Single Dad Brad

Family Meetings

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 05:29:00 +0000

In the past we have been holding family meetings on a fairly regular basis, but the structure has been a bit unorganized. We would usually just look at the calendar for the upcoming week and then plan our meals. I decided to download the Family Meeting Album to help me get a fresh start and I realized that we were missing some valuable steps.

Last weekend as suggested in the Family Meeting Album, we started our family meeting with compliments. I complimented both the kids and then asked if anyone else had any compliments. My daughter said "Yes" and it went something like this.

Emma: "I would like to compliment Gibson for not calling me names this week."

Gibson: "What are your talking about Emma? I just called you a name 10 minutes ago."

Emma: "I meant before that."

Gibson: "Whatever Emma."

I'm not sure if that exchange counts as a compliment, but maybe that is as close as you can get in the teenager world.

I also decided to post a family meeting agenda so we could add items during the week. One morning the kids were having an argument about using the iPod Touch. I asked Gibson to put it on the family meeting agenda. He wasn't too thrilled about that idea, but he put it on the agenda anyway.

Throughout this week I have noticed items showing up on the Family Meeting Agenda. I have also noticed that things have been a little more peaceful around the house. Dr. Jane Nelsen has mentioned that sometimes simply putting an item on the agenda is enough to diffuse the problem. That seems to be the case in our family.

I am looking forward to our family meeting this weekend. It will be fun to see what kind of solutions the kids will come up with. I will let you know how it works out.

How Do You Connect With Your Teenager?

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 21:58:00 +0000

TIME!

Teenagers need your time. I know they say that they don't want your time and they come up with every conceivable excuse to avoid time with family, but giving your teenager your time is still the best way to connect with them and maintain a relationship through those challenging years.

It's true that teenagers don't always want to spend the kind of time that WE want them to spend with us, so it's important to be there for the things that THEY want to do. That means showing up to support them in their world.

I will leap tall buildings to try and be at every sports game, orchestra concert, school play, or piano recital involving my teenagers. Regardless of what the event may be, my attendance is very important to them. They may downplay the importance, but I know they stand a little taller when they see me in the crowd.

This weekend I spent half of Friday and all of Saturday watching my daughter's volleyball tournament. Her team lost every game and I was there for every point. Every time she ran onto the court, she would peek over at me and smile. She didn't care so much about the score, but she did care that I was there to experience the event with her.

This past fall I attended my first cross country meet. I wasn't there because I suddenly discovered great entertainment value in the sport of cross country. I was there to support my son who was on the team. If you've never attended a cross country meet, let me paint you a picture. About 50 kids line up on the starting line. They fire the starting gun and for the first 100 meters it looks like a store opening on Black Friday. Runners are pushing a shoving their way onto the course. Then you wait...and wait...and wait. About 18 minutes later, runners start crossing the finish line. I began to wonder if I really needed to be there. But after each 5K my son would excitedly come up to me and explain how he ran a personal best time, or how the hill on the 3rd lap was really challenging. I would smile and give him a high five. Then he would run off to be with his friends.

Today I am sitting in Starbucks writing this blog post and my daughter is sitting next to me drinking a hot chocolate and reading her book. Even though we are not talking, we are connecting. Never underestimate the value of your presence in the lives of your teenagers. It will always be time well spent.

Treat Your Kids Like A Dog

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 20:24:00 +0000

The parenting tool for this week is "Encouragement." My first thought was a quote from Toni Morrison ''Do your eyes light up when they walk into the room?'' That is such an encouraging quote and I decided to focus on "lighting up" when my kids walk into the room. What could be more encouraging than that?

As I thought about how I could accomplish this goal, I noticed how easy it is to light up when my dog Gracie walks into the room. Those of you who are dog lovers know what I mean. When Gracie comes walking into the room with her tail wagging, I get a big smile on my face and I have to give her some love and attention.

What if I treated my kids like a dog I wondered? What would their reaction be if I greeted them with the same enthusiasm? "Emmmmmmmmmaaaaaaa! How's my girl today? You look so cute! Come give me a hug!" So I tried it...and guess what? My kids loved it!

Think about it. No matter how bad your day has been, if somebody greets you with that much enthusiasm, you can't help but smile. And that's what happened. My kids smiled and basked in the attention. Not only that, but I felt better too.

Treat your kids like a dog and you might be surprised how much more joy there is in your home. Who knows...they might even start fetching the newspaper and going on walks with you.

The Art of Listening to Teenagers

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 15:40:00 +0000

First let me say that I have always thought I was a good listener. But then I asked my kids and they said "No way Dad...you're a lousy listener!" What??? So I asked my Mom and she confirmed the fact that I am a lousy listener. Apparently I REALLY need this parenting tool.

I have two very different teenagers. My daughter likes to talk A LOT!!! My son can go all day without saying more than two words to me. (I'm not counting grunting as words) So listening to my daughter involves great focus and listening to my son involves a little bit of mind reading and interpretation.

With my daughter I have been practicing closing my laptop and giving her my full attention. I've learned a lot this week by listening to my daughter. I learned that she got a perfect score on her history test. I learned that YouTube has a lot of hilarious videos. I learned a new magic trick. I learned that she doesn't like Chick-fil-A for dinner. I learned that the kids in her school swear a lot, and she doesn't like that. I learned a joke about a foreign guy who practiced English by watching commercials.

I didn't learn quite as much from my son. But I did try and observe him a little more closely this week. You can learn a lot from teenagers by observing their body language. For example; if my son sighs, slumps his shoulders, and puts two hot dogs in the toaster oven...that means he is not pleased with our choice of dinner. If he comes into the living room and sits on the couch, that means he needs a little time with dad. If he comes home and goes downstairs without saying a word, that means it was a long day at school and he needs to unwind. And if he re-washes his hair three times, that means he needs a haircut.

I'm glad we chose this parenting tool first, because I will be working on it the entire year. Hopefully by the end of 2012 I will be able to ask my kids again if I am a good listener and they will be able to say YES!

In closing, I have included an excerpt from Dr. Jane Nelsen's Empowering Teenagers MP3. I have been listening to the MP3 this week and I found a section on "Closet Listening." I will bring this back in Week 43 when we use that parenting tool, but I thought it was very applicable this week as well.

Closet Listening

Happy New Year!

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 03:20:00 +0000

The New Year is here and it's time to dive into our 52 Parenting Tools in 52 Weeks. But before we start, we need to agree on some ground rules that will make this experience more enjoyable for ourselves and our children.

Rule #1 - Be Patient

We need to be patient with ourselves and our children. Positive Discipline is focused on long-term results. I know from experience that focusing on the "quick fix" will cause frustration and create conflict. There are no shortcuts in parenting.

In her Positive Discipline Parenting Workbook, Dr. Jane Nelsen has an activity called "What Do You Want for Your Children?". Click Here to download a sample from the workbook. This activity will help you focus on the long-term results.

Rule #2 - Be Honest

I think it is important for us to be honest with our experiences. There is strength in numbers and by sharing our struggles we will be helping each other feel less alone. When we share our successes, we will be helping others find solutions.

Rule #3 - Mistakes Are Opportunities to Learn

We are going to make mistakes and our children are going to make mistakes. But it is important to look at our mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve. We are not striving to be perfect parents. The goal is to improve. Let's celebrate our mistakes!

Rule #4 - Have Fun

Let's have fun! Parenting can get overwhelming and sometimes you just need to laugh at the absurdity of it all. I hope this will be a place full of positive energy.

Rule #5 - There Are No Rules

Feel free to improvise. Just because we are going through the parenting tools in a particular order doesn't mean that you can't skip ahead if you need help with an issue at home. In fact, many of these tools work well together, so I would encourage you to read through them all on a regular basis. I think it will be helpful for us to focus on each of them for a week, but that doesn't mean we can't use the other tools at any time.

52 Parenting Tools in 52 Weeks

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 19:21:00 +0000

Starting in January I will be venturing into a journey of self-improvement. Specifically...a journey of improving my parenting skills using the Positive Discipline Parenting Tool Cards. I took this journey once before in 2010 and it helped me stay focused on my parenting throughout the year. I learned a lot from that experience and I am excited to put that new knowledge to work this coming year.

One thing I learned is although I will involve my kids in this process, I won't specifically tell them that I am using new parenting tools. I found the first time around that my son used that information as a chance to sabotage my efforts. I think it will be better this time if I just start using the parenting tools and allow them to be pleasantly surprised when our family life becomes more respectful and loving.

The second thing that I learned is that it is helpful to be reading a companion Positive Discipline Book during the journey. Since my children are teenagers, I will be reading Positive Discipline for Teenagers. If I make a commitment to read a little each day from that book, it will help me stay focused and positive.

The third thing I learned is to be persistent. Sometimes it takes time for children to learn new habits. And sometimes when you think they've got it, they revert back to their old ways. This is just a fact and it takes persistence. Positive Discipline is focused on the long-range results. Some of the benefits may not appear until they go off to college on their own. So we need to allow our children to make a few mistakes and learn the skills they will need later in life.

I look forward to sharing my experiences with you and I hope you will share your comments along the way.

Here is the order I will be following throughout the year:

Week 1 - Listen
Week 2 - Encouragement
Week 3 - Connection Before Correction
Week 4 - Family Meetings
Week 5 - Compliments
Week 6 - Routines
Week 7 - Special Time
Week 8 - Take Time for Training
Week 9 - Validate Feelings
Week 10 - Positive Time Out
Week 11 - Jobs
Week 12 - Mistakes
Week 13 - 3 R's of Recovery
Week 14 - Problem Solving
Week 15 - Limit Screen Time
Week 16 - Follow Through
Week 17 - Agreements
Week 18 - Focus On Solutions
Week 19 - Logical Consequences
Week 20 - Natural Consequences
Week 21 - Teach Children What to Do
Week 22 - Put Kids in the Same Boat
Week 23 - Allowances
Week 24 - Hugs
Week 25 - Wheel of Choice
Week 26 - Act Without Words
Week 27 - Understand the Brain
Week 28 - Back Talk
Week 29 - Winning Cooperation
Week 30 - Distract & Redirect
Week 31 - Decide What You Will Do
Week 32 - Practice
Week 33 - Empower Your Kids
Week 34 - Motivation
Week 35 - Kind and Firm
Week 36 - Pay Attention
Week 37 - Small Steps
Week 38 - Control Your Behavior
Week 39 - Sense of Humor
Week 40 - Silent Signals
Week 41 - Letting Go
Week 42 - Eye to Eye
Week 43 - Closet Listening
Week 44 - One Word
Week 45 - Show Faith
Week 46 - Break the Code
Week 47 - Avoid Pampering
Week 48 - Anger Wheel of Choice
Week 49 - Encouragement vs Praise
Week 50 - Limited Choices
Week 51 - Curiosity Questions
Week 52 - Mirror

Women 101 - That Doesn't Sound Right

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:07:00 +0000

I Lost My Girlfriend And Bought A New Driver

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 01:39:00 +0000

The Blues

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 23:29:00 +0000

Sometimes when you're feeling down...

And you don't know which way to turn...

It can help to have a soft place to land...

Or get a hug...

Maybe take a walk and smell the flowers...

And meet a new friend...

Then get out and do something fun...

And before you know it, you'll be smiling again! :-)

The Most Rewarding Job in the World

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 24 May 2011 19:52:00 +0000

It may not pay very well, but being a parent is still the most rewarding job in the world!

An Outstanding Student!

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 02:45:00 +0000

Today I attended a luncheon with my daughter at the school district offices. She was awarded the Outstanding Student of the Year Award for her Elementary School. I was so proud of her!

Below is a letter from her teacher that was read to the audience when she was presented with her award.

"Emma is an outstanding girl. She is one of the kindest people you will meet and is always seen including kids who don't have anyone else to play with. She tries her absolute hardest at any task she is given, and usually goes above and beyond surprising her teachers with her extra effort. She has a wonderful combination of intelligence mixed with creativity and curiosity.

But what really sets Emma apart, is her dedications to issues that are beyond the thoughts of most 6th grade students. She is wholly dedicated to the environment and the misuse of our natural resources. She has started her own business that sells school supplies made of mostly recycled materials, and has even donated a portion of her profits to the school.

Emma is a wonderful person and will make a fantastic citizen of our country. No one who knows Emma will be surprised to see her succeed at whatever she sets her sights on. We are proud to have her as a student in our school!"

Some Things Never Change

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 18:52:00 +0000

In this crazy, mixed up world...it's good to know that some things never change!

A Day In The Life Of A Single Dad

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 03:44:00 +0000

Gracie watching her favorite Disney Pixar Short "Dug's Special Mission".

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 16:13:00 +0000

What's in Gracie's mouth?

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 16:03:00 +0000

What's in Gracie's mouth is a game we play quite often in our home. She is always so proud of herself when she finds something she isn't supposed to have. She will prance around trying to getting everyone's attention until we finally pry it out of her mouth. One of her favorite items is the kitchen hand towel. I go through about five of those a day!

Super Bowl Commercials 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 03:44:00 +0000

I am a big NFL Football fan and I look forward to the Super Bowl every year! Sometimes the Super Bowl commercials can be almost as good as the game itself. This year the crop of commercials were not that great, but here are some of my favorites in no particular order.

The Dog Who Eats Rocks

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 20:47:00 +0000

The title of this blog post sounds kind of like a children's book, but it actually describes our new puppy Gracie. I know puppies like to chew on everything in sight...I just didn't know that included rocks! Growing up I can't remember any of my dogs eating rocks.

I first noticed this on our morning walk one day. Every five feet, Gracie would scoop up something in her mouth. Usually it is just a leaf, or a stick, or maybe a chunk of grass out of my neighbors lawn. (Don't worry...Gracie is doing my neighbors a favor by dethatching their lawn for Spring.)

Then she scooped up something and I could hear her chewing on it for about a block. Finally I stopped and pried open her mouth and out dropped a rock! Since that day I find her chewing on a rock almost every day. I feel like I need to learn the Puppy Heimlich maneuver in case she tries to swallow one of those rocks. Until yesterday I assumed that she would never actually try and swallow a rock. I was outside scooping poop and low and behold, there was a rock about the size of a large grape! Can you imagine digesting and passing a jagged rock! That must have been fun.

I'm kind of at a loss as to what I should do about this strange phenomenon. I'm not able to watch her every second of the day. I certainly can't remove all the rocks from my backyard. Half of my landscaping is rocks. I guess I'll just have to trust that she will only try to swallow the small rocks and also hope that rocks provide some kind of nutritional value. They should certainly provide plenty of roughage!!!

The "Almost" Perfect Cardio Playlist

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 13:51:00 +0000

I'm always looking for motivation at the gym. Especially on my cardio workout days. Finding the right playlist for my 30 minute workout can make all the difference in the world. I've been experimenting with some different song combinations and I think I've finally found one that helps me get the most out of my workout.

The first song by the Scorpions is a live version and there is about a minute and a half warmup before they kick it into gear. I was at this concert, so it also provides a happy flashback. At the end of the playlist I have added a 5 minute cool down song by The Swell Season. I just saw them in concert this past summer and this was one of my favorite songs.

Of course...eventually I'll get tired of these songs, so I would love to hear your favorite workout playlists.

The Babysitter Dilemma

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 12:59:00 +0000

When you are a full-time single parent, finding a good babysitter is absolutely critical. And when you find a good babysitter you will do everything possible to keep her.

For several years I had the best babysitter ever! She lived right across the street and my children loved having her babysit. In fact...they would actually cheer with shouts of joy when I would announce that I was going out of town. Of course this wasn't too good for my self-esteem, but I was happy that they were happy.

Then the unthinkable happened...my babysitter went away to college!!! I'm partly to blame because I contributed greatly to her college fund, but that was six months ago and I am still struggling to find a replacement.

I'm not sure why finding a good babysitter is so difficult. Some of them have real jobs and don't need the money. Some are not responsible. Some have a very busy social life themselves. Whatever the reason, it makes my life even more stressful. Getting a break is very important for me, but I don't want to spend my time away worrying about my children.

Hopefully I can solve this babysitter dilemma soon because my birthday is coming up and I was hoping to get a little R&R. That isn't asking too much...is it?

Find Single Dad Brad on Facebook

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 14:02:00 +0000

Facebook has become such a convenient way to share and connect. I can login for a minute or two and get updated on family, friends, my favorite musicians, television shows and just about everything that matters to me. And since Facebook will sync with my blog and twitter it is a great way to share my Single Dad Brad updates. If you are a Facebooker...please "Like" my page and we will be Facebook friends. :-)

Click Here for the Single Dad Brad Facebook Page

Puppy Essentials

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 17:58:00 +0000

We have had Gracie for almost two weeks now and I have learned a few "Puppy Essentials". As always I should add the disclaimer that I am NOT an expert in the field of animal behavior. If you are looking for expert advice you can check out Pup Parenting by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and Animal Behaviorist Therry Jay.

For the purposes of this blog post though, I am presenting my own personal Puppy Essentials:

A Good Crate

I have spoke to enough dog owners and met enough dogs to know that crate training is a good thing. But I wasn't sure exactly how to go about it. So I consulted the internet and found a great article on the Humane Society website. The first thing I learned was that the crate should not be a place of isolation or punishment. The idea is to get your puppy to think of the crate as a safe and comfortable place. They recommend putting the crate near you during the day so your puppy can go in and out on their own. At night the crate should be in your room or nearby. (I put the crate in the room across the hall from my room) At bedtime I just put a training treat in the crate, close the door and lay down beside the crate. In 2 or 3 minutes Gracie is asleep and I can go into my own bed.

The hardest part of having a puppy is that they need to go to the bathroom several times at night. For the past two weeks I haven't been able to sleep for much more than 2 or 3 hour at a time. But eventually she will be able to go longer between potty breaks. This morning she slept from 2:30 a.m. to 7:30 a.m.!!! Five straight hours of slumber! It was pure bliss!

Plenty of Chew Toys

We went to Costco and bought a box full of puppy toys. I have toys scattered all over the house so I can re-direct Gracie's attention from chewing on inappropriate things (like the furniture, my daughter's feet and the house plants) and get her to chew on one of the toys. I have also had to teach my children to put their possessions out of reach and close their bedroom doors. Sometimes they forget and Gracie will quickly remind them that she will chew on almost everything in sight. On the bright side, my kids can finally use that age old excuse "My dog ate my homework!".

A Comfy Blanket in the Car

Gracie has become my little travel companion. Right from the start she has loved the car. She curls up in the front seat and goes to sleep every time. And when I need to stop and get out of the car, she patiently waits in the front seat for me to return. I am so grateful that she likes the car because Dad's Taxi is still in business and she is going to be joining me on all my trips to school, sports practices and music lessons.

A Good Pair of Slippers

Gracie and I bonded as soon as we brought her home. Sometimes she will whine when I leave the room. Fortunately I got a good pair of slippers for Christmas that I wear around the house. When I'm not around Gracie will often find my slippers and snuggle up with them to go to sleep. Even though she will chew on anything from my sprinklers to our wood furniture, she has never chewed on those slippers.

A Safe Place for Your Annoyed Cat

The one member of our family NOT excited about the new puppy is our cat. She was downright angry the first time we brought Gracie home...now she is just annoyed. Fortunately she has several safe perches where she can relax while she plots her revenge.

It's The Thought That Counts

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 17:33:00 +0000

In a day and age that is filled with materialism and selfishness, I was delighted to see my daughter take the initiative (without any involvement from an adult) and create a thoughtful gift for a classmate who was having a birthday.

Earlier this week the kids were getting ready for school and Emma presented the shoe box below which she had spent time creating in her room. As you can tell she put a lot of time and effort into finding common household items to create a miniature room complete with a welcome mat, a bed with pillows, her friends favorite book, a cute little throw rug, a clock on the wall, and many other creative touches.

I'm sure that her friend received plenty of gifts for her birthday, but I'll bet this shoebox will be the gift she remembers most.

A Puppy for Christmas!

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 20:38:00 +0000

Positive Discipline Tool Cards - Follow Through and Positive Time-Out

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 20:35:00 +0000

Follow Through

If you say it, mean it, and if you mean it follow through.

Kids know when you mean it and when you don’t.

If you say: “I will read a story at 8:00
if pajamas are on and teeth are
brushed,” and your kids aren’t ready
by 8:00. Lovingly point out the time
and put the kids to bed without reading.

Be encouraging by saying, “You can try again tomorrow.”

Positive Time-Out

People do better when they feel better. Positive time-out helps us cool off and access our rational brains.

1) Create a time-out space with your children. Let them decide what it would look like and what is in it.
2) Let them give it a special name.
3) When they are upset ask, “Would it help to go to your “feel good” place?”
4) Model using positive time-out by going to your own feel good place when you are upset.

Positive Discipline Tool Cards - Act Without Words and Non-Verbal Signals

noreply@blogger.com (Single Dad Brad) — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 17:58:00 +0000

Act Without Words

At times the most effective thing to do is keep your mouth shut and act.

1) Let kids know in advance what you are going to do.
2) Check that they understand by asking: “What is your understanding of what I am going to do?”
3) Follow through by acting kindly and firmly without saying a word.
For example: Pull over if kids fight while you are driving. Read a book until they let you know they are ready.

Non-verbal Signals

Parents often talk too much. A non-verbal signal could speak louder than words.

1) Smile and point to the shoes that need to be picked up.
2) Decide with your child on other signals that would work better than words during a conflict.
3) During a conflict remember to put your hand on your heart to signal, “I love you.”