Insert obligatory joke here.

Seriously, welcome to our (fans) hell, Kevin. Anyone who grew up in Cincy and still wants to play for the Bengals is okay-for-life in my book.

So, what else have I missed?

Carson Palmer predicts that Cedric Benson will have a huge year. Couldn’t hurt.

Study of Sports thinks that the best Bengals RB was Corey Dillon. They’re probably right, but my heart is with Pete Johnson.

Bengals franchise player Shayne Graham isn’t happy about not reaching a long-term deal. Yeah, I saw those videos of your pad and your car, Shayne. Trade? Anytime. Seriously, STFU.

Greg thinks this means Shayne is is now one-and-done. Maybe. Franchising him again next year would only cost about $3 million.

Did I mention I hate sports radio? Of course, the only alternative is the local “Morning Zoo” or “Jack.” I should really invest in a CD player. Or more specifically, a car with a CD player. But I digress.

Anyhow, instead of the usual palaver, Greenie actually brought up something I hadn’t considered (first time for everything (OK, I’ll stop now)). He sourced the insight to someone else (no surprise (I was kidding)), who pointed out that Twittering from the sidelines or the locker room is only the logical extension of what already goes on. Coaches and players do sideline and halftime interviews during the games. Guys are “miked up” on Monday Night Football. Reporters prowl the sidelines during games gathering information from coaches and players that they feed back to the broadcast booth.

So, what’s so wrong with tweeting? If some assistant equipment manager is there with a cell when Chad comes off the field, asks what happens, 85 says, “I got held,” and the guy posts it, well, isn’t that the kind of thing we want to know, when we want to know it? Isn’t that, in fact, the kind of thing we’ll probably see on sports reporters’ tweets during the season?

Maybe it’s still not a good idea, and my vote went for “Twitter sucks” anyhow, but I think Chad might just be ahead of the pack on this one. We’ll see.

Chad Ochocinco says he will make a twit of himself during games this season, but the NFL may put the kibosh on his plans. Is Chad tweeting during games a good idea? Vote in our poll (right hand column, scroll down). Here’s ESPN on the subject:

Bengals RB Brian Leonard once went down a ladder face-first. On purpose.

No, really.

Kirk has a new computer.

Speaking of Chad and Twitter, 85 thinks whodeyrevolution is “funny ass hell.”

But…no sense in borrowing trouble ahead of time. And as I’ve written before, I’m not overly concerned thanks to the presence of Anthony Collins, whose performance at left tackle last season suggests he can handle the right side if need be. Still, it’s been a nice, calm and largely distraction-free offseason in Cincy, and the less drama surrounding Smith, the better.

Caldell played quarterback in high school, and tossed a five-yard TD pass in the 2006 SEC Championship game, so he’s got the skill set necessary to for the ‘cat. But I doubt we see a lot of it. I don’t often agree with CBS’ Pete Prisco, but he gets to the heart of the question here: if you have a QB of Carson Palmer’s caliber, why do you take the ball out of his hands?

As a gimmick/trick play-type of formation, I’m all for it. The Bengals have gotten away from razzle-dazzle in recent years and they could use a few more “gotchas!” in the playbook. And if (heaven forbid) they get stuck in a situation where they don’t have a top-tier QB again, a functional Wildcat scheme would be handy to have in their proverbial hip pocket. But the bottom line is, if the o-line stiffens up and Cedric Benson can grind out a few yards on the ground, there won’t be much need for the Wildcat.

So, nothing against Andre, I hope he catches 20-plus TDs this season, but if he doesn’t throw a single one, it’s all good.

Good for him. I want him in on time. So do the Bengals, so does every other fan, so…here’s the question.

Are you, and your agent Alvin Keels, prepared to play ball by Mike Brown’s rules?

Contrary to popular perception, Brown will pay you. But traditionally, the sticking point is performance. The Bengals don’t go in for so-called “log” incentives (as in, “as easy to earn as falling off a log”). Play well, and you’ll be well-compensated. Flub it up, and not so much.

Few players and agents are willing to take such risks, especially when other teams routinely dole out cake incentives and escalators that essentially guarantee gigantic paydays for doing things like taking part in two percent of offensive snaps. Moreover, the Bengals have a history of playing hardball in July and early August, only to fold like a house of cards come late August or early September.

If I’m the Bengals, I just do the deal, whatever it takes, and move on. I didn’t want an offensive tackle in the draft for exactly this reason (a holdout) and said long ago that if they do go o-line, then they have to do what it takes to get that player in-house asap. Well, they bit the bullet. Time to do the deed. If Smith is one of those rare guys who’s confident enough in his own abilities to take a tougher-than-normal-to-reach incentive deal, great. But the Bengals knew what they were getting into with the sixth pick, and now’s not the time to fool around.

I note this only to emphasize my level of disappointment with this piece of shit.

And yeah, I’m talking to you, Chick. You let them put your name on this?

Let’s just fisk the first few sentences.

It would appear to the casual observer that Bengals coach Marvin Lewis, who has finished over .500 in just one of his first six seasons in Cincinnati, is on a short leash.

Which casual observer would this be, the one that missed the whole 4-11-1 2008 season?

But then, that’s what generally was assumed last season, too, and Lewis remains the Bengals’ coach—even after finishing 4-11-1 and a half-game out of the AFC North basement.

Apparently, there’s no such thing as a short leash with the Bengals.

Uh yeah, you didn’t figure that out back about 15-20 years ago with his guy named David Shula?

The Bengals are a team in transition, especially on offense where reliable wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh left via free agency.

Uh-huh. And it takes you how many sentences to note they signed Laveranues Coles? And what do you have to say then?

the addition of Laveranues Coles offers a better deep threat and might allow Palmer to gain big chunks of yardage.

Yeah. Right. Well, uh, thanks.

You know, I completely admit that the Bengals could stink next year. But if I wanted to come up with reasons why — say the uncertainty on the o-line, not mentioned at all in this so-called analysis — I the amateur jerkoff, sans anything resembling an NFL source, can do better than this.

Will the Bengals’ 44-game sellout streak be broken opening day? We’ll see. And if it is, will it be because fans are fed up, or just broke?

My guess is: a bit of both. The Bengals’ finish last season didn’t give anyone but masochists a reason to spend their money, but the sputtering economy has everyone running scared. Americans are stuffing their mattresses at record rates, and NFL tickets are just one thing they aren’t buying. In Jacksonville, for example, more than half of season ticket non-renewals are being blamed on the economy.

Bill Prescott, the team’s senior vice president of stadium operations and chief financial officer, said club surveys showed that 65 percent of season-ticket holders who did not renew blamed the economy. He said the team is well off the 43,000 season tickets it had sold at this time last year for the approximately 67,000 uncovered seats at Jacksonville Municipal Stadium.

Though the Carolina Panthers’ front office claims season ticket renewals are “on pace with past years,” the team is is offering two-game ticket packages for the first time in club history. Meanwhile, in Buffalo, season ticket sales are on a record pace, but club seat and luxury suite sales are slow. The story is similar up in Cleveland, where the Browns have teamed up with the Cleveland Indians to sell suites for the Packers and Steelers games this season.

Even in Green Bay, where the waiting list for Packers tickets exceeds 80,000 names, almost triple the number of people on the list will have an opportunity to get coveted Lambeau Field seats: 192, versus 75 or fewer in normal years. Likewise, the 93,000-strong waiting list for New York Giants season tickets is starting to get whittled down a bit.

On the other hand, life is good in the Big Easy, where the Saints have already sold out for the year.

Last summer, Bengals fans were wondering if either tackle could play at all. Neither Levi Jones nor Willie Anderson had been right since the end of 2005. Both had skipped the team’s voluntary offseason program (OK, Willie showed up for the last week) in 2008. Levi, after sparring with coaches in the 2007 offseason, had requested a trade before the ‘08 draft. Once they got to camp, Willie was often absent from practice. In short, both players were still hurt to one degree or another, and Levi had motivation question marks as well. Throw in Eric Ghiaciuc’s struggles at center and a lack of depth, and the stage was set for the epic collapse that occurred.

This year, there are no injury woes (knock on wood) or desire questions surrounding Andrew Whitworth, Anthony Collins or Andre Smith. And based on actual, NFL game performance, there’s no reason to think that Whitworth and and Collins won’t be upgrades over last season’s duo of a broken-down Jones and a one-foot-out-the-door-and-on-a-plane-to-Philly Stacy Andrews. And that’s not even considering Smith. Let him hold out; I’m not at all sure I wouldn’t rather have Collins starting over a rookie. As for Ghiaciuc’s replacement, Kyle Cook, the situation at center is no worse than it was last season, at least in my opinion, and the tackle spots are in better shape. Depth — which will include either Smith or Collins, plus fourth-rounder Jonathan Luigs — is also better this year than last.

Kirk is right that expecting a 2005-caliber performance is probably wishful thinking. But the Bengals are in a lot better shape on the line here in June 2009 than they were 12 months ago. Just how much better we will start to get a read on in about a month.