed shrank smaller and smaller until it was the size of her little finger.

“My goodness!” she said.

Charlie the little boy next door was peeping over the fence. He grinned with no front teeth because he was only five.

“Wow!” he said.

“Ssh Charlie,” Mrs Freakle said.

She heard Charlie’s mother yelling, “Charles Stromberg! You get off that wall right this minute!”

Charlie’s mother was not very patient.

“Bye,” Charlie said.

“Bye,” said Mrs Freakle looking at her plant spray.

That evening, Mr Freakle, came home from work as he usually did. He sat in his favourite armchair with a six-pack of Icy Pops – his favourite sodas and said, “What’s for dinner?” as he usually did.

Little Tommy Freakle said, “I hope it’s not that disgusting meatloaf again.”

And Mr Freakle and the four little Freakles all laughed very rudely.

Mrs Freakle’s dinners were always good and tasty. But that day at the school bake sale, her cake had been the last one to be sold and all the ladies had left her to do all the cleaning up and so Tommy Freakle’s rude words were the last straw.

Mrs Freakle shouted at the top of her voice, “You are the rudest most horrible, mean family in the world!”

She still had the goopy plant spray in her hand and she sprayed all of them. Instantly the whole Freakle family shrank to the size of your little finger and Mrs Freakle popped them all into a shoebox.

“Now you can learn some manners!” she said.

They squeaked and hopped like little mice, but it was no good. Mrs Freakle gave them a cupcake to share and a thimble of milk and then she left the shoebox on the table and went to bed.

The moon was a silver slice in the dark sky and thousands of stars were shining. Mrs Freakle thought how beautiful they were and how peaceful her house was and she fell fast asleep.

The next day, Mrs Freakle went back to her basement to work on an antidote to her shrinking spray. She was a good mother after all and didn’t mean to leave the family shrunken forever.

But she forgot that Mrs Meddle was popping over to collect jumble for the church bazaar.

“Hello Mrs Freakle,” Mrs Meddle called as she walked in through the front door, “Just collecting for the church bazaar.”

“It’s all in the hall,” Mrs Freakle called back, “Can you take it? I’m just in the middle of something.”

Mrs Freakle was in fact in the middle of a huge vat of dandelion flowers that she was stomping. She was covered in green goop.

“Thank you,” Mrs Meddle called and off she went.

Mrs Freakle didn’t think about this until later in the day when she decided she had finally got the antidote right.

She went outside to test the spray on her flowers. She sprayed the one she had shrunk and a greenish vapour covered it and it grew back to normal size.

“Hooray!” she said. And got a fright when Charlie from next door said, “Wow!” again.

“Charlie, you must stop spying on me,” Mrs Freakle said.

“I’m bored,” he said, with no front teeth, “Come over and spray my mom!”

“Charlie!” Mrs Freakle said, “I can’t do that! At least, not today. Bye!”

And she rushed back inside to spray her family back to normal size.

It was then she realized that Mrs Meddle had taken the shoebox containing her family to the church bazaar.

“Oh dear,” said Mrs Freakle.

She had a cup of tea and decided what to do. Did she really want her family back? She thought of her husband and his Icy Pops and her children with their rude shouting and the dogs that pooped in the hall.

“Right,” she said to the empty house, “We have to do it. Goodbye peace and quiet.”

And Mrs Freakle took her antidote spray and rushed off to the church bazaar.

The church was very busy. There were people having tea and cake and selling second-hand books and brand new vegetables.

Mrs Freakle looked and looked. No shoebox.

She saw kids playing games and grannies gossiping. No shoebox.

She saw pony rides and toys. And then she saw the shoebox.

It was under the arm of a little girl with brown pigtails who was holding onto her mother’s hand. The little girl and her mother were having a big argument.

“But I want the little dollies,” the little girl was crying.

“No, Samantha,” her mother said, “You have too many dolls at home.”

“But these are the best,” the little girl cried, “They’re alive.”

Mrs Freakle could see the mother was just about to give in because she was tired and fed up, so she rushed over and said,

“I’m so sorry, this was my box. It was collected by mistake – it’s not supposed to be for sale.”

“You see,” the little girl’s mother said and tried to take the box. But the little girl hung on tightly. “They’re real!” she yelled.

It was a shoebox tug-‘o-war! And then the shoebox broke in half.

Mrs Freakle gasped. Her tiny family and dog fell out onto the grass.

Quickly she picked them up and popped them all into her pocket.

“So sorry,” she said to the mother and the crying little girl and hurried home.

She could hear squeaking noises from inside her pocket, but she didn’t stop until she got home and shut the front door.

Then she put her noisy, rude family on the carpet and sprayed them with the antidote.

They all shot up to normal size and were amazingly quiet and well-behaved.

After all, as Mrs Freakle reminded them, they could have ended up in a little girl’s dolls’ house – not much fun for four naughty boys – or their father – or their messy pups!

Who wants to be a chocolate taster?

2010-11-10T22:19:00.000-08:00

On Friday morning, at the end of a very long week, there was a disaster at the chocolate factory. Mr Smelt, the chocolate taster, threw down his gloves, his hat, his glasses and even his special tasting fork.

“That’s it!” he shouted, “I have had enough! I cannot taste any more chocolate! I have eaten so much chocolate that it is coming out of my ears! It is coming out of my fingers and toes! I cannot stand even the smell of chocolate!”

He ran out of the factory all the way home, only to find that his wife was baking him a chocolate cake for his birthday. He screamed and ran out of his house and was never seen again.

“Now what do we do?” said Mr Gold to Mr Crinkle, the owners of the Superior Chocolate Factory, “Smelt was the best chocolate taster in the world.”

“We will have to advertise,” Mr Crinkle said to Mr Gold, “For the second-best chocolate taster in the world to join our factory immediately.”

So they phoned the newspaper to place an advertisement for the very next day and in the meantime, chocolates just kept rolling off the production line.

There was the outsides-chocolate-man who checked that the shape of the chocolate was just right. There were heart shapes and diamond shapes and squares and circles and rectangles, all correct.

Then there was the insides-chocolate-man who poured all the insides into the chocolate shapes, like caramel and coffee and almond and strawberry and lime (which no one liked but they always put in just for a surprise) and these flavours were all correct.

Then there was the topping-chocolate-man, who made sure that the chocolates were all closed up with a pretty little stamp on the top.

Then was the disaster, because Mr Smelt was supposed to be next in line and he was supposed to check that the shapes and the flavours and the toppings were the same as the picture on the outside of the box.

But of course he wasn’t there, so the chocolates went on down the line to the wrappings man, who made sure that the chocolates were all in pretty coloured wrappings. Then they all dropped into boxes, were wrapped and stamped with the company name, Superior Chocolates! And sent off to the shops.

What a disaster it was! Mr Smelt did not know what confusion he had created. Everyone who bought a box of Superior Chocolates had the funniest looks on their faces. They would bite into a chocolate, expecting it to be a Caramel Cup and it would be a Lime Surprise. Ooooh!

Then they would look forward to their favourite – Almond Delight – and it would be a Jolly Jelly. Eeeugh!

“This is not on,” the people said to the owners of the sweet shops.

“This is not on,” the owners of the sweet shops said to the deliverymen.

“This is not on,” the deliverymen said to the salesmen.

“This is really not on,” the salesmen said to Mr Gold and Mr Crinkle of Superior Chocolates factory.

“We’re fixing it,” Mr Gold said, “Really fast!”

The next day, Mr Gold and Mr Crinkle interviewed all the people who came in answer to their advertisement.

There was a very, big fat man with no hair who said, “I have eaten more chocolates than you have had hot breakfasts.”

When he walked out of their office, Mr Crinkle said, “No, no.”

“No, no,” agreed Mr Gold.

There was a very thin, hairy man who said, “Tasting chocolate is like eating smelly cheese – you should never have too much.”

When he walked out of their office, Mr Crinkle said, “Oh dear.”

“Oh, dear,” agreed Mr Gold.

There was a young lady with a handbag, who said, “I always take home lots of chocolates for my ten children.

When she walked out of their office, Mr Crinkle shook his head.

Mr Gold also shook his head.

There was an old lady who said, “Before I taste chocolates, someone must help me take out my false teeth.”

When she walked out of their office, Mr Crinkle raised his eyebrows.

Mr Gold also raised his eyebrows.

“What are we going to do?” said Mr Crinkle looking down at the production floor, where the shapes man, insides, outsides, tops and wrappings were all doing their jobs perfectly, but there was no taster.

“We are going to have riots tomorrow,” said Mr Gold.

They packed up their identical black briefcases and walked to their identical purple cars and went home to their identical pink houses on the same wide street.

Their wives, who were twin sisters, came out to greet them at the same time and give them each a hug. Mr Crinkle had a daughter called Candy and Mr Gold had a son called Gusto.

Their children, who were both six years old, also came out to give their fathers a hug.

Then Gusto said, “Dad, Candy and I know you have a problem at the factory and we have an idea.”

Candy said, “Can we have a meeting?”

Now Mr Crinkle and Mr Gold had not got to the top of the chocolate business without learning how to listen to children.

”Jolly good idea,” Mr Crinkle said, “Shall we meet in your house Gold?”

“Jolly good idea,” Mr Gold said, “Let’s have supper.”

So they had a yummy supper of snack pies while they listened to the children’s ideas.

“This is the idea,” said Gusto, “you don’t need a taster, what you need is a colourer.”

“What?” said Mr Crinkle.

“I don’t understand,” said Mr Gold.

“Well,” said Candy, “You get a colourer to make each chocolate flavour a different colour and then no one will get mixed up.”

“And,” Gusto added, “what will be even more fun, is that each chocolate will make your mouth that colour. So if you eat a purple chocolate, you will get a purple mouth. People will look funny and the children will love it.”

“Do you really think so?” said Mr Crinkle.

“Definitely,” said Candy.

“It’s worth a try,” said Gusto.

So the very next day, Mr Crinkle and Mr Gold went looking for an artist who specialized in food colourings – which you can eat - not like paint, which you can’t.

They found an artist called Mad Maurice, who wore a tartan smock and always spoke in a whisper.

Then they went to work colouring the chocolates. It was great fun.

Mad Maurice had fun and all the chocolate workers on the production line had fun, because suddenly everything was so different.

They decided to make the chocolates all the colours of the rainbow. The Naughty Nutties were purple, the Fantastic Fudge was blue, the Lime Surprises were green, the Caramel Cups were yellow, the Orange Creams were orange, the Jolly Jellies were red, the Strawberry Dips were pink, the Coffee Swirls were gold and the Almond Delights were silver.

(Of course, the last two are not colours of the rainbow, but Mr Crinkle and Mr Gold had to come up with two extra exciting colours.)

At the end of the day, all the workers were very pleased with their work. They just had to see what all the people thought.

There was nearly a riot! Everyone wanted more and more Superior Chocolates. They looked so beautiful in all the different colours in their pretty boxes and people couldn’t help laughing at each other’s funny coloured mouths.

Also, the children would immediately know if mum or dad had tried to steal the last favourite chocolate just by looking at their mouths!

Superior Chocolates were, once again, the yummiest (and funniest) chocolates you could buy.

Mr Crinkle and Mr Gold were so proud of their children.

“We know one day you will make this company even better,” Mr Crinkle said to them.

"We look forward to retiring,” said Mr Gold.

And of course, Candy and Gusto had lots of different plans up their sleeves and in their drawing books upstairs. But they didn’t tell their fathers. They are hoping to open a crisps’ factory one day!

THE CLEVER CABBAGE

2010-11-08T22:13:00.000-08:00

It was the carrot that started it. He turned to the cabbage and said in a rather cross voice:

“You might trade places you know, you really might. No one likes cabbages half as much as carrots and there’s a dreadful mole that has been eyeing me for weeks and pinching me to see how fat I’m getting. It’s quite intolerable! Soon there will be nothing left of me at all!”

The cabbage was of a very round, sunny nature and so she agreed to change places with the carrot. She didn’t expect that it would be quite so damp and moist down there, smelling of worms, and carrot got a fright when he emerged into the sunlight.

“Me eyes, me eyes!” he said, “I’ve gone blind.”

He felt around and picked two pumpkin leaves to shade his eyes.

“That’s better,” he said.

“I beg your pardon,” said the pumpkin rather crossly, “but we don’t just go picking leaves off people up here. It is considered rude! I don’t know about you underground types.”

“Well the onions keep to themselves,” the carrot said conversationally, “they have to you know – the S.M.E.L.L! And the garlic too. Same reason. But I can see why you like it up here all fresh – blue sky, yellow sun and what’s that?”

He pointed with leafy fingers .

“A bird,” the pumpkin said with some amusement, “They come here to nibble on us.”

“Nibble on us!” carrot was horrified, “What shall I do? That was never intended to be my destiny. I am grown for the plate of a king you know, not a silly old bird.”

“Well,” pumpkin mused, “You could change places with me, you see, seeing as I’m in the second row.”

The carrot was delighted and changed places at once. The birds pecked here and there, but not at him and the pumpkin suffered a few holes.

“Oh dear,” said the carrot, “Are you all right?”

“It’s just a tickle really,” pumpkin said, “I’ve got a strong root.”

“You won’t be saying that when the snails come along,” said the chives.

They were a nasty bunch, always making trouble.

“What snails?” said the carrot uneasily.

“Why the little slugs in shells that come oozing along and crunch you all up for their suppers,” the chives said and shivered together.

Pumpkin shivered a little too.

“They can cause damage,” he admitted.

“Then what am I to do? What am I to do?” carrot begged.

“Ask the tomatoes,” said the chives, “They can see a lot from up there.”

“The snails are on the move,” said a large, red-cheeked tomato. “Why don’t you climb up here with us?”

“Cheeky carrot,” the chives muttered, “ Who does he think he is climbing above his betters!”

“Just because you know the snails wouldn’t touch you – you’re far too bitter,” chuckled the pumpkin. “They can have some of my leaves, but the gardener had better swat them off my shell!”

“Where has the cabbage gone?” the pumpkin wondered, for they were quite good friends of the round and leafy variety. “Cabbage, where are you?”

“I’ve found the mole holes,” cabbage called, “Now I’m going to roll along down to the meadow and find a nice quiet spot where I can go to seed.”

“Mind my toes,” shrieked a chive.

“Watch out,” muttered a green bean.

But the clever cabbage was well and truly on her way to freedom.

And the carrot? It was said by the chives, that are a mean and bitter lot anyway, that the head chef desired a petit carrot to decorate the top of his carrot cake. So some may say the carrot had climbed to the top of culinary heights, but he always suspected it would be nestled next to other vegetables and of a hearty size. He felt rather puny on the cake, until the king clapped his hands with glee and said:

“My favourite! Carrot cake! Congratulations mon chef,” and carrot took the centre stage demurely and blushed.

WOLFDOG

2010-11-05T09:19:00.001-07:00

When Wolfdog was a puppy, he was very cute and fluffy. He was taken from his mother and given to a boy for a pet one cold and snowy Christmas.

The boy was too lazy to give Wolfdog his food and water every day or to brush his coat. Wolfdog was kept outside. He grew out of his fluffy coat and was not cute anymore. He was sad and very lonely and he whined.

“I can’t stand that dog’s noise,” the lazy boy’s mother said, “Get rid of it.”

When Wolfdog was put in the car, he jumped up and down and ran round in circles. He was so excited. He thought he was going somewhere fun.

Then in the middle of nowhere, the car stopped. Wolfdog was pushed out and the car drove away. At first, Wolfdog thought it was a terrible mistake. They had forgotten him! He ran and ran as fast as he could to catch the car, but it disappeared out of sight.

Wolfdog stood and howled. He howled for being alone in the middle of nowhere. He howled for knowing that his family had never wanted him and he howled for feeling totally lost now.

Then he began to walk. He walked until his feet grew sore and he limped. He limped into a small town on the edge of the sea and there he learned to be afraid.

When he was a puppy he had learned to be sad and to whine. Now that he was grown, he learned to be afraid and to be very quiet. His eyes were watchful and his nose was keen. He knew where to find scraps so that he wasn’t always hungry and he knew the streets where he could not walk because people would throw stones and shout, “Go away Wolf!”

Wolfdog did not know what he looked like. He did not know that he was thin and rangy as a wolf with ice-blue eyes and people were afraid of his teeth.

His eyes had a constantly hungry look, but he was not starving for food. He was hungry for a kind look or a pat on the head. If a person were able to give him a pat on the head and a bowl of water, he would guard that person with his life. His loyalty was like the blood running in his veins. His heart belonged to one person. But he could not find that person.

At the top of the village at the end of a winding road, was a small house. Inside was an old woman as twisted and bent as a stick. She had a garden full of herbs that she used for medicines and so she was strong and her eyes were bright. Her hair was white and wild as a bird’s nest and so the children would say, “There goes the witch.”

“She’s not a witch,” one girl said, “She helps people.”

“Well, she looks like a witch,” a rude boy said and laughed.

And the children did not know that the old woman’s heart was sore when she heard these words and that she was terribly lonely and sad.

And then it happened on that very rare day when the old woman came into town to buy some groceries. She had hardened her heart as usual, expecting the cruel words. But she did not expect to see Wolfdog, standing alone and silent, watching with his ice-blue eyes, pretending to be invisible.

The old woman looked into those eyes and he looked into hers. She saw him. She actually saw him! And for once he did not see anger or hatred. He saw her eyes grow soft and his ears pricked up. He still waited while she did her shopping. He waited till she came back outside and then he trotted a few steps closer.

He did not hear anyone or anything else. He was intent on following that soft look.

The old woman walked, stopped and turned around. Wolfdog was still following at a distance, ears pricked up, one foot lifted, waiting, scenting the air.

She walked and stopped and looked. He followed, stopped and waited. He did not know. Would she grow angry? Would she throw stones? Would she shout? His ears moved this way and that, sensitive to a whisper.

The old woman reached her house. She opened the door and went inside, but did not close the door. She came back outside with a bowl of water and set it down on the step. Then she stood waiting with that soft look in her eyes that he thought might be kindness. Then she went inside. But the door was still open.

Wolfdog hesitated. He remembered being a puppy. He remembered being hungry. He remembered the car and the great nowhere. He trotted closer and before he knew it, his tongue was lapping up great slurps of cool water. Then, totally unprepared, he felt the gentle pat on his head. Wolfdog’s heart dissolved. He grinned. But the old lady was not scared of his teeth. She could see the truth behind his ice-blue eyes. She patted him again and Wolfdog knew. This would be his home. He lay down on the step and regarded the world before him.

“This person is mine,” his eyes said, “And I will protect her with my life.”

And his heart said that he had never known the joy of being a puppy. So sometimes on summer days, he darts to fetch a stick on the beach or charges at the water. He jumps back and forth and barks; a joyous sound that he never heard before. He runs and snaps at the moths on moonlit evenings and chases his tail to make the old woman laugh.

But mostly he eats his food, laps his water and lies on the step with a great sigh of contentment for the pat on his head and the love in his heart.

BUZZ OFF!

2010-11-03T23:51:00.000-07:00

Christmas Beetle buzzed around until he found the perfect home in a wild berry tree.

“Bzzzz,” he said, “Fresh, green leaves! Sweet red berries! This is the tree for me.”

At sunrise a little boy came along, hoping to make a wooden whistle.

When he touched the tree, Christmas Beetle shouted: “Buzz off! Buzz off!”

“Yikes!” the little boy squeaked and ran away.

At midday, a man walked by wanting some wood to make a fire.

When he touched the tree, Christmas Beetle shouted: “Buzz off! Buzz off!”

“Yow!” the man jumped in surprise and hurried away.

At sunset an old man came up to the tree, hoping to make himself a pipe.

But Christmas Beetle buzzed angrily again: “Buzz off! Buzz off!”

And Grandpa muttered, “Hawu!” and tottered away.

When the moon was bright, Granny came to pick berries.

Christmas Beetle buzzed angrily: “Buzz off! Buzz off!”

But Granny did not shout and she did not run away.

Christmas Beetle was so surprised that he stopped buzzing.

“My little Sara is sick,” Granny said, “These berries will help her to get better.”

When she had filled her basket, Granny said:

“Goodbye Christmas Beetle. Look after our special tree.”

The moon was high. It was time for Christmas Beetle to go to sleep.

Next day, he had to guard the tree: “Buzz off! Buzz off everyone!

Except Granny and Sara..

THE FAIRY GOD-MADALA

2010-10-31T23:40:00.000-07:00

One day a very old man came to the gates of a magnificent house. But the children who lived in that house were rude and naughty.

"Please can I have some water," the old madala said.

"No!" the children shouted, "Go away!"

The madala went to the next house. It was a beautiful house and the children were smartly dressed. But they were not kind.

"Excuse me," he said, "Can I have some water?"

"No," the children said, “Go away.”

And they walked inside the house and closed the door.

"It's very hot on the road outside," the madala said wiping his head with an old handkerchief.

He was pushing a bicycle that was loaded down with different kinds of plants. He had pots of lilies, daisies, geraniums, palm tree shoots and wildflowers.

He was pushing his bike past the third house, when a girl and boy came out. It was a very small house and the children’s clothing was old and worn, but they smiled.

"Hi," they said

"Hello," he said

"Do you want a drink of water?" the boy asked.

"Yes, please. Thank you." the madala said.

The children fetched a bottle of water and watched while the old man drank it all.

Then he said, "I will tell you a secret. I am not just a poor, old madala, selling my plants, I am a fairy god-madala and I can grant you three wishes."

"Really?" the children said, their eyes wide as saucers.

"Yes," he said. "It's true."

The children looked at each other and then they said, "We know our wishes because we say them every night as prayers too."

"Then that should be easy," the madala said, "What would you like?"

The little girl tucked her hair behind her ears and said, "For the first wish, we would like our dad to get a job."

The madala said, "Okay, carry on."

The little boy said, "For our second wish, we want our mommy to be happy."

"Right," said the madala, "These seem like straightforward wishes."

"And the last wish," the little girl said, "Is that we wish for a puppy to play with."

"Okay, okay," the madala said as if he were thinking, then he nodded his head. "I can do it for you," he said, "All of your wishes will come true.”

He gave the children a mulberry plant that was as high as the boy’s knee.

“This is a mulberry tree,” the madala said, “Plant this in your garden and when you see the mulberries growing like little red worms, your wishes will come true.”

The children were very excited. They took the mulberry plant and planted it in a secret corner of the garden. Every day, they watered the plant and told it their wishes.

The boy and girl's parents wondered what had happened. Their children were suddenly so much more friendly and helpful and polite. They didn't fight or shout.

They said, “Please” and “thank you” and helped to make their beds and wash the dishes.

Every day, the children saw that the mulberry tree was getting a little bit bigger. And it was not long before they saw tiny red mulberries growing on their tree. Then they saw the old madala again. He came past, pushing his old bicycle and the children gave him a bottle of water.

“Give this to your father,” he said, handing them a white card.

“What is it?” the little boy asked.

“It is a magic card,” the madala said, “Tell your father he must phone that man.”

The children ran inside excitedly and gave their father the card.

“Where did you get this?” he asked.

“From the fairy god-madala,” the little girl said, “He said you must phone this man.”

Their father laughed and said, “Okay.” And he phoned the man. The children heard him talking in a very surprised voice. Then they heard him call their mom and say, “Guess what? I’ve just been offered a job!”

“Our first wish,” the little boy said, “It came true.”

The next day, their mother was singing in the kitchen.

“Our second wish,” the little girl said, “It came true.”

They stood at the gate of their house that afternoon.

“What about the third wish,” the little boy said.

“Maybe it is too much to expect three wishes to come true,” the little girl said.

Then they saw the old madala again. But this time, he didn’t have any plants on his old bicycle basket. There was a wriggling ball of fur.

“A puppy!” the little boy shouted excitedly.

“This is from another magic lady up the road,” the madala said, “She said this puppy is looking for a home.”

The children were so excited they rushed inside to ask their mother if they could keep it. And the most magical part was that she said, “Yes”.

That night when they were saying their prayers, their mother asked the children what they were thankful for.

“We are thankful that our wishes were granted,” the little boy said, “By the fairy god-madala.”

Then their mother smiled at them and read them a very special verse in the Bible.

It said: “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” (Hebrews 13:2)

“Do you mean to say he was an angel?” the little girl asked very doubtfully.

“Well, if he wasn’t an angel, he certainly helped some miracles along,” Mum said.

Just as they were falling asleep, her brother said to the little girl, “You don’t suppose there will be a castle at the top of the mulberry tree one day?”

“Maybe,” the little girl said sleepily, “An ice-cream castle! Goodnight!”.

2010-10-27T00:03:00.000-07:00

The Smelly Finger

"Smell my finger," Charlie said to his sister Maybelle.

She jumped up from where she was lying on the couch reading comics.

"Don't be disgusting," she said.

"Go on, smell it," Charlie said, waggling a brown, sticky finger at her.

Maybelle screamed and jumped off the couch.

"Go away," she warned, "Or I'll tell mom."

Charlie and his finger moved closer.

Maybelle backed away.

He dived at her.

She ran.

"Sally, Sally," Maybelle yelled, running into their big sister's room. "Tell him to stop!"

Sally was painting her nails.

"What is it?" she said.

"Smell my finger," Charlie said again.

"He's being disgusting," Maybelle said, "Just look at him."

Charlie shoved his finger at Sally.

"Smell," he said.

Sally screamed and ducked away.

Both girls ran.

But the brown, sticky finger came closer and closer.

They jumped over the bed and ran down the passage. They ran into the garden and hid behind the shed. But Charlie found them.

"You don't know where these fingers have been!" he crowed. "This one was picking my nose," he said, waving it at them.

They squealed and backed away.

"This one was picking up dog poop," he said.

The girls yelled, "Mum! Mum!"

They ran as fast as they could back inside the house.

They ran into the kitchen to see their mum taking a large, chocolate cake out of the oven.

"Mu-u-u-m," they both whined, "Why didn't you tell us you were baking?"

"Well, I did send Charlie," their mother said, "Didn't he tell you?"

They all looked at Charlie and, very slowly, Charlie licked his brown, sticky finger.

"That was de-licious mum," he said. "Tell me when you've finished with the icing bowl."

Charlie's sisters gave one yell and Charlie ran.

Toddler logic

2010-10-19T00:06:00.000-07:00

There's no such thing as too loud.

The view is much better at the top of the ladder.

Many hands make a nice, big mess!

Any time not spent on a swing is time wasted.

Anything green was not meant to be eaten.

The best way to enjoy spaghetti and tomato sauce is to rub it on your hands, hair, arms, legs and closest relative.

Beds were made for bouncing, not sleeping.

There is no such thing as too many cartoons.

Noses were made to run, smell and stick in the cake.

The best outfit to collect snails and frogs is your Sunday dress.

What goes up doesn't always come down - especially if it is wet toilet paper.

If you mix flour and water, it makes a good glue and carpet grout.

Spitting is not only for cleaning teeth.

Smaller children can make good squeaky toys.

Mum's starting time improves with every pee on the floor.

It's much easier to give the cat milk straight out of the jug.

Squishy food is fun!

You can tell mum's favourite things from that expression on her face.

A pair of scissors in the hand is worth two lollipops in the car.

You can always fall asleep after mum's favourite movie.

There is no such thing as too many stories at bedtime.

If they teach you to walk on a balance beam, why can't you walk on the neighbours' wall?

They put fish in open tanks so you can try to catch them.

Grannies make the best accomplices, allies and scapegoats.

It's more fun to wait until mum's face goes red before doing what she wants.

(See more "Toddler Logic" on the Story Page)

storywishes

Kimmy Kool and the Hot Prince

Super-Hero Showdown!

Christmas Nativity

Angels sing “Christmas Bells" refrain

(Small children stand to sing "Away in a Manger")

(Enter Little Star from front stage – walk down the church aisle)

Star:

I’m lost, I’m lost where should I be?

And his Son who is the Light of the World.

All sing “Silent Night”.

Robocopters and Pink Pumps

Robocopters and Pink Pumps

The Problem with Paul

The Problem With Paul

Secret Treasures

Secret Treasures

Sweethearts

Sweethearts

Santa Online

Santa Online

Fred the Kind-Hearted Reindeer

Fred the Kind-Hearted Reindeer

The Runaway Christmas Pudding

The Runaway Christmas Pudding

Sloth Paints the Moon

Who wants to be a chocolate taster?

THE CLEVER CABBAGE

WOLFDOG

BUZZ OFF!

THE FAIRY GOD-MADALA

Toddler logic