Stroller Parking Only

10 Reasons To Love January

2013-01-17T22:32:00.001-03:30

Poor January. She’s got a tough act to follow. December can be kind of a show-off of a month, strutting around in red sparkly clothes, with an eggnog in one hand and flashy gifts in the other. Sure, I’ll admit it, December has a lot going for her- religious celebrations, sales, parties, advent calendars…

But despite being December’s quieter, plainer little sister with braces and glasses, January’s got more going on than you might realize.

So, quit wallowing in your post-holiday I-Can’t-Believe-There’s-Still-Three-More-Months-Of-Snow misery, and start embracing January for the fine lady that she is.

And if you’re too tired from all your December festivities to see past January’s unfortunate-looking spectacles and orthodontic devices, I’ll help you out.

Here are ten reasons why you’ve got to show January some love:

1. You don’t have to brave the crowds just to go buy socks anymore. Give us an encore, Handel, because all I can say is, “Hallelujah”.

2. You get to delight in the fact that even if you decided not to go boxing day shopping (smart thinking!), most of the sales are still around in January, (but you won’t need to wear a suit of armour to shop for them- see number 1).

3. You get to make resolutions that you won’t keep. Say what you will about New Year’s Resolutions, but I feel better just thinking about all the cheese I’m not going to eat and all the sit-ups I’m going to do this year. Ahem. Excuse me while I wash the lies out of my mouth with soap.

4. You may be deep in the depths of winter blahs, but let’s not forget that the days are now getting longer. Every. Single. Day. I’m getting a sun tan just thinking about it.

5. Snow is pretty. It is. Except when you’re outside and freezing your ass off…and when it turns grey from all the car shmutz, and when it turns yellow from all the dog piss, and when it hardens on to your vehicle that you’re desperately trying to uncover, and when you have to shovel it. But it is pretty.

6. In Australia, it’s summer. Which is awesome. If you live in Australia.

7. All the super-cute holiday stuff is now on Clearance, and if you’re really organized, you can score some awesome stuff for next year. Or if you’re me, you can buy it to decorate your home now , and hope nobody notices that it’s Christmas decoration. Tinsel’s pretty anytime, and it goes with everything. Like rice, or a good pair of black pumps. Right?

8. Sleigh bells may be ringing in my head for at least another month, but I don’t have to listen to them on the radio anymore. Not that I dislike Christmas carols or anything, but there’s only so many times that I can hear about how Santa sees me when I’m sleeping and awake. Kind of creepy, no?

9. If you got some awesome gifts over the holidays, you’ll finally have time to enjoy them in January. And if you got some not-so awesome gifts, you can enjoy the presents you choose for yourself when you exchange that hideous wool sweater and matching slippers from Great Aunt Ethel.

10. Just as the holiday-induced sugar high is wearing off, and you start to wonder where all the chocolate went, not to fear! Valentines day is next month. And even if you’re single, or if you just don’t celebrate it because you think it’s a stupid, consumerist, classist, first-world blah blah blah holiday, it doesn’t mean that you can’t indulge in delicious heart-shaped chocolates. You know you want to.

December, it was lovely as always. Now, step aside, because it’s January now. And if I haven’t convinced you to love January, you’ll just have to wait it out. Because she’ll be here for another 14 days.

Happy New Year!

Love,

Laura

PS. I actually wrote this post back in December, and if you really want to know, my January has been full of annoyances so far- stomach flu, lost cell phone, power outage, broken washing machine...So yeah, I'm not exactly feeling the love for January right now. Just saying.

“The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself” (And Car Seat Installation)

2012-12-07T15:11:00.001-03:30

They say that what people fear more than anything in this world is public speaking (even ahead of death). To those people for whom public speaking is more terrifying than death, I say,

Clearly you have never installed a car seat.

Because if you had, you would know that this is way more frightening than public speaking (although slightly less frightening than death).

This lucky bastard has never had to install a car seat. Or sit in one.

Want a scary Halloween costume for next year? Dress up as a car seat instruction manual. The kids won’t get it, but you’ll scare the crap out of their parents. And let’s face it, Halloween is for the parents anyway, since we’re the ones who get to stuff our faces with candy without anyone to tell us when we’ve had enough. (Well, my husband tries to tell me when I’ve had enough, but he is well aware of the futility of his efforts.)

Where was I?

Oh right. Car seat instruction manual costume.

Step aside ghosts, goblins and ghouls, I’ve got locking clips, tethers, and side impact protection.

The acronyms alone are enough to give you an ulcer. LATCH, UAS, CRS, FF, RF…..WTF?

When you go to pre-natal classes, they don’t tell you that you’d be well advised to go and get yourself a quick engineering degree before your baby is born.

Oh well, too late for that now.

Despite the many years my husband and I spent in university getting all smart and edumacated, installing car seats causes us to argue, curse, and long for a simpler time when there were no car seats…or cars. But then I remember that back when there were no cars, there was also no internet, and that is even scarier than car seat installation.

PS. Calling all historical types- if I just completely butchered the quotation in the title, could you please tell me so I can change it and avoid looking like a fool for too long? Thanks.

How To Hide Your Peanut Butter Addiction

2012-11-28T15:40:00.001-03:30

Don't you hate it when you buy a big jar of peanut butter, and a week later, you realize it’s gone, and that you’re the only one in your home who eats peanut butter?

No. That probably doesn’t happen to you.

Because you are probably a normal human being, and normal human beings don’t single-handedly consume entire jars of peanut butter over the course of one week.

Not that I do that.

But if I did do that, I would probably wish to conceal the evidence of my gluttony from my husband (that is, if he hadn’t already found evidence of this in the form of my not-so-gradually expanding waistline).

Obviously, I would go buy another jar of peanut butter to replace the empty jar. This way my husband would just assume that the new jar was the old jar, and that his wife wasn’t a big giant pig.

During the unfortunate time lag between the consumption of the old jar and the purchase of the new jar, I would make sure there was just enough peanut butter in the old jar for it to maintain the appearance of still being full. This would be easily accomplished by making sure that a tiny amount remained and was strategically spread over the entire surface area of the inside of the jar.

If, as a result of absent-mindedness and sheer stupidity, I accidentally left the empty peanut butter jar in the pantry after purchasing the new jar, and my husband were to find both the full and the empty butter jars, he would likely cope with his shock and disgust by proceeding to inform me how many calories are in a jar of peanut butter.

5680 calories.

The equivalent of almost three days’ worth of calories.

Good thing I didn’t do that.

Not that I would tell you if I did.

PS. When I read this post to my husband, he noted that it kind of makes him look like a jerk. I assure you that this is most certainly not the case, as evidenced by the following random act of coffee kindness:

It Turns Out I'm Neurotic

2012-11-16T21:33:00.000-03:30

I’m a neurotic individual.

I know, big shocker, right?

To be fair, most people are neurotic in some way. But I- always the overachiever- have managed to expand my neurosis to many areas of my life.

My husband is so lucky.

One of the many manifestations of my neurosis is the food journal I keep for my daughter. The food journal is a little notebook in which I record every single thing she eats, at every meal, every day.

I started the food journal when she first ate solid food at five months, and now at thirteen months,the insanity continues.

I’m not exactly sure why I feel the need to document every morsel of food that goes into her mouth. The obvious answer is that the cause of any potential allergic reaction will be easily identified. I have heard of other people writing down the new foods that their babies are introduced to for allergy-related reasons, but this doesn’t explain why I write down every food, at every meal. I guess it’s just one of the many things I do “just in case”.

Just in case of what?

Just in case I ever need to know what she ate for breakfast on July 8, 2012?

Just in case she doesn’t get into Harvard one day, and I need to try to figure out where we went wrong?

Just in case I need evidence that I am, indeed, insane?

My husband asked me how long I intended to continue journaling my daughter’s food intake. I hadn’t given it that much thought. He envisions this continuing into her adolescent years:

Food Journal Entry 5485: Child’s Age: 16

Observed child from bushes last night with binoculars, drinking a beer. This food has been introduced ahead of schedule- not due to be introduced for another (at least) five years. No allergic reaction noted.

Point taken, Husband.

Possibly the most neurotic thing about this whole food journaling business is that it didn’t occur to me that this was not a normal thing to do until my husband pointed it out to me- of course I write down every food my daughter eats, at every meal, every day. Doesn’t everybody?

I guess not.

Hmmm.

This begs the question, what else do I do that I think is normal that in actuality….well…. isn’t?

Parenting And The Moral Superiority Index

2012-11-08T13:57:00.000-03:30

The following is a guest post by my husband. He wishes to state for the record that he does not actually “post”, nor does he “blog”, nor does he type (if he doesn’t have to). He is, however, hilarious, and he dictated the following “post”. Any and all typos are attributable to me.

The Moral Superiority Index. Are you not aware of this metric? This is the metric by which all parents are judged (by other parents). As I explain in my seminal work, “Moral Superiority and You: Why I Am Morally Superior To You”, this is a floating index which, through multi-variant analysis, and a variety of other statistical methods to which I am entirely oblivious, I can pretty much do whatever I want, as long as I compare myself to something you did that is worse. I can thus prove myself morally superior to you.

Kindly do not look at this graph too closely. My husband has informed me it's not entirely accurate. I was just excited that I figured out how to make a graph on Power Point, but I was too lazy to figure out how to make it do exactly what I wanted. Whatever. It makes me feel smart.

For instance, when I dress my child in clothes that are clearly clashing and too small, I feel like I am doing something wrong. But the moral superiority index dictates that when a picture of your child appears on Facebook equally ill-attired, I am morally superior to you because I did not post a picture of my inappropriately attired child on a public forum, and I did not thus ruin their hopes at the 2027 presidential

election. I retain moral superiority.

Example 2: I feed my child sweetened applesauce, while you feed your child unsweetened applesauce. My moral superiority numbers decline. But it was an accident in that I thought I had purchased unsweetened applesauce. Moral superiority numbers increase somewhat however, not knowing what you are feeding your child causes a dip in the index. Fortunately, due to the fact that my applesauce was organic and yours was…well…not, numbers again return to their pre-applesauce incident level.

The moral superiority index is a convenient method for assessing one’s parenting abilities relative to others. Unfortunately it does not work as an internal quality control by which I can become a better parent. It only serves to decrease my overall parametric guilt levels (I do not know what parametric means.) So, in our modern world of Twitter, Pinterest, and dependence on oil, what does the Moral Superiority Index do for you?

I Think I'll Just Stay On Daylight Savings Time

2012-11-03T22:35:00.000-02:30

Apparently it’s almost time to switch our clocks back, and I couldn’t be more unprepared. I realized this after reading this post by fellow blogger, Dani at Cloudy, With A Chance of Wine. Dani describes how
she has gradually been moving her daughter’s schedule later and later over the past month. Smart thinking.

I, on the other hand have done nothing to prepare my daughter for the adjustment. This experience is completely new to me- at this time last year, my daughter was a newborn, and a “schedule” was the furthest thing from my mind. Now, my daughter is old enough to have a consistent schedule, but not old enough to understand that 6:00 am “old time” equals 5:00am “new time” (ie. Way too early to be awake).

Prior to having a baby, the end of Daylights Savings Time meant an extra hour of sleep. Amazing. Back in my teenage years, the end of daylight savings time meant an extra hour to party and a later curfew. Equally amazing.

But things are different now and I’m less than thrilled about starting my day sometime around 5 am tomorrow.

I really really REALLY don’t want to switch the clocks back.

So I’m thinking I just won’t.

Would boycotting the return to “real time” really be so terrible? Think of the benefits:

I would be an hour early for every appointment. As every parent knows, getting out of the house with a baby can be quite the ordeal, and often causes frenzy, tardiness, and mismatched socks.

But not anymore.

I would get an extra hour of sunlight each afternoon, which in my opinion would do wonders for combating the winter blahs. (It might kind of suck to be in complete darkness every day until lunch time, but I’m choosing to ignore that aspect).

Then, of course, there’s the most obvious benefit which is that when spring rolls around, my daughter and I will already be on Daylight Savings Time, and I won’t have to re-work her sleep schedule.

So, it’s decided. I’m going to just stay on daylight savings time.

Who’s with me?

Frugal Friday: Free Babysitting And Cheap Tuna

2012-11-02T08:10:00.002-02:30

It's Frugal Friday and if you're a regular reader, you know that I do a frugal living themed post on the last Friday of every month. So, this should have actually been posted 7 days ago, but hey, I said I was frugal, not a mathematician.

My greatest Frugal Feat of the month was getting a free night out complete with free babysitting. I give 100% credit to my very dear friend who had the brilliant idea of a doing a babysitting exchange where each couple got a night out, while one person from the other couple babysat.

Perfect!

We put the baby to bed, and my husband and I got dressed up and attended a fancy shmancy charity benefit courtesy of his bosses who had extra tickets. The night didn’t cost us a cent, and we got to eat, drink, and chat with grownups, with the knowledge that our daughter was in safe hands.

When it was my turn to babysit, it was like another night off. My husband was left at home with to do the dinner-clean-up/bath time/bedtime routine, and I got to go for a nice peaceful drive to my friends’ house.

Alone.

What’s that sound coming from the back seat?

Oh wait. There is no sound coming from the back seat.

Weird.

When I got to my friends’ house, their daughter was already in bed, and I got a few uninterrupted hours of peace and quiet, with nothing to but drink coffee and waste time on my computer.

It was amazing. I should babysit more often.

Are you wondering about the tuna now? You know, the “cheap tuna” from the title? What does tuna have to do with babysitting? Nothing, actually. I just thought it sounded cool.

But I really did get cheap tuna.

My local grocery store has “dollar days” every so often, where select items go on sale for a dollar. A couple months ago, when they had dollar days, the canned tuna that I normally buy was on sale for a dollar, and so I stocked up.

Unfortunately, we ran out of tuna last week, and so I grudgingly added it to the grocery list, disappointed that I had to buy it at full price.

Then, as if answering my prayers, the Couponing Heavens opened up and rained grocery flyers. And those grocery flyers read “Dollar Days”, and because sometimes the stars just align like shiny stockpiles of canned goods, tuna was on sale. For a dollar. Ooooooh yeah.

So there you have it folks. The recipe for frugal living- one part awesome friends, one part free tickets, and as much $1 tuna as you can stuff into your grocery cart.

Theme Thursday: Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became A Parent

2012-11-01T08:56:00.002-02:30

Today I’m linking up with Theme Thursday. This week’s theme is:

“Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became A Parent.”

The first thing that comes to mind is sleep. I wish I had known the value of sleep, and how it’s better than chocolate. Make that better than chocolate fudge brownies served on a gold platter by singing unicorns. Had I known the value of sleep, I would have purchased hundreds of shares of this valuable commodity back when it was cheap.

Instead, I was busy chasing those stupid unicorns (and by chasing unicorns, I mean going to the bar, talking on the phone, watching TV, or basically doing anything that wasn’t sleeping because I could always sleep in the next day).

Sleeping in- that’s what it’s called,right? When you do that thing where you wake up and the sun is actually out, and you look at your clock it and it doesn’t start with a 6 (or a 5, God forbid!)?

I also wish that I had known that children have temper tantrums even when they have good parents.

I always assumed when I saw kids misbehaving in public that it was because their parents didn’t discipline them properly. In some cases this is true, but I also now realize that I severely overestimated the parents’ responsibility in these melt downs.

Sometimes kids throw fits. They just do. And had I known this, I might have done a little less eye-rolling back when I thought I knew everything.

I also wish I had realized that no matter how busy I felt in those pre-baby days, I had a lot of spare time. I never felt like I did, but that’s because I spent a lot of it doing trivial things like styling my hair and watching Real Housewives marathons. And showering.

Maybe if I knew how much spare time I had, back then, I would have been more productive. Maybe I would have taken a photography class or cleaned out my basement. (Yeah right.)

But here’s the thing- I don’t actually wish I had known any of these things, because I’m truly having an awesome time figuring it out bit by bit. And I have my daughter to thank for teaching me so many lessons that I would never have learned on my own.

And now, I really do appreciate the value of sleep. And showers.

I’m linking up with Theme Thursday. If you like Thursday and themes, then maybe you should too!

Listen Up- We Have Some New Rules Around Here

2012-10-24T21:00:00.001-02:30

My daughter recently turned one. Amidst all the celebrating, I started thinking about how the number one is a pretty awesome number. Yes, I’m weird like that. Bear with me.

Imagine how amazing life would be if certain things could happen just once. So I decided to stop imagining and to institute a new rule in our household:

The "Only Once Rule."

The Only Once Rule makes specific demands on all people, pets and inanimate objects in our home.

The dog

The dog will be permitted to bark only once to announce that a visitor is at the door, or that he wishes to come in from the backyard. Any further barking is redundant, and serves only to annoy me.

The baby

We will attempt to leave the house only once. This attempt will be successful. Always. Oh, and she will only wear one outfit per day. Is that too much to ask?

The husband

The husband will need to be told only once to take the garbage out/ put his dishes away etc. And most importantly, this one reminder will actually result in the task being carried out.

Me

I will only nag my husband once when I want him to take the garbage out/put his dishes away etc. Although, I would argue that the reason I need to dole out every-five-minute reminders is because of his reluctance to complete these chores in a timely manner. He would argue that my incessant nagging produces the opposite of its desired effect in that nagging leads to irritation which leads to resentment which leads to “Well, I was going to take the garbage out but now I’m not going to because you’re pissing me off”. He might have a point.

The highchair

The highchair will need to be cleaned only once. Ever. This way, when I clean it, and experience a glorious sense of satisfaction as though I’d never have to wash it again, I would not be considered delusional.

I am aware that this new rule might be met with some resistance from all those involved. But hey, there’s always next year when we celebrate the Number 2, and I get to make gratuitous poo jokes.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Why Malls Were Invented

2012-10-17T14:28:00.001-02:30

I never really understood the appeal of malls. Well, except when I was 14 years old, and it was like totally the coolest place ever. But that was before I discovered- well…everywhere else- because almost everywhere else is more exciting than the mall.

Or at least it was. Until now.

I have now reignited my love affair with the mall, and I am a hundred percent in the honeymoon phase.

You see, my one year old daughter recently started walking. At first, all her walking took place at home, as she wasn’t yet steady enough on her feet to take the show on the road.

Once her walking improved and she was ready to make her debut public performance, we went to the local mall, and I set her loose.

Suddenly, it was like King Midas had turned the place to gold.

Previously unnoticed signs on the wall became works of art, ugly plants took on a rainforest-like mystique, and benches became percussion instruments.

Now I can add “hanging out at the mall” to the list of activities that I never understood prior to becoming a mom (along with other formerly -deemed “odd” lifestyle choices, such as going to bed early, living in the suburbs, and staying home on Saturday night).

So now I know, malls are for toddlers. And if my daughter loves the mall, I do too. After all, what could be better than watching her take such delight in a place that I previously thought was depressing, at best?

And the cherry on top? All that walking, running, and exploring tired her out so much that she slept for thirteen hours that night. And that, my friends, is why malls were invented.

How To Eat Like A Baby

2012-10-11T20:46:00.001-02:30

How to eat like a baby:

1. Whine and Complain and food will miraculously appear on your plate.

2. Proceed to assess the edibility of said food by carefully inspecting it, smushing it in your hands, and delicately massaging it into your hair.

3. Re-assess favourite foods daily. Enjoying a particular food on several occasions is a little excessive. Once a food has been readily accepted, it's probably time to announce your newfound dislike for this former favourite.

4. Express this dislike by sticking out your tongue. Make sure the offending food is still present on your

tongue when you stick it out, lest the person feeding it to you be confused about the source of your

disgust.

5. Decide that the high chair is hungry as well and generously share one quarter of your meal with it.

6. Act highly offended when someone tries to spoon feed you (how barbaric!).

7. Grab the spoon, demand a second spoon, and delight in the joy of banging spoons on the highchair tray.

8. Suddenly realize that you have not yet eaten anything, and burst out crying at this horrifying realization.

9. Rub more food into your hair.

10. Repeat steps 1. through 9.

11. Decide you weren’t hungry after all.

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What Type Of Blog Commenter Are You?

2012-10-05T06:47:00.003-02:30

Do you comment on blogs? I do. One of the things I love about blogging is the interactive element. Every time I get a new comment on my blog, I do a bit of a happy dance. While all comments are appreciated, not all comments are created equal. Here are a few of the many types of blog commenters.

The Comment-For-The-Sake-Of-Commenting Commenter- This type of commenter writes a comment simply to announce their presence and to inform you that they’ve "read" your post (ie. they've clicked on it, and hightailed it straight to the Comments section, hoping they can come up with something to say that won't alert you to the fact that they didn't read a single word of your post). Typically, this is done in the hopes that because they left you a comment, you will check out their blog. If you write me a comment that says nothing but "I'm following you. Please follow me back" , please know that I will be deleting your comment before it ever appears on my post. Not that you care because you'll probably never read my blog again, anyway.

The My-Comment-Is-Awesomer-Than-Your-Blog-Post Commenter- Also known as the Hilarious Commenter. These commenters somehow regularly come up with clever, witty, little nuggets of pure gold. You want to hate them because their comments makes your posts look pathetic in comparison, but you love them because they make you laugh so hard you pee your mom jeans.

The Angry Commenter- This is the very worst type of commenter- arguable worse than the Comment-For-The-Sake-Of-Commenting Commenter. The Angry Commenter is mad at the world. And it’s your fault. And they’ll tell you so. (And they are not afraid to tell you that you shouldn’t start a sentence with “And”.)

The LOL Commenter- The LOL Commenter writes nothing in their comment except for “LOL” (sometimes followed by one or more exclamation marks). I actually don’t mind the LOL Commenter. The LOL Commenter just wants to share that they liked your post without writing an entire dissertation about it. I’m okay with that. And if they are really just a thinly veiled Comment-For-The-Sake-Of-Commenting Commenter, I'm still okay with that. I'm just going to go on believing that they are actually laughing out loud and that makes me feel like a rockstar. Don't ruin my fantasy, okay?

The Anonymous Commenter- These secret scribes often leave the best comments, but it drives me crazy because I can't find out who's behind their works of genius. Is the Anonymous Commenter someone I know in real life? Are all of my Anonymous Commenters the same person, or are there several of them? Are they my mom?

What type of blog commenter are you?

Frugal Friday: Top 5 Things To Buy At Costco

2012-09-27T22:40:00.002-02:30

Oh, Costco, where the food is plentiful, the deals are questionable, and the samples are always free. I have a love-hate relationship with Costco.

What I hate most is that it’s always so busy and that the annoying and inconsiderate shoppers of the world tend to congregate there. The other thing that frustrates me is that everything seems like such a good deal because you get so much of it. 20 pounds of apples? Well whatever it costs, I’m sure it’s a good deal- I mean you get TWENTY POUNDS!

On the other hand, what I LOVE about Costco are the free samples. Obviously. And did you know that they don’t contain any calories? Well, in my opinion they don’t. Not that it’s really a matter of opinion, but I maintain that it is absolutely impossible to gain weight no matter how many Larabars and Nutella sandwiches you eat, as long as they are portioned into sample-sized pieces and served in mini muffin cups. I came to this conclusion with the same logic I used to ascertain that twenty pounds of apples are a good deal regardless of the price. Still with me? Good. Because I’m not done yet.

The point I’m trying to make is that when you’re surrounded by all those free-flowing samples, those ginormous bags of chocolate chips, the fluorescent lighting and the crowds, it’s hard to figure out what you really should be buying at Costco .

Here are my top 5 things to buy at Costco:

Baby wipes

You get 900 wipes for around 20 bucks, sometimes cheaper if they’re on sale. I have never seen a price this good for wipes anywhere else.

Avocados

$5.79 for five avocados, compared with $2 per avocado at the regular grocery store. In addition to the fact that this is an incredible deal, the Costco avocados are usually bigger than the ones at the grocery store. The avacados alone are worth the trip to Costco, especially given my daughter’s hardcore avocado habit.

Gas

Filling your car up at Costco is always cheaper where I live, so we fill our tank every time we do a Costco trip.

Bananas

$1.69 a bunch, and they’re BIG bunches. And if we don’t eat them all before they go bad, then I have an excuse to bake. Not that I need an excuse, but it makes me feel virtuous to know that I’m not wasting food. And that I'm putting banana in my baked goods.

Starbucks Coffee

You get a massive bag of yummy yummy Starbucks coffee for $22.99. It's not going to taste as good as when someone else makes it for you and puts it in one of those delightful paper Starbucks cups, but it's the next best thing.

What are your favourite things to buy at Costco?

If these don't seem like such good deals to you, it's probably because you live somewhere where you can actually get food for reasonable prices. Maybe Costco is even cheaper where you live too. Lucky you. But please don't gloat about it in the comments section because you might break my heart a little.

I Dared To Take A Shower

2012-09-25T23:05:00.001-02:30

Do you ever get the urge to do something totally crazy? That’s what happened to me today. It was 8:00 am and after being awakened by my daughter at 5:00 this morning, I really really wanted to take a shower.

But naptime isn’t until noon. I normally only shower during naptime or after my daughter’s bedtime because I fear that if I do it while she’s awake, she will have a freak-out in her play pen mid-shower, causing me to have to cut my shower short and endure the rest of the day with shampooey hair. Not my idea of a good time.

But today was different. Today I decided to live on the edge. Today I put my daughter in the play pen and took a shower.

I filled the play pen with the most awesome and exciting toys that I could find, left the bathroom door open so I could hear what she was up to (you know in case the baby monitor stopped working which I also brought with me. Yes, I’m that mom), and I crossed my fingers.

To my surprise and delight, there was not a single complaint from the little prisoner. In fact, from what I could hear, she was having quite the party in there. It was smooth sailing.

Until the smoke detector went off.

Yup. Probably shouldn’t have left the bathroom door open. Didn’t think of that. I jumped out of the shower, grabbed a towel and ran out of the bathroom (just in case there really was a fire). There was not. Okay, good. No problem. I’ll just turn off the smoke detector. How do I turn it off? Crap. Okay, maybe I just unscrew it and there’s an off switch inside. No. There isn’t.

So I called my husband at work, feeling like a giant fool, standing on a chair in a towel, soaking the floor with my wet hair, trying not to get electrocuted and swearing to myself that I will learn how to work the house before the next time he goes out of town (or to work for the day).

“You probably shouldn’t have unscrewed it. There are live wires in there.”

Thanks.

He told me how to turn it off and I actually managed to follow his instructions. There’s a button (on the outside). You press it.

Fortunately, my daughter sat there calmly throughout the entire incident. No freak-outs. Me, on the other hand…For what it’s worth, I did try to step out of my comfort zone, and I did, indeed, take a shower.

I won’t be doing that ever again.

Sushi-Inspired Quinoa Salad

2012-09-20T20:15:00.001-02:30

Do you love sushi? Who doesn't? My absolute favourite thing about sushi is the pickled ginger. It's sweet, it's salty, it's ginger-y (obviously) and it's just all around delicious! Since most sushi restaurants are a little skimpy on the pickled ginger, I'm often left wanting more. My quinoa salad satisfies this perpetual craving.

The celery brings the crunch factor, the craisins make it sweet, the dressing is refreshing, and the quinoa is...well it's quinoa. Need I say more? Plus, this salad is pink and green, which is my favourite colour combination.

Ingredients:
Please note: The amounts are approximate. I switch it up a little each time I make it.
1 cup uncooked quinoa
2 TBSP red wine vinegar
1/2 tsp lemon juice
2 tsp rice vinegar
1/8- 1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp soya sauce (optional)
1/3 cup to 1/2 cup pickled ginger (depending on how much you love pickled ginger!)
1/3 cup Craisins (or other dried cranberries)
20 almonds, sliced
1-2 stalks of celery, diced

Cook quinoa according to directions on package. Let cool, then refrigerate until cold. Add red wine vinegar, lemon juice, rice vinegar, salt, and soya sauce. Mix together. Then stir in pickled ginger, Craisins, almonds and celery. Refrigerate until ready to eat. Serve chilled.

Couscous version

Variation:
Not a fan of quinoa? You can make this salad with couscous instead, but you would probably need to use about 2 cups of dry couscous.

Goodnight Moon: I Just Don't Get It

2012-09-16T22:14:00.003-02:30

She doesn't get it either.

Goodnight Moon is a classic, and I am certainly in no position to judge a book that has been loved for generations. I remember reading it as a kid, and now I read it to my daughter. It’s definitely a great book, but there are some things about it that I just don’t understand.

The quiet old lady whispering ‘hush’
Does anyone else find her a little bit creepy? Who is she? I assume she is the little bunny’s grandma so, okay, that explains what she’s doing there, but what is she doing all the way across the room, with that vacant look in her eyes, knitting with no fingers?! Like, I said, creepy.

The bowl full of mush
I’m guessing this is oatmeal, but why is the bunny eating oatmeal before bed, after he’s presumably already brushed his teeth? Although it is a bowl full of mush, so maybe he didn’t actually eat any, which makes me wonder why it's there. Did the creepy old bunny prepare it advance for the next morning? Because that’s just gross. And weird.

Goodnight nobody
Is he saying that there's really nobody there because he is just imagining the creepy old lady, the kittens, the bears and everything else? Or is it more like a philosophical “if a tree falls in a remote forest (or if it's dark in a green room and you can't see anybody), is there really anyone to say goodnight to?” Or is he saying goodnight to nobody because he’s being an oppositional toddler and he doesn’t actually want to say goodnight to all these freaking mittens and socks and bears and chairs?

The random assortment of crap in the room
Am I the only one who finds the contents of the room to be a little bizarre? Why are there two clocks? Why is there a “little” toy house that’s big enough for the creepy old bunny to fit in? What’s with the red balloon? And why oh why, is no one doing anything about the mouse infestation? Those are the most useless cats ever.

Is anyone else as confused by this book as I am?

Why I Never Leave The House

2012-09-07T22:11:00.001-02:30

I used to be a very punctual person. Since having a baby, however, I am frequently late, frazzled, and missing an essential something or other. Please refer to the following diagrams comparing the current state of affairs to the way things were in a much simpler time.

Leaving the house with a baby:

Leaving the house in the days before baby:

I'm Guest Posting At The Mom Of The Year Today

2012-09-04T07:20:00.000-02:30

Remember when the lovely Meredith from The Mom Of The Year wrote this hilarious guest post for me? Well now, we're switching things up, and I'm guest posting on her blog.

The Mom Of The Year is a witty and hilarious blog about everything you wish you had thought of to write about but didn’t. Meredith is one funny lady, and she always impresses me by the fact that she consistently posts to her blog before 6 am.

Need more of an incentive to hop over and read my guest post? Well, I don’t want to get you too excited or anything, but the post is about housework. I know, thrilling, right? More specifically, it’s about “housework denial”, because for some reason, I felt the need to do a Freudian analysis of my relationship with my daily chores. Or something like that.

You can read all about my Housework Denial here.

Frugal Friday: August Edition

2012-08-31T14:19:00.001-02:30

In case you're wondering why I haven’t been doing my Frugal Friday post every second week, as promised (because I know you have been up all night contemplating this), I have decided to do the Frugal Friday posts only once a month.

If only my To Do list was actually this short.

Being reminded of the exorbitant cost of shoving food down my throat is not something I find particularly enjoyable, and I’m not sure I could handle it every two weeks. Plus, I’m lazy.

Here are this month’s Feats and Fails:

Feat:

We brought our grocery bill down to $750 this month! We accomplished this by stocking up on sale items, meal planning, reading the flyers, and schlepping all over the city in search of bargains. I sometimes wonder whether the exorbitant cost of gas negates the money we save from going to a bunch of different stores. If only our local grocery store did price matching.

Fail:

I drove across town to No Frills specifically to buy an item that I knew was on sale. When I got home and looked at the receipt, I realized that they accidentally charged me full price. Fail. I should have known the cashier wasn’t too swift when she held up my bag of green beans and asked “What are these?” I would have paid closer attention at the cash register, but I was busy trying to prevent my daughter from devouring the store flyer, and any other pseudo-edible items she could get her hands on.

Feat:

I realized that my goal of becoming a saavy shopper is being hindered by the fact that I have absolutely no idea what things cost. I tend to assume that if something is on sale it must be a good deal, even though it might be cheaper elsewhere at regular price. I have a terrible memory for numbers, so I started making a list of the regular prices of the items we typically buy, so I’ll know when something is actually a good deal.

Fail:

Remember that Pampers coupon that I told you about last time? Well, I was feeling like a couponing champ as I smugly headed to cash at the grocery store where I had specifically gone because I knew diapers were on sale, and of course, I forgot to use my coupon. Twice.

Do you have any feats, fails or finds to share this Frugal Friday?

Guest Post: Fearing A World Without Strollers

2012-08-28T22:02:00.001-02:30

I’m super excited that Meredith from The Mom of the Year is guest posting today. Meredith is one of my favourite bloggers, and if you haven’t read her blog, I highly recommend you check it out. The Mom of The Year is a thoughtful, honest, witty and account of the day to day life of a stay at home mom.

I can’t get enough of Meredith's hilarious blog, because every time I read one of her posts, I think “Yesss! Exaaaaactly! Get out of my head!” It’s like she took my thoughts, made them smart and funny, and put them on the internet. And since I love reading smarter, funnier versions of my own thoughts, I love reading The Mom of the Year. Plus, she also writes about a lot of other really great stuff that doesn’t remind me of my own thoughts, which is good for those of you who can’t imagine anything more unappealing than getting inside my crazy head.

So, without further ado, I present you with the following guest post from The Mom of the Year.

------

Fearing A World Without Strollers

By: Meredith from The Mom of the Year

When Laura asked me to guest post, I wasn't even sure where to start. I mean, her blog is really cool and all-too relevant. What kind of post would do it justice?

Then I took a step back, considered the title of her blog and promptly started to panic. Stroller Parking Only?? My children are 1 & 3. It won't be tomorrow, but we are going to be outgrowing strollers in the semi-near future. Crap!! Will I still be welcome at this blog?! And oh, BTW, what the heck was I going to do without my stroller?! Might not seem like a tremendous deal for those of you not currently rockin' the stroller scene, but the stroller is basically like one of those juiced up walkers you see elderly people pushing around (you know, the ones with the seats and the baskets and all)--100% totally necessary to my mobility. Sure, I stash the kids in it, but moreover, I throw all my junk in it and hold myself up when I'm too tired to stand. I love my strollers--all of them. They have become entirely quintessential.

I have yet to read Confessions of Shopaholic and a Baby, but I hear that as soon as Becky discovers she is pregnant, she quickly makes the mental connect that she can push around a stroller and use it as a veritable cart for all of her shopping bags. What do people do without strollers?! Where will I put my bags? The fold-up potty seat? My water bottle? Even if I decide to "go light", where will my wallet go? Chapstick?? Excuse me while I go hyperventilate in a paper bag over the thought of having to start wearing a neon fanny pack or something awful...

This could be a very ugly scene, people. I think my husband and I have sealed up the womb with no plans to birth more children, but this may be a reasonable cause to reconsider. Continuing to pop out children for the sole reason of never having to give up my stroller seems like excellent logic at this point. And this Mom of the Year is obviously all about careful logic and planning, so I'm thinking it's safe to assume loads more babies, in the style of Michelle Duggar, will now be on the way--all to ensure the continuance of the stroller, of course.

On the off chance that my husband doesn't share this logic, please, please, please don't shut me out Laura! I promise to always uphold my reverence for strollers--and your awesome blog ;)

Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year. You can also find her on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

I'm Guest Posting Today at My So Called Mommy Life

2012-08-24T11:20:00.001-02:30

I’m guest posting today at My So Called Mommy Life. Do you remember that mid 90s TV show, My So Called Life? Well, My So Called Mommy Life is kind of like that. Except without the teen angst, without the flannel, and without the Jordan Catalano. So okay, not really like My So Called Life at all, but I do kind of feel the need to rock out to the Cranberries when I read her adorable blog.

On that note, please stop by My So Called Mommy Life to read my guest post about one of my favourite topics- traveling with a baby. And while you're there, please check out the rest of her blog (and let me know if you happen to see Tino).

Dear Rude (Possibly Drunk) Random Stranger

2012-08-21T22:57:00.003-02:30

Dear Rude (Possibly Drunk) Random Stranger who accosted me on the street to tell me that “he” (my daughter) should have a hat on because it’s hot out:

First of all, “he” is a girl. I generally assume that babies who are wearing pink frilly dresses are girls, but that’s just me.

Also, please note the sun hat (also pink) in her hands. Obviously, that’s just there for decoration, and not because I put it on her head and she kept taking it off every 3 seconds. No baby in the history of life has ever taken their hat off. Nope.

And just for the record, while I do agree that she should be wearing a hat, it really has nothing to do with the fact that it’s hot out. It’s because it’s sunny out. But maybe that distinction is a little too advanced for you, so I'll let that one slide.

Oh, and here’s a little lesson in etiquette, if you talk to someone and they reply with a barely audible “uh huh” and keep walking, it means that you should shut up and walk away. It does not mean that you should continue harassing them and telling them repeatedly how their kid needs a hat and how you’re a parent too (and whatever else you rambled on about).

Also, since you are a parent too, maybe you should go home and spend some time with your kids (who I’m sure are perfectly outfitted for the weather), instead of being drunk in the street at 5 in the afternoon, telling strangers how to raise their children.

Yours truly,

Laura

If Babies Had Their Own Conferences

2012-08-14T21:36:00.000-02:30

It seems that all I hear about in the blogging world lately is the BlogHer12 Conference. Apparently, it was kind of a big deal. Reading all these posts about BlogHer12 got me thinking about conferences, and I started to wonder what it would be like if they had conferences just for babies. Yes, I am aware that my thought process is not exactly linear, but stay with me for a minute.

All practicalities, safety issues, and impossibilities aside, I think this babies-only conference would be quite the interesting affair, filled with fascinating dialogue and debate. I imagine two babies small-talking between sessions, and it goes kind of like this:

“Hi Sophie.”

“Hi Isabella. Good to see you again. How has your year been?”

“It’s been pretty good Sophie, pretty good. I mean, I had a pretty rough first quarter, you know, with the being born and all, but overall, things are on the up and up.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah, so how about you? How’s your family? How are your grownups?”

“They’re doing really well, thanks for asking. They are truly the loves of my life.”

“That’s so sweet.”

“Yeah, do you want to see a picture?”

“Of course, I’d love to!”

(pulls out phone)

“Aww, they are adorable. So sweet.”

“Thanks!”

“So did you attend the session on Feeding Your Grownup?”

“Yeah. It was great. I loved all the stuff about mealtime etiquette.”

“Me too! I can totally relate to everything they said. I mean, the feeding is going okay, but my mom keeps insisting on using a spoon, and I’m really trying to wean her off of it.”

“Oh, I know how you feel. I keep trying to teach my dad about putting your food on your face before it goes in your mouth, but he just doesn’t seem to get it.”

“Yeah, having grownups is definitely a challenge.”

“Tell me about it.”

“But I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“Oh, I know. Me neither.”

“So are you going to the event tonight?”

“No, I wasn’t invited. I guess I’m not one of the popular babies.”

“Yeah, well you kind of do cry a lot.”

“That’s true. I have to work on that. Are you going to the party?”

“Yeah I’m really excited. I heard Elmo is going to be there.”

“Wow. What are you wearing?”

“I’m so glad you asked! I’ve been planning my outfit for weeks. It’s amazing. Ready for it? …I bedazzled my pajamas…ironically.”

“Oh wow. That is amazing. Bedazzling is so risqué. I hear choking hazards are all the rage this season.”

“I know, right? Well, anyway, it was great seeing you. I’m off to take a giant crap in my diaper before the next session.”

“Awesome. Have a good one.”

“You too!”

What would your baby talk about if he/she went to a babies-only conference?

Stuff People Say To New Moms

2012-08-07T22:49:00.003-02:30

Since becoming a mom, I have noticed that there are a lot of people who have the annoying habit of asking really annoying/intrusive/just-plain-dumb questions, and making really annoying/intrusive/just-plain-dumb comments.

That being said, I am probably guilty of saying some (many?) inappropriate things to other moms, so I’m certainly not an expert in mommy etiquette. What I do know is that the following questions/comments are particularly annoying:

“It only gets harder the older they get.”

Thank you. Thank you for that completely useless piece of information.

“Don’t you think letting your baby cry it out (CIO) will cause long-term brain damage and ADHD?”

            No. I don’t. And do you really think I would have done it if I believed it did any harm?

“Aren’t you going to sign her up for any classes?”

           Um, she’s a baby. She chews her feet, and watches the ceiling fan as if it were freaking Cirque de
           Soleil. Sure, I might sign her up for some mom and tot classes, but you know what? I might not. I
           don’t know, maybe she won’t get into Harvard because I didn’t sign her up for baby mathletes, but
           I’ll take my chances.

“Is she (insert milestone of your choice here) yet?”

           No, she’s not walking yet. No, she’s not talking yet. No, she’s not inventing the flying car (yet). But,
           now that you mention it, I’m starting to get worried that she’s behind on her milestones. I know I’m
           overreacting, and this is a totally innocent question, but it’s the kind of questions that is really un-fun
           to answer, when the answer is “No.”

“Your body will never be the same now that you’ve had a baby.”

           Just because your ass grew to the size of Texas while you were pregnant and it stayed that way
           doesn’t mean you have to bring me down with you. First of all, ~~lots of~~ some women do get their
           pre-pregnancy bodies back, and even though I’m not one of them, please don’t ruin my fantasy.
           I’m still convinced that the washboard abs I had when I was 12 are under the flab somewhere,
           getting ready to make their comeback.

“How do you like being a mom?”

So for the record, I think being a mom is more awesome than cheesecake, but what if I didn’t like

being a mom? Let me demonstrate through a hypothetical exchange between a mom and an

Annoying Question Asker

Annoying Question Asker: “Congratulations on your new baby! How do you like being a mom?”

            Mom: “Actually, it kind of sucks.”

        Clearly, this would put a bit of a damper on the conversation. I’m pretty sure there’s only one
          acceptable way to answer this question, so unless you are comfortable hearing about how someone
          hates being a mom (which some women do), then just don’t ask!

“You really need to take some time for yourself”

         Thanks. I never thought of that. All this time, it never even occurred to me that it might be nice to take
         a shower, or watch an episode of The Real Housewives, or (dare I say it) sleep in. I really don’t
         know why this didn’t occur to me. In fact, I think I’ll go get a pedicure right this second. Oh wait, the
         baby.

Frugal Friday: Help! I Spend Way Too Much On Groceries!

2012-08-03T13:15:00.001-02:30

$1155.78. That is how much we spent on groceries for the month of July. My husband had noticed that we seemed to be spending a lot on groceries and so he added it up. I guess he felt the number was too high to say out loud because he emailed it to me, despite the fact that I was sitting in the next room.

Our household is comprised of two adults, one baby, and one dog. How does such a small family spend $1155.78 on one month’s worth of groceries? It seems like a bit much (even in Canada, where food is expensive).

In our defense, this was a particularly expensive month for groceries. We had been out of town for May and June, and so we had to re-stock a lot of items. Also, this grocery bill is a total of the money we spent at the grocery store and Costco, so it includes other household items like toilet paper, diapers, etc.

I’ve always been careful about my spending, and I hate the feeling of wasting money. My philosophy is that if you save money on the little day to day items, you won’t feel guilty spending money on the big ticket items that you really want. For example, I don’t feel the need to buy brand name rice cakes, but I did buy a top-of-the-line car seat for my daughter. I also believe in the importance of eating wholesome, healthy foods (hence the exorbitant amount of money I spend on groceries).

After looking at this past month’s grocery bill, I am determined to decrease our grocery spending without sacrificing the quality of the food we eat. Here is how I plan to do it:

-Meal Planning- This is the most challenging task because I’m finding it hard to find recipes my 10 month old daughter will also be able to eat. It seems like every meal I make has something in it that’s not “baby friendly” for one reason or another. I don’t expect that I’ll get it together enough to plan every night’s dinner ahead of time, but I’m definitely going to try my best to do more meal planning because it ensures I will only buy what I need.

~~-No~~ Limited junk food/pop- The hope is that this will trim our grocery bill as well as our waistlines.

-Using Coupons- Good coupons are hard to come by, but I am keeping my eyes peeled for them and trying to remember to use them when I have them.

-Eating reasonable-sized portions- Often, I will cook a meal that should feed about four people, but my husband and I eat the whole thing by ourselves. This is not healthy. It's also expensive, and it needs to stop.

Also, I’m starting a new “thing” on my blog called Frugal Friday. Every second Friday, I will share my “feats”, “fails”, and “finds” on my quest to becoming more frugal.

Feats:

-I did a meal plan for the majority of our dinners this week.
-I have been getting better at remembering to turn off lights when I leave the room (I have an annoying habit of leaving them on, which drives my husband insane. He’s right, leaving lights on is a huge waste of money, not to mention the impact on the environment).

Fails:

-I had to throw away broccoli that had gone bad. I hate throwing away food, especially vegetables and fruits which are so expensive.
-I take excessively long, hot showers. My money is literally going down the drain.

Finds:

-I came accross a $2 off Pampers diapers coupon. Now I just have to remember to use it! There are a bunch of other great coupons on the P&G website, so it’s definitely worth checking out.

Do you have any feats, fails, or finds this Frugal Friday?