Single Dad Brad

The Job Interview

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 23:59:00 +0000

Since I have been in this eternal "Groundhog Day" search for employment, I feel I must write a little bit about the job interview process. I firmly believe that Human Resource Professionals and Hiring Managers must have spent their childhoods burning insects with a magnifying glass, because they seem to enjoy making people squirm. It feels like the scene in the movie "It's a Wonderful Life". You remember when Mr. Potter brings George Bailey into his office and tells him to sit down in that chair that is so low to the ground he looks like an 8-year-old boy looking up at the desk. That's pretty much me.

And then as the interview begins I have to sit there and pretend I like this person who is asking me all these stupid questions. Because let's face it, this guy has the power to help me pay for my son's braces and my daughter's college tuition. So I sit there and do my best to answer the questions.

In my most recent interview the guy actually asked me "What is your favorite movie line?". "My favorite movie line?" "Did you say my favorite movie line?" I'll tell you what my favorite movie line is you %#&*@!!! My favorite movie line is "What kind of stupid question is that?". I'm not sure what movie that is from, but I am sure that at some point in cinematic history that line was uttered. That's my favorite movie line you little #$%&*!!!

I didn't get that job.

So if you are someone who interviews prospective employees, let me say this. I get that you already have a job. And I get that for me to get a job with your company I will need to answer your questions. But do us both a favor and make the questions quick, relevant and to the point. Because I need to get back home so I can wake up tomorrow morning to my alarm clock playing "I Got You Babe" by Sonny and Cher.

What's For Dinner?

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 23:35:00 +0000

When I find an easy to prepare dinner that my kids will eat, I want to announce it to the world!!!

Tonight we had Trident Pubhouse Battered Alaskan Halibut from Costco. Just throw it in the oven for 25 minutes and it's ready. My kids are very picky, but they finished their halibut in minutes and were asking for more.

Quite honestly...this halibut is as good (if not better) than anything you will eat in a restaurant.

Mid-Life Crisis

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 02:01:00 +0000

A lot of men have a midlife crisis...

Mine just happens to be lasting 20 years and involves driving a minivan! :-)

StrAinge Humbling Experiences

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 14:39:00 +0000

Has this ever happened to you?

I was at the gym this morning working out in the cardio area. All of a sudden I catch a whiff of body odor. So I start getting annoyed and judgmental. My thoughts go something like this: "Come on man! I'm trying to workout here!" "Have you ever heard of deodorant pal? Maybe you should add it to the shopping list!" "Geez, this is ridiculous!"

Then suddenly I had the horrifying realization... "Wait a minute! That's Me!"

To add insult to injury, I was working out right next to my neighbor. I'm sure she was thinking "No wonder that guy's still single! Good Grief!"

More StrAinge Movie Reviews

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 16:40:00 +0000

Okay...here is another post of movie reviews. Did I mention I'm currently dating my Apple T.V.???

Five Star Movies

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - I know women like him for a different reason, but Brad Pitt can really act! This movie won the Oscar for Visual Effects, Makeup and Art Direction. Once you see the movie you will know why it received these Oscars. Absolutely Amazing! I also loved the story and the message of this movie. I won't give too much away, but it makes you realize that the meaning of life is the same regardless of which way you are traveling.

The Pianist - The subject matter of this movie is very difficult to watch, but the movie is excellent! The true story of Wladyslaw Szpilman who, in the 1930s, was known as the most accomplished piano player in all of Poland, if not Europe. At the outbreak of the Second World War, however, Szpilman becomes subject to the anti-Jewish laws imposed by the conquering Germans.

Four Star Movies

Milk - The fact that this movie is based on a true story is very powerful and dramatic. I've always been a big fan of Sean Penn ever since his breakout roll in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Some actors are very good at playing one type of character, but Sean Penn completely immerses himself in every character. You get lost in the experience and forget you are watching a movie.

The Wrestler - Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei were excellent in this movie. The story draws you in and the characters are very believable.

Man on a Wire - This movie has a great overall message of following your passion. The movie is based on the life of Philippe Petit, and he is still alive today which gives an authentic feel to the movie. I was touched by the interview at the end.

Benny & Joon - I loved this quirky little movie made in 1993. Johnny Depp plays a delightful character and the story is charming and heartwarming. A real gem!

I'm Reed Fish - What can I say? I like quirky movies. I'm also in love with Schuyler Fisk. She is so adorable. I had no idea what to expect from this movie. I only rented it for Schuyler Fisk's music. So I guess it was a pleasant surprise. It has the same feel as Juno which I also liked a lot.

Gran Torino - Clint Eastwood! Need I say more?

Three Star Movies

Fracture - Anthony Hopkins plays one roll (the psychotic killer) and he plays it very well. This was a very good psychological thriller with a twist. Well worth the time.

Yes Man - Jim Carrey loves these roles and he his very funny. Also, I have never seen a movie co-starring Zooey Deschanel when she wasn't absolutely adorable.

Marley and Me - This movie had a chance to be great. It takes too long to get to the good part at the end. I have to admit that I teared up a bit. I had a dog that was with me for many years, so I can relate. I think the director made some errors in crafting the story, but hang in there because it is worth the two hours.

Taken - Not bad as far as Action Adventure movies go. I'm always intrigued by the "Good Guy" who shoots first and asks questions later. But the "Bad Guys" always say "Freeze" and take the "Good Guy" prisoner. I guess it would be a very short movie otherwise.

He's Just Not That Into You - This was a fun movie. The last five minutes was "Five Star" worthy, but the whole movie is worth watching.

Happy Accidents - Stumbling onto this movie was a "Happy Accident". I was thoroughly entertained. The story slowly unfolds and keeps you engaged. Kind of like a good novel.

Two Star Movies

Seven Pounds - I'm not sure why, but this was not one of my favorite movies.

Flash of Genius - This movie had a chance to be great, but it was too long. They needed to spend less time on the details of the windshield wiper and more time on the characters. I mean...you could watch the trailer and you already know the plot.

Eagle Eye - I guess I was bored.

I've Loved You So Long - This movie didn't do it for me. The subject matter is very dark and it never really captured my attention.

Doubt - You know you are going to get great acting with Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman, but the story was not compelling enough for me.

Junebug - Maybe I'm not "Artsy Fartsy" enough, but this movie didn't do it for me. The acting was good, but the movie doesn't really have a point. It just makes you feel kind of like you've spent two hours being disfunctional.

The Reader - Great acting, but a very bizarre plot.

UNO Star Movies

Happy Go Lucky - Never, Never, Never trust the reviews on iTunes. This was a featured movie that got rave reviews and nothing but positive user reviews. But there was really no point to this movie. I don't mind a movie that follows a quirky British actress around in a series of pointless scenes. But maybe they could consider having some sort of plot that makes it worthwhile.

How To Tell If You Are A Stressed Out Single Dad

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 26 May 2009 21:27:00 +0000

Step One: Check in the mirror for gray hair.

Step Two: If you have experienced 5 or more of the following scientifically proven indicators you are officially a stressed out single dad. I have personally experienced ALL of them!!!

You drive away from the gas station with the gas pump still attached to your gas tank.
Your kids are involved in Piano Lessons, Karate, Basketball, Dance, and Scouts. ALL IN THE SAME DAY!!!
You have frequent heart palpitations.
You can quote lines from every Disney movie made in the last 10 years.
Grocery shopping ALL BY YOURSELF is the most satisfying part of your week.
You TiVo the Oprah Winfrey Show.
You can do laundry and dishes in your sleep...and you often do.
You log more miles than a New York cab driver.
You have the school calendar memorized, but your personal calendar is empty.
You go to the dentist for a root canal and it is the most relaxing part of your day.

When a Single Dad Goes Out of Town

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Mon, 04 May 2009 03:16:00 +0000

Have you ever wondered what it's like when a single dad goes out of town and leaves the kids and pets behind with a babysitter? Well...since I just returned from a trip to Colorado to attend the Green Festival, I have recent experience with the chaos that ensues the moment I leave town.

First of all, I often get calls from my kids when I leave town. Sometimes if I can't get to my cell phone right away my children will leave an elaborate message that last about 3 minutes. Once when I was on a golf trip my son called and left a message that went something like this.

"Dad, I can't get into the house because me and my friend came back from his house and I forgot my key. So we tried to pick the lock with a twig, but the twig broke off and now the key won't work. So we went around to the back yard and tried to get in through one of the windows, but the window was locked and now the screen is broke. But we finally found an open window, and you know those big blue barrels in the back yard? We climbed on one of those to get in the window. So I was able to feed the cat and get out through the front door, but now we can't lock the door. Hope you're having fun on your golf trip! :-)

Are you starting to get the picture?

About two hours ago I arrived home from my most recent trip. This is what I found.

1. The cat used the basement carpet as her own personal litter box.

2. The kids fell asleep and forgot to let the dog out and so he peed in my son's room.

3. The cat coughed up a hair ball in my daughter's room.

4. The kids left some food out and the dog decided to do a version of the Irish River Dance on our new kitchen table.

5. The kids (who know there are no drinks allowed in my office) spilled chocolate milk on the carpet.

6. Nobody did the dishes while I was gone and so when I served chicken noodle soup for dinner, I realized that there were no clean spoons and I had already started the dishwasher. So I got creative and had the my daughter eat with a large serving spoon and my son eat with an ice cream scoop. My daughter was so amused by the sight of my son eating with an ice cream scoop that she burst into laughter spitting her chicken noodle soup across the table in my son's face and causing a reaction not unlike what you would expect if he had been hit by sulphuric acid.

Ahhhhh...there's nothing like a nice little vacation from home to unwind and relax.

StrAinge Movie Reviews

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:31:00 +0000

Since I am currently dating my Apple TV, I thought I would put that time to good use and start a movie review section on my blog. I consider myself a pretty good judge of the quality and entertainment value of movies. Of course since movies are an art form, it is obviously subjective and you may want to compare your opinions to mine to see if we have the same tastes.

Today I will review a BAD movie and a GREAT movie.

First the bad movie. I rented Rachel Getting Married because it got a lot of attention at the Academy Awards. Well...this movie just proves that the Academy Award doesn't always get it right. Rachel Getting Married is an awful movie! First of all it is filmed in an almost documentary format. There were even a couple times in the movie when the video cameras were visible in the shot. Basically you are watching a dysfunctional family during the week of a wedding. The dysfunctional family formula can work IF there is a good story line. The Family Stone is a good example of a movie that featured a dysfunctional family, but was also very entertaining. Rachel Getting Married doesn't even have a compelling story line. I kept waiting for something to develop, but it was honestly just plain boring. Who cares if Rachel is getting married??? I give this movie one star at most.

Now for the Five Star Movie! Ghost Town.

I LOVED this movie. I didn't really know anything about the movie when I rented it, so it was a pleasant surprise. The lead in the movie Ricky Gervais is a very sneaky funny British actor. Twice during the movie I had to push the pause button to catch my breath because I was laughing so hard. He has a typical dry British sense of humor which doesn't get in the way of the story. In one scene he is invited over to the neighbors for dinner and he packs more humor into that 5 minute scene than most entire movies.

I highly recommend this movie...especially if you need a good laugh!

Hinky Pinky

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:56:00 +0000

I picked my daughter up from school yesterday and on the way home she was telling me all about the game they played in class called "Hinky Pinky". It can also be called "Hink Pink" or "Hinkety Pinkety" depending on the number of syllables in the words.

Here is how it works. You think of two rhyming words that describe something else, then ask people to guess. Emma had a list of Hinky Pinky riddles for me on the way home from school. Then at dinner she explained the game to Gibson and we all had fun taking turns thinking of Hinky Pinky's.

Here is a list of some of my favorites from dinner last night:

A rabbit comedian? Funny Bunny
When Einstein passes gas? Smart Fart
A chubby feline? Fat Cat
Complimenting a power source? Battery Flattery
A pregnant reptile? Fertile Turtle
A cruel vegetable? Mean Bean
A vehicle that is good at golf? Par Car

Try it with your kids. It's guaranteed to entertain!

The Myth of Hard Work = Wealth

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 19:00:00 +0000

After receiving yet another political email propagating the myth that wealthy people are hard working and poor people are lazy...I felt the need to poke a few holes in this myth.

Is there really anybody out there who believes this fallacy? Open your eyes and look around. Hard work can definitely be an element of building wealth, but do you really believe that hard work is the key element? I recently read an article about a farmer who worked hard his whole life and never acquired wealth. Then he sold his farm when property values were high and became a millionaire. So was it his hard work or the investment in the property that created his wealth?

I have many friends who own very successful businesses, and not one of them ever brags about how their business success can be attributed to hard work, sacrifice, long hours, eating Ramen noodles, and living in a small one bedroom apartment for several years while they built their business. Most of these friends are very humble people who attribute their business success to being in the right place at the right time and having a little luck. There was obviously hard work involved as well, but these people are bright business owners and would never assume that their hard work was any more difficult then the single mom working two jobs to get by. Most of the people I know who have acquired wealth are mostly just grateful. Grateful that they had the opportunity and also grateful that they were able to capitalize on that opportunity. They don't think they are any better than someone else or harder working.

So can we please just put this myth to rest. There is nothing wrong with hard work, but there is also no formula that equates hard work with wealth.

If you would like to read more on the topic, I found a wonderful blog called "Gone Mild". This person is a terrific writer and does an excellent job debunking the hard work = wealth myth.

GREEN IS COOL!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:59:00 +0000

The long awaited "Green Revolution" has finally arrived. The concept of living a more earth friendly lifestyle has been around for years, but now it is becoming mainstream. The current political environment combined with today's information technology has created the perfect atmosphere (no pun intended) for green ideals to gain momentum. Now it's impossible to avoid the green message. It's everywhere! When I get up in the morning my cereal box is made from post-consumer recycled cardboard. Instead of trash day, it's recycle day. I take my dog for a walk with an organic cotton leash. Even my underwear is green!

Bottled water is "OUT" and BPA Free water bottles are "IN". The Hummer is old news and the Prius is all the rage. Everybody wants organic ingredients and processed food is becoming a thing of the past. Even WalMart sells organic brands.

Green is EVERYWHERE!!! In fact there is so much green information out there it can be overwhelming. That is why my partner David and I have created Cool Green Guys. Two guys navigating the "Green Revolution" and trying to discover practical ways to apply green living in our daily lives. Join us on our journey. We will be trying all the latest "green" products and practices to see what the average person can realistically apply in their daily lives. We plan to have a lot of fun along the way, so check us out. Because IT'S COOL TO BE GREEN!

Apple vs PC

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 00:57:00 +0000

I love my Apple iMac computer! There is really no debate when it comes to which is better...Apple or PC? The PC world is dominated by Bill Gates and his evil empire. A world filled with viruses and over-priced software updates. A world that creates landfills full of obsolete desktop computers. A world of incompatibility and frustration.

But the Apple world is a much simpler place. A place where kids can play and understand the intuitive operating system. A place where innovation does not mean obsolescence. It's a place with iPhoto, Garage Band, iMovie and iTunes all working together harmoniously. Yes...the Apple world is a beautiful place indeed. And it is one product that I can wholeheartedly endorse!

Health Insurance

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 00:39:00 +0000

The following is a letter I received from my health insurance company:

Dear Brad:

Our records show that your upcoming birthday will move your monthly health plan premium to the next age category. As you may already be aware, your premium is subject to age-related changes every five years.

Your new monthly health plan premium will be $435.49 effective March 1.

Sincerely,

SelectHealth

Traslation: Happy Birthday...Now Bend Over!!!

What's For Dinner?

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 01:51:00 +0000

Dinner time for a single dad is the worst time of the day! Well...I guess I can't speak for all single dads, but speaking for myself I dread the inevitable daily question "Daaaaad! What's for dinner?"

Maybe if I was a decent chef it wouldn't be so bad. But unfortunately my cooking gives me heartburn. Growing up I only learned to prepare about five meals: Tuna fish on Toast, Chicken Pot Pie, Tuna Helper, Grilled Cheese and a Bowl of Cereal. Not exactly 5 star restaurant cuisine. But I was a kid and would have eaten lint if it was mixed with tuna. These days my taste buds require a little more high quality food.

My kids actually don't mind when I cook. I've even added a few meals to my repertoire: macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, and Ramen noodles. And as long as it doesn't include vegetables, my kids don't mind. But I can't live on that crap.

My solution? We eat a lot of take out food. I've found a few places that provide decent food for me as well as an acceptable option for my kids. But those restaurants are few and far between, so I have to improvise.

Friday night is easy because that's pizza night. Pizza is the one universal meal that kids and parents can agree on. Monday night my daughter and I have found a mexican restaurant that makes a good chicken salad that we can share. So that takes care of two nights out of the week. The rest of the time I'm scratching my head trying to come up with something that won't make me sick and will satisfy my children.

Breakfast for dinner is often the answer. Why not? When in doubt repeat an earlier meal. I've even served lunch for dinner. "Kids...we're having peanut butter sandwiches tonight!" Sometimes we have the "every man for himself" option. Which means I tell the kids to look in the pantry and find something they like. One kid will be making a casadilla, another child is pouring a bowl of cereal and dad is grazing in the refrigerator.

If I was rich and famous I would hire a personal chef who would prepare delicious meals for me and Mac & Cheese for the kids. But for now I'll have to keep coming up with an answer to that question. "Daaaaad! What's for dinner?"

Political Emails

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 16:56:00 +0000

Political emails are annoying at best. But in my view they are the worst kind of spam because these emails are usually forwarded from friends and family. In the history of the internet, has a single political email ever swayed someone into believing that elitist capitalism is the only morally valid political view? Or that socialism is all the rage? No...political emails usually only demonstrate the ignorance of the sender.

During the last presidential campaign my inbox was flooded with these political emails. I received the ever popular metaphorical stories that use farm animals to demonstrate a point. Or there are those that supposedly come from a school teacher and use children to play on our emotions. They use flawed logic and inaccurate comparisons to convince everyone that our country will be going to hell in a hand basket if we don't agree with them. Mostly these emails are trying to demonstrate that hard working Americans are getting the shaft because the Democrats are trying to redistribute the wealth. So here's my question...If these Americans are so hard working, how do they have time to craft and forward all of these ridiculous emails.

So once and for all let me just respond to every political email I've ever received.

1. Not all hard working people are wealthy.

2. Not all wealthy people are hard working.

3. Farm animals don't work to feed their family and pay the mortgage.

4. Political party affiliation does not define a person.

5. If you have so much time on your hands, run for political office.

6. President of the United States is the most difficult job on earth and I certainly don't want it.

7. If you send me a political email degrading women, minorities, or gay people...I will put you in the bigot folder.

8. Do you really believe fear and hate will ever accomplish anything good?

9. If you are going to send political email, at least make it funny.

10. Spell check and fact check! 90% of these emails are false. Go to www.snopes.com and save us all some time!

The Best of a StrAinge Year

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 17:25:00 +0000

It is common practice to look forward to the New Year. We make resolutions and feel like we have a chance to make a new beginning. That is the reason we all love the New Year. Another common practice is to look at the year in review. So this year I am taking a moment to look at the highlights from another "StrAinge" Year. I often use sarcastic humor on this blog to dramatize the life of a single parent. But the fact is I am very blessed.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2nd Place Finish in the Deer Creek Antler Tournament

Not bad for a couple of hackers!

Attended the 2008 U.S. Open at Torrey Pines

What a thrill it was to be at the 2008 U.S. Open in person. It is magical to watch Tiger Woods play golf.

Missy Higgins in Concert

This was the best concert of the year! Missy Higgins is so down to earth and talented!

Guy's Weekend in Park City

This male bonding ritual has been going on for 18 years and is always one of the highlights of the year!

First Place in Men's Basketball League

Sometimes old guys like to get out there and re-live the glory days. It's all good fun until someone blows our their knee. :-)

The Annual Trip to California

Going to visit my mom at the beach is great! Kids can entertain themselves for hours at the beach.

Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 16:11:00 +0000

As Napoleon Dynamite so accurately stated "Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!". So I thought I should list some of my unique skills. Although I'm a bit rusty on my nunchuck skills and my bow hunting skills...I have developed some valuable skills these past 7 years as a single parent.

1. Minivan Driving Skills - I can pick up one child from elementary school, drive her to get a costume for the school play, arrive at the Jr. High in time to pick up my son and go get him new basketball shoes for his first practice, get my daughter to play practice, take my son to basketball practice and pick up dinner. And I can do all this while taking a business call on my cell phone and driving with my knee!

2. Laundry Skills - Laundry is an art form. The key is to be able to wash and dry clothes without every using the ironing board. To accomplish this I must be sure to time the dryer so I can take the clothes out immediately and fold them. I would rather wash clothes a second time then use that ironing board.

3. Dish Washing Skills - When you live with children you need to possess black belt level dish washing skills. Dirty dishes sneak up on you all day long and it requires Ninja-like reflexes to keep up with them.

4. Take-Out Ordering Skills - This is a highly underestimated skill. At first glance it may appear that even a chimp could order take-out, but that chimp would have a bunch of whining, complaining kids on his hands. When ordering take-out you need to know all the subtleties of your children's eating habits. Who likes pickles and who prefers mustard instead of ketchup. Which pizza chain adds too much sauce. Do they like shredded chicken or grilled chicken. Was that coke or sprite today? And you need to keep up with the constantly changing preferences. "What do you mean you don't like carrots? Carrots are your favorite vegetable!" "Daaaaad...that was last week!"

What The F@#% Are You Talking About???

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 22:26:00 +0000

How do we reverse the trend of vulgarity in this country? I'm not a sociology major and so I'm not speaking as an expert on human behavior, but I don't have to be an expert to realize that vulgar language and vulgar behavior is becoming more acceptable in our society. I know I'm not alone when I say that this trend is not progress, but rather a step backwards for humanity.

I was raised by a gentleman who treated people with respect and rarely used foul language. My father would occasionally use the word "damn" if he hit his thumb with a hammer, but that was the extent of his swearing. So I wasn't exposed to vulgar language in my home.

When I started going to school there was a certain amount of dirty jokes and foul language, but nothing that would make it seem like the norm. I don't ever remember being around people in High School who felt the need to use four letter words as adjectives in every sentence. But now it's impossible to avoid such people. And it's not just the men, I've encountered several women who have the foulest mouths I've ever heard. And since I have children, these women don't last too long before I distance myself from them. The last thing I need is a woman who feels it is appropriate to drop the f-bomb around my kids.

Our children are exposed to so much more these days. A couple weeks ago I noticed that they were televising the movie "40 Year Old Virgin". I'm not trying to play the part of "holier than thou" because I've seen "40 Year Old Virgin" and I admit it was a very funny movie. But it is also the foulest, most vulgar movie I've ever seen and entirely inappropriate for children. In our home I use all the parental blocks available, so my kids would never have stumbled across that movie. But what could possibly be the reason for putting that movie on network television. Is it any wonder our children are growing up to be vulgar adults? What kind of behavior are we modeling by showing that movie? Children are so much more impressionable than adults. My daughter will watch a movie about a "Kung Fu Panda" and be running around the house practicing her Ninja moves.

I've heard the argument from people who say "It's nothing compared to what they will hear in school". But why is that? The kids in school are bringing that behavior from home! If vulgar language is unacceptable at home and not encouraged in the media, our children would not be modeling that behavior at school. If we really want to reverse this trend it needs to start in our homes.

The other day I was picking up my daughter from school and I became frustrated with the traffic in the parking lot. I voiced my frustration and let a four letter word slip. My daughter immediately caught me and scolded me. "Daaaad...you said the s-word!" I apologized...but I was also absolutely thrilled that she was shocked by my foul language. If we have more children who are shocked by foul language then the kids who use foul language will be in the minority. Eventually it will become less popular and nobody in school wants to be doing something unpopular.

I know I may sound like a prude old grandma or maybe even a bit hypocritical since I have done my fair share of swearing in my life. But it is certainly something to think about. Try and notice how vulgar language has become more acceptable. See if you think that is a good thing and then make your own decision. Personally I would much rather live in a world that does not accept such language as the norm. Let's leave that behavior in the locker room and create a more civilized environment for ourselves and our children.

The Back Page

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 16:19:00 +0000

It was a sad day for Sports Fans when Rick Reilly, after nearly 23 years, decided to move to ESPN and stop writing his "Life of Reilly" column on the back page of Sports Illustrated. Sports Illustrated has been in my home since I was a child and I have always looked forward to reading Reilly's amusing and sometimes touching perspective on sports.

When Reilly left, Sports Illustrated decided not to replace him with one columnist, but rather have three columnists take turns writing the article. In my opinion one of these writers is head and shoulders above the others. His name is Chris Ballard and he as written some gems since he started. You can check out his archives at this link Chris Ballard Archives.

Here is a sample from the back page of this week's edition of Sports Illustrated:

LEARNING FROM THE PROS

by Chris Ballard

Envy me, for I have drunk deep from the chalice of athletic wisdom and I am a smarter man for it. For the better part of four days I have done nothing but read pro athletes' blogs, Facebook pages and Twitter feeds. (Don't know what a Twitter feed is? Ask the nearest nine-year-old.)

I know what you're thinking. Athletes' blogs? Aren't those filled with base self-promotion and mind-melting mundanity?

Not so long ago I thought the same thing, naively assuming today's jocks could offer little compared to their predecessors. After all, while playing for the New York Knicks in the 70s, Bill Bradley wrote an insightful book called Life on the Run that included sentences like, "My attention drifts out through the bus window to Cleveland, one of America's northern industrial cities where furnaces of progress leave everything ashen, like the gray of a December morning."

Why couldn't an athlete today write something like that? Well, besides the fact that they're rarely on buses?

So I plunged into the prose of the pros and stand before you a changed man. I have learned the secrets of success from Tiger Woods and Donovan McNabb, I have LOL-ed with Baron Davis and "got back 2 it" with Carmelo Anthony. When Marshawn Lynch asks whether "U feel me?" I can now say that I do, Marshawn, I do feel U. I have watched Ron Artest eating sushi and Diana Taurasi grooving to Haddaway's "What is Love?" And, with Shaq as my guide, I have pondered the mysteries of the universe, such as "Did mrs Clinton really take da job"

Yes, Shaq, she did. (Though when it comes to another question you recently posed - "Whatthe hell is wrong wit da suns" - that, I fear, is a deeper riddle.)

Oh, the places I have gone and the things I learned. I found solutions to the financial crisis ("Heck, come on people. Spend! Get this economy going" writes US Olympic swimmer Ian Crocker), learned the rigors of NBA training ("I play Halo some days for 14 hours," confides Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas) and had my misconceptions about NFL players corrected ("I think it's a reach to think of more than three or four on a team that really would carry around a gun," writes Redskins tight end Chris Cooley.) And I think I speak for all of us when I say, isn't that a relief!.

Some players marvel at their own skill ("The crazy thing is my jumpshot is really coming along [and] that could be scary," writes Nuggets forward Carmelo Anthony) while others focus on that of their progeny. ("We had a big boy moment!" reports softball player Jennie Finch, "Ace 2 days ago pooed in the potty!!!") I can only imagine what has to happen for Ms. Finch employs four exclamation points.

I encountered a wealth of trenchant discourse on current cinema, from Shaq's insightful take on The Punisher ("great bloody movie, aggggggh....aggggggh (growl) (snarl) spit") to Celtics guard Rajon Rondo's Denbyesque deconstruction of One Missed Call ("Hands down it was the wackest, most horrible, sorry, miserable, lousy, inappropriate, disappointing, pathetic, deplorable, atrocious, awful movie I've ever seen in my life.")

Regrets? On his blog, former 49ers linebacker/maniac Bill Romanowski admits, "I wish I had found meditation while I was playing football," and I'm guessing there are a couple hundred NFL wide receivers who wish he had too. While over on his blog, Arenas grapples with the tough dilemmas an athlete faces ("A fan sent a pair of his grandmother's underwear over to me when I was on the bench during a game," Arenas writes, adding, "it was a little awkward.")

Everywhere I clicked, I gleaned useful advice, from the obvious ("There is no better way to celebrate a big win," writes Cooley "then getting grabbed and punched in the balls by a bunch of offensive lineman on the bus") to the practical. When attempting to ingest nine pounds of fried asparagus in 10 minutes, one should "eat 2 spears at a time" advises competitive eater Pat Bertoletti, and use "wylers pink lemonade/raspberry to get it down."

There were tips for other bloggers ("please don't use Wikipedia as a reference," pleads Curt Schilling), tales of promotional snafus ("I've seen bobbleheads of me where I was a white player," laments the decidedly non-Caucasian Curtis Granderson of the Detroit Tigers) and helpful hints on eating pancakes ("Start by cutting your first bite out of the center," writes Crocker, as it's "the warmest, softest, most flavorful spot.")

I encountered no MDs, yet learned a remarkable amount about medicine. On her blog, Mercury guard Taurasi describes what it was like to have an infected hair follicle removed from her back ("incredibly painful...I could feel the creature in every nook and cranny") while promising "the video will follow" with "maybe a soundtrack." Arenas -- perhaps the most prolific pro blogger out there - reports on the downside of painkillers, namely that after taking them, "I couldn't use the restroom for like five days." Alas, there is no video to follow.

No one taught me as much, however, as Hornets center Tyson Chandler. For example, never play a "sex song by R. Kelly" while one's wife is in labor ("she almost kicked me out of the delivery room"). Likewise, it's foolhardy to loan your bike to random kids in Compton ("I would see the dude riding off to the sunset like, "Hey, you wanna come back?). And if you buy tickets to Sesame Street Live, be forewarned that it is not all about but rather only featuring Elmo ( "It's hilarious to me that Elmo is like Beyonce and Destiny's Child.")

Finally, near the end of my cyber wanderings I came upon the blog of tennis star Rafael Nadal and discovered a novel sentiment: insecurity. Nadal, it seems, just wants to say he's sorry - for the scarcity of his posts, their tardiness and, most of all, for their irrelevance. "Why am I saying this? Who cares, right?" he writes in one. In another, he hopes, "that I am not too boring because I would hate that," then apologizes again, professing that, "I don't think this will be a very deep blog if you know what I mean."

I think I do, Rafael, I think I do.

Girls Are Weird

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 15:07:00 +0000

Girls are weird! I've come to this conclusion through my own un-scientific study. Not only have I observed this during my past seven years of dating which pretty much qualifies me for a PhD in the subject. But I have also observed this in the girls that are my son's age.

You see my son started Junior High (insert ominous music here) this year...and that seems to be when girls make the transformation from sweet, fun-loving, happy girls and change into..._________ (fill in the blank).

We have several of these girls in our neighborhood. These girls used to wave to us when we drove by and say hello when we passed them on the street. They would babysit my youngest daughter. They would come around and sell tickets to their very own choreographed dance performance and set up chairs in their front yard. These girls even invited my son to a princess birthday party and crowned him the prince.

But then they started Junior High (insert ominous music here). Suddenly these same girls don't wave anymore. They walk by with their head down looking at their feet. Unless of course they are in a group and then they walk by giggling and snickering. We notice this almost every morning because there is a group of girls on the corner of our street waiting for their ride to Junior High (insert ominous music here). Every morning I wave and every morning they turn away, look at their feet, or turn to each other and snicker. My son and I laugh because it is kind of funny to observe this bizarre phenomenon.

I honestly have not figured out what causes this behavior. It must be some deep seeded instinctual gene that has evolved over millions of years. Of course they didn't have Junior High (insert ominous music here) millions of years ago. So maybe it is a relatively new behavior that developed at about the same time the public school system started. I really don't know and I probably never will because it has been 30 years since I attended Junior High (insert ominous music here) and I still haven't figured out the female gender. And based on my track record and recent experiences, I'm sure I never will.

The Stuff-Less Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:17:00 +0000

Partly due to financial necessity and partly due to this video http://www.storyofstuff.com, my kids and I have decided to have a Stuff-Less Christmas. Well...I guess Dad decided and the kids had no other option. But they did watch the video with me and had a bit of a paradigm shift in their perception of consumption. And before you call Child Protective Services, I should point out that a Stuff-Less Christmas does not mean a Fun-Less Christmas.

Traditionally in our family we have celebrated the Twelve Days of Christmas. This is a tradition started by my father and something I have continued because of my fond memories from my childhood. The way it works is the kids get to open a gift every day leading up to Christmas. These gifts would not be anything elaborate. Usually something like a pack of gum, tic-tacs, or a small toy.

But this year we have changed the tradition to include activities instead of stuff. I created a Twelve Days of Christmas Chart with flaps the kids can open each day. Underneath the flap is a picture depicting the activity for the day. So far we have been Bowling, played Monopoly, went Swimming and made a trip to the Bookstore. Still to come is a trip to the Ice Cream Parlor, going to see the Holiday Lights, Santa vs The Snowman in 3D, The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, Cinemark, Miniature Golf, a BYU Basketball Game, and making a Ginger Bread House.

The plan has been working out very well. The kids are still excited each day to see what the Twelve Days of Christmas Chart will reveal. We are spending time together and most importantly...the stress level for Dad has been reduced by a factory of 10!!! Can you even imagine how thrilled I am not to be fighting the holiday traffic and crowds trying to find a gift that my kids won't even care about after Christmas Day. In fact...someone asked my kids what they wanted for Christmas and they couldn't think of a single thing.

One of the most satisfying moments of this Christmas season was when someone asked me if I was getting ready for Christmas. I replied "I'm ready!" She said "What?!? What do you mean you're ready???" Then I explained that we are doing something non-traditional this year and I told her all about the idea for a Stuff-Less Christmas. As I walked away leaving her with that "Deer in the Headlights" look, I couldn't help smiling because I really was ready for Christmas and enjoying the experience for the first time in years!

The Lonely Guy

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 18:00:00 +0000

As a single dad I often end up playing the part of "The Lonely Guy". I'm not always a loner, but sometimes circumstances conspire against me and I'm left with the choice of staying home with the kids or going out alone. Such was the case last night.

I had tickets to see one of my favorite musicians...Kalai. And for some reason he was playing a concert 10 minutes from my house. This was an event I couldn't pass up. I invited someone to go with me, but due to the bad weather she was unable to make it. My son needed to go to a concert for a school assignment for his guitar class, so I took him with me. The problem is that concerts never start on time and then you have to sit through the lame warm up musicians. So half way through the second local musician my son was ready to go home. My babysitter needed to get home anyway, so I took my son home and quickly returned to the concert...ALONE.

I've been to concerts by myself before. Mainly because I love music and don't want to miss the experience of seeing one of my favorite musicians live. But I always end up feeling like that creepy loner guy. Once the music starts I become part of the experience and the fact that I'm alone doesn't matter anymore. But the showing up alone and leaving alone is always a little depressing.

I don't know how it is for other single parents. I often wish I was part of some cool group of people like the cast of "Friends" or "Seinfeld". You know...those people that always socialize together and go out together. But most of my friends are married and mormon. Not exactly cool. And you can't call your married buddy and say "Hey, let's go to a bar for a couple drinks and listen to music".

Then I have my single mom friends. I love my single mom friends, but you always run into that "When Harry Met Sally Syndrome". You can't really be "just friends"? I can honestly say that I've tried friendship with single women on several occasions and it never works out.

I guess since I love music and I'll be a single dad for the next 10 years...I'm destined to be the creepy, middle aged, lonely guy at concerts. If you see me at one of these concerts, don't be afraid. I'm just there for the music and a much deserved break from the life of a single dad.

The Story of Stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:03:00 +0000

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

Jobs Are Like Women

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 00:50:00 +0000

As a single guy I spend a lot of time looking for women. Lately I've also been spending a lot of time looking for a job. You would be amazed how similar these two activities are. Let me list a few things that have brought me to the conclusion that "Jobs Are Like Women."

1. A good one is hard to find.

2. If it's good then everybody wants it.

3. Most of them ignore me.

4. Anyone can get the easy ones.

5. If you quit one it's gonna cost you a lot of money!

6. You will need it's permission to play golf with the boys.

7. If you don't have one, you want one. If you have one, you don't want one.

8. They ask a lot of questions.

9. As soon as you get one, expectations change.

10. If you are good at kissing ass, you will always have one.

What My Children Are Learning From This Election

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:03:00 +0000

My two youngest children 12 and 9 have been very excited about the presidential election this year. Obviously they don't understand all the issues, but I have been amazed by the topics we have been discussing. I was so glad they got to see the very dignified concession speech by John McCain and the inspirational acceptance speech by Barack Obama. As I sat there I started to wonder what lessons my children are learning. Here are just a few things that come to mind.

1. Hope is a powerful emotion.

2. We lead by example.

3. Bigotry is a dying.

4. That there are some Christians who believe in following Christ and practicing Love, Compassion and Understanding...Not Fear and Ignorance.

5. We live in a Global Community.

6. Democracy is of the people, by the people, and for the people.

7. When people sacrifice and stand up against injustice it does make a difference.

8. The people of a nation are more important than the flag that represents that nation.

9. That they shouldn't just accept someone else's version of the truth, but should use their own judgment based on the facts.

10. That it is okay to be proud of America!