by Rich Presta

Raising an anxious child brings an acute awareness to being calm and mindful as we navigate parenting.

You’re familiar with what happens when a baby faces food for the first time. The food often ends up on the baby’s face! That’s because babies have an innate curiosity about everything in the world around them. When they run across something they’ve never seen before, they touch it, they smell it, they taste it – and they even rub it on their face.

You could say the baby’s action is akin to mindfulness, or paying acute attention to the world by focusing on our sensory perceptions. Mindfulness is a way of viewing and being in the world that can enhance your life, and especially the life of your anxious child.

Mindfulness Explained

Mindfulness is a  way of exploring the world with a fresh set of eyes. The concept can be broken down into a three part equation, or what The Mindful Child author Susan Kaiser-Greenland calls the ABCs:

• Attention
• Balance
• Compassion

Mindfulness is a way of being in the world that incorporates an acute attention to your senses and everything around you, a sense of balance that leads to a steadiness in both the mind and heart, and a dose of compassion, both for yourself and again for everything around you. It is a place that features awareness without judgment; there is no good or bad, no right or wrong, no gorgeous or ugly – there just is.

Mindfulness is nothing new, although its popularity for helping anxious children is a relatively recent development and its benefits unknown to most that haven’t been exposed to it through more advanced and leading edge material such as what we offer. Relatively, that is, since the history of mindfulness itself stretches back to Buddhism, where the concept emerged through Eastern meditation practices.

Mindfulness vs. Meditation

Although mindfulness may have originally stemmed from meditation, and meditation is a great tool for learning to achieve mindfulness, meditation and mindfulness are decidedly not one in the same. The goal of mindfulness is to achieve an acute awareness of the world and your place in it. Meditation, on the other hand, may strive to achieve a higher state of consciousness or to take yourself out of your surroundings by focusing on a single thought, chant, or object.

Mindfulness does not aim to take you or your anxious child away from the world, but rather place you more firmly in it. Using meditation as a way to understand, grasp and develop mindfulness is a fabulous first step, but the ultimate goal for you and your anxious child is to be able to employ and enjoy mindfulness throughout your daily lives in everything you do, or “off the cushion,” as it’s called.

MBSR

Mindfulness is also a key component in (and part of the name of ) a technique called MBSR, or Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. MBSR was popularized by a guy named Jon Kabat-Zinn, founding executive director of the University of Massachusetts Medical School’s Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society.

As a Ph.D. and researcher, Kabat-Zinn delved deep into the way the mind and body interact when it comes to healing, and found the mind can do astounding things for the body. The MBSR program consists of a series of classes that aim to teach you mindfulness meditation practices, mindful yoga and stretching, discussions, instruction and assignments all geared toward helping you use mindfulness to reduce stress and enhance your daily life.

The first few weeks of the program are aimed at getting you to pay attention to your body sensations, a way of teaching you how to control your focus and attention. You continue to grow and develop your control from there, using mindfulness to help alleviate stress and things that ail you.

MBSR has been used to effectively treat headaches, high blood pressure, chronic pain and illness, sleep problems and fatigue, stress and distress, and panic and anxiety. With such widespread benefits, program participants have included everyone from judges to CEOs with Olympic athletes in between. If MBSR can do so much for so many, just think what a little general mindfulness may be able to do for your anxious child. Better yet, we’ll tell you.

How Mindfulness Can Help Your Anxious Child

Because mindfulness switches you and your anxious child’s perceptions from your swirling thoughts to the sensory perceptions of what’s happening around you, emotional reactions can instantly deflate. An all-consuming panic or tantrum can lose its power in mere seconds, leaving a sense of calm and control.

Anxious children get a whole different sense of being in the world that is far removed from their thoughts and emotions. They can better see what’s going on around them and develop specific skills that help them become more settled, with a steady mind and a steady heart and an overall sense of well-being. Kaiser-Greenland adds they become kinder, more compassionate and more generous.

Anxious children are often overly concerned with disasters they think may happen in the future or fear dangers that don’t exist in reality. Mindfulness gently brings the anxious child back into reality to see no danger is present, no tragedy is unfolding, and no disaster is lurking beneath their feet.

Other benefits are pointed out by authors Karen Hooker and Iris Fodor in their report “Teaching Mindfulness to Children.” Mindfulness can benefit the anxious child by:

• Bringing attention back to the present, away from worries of the future
• Reducing stress
• Breaking the cycle of worry, where one fear feeds on another until it snowballs into full-blown anxiety or even a panic attack
• Teaching them to identify, become aware of and accept emotions, rather than simply be consumed by them
• Allowing them to practice awareness and acceptance without judgment
• Improving their memory simply by improving their ability to pay attention
• Enhancing their ability to focus and learn
• Letting them experience and understand their thinking process and how their mind works, both of which can lead to a greater understanding of self and their personal experiences in the world

Research that Supports Mindfulness Benefits for Anxious Children

All the benefits that come out of mindfulness are not just theories either. Research suggests mindfulness and mindfulness mediation practices can actually change areas of your brain engaged in the practice as well as control specific brain waves.

A study published in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience showed that subjects that had been long-term meditators had different patterns on certain areas of the brain. This suggested the areas used for meditation’s introspection, emotional control and awareness developed at a different level than those who did not meditate regularly. Such developments may have an impact on the autonomic, affective and cognitive processes.

Another study, this one published in the Brain Research Bulletin, found that subjects who meditated were better able to control certain brain waves than those who did not meditate. Subjects who were taught to meditate over a two-month period had better control over a specific brain wave known as alpha rhythms, which are responsible for helping you focus.

“These activity patterns are thought to minimize distractions, to diminish the likelihood stimuli will grab your attention,” senior study author and MIT neuroscientist Christopher Moore says in MIT News. “Our data indicate that meditation training makes you better at focusing, in part by allowing you to better regulate how things that arise will impact you.”

Myths about Mindfulness and Meditation

Despite all its benefits and uses, mindfulness and meditation still has a ton of myths attached. Some may read about the good stuff that comes out of the practice, but shy away from actually practicing either due to false beliefs that make mindfulness or meditation seem like something they could never even try. You don’t have to be a monk – and you don’t even have to be bald. You just have to have an open mind and open heart and the willingness to try.

Explaining Mindfulness to Anxious Children 

Explaining mindfulness to your anxious child doesn’t have to be difficult, either. In fact, the simpler you keep it, the better chances he or she will understand it. How deeply you delve into the mindfulness concept largely depends on the age of your child and is something we discuss in far greater detail along with much more in our full program. 

Infant to age 3

Like the baby who explores every angle of her food before she even puts it anywhere near her mouth, the youngest kids are already practicing mindfulness without even realizing they’re doing it. The Daily Beast notes the tale of a toddler who would crawl into his mother’s lap while she was meditating, a method you could try on the youngest kids just to get them into the habit of sitting quietly and mimicking what you do. 

Age 4 to 6

Using sensations is an ideal way to get this age group into the mindfulness groove. Tell them to really pay attention to their place in the world by paying attention to their five senses. Ask them to describe the sensations in their fingertips, the solidness of the ground beneath their feet, the taste, feel and sensation of every single bite of food they take.

In addition to mindfulness sessions you create daily, spot-check them throughout the day by asking them to stop whatever they’re doing and thinking and really pay attention to the world around them. Use concrete objects and things they enjoy, like coloring books and toys, to get them in the moment and interacting with the world around them.

Age 7 to 12

The same explanation you used for the age 4 to 6 group will work for the 7 to 12 group, and now you get to add a little extra explanation to the mix. Here’s where you can introduce the concept of paying attention, being balanced and having compassion into the mindfulness mix.

You can also introduce mindfulness as paying acute attention of the way their body interacts with the world and observing that interaction without judgment. Likewise note they can observe the way their mind works and no longer have to be swept up in emotions or fears.

Teens and Tweens 

Here’s where the real fun of mindfulness can begin, with anxious kids old enough to understand and share their specific perceptions of the world. They may even be able to trace their perceptions to their origins to figure out why they may harbor certain judgments of objects or situations where no judgment needs to be attached.

You can share your mindfulness experiences when you’re working on activities together, spot-checking each other throughout the activity to remind yourselves to pull your mind away from your internal thoughts and focus it on the sensations of your present reality.

Starting a Mindfulness Meditation Practice with Anxious Kids 

The number one rule of starting a mindfulness meditation practice with your anxious child is to make sure you practice what you preach, so to speak. Getting your own firm grasp on what mindfulness means and how to go about practicing meditation with mindfulness as your aim is a must before you can successfully teach it to others. Once you’ve grasped the concept, mindfully, a number of tips can help you introduce your anxious child to a mindfulness meditation practice.

Start small. The youngest kids may need to start with a session as short as five, or even three, minutes until they can learn to sit still and settle for longer periods of time.

Make it a daily habit – for both you and your anxious child. Set a specific time aside every morning or evening, either before the hurly-burly activities of the day or after all the chaos has died down. Mark the session on your schedule and stick to it daily, the same way you’d perform other daily tasks such as eating breakfast or brushing your teeth. Once the habit of mindfulness forms during meditation, you anxious child can more easily take it “off the cushion” and into their daily lives.

The Power of Habit author Charles Duhigg says our habits are formed by a three-part process: a cue, a routine, and a reward. The cue is moving into a quiet area, the routine is daily practice, and the reward is an increased awareness of the world. Once ingrained enough through the three-part process, mindfulness can become habitual for both you and your anxious child.

Let your kid be creative. Kids will often be able to “see” their breath or stress in their body much better than an adult, a prime reason guided meditations and imagery can be so helpful for children with anxiety. It may be difficult for you to get in touch with your stress or anxiety, but a child can easily watch it flow in their body, give it a color, and assign it other attributes that allow them to more easily control it better.

Don’t rule out bribery, especially in the beginning. Incentives can be a big boost for helping to achieve a goal. A study out of Chapman University showed the coupling of incentives with a strong, concrete goal led to the highest rate of desired outcomes. In this case, the goal is a mindfulness meditation session, the incentive is of your choosing, and the outcome can be your first successful session with your anxious child!

Incentives don’t have to consist of a new toy or junk food, they can be something as simple as a solid dose of praise or some extra time playing on the floor with mom or dad. Praise or extra playtime can often make your kid light up far brighter than anything you could buy.

Build a “sanctuary” with them. Let your kid pick out stuff that they think will help them relax and be calm. Forget noisy and colorful toys, but pick up a few special stones while out on a walk or small plants they admire. Let them be involved in building this special place that is not for jumping and playing but instead set aside for quiet and calm to get them in the mood for meditation.

Getting Started in 5 Minutes

You’ve reviewed the tips, set up the sanctuary, and now you’re ready for you and your anxious child’s first meditation session. Congratulations! Here are five super-quick steps to get started.

1. Sit in a quiet area away from distractions (turn off your cell phone!).
2. Remain still and quiet, breathing naturally for at least 1 minute, as your mind and body begin to relax.
3. Explain to your child you are going to close your eyes and count your breath in your mind as you sit for 5 minutes. Illustrate the counting by doing it for your child and counting out loud. Breathe in and count one, breathe out and count one. Breathe in and count two, breathe out and count two, and so on.
4. Set a timer for 5 minutes, or whatever length you desire for the first session. A simple egg timer or kitchen timer will do.
5. Have your child close their eyes and begin the breath counting in their mind as you do the same until the timer goes off.
6. Compare notes on what the session was like. What did it feel like? What did your mind do? Discuss any other topics that come up.

Then meet up to do it again tomorrow!

(Note from Lori Lite: Children can also be taught breathing with stories found on the Indigo Ocean Dreams CDs and downloads. Now also in Spanish Sueños del Océano Índigo )

SOURCES:

• http://www.frontiersin.org/Human_Neuroscience/10.3389/fnhum.2012.00034/abstract
• http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2011/meditation-0505.html
• http://www.mindfuleducation.org/mindfulnessforchildren.pdf
• http://cme.ucsd.edu/bridging/slides/Kaiser%20Greenland%20-%20Article.pdf
• http://www.mindfuleducation.org/mbsrforchildren.pdf
• http://www.dhs.wisconsin.gov/mh_bcmh/docs/confandtraining/2011/5-12-11Mindfulness.pdf
• http://takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/interviews/teaching-mindfulness-children-interview-susan-kaiser-greenland
• http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/08/03/meditation-techniques-for-children-how-to-calm-your-kid.html
• http://www.childmind.org/en/posts/articles/2012-4-23-mindfulness-classroom
• http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2011/meditation-0505.html
• http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0361923011001341
• http://web.mit.edu/bcs/graybiel-lab/publications/Science_Jog.pdf
• http://www.chapman.edu/research-and-institutions/economic-science-institute/_files/WorkingPapers/minambres-corgnet-gonzalez-goal-setting-and-monetary-incentives.pdf
• http://www.npr.org/2012/03/05/147192599/habits-how-they-form-and-how-to-break-them

We would love to read your comments. Feel free to share this article, use it on your blog or website. Please make sure you have it linked to us! Enjoy! Stress Free Kids

The Boston bombing sent a wave of shock, fear, and anxiety through families across the world. Children are vulnerable when faced with these types of tragedies and do not have experience coping with these extreme feelings and concerns. We all like to believe that we live in a safe world and as parents we do all that we can to protect our children. After witnessing how in a quick instant everything can change and safe places no longer seem safe, we begin to wonder how we can protect our families. When we are questioning our own safety, our fears can trickle down and add to the uncertainty our children are feeling. We watched the news coverage of the Boston Marathon Bombing and many of our children were exposed to the graphic content. Children and adults are asking fear filled questions. What happens next? Am I safe? Where might the next attack be? Who did this? So how can we as parent’s help our children understand these events and reduce any anxiety they may be experiencing? 

Tips to help children cope with Boston bombing tragedy:

• Limiting exposure to media coverage is important for reducing stress in children. A constant reminder of how their world has been torn apart builds overwhelming anxiety and fear. Monitor what they are watching and encourage conversation about what they have seen. Keep in mind that young children might think that the terrorist attack is happening over and over again. Children do not realize they are witnessing the same scene. 
• Listen and acknowledge. Honor your child’s feelings of fear, sadness, or worry. Provide comfort with hugs and positive words designed to help your child feel safe. Find out what children have heard from other sources including their friends. Children often share misinformation with each other. Imaginations can also take over and stories become inaccurate and embellished. Ongoing and reassuring communication is a key element in reducing stress levels.
• Age Appropriate awareness means paying attention to providing age appropriate information. A 5 year old should not be hearing or seeing the same details that a 15 year old would be exposed to. Be careful not to share adult level fears with children.  A child is not your therapist, friend or emotional dumping ground.  
• Restoring routine for children as soon as possible restores a feeling of predictability and safety to children.  Try to maintain family mealtime to provide an extra place for communication and family time.
• Focus on good people and look for the helpers.  Mr. Rogers offers good advice. Somewhere deep inside each one of us human beings is a longing to know that all will be well. Our children need to hear from us adults that we will do everything we can to keep them safe and to help them grow in this world. When Fred Rogers was a boy and would see scary things on the news, his mother would say to him, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”  (Mr. Rogers Helping Children with Scary News) 

• Pay extra attention to bedtime routine. No matter what is going on in the world, children deserve to fall asleep peacefully. Read a happy story, listen to a relaxation CD, or explore soothing music. Indigo Dreams CD series offers stories with relaxation techniques and music designed for children, teens, and adults.

• Be a healthy example. Dr. Michele Borba shares some empowering advice. Studies show that children’s worries can be reduced if they learn habits that help them reduce anxieties – such as sharing worries, normalizing expectations, practice relaxation, and others  — that he can use the rest of his life. It’s up to us to teach our kids coping strategies so they can use them to help them deal with whatever troubling event they encounter. Provide calm support. Our kids copy how we cope with our fears. So be the example of how to handle your own worries that you want your child to copy. Also, keep yourself strong. Fears are caught by children or passed down. Keep your worries or pessimism in check especially during a tragedy or after a trauma. (Michele Borba’s 10 Tools to Help Kids Manage Fear)

Stress Free Kids Founder, Lori Lite has created a line of books, CDs, and curriculum designed to help children, teens, and adults decrease stress, anxiety, and anger. Her books, CDs, and lesson plans are considered a resource for parents, psychologists, therapists, child life specialists, teachers, and yoga instructors. Lori is a certified children’s meditation facilitator and has been nationally recognized on programs such as ABC’s “Shark Tank” and CBS News. Her sought after practical tips and articles can be found in hundreds of publications such as Family Circle, Real Simple Magazine, Modern Mom, Today’s Parent, and Dr. Sears. Her constant upbeat presence on Pinterest,  Facebook and Twitter make her a real-time resource of applicable tips to parents, teachers, psychologists and counselors.  All of the Stress Free Kids stories are now available inSpanish.

We would love to read your comments. Feel free to share this article, use it on your blog or website. Please make sure you have it linked to us! Enjoy! Stress Free Kids

Sueños del Océano Índigo Paquete incluye:

4 Books:

• El Pulpo Enojado- A los niños les gusta relajarse con este ejercicio divertido sabido como relajación muscular. Los niños pueden relacionarse con el pulpo enojado en esta historia mientras la niña de mar le muestra cómo calmarse y manejar su enojo. (Libro en rústica)
  
• Caleta de la Nutria Marina- A los niños les encantará la experiencia de la respiración del vientre con las juguetonas nutrias de mar y la niña del mar. Esta efectiva técnica auto-calmante también es conocida como “respiración diafragmática” y puede tener un impacto positivo en la salud de su hijo.(Libro en rústica)
• Tejedor de Afirmaciones- A los niños les encanta convertir su propia duda en confianza. Los niños relacionan con el delfín mientras las criaturas del mar le muestran cómo creer en sí mismo. (Libro en rústica)
• Montando Burbujas- A los niños les encantará el visualizar o imaginar sentir sus cuerpos con los colores del arco iris. Los niños conectan con la niña del mar y la tortuga, mientras toman un paseo en una burbuja a través del mundo de la relajación.(Libro en rústica)

CD / libro de audio

• Sueños del Océano Índigo- Sueños del Océano Índigo es un libro en CD / audiolibro diseñado para entretener a sus hijos en un ambiente marino, mientras aprenden cuatro técnicas de relajación basadas en la investigación del control del estrés.

We would love to read your comments. Feel free to share this article, use it on your blog or website. Please make sure you have it linked to us! Enjoy! Stress Free Kids

Easter tips for family fun allow you to put your own creative spin on Easter and incorporate stress management.

I can still see my daughter with her hands on her hips declaring her truth. “I understand the Tooth Fairy and Santa, but really now, a giant Easter Bunny hopping from house to house hiding eggs?” Holidays are a wonderful excuse to reconnect with family, share stories, look for signs of hope, explore relaxation, and spark your creativity. It doesn’t matter if you celebrate a particular holiday, or you just want to believe that a giant bunny hops from house to house hiding eggs. Use this hopeful holiday to create your own family day.

Tips:

Keep the magic alive by putting some carrots in the mailbox for the Easter Bunny. Be sure to leave some good bite marks on them.

Extend the fun by hiding plastic eggs with words in them. When the kids collect all of the words can work together to assemble them into a sentence. The sentence is a clue to where their present is hidden. For more than one child, use a different color of paper for each child’s sentence.

Be creative and think out of the candy box.  A gift can be tickets to a movie, clothes, jump ropes, seeds, or toys. One year my children were surprised to receive bags of wild flower seeds with instructions to disperse them on a nearby hill. We had hours of fun. Think of crocus or daffodils to plant in a pot or ground.  A Chia pet can add a splash of springtime to any window.

Create new traditions. Set up a spring colored picnic blanket outside (or inside if it is cold out). Set out colorful feathers, plastic eggs, and flowers from the dollar store. Glue them onto straw hats or even umbrellas. Be sure to include dad. See who can make the funniest hat. Wear your hats when you go on an Easter egg hunt that the kids set up for you. Make it a tradition to wear them as you go on an annual Easter hike.  Even silly traditions take hold and encourage family bonds.

Encourage emotional intelligence and stress management. Print out positive statements or affirmations and glue them onto eggs. “I am starting fresh.”  ”I am growing.” “I am full of life.” Experience and talk about rabbit energy. Hop around like a rabbit and float on a breeze like a bird. Discuss when it is good to use rabbit energy and when it is helpful to have bird energy. Talk about the colors of the eggs and flowers. Do the different colors evoke different feelings? Does light blue make you feel relaxed? Does orange make you feel happy? How does holding the egg make you feel? Is it relaxing to roll it around in your hands? Can you look at egg and only think of the egg for any amount of time? How does it feel to stop the chatter in your head?  Stress management lesson plans and  relaxing stories make this possible all year long.

Be colorful and roll it forward. Arts and crafts are endless for this holiday. Find new ways to color eggs. Cover eggs in scotch tape before dipping. Let dry and remove tape for fun effect.  Let older siblings help younger so they create their own special bonds and memories. Don’t micromanage. Roll it forward by asking each child to color a special egg to give to a neighbor, a senior citizen, anyone that could use their spirits lifted.

Get kids moving and outdoors. Invite children’s friends over to decorate their bicycles with a spring theme. Go on a scavenger hunt looking for signs of new life. Take a camera for photos.  Paint or make a birdhouse to hang up. Remember to look up too. The very act of looking up can lift our spirits.

Share and learn what eggs symbolize to various cultures.  Discuss your religious symbolism or create your own personal meaning. Encourage children to share what an egg means to them. The celebration of new life, rebirth, new chances, new hope? The circle of life, abundance, joy, newness, feeling strong, feeling fragile, breaking out of our shell?

Look up and add Easter trivia  and Easter egg facts to your conversation. Did you know that the first Easter baskets were designed to look like a bird’s nest?

Stress Free Kids Founder, Lori Lite has created a line of books, CDs, and curriculum designed to help children, teens, and adults decrease stress, anxiety, and anger. Her books, CDs, and lesson plans are considered a resource for parents, psychologists, therapists, child life specialists, teachers, and yoga instructors. Lori is a certified children’s meditation facilitator and has been nationally recognized on programs such as ABC’s “Shark Tank” and CBS News. Her sought after practical tips and articles can be found in hundreds of publications such as Family Circle, Real Simple Magazine, Modern Mom, Today’s Parent, and Dr. Sears. Her constant upbeat presence on Pinterest,  Facebook and Twitter make her a real-time resource of applicable tips to parents, teachers, psychologists and counselors.  All of the Stress Free Kids stories are now available in Spanish.

We would love to read your comments. Feel free to share this article, use it on your blog or website. Please make sure you have it linked to us! Enjoy! Stress Free Kids

Transporte marítimo nacional GRATIS
(aproximadamente 70 minutos)
por Lori Lite • ISBN 9781937985202
Disponible como descarga mp3 y en iTunes, Amazon y otros minoristas digitales

Sueños del Océano Índigo es un libro en CD / audiolibro diseñado para entretener a sus hijos en un ambiente marino, mientras aprenden cuatro técnicas de relajación basadas en la investigación del control del estrés.Los niños siguen a sus amigos marinos a medida que aprenden a liberar y a controlar su ira con El Pulpo Enojado, a desarrollar su autoestima con Tejedor de Afirmaciones, a entonar su respiración con Caleta de la Nutria Marina, y visualizar con Montando Burbujas.

Ideal para niños de 6-12. Personajes atractivos presentan estas técnicas comprobadas de respiración, afirmaciones, visualizaciones y relajación muscular en un formato fácil de seguir que hace que le resulten divertidas de aprender a cualquier niño.
La narración de Mercedes Guzmán viene acompañada de los sonidos calmantes de delfines, nutrias de mar y olas suaves. Incluimos una pista de música de sonido adicional para mejorar aún más la experiencia relajante de su hijo.

• Track 1.        El Pulpo Enojado 17:44
• Track 2.        Tejedor de Afirmaciones 13:20
• Track 3.        Caleta de la Nutria Marina 17:10
• Track 4.        Montando Burbujas 19:24
• Track 5.        Sueños del Océano Índigo Soundtrack 10:03

We would love to read your comments. Feel free to share this article, use it on your blog or website. Please make sure you have it linked to us! Enjoy! Stress Free Kids

 By Betty Davis

Why is reading so wonderful?  I remember when I was a child and waited with great anticipation for my scholastic books to come in the mail. I would run to my room lay down on the bed and read all four of them within days.  What I liked best when I was a child is non –fiction. I loved learning anything I could about important and curious facts. I would often wonder what it would be like to travel to another country or live on a ship as pirates did or even as employees on the cruise liners of today do.

Reading is a beautiful thing because it takes us to places we have never been or places we yearn to go. We can snuggle up in front of a fire and read along as if we were actually there. Every time we read it our brains get smarter. As we expand our connections we become more creative and imaginative. Our greatest inventors were great readers. Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Edison. Albert Einstein.   More recently, creators of the microwave, the internet and so much more did so because of their talents and imagination to make the world a better place to live.

Reading is exercise for the brain that stimulates and causes us to learn and get excited about new information. Ever since I was a young child I have always loved reading. It is no wonder that I became a teacher offering classes in reading and writing.  Reading reduces stress according to Neurologist Dr. David Lewis from the University of Sussex.  The participants did some exercises to increase their heart rate before finding out which relaxation technique would lower the heart rate the best:  Reading, having a cup of tea, taking a walk, or listening to music. Guess what! Reading lowered the heart rate by 68%. The participants only had to read for six minutes to lower their heart rate.

I love everything about teaching.  Reading is an adventure as the reader goes on the journey with the author. So reading is really a beautiful thing, and it can be done virtually anywhere.  Read with your child, by yourself, read aloud, or share your talents by volunteering to be a storyteller just for fun in local schools. Children will thank-you for your time and dedication. Reading is a beautiful thing so make sure you share this blog and keep reading ’Reading will give us an innovative, creative, and educated society. So yes reading is a beautiful thing.

Betty Davis is the author of The Worldly Adventures of Nicholaas, and owner of Fun with Phonics Tutoring. Betty;s  passion and enthusiasm has inspired thousands of children to become strong ,confident readers. She brings fun and excitement to every class as children explore word patterns through art. music and games. Her newest adventure series has amazed children 8 and up as their excitement grows with each chapter. Nicholaas  discovers  new and amazing facts  as he travels to several different countries with his family before  arriving at their final destination of Leiden , Holland.

We would love to read your comments. Feel free to share this article, use it on your blog or website. Please make sure you have it linked to us! Enjoy! Stress Free Kids

Santa, relatives, parties and the mall can make children nervous or even tremble with fear. Relaxation breathing for children is an effective self-soothing skill they can use before or during their visit with Santa and relatives. Any child with anxiety, Autism, Aspergers, or Sensory Processing Disorders can benefit from this technique. All children can use deep breathing for stress management, anger management, and falling asleep. Practicing breathing prior to stressful events empowers children. Please enjoy the following excerpt from my breathing book  Sea Otter Cove: A Relaxation Story .This story is also available on the Indigo Ocean Dreams CD and in Spanish. It is fun to learn relaxation breathing with a sea otter and sea child.

Excerpt:

The sea child told the sea otter to breathe in through his nose and out through his nose.  He focused all of his attention on the tip of his nose.

They both did this breathing together.

Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose.

In 2, 3, 4… out 2, 3, 4. In 2, 3, 4… out 2, 3, 4.

The sea child told the sea otter that he could breathe this way whenever he felt angry or scared or nervous. He could focus on the air moving in and out of the tip of his nose, and he could feel calm. The sea otter placed his hands on his belly, and felt it lift up and down as the air moved in and out. For a few moments they both did this breathing together.

Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose.

In 2, 3, 4… out 2, 3, 4. In 2, 3, 4… out 2, 3, 4.

The sea child’s mind began to wander. She imagined that her thoughts were a feather as she blew them away with her next breath out.  She focused her attention on her breath again as she drew in a breath of warm fragrant sea air.

She liked the way it felt to quiet her mind.

She focused on the way the air felt moving in and out of her nose. She felt her belly lift up and down as the sea child and the sea otter continued to breathe together.

Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose.

In 2, 3, 4… out 2, 3, 4. In 2, 3, 4… out 2, 3, 4.

In 2,3, 4…out 2,3,4.

(A powerful variation of this breathing technique is to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. The Ahhhh sound can also be added to the exhale. Angry Octopus uses this type of breathing)

This story and more can be found on the Indigo Ocean  Dreams CD/mp3

 Stress Free Kids founder Lori Lite has created a line of books and CDs designed to help children, teens, and adults decrease stress, anxiety, and anger. Ms. Lite’s books, CDs, and lesson plans are considered a resource for parents, psychologists, therapists, child life specialists, teachers, and yoga instructors. Lori is a certified children’s meditation facilitator and Sears’ Manage My Life parenting expert. For more information visit  Stress Free Kids and for daily advice follow Lori on Twitter and Facebook. 

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Hurricane Sandy Tips Help Kids

by Lori Lite

It’s no secret that natural disasters have a way of uprooting lives and tearing communities apart. Hurricane Sandy has devastated the lives of thousands in the northeast, most who are still working tirelessly to get their lives back to normal. Children, in particular, thrive in a structured environment, which becomes nonexistent in times of a natural disaster. Families are still struggling with obtaining basic life necessities, while trying to stay mentally sound. Dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy has left families and entire communities with questions of how to find peace and structure among the chaos and confusion. Here are a few things you can do to help reduce stress and anxiety for your children during these uncertain times:

1. Reestablishing a routine is beneficial to children and the family as a whole. While this may be difficult if you have lost your home or if you are still without power, establishing a routine will help your family cope with the many changes from their everyday life. Sharing meals together and allotting chores are just few ways to make a child feel as though they are in a stable environment and therefore less stressed.
2. Creating activities for children will draw their attention away from the disaster and have them focus on a more positive task. If without power, turn towards activities such as coloring or drawing to help your child lower their anxiety levels and enjoy the familiarity of creativity.
3. Keeping communication open will help your family stay connected by expressing shared thoughts and fears. Parents should make sure they create a comfortable environment for their children to express their worries or concerns. Ongoing and reassuring communication is a key element in reducing stress levels. If children are withdrawn and unwilling to talk, they may feel more comfortable expressing their feelings through drawings, journal entries or stories. Art can be a healthy means of communication and should be promoted. But, beware, there are sources of information that are likely to make children suffer additional anxiety. Do not share adult level fears with your children. A child is not your therapist, friend or emotional dumping ground. Address and support your child’s fears. Times of tragedy can take an emotional toll on children, so make sure to lend an ear and work toward an understanding together.
4. Limiting exposure to media coverage is important for reducing stress in children. A constant reminder of how their world has been torn apart builds overwhelming anxiety and distress. Monitor what they are watching and encourage conversation about what they have seen.
5. Connecting with other disaster victims can help parents and children immensely. Understanding that others have suffered can help you cope with your own experience. Sharing “next-step” ideas with one another can also help to work towards a new future, and perhaps introduce positive ways to move forward that you may not have realized. Socializing also steers the mind away from focusing on the negatives in the past, so talking with other families who are going through the same situation is beneficial.
6. Sharing your plan with your children of how your family is going to stay safe and begin a new life with a positive outcome is important in moving forward. Often adults assume that children understand what’s happening, but children have very vivid imaginations and tend to project the most negative outcomes.
7. Keeping your children safe during the aftermath of a natural disaster is imperative. Especially if you are currently residing in a shelter, use a masking tape on the inside of your child’s clothing or a piece of paper in their pocket with their name, age, parents’ names and cell phone numbers. This is especially important for children with special needs.
8. Listening to relaxing music and stories is a great way to salvage peace of mind through these troubling times. Relaxation stories can help your children feel calm, and even help them sleep better in an unfamiliar place. If you have internet access, download the Indigo Dreams relaxation music for kids, teens and adults to help you and your family reduce the stress and anxiety brought on by Hurricane Sandy.

For parents with special needs children, understand that what they are experiencing can be exceptionally overwhelming. Creating a safe and stable atmosphere is essential to their well-being. Implementing a routine with their usual activities helps special needs children to feel a sense of calm through the confusion. If you are currently residing in a hurricane shelter or another safe haven, be sure to define your child’s space and belongings so they feel more comfortable in the brand new environment. Applying these tips to children with special needs can produce predictability and familiarity during a chaotic situation.

Free Download of Bubble Riding helps kids release fear, stress & anxiety.

Lori Lite is a pioneer in the field of children’s stress management. She has dedicated her life to helping families reduce stress, anxiety, and anger.  Lori created Stress Free Kids and a line of books, CDs, and lesson plans designed to help children, teens, and adults decrease stress, anxiety, and anger. Her work is considered a resource for parents, psychologists, therapists, child life specialists, teachers, doctors, counselors, and yoga instructors.  She has been nationally recognized on Shark Tank, CBS News, and as a Sears parenting expert. Her sought after practical tips and articles can be found in hundreds of publications to include; Family Circle, NY Times, Web MD, Real Simple, Prevention, and Aspiring Women.  Lori’s titles are also available in Spanish, Apps, and eBooks bringing stress management to Smart Boards and making classroom implementation easy. Her constant upbeat presence on Facebook and Twitter make her a real-time resource for anyone seeking practical advice for stress free living. For more information visit Stress Free Kids.

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by Dr. Harley A. Rotbart

Try this exercise. Right now, close your eyes and picture your child. If you have more than one child, do one at a time. Picture him completely, paying attention in your mind to every detail of his face, his body, his hair, his clothes. See her doing something adorable or acting naughty; hear her laughing or crying. Imagine you kids, quietly, with your eyes closed, focusing on them alone, without other thoughts. Now open your eyes. You just noticed your kids. But when was the last time you noticed them with your eyes open, when they were with you, in real time?

I don’t mean when’s the last time you passed your kids in the playroom, buckled them into their car seats, bundled them off to school, fed them dinner, hurried them through their homework, or put them to bed. I mean when’s the last time you really noticed them? The first time we all really noticed our kids, of course, we remember like it was yesterday. In the delivery room, at the moment of their birth, our kids had our undivided attention. We registered every coo, cry, and gurgle; counted their fingers and toes; brushed their wispy hair with our fingers; and kissed them gently on their soft spots. At other momentous occasions, you probably paid pretty close attention, too. Her christening or his bris. The first day of preschool or kindergarten. The first steps they took or the first time balancing on a two-wheeler. But how long has it been since the last time you really noticed them?

All of us want to make the most of the time we have with our kids lest they grow up too fast and leave the nest before we’re ready for their childhoods to end. One of the keys to slowing down the years in the midst of the chaos of each day is to spend at least a few minutes each day noticing your kids. I call this the “No Regrets Parenting Meditation.”

You intuitively know how important it is to be there for as many of your kids’ big events and small events as possible. But here’s a disturbing truth. Even if you are with your kids 24/7, which I certainly don’t recommend unless you want to drive yourself completely crazy, it won’t be enough to leave you without regrets about missed parenting opportunities someday soon when they leave for college. And college is sooner than you think, trust me! All the time you spend with your kids won’t be enough unless you are really paying attention.

As Far Eastern customs and culture have found their way to those of us in Western countries, meditation and mindfulness may have become familiar concepts to you. But even if you’ve heard the terminology, and even if you’ve tried the practice, you probably have never considered applying them to parenting. Today’s busy, multi-tasking parents require their own special form of mindfulness and meditation.

Here’s why. As your kids grow, and as you grow as a parent, you will hopefully learn to navigate family life and schedules well enough to salvage substantial time with your kids that otherwise would be lost in the everyday mayhem and madness. That’s the good news. The bad news is that you may be so overwhelmed with the responsibilities and complexities of parenthood that you toggle into automatic pilot, oblivious to the wonders you have created. If your mind is elsewhere during the precious moments you have worked so hard to preserve, you have lost your kids’ childhoods just as sure as if you hadn’t spent the time with them at all.

And it’s easy for that to happen. With your kids in the kitchen “helping” you make dinner, your mind is taking you back to this morning at the office, or pushing you ahead to tomorrow’s busy agenda. By the time you realize that you’ve zoned out, dinner is finished and the kids are upstairs doing homework. What did they say to you? What did you answer? What are they worried about? Did you comfort them? Your walk in the park with them on a weekend morning is serene and soothing—unless you’re still obsessing about the fight you had with your spouse, or about preparing your taxes, or paying your utility bill. When you get back, your kids dash off to play with friends and you’re not sure if you held hands with them on your walk, if you stopped at the playground, or even if you remembered to ask them about the bully who’s been bothering them at school. You rush from work to get to their soccer game but don’t notice them playing because you’re thinking about what you didn’t finish before you left. You film their birthday party but don’t even see what the video camera sees because you’re thinking you should be cutting the lawn, doing laundry, or fixing the car.

Sure, you can pat yourself on the back for involving the kids in dinnertime preparation, walking with them in the park, getting to their soccer practice, and being there for their birthday—but why bother? You missed those events even though you were there!

The traditional practice of mindful meditation teaches you to clear your head of the torrents of distracting thoughts that constantly interject themselves, or at least to acknowledge the distractions and dismiss them. It’s not easy. The most common approach is to focus on the involuntary act of breathing. By paying attention to something that usually requires no attention at all, despite occurring ten to twenty times every minute, the brain is given a focal point from which extraneous thoughts can be excluded. The goal is, in meditation jargon, “staying in the moment.” Staying in the moment means that what’s important is what is, right now, right here. The temptation to think back or project forward is great, but “now” is the focus of your attention during meditation. Locking in on your breathing, the most consistent and reliable manifestation of “now,” helps you stay in, and be mindful of, the moment. Ironically, kids are almost always much more “in the moment” than their parents—what matters to young kids is what’s happening this minute, not what happened yesterday or is scheduled for tomorrow.

So, how does mindful meditation apply to parenting? Taking a deep, settling breath during parenthood’s pandemonium is always a good idea, but when you are with your kids, you can’t simply tune everything out and focus on breathing while your kids are desperately asking for ice cream, advice, or the potty. But what you can do is the “Parenting Meditation” that requires a similar kind of focus. During the precious moments that you have protected to share with your kids, rather than focusing on your breathing, focus on seeing your kids, hearing them, understanding them, and being amazed by them. I mean really seeing every feature of them; really hearing every word they say and the tone they say it with; really understanding their hopes and wishes and concerns; and really being amazed by what you’ve created—living, breathing miracles of nature who are learning like sponges and growing like weeds. Stay in the moment when you have moments with your kids, just as they do. During those often too brief interludes, your kids should be all that’s happening and the only place it’s at.

For some of you, this will mean really noticing your kids for the first time in weeks or months, maybe even since that wondrous day you held them with awe in the delivery room. But how will you feel someday if the next time you really notice your child is at high school graduation, or on his wedding day? Stunned that it went by so quickly, puzzled by how you missed it even though you were there? Those are regrets; your job is to reach that day with no regrets. That requires paying attention to your kids for at least a few minutes every day, on all the days in between the big occasions. Noticing them when you’re driving them to school, when you read their bedtime story, while you’re running through a rainstorm with them or building a snowman. What are your kids thinking? What are they asking? How did they get so cute and so smart?

Here’s a trick I used to accomplish the “Parenting Meditation”: When our kids were doing something particularly cute or amazing, or sometimes even when they were just sitting quietly and reading, I paused and took a mental snapshot in my brain, froze the moment, and “channeled” the image to my dad who died before my kids were born, or to my grandparents who only knew my kids as babies. By “channeling” the moment, I experienced my kids more deeply and saw them more clearly. I really noticed them. Even now, with our kids grown, I channel special moments whenever we’re with them.

Three times a day, from now until forever, I ask you to be “mindful” of your kids, and be dazzled by them. Do it with your eyes open, when you’re with them, in real time. “Meditate” on their loose teeth and their skinned knees. Marvel as they play baseball or the piano. Be overcome with wonder at their wisdom and innocence.

It is only by noticing your children that you will truly know your children.

 Dr. Harley A. Rotbart is Professor and Vice Chairman of Pediatrics at the University of Colorado School of Medicine and Children’s Hospital Colorado.  He is the author of three books for parents and families, including the recent No Regrets Parenting, a Parents Magazine advisor, and a contributor to The New York Times Motherlode blog. He writes a monthly post for Parents.com’s GoodyBlog, and his own blog is at noregretsparenting.com. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter (@NoRegretsParent).

To explore meditation or add stress management techniques into your parenting routine try Indigo Dreams: Adult Relaxation CD . It was created for real parents, feeling real stress….straight forward….to the point….relaxing…

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by Ronae Jull 

If you’re the parent of a teenager, you know that over-the-top feeling of Parenting Fatigue. You’re exhausted from always working to keep tight boundaries, teaching important life lessons, and guarding against all those dangers you hope your teen never has to experience but are afraid they will. You feel the endless requirements of parenting, wonder if this year your teenager will settle into high school, stand up to the bullies, and graciously accept household chores without argument, or if this is just a fantasy you need to let go of. You’re tired from constant financial worries, concerns over your teen’s budding relationships, and wondering if your teenager’s friends are building them up or taking them down the wrong pathway. Substance abuse, teen sex, eating disorders, bad attitudes, poor grades… there seems to be no end to things you can worry about and can feel completely powerless to protect your teenager from.

Is it any wonder that you’re tired?

Every single parent experiences Parenting Fatigue at some point. However, the key is to recognize the signs and do something proactive to combat the effects. Only by being mindful of the dangers will you be able to prevent Parenting Fatigue from becoming depression, resentment, or worse.

Recognizing Parenting Fatigue

Here are some signs that you’re suffering from Parenting Fatigue.

1. You can’t remember the last time you truly enjoyed spending time with your teenager.
2. You can’t remember the last time you did something just for you without feeling guilty.
3. You struggle to just make it through your days, grateful for any moment without conflict.
4. You’re having a tough time balancing all those “hats” you wear.
5. You’re struggling with anger, depression, or anxiety.
6. You struggle with constant mental, physical, and spiritual exhaustion.

If you answered Yes to more than three of these six things, you’re struggling with Parenting Fatigue. You’re in very good company! Many parents – some say the majority of parents of teenagers – struggle with these six things and are experiencing Parenting Fatigue.

Finding Recovery from Parenting Fatigue.

Parenting Fatigue refers to a constellation of symptoms that all parents will recognize. When those symptoms seem to take over your life, it’s time to do something different. Just barely making it through your days waiting for your kids to become adults for things to be better is no way to live. And if your Parenting Fatigue is at an extreme level, without making some changes you’re setting yourself up for a contentious relationship with your teen as they grow older.

Here are some things that you can do to combat Parenting Fatigue and re-discover your joy.

• Take a look at what you’re doing for your teenager. Many parents don’t make the transition from when their kids are younger and need many things done for them, to the teen years when their kids can – and should – do more and more for themselves. Take some time to make a list of all the ways you’re “doing for”. Do you do your teen’s laundry? Pick up their room? Transport them to endless activities and pick up the chores slack when they don’t follow through on their responsibilities? If the list of what you’re “doing for” your teen is growing, STOP! Teens really can do chores, participate in shopping and preparing and cleaning up meals, and help keep the family budget on track!
• Take a look at your own mental and emotional health. How long has it been since you took some time just for you? Ideally, you need to spend time every day keeping your own mental and emotional life in order. If you’ve let this slide, now is a good time to re-establish healthy emotional habits so you have emotional reserves available. This is about YOU as a person, not YOU as a parent. Only by keeping your internal life healthy will you be able to be the best parent possible for your teenager.
• Be ready to pull in some outside help. Many parents of teenagers have a really tough time admitting they need a little help. But it is a sign of strength, not weakness, to ask for help when you need it. After all, how will your teen learn to ask for help when they need it, if they’ve always seen you refusing to get help with an overwhelming situation? This is especially important if you’re a single parent like me. Support groups can be an enormous help, and are often free. Joining a virtual support group – like on Facebook – can be a big help, but in-person groups are even more powerful. Here you can get ideas, find emotional support, realize you’re not alone in your parenting struggles.
• Let go of your need to have everything be perfect. You’re now being witness to a whole ‘nuther person becoming an adult – celebrate the differences, rather than expecting a “mini-me” from your teenager.
• If conflict is the style of your interaction with your teenager, get a grip on the fact that YOU can only change YOU. This is a tough one for most parents. You can’t really change your teenager, and if they’re determined to be in a bad mood, try to start arguments, or worse, you can’t actually change them. What you can change is YOU. YOU can make a decision to learn a better way of interacting. YOU can take charge of what comes out of your mouth. YOU can choose to lower your voice even on days when your teenager pushes all your buttons!
• Fill your spiritual cup intentionally. Whether this means returning to a church affiliation or simply taking 15 minutes every morning to soak up the peace of nature, you simply must find a way to refill spiritually. We are all spiritual beings, and each person’s journey is unique. Find a way that works for you, and be as regular about refilling your spiritual cup as you are about eating every day.

When you take each day as it comes, being mindful of ways to refill your heart, you will rediscover the joy in parenting even a challenging teenager. Who you are is more than your parenting role, although that role is a big part of your life right now. Find support, ask for a little help when things get overwhelming, and be intentional about doing things that take care of YOU, often. Remember when your child was first born, and those overwhelming first days and weeks? You made it through. These teen years are no different – you’ll make it through! And your teenager will become an adult who has to make their own mistakes and learn from them. By being intentional about refilling your heart, you will be able to enjoy the journey.

What ways work for you to stay in balance and refill your heart when you experience Parenting Fatigue?

Ronae Jull writes as the HOPE Coach at ronaejull.com, where she works to bring tangible solutions to families with teens. Check out Ronae’s latest book, “A Bigger Bandaid: Hope for parents abused as children”, available on Amazon in print and e-book editions.

Indigo Dreams: Adult Relaxation CD can help you fall asleep, experience a deeper sleep, and begin the new day feeling well rested.

Indigo Teen Dreams can help your teen manage stress, anxiety, and anger while achieving a deeper level of sleep.

We would love to read your comments. Feel free to share this article, use it on your blog or website. Please make sure you have it linked to us! Enjoy! Stress Free Kids