Student SOS

So you think you're the next Gordon Ramsey?

2011-04-15T16:46:00.000-07:00

Food is pretty vital and it always has been. Cooking may look easy but let's face it, all you have done for 18 year's is eat what your Mum has made. Now YOU try replicating her world famous Shepard's Pie. As a result I thought I would give some basic DO's and DON'Ts to survive the upcoming semester.

DO's

* Padlock your cupboards - otherwise say goodbye to everything from mug's to your Vimto.
* Buy Pasta and Rice in bulk. Say goodbye to steak, this is your new diet.
* Try to guilt trip your new flat mates that you will more likely burn the flat down then boil an egg, then they will cook for you. (Hooray)
* Search for the nearest Take away and get friendly with them, it's survival of the fittest and you want large portions!
* Keep all alcohol under your bed - away from the opportunists
*Offer bribe's when there is a kitchen inspection

DON'Ts

* Put metal in the microwave (like my ex flat mates, it makes things go BANG)
* Respect the cooker (Despite how desperate/drunk you are, don't urinate or be sick in the oven- true story)
* Don't try and Facebook and cook at the same time, your laptop will not come out on top
*Get caught when stealing ingredients or flat mates Ben & Jerrys.

Your new Gaff

2011-04-15T13:38:00.000-07:00

You survived the car journey with your parents and a car containing 18 years of clutter that you can't be without, your TV is tuned in and your hooked up to the snail pace internet connection provided. Now you get to meet the new flat mates. Will they be the playboy bunnies you long for? If not, second best is - will they be the cool lad's who you want to gain acceptance with.

The first flatmate I met in my first year was a 24 year old man from Coventry who's first words were 'Hello - you can borrow my external hard drive, 34GB of porn'. It's one way to make friends but not recommended. The said flatmate also managed to snap his banjo string (feel free to google this!!!) the said flatmate also dressed up as comic book villains in his spare time in his room. Sad but true.

Should I? Do I need too?

2011-04-15T04:39:00.000-07:00

see more Funny Graphs

Moving away. (Get in!)

2011-04-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

Freshling's before you arrive to your 'new' halls of residence, first be aware they ARE certainly not shiny and new, they will be cupboard sized prison cells but it is your own space still. So no parents busting in. But you do have new challenges, washing your own clothes? Cooking? Let's face it ironing is going to be the least of your worries. However after a few week's of feeling like a caveman, you will soon realise you will survive.

Another point I can't stress enough is, the weeks leading upto moving in - strictly NO fantasising about your potential new flat mates, they will not be half naked playboy bunny's trotting around the kitchen in their small pyjama's, with all their stunning friends. Sorry lads, your more likely to end up with Kerry Katona trying to repair her life and yet again reinvent herself, but with education this time.

Another thing is, it doesn't matter how sincere or courageous your efforts are with trying to keep your room neat, the fact of the matter is it will soon look like this.... (if it isn't your fault, it will be your friends!)

For all potential university freshers/newbies:-

2011-04-06T15:03:00.000-07:00

Preparing for university can be confusing and somewhat baffling. Moaning parents and hyperactive friends, it's hard to know if your coming or going. University is what you make it and will without doubt define you as a person for the rest of your life. Therefore I thought I would give some pointers of what a fresher would need to survive the first week or so...

George Foreman grill (bread and cheese for drunken 3am cheese toasty making)
A liver that has been trained from the days of underage drinking at the local
Deodorant (this will replace washing some day's)
Large hoodie (required when you realise your heating is faulty)
The largest mountain of underwear possible - this means you can get away with only washing your clothes once a month.
Tins of beans
Bottle of JD - to help you make friends.

WARNING - Girls, do not touch the football team, they ALL have crab's.