strokesurvivorannie

road to recovery

2017-08-20T14:47:00.001-07:00

Bob recently relayed information from an article in the New York Times that suggested necessary activities for the road to stroke recovery it discussed three main areas to focus on: learning a new language, problem solving, and engaging in social activity.

I am working on learning Spanish and take lessons 2-3 times a week. I wrote once before that stroke survivors are “world class problem solvers”. A recent example of this is when read an article about a woman in her 70’s that wins awards for swimming and a good friend of mine has a mother in her 90’s who swims twice a week. I said to myself, “I can do this”. But, we no longer have a pool; so I had to “problem solve”. Last week Donna and I checked out two pools that might be an option and fortunately my mother-in-law has a great pool so we tried it last Thursday. Before swimming we had to assess the process and whether or not Donna could assist. She would need to help lower me onto the first step and then with the help of a bar in the middle of the steps I can lower myself the rest of the way. I can get out but Donna has to lift me up after I put my leg brace back on. I swam for over an hour and felt great. To that end, I would add a fourth item to the road to stroke recovery: exercise. It is essential.

Regarding engaging in social activity, I generally always have something on the horizon. That way, I always have something to look forward to.

worth the wait?

2017-05-29T16:17:00.002-07:00

Please don’t misunderstand that just because my blog has been on a sabbatical for two months that I didn’t have anything to say. I thought writing about more of my travels or accomplishments was getting to be tedious and no longer meeting the original objective of my blog which was to help stroke survivors in some fashion.

Having just crossed my 11 year anniversary of my stroke, I can summarize my situation by explaining what I can and cannot do and how I try to continue to stay challenged

I can:

· travel domestic and Internationally with ease

· get to the grocery store and back by myself

· ride a stationary bicycle inside

· plan for, shop and prepare meals

· develop a marketing plan for my volunteer work

· make dozens of cookies to support events with Donna’s help with packaging

· take Spanish lessons three times week and perform associated homework

· walk to nearby coffee shop/restaurant

· walk to museums and parks in my neighborhood

· perform all personal grooming

I cannot:

· drive

· bike outside by myself (My left-side neglect is so severe that I would likely miss traffic coming from the left).

· walk on rough terrain alone

· retain what I read comfortably and consistently resulting in poor memory retention

· write or text without making tons of errors due to my poor vision and left neglect

· Do any of this without bob. 11 years ago he vowed to see me succeed and teaches me how to have fun every day of my life and that my identity is bigger than my circumstance

It is my belief that I have not plateaued and I am trying to turn my “cannots” into “cans” I recognize that I will never drive again. Bring on Driverless cars!

There was a recent article in “Stroke” magazine stating that stroke survivors plateau in the first three months. I call bullshit on this and am living proof that stroke survivors continue to evolve. It is all about the continuous remapping of the brain and neural networks. Come on brain research!

Last month I challenged myself by going go an art fair on my own. It was challenging because of the logistics and crowds, but I did it. The mantra for stroke survivors is continue to challenge yourself and those around you.

perpetuating a dream

2017-03-05T07:18:00.001-08:00

Recently my sister-in-law and her husband perpetuated a dream of mine while challenging me physically by giving me a trip to Costa Rica last month. My dream is to one day speak Spanish fluently. I started fulfilling this goal several years ago in Mexico while staying at a friend’s ranch for two weeks and taking daily lessons; where I learned the basics. After this period I knew it was important to keep practicing so I attended meetups in Austin where we spoke Spanish over coffee and I had lessons via Skype three times a week. In December 2016, I visited Guatemala for a total immersion experience. The Costa Rica trip was one month after Guatemala and I was anxious to see how and if I could apply my teachings. It was the pinnacle because for the first time I was actually able to apply what I learned. Prior to the trip, most of my interactions were classroom based. I have to admit I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to apply it. Here are reasons this trip was so special and influential:

My sister-law arranged for Spanish-speaking only guides

· We were on a bird-watching trip as well and this allowed me to significantly increase my vocabulary

· To get to some of the locations required getting into small planes and boats so I was constantly challenged physically.

· I am maintaining Spanish with the lessons via Skype to continue my journey.

As Dull as it Gets

2017-02-14T05:29:00.000-08:00

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could go to Antigua, Guatemala for 3 weeks for a total immersion Spanish school, but I did. Why didn’t it cross my wildest dreams? Because:

I had a severe stroke 10 years ago that left me unable to walk unassisted or use my left arm

I cannot walk on rough terrain

I cannot carry my own bags

I’m often forgetful and lose things

My husband worries about me too much.

I not used to being away from Bob and my family over the holidays

I was very fortunate that the timing of my classes coincided with friends needing to be in Antigua. They helped me navigate the terrain while in my wheelchair. (Walking was not an option when outside the school; while in the wheelchair, I had to be in a constant wheelie to get over the bumps.)My friends were wonderful and I could not have done this without them.

When I arrived at the school, I got to my room with no towels, no toilet paper, and no phone at midnight, I immediately thought, I can’t do this. These things were all fixed by morning. I was there to learn Spanish and nothing was going to deter me from this goal. The cost of the program included 4-6 hours of Spanish, and 3 meals a day, and my room. When we were not attending class we were studying, eating, playing games such as Spanish Scrabble, enjoying the Antigua nightlife: restaurants, shopping, and attending cultural events,

An important point is Central America, like many places outside the U.S. is not at all handicap friendly. At the school’s Christmas party, one of the students walking with a cane asked me if I knew how tough the terrain was in Antigua before I visited. I indicated, “Yes, I had heard.”” And she said, “Boy are you brave.(That was a good moment. )

Thanks to this trip I have a big time travel bug, particularly outside the U.S. Fortunately, one month later is a planned trip to Costa Rica, thanks to my sister-in-law who understands my need to continue practicing Spanish.

Anticipation

2016-10-30T16:16:00.000-07:00

It’s a good thing.

I’m anticipating two big events.

The first is two weeks in Guatemala at a Spanish immersion school over the Christmas holiday. I was invited by a friend who attended the same school several years ago. At first Bob and I went through the reasons why this may not be good idea such as:

What if you fall

What if 5 hours of class a day is too much for you

What if you get homesick after the first week? (Why not consider one week vs two)

How will you shower?

What if you get sick from drinking the water?

What are you going to do in this country the other 14 hours when you’re not in class?

Walking will be very difficult due to the cobblestone streets

The school was wonderful in addressing all my concerns. For this reason and my mother-in-law, I am now going to Guatemala in December. Fortunately for me, she is in a “Just say yes. mode and persuaded Bob that we should do the same. It has been a goal for as long as I can remember to speak Spanish fluently.

The second event is a trip to Costa Rica in February An early 60^th birthday gift from my sister-in-law and her husband. The timing couldn’t be better as it will allow me to immediately reinforce the Spanish after the school

My family and friends are helping me fulfill my lifelong goals. They see the whys and aren’t intimidated by the why nots. It takes a village….

"No distance for a handicapper"

2016-10-07T07:03:00.003-07:00

I try to write about how I feel living as a disabled person but it is difficult for me, since I am not a professional writer. Every once in a while a professional does articulate how I feel. A case in point, the October 5^th article in The New York Times titled “A Disabled Life is a Life worth Living.”

Ben Mattlin, the author, is correct in stating, “We seek fair treatment, rightful access to everything in society — jobs, and romantic prospects, and so on. Highlighting the downside of disabilities seems counterproductive and self-pitying”.

Mattlin comments that living with a disability is to understand the fragility of life. Most of my friends are as Mattlin goes on to say, “at the pinnacle of their careers, and I’m just getting by. I shouldn’t complain, I tell myself. Unemployment among disabled people is crushingly high”. Today, my work, which used to define me, is limited to volunteer work. The work is satisfying but not rewarding.

I continue to evaluate the bright side of a disability. I am a “problem solver’ as Mattlin points out. I have found devices to help me cook, which is my passion. I have Hope, which allows me to walk, unaided by a human. I can also write with my non-dominant hand. Transportation is no longer an issue thanks to Uber, Bob, and my assistant, Donna. I problem-solved my way to get to Guatemala for Christmas to attend a Spanish immersion school

It is a hassle to devise alternative methods to complete simple activities of living, a “so called normal life”. But when I figure alternatives out, I am liberated.

Thanks for listening.

Read the article for more insight

"noting ventured nothing gained" chapter 2

2016-09-25T09:29:00.003-07:00

To date I have participated in 3 East End Sunday Farmers Markets with minimal success. Minimal because even though we sold out of cookies, we did not make a profit; we did break even. We are using the market as a test lab and so far I have learned, tying it to the 4Ps of marketing

Price: We initially had three different quantities and price points and now we only sell a $5 with 6 regular cookies or $5 for12 mini rookies testing has proved this to be an acceptable price point and simple.

Placement: Our pop-up booth is often located close to other popular booths; In fact we were fortunate in our placement two weeks ago when customer invited me to participate in the grand opening of his motorcycle and coffee shop the following week which we did also with minimal success.

· Position: The best chocolate chip cookie in the East End – I continue to test the credibility of this.

· Promotion: our only promotion is my sign an Facebook page Facebook was used to invite customers to the coffee shop grand opening and it was standing room only or 3 hours

· The test lab also provides

· -approximate quantities I need to bake each week

· Packaging: we adjusted after 2 market tests to 6 vs 5 regular cookies per bag,

· customers like “mini” food; hence the packaging adjustment

· Recipe test customers really like my spicy cookies as we coined them “cookies with a kick”

· having samples is essential to selling; customers want to try the product

I stated in my previous blog that this venture helps put me on the track to return to a busy and meaningful life the past couple of months were wonderfully busy and allowed for “dusting off” my marketing skills

"Nothing Ventured, Nothing gained"

2016-08-23T07:23:00.001-07:00

About 3 months ago I was making cookies for a hostess gift for a friend and Bob commented: “You make a good cookie, why don’t you have some fun with it and try selling them at our East End Farmers Market”. He said this in front of a close friend and she enthusiastically agreed. I started working on a Marketing Plan to include the “4P’s of marketing (price, promotion, position and placement). Part of my plan included a section on who I am? and why I am doing this. Below is what I wrote in my plan:

In 2006, I suffered a massive stroke. This required me to retire at the age of 48 from a 20⁺ year career in computer product and Internet marketing. I have been in rehabilitation and rediscovery mode ever since. I live through the ups and downs of being a stroke survivor. This catastrophic event forced me to rethink my goals. I do not want to be “defined” by the stroke. This venture is a path to reinvention and getting back to a busy and meaningful life.

This venture provides for:

- practicing right-hand- only skills

- testing my stamina by standing up for 4 hours at a time

- social interaction

- putting marketing skills to test

- Working towards a financial return and contributing to our household income, which is a longshot. As of this blog entry, I participated in one Sunday Farmer’s Market and I sold out of cookies in the first 1.5 hours. I have a long way to go to consider this a successful venture but I’ll quote Ben Franklin: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

Come by Sundays between 10:00AM and 2:00 PM and purchase a cookie or two. at East End Farmer’s Market at the Esplanade on Navigation, 200 Navigation.

My year of turning 60

2016-08-13T15:31:00.000-07:00

am so fortunate to have amazing family and friends. It is best exemplified by their treatment on my recent birthday. My 5 sisters, brother and father surprised me by hosting a beautiful lunch complete with fresh flowers and a homemade cake. It was a complete surprise. A couple of weeks later several of my friends from Austin drove down for the actual birthday weekend and treated me to a movie, a spa afternoon, happy hour and dinner. My second family and Bob spoiled me all day complete with calls, texts, songs and gifts. I find myself wondering w how I can reciprocate this generosity. I’m also wondering how I should spend my year of turning 60. My ideas will be in my next blog. the theme being:reinvention.

I love a chalebge but . . . really?

2016-07-14T07:13:00.001-07:00

I just returned from a 5 day Colorado vacation and concluded all the therapy the world (both cognitive and physical) couldn’t prepare me for my travel experience. during this trip. Please let me explain

I was visiting a friend in Durango and travel required a stop and plane change in Denver. Also, I travelled with my walker, Hope. I thought it was essential to increase my mobility on the trip. All was going very smooth in

Denver when I boarded my plane for Durango. I had plenty of time to board so I plugged in my phone charger. The flight was delayed from a 6:00 departure to 7:30. The wheelchairs in this airport are not self-propelled so I have to wait for an attendant go to the bathroom. The attendant came very late so I almost missed my flight and we had to remove the connection to the charger. I pulled the plug but needed the USB part so they had to bend down on all fours to get it. All is well and we are halfway to Durango when the captain say says we are turning around and going back to Denver due to a mechanical error.

Dealing with Hope adds a layer if complexity and I have to keep track of my carry on and Hope and remember to gate check her each time. We had to deplane in Denver and wait for them to fix the plane. There was as shortage of bag handlers so Hope was delayed the reason I can’t leave the gate area is the wheelchairs are not self-propelled and I have to watch hope While searching for my boarding pass in my carry-on I noticed all my pills fell out of the container. Also I lost my boarding pass.

I think its worth repeating that all the therapy cannot prepare or substitute from doing. The challenges occurred throughout my trip including challenging terrain and stairs during a train ride to Silverton and an outdoor concert, and walking the streets of downtown Durango. There is no substitute for getting out and doing. Challenges and all I had a wonderful time and appreciative of my friends for putting up with me.

lab vs. real world

2016-06-15T13:24:00.002-07:00

My current occupational therapist, Danny, read my last blog about my inability to open heavy doors at the movie theatre. During my next session with her, she immediately led me to doors that generally require assistance. We practiced for 30 minutes until I got it right.

I love going out to breakfast so I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to apply my practice in the “real world.” over the weekend. I took Uber to IHOP because it’s close. Entering inside was fairly easy but leaving was a different experience. I opened the door to the outside and stepped outside with my walker; the walker started rolling down the sidewalk and I now have nothing to hang on to and in real trouble. Fortunately a man in a car driving by sees this as its happening and hops out of his car to help me. What did I learn? Always, always, apply the brake no matter where you are.

I’m continuing to practice on opening and going through doors. the IHOP example demonstrates that while therapy in a clinical environment is important, it is no substitute for the real thing. Danny is the only therapist I’ve had in 10 years who problem solves my issues this way. She is unique in her approach with me, she understands what I need and how to help me gain more independence and I feel extraordinarily grateful to be working with her.

Confidence

2016-06-08T12:38:00.000-07:00

For the most part, confidence is good. However, recently it almost got me into trouble. I’m so enamored with my new walker, that I took it on a trip to the movies on my own. I was dropped off early by a friend to start getting the tickets. I made it to the ticket counter fine and on my way to my movie, I stopped in the bathroom. I go to open the door and have my hand on the handle when something pulls me very hard. It was a man on the other side trying to open the door. I was grateful to have the door opened because it was heavy but he almost pulled my arm out of its socket. Once inside, I had to get through yet another heavy door. I could not open it so I headed back to the main door and remembered this one was heavy too. So here I am 15 minutes before the movie starts and I can’t get through either door to get to the movie location. I weigh my options: wait or call my friend. I elected to wait and someone eventually helped me open the doors. My confidence lets me know there are many things I can do, but I need to know my limitations and have a plan B.

freedom part 2 -from guest blogger, Bobby Bacon's perspective

2016-05-10T11:53:00.001-07:00

Annie named her new three wheeled Invacare walker “Junior”. It isn’t a complete replacement for “Velvet”, her larger walking support device, but an addition for short hauls. I had looked at these lighter weight devices over the years but had concerns about providing enough support if she lost her balance. Velvet is too heavy and large for most Uber vehicles and certainly too heavy for frailer companions to pick up. Enter Junior.

We decided in a “what the heck” moment to pick up one of these. They’re about 1/10 the cost of a Velvet and 1/3 the weight. Three wheels versus four was the decision as Annie has to control everything with just one hand. You get the picture…

We always like a “so what?” moment. In the last couple weeks of getting used to this Annie has broadened her horizons three fold. She is taking Uber (please don’t leave Houston) to shop, to get nails done, to pick up small items at the store, to meet with friends and is able to actually walk on her own to restaurants in the area. This is a huge boost to confidence, independence, ease to hang out with her friends (who might “postpone” due to the challenges of supporting Annie) and in one additional word FREEDOM! It’s freedom for both of us. Annie can do what she wants.

Of course I still cringe at the thought of her crossing a busy street or plowing forth on the train or bus. But we’ll get there. Annie wants her independence as much as I want it for her. Personal pride and a less grumpy pal (who me? Yeah, Houston traffic…) make for powerful medicine. Now Annie is just a text or phone call away from a meet up.

So the “so what” is a wider range of activity. It’s fewer responses of “no’ when she says “Can I come?” It’s a sense of owning her own space and commanding her own time. That's progress. I suggested we might call Junior “Hope”. It seems to be sticking.

Freedom

2016-05-07T19:01:00.002-07:00

They say “any job can be accomplished with the right tools” I’m on path to prove this. First, a little background last month my tools for walking included my 4-prong cane for short trips and my 4-wheel walker with a built-in seat and off-road tires for longer trips. Even though the cane gave me mobility, I was still often holding Bob or my caregiver’s hand upon leaving the car. My balance and confidence was low. Also, the bigger walker was an issue when going go our gallery because the size was so inconvenient and obtrusive. So Bob suggested I look into smaller walkers which I did and now have a 3-wheel, 8 pound, collapsible walker. In two short weeks, this “tool” has been the biggest confidence builder since I started being able to walk 8 years ago. It is difficult to express the emotional benefits. Prior to having this walker, I could go anywhere in a cab, Uber, etc. but once I get there, I need help with walking so my activities were limited. Now I can go anywhere. For example, today, I took Uber on my own to the drug store and to get a manicure. I’ve never done this on my own bore and the freedom it affords me is so huge .I love to go to the movies, restaurants, shop, etc. independently but until now did not have the confidence. The new walker is giving m hope to look beyond my current routine and activities such as travelling. Tithe bottom line is I now feel I can go anywhere without having to plan

Strokelife, liberty and the pursuit of aging happily

2016-04-17T18:54:00.001-07:00

When I exercise on my indoor bike I routinely watch one of two shows, either Stephen Colbert or Jimmy Fallon. On a recent show, Cameron Diaz was pitching her second book, “Longevity, the Science of Aging.” She writes: “Aging is a privilege and we should feel lucky to be able to age.” At this point one might question my judgment in referencing Cameron Diaz in a stroke blog. However her four pillars for successful aging resonated with me because I often wonder as I feel the effects of aging is it age or stroke related? It’s probably both. I fight daily to make sure the effects of stroke don’t hasten my aging. Her four pillars of aging successfully are: “nutrition, rest, exercise, and laughter.” I give myself an average grade of C minus or lower on adapting these pillars. I exercise and laugh every day and my nutrition is decent. It is rest that lowers my grade. I suffer from insomnia and don’t really sleep without some nightly aid. I also would add a fifth pillar, which would be meaningful work. If I had meaningful work, I believe rest would be manageable. I am envious of my brother-in-law, Tom who has meaningful work-- the relentless goal of improving Houston Parks and park access. He inspires me to find my own meaningful work as the fifth pillar on my own aging quest. Again, what does Cameron Diaz know about aging and science? Probably not a lot, but she gave me material for my blog.

Mix it up

2016-04-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

My daily routine consists of morning coffee, breakfast, newspapers, email, errands, therapy, exercise, cooking, volunteer work, etc. When I have an opportunity “to step out” of my comfort zone, I immediately jump on it. This was the case recently when I tagged along with Bob to drive to Austin to accompany him on a few appointments. We delivered a piece of furniture contracted by one of my friends. It also was one of my best friend’s birthdays and we were able to go to lunch. I believe it is important to mix up my routine. The plan required that I get up early, shower, sit for an extended period in a car, walk in unfamiliar territory more than I do when at home, socialize (which I think is always important) and maintain my close friendships in Austin. As I was leaving, my friend said to me: “Thanks for making the effort.” That said it all and meant the world to me. My new mantra: Mix it up and often!

Full Circle

2016-03-01T05:41:00.000-08:00

Recently I was referred to an Occupational Therapist by my vision doctor. My vision doctor prescribed prism glasses that are designed to help me overcome my left side - peripheral vision deficit. She thought I could use some additional training with an OT so she asked her OT to contact me.

I had my first appointment with the OT, Danny, this week. Coincidentally, Danny was my OT at TIRR in 2007. When I left the hospital in Houston, I first stayed with Tom and Laura and Danny came over one night to help Bob get me to stand. At that time I was 95% needing support and wheelchair bound. The doctor warned Bob how difficult it would be to take care of me once I left the hospital but we had no idea. We solicited help from Danny. We wanted to work with her more, possibly fulltime and even get her to consider an Austin move but she had just taken a job at Methodist.

So imagine my surprise when she contacted me for this appointment – back in my life in such a positive way. Danny is wonderful evidence of the top treatment available in Houston and facilitating my ongoing effort to improve.

My first session with her was 2 hours we spent a lot of time discussing my goals and how I was doing since 2007. A lot of her questions were about my mental state. Basically she was assessing my treatment needs going forward. She’s trying to get to the reason my walking is where it is today. An early theory is my “mid -line” or in other words, “my center” is off so my walking is skewed. I was so encouraged by her thorough exam and so looking forward to y treatment. My first session is next week. Stay tuned.

stop the Madness

2016-01-31T16:46:00.000-08:00

When I was working I had an ongoing philosophy pounded into me by supervisors: For every project you are working on set goals and realistic ways to measure these goals. We would say, “If you can’t measure it you shouldn’t do it.” My ongoing projects today include: taking Spanish lessons, marketing volunteer work for the East End Foundation and my ongoing rehab. Here are some examples of goal setting and measurements

For Spanish I set goals with my instructor and we agreed after our next 20 sessions that I will take an exam, if I don’t pass the exam, she will comp me the next 5 lessons. If I do pass, I will continue to purchase lessons from the school

For my volunteer work, I wrote the marketing plan for an upcoming open house for the district. I need to get at least 10 partners to sign up to participate in the open house. I need to at least two articlespublished in local papers promoting the event.

For my rehab, Donna and I will finalize this week but they will include:

1. Walking from her car to the store without using her arm or a shopping cart

2. Walking from Donna’s car into our Gallery and once in the gallery, walking to the bathroom on my own. (I currently rely on Bob because of all the materials around and my fear of falling.

3. Pick any restaurant that I currently have trouble with and walk to and from unassisted.

4. Walk from my condo to Hermann Park, using my walker.

There is a timeframe associated with each of the goals.

Over the past year, my walking has regressed. I want to stop this madness and practice, which is the only way I know how to tackle. There is no rehab lab setting that can substitute for doing in my opinion, particularly when many of my issues are mental. I haven’t bogged lately. My goal is try and make sure these are relevant current and useful. Hope this fits.

Nobody really Knows

2015-12-12T06:23:00.002-08:00

“800, 000 people in the U.S have strokes each year. It’s the number one cause of long-term disability”. Science and medicine have made it easier to keep people alive meaning millions are left with moderate to severe disability. Some have fully recovered and in others their recovery has plateaued. This quote and statement was from a November 23 New Yorker article entitled, Helping Hand, by Karen Russell. The article points out that some researchers believe patients who have had strokes had the biggest gains in stroke recovery the first three months post-stroke.

In contrast, Edward Taub, pioneered Constraint-Induced (CI) therapy and suggests there is “rewiring” of the brain and that CI has been found to be effective no matter how long ago the injury or illness occurred--two diverse points of view.

The point I’m trying to make is that no one really knows and every stroke is different. What I do know is I do not believe my recovery has plateaued. As I enter the 10^th anniversary of my stroke, my biggest gains come when I put myself out of my comfort zone. I prefer doing new things versus being in a lab/clinical setting such as a rehab facility. For example, last weekend I went to Austin to be with my college/high school friends for our annual holiday event. I stayed in my friends “Casita”, complete with plush carpet and steps with no bannister. Because of the challenges the first night I debated checking into a hotel, however, while it was difficult for me I pushed through. Another example is about a month ago, on a beautiful, cool Sunday morning I craved going out to breakfast, but Bob was out of town. So I had to walk a half-mile by myself to a local restaurant with my walker. My goal is to find more out of my comfort zone things to do. Help me find “those things to do”.

"A Funny thing Happenedon The Way."

2015-11-06T12:32:00.000-08:00

With Bob away, this morning I endeavored to make a new recipe my sister shared for coconut macaroons.

I do what I always do when baking, first prepped the ingredients. It calls for egg whites to be whipped. I pulled out my mixer and when I tried turning it on, it didn’t work so I thought the outlet was dead so I tried another plug close by and still nothing. I pulled out another utensil and went to a plug far away and it worked so I moved the egg white mixture close to the plug that worked and mixed. By this time I added the coconut and two other ingredients to my Kitchen Aid mixer. I turned it on to mix t and nothing. Now I remembered Donna putting away an extension cord so I find this and try plugging it in to the good outlet. But I find that the other end of the plug cannot accept a 3-prong plug. I contemplate moving the kitchen Aid close to the good plug but this is not an option because it is too heavy. So I do what any sane American girl would do in my situation – I call Bobby in Taos. He helps me and I got the first batch baking and thinking to myself, whew! No more drama. But not so fast I smell something burning and the cookies are baking too fast I realize I have the oven at 425 and it’s supposed to be 325.

So only one batch is ruined. The moral of the story, “”don’t count your cookies before they’re batched.”

overcoming the fear of walking

2015-09-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

As of today, Saturday, I have overcome my walking issue. I didn’t really change anything with my walking so I guess in hindsight it was psychological. Bob was right, as usual.

What happened? Or how did I fix it? I think it was a combination of Matocha determination/stubbornness and family support (more on this later).

I recently watched the documentary, “The Masters” on PBS. Aimee Mullins was quoted. She is a double amputee athlete and she expressed my sentiment perfectly: “Of course I have moments of self-doubt. I just don’t allow myself to stay there.” One of my sisters is a social worker in Vermont and upon analysis of my challenge she walked me through tools to overcome the fear.

The bottom line is my walking issue occurs because of a fear of falling. Fear is very real and she explained how my brain works in response to fear and gave me relaxation/mindfulness tools when the challenge reoccurs. If I have another scare, I have three choices, fight, run, or freeze. Since I can’t run, that leaves me with two choices. Last week I was freezing and now I know what to do thanks to my sister. Walk on…..

setbacks: real or psychological?

2015-09-15T05:56:00.000-07:00

In my mind my current setback is real but I am in the minority.

About three weeks ago, I imposed a “no wheelchair use while at home” rule. I was simply relying on my wheelchair too much, so I put a complete stop to it unless I have to carry liquids or heavy items. This rule was working. I could walk to any room or area in the house. However all of a sudden, I developed a phobia where if there is no wall or item on my right side I couldn’t walk by it. I am stifled by the fear of falling (real). If Bob or anyone lends me their hand, I can walk. This behavior transferred to outside my house. When in unfamiliar territory, I am more reliant on needing to walk with someone close by. When I do hold someone’s hand, the touch is so light it’s a wonder that I need anyone at all (psychological).

So, what do I do? I practice while at home with the wheelchair near by. The other day, I got stuck in my closet for 15 minutes because I thought I couldn’t walk, until I finally figured it out.

I’ve considered hypnosis, but haven’t acted on that yet. My opinion is I cannot feel my left leg, therefore I need more stability; hence the need to hold someone’s hand (real).

The question is, “Where did this come from” and “Why the sudden onset”(psychological)? At this writing, I’m not sure it matters. In my mind it’s real and I have to fix it or face the consequences: staying home. The latter is not an option

gratitude

2015-07-31T19:12:00.002-07:00

David Brooks, a New York Times columnist is my inspiration for today’s blog.

His article, “The structure of Gratitude” coincides with my friends’ visit to celebrate my birthday. His premise, “Gratitude happens when some kindness exceeds expectations, when it is undeserved. Gratitude is a sort of laughter of the heart that comes about after some surprising kindness.” Last weekend, my heart was full of laughter.

The kindness bestowed on me was from my Austin girlfriends. Five girlfriends drove to Houston from Austin and San Antonio. First they treated me to an afternoon spa treatment and lunch. Later, they took me to dinner with 10 friends. Upon arriving at the restaurant a surprise guest approached me, someone I’ve known for 45 years but never see anymore. We ate, drank, talked, laughed and took lots of pictures. Upon reflection the next day, I wondered what I ever did to deserve this kindness. My gratitude is off the charts. I also reflected that these friends knew me before and after my stroke and they don’t treat me differently. For this I am eternally grateful and my gratitude soars.

annies adventures part 1

2015-06-27T08:26:00.003-07:00

When I started writing my blog I had two goals. The first was that it needed to help stroke survivors in some way and second, I would only write what I would share with someone in person.

I recently visited Madrid with Bob while he attended a conference. I didn’t blog about it because I couldn’t figure out how it met the first goal.

One of my sisters thought there was no way I could go because the long plane ride and my inability to sit for ~12 hours. This turned out to be a non-issue thanks to Bob. Yes, the aisles are narrow for walking and the bathrooms are tiny. We managed. The leg room was fine and Bob kindly assisted me to the bathroom when needed. Once we arrived in Madrid, I was able to immediately begin speaking Spanish and found that my two years of lessons via Skype from a school in Guatemala paid off. We arranged for a handicap room at the hotel. I learned when you request this you need to understand exactly what you are requesting. The handicap room, in our case, included a very large walk-in shower. The larger shower meant smaller living space and twin beds. The shower had no door or curtain because hoteliers assume you want to roll in a wheelchair. You couldn’t continuously run the water because lack of a door resulted in a less than optimal experience. I would not request a handicap room in the future or I would ask questions about the accommodations for sleeping, bathing, etc.

We arranged for a wheel chair at the hotel and our first night Bob and I walked 4 miles to visit a Madrid microbrewery. Bob walked and I rode. We could have taken a cab, but this was a good way to tour the city.

Other activities included a bus visit to another city, outdoor cafes for tapas, museums, attending conference center activities, and visiting a local artisan market to buy wine and cheese.

The trip was fantastic and upon reflection, just to be strong enough to go to Europe as a stroke survivor met my first goal. I worked hard through therapy prior to this trip to increase my stamina and improve walking. I wish I didn’t need the wheelchair but for now this is not an option when the terrain is uneven and when the territory is unfamiliar.

As a stroke survivor, I learned I can travel internationally. I also discovered how much work I still have to do.

reset

2015-05-22T15:44:00.001-07:00

Not all therapy is good therapy. Please let me explain.

I just completed five months of physical therapy. The therapists and I set goals and every two weeks we mapped my progress towards these goals and in the end, we determined I was not progressing to justify continuing after this month. Most of my issues revolve around walking and a fear of falling. We tried Botox a new leg brace and mental exercises to deal with anxiety concerns. The therapists have their “cookie-cutter” treatment path that’s scripted. Bob and I believed the scripted therapy did not work for me. The harder it got. The more I withdrew and the more therapy I received, the worse I got. My attitude became negative I think because I was not accustomed to failing. I stopped looking forward to attending. The last session anti-anxiety drugs were recommended and I was not willing to do this so I decided to see if I can progress on my own. I believe I needed time away to let sink in what they were trying to do.

I think I missed the target so rather than continuing to spend dollars. I elected to stop and figure it out on my own. I need sometime to figure out how to move forward.

In lieu of therapy, I’ve decided to focus on my volunteer work. I have to walk challenging terrain, take messages, and answer calls. It is a thrill on Thursday morning to say I going to work now.