stuff that bugs me

a beautiful wedding or rehearsal dress

2009-10-27T08:23:00.000-07:00

Since I haven't started my wedding blog yet, I thought I'd post a link to a dress that would work beautifully as a rehearsal dinner dress, getaway dress, or even a wedding dress for a more fun, casual wedding:

Roses in Wonderland Dress (modcloth.com)

the amazing shrinking woman

2009-09-21T14:49:00.000-07:00

(That's me.) Apparently. This morning, another co-worker saw me and said, "Ashley! You're shrinking every time I see you!" I think that makes six people who have referred to me as "shrinking" when they haven't seen me in person (as in not over video conference) in a week or more. It's bizarre. I guess all I can say is thank you. One can't exactly say, "Yeah! I am literally working my ass off to look like this!" Technically, being a Veselka, I suffer from Negative Ass Syndrome. Line up the Veselkas, and pretty much down the line the silhouette goes in or stays flat at the ass. So I'm actually having to work on losing weight everywhere *but* my ass; doing exercise that builds ass muscle. ("I must, I must, I must increase my ass!")

The best part is all the new clothes I can wear (and finally feel like I look good in them!) It's *way* better than being stuffed painfully into something that I feel I could burst the seams of if I breathe too deeply. I might have to do a little fashion shoot to show off my new clothes and the 30lbs lighter me.

Operation Lose Weight

2009-08-20T06:01:00.000-07:00

Okay - this is a delicate situation... a person's weight is something personal. Generally, unless you're slim & trim (or a man), you don't go around spouting off how much you weigh. So that makes it difficult to discuss Operation: Lose Weight for the Wedding. JR and I are in this together, which makes it SO much easier.

When we got engaged, we both agreed we wanted to be slim & trim in time for the wedding. With the busy schedules, drinking and great food here, we've gained a lot of weight. I wasn't at my highest weight (luckily!), but let's say this:

Feb 18, 2009: Xlbs (I'd gained 11lbs since Jun 2008!) Goal: X-40lbs.
Apr 14, 2009: 10lbs lost
Jun 15, 2009: 13lbs lost (we joined WeightWatchers)
Aug 19, 2009: 26lbs lost!!!

That means I'm over halfway there! I've dropped several clothes sizes, and continue to see the body changes. With 8 months and change til the wedding, that's not bad. But it's pretty much been lifestyle & diet changes so far; now's when it gets harder. Gotta kick the exercise into high gear (not one of my favorite things.) Things are only gonna get busier, and I've gotta build in the time for it right now.

the trouble with tribbles

2009-08-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

You know what the trouble with tribbles is? The trouble with tribbles is that they're friggin' tribbles, people! You look away for a second, and next thing you know you have a storage compartment storage compartment (ha HA!*) full of them! And every item on my to-do lists (work, home, wedding) is a tribble.

And when you've got that kind of thing going on with your to-do lists, you wake up at 4am and can't get back to sleep. I feel like Lewis Black, all twitchy and finger-jabby in my own head.

Just wanted to share, you know, since I've been up for hours, and lord knows I ain't got nuthin' better to do... ('cept tribble THIS, and tribble THAT, and OH! tribble-point-twitch!)

*If you know why this is so freaking hilarious, I adore you and you should comment so I can heap some luvin' on ya.

god do i need to redesign this site

2009-08-04T06:45:00.000-07:00

I think maybe I would post more if I wasn't SO over this design. I was all set (like, last year???) on putting up a new header with one of my new photos every month, but I wasn't doing my photography for so long that I felt like all my favorite photos that would work were 2 years old. Gah!

Plus, Blogger may be reaching it's limits for me. I put so much work into customizing my site design that I still haven't upgraded to the new version because I'm afraid it'll totally mess the site up (and I don't have time to troubleshoot it.) I also wonder if it's not time to look into a different blogging platform. Right now, I don't have the time to do any of those things.

Add to that the fact that I'm so wedding-crazy right now that I fear that's all I may have to blog about, and I don't want to bore everyone to death.

santa fe in august

2009-07-01T16:26:00.000-07:00

Hooray! We finally locked down our reservations for vacationing with Chris & Claudia (& hopefully a couple others - you know who you are!) in August. They've kindly invited us on their annual New Mexico/Colorado trip, which they rave about every damn year, so we just had to give in and go. Unfortunately, we can't make the whole luxurious trip, (we're hoarding vacation days for a loooooong honeymoon), but we can swing a long weekend to join up with everyone in Santa Fe.

We fly into Albuquerque and take The New Mexico Railrunner Express (a train!) from Albuquerque to Santa Fe, where we'll be staying at the Don Gaspar Inn, which looks beautiful and is highly recommended.

While we're there, we'll take some time to visit the Peña Gallery to meet Amado Peña, an artist my dad went to college with. Other than that, the plan is just to eat good food and drink good drinks while we enjoy the company of good friends.

Sounds good, right?

the wedding date is...

2009-06-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

We've got some of the details nailed down! But figuring out how much to share with you so the big day is actually the glorious surprise we want it to be puts me in quite a pickle... I've had this quandary in the back of my mind for two months now, and I'm still not sure where that line is.

Because here's the thing: IT'S GONNA BE AMAZING!!! And I don't want to spoil it. Because I totally could - I am that wedding crazy right now. We're finding so much incredible wedding stuff that it's hard to keep to ourselves.

So how do I show you the dresses I'm looking at without giving away THE dress? How do I share the excitement of it all without having you feel like "been there, done that" when it actually happens?

I'll tell you this much: it'll be April 24, 2010, and it'll be at a great little place outside Austin. It's gonna be an idyllic hill country wedding, and we can hardly wait to share it with you.

:D

my blargh

2009-06-30T13:35:00.000-07:00

I'm going to start referring to this as my blargh, because that's how I feel every time I think about posting. Not that I don't have anything to talk about, but there's so much going on (in a good way) that I don't even know where to start.

That is all.

Blaaaaaarrrggghhh...

the polarization of design (or, the bowman effect)

2009-03-23T16:28:00.000-07:00

Following is a list of links related to the "Doug Bowman Leaves Google" media circus going on right now, and what seems to be turning into a game of "Who's more evil?" Bowman? Google? Design? Statistics? But more than that, it's also turning into a heated debate that is reaching outside of the borders of our industry about the importance of the art/science of design. Or lack thereof, depending on who's talking.

Anyhoo, the links are in chronological order, so Doug's "Goodbye Google" post is not first. News travels fast, to Valleywag at least. As more appears on the topic, I'll add to the list.

Twitter Claims Valley Crown by Poaching Google's Top Designer | Valleywag
Google Smothers Designers | Joe Clark, fawny.org
The center of this firestorm: Goodbye Google | Doug Bowman
Google designer leaves, blaming data-centrism | CNET
Google's Data Fetish Drives Away It's Top Designer | Valleywag
Bowman Leaves Google | IxDA.org discussion, With comments from Dan Saffer, Robert Hoekman, Andrei Herasimchuk, Jared Spool...
Yes it's true... | Buzz Anderson, Sci-Fi Hi-Fi
Douglas Bowman leaves Google | John Gruber, Daring Fireball
Hello Google | Graham Jenkin (Manager, Google Ads UX Design)
Google's Designer Drain | Adam Howell
Measuring the Design Process | Scott Stevenson, Theocacao
Bowman vs. Google, Why Data and Design Need Each Other | OK/Cancel (related comic)
Google design: The kids are alright | Kevin Fox, fury.com
Google's Lead Designer Doug Bowman Leaves for Twitter, Cites "Paralyzing" Lack of Design Focus | FastCompany
UPDATES:
The Case of Google and the Surly Ex-Designers [redacted] | anne k. halsall, random [non sequitur]
Design and Google | John Battelle's Searchblog

Now, the following aren't directly related, but I think there are bits and pieces in here that may provide a little insight into UX at Google:

Google's Irene Au: On Design Challenges | Business Week interviews Google's Director of User Experience, Irene Au
Google 'Legend' Marissa Mayer Tells Lesley Stahl What's Next | wowOwow interviews Google’s Vice President of Search Products and User Experience, Marissa Mayer

we're engaged!!!

2009-03-23T14:29:00.000-07:00

So... JR and I are engaged! He proposed in the most amazing and romantic way. I've written a little something up about it for a wedding website I'm putting together, but it's in the third person. Rather than leave the news off the site for another second, I decided to just publish it as is.

The day before Valentine's Day, John whisked Ashley off on a surprise trip. He told her he'd arranged the time off with her boss, and they were headed to Southern California, so "pack for warm weather." Once they reached LAX (Los Angeles International), he surprised her again by telling her this wasn't their final destination. He then walked her to a boarding area with 5 gates, and asked her, "Where do you want to go?" The choices were New York City, St. Louis, Hawaii, Hawaii, Hawaii. "No way! We're going to Hawaii?!?!" After much hugging and jumping, they boarded the flight to Kona, Hawaii - The Big Island.

They arrived late at night, and luckily John had rented a car months ago, because the island had NO rental cars left. What did they end up with? A Ridiculously Red Hummer H3. They drove to the Hapuna Beach Prince Hotel, checked into their incredible room ("Wow! They must've upgraded us... I read in the reviews that they do that sometimes." It was no upgrade - it was all a part of his carefully orchestrated plan.

When they got up the next morning, they did some shopping, ate a fabulous breakfast (coconut syrup is heaven!), then went for a walk on the beach. They stopped at a spot overlooking magnificent waves crashing onto lava rocks below, arms around each other, talking about being in the most beautiful place in the world, together, on Valentine's Day. John then stepped back and said, "This isn't the only reason I brought you here..." He got down on one knee, pulled a box from his pocket, and opened it to show her the ring. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes!" They put the ring on her finger (they were both shaking a little), and then there was much hugging and kissing and happy tears and laughing, marveling at being so lucky to have found the other. Startled all of a sudden, Ashley asked, "I said yes, right?" John laughed and confirmed that she had, in fact, said yes.

A few minutes later, two couples trekking along the shoreline came by. When they said "Good morning!" Ashley blurted out, "We just got engaged!" The women shouted, "We thought so! We could see from down the beach, and we cheered! But we wanted to give you two some time alone before we came by." They were kind enough to take some great pictures to remember the moment by. John had heard them cheer, but Ashley didn't hear the cheering at all. The world had focused down to just John at that moment.

They called their immediate families to share the news, and then, being the technophiles they are, they took a pic of their hands with the engagement ring and the blue ocean in the background, and twittered the pic and the happy announcement to all their friends.

So that's the story of Ashley and John's engagement on Valentine's Day, 2009. They haven't set the date yet, but you will hear from them once they do.

wound a little tight

2009-02-05T05:50:00.000-08:00

No surprise to anyone really, but I'm naturally just wound kind of tight. I've had trouble with anxiety for a long, long time, and for years now I've been taking medication for it. For the last couple of weeks though I've been having lots of trouble, despite the meds. I'm not having full-blown panic attacks, but hours-long episodes of a nearly constant tightness in my chest and this feeling of my heart jumping into my throat, my stomach flipping, and what feels like a racing heart rate occasionally skipping a beat. It's like being terrified every few minutes, if not more. I was thinking I was a little more stressed out than usual, and it would pass. But it just got worse.

Since that started happening, I've become hyper-aware of my heartbeat, which just makes things worse. It began to worry me so much on Monday that I got an appointment to get checked out the next morning. Despite everything I was feeling, my heart rate was healthy, my blood pressure is great, and my heart isn't skipping beats. They ran a blood test, and there's nothing wrong with my thyroid either. So I'm just having super long anxiety attacks.

I say "just," but in reality, it's hard to concentrate, it's scary, and it's been making it very hard to focus on work, which causes me even more anxiety. So my doc is trying out a higher dose of my anti-anxiety meds to see if that will get it under control. I really hope it works, because it's been hard to work, eat, sleep, focus. I'm physically exhausted from scrunching up my whole body from the tension. I went to bed at 10 last night, woke up at 1:44, and haven't been able to get back to sleep. :(

I'm trying to relax at work, but it's taking a conscious effort to walk more slowly, breathe deeply, relax my neck and shoulders. It's like I've become hard-wired to rush, every second. I actually suck at breathing! Who knew?

So... any tips on relaxing and slowing down? Good music to calm me down, meditation exercises, anything??? I really need some help with this.

best superbowl quote

2009-02-01T23:24:00.000-08:00

Just spent today watching the game with some friends, some of whom had never watched football before. So there were some funny newbie questions going on:

"Why are some of them in pointy shoes, and some not?"
"Maybe those are last year's style?"

Following a flag:

"What is Grass in the Facemask?"
Confusion, some thought, then we realized "No, the call was Grasping the Facemask."

While those are funny, this one that came after the first big tackle/pile is the best:

"Oh no! One of their hats came off!"

a choice...

2009-01-31T23:58:00.000-08:00

I can either make my daily photo/post or I can go hop in bed with my man...

blue-haired lady, passion's lady

2009-01-30T12:52:00.001-08:00

new years eve 2008, originally uploaded by ashleyv.

I seriously want my hair to be this color all the time. But the stylist warns me it will turn out green (Yellow + Blue = Green). Or is that blellow? Tee hee.

This is another shot from our little New Year's Eve soirée. I just had to share.

me

2009-01-29T01:57:00.001-08:00

me, originally uploaded by ashleyv.

I'm going to dabble in lighting and self-portraits for a while. Here's my only good one from my first try. I took 150 photos. Practice makes perfect, I hope!

tahoe jan 2009

2009-01-28T23:50:00.000-08:00

cast shadow, originally uploaded by ashleyv.

I think this is my favorite photo from the trip, and I think JR took it. We're not sure.

new years eve 2008

2009-01-27T23:05:00.001-08:00

new years eve 2008, originally uploaded by ashleyv.

I finally got the photos up from our New Years Eve party. We had such a great time; crab was boiled, much champagne was imbibed, wigs and feather boas were worn, pictures were taken. Here's just one. You can check out the rest on my New Years Eve 2008 photoset.

#1 image result for "lion killing zebra"

2009-01-26T19:10:00.000-08:00

My shot of a dead lion killing a dead zebra inside Outdoor World (a veritable taxidermy bonanza!) is actually the #1 Google Image Search result for "lion killing zebra", out of 75,700 images!!!

Suck it, National Geographic!

bit like that, 'cept for my cock

2009-01-25T19:36:00.000-08:00

Funniest condom commercial I may have ever seen.

the moment of truth (almost)

2009-01-23T16:45:00.000-08:00

This week we had a work offsite, which is where your team gets away from where you usually work, away from your desks, to do something fun. And by fun, I mean brainstorming. Or a full on day of true fun. Ours was half-and-half. We spent the morning brainstorming, and the afternoon at a fabulous cooking class in the fabulous loft of a fabulous chef. It was absolutely... terrific. (Ha! You thought I was going to say fabulous, but NO! Actually, I was, I just didn't want to give you the pleasure.)

At these offsites, it's the usual team-building/workshop stuff. You break up into teams of 3 or 4, and you get to know each other better, maybe have a problem to solve. And almost always, this is one of the activities:

"Tell the group something they don't know about you."

And inevitably, the only thing that comes to mind is, "I am a cancer survivor." That's a big thing, and they definitely don't know that about me. But that seems like a cry for attention, a huge "poor me". And I don't want that. Plus, it's not generally something you discuss at work. First, there are HR issues. Not to mention group dynamics, possible unfair treatment (perceived or real by me or others), etc. So I have to struggle to find something else interesting.

Let's see... Aha! "I ran a marathon to raise money for the American Stroke Association! Did I finish? Well, no. You see... I was in the middle of chemo when it came around so I only made it 6.something miles..." and you're back to the cancer.

I know! Hobbies!
"I do pottery. Well, I did, until um... After treatment, I was too exhausted to go ..."
"I knit. I mean, I tried knitting. I got almost done with a great bag, but I can't seem to..."
"I love photography! I'm a pretty good photographer. You can check my flickr, but I haven't..."
"I'm a blogger. I actually don't want you to read it, but I haven't updated in a while anyway..."

This post began as a post about the murky waters of discussing chronic illness with co-workers. To do or not to do. But there's a trend here. Me seeing things through; actually, the lack of such follow-through. With pottery, cancer really was the factor that kept me from continuing. I didn't have the energy. But why haven't I taken it back up? I'm really busy, but... people make time for things they love. I can't seem to do that with anything anymore. I'm not making the time for exercise, or hobbies I already started. I have such a backlog of photos that I need to upload, it's ridiculous. What's in my way? NOTHING. Or rather, something. That something is ME.

I'm still battling daily with the demons of depression, anxiety, and procrastination. There's medication for the first two (believe me I'm trying), but there's no magic pill for procrastination. And if there were, I'd never get around to calling it in. (Thanks folks! I'll be here all week!) I know I need to get a handle on my health - exercise and eating right. Mustering the energy to do that is another matter entirely.

That's all really. I have no answers. Yet. But here's to hoping I do soon.

design is...

2009-01-15T18:31:00.000-08:00

FFFFOUND! | YouWorkForThem | Sans Serif | Hannah

I want this printed on an enormous banner to hang above my cube.

what's up with me?

2009-01-09T17:13:00.000-08:00

I just completely blew off the last two days of work. And I'm not really sure why. I'm not pulling my hair out at how much I hate the job, and it's not like I'm bored to tears either. I just... didn't go in. And I didn't call in. I "hid" in the real world. I didn't get on the corporate network, so no one could IM me. I checked my email a few times on my iPhone, but nothing urgent came up. And I didn't fill the time with all the other important stuff I could be doing either. I napped a lot. But I worked out too. I watched some TV, but not a lot. I read. I bought household supplies, with coupons! I also bought some sewing necessities, since I'm learning to sew. I did laundry, and got the mail. I picked up prescriptions. I didn't even spend a lot of time on facebook. I *did* spend a lot of time finding great new people to follow on twitter, though.

I guess I just needed some space. Time to not rush. I walked at a normal pace. I enjoyed what a nice day it was. I'm recovered from this bought of illness, but I guess I still wasn't at 100%. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be 100%...

Anyways, I enjoyed the time, and actually got a decent amount of stuff done. Nothing work-related, but stuff that needed to get done. Now I have a weekend to myself. JR is off on a ski-trip to Tahoe, so it's just me and my shadow. And Winston & Mercury. We'll be cooking at home, and sewing, and reading, and watching movies, maybe drinking a bit of wine.

I'm seeing unexpected possibilities open up around me, and I'm just trying to be open to those opportunities. I have interests that aren't confined to experience design, and I'm trying to give them room to grow. Maybe that's what's up with me.

horoscope 01/07/09

2009-01-07T15:06:00.000-08:00

Pisces
(Feb 19 - Mar 20)

The Moon's entry into your 4th House of Home and Family highlights your need to withdraw from the hectic pace of life. But you may be surprised by how busy things get, even when you're safely situated behind your castle walls. Instead of seeking a slower pace today, try to enjoy the distractions as they happen. You'll be able to relax later in the week.

This is so accurate. The withdrawal tendency is high with this one right now.

meh new year

2009-01-07T11:45:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy holiday season, with family emergencies, lots of travel, more than a bit of allergies on my part, etc., etc.

These days I feel like I have so much going on I'm having trouble keeping stuffthatbugsme updated. I can always find more reasons not to post than *to* post. I'm tired, under-the-weather, and I feel incredibly boring. It feels like it's been ten years since my last post. And so I stress out about how long it's been since I posted. And talk about timely - JR just sent me this link:

Blogging to an Early Grave?

Some bloggers have seen the stress that comes alongside blogging to have a substantial health effect. The New York Times notes three whose stress may have contributed to heart attacks: tech blogger Russell Shaw, 60, and Marc Orchant, 50, who died recently. Om Malik, a well-known tech blogger, survived a heart attack as well. He is only 41.

In happier news, I've picked up a bit of a crafting bug, so that's taking away some of my time too - I'm learning to sew, and I'm doing paper crafts - stamps and paper and embossing and ribbons, etc. I even handmade all the gift tags for my gifts to my coworkers.

So that's about it on my end until I wade through all the photos. Hope you're having a happy new year!

now that's a confident doc

2008-11-21T15:01:00.000-08:00

It's 7:00am, the last stop before heading into surgery.
The doc comes in to go over any last questions before starting...

doc: how'd you sleep last night?
patient: doesn't matter how I slept. how did you sleep?
doc: well, you know - the bars closed at 2:30am, and I'm only a little shaky now! (holding hand out, putting on fake shakes.)

It's good to get a laugh out of your patient before quintuple bypass open heart surgery.

This was the exchange between JR's dad and his heart surgeon this morning. I think that and the Versed (twilight injection) helped out a lot. ;D