Cut to many months later. I’ve started a new job at a startup, I’m crazy busy, we’ve had weddings and parent’s retirement parties and site redesign launches and new product launches. I can barely come up for breath, Camp Mighty is THIS WEEK, I have yet to crack # 20 on my Life List, and charity:water needs our help.

charity:water is a non-profit organization which helps bring clean and safe drinking water to people in developing nations. 100% of public donations directly fund water projects. Water crisis disproportionately affects women and children; the time they spend gathering water is time that can’t be spent going to school, learning, starting a business, raising children. Want more facts? Watch Water Changes Everything:

Ready to act? Any amount helps. You can read more about what your money will do and then donate on my Camp Mighty Team Two donation page - just remember to put my name (Ashley Veselka) in the comments. While you’re there, watch a couple of the other campaign videos to see the charity:water team in action, bringing clean water to those who desperately need it.

Now I’ve got to get cracking on my Life List…

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The Climate Corporation Helps People and Businesses Adapt to Climate Change
The company’s unique technology platform enables the real-time pricing and purchasing of customizable weather insurance using proprietary global weather simulation modeling and local weather monitoring systems.

The company protects the $3 trillion global agriculture industry from the financial impact of adverse weather – the cause of over 90% of crop loss – with fully automated weather insurance products.

The company was founded by a couple of ex-Googlers, and they were recently backed by Google Ventures, so as expected, I feel right at home. The offices are right by South Park in the SoMa district in downtown San Francisco, so my commute is so much better than it used to be. I’m really excited about this opportunity, and I’m so inspired by The Climate Corporation’s mission and the things this team has in the works! In October we launched the rebranding and an all-new site design, this month we launch our 2012 Total Weather Insurance product for Corn and Soybeans (you may have seen my soybean costume for Halloween), and there’s more to come.

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Sorry for the lack of pretty pictures recently – my Canon Digital Rebel XT finally gave up the ghost (after 6 years) in the same week that my relatively new, darling Nifty Fifty lens decided it’s innards were best left attached to my lens hood. Not sure if the lens is fixable, but the camera is done for. I need to put some serious time and effort into researching the best camera fit for me, six years later – I’m leaning towards Canon again, but I could be swayed.

With my camera out of order, it feels like I’m missing so many great shots! I suddenly have tons of ideas for photo series that I can’t wait to get started on. They couldn’t have occurred to me six months ago, no… they have to come to me now that I’m super busy and without camera. Ain’t that always the way?

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The best meal we had while we were there was breakfast at Cochineal; it was outstanding. Best drop biscuits I’ve eaten in my life. My mouth is watering just thinking about them.

While in the area we took the opportunity to visit the McDonald Observatory for their Star Party, and we lucked out with a brilliantly clear night (it was FREEZING cold!) and a mind-blowing view of Jupiter from one of their telescopes.

Unfortunately, the Food Shark food truck wasn’t open during our visit, but I got some good shots of their vehicles.

cue JAWS theme… by ashleyv

We wandered the main strip, snapping photos, browsing the bookstore, checking out the Chinati Foundation, chatting with the owner of Stuff and her adorable little dog, Queenie, before stopping to enjoy a late afternoon cocktail on the patio of the Hotel Paisano (where they shot GIANT).

This concludes our tour of Marfa, Texas. Y’all come back now, ya hear?

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The Prada installation is actually closer to a little deserted town called Valentine, with the kind of crumbling walls and aged signage that you know I can’t pass up taking shots of.

Stay tuned for even more Marfa!

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We stayed at the Thunderbird Hotel, which I highly recommend. Desert modern, minimalist, utilitarian. GO. I insist. All the furniture is custom made, DIY-type stuff – metal pipes painted the loveliest deep shade of grey and big slabs of wood. It was too cold to take a dip in the pool (I should say “for smart folks” because John insisted, and immediately regretted, his dip.) :) but I bet it’s awesome in the height of summer!

Yeah. It’s awesome. Worth the trip just to appreciate the details. Stay tuned for more details from in & around Marfa.

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NHL is a tricky thing – even with chemo and radiation, there’s no cure. You’re lucky to have a nice long remission, but it will almost always come back. And according to my latest checkup, it has. They call that recurrence. It’s not the best news, but it’s also not the worst news. I’m not riddled with it like I was in 2002. The only areas of concern right now are two lymph nodes in my neck, plus my tonsils. (Which, for the record, I had REMOVED when I was in my early teens. But they grew back. Lucky me.) As long as lymph nodes are smaller than 1 cm, they’re in the normal range, which they’ve been… until now. But now one is 1.5+ cm, and the other is 2.3 cm, and they lit up like a friggin’ Christmas tree in the PET scans, which, with my history, is a sure sign that the Lymphoma has returned, even though my blood tests are coming up roses.

medical doohickeys by ashleyv

For now, we’re taking the “watchful waiting” approach; I’m not sick, and I’m not in pain. I’m not having trouble breathing, or swallowing, and I don’t have drenching night sweats or weight loss (I wish!) Docs like to keep therapies like chemo and radiation in their back pocket for when the cancer is really causing trouble, so they have a better chance of beating it back when they need to. If I don’t have to get chemo or stick my neck into radiation, I don’t want to, so that’s fine with me. So I’ll be going back in two months to determine how fast the lymph nodes are growing. That will help us determine if they grew a centimeter in the nearly three years since my last CT scan, or if all that growth happened in the last month. We’re hoping that it’s still indolent, or slow-growing, NHL, and that it hasn’t switched to the aggressive kind.

Since the doc appointment, JR and I have stocked up on organic fresh fruits & veggies, and broke out his old juicer. We’ve been juicing up a sweet concoction made up of carrots, apple, sweet Meyer lemons (I swear I’m not on their Ad council, but damn they’re good!), orange, parsley, and blueberries. So if you have any delicious superfoods-y juicing recipes, send them my way.

I’m a bundle of emotions right now, for SO MANY REASONS. It’s never a good time for cancer, but right now is particularly galling. We had HAVE all kinds of big things in the works for 2011, and this is a big ol’ wrench. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t PISSED OFF AS HELL. The prospect of fighting this fight all over again is emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting. But fight we will. I just married the love of my life for christ’s sake, I’m not giving up now! All your good juju is welcome, in whatever form you see fit to send it.

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Then the doctor’s office called. “How do you feel?” the nurse asked.

“Fine. Why?” I said, my heart beating a little faster.

“Hmm… Did you have a cold when you came in for the scan?”

“No, I don’t think so.” My mind was racing… I hadn’t been sick in months. I was even down to just regular allergy medicine, no decongestant.

“Are you having trouble swallowing?” she asked. I was standing out on the front stoop so the call wouldn’t drop (shitty AT&T iPhone reception). I was feeling more than a little anxious now, my heart racing. I sat down on the stairs.

“No.” At least, I wasn’t having trouble swallowing until she’d asked. “I feel fine. Why?”

The lymph nodes in my neck were notably larger than they were in my last scan. So they needed me to come in for a higher resolution PET scan. Soon. Like, mark it stat and push it through insurance approvals fast. She said how sorry she was to have to do this on the phone, not having met me, since my entire medical team was on holiday until January. I was to expect a call from the Stanford Nuclear Imaging Center. I called JR, crying, and told him the news. He tried reassuring me, but once that panic sets in, there’s not a lot you can say to ease my fears.

The PET scan was set up for the afternoon of December 14, 2010, with my follow-up visit with my Lymphoma doc on January 4, 2011. So… we’d have to spend the Christmas holiday in San Antonio not knowing the results. And then the test itself was miserable. They stuck me with a needle 6 times, blowing my veins or just coming up dry after far too much digging. They changed technicians halfway through, hoping for better luck. It’s never a good sign when they start slapping your arm to try and raise a vein. It’s just not. I was transported right back to that place I was in treatment – lab tech after lab tech, blown vein after blown vein. They had the radioactive stuff in a heavy lead casing, ready to hook up to the IV, but my veins didn’t want to cooperate. That stuff doesn’t creep me out, so I can watch while they stick and draw blood. When he got a vein in the underside of my wrist, I watched as he started to inject it with saline, and he stopped, sighing heavily. “I think it’s blown.” He pumped a little more in, and my wrist expanded like there was a tiny balloon beneath the surface. “Yup. Blown.” I ended up with massive bruises at each site, and the one that ballooned was incredibly painful.

When they finally found a vein and were able to pump in the radioactive stuff, it had to course through my body for 45 minutes before the scan. JR was in the waiting room with no idea what was going on or how long it was supposed to take. The process had taken HOURS. When it was finally time for the scan, they had me go change into scrub pants and remove my bra, but they didn’t give me a hospital gown top, so I had to keep making sure the gap in the pants was covered by my top, and keep cinching the gap shut.

PET scan by Muffet

The rooms where they keep the PET scan machines are SOOO cold. And the scan took 45 minutes. When you come in they cover you up with a blanket that’s been in an oven, but that heat doesn’t last long. Even though the tech said he would chime in on the intercom to let me know how far along we were and how much longer it would take, he didn’t. At least you don’t have to hold your breath like you do for a CT scan. But when it was over, the tech just dropped me off without any instructions. You aren’t supposed to drink alcohol or caffeine after a CT scan, so I asked if the same applied. It doesn’t, but it would be nice to know that without asking. All in all, it took over six hours, when up front they said it would take less than three. And the whole time, JR was out in the waiting room left to wonder WTF?!

So: Palo Alto Stanford Medicine Imaging Center? Two thumbs up! Stanford’s Nuclear Imaging Center? Two thumbs down.

And then there was the doctor visit…

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DIY: cork wreath by ashleyv

I think I found this project via a tweet. Somehow I ended up here: Curbly: Make a wine cork wreath. I didn’t watch the whole video, because pretty early in it’s obvious that it’s just a matter of hot gluing all your corks to a wreath base with wild abandon. Okay, not wild abandon exactly, because you want the red wine corks to have the stained part facing out, and the cool labels facing the right way, etc. And in the video they just glued the ends to the wreath, so it’s really bristly looking. Not what I was going for here – I like the mish-mashy look better. The overwhelming majority of our corks are from Schmitt Söhne riesling (from a time when I drank *much* more than I do now) ;) so I used those as base/background corks to prop up the more interesting corks as needed. They’re the ones with the sun-face on them. There are lots of them on the wreath and I still have at least 50 of them left over. I also set aside all our synthetic corks – to be used at a later date in a smaller wreath project – because they don’t match the natural cork aesthetic. Note: I got a lot of burned finger-tips along the way.

Supplies

One 12″ straw wreath base, about $3 at your local craft store
200 or so natural corks (from wine, beer, and champagne)
hot glue gun and plenty of glue sticks (I went through at least 2 extra long sticks)
2 feet of wired ribbon

Instructions

Separate your corks into “base” (boring) corks and decorative “featured” corks. It’ll make it easier as you go along. Decide which side is “up” and keep it in mind the entire time you’re gluing. I started at the center bottom area with the plan of placing the ribbon in the upper right (northeast) quadrant.

Start gluing! Try not to glue the corks too far to the back of the wreath base, or it won’t hang flat on the door. Orient the corks with interesting logos so that they’re readable, and make sure that you’ve got enough red wine-stained cork ends sprinkled throughout (and facing forward). I ran out of red wine corks (red wine gives me a headache, so they’re all from JR or parties), but luckily I’d left the part behind the ribbon/bow til last for exactly that reason.

Work it kind of like Tetris or a puzzle. Try to keep to a perpendicular-ish pattern – alternating between horizontal, vertical, and sticking out/overlapping. If I do the project again, I’ll be a little more careful with the hot glue than I was – there is more glue visible than I would prefer.

When you’ve filled in all the spots so you can’t see the straw base, wrap the ribbon around, tying it in a knot and then a bow, leaving the bow ends long. I think I’m going to go back and re-do my bow – I want to layer the silver with a wider, wine-colored ribbon, and go for a more elaborate bow style, with more than just two loops. I bring it in at night because I would be super-bummed if it got stolen.

This was a really easy project that took about 3 hours, and the look on JR’s face when he saw it on the door was priceless. :)

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Ingredients

.5 cup confectioner’s sugar
10 Tbsp sweet butter, cut into cubes
pinch of salt
1.5 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup coconut flakes
1 tsp vanilla
2 Tbsp all-purpose flour
6 oz. Meyer Lemon Spread (Bella Cucina)
3 Tbsp sweet butter, cut into cubes
Additional confectioner’s sugar for dusting

Shortbread Crust
In food processor, add sugar and 10 Tbsp butter cubes, salt and flour.
Pulse until mixture resembles fine meal.
Press mixture into 8-inch square parchment-lined pan.
Bake in preheated oven for about 30 minutes or until light brown.
Cool.

Lemon Spread
Spoon lemon spread evenly over shortbread crust.

Coconut Flake Topping
For topping, in food processor mix coconut, 3 Tbsp butter and vanilla.
Add 2 Tbsp flour and pulse until mixture is crumbly.
Sprinkle over lemon spread and bake at 300 degrees for about 20 minutes.
Cool and cut into squares.
Remove parchment from bottom of lemon bars, dust with additional confectioner’s sugar, and serve.

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ballooned by ashleyv

Well, it’s 6:30 am, and I’ve given up on sleep. I’m sure I got a couple of hours of sleep over the course of the night, but it’s obvious to me that I’m so nervous there’s no way I’m falling asleep again before my alarm goes off. My mind is racing, I’ve got a splitting headache, my stomach hurts a little. JR has been telling me for days now that it’s no big deal, nothing to be nervous about – I’m going to go, and learn some tips for success, and it’ll be great. I’ve tried to explain that MTH is so much more, that it’s life-changing. From the blog posts I’ve read and videos I’ve watched from past participants, that I’m going to be different by 6pm today. But I fumble for the words, and I can’t explain what I’m expecting. It’s not often that I’m without words, you know.

I ran into that with the pre-workshop questionnaire, too. 1-2 sentences about what I want to make happen? Dur… My mind panics. Was this a bad idea? I can’t even decide if I’m crafting wedding heirlooms or screenprinting t-shirts. And what about my pottery? How does that fit in? And writing? I don’t want to face all the things I keep in the “Things I’m Going To Be When I Grow Up” part of my brain, because what if I put them into words and I FAIL? My brain tells me that it’s better not to know. If you don’t tell people you want to write a novel, then no one, especially me, knows I’m a failure when I can’t do it. Argh, it hurts my soul just to type that. I feel like my problem is thinking (egotistically?) that I could be great at too many things, and that the possibilities are better than finding out the reality. I mean, how realistic is it to think that I could be a successful blogger and novelist who screenprints t-shirts and totes and tea towels of my own design while hand-crafting fascinators and ring pillows, and oh yeah I’m also a prolific potter and photographer and interior designer and party planner and user experience designer. These are mostly *my hobbies* – how on earth do they roll into one cohesive ME? Especially with my crippling shyness and chronic procrastination tendencies? It’s all enough to give me a huge headache, which is probably why I’m great at avoiding thinking about it altogether.

This past weekend we traveled to Marfa, Texas. There’s a whole blog post on that which I will write soon, and the photos – oh, the photos! I’m pretty proud of all the details I captured with my camera. I can’t wait to go back. The photo which accompanies this post is from that trip, and it sums up how I’m feeling right now: like a million different little balloons which could all go in a million different directions, anchored by the thinnest of strings. Yeah, that’s pretty much me right now.

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“Brunch” and “Pancakes” were trending topics in SF. WHY ARE WE WORK!

He appears to have tickled some funny bones with his starch-crazed ravings, and he’s getting quite the ribbing from all his twitter pals. So what better way to forget this ever happened than to immortalize his gaff on a t-shirt? A t-shirt WITH PANCAKES, of course!

WHY ARE WE WORK! t-shirt on Etsy by ashleyv

From my Etsy listing:

Are the trending topics on twitter right now “Brunch” and “Pancakes”? Are you gibbering incoherently because you are at work when you could be out nomming on pancakes with the twitterati? Then this shirt is for you.

Here’s the beauty of home screenprinting and the twitter; Dustin tweeted that mid-day last Monday, and after communicating with him almost entirely via twitter DM, I had 4 prints of the resulting t-shirt by Wednesday night. I made one for Dustin in white on a charcoal grey shirt, one for me in sparkly silver on a dusty blue scoop-neck long-sleeve shirt, one for JR in silver on a charcoal grey v-neck shirt, and one extra in silver on charcoal grey that was a happy accident I’ll call “sidewalk graffiti style”. (I forgot to tape off the edge of the screen and silver ink went through along the edge, but it looked kind of like the oversprayed sidewalk graffiti you see all over SF, so I added more “overspray” in the form of a lower corner on the opposite side. And it’s kinda my favorite. I’m sure I’ll do it again.)

WHY ARE WE WORK! sidewalk-graffiti-style by ashleyv

If this T-shirt tickles your fancy, then get your ass over to my Etsy shop, snarkylark.etsy.com! The WHY ARE WE WORK! t-shirt is available in men’s and women’s sizes in a variety of colors. Extensive brunch-time field testing has shown that even if people don’t get it, they sure like the pancakes! Mmmm… pancakes…

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the first (botched) run. not enough pressure. good thing JR bought a 3-pack!

The image above was my first attempt. I’m including it so you can see that it’s not all unicorns and rainbows. Mistakes happen, it’s part of the process. In addition to not getting a solid screen, it was too high – it touched the neckline. Alignment is a bitch!

A clean imprint! The pink feathers are done.

We made the mistake of not ordering a onesie platen (the hard plastic insert that holds the shape and keeps the item stuck to the surface), so I had to improvise. It’s painter’s tape city up in here. Don’t worry – I reuse it until it can be used no more. :)

the purple owl feather. HOOT!

After I washed all the pink ink off the screen and let it dry, I taped off the rest of the screen so no ink could seep through, and allowed enough time for the pink ink to dry. I didn’t move the onesie so I didn’t have to do any tedious re-aligning before screening the purple feather. After that was complete, I washed all the purple ink off the screen, let it dry, and re-taped the screen so only the arm feathers could pass ink through.

This is where it gets complicated. Trying to figure out exactly where the top side of the arms are for the arm feathers was hard! You don’t want it too much to the front or the back. It has to be *just* right. And then, after screening one arm, placing the other arm in exactly the same place so the feathers are lined up when she’s wearing it… HARDER! There was much squinty eye-balling and crouching and rulers used and finger-widths calculated and taping and re-taping. After the ink dried, to set the ink I ironed each area for three minutes on each side with a piece of paper between the iron and the piece. That’s a lot of ironing.

the completed HOOT owl onesie, with purple arm feathers

I’m really pleased with this project, and I can’t wait to show off the photos of KT in her costume after Halloween! If you’re interested in this onesie, I’ll be selling it in my Etsy screenprint shop: snarkylark.etsy.com.

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Rose's Perfect Pie Plate in red - a wedding gift. Thanks, McD!

pie crust (made from scratch!)

my kiwi green Counter Art ceramic rolling pin

freshly ground nutmeg

pouring the buttermilk pie filling into the freshly baked pie shell

freshly baked pie cooling on a wire rack, with a *little* spillover. oops!

slice of buttermilk chess pie, warm from the oven. we burned our tongues! DELICIOUS!!!

Update: my friend @smcbride asked “What does the chess mean?” Good question! I didn’t know either, but here’s what wikipedia says about chess pie:

Chess pie is a particularly sugary dessert characteristic of Southern U.S. cuisine. According to James Beard’s American Cookery (1972) chess pie was brought from England originally, and was found in New England as well as Virginia. Recipes vary, but are generally similar in that they call for the preparation of a single crust and a filling composed of eggs, butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla. What sets chess pie apart from many other custard pies is the addition of corn meal.

Naming origins: The pie seems to have no relation to the game of chess, which has led to much speculation as to the origin of this term. Some theorize that the name of the pie traces back to its ancestral England, where the dessert perhaps evolved from a similar cheese tart, in which the archaic “cheese” was used to describe pies of the same consistency even without that particular ingredient present in the recipe. In North Carolina and Old Salem Cookery, Elizabeth Hedgecock Sparks argues that the name derives from Chester. One folk etymology suggests that it was referred to as “just pie”, which soon shortened to “jus’ pie” or “jess’ pie,” and then corrupted to “chess pie”. The ingredients support this etymology, as chess pie is identical to the custard “base” for other custard pies that have an additional dominant flavor, such as pecan pie and chocolate custard pie. There is also a theory that the word “chess” pie comes from the piece of furniture that was common in the early South called a pie chest or pie safe. Chess pie may have been called chest pie at first because it held up well in the pie chest.

Thanks, Sean, for helping me learn something I didn’t even know I didn’t know!

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our DIY industrial wall lamp in our dining nook

JR and I couldn’t find a lamp that met our needs for our new dining nook, so we made made one out of lighting parts we bought at Home Depot. The finished product is shown above, with the fabulous “F” that Karolyn gave us as a wedding present, and a starburst mirror that I bought a long time ago from west elm.

seven white lightbulb socket splitters, taped and ready to spraypaint

spraypainting seven socket splitters silver. say that six times fast! also shown: the base.

let the paint dry for a couple of hours

the splitters were dry long before the base was

assemble the bulb splitters into a configuration that is pleasing to you

screw in 25-watt bulbs

Here’s where I left out a step in photographing the process. JR took a dimmer plug and stripped the end, wrapping the wires around the screws on the back of the base. Tighten the screws to secure the wires. Attach the base to the wall with the cord coming out at the bottom. Screw the initial (center) splitter into the base, plug it in, and…

bask in the light of your new lamp!

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After making a spot to dine a priority, we surveyed our tiny space and realized that the spot taken by the massive black 6′x6′ IKEA Expedit bookcase was literally the only place that would work for a dining area. You can see it on the left in this photo of my sister, Karolyn, and me:

Karolyn & Ashley

So we sorted through everything that was filling it up and sent some of it to goodwill and found appropriate spots for the rest. Then, so sick to death of that bookcase and just wanting to get it out of our lives, JR listed it for free on craigslist. No takers. For DAYS. I told him to re-list it at $100, and it sold immediately. (Moral of the story: no one wants a crappy free bookcase, but everyone wants a bookcase that’s a steal.)

We assembled the 30″ wide drop-leaf table that arrived on Saturday from Overstock.com and promptly started our search for a pair of mid-century modern dining chairs. We found some on ebay; a pair of 50s Gunlocke chairs with grey vinyl seats, and they’re on their way today! We may need to recover the seats, but we’ll see. I definitely like the lines.

Gunlocke Dining Chairs, on the way from ebay

We also need a new sofa, as the cheapo tan microfiber loveseat we bought when we moved to SF has been systematically destroyed by Mercury, despite our (now half-hearted) attempts to stop him from using it as a scratching post. Plus, it’s hella uncomfortable. Your butt goes numb in an hour or so, and we both just end up wriggling non-stop and bitching about how much we hate that sofa. JR usually ends up in a weird position where just his shoulders are on the couch, and the rest of him is kind of on the floor. It’s a terrible sofa, and it looks like it had a run-in with a wood-chipper to boot. It must go. So we took the plunge and ordered a custom sofa (the 85″ Byrd sofa in slate grey leather) from EQ3.

EQ3 Sofa: Byrd in slate grey leather

Getting exactly what we wanted means a 4-8 week wait for delivery, WHICH IS GOING TO KILL INSTANT-GRATIFICATION-ME, but it will all be worthwhile when the room comes together. And we got a FREE “martian” floor lamp with the sofa purchase, which will look great and add all kinds of light to the space.

In preparation for the arrival of the new couch, it’s a new world order for Mercury, and our weapon is a spray bottle. The rules are: Merc isn’t allowed ON the couch, he’s definitely not allowed to scratch the couch, and while we’re at it he’s not allowed on the pedestal bathroom sink (where he begs for running water) or the kitchen counter. This is a hard one because we have to keep his bowl on the counter or else Winston will eat his food. So we’ll be teaching Merc that he’s allowed on the counter to the left of the kitchen sink, but not anywhere else. He’s a smart cat, and he’ll learn it if it kills me. But I might need a holster for that spray bottle.

The new sofa is going to take up significantly more space than the loveseat, which means we need to get rid of our two cottage-style side tables and I’ll finally get to re-finish the broken white shabby chic coffee table with gorgeous, sexy lines which someone dumped on the corner and I snatched up. I’m thinking glossy piano black, and it’s going to look DIVINE. JR isn’t 100% behind refinishing the coffee table – he likes the open space – but I need a place to set my drink, and so do our guests. I mean, what’s the point in building a new liquor cabinet/wine storage/bar if there’s no place to set your drink? Because we’re doing that too. There’s a surprising lack of realistically-priced, clean-lined, functional options for home bars out there, so we’re going to build it ourselves. Who knows – maybe that’s our next big thing!

So what all this boils down to is that we’re going to have a garage sale soon to get all this unnecessary stuff (that bugs me!) off our backs. And you’ll get to see the whole transformation of our living/dining room firsthand! It all starts off with the DIY industrial chic wall lamp JR & I built for the dining nook.

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Has it already been another year? It has. I’ve been putting off writing this post because it brings up such strong emotions. I re-read past posts and the comments of my family and friends. I cry, I laugh. I think of how lucky I am to have made it this far. When I think of all I might have missed… I’m so blessed! SO FRIGGIN’ BLESSED!!! (See! I’m crying already!)

If you’re new here, you may not know that I had “the cancer“. Go off and read that to get all the gory details. I’m warning you – it’s a tearjerker, but it’s worth it. For those that don’t want to read it, I’ll sum it up here:

In September 2002, at age 29, I was diagnosed with Stage IV Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. Specifically, I presented with Multiple Lymphomatous Polyposis, an uncommon type of primary non-Hodgkin gastrointestinal (GI) B-cell lymphoma characterized by the presence of multiple polyps along the GI tract. So uncommon that since 1961 no more than 70 well-documented cases have been published. Tests showed that the cancer was not just in my colon, it was also in a chain of lymph nodes up the center of my body, my adenoids/sinuses, and my bone marrow.

I had 4 rounds of chemo, each a month apart; each round was 3 days of chemo, 6-8 hours each day. And then I had a year and a half of maintenance immunotherapy treatments, one round every six months. It was not fun.

OK. You’re back? Now that our eyes are all puffy and red, let’s continue.

EIGHT YEARS! I can’t believe it’s been eight years! So much has happened in that time. My life has changed in unfathomably beautiful ways. I found the love of my life! We moved to San Francisco together! He proposed to me on the cliffs on a surprise Valentine’s Day trip to Hawaii! I became an Auntie! We got married, and threw a kick-ass wedding that’s going to be featured in a magazine! I’ve been to Jamaica three times (so far), once for our glorious honeymoon! I worked at Google! I’ve made friends with amazing, genius-y, crazy-talented, big-hearted people in Texas and California! I even left Google to do my own thing!

wedding toast, photo by Diana M. Lott

I think back to when I thought I was going to die, to those dark times later when I wished I had… Some of it is still startlingly vivid, and some of it is hazy. It kills me that I can’t really remember my chemo nurses names anymore. I thought I’d never forget. But I guess with time comes a little (necessary) distance from the cancer. Some days I can’t believe it was actually me who went through that. I read what I wrote about it, in the early days of the blog, or in journals, and it’s hard to remember being that strong. I didn’t feel strong. I felt weak. And betrayed. Betrayed by my body, by my very cells. And by my brain; when I think about the deep depression that I’m just now seeing the other side of, it boggles my mind. The fact is that just this week, eight years later, I’ll be completely off every single medication for depression and anxiety and insomnia that I’ve been on since I was diagnosed. I’ve been a walking pharmacy for so long, seeing psychiatrist after psychiatrist, trying combination after combination, that I didn’t even know what “normal” felt like anymore. It’s been months of following a doctor’s plan to wean slowly off of one pill at a time, but I’m down to just one-fourth of a sleeping pill this week, and after Saturday, I’ll no longer be medicated. That’s a HUGE triumph for me. HUGE!

ashley at the highball in austin, photo by Diana M. Lott

I always have a hard time emotionally around the anniversary of my diagnosis. I’ll be honest; I’m struggling a little with productivity. However, I’ve never felt better, psychologically, than I do not being on meds anymore. I’m feeling a little indecisive as to which direction to take from here, but I’m going to allow myself that wavering. I’ve been given the gift, the luxury of not knowing which direction to go. It’ll come to me, I know it. I can feel it. There was a time when I didn’t think I could take another day of this life, and now, I love my life! I LOVE this life that JR and I have built together. We look into each others eyes sometimes and just shake our heads, not believing that we’re this lucky. Yeah, you heard me; I’m lucky. I had cancer, and I KICKED CANCER’S ASS. I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t. And I can’t wait for the next eight years. And the eight after that. And the eight after that…

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The fluid is back in my ear, and when I pop my ear by holding my nose, the doc said it looks like the carbonation in a 7-Up in there, all bubbly, but not in a festive way. Yay! He put me on a round of steroids to reduce the inflammation and allow the fluid to drain. Hopefully I’m in the 70% that steroids help, and don’t have to go for another round of steroids or – worse – getting a hole poked in my eardrum to release the fluid. But you have to take 6 pills spaced out on the first day, and by the time I could pick up the prescription it was too late to start today. So tomorrow it is.

So I’m sorry for the dearth of posts lately – I keep thinking I’m about to kick this, and then I try to actually function and I just get too tired, or my brain no work-y. Because I’m not deathly ill, not getting much done feels more like I’m just being lazy. Which I am, to some extent. I mean, otherwise, I wouldn’t feel this guilty, right?

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My Dad, Gene

The last time we left Texas (I wrote this during our trip), our SUV was making a funny noise. When my dad heard it, JR told him it was the power steering, and my Dad slapped his thigh and crowed, “The hell you say!”

That was a new one to JR, who was confused, thinking Dad was calling him a liar, equivalent to “Like hell!”  I explained what that actually means, and now JR occasionally drops a “The hell you say!” with a mischievous gleam in his eye. He’s said it several times so far on this trip.

That got me thinking about a few of the “Dad-isms” that are part of my vocabulary. They might not all be part of my vocal vocab, but they’re definitely in my mental vocab. Dad is from Robstown, TX and to me, his phrasebook is what I think all good, South Texas, Czech boys are imprinted with at birth.

“The hell you say!”

Equivalent to a forceful “You don’t say!” or “Unbelievable!”, including a bit of sympathy & a dash of disbelief at the absurdity of the thing. As in,

Dad: “I want to take you to dinner at this brand new place near Medina Lake. It’s called Patios del Lago…”
Me: “No way! We just got back from having dinner there!”
Dad: “The hell you say!”

Side note: I was in the middle of writing this – struggling for a good example for this phrase – when this conversation actually happened. I just about came unglued, giggling madly. Serendipity!

“That’s how they getcha!”

Used to refer to an unpleasant or unexpected cost or action that makes a good thing not so good, generally put in place by “the man”, “the corporations”, “the government”, or another equally faceless body of THEMs & THEYs who are having one over on you and there’s nothing you can do about it. As in,

Me: “I love me some twitter, but the switch to OAuth hosed all my PAID twitter apps, and since I have an iPhone 2G, I can’t update them because the updates only work on iOS 4. Now I HAVE to buy an iPhone 4 just to be able to tweet, even though I can actually make & receive calls on my trusty old one.”
Dad: “That’s how they getcha!”
And then we’d all shake our heads at what a shame it is that THEY are allowed to just “getcha” like that.

or

Me: “We’ve seen like 10 state troopers in the last two miles.”
JR: “Yeah, that’s where the speed limit drops from 80 to 65 with no warning.”
In unison: “That’s how they getcha!”

“Betcher bottom dollar!” (Bet your bottom dollar)

An avowed truth. You have to believe what you’re saying so strongly that you would LITERALLY wager every last cent in support of the statement. Akin to “You better believe it!” As in,

JR: “It’s planned obsolescence on Apple’s part. You could upgrade old iPhones to the latest OS, Apple just won’t let you. It’s all a big conspiracy.”
Me: “The hell you say!”
JR: “Betcher bottom dollar!”

Bonus Tex-Czech-ism:

“Alle ne!” “Alle yo!” = “No way!” “Yes way!” – or at least that’s how I interpret it. Dad uses it a lot with his brothers and an old South Texas hunting buddy of Czech descent.

Did I forget any? Do you have your own favorite Dad-isms? Let me know.

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Even getting up at a decent time on the last day of our journey didn’t leave us enough time to stop in at the Hatch Chile Festival; it sounded like it would be a zoo, and we were just ready to get to San Antone already! We made few stops on Day Three; gas, lunch, and to take photos of a weird contraption and a giant roadrunner in Fort Stockton.

Beep beep! (Hi Pat! I'm just for you!)

The final stop for gas was in Junction, and there were bees everywhere! All over the trashcans, covering pools of spilled soft drinks, on cars… it was creepy. JR got a cup of coffee from the convenience store, and I snapped a shot of the selection of pickled goods from Oma’s House. We got on the road again, and then this happened:

We pulled into JR’s parent’s house in Pipe Creek, TX (outside San Antonio) at 7pm, and headed to eat dinner at Patios del Lago near Medina Lake. We’re so glad to be in San Antonio, spending time with family and friends. We’ve decided that this is now our optimal route: San Francisco > Palm Springs > Las Cruces > San Antonio. The hours on the road each day are about the same, and we get in early enough to enjoy dinner and a dip in the pool at each stopover. We highly recommend both ACE PSP and Hotel Encanto – stop in if you get the chance! And as a parting gift, the brilliant fuchsia bug splat that made the last shot of our road trip to Texas:

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We got going later than we’d planned on Day Two (as we are wont to do…), heading to ACE Hotel’s Kings Highway for breakfast around 9:30. It was already over 100 degrees, but we weren’t out in the heat for long. We ordered, and the waiter stopped me to tell me he thought my hair color was cool. Made my day. Oh, have I mentioned that I got cotton candy pink highlights last week? Well, I did, and it turned out awesome. My indie cred has now been independently confirmed by hip boutique hotel waitstaff.

Me at Kings Highway for breakfast (with pink hair!)

JR at Kings Highway for breakfast

I ordered the chilaquiles, and JR ordered granola and yogurt. My chilaquiles looked delicious, but after maybe five bites, I didn’t want any more. JR wasn’t surprised, and he shared his theory on the topic: I like each bite of something to be counter-balanced with something else; an entire meal of just one thing is too much for me. (If I run out of fried rice – with peas – before I finish my General Tso’s chicken, I either need to get a little more rice, or not finish the chicken. It’s just how I am. Luckily he loves me despite the fact that I’m crazy.) :)

We got on the road a little after 10:30am and headed for Las Cruces. At the hottest point of the drive the outside temp reached 118. We passed lots of hot desert, eventually seeing thunderstorms gathering on the horizon near Tucson, and lightning occasionally flashing against the darkened skies. The skies opened, and I could smell the rain turning to steam on the asphalt, turning it slick and black.

Thundercloud and rain over I-10

After that, the desert was surprisingly green. We’ve made this road trip so many times, and we’ve never seen so much vegetation. All the green made a great backdrop for huge red-tinted boulders. We passed miles of shallow marshes reflecting the blue sky, peppered with blooming yucca. It seemed like every time I’d try to take a photo from the speeding vehicle, I’d look at the result and it would be a huge blurry yucca in front of a beautiful view. As the sun dropped towards the horizon, the valley turned a brilliant golden orange, glinting off the trains lumbering by occasionally.

Boulders, desert, sky

Mountain of boulders along I-10

Green desert

Desert sky reflected in the side mirror

Burned out shell of a car. Yes, I checked in here on Foursquare! ;P

The trains shone in the light of the desert sunset

We pulled into Las Cruces, New Mexico a little before 9:00pm, and went straight to Hotel Encanto de Las Cruces. It had been a long day of driving; we were ready for a good meal and some tasty beverages. We dined at Cafe Espana in the hotel; their Blue Corn Fried Calamari with spicy aioli was so good that it was hard not to order another plate as soon as we had a bite! They were so delicious that we didn’t even get a photo of them! The waitstaff was so friendly, telling us the history of the hotel, and letting us know that the Hatch Chile Festival was going on the next day, not very far away. We retired to our room with visions of chiles dancing in our heads…

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It was 108 degrees as we pulled into Palm Springs around 5pm. We went straight to the ACE (well, after we stopped for LIQUOR FOODS), checked in, got a room upgrade (to a patio room!), put on our swimsuits, and hopped into the pool. While we floated around sipping a couple of beers, the sun dipped below the mountains and it was instantly cooler.

After we’d had our fill of the pool, we grabbed a hammock and soaked up the cool air from the misters while we watched the bats flitting around the deepening sky. We laid there for a blissful eternity, enjoying the music by the pool, chatting and occasionally drifting off to sleep.

Eventually we changed for dinner and strolled over to Kings Highway. Neither of us were very hungry, and we were saving room for TNT (Tacos ‘n Tequila night at the Amigo Room), so we just ordered a couple of appetizers and drinks, and I got a slice of apple cranberry walnut pie a la mode. The Amigo Room wasn’t really jumping yet, so we retired to our patio. We both fell asleep, and when we woke up we’d missed TNT. Oh well, we’ll catch it next time. Because there will definitely be a next time. We want to come down for a 4 day weekend ASAP. They’re hosting the Clean Air / Clear Stars Festival September 16-18, 2010 – if you’re in the area, you should make a point to go.

All the signage here is so beautifully crafted

Beautiful flowers, grasses, succulents and cactii dot the grounds

Each room at the ACE has a record player and a great selection of vinyl

We didn't bring Winston this time, but each time we stepped on the rug, we both thought we'd stepped on him!

There's always interesting art on the walls, and it's for sale! Want!

The ACE aesthetic: military surplus chic

Boxed water... apparently it's better

I love the aesthetics of the ACE. The beds are a little on the firm side for my taste, same with the pillows. But what little the ACE PSP lacks in comfort, it makes up for in aesthetics & sublime surroundings. I’ll just bring my own pillow. :) I’m really picky about plushness though; JR slept like a rock, so your mileage may vary.

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texas, by ashleyv

Tomorrow at the crack of dawn we’re leaving for yet another road trip back to Texas. I know! Every time we go we vow never to do *that* again, but we had such a great time taking it slow to get to the wedding that we’re going to do it again; taking our time getting there & back, seeing the sights, staying at cool little hotels. ACE Hotel Palm Springs – we’re looking at you! This time without truckloads of stuff to take in for safekeeping at every stop. We have a housesitter/catsitter for Mercury (who shattered a glass candleholder this very morning – have fun, Justin!), and Winston will be staying with Metro Dog. We love how much they love our little guy there!

While we’re there we’ll be getting together with family & friends for excellent Texan eats & drinks in San Antonio and Austin. Chuy’s and Alamo Cafe here we come! Oh, and Pappadeaux. Ping one of us if you want to get together – and it doesn’t have to be at any of those places. :) Looking forward to nomming some real breakfast tacos. Ok, I’m drooling. But it’s not all about food – the main reason we’re going is for our niece KT’s christening, and we can’t wait to be official godparents!

It’s not all fun and games, either – I’m taking my essential crafting supplies (only allowing myself ONE tub of goodies) to work on some new fascinators and boutonnieres, I’ll be blogging here & on owl&pear during the trip, and I’ll be catching up on processing all the photos I need to upload to flickr.

It should be relaxing to go for the first time in a year and a half and not be running around crazily preparing for the wedding! Now to pack…

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I asked, “Did you put the breakfast bagel into the toaster, or the microwave?”

Before I can even finish my question, he replied, “Oh, shit!!!”

Assuming he put it into the toaster oven, I ran to the kitchen to douse the flames. But there was nothing in the toaster. It was cold, yet there was definitely a smoky haze in the air. I opened the microwave, and smoke wafted out. Not only was the bagel black, so was part of the paper bag it was in. He must’ve fat-fingered the cooking time.

The microwave kept smelling really smoky, so I tried cleaning it with dish soap & water – no luck. I tried heating a damp sponge to fill the microwave with steam & cleaned it after that – no luck. Every time we open the microwave, the acrid smell of smoke fills the air. I’m not sure what to do to get rid of that smell. Any tips?

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• I married John Forsythe in Austin, Texas on April 24, 2010!!! (Believe me, there will be so much more about that!)
• We spent 16 glorious days in Negril, Jamaica for our honeymoon (and got threatened by machete-wielding locals in the mountains on an ill-advised scooter trip), including a three night stay at the RockHouse, where we would like to live out the remainder of our days.
• On the second day of our honeymoon, there was a water leak in the house we rent in San Francisco. Our landlords dried out the place, and we had minimal property damage, but the house was unlivable, and in order to make the repairs we had to move everything we own into storage, so we spent our first six weeks as newlyweds living in a hotel with a kitchenette with our dog and our cat.
• Winston (the dog) went completely blind while we were on the honeymoon, so his first 3 months of blindness was made doubly bad by living in an unfamiliar hotel or in a home filled to the brim with boxes as we trudged through the unpacking.
• Our wedding will be a Real Wedding in The Knot Texas Spring/Summer 2011 (which hits stands late Nov/early December 2010)!!! Huge thanks to Diana M. Lott, our photographer, for taking such amazing photos of our day! While you’re at it, you should also check out our wedding film trailer by Wild Orchid Studios. (It brings tears of joy to my eye every time I watch it!)
• Due to the amazing response to all of the handmade items we created for the wedding, I decided to open an Etsy shop. It took a while to get to that point with all the house stuff (we had to completely rebuild the craft room), but I did it! So visit the owl&pear shop, follow it on twitter, or check out the blog.
• I registered for Making Things Happen 2010! Lara Casey is bringing her one-day intensive to San Francisco on November 9, 2010. I’ve already met SO many interesting, brilliant, talented people through Lara & MTH2010 on twitter, and I can’t wait to meet everyone in person. If you’re going too (doesn’t have to be in SF), leave me a comment!
• John’s sister, Colleen, had her first baby: Katherine Teal Koenig!!! I was so lucky to be in San Antonio when K.T. was born, and she just turned 7 months – how time flies! This week we leave on another road trip to Texas, this time for her christening – we’re godparents!

I’m sure there’s so much more that I’m forgetting, but that’ll do for now. Glad to be back!

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Mercury is not a fan. He wants his usual dry food. And NOT all the remaining pointy ones in the usual food.

JR feels the wet food should be a perfectly acceptable (possibly refreshing?) alternative.

Merc disagrees. He does not understand what we don’t get, when he’s communicated his feelings via all three universally understood “I Insist On Being Fed Right Now, Or If There Is Already Food In My Bowl It’s Disgusting And I Obviously Don’t Want That Food And Require Newer, Better Food Immediately” methods:

• waking up the humans repeatedly with loud, drawling meows and tiny loving claw scratches way before it’s time to get up
• getting tangled between the human’s legs in a mad rush towards the cat bowl any time the humans even gesture towards the room in which the bowl resides
• jumping up to (and hurtling down from) forbidden surfaces such as the bookshelves or the kitchen counter while the human is looking right at the cat

JR feels strongly that the wet food is nutritious AND yummy, and an all around better alternative, as PetSmart is far away and $8 for 3 oz. of dry food at Whole Foods seems excessive.

Merc disagrees, disdainfully, and with loud meows.

JR feels that Merc should eat what he’s been frickin’ given already.

Me, well, I feel that this should get interesting around 4:30am.

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What’s next? you might ask…

• First, I’m taking some time off. I’m going to spend some lazy days rubbing Winston’s belly in the backyard and making some headway on the stack of books (and guilty indulgence mags) by my bed that I’ve been meaning to get to.
• I’ll be recharging my (neglected) creative side. You might not know it, and sometimes even I forget, but I’m a pretty damn good potter, so I’ll be picking that up where I left off.
• I’ll be getting it on again with my camera – we had a hot and heavy affair there for a while, and I’ve missed it, so keep an eye on my flickr.
• In the process of planning the wedding, I’ve discovered I’m all kinds of crafty, so I have a new love there to explore as well; we’re working on having a mostly handmade wedding, and April 24, 2010 is coming up sooner than you might think!
• I’ll be doing some traveling; it’s become really important to me to spend some extended time with the families in Texas, including seeing my grandparents, my adorably pregnant future-sis-in-law and sucking the Forsythe & Veselka ladies into my craft circle (of darkness). Mwahahaha! :)
• I’m going to learn how to cook if it kills me. It’s absurd that I’m thirty-six and I still don’t have a clue what I’m doing, because I love to cook! I’m just not good at it. So I’ll be taking some cooking classes – if you’re in SF and want to join me, let me know.

After that, I’m just going to see what the universe has in store. Like I’ve told some of you, I’m just going to be open to the possibilities and let the next step present itself to me. (Shut up!)

If this blog is just not enough Ashley for you, follow me on:
twitter.com/ashleyv
facebook.com/Ashley Veselka
flickr/photos/ashleyv

For the gazillion other ways to lovingly stalk me, you can find them here:
http://www.google.com/profiles/ashleyv

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The best part is all the new clothes I can wear (and finally feel like I look good in them!) It’s *way* better than being stuffed painfully into something that I feel I could burst the seams of if I breathe too deeply. I might have to do a little fashion shoot to show off my new clothes and the 30lbs lighter me.

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