stringedmusic

Golden Globes 2012

2012-01-15T22:44:00.000-08:00

There's something about the Golden Globes than really makes me wanna throw a viewing party. The clothes, the funny host, the scandals that come out of it, or the couples giving a sign of a stronger relationship, or a looming divorce.

Whatever it is, I AM ADDICTED! So, here are the winners for this year's Golden Globe Awards.

TV Series, Drama
American Horror Story
Boardwalk Empire
Boss
Game of Thrones
Homeland

Actor In A TV Series, Drama
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Kelsey Grammar, Boss
Jeremy Irons, The Borgias
Damian Lewis, Homeland

Actress In A TV Series, Drama
Claire Danes, Homeland
Mireille Enos, The Killing
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Madeleine Stowe, Revenge
Callie Thorne, Necessary Roughness

TV Series, Comedy
New Girl
Enlightened
Episodes
Glee
Modern Family

Actor In A TV Series, Comedy
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
David Duchovny, Californication
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Thomas Jane, Hung
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

Actress In A TV Series, Comedy
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Laura Dern, Enlightened
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Laura Linney, The Big C

Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV
Cinema Verite
Downton Abbey
The Hour
Mildred Pierce
Too Big to Fail

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for TV
Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey
Idris Elba, Luther
William Hurt, Too Big to Fail
Bill Nighy, Page Eight
Dominic West, The Hour

Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for TV
Romola Garai, The Hour
Diane Lane, Cinema Verite
Elizabeth McGovern, Downton Abbey
Emily Watson, Appropriate Adult
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Paul Giamatti, Too Big to Fail
Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
Tim Robbins, Cinema Verite
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Sofía Vergara, Modern Family
Evan Rachel Wood, Mildred Pierce

Motion Picture, Drama
The Descendants
The Help
Hugo
The Ides Of March
Moneyball
Warhorse

Actor In A Motion Picture, Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants
Leonardo DiCaprio, J. Edgar
Michael Fassbender, Shame
Ryan Gosling, The Ides Of March
Brad Pitt, Moneyball

Actress In A Motion Picture, Drama
Viola Davis, The Help
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Tilda Swinton, We Need To Talk About Kevin
Rooney Mara, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs

Motion Picture, Comedy
50/50
The Artist
Bridesmaids
Midnight In Paris
My Week With Marilyn

Actor In A Motion Picture, Comedy
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Brendan Gleeson, The Guard
Owen Wilson, Midnight In Paris
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50
Ryan Gosling, Crazy, Stupid, Love

Actress In A Motion Picture, Comedy
Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn
Jodie Foster, Carnage
Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids
Charlize Theron, Young Adult
Kate Winslet, Carnage

Supporting Actor In A Motion Picture
Albert Brooks, Drive
Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method

Supporting Actress In A Motion Picture
Berenice Bejo, The Artist
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Jessica Chastain, The Help
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants

Best Director
Martin Scorcese, Hugo
George Clooney, The Ides of March
Michel Hazanvicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Woody Allen, Midnight In Paris

Peace, Love, and great films!

Hale Manna

2011-10-23T03:54:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was my very first outing in close to 10 years with "normal" people. Normal people from work. Hopefully, you guys can consider me normal now. Although, I would have to say there is nothing normal with the bunch of kids I hung out with. Okay, not kids. Less mature adults would probably be more apt.

But it's all cool. I had a blast. We went to a quieter side of Moalboal called Hale Manna. It means House of good energy. Well, if you put a bunch of (ahem) rowdy, gorgeous, and talented people there, it becomes less of a house of good energy and more of a house of spontaneous-combustible-party energy. Haha

Here are some of the snaps I took.

Anyway, that weekend only strengthened the doubts in my head about my gender. When I said before that I might be a guy without the actual you-know. I know now that I am a guy without the actual hoo-haa. I talk, walk, drink, act, think, and eat like one. The only thing I need to do is pee like one and I might as well have a girlfriend! Oh yeah, that too, I am not attracted to girls. Except Anne Curtis. She's so hot yeah?

It's nice to be hanging out with the younger people though. Not that I am way older than them. Probably just a couple of years. Cough. Cough. I mean, come on, these guys would be forced to respect you just because you are a few years senior, and you can tell them a bunch of crap and it's still words of fucking wisdom! Hahaha

No, I did not tell them a bunch of crap. But whatever I did tell them, you can put that on the unaccounted-for-moments of my life. I may have had a few drinks during the said activity.

Anyway, maybe I will write more about these guys when I have time. Or maybe not. Sorry, no rant today. My genius is giving up on writing prose as well. Maybe next time. Sorry to disappoint. I really just wanted to have a post that will show all these wonderful pictures I took. Hahaha

Peace, Love, and body shots!
StringedMusic™

31 for 31

2011-10-04T22:15:00.000-07:00

Let me explain the hiatus last month. It was my birth month and I gave myself a break so I would stop ranting in my blog site, and finally figure out what I want to focus on. Naturally, I didn't figure it out.

So now, we are back to old habits. And to stay true to the tradition, I will be featuring a number of things (that I feel is very personal for me) as a birthday post, even if I am a month behind.

This year will be about places (in the Philippines) that are a big part of me. Thirty-one places to be exact. Thirty-one because I am obviously 31 (choke) this year. And in no particular order of importance, here goes.

Ramos Street, Cebu City

My first memories of my childhood were all in the streets of Ramos. I could still remember buying snacks like People Power (during the time of the Edsa Revolution) with Ninoy's face on the packaging, Bobot (with the free ring), and Bazooka (with the comics) in Ramos Street. I got my first accident in Ramos and I was immediately rushed to the hospital right across our house, which was and still is known as Velez Hospital. I used to stare at the night sky from our roof, and hide under our stairs if I my mom would scold me. I was lulled to sleep by cars passing by and street vendors crying out "baluuuuuuut!"

Oh the joys of childhood! I wish I can be a kid forever, still living in Ramos Street. Worrying only about what tricks I can pull and what snacks I wanted to eat at 3pm.

Eastwood City, Libis QC

I sort of lived in Eastwood for a year, last year. I didn't have too many friends, and I amused myself during my short stay in Eastwood by memorizing all the boutiques and stalls in Eastwood City Mall. I found solace in Eastwood despite being in the middle of a big city. Manila became more tolerable, and surprisingly, I found myself again in this place.

Enchanted Kingdom

This is the place where I have seen my kids to be happiest. It makes me want to buy Enchanted Kingdom and keep my kids happy there forever!

Panagsama Beach, Moalboal

Panagsama Beach is my mom's hometown. And I do consider it mine too. Being sent off by my parents here every summer made me the tough person I am now. With no parents for 2 months, it was like Survivor for kids. I had a blast. And I continue to enjoy every single time I go home to this place. The probinsyana in me will always reserve a space in her heart for Panagsama.

Costabella Beach Resort

Aside from our family operating a scuba diving shop in this resort, my parents used to bring us here once or twice a month on weekends as a break from all the school work we did and did not do. It was fun growing up in this place. This is where I had my formal training for scuba diving, and where I spent some weekends helping the crew carry tanks and scuba gear.

Fuente Circle, Cebu City

Roller skating. People who were born during my time will relate to this. Enough said.

Tops, Cebu

Aside from the best city view, this place is home to lovers (legal and illegal - hahaha). This is where the romantics bring their dates, and where men attempt to get to second base! But despite the many stories we hear about Tops, we still love the place. It is very Cebuano, and it is close to my heart.

Davao City

The only place that I have ever traveled to where I only got to spend 5 pesos. For stork candy. That trip was sponsored by my friends and I had a great time touring the sites of Davao City. I will never get tired going back to this place!

Tagbilaran Bohol

The city fiesta (May 1st) is LEGEND-wait for it-AWESOME! It's lengendawesome. Yes, legendary and awesome! People just invite you to their houses and you get to eat all you want. Better than any eat-all-you-can buffet because you get to jump from one house to another.

Mt. Hibok Hibok, Camiguin

Best 10 day vacation of my life. We went there with little cash and a lot of canned goods and rice in our backpacks. Walked the whole island, and camped everywhere. The best was in Hibok Hibok. There's a thrill in camping on top of a volcano. Also, we almost died of dehydration... Nah. I'm exaggerating, but it sure felt like it when we were there.

Chateau Hestia, Tagaytay

Valentines this year was spent in Chateau Hestia with King. Best valentines of my life. They serve great Austrian food with ingredients freshly picked from their garden. Best of all, it is quiet and you can really have great get-away for two in this place. Look it up!

Pescador Island

A great place for scuba diving and snorkeling where you find the friendliest treasure sharks! If it's not that you can try to hop on the island for a little tour to the light house. You might find my name there. We vandalized it before but hey! I was young then! Maybe they repainted it now? Sorry! Hehe

Sugar Beach, Bantayan Island

Every Cebuano knows where Bantayan is. Every Cebuano knows where Sugar Beach is. Cheap place where you can enjoy sugary white sand which is best described as a quieter version of Boracay. I have been to Boracay and I can honestly say nothing beats the charm of Bantayan Island. It's a lot cheaper too!

Family Park, Nasipit Talamban

I first discovered I kinda have giddy feeling for King in Family Park. We were planning a anniversay dinner for two for our "couple" friends then, and I cooked and planned everything. He was there to help despite his sometimes lazy self. He was all sweet and thoughtful. Gosh, I miss being young and stupid! Hahaha

Feland Boarding House, Talamban

Let me see, where shall I start. First kiss with King. First Fight. First major fight. Late night movies, sleepovers, and just me staring at King playing games all night. We hung out and we loved hanging out at his room even if we don't talk. We just sit together, listen to music, burn some CDs (wow, so old school), and talk about other people! Oh the joys of young love!

Sergio St. Canduman, Mandaue City

Twenty glorious years of my life was spent in this place. Until the government decided to screw up our drainage system which gave us a little version of ondoy in our own home every time it rained. We had to move out, but that's where I grew up. Nobody forgets the place they will grew up, even if after 20 years, you hardly knew any of your neighbors. Yes, my dad was strict like that.

Consolacion Public Market

When I was in grade 2, I volunteered to go to the market and buy our food (fish, vegetables, etc). I was eight years old and mom actually allowed me. It was my first shopping experience alone, sort of. I will never forget it. It was glorious!

Mountain View, Bukid I or Bukid II

Beer. Videoke. A lot of puking. Need I say more?

Campus Ministry, USC TC

Why won't anyone ever believe me when I say I used to be a member of Catholic Charismatic Carolinians? In fact, that is where I met King! Seriously! I need to get pictures for proof!

Jolly Barbers, Basement 1 Ayala Center Cebu

A girl has to have her place of solitude. Jolly Barbers is that place for me.They also have the most comfortable chairs and the best staff! My mani-pedi experience in this place is always excellent!

Kahayag Cafe, Mabolo

Anyone remember Kahayag in Mabolo and Gina? This placed housed the best music, great food, a lot of Cebuano talent, and books books books! It was a charming little place which eventually closed. And even with all the new bars (similar to Kahayag) open now, I still love that adorable little place where I first read my then, super badly-written poetry.

The Outpost

This would be the place I go to if I want to be surrounded by talented and intelligent people. Great music, great food, a little bit expensive beers, but I always have fun when I am at The Outpost. Plus the old house has it's charm. I like how it makes me feel like I am at home with family that I don't know. Hahaha

Joker's Arms

Tuesday Trivia Nights! I really don't go there every Tuesday but everytime I do, I always have a blast. Like last night! Read the previous blog post. I recommend their cider beer (Strong Bow) with a plate of chicken strips. Actually, I recommend everything in the menu. And if you get bored with the drinks (which I assure you, you won't considering the choices you have), you can play poker at the poker place right beside the pub. So, I'll see you on Tuesday, yeah?

Xing Cafe

The staff are the best. The owner Josie, is the greatest. They have the best Lomi in town. And the Architect who designed this place is my friend, Arch Michael Roger Sanchez. That should be enough reasons for you to check this place out. It's a bar, karaoke, car wash, meeting place, all in one!

Hadsan/Porto Fino, Mactan

If you run out of money and cannot afford Shangrila just yet but in need of some sun and sand, Porto Fino and Hadsan are great alternatives. Be prepared to rough it out though. Students who don't have enough money and who are cutting classes to just go to the beach frequent here. Yes, I am speaking from experience!

Maternity Hospital/Perpertual Soccour Hospital

I had my kids in these hospitals. Of course, these places will always be special to me!

Maya Mexican Restaurant

The best margaritas in town, the biggest burritos ever invented, great tomato and guacamole salsa, matched with great music. I am not sure if their mexican food is authentic, but it is definitely to die for! Best of all, it is very accessible. Oh, and I heard they deliver too!

Arena, Reclamation Area

No, I didn't used to work here. But I my bosses used to frequent here a lot. I was usually tricked to attend "meetings" and ended up starting at almost-naked dancing girls doing acrobatic moves on stage. It was weird and interesting. And believe it or not, this is the place where I have learned to not judge the book by it's cover.

Seven Stones, Boracay

I still prefer Bantayan, but this is where I found the best wall sculpture in my life!

KFC Ayala (the old one right beside Mc Donalds before)

My usual dating place with King back when we were students and poor! Hahaha! His order would be large hotshots, rice, and mashed potatoes. Mine would be 2-pc chicken (orginal), rice, and macaroni salad. Sigh. I wish things were as simple as before.

Whew! I didn't think I would survive that. But that's my 31 for 31! And I am definitely not looking forward to the next birthday. Hahahaha

Peace, Love, and Happy Birthdays!
StringedMusic™

What Language Barrier?

2011-10-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

Look who's back! I know, I know. It's a rather long hiatus, but the important thing is, I am back. And I am inspired to blog at that!

So I was out last night for the first time in a loooong time. And yes, Tuesday is the best day to go out in a work week. It was a much needed break from all the work and I had great company. You guys should hang out Joker's on Tuesdays and join Trivia Nights. Fun way to exercise the brain and have fun with friends!

I was in the company of two gorgeous ladies from Japan. Hiromi and Risa, the scuba diving instructors (I think) from Moalboal. Okay, brief history. Hiromi hails from North of Japan and works as a doctor there. She came to Cebu for a vacation, fell in love with scuba diving (and a guy), and decided to stay longer. Or forever. Hahaha

Risa, on the other hand, is a student from South of Japan. Young, pretty, single, and very intelligent. Any guy would be very lucky to have this girl. She's single, gentlemen! S-I-N-G-L-E. You may click on the CONTACT ME link if you are interested. Just Kidding! Hahaha

Anyway, it was my first time to hang out with these girls and I must tell you, I had a blast. Mosdef, blog-worthy. :)

We did have a bit of a challenging time trying to interpret each other's sentences, cos they're both hardcore Japanese, and obviously, I am not. But it was fun. I learned 4 new Japanese words which, naturally, I already forget by now. We had a grand time talking about work, their culture, the Philippines, scuba diving, and yes, the universal language of women, LOVE, and men's lack of it! It was a much needed break from all the hustle and bustle in my life, and what good way to celebrate it!

Beer, girl talk, trivia night, karaoke (at Xing Cafe, check it out), bashing about ugly vibes, short experiences, fast moves, stupid love and a lot of relationship-coaching by yours truly! Hahahaha

*wink* - this is a girl code.

Language barrier or not, girls still know how to have fun! Here's to more girl time... sikwate!

Peace, Love, and more Trivia Nights.
StringedMusic™

Love-Hate Relationship With Passion

2011-08-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

You know what the problem with Passion is? It involves too much emotion. Passion in itself fuels emotion, or maybe it's the either way around. Or, it can mean exactly the same thing. The word in itself is confusing, and the way we perceive it may confuse us too!

IF YOU CAN TAKE A HINT, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS PICTURE MEANS

The past year I have been made to question what my real passion in life is. Whether it may be giving career goals for people, life coaching, creating opportunities, fixing broken business processes, writing, and yes, Architecture! After all these years, Architecture still remains to be on top of the list.

And then when I had the opportunity to attend Jim Paredes' Creativity Workshop, I took home a valuable lesson that flipped my world and brought me to where I am now. He said that if there was one thing that you do that would make you forget time, then you are in the state of creativity. You have something you are passionate about.

After almost 8 years of convincing myself that I was in the right place, I have finally embraced what I was meant to do in the first place.

Never mistake money for passion. Money can buy you everything but happiness. This may be cliche but none of us seem to understand this. You can take it for what it is and consider it wisdom. Or you can ignore this. Either way, you will end up wanting to do what makes you happy, or die miserable.

Here's too me rekindling my passion, and here's to you, trying to find yours! Cheers!

Peace, Love, and Undying Passion.

Stringedmusic™

Music Therapy: Sara B Hits The Spot!

2011-08-16T07:06:00.000-07:00

I have been obsessing on Sara Bareilles recently.

Obsessing is even an understatement. If you check my iTunes, I have probably played most of her songs the most. And it's not just your typical playing all over again. I can play one of her songs, and internalize the lyrics for the whole day, and I would never ever get tired of it.

She is one of the most talented songwriters of all time, if you ask me. Or maybe I can just relate to most of her music. I don't know. I just can't seem to get enough of her.

And of course, I have my favorites! One Sweet Love, Gravity, Hold My Heart, and Breathe Again are on top of my list. But with the new direction I chose for my life, I can relate to "Let The Rain" the most. Why? Well, why don't you listen and figure it out yourself.

Lyrics | Sara Bareilles lyrics - Let The Rain lyrics

Beautiful isn't it?

This song is perfect for those who are tired with the choices that they are forced to make, for those who built walls and who just want to break it, and for those who want much more in life than what they have chosen to take.

Enjoy!

Peace, Love, and Music therapy!
StringedMusic™

Word Vomit

2011-08-13T02:03:00.000-07:00

So I have decided to do a collab project with a friend for Def Jam. We wanna make it some serious Def Jam piece that we can read or perform during The Really Bad Poets night this month. Well, that's the plan at least.

Collab because I don't think I can do it alone, but I have been very inspired to write and I simply must do it!

I have promised myself a couple of months back that I will brave the challenges of my life and so far, I have been receiving life's rewards to the fullest. One small important decision, gave me the 180 shift I so badly needed.

MAYDA DEL VALLE, DEF JAM POET

One of the smaller games I made was to write and perform a Def Jam poetry. I know I will probably suck at it, but who cares?! This is something personal, right? Just to give you an idea of what I am talking about. Lemme show you guys Mayda del Valle's "Descendancy" piece. She is truly an inspiration and I know you will just love her. Below the video is a transcript I made. I hope I got it right! Enjoy!

Descendancy
Maya del Valle

It's nice, that you can claim your clan to pure-bred pedigree descendancy
But middle passages mark the make up of my amalgamated Afro-Boricua Ancestry
I know it's kinda' hard to see the motherland legitimacy in me
But I can't deny the fact that your robust songs
Lay in the lines of my mother's poems
As she puts her hands up offering psalms
Seekin the calm offered by God Sun
Cos when the day is done
The color of my skin, still marks me as an alien in the country of my birth!

I can't check myself into a box
I'd be ignoring myself menstruating poppy nappy locks in me
The Shawtown, Midwest, Windy City in me
The B-Bop, Hiphop, Non-stop, Salsa con Savor, Queen of Soul in me,
The grown up next-door a-Mexicanos with the Ora de Carones Tacos Entamales in me
The B-girl days while spittin flames and painting trains in me
The Da Yna don Color in me, the Marvin Gaye and Sweet Lemonade on sunny days in me
The decendency that doesn't deny the darker shade of skin in me,
The what in me?!

Yes! What you claim you can't see,
So descendancy descend from your so-called position of privilege
And see me for what I be cos I be a 'Rican, a Shawtown not a new Eurican
A Shawtown south side Rican simply seekin and see if I can fit in
I dare you to sit still in your chair and intellectualize
What I can only make sense of by feelin'
I see your being blind and I see past the kinds of fabricated fiction or fables
Assaulted ancestral accounts such should be calling your historical scribes
ASAP the way they stop the truth from being illuminated
Misinformation being fed to my generation
Are you that tired to being intimidated
through tactics that are trying to force my assimilation
causing me to question my creation
You must be mistaken me for Hansel and Gretel
Thinking I'd jump into the melted pot
Always trying to place me accosted categorizations of populations
You're calling this shit civilization?!

My so-called Pre-Columbian Savage unenlightened Ancestors
had more humanity than your
Micrsoft Macintosh technology monopoly information highway
Riding bareback on the backs of underpaid third-world women and children,
.85 cents a day for makin' hundred dollar Nike's,
Nuclear bomb-droppin', immigrant-stoppin',
Death by lethally electrocutioning injecting lies of
LET ME GET MY PIECE OF THE AMERICAN APPLE PIE DREAM
Into our children's minds, society!
Let me order your new world to paint your White House brown,
Cos I'm goin' down!
Yes! Im goin down to the earth searching my roots like Haley's
And I am writing comments back to the past
Back to the past that becomes my future, that is my present
That is my now!
I'm goin back seekin' my descendancy!

Ill right? Yep, I got the goosebumps too!

Peace, Love, and a lot of Poetry,

StringedMusic™

You Know You Are Cebuano If...

2011-08-06T21:21:00.000-07:00

Most Cebuanos abroad when asked where they are from, their answer is always "CEBU". That's how proud Cebuanos are. And there isn't anything bad about it. Mind you, I am a true-blue Cebuano. Born and raised as one. And I got the best of both worlds. I have a dad who grew up in the streets of Cebu, and a mom who was raised in the southern part of provincial Cebu.

It doesn't get more BISDAK than me.

Okay fine, so I am having trouble with some of my Cebuano words, as most Cebuanos do. That's what is distinctively Cebuano about well, CEBUANOS! You are a proud one, but you absolutely have no idea what the hard-core Cebuano terms are.

SCREENSHOT: REQUESTS TO JOIN THE PAGE

So why the sudden interest in the topic? Check this out: YOU KNOW YOU ARE CEBUANO IF Facebook Page.

It started 45 hours ago. Started by one of the admins who works and lives abroad, who just made the page for the fun of it. He added a few friends to help him manage the page, and I happen to be the first few people who joined. There were less than 200 people when I joined this page. Now, there are 11,300 members and 25,700+ posts.

Talk about VIRAL!

So my fingertips are calloused from approving requests to join the page. Yes, I became an admin on the page because I spent too much time there. I also made a few friends. Most of them bored to death abroad, wanting so much to come home.

It's nice to read about anything that's distinctively Cebuano. You can tell from the post how old these members were. Some would even post really old pictures, and comment about really old popular establishments that do not exist anymore.

More importantly, everyone is just having a grand time. Maybe that's why the page has gone viral. It doesn't require too many shit from you. It's an honest page where people share how they grow up, and yes sometimes, who they really are.

Why don't you pay a visit. I am sure you can learn a thing or two from us Cebuanos!

Peace, Love, and a lot of Island Sun!
StringedMusic™

P.S. Tell me about your favorite posts too!

Eli Alezandrei

2011-08-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

"Even if nobody would love you Mommy, I would love you forever."

She's always been the sweetheart amongst the three. I have been blessed with three beautiful daughters, and I am not really sure what I did right to deserve them.

THE BIRTHDAY GIRL, ANDREI

It's Andrei's birthday today, and being the middle child, she has always been the different one. But I refuse to accept that there is such a thing as the blacksheep of the family. They say if you are the middle child the role is yours for the taking. I should know. I am the middle child, the 3rd of 5 siblings, and yes, I have lived up to everyone's expectations. I caused everyone multiple headaches, but I could also honestly say, I didn't turn out so bad. Right ma?

So today, I am dedicating this entry to my birthday princess.

Dear Andrei,

You are too young to read and too young to understand, but I want to give you a gift that you can use for the rest of your life. I may not be able to give you the entire Disneyland for your playground, but do know that Mommy loves you so much. I promise to do everything in my power to protect you. Yes, I will try my best not to die too! I can see horror in your eyes if you see me smoking, or sick, and it says it all. You are scared of losing me.

On that note, you are not allowed to smoke, EVER! Cos I am your Mommy and I said so.

Baby, I am not perfect. Nobody is. People make mistakes all the time. You will make mistakes. Everyone around you will at one point be disappointed in you, and you will disappoint people. But it is okay. That's how life is.

I have made this life blog for you and your sisters. So that I can somehow immortalize myself (sort of). Just in case I won't live long enough. Not as long as you would want me to, at least. Believe it or not, life is short. And nobody is certain when the universe will take back the life you and I are enjoying now.

So, I want you to live. I want you to do what you want. Don't let people dictate your beliefs, your principles, and your dreams. It's yours. Fight for it. Live it. Be who you want to be. Don't let anyone stop you. For as long as you don't deliberately hurt people and you know what is right and wrong, go for it!

Most importantly, believe in something. Believe that there is higher power, someone or something bigger than all of us. Believe that you can change the world. Believe in love and never stop searching for it. Give love with all your heart but not to a point where people hurt you.

Protect yourself at all cost. Sure let your walls down for people you trust, but leave some for yourself.

You will someday understand what Mommy is talking about.

You have always been the understanding and sweet daughter. Your sisters are part of you. Always protect each other and be there for each other. Sure you will fight, like how Mommy used to fight with Nanay, Mama, Yaya, and Yoyo all the time. But when times get tough, they will be there for you without second thoughts.

Express your thoughts. Be vocal about your opinions but be tactful. Mommy has a problem with tact every once in a while, and I promise you, it does get ugly sometimes. Learn from mommy's mistakes, but never be afraid to make your own. For what is life if you are not willing to take risks?

And remember most of all, that whatever happens, wherever this life takes us, whatever the situation may be, MOMMY WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. NO MATTER WHAT.

Enjoy your 6th My Baby Princess. May God keep you always.

All My Love,
StringedMusic™

Solitary's Suicide

2011-08-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

There will be a time in your life when you think that you have found your peace. You know, that certain time of your life when you think you have everything under control? When everything seems to go your way and it feels like you are unstoppable? Maybe you are in one right now. Or a few weeks back you were in your solitary high.

A MOTHER'S LOVE IS ONE THAT'S PURE AND UNTAINTED

You think you've outgrown drama. Or you think, mid-life crisis a stage in the past you have stumbled through and miraculously survived. You think nothing can shatter your spirit apart, and that your faith in God (or the universe) will be enough to make you stand.

When you are on a state of solitary high, you can stand on your own. You have the flair to be an influence, to move, to breathe, to be free, and to be everything you can be. It is the very definition of independence, and much more!

But then there would come a time when you would strip yourself of all defenses. You would leave yourself naked for someone's scrutiny. People would start to batter and break you apart piece by piece. People whom you allow to get too close will be the ones who will hold the power to destroy you.

So, to what extent do you need to trust? How do you shield yourself from the people who has sought you out to deliberately hurt you?

More importantly, how do you swing back to life when they have broken it? How will you find the heart to trust fully again?

I don’t have answers to any of these questions. I just have more questions. I haven’t really figured it out yet. I am still appalled with the truth that somebody is always out to get you and break you.

I do not wish to be the person who runs away from risks. For life is all about taking the right risks. Moreover, I wish to be able to trust fully and not doubt the veracity of people’s intentions. I want to be given the same confidence as I give others. But can I be blamed when people have successfully broken my spirit?

The truth is, every time you trust, you give a part of yourself to others. When you share your life, you soul, and your spirit to other souls, you have given them love. They become part of your heart. And it is no surprise that loving is your solitary’s suicide.

Think about it.

Peace. Love. Fullness of Life.
Stringedmusic™

Author's Note: Inspired by Sara Barreilles' song "One Sweet Love".

A Poor Musician's Life

2011-08-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

Remember my friend Ehmok I was telling you guys about? He made another song. If he doesn't ring a bell, maybe you should scroll back to my collab entry. Anyway, this piece is written in tagalog (PI national language). It's pretty much easy to understand, the lyrics are very relatable. But as I understand some of you may not be able to understand our native language, I am gonna make a brief translation in the end.

EHMOK AND STRINGEDMUSIC

TALAMBUHAY NANG ISANG MAHIRAP NA MUSIKERO
By: Ehmok Tapales

(UNANG STANSA)

nagsimula ang lahat sa simpleng inuman
na kahit bagoong ang pulotan
tuloy ang kantahan,kahit kumakalam ang tyan
dahil sa hindi pa naghapunan

(REFRAIN)

tunog ng gitara panlasa sa taenga
kahit saglit lang nalimutan mga problema

(KORO)

ganito kaming mahirap na musikero
ngunit hanep naman sa talento
pangarap namin ito
sana naman maunawaan ninyo

(PANGALAWANG STANSA)

minsan kami ay inimbitahan
upang aliwin ang mga dayuhan
umaapaw ang inuman,nagkalat ang pulotan
ngunit pagkagising ko sa umaga
wala palang laman ang aking bulsa

(ULITIN ANG REFRAIN)

(KORO)

ganito kaming mahirap na musikero
minsa'y binabayaran,minsa'y tina "thank you"
masaya naman kahit na ganito
wag lang sana kaming mabato!

(PANGATLONG STANSA)

pag-akyat naman sa entablado
sa sobrang kaba boses ay nasesentonado
tangi kong taga hanga ay ang aking lolo
sabi nyay rockstar na raw ako

(ULITIN ANG REFRAIN)

(KORO)

ganito kaming mahirap na musikero
sa pangarap muntik ng maloko
di na alam kung saan patungo
sa kaliwa?sa kanan ba? o diryetso?

ganito kaming mahirap na musikero
(ganito kami)
ganito kaming mahirap na musikero
(ganito kami)
ganito kaming mahirap na musikero
(ganito kami)
ganito kaming mahirap na musikero
(ganito kami)

So the song is basically about a poor musician who loves making music. He spends his time living it one day at a time drinking with friends, playing music for other people, sometimes getting paid, sometimes just getting a thank you. A poor musician who parties a lot (sort of), but still waking up the next day with empty pockets. But the poor musician still prefers his life, even if the only fan he has is his grandpa, for as long as he gets to make music and play, he's content.

Okay, I am not really sure if I got that right. I hope I did. But yeah, interesting, isn't it? Anyway, if you like it, if you know of someone who wants to buy his works, CONTACT ME! It would mean a lot if we could give this dude a big break. I love this guy to pieces, and you guys will love him too! Anyway, ciao for now.

Peace, music therapy, and a whole lot of lovin!
StringedMuisc™

The Probinsyana's Diary: August 1, 2011

2011-08-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Isn't it amazing how resilient the human soul is? No matter how much life can get so grueling, it would always manage to roll with the punches and survive it all.

TEAMBUILD CREW'S FIRST MURAL EVER!

I just got back from our little fishing village. The moment I saw heavy traffic, tall buildings, and speeding cabs, I knew I was in hell (on Earth) again. Don't get me wrong, I love the city. I grew up in the city. But being a few meters away from where the sound of crashing waves are made, took a load off the stress I have been through lately. Good stress mind you, but stress nonetheless.

Anyway, I spent a lot of my time during the weekend near the water. Just listening to it, burying my feet under the sand, and looking up the night sky wishing for the stars to come out and play with me. What made it really special though was the fact that I was in the company of friends who just sat and watched the waves with me.

And then it hit me. I am lucky. Lucky to be surrounded by people who genuinely love me for me. Isn't it funny how we always seem to be in search for love, approval, and acceptance? And then all along, it was just right in front of you. I don't know, maybe it's a curse for humans to be so. We all seem to share this constant need for wanting more. I only know a few people who would say they are content with their lives. Most of them beyond their 80s.

I love the "provincial life" so much now. I am kind of used to it. I have discovered new things about me and the universe in the solace I have found back home. This probinsyana came back to the city today with a heavy heart. Even her friends who were with her were suffering from separation anxieties. I can't help but wonder then if I have searched high and low for that contentment, only to find out it might be where I built my first happy childhood memories?

The probinsya grows on you, and sometimes, I find myself trying too hard to fit in. It's like highschool all over again. Only, highschool was easier to handle. Or trying to find your "soul mate" so you love, and then lost, and loved again, and lost again. Only in the end, you find out that your soul mate may not be a love interest but a best friend.

I am not really sure where this probinsyana fits now.

This probinsyana wants peace in her heart. She almost found it. She thought she did. But then this probinsyana realized that if life were a string of fortunate events, it would be difficult to appreciate happiness now, wouldn't it?

My papa used to remind me how I must choose my friends wisely. I never really understood it until last weekend. There will be friends who will sit through happy times with you but would run away the minute things get sour. Some would just sit and listen. Some would fight your battles for you. Some would not fear spelling out the truth of your mistakes to your face. Some would just be a pain in the ass. Some, and these are my favorite ones, would be badass and would stick with you no matter how ugly you can get, or how beautiful you become. These special ones are those who see right through you.

What my papa meant was, it doesn't matter. You can be in the company of badass bitches, but if you guys genuinely care for each other, you have found the keepers. Never let them go.

I am not sure when this probinsyana goes back to the fishing village, but she is grateful beyond words. She has met new beautiful souls, and have gotten to know the old ones all over again. True enough, life is good.

Here's to the people who will choose to sit and watch the waves with me until the waves are gone. Cheers!

Peace, Island Love, and Provincial life!

Your Probinsyana

Why Drunkards Drink

2011-07-26T01:18:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the very first time you tasted beer or any liquor for that matter? The foul smell, and the bitter taste, or the burning sensation in the throat? Do you remember your very first hangover? Or the very first time you puked your insides all over yourself? Or worse, on someone else?

It is nothing but a hazy memory for you now, isn’t it? But like the rest of the world, you have promised yourself never to drink again, cursed yourself back to sleep, and then a few days (or weeks) after, you found yourself in the same predicament all over again.

Eventually, you will find that drowning your kidneys with alcohol, and slowly killing it in the process, is a great hobby, and you start to believe that you really are just enjoying life. Or, are you really?

Before anything else, let me make it clear that writing about drinking when I can drink heavily isn’t hypocritical. As a witness to the many episodes and proceedings during liquor bingeing sessions, I would have to say that I have the right to write about it. And so now, I am. (Writing, I mean, not drinking.)

TEQUILA AND JAGGER BOMBS, DISTILLERY EASTWOOD

Drinking has become a sport for most drunkards. They make it a race to who gets to be the last man (or woman) standing, and gives the winner the bragging rights and the chance to mock everyone else. Yes, but there are a hella lot of good things (and bad on occasions), that happen in a drinking session.

Let me tell you all about it.

The Bored. The Bored are the drinkers who drink because they are, well, (obviously) BORED. They text, call, Facebook chat, put up a Facebook status, and go through great lengths to just say they are bored and would want to invite people for a drinking spree. But the bored are obviously the most boring people to drink with. Because they’re bored, they just sit, drink, and seek for entertainment. They don’t really provide any entertainment themselves. In short, they too are boring.

The Socialite. Or as I would call them, the-pretentious-bitches-or-bastards-who-believe-that-they-can-handle-liquor! Whew! All they do is just hold a bottle of whatever. San Miguel Light, Vodka Cruiser, or a Coke in Can! They’re just there to expand their social circle and add you on Facebook as a friend. Idiots.

The Lonely. This is a sad case of drinking that may often lead to serious addiction to alcohol. They may or may not have many friends but still feel alone. Liquor is their only friend. Hopefully, they don’t cut themselves during your drinking session. Beware of the lonely, they tend to be clingy like a psycho-bitch girlfriend from hell.

The Angry. Have you ever seen someone who starts throwing his fists in the air in slow motion for whatever reason, after a glass of rhum-coke? I have. It is not a pretty sight. Ditch this dude and move to another bar. Seriously.

THE GREAT ROY PARKER, EASTWOOD

The Alcoholics. These guys, if they even have some sense left in their heads, only skip drinking on Tuesdays and Wednesday. Their weekends start on Thursdays and end on Mondays. They can handle any kind of liquor in high dosages. And when it’s free, they never ever get drunk. Some alcoholics who have it bad, sleep on the floor, use the fridge as their air-conditioner, pee on your living room, make out with you and imply you’re a slut, leave you in the middle of the drinking session to go find another set of drunkards to drink with, and the list can go on forever. These people are my favorite kind to hang out with. Because they are so pathetic they make me feel good about myself.

The Frustrated Actors. No, I am no talking about the Coco-Martin-Looking kind of frustrated actors. I am talking about the kind who are capable of laughing, weeping, getting angry, wild, and then finally bawling themselves to sleep for having been an embarrassment to society, all in one drinking session. How more diversified could you get than that?

The Sexually Addicted Collosal Asshat. Ooooooh! The feisty ones. The one who think he/she is so good looking when drunk. The person who pounces on the opposite sex even when they’re not really drunk yet just because they are in a desperate state of libido. They become a hunter, pouncing on the next available victim they see. They average one victim a week, and they know all the tricks in fornication. ALL OF IT. Which brings me to a good point that this bunch do not really get into a state of alcohol high. Fact, if you get too drunk, you will be too tired to even dry hump anything. Fact, the male thingies hardly do anything when a person is fucked up shittered with liquor. Fact, they just pretend to be drunk to have an excuse for being a sexually addicted collosal asshat. Beware of this bunch, they can easily make you believe that they are the victim. And now that you know, get effin’ smart!

The Fun Bunch. Oh this is me and my friends. And that is all. Hahaha

The Free-Loaders. The poor people who just show up and be your friend when they want to get fucked up, because they are users, and they don’t have money to support their vices. EVEN WHEN THEY ARE NOT INVITED! To be meaner, THE PEOPLE BELOW POVERTY LINE. If you still don’t get it, buy yourself a mouse brain! Small, but has the same chemical enzymes as the human brain. And I bet it is bigger than yours.

Okay, so I guess you can be one of the above, or all of it. It really depends. For me, drinking and how you respond to your alcohol levels is still a choice. I am almost all of the time (almost being the operative word), aware of what I am doing when I am out drinking with friends. I only have a few seconds unaccounted for when I am drunk, and I am usually in the company of people I trust when I am.

But I left that life a long time ago, because liquor is chauvinist! Do you know that an average man can handle 21 units of alcohol while an average woman can only handle 14?! Unbelievable! Good thing I am not your average woman. In fact, I highly doubt I am one. Anyway, that’s for another blog entry. For now, I bid you goodbye. Peace and One love!

Life’s a party, drink it! Cheers!
StringedMusic™

The Art of Giving

2011-07-25T23:17:00.000-07:00

I grew up watching my mom give away almost everything and anything she can give. She is one of the most unselfish people I know. And although she may not have been very transparent in showing us how much she loves us, we are still aware that she does because of how giving she is.

PESH PEPITO, COACH, TEAMBUILD MOVEMENT

If there is one thing that she has taught me, it is the Art of Giving.

Yes. Giving is an art. Too much of it, you get swallowed by it, and you will be lost in an abyss of hoarders trying to suck you dry. Too little of it, you will be struck with misery, and will be surrounded with so many things you don’t really need.

If you want to see how "real" people can get? GIVE. For it is through giving that you see their sincerity. If it isn’t that, you will see how they will use you, and leave you when you have been robbed of everything.

But you know what? It’s fine.

You will never lose when you give. You will never be short of lessons, if you share what you have and what you know.

You will be repaid with time - From people who genuinely care for you.

You will be repaid with lasting friendships - From people who see you for who you really are.

You will be repaid with honesty, as compensation for those who have disappointed you.

What you give the universe, the universe returns a hundred fold. It has been written. If you give, it will come back to you in good measure. So if life punches you in the gut despite your generosity, roll with it, dust yourself off, give them the finger, and walk away. And then, start giving again.

Peace and One love!
StringedMusic™

Pleasant Heart vs Scarred Heart: A Collab Poetry

2011-07-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have done this collab piece with a friend (and a relative at that) who is a pretty dope song-writer. I can't really post his shit here but you can go to www.sellinglyrics.com and search for Ehmok. He has some good stuff there. If you wish to buy his stuff, you can do that too if you want. He sells his shit, which is why he is at sellinglyrics.com. Duh!

PARK, MUNICIPALITY OF MOALBOAL

Anyway, I practically grew up with this dude. Sort of. But I am not gonna give you guys details about that. To make the long story short, he's a song-writer trying to do poetry pieces. I am a poet trying to do some song-writing. My shit's pretty disastrous, and his is really good. Hence, the blog entry and the share. Here goes.

Pleasant Heart
by: Ehmok

She's like a white dove,
Fly high in a blue sky up above.
Crashing stars in the evening haze,
Singing some lullaby through a swaying breeze.
I took an earful it made me cry,
She's an angel to my eyes,
She knows i adore her all my life.
Her white feather render the most beautiful part,
She's a portrait of a virgin with a pleasant heart.
If she knows how i dream,
In it, she becomes my bride.
And then maybe she'll leave her throne,
So i won't forever be alone.
If i can't give her the world,
What is my most treasured eternal love for?
But if she doesn't want me as her beau,
What else shall i do?
Just one kiss on that pretty eyes,
Or on her red lips look so tender.
I dream of it every single day,
To give my neglected heart to her,
In a very special way.

Scarred Heart

by: StringedMusic

I am not pure don't be deceived,
I am not as high as you perceive me to be.
the stars that burn the evening sky,
they outshine the gentleness you see in my eyes.
Please don't cry
I am no angel, I'm as dark as the night,
You need not put me on a pedestal,
Songs for me, you don't need to write.
You see me untouched, unspoiled and unscarred,
But have you seen how torn and worn is my heart?
I know how you dream,
I see it in your eyes,
But I am really not worthy to be your bride.
I'm sorry, I can't leave this damned throne,
I would rather you just live your life alone.
You give me the world when it's not what I need,
Don't claim your love is eternal when in the end, I bleed.
My apologies, I don't need a beau
I just really want to be left alone.
I don't need to be kissed or to be touched,
Even if I wanna kiss you too, I don't want to rush.
I dream every single day, If you only know, I do.
You think I neglect the love you have,
But I really, just don't want to hurt you too.

That's it. I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Sorry though, everything was rushed and not proofread. Teehee. Anyway, you guys know I hate proofreading, but I LOVE YOU! Hope you enjoyed my very first collab! Of course, written for Ehmok and whatever is left of StringedMusic. You know the drill, bitches! Peace out!

The Probinsyana's Diary: July 21, 2011

2011-07-21T02:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

You know what sucks about being in the city? You know you have a lot of friends but everyone is just too busy for each other. So everyone pretends instead that it's okay to catch up through cyber space. Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Foursquare, Google+, Tumblr, or whatever social networking sites you can think of.

These sites are supposed to bridge the distance. Fuck that! What distance?

I am a talker. Obviously, I am. For the past 2 years of this blog's existence, I have talked about so many things, given my screwed up opinions on little things that does not matter, and ranted about so many things I care about with all passion. What's the use of all this rant, rage, passion, and extreme emotion if I don't channel it through writing, right?


THE OLDEST PUMP BOAT EVER IN PANAGSAMA BEACH

And so for the past month or so I have found solace in being in my mom's hometown. I dubbed myself probinsyana, and promised that for at least a month, I will be making this place my home too.

I love how people seem to know everyone. From the oldest to the youngest. Everyone is always referred to as someone's son or daughter, or grandchild, or even great grandchild! Time does not exist in the our little fishing village. Everyone has time. Everyone is laid back. And I thought my Cebu City takes things slow. But in our "probinsya", this probinsyana takes things slower.

Sure when I am there I do stuff. I went there on a mission. I am still on that mission. But even with the tons of things I have to do, I still find myself having enough time to chitchat, to take a nap (YES, A NAP! A REAL ONE!), and even visit neighbors! Yes, real neighbors, mostly relatives but neighbors nonetheless. To my friends living in the city, when was the last time you visited a neighbor and just talked about... well, your other neighbors? Huh?

Life is simple in the province. You don't need to go far and wide to find inspiration. Inspiration is right outside your doorstep. You don't need to buy fresh air in the province. You don't need to ask God to give you more time. Every single second is for you.

My head gets full and noisy when I am there. My narcissism gets the best of me at times. My ideas are bloated beyond proportions, and I dream endlessly when I am there.

Too bad I am not used to the art of doing nothing. I was programmed to always be busy. I was programmed to be drawn to corporate slavery. So even if I am whored out with the "job" that I am doing, I sometimes get sick of the the quiet noise that I am starting to get accustomed to.

Who knows, maybe I will. Maybe I wont. Only time can tell. All I know is my heart wants to be where the sounds of the waves crashing are made. Where the stars are brighter, the sun warmer, and time is slower.

Peace out and a lot of island love.

Your Probinsyana

Pit Stops

2011-07-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

It's been quite some time since I just wrote and rant on this site. So today, I will.

I shall pretend that the world is interested with my poor excuse of a life and I will talk about it with as much color as I can. If I am even capable of doing so.

GIRL TIME: LILY, YOKOHAMA, ME, and CHAUPPETTE

Today I woke up wondering how many crossroads each person is ever capable of having in his or her lifetime. In my 31 years of existence (Yes, I am 31 but I feel like I am 21), I feel like I have gone through a dozen crossroads. Or life-altering experiences where I am made to choose. Experiences that eventually led me to be me today.

Not that I am ashamed of my choices. I am not. I don't think I am even capable of shame. However, I do have plenty of "what ifs". People, places, choices, and just about anything.

What if I took the time to talk to this guy who hates my guts now? (Just an example, mind you. I hope nobody loathes me.)

What if I relocated and lived in South of Africa and became a soul surfer? (And get stoked all day!)

What if I practiced my profession? (I'd be poor and happy now.)

What if the Earth was a big chunk of cube? (Yes, a stupid what if.)

What if I never started this blog? (Never gonna happen!)

What if I married Johnny Depp? (Hahaha)

I have so many other what ifs, you'd start to think I either have too much time in my hands to be capable of coming up with so many, or I live a pathetic life. I am neither of the two. I just think too much. I talk to much. I write too much.

Anyway, just because I have so many what-ifs, it doesn't necessarily mean I have regrets too. I don't. I love my life. I love the people in my life. I have hand-picked them to be part of my life and to be part of my great adventures, so yes, in a way, they are lucky. Hahaha. But I am luckier.

A life lived surrounded by the most beautiful souls you could ever find in this Earth.

But I still have goals. Or five things I need to do before I die. Hopefully, these won't join my What-if List.

1. Organize an All-Cussing Def Jam Poetry event.
2. Tell a group of corrupt politicians they can kiss my ass.
3. Shout "ITIGIL ANG KASAL!"or "STOP THE WEDDING!" in the middle of someone's wedding.
4. Go on a 5-Stop surf trip alone.
5. Pick up hot guys at some party with my daughters.

Yes, I am a bad mother. Too bad I am not your mom! Hahaha How bout you? Share your list!

Peace!

Player

2011-07-16T02:34:00.000-07:00

I'm drawn to you someway somehow
You linger, wander, free me from within
There's no way I'd let you get under my skin

Like melodies you know so well
Like drumbeats, and chants of war in the air
Gravity's lost, spinning out of control
The heat of your stares is swallowing me whole

But hey mister, I know this game too
What's nice about it is it's a game just for two
Hey mister see, heartbreak's not an option for me
Come sit beside me, and then you shall see

You can't play a player
How dare you play me
I've toyed with hearts before
Don't start this game with me
You can't play a player
You know I play too
We can't be both victims
Can't be me and you

Run boy, run as fast as you can
Run faster than Forrest
Run like it's your last chance
Run boy, run far away from me
Cos if it's not you,
Then I guess it'd be me

Oh Hey mister, when I look at you
I secretly wish what we have is what's true
Hey mister see, heartbreak's not an option for me
So even if I want you, I know it just can't be

You can't play a player
How dare you play me
I've toyed with hearts before
Don't start this game with me
You can't play a player
You know I play too
But the player's been played
And now you've played me too

*Note: Written for PinkMist and whatever is left of Stringedmusic.

Please

2011-07-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

Please don't take me for a love sick teenager who thinks pimples are caused by crushing over the boy next door. I am no whore. But I have long lost my virginity to some guy who I thought did the deed with me out of love. I have been a delusional naive woman, who for years thought I've found my only one.

Son of a gun. Shoot me now. There should be justice with all this hoopla somehow! Love, love, what the hell does that mean? If you believe in it as much as I do, well you really don't want to go where I've been.

Please don't talk to me about silly giddy things, about sparks and chemistry, and corney things! This heart has no ears and does not listen to stupid lies. No, your sweet nothings won't give you a pass in between my thighs. I won't deny, I have needs. I want what you want too. If only I was capable of doing shit like you, you wouldn't need to talk, I'd even tape that big mouth too!

Please stop telling me who I am. I am no saint, but boy, what you need to understand, I am who I am because I can. You can't possibly be telling me now how I have lived my life, or how it should be! Don't you see? You may have helped me to be me! And please don't disagree! You have given me love, yes, that's true. But your love with condition has bruised me too. Black and blue. Running for my life now, my battered heart hardly beats for anyone now.

Please allow me to get over you. You have convinced me for years that you don't love me, that lust was fueling your great ferocity. That there is nothing you could ever give but just your mere presence. And I was stupid enough to believe that love, we will find again.

I don't understand, I never will. You tell me it was my flaws that made your heart still. But why the hell did you promise that day, that you would never leave me, that you would forever stay. Come what may. You'll hold my hand and be with me, every single fucking day until forever, that's what how it was supposed to be. It was all too surreal, I should've known. Now I feel like my life isn't my own. Fuck what I have sacrificed, and fuck all the things we have been through! Fuck everything else, because you know what? I am fucking tired of loving you.

Please allow me to be angry. I am spent. I am exhausted. I am worst than the feeling of being hungover and wasted. I am tired. I am lonely. I am sick. I am empty as a dry basin. I want to scream and scream until my lungs shrivel into a tiny raisin.

Please let's stop pointing fingers. What's the use? We both know it is over. I will never love again as I have loved you. But allow me to heal, and allow me to just be friends with you. I can never lose you, you know I can't. Because even if I said I love you no more, my heart knows it wasn't meant. I tried to tell you how much I love you, but you wouldn't listen and instead, you shake your head, telling me you would rather go to bed. So I had to do what I thought should be done, I told you I didn't love you no more, and for the first time, you were mum.

You know I would fight for you, I have proven it time and again. But I am tired of telling you, and still you wouldn't listen. You remind me instead you don't love me anymore. So I told you to stop pushing me away, or I would really walk out that door. And with that one last shove: I am unloved, you reminded me. I just took the final step, and closed the door behind me. Finality. This is what it feels to be free. Lonely. Painful. In misery. I don't want any of it, but I don't want the rejection behind the door that's waiting for me.

Please just free me.

*Written for The Really Bad Poets and what is left of Stringedmusic.
*Picture was taken at NAIA Terminal 3, waiting lounge. I really don't have the patience to wait so everytime I would need to, I have to distract myself. That was my distraction then.
*Poetry inspired by my girlfriends. Just because I feel that there is a need to rant in behalf of everyone else.
*This is a rough draft. I am experimenting on Def Jam poetry pieces. Not really good at it, but what the hell.

Walls

2011-06-29T04:10:00.000-07:00

Brick by brick you carefully build it,

Not caring for people or spaces or places around it.

You toil to shut everything around you,

Trusting not the instinct to free fall or break through.

Wants not noticed, heart's shut out,

Come to think of it, you got it figured out.

You left me to stare at this huge wall between us,

While people are left to climb the walls that surround us.

I care not what you care to show me for I know that,

You show me nothing that's real, and guess what?

I have seen you clearly more than I ever did before,

I shall find a crack on this wall, and there I'll make a door.

It is your pains and fears you run away from so fast,

My reality is as real as the ghost of our ugly past.

But I broke down my walls, so you can learn to trust me,

What's left to do is to free fall so you can clearly see.

At the end of this all, what they say matters not to me and you,

We both decide how to run the show, we both must come through.

I have seen how our lives have played, but I see not the future,

To discover what's next with you is what I want, I'm pretty sure.

*Written for The Really Bad Poets and whatever is left of Stringedmusic.

LIVE, LOVE, WRITE, READ, and EAT GINABOT!

Dear Dunggan

2011-06-23T16:37:00.000-07:00

Panuway!

Naminaw nasad ay!

Pugngi imong kaugalingon,

Kay mga silingan mong bakakon,

Naminaw sa imong gipamulong!

Akong gibati dili mapugngan,

Kay maminaw man jud ning akong dunggan,

Tanan mabati lahos sa dughan!

Bisan dili na kinahanglan!

Kay "affected" ko sa ilang isturya,

Oo, tawo ra baya ko. Ikaw tawo ka?

Namalihug intawin akong mama

Nga dili tawo parehas ninyu,

Ayaw na daw paminawa!

Pero inyung mga BINOGO nga wayway ug pangutana,

Ginoo ko, labing daghana!

Pamati-on mo pa ba nang mga tawhana?

Nga puros dili edukada?!

Ug ilang mga walay pulos na patotsada?

Basta maka lihok lang nang mga baba-a?!

Loslos! Kalaming ipamospos!

Mga koskos balungos!

Gapataka lang sa mga pama-ba ug mga handos,

Mas maayu pang, ako malugos!

Lami pa sa pakighilawas,

Mudala'g sturya ang mga hilas!

Ug ako man gani ang mubalos,

Walay sukod sa pagka bastos!

Mao nang dunggan ko, ayaw na paminaw,

Maypa magluto na ko'g pamahaw!

Kay gikapoy na ko ug napasmo,

Sa sigeg pamati sa mga yawyaw ninyu.

Yawa mong tanan! Bati mo ug batasan!

Mamatay unta mo ug inyung mga silingan!

Para ma hilom ning atong tibuok kalibutan!

Kalami na gyud na ipanagpa,

ug ipanabon sa inyung mga baba!

Kung ako masulod sa congreso?

Maningkamot ko ug pasa'g balaud ngadtu,

Na mga tawo parehas ninyu,

Ma firing squad ug ka-tulo.

Pwede sad ka-upat, ka- walo, ka-napulo,

Ka baynte singko ka sako nga ok-ok,

ipaslak sa mga baba ninyu!

Ka wan milyun ka latigo sa ikog sa pagi,

Nga maoy gamiton para sa mga ungo sama ninyo!

Oo! Kay ungo man mo!

Ang nawng ninyu murag gwapo, no?!

Ay correction! Nasayop diay ko!

Mura diay mo ug tawo!

Sige dunggan, pamati pa!

Aron adlaw adlaw, makasala ta!

Kanus-a pa kaha ko matagbaw?

Sa pag yawyaw aning mga BILATSANGYAWANG GIATAY NA MGA AMAW!

Bow.

*The picture used is not the inspiration of this poetry. That is my nephew. I just thought he looked like someone who is complaining about something.
*This poem is written for The Really Bad Poets and whatever is left of Stringedmusic.
*This is Stringedmusic's very first Cebuano poem. It sucks. But it felt really good when I wrote it. And I will do it again WAN MILYUN TAYMS, if need be.
*This is not dedicated to anyone in particular. None of my "frenemies"are that important to waste good artistic influence on.
*I am as exhausted as the whores in Colon on a foreign feast day. Questions will not be entertained. In fact, I will be lashing out on people who will ask WHO. Kapish?
*Thank you Malyn Mayorga for proof reading my badly written first Cebuano poetry. I suck so bad, it feels soooo good!

Peace!

Head, Shoulder, Knees, and Toes

2011-06-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

My head is spinning from that scent in the air

It brings memories that I dare not speak of

My shoulder remembers the tingles that it felt

When kisses burnt the skin and consumed me within

My Knees remembers not how to stand still

They lose control when you are near

My toes curl down as if to grip the ground

The sound of your breath can knock me out

My head please be still!

For my heart never will.

My shoulders, steady now!

For my heart will never allow.

My knees, be ready please!

Because my heart just disagrees.

My toes, please wiggle not!

This heart, it cannot stop.

And so the rest of me shall fall,

Because my brain has no control!

I'm told to bring my heart to war,

But then my heart is full of scars.

How can it even want to fight?

How it beats, it doesn't sound right!

How can something small, dictate it all?

How can YOU be so powerful?

*Written for The Really Bad Poets and whatever is left of Stringedmusic.

Stringedmusic is Probinsyana

2011-06-22T03:30:00.000-07:00

There is a big part of Stringedmusic that everyone must know. I am a true-blooded "Probinsyana". Yes I am, and I am very proud of it.

Most of my playmates in the province would tell me otherwise. They call me all sorts of names, and will contest that I am a city girl at heart. I probably I am. But I always say, your heart knows where your home is. And my heart will always remind me that no matter how shitty things get, I will always be drawn to a place where I built all my happy childhood memories.

My closest friends in the city would wonder why I spend too much time and effort in a place where people gossip for kicks. I am in fact, on numerous occasions, the subject of their verbal daggers. It hurts. Every time someone speaks ill of me, my family gets hurt first. I try as much as I can to avoid talks to protect my family from unnecessary stress. But it cannot be avoided. Most of them don't have anything better to do. Whether they find pleasure in hurting their own blood, or whatever their reasons may be, I am just going to think that somehow, I gave them some sort of entertainment to keep their minds off how miserable their lives have been.

Yes, I am angry. I am angry that the members of my family can find so much time to talk about each other like that, and wishing each other's demise. It's stupid. Family isn't supposed to be like that. If my late Aunt Yoling, whom we all fondly call Nanay, is still alive, she'd be calling all of us one by one and will be giving us an earful.

My sisters hate it when I go "public" with my sentiments. They do not like seeing me washing the family laundry in public. I say, I can say whatever I want and if they do not like how I deal with things, then there is nothing I can do about it. I am not here to please people.

Whatever happened to blood is thicker than water?

Whatever happened to respect of the individual?

Whatever happened to all the summers spent bonding and building memories?

Memories all flushed down the drain and replaced with bitterness and spite. For all the things said that hurt my parents, for all the shit they have caused me and my family, and for all the unnecessary bullshit I had to go through growing up, I am bound to finally call on everyone to stop.

PLEASE STOP.

Look in the mirror and tell yourselves: Are all the talks even worth it? What kind of satisfaction does that give you? Gossip ruins lives. You have ruined each other with the countless things you have said to hurt each other.

You have left a minor to fend for himself and called him a hopeless addict, leaving him to be judged by the public, when you were supposed to be responsible in taking him in and taking care of him.

You have ridiculed an aunt, a cousin, a niece, and a nephew, for having no opportunities, because you guys refused to give them the opportunity to make something out of themselves.

You have spent so much of your time investing hate on people who thought all along that you were the family they can count on.

You have hurt the very people who can help you.

You gave so much time talking about someone who has spent her entire life sacrificing her time away from her family, wallowing in hurt, with little of her pride left. You were quick to judge her, but spent little time listening to her.

You judge someone for wanting something more for herself and her family.

You expect people to help you in your every need but you refuse to help yourself.

I can go on and on, but really I think enough has been said. You guys know who you are. Stop sitting on your ass and DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING.

I am close to a few cousins because I choose people I want to be around with. I don't want to be around people who talk behind my back. If you have a problem, say it to my face. You cannot pick who I want to be with because you never even spent time getting to know me.

Stop telling my Aunt she has no right to be in the place where she was born and where she grew up. She is a direct heiress to the land that you claim is yours. She equally has the right to stay there. She has wisdom beyond everyone's experiences put together. She is a lovely woman, and she has my respect and my love until the day I will die.

Stop telling my mother she is selfish. All of you know how much she has helped you. For every single bad thing you say against her, a thread of happy memory invested in that place is cut. She is the most generous and compassionate woman I know, and you guys know it too.

Here's an idea. Why don't you guys THINK before you open your mouth. Think if it hurts someone. Think if it is any good to say what you are about to say. Think if it is even worth talking about. I know you must be bored. Fuck your boredom. Channel all that energy into something positive and then maybe, we will get along.

My last two trips home was to give people some sort of hope. Or a goal. Or a chance. It was for you guys. And you turned your backs on opportunities that nobody else would be willing to give you. It is my last show for support, and I am telling you now, nothing like that will ever come your way again. My trip home was bittersweet. I have finally closed some issues that I have long been keeping in my heart, and I realized that little fishing village where I spent most of my summers at, will always be special.

You guys are still family. There is no way I can revoke that. My mom taught me to respect and value family. So I forgive all of you and let's try to move forward and live peacefully together. Or if that's not possible, just stay out of my way, and we are all cool. We all have issues, and just because we do, it doesn't give you the right to use it to tear people apart.

And to my beautiful Panagsama, I will forever be your hard core "Probinsyana". I will love you until my very last breath.

Peace Out.

Ding! You Got One Hate Mail!

2011-06-12T06:02:00.000-07:00

Why call yourself educated? Why call yourself a man?!
Why strive for labels and status, when your brain's like an empty can?!
Why ramble on with senseless shit? You fish-smelling tramp, you horrible bitch!
Why pretend with us, when the world can see?!
You've done nothing for them, and nothing for me!

Your smiles so fake, they hurt my eyes!
Did you use turtle wax on those pearly whites?
And the hair! So fresh! Like right out of the salon!
It would have been nice too, if your alarm was on!
You must be hispanic, cos Filipino time, you see
Is earlier than birds, which I guess, you'll disagree.
Since it doesn't look like your smart anyway,
Let me break this down for you, and let me just say.

FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCKITY FUCKTARD!

And your stupid standard speeches that you didn't make.
Don't challenge my capacity cos I fight with everything at stake.
Please universe! Please spare me and my sanity!
Her habit of opening her mouth without thinking
is just one of her idiosyncrasy!

Wait let me take deep breaths, I am seriously out of breath now
I feel my heart pumping blood to my brain so fast now
ONE. TWO. THREE. FUCK THAT.
Let me go on now!

Whatever the Lord's purpose was for breathing life into a creature like you,
It is not for me to question Him, but fuck it, GOD, DO WE DESERVE THIS?!
WHAT THE FUCK DID WE DO?!

God, how can you unleash hell on earth and disguise it as something like that?!
Why can't you just play the Friday song again and again, the one by Rebecca Black?!
I would have preferred to meet Satan's true form, and not feel so torn!
How can I rant on and on, and feel less and less scorn?
God look at that creature, her eyes have nothing, and her brain possibly!
There is no redemption for her MASSIVE STUPIDITY!

I am obviously out of words for someone like you.
Oh my God, I hope your stupidity ain't contagious!
I fucking don't want to be like you!

Worst of all, when you die, and when people can finally speak free,
The world will rejoice your demise, the world will never weep.
If you put yourself first before others, when you vowed you never will
You may feel you've won the fight, but the hearts will stay still
Quiet as a mouse, one by one, people will walk away
You have moved them enough to hate you until your very last day.

P.S. I vow to hate you until your very last day.

Axelle's Corner

2011-05-31T03:15:00.000-07:00

My daughter has been taking my macbook hostage and has been making videos and taking pictures of herself. She has consumed more the 1 gig of my memory.

There more where that came from believe me.

Anyway, I officially have a youtube channel and I call it stringedmusic TV. Please do check out videos, video blogs, and other fun projects I will come up in the site: www.youtube.com/mhaximuzprime.

Remember to subscribe to my channel and/or add me as your friend.

Here are some of the sample vidoes. Enjoy!